#i dont think ones superior
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im not american but some of you guys are just fucking stupid ong what do you MEAN youre not gna vote because you disagree with like one part of what youre voting for. like okay me when im fucking thick
#you guys are being FUCKING STUPUD#vote i actually swear to fucking god dont be THICK#“genocide joe” yeah i agree hes supporting a genocide thats a face#fact*#but hes three billion times better than trump in EVERY OTHER WAY???????#USE YOUR COMMON FUCKING SENSE#genuinely its not hard#“dont vote guys both parties are bad” ARE YOU STUUUUUUPID ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID IM GONNA BEAT YOU UP#would you rather a) have rights + disagree with one policy or b) be imprisoned for basically just being alive + disagree with every policy#YOURE FUCKING STUPID#like im not gonna force you to vote for someone or to vote at all but Jesus fucking christ#mate do you want rights or not#do you want the ENTIRE PLANET to suffer because of something you think gives you moral superiority (hint: IT DOESNT)#fucking vote#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#smart posting wow#should i tag#you know what i fucking am because youre STUPID#i dont CARE if you disagree with some of their morals. i agree the ones that you dislike are TERRIBLE but dear fucking lord#idk how to tag wait#kamala harris#joe biden#idk man#just fucking vote#us politics#election 2024#us elections#american politics
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idk why im in such a bad mood rn but it actually PISSES ME TF OFF how the entire marauders fandom collectively decided to take this bum-ass loser character with one discernable impact on the storyline (regulus. im talking about regulus) and make him a super complex, three-dimensional MAIN character in the era that’s being literally paired with JAMES POTTER(???) when they could’ve taken a character who AREADY has existing complexities and everything they could ever want and develop them. but they won’t because that character is a fucking woman ☠️☠️
the way the black sisters would have the entire fandom in a fucking chokehold if they were boys. do you actually think sirius and regulus would be as cherished as they are now if they were women? hell fucking no, regulus would be hated on so badly. the way we were given narcissa and fucking andromeda too? here’s the entire fandom yapping on and on about how cool regulus is for rebelling against the dark lord when narcissa was doing it and fucking getting away with it too (because she’s better and doesn’t suck ass). here’s andromeda going against her entire bloodline ON HER OWN but yet shes still so overshadowed by sirius (who literally came after her). then you got bellatrix who is canonly one of the most powerful (and cuntiest) witches in the hp-verse and you decide to go and develop BARTY instead. think about it. they’re both crazy except one is more of a loser and is a male so of course the fandom will choose him.
and then. of course. lily evans who is literally the mother of the entire verse itself is still out here fighting for literal recognition and development from the fandom. and those mfs still give it to regulus instead ☠️☠️
#this fandom has such a superiority complex when it’s literally one of the worst things ive ever interacted with.#someone got offended on a tiktok i made bc i said i preferred andy over evan. BRO. who tf even is evan he is so middddd#regulus mid. barty mid. evan mid. ur favs are bad#harry potter#hp#marauders#marauders era#regulus black#narcissa black#andromeda black#james potter#lily evans#sirius black#bellatrix black#bellatrix lestrange#narcissa malfoy#barty crouch jr#jily#marauders fandom slander#anti jegulus#rewriting#im not actually anti jegulus im just scared i’ll get lit tf up by jegulus shippers if i dont tag right LOLZ 🤣🤣🤣#edit tags: im thinking abt it now and the wolfstar shippers are just as bad and just as delusional when it comes down to tonks#i literally cant STAND the way wolfstar shippers treat tonks. if wolfstar was a wlw ship and tonks was a man the whole situation would be-#-treated immensely differently#male love interests are never villainised in wlw ships the same way female love interests are in mlm ships. its insane.#but this is an issue in general… not just a marauders fandom issue (doesnt discredit how rancid it still is tho)#1k#2k
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hermann thoughts: if i discredit newton and his approach enough, the martial won't give him the equipment for his kaiju drift, and i can protect him from himself. if he despises me for it, so be it. there is little i wouldn't sacrifice to see him safe.
newt thoughts: this is a Best Science competition and i have to Win
#unscientific aside#newmann#pacific rim#thinking about them again today#it's very easy to read hermann's animosity during the movie as him being pissed off at newt for his 'completely crazy'#theories getting attention + being a massive nuisance in general#that's exactly what it looks like if you just listen to WHAT he's saying#however if you pay attention to WHEN he says it & pay attention to his face when no one is looking it's very clear there's more going on im#like the kaiju entrails comment. newt has all these tables with guts set up right next to the line & has clearly been working there for age#theres a big pile of intestinal-looking tubes over on hermann's side of the floor already! not a peep from hermann!#but then when newt tries to join the conversation he happens to throw another little squidgy bit & suddenly hermann jumps on him about it#brings up in front of the marshall how CONSTANT this unprofessional conduct is while also cutting newt off#he physically puts himself between newt & pentecost#interrupts newt every time he tries to talk#starts making snarky little personal comments AT newt to discourage him - 'don't embarrass yourself' 'yes [just get to the point]'#'this is the point where he goes completely crazy' [significant look at newt]#keeps hovering in the background looking between newt & pentecost#like. ok he is SO MAD that newt is getting pentecost's attention here. obviously#the thing that does it for me though is how sad and resigned he looks when newt finally does get to the point#this is not the face of an angry rival#this is the face of a man with ulterior motives for his animosity#i dont think newt has any ulterior motives hes aware of lol he thinks hes in a movie about 2 geniuses vying for scientific superiority#happens to be in love with hermann but hasnt realized because hes so mad at him all the time#he only realizes how much hermann cares when he offers to drift with him
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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Your blog is the only blog where I feel safe enough asking this question. What do you think of Percy Jackson fans who feel as though they and the series have a moral superiority to Harty Potter ? Obviously, Harry Potter and its author are laden with questionable and sometimes straight-up hateful takes and views. But the way PJO fans constantly compare the two, its authors (even though RR is far from flawless), and the two MCs (ignoring how the two both share similarities in the fact that they are both traumatised, abused, angry teenage boys). I'm sorry that this ask got so long, but this has been annoying me for a while now.
This is an interesting question - for one, fandom fights over superiority is a concept that has been around for ages and has never been constructive. PJO and HP fandoms have been fighting in that exact way (and it has gone both ways!) for literal decades (remember, PJO turns 20 this year) so this isn't new, it's just taken on a moral flavor. Let's go over some things though (but please keep in mind i never got into HP and never read the books or fully watched the movies so my knowledge of HP is primarily pop culture absorption/secondhand from my family and friends):
Are either series perfect? No. HP absolutely is full of hateful sentiments and JKR is a hateful person and I do not respect her for that. Disney's marketing recently has absolutely fully leaned into trying to put Rick above her as a moral paragon and emphasizing how progressive he is and his support of diversity in middle grade series, despite some failings to reflect that in the actual text. Are Rick and JKR equally bad? Definitely not. Rick has had tangible good influence on adhd/dyslexia awareness that very directly impacted people like me as a neurodivergent kid going through school in the 2000s. JKR meanwhile has directly negatively impacted trans laws internationally very recently.
Rick absolutely isn't perfect, but he's vocally supportive, has made a lot of effort in the past to be inclusive, and still attempts to do so. Most of his issues simply stem from his own unaddressed internalized bigotry/biases and his research on varying topics not being great (plus poor management decisions such as not hiring a sensitivity reader actually fit for the story he's trying to tell). But he's not hateful. JKR is. JKR is very vocally hateful and bigoted and this is absolutely reflected in her work as well even in earlier HP. They are comparable in that they are both middle grade authors of easily two of the most popular middle grade fantasy (or specifically hidden world fantasy) series out right now. They are not equivalent in the slightest in their bigotry or tangible damage.
In terms of Percy versus Harry, I personally don't think they're very comparable. They share some similarities, but mostly just in that they're both the protagonists of their stories and thus serve protagonist purposes. Beyond that their use within the narrative is pretty different functionally. Their worlds' magic systems are not comparable. The hidden world aspect in both their universes isn't even comparable, since in PJO the "hidden world" aspect is very different from most hidden world fantasy formats because the entire point is that it's functionally not a hidden world. The characters themselves are very different as well - Percy's personality and the way he behaves and reacts to his environment is absolutely nothing like Harry's.
Most of the anti-HP-in-general sentiments stem from wanting to cut off JKR's notoriety, which I think is valid to want to do. And I do think there are a lot of issues with continuing to support JKR's work especially in ways that functionally promote her work or support her financially. Obviously, we will never be able to scrub HP from the cultural zeitgeist. It's just not feasible and I'm very anti-book burning so I do think it's important to acknowledge the role HP has had in pop-culture alongside acknowledging its harmful materials. HP is a text you absolutely can't death-of-the-author your way out of because a lot of the vitriol is baked into the text and worldbuilding in very overt ways - and there are plenty of other pop-culture staple novels like this. But fandom in general, at least true fandom and not mainstream fandom, is so obscure most of the time that I don't think, so long as people are not ignoring negative themes of the source material and are being thoughtful as they navigate engaging with it, that it is an inherently bad thing for HP fandom to just exist at all. It's never going to just stop existing no matter what people do. And HP fandom are not the only ones who should be thoughtful about how they engage with their source material - PJO fandom is not exempt from examining some of the problematic aspects in our own text and figuring out how to be respectful with those topics. It's just a lot easier for PJO fandom to tune it out without it being noticed because there's less of it and it's (at least sometimes) less overt. Honestly if HP fandom decided to go more down the path of a fandom like Warriors or Miraculous Ladybug, where the average sentiment is more along the lines of "Oh god no don't read/watch the source material it sucks/we stopped paying attention to it year ago and it's not relevant at all to what we're up to. We're over here functionally rewriting everything from the ground up/doing our own thing" I would very much support them in that endeavor. I do think there is merit in limiting promotion of the HP source material as much as possible, though.
Hopefully that all makes at least some amount of sense.
#pjo#riordanverse#hp#harry potter#< hm. was kind of hoping those tags would never end up on this blog#long post //#i will say i dont like. have any particular stake in this game again vis a vis i have never had any sort of connection to hp#so it doesnt hold any kind of nostalgia or affection for me. i do not care what happens to anything relating to it at all#other than potentially wanting the franchise to crumble#if anything regarding my experiences with it i potentially hold a minor grudge towards it cause one time when i was younger at Universal#i nearly fell out of whatever that one ride i think with the hippogriff cause the lapbars on it are SHIIIIIT and i am a Very Small Person#like im small now i was even smaller then#so it just would not secure far enough down to actually hold me in the seat and the ride goes like at a 90 degree angle on some turns#anyways thats like. the extent of my experience with HP. i do not care for it#but yeah never forget your history - pjo and hp fandoms have like literally always had beef#i cannot begin to describe how not new it is for either fandom to claim superiority over the other#it is literally one of those classic fandom arguments except the book fandoms flavor of it#i think one of the old big arguments as far as i remember was HP fans lording having a faithful movie adaptation over pjo fans#im pretty sure in fandomstuck they're kismeses#then again pjo never got much stuff in fandomstuck#< sentences that only make sense if you're old like me#ask#Anonymous
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Bibros love to call anyone who disagrees with them about anything ✨delusionsal destiel shippers ✨ while they pompously throw around what are at best tenuously supported takes about the brothers bond but what are often just outright WRONG takes. I just had to read someone say Dean would wrap Cas’s own intestines around his neck and choke him to death to save Sam. Babygirl that isn’t the canon source material it’s your jerkoff fantasy stop demanding all of us collectively treat your kink as reality.
#as someone who was rather meh about ships in general for years simply because i didn’t enjoy engaging with fandom that way and ship wars#and blah blah blah.#bibros whether wincest shippers or not are no less deluded and wrong about the show on average than destiel shippers are#and i am SICK of their laughable sense of superiority lmfaoooo#you are wrong about SO MANY THINGS ALL OF THE TIME#CONSTANTLY wrong about sam and dean as individual characters and the moral dynamics that literally happened on your SCREEN#RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU#will bend over BACKWARDS#to turn them into caricatures based on the feelings of their ENEMIES#constantly spouting PATHETIC analyses and want me to treat you like the kings of TExtuAlLy SuPpoRtEd AnAlYseS#my GOD get a grip and WATCH THE SHOW without the bronly goggles ONE time#you are NOT as correct as you think you are and it’s pathetic af on it’s own WITHOUT y’all getting pompous as hell#dont feed the stans after midnight
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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perhapsperhapsperhaps.
#this is a joke about assad zaman putting this song on his for the most part kind of mid playlist . AJSHF#but she is a classic and i think making the armand connection was quite funny.#this is the superior rendition of the song however.#i have been cooking up more interesting things this was kind of a one off joke i made the other day and then manifested in 24 hrs .#but i am posting her anyways.#amvees#4 my tag <3#i dont think i want to give it other tags cause the internets relationship w this show rn is kind of scary 2 me#oh. & the link possesses english sub option if desired.#ok bye
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People who work in a more corporate setting: how ethical is it for Human Resources to send out a questionnaire to workers who are not contracted and are in fact freelance, that is a self-evaluation questionnarie but also an evaluation of all of your colleagues, INCLUDING your superiors, and the questionnaire in question is not anonymous, and in fact not only do you have to put your email in, you have to put your name? Like, please tell me I am not fucking insane and this is extremely unethical and prone to create a horrific work environment
#they hired a girl a year ago for human resources#we had no human resources before that#but the girl is fresh outta college#i dont know if she's ever had a job before probably idk#but she's green you can tell#and oh my god she doesnt know what human resources is#she fired someone via phone while that person was in a doctor's office getting the news that they had cancer#'fired' because we are freelance she just said they were not going to collaborate with her anymore#and i am so bothered by this#because one of the people i have to evaluate is my superior#who has been treating me like absolute shit#and the fact that this isnt anonymous is just calling for hostile work environment#everyone is literally thinking of the word 'retaliation'
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If this is true for both sexual and gender identities pick whichever one u want to answer for
#i dont actually know the answer for me re: used to ID as an ace lesbian now am definitely aroace#was i actually a lesbian or was being gay a stepping point between realizing i could opt out of straight relationships#to i could opt out of all relationships#u know?#bc it felt very real at the time but also thinking about my life ive never felt compelled to be IN a relationship#outside of picturing myself having kids and having an assumed 2nd parent#and that was really only in my lesbian era#neither is superior/correct im just interested to see which is more common#feel free to reblog for the hashtag data collection#bel speaks#should i have a poll tag? idk#bel polls#why not#fuck i forgot a word in there. if u used to id AS one...#oh well. why cant we edit polls tumblr. please#i aint typing all of this out again tho#just know that i see the typo and im mad about it
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4-5-1 Season 3, Episode 3 TED LASSO (2020-2023)
#ted lasso#tedlassoedit#tledit#shandy fine#ambreen razia#zava#maximilian osinski#gifs.#has it been long enough that we can acknowledge what they did to shandy was fucked and she was actually very fun and had potential?#it's like. the downside to colourblind casting where they think 'oh we're casting a woc yay diversity!' but then they dont change anything#about the role to fit the fact that the character is now a character of colour#so then you accidentally get shit like this. where they were trying for something funny with her storyline/how she got fired#but instead they've unintentionally made her an unfunny caricature that all her rich white lady superiors think is incompetent#treating the One woc we had for this season this way is just so nasty#but anyway on a lighter note. i love how unhinged shandy's convos are. this one and the one she has w roy. just love the energy she has
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I got.... my official adhd diagnosis....🥺🥺🥺🥺
Had my appointment where she went thru all the different parts of the testing and what they found by it. All sorts of things that I didn't even Realize what it was testing. And they pointed to combined type adhd!!!!!
There was also an iq test involved, specifically to test working memory in comparison to other categories, bc that's smth that adhd people tend to score low on. And I did too!!!! Compared to my other scores, at least. It was still average overall, but I scored "high average" on verbal comprehension and "superior" on perceptual reasoning and processing speed. WHICH MEANS!!!! Working memory was my low thing!!! Another thing pointing to it!!!!
Also the weird X test I took was the CPT-3 test and apparently it was geared Specifically towards adhd stuff. Which bc of my "atypically fast" reaction speed + "very elevated" commissions rate (which in this context means incorrectly hit space bar, aka I clicked when I wasn't supposed to) it showed a strong indication of impulsivity & some indication of inattentiveness and vigilance. That impulsivity is the big one here tho.
I'm just really excited now. I have a long report talking about all my brain stuffs that says I Do have adhd and that it would benefit me to take stimulants. AND!!!!! That I DONT have depression or anxiety!!!! That's a fuckin big one!!!!!! Bc they've avoided giving me stimulants in the past bc of the "anxiety" except I don't got it!!!! The examiner said exactly what I thought about it, which is that the prior disgnoses of depression and anxiety probably stemmed from effects of the untreated adhd. Aka I had Feels Bad Disorder. Ykno? Except not actually a disorder bc it was just a byproduct.
SO! Hopefully that can help me to get proper meds as soon as possible. Gonna be contacting my doctor to set up an appointment... soon!!!!!
#speculation nation#also i dont believe in iq being a good measure of overall intelligence bc there are many kinds of intelligence#.... that being said. it Does feel good to get a good score on it.#my overall iq according to this test is 122. which is pretty good!!93rd percentile. 'superior' as it states in the classification.#verbal comprehension had a 116 aka 'high average'. perceptual reasoning had 125 aka 'superior'#working memory had 108 aka 'average'. and processing speed had 120 aka 'superior'#ultimately it told me what i figured out during the assessment. that my visual based intelligence is high. but auditory is not.#since the working memory deals in short term memory. attention. concentration. and ability to manipulate attention heard.#which that all's why it's a good indicator of adhd when it's low. and it was Definitely my worst skill during the test.#she recommended that i come back in a year to get a followup exam. to see how well medication is helping me.#according to her there was a woman who went 11 years thinking she was functioning Wonderfully on her meds#only to find it was only helping One aspect of her adhd when she went in for re-evaluation.#so if i do go back. i wonder if she'd do the iq test again. and i wonder if id score better when on meds 🤔🤔🤔#i really. reaaaaaally want to get on meds so i can fix my brain. for the love of fucking god Please.#also the only diagnosis i got was for adhd. no mention of autism. which i dont know if she was even testing for it at all#i didnt mention it in the initial thing bc i didnt want to get it diagnosed. bc i dont think a diagnosis for that would help me.#so this is a good thing. especially the lack of depression or anxiety. it's exactly what i was thinking i had.#diagnosis... i got my diagnosis...!!! wahoo!!!!!!
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#i think there are lots of way to be a booklr#and i think its kinda sad people think there is a right and superior way to be one#that's why people dont want to interact#and what is supposed to be a community becomes you and your three mutuals#big sigh
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I talk about my superiority issues!
I think that not being heard as a child combined with constantly being praised for being smart did end up messing me up bad. We love a superiority complex (/s)!
I have this thing where I subconsciously see myself as the smartest/best/specialest person in the room and if that turns out to not be the case I get really insecure and weird and irrationally angry???
My old therapist pointed out that I seemed to take every interaction as a competition (which I vehemently disagreed with at the time, iirc. But of course, like many things that piss you off in therapy, it's a needed observation)
But the thing is, it's not really clocked by others because you know, you're supposed to make people feel good, and you're not supposed to be a pretentious ass. Being a good person means being kind and understanding to others. By doing this I managed to have relationships, but because I never externally expressed these things, those ideas were never challenged and I kept them. Because I didn't feel comfortable expressing that side of myself, others could not redirect me.
Growing up, I wasn't given the opportunity to be heard. Mentally, it grew from "no one tries to understand me" to "no one can understand me", putting myself on a pedestal and distancing myself further from my peers. I was already born with two neurodevelopmental disorders (like most in my family), so I already felt majorly disconnected from the majority of the "human" experience. In fact, I actively sought out books with animal protagonists because I could relate to them better than the ones with kids I was "supposed" to relate to.
Because of my superiority issues, I've had a hard time connecting with people. I don't give people enough chances to understand me because I don't know if they can and I'm anxious about being judged (who isn't)?
I'm trying to combat it by mentally thinking "this person is smarter than me" when I'm talking with someone, which seems to be helping a bit, still a long ways to go.
I feel weird talking about it, because, again, it feels bad to talk to others about it. Like: "Hello friend, I've subconsciously viewed myself as above you for our entire relationship, can you comfort me about it and emotionally connect with me as if I didn't just insult you and our friendship?"
Like, no, that's batshit. I can't expect anyone to have no reaction to that and to keep calm while I talk to them about that sort of thing.
So, by addressing this externally via textpost, I should hopefully begin to work through this.
In the meantime, I'm developing some affirmations that may help me:
People are smarter than me
People are more skilled than me
People are capable of understanding me
I am capable of expressing myself in a way that others can understand
People are worth asking advice from
Others' skill is something to be admired, not envied
I'm not skilled enough to do everything. That's okay. Acknowledge those who are skilled for their dedication and growth.
I need help from others
Others can help me
Other people are not my competition
In conclusion, I'm trying. I'm acknowledging the problem. My feelings may be upsetting to people, and that's okay. I'm trying to understand that it's not impossible for me to be understood. I'm trying to understand that I am capable of using my words to describe how I am feeling in an accurate way. I'm trying to understand that people being upset with me is not an indicator that I'm misunderstood.
Thank y'all for listening.
(I accidentally added a poll and can't remove it because I'm on mobile, sooo)
#irl stuff#shabby#superiority complex#narcissistic traits#i dont think i have full blown NPD#but also a professional has never evaluated me so#possibly npd#actually autistic#actually adhd#emotional isolation#emotional connection#emotional intimacy#emotional intimacy issues#please tell me im not the only one#logically speaking i know I'm not#but it feels isolating to have something else I can't talk about#we're trying to overcome our issues dammit#i will heal and that is a threat and a promise#i WILL heal#I WILL be capable of basic human connection#I WILL be capable of emotional intimacy and vulnerability#I WILL be able to see my peers as my peers#I will work toward it
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It's such a horrible time for me to be exploring my love for fashion when the trend right now is colorless basic asylum aesthetic 😭😭 You can't even wear something with a bit of color without people making fun of you, and YET basic people have the gal to act like they are the ones being oppressed saying "Everyones trying to be unique nowadays! I love being basic so I don't have to impress everyone!☺️☺️☺️"
First of all not everyone's trying to dress up to impress everyone. I'm sorry that I actually just want to express myself while YOU only follow trends. Being basic is literally the socially acceptable norm that was imposed on a lot of people. I HATE THIS SOCIETYYY
#personal#rip me who loves colors I am my own strongest soldier#people who love fashion bc it helps them express themselves bc they know what its like to be deprived of that (me)#rather than only following trends are the REAL ONES#(me)#ok look i own a lot of neutral colors too#but just bc its the most popular style rn DOESNT MEAN ITS SUPERIOR#people who think neutrals are the only superior aesthetic BOOOOO#im gatekeeping fashion from you 🙄#'but unni ur clothes are kinda basic too' yeah but the bar is low here people think im already weird#sorry for the unhinged rant lol I just need to be petty#me speaks#yes this is about mina les newest video to be fair her video isnt bad and she makes a good point#but also#just let me be petty for a bit okay#people are suddenly going im tired of following trends being minimalist is the real me!#as if that isnt a trend itself…#im not saying trends are bad but like at least learn to think about ur fashion inward about what u RLLY like#dont make trends ur entire personality#ALSO idk why people are suddenly realizing that you can reserve simple clothes for most days and special clothes for special days#I thought everyon does that...? or am I normal#it doesnt mean ur personal style is suddenly dead#even the most flamboyant person will have days where they wear t shirt and shorts and thats NORMAL
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The Brothers Rico (1957)
"Okay, okay, so nobody's blaming you! Let's just say something happened way back, huh? So maybe I am gonna die. But, Eddie, you've got even bigger troubles. You're gonna live."
#the brothers rico#1957#film noir#american cinema#phil karlson#lewis meltzer#ben perry#georges simenon#richard conte#dianne foster#kathryn grant#larry gates#james darren#argentina brunetti#lamont johnson#paul picerni#harry bellaver#paul dubov#william phipps#richard bakalyan#mimi aguglia#US noir adaptation of a Simenon novel; i haven't read this one i dont think but I'd bet good money the book doesn't feature the same#syrupy sweet (and frankly quite implausible) ending. that aside‚ this is very decent stuff indeed. it's character led‚ rather than being#too plot heavy‚ allowing Conte (an old favourite of mine since he stole The Four Just Men tv series away from his international co stars)#to shine in his role as a former mob accountant gone straight but dragged‚ by younger brothers‚ back into the grist of it all#he's brilliant‚ particularly in the early domestic scenes with Foster which are genuinely very sweet and charming‚ with a realism and#natural rhythm that this kind of film so often fails to find in contrast to the stylized violence and hyper cool dialogue of the more macho#setpieces (not that i don't enjoy those too!). nor is Conte alone; this is a good film for actors‚ and every part down to the most minor of#middlemen‚ henchmen and goons (and there's a lot of those here) feels like a fully realised‚ honest creation by a talented actor#the melodrama comes a little thick in the back half and as said the very ending is.. far fetched. but definitely a superior whole of a film
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