#i dont even know how to start this. i just got approved for full time hours like 2 weeks ago too

[pkbeamgamma]

i dont think its um normal for my manager to joke about firing me back when i had covid (for non-covid reasons) like ok thats so crazy. did i need to know that

[tinylilacbun]

Ok so what about big brother Rafe and the youngest cameron where she is like 3-5 years old, she is just loves her big brother so much, and dont understand why is everyone afraid of him. Also rafe is only soft when it comes to her😭💞

Big, Bad, and Scary?

Pairing: brother!rafe cameron x toddler!sister!reader

Warnings: none I guess?

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It was no secret that you love and look up to Rafe, of course you do, he's your big brother after all. It's just that with everyone else he seems to be intimidating, a crazy spoiled rich boy with short temper who only seeks his father's approval.

But with you, with you he's patient and almost instantly drops what he's doing the second he hears you call for him. Somehow only you get to see a side of Rafe that no one gets to experience. Maybe it's because you look at him like he's the only person in the world, that you just want to spend time with him.

He doesn't get it. With what does he deserve all your adoration and love for him? He didn't exactly do anything to deserve that except for listening to the things you got to say and simply existing.

Rafe can't complain though, it's nice to have someone who actually appreciates him or isn't judging him even if you're just a four year old who doesn't know better and only wants to spend time with her brother, not knowing how messed up he really is.

The scary thing is he could be shouting and having an angry fit in one second but the moment you enter the room he's calm again, afraid to scare you and destroy the bond he has with you.

"God, Top, could you stop your fucking whining already?" He snaps into his phone, standing on the balcony with one hand resting on the railing, the other gripping his phone tightly.

As Topper on the other line keeps complaining he hears your small feet toddle behind him, feeling you tug on his shirt a second later. He looks down, holding the phone away from his ear. "Yes?"

You only raise your arms in response, making grabby hands. The request is clear and Rafe sighs, balancing his phone between his ear and shoulder he bends down to pick you up.

As you place your head on his shoulder he focuses back on his call, taking a deep breath, your mere presence alone has him a lot calmer. "A'ight, listen, we both know who did that and make sure he regrets it. Just- I'll text you soon. Yeah, bye."

He ends the call, pocketing his phone and turns his attention to you. "So, what's up with you, hm?"

"S'nap time, Rafey." You mumble, a yawn escaping your lips and without another word he walks back inside, making his way to your room.

You would notice when people avoid looking at Rafe, rushing past him to not accidentally set him off somehow. Like at the beach, you're just building a sand castle with Rafe sitting beside you, busy on his phone when you see a group of boys walking past, glancing at you both and suddenly speaking to each other in hushed voices.

You furrow your brows, looking over your shoulder and watching them for a moment longer when Rafe pokes your side. You turn back to look at him. "Rafey?"

"Yeah...?"

"Why people look at you like that?" You ask, tilting your head.

"Like what exactly?" He puts his phone aside to give you his full attention.

"Dunno...they always look at you weird." You mumble, mindlessly working on your castle.

"Oh, uh-" He scratches his chin, thinking about how to explain it to you. "Y'know...some people are just- surprised I guess. It's nothing bad, you don't need to worry 'bout that."

You nod seeming to accept his explanation, placing the last sea shell on top of your sand castle to finish it up.

One day Rafe took you to that outdoor movie thing that has been organized. It's unsettling how he can still look intimidating with you sitting on his lap, your legs swinging back and forth on each side of his, giddy with excitement.

"When's it gonna start?" You ask craning your head to look up at him.

"Soon, kid. Just be- hold on. Top, look over there." Rafe stops mid sentence, nudging Topper's shoulder and pointing in the direction of Pope and JJ. "Told you they'd be here."

"Yeah, great, what do you think we can just go over there and give them a mindful?" He remarks sarcastically.

"Course not you dumbass." Rafe rolls his eyes, noticing you trying to reach for your cup that was on the ground beside his chair. He grabs it, handing it to you. "We gotta wait for the perfect moment to surprise them."

After it got dark, you were still engrossed in the movie that was playing and munching on the popcorn with your back resting against Rafe's front. You make a sound of protest when he suddenly stands up, placing you to sit on his seat before crouching down in front of you.

"I'll be right back. Stay here and don't talk to anyone, okay? I won't be long." He makes sure you nod before standing straight again, ruffling your hair and walking off with Topper.

Your moment of concern of them being away is gone the second you focus back on the movie. Everything was well when suddenly the screen caught fire, people jumping up gasping and shouting in surprise.

You jump in your seat at the sudden commotion, looking around frantically and tearing up but don't dare to get up. Rafey told you to stay.

Speaking of Rafe, he was behind said screen after his little altercation with the two pogues. His eyes wide as he notices the fire, snapping out of his adrenaline haze as Topper slaps his shoulder.

"Dude, your sister..." He reminds him.

"Shit-" Rafe doesn't think twice, running off to where he left you, his anger forgotten the second Topper mentioned you. Stupid, he is so damn stupid. Leaving his little sister alone just because he felt like messing with the pogues.

He quickly finds you, feeling guilty the moment he sees your distressed expression and the tears running down your cheeks. Immediately he picks you up, placing his hand on the back of your head to cradle you against his chest.

"Shh, you're okay. I'm sorry, I'm here now..." He murmurs, starting to walk towards where his truck is parked, rubbing your back the whole way there.

Your crying subside to quiet hiccups but still cling onto his shirt tightly. He leans against the truck, still trying to soothe you by murmuring softly in your ear and holding you securely in his arms.

"There we go, all good now?" He asks as you pull away, his thumb wiping away some of your tears. You nod, the moment of shock disappearing as exhaustion takes over. "Let's go home."

He turns around and opens the back door, getting you settled in your car seat and buckling you in. Rafe kisses the side of your head before shutting the door, running a hand through his hair with a sigh when he sees Topper approaching him.

"She good?" He asks, obviously concerned about you.

"Yeah...just a little spooked but she's fine. I'm gonna get her home now, see you on the golf course." Rafe pats him on the back, rounding his truck to get in the driver's seat, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. You're already knocked out cold and he smiles at that, turning on the engine.

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Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @aagn360 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @fluffyblanketgecko @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse @kissforvoid

For Rafe:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity

[chaotic-mystery]

If you're down to write this, could i request a joel x reader smut with them in the full nelson position? 👀 i dont think ive ever seen it written for him! ♡

Before You Go | J.M.

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel has to leave for patrol duty soon but you need his attention first.

Warnings: SMUT 18+ only mdni! PWMP, Asscrack of dawn sex, pet names, a smidge of daddy kink in there, unprotected p in v, nipple play, cream pie, dirty talk. Let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count:1.2K

Early mornings before Joel had to leave for patrol duty always turned into him grabbing you in his arms and telling you, "Jus' five more minutes baby I swear." You'd giggle still half asleep with your back flush against his chest and hum softly to yourself while he lightly fell back asleep for those few short moments.

It didn't start off any different this morning, your back pressed against him tightly like every morning. Only this time he noticed you were wearing a tank top that was stuck to you like a second skin. Joel's big hand snakes around and grabs your hip, hiking the material up to expose your skin.

"Hmmm, what's this you got on baby doll?" He mumbles against the crook of your neck as he bites the soft flesh gently before pressing a kiss on the bite mark.

“Yeah honey? You want me to give you some extra attention this mornin’? Look ‘atcha, needy little thing.” Nodding your approval, you whimper as you push against his front with your ass, the whimpers mixing deliciously with his barely audible grunts. Your eyes haven’t even opened yet and his hand was dipping into your panties, the sweet sticky folds slipping between his fingers.

“Oohhhhh fuck baby girl, were you just gonna keep all this to yourself?” His other hand that was tucked under your head wraps around your throat, his mouth pressing sloppy kisses against your cheek.

“Mm-mm, of course not Joel.” A giggle of overwhelming pleasure comes from your lips as his fingers bounce back and forth between rubbing your needy clit and your aching hole just begging to be stuffed full of his cock.

Joel’s hand releases your throat and trails down your chest, yanking your tank top down below your breasts. A grunt vibrates against your ear before Joel mutters, “these perfect fuckin’ tits. God damn you’re absolutely killin’ me princess. Half of me wants to take my time with ya, love on ya the way ya deserve it. But the other half of me…” He presses a sloppy kiss to your neck again as he pinches your nipples between this thumb and index finger.

“The other half of me wants to jus’ have my way with ya, really show ya how crazy ya make me.” Joel’s last few words were muffled by his kisses on your neck again, your mouth open and soft moans coming out of it. Every time he wanted to ravage you like a fucking animal just did something to you. It was sexy the way he couldn’t get enough of you no matter how many rounds you go.

“Oh fuck- please J-Joel please fuck me. I need you so bad ple-ease- mmmm”

The overstimulating feeling from his hands pinching your nipples and playing with your soaking wet pussy in your panties had you so turned on you’d agree to anything, you needed him.

Joel’s hand exits from your panties, the cold damp fabric falling against your pussy and sending a chill up your spine. “Take these off sweet girl. Now.” The waistband snaps against your skin as he hooks his finger around it enough for it to raise a tad before he lets go quickly.

He watches you closely as you push down your panties and kick them to the floor, your tank top not far behind. Joel moans and wipes his face as he scans over your gorgeous body.

“God damn baby girl. C’mere, I gotta have you right now.” He growls at you as he takes off his boxers, cock springing up and dripping pre-cum. His fist closes around the tip and tugs gently while he looks at you, imagining everything he’s about to do to you.

You get right back where you were and he grumbles, “No no no, get up here baby.” And tugs you up on him, his knees bent up and your back on his chest. He reaches under your thigh as your legs are on either side of his to hold yourself up and smacks his cock against your clit roughly, eliciting moans from you.

Without warning he shoves the swollen head inside your entrance and grabs your hips to push you down on his cock. “So fuckin’ tight around me, my god darlin’.”

Joel hooks his arms under your thighs right in the crook of your knees and pulls up, your feet dangling in the air as he starts pumping inside you. The wet squelching from your pussy fills the room and bounces off the walls, gaining moans from the pair of you.

“Fuc-k fuck Joel oh my god, fuck me just like that.” You moan out, and breathe deeply as you can feel him hitting you deep inside.

His hands hold the sides of your face with your legs still pressing against your chest. “Yeah baby you like when daddy’s got you so wrapped up you can’t go no where? Such a nasty girl.” He teases and pounds into you harder his balls start smacking against your pussy. Joel slows the speed but keeps ramming into you, grunting with every smack against you.

“Yeah baby, take this fuckin’ cock in that tight little pussy. Stay right there, right fuckin’ there” His teeth grit together and he moans louder when he hears how much you’re whimpering.

Your eyes squeeze shut once more at the pleasure coursing through your body and your arousal dripping down his cock and balls.

“Faster Daddy please, I wanna cum so badly for you.” Your toes curl and stomach starts to cave from your deep breaths. His thrusts pick up speed again and his balls clap against you once more, sticking slightly to your pussy as everything is coated in your slick.

“Yeah cmon darlin’. Be a good girl for daddy and cum all over my cock. Squeeze around me so I can cum inside you baby. Cmon baby..fuckkkk.”

Right about now you’d be squirming against him trying to run away from it feeling so good but he’s got you twisted you can’t go anywhere. All you can do is moan louder and louder at your impending orgasm building in your tummy.

“Joel- fuck- I’m gonna cum I’m- im gonna cum yes daddy yes- I’m cummi-“ your words are cut short by the squeals and cries as your orgasm floods your body. Joel groans at the sight of seeing how good your orgasm feel and he’s not too far behind you while he pumps deeper and deeper into you, panting he’s gonna fill you full.

He unhooks your legs and drops them down beside his as he unloads his cum in your pussy. Grunting with each pump, Joel holds your hips to keep you still.

He stays inside you as he grows soft, cock still twitching every so often. You both are panting, trying to catch your breath as you lay your top half on the bed and your bottom half still on Joel.

The small beads of sweat sit delicately on his forehead and the morning sun starts to pour inside the room from beyond the trees.

“Fuckin’ hell baby. You’re trynna kill me by expecting me to go to work now.” He chuckles and kisses your shoulder softly. You giggle and get off of him, rolling over on your tummy. “Just make sure you’re ready for round two later.”

[silentstyx]

"But Daddy I Love Him!" ~ (lip gallagher x fem!reader's version)

sum! "But Daddy I Love Him!" Taylor swift - The Tortured Poets department.

tw! FACEBOOK... toxic family, mention of having a baby, swearing ig (again its shameless)

uhm this is gonna suck! I have no clue what I'm doing! ok days later n the middle/ending is very sloppy i feel like. idk i kinda dont like it.

"I forget how the west was won, I forget if this was ever fun, I just learned these people only raise you to cage you"

You and Lip were fighting again. You hadn't been getting along as much anymore, you were getting closer to your two year mark too.

No one in your family liked the Gallaghers to begin with, so you couldn't complain to your family (siblings, cousins, whoever). The one who disapproved of your relationship the most though? Your father. Your father hated the relationship you had with Lip. He thought he was going to use you for money, your body, etc. He just knew Gallaghers were usually up to something, so he didn't approve of this relationship as soon as you told him.

Except with how much you and Lip were arguing now, it's hard to remember all the fun you would have. It's like a distant memory that you forget was a dream or not.

"Sarah's and Hannah's in their sunday best, Clutching their pearls, Sighing 'What a mess', I just learned these people try and save you ... cause they hate you"

Your family wasn't just rude to him, you as well. It was a bunch of rich snobs, and if something hadn't gone their way then get rid of it.

They hated you for even being in the vicinity of someone 'lesser' than them. Because god forbid you bring normal people into the wretched family of yours. Your cousins and extended family were known to gossip about others in the family, and right now you were the hot topic.

"too high a horse, for a simple girl to rise above it, they slammed the door on my whole world, the one thing I wanted"

It was an accident. Sort of. With how complicated you and Lip were right now you had changed your relationship status to "it's complicated". Not thinking about how public your page is to your very judgemental family. Lip did the same so he wasn't necessarily mad. All of your cousins, aunts, etc. were messaging you asking what happened, trying to get as much information as they could. It was all fine until your dad texted you.

"Come home."

Oh god. You could feel your stomach doing flips inside of you. You knew what he was going to say. 'You need to break up with this boy if it's to the point you're both telling the entire world how complicated your relationship is right now'. You went over there with the full intent to defend yourself and your boyfriend.

"Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned, Screaming 'But Daddy I Love Him!' I'm having his baby. No, I'm Not, but you should see your faces"

You got to your parents house and your dad started saying the exact things you thought he would.

"If you're sharing your relationship vis-à-vis the internet than I do not think this relationship should go on." Your dad kept repeating this in different wordings time and time again.

"Dad, me and Lip are just arguing like normal couples do. All you do is talk about how I should break up with him and that he is horrible for me." You snap at him, finally.

You continue your rant, "It isn't up to you to decide for me whether my boyfriend is good for me or not. I'm an adult and I can figure my love life out for myself. He has done nothing but be kind to all of you and get on your good side, but all of you are too snobby to understand that!"

You have to take a break to breath.

"I'm having his child. Not now... but eventually." As you said this they're faces were all filled with shock. Some of them had concern written all over there face.

"I'm telling him to floor it through the fences. No, I'm not coming to my senses, I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"

"I know none of you like him, but I see a future with him. But if you never learn to accept none of you will be apart of this future." God, it felt good finally standing up for yourself in front of your family.

Instead of waiting for them you got up and left. Not wanting to here what kind of excuse he's going to make for himself.

"Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid, tendrils tucked into a woven braid, growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all."

Your way back home had you thinking about your childhood and how you grew up. If there so against difference, and all of your other family is, why were you taught different?

It can't be because of school because you went to school with some family that acts the same as them.

Maybe because you had friends that were in south side? They were friends with the private school's principal and they were able to get in free of cost. You would go over to their house sometimes and it wasn't a huge clean house in a nice pretty neighborhood. Maybe that's why you weren't born to be a horrible person and you actually got to learn about people who weren't as lucky as you.

Which also means from a young age you were already more mature than your entire family.

"He was chaos, he was revelry, Bedroom eyes like a remedy."

You got back to the house and saw Lip on the couch. You went inside and sat next to him. At first he didn't say anything to you. Until he couldn't just not speak.

"Where'd you go?" He mutters, not looking at you still.

"Parents." You answer him almost instantly, looking at him.

He nods, knowing what this is about.

"So, they knock some sense in ya? You dumping me?" He rubs his face and the looks at you.

You snicker, "You must know absolutely nothing about me if you think I'm listening to my parents?"

He smiles and chuckled (i'm thinking of the lil breath through the nose laugh that no one knows what to call...) he knew how stubborn you were when it came to your parents.

"Soon enough the elders had convened, down at the city hall, 'stay away from her', the saboteurs protested too much"

Your family had been trying to text you. Some to apologize, some to try to talk out out of being mad, some to get gossip, the others still trying to get you to break up with him.

Your father had compared you to a '"rebelling teenager" because of how you're acting? You and Lip had stopped arguing for now.

Every time they reached out to him to talk to you through him, he would tell them to stop, "leave her alone", or block them. He was sick of how they treated you and him too.

Almost all of your family was blocked now, because they all decided to text you. The only people you couldn't bring yourself to block were your parents. Even though they were the ones laying it on the strongest. Your mom kept apologising but your dad was saying the same things as before.

"Lord knows the words we never heard, Just screeching tires and true love"

God this whole situation felt like a movie or a taylor swift song. It was ridiculous. Everyone's actions were childish and obnoxious.

You and Lip haven't been arguing in a while, because your attention was on other things at the moment. You two had actually been more romantic. You both have put your status back to normal. Yet, nothing in your life was back to normal.

"I'll tell you something right now, I'd rather burn my whole life down, Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning"

This had been going on for over a month now. It was just annoying and obnoxious now. Lip knew you defended him and this is why this is still going on. No doubt about this. Except now he was having to deal with you being: bitchy, exhausted, or just annoyed.

It was affecting him now, and he was starting to get pissed.

"I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empaths clothing"

"Your parents have been talking to Frank about us. Frank was asking me about you." Lip said through gritted teeth and a scowl, he had been walking inside while I said that.

You roll your eyes and respond in an almost whiny voice, "Please tell me your joking. They have gone way too far with this. First they tell my entire family and now they start on yours?"

"God save the judgemental creeps, Who say they want what's best for me, Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see"

The texts were all the same from your mom and dad.

"We just want what's best for you, and he isn't it!" They would say. Over. And over.

It was so repetitive, you had to block them. Not everywhere just where they would text you the most.

"Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me, And counteract chemistry, And undo the destiny"

I swear if you never had met him, which your not upset about meeting him, your parents wouldn't complain to you all the time. But oh well. There's a very real possibility they would have done this with anyone who you ended up with, seeing as how everyone they would try and set you up with was not your type.

Since this has been happening, your family would always have witty remarks like: "I'll keep you in my prayers" or "I'm thinking of you"

"You ain't gotta pray for me, Me and my wild boy, and all this wild joy."

When were they going to realize that he made you happy. You liked loved being with him. He was your wild boy. Yours. For no one to take.

"If all you want is gray for me, Then it's just white noise, And it's my choice"

Being with him wasn't there choice to make, it was yours. You just had to blur out all the background noise that meant nothing to you.

"There's a lot of people in town that I, Bestow upon my fakest smiles, Scandal does funny things to pride, But brings lovers closer"

Instead of biting back, you played nice. They would would say something rude and you would respond with a smile. All of the fighting only made you and Lip begin to grow closer to each other.

Their bickering with you about him, was backfiring. Big time.

Your parents saw this. They then saw how you looked at eachother. Realised you went to war for each other. Defending each other to your parents. It made them think a little longer.

"We came back when the heat died down, Went to my parents and they came around, All the wine moms are still holding out, But Fuck 'em, it's over"

Your parents had asked you over again. There wasn't anymore fighting online for a couple of weeks now, but you still went over there with the full intent of defending yourselves.

When they started apologising though you were skeptical at first until you saw the genuine look. They meant the apology. They didn't just apologise for what they said, but the actions they had on social media, how they brought the family into it.

"I was being a hypocrite," Your father had explained, "You were talking about your issues on the internet and then I went and did the same things to the both of you, as well as involving other people when it was unnecessary. I sincerely apologise."

Lip had a subtle smirk on his face, only you and his family could recognise.

You both had thanked him for apologizing, none of your other family had apologized though.

"Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and, Even my daddy just loves him, I'm his lady, and oh my God, You should see your faces"

Your parents were now very fond of Lip, praising him consistently. Your mother called him handsome. Your father realised how bright he was. Most of all they realised how good the two of you were for each other and how much he loves you.

"No you can't come to the wedding, I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"

You were at your family's annual gathering when one of your cousins came over to the two of you, "So when's your wedding?"

You laughed, "If and when it happens it will solely be immediate family and some friends that will be invited. The ones who actually care about us, ya know?"

[blackpilljesus]

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

[zvmz]

A few Daring Charming HCs <3

Growing up, anytime he expressed interest in anything considered girly, his father would lecture him on how he needs to be more manly or whatever

For example, He did like rom-coms, and he would sometimes watch them with darling, but got a lecture and told to ‘spend his time on something more befitting of a man’ when he was caught

Since his father considered the guitar a manly instrument, He started learning to play when he was young to impress him

his dad was impressed. And that made daring happier than anything. That’s when he realized he would do anything to earn his fathers approval. So, he worked hard at it, changing things about himself to live up to his fathers standards.

he did, of course, succeed in this goal, but in the process took on many of his fathers flaws, such as his arrogance and sexist ideals

Now at eah, he’s slowly realizing that his father is capable of being in the wrong. He can embrace all the things he likes and still be a man. He can express his emotions and still be a man. He’s realizing his life should not revolve around earning his dads approval, that he needs to become his own person.

character development!!

anyway, he really showed his growth when he finally stood up to his dad for how he treats dexter, and defended darling for everything going on with her and apple.

why am I trying to write a whole character arc rn um anyways

With cerise and darling, he learned that women can be more than just “damsels in distress”.

with Lizzie and Dexter, he learned to put others ahead of himself.

now he can admit he hates the guitar. He loves romance movies, Katy perry, shopping, theatre and acting. he even likes to wear pink sometimes. hes still finding out what he likes and doesnt like without his fathers influence

he LOVES sweet drinks. if hes at a bar hes getting a daiquiri. if hes at a cafe its a frappuccino.

when hes getting drinks with lizzie, the waiter always assumes the fruity/sweet drink goes to lizzie

sparrow makes so much fun of him for it

he doesnt like cerise like that anymore, but they are great friends now. they mostly bond over sports and movies

he excels at history and literature, but has trouble in science and math. apple tutors him.

their tutoring sessions can be really awkward, though. they dont really know how to talk to each other normally.

he never really had a crush on her at any time, but he has always very much admired her for her hard work and intellect.

hes extremely chivalrous and polite. he always holds the door open for people, always offers his seat to someone if theyre all full, never looks at his phone during a date. things like that

hes always over-dressed, no matter the occasion

probably spends at least a third of his time in the gym flexing and taking pictures in the mirror

lets bfr teens in the eah world definitely make tiktok edits of him

daring is obsessed with them. theyre all over his fyp.

understands every one of briars daily mean girls references

he only auditioned for a play for the first time in order to spend more time with lizzie, who got dragged into playing a part. they both ended up loving it.

i am retconning the whole thing with duchess in the books. never happened.

the actual reason daring and lizzie broke up was because daring felt guilty about the bet with sparrow, so he confessed to her. which ended in lizzie yelling at him for half an hour and dumping him

they missed each other SO much. daring basically tried to apologize to her almost every day, and after some months lizzie decided to give him another chance. he absolutely did not waste that chance.

he plays fortnite with dexter and darling once a week

as a kid he used to climb trees with darling all the time. they got caught and lectured on it pretty often

has been to jail for going 50 over the speed limit before. dexter and darling had to bail him out

once dexter and darling tried to prank daring by filling his entire room with merch of himself

it completely backfired bc daring loved it and kept most of it where it was

hes definitely one of those boys who says "im him" about any ryan gosling character and says ryan reynolds is hot

[victorluvsalice]

WIP Word Game

I was tagged in this by @dont-offend-the-bees in this post -- thanks for thinking of me, Newt!

Rules: You will be given a word. Share one sentence/excerpt from your WIP(s) that start with each letter of that word. Word assigned by Newt: BITES

Because I'm a rebel, I'm going to do a bit from both my current WIP "Londerland Bloodlines: Downtown Queensland" and my just-finished-posting-today Valicer In The Dark story "Start At The Beginning...Sort Of" --

B

LB:DQ -- Briefcase Guy nodded, trembling. “What – what if their case is full of newspaper?” he got out after a second.

“Then at least we get to watch your illiterate ass try to read it later for laughs,” the leader spat, giving him a shove. “I know they got the goods. Just don’t ass it up, or they’re gonna kill the lot of us. Now get ready, it’s going down soon.”

SATBSO -- “By practicing my v-vows down the wrong alley,” Victor replied, worrying his bottom lip. “I – oh dear…” He grabbed his spoon and had a couple of fortifying sips of soup. “It’s like this – I’m due to be w-wed to the daughter of Lord and Lady Everglot, courtesy of my parents. We had the r-rehearsal today, and I was such a n-nervous wreck I couldn’t recall my lines at all. Pastor Galswells, our officiant, finally lost all patience with me after one too many mistakes, and b-banished me until I’d learned my vows. D-desperate to get them right, I ended up roaming Brightstone at random, repeating them to myself to try and get them straight in my head. I finally said them perfectly in an old forgotten side street overlooking one of the canals…and the moment I finished, a g-glowing blue figure in a w-wedding dress burst from the water, declaring ‘I do.’ I s-screamed and ran, but she managed to c-corner me on a nearby bridge and tried to k-kiss me. I fainted when her lips touched mine, and w-when I woke up, I was…” He waved his spoon in the air, as if trying to capture the enormity of the experience. “On the w-wrong side of the veil.”

I

LB:DQ -- “Indeed – or you could avoid the issue entirely,” Cheshire said, floating his smile over to another ladder on the wall in the darkened bay, just barely visible in the gloom. “I’m sure Rabbit would approve of you taking a shortcut, especially in order to avoid detection by anything that might try to stomp you.”

“I’ve apologized for that!” Hatter put in. “And made him that new watch!”

“It was the least you could do,” Rabbit said, paws on hips.

SATBSO -- “I don’t know – I don’t think so,” Victor said, letting his hands drop. “But you’re right, it is very hard to tell time in the ghost field…I’m sorry too, Emily,” he continued in a quieter voice. “I – I shouldn’t have lied to you about w-wanting to see my parents. I should have tried to explain better what was really wrong. But I – I didn’t have the words, and I was so scared and hungry and cold, and…” He sighed heavily, pressing his fingers against his forehead. “And absolutely nothing today has gone according to plan.”

“I know the feeling.” Emily perked up, a hesitant smile tugging at her lips. “But – but we can still make this work, right? We can alternate which side of the field we’re on day by day, so you can still eat and drink and not have to worry! We can even find a nice place to set up house together – one that’s in good shape in both my world and yours!”

“I think anyone who sees you two house-shopping is going to call the Spirit Wardens on you,” Alice couldn’t help saying.

T

LB:DQ -- “True,” Alice nodded. “Which reminds me – at some point tonight, I need to drop in on a certain Sean Milton. I don’t know how much honor there really is among thieves, but hopefully he has very little and will be willing to give up Muddy without a fight.”

“We’ll see on that front – and back, come to think of it,” Cheshire remarked, tail swaying as he kept pace. “But one side-quest at a time.”

SATBSO -- The gondolier gave Emily, floating near the prow, a significant look. “They always go up when the dead are involved.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Emily said, tone sulky and sparks crackling along the edge of her veil.

“And don’t start now,” the gondolier warned, frowning. “I may not be a Warden, but every one of us has got a bit of the Whisper about us. I know how to handle you lot.”

E

LB:DQ -- “Even better – they’re real robots! Well, sort of. . .” Victor popped open a bin and picked out a blue butterfly at random, showing her a block with some buttons on the – thorax, she believed it was called. “They each come with a ‘brain block’ like this where you can input simple commands. Obviously I can’t get any of them to fly – though I’ve always hoped – but I can get them to flap their wings if I shine a light on them, or follow a light being held in front of them – even play with a ball.”

“Neat,” Alice said, grinning. “You’ll have to show me later.”

SATBSO -- Emily went still, a frozen figure in tattered blue. Then she rushed forward at a speed no living human could have ever managed, face contorted in pure fury. Barkis yelped and tried to get out of the way, but she managed to clamp one spectral hand around his arm –

And, suddenly, she wasn’t there anymore. A split-second later, Barkis bent double, shrieking. “What – stop! No!”

“Yes!” came Emily’s voice – from Barkis’s own lips. Alice stared as he straightened up, wobbling like he was unused to controlling his own body. “The knife dropped from his fingers with a clatter. “You’re mine now, Eddie!”

S

LB:DQ -- She got to the bottom of the slope and looked around. While the layout was roughly the same, the entrance to level two was noticeably darker, thanks to a busted light fixture in the nearest “compact” bay. It also had different guards – two fellows who looked to be Chinese, dressed in matching burgundy jackets and wielding machine guns. One jerked his head around as she snuck closer, causing her to freeze out of habit. “It’s too quiet,” he said after a moment, shaking his head. “I-I don’t like this – this place. At night it seems so – haunted.”

SATBSO -- Smiler sorted and pointed at their eyes, brilliant yellow in their pale face. “What, do you think I was born with these?”

“...actually, it has genuinely never occurred to me to question why your eyes are bright glowing yellow before now,” Alice confessed, cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “They just seemed – completely natural on you.”

“I – I mean, I noticed, but – given everything else that was going on, they – didn’t really register as that weird?” Victor admitted, also going pink. “Alice is right, they do suit you...I sort of thought they might be a side effect of that Joy Serum you showed me before, since you said you make it yourself.”

Tagging: @nebbychan, @thesatiricaldemon, @anonymoose-au, @ace-of-tales -- the word I'm picking is TIMES!

[deadtiredghost]

so i turned a oneshot into a series. and that exploded into a whole thang in my brain but I'm probs not gonna write it any time soon so i am deciding to post some stuff here.

rottmnt Leo centric cause this is all based on a few fics I wrote.

This is just a fun what could happen after the movie outline but darker than I think rottmnt will ever go.

the kraang left Leo with a badly cracked shell and some lasting issues in his left leg - Mikey painted his cane blue

Leo started doing independent research into mystic medic shit after the kraang attack. the team medic headcanon fr and I think CJ would deffo also know medical mystics which spurs Leo on

Leo spends a lot of time with CJ, coparenting fine with Casey after they figure each other out - makeup is the main thing they share in common because Casey has beautiful red eyeliner and Leo has his own beautiful red stripes.

Casey and Raph bff propaganda! they finish off the foot together or smming.

Triceraton arc:

the triceratons are fucking huge in rottmnt, like Leo doesnt come up to their ankle huge, and I see Raph using his hologram things to get bigger to fight, Donnie supporting him like in the kraang fight, Mikey using his super-strength to do damage and Leo initially being all flashy like he usually does but eventually realising that the only way they are going to have any chance is to use his portals to straight up chop the heads off of the triceratons - a CJ and Draxum approved plan.

cue angst and guilt - theyre like, 19, 18 & 17 respectively. they have encountered death before but never actively and intentionally killed anyone.

but like Leo would absolutely live in pain if that meant his family would be safe. and we have seen this time and time again.

#just super soldier problems:

and then the transition from these two alien invasions back to shutting down the run-of-the-mill villain of the week is jarring, and all the bros have a bit of trouble adjusting to non-leathal levels of strength

its good when they're just up against meatsweats or smming cause he got a similar mutation and can take their full force punches while even some yokai just need a gentler touch.

i'm thinking a teenage baxter stockboy is particularly difficult for this chaotic team to deal with because they're loud and violent by nature, while they need to shut off his tech without significantly hurting him

none of them are good at steath apart from Leo and none of them are good at tech apart from Don so to avoid raph eating more metal Leo decides to split the team up, which is met with resitence of course, but Leo is the logical planning guy and Raph and Mikey let emotion cloud their logic more than half the time.

I want Leo to get frustrated at how his family dont quite understand what he is trying to get at - #just ADHD things.

He needs to learn to be better at communicating, but his family also need to understand that he's not trying to procrastinate or goof off, it's kinda hard to explain something, even if its simple, when your brain is going a mile a minute and its so clear in Leo's brain what he wants that he forgets it isn't clear in other's (does that make sense? taking from personal experience here)

I also want Leo to learn in this conflict to stop relying on himself to avoid his siblings being in danger, because while he had told Dr Feelings over and over he got it and he wouldn't - he totally would and still hasnt stopped putting himself down to keep his family afloat.

Don gets an arc! its about being in an unhealthy relationship!

Don dates Kendra for a time. I think canonically Don would have a crush on Kendra, but it's not a healthy relationship and no one in the family likes her, which just allows her to isolate Donnie from their family etc. Kendra doesnt return as a 'villain' just an antagonist for Donnie personally, because the Purple Dragons cant just vanish from the story entirely.

imma give Donnie a Timothy as a friend because I feel bad for hurting them.

Rat King Arc:

like every villain in rottmnt, the Rat King is a significant issue they have to deal with. He is a human who wanted to discover the mysteries of Yokai and went crazy with empyrean use.

Unfortunately he can mind control rats... cue splinter angst as the family need to fight their father who is trying to kill them.

Big Mama makes a deal with the Rat King for Splinter becuase he is profit. Leo has to deal with her one way or another, so he makes a bet.

Unfortunately for Big Mama Splinter has a really bad back and Raph is very aware of his constant complaining, so he takes advantage of that to restrain him in battle, and then Splinter manages to snap out of the mind control because Raph smacks some sense into him (and some magic) - after Raph got mind controlled they all did some mind-protecting-techniques with Draxum for a while.

This whole Rat King arc is particularly hard on Raph :[

they go home happily ever after with some fun new trauma of their dad trying to kill them.

BISHOP!

next there is bishop, because Baxter is just a kid, he is barely a threat, and Donnie would just wipe any evidence of them off his tech of course? HAHA, nope. because bishop gets involved.

it takes a hot sec before they take Bishop seriously tbh. it was always a fear but as they had gotten more integrated into the Yokai city they had gotten too relaxed, relied too much on Donnie's tech and gotten too focused on their social/academic lives. so the government snuck up on them.

theyre about 22, 21, 20 at this point in time - they have already met Yuichi Usagi, Jennika and Leatherhead, and Donnie and Mikey are currently attending Yokai Uni.

So theyre all settled and "retired" from ninja stuff when disaster strikes and Leo and Raph get kidnapped by Bishop. Time for the pb&j duo to get them back!

Tigerclaw Arc:

I have more ideas involving tigerclaw but those ideas hindge on the ending of the Bishop idea, cause I have conflicting ideas for how it could end.

japanese assassin sent to kill the last few members of the Usagi clan so Leo gets involved and gets a new villain all to himself. (either Leo looses a leg to tigerclaw or Leo had already lost a leg to Bishop and is adjusting to his prosthetic still while fighting tigerclaw) Mikey, Raph and Don meet Kitsune, Alopex and Venus respectively during their trip to Japan and figuring out who has sent tigerclaw to attack their friend.

Haha. I threw Kitsune in there because she is another interesting villain and I would love to see rottmnt Mikey interact with her and slowly realise she isnt one of the 'good guys' and challenge his worlview that 'everyone who helps him must be nice and a good person' - tho i'm conflicted as to whether or not have her as a villain or just a criminal that fucks off to never be seen again

after all this they go get therapy.

Hope u enjoyed, just my brain has been circling these various scenes in my brain since 2024 started and I'll probs never get them onto paper, digital or otherwise.

if anyone felt inspired to write anything with one of these plot ideas in mind, feel free to! Would absolutely love that!

[penelopecolinb]

Hi, nat! I became a big fan of POLIN after watching season 3 of BRIDGERTON, and for the past two months, I've been obsessed with everything about Polin and even reading your fanfiction! I don't read English very well, but with the help of a translator, I've been devouring all of your fics these past few weeks! The way you describe Polin’s relationship, Colin's character, and their intimacy is so sexy and mesmerizing, and I feel like this could only be done by you. I especially love the way you describe Colin's possessiveness and obsession, which is never unpleasant, but rather charming, because it shows his purity towards Penelope...

I have so many questions for you since you write such amazing fiction... I don't want to bother you, but if you have time, I'd love for you to answer them!

1. you wrote a fanfiction of Polin before season 3 was released, and I'm curious what it is about this couple that fascinated you! Are you a fan of the original show?

2. i was wondering how you viewed season 3, because despite the fact that your fic was written before season 3 was released, i felt that the Colin from the show and the Colin from your novel were very similar, especially in terms of Colin being insecure about Pen's love and being afraid that he wouldn't be a better man for her, and trying to hold on to her, even having sex with her right after they got engaged! I know that part 2 left fans disappointed in terms of length and other aspects, but do you think the show satisfied you?

3. last but not least...I was actually going to ask you if you'd be willing to release a new ONE SHOT fic during this Bonus Polin Week! Then I read your most recent one, SPARE HEART, and I found out that you're in a difficult situation to write fics. I'm so sad for you, but I hope your situation will turn out the way you want it to be soon. It's a great pain for me to know that my favorite fanfiction author is in a bad situation!

Your fics have given me so much comfort and strength!!! 🥺 I can't wait until you start posting fanfiction again! And I'm Korean, and I just wanted to let you know that in the Korean online community I'm in, there are a lot of compliments and mentions of your fics!! I love you!!! If I'm approved to join Ao3, I promise to leave comments and kudos on your fics in the future 😘😘

oh god my darling, thank you so so so much for this lovely message, my heart is so full 💖💖

i'll be happy to answer any questions you (or anyone else) might have!

yes, i was a casual viewer of the original series. i got into it even more when queen charlotte came out, and then i just started loving the angst of pen overhearing colin say that shit about never courting her. i went into a deep dive on polin ao3 and never came back!

im hesitant to answer any questions about the show because i dont want to be a hater. i didnt like a lot of the decisions the writers made - not just in part 2, but part 1 too. i think i'll leave it at that. i feel that thinking of the many many things that i wasn't satisfied by really overshadowed the few parts of the series i genuinely liked.

oh, bless your heart. thank you so much for your kind words. i'm trying to finish spare heart at the moment, and then i have a oneshot coming up (but not in polin week) for the polin x care for gaza raffle winner. and after that, i do have a few ideas i wanna start on! so hopefully i will be able to write, but probably not as frequently as i do now.

that is so insane to me, that the polin community in korea have an awareness of my fic and talk about it and really like it 😭😭😭😭😭 thank you for sharing that with me! im so so so glad that my fics have such a broad reach. please pass on my thanks to the lovely korean online community you're in!

i hope you, my lovely friend, have a wonderful, wonderful day!

[xaiviah-sinnmoimoi-moi]

Gday. I want to open your whole world to possibilities where the impossible is very real and the person you know now will be no longer just seeker but believer.. my name is Cindy Isabelle Schulter and I now go by The Sinn of His Erotic Pleasure...I have had many names and many roles in life..come on I dare Open your Mind and off the Hay Ride and watch how my insanity my trauma my embarrassing moments my loves in life have helped me to beat death and taxes ..To one creator and the jealous god who retarded ways of making us blind to the pain we feel because they cut your balls through men abd suck dry of our emotions our orgasms abd they die but live on through through powerful through false idealism and why not see how i do that "the other" will always be the death you. the older the person who spits spire and might at you the more powerful you will become..one day you are happy with yoirself then like deja Vu you meet the opposite one the Holy thsn thou too good true..the best eho fuvkover the saughter sonvnever knew you had..the nausea of rejection ..the jealoys father abd mother...don't hide behind the words of bsd manners avd lscknredpect remorse of the guilty ones.. i habe to start one day explainimg my own truth abd what thise who dreams of us and the heros in our lives had to show...i am woman all that want towards the end of middle years was great sex a chance explsin my side of the story a d redemption retribution plus the full karms of what was not just to me or my kids or the Voice of pain whobusevthe voice of reason iny life ...bury head snd stop reading now if you think that tsking msn manhood and suffer ainful sex or being blamed fir other avtions or someone you pive tyrninv aeay ftomabd rdgusing to see that the torturer the cock chopchop orthe woman who jides behind a mask flasehood will never punished like before..I once said I habe harmed or wsnted be involved witb that hortibke way i was taught ti learn to like well dont abd prepared to literally jump thtohh ethers abd strike with vemom she gave me...bare with..lets breathe lets release the binds og a bitch wjo dlrsmt respect snyone jot even herself and me i am in love but i am letting go simce horny fucked i want bitch to disolves and rewch heihht she with using ke as her foothold ..so i challenge tbode eho taught the worse things abd who became with myigtbfor all those in plight. You can dish it but .#......# can you take it without being a pus pus pum pum or the tits of yuk on a person who never gave you the authority nor approval you had my heart and my kids but now after your verysny attempts of murder torture extra I say hahaha I have nothing to be guilty about I have nothing to stone myself too I am allowed to think your scum disgusting and shut fuck but I also coward .so get your purid worming s lf off me tits miss bits....and show me what got as your basic original no humanitarian or human eating persona of professional Hollywood and whoa dude cops robbers batman and shebang..charmed temptation neglect regret and absolution if you didn't want their approval what exactly is your point... you say no..I say yes..you say tomato is yellow belly low...

anyway to all else hold who knows what come next but welcome to second blog on Tumblr I had another one called only-belief...there I had my role I. life somewhat robotic but I now have to say yo you I have to regret or be ashamed until.i get undressedsee what rot of you is in the reflections of eyes..I don't get to nurture with kinds and I guess goodness I have a person who I have major issues with but that ok I didn't chose it's not my bad miss ....hmmm

pum pum

I fell in love so many times twice with born children two men capture my adoring eye and those who hurt me I could find something nice to say even in a rain day

....I wonder when will wake and not be embarrassed by how someone makes me feel like a rotten jealousy old woman and man ..I always when I was what mum is problem with me..well now u have no choice but kudos for ferl so rotren eitb svts and his i wdnted due first for me i sudng care if the ehile blew up..inelove won't firesaje abd you will ve jist memory good day be bless

to all innocent's and those who enter my little Omniverse of dreams are made these and boats below with me and navy ..

loving life despite my inflicted disabilities I tend to find myself evolving a d want yo succeed I. areas I never thought I would ever want to enter..what they I can't do.i will butoy if reasonates abd you nothjbv me get it get it get it..upward dog..pray mantis tic tac toe...chest shot..shut shut shut little retard in a tutu a Broadway play a mascot and a sinking society of more than inhumane acts of ignorance or ommitance or well this far might as well shit the hostage abd myself the foot..

think about i want to be free of beautiful ugly woman who hurt our youngem a d start wars that Argentina can't cry for and Casablanca who say whatever the future will will be we won't see ..oh ah he ha he ho yet someone le says Cindy or Sinn Moi I can see ..more than you..I can rwsvg frk. my place miles even 3500 miles away and touch you in way you deserve my enemies my pet peeves of rapists tortures and those who give the world owes them more the Almighty does..I remember thing why happening to me..then a day so I thoughtwhynot I mean just the rot of the other and my not willing to fuel a fire of shit or. aca or asshole and cads and instead see both or every angle I can and I have listen you with your attitude I just well I won't but today the day I send out what ever fish to.me or anyone since tren till now to further is coming back more than just in threes oflr fds you will if you hit might succeed but the force of it will be a jolly lol on you that why I ask you can dish all you cuts burns and punchs and rape and tortured on me who doesn't really even gave you a home or advice which I could shut or got some to hsrm you fir whst did i could hsbe go more proactively yo couet abiut you guts but no i didn't

so please I going to do it

countdown 19.13 ..by19.25 pm on 31st July 2024 I literally throw all back at you and even though you are hiding in me I will be rid you when I able to see what is still hidden from me..but you s lf now have many options but one that you cling beside k

mine jolly jolly joy joy and gang of boags mors and spilt in-between privacy and evasion you have shock a nation and including

you dishes now it turns abd clings yo you every thing I see right threatening me

..

1, 2 ,3.33= postman sent parcel that wasn't for I didn't even open but now I wish I knew if he really love just even for one day before you fucked it over with your hatred your ugly bloody manners your putrid ony own ugliness when I think of and the men I use care about and my children I hope for till this day but now I am not broken but really say it's coming right for ...#......#

hold on hold on to those orgasms which I love giving me but now hurts for you you lying fucking bitch

I will forget the nor my beautiful now dead me wonderful kid you use

I will remember I am a bit person infected by a putrid other who thought I owed her when I regret to say I don't think so

so now return your favours your so call love for me your nightmarish wonders you give my children and the world will be my witness and I encourage myself to evolve but basically still ok not yet throwing towel but no sweetie I never will marry nor commit to anyone in fear thee hurtingied than have and yes even I was surprised that I am such a stupid bitch yet you always steal thunder my powers my academic achievement my flowering youthfulness yet here I not myself to be awaken to your unholy glory

so be brave those who ga more than the stupid selfish Cindy Schulter we ho is me me me me not you yut for fuck your our of luck lady or not

doiad you took that love from me for obviously he never cared about me but was allowing myself to make a point of you

so I bow I courtesy and I saw oh unholy I am not done with you...

karma is activated in your soul and I move on from you and watch even though even look my chest sc how when being fucked you steal the thunder the fum and give a rjt view if your pint of you but as said to get yourself yih had be me lol I don't think tkoughyou do.rit my to the ping I think.i won't even hate myself unless I remindedysekf or you say I a. like thee no no no

noti moioi I. evil now not good for I am goj g to enjoy despite you killjoy pum pum and uc you be your rwl self and nut takeaway what I have always had and naturaxbless nigyoyagsi you do itagsi. snddtg because face your fucki g esdtiny

well donedhyf gofguck htei now in my whole space of what I want and I patient just fucking fucking stupid murder selfish cunt who hurt my and br er ever looks herself honestly

so I ofcto been at I want and you can hurt me always by hurt children. or what not but at least bi cam say it's not my bad and I glad I was your victim for at least iwad that rude to anyone but hut mys kf

And yeah I hated myself but guess I despise and hope you not only get yourrevking but your karma and I bet only one who feels sorry and pickthe oyeve that shedoff you in shame your acts so please don't be fool IAm not your enemy you are mine

The father thevson and the holy Spirit

Pleaenore people many typos in here I call it the typoslut

.where someone or even your fear or lack of knowledge not necessarily interferseithyour abilitytoexpress yourself eordly on a screen rather than penned down until presentable and neaten

I will state this the first draft and I will update this withahringe or or a laugh

I wish I could literally forget certain but they determined to be presence in my life despite complaining earte utos isn't right mum

..bye for now have great time and I will reite better intro so

But with anything there is no set plan or plot just need to touch base with myself without the social rot I used to think I cpuld you care about and they hopefully stop harming everyone including me...but nah they further and sometimes literally throw at lowest act I see and feel

I wrote more but I was obviously not allowed according to Rotten personi made into by looking at her ridiculous head popping out of my cheek while the man I fell in love with fucked her so what lucky you I am stupid then but hopefully one day I willoce on well and you be satisfied a d I akreafykniwdtipid me can you leave now please says me Sinn

Kudosmym glad ilearnt not be like you at all says your ex daughter Cindy Isabelle Schulter

[babithyn]

November 16th, 2023

tw~ ed

Hey guys, good news! I lost 6lbs within the past 3 days :) i mean its not much compared to what my goal is but im happy im below 230lbs.

I mean my highest weight was 259lbs and that was right before i gave birth to my babygirl :)

Granted, i haven’t been very disciplined so i’m kind of confused as to how i lost 6lbs. Maybe its water weight from all the swelling. I mean my feet we’re probably 4x their normal size. I couldnt even fit into my slides which were size nines and i where a seven. But i can fit in them again!

Also my bf’s hoodie use to be snug around my waist and now its loose so my stomach has gone down a little bit.

We went grocery shopping and i was doing my best to get healthy food and low c@l food. Bit i had to remind myself that i cant eat to little of food otherwise i wont have the nutrients in my body to nurse my daughter.

Another thing i have to remind myself is that the breast milk my body is making weighs about 10-15lbs. But because i’m nursing i should be loosing 1-2lbs a month. Cuz nursing burns calories surprisingly enough.

My goal is to loose another 5lbs by the end of the month. Although thanksgiving is around the corner so thats a little scary. But i might not be going to my moms for it meaning i might not celebrate it in general.

My mom had changed plans on me and is now going to her friends for thanksgiving. See that wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have a newborn and i knew her friend. But considering i dont know her friend i’m not comfortable taking my daughter or myself to some random strangers house. I don’t like meeting new people in general and you can times that by 20 now that i have a kid.

But in other good news. :) my bf and i were approved to rent a house! we get to move in on the first. Meaning we gotta start packing now. But i get to have my pupper with me!

i spent $100 to get him esa certified. So that i dont have to pay a pet fee and they cant refuse us housing or kick us out because we have a dog. So things are looking up for us!

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it has 3beds and 2 and a half af baths. Its two stories with a backyard and a garage! We got a brand new sofa and loveseat set!

The only downside to the house is that we’re going to be paying $2k a month not including utilities. And i probably wont be able to go back to work till about february maybe march. and i’ll probably only be doing part time for the first couple month’s i go back. On top of that ill have to pay for a babysitter.

Im thinking it might be more financially beneficial to just be a stay at home mom until she’s about 8-11months that way she’ll have started saying small words and hopefully have taken her first steps. then i can take her to a daycare and i can go to work full time.

but other than that we also need to get some more furniture and appliances. we need a washer and dryer, a new bed since we have a queen and our daughter loves sleeping with us. We also need a dining room table, dishes, cook wear, dressers nightstands. granted i have two dressers at my moms. its just that they’re heavy as all hell.

But on the plus side my mom and her bf are willing to help us and my bestfriend is coming to visit and said she would help us. And i’m sure my bf’s friends wouldnt mind helping its just a matter of him asking. I mean him and his friends are cops and if you know anything about first responders its that they have a huge sense of camaraderie.

Its kind of funny im dating a cop. I’ve never been a huge fan of them but it’s mostly the system that im not a fan of. it lets the bad ones get away with horrible shit.

But thats off topic. actually the bottom half of this entire post is off topic.

Anyways if you’ve read this far thank you :) Stay safe and much love thank you for coming to my ted talk:)

[suethesocks]

Do ya watched the new Spider-man across the spider-verse's cartoon?

Hello person who asked me a question all the way back in november of last year, im so sorry for making you wait so long for such a basic answer 😭😭

hopefully to make up for this, if i yap enough itll be like a years worth of answer, so strap in

To answer the question though yup!! I watched ATSV around a month after it came out. At first i wanted to watch it asap in cinemas but unfortunately it was banned here in egypt because of the fricking. Trans pride flag that appears for 2 seconds in gwens room in the blurry obscured background so that sucked

After waiting a long time for it to have a digital release eventually i gave in because the spoilers were getting too unavoidable and just watched a camrip with my friends in their house. Which was very unfortunate but i still enjoyed it. And i definitely enjoyed rewatching it like 5 times since then when the digital release was out

I think the movie visually innovates even more than the first one did. Theres nothing i feel was lacking they really did build up on everything from ITSV and then some. Everything was so beautiful and full of life and all the designs be it new characters or old are just so good and the animation and aesthetics are top notch. Its the kind of movie you watch frame by frame on purpose

I do think the movie was hurt by being a half movie though, as it does very much feel like half a story. I do like that gwen goes through something of an arc in this movie so at least *something* gets concluded. And its nice to have an implied transfem character take center stage!

I enjoyed a lot how grown up miles feels in this movie, especially when you contrast it with some early production deleted scenes and the teaser clip they released a long while ago. There he felt like he was still his ITSV self still sort of needing to prove himself, but in this movie he really does feel like he has grown. And for that im thankful i wouldnt want the movie to basically just repeat his arc twice

I mean it kind of is the same arc but its from different perspectives (which i dont think is ideal tbh and i wouldve appreciated a third direction but oh well) in the first movie he felt the need to prove himself and that theres a chance he could be Spider-Man. He wanted the other spiders' approval and to get to be just like them. But in this movie hes more confident and knows his place, this is a kid that knows he's Spider-Man, and he dont give a fuck what you say. Hes got the whole world telling him he doesnt have it figured out and maybe even his brain is saying that to him too but hes still gonna be like "no, im right youre wrong. debate over"

And at the same time it doesnt feel like stubbornness. He takes the time to understand the situation, assessed it smartly, comes up with his own conclusions, and acts accordingly. This miles is definitely not just a kid anymore (so much so that to this day im actually still suspicious that miles was meant to be 17 or 18 but they decided last minute they didnt wanna have that big of a timeskip)

Spot was pretty great in this movie too. I knew from the start that despite being sort of a nothing-villain in the comics spiderverse was gonna have a looot of fun with him, especially ever since i saw that one piece of art they released way back before even the teaser i believe, which had spot with sketch lines above him like the shapes guidelines you draw when doing a rough sketch. And they certainly did not disappoint there hes definitely reality warping with a capital R W. Really i got no complaints about spot i think hes a fantastic villain, though i wish the movie took him a little more seriously. Just removing that "i think he kicked his own butt haha!!!!" scene wouldve made all the difference in the world imo

miss cheng cameo goes hard

Miguel is probably the most conflicting thing for me in this movie, i cannot decide if i like this adaptation of him or not, though im leaning towards not i think. I will say im glad to finally have a piece of media where Spider-Man 2099 is like the main focus finally, hes the main character next to miles and gwen. Ive been a fan of his 90s comics for as long as ive been a fan of comics, and other than SM Edge of Time he never got his moment to shine really. Now this absolute unit of a man is coming in and absolutely stealing the show whenever hes onscreen. It was nice, as a longtime SM2099 fan to see now in 2023 just miguel fanart and miguels ass n titties everywhere on my timeline

They do get a lot of stuff right with this adaptation, even small stuff i wouldnt expect just anyone to get. Like his talons!! Most people draw them like long nails like typical claws but they actually extend from under his finger like a hook, and i was so glad to see the movie get that right haha. He also has.... a cape. He doesnt really use it which like i hate but maybe capes are too much trouble to animate idfk. He has his fangs and was gonna use them on vulture (loved vultures design so fucking much btw) so clearly they remembered he can inject paralyzing venom so that gets huge thumbsup from me even if he doesnt get to actually use it

This movie also gets miguel so right in terms of characterization. Nothing will ever beat Chris Daniel Barnes' take on miggy but Oscar Isaac does a great job in his own right as well and is definitely a take i can accept, im just probably too used to hearing chris barnes' voice playing EoT so many times over the years. And its great to have a hispanic actor doing the voice this time!! In general i love the fact that he has darker skin and speaks a bit of spanish in this movie, atsv rememberes miguel is half hispanic more than the comics themselves seem to sometimes haha

This miguel talks like how comic miguel talks he quips how he quips he has the same sarcastic deadpan humor hes funny and snarky and talks like hes smarter but not in an arrogant way because he can kind of back it up. He also fights how i imagine miguel would fight he uses his claws he gets brutal, shits AWESOME. When it comes to dialogue and interactions, this miguel definitely lives up to how i imagine Peter David wouldve written him

Whats really bothering me about miguel is how, despite them nailing the characters personality so so well, the movie also seems not that interested in him and his lore and world at all. He just doesnt have the love and care and history that Peter B Parker seemed to have

I mean, if its still in the year 2099 then wheres Alchemax? The whole point of SM 2099's comics is that Alchemax is a megacorporation thats infected most corners of life. It should have a looming presence EVERYWHERE, but its not even here as an easter egg. Which i have to say is quite bizarre considering Alchemax ALREADY exists in this universe front and center so why not even a reference. I think this is such a crucial part of SM2099's mythos that removing it is genuinely a problem for adapting Nueva York. Not to mention the complete lack of any sort of cops or security at all, again a looming presence that should definitely exist in 2099. Without those aspects Uptown becomes just like any generic futuristic city (when it should, at least, be a generic DYSTOPIAN futuristic city, lmao)

Also the movie's lack of interest in having any references to Gabriel or Conchata or Dana what so ever. I get that this is bordering on fan service but idk, at the very least Dana right??? I mean she dies in the comics, surely part of what miguel longed for in that alternate universe he went to was that Dana still lived there so why not nudge to the fans a little. At least through the form of having miguel comic scenes show in the slideshow thing he made for miles (though i get not having any miguel scenes there, since miguel probably wouldnt intentionally reveal his past to someone just like that)

I mean come on this movies so uninterested in any fan service in general when it comes to miggy. No references to comic covers or something no calling miguel S-Man he says shock ONCE, i feel like its the little bits of fanservice like that that dont like overbear on the story but really add a lot by nodding to the fans and showing that you did a lot of homework

Theres also the weird way they revise his powers here, seemingly working in the form of regular doses he takes to give himself powers rather than be powers he has like the comics, and the lack of organic webbing. Theres also no reference to his enhanced vision as far as i remember. And i have NEVER been a fan of miguels suit having advanced tech built into it. The watch is one thing, the holographic cape and nanomachine esque suit which uses energy and the laser webs and energy spikes he uses to latch onto stuff its all just ehhhh i never vibed with that in the comics and i definitely dont like it here (save that shit for the white suit at least if youre gonna go that route)

This lack of interest in his powers also means, if theres no alchemax looming existence in the world, and the movie intentionally REFUSES to give us a "my name is miguel o'hara" moment to go over his origin, then we are left with actually nothing to imply alchemax even exists in this world

Just no real interest in what made Spider-Man 2099 work so well in his world, as a privileged man who went down and saw the real world and realized how wrong he was about just everything and that he must rebel against those privileged like him and more. Who works with a suit made of fabric just like any ol human against super cops armed with armor and guns

Instead he runs a whole society himself (ironically, the only thing to imply alchemax's existence now. maybe this movie is a miguel from after the point in the comics where he takes over alchemax, which would mean alchemax's only implication in this world is that miguel runs a multibillion dollar corporation and uses its resources how he wants. not good...), hes not aggressively anti corpo anymore, he has a teched up suit, and he just ACTS like a ceo. This guy is basically spider-punk before spider-punk was a thing, and yet here he is being in the exact opposite side to hobie!

Honestly if it werent for a few factors like the powers thing id have actually said "wait let them cook" because i wouldve then thought that miguel being so wrong is the POINT of this whole thing like miguel is a sellout and theyre gonna call him out and reference how he USED to be in flashbacks, but i honestly do not believe that was actually their intention despite it actually fitting so well in an almost genius way if it WAS on purpose

It comes off a bit MCU-ish how they almost dont have faith in how cool 2099 is and think the only thing worth "salvageing" is miguel and his attitude, when the world is pretty rich with things fans like me wouldve loved to see either recreated in the spiderverse style or innovated on and made into something completely new and interesting; and also non-fans wouldve loved to see to learn more about SM2099 and his world. I mean half the fandom thought Miguel is a vampire because he has fangs, thats how much this movie doesnt do anything for the world of 2099

Wew that was a doozy, sorry for rambling so much about miguel when talking about movie-not-about-miguel, its just between Miles Gwen and Miguel he was the one i was most starved for content for and he was the one im most educated on and on what i would want to see when i see him onscreen haha

hope this longass post full of insane ramblings of a mad woman was worth the yearlong wait in my tumblr asks shdsjhdsdhs again sorry it took me so long to look at my asks

[hukkelberg]

full ask kept getting an error message so i'm seeing if splitting it up works.

this is obnoxiously long bc i am coping w s3 by thinking about pen in asoiaf-verse esp in light of asoiaf always providing v complicated family dynamics that bridgerton glosses over even tho the material is right there❤️ i am also offering a preemptive apology for harping on the arya/tyrion and pen parallels but i just love the thread between those characters of being the parent's (cat for arya, tywin for tyrion, and portia for penelope) least favorite kid despite being the most similar to that parent. okay so actually the tyrell turf is the reach (highgarden more specifically) - they managed to get out of the war of the 5 kings virtually untouched (aside from loras' death) but cersei is fucking them over despite the fact that they are allies in the last book released - i think marg (who would probably be best substituted by someone like daphne) is still being held captive by main westerosi religion's army (that cersei just. let them have bc that woman is genuinely stupid. that whole shame meme came from that same army also imprisoning her. she literally did not even consider that being a problem even tho no westeros king has ever let religious leaders have armies for that reason specifically). i stopped watching the show in s4 bc dany is my girl and by that point the final season had dropped so i saw no reason to continue given how they massacred her. decently sure the tyrells end up completely or near completely killed off in show but it was one of the really weird show decisions everyone hated and grrm had no hand in so the asoiaf tyrell fate is v ??? still. esp now that marg's dad knows cersei had his daughter imprisoned on false charges and is heading to king's landing to deal w it in a v anthony challenging simon to a duel way - anthony would be having an excellent time. his problem solving methods are hilariously well-suited to this world. all of that does sound like the bridgertons could manage it tbh? also wrt benedict i think he would be killed like loras - sorry benedict. genuinely no clue how he would be spending his time in this world. maybe he lives somehow and is then pen's househusband? the tully turf is in the riverlands, which are completely fucked by the war. i actually thought a lot about pen having tully ancestry since she has tully coloring (the red hair and blue eyes) but i didn't like it bc the tully house has extremely mediocre sigil + words which would be annoying to me personally. i do think portia being from the riverlands and ending up w a northern husband like cat could work tho. pen's family could be somewhat influential in that case but still looked down on by southern westerosi bc of their different culture and distance from king's landing. the north is also v fucked by the war so it would still fit. my other thought was pen's family being a kind of mormont equivalent - jorah fucked them over by racking up debt and then resorting to selling ppl into slavery and then getting exiled. sounds kinda familiar for the featheringtons. issue w that is that the mormont girls are known for being trained to fight bc the ironborn constantly bother them and that's not the vibe to me for pen's family? idk tho - faceless men do also receive fight training so it would be helpful later on ig. (1/3)

oh friend dont get me started on season 3 we'll be here all day (they're never gonna go where we want them to are they? Thats the mark of a goodbad show)

okay!! i got it, i just didn't know the name i was thinking abt the riverlands bc i remember seeing someone say how their position in the centre of it all means every army trudges past them and i was like lmao the bridgertons cannot hold that territory. i think margaery = daphne is inspired what i wouldn't give for daphne to be half as cunning as margaery. a terror for high society tbh. Anthony's sense of honour is sometimes medieval (#commentary not approved by a historian, please refer to jacques le goff or whomever for confirmation) so i think it fits in a way. this world is laxer in some ways which i think would loosen anthony up a little, but in a way which mirrors the more outwardly violent way of westeros (his temper shall be fearsome).

hear me out wrt ben: willas tyrell (if that's his name), the older one with the bad leg. Anthony is still the head of the house, but ben was apprenticing with the kingsguard or whateve, and he got in an "accident" (everyone is envious of the bridgertons as usual but here they actually do something about it) i think it'd be wonderful if he went back disabled and everyone was bemoaning it and he was like "this ruins my chances of marriage but at least i don't have to kill anybody" meanwhile COLIN is loras--super well loved, athletic and handsome. i suppose he gets killed. pen would most definitely get a crush on him like that, in that way sansa used to dream of knights and then. Well. If we go the penben route, which i am always happy to entertain, i think it'd be very cute if they reunite after she comes back and he's got his bad leg and ruined future and is so confused about why she'd want him when she's so grand and powerful, and it'd be a lovely role reversal.

re: the featheringtons i agree about the tully colouring but i don't think portia has the tully character. I personally cannot picture any of the featheringtons as northerners whatsoever, not even the mormonts. i don't think they'd last a day past the vale (thats where lysa tully is right? I've not been googling anything I'll have you know sjjdjd). My take is they're affiliated with the lannisters. I think perhaps featherington is a vassal lannister house, which drew portia in on reputation and wealth, which featherington immediately squandered and was probably disposed of by tywin, if he could be bothered to deal with the minor flies. then the wars started and he just let the featherington house to rot or sacrificed them or something. probably took their house etc. you can use that to forge a connection with tyrion, even.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Been busy nonstop since i woke up (7:30am) and i am so fucking tired and irritable. I still have up to 1.5 hours of class left (i am hoping that we end early)

The most relaxing point of today was probably honestly that ABI test at my cardios at like 9:30am. I just got to lay there and listen to my bloodflow inside my vessels and get my bp taken and that was pretty cool to hear. The drive there took a whole hour tho (the way back had no traffic and was a little under 30 minutes to give an idea on traffic)

I had to rush to do an entire assignment during the little downtime i had between the ABI test and my psych appointment, which was probably the most stressful part of the day. It sucked. It is 100% my fault for not doing it during all of spring break and i know this, i just forgot and only focused on my other classes assignment. I am probably not going to get the best grade on this assignmnt tbh because i am not even sure if the answers to the questions were comprehensible

Psych appointment overall sucked but also its whats expected atp. Im so tired of people who know nothing about dealing with chronic pain telling me what i should do to make it better and that if im not doing xyz thing they think would help then obviously im not trying. Like maam there is a reason that i dont wear a brace during work and doing so would in fact make the pain worse and to the point that i wouldnt even be able to do my actual shift and i already am doing my pt stretches before and afterwards jesus christ. Also idk how many times i have to tell her that there a certain things that have to be done a certain way and that changing the way theyre done would make things worse overall yet i dont think she understands this. I luckily did get her to approve more emergency anxiety meds which should be helpful because it has been getting worse in general (due to stuff in therapy and also just some big life changes) and i have been avoiding taking a klonopin when needed due to only having one left. So at least theres that

I also had to go to the dentist today but i was not expected to get a whole ass root canal done today i thought i was just there for the evaluation. Which like yay it got done but also christ it cost so much and they didnt accept payment plans so i feel terrible because my mom said to go ahead and pay it and shell pay the credit card bill off in installments (or something like that i dont know how credit cards work) because she couldnt afford the full price atm. And i also have a colonoscopy thursday that also costs a lot (luckily that one we can do payment plans tho)

I am just. So tired. I just want class to be over with i dont want to think anymore i just want to go hangout with my friend and have my last meal before starting gi prep tomorrow for the colonoscopy. That is the only thing getting me through this class right now

[laaawliet]

i am actually in fact extremely depressed LOL several people have asked me what my plans for 2024 are and i have no idea. idk how to plan, i dont feel comfortable thinking about the future. 10 years ago i was sure i was going to die and im still here and it doesn't feel like a good thing skjnjks i keep looking for people's approval and i'm still lonely as fuck and idk what to do, i really don't know if it would be better to literally die or if im overreacting skdjkjs idk if i should delete everything and throw my phone away and stop doing things so that i dont have to go through this fucking ordeal every few weeks. i havent had time to actually process things and im so tired of not being wanted and comparing myself and just being sad all the time lol and i HAVE to say lol because i have to lessen the thing obv .... ugh

it's been a while since i do my moping in here because it's gotten to the point where i know that 1. no one reads this (which is, again, something that makes me go "why do i want someone to read this?" etc) and 2. if someone reads it, they don't care? like objectively, what can anyone do for me anyway? lol i remember when i started this blog it used to crush me that everyone got asks and i never did (have grown to accept this as a reality, that's not even what this post is about). it made me so upset not figuring out what i needed to have to have people seek me out and want to interact with me. im the person that always searches others and i know i make people get used to that by being like that but at the same time i AM tired. and sad. it used to make me so upset that i ~tried so hard to be likeable and it obviously backfired. i've taken to reading stuff i used to write back then and i ache for the person i was and how i didn't see how normal and nice and even funny i was lol but i never made anything anyone found "worth" it and that was enough to make me feel like crap. i even gave up writing for 5 years because i was never going to be a person people enjoyed reading lol or paid attention to or whatever. i do care about the stupid numbers and i hate being like this but i seriously don't know HOW to stop caring about it. someone told me once maybe i should just stop writing if it makes me so miserable but i was more miserable when i didnt write. idk what the point of being alive rn is. my career needs me to be something im not or have money that i dont have. the world is full of shit. people keep dying all the time and i dont know, my thoughts are not in order im not doing good

[nose-bl]

tao xu is autistic/adhd and you can't change my mind

we all pretty much agree isaac, charlie and tori are autistic, and i've already seen posts about why nick might be autistic too (1 , 2). there's also our adhd lesbian darcy. but i don't think i've seen any autistic/adhd tao posts. so here you go. also i decided to put images to separate the text and i can't believe i dont do that more often when i write very long posts (image descriptions added in alt text)

i will mostly focus on tv tao but most of this also applies to comic tao too

tao has some very clear routines and rituals in his life. he always bought juice for elle and himself, and when elle changed schools, it was hard for tao to stop that routine. movie night is sacred to him, and that ritual getting interrupted and cancelled upset him a lot. tao's issues are, in part, because he has routines that he's gotten used to getting interrupted. the way he lives his life, his friend group, everything, it worked in a specific way. but it suddenly starts changing and quickly. movie night is not the full gang anymore, charlie is hanging out with different people, and elle changes schools, which throws off the balance in tao's friend group. those things aren't bad (it's made clear that charlie spending time with nick and elle being at an all girls school is a GOOD thing), but they affect tao because of how much it changes the things he was used to

he talks to elle about her new school and is able to put things into perspective: elle leaving truham is a good change. but he isn't able to do this with charlie because he doesn't talk to him about nick after they officially start going out (because it's a secret)

tao also has trouble letting new people in. tao is very loud and blunt, and despite seeming very confident, he obviously has trouble making new friends and talking to others. which is why the idea of losing one friend is just the worst nightmare for him. he loves his friends so naturally he doesn't want to lose them, but when you don't have many friends and you have trouble speaking to others and finding people you are comfortable with, it's even worse. interestingly enough, elle struggles with the same thing, but slowly gets over it when she becomes friends with tara and darcy. tao struggles with it a bit more. he just can't let nick into their friend group. he doesn't approve of nick being at charlie's party, he refuses to get to know him. the obvious reasons are that he genuinely thinks nick is like the other rugby guys and will eventually hurt charlie, but the less obvious reason is because tao is scared of letting new people in, and nick being part of the group means the group being different

i think, also, we could say tao has trouble reading social cues and understanding social situations that other people do seem to get. we just see him interacting with his friends, a little bit with nick, and then harry. with his friends he clearly has no trouble just being himself, being goofy and having fun. when it comes to other people, though....he clearly didn't get (at first) that charlie's relationship with nick was none of his buisiness. he got caught up in the idea of protecting charlie from what he considered a potential threat, that he kept getting involved more and more and i don't think he even realized how much he was getting involved. elle even calls him "the king of getting involved", which tells me this is something tao just does. he doesn't get when his involvement is too much and he doesn't see when his help isn't needed until it's too late. i don't blame him at all, i get where he's coming from......

there's also the thing with harry. tao impulsively responded to harry's rudeness, he defended charlie, he even ended up in a physical fight with harry. tao has a huge sense of justice, and often takes matters into his own hands. charlie, instead, kept quiet, didn't respond, tried to keep a low profile. in part to protect nick, but also because he didn't want to make things worse by challenging harry. tao later gets that. him getting involved in that situation and responding to harry only made things worse. harry didn't have anything specific against tao before, but after tao stood up to him, harry started targetting him as well. i am not saying tao is at fault for being targeted by harry. harry is a bully and an asshole, tao did the right thing by standing up and he was brave to do so. but after getting targetted by harry and realizing charlie and nick are in fact dating, he understands why charlie's solution was to just let harry be an asshole and silently walk away. charlie knew he wasn't in a position to stand up to harry, so he didn't. tao, on the other hand, is much more confident and while he was in a less dangerous position to be challenging harry, he still got picked on.

okay let's get back on track. tao's special interest. it's obvious. he's a film person. cinema is his special interest. movie nights are really important to him, he cares about sharing his interest with the people he loves. he wants to share weird and dark films with his friends even if they don't understand the movies. when he reconciles with charlie, he tells him he has a long list of movies he has to show him, and that's just..........i love it. tao bonding with his friends and showing how much he loves them by sharing with them the thing that is most special to him

also, the way i see it, tao was hyperfixated on nick and charlie's friendship/relationship. literally it's the main thing he thinks and talks about, elle is even tired of tao only ever talking about nick and the situation with charlie. and this all negatively affects tao's life, because he just is't able to move on with his life and realize a lot of things about himself (like his crush on elle) because all that's on his mind is nick and charlie. hyperfixations aren't always about a piece of media or random topic, people with adhd can get hyperfixated on anything, and that includes people and ongoing situations around them

also there's something about tao always wearing a beanie wherever he goes whatever the weather is, like it's a comfort object for him. you could argue it's bc he's a fictional character and that's just His Accesory. but every choice in heartstopper is very conscious, tao wearing beanies all the time is an important part of him. he barely takes it off. the moments i can remember that he doesn't have it on that seem very intentional are: when he's having honest conversations with elle in a comfortable place, when he confronts charlie and during sports day. i feel like tao without his beanie on is a vulnerable tao. he opens up a lot to elle during those moments . he is in a very vulnerable position during sports day, and when he's lashing out to charlie and being honest about his pain. also in the comics, when charlie tells tao he's going out with nick and that tao was the last to know because he might have been the reason charlie got outed, tao didn't have his beanie on at first, but then he gets stressed out and feels guilty and he immediatly puts it back on and leaves

another thing i find interesting is that tao refers to himself and his friends as "borderline outcasts". now, i don't know if he was exagerating or if he genuinely meant that, but either way, this just tells me they're The Weird Kids (my beloved). charlie has been ostracized, bullied and rejected for being the gay kid. isaac mostly keeps to himself and is a quiet, chill boy who doesn't socialize too much even with his friends. and then there's tao. who is obviously labeled as weird, loud and annoying by others. which, surprise surprise, is what many adhd and autistic kids are called by their peers. i don't think tao was ever bullied, at least not at the level charlie was, but he clearly was rejected by many kids and had trouble finding his small friendgroup

anyway help me spread my autistic/adhd tao propaganda by reblogging this :)