just eat? - Matt Sturniolo
summary: after matt makes you dinner and you refuse to eat it, matt finds out that you have an eating disorder.
warnings: mentions of an ed!, angst, crying, comforting, arguing.
a/n: this fic will revolve around the reader having an eating disorder so if you are uncomfortable with that please do not read it! all my other fics are always on my page to read. <3
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matt walks into our room, a warm smile on his face as he sees me curled up under the sheets as i scroll aimlessly through my phone.
"oh, hi matt!" i smile, sitting up in bed.
"i made you and me some dinner, its out in the dining room sweetheart." matt speaks,
shit.
matt never makes dinner, we usually just grab stuff from the pantry. well, he does. i always lie to him, saying ive already ate. i never do.
i stand up out of bed, nodding slightly as i step out into the hallway with matt.
i approach the dining table to see two big bowls of pasta, matt sits down, yawning slightly as he looks behind his shoulder at me.
i sit down anxiously, a forced smile on my face.
a million numbers run through my head as i instantly start calculating the calories,
"you okay?" he asks quietly,
i nod, picking up my fork with an a shaking hand.
"im just- not hungry." i whisper, my heart thumping against my ribs.
"y/n, what have you ate today? you havent entered the kitchen once." matt speaks, his voice stern.
"what are you saying? ive ate a lot." i mutter, pushing my full bowl away from me, inch by inch.
"dont be rude, come on." matt says, putting the bowl back infront of me.
"how am i being rude, im not hungry!" i raise my voice slightly, a frown forms on matts face.
he turns to face me in his chair, "ive spent all afternoon making this for you, i know you like this dinner."
i swallow harshly, a pang of guilt shooting through me.
my hand shakes as i pick up the fork again, only to instantly put it back down.
"just eat? its not hard- youre just choosing to be difficult." matt spits, the tension in the air rising.
"i dont want it matt." i breathe, my voice breaking.
matt stares into my eyes, pure disbelief on his face.
"what is wrong with you-?" matt asks, a small scoff leaving his mouth.
my bottom lip quivers as i break eye contact with matt, i stare back down at the bowl.
"i cant- i cant eat it-" i whisper, my voice shaky
i see matts expression soften slightly.
"do you think we need to have a talk?" matt asks, placing a firm hand on my shoulder.
i nod slightly, matt nods,
"okay sweetheart." matt says softly, standing up out of his seat and lifting me up into his arms.
he carrys me over to the couch,
he sits down, placing me on his lap as i face him.
matt takes a deep breath before speaking.
"im seriously worried about you, and- and im not just saying this to scare you but i dont know if you really noticed but i have been taking note of youre eating habits. do you have something you wanna tell me?"
my heart sinks at his words,
he knows.
"i- i" i choke out, unable to speak properly,
"come here." matt sighs, wrapping his arms around me and letting me lay on his chest.
he rubs my back,
"i'm here to help you, you know that."
i nod slightly,
tears start to spill over, trickling down my face onto the crook of matt’s neck.
“hey, shh no tears.” he whispers, pulling me away from his shoulder.
he looks at my face,
“i- i don’t- i don’t want you to- to be- be mad at me” i sob, staring into matt’s eyes through blurred vision.
matt stares at me with concern, “i’m not mad sweetie, i’m just worried about you, i love you so much and i don’t want you to be struggling.”
i nod shakily,
matt lets the room go silent, only the sounds of my hiccups fill the room.
he holds me in his arms, stroking my back gently, as if he’s afraid that his touch will shatter my bones.
“please, let me help you.” matt whispers into my hair,
i nod, “o-okay.”
“should we try have a couple bites of dinner, it’s really yummy.” matt speaks, my heart rate instantly starts to pick up.
i nod hesitantly,
matt lifts me up off the couch back into the dining room,
he sits down on the dining chair and sets me on his lap, his hands wrapped around my waist carefully as he lets me look down at the food.
his hands rest on my stomach as i feel him breathing softly on the back of my neck.
“i’ll help you, here.” he whispers, picking up the fork and picking up a few strands of pasta on the end.
he holds it up to my mouth,
the smell is nauseating, i feel ill.
i can’t eat it,
the calories,
the weight
the-
my thoughts are cut off by the feeling of the fork pressed to my lips,
i purse my lips in a thin line, turning my head to the side.
“you got it sweetie, come on.” he whispers,
his free hand comes up around my back to my jaw, he gently opens it.
he comes in with the fork again,
“no!” i yell, gripping his wrists as i fight him away.
“you have to eat it- it’s keeping you alive!” matt mutters through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched,
“no- no!” i scream,
matt presses the fork even harder against my lips, the wet pastas taste creeping into my mouth.
“stop!” i raise my voice, thrashing on his lap.
i swerve out of the way, wiping my lips instantly.
“just eat it!” matt raises his voice aswell, his free hand still firmly on my jaw.
i feel his heavy breathes on the back of my neck,
“fuck off!” i yell, my body writhing on his lap.
he continues to try force the food into me, his grip on me stupidly tight.
i slam the fork out of his hand,
it hits the floor with a loud clang
the room goes silent, matt’s laboured breathing still present behind me.
i take the opportunity to practically jump off his lap onto the floor, i rush down the hallway into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.
i pant heavily,
i sit down on the edge of the porcelain bathtub, it somehow brings me back to reality.
i can’t believe it.
i’ve just made matt think i’m a fucking psychopath.
i unlock the bathroom door and step out into the hallway,
i walk down it slowly to find matt crouched down, cleaning up the mess i made.
he looks up at me, instantly standing up straight,
his bottom lips quivers slightly,
i instantly let out a small gasp as i walk over to him.
“hey- are you okay?” i ask,
“you’re really scaring me y/n.” he mumbles, his voice breaking as he wipes his eyes.
tears threaten to fall, he fiddles with his hands as he stares at me.
i grab him and pull him into a tight hug, “i’m sorry- i- i don’t know why i’m like this.” i say,
matt lets out a choked sob into my shoulder, “i’m really worried about you.”
i close my eyes as i hold him in my arms,
“i’m trying.” i whisper, my own tears falling now.
“i can’t- i can’t loose you-“ he whispers, his voice shaky.
“i’m sorry.” i cry,
i lead us over to the couch again, sitting him down next to me.
“it’s killing me to watch ‘ya like this, i- i’m so so concerned.” matt sniffs,
“i mean look at you, you’re literally just bones at this point.” he hiccups,
i wipe my eyes,
i stand up off the couch abruptly and walk back over to the dining table.
i sit down, anxiously picking up the fork and picking up some pasta on the end.
if my eating disorder is enough to make a grown man cry, i need to do something about it.
i push the bite into my mouth,
i instantly try to reject it,
matt stands up from the couch and walks over to me, sitting down in the chair beside me, watching me in awe.
i chew,
and i chew,
and i swallow.
matt’s face lights up,
“i’ll do better, for you.” i whisper, wiping my eyes.
-
(6 months later)
i watch over matt’s shoulder as he cooks the pasta,
“mattttt it smells so good please hurry up!” i whine, a cheeky smile on my face.
“it’s cause i’m an incredible chef,” he grins, nudging me slightly.
he switches off the stove and carry’s the frying pan over to our bowls,
“i want a lot! i’m starving.” i clap, trailing behind matt.
he serves up the dinner, pouring me a little bit extra.
i smile widely as i pick up the bowl, carrying both of ours over to the table.
i sit down, matt sits opposite me,
“happy?” he asks,
“really happy!” i respond, a large smile on my face as i pick up the fork.
i practically shovel the pasta into my mouth, not even thoroughly chewing it before another bites in my mouth.
i look up at matt though my eyelashes, “sorry!” i mutter with a full mouth.
“no- no i’m glad you’re enjoying it.” matt laughs, staring at me with pure love.
not even 2 minutes later and my plates cleared,
i look at matt, dabbing around my mouth with a tissue,
“can i- can i have seconds please?” i ask with a wide grin.
———
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