#i dont want this anymore i just wanna stop i want them gone why cant they just be gone

[widevibratobitch]

.

[hecksupremechips]

I need so much help I’m so stressed I’m fucking drowning oh god oh god oh god

[oukabarsburgblr]

Hi! Love your work! I dont know if your requests are open but Id love to see more of your Haikyuu work! Loved the the recent one and i just cant stop rereading it.

I wonder what would happen if reader was hit on by one of the other volleyball players before/after the matches. I just wanna see the three boys get jealous and protective honestly hahahd ofc if you dont want to write this its okay too! ( Ps. I also love ur Daisuke one, i love him hes so cute 🥰🥺 cant wait to see more of ur work )

drabble...aftermath of Karasuno

taglist : @ayuxiru @tehyunnie @rainnyydaysworld @webwanderer

i stopped working on my haikyuu fics bc i started s4 and i could NOT see atsumus face HAHHAHH idky i HATE HIM ARGH/jk. We love Daisuke in this household. Can anyone tell Daichi is my favourite? HAHA

this will be the last one for the crows CAW CAW

harassed, dark in general

Find out more under the cut!

[SCENARIOS LOADING...]

Another team harasses the manager!

[START SCENE]

"Hey! Karasuno's manager! Don't make such an ugly face."

A certain (h/c) frowned, being cornered by tall volleyball players from other schools. He had just went to retrieve the paper rosters from the organizers for their current tournaments at the Sendai Gymnasium where Preliminaries are being held when he was stopped by students from other schools.

"You look like you don't have a lot on your hands right now. Why don't you come with us? Free some tension...you probably need it." A hand grasped (m/n)'s shoulders to which the (h/c) swatted it away. "Don't touch me." He hissed as he tried to move past them but another shoved him back against the walls, them moving closer to the manager.

"Hey hey. We're all friends here, right?" Hissing in pain as the hand lodged in his shoulder pressed his nails further, crinkling his black jumpsuit. "Listen here, fucker. I don't know what household you grew up in, but go ride someone else's dick. Better yet, why don't you go suck each other off? Since you're so desperate for some action."

(m/n) spat, his foul mouth and his temper wasn't a good combination but it was the right mixture for this situation. He pushed the players' arm and was ready to leave until his hair was clenched painfully.

A yelp from (m/n) and the ringleader of the group pulled his face close. "Nice face but a repulsive tongue...damn and I thought we could do this nicely. We'll find a use for your mouth soon." "Let go, asshole-"

Fuck, who do they think they are? The only one grabbing my hair is usually-

"I suggest you let him go."

A heavy voice uttered from behind them, catching the attention of the group. Asahi clasped the hand that seized (m/n)'s head. "Before I break your wrist." He muttered with a death glare, the light in his eyes gone.

"Fuck! Is he the coach or something?!" One of them whispered, scanning his mature features. Someone grasped (m/n)'s hand, pulling him away from the group. "Learn how to take a hint when someone says they don't like you." Sugawara pushed the manager behind him.

"Or go die in some random dump, you trash."

He stated blandly, his voice losing any cheery tone he would always carry. How ironic. (m/n) could never be more glad that the third years were here, clenching the papers in his hand. He felt someone gently pull his bicep.

"Go." Daichi muttered. "The team's around the corner. Go see Kiyoko for..." He brushed (m/n)'s head, where his hair was tousled.

The only one who would usually, or rather the only one, grabbing (m/n)'s head, tugging his hair, digging their nails into his scalp was Daichi Sawamura.

The (h/c) didn't think twice to leave the scene, not leaving a glance to the yelling players who had harassed him, Daichi particularly approaching the one who had pulled (m/n)'s hair.

-

He didn't want to be here anymore, (m/n) lazily draped himself across the railings. Only one manager was allowed on the benches so he and Yachi had to sit up in the audience' seats but he asked for some alone time from Yachi, her concerned about him after hearing that he was disturbed by a team from another school earlier.

Hinata had jumped up and about when (m/n) returned to their team, demanding to know who had hurt his friend and Kiyoko checked his scalp, making sure nothing was broken and everything was fine. Tanaka was adamant on being a good senior and wanting to avenge his manager so he went to help the third years who were confronting the aggressors but immediately retreated, staying quiet when Ennoshita asked what they were up to.

The games started and the first match went well, battling up against a two meter player. Daichi didn't speak to him yet. (m/n) noticed a bruise forming on Asahi's jaw and Sugawara only smiled at him quietly.

Second game came around and (m/n) held back a flight of curses from his mouth when the team Karasuno had to play against were the same players who had cornered him earlier, their captain glaring holes into Daichi. He noticed a few of them were missing, specifically the bitchy ringleader.

"Hey, (m/n). Thought you'd be down there this time."

Oikawa approached his cousin, leaning onto the railings in a similar fashion to the (h/c). "I guess all third years in your team is staying huh." He poked (m/n). "Yeah." He mumbled. "Looks like yours too."

(e/c) glanced at the Seijoh team that were currently watching over Karasuno's briefing by their coach. He noticed a new player. Someone that has a tennis ball for a head.

"Well, we're gonna beat Shiratorizawa this year. I'm gonna show Ushiwaka who's boss." "You say that at every game." The setter slapped (m/n)'s back, the latter yelping and smacking his laughing cousin. "So gloomy and for what? Your team seems to be energetic-...well they're playing more aggressive than usual."

Asahi slammed the ball set by Kageyama, earning a point as the libero was unable to receive the spinning ball. The ace looked furious, his eyebrows furrowing as he asked Kageyama for a faster set. Sugawara was itching to get on the court, pacing around, warming his legs up so he could be ready when he had a chance to play. Daichi was silent, his usual words of affirmation to the team gone. Only Tanaka and Nishinoya cheering when they won a point.

"We're going to win. Against them at least." Daichi muttered, his eyes gazing up at (m/n) when Coach Ukai took a timeout and asked what was wrong and why their play styles had differ today.

(m/n) stared back but quickly looked away when he felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't tell what those insects were trying to tell him. Daichi had warmed his bed a lot for the past month, even his parents assumed he was his boyfriend by how often he had came over to his house.

Karasuno won a fast game. Two sets straight, 25 - 17 and 25 - 13. The last set where all the third years were deployed went by quick, Asahi shining as the MVP.

"Well, that's my cue. I wonder when we'd play against you, it'd be any different." "....It will." Oikawa raised an eyebrow. "Thought you'd support me this time. Given how your team lost on our last match." "But they'll win."

(m/n) peered at Oikawa, from the corner of his eyes. "My team will win beating yours, Tooru." The setter only stared down at the manager with a smirk.

"What's with the change of heart?" "..."

He didn't reply, only getting up to greet the team as he stood in the hallways, letting Hinata crash into him. Sugawara pulled the middle blocker off of him. "Now now. Stop causing trouble or Takeda-sensei won't let us watch the other teams play." They were done for the day and as requested by Kageyama, they went to see Seijoh's match.

Sugawara held (m/n) behind however, letting the team go first as they stood in an isolated staircase. He ran his fingers through (h/c) hair, his eyes squinting at the manager as he smiled reassuringly. "I hope you're alright, (m/n). We beat them for you. Those idiots. People who have nothing else to do but lay their waste on innocents like you."

The (h/c) hummed uneasily, leaning his head on the setter's shoulders and his fingers clutching onto the latter's jersey. "I didn't mean to talk to them. They cornered me." "I know, I know." Sugawara cooed, his other hand caressing (m/n)'s back.

A similar but earlier incident had happened, whereas a student confessed to the (h/c), who declined but Hinata excitedly told the team and Sugawara had an outburst in private, accusing (m/n) of cheating behind their backs despite them having no declaration, only taming (m/n) into their current relationship.

"Did I ever scare you? You look at me like I'm going to snap your neck at any second." The setter teased, his hand trailing over (s/c) neck, his fingertips pressing onto (m/n)'s Adam's apple. "No. You wouldn't." That was a bluff.

He had learned that Sugawara had the most violent tantrums out of the three. Paranoid, spiralling about what (m/n) does when he wasn't around. The (h/c) had learned what to say, what to do overtime, to ease the third year.

Said third year smiled at him. "If anyone ever approaches you, like earlier, scream our names okay." He always made sure to include Daichi and Asahi. "Remember, you're our favourite."

He winked at the (h/c) who didn't give much of a reaction, only hugging the setter. Was there any difference between those assholes and the third years in Karasuno? Both of those groups forced him, into these uneasy situations, Karasuno taking a longer approach.

Crows tend to build their nests with meticulous resolve, choosing the right twigs and taking the softest materials for the lining. Karasuno did live up to their name, (m/n) completely accepting his predicament, laying in the den Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi had woven for him.

Sugawara pulled (m/n)'s face up, smiling at him before pressing his lips to the (h/c) who opened his mouth when the setter swiped his tongue on his lips. "Let me hear you, (m/n)." The setter muttered as he pressed his wet muscle against (m/n)'s caressing his palate and pressing their bodies closer.

"Mmnff ahh! N-Not here Suga- ahk!" (m/n) choked when he felt a hand cupping his crotch, his breath shaky and coming out in stutters as he pushed Sugawara's chest. His cheeks were hot and he clenched his fist on Suga's jersey.

"Hahaha is it because we're in public? You'd be much more in trouble with Asahi then." The setter pulled away, letting (m/n) breathe as he dragged him up the stairs and they stepped into the auditorium seating. "Go. You owe me a date for this." He kissed the (h/c)'s forehead before pushing him to the row where Asahi and Daichi were.

The setter walked past them, opting to sit beside the second years, distracting them when they asked where was the manager. Said manager stood nervously, Asahi and Daichi silent, both of them sat in the furthest behind row, whereas everyone was sitting close to the railings to watch the games.

Usually (m/n) had no problem conversing with them, the third years constantly talking first but here they are staying silent. "...Good game." He referred to the two sets they stole from those assholes.

The captain didn't even look at him, only staring into space with a frown on his face. Asahi spared him a glance before beckoning the (h/c) to sit next to him. But as he was about to sit, the brunette pulled his arm, making him land in Asahi's lap instead.

"Huh? What are you-" He was silenced by Daichi's glance, his heart racing as Asahi adjusted him, placing him directly on top his crotch. "Sorry, (m/n)." The ace buried his face into the (h/c)'s shoulders. "Let me borrow you for a bit."

Here? In public? Where anyone could see him being used like a fucking-

His hands shook as he tried to peel himself off Asahi, but the latter only tightened his hold, crushing his waist with his muscular arms. "I'm sorry." The brunette mumbled apologies and (m/n) could feel his erection pressing up against his pants. He prayed the others wouldn't turn around. Daichi didn't move a finger, (m/n) couldn't read his face as he hopelessly squirmed in Asahi's lap.

He's going to see. He's going to look at me and see me like this.

His heart was beating fast, the ace still breathing heavily behind him and grinding his bottom on him. Daichi still didn't give any reaction. (m/n) felt his heartstrings pulled as the captain didn't give a damn of what was happening to him. Unintentionally, he glorified- favoured? Treasured the ravenette the most, the one who always seemed so distant from him yet was so close and quick to clog his throat-

Tears welled up in his (e/c) eyes as he turned his face away when he saw Tsukishima glanced at him from the corner of his sight. He genuinely prayed that no one else would see him in this shameful state.

Asahi stopped bucking his hips when a high pitched heave escaped from the (h/c)'s throat, (m/n) holding in a sob as he carved his nails into the ace's arm. "Shh...it's fine. No one saw anything. They just think you're sitting on me." He whispered into the manager's ear who shook his head. Tsukishima saw him and he was one of the smart ones. The rest of Karasuno hadn't seen but what about the other teams? Strangers who might pass by their rows. He hated how his three seniors didn't give a damn about his pride.

Asahi didn't make himself obvious, he just wanted to loose some steam is all. In the end, he did use (m/n) like those harassers did albeit tamer than expected but the intentions were there nonetheless. (m/n) whimpered endlessly as he was placed to sit on the cushioned seat in the same one as the ace, still with Asahi seated close behind him. (s/c) hands trembled as he peered at the captain who cruelly ignored him the entire time.

A tear slipped down his cheek as Asahi cooed at him, apologising and kissing his ears while rubbing his waist. Ensuring the (h/c) that he didn't even got off or anything as he whispered sweet nothings with his apparent boner pressing against (m/n)'s back. The manager was much more prone to crying when they were in public.

His hands hugged Azumane's as he leaned back into the ace's body, his attempt to hide his figure as he pulled on the ace's black jacket. "Hic- you're so fucking- mean to me." (m/n) whined as Asahi peppered kisses all over his face, his stubble scratching against his skin.

"I won't do it again." The ace muttered, placing his chin on the manager's head. (m/n) peered up and noticed the forming bruise. His fingers went to delicately trace them. "I knocked his teeth out." Asahi mumbled.

"Would've done more if their manager hadn't come running." (m/n) flinched when he heard Daichi utter. The first he spoke around the (h/c) after the whole harassment he suffered.

Coarse rough fingers covered his eyesight, a fingertip pressing against his right eye lightly, brushing his lashes and the ace placed his face down where (m/n) had his hair violently tugged. "Tell me if you want him to lose more."

(m/n) didn't say anything, only nodding as he let the ace touch his body, caressing his chest and inhaling his scent. He didn't feel bad for the attackers at all. They dug their own grave for being assholes.

He caught Daichi staring at him, the captain still facing straight but his eyes gazed into the (h/c)'s face as he slowly returned his focus back onto Seijoh's match.

(m/n) managed to pull himself off of the ace when the games were over and Karasuno was preparing to leave. He made sure he avoided Tsukishima, not wanting to answer any of his probing questions. He had went ahead to wash the water bottles at a pipe when he heard footsteps behind him.

He looked behind him to see Daichi with the bottle carrier, the captain picking up the clean ones and placing it in its stations while (m/n) finished up the last one. A rare act of kindness from the captain to the (h/c). "Are there any others left?" (m/n) shook his head to Daichi's question.

The captain staring at him with dead eyes and (m/n) noticed the small blot of red on the edge of his knuckles. He didn't say anything, carefully pulling Daichi's hand and placing it under the tap, letting the water flow and washing the ravenette's hand.

Said ravenette stared down at him with his usual silence. At times like this, (m/n) could never tell what the captain was thinking. Was he observing on what he would do? No. Daichi was too confident in his...work. Of what he made of (m/n) (l/n).

Maybe he expected it. (s/c) fingers rubbed the knuckles, ridding the smell of blood and dirt as Daichi stood directly behind the manager. "Did they hurt you?" The manager shook his head again. "I'm fine. They didn't do much."

He could feel eyes boring into the back of his head, the captain glaring holes at the part where they pulled (m/n)'s hair. "It's good for you to know."

Know what? The manager wanted to ask but opted to stay quiet instead. He could feel Daichi leaning into his (h/c) hair, them letting the faucet run under their intertwined hands.

"No one else can hurt you." (m/n) carefully turned his head around and found black eyes staring down at him. "Not Suga and not even Asahi..." The captain muttered, his other hand gripping the manager's jaw, the latter letting out a small gasp.

"Only me. And it will stay that way as long as I'm here." He muttered, leaning so close to (m/n)'s face, the other baring a blank expression, knowing and not daring to show any sign of fear.

"Be aware and be good....I'll take care of you."

The (h/c) nodded, the grip on his jaw loosened and suddenly he was enclosed with a kiss. Daichi pressed against the manager and bit his lower lip, prompting moans as (m/n) shakily wrapped his arms around the captain's neck, his knees weak.

Both of them leaned against the sink and there was a faint sound of an ambulance siren that could barely be heard over the shaky gasps and lustful moans the manager spilled from his throat. It was wrong to love your abuser. (m/n) wouldn't call it love.

He would never care for someone like Daichi.

But he couldn't leave. There was no option for someone like him, he could only embrace and lay in the nest the third years made for him. A good first year to embrace their devilish intent.

[END SCENE]

I planned like a smut scene where daichi fucks him but im tired of writing smut tbh. Like i need inspo. But if u didnt notice daichis hand was bloodied bc he did sumth to the harassers which is why theres an ambulance in the last part.

Someone requested a sick scenario where reader gets sick and third years feel bad for him but tbh they wouldnt feel bad. Its just more of an excuse to fuck him over and ill give a very SIMPLE drabble for that bc ive delayed this way for too long

[SCENARIOS LOADING...]

(m/n) falls sick and the third years takes good care of him!

[START SCENE]

"Mmhhaa mmngg ahnn!"

(m/n) cried as he clutched onto Asahi's gakuran, his back against the wall and his legs wrapped around the ace's waist. The brunette's cock deep in him as they hid in an isolated bathroom stall, the third year pulling him in before classes were starting.

It was the norm for him. And he thought his body could adjust but he wouldn't notice he was slowly falling apart with how frequent the third years was using him for a quick fuck.

"T-Too fast! Ahn! Mmmn ahn ah ah!" His legs were shaking as Sugawara held his hips as he pounded his ass, the setter biting onto the manager's bare shoulder. The setter had whisked (m/n) away during their lunch break, him pulling the first year into the empty clubroom and bent him over the table to fuck his ass. He laughed when he found out Asahi had gotten to him first.

Daichi rarely took him during school hours or even school grounds for that matter. It was always the other two filling his ass up or suffocating his throat.

(m/n) choked as his head was pushed deeper into Asahi's crotch, his body naked as he sucked and licked at the dick while Sugawara was behind him shotgunning his bottom while grinding onto his naked butt. Saliva and precum was dripping onto the gym closet floor.

Sugawara always hold the keys and he'd use it as an excuse to stay behind, forcing (m/n) to help just for him to push him onto his knees and forced his cock into his mouth.

The manager knew his body wasn't feeling well that day. Seven rounds of sex in 8 hours was a record for him and a threesome in the mix? He went home sick and woke up with a sore throat and a burning fever.

(m/n) didn't go to school and he was glad he got to recover in his own bed but his mother suddenly barged in saying that his friends and his boyfriend were there to see him. The third years had neutral expressions when they entered his room, Sugawara easily conversing with his mother as she left the room, leaving her son alone with the monsters.

"I can't believe you actually got sick. I thought you were faking it so you could avoid me today." Sugawara grinned, sitting on the edge of (m/n)'s bed and placing his hand on the manager's forehead, pulling away and pulling out a fever plaster to paste it on the manager.

"I told you he was sick. He could barely stand when we were walking home and you thought he was faking it? You're scary, Sugawara." Asahi muttered to which the setter snapped back at him and they both argued over who had pushed (m/n) too far on yesterday's events.

Daichi ignored the two as he walked over to the bed, (m/n) could barely open his eyes, his skin hot and his head aching. He felt a hand pulling down his blanket and someone pushing his shirt up. A cold wet palm laid flat on his belly. The (h/c) squirmed but embraced the cool, his chest heaved up and down with slow breaths.

"Get better. Soon." The captain ordered. His dark eyes staring blankly at the manager. Sugawara turned to (m/n) and placed a kiss on his cheek. "You heard the captain." "Make sure to stay away from Suga."

The setter continued to yell at the ace, moving off of the bed and Daichi took the opportunity to take his place, his eyes now locking with (e/c) as he brushed his hand against (m/n)'s cheek fondly. "...I'll take care of you. I said I would." The ravenette muttered, the hand he had washed earlier trailing from his stomach to his chest, his hand under (m/n)'s shirt.

Daichi would only take him in his bed, in his room at nights after practice. Now, he was sick and laying in said bed with the captain looming over him, his eyes scanning his weak features.

(m/n) couldn't do a thing, letting the third year care for his sick body. They would come over after practice bringing homecooked meals they would make at Daichi's house. Sugawara often cleaned his body, using a wet towel to cool his warm limbs or helping him into his shower where he would- this made the manager's mom became more fond of the third years, letting them into her son's room at any time she was especially too busy to check in on her precious child.

The manager knew they were some sick fucks but he didn't expect them to go that far truly. Sometimes they would grope him, offering a quickie while mocking him by bouncing the (h/c) on their lap but Daichi was quick to stop them, especially Sugawara who was a bit too happy that (m/n) was weak in his hands, too frail to push away.

Asahi didn't do much, only going through the (h/c)'s belongings, digging through photo albums and taking some of his more personal article of clothings. Stupid pervert. He didn't even bother hiding it too. Daichi would force them to leave when it was almost midnight, him staying over and sleeping on a spare futon.

He was so attentive to the (h/c)'s needs, making sure he took his medicine and eating the required nutrition he needed. He kept his promise and (m/n) was able to recover in three days, returning to school after being deemed well enough by the captain.

Oddly enough, Sugawara and Asahi didn't pounce on him the second they met. Only ruffling his hair or hugging him and saying they were glad to see him well before leaving him alone. (m/n) thought that they finally got their senses knocked into them.

Until night arrived and (m/n)'s mother made a fatal decision to allow Daichi to check her son for another time.

"D-Daichi! I c-can't- urmff! Mmngghaa- ackk!" One of his legs were being held up as he laid on his side, his mouth full with fingers and his hole throbbing around the thick dick shoved inside him. The ravenette slowly rolled his hips, feeling (m/n) tighten around him as the manager shot cum from his penis onto the bedsheets.

He loved when the (h/c) would come on his cock, fluttering walls around his base was pleasure as he quickly thrusted into the overstimulated first year, (m/n) drooling and choking on Daichi's coarse fingers.

"Three days. You have three days to compensate." Rounds of sex to reimburse the captain. Not for the care he provided. It was just more of a reason for Daichi to fill his hole and he had warned the other two not to approach him, wanting to have his ass all to himself for the next few days.

(m/n) let the captain use his hole, his body to fulfill his lust. He wasn't sick any longer and Daichi had promised to take care of him. He could only hope the ravenette doesn't have any plans to stay around him for the long-term. Excluding the fact that they were neighbours.

[END SCENE]

I just love daichi so much rahhh. Going to see the movie next week. Remember this is the last one for karasuno so dont request for this team any longer lovies💋 If karasuno was intense just imagine the power play with shiratorizawa MUAHAHAHHAHA

[viridescenttemple]

HEY EVERYONE HERE IM STILL ALIVE 2K3NRBJR

ART SOON! PROBABLY TODAY OR TOMORROW

IF U WANNA KNOW WHY I HAVENT BEEN POSTING U CAN KEEP READING IF NOT ILL SAY IMA BE POSTING WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT FROM HERE ON, AS IN DONT EXPECT ART FROM A SPECIFIC FANDOM FROM ME THATS ALL!

SO TO THOSE THAT KEPT READING, I WAS SICK FOR A SHORT WHILE AND DIDNT POST AFTER THAT UNLESS ONCE IN A WHILE, I WAS MORE IN TWITTER BY THEN AS WELL, AS TIME WENT ON I BECAME MORE AND MORE SCARED OF POSTING IN THE INTERNET, AND THE FANDOM I WAS IN WAS NOT GOOD AT THE TIME AS WELL SO THE FEAR KEPT BUILDING UP UNTIL I STOPPED POSTING ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET [APART WITH CLOSE FRIENDS], ALSO IF UR WONDERING WHY MY TWT IS GONE IS BECAUSE I JUST DID NOT WANT TO BE PART OF THE FANDOM I WAS IN BEFORE AND WANTED TO CUT WITH IT PERMANETLY AND I BECAME SICK OF TWITTER IN ITS ENTIRETY, THE PEOPLE AND THE SITE IN ITSELF JUST IRKS ME IN A WAY I CANT DESCRIBE, TOO AGRESSIVE? I THINK IS THE WORD IM LOOKING FOR, ANWAYS WHY AM I COMING BACK HERE? ONE I CAME TO UNDERSTAND THAT I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP SHARING SOMETHING I LOVE [MY ART] TO THE WORLD, EVEN IF 1 OR 2 PEOPLE SEE IT, TWO IS THAT I DONT HAVE TO MAKE SUPER POLISHED ART TO SHARE THINGS I LIKE, IF IT COMES FROM MYSELF AND I LOVE IT THEN ITS GOOD AND THREE I FIND TUMBLR MORE RELAXING I GUESS THAN I DO OF TWITTER AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY STUFF IN MY LITTLE CORNER OF THE WORLD

THATS BASICALLY IT, IF YOURE WONDERING I STILL HAVE LIKE 2 TWITTERS STILL UP WITH MY ART ONE IS @/Vivi09039154 AND THE ORHER @/ViceraVermilli1 [privated bc i didnt want more people following it but i cant unprivate it anymore bc i dont have the password help] BUT THEYRE MORE LIKE ARCHIVES THAN ANYTHING, I DONT THINK ILL BE POSTING ON THEM EVER AGAIN AND IM NOT TOUCHING THEM AT ALL

HOPE YALL ARE HAVING A GREAT DAY IF U MANAGED TO READ UNTIL HERE MQBEHJEKE

[bruisedkitty666]

my arms and thighs are so fat and i want it all gone..

my face is getting fatter because of purging, this is really annoying. i need to stop binging. its happening everyday now but i cannot stop. i cant even purge anymore because i dont have the energy to. im gaining weight and i just wanna hide this sucks so bad and i just want to be skinny thats all i want

i want control more than anything, idk how these ana girls do it, i want to have control and disapline like them but at night i always feel like im being possessed to binge.

i know i have to stop restricting in order to stop binging but if i do that ill gain weight either way. i wish i was in control with my food intake and i wish i could stop once i start.

i always feel insecure and paranoid that someones gonna make fun of my weight out of nowhere. this is why i need to just be skinny so i can finally like what i see in the mirror. i havent in a long time. i miss the old me.

even though im not overweight, its sad that im not underweight.

im going to see my friends tomrorow, and she has so much foood at her house im 100% gonna be triggered and binge of course. omg i hate myself i even KNOW its gonna happen. i wish i could stop it.

i dont think my ED's ever gonna change. once i try recover, i immedietly get triggered to starve again by something, but it just goes back to binge restrict purge. so i dont lose weight i just gain and lose in this endless cycle. its really hell already.

[samncolbyjj]

𝙄𝙩'𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧.

Jakw Webber

Warnings: angst

A/n: so there's a reference of a song hidden in this chapter, its not bubblegum (the song of the chapter) there's another one, try and Find out what song is it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

|Y/N's Pov|

I was dating Jake for some months, and i do know that him and Tara are just friends. But he seems to like her and not me, i feel like hes using me sometimes... And he doesn't even notice, i feel likw he thinks its love but it's actually just a band-aid for his bruises.

Tara was my best friend so it was 100x worse because you can't vent about it to her, she will say that its fine and he loves me not her. But i don't want that, i want someone to listen and help me solve it, i knew she won't do it.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We are filming a video in my house. We are testing pool toys and answering some questions the chat sent to one of Jake's posts. Johnnie was streaming so it was just me, Jake and Tara. They were filming like i wasn't there, i just grabbed some stuff and tried it by myself while they were trying stuff together. It felt like she was his girlfriend not me.

"Y/n this one is for you!" I looked at Jake as he began to read the question. "Is there anything you'd change about Jake?" I got nervous, of course there was, I wanted him to love me. But saying that now? I wasn't even ready to tell Tara about it imagine telling him with millions of people watching.

I couldn't tell anything else because i wouldn't change anything else in him. "Yes, I would. I would change the way he sees me." Jake and Tara got confused, they looked at eachother to see if either of them knew anything but both didn't know

"What do you mean babe?" Jake asked me and i just turned around and grabbed another toy to try out. He kept trying things, but he was more silent now, Tara was also silent since he was not talking much with her.

✰~------------------------------~✰

We kept asking questions and trying stuff, but it wasn't that fun anymore, so Jake just stopped recording. As soon as he turned the camera off i walked inside and went to our room. Jake noticed and followed me there.

He opened the door and saw me in the bed with my laptop watching cartoons. "Hey babe can we talk" i got a little nervous, but I just sighed "yeah i guess we can" he sat down next to me.

"What did you mean with you'd change the way i see you" i closed my laptop and looked at him, i wasn't mad, but i was exhausted so i was being kinda rude. "You really want to know?" He looked at me in the eyes and nodded. "I want you to see me how you see Tara, she's your ex and sometimes it seems like you prefer her, she's got you mesmerized, while i die! I cant hate her, she's my best friend, she's an angel, but then again kinda wish she was dead... Or not maybe its a strong word but gone at least in your life... Jake... i wish i was Tara..."

He looked at me concerned, i looked like i was crying but nothing was coming out of my eyes. I wanted to cry but i couldn't, my stomach is spinning and I feel sick. He wraps his arm around me and pulled me close, my head resting in his chest.

"Look im sorry for making you feel like that, but i don't love her, im over her i promise you! Me and her are just friends, we're close but just close friends who like to do shit, im sorry for not giving you attention. I promise to give you more attention from now on, i really love you Y/n... I really do..."

His hand running up and down my arm. He kissed my forehead and grabbed my chin making me face him. I looked In his eyes and gave him a gentle peck. "Sorry for overthinking... I just really... I dont wanna lose you, especially not to her, she's my best friend and I'd had to see that every day..."

"You won't i promise you... Now... Wanna go to some 711 to get smth" he said smiling at me and getting up. "Again? Okay why not." I laughed and hugged him.

I love him. Im glad he loves me too.

✰~------------------------------~✰

A/n: seriously, i loved writing this one, btw leave requests please!!!

Questions: -Did you find the reference to that song? If you did what song do you think is it? -Have tou read my other one shots? Opinions? -Favourite artist?

✰~------------------------------~✰

[compassionatereminders]

hi, i hope its okay if i vent here cause i know shits been rough for you lately (wishing you the best btw, which ik simply saying that doesnt magically make things better but hope yk what i mean)

i sent an asks a few months ago about having empathy for someone for the first time and really struggling to come to terms with it, how to deal with new overwhelming emotions and the like (i believe i also mentioned them being in an abusive situation at the time, which was a whole other complicated feeling to empathize with someones pain and to take it internally on levels i had never experienced or was capable of fathoming before in my entire life)

currently struggling with that person again, they left their original abusive situation but have entered a new complex one, as this person isnt intentionally shitty but they're rich, white passing and extremely privileged and out of touch, like truly they don't grasp my friends trauma and why it makes things hard for them (friend has gone through severe abuse and childhood trauma, neglect and homelessness just to say the light ones, its truly awful what they've been through) despite having some trauma of their own and i truly fucking despise them with my entire being

my friend is abusing alcohol and debating killing themselves due to this person dangling ending their relationship over my friends head --- (which is another thing thats complex and hurting, my friend never told me they were dating which like they totally dont have to obviously!! but they continuously insisted to me they were only friends, before suddenly revealing through a screenshot of their partners text that they were together, which they did with their previous abuser so like having it happen twice was icky feeling for some reason despite the fact ik they don't owe me that information at all, i dont care they hid it i just feel hurt and confused if i had done something to warrant not being trusted with that information but thats a whole other can of worms) --- due to them struggling to do something the person wants, because my friend has trauma what the person is requesting is hard and my friends explained why its hard and hurts them, they've thrown up daily from the stress and this person knows that but somehow doesnt grasp why its causing my friend such distress

i feel utterly suffocated by the entire situation and its put my life on full stop because i cant just leave my friend to deal with this themselves, but theres nothing i can say or do that can help them because they're deeply in love and won't break up with their partner even though the stress is physically ruining them. i feel hopeless and unable to do anything, i encourage them to talk to me because really i wanna be there for them but i feel so scared all the time that somethings gonna happen to them which makes me need to listen even more because their other friend is horribly abusive and contributed to their trauma, so i don't wanna leave my friend alone. i don't know how to deal with empathizing with their pain and not being able to stop it feels like its killing me cause now im also throwing up multiple times a day, genuinely debating drug relapse to cope with it all and i can't sleep properly anymore and only sleep on specific 4 hour intervals throughout the day next to my phone so i can be on constant standby for the friend and i know its not healthy and if they knew it was like this they'd never tell me whats wrong again (which i really dont want i truly honest to god wanna be there for them), i feel like no matter how i go about it theres no winning in this situation and honestly i wanna die from it all which sounds so silly cause my friend is going through SO much worse and here i am going waaah this hurts me!! i just eugh, i don't know what to do. which i guess i know what to do, but i don't wanna do any of it i've never cared about someone like i care about them and the thought of leaving them to sort it out themselves feels like the end of the world, even though i know they're also a sociopath and don't feel empathy towards me which is also a new shitty feeling cause now i know how people feel around me. this is exhausting i don't know how people with empathy deal with it especially you kat!! if i remember correctly you mentioned being very empathetic, it's amazing you're able to handle having empathy and running a blog where people often dump stuff in your inbox (which uh is the very same thing im doing now, sorry!) ok i got it all out of my system i'm gonna go take a nap and hope the problem is solved tomorrow (it wont be but a bitch can hope!!) thank you for being a space where i could word vomit my brain out, i really hope things get better for you and that your eye gets sorted out <3

No matter how unwell your friend is, you're allowed to have boundaries and limits. And while I get the desire to be there and do everything you can because you care about your friend, you will not be able to continue pouring from an empty vessel. This is not a sustainable situation. You neglecting yourself and not sleeping and getting physically ill and wanting to die is not an acceptable consequence of your friend being in a toxic relationship without being able to change their situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I strongly encourage you to establish some boundaries here and stand by them. You do not lose your right to have boundaries when a loved one is mentally unwell and if you do not prioritize your own mental well-being, you will not be able to continue being there for you friend

[thatrandomventblog]

.

having anxiety bcuse mom's giving me my phone back after school

ik i'm too far behind and am so close to getting an f/n on a couple subjcts but im just drained and struggling to care but also

ik i need to keep up, or at least do what i've been doing

the same thing over and over again, just keep it together

i can't cry when i need to and seem to want to cry at the worst times

i don't want to ask for help bcuse i've been gone for so long now why just show up only when i need help? idk i'm trying to get things back together

somethings wrong with cousin and mom wont tell me but i walked inside after walking max to hear her say "teenagers are assholes" like duh ik that and ik she was addressing her dad on the phone and kk but also something tells me its about cousin and whatever happened between them

idk what to make of life anymore and i keep telling myself it will get better but tbh i don't think improvement will be happening anytime soon and i wanna be so so strong for everyone else but it's starting to become noticeable ig sister keeps asking if i'm okay and gets mad when i say i'm fine or act "off" like what do you want me to act like??

keep going from normal talk to "professional" and like. i picked up a dictionary and it's helping me word and string sentances along and idk it's upsetting everyone else but idk how to make it stop either

siste(t) is upsetting me like she isn't bothering to like idk. i'm upset as is and she isn't helping ig. she's just idk it doesn't make sense and it might sound bad? she says she's hopeful she gets a phone before i get mine back but doesn't have an answer as to why. i've managed to be calm about everything but she just seems hellbent on pushing buttons like. she's not minding my personal space and i'm getting rather uncomfortable with the "suggestive" talk and shit just.

idk i don't want to deal with life anymore i'm so tired all the time and i either can't eat or eat too much cant sleep or sleep too much just mmmm

i dont want to burden anyone with my faults and flaws

and ofc sister apparently wants me to get with someone like. can she not stop? no. she cannot. she keeps talking about me having children in her dreams and ik its just dreams but i'm not parent material ik that much and i've never wanted to have kids but also babies are adorable?? like ik i dont want it. but im allowed to say that babies are adorable and i'd be fine with babysitting but never having one as my own like?? idk i dont make sense.

i cant tell if i'm spiralling downwards but this feels like a repeat of 13. functioning based off what ik emotion to feel and reacting how i see necessary/based on context clues and what i "should" feel while i'm either numb or upset. idk tbh just. want it to stop. my head doesnt feel right either. cloudy and like someone pulled the curtains over my windows and now i cant do anything

idk anyways rant of the day!

[arttrampbelle]

Srry for the very heated. Very real. Very raw. And cery fucking angry vent below. Im sick of this shit in the mortal kombat "fandom" on here.

Cw: vent. Im Really fucking angry.

gonna ignore the trash heap dumpster fire that is the mortal kombat fandom and write my own mk stuff.

Thats the only mk that exists. The mk in my brain n heart.

Sorry not sorry but mk sucks now. Ed boon legitimately doesn't know or care to listen to the real fans. (He had the audacity to basically say street fighter was outdated when he hadn't done anything worth a lick of fucking damn in 30yrs that was decent and didn't backtrack on. Gameplay and story. Fuck off ed boon you boomer pathetic ass peice of trash. Go suck a fat dick n die. Fr.)

Oh yeah and called street fighter anime like when wtf is he doing making all the characters look so damn young like that sus af boon. Real sus.

Nrs has their egos so far up their asses. And so do these new "fans" who don't bother to care because they wanna just fuck a fictional character. (Dont get me wrong. I self ship,i love the characters too. But i actually have a working brain to know. There is more going on then whatever the fuck im oogling at you twats! Like fucking stop looking at your pathetic blorbos for five fucking seconds and look at the bigger picture here! Thirsty ass bitches. God damn. )

So yeah. Any mk stuff from mortal kombat is gonna be my own writing. So nrs can suck it. New fans can suck it and fucking die in a dumpster fire. They can kiss my whole asscheek.

Fucking ruined scorpion. They will fucking pay for that. Fucked over everything and everyone.

Kung lao. Got fucking nerfed....AGAIN!

Raiden reduced to bitch boi.

Liu kang need a say more?!

Shang tsung. A pathetic welp. Wtaf?! Also why tf is kronika back?! That absolutely makes no sense. Period. Yup. As i suspected. They lokified him. The fans are not villain fans unless they look "pretty" enough for them. Grossly making him like a teeny bopper. Like wtaf is wrong with y'all?! Shang tsung isn't supposed to be a fucking babyface. You weirdos!

Shao kahn. A diablo genshin impact villain rip off.

All the women have same face syndrome. Looking like kim k Instagram models. Gross. Like im sorry. They all look gross and dehydrated to me. All the same body types. All "conveniently attractive". Yeah. 30yrs and they still have yet to make a character look "average" or a character with a larger body type,fat character that wasn't a joke character or thrown to the side. Cant ever make the women normal looking. Nope gotta appease the loser men with porn models. And anyone who is a woman who falls for that shit. Thinking its hashtag girlboss doesn't help this. No. What would be. Is actually hiring and PAYING actual real woc models and voice actors to be in your games. But nope.

Nrs is lazy pathetic pos guys. Who just want money.

All the asian guy characters look like they took Lewis tans face and copy cut pasted it. Fr. They dont look good. At all. They do not look like they have any personality. Period.

Johnny is the only one that is different. Ofc the only white guy is done decent. Because they cant of course fuck up their precious little white dude to project their insecurities on. (Course they did fuck him up because everything thqt made johnny special is now gone. He just some douche who looks like jc)

The shokan are tiny af. Pathetic. Weak. Ugh.

And they wanna disguise this horseshit as something groundbreaking when it's not really. Most fans are not gonna pay and arm n a leg for a shitty game that you guys legit fucking ruined integral lore to.

All hiding it behind "oh but its a new world" no honey its a entirely new game Franchise only using mortal kombat in name brand alone.

Its not even mortal kombat anymore.

ITS SOME PATHETIC ASS DUDES FANFIC FROM A DC FANS BASEMENT ON WATTPAD.

So yeah im pissed.

So anything from me. Mortal kombat related.

Will be from my own writing.

Until nrs can actually pull their heads out their ass and clean house.

I wont be buying anything official from them. Like merch n games. They can suck it. All movies will be pirated. Etc.

I will play the shit i have,and watch and stick to the 95 movie n be done with it.

Fucking hell. They ruined scorpion!

Im just pissed.

[trujellyfish]

i understand wanting to share ur joy with others but like. its not the same if it feels like a chore.

like i got top surgery right and then my mom was being kinda anxious abt it and making it seem like a chore like she kept asking "is it okay if i tell this person? can i tell this person? have you told your grandmothers?"

like? tell whoever the fuck you want? but like im not just calling ppl up at random to be like hey big news my tits are gone!!

plus I KNOW its not about the surgery. she didnt care about telling anyone when i got put under to get my iud. didnt go around telling ppl when i donated eggs that resulted in a donor kid. i dont think she cared about telling anyone about my hysterectomy.

i mean she mightve. idk. cant remember. she didnt make it My Problem tho.

but the tiddies off? oh yeah gotta TELL people

"they'll notice!" okay? and? you really think my oma's gonna look at me and go "oh my goodness your breasts! where have your breasts gone!?" went back to work im still getting clocked as female so i really dont think ppl are. like. noticing. ??

tho my friend said hugging me was different (and then gave me another hug bc she was EXCITED FOR ME)

come downstairs in a dress and my moms joking like "haha you cant wear dresses now ur a boy haha" and im like mom i dont think u understand just how much patience i have for you ahaaaa i love you but man. if u were just a friend? i would stop talking to you.

but ur my mummy and i love you!

but hera help me. you really test me sometimes.

also like. i tell my sisters everything. i told my bros bc i live with them. COMPLETELY DIDNT THINK ABT TELLING MY ELDEST BRO THO lmfao he was a little offended but i think more in a 'u dont see me as someone to share joy with :/' kinda way which i get

I GET THAT

i get people WANTING to be someone with whom you share joy

but it just. my mom made it seem like i Had to Tell People because ??? idk ??? like. like sending out thank you letters after christmas? "this is a Major Surgery"

i guess what it boils down to is that i like doing things because i Want to do them, not out of some (perceived) bullshit sense of Responsibility

so. if im telling you something about my personal life it is because I Want You To Know. because i think you'll be happy for me, or can give me advice, or i just thought it was A Thing that happened and i like Talking

and like i told my siblings abt the donor child out of Responsibility (in case they have kids and the kids meet one day. u wanna make sure they dont end up dating kind of thing) and it was such a Not a Thing like my mom was the only one who cared....... she has a very different idea of whats important i guess.

im the type who would show up to a family event with a whole ass newborn and casually be like "oh yeah i was pregnant. this is ur cousin/nibling wtv" and all the adults would be livid that i didnt make a big deal out of it. ....... damn........ that would be hilarious tho........

i simply DO NOT CARE enough abt my family to tell them when big things happen in my life. idk. plus. my family isnt exactly good at being happy for others. like i get it, same, i been working on it, theyre never gonna change if i dont give them a chance, etc. whatever. but i just. idk. feels like theyre excited for me bc they Have to be, more than. because they Are genuinely happy for me?

politely happy for me. im not gonna tell ppl if i think theyre just gonna be Politely Happy

which i guess is still me not giving them a chance but. still kinda dont care. haunted by my father saying "why are you telling me this" like okay im never telling anyone anything anymore. just gonna wallow in my cowardice and hate my dad. thats what boys do right? im doing boyhood right. i'll figure out emotional maturity when im a man. hashtag real men.

my roommates cat is lying on my back and nuzzling into my neck. sir. sir please get ur claws off my scalp. sir.

[blventing]

7/28/2024

TW: Eating disorders, Panic attack?, Talk of past with partner system and "Abuser?", Forever box type talk, Self hate, Messed up parents talk...

If you dont wanna see that. Take a pretty picture and have great day

....Hymn... Of course... I did it again... Why was he here? I know he has the right... I cant stop him.. But... Still.. I didnt mean to... I promise i didnt mean to... I never do... Im sorry.... Im sorryy... I always do this... We started getting upset cause clothes didnt fit us cause were fat and that hurts sometimes... It hurts not being able to fit clothes you really like... We always feel so ugly and just wanna eat and ignore our brain but then we do eat and it hurts even more cause then its just... "This. This is why you cant fit your clothes fat pig....maybr if you stopped eating so damn much you would fit your favorite clothes again...."... So we try to stave ourselves but that only makes the eating everything worse...Our mom bought snacks and has the tendency to state we eat just to eat or we eat things just cause their there... Or that we eat to fast or to much...it fuckin hurts... I didnt mean to make them upset... I promise i never mean to.... They should just leave again... It was better when they were gone... They were happy.... I was able to avoid being here.... I didnt have to be here.... I hate being here...i cant breathe when im here... I hate it... Now i know he showed up cause I MESSED UP AGAIN and i cant stop my brain from wanting yo sob for the next three days... He is past it... Why cant i be...? Why cant i move on?...why? Why? Why? Why? Why?... Why cant i go back to being myself....? I miss who i was being Nil... I Dont care about name dropping at this point... I hope they find this.... I hope they see how fucked up they made me....but at the same time.... I... Feel like i was always like this.... That they didnt make me like this.....that they just showed how toxic i really was and put me in my place.... Nil broke me... Why cant i accept that?....Nil lied to both of us... She was a broken woman....why cant i see that? She doesnt deserve to be shown this.... She did... Nothing but point out my bullshit... Like now... Im pulling a pity party and blaming her for shut that is my fault.....right?....fuck....idk anymore... I cant handle it....i cant take it anymore i just wish i would disappear so the others dont have to deal with me.....

[fictionfixations]

spoiler alert: i get SO off topic talking about other stuff. (if you cant tell i like talking. or well expressing my thoughts. anyway its 2 am i can use the excuse of impulse actions from lack of sleep)

i dont even know why im trying when obviously the next update is going to require even more storage and im going to have to drop it (its like 50 gb in actuality but it needs double to like. open it and do SHIt. i dont know this stuff man)

ahghgusihdfiufh (it was worse. ive. deleted a bunch of stuff that i dont play as much.

only games left are Star Rail (which im not dropping. ive poured so much time genuinely invested in story and characters idk what im gonna do when i run out of space to play. maybe cry.), Roblox (i genuinely dont know how much storage its taken, and I don't play it that much but LISTEn it fills a lot of game cravings that i cant play the source cause holy shit my storage.), Osu (the only game i can play without wifi.)

i wanna play the other games on mobile (i used to play star rail on mobile ngl LMFAO then realized 'hey this is fun' and moved to pc after genshin got too big. or maybe i had both at the same time i cant remember now ghreuigh) but uhm. the farthest i get in wuwa on mobile is like the opening loading screen before we see the rovers (it just stops there. even the music stops i think?? ive left it on and did other stuff but nothing happened and its either it wants me to wait super long, or theres just no hope) i did the tutorial for solo leveling arise on mobile but then trying to do literally anything else (like trying to access the menu) kicks me out of the game so then i had to move to pc. genuinely scary game first time around it shut down my pc, and even at lowest graphics kept warning me that 'for smoother gameplay you should have lower graphics' or something so fan on all the time (i have a fan pointed directly at my laptop.) and honestly. im not even that big of a fan of solo leveling why am i here (meilin fisher that is why. anyway i got her. so. shes not even an actual character outside the game??) ive literally only seen the anime and i forgot most of it😭

zzz on my phone is just black screen. it kicks me out. the farthest ive gotten is it asking if i want notifications but it still kicks me out

identity v i cant even download everything i think, i just have it to log in for pc. but uhm. i guess i cant anymore? but also i cant remember if i can still log in through other methods so uh its staying on mobile (to be fair i only got super into it cause of danganronpa collab so)

oh i found whatever it was that was taking 2 gb on desktop LMFAO

no wonder i was so confused on wtf it was

anyway. um. this is very much a shame. cause. i only get so invested in stories in games because im actually playing them. otherwise i cant guarantee im fully focused cause i get distracted so easily. um.

now about mobile storage and everything

uh. i have an iphone 6 pro. no idea if thats bad or not but uh. probably not that great. ? ? idk man idk how it compares to newer phones i want to get a new phone (at least for all the games i cant play on that phone) but then i got an iphone case cause my former one was actually cracked so... its staying (from the zzz website)

so its probably the phone in all honesty thats the issue (people were talking about who they wanted to play when starting the game and i got myself all hyped over ellen so. d'aww.)

and in the case its actually storage.. uh. tough luck. nu carnival is. a gacha game. and i got the character i wanted there, but its more convenient to go through like daily kinda stuff. ..also confession time if yk the difference uh. listen it was a hassle downloading it im not gonna delete it then have to reteach myself how tf to download it again because oh my god

twisted wonderland (aka disney tw LOL) is my OTHER fixation besides star rail. ive gone through all the story (including JP which i dont have cause i cant read it but fan translations for the win) + most event stories (i havent gone through anniversaries, new year sale 2024 JP, and like i think theres a crewel one rn..? or thats just the new card., tapis rouge, playful land, thats it). i love this game. so much.

if i told you ibis paint x used to take i think like so much more space because it still had the stuff since the VERY beginning... anyway idk what to use it for now but if i ever need to edit something...

kinemaster ^

i kinda already talked about identity v

bang dream. i LOVE rhythm games. and pretty designs. and vocaloid. and japanese songs.

in all honesty i lose interest in things so fast and drop them. then i get interested in other things, etc etc. and then i get back to a fixation on, say, rhythm games and wanting to play them a lot. then i can get bored and get interested in like. idk. life simulation(?) games like sims 4. or minecraft specifically the wynncraft server (which is like a fantasy thing..)

which is kind of why i have a bunch of stuff that i dont play often still because one day im gonna want to play it and then go back.

for laptop i just got rid of the games i wasnt interested in playing at the moment so. yeah

anyway if you cant tell i like talking about stuff. and justifying stuff (well its more like it started because i was worried to be judged. ive never been judged over what i like?? only like. once or twice?? that i can recall? but at one point i just started getting in the habit of justifying beforehand for everything after seeing the internet with their pitchforks directed at so many people so. yee.)

off topic. ive checked in on tiktok sometimes. and i just wanna say. how often is it that y'all get comments on old posts that are just variations of 'reminder' or 'remember this' ?? LISTEn the amount of comments that just say "reminder" and THATS IT (bro someone commented 'reminder' TWO times on the SAME post like DAMN. i mean they commented on someone else's comment on that post too with 'reminder' so probably trying to bother someone else but like wHY)

like. i mean. ive posted cringey shit hasnt everyone but it kinda feels like they're trying to shame people? like 'haha remember your past?'

maybe im sensitive. i mean. if this was past me i wouldve probably taken it to heart since yknow its still a work i created, but honestly now its just kinda funny

but idk if anyone else is being bothered by this (i mean. people generally go through old posts and delete ones they dont like right? i kinda dont do that so i mean. maybe yall are better off for that)

just wondering.

[midnighteloquence]

upside down cat plush

small rant roday because i wanna talk about today and stuff

um so straight off the bat im in the bus with C and a friend of ours ill just call D for the time being. and so theyre just talking amongst themselves not really including me which yeah i kinda feel shitty because of that but eh. they get off the bus still not talking to me at all which is kinda unusual because theyll atleast try talking to me

anyways i can already tell that C does not wanna be near me like theyre showing B stuff and not showing me unless i ask “can i see?” which just sounds soooo desperate ugh and they were also just not talking to me only responding with a “ok.” which like okay

um so i go with B walking around talking about mario (and a little bit of C because i wanted to mention that C does not like me) and so he and A are walking around idk what they were talking about mmfao

the most came from my dance lesson where C and D are talking shit about someone which to my overthinking mind im immediately rhinking me so i go to get my bottle in a separate room because its like my only chance to be by myself and chill out so i dont breakdown /nav

um so then at some point C is RIGHT NECT TO ME. with my tiktok up, ahowing D. and theyre talking about me. right fucking next to me. which uh what the actual fuck?? they moved away and i heard D say faintly “shes waiting for you to leave first” which no the fuck im not?? im actively sending you apologies for being distant, im sending you nice tiktoks and you think that?? um so i just get really anxious and panicky (none of this is a vent) like close to tears breathing heavy the whole package!! i go to the bathroom so i can fucking calm down (and apparently they were shittalking me while i was gone) uh im still feeling nauseous

anyways so english is next and i have B in my vlass so i tell them that like “hey i have to talk to you about stuff” and so at lunch i tell them about what happened in dance and i also told them about the fact that C does things that i donttttt like at all (i told her to continue acting normal and not confrontational because i dont wanna cause a rift in the friendgroup)

so end of the day woo hoo im boiling ik nauseous i have a headache im tired overall doing grand and im in the bus and D and C are talking to some guy on the phone and idk why but all of a sudden C starts talking to me normally again??? like you spent all day either avoiding me or shit talking me and then youre just gonna talk about some random cunt i dont care about anymore thats a therian?? like dude and you expect me to act normally the whole fucking day?? its like what

um so i gave him a huge apology since ive been distant recently but to be honest i think that wasnt good of me to do. like he was the one that did me wrong, that insulted me, that repeatedly made me uncomfortable, that bit me, that stole my phone and went through it, that lies to me constantly, that shit talked me infront of me, the list goes on, but somehow im the one who ended up apologising and its just so backwards. it happens so much that i end up apologising to people who fucked me over and i just dont know how to stop i just cant handle people hating me or ignoring me or just ugh.

anyways thats my dayyyyy :3 have a nice one by- AHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHELP ME HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *drunken father beats me to a bloody pulp, laughing track plays*

also i was rlly stressed out about the whole kissing thing because idk what if i fuck up and so i asked him and be said like lemme put the screenshot. like soskiejsidhhuhhhhh

istg this cannot be platonic anymore istggggg

[sarcasticmudkip]

hey kip. imma be honest. ever since the fiasco with that one guy on the stories and such server, ive been kinda concerned with the path youve gone down. these past couple years have just been uncomfortable, and ive been seeing a lot of just you and your buddies kinda shitting on your friends and chucking them to the wayside when its convenient or benefits you better, and believing weird unfounded shit about people you dont really know, and im kinda just done? sorry im being a coward and not messaging you about it privately but honestly i just dont wanna be involved with you but i didnt want to just ghost you and leave you with nothing. i can see why those dudes stopped talking to you, and its really uncomfortable for me to associate with you anymore. maybe you should look into like, apologizing to the people you treated like ass and stop shitting on people in private while acting nice to their faces. this is shitty i know and im sorry but i cant bring myself to trust you anymore, thats why ive been distant. i hope you grow though, i think youre a good person deep down you just gotta unlearn some terrible behaviors, maybe rethink the people you surround yourself with. have a good life, sorry i took the cowards way out, i really saw no other option at this point.

Hi.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I've been in the hospital

I have finals

I have not engaged with that server in over a half a year

I have not been on the internet

I straight up have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what dudes you're talking about, what people you think I've treated like shit, or what drama you think you're concocting to me on a fucking friday afternoon but yeah! I agree! You suck! And are a coward! Fuck you?

At best I'm sure whatever "fiasco" you're talking about was bad and I'm sorry that happened to you but in the kindest way possible I have been living in the real world and don't know who you are. Please feel free to actually DM me like an adult so it can be handled and addressed properly. Cause yeah, right now, You are shitty and a coward! This is a fucked up thing to receive out of the blue! Thanks for the anxiety cunt!

[garfisded]

There is no such thing as life but constant illusions to what it means to live. do we even live ? what even is this life that we so crave. do we aspire to be things or are we made too. the more you take life in the abstract the worse it gets. we were animals werent we. what is life. see it for what it is. it is nothing. no meaning to add and none to be take away. it is just barren. what is human about this kinda living at all. you wake up. you go to a place where you are told about things that are a fraction of the actual knowledge of the world. you consume and never question. what is the knowledge even about. if it has anything to do with upholding the current world than you are living a a farce. so am i. but its involuntary. but knowing whats important and whats not important are two different things. who tf am i. who tf are you. what is it that the world revolves around. me? you? nothing? why does it do anything. idk idc anymore. why even think about liberation when your own kinda are fine with it. we are just house slaves. the field slaves slumber.

Why do i care about any of this. why do i care at all. whats wrong with me. nothing. everything. both? maybe but i am too weird. everyday i make up my mind. ill stay alone and not follow anyone. yet i fall for that shit. why? why do i keep myself in such a humiliating position. do i even think. i feel so lonely all day. everyone even close to me dont like me. the best i can do is be there yet that wont do shit. who even cares. who doesnt. whose faking it. am i faking it myself. what are my allegiances. do i care for anyone. how can anyone not know about themselves. i cant. i am hollow. nothing in or out. it is but a nothing burger. i do have a brain sometimes. does it think. no it plays. it does shit on itself. control is one thing i struggle with. do i suck as a person. cause i feel like it. i ignore people. do i. who is it. why is it. reminds me. lonely i am and i wander for comfort. i leach for comfort. i leach for hugs. i leach for people that are okay with me being too much around them. i feel like they hate me. everyone does. maybe some dont. maybe some cant stand me. maybe some hate me for what i say. maybe some think i am too much of a people pleaser. who do i care for. idk. love is something i crave. people make me feel like i am hunting for some weird creature that will take me in. ofcourse shit doesnt work like that does it. since i was 13 this shit has been normal. i feel like a dick to every person i think about. i feel like i am using them for myself. probably am. do i stay in my seat all day and just sit. maybe.

i can breathe sometimes but sometimes i cant. i feel like self harm is a knife away. just need to find one that people wont care for being missing. why do i do it. do i do it to get attention. i feel nothing when i do that but do i want too. i really wanna stop writing and just pick a knife up and start. the last ones still havent gone away. the people that found out sometimes didnt care. who cares. does anyone. my parents have seen them. i have seen them. i dont mind seeing them. idk what to feel about them. i crave love. i feel high with one wiff. i want to get high maybe. idk what i want to do but something of worth maybe. what if i end up dead soon willl anyone mind or does anyone need to mind. i dont think so. i want so much noise in me that it takes me out. what is even the point of living when everything you hate is you. you are part of it. i am part of it, we all are part of it.

wiff once took down a dragon. happy they took on their horse wanting to parade the dead carcass. the whole of humanity was to sing their praises for as long as time permitted. it was something that everyone wished they did and wiff did it and they wanted to be known as the one person that actually slayed a dragon. The horse now carrying the weigh of a whole dragon was unable to take the dragon any further than a whole centimeter. Wiff was mad. the looked all around to find something to make the dragon move but they failed bad at every try. They starved themselves. they did everything they could and stayed near the dragon moving inch by inch towards an empty town.

Wayberg was not ever a lively place but since their hero Wiff had embarked on a journey to kill the biggest enemy of the human race they waited in concern and excitement. The town was frozen in a thin tension. the air horns rang, the panic grew. did Wiff return or was it something else. the town stood still then suddenly loose canon fire and the sound of war horns invaded the peace of the town. the town was not pillaged but raped. every nook and cranny raped for every cent of satisfaction to be taken from the town. the children were eaten or killed or raped. Wiff returned. they found no glory but death and ash. they decided it was time. almost dead and with a dragon dead body mounted to their horse Wiff started cutting at the eye of the dragon. spraying blood everywhere and at everything. Wiff were covered in everything that could found in the blood of a dragon. They took to their hunting routine. going from one set of footsteps to another. they found the camp and led the bloody charge alone and at the front. they were instantly killed. no man ever knew of their feat but they knew of the person that charged the hideout of an army captain that was goin to be known as Emon.

Emon had been been evonme before the recent pillage. he had been but a lowly army cheif with less than 15 soldiers but asked to mount an attack with around 50. he was to kill loot and destroy all in sight. evonme was to be the sacrifice to be killed and parted but evonme survived. according to his birth prophecy evonme was to die and be reborn and hence he was. death was the name of a little girl. evonme knew not to be scared of her bur knew of how to approach it. he did and when it ended evonme was ressurected as emon.

Death was little girl waiting to die. her family just killed infront of her made her numb to everything. her ears ringed of death. the word. the diety. the self. death her name she took to her holy duty. she rode in with fury with everything she had and was reunited to herself at the end.

Evonme took a girl by her head and raped her in front of her dead family. he mocked her. he shoved her face into her father, her mother. evonme took her life as he had many other. but before he did it was her who kept herself onto him. her name was death. he could hear her ears. he could hear everything and in his crazed state he killed her and drank her blood. proclaiming Evonme dead. Emon's birth in the battelfield tool a life more precious than death.

No thing such as life existed in the world. emon's return scarred him. his eyes, his mind, his self could not forget death. he had become one but also another. he had killed one but the other was living.

Emon died. he killed himself with his own sword. his member was also cut and put up his behind. his sword specially crafted on the command of his mother. the beautiful engraving read ' may you live forever long'. mother died. she died for her son had but she was the one who killed him. she did it for lusts sake but it was her sons wishes. this was the life of some weird freaks

[nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix]

i hate them i hate them i hate them i hate them why do they always do this. i hate my dad why is he always like this why is he always like this why is my mom always like this. he starts saying about how we're such bad people because we laze around all day and that we're always messy and dirty and that we're just lazy fucks and thats all he ever says about us. he always thinks we're dumb and stupid. and our mom always says we should do more that what we're already doing isn't enough that it's "what we should be doing" and that we should do more do more do more i hate her i hate her i hate her whats wrong with everyone i hate my sisters i hate my parents i hate everyone i hate everything why does this always happen why are they always like this why why why why i hate this i hate everything i wanna leave i wanna leave. i wanna leave. i work so hard just so i can escape this fucking place and i have to keep telling myself that its for me its for me. i should work hard to finally leave. if i work hard in my studies i cna leave i can leave i cna leave i want to leave. Why is my mom staying home. I hate it when she stays home. I wish she'd gone on her trip for a month. Now she's just gonna go on and on about how we're messy and stupid and don't even know how to do basic chores. i never asked to be part of your fucking family i never asked you to be stupid and get pregnant in college i never asked for you to keep me fucking alive fuck you fuck you fuck you i never asked to be here i never asked to live with you fuck you. fuck you fuck you fuck you i hate you i stopped loving you years ago fuck you.

I fucking hate this. My only safe place is the fucking bathroom and even that isn't safe enough. I can't stay in here too long or else my dad will notice and start getting mad at me again and say that I'm trying to escape again and that I'm on my period and acting immature. i hate this iw anna cry and i cant even cry or else theyll see and theyll make fun of me everyone will make fun of me. i have to keep telling myself that its worth it. that all my hard work will be worth it and ill finally escape. I need to earn money now. But im too scared. I already have social anxiety to deal with and i cant i just cant. 2021 i thought i finally escaped to a safe place only for me to realize im fucking stupid. of course they arent safe. Of course they were just like them. i thought they would understand but they didnt. they only infantilized me and made me feel like i was stupid and useless. it felt even worse being with them. And now i can hear my mom getting mad. Fuck fuck fuck of course my sisters dont know that shes unsafe that they shouldnt even trust thwir emotions around her whats wrong with them dont they understand its unsafe never show your emotions around her. but theyre stupid. i understand. they think shes still their mom. they think that she actually loves thwm. i understand. but that means i should leave them behind too. theyre too attached to mom and still see her as a mom. okay. theyre stupid. im going to escape and im not bringing them anymore. they think mom still cares. she doesnt. dad doesnt care. he never even wanted to be here. If he had a choice he would never choose us.

Fuck fuck fuck i want to cry my time is up here i cant stay too long anymore theyll notice theyll notice i dont wanna leave but i have to what choice do i have i have to get yelled at again i have to get yelled at again i have to just stay quiet again fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate them i want to just run away fuck i have to go now i have to leave fuck fuck i want to run away i want to leave i dont want to get out the bathroom please please please i want to feel safe for once.