#i feel happy in a sick way
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dissociation go brrr
#hi my name is. mentally unstable#i feel happy in a sick way#even tho the reasons im happy are healthy#the actual emotion feels. too much. too much. like.#i cant explain it#its like when a cake is too sweet#like yes its food its good to eat and its yummy but its also too sweet#so you dont wanna eat too much of it but#like i cant just Turn Off my emotions ykno??#-_-#julian rants#vent
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Act I ~ The Prince
A tapestry for Let No One Sleep by @azalawa-scroggs on ao3
#wrightworth#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#nmbb24#happy nrmt big bang!!! there are two more of these…..#but you’ll have to wait for them#fan art#aa#ace attorney#dick gumshoe#maya fey#manfred von karma#…bro is creeping…#wHEEWWWW ok took me a bazillion years to catch up with my day but HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON THIS ONE:#the border is intended to be read in counter clockwise direction#so: top -> left -> bottom -> right#and YES the sun and the moon are intentionally associated with the attorney's and prosecutor's badges respectively#phoenix and miles are our sun and moon throughout this story so be sure to look for that in the fic too!!#this style was very experimental for me but i wanted it to mimic the feeling of a tapestry hence me referring to it that way#i WISH this was fabric that would be sick as fuck#i will eventually share a proper breakdown of the thoughts and intentions behind everything but for now...#im gonna miss Phoenix’s cloak bc im obsessed with the design actually. wish that thing was real too#miles is my cunty little bitchboy in this wearing his thousand pound fur coat and the suitor stompy boots#if you thought that was a rug and went Oh. ...that was on purpose :^)))))#rendevok#id in alt text
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i lied actually i'm not in the mood to finish this anymore orz
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#i was already sick of this piece and moving on top of tht frustration was the final nail in the coffin#im tired of this guy and thinking abt rendering the rest of th molt makes me want to kms /srs#every now and then i get cocky and think i know my way around how to draw necks and jaws from a low angle#and then smth comes along to humble me lest i forget myself#the snake and strangulation probablllyyyyy didnt help in tht regard lol#honestly th snake is the only tolerable part of this bc i managed to convince myself tht gojo doesnt even look like himself bc of the angle#ths probably my own warped perception after hours spent on this tho but megumi voice whatever!#i feel bad i know i said id finish this but i am just not happy working on it anymore#brain wants to draw free and only free im sorry i tried to fight it but the siren call of the pool beckons too sweetly to resist
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
#the umbrella academy#diego x lila#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#what was the point!!!!!!#isn't it great when there's no character resolution and everyone just gets erased from existence#instead of giving us emotional closure they just added more pain and trauma and called it a day#what was it all for exactly. to give the handler a peaceful happy life of all people#don't even get me started on the bracelet or that awful pointless love triangle#steve blackman is gross and so is the way he talks about lila like she's not even a character in her own right but just an afterthought#someone who was there to pair with five while diminishing all that she is#five needed a love story so they just shoved lila into that role as if she were some random accessory to five's story#rather than her own character with thoughts and feelings#a woman's entire character arc is ruined just to give a guy a love interest#i feel sick#i've already mentioned some of this on twitter but whatever#as you can probably guess i'm not going to gif this so-called new season#lila deserved better. diego deserved better. we deserved better
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AGH happy (definitely-not-late) bday to mr jamil viper 💖🐍 and thank u harveston jamil for coming home as well as two of his bday cards 💖💥
#i put WAY too much effort into this and;; i dont even like it 100% 😭#i gave up on the patterns </3#but anyways#thank u jamil for ruining my life ily#also happy holidays everyone (it’s literally still back-to-school season)#actually technically it's already christmas in the philippines#so uhhh#it fits???#thank u harveston sledathon for the perfect timing#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst#twisted wonderland#twst art#jamil viper#harveston sledathon#-✦—]#also also i havent??? posted art in almost a week???#das crazyyy#i got sick the day after his bday when i was supposed to be finishing up his art >:[#then i just lost all energy for a bit i couldnt do anything 😭#anyways it’s like. 4am i cant sleep#so i decided to just finish up his bday art 😤#who knew drinking thai boba milk tea at 5pm wouldnt be such a good idea#i feel like i’m unnecessarily rambling more than usual lmao sorry 😭
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aughhh im so late but i hope everyone has been enjoying pride month! huzzah!! gay people!!!
i had to rush this one out since ive been busy with other things,but i just couldnt miss out on drawing juza this month, since hes such an important character to me, for so many reasons! <3
#i had planned to work on this early june but i got sick +i have not been the best but yknow what im happy with it!#also woooo first juza post here no way#(is it even juza anymore?? like...my version is probably too different) (sweats nervously) anyways#went with the pink+white combo since that was one of my first juza posts that i feel really awakened something within me#by that i mean now i basically only draw him being yass and honestly? slayed the house down#anyways anyways on to the actual tags uagh aughhhh then im going back to my cave to prepare for artfight#a3 fanart#a3!#a3! act addict actors#a3! game#a3! fanart#act addict actors#juza hyodo#a3! juza#hyodo juza#a3 act addict actors#a3! art#a3! mankai company#autumn troupe#unculturedswine69#sheetzking
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I can imagine an array of horribly tragic and dramatic scenarios happening to Johnny and V without feeling any remorse, I truly am above such pointless emotions update: thought of them happy and cried
#chatterbox#cyberpunk 2077#cp2077#silverv#I lied btw#cried while thinking about the bad things too#they're literally the giant rat quarantine post#“and to think I wanted to kill you 2 times in this quarantine you have become my friend I love you”#they just make me emotional in bizarre ways#I am you and you are me and together we became one and no matter what I do or how we end up if you're not there I'm never whole#like wow okay *cries so hard I throw up*#feeling each other's presence even when they know the other is gone...#SICK AND TWISTEDDDDDD#I was never huge on fix it fics but I get it with them cause oh my god please let them be happy#let them at least die together not feeling helpless and at their wits end
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i need to stop shadowboxing the concept of romance when i write. i need to make my brain go to a world where romance doesn’t exist when i write because feeling its constant presence and people’s expectations of its presence and reading in of its presence is making me a worse writer.
like. thinking a lot about that post that’s going around rn about Books That Are Clearly Afraid Of The Reader. been thinking about how fear of being interpreted or perceived or whatever permeates a Lot of what i do and always has, creatively, and frankly compromises it, especially in terms of fear of people reading romance into my stuff because of how much i write about interpersonal relationships and intimacy and reliance and vulnerability and intense emotional situations.
i need to stop trying to build a boat with my main priority being ‘i dont want people to insist to me that this is a car or make people feel tricked into seeing a car etc etc’ when there is actually no part of this boat that needs to be made with cars in mind at all i could just Build The Damn Boat. this metaphor got lost.
point is i need to stop letting romance take up space in my stories at all. even if it's just as something i'm doing backflips over and around. i need to just start writing about platonic relationships - friendships, queerplatonic relationships, familial relationships, etc - without feeling like i need to first disprove romance as an automated and inherent assumption. romance should have no quarter here, even in feeling forced to deny it.
#gav gab#thinking aloud#sorry if youre in a server with me where you have to see this twice in a row#im just thinking a lot about it#this is definitely um. Influenced. by ocd.#but it's like...#the duelling desires to both have my work understood as being deliberately joyfully and unambiguously#about platonic relationships#while not wanting to put myself in a situation of constantly having to be like#“i love you As A Friend” says character A#character B wanted to hug character C but not in a romantic way or anything#characters D and F didn't have a romantic relationship but it was deeply intimate and committed and Real anyway#i want to just. yknow. have those things exist without having to give space and deference to romance even in denial#yknow?#i just dont know how to have both things at once#'what about ambiguity though gav' i dont want ambiguity.#i dont want Fuck Labels Who Cares What The Type Of Relationship Is! Fuck Platonic And Romantic!#It's Just Love!#i want platonic. period. end of.#good for people who find joy and value in ambiguity and unlabelled dynamics for real im happy for you#that's not where my joy and my sense of being seen lies#anyway. i just feel like im constantly shadowboxing romance yknow#and i want to stop. bc not only does that suck ass it just#i think it makes me a worse writer. i really do think that.#im just so SO aware of how people are going to interpret things most likely#as it has happened to me and in front of me Constantly#since i started sharing my creative work in any capacity#im just sick of it yknow. im sick of constantly having to be so hyperaware of fucking romance#in my writing
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Part of me wants Gojo to go through on Yuji’s execution part by the end of the story.
Like, don’t get me wrong, I adore Yuji. And I want him to be happy. But Gojo and him just harmonize so interestingly in that they match each other’s energy that it would make the angst even more exquisite.
So excuse me while I’m off sitting in a corner, contemplating an ending where Gojo kills our pure and innocent sunshine boy, and then absolutely loses his mind in the wake of it because, good god, duty wasn’t worth Yuji’s life.
#pointless rambling#some thoughts#because I’m watching the part where Gojo is currently teaching Yuji#and i’m in shambles over how alike they are in some ways yet totally different#it’s like soft sunshine and chaotic solar burst#polar opposites but still somehow the same?#and just— I want Gojo realizing what it actually MEANS that he’ll have to kill Yuji#give me Gojo towering over Yuji on the day of his execution and having a full blown meltdown because he CANT#but Yuji our sweet sunshine would probably just be happy he’s not alone when he dies#I want Gojo to feel sick with the realization of it#urgh I need more fics#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#itadori yuji#satoru gojo#jjk itadori#angst#musings
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— OLIVIA GATWOOD
#dwedit#rtdedit#doctor who#dw#dwgif#doctor x rose#ten x rose#tenrose#tenth doctor#rose tyler#otpsource#romancegifs#userdiana#usertix#useraurore#userlanie#usertom#i'm sorry about this. but it's rtd who is sick in the head not me#how does this still make me SICK all these years later + they had a happy ending?#i don't even know it's just so. like i feel it in my BODY lol the way they can't touch is so. eough
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#look at him so happy in his little torture box :) home sweet home….. I see nothing wrong with this whatsoever…#this is fiiiiiiine…… I was gonna wait to post this but… it reflects my current mood so..#dsmp memes#dsmp meme#c!dream#y’all knew I had to do it… it’s just my fav meme… like ‘this is fine’ should be written on my tombstone#prison arc#dream smp#dreblr#dsmpblr#this is fine#dsmp#pandora's vault#no one does it like c!dream#I spent way to long on these memes btw… I have over 1000 Minecraft photos on my phone now…#not me getting sick when I’m supposed to be going to a concert on Wednesday and beach this weekend…. let’s all just hope I feel better#tomorrow 🤞 pleeeeeaase….
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Republican Green Day fans just now realising American Idiot is about them has gotta be the funniest thing i've ever fucking seen. like my guy they are a pop punk band. they be popping and punking. they've BEEN popping and punking. who the fuck did u think they were talking about????????
#like what the fuck#how?????? how do u listen to American Idiot and know the lyrics and not go oh yeah no way these guys voted trump#media literacy please i'm begging u :')#context#Billy Joe recently held up a Trump mask with idiot written on it in a performance#and now Republican fans are like noooo!!!!!!! we're gonna boycott!!!!!!!!!!#ok?#good?#i wouldn't even necessarily call myself a Green Day fan i just like some of their songs and think they're cool#but i guarantee no one is complaining lmao like we don't want u here either dude boycott away#what did u THINK a punk was#certainly Green Day don't care that they're boycotting they're probably happy!!!!#i'd feel sick to my fucking stomach if my art was enjoyed by Republicans and i'm so serious#i make my art so that it makes conservatives uncomfortable and SO DO THEY#they literally could not have been more obvious if they tried what the fuck
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I feel like i need to rewatch all 6 episodes of tbnw cause i swear the way phu speaks is at an all-time cuteness high this episode 😭🤏
#like i s w e a r he's never previously turned up the อ้อน and baby voice t h i s much even though he's always adorable of course!!#ever since phu's been sick it feels like he's started to allow himself to just be taken care of by p'cir 🥹#the boy next world#local woman harps on about tbnw#bella and the blorbos#if i had to pinpoint one thing i love about mame's stories it's that her couples are always absolutely made for each other like-#phu and cir are both so intensely lonely -in different ways ofc- but they save each other they choose each other they care so much about#each other's happiness ���� makes my heart ache
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handholding <3
#tenth doctor#david tennant#donna noble#catherine tate#ten x donna#tendonna#doctor x donna#doctordonna#the doctor x donna noble#they love each other#i feel like their level of intimacy is something we never got with other companions#besides the obvious#i wish they were allowed to be happy in their first round of traveling together#obviously they got that eventually but ten had to go through the trauma of losing the only person he ever let truly see him#he had to lose her in the worst way possible before getting her back#god i get so sick remembering that they’re literally fated to be together#anyways these tags are so unrelated#tendonna handholding#we all cheered
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I still think "my mind is a safe and if I keep it, then we all get rich. my body is an orphanage we take everyone in" is one of the rawest most fucked up lyrics pete has ever written that then got put into a song.
like srsly 27 is such a fucked up song, specially if you put it in the context of when folie came out
#like i don't have the words in english to explain it but??? thinking you'll get rich as long as you keep the mess in your mind locked there?#feeling like you're just a body taking people under your care? but not getting it back? feeling used in a way???#and then patrick choose to follow it up with 'doing lines of dust and sweat off last night stage just to feel like you'???#the parallel between drugs and having a bit of the person you want but can't have?? the recognition of the self in the other???#like you can just inyect a person in you like a drug and be them and feel like them/happy? the I shoot the sunshine in my veins of all it???#INSANE. THEY WERE SICK FOR DOING THIS SONG
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Hey guys!! Sorry for being gone for a while, but I really needed a little break and my vacation was super refreshing, I had an awesome time with my partner and visiting my best friend.
Still not sure how high my engagement will be here but I'll probably be around a little bit more!
#jane journals#ive had a post in the drafts for a while so maybe ill post that before i get on my first flight home#its gonna be grueling but ill be happy when we're back in our own place#and ive got a few more days off work thank god#i usually get sick after vacations too so ill see how im feeling by the end of the night ajfjgkg#either way i got a lot of posts ive been tagged in to catch up on so ill be rbing them soon
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