#migraines are the death of me

[blventing]

7/28/2024

TW: Eating disorders, Panic attack?, Talk of past with partner system and "Abuser?", Forever box type talk, Self hate, Messed up parents talk...

If you dont wanna see that. Take a pretty picture and have great day

....Hymn... Of course... I did it again... Why was he here? I know he has the right... I cant stop him.. But... Still.. I didnt mean to... I promise i didnt mean to... I never do... Im sorry.... Im sorryy... I always do this... We started getting upset cause clothes didnt fit us cause were fat and that hurts sometimes... It hurts not being able to fit clothes you really like... We always feel so ugly and just wanna eat and ignore our brain but then we do eat and it hurts even more cause then its just... "This. This is why you cant fit your clothes fat pig....maybr if you stopped eating so damn much you would fit your favorite clothes again...."... So we try to stave ourselves but that only makes the eating everything worse...Our mom bought snacks and has the tendency to state we eat just to eat or we eat things just cause their there... Or that we eat to fast or to much...it fuckin hurts... I didnt mean to make them upset... I promise i never mean to.... They should just leave again... It was better when they were gone... They were happy.... I was able to avoid being here.... I didnt have to be here.... I hate being here...i cant breathe when im here... I hate it... Now i know he showed up cause I MESSED UP AGAIN and i cant stop my brain from wanting yo sob for the next three days... He is past it... Why cant i be...? Why cant i move on?...why? Why? Why? Why? Why?... Why cant i go back to being myself....? I miss who i was being Nil... I Dont care about name dropping at this point... I hope they find this.... I hope they see how fucked up they made me....but at the same time.... I... Feel like i was always like this.... That they didnt make me like this.....that they just showed how toxic i really was and put me in my place.... Nil broke me... Why cant i accept that?....Nil lied to both of us... She was a broken woman....why cant i see that? She doesnt deserve to be shown this.... She did... Nothing but point out my bullshit... Like now... Im pulling a pity party and blaming her for shut that is my fault.....right?....fuck....idk anymore... I cant handle it....i cant take it anymore i just wish i would disappear so the others dont have to deal with me.....

[violent138]

Damian: "Red Hood has a pretty severe concussion. What do I do?"

Tim: "Extraction's still ten minutes out, just keep him talking."

Damian, urgently pressing the comm: "I don't want to talk to him, he's even more insufferable than usual."

Jason, lying on the ground, eyes closed: "That's funny Junior, because head trauma's the only thing that makes you bearable."

Damian, to Tim: "I'm leaving. It won't be the first time we've had a closed casket."

Tim, groaning disgustedly: "Robin--ugh, seriously, just stay there and keep him awake."

Damian, seething even more when he sees Jason's smirk: "Fine."

Jason, cracking open one eye: "Aww, are you concerned about me?"

Damian: "Shut up. The only thing I'm concerned about is our family's reputation after your public wipeout on that stupid motorcycle."

Jason:

Damian: "Are you still awake?" *kicks him* "Todd?"

Jason, grinning: "You said our family."

Damian, furious: "I didn't. You've lost more brain cells than you could afford."

Jason: "Wait 'till Tim hears, I think he'll want a group hug. Bruce is probably going to get emotionally constipated. Dickie would probably cry--"

Damian, panicking as he hears the Batmobile get closer: "Stop. Do not tell him--"

Jason: "You better erase every single fucking video of me crashing then."

Damian: "You have a deal."

[circusballoon]

Unknown Grave

I'm still working on @darlnyan's ISaT-ober prompt list every day in my sketchbook. It's.. it's mostly Loop and Siffrin because I'm predictible and love them.

This one was inspired by "Emptiness" (I couldn't think of a title with that in it though)

Anyway I think about Loop calling themself a ghost and the tree their grave a bit, and wanted to channel that because... it felt right to me for a feeling of emptiness. Also tried to make their chest star seem like a hole but I have no idea if that communicated

[brucie-baby]

unnecessarily sad over the inherent tragedy of comic book characters like batman. he loves his city and he wants everybody to be safe and he hopes that one day gotham will no longer need batman but that will never happen because the story can't end. his city will never get its forever happy ending because that doesn't sell comics. quite literally doomed by the narrative because the story must go on. crazy. sucks for that guy.

[youredreamingofroo]

Inner child

- -

"I know you were tired- So many hours of your days were spent being small, holding yourself together in the corner. Some days you could muster up a smile... Other days you could hardly get out of bed. It was all wrong. You were just a kid."

[ Transcript under the cut <3 ]

Panel 1 : I remember how sad you were

Panel 2 : You'd go to the bathroom every morning and cry.

Panel 3 : You were angry. But too feeble from neglect to express it.

Panel 4 : And even when you changed yourself to be above them, or to be among them. You were prey. A target.

Panel 5 : I still remember how sad I was. I remember every course of rage in my veins

Panel 6 : Eventually desperation took over. To fit in was to be same. To be same was to be free of the heckling.

Panel 7 : But all along you and I were always going to be different from the crowd.

Panel 8 : I'm sorry it took this long. But everything is okay now. I've learnt to love our differences from the crowd.

Panel 9 : I did this. I did this all for you. But you'll never know that. You'll never know why it was wrong to be treated that way. You'll never know peace.

Panel 10 : I was just a kid. / I'm just a kid.

[sleepyminty]

When the other death mark discord has a umineko discussion server

[inwiste]

saw a post about hashirama potentially having ocular albinism based on his first appearance having light eyes like tobirama... i got carried away

“You overdid yourself again.” 

He anticipates the touch before it arrives. Tobirama’s fingers are cool where they find his temples, fanning out to rest gently on the crown of his head. His eyes remain shut, body relaxing of its own accord. 

“You need to wear the glasses, anija.” There’s a sharp edge to Tobirama’s tone, clear dichotomy to his brother’s careful maneuvering, to the way Hashirama’s head settles in his lap. To the fingers that come to his head once more, working in small circles. “At least in the compound. The mokuton can compensate for a lot, but it can’t help you read.”

They’ve had this conversation a thousand times. He’ll learn, eventually. He’ll try to, at least.

“You could always read the reports to me,” he murmurs. The throbbing ache rattles his skull. His jaw is still locked up, mouth hardly moving. His tongue sticks in his mouth, dry as it is. He can’t remember where his tea went. He knows there was tea—the taste has withered on his tongue but he can still catch a trace of it when he swallows, pain pulsing in time with the contraction. “You’re concise. Know what’s important and what isn’t.” 

Tobirama’s hands drift downwards, pulling him up a fraction before taking the base of his skull into steady hands, pressing pads of fingers into the nape of his neck. 

“I have my own work to do.” It’s not an outright refusal. “I don’t enjoy wearing them either, but I make the concession regardless to minimize situations like these, anija.”

They don’t go away entirely, though. The brain is too complex, chakra pathways too delicate to risk the potential damage that could arise from trying to alleviate the pain. They must live with the days that must be spent in the dark, where his brother can hardly rise on hands and knees before retching, where food and water are a poison to Hashirama’s stomach. It’s hardly behavior fitting of a clan head and clan heir, but things progressed beneath his father’s leadership. The work still got done. Their people were still kept safe.

Hashirama opens his eyes for a brief moment, wincing at the dull, stabbing pain that infects his eyes and spreads out to the sockets. His brother’s face is blurry even from the short distance spanning between them, tattoos standing sharp against pale skin. Closes them just as quick.

The clench of his jaw lessens a fraction, stiff muscles uncoiling. He sighs heavily when Tobirama’s thumbs push firmly against the base of his skull. His breathing deepens. Time slips past him, mind drifting into a twilight zone. He can feel his brother’s hands still rubbing circles into his head, throbbing roots slowly being pulled from his skull. 

“You didn’t have to do this,” he slurs sleepily, tongue grown heavy in his mouth. He doesn’t move, though. He’s resting fully against Tobirama now, into the embrace that holds his head so slightly aloft. “I would have gone to the healers if it got any worse.” 

His brother huffs, chakra taking on an indignant tone. A smile finds his lips. He’s never been able to lie to his brother. Not successfully, at least. 

“If only such a thing were true,” Tobirama says. “Someone has to make sure you don’t end up bedridden. I should leave you to the mercy of Izumi the next time this happens.” 

He won’t, they both know. Such an admission will never slip past his brother’s tongue. Such truths are laid bare between them regardless. 

Perhaps once he would have felt guilty for demanding so much of his brother’s time. The mokuton is enough on the battlefield. It’s enough for traversing the pathways of the compound, it’s enough for the floor of their home. The earth is forgiving. Papers are not. 

Something still sticks in his throat when Tobirama pulls free entirely, dragging him from his reverie. He listens to Tobirama pull the shutters closed. To the soft footsteps that bring him close once more, fabric rustling as he sinks to his knees.

“You should rest, anija.” Tobirama’s voice is soft. The ache has lessened to a dull throb. Exhaustion clings to him, even though there are several hours still standing between them and sunset. 

Knuckles brush his cheek before he feels Tobirama’s hand settle against his forehead. His hand has chilled further, free hand stroking his cheek as Hashirama sighs. 

He grabs Tobirama’s hand as it parts from his skin, thumb tracing the raised flesh on the knuckle of his index finger. A particularly bad scrape during a spar had split the skin. They were children at the time but the scar has remained strong on his skin. 

“Stay until I fall asleep?” 

There is no childish tilt to his tone but he feels the trepidation regardless. Feels the memories of a ten year old boy sink into his skin. Of smaller hands rubbing relief into his skull, soothing cyclical pain. It had become clockwork at a point, he remembers. Before he had gained better control of the mokuton. Before he was able to lessen the burden on failing eyes. He feels them well up in his throat, already beginning to fester on his tongue as he waits for an answer beyond the stiffening of Tobirama’s body behind his head. 

He smiles at the huff that answers him—a small thing. Little more than the lifting of the corners of his lips.

“Where else would I go?”

[justepilepsy]

Because of current frustration

Happy fuck spiderverse year.

The art direction is in part ableist.

You can enjoy the movie and still say that.

Note: it's ableist because it's using common animation and color choices KNOWN to cause seizures (and death) in audiences. This includes people who don't have epilepsy.

I will never not be bitter about this because the first movie message was about "anyone can wear the mask" when it clearly was excluding people by simply making it impossible to watch this film in a safe manner.

If you got a headache after watching that film. That's a photosensitive reaction and it means you're not immune to these effects. A movie you love should not give you a headache or dizziness or disorientation. It should not give an above average amount of people seizures.

And those effects causing these symptoms should not be hailed as the reason the film is good.

Spiderverse utilises other aspects of comic art to already stick out.

Rapid Glitch effects, large bright high contrast red and blue areas covering the screen, prolonged moving patterns, and flashing lights are not what make this film look good.

[bucket-puns]

More Ishmael treats. I needed to throw em out here

[blackseafoam]

Whumptober day 04. hallucinations l Hypnosis l sensory deprivation l "you're still alive in my head"

WC: 805

Warnings: Mild injury, ocular migraine, mentioned animal death (natural causes)

Stuenn felt the flicking twigs of the underbrush grabbing at his waxed anorak and woolen mittens as he trudged ahead. The waterproof clothing now merely decorative, having sweated through all of his underlayers. The musher squinted at the path ahead of him.

It's getting worse. Stuenn had experienced ocular migraines before, but never this bad, and the timing could not have been worse.

He had no way to know how long it had been since he lost his dog team, but the sun had just begun to set the last time he'd seen their furry hides disappear down the trail. He was far out on the Taiga, exploring a new trapping route. Sure, his people knew where he was, but it was still several days journey back home.

The clear sky was his only saving grace, with the canopy of bright moonlight and stars to orient by, Stuenn could see his path. He followed the pawprints and runner tracks in the snow by the cool light. The panic subsided for a while, and Stuenn jogged in the snow for hours after his runaway team. Hoping to find them tangled beyond the ability to keep running, or the sled snagged on a tree.

The unfortunately familiar gray haze began in the bottom of the field of view in his left eye. No no, not now. Stuenn futilely rubbed at his eye over and over again as he kept jogging through the woods. It was a matter of minutes before he had no vision in his left eye, and the haze was encroaching on his right, but he couldn't stop. The lack of eyesight was dangerous, but the cold was deadly. The damp layers under his jacket and pants would make quick work of his body heat if he stopped moving.

While using his other senses to navigate as best he could, he found himself in some bushes, which were rare in the taiga (except near rivers). At this point he was guessing where to go. The panic had clouded his judgement thicker than the blank haze, which now reduced his vision to a wide pinhole.

He stepped out into nothingness.

The musher's chest constricted as his inner ear told him he was falling, fast. He reached out by instinct, grabbing thin branches that snapped instantly. Something did catch him though, his mukluk held fast between two tree roots as his body pivoted over the edge. Stuenn groaned in pain as his ankle held his body weight at an unnatural angle. Grabbing at his knife, he tried swiping at the roots with the sharp instrument. He missed. Missed again, and again. He swiped so violently that his body began to rock back and fourth as he did so.

The boot slipped off.

Stuenn felt his left side hit something on the way down, scraping his face, but slowing his descent as he then rolled down a rocky canyon wall and onto the snowbank below.

So the trapper found himself. Face down in the snow, with only one boot, still gripping his survival knife.

A voice sounded, on the edge of his auditory periphery. It spoke a lilting incomprehensible sentence.

Sluggishly lifting his head, Stuenn attempted to scan his surroundings. Breath quickening in instant panic as he was suddenly reminded that he was almost completely blinded, save for a hole no bigger than the palm of his hand at the end of an outstretched arm. He propped himself up painfully, noticing his blood in the snow as he looked down.

He heard something else. Panting. The panting of a dog team going by, the sliding of runners on a nicely packed trail. Raising his gaze again, he caught sight of a pale dog standing before him.

Vikki.

His first dog, the first sled dog he could call all his own. The dog that had lived to a healthy 17 years old. The dog that had been in his life longer than not. She stood with her head low, glowering down at him.

"You're going the wrong way, dumbass."

The voice glided by on a wind rather than coming from Vikki.

"Am I dead?" Stuenn huffed, then had to gasp for air after the effort of speaking, holding his head at an awkward angle to see his long lost companion.

"No. Get up you limp herring, we've got work to do."

"I lost my boot."

"Excuses. I have no boots, you don't see me whining about it." Vik began to turn away and walk into the darkness.

"I can't see, slow down." Stuenn struggled to his feet. Once his one booted, and one merely socked feet were underneath him he staggered forward.

His knife laid in the snow behind, forgotten. The loyal tool would have shed a tear if it had feelings.

[crimson-phantom-designs]

Making his boyfriend blush. 👀

Morning after, Stede's gusto is no more. He's embarrassed over his ribald behavior and timid about his lack of experience, worried he was a disappointment. He needs reassurance- and breakfast. Warmth and good food always make Ed feel better afterall!

Also added some subtleties.

•They're holding hands agains't Stede's chest but couldn't fit any of it in this pose and was focusing on Stede's face at the right angle to Ed's. Dx

•Stede's hand covering the *NO* In Ed's tattoo. (Oof still would like to see his reaction to first seeing that)

•Ed has a heart tattoo on his bum but it's not filled in. He never found anyone to meet those expectations but he got it showing he wanted someone to put there. The other one there is a diamond which is, well, marriage. XD

So Ed wants love and marriage. Domestic life.

Hopefully Stede will be *happy in a married state* this time.

Finished work here

[creepyscritches]

Thinking about making my city council dread my existence after getting a lie-thru-the-teeth republican city rep re-election mailer

"Fentanyl from China is coming in through our unprotected southern border and I, a white woman about to insult ESL students and the fact that I don't protect ESL funding in my next paragraph, plan to do nothing but make crazier lies about this. ALSO? Jail for anyone and their poison." (you mean street fentanyl or the kind we use for highly specific and necessary medical cases and involve rx control more strict than we do for morphine?)

FENTANYL from CHINA coming thru our SOUTHERN BORDER? We're in Tennessee. They have better luck mailing it direct. Or making it here. 🤦 lady, you and the bald white men on the other side of this mailer are about to hate your election season

[chicafinal]

girls be thinking about the inherent eroticism of wile e. coyote's obsession with catching the roadrunner

[ghoul--doodle]

I'm interested to know more of the context behind the drawings with Bailey and his plushie! What happened to him and his family?

Bailey and his family were involved in an accident on- a mode of public transportation, shall we say

Bailey had been given the plushie a short time before the incident, and he’d been carrying it with him during the crash

He was badly injured and rushed to hospital, which resulted in the loss of his eye, among other things

Bailey was one of the sole survivors of the incident, he’d unfortunately lost his parents through the whole ordeal

And he was adopted into a new family not long after

His memories surrounding the accident, and even before, are incredibly foggy for him and he doesn’t particularly remember much at all

But he remembers the plushie!

He remembers that it was a gift from his parents and he absolutely treasures it

During his stay in the hospital while he was recovering some of the staff removed one of the buttons on the plushie’s face so Bailey wouldn’t be so scared upon learning he’d lost one of his

It was a huge comfort for him through the whole thing, and he still goes back to using it for comfort as an adult, it’s one thing he’ll never toss away if he can help it

He just knows it’s important to him

[allalrightagain]

Intellectually I know that migraines and headaches are two different things and neither mutually inclusive or exclusive.

HOWEVER— I don’t feel it’s reasonable to demonstrate this by making me have both at the same time.

[acidheaddd]

Worst bout of vertigo I've had in... years. Bumping into walls and shit. 😭 I'm out of Dramamine, so wish me luck.