#i dont know what to do with grief. it hurts but both not enough and also an overwhelming amount

[the-kipsabian]

grieving

[sacredglitch]

Just wanna offer my condolences, rip to your hopes of an happy ending for 3x09 😭

Thank you 🥲

Everytime something's going good, you really think "Oh...I'm finally catching a breather and everything's going to be fine." But nope. I've got asthma here, POI, I need that breather ASAP.

If it's not Reese breaking my heart with his moping (which tbh feels a lil out of character but then again grief is a strange being) then it's Finch with trying to do something right and nothing going well, and if it ain't them then it's the thought of if Carter were here, she'd have clashed their heads together and already had stopped sm of the issues before they could be thought of one.

I'm holding out for ep 13 to be something of a breather before I turn in for the night...but it's not looking hopeful.

[heartfullofleeches]

hiii i love you and your work 💕💕💕

i've had horrible brain rot over the immortal yan recently...but i forget his name lol

i do remember he is very orange though💀💀

anyway; what would his reaction be to someone else betraying reader? there was that one post of him basically saying that in order for reader to become immortal, he would have to hurt them horribly...but what if in the process of planning what he could do, or as he almost figured out how to make reader immortal without hurting them, someone ELSE betrayed them, what if it didn't make them immortal? what if it did? would he see it as luck, like 😟😲🫢🤭OH YAY I DONT HAVE TO KILL MY SPOUSE😁😁😁!!!!

also: could him and reader have children? obviously they could adopt but assuming they both had the necessary equipment to have a biological baby could they? would that baby be immortal? if no, or if they adopted a baby, how would they explain that they don't age?

also not only to the kids but also the neighbors, coworkers, teachers etc etc

could they learn sfx makeup and like make themselves age? do they just like disappear one day? do they move around a lot? is it just cartoon logic of ".....it just is that way 🤷🏽‍♀️ no one notices anything is off🤷🏽‍♀️"?

If Devlin's [who I'm 99.9 percent sure you're talking about] Darling was betrayed by someone else and became immortal as a result ol' Devi here would feel like he's won the lottery.

"Your loved one betray and/or murder you - the resulting grief and trauma leading you to become a zombie without all the rotting and hunger for brains? Me too, babes- Let's hit up a bowling alley."

He doesn't have to kill them and they're heartbroken? Jackpot. If Darling felt anything like he did when he was murdered/became immortal- Scared, Hurt, Lost, Alone- they'll be ripe for the picking when he comes along. All Devlin wanted for the first couple of decades he continued to walk the earth was someone like him that knew what he was going through. He hopes they feel the same way when he tells them they have a lot more in common now.

Devlin and Reader could have children, but you might want to wait another century before this dork is ready to be father material. A biological child between Devlin and Reader would not be immortal, but the would have an insanely sped up heal factor to wear things like broken bones would heal in the matter of days.

Devlni himself bounces from location to location when he gets bored or he's lived there long enough that people get suspicious that twenty something year old they say ten years ago looks the exact same. There is one town where a ton of weird shit happens that Devlin views as a vacation spot since it is nice to go to a place where everyone knows you and nobody gives a damn you don't age when there's wilder shit happening right across the street. If Reader and Dev had a kid the family might move there at least until the kid was a teen because if one more parent walks up to Devlin or Reader asking what's their secret to looking so young he's throwing hands.

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

Could y'all imagine Talia sending Jason back to Gotham so he can live a normal life and just do what he wants to do with himself after Talia helps him get his head back on somewhat straight and Jason just assumes Talia told Bruce and she just didn't either because she forgot or other reasons and Jason is just well here's a few different scenarios for ya

Scenario 1: Jason going back to college and to pay for it he's just working at bat burger dick walks in to get some takeout after a long night of vigilante stuff and a long shift of being a cop and he just needs something quick to go so he can go home and crash and he just freezes at the register because why is he seeing his dead brother older is he hallucinating did he get gassed and he didn't know is he being haunted right now, meanwhile Jason is just casually like oh hey dick you look like you had a long night here have a free fry on me, dick is just like Jay?! LITTLE WING YOUR ALIVE?! and Jason's just like uhhh yeah have been for a few years now, dick goes through the five stages of grief in like five minutes and looks like he's having a stroke about to burst into tears because his little brother is alive but quickly it turns into confused anger, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE FOR A FEW YEARS DID BRUCE KNOW?! and Jason's just like I assume so I think Talia told him cause she found me and helped me fix my head and she knew I was coming back to Gotham for college.. Dick vibrating with the rage of an oldest sibling IM GONNA KILL HIM THIS MOTHER FUCKER FIRST OFF DOESNT TELL ME YOU DIED AND NOW HE DOESNT TELL ME THAT YOUR ALIVE OHHHH HES DEAD DEAD IM ENDING HIS EXISTENCE .. Jason just like yeah okay cool uh now is your order to go or for here ...

Later at the manor

ALFRED WHERE IS BRUCE HE HAS SOME FUCKING EXPLAINING TO DO

Alfred: welcome home master dick what is this about

Dick: THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND BRUCE ALFRED I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS ...

Alfred: oh my-,

Bruce walking in from the bat cave: Dick? What's the matter?!

Dick: LIKE YOU DONT KNOW *JUMPS HIM AND IS OUT FOR BLOOD*

Alfred just breaks up the fight and puts them both in there corners

Alfred: NOW MASTER DICK YOU WILL BE CALM AND CIVILIZED AND TELL US WITH YOUR WORDS WHAT MASTER BRUCE HAS DONE

Dick: *vibrating with rage*, JASON IS ALIVE AND BRUCE TOLD NO ONE IT WAS BAD ENOUGH I MISSED MY LITTLE BROTHERS FUNERAL AND DIDNT KNOW HE WAS DEAD BECAUSE HE DIDNT TELL ME BUT THIS?!, MY BABY BROTHER IS ALIVE AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME WORST OF ALL YOU DIDN'T SPEAK TO HIM HES BEEN ALIVE FOR A FEW YEARS AND YOU TOLD NO ONE, *his voice cracks at the end*

Bruce: *absolutely flabbergasted* what do you mean Jason is alive ?!

Dick: yeah he's working at bat burger to pay for college he said Talia told you a few years ago

Bruce:... She.. uh... didn't I haven't heard from her in over two years

Dick: ...?

Alfred: well now how about I put on a spot of tea so we can discuss this like gentleman

Bruce: I gotta go make a call tea sounds good Alfred thank you, and dick you know the mission comes first that is why I didn't tell you about his death but I'm sorry that it hurt you

Dick: ready to break Bruce's face

....

Scenario 2: Talia finds Jason and takes him back to the league with her and trains him and helps fix his broken psych and helps him remember who he is and helps him piece together his past and treats him like a son and basically raises him alongside Damian, and once Jason fully remembers everything he tells Talia that he wants revenge but first he wants to visit Gotham and try a bit of a normal life because there's so much he hasn't gotten to do yet and he wants to try those things and Talia gives him her blessing to do what he wants and let's him know that he always has a home with her and Damian

Fast forward a few years and Jason's just chilling drinking a soda on his rooftop lounging reading a book for a random English class he decided to take on a whim

Jason looks up to see the bat gliding onto his rooftop with Damian as Robin to get a better vantage view of some random bad guys doing no good in Gotham

Bruce: doesn't recognize Jason at all initially and just assumes he's a random Gotham citizen that's giving him the side eye

Damian: just assumes Jason is still mad at Bruce for not avenging him and letting the clown live so he keeps quiet as he doesn't wanna get in the middle of his favourite body guard/older brother figure from the league and his father

Bruce: starts to realize there's something incredibly familiar about this random Gotham citizen starts to look at him closer

Jason: aggravated because why is his father staring at him so intensely after not only not avenging his death but also not inviting him to any family dinners after knowing he's alive for like three years what the fuck is that about, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT OLD MAN YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY",

Bruce: immediately is reminded of the little boy that stole the tires off his batmobile, Jason?! Is that you.. wha-.. how..

Jason: annoyed, don't act as if you didn't know Mr. I know everything about Gotham I am vengeance

Damian: kinda smirks at Jason mocking Bruce but also disapproves

Bruce: Jay... I really didn't know you were alive...

Jason: looks at Damian, then looks at Bruce, didn't Talia tell you?!

Damian: *swears in Arabic*

Bruce: Damian language!!!!

Damian: pulls out his phone calls Talia, mother did you forget something important

Talia: uh no?!

Damian: Todd

Talia: whoops I knew I forgot something

Damian: *swears in Arabic*,

Talia: *in a stern mom voice* now I know I didn't just hear you say that let me speak to your father!!!!

Damian: hands the phone to Bruce whos about to pass out from the shock

Talia: so uh surprise your son is alive he can tell you the details himself, she then hangs up

Bruce: sits on the concrete floor having a crisis because his dead son isn't actually dead and holy shit his son knew he wasn't dead, and his ex gf also knew and forgot to tell him

Jason: so I see your still lugging around that stupid sword ya know you haven't let go of that thing since you were five honestly I'm surprised you haven't poked out your eyeballs with that thing especially with how carelessly you used to swing it at me

Damian: shut up at least I wasn't dumb enough to get blown up and then forget who I am and had to get bailed out by my father's ex girlfriend

Jason: you wanna go demon brat cause I still have those baby pictures you know the ones of you but naked running away from ras trying to give you a bath and u pulling a sword on him only to accidentally knock yourself out with it

Damian: YOU TOLD ME YOU DELETED THAT

Jason: smiling I say a lot of things now behave or I'm posting these on the internet and I'll be sure that little Kent boy sees it as well

Damian: *draws his sword*, so you've chosen death

Jason: cackling

Bruce: absolutely baffled about to call Alfred to come get him because this is too much, wait did Jason just say he has baby pictures of Damian with ras...

[murky-tannin]

yeah fuck it foolish is pro-federation. theyre the one group that hasnt hurt him or his family (besides the capybaras) and gave him things to care about. if cellbit getting chased once with a chainsaw was enough to make him anti-fed, being emotionally and physically tortured by the islanders is enough to make foolish anti-islander. the codes/resistance attacked all the people he loves and cares about, and killed many of them, so why would he join them. his friends make him the butt of the joke and leave him out of important conversations - even before he was trying to work for the federation. cellbit repeatedly forgot that foolish was a founding member of the theory bros and ignored his efforts to continue helping the investigations. yeah the islanders can compliment his builds but their actions speak more than their words. even foolish going to help cellbit when he was in self-exile and isolated from all his friends and family was later revealed to only have been a test to see who was pro-federation and not seen as someone trying to be there as a friend, despite alliances. if people actually paid attention to his actions and not his words, they would see he takes a lot of precautions when the eggs were around, and was always looking out for them and keeping them safe; not only leo but all of the eggs. so why not. the eggs are gone, his family is gone, his friends dont trust him, theres no consequences.

Foolish has been like this since before any of this. And Foolish literally is one of if not the first islander to try and befriend/ally with the code. Also the Order isn't allied with the resistance. Foolish doesn't even know about it. What does that have to do with anything

And the federation has hurt his family. Both directly and indirectly. Unless the awful grief Leo has gone through over Trump or the constant stress she lives under due to the risk they pose to the islanders is nothing? Unless their dangerous living conditions is nothing?

also like. The torture. lets talk about this. Because qFoolish isn't bothered by this in any real sense. Both Bad and Foolish have stated it's pretty typical for them. They'd do it pre island and on the island. The people who are mad about it are the fans, not the character. And once again he was already a fed supporter before this in the first place.

As someone who was around during the founding of the theory bros, Foolish didn't and doesn't care. Cellbit includes him all the time when talking about this, especially back before Foolish became even more heavily pro fed.

If Foolish doesn't want to be the butt of the joke, he's at full capability to sit his friends down and ask them to stop. Instead he goes along with it and purposefully makes himself out to be. Because he's joking and having fun with his friends.

I know people project their feelings onto him and make him out to be bothered by this stuff or even make him out to be a victim when he's not but like. Please look at what the character actually cares about.

Also they include him in so many important convos, despite the fact that he's literally against them in many ways. It's literally the opposite situation 😭

Foolish went to help Cellbit in self exile because he wanted an excuse to start another build. He wasn't at all bothered by Cellbit secretly not being pro fed (it would be bad if he was??) and Cellbit's isolation was real either way. Please go back and listen to that conversation between the two of them about this.

The trust he's lost is entirely his own fault and his own actions. And yet they still include him and treat him as a friend even when doing so puts them at risk. This narrative of him being excluded and outcasted and bullied by islanders is fanon characterization

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. For the next ITMF, do you know of any fics with Lan Xichen with more of a spine, being less naive/more astute? His absolute trust in JGY drives me up the wall sometimes, so I'd like fics where he sees through him, for once. @kitsileya

i told you when i came i was a stranger by Caramelized (M, 50k, OFC/LXC, minor WangXian, Isekai, Transmigration, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Amateur cartography, Butterfly Effect, Sunshot Campaign, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, No Golden Core Transfer, Dimension Travel, Politics, LXC the politician, Self-Insert, Foreknowledge, Angst with a Happy Ending) for #1 the closest I can think of it "i told you when i came i was a stranger" by Caramelized it's isekai, but it's extremely well-done. one of those fics i reread a lot. lxc needs some help to see through the deceit, but he gets there in the end, and learns something from it. idk if it's exactly what the asker is after but no one else seems to have provided anything so I thought I'd at least offer it

A Little Fall of Rain by Just_a_Girl_in_a_Crystal (T, 47k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jiang siblings, Fix-It, Golden Core Reveal, Protective LXC, Protective LQR) heavy angst

crack in the mirror by the_pretzel (T, 59k, WIP, WangXian, Reincarnation, Royalty, Transmigration, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Murder, Mutual Pining, based on a manhwa, Mystery, court intrigue, Assassination Attempt(s), Assassination Plot(s)) AU - he does keep supporting jgy for a while but believes lwj and then decides for himself

The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, WangXian, Fix-It, Time Travel, mainly just lxc getting his brother the husband he has wanted since they were teenagers, this time without the years of mourning, also lxc wants his adorable nephew back, LXC time travels, Canon Divergence, Possessive LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Fluff, Siblings, Romance, Golden Core Reveal, kind of, Golden Core Fix-It) here he has the benefit of time travel so idk if this is what OP is going for

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2. itmf fics where wei ying dies in qiongqi dao? thanks! ♡ @darlingjunebug

End Racism in the OTW | The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts) Technically WWX doesn't actually die, but he is assumed dead, so you get LWJ going a lil mad with grief & the sects reacting as if he's dead

in this place where we don't have a prayer by Cerusee, Mikkeneko (T, 42k, XuanLi, WangXian, ChengQing)

Looking at You Always, All Ways by Keysmashed (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nostalgia, Subtly Assertive LWJ, very mild angst, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Troublesome Lotus by orphan_account (G, 20k, WangXian, Female WWX, Gender Changes, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Unplanned Pregnancy, Miscarriage, LSZ is LWJ and WWX's Child, Baby LSZ, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Pregnancy, Pregnant WWX, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Childbirth, WWX dies in Qiongqi Path, Implied Sexual Content, Parent WWX, Good Parent WWX, Single Parent WWX, Sad Ending) if you dont mind reading fem!WWX

The world was wide enough for the both of us by Moonlit_dewdrops (T, 5k, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Not A Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Ambush at Qióngqí Path, Blood and Injury, Heavy Angst, Golden Core Reveal, JZX lives but someone else dies instead...)

ius in bello by Lise (T, 2k, Yunmeng Siblings, Canon Divergence, Tearjerker, Sad Ending, Heavy Angst, Grief/Mourning, Not A Fix-It, POV JC, podfic available)

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3. hello! thankyou all for your hard work. for the next ITMF, please suggest fics where: a) modern sick wwx, b) a-yuan is wwx and lwj's son but lwj know it some years after like wwx hid it or smth, it can be modern or not. c) good underrated tags that i can explore later. thankyou!

3A)

A Grand Immortal Made Me Soup by s6115 (G, 5k, JC & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, Immortal JC, Immortal LWJ, Immortality, Yunmeng Duo Days, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, JC & WWX Reconciliation, JC used his immortality to grow and mature, WWX finally reincarnates and the immortal JC isn't going to fail this time, JYL's Pork Rib and Lotus Root Soup, Good Sibling JC)

the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, modern cultivation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Sort Of, Getting Together, Confessions)

Grace and a tender hand by feyburner (T, 4k, wangxian, modern, First Date, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Fluff)

3B)

Nothing but your heart by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Implied Mpreg, First Time, Getting Together, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Whump, Breeding Kink)

Family Pictures (Or: “Mark Rothko is very, very dead, Wei Ying.”) by belleweather (M, 37k, wangxian, modern, Kid Fic, Post Mpreg, Cindarella Story, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, LWJ doesn’t know how to express feelings except with his checkbook, WWX is strangely okay with that, art conservator LWJ, idiot WWX (he gets better slowly), shockingly little actual sex omg what happened to me?, fake/mistaken cheating, no actual infidelity, I apologize to Mark Rothko and Julian Baumgartner)

3C)

agree about the personal preference thing! i feel like the novel has big themes of (found) family, so occasionally i like to go through the tag and stuff like yiling sibs, lsz&wwx, jl&wwx etc etc. also i thing the "disabled character/wwx" fics are pretty underrated? because sometimes they're not found in the tag sadly

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4. Hi! I was wondering if any of you knew of fics that portray the confession scene from LWJ's POV? Ideally, I would like for fics to portray both parts (outside and inside the temple). If not, I would prefer it if the fic had its focus on the part inside the temple @blueghost13

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5. Hiii hope y'all are doing well! For today's itmf fics where wwx and lwj are trying to solve crimes. (any type works but thriller and/or horror would be amazing)? They can work together or meet and have to work together to figure it out, anything works really but I'd have a preference for detectives kinda stuff! @rkivees

medium blues by darkterrible (E, 193k, WangXian, Modern AU, Horror, Spooky, Opposites Attract, Fluff and Angst, Gore, Ghosts, Necromancy, Mojo’s post)

once upon a time, 很久很久以前 by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (M, 23k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, Modern, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, of the townwide variety, Amnesia, of the nearly everyone variety, Mystery, of the shenanigans variety, Not Everyone Dies au, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, wwx is sad and down bad, Single Parent LWJ, except a-yuan runs away to find his other dad, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, oh no by god this cant be happening to me, WIP) this is my WIP and there's a murder mystery and a curse that wangxian work together to solve, though they're both more like amateur detectives here. That part is still being set up, however.

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6. Hello, do you know any fics where the guanine temple incident goes wrong and somehow people end up hating wwx again, including lwj. I want an angst adventure fic to cry.

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7. Hello!! I hope you're doing well! I am in mood of angst and heart wrecking wangxian fics to feel emotions.... do you have any suggestions: where wangxian break up/divorce, misunderstandings, arguments or/and similar stuffs? Thank you very much... I will appreciate it so much 😭😭

The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 61k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mood Whiplash, musician LWJ, nanny wwx, Developing Relationship, Breakup, Texting, Pining, Eventual Happy Ending, Adoption, Child Abuse, abuse intervention, Miscommunication)

you'll always know me by ana_cp (E, 127k, wangxian, modern, Actor WWX, Teacher LWJ, Getting Back Together, Exes to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ being cute with children alert, WWX rides a motorcycle, LWJ writes as a hobby, ALL THE GOOD THINGS, Back hugs as a love language, Sharing Food as a Love Language)

🧡 Life as a House by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 55k, WangXian, Modern AU, Post-Divorce, Father-Son Relationship, Reconciliation, Therapy, Angst with a happy ending)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

Dirty Little Secret by ilip13 (E, 67k, Wangxian, modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Post-Break Up, Friends with benefits / Exes with benefits / Fuck-buddies, Implied Cheating, Also possibly some cheating kink, Self-Worth Issues, WWX is strong with the self-hatred here, trigger warning: suicide and mental illness (background of minor character), Graduate Students, Liberal use of the word 'fuck', Semi-Nonlinear Storytelling)

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8. Hello hello! It's been a while since I asked for fanfics buuuut I came back :D. Anyways, for I'm In The Mood For, can I ask for some "Freak for Freak" wangxian?

Thaaaaank youuuuu~~

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9. hello! thank you very much for your work! i was hoping if you know fics about how LWJ reacted or the scenes surrounding LWJ realizing that MXY is WWX after playing their song?

thank you very much! @cuddlemehun

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10. this has probably been done before, but i want to ask nonetheless. i'm in the mood for a fic where lwj is married to (preferably dark) yllz in exchange for something. dubcon is okay. thank you :)

💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages)

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11. Hello! I don't actually have a specific fic to request for but I'm wondering if you can recommend or know of any fics where WWX is chubby?

All the fics I read describes WWX as desirably slim and I'm kind of thinking, is there any out there where he's meaty and cuddly?

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you've met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation) This is one of my favourites, WWX has had previous food insecurity but he and LWJ now both appreciate his current level of chub

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12. Hi hello! I saw some people asking for fics where married wangxian fight like a married couple, kinda soft, but I was wondering if there are some where they fight for real? Like not necessarily physical (but could be), but I mean where they disagree with something very important and fundamentally can't agree. The kind of fight from before, but after. With happy ending of course, just lots of angst first hhahaha Could involve Sizhui for extra angsty points. thank you! @alexwilltellyouthings

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13. Hi. For the next ITMF could you recommend any fics where LWJ gets hurt protecting WWX and him feeling guilty (or just getting hurt for whatever reason but with WWX still blaming himself somehow /maybe even others blaming him too)? I've read Traveling in shadows, chasing your light by MusicMe_tc, it was amazing, so I'd love to read sth similar. Also I'd prefer finished works. Thank you @castielle711

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14. ITMF silent/quiet Wei Wuxian

❤️ whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Family, Torture, WWX Lives, but basically no one else, Case Fic, Cultivation Sect Politics, Past Abuse, WWX Whump, YL WWX, JL Needs a Hug, JL Tries, Yunmeng Bro Reconciliation, Past Character Death, Body Horror, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alternating, Flashbacks, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Depression, Not A Fix-It, Mouth Sewn Shut) he has his lips stitched shut

can consider looking through the mute wwx tag on ao3

I am sorry for taking your voice by misterfish (G, 9k, WWX/OMC, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, Remorse LWJ, Mute WWX, not Jiāng Family friendly, Past Child Abuse, WIP) Also, this is technically alr in the tag but I want to specifically rec

🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 53k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

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15. goodday! recently ive been rereading lots of fics and i feel like ive read all of i think the goods one (more like 25% completed, 50% ongoing, 25% ghosted).

i dont know if this is for ficfinder or itmf, i just want a suggestion from u'all, what tags should i explore more? or maybe you can recommend some fic? i already explored/read the compilation list here. ive been looking for underrated tags in ao3 but lots of them are ghosted. i feel like my request is kinda hard but thank you!

it really depends on your preference but I'd say start with your fave fics and follow the tags. Sometimes you can also check out the author's bookmarks for their fave fics as well. I'd also recommend checking out the wangxian fic recs blog! Alsp dont just search by kudos!!! This fandom has so many hidden gems. Id recommend making limited searches like within a certain time or even just going to a random page and checking out what you might like!

agree about the personal preference thing! i feel like the novel has big themes of (found) family, so occasionally i like to go through the tag and stuff like yiling sibs, lsz&wwx, jl&wwx etc etc. also i thing the "disabled character/wwx" fics are pretty underrated? because sometimes they're not found in the tag sadly

it might be helpful to only look for completed fics in ao3 :)

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16. Hi! I am in the mood for fics where Wei Ying is compelled to tell the truth via a spell or talisman, so secrets come out sooner than in canon. I have read sooooo many fics where WY is dragged before a conference and accused of stuff and no one believes what he says and for once I want him to tell the truth and for everyone to know he is telling the truth and then I want the dramatic reaction from everyone around who know that WY cannot lie right now. Ya know? Thanks so much!

After Truth Lies the Honest Path by Vrishchika (M, 10k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Truth Serum, Angry WWX, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Mild Angst, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Getting Together)

Silence Like a Cancer Grows by julomaiboulomai (M, 12k, Yunmeng Siblings, LXC & WWX, truth curse, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon Divergence, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Dissociation, WWX Needs a Hug, Golden Core Reveal, Hopeful Ending) not a conference

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17. i would very much love some recs of wwx being the spouse of a sect leader! like, wangxian is awesome for acting SL/chief cultivator lwj but i'd like specifically ppl HAVING to respect him for his position at least if they're not gonna do it for his genius and kindness. mingxian/ruoxian/xixian or idk other ships also welcome 🌸 if E-rated, please canon wwx dynamics! thank you! ❤️

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[dlnj]

Yes I am a freaky transgender diaper girl. A bad girl who should be considered dangerous (he he ) that you should keep restrained as often as you can. Otherwise I might get into trouble . Anyway that being said am I passable? I came out as transgender this year , probably early summer, I have not yet started my transition but I’m still thinking you just might be able to tell if you saw me in public that I wasn’t born a girl. Bummer huh? I really wish I had been but I guess it’s my job to put that right. I was taking my time with the whole transition process mostly to make it easier for people I care about but I’m getting all kinds of grief and torture over it anyway that I think it’s best to just admit that I want to go all the way with it (it’s not even a sec thing , I actually still prefer woman , that goes for me too, I prefer myself as a woman ) if I had it my way I would have transitioned a million yesterdays ago and going forward I’m ready for the full transition right this second if that were an option . For a little bit now I was trying to compromise with certain people but you know what I’m going to hurt you either way so I might as well rip the bandaid off right now. No im not gay im trans and I have been accused of using being a trans girl as a “smoke screen” to hide being gay…… what the hell? How do you figure that’s easier for people to accept that I’m going to living as a woman named Miranda and I am proud to be that girl . That girl who I finally learned what it means to love yourself , I find myself as Miranda beautiful both inside and out and am grateful I found her . I wish I discovered and accepted myself sooner but hey better late than never . I need to know what it’s like to actually be happy in this world so I’ve have made a decision that I will be transitioning to becoming a woman all the time . HRT (estrogen and testosterone blockers) Top Surgery hopefully trying for a large B cup or small C cup, and I now have decided to do the bottom too, no more playing games going back and forth and soaring feelings when you dont try and spare mine at all so screw up we both knew this was inevitable anyway so why wait, time to pull the trigger . Miranda is the name and I’m a freaky bad girl who wears and loves diapers . That’s who I am and that’s who I’m going to be, to hell with the haters. Anyway love to all who support me no matter what and fooie to those who do not , who needs you to bring me down when I’m good enough at that on my own. Anyway wish me luck . 

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Delta anon here and I've got more headcanons, this time based around Delta/Beta's ADHD.

So since they have ADHD (I'd imagine that Sans would have the inattentive type and Beta would have the hyperactuve type, causing Delta to have the combo), they are insanely good at reading people (this is also because of their combined trauma but we don't gotta worry about that right now). Literally first meeting with someone and they've already figured out the person's intentions. And if the person angers them? Then they'd better be prepared to get the biggest, most brutal callout of their lives. This applies to everyone.

Another thing I'd imagine that affects them is the processing time and memory issues that come with ADHD (excuse me while I project here). Their reaction time is incredibly quick because that's what they've trained themselves to do, but their processing time for literally anything else is so SLOW. And because of this, they both have memory issues (they have it reguardless of ADHD, but the ADHD definetly amplifies it).

They have good enough memory to remember basic and important things, but some things slip their minds. Take birthdays, for example. They will know what your birthday is and if it's coming up. But will totally forget the day of because in their mind, it's still months or weeks away. Time usually slips away from their memory. He also forgets his age sometimes. It will surprise them every time.

However, they're forgetful enough with time that it will always surprise them. They will wonder why they feel sick, and then realize they haven't eaten all day. But since when was it the next day already? When did the day even start? This is why the Epic Sanses all have alarms to remind themselves and each other to take breaks, eat, and drink.

Speaking of eating. Do NOT let these motherfuckers cook. And I mean that literally. They get distracted incredibly easy, and will 100% forget they left the oven on. When they remember to focus on cooking, then they're very good at it. But on the days where they're incredibly distracted? Don't let their asses in the kitchen unless it's to get a snack or make coffee.

Again speaking of eating, if they are presented with a new food, they will at the very least try it, no matter how it looks or smells. But if they dont like it, you're never gonna get them to take a second bite. They will most likely never eat that food again. (However, they will be polite about it. They won't be an ass unless they know you personally enough to know that they can be.)

Another thing is, they are both incredibly good at masking their emotions. Beta is used to it from the abuse he suffered, but it takes Delta a lot longer to fully master, since he usually acts out on his emotions. But now that they've mastered it, they are capable at displaying a totally different emotion than how they actually feel. They can also mask the glow at will, but the burn from hiding it hurts them immensely. Once they get to a safe space for them to lash out with no one around, they do.

When they get overstimulated, they either shut down or have to restrain themselves from getting violent. It depends on what is bothering them, but usually it's one or the other. They will immediately begin searching for the nearest 'out' so they don't get too angry and accidentally hurt anyone.

Along with that, they have no filter. Zero. If they want to say something, they will say it and not think twice - until it's too late. Which is why the method of Color or Epic whacking them in some way to correct them was implemented.

I also think that they might have heightened empathy. Not to the extent of Color's, but enough that they'd put everyone before themselves, even people they don't like at times. Because of this, they don't handle grief well.

Executive dysfunction hits them like a bitch. Every time.

Hyperfixations. Oh boy. They definitely have those. (Maybe a few too many.) Beta, being what I'd assume to be the hyperactive type, most likely fixates on anything that makes him happy or gives him a sense of safety/security. This also goes for ideas. Delta is greatly influenced by these things, but also has hyperfixations of his own, such as his workshop and engineering things.

(They share the same hyperfixation of wanting to always be there for people and protect them, no matter who or what it's from. Hyperfixations can last years, and theirs definitely did, and will probably continue. And although it is the main motive for why they do what they do, it is most definitely a hyperfixation.)

They stim. So much. Usually it involves taking something apart and putting it back together (such as a pen), playing with their hands or tapping patterns on something, or getting up and moving around.

Also, all those little details you think they'd miss when interacting with them? Thanks to Beta's hypervigilance, they notice everything. They'll have memorized your talking pattern, some of your interests, and the sound of your footsteps/the way you walk within the first month of knowing them.

They LOVE strategy games. Absolutely love them. Unfortunately, they take them too seriously sometimes (they are banned from UNO, Sorry, and Monopoly).

They have mild sensory issues that can heighten if they're overstimulated. Usually it revolves around touch and noise, which is why they like to stay in familiar environments with people they know well. It's also is why they often don't get new clothes, both because they don't like shopping and because it can be much too loud for them sometimes, especially if they get caught off guard by the feel of something (ex; something looked soft, and they touch it, and it turns out to be scratchy, and they will LOSE it).

They are so friendly. Like really friendly. They definitely have a RBF, and are obviously intimidating, but if someone manages to get past that and approach them for whatever reason, they will be friendly at first as long as the other person isn't trying to start a fight. This goes for everyone except people they dislike. In spite of this, they don't have many friends, but definitely have TONS of acquaintances.

They are so dramatic. They are incredibly sassy, but know how to make it funny rather than annoying. They get away with a lot of things due to this. But Beta is definetly the most dramatic.

Their main thought process when doing something crazy, stupid, or chaotic is basically; 'hey, wouldn't this be so fucking funny??' And sometimes, they're right.

There are specific textures and sounds that they love. Smooth, soft textures? Love it. Anything they wear must be soft to some extent. Background noise? Literally cannot work without it. If they're in the workshop, some sort of background noise must be on at all times.

Anyways, that's all I got. Thoughts?

My thoughts are that this is honestly so relatable it’s scary. I can see both myself and my entire immediate family in these two goobers wtf.

Anyway, I love the idea of protecting and saving people becoming a hyperfixation its very cool to me.

And I also fuck with the idea that have tons of acquaintances but very few friends, probably in large part because people find them a little intimidating and then once someone sticks around long enough to get past that, they find them “too friendly” or “too much.”

Which is why I think they hold Color and Epic very closely to them because they were Delta’s first friends since he lost in his home and went to the Omega Timeline, and probably is an even bigger reason why Color and Epic’s equally close but no less somehow different relationships with Killer and Cross probably make them feel a little scared and perhaps worried about being left or about them being hurt.

Which would likely play into that protecting/saving fixation a lot more.

And also their anger problems. I’d imagine that’s something they often feel around Killer when Killer is still going through his “socialization” period lmao. There’s probably many a time where they just had to straight up leave a room Killer was in or else they’d probably do something they might regret later, and would hurt Color. Everyday they’re grateful that at least Cross isn’t this difficult to deal with.

But also if they try everything at least once, id like to imagine that if they and Killer get on better terms and Killer is starting to get back into the swing of things like cooking or using stoves and stuff, that they function as like his taste tester. Once they manage to trust that Killer hasn’t tampered with the food somehow, of course. (although I wouldn’t really trust these two adhd dissociative fuckers alone together in a kitchen with a stove something will go wrong somehow lmao)

And if they both love strategy games maybe that’s something they can bond with Killer on and possibly Cross. I do think Killer and Nightmare used to play chess sometimes, a little headcanon I have. Maybe he can engage in the nostalgia a bit without having to worry about upsetting Color by talking about Nightmare (Color is just rightfully pissed and hates Nightmare, he doesn’t have an issue with Killer talking about him or his feelings about his captivity and treatment by Nightmare ofc)

[yellowocaballero]

i dont know if this something you put a lot of thought into but it seems like you might and im curious so, what are some of your favorite themes to write about/the themes that interest you in writing or media?

Oh wow, good question. I put both a lot of thought and very little into the themes of my work. I always sit down and decide what I'm saying, and the meaning of the story, but some things always emerge in the writing. I usually discover what a story is actually about as I'm writing it. It's usually only after I finish the work that I realize what themes I had put in there, which seems like it should be bad. I think this means that a lot of my themes come through subconsciously. They're typically just...things I think about a lot.

I think the one thing I keep on coming back to is *tumblr voice* the mortifying ordeal of being known. That entire article, including the image of walking down a hundred stories of hell before reaching heaven, reconfigured my brain. It's just so damn hard to exist in a world with other people in it. There's an inevitability to hurting each other, but the love's worth it. Playing The World Ends With You at a vulnerable age primed me for obsession with this. That one quote from The Little Prince, ya know.

Generational trauma, cycles of trauma and abuse, and the long-term impact of trauma comes up a lot for me too. How being fucked up makes you fuck up others, the long-term consequences of being fucked up, the coping mechanisms we develop as a result. The ugly side of trauma and mental illness, the way we lash out and hurt people. I talk about escapism a lot, and the impact that has on you and the people around you long-term. This is usually exemplified through amnesia plotlines. This is a deep cut, but the Warchild series by Karin Lowachee had the best take on this I've read in a book.

Non-traditional love. I end up writing a lot of sibling dynamics, but I like creating unnamable and undefinable relationships. A lot of things I write just become very aro and asexual narratives. Love that saves. Love that isn't enough, but it still matters. The other side of love, which is grief.

I could go on. Forgiving yourself. Struggling to determine how to be a good person. How your identity & the intersections of your identity affect who you are. Power and power dynamics. A LOT of man vs self stories, like a lot a lot (I'm not overly interested by villains). The experience of being mentally ill and navigating the world as a mentally ill and/or disabled person. The differences between navigating the world as a man or a woman. I write a lot, so a lot of stuff tends to come up, lol. Roleswaps - fucking, somehow, for some reason, WHY, WHY DO I WRITE SO MUCH OF THEM -

Thanks for the ask, I had to do some self-reflection to answer it! I never really realize I'm writing about these things until I am, again. They're just all part of my framework of how I understand the world. Everybody has those, but when you're a writer it's easier to pull them out and microscope them.

[brainisonfire]

I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

[skeletood]

OHHHHH SO MANY THOUGHTS TO SHARE

Holy shit. Probably the hardest I’ve laughed at any of the new seasons releases so far. Absolutely speechless

Hellhole:

- SOOOOO HAPPY to see them riff again it’s so corny and silly

- Beavis gets to hell and his first thought is where all the biker dudes are? interesting interesting *puts this in my notes

-oh my god already some amazing facial expressions

no wonder this dude ends up with so many cracked teeth in the future

- the boys being inexplicably immune to death never gets old to me

- THE DARKNESS PART HAD MY HEAD IN MY HANDS SHUT UP. THANK **GOD** IT WASN’T ANOTHER ESCAPED SNAKE SITUATION DEAR GOD IVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER FOR A BAIT AND SWITCH

-hehe :] sillies

Overall thoughts: Another great ep this season good job guys, gave me a lot of good little laughs

The video segment was whatever but Arianna’s eye candy so like. All good :]

Take A Bow:

My god. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen on the way in to this episode and I was NOT prepared for what it gave me and put me through

- already starting the ep strong with some GREAT facial expressions

so fucking real i used to do this to my guy friends when i was their age. not quite enough to put them in the hospital but like. yea lmao

- (monotone) “Take a bow” HAD ME DYINNNNGGGGG

- knowing about all the flavors of mountain dew what a goddamn nerd (knows everything about the different monster flavors)

- “Cherries don’t taste red at ALL. They taste all barfy” little kids complaining about foods they dont like is so silly, thank you for being your childish self its so refreshing

oh man. fuck. its butthead characterization time! finally some good fucking food. oh man here come the waterworks IMAGINE me getting stupid over an emotionally stunted idiot with a big head:

- “not until youre better beavis” first of all shut up. second of all shut up.

- “It’s like, I didn’t mean to hurt him. Feeling bad sucks.” WE KNOW BABY. WE KNOW. SO PROUD OF YOU FOR ADMITTING IT HUN :((((( the fact that bro cant even acknowledge he HAS feelings unless he’s alone. the volumes that speaks to me. man

if you had told me a week ago these were real screenoshots i wouldnt have believed you. at all. cant wait to see the looks on the faces of all the “ohh stop looking so far into it its just a stupid lowbrow cartoon” people like shut the fuck up!!!!! youve clearly never experienced real friendship before and are so pissed off cause u dont know what it looks like

- not pictured here is where they had to forcefully remove butthead from the room bc he was freaking out after thinking he killed beavis. If you disagree youre just wrong sorry!

- not only is this a funny as hell angle but man. we already know damn well he doesn’t want beavis to die but its nice to hear him say it. also he’s right, it was really funny. take a bow :]

- a lot of really good beavis screams this episode too

- BOY. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT “COVID” IS. MR JUDGE IM STRIKING THAT FROM THE RECORDS BUT YOURE ON THIN FUCKING ICE AKJSDSNA

- “-and his friend would have died of grief shortly there-after” I’m- I need a minute. LIKE WE ALREADY KNEW THIS BUT. THANKS FOR ADMITTING IT. 

- also, god is a whiteman i guess kasjndsajkd

In conclusion: both fucking great episodes. I am always EXTRA excited for Butt-Head characterization moments, it just makes him so much more human. Not to mention how happy I am to see that they toned down his cruelty JUST a touch. I honestly didn’t notice how bad it had gotten last season until i compared it to how this one is going so far, it feels more like older seasons butthead again :] Like dont get me wrong i LOVE it when he’s mean its just who he is but it should come more out of a place of stupidity/no real self awareness than like. idk wherever it was coming from last season. These boys are goin soft on us and to that i say: thank god. It’s nice to see them act human. Take a bow has EASILY taken old man beavis’ place as my favorite ep so far and ngl its going to be tough to beat. Funny episode that had me chuckling throughout the whole thing AND nice Butt-Head moments? Oh Mike, you shouldnt have u///u

Anyways lemme know your thoughts :]

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Something something about how grief can cause people to romanticize the deceased and remember only the good memories with them. And how Enji's memories of Touya always involve him smiling. The first image of Touya from Enji's pov was Touya with a gentle expression. After Dabi confronts him is when Enji seems to remember the "bad" memories of him being completely distraught and what Touya would do to try and get his attention.

Rei, on the other hand, remembers him as an angry child with eyes that are too much like his father's. (This is probably because Touya was more aggressive (for lack of a better word) with his mother than his father. In the flashbacks we've seen, how he talks to each of his parents is very different.)

Idk where I'm going with this, I just find it interesting how both of them remember Touya differently.

Much of the todofam are unreliable narrators, especially Enji and Rei. Change my mind. (I'm joking, i don't want discourse leave me alone.)

Specifically involving the Touya situation, they're both unreliable narrators. Enji chose to only see the "positive" moments, and Touya's pleas for attention, likely because of guilt. He didn't want to look too hard at any of his more intense emotions (ie Touya's breakdowns seem to cut off right when it gets bad; he attacks Shouto, starts ripping out his hair, etc). There's also conveniently very little flashbacks of him training Touya before his quirk started burning him. It's like he's self aware enough to know Touya was not a happy child, desperately needed help, and he ignored and mistreated him, but he doesn't wanna look at it. Wants to remember things differently.

Rei seems to be doing much of the same, and only has a few memories of Touya in her point of view but they are SUCH a drastic difference from Shouto and the other kids, almost all of which are so much softer, tender memories. Touya's always hostile, angry, bitter, almost like she's choosing to remember him that way instead of acknowledging that he wasn't a cruel child, he was just really hurt and felt ignored, and lashing out because he felt like he wasn't being heard. It seems like she's also doing it out of guilt, and kind of shifting blame. I don't think she deserves the praise she's getting this arc for doing the literal bare minimum after ALSO hurting Touya. It was mainly Enji, yes, and Rei's mistakes dont take the blame from him, but she also fucked up incredibly.

Yeah it's certainly grief related that makes them think like this, but it's still, like... Damn.

[plaguery]

6, 7, 20, and 23 for Lurley!

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

this is a difficult question because it is really dependent on the situation. lurley always weighs pros and cons (dont let this fool you into thinking she makes good decisions. its only her idea of a pro and a con). general rule of thumb is that she's going to figure out if whatever it is will ultimately benefit the outcome that she's aiming for--and if it is, it would not be hard at all to convince her to do it.

lurley already has a list of bad behavior that she knows deep down is wrong, but she denies it to herself. basically, even if it's a huge leap, as long as you can convince her it will get the "right result", you may need to push but you'll ultimately get her to do it and she'll just let "logical" denial and dissociation take care of the rest.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

lurley is newer (literally a 2023 baby), so this is a bit harder as she's been pretty consistent since i made her. in her early early development, she was intended to be less dysfunctional and more prissy but that was quickly scrapped. (i love dysfunction forever and ever if thats not already apparent

other than that, i dont think anything has really changed about her per se, but more that i began to understand her better as i've developed her. originally, when i created the pair of lurley and evonya, the idea was that evonya was a highly developed "dark fantasy" like persona that lurley was using on a secondary account (and that persona itself was just one of a set). lurley's investment in evonya was a crucial coping mechanism for her. technically, my intention was not to create a system but. a few months ago i realized made a system. so now we have Official plural host lurley (but she always just. Was)

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

soooooooooooooo this question is beautiful because Yes she fucking does get jealous all the fucking time but she doesnt realize she does. well, more that she refuses to recognize it. shes jealous towards her coworkers, jealous towards the strangers she watches and/or records, jealous towards fellow fic writers, incredibly jealous towards anyone who gets any of pomene's genuine attention. i think if you gave her enough time in a room alone she could find a way to be jealous of the paint on the wall.

and this typically manifests through all her meddling. lurley does everything she can to suppress the actual emotions and in so doing, she convinces herself instead that there are problems in people's lives that are not there or exaggerates their problems and appoints herself as their resident problem solver. if her jealousy gets to a fever pitch, she starts tripping over her own logic and her threads start to visibly unfurl.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

grief and yearning are the hardest emotions for her to both process and express. and naturally, they go hand in hand. lurley cannot accept that anyone has hurt her, is hurting her, and she is stunted in processing that pain and loss. and without doing that, she cant really process the fact that desiring anything is okay, that wanting things to fill what is missing (even good or bad) is something that is acceptable. and in her inability to process and accept these things, she shoves them to the side and leaves them inaccessible for expression.

heres a lurleycore image to close out

[yifftwiceplz]

-- realSlimStrider [RSS] started pestering yiffTwicePlz [YTP] at 11:32pm --

RSS: Dave. YTP: dirk RSS: I know. YTP: huh RSS: I know about the apparition following you around. YTP: ... YTP: what the genuine fuck how can you possibly know about that RSS: I know about all my splinters. I was vaguely aware of the one in Jake's brain. Now I'm vaguely aware of yours. YTP: what the fuck man YTP: i thought maybe my vape was too strong or i was just having another psychotic break YTP: dont you fucking dare tell rose i swear to god dude i know how you are i know its 50/50 you just go behind my back but please for the love of fucking god dont tell rose or anyone RSS: She's family. She needs to know. So does Roxy. YTP: fucking no dude im not playing dont tell them shit it sucks enough you know RSS: ... YTP: just YTP: fuck dude YTP: he just stands there YTP: menacingly RSS: That's really the kind of thing you shouldn't keep from people. Have you even told Karkat? YTP: yeah RSS: Yeah? YTP: yeah RSS: So if I ask him about it he won't be surprised. YTP: god fucking damnit dude can you just let me tell him in my own time ive barely processed it as is RSS: Yeah. That's fair. Sorry. I was worried about you. Especially with how you've been hiding it. YTP: yeah well YTP: i guess i just keep hoping itll go away YTP: its so weird when karkat kisses me goodbye or were cuddling on the couch and hes just there YTP: what the hell am i supposed to do RSS: Talk to him? YTP: fuck no RSS: Why? YTP: man i already processed that grief and moved on and youre my bro now and then i got dave and now this asshole living literally rent free in both my head and my house RSS: So you're just going to ignore him for the rest of your life. YTP: yep RSS: Okay. You're not going to do that but I'll let you come to terms with it. YTP: cool thanks YTP: again if you tell rose or karkat or anyone without my permission first im genuinely gonna kick your ass and i dont mean in a fight i mean im gonna hurt your fucking feelings dude i need you to pull through on this for me and keep it a secret until i feel a little more sane and capable RSS: Okay. RSS: But I'm still going to check in. RSS: Because we both know you were never going to tell anyone. YTP: cocksucker YTP: fine RSS: Hey. I'm only being this way because I care man. I know it can't be easy. I know it's another straw on an already very overencumbered and frail-of-knee camel. RSS: You can't shoulder shit like this on your own. RSS: I'm here for you. YTP: i know YTP: sorry RSS: Don't be. YTP: can i come hang for a bit YTP: ill bring food kanayas sending me some to share and kks smooth passed out RSS: Yeah. Door's unlocked.

-- yiffTwicePlz [YTP] ceased pestering realSlimStrider [RSS] at 12:13am --

[catra-writes]

grief.

grief for those ive lost, grief for the person i couldnt be and for the person i used to be, grief for those ive hurt and couldnt help grief for pain i caused myself for damage i caused for damage i couldnt fix. grief for things that never happened, for what could have been had i tried a little harder let a lone tried at all, had i said something for once. grief for the words i left unspoken and now will never know what impact they could have had, for what impact i could have had. i feel grief for so much, the people who left my life, the lives i left, the relationships i ended, the relationships i let slip through my fingers, the things that could have been more happy memories, the memories that turned sour. the pets i lost and no longer have, the things i neglected to care for.

i feel so much grief for things that were both in and out of my control, i dont want to feel more grief but i know this will never go away, i'll always have "sad for what could have and what ifs" moments, i'll always feel a pit in my stomach for choices i made or didnt make, that wont change. grief never goes away for a survivor of disasters, even if on the outside it doesnt seem all that disastrous.

2. mind control

a mind under control, something people think i've had all my life but in reality i never have nor could i gain it. not where i am right now. i have people still in my life controlling me, poisoning my mind with more doubts and fears and insecurities, more guilt and blame and things i cant change until im finally gone from here. my mind is under the control of seeds of doubt and anxieties planted by my abusers since i was a mere child, things i cant uproot when theyre still being watered on the daily.

i cant free myself of the mind control unless i have help choking the weeds out, until then im stuck under the thumb of voices and chains belonging to those who've hurt me to the point im convinced im beyond repair, to people i believe i have no choice but to rely on or else i cant function because thats what they want in my head.

3. betrayal

a feeling im all to damn familiar with. many of my relationships ended because of a backstab, a switch of sides. im all to familiar with the feeling of gut wrenching pain, my heart dropping to the pit in my stomach as the person i thought had my back turns and dives a sword through it. ive had my heart taken and smashed to bits but a betrayal too many times to count. whether its an ex partner or a friend, even a family member, i know the feeling all too well.

betrayal as someone i loved sided with an abuser, betrayal as someone leaves me for better or worse. i may not have absolutely felt it all but i have felt it enough.

4. jealousy.

jealous when even though we're both poly my partner gives or receives attention and affection from/to someone else, jealous when my siblings are clearly treated better than i am, jealous when people are chosen over me, jealous when people receive or give things to others and i once again get little to nothing.

i hate jealousy, it feels unfair and selfish but at the same time its justified. with all i have gone through, gotten and lacked through my life i have a right to be jealous. i get jealous and i need to admit it to myself, i get jealous and i need t let myself be.

5. cursed.

some could say i have been, maybe even that i brought it on myself. for many reasons, and they could be right. but ive been cursed in the other way, cursed out by the family i no longer what to associate myself with because they have it in their heads that im wrong and always doing wrong. cursed by those who believe i was born wrong and dont deserve to have or be right. cursed out because i dont fit in someones box so to them i deserve to be called slurs and become their verbal punching bag.

iv'e been cursed by the world to live in a body im uncomfortable with, to be a person i can only pretend to love.

6. unrequited love.

one sided love, often the reason for a lot of the relationships i ended myself romantic or otherwise. and it hurts both ways to realize that. the person i'd though i loved the same way having to get their heart broken when i realize i never did, or the person i though loved me back turning out to be a liar and a user.

i dont feel love or fall in love often, not because im too hurt and broken to want to anymore but just because thats the way i am, influenced by the damage or not. and when i do, a lot of times it turned out to be unrequited, ive given up on searching for and making new attachments, because i no longer see or feel the need to try.

7. forgotten.

being forgotten and forgetting, some of my greatest fears. i fear constantly of what i've forgotten, if maybe it was important or dangerous and remembering it could bring more pain or that i forgot something and in turn caused someone else pain. i fear that i'll be forgotten, my name and face and very being gone from all memory, no one knowing who i am, leaving me in the dust. i fear i'll forget myself, if i cant remember who i am, if others forget me, what do i do? what do i become? and im terrified that without memory i wont exist, im terrified to find out what that would be like if it were ever to happen and im terrified that the truth really is that thats going to be a good thing in the end.

ive forgotten so much already, names, faces, people, items, dates, events, very pieces of myself even. im so terrified of anymore being forgotten. by myself or anyone else.

8. terminal disease

i cant say i have one, but i can ay it often feels like it with the physical, emotional and mental anguish and debilitating pain i constantly carry with me. every movement, every word, every energy spent makes me feel just a little weaker. i'll have highs then i'll crash just a little lower ever time. it doesnt feel like it'll ever go away, ever fully heal, like i'll never recover, at least not to full. it'll keep going down, going backwards, no matter how many times or how far it climbs back up, like gravity it always goes back down. you cant take a leap without landing.

9. neglected.

ive been neglected by my parents growing up, things that should have been taught and given to be i either got very little of, never got at all and/or watched/heard others receive instead. i missed out on the support from a parent telling me it was okay to cry let alone feel, that it was okay to make mistakes, that it was okay for accidents to happen and that it was okay to ask for help, to be honest and admit and own up to things. i missed out on a parent being there when i needed it, i missed out on a parent trying genuinely to understand. instead i got nothing, i got yelled at or i got shamed.

if another adult dared give me any of that i cried or got angry and confused or scared. i missed out on proper help from adults growing up, only learning when it was to late that i had options i could have used to get further.

i grew up being sidelined and hardly even being given the bare minimum. so when im included, when im cared for, when im given even the bare minimum, i dont know what to do, i cry,i feel guilty, im convinced im less than deserving, im unfamiliar with it, i dont know how to process it.

10. ghost.

ive had my fair share of ghosts, still do, often times i was one, still am one. ghosts in the sense of haunting words and memories, ghosts in the sense of overwhelming bottled up guilt, ghosts in the sense that ive been conditioned to carry what i really dont deserve. a ghost in the sense that im invisible, a ghost in the sense that i get ignored and over looked or brushed off, a ghost in the sense that people see and have seen me as nothing more than a fleeting piece of the past.

im here, im rarely seen or heard, i have constant phrases said by others swimming in my head, constant pressure placed on my shoulder like a manipulative parent placing their hand on my and telling me whats expected of me and giving me false hope that i could ever be enough for them, false hope that they care when at the same time they push me to the back, shove me to the side and favour others over me.

ive been a ghost, haunted by the ghosts of others and their words and actions all my life.

[lesbixch]

my thing about gon is that i still dont think he has a solid grasp on just what was explicitly bad abt his actions in chimera arc. He was in grief the whole time, so i dont blame him for not understanding. and I dont think that killua really shared his honest feelings abt it all either. to me the thing gon did wrong is be self destructive, going as far as to place a suicidal condition on himself basically. gon harming himself is bad, and it hurts killua too bc killua loves gon and doesnt want him being hurt . gon harms himself bc he blames himself, bc he views his wellbeing second to his need to be acknowledged, bc he bases his self worth on how strong he is or how much he can help ppl.

this thinking continues to some extent when he apologizes to kite, specifically when he says he was not strong enough and left kite behind. kite points out he managed to defeat pitou, and when gon says he’s only here bc of his friends, kite basically says “ditto the two of us should both train more :)” so like. yes part of his guilt is assuaged. kite affirms their friendship and points out what gon should do in the future - train and be better. this is somewhat what ging says as well, that when apologizing gon should promise not to repeat his mistake again. But… both these interactions somewhat push the idea that Gon Should Strive To Be Strong (so he doesnt repeat his mistake) and yet gon doesnt quite know how to be strong WITHOUT eschewing self preservation and carrying out these self destructive behaviors.

bc so much of gons self destructive behaviors stem from his self worth issues, i wonder how they can even be addressed in the first place. idk that “self love” is rly going to be smth that can be reached, but i do think self acceptance thru finding things to live for can be part of it. thats what being a hunter is, ging says to enjoy the journey more than the destination etc. so rather than trying to become strong so gon feels theres reason in living, gon should find reasons for living (making friends as part of being a hunter, going on adventures or journeys) and become strong to be able to carry these things out…….? (and how different is this from gon having a goal like finding ging and trying to become strong enough to carry it out and endangering and hurting himself constantly in the process……)

i just really dont know what direction togashi wants to take gon in. this kind of positive but measured direction is what i want… but i really cant guess at how it will work bc gons issues over being normal and weak and unworthy are just SO deeply rooted and even the consequences of chimera arc will not be enough to fully rewrite how he bases his self worth lol. i want to know so bad. maybe im misreading everything togashi is planning for gon but i think opening himself up more to accepting help and relying on others will be part of it…