#i dont wanna turn this into a vent
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me when im forced to remember that the autism isnt just a fun secret way to like my fav band more than everyone else and that ill actually never be able to navigate social situations normally
#desire mona#media#i dont entirely know what this means but its the closest image i can think of the convey the feeling#im so tired im so fucking tired im tired IM FUCKING TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is so exhausting and i can never turn it off#no fucking wonder we're more prone to alcoholism id drink enough to need my stomach pumped if it meant i didnt have to second guess every#fucking word i say to anyone ever#but alas. the other mental condition#sorry for the vent post this isnt very haha mona shitpost of me im just frustrated beyond belief with myself even tho i know its stupid#how do i turn it off. id kill to turn it off#i dont wanna get rid of my autism but fuck i just wanna know the feeling. i wanna know what its like more than anything#its getting darker earlier and earlier and winters coming so. the bad feelings#apologies#should i tag yttd spoilers#yttd spoilers#feedback loop - chris thile#< im not looping this song i just keep happening to make posts when this song is playing. im looping thanks for listening tho#thoughtsing
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#just saw like half of a tiktok and the urge to make another vent post....#but i wont i dont wanna get into the discourse lol#all im gonna say is - just bc buck 'likes to fix things' doesnt mean he's gonna drop everything to deal with eddies mess#he has his own life and if he wants to have dinner with his bf after a hard day he can#bobby is with his wife and resting why would buck stick around#and Eddie's situation is not bucks to fix - he was there for support and did what he always does#like yeah eddie is about to lose chris and it's awful but what do you expect buck to do about it??? there's literally nothing he can#why are people now mad that he wasnt with Bobby or Eddie and instead went to have dinner with tommy#and it wasnt ooc imo - this is buck finally thinking of himself and his needs first like he should#he won't always be there to fix things for every single person bc he shouldn't be??#(and imo nothing about the convo was weird or ooc either - maybe rushed but they had a minute lol)#well i guess it did turn into a vent in the tags lmao#im gonna delete this im just sooooo annoyed#tiktok how many times do i have to say i wanna stay off 911tok ugh
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Was really happy with these sketches
#art by minisqwish#my ocs#demon oc#my art#artists on tumblr#im about to vent real quick...#my ass has not been able to really sit down and draw lately#idk y#it just feels like there's a deep chasm in me#especially even just thinking about working on ostrum makes me feel so much dread#and its not the comic itself#i wanna assure you that I plan to see ostrum through til the end#nomatter how long it takes me#i just dont feel much of anything out of art in general rn#is that burnout??? im p sure it's burnout#but im not sure how to help it pass#and the state of everything else certainly doesnt help.#i really think the fact that i spent 300 dollars on physical copies of ostrum that all turned out to be misprints really fucked me up#and i have yet to recover from that shit....#ik this is all totally unrelated from the post but i really needed to get those thoughts out#if anyone read this far and has tips or anything lmk
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Hate thissss I feel like I haven't been properly productive today (somehow posting two art things Doesn't register properly in my mind) so I wanna stay up to get as much as I can down, but I also need to go to sleep in case I'm called in tomorrow because fuuuuuck going to work on little sleep that shit sucks. But also, the possibility of being called in makes me wanna stay up even more, so I can finish art in case I don't have time tomorrow. So now I'm sat up at 12:30 tired as shit but unable to draw or go to bed. The never-ending cycle of hell.
#ramblings#i wish they had someone else to call in on short notice. i dont hate coming in extra but i hate getting a text at like 7:10 when kennel#hours in the morning start 7:30. i knowww i should probably set a boundary but like. fuck#and you know what i wish my parents bothered to fucking understand how frustrating it is being called in so frequently#my mom specifically. i bring stuff with work up and its like a broken record. `if you go in all the time youll be seen as reliable!`#when i was talking about getting a day off to see my brothers marching last weekend she was like#`see what did i tell you? you make yourself reliable and theyll let you take off what you need` talking like i just asked for it off#after it had already been scheduled. girl i had to ask people to cover me still. i just#i hate it. i havent told her i told them i didnt wanna work clinic hours because she'd drill me about why#its just frustrating !! and when i say my genuine feelings its like she needs to correct me. like im thinking wrong.#this is why i had to fucking snap before setting the boundary of not covering clinic hours. because its always#`do what they ask every time because youll seem reliable` from my mom no matter fucking what. and then i already have issues#setting boundaries in general because i dont want to upset others or make them mad at me#ok sorry this has turned into. a wholeass vent. im just. at my wits end can you tell?#at this rate im really just getting nothing done. im going to bed#dont worry about me ill be fine. i just need to let it out and this is kinda my only outlet rn
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//vent
cursed with never knowing whats appropriate and what isnt in conversation. talked to a guy yesterday and he asked me a question abt one of my interests and i answered. and then he just. did not follow up. even tho i asked him smthn. and like id love to point it out but goddd damn. do i not want to cross boundaries
#//vent#like hes cool. hes nice. i like that guy.#....but.#like holy shit ik im not entitled to answers or engagement but unless were talking abt smthn hes into its like talking to a brick wall#and i dont think he does it on purpose?? and i dont think im much better either#its whats stopping me from pointing it out. bc im not sure that im not the same exact way#like i do try yknow?? to engage w shit???? to answer questions and respond to every part of a message???#talking to him sometimes is like having a conversation and when its my turn he just gets up and leaves in the middle of me talking#closes the door behind him and im like “oh hell be back! :)” and then 26 hours later its just. nothing.#i dont wanna start shit i dont... but i feel like im losing my mind#any time i wanna share smthn i like and am passionate abt its just. wall time#i can have wall time in the privacy of my own home man cmon.#i dont wanna seem needy or entitled by pressing the issue but its just. not making me feel great#idk im just. idk.#im too afraid of asking for things lmfao im so convinced if i do people will leave#ughhhh i just dont know what to do here#:/
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i need someone to cut my head open like a messy science experiment
#i dont want to think thoughts anymore#please turn my brain to literall mush#pretty please#i wanna cvt#sh#sh recovery#cvtblr#vent#sh vent#988blr#vent post#self h@rm#cvtt!ng#i need a lobotomy#depressing shit#low mood#i wanna kms but not rlly
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yall ever feel the mommy issues cropping up
#shes addicted to being miserable and im finally realizing there is no outlandishly nice thing i can do for her to fix it#she could win the lottery and find a way to turn it into someone dying#it's like... i dont even wanna do nice things for her anymore because i know nothing i do will feel as good for her as her own self-pity#venting#that's on tryna fix your mom's trauma and it being a colossal waste of time#im sooooo fucking sick of being my mom's mom yall#shea speaks
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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I'm about to have a birthday as an adult you know what that means!
#its not that i dont wanna get old or anything like that#its just that i spent today alone in bed playing video games and doing homework#and tomorrow ill go to class like normal and i wont get to see any of my friends#and i think about the fact that there was a time when birthdays were so special#when i was little and theyd wish you a happy birthday on the morning announcements#and you could bring in cake or pizza and have a 30 minutr party with your whole class#or when i was a bit older and youd show up to school on your birthday and get fuckin mauled#and you just spend all these years with birthdays meaning something until it just stops#and you're turning 24 and finals season is about to start and you dont even have the time to bake cupcakes to share with friends#and you're the only one who cares#not yr#vent#personal
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Idk why everyone is mad at op they kinda have a point?? They never said they vented 24/7 without asking for permission, just that they don't wanna hold back problems for the sake of making others happy. Like if you can't do that then that's fine but it doesn't make them a bad person, it just means you're not compatible as friends
#tbh if you refuse to EVER hear a friend's problem then you're just as bad as people who do vent constantly without permission#maybe its just me but how can you ever become truly close to someone if you only wanna see them when theyre good and happy#like. people are complex. theyre good and bad. you cant just turn a blind eye to the sides of people you dont like#i could go on about like toxic self care and how its kinda making people think ''anything that makes me uncomfortable is bad''#but ive probably said enough lmao#anyway. theres a difference between venting and using someone as a therapist#and its kinda sad to see how many people apparently DONT think that#rant over!
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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actually im sorry but i Dont like seeing my favorite characters be forced to ruin their relationships. i get no catharsis from any of that shit it just makes me depressed. sorry but not for me, i like when things actually work out and the narrative isnt telling me to just go fuck myself if i wanna be happy
#immmm#gonna step away and watch vods for a bit#i dont want this right now#fuck#qsmp neg#i GUESS#i still love it so so s o much gods it hurts when my favorite thing in so long is turning sour for me i hate this#vent#maybe#ugh#i dont wanna feel this way
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When the joint pain so bad you can't even hold your phone for too long
#shott meee pleaseeeee im so done#granted was my fault#been having bad pain flair up last few days because it got cold really suddenly and my body seemed to freak out#but woke up today and like ocd brain couldnt stand the state of my apartment and kept breaking down over bits#and in turn making me clean it#so i did too much and now im having a major fatigue crash and pain every aha#i hate my body#im tired everythings too hard not sure how imma get food later and I just want someone to hug mw#dont wanna be alone#man my wheat pack died on me too so i csnt even get that pain releif although wouldn't be able to get up and make it anyway#i an in hell this is hell#AceofDragons#vent#actually disabled#heds#chronic pain
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God I am so firmly not im work mode anymore the adrenaline I just went through has me so wiped out. I'm still taking care of animals. I haven't had a chance to clean shit. and it's nearly 6:30 fffuuuuuucckkkkk.
#ventings#dw about specifica ive. already specified where i needed to i just dont wanna keep droning on in a vent channel. feels like im hogging#-attention that others may need soon while im just winding down. im fine#actually decent morning turns into exhausting night. fun /sarcasm
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dissociation go brrr
#hi my name is. mentally unstable#i feel happy in a sick way#even tho the reasons im happy are healthy#the actual emotion feels. too much. too much. like.#i cant explain it#its like when a cake is too sweet#like yes its food its good to eat and its yummy but its also too sweet#so you dont wanna eat too much of it but#like i cant just Turn Off my emotions ykno??#-_-#julian rants#vent
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