babithyn

[babithyn]

Having 3D and not being skinny is like a punishment. Nobody takes you seriously and nobody believes you. But just wait, you'll see.

[babithyn]

Contrary to popular belief, 3dblr is not a cult. You wanna get out and recover? Beautiful, gorgeous, great. We love that for you ❤️❤️❤️

[babithyn]

I will fucking whack anyone who says "uh uh uh recovery is impossible" BITCH!!! STARVE YOUR OWN ASS, DON'T SHOOT DOWN INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!!

I fucking loathe y'all. We are sick, but telling someone crying out for help that recovery is just a daydream?! Fucking disgusting.

You can go to therapy, you can go to a hospital, you can ask your family and friends for support, you can team up with another ana and be recovery buddies.

Recovery is possible. Maybe you will hear your ed every now and then in the back of your mind, but that is nothing compared to freedom and health. Or, maybe, you will fully recover, and never suffer from this again... That is also an option <3

Dare to dream, dare to be free

[babithyn]

July 23rd, 2024

tw~ ed

Ya girl is back:)

We have passed 200lbs yay :) but right now we are at a standstill between 192lbs and 194lbs. But thats my fault ive been kind of all fucked up metally and i keep binge eating my emotions.

Life is shit. I caught my boyfriend was caught talking to other women again (by the way, Face ID works even when someone is sleeping), and I am still in a relationship with him.Cant seem to het myself to leave i still love him.

Had a family member pass away so I have a funeral to go to this Monday. Yay, 8-hour drive with my mom, her boyfriend, and my daughter. Just to sob in silence.

My doctor put me on wegovy (bootleg ozempic) and my blood sugar keeps dropping to the 40’s. Yay hypoglycemia!!!!

Being hypoglycemic and having an ed is just not a good combination. because unless i want to go to the hospital i actually have to eat something to get my blood sugar up. Which fucks up my fasts and in fucking hate it.

And whenever i even slightly exercise, even if its just cleaning my blood sugar drops. In fact it just happened! i had to eat 250cal of peanut butter just to get it into the 50’s.

But its okay i got this… hopefully lmao.

Anyways Babi thyn out much love:)

[babithyn]

Babi diary ???

February 15th, 2024

tw~ed

Ahhhh guys!!! ive gotten down to 213lbs! I’m so relieved im actually loosing weight!

I accidentally did a 25hour fast yesterday. which im not bad about but it wasn’t intentional haha.

But within the past i wanna say 4 days ive dropped 8lbs. i feel like im loosing too much too fast. im glad that im loosing weight but i know that im going to have serious problems with loose skin.

I already have an over hand thanks to my pregnancy. But i know its gonna be wven worse now which makes me really sad.

I’ve always wanted a nice small waist with a flat stomach. and now unless i get surgery i wont have that.

but with a kid how am i gonna get that ya know? lowkey upset about that.

later today im going over to my daughters fathers house. which is a whole other predicament.

When im there i cant restrict my calories. I can definitely fast because he works. But he buys us food and if i dont finish it he gets mad. im pretty sure Ive complained about it before. But fuck it’s difficult.

He know ive had an ed in the past and when we met. but he doesnt know that ive started again. and honestly i dont want him to.

I’ll be there till either monday or the feiday after next idk yet. but we arent together i just dont have rhe money to be driving between his and my house that often. he’s an hour and a half away so rip ya know. but im not gonna keep him from his daughter. but he does give me mixed signals which sucks.

anyways i will update you guys on what happens throughout the week🖤

cw:213lbs

gw:210lbs

ugw:110lbs

[babithyn]

BabiDairy

February 13th, 2024

tw~ed

Hi everyone, i’ve finally reached my first gw!!! we are at 217.5lbs/98.7kg!!! God its taken forever im so happy!

I just did a 35hr fast and broke it with two large eggs with some hot sauce. which brings me to 182cal. today the goal is to stay under 500cal.

I broke my fast at 11:50am so i will try to fast for a minimum of 6hours. but hopefully i will fast longer.

Hw:258lbs

Sw:233lbs

Cw:217.5lbs

Gw:210lbs

Ugw:110lbs

[babithyn]

[babithyn]

the fact that the average SINGULAR CRUMBL COOKIE is about 750 c@ls should literally be illegal wtf

[babithyn]

Reblog if:

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

- Even if you yourself, aren’t seeking help or are in recovery, want others too.

[babithyn]

babi diary ???

Febuary 10th, 2024

tw~ed

Hi everyone:) So i got some updates And some b0d3ch3k’s at the bottom:)

So Bad news first. im still fluctuating between 221lbs and 224lbs. I also got prescribed latuda which i have to eat a minimum of 300cal with otherwise it wont work and i have to take it at night. That’s a triple fuck me right there. I also might have a bulging disk in my back and carpal tunnel in my wrist, which both require surgery to fix. Another fuck me. And they keep me from walking and picking things up. Which not only sucks because i need to be active, but worse of all it makes it difficult to take care of my daughter. She’s a big baby (btw!!! she just turned 3months on the 7th!!!) she’s almost 16lbs which makes picking her up extremely difficult. My back screams at me and my wrist makes my hand give out on me. So yea thats like a huge slap of “go fuck urself babityn” to the face ya know.

But good news is that I got prescribed adderal for my adhd and it keeps me from eating a shit ton during the day. My appetite is barely existent if im honest with you. If i didnt have to eat with the latuda i could probably go 48h of fstin no problem.

Like, since i got prescribed the adderal ive legit only eaten one mean a day. Granted, its an actual meal. im at my daughter’s fathers house helping him take care of her. he picks up some extra shifts at work to pay bills at the house we started renting together and for our daughters necessities. and if i dont eat the food he gets me he will get mad. btw i only ask for one thing (if i ask for nothing he also gets upset) but i always end up with way more than wat i ask for.

btw he be giving me hella mixed signals and im not here for it honestly. i still love him but he fucked up and im still ✨hurt✨ :’)

other good news is i got a knew box mod! Im not spending as much money on disposables and im less hungry with it. Box mods with saltnic hit more like cigs and i used to be a smoker for a good while.

anyways here are the b0d3ch3ks. am i still absolutely ginormous yes is there at least a slight difference??? honestly cant tell tbh. but goddamn pregnancy ruined my body. i got stretchmarks galore AND an overhang??? kmn omfg:’)

242lbs/109.8kg 224lbs/101.6kg

oh and here’s my stomach when i was 18wks pregnant and i was just staring to show:’) twas kinda skinny:’)

174lbs/78.9kg

[babithyn]

sometimes i feel like a wannarexic, but then i remember that regular people don't think of how many calories are in smth they even look at

[babithyn]

January 20th, 2024

babi diary ????

tw~verbal abuse

Today me and my boyfriend broke up. since the beginning of November he’s been talking to other women. i found that out on monday night. I stayed till today.

Our entire relationship he’s been abusive. Not physically… but mentally. He’s destroyed my self worth. My appearance. He’s called me ugly, a whore, a bitch, fat. Every name under the sun he’s called me.

Today, he saw a stain on my side of the bed and absolutely tore into me. said he wanted to punch me. I apologized and said that i would clean it. which i was doing and he still was yelling at me and threatened our relationship. I told him the stain was coming out and it did come out but that wasnt good enough.

So i had enough. I was ready to take him to court for emotional abuse. I dont want money I would sue him. but honestly i dont want that i didnt i just wanted him to get help. So he doesnt treat our daughter that way. So he doesnt treat any other woman that way. if i could sue him without money and just make him get help i would.

But i told him he has 2 days to get help otherwise i will have to take action. he swears that he would win a court case but i know thats just because he’s a cop. and his family has money. but i have proof he’s abusive he’s isolated me.

We’re going to do things without the courts for now. and thats how i’d like things to be. as long as he doesnt do the things he’s done to me or our daughter our entire relationship and actually gets mental help.

sorry gor the vent… bye guys<3

[babithyn]

December 13th, 2023

tw~ed/mental health/sc

So ive been at a standstill with my weight. ive been fluctuating between 221-224. Granted ive been eating like shit. Ive been doing my best to restrict but its hard with with my boyfriend.

He kind of gets mad when i dont eat… and its not exactly in a concerned way. It’s more of in an irritated way. Now that i thibk about it… im not sure he’s ever been concerned about me…

Im honestly doubting his feelings towards me. I mean he says he loves me but i feel like he doesnt show it… maybe im just being overly sensitive/emotional like he says i am. i dont know.

im scared to talk to him. whenever i do he just gets mad at me. i cant talk about my feelings or how im feeling. i feel like i have to just keep it all bottled up.

i dont know what to do. He never asks if im okay. if i seem upset he gets irritated and says “wats wrong now.” honestly i kind of just want to die. i dont know if i can do this anymore.

But i cant leave my daughter. she’s the only thing keeping me here. so dont worry i wont kms but i honestly want to. i dont want to be alive only to feel like im pining for love from someone i love with my entire heart.

i cant leave him though. even the thought makes me… i just cant…

everythibg feels like wverythings falling apart not building itself up. im falling im breaking.

i cant look at myself in the mirror, i cant be happy in my relationship, i cant just be happy to have my daughter.

i dont want to do this anymore, but i have no choice and thats what hurts the most. i have to live dieing isnt an option.

[babithyn]

November 21st, 2023

tw~ed

So i accidentally only ate 2 rice cakes with peanut butter and honey yesterday. Like it wasn’t intentional i just had to do so many things and i was exhausted.

I had to take my daughter to the dr. because of some problems with her umbilical cord. Then i had to put together her stroller when we got home.

I mean i also had a coffee from starbucks cause i was exhausted from staying up all night taking care of my baby.

What sucks even more is that i didnt even finish the stroller. i only have one more piece but still i have a huge mess in my living room.

Also, my bf who slept most of the night fell asleep with me, woke up and went to the gym. which i didn’t mind. what i did mind is him waking me up throughout the day to feed our daughter when he damn well couldve fed and changed her.

I would take the bottle he heated up and he would leave the room. I would accidentally fall asleep, bottle in hand without grabbing our daughter to feed her. And instead of him just being like, “you know what shes really tired i might as well feed our daughter.” He would wake me up and tell me to feed her or change her or whatever.

Of course im going to take care of our daughter, i love my little monster. But i could use the help when im that exhausted.

My frustration is peaked cuz i was so tired i slept all night as well and still was waking up ever 1-3hours to a screaming infant and who had to take care of her? that would be my ass.

In other news i lost another 2lbs so im happy about that. But idk what my dr. is going to say about that cuz ive lost A LOT since i gave birth. I just dont want any problems.

But tn im having a really hard time convincing myself to eat. Like ive been awake since 7am, its now almost 1 and i still havent eaten. i know i have to eat but the thought of eating rn makes me nauseous and anxious.

I havent breastfed or pumped in 2days and somehow my boobs dont hurt. which tells me im not producing enough milk and i know its from not eating. i honestly feel like a horrible mom.

Like fuck! why cant i just be a normal person and not worry about my weight and how i look until my daughter starts eating actual food?

anyways as alwaysthanks for coming to my ted talk. stay safe:)

[babithyn]

November 16th, 2023

tw~ ed

Hey guys, good news! I lost 6lbs within the past 3 days :) i mean its not much compared to what my goal is but im happy im below 230lbs.

I mean my highest weight was 259lbs and that was right before i gave birth to my babygirl :)

Granted, i haven’t been very disciplined so i’m kind of confused as to how i lost 6lbs. Maybe its water weight from all the swelling. I mean my feet we’re probably 4x their normal size. I couldnt even fit into my slides which were size nines and i where a seven. But i can fit in them again!

Also my bf’s hoodie use to be snug around my waist and now its loose so my stomach has gone down a little bit.

We went grocery shopping and i was doing my best to get healthy food and low c@l food. Bit i had to remind myself that i cant eat to little of food otherwise i wont have the nutrients in my body to nurse my daughter.

Another thing i have to remind myself is that the breast milk my body is making weighs about 10-15lbs. But because i’m nursing i should be loosing 1-2lbs a month. Cuz nursing burns calories surprisingly enough.

My goal is to loose another 5lbs by the end of the month. Although thanksgiving is around the corner so thats a little scary. But i might not be going to my moms for it meaning i might not celebrate it in general.

My mom had changed plans on me and is now going to her friends for thanksgiving. See that wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have a newborn and i knew her friend. But considering i dont know her friend i’m not comfortable taking my daughter or myself to some random strangers house. I don’t like meeting new people in general and you can times that by 20 now that i have a kid.

But in other good news. :) my bf and i were approved to rent a house! we get to move in on the first. Meaning we gotta start packing now. But i get to have my pupper with me!

i spent $100 to get him esa certified. So that i dont have to pay a pet fee and they cant refuse us housing or kick us out because we have a dog. So things are looking up for us!

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it has 3beds and 2 and a half af baths. Its two stories with a backyard and a garage! We got a brand new sofa and loveseat set!

The only downside to the house is that we’re going to be paying $2k a month not including utilities. And i probably wont be able to go back to work till about february maybe march. and i’ll probably only be doing part time for the first couple month’s i go back. On top of that ill have to pay for a babysitter.

Im thinking it might be more financially beneficial to just be a stay at home mom until she’s about 8-11months that way she’ll have started saying small words and hopefully have taken her first steps. then i can take her to a daycare and i can go to work full time.

but other than that we also need to get some more furniture and appliances. we need a washer and dryer, a new bed since we have a queen and our daughter loves sleeping with us. We also need a dining room table, dishes, cook wear, dressers nightstands. granted i have two dressers at my moms. its just that they’re heavy as all hell.

But on the plus side my mom and her bf are willing to help us and my bestfriend is coming to visit and said she would help us. And i’m sure my bf’s friends wouldnt mind helping its just a matter of him asking. I mean him and his friends are cops and if you know anything about first responders its that they have a huge sense of camaraderie.

Its kind of funny im dating a cop. I’ve never been a huge fan of them but it’s mostly the system that im not a fan of. it lets the bad ones get away with horrible shit.

But thats off topic. actually the bottom half of this entire post is off topic.

Anyways if you’ve read this far thank you :) Stay safe and much love thank you for coming to my ted talk:)

[babithyn]

November 13th, 2023

tw~ ed

I’m struggling… i want to restrict my food intake but i have to breast feed my daughter. My dr. wont even let me go on a healthy diet.

I’m formula feeding and breast feeding but formula is so expensive. So i have to breastfeed as often as possible especially since im running low on formula.

But when i look in the mirror i just want to cry. My stomachs going down but i still have all this fat and loose skin and stretch marks.

Im also not allowed to exercise for at least another 3weeks due to the c-section. Speaking of god does it hurt. I went out with my boyfriends family and i overdid it. we went furniture shopping and out to eat twice. I like that i was walking a lot but it irritated my incision.

I just want to be the way i was a year ago… i was making amazing progress… i dropped to 177lbs from 210lbs in a month. i was so proud of myself. If i can find some pictures of myself from last year ill add them. i wasn’t skinny but i was making great progress.

I found some these where in about january right before i got pregnant.

well ima leave this here because now im even more depressed :’)

As always thank you for coming to mu ted talk:)

[babithyn]

November 11th, 2023

tw~ ed, mental health, drgs, sa

Hi again everyone. I had my baby and she’s the most precious thing in my life and i love her so much.

But the labor and delivery might be the most traumatic experience in my 22years of life. Almost as traumatic as my SA experience.

I passed my due date and got scheduled for an induction. I went in for my induction a little anxious but i was mentally prepared for a lot of pain. But apparently i didn’t mentally prepare myself enough.

The pain was bad… i mean really bad… I got a cook catheter to open up my cervix which was very uncomfortable at first and just got worse. The gave me dilauded for the pain. which helped but i was trying not to use it to much. But once they gave me the pitocin the pain got so bad that i had to ask for it. and then at one point the dilauded just wasnt helping. I broke down and asked for an epidural.

I was trying to hold of on it till i was at least 6cm dilated but i had been at 3cm for over 24hours at that point and in pre labor for almost 48hours. I honestly couldnt take much more pain.

but of course another problem arose. I had to wait for my epidural. My IV in my hand had blown and i wasn’t getting any fluids or even the pitocin. Meaning they had to put in a new one. But again another problem.

They anesthesiologist couldnt get the needle in my vein. He tried six times. blowing each vein as he tried. They ended up having a medic come in with an ultrasound machine to give me an iv in my inner bicep. and even then i still had to weight at least 20min to get more iv fluids in me. But i thankfully got the epidural eventually.

The epidural was a life savor. I was numb from the waist down i couldnt move left leg at all. But then another problem arose.

My daughters heart rate kept dropping. They would move me from side to side to see if it would help but in the end i ended up having an unplanned csection.

That… that was terrifying. i was doing my beat to keep myself together but i was so scared.

My boyfriend had gone home real quick to take a shower and i had to call him and have him rush back to be here for our daughters birth.

When i was wheeled in to the operating room, i was trying not to hyperventilate. I was panicking. everything was going wrong. Everything was the opposite of how i wanted things. I didnt want to be cut open. i didnt want to be in labor for 48hours. at this point i just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

When they started i could feel the tugging. i couldnt feel the “pain” but i could feel them tugging on my other organs. I could feel my lungs being pulled it felt like i had a stack of bricks on my chest. I got dizzy and nauseous. I wanted all of this to end.

Im thankful for my boyfriend. he had been extremely encouraging and doing his best to comfort me. but i felt so out of place. he doesnt talk to me like that he doesn’t say sweet things to me. it made me even more terrified. But in the end i am thankful he was with me but fuck i was so scared.

When i finally saw my daughter through the window… it didnt feel real. I felt numb and exhausted. yet scared and depressed. I felt so much yet nothing at all.

My boyfriend got to hold her first and hearing him talk to her didnt feel real. nothing about this felt real.

My boyfriend took pictures of her and then the nurse brought her over to me. I couldnt even hold her. my right arm was strapped down and i could barely move my left. Even when i look back at the pictures my bf took of me and our daughter I dont think happy thoughts. All i can think of is the pain and fear and exhaustion i felt in that moment.

When i got back to my room They took the epidural out. and everything started to get a little better. my mom was there with her bf i had my boyfriend with me.

Then we got moved to a different room. My mom and her bf left and we spent some time with our daughter. I was given my everyday medicine. and tried to sleep. Now one of my meds is a sleeping medication also known as ambien. At this point i havent slept in almost 3 days. Im exhausted but i cant sleep. so i took another one of my ambien to help me fall asleep. Its something I always do and something my dr.s are aware of.

The next day however theambien fid something weird to me. I was out of it. I was loopy slurring my words and just straight up high. It was bad. I had never had a reaction like that. The nurses were concerned my boyfriend was concerned. it was a shitshow. I have gaps in my memory i remember them taking my daughter from me and me being confused as to why. I was lucid most of the time i remember and i even remember telling them I can think clearly its just my body wont listen to me.

Then when the ambien finally wore off a case worker came in to talk to me. I was upset and im sure it showed. She was asking me all these questions about if i do drugs if i do this or that. I explained to her that ive taken 20mg of ambien before and have never had a reaction like this and that my dr.s are aware that i have to take 20mg sometimes or i just wont sleep.

On top of all of that i was in so much pain. i was having postpartum contractions, my incision from the C-section burned and ached, i could feel all of my organs moving, and everytime i had to get up to go to the bathroom felt like i was going to die. It was awful.

It got to the point where all i wanted to do was cry and just sleep and not wake up. But i couldnt do either. My daughter was now cluster feeding and up all night. And my bf was in the room I just hated all of it.

I apologized to all my nurses for how i acted and they understood and explained that it couldve just been a hormone drop that caused my body to react that way. Still i felt extremely bad but they all vouched for me to get discharged. Even the midwife and baby dr. vouched that we were good to go.

Even tho i was in so much pain and new i physically probably shouldve stayed as long as mu daughter was okay to leave i was going to leave. i didnt want to be there any longer. I felt like an outcast like i was a horrible mom. I just wanted the comfort of my own home.

Now im back home and im in so much agony. mentally and physically. I cried almost all night last night and the night before. I couldnt stop myself.

My bf would ask wats wrong and i dint want to tell him in fear of him getting angry at me. I was trying my best to hide the fact that i was even crying. I just told him that im just worn out and tired. Which isn’t exactly a lie cuz i was but on top of that i was in pain and i had finally looked at myself in the mirror…

Im so fat. I still look pregnant and my stomach hangs. I cant even see my c-section incision. i have never looked worse in my life. I am so ugly and fat I cant wear any of my pants. I cant wear my underwear. Things that were baggy on me dont fit. Im so disgusted with myself.

At this point i dont know how im going to be able to look at myself even if i lose all this weight. I already have loose skin thanks to being pregnant and now im going to have even more when i loose all this weight. im honestly contemplating a gastric sleeve if my insurance covers it. because im more than positive i qualify for it. But then again i dont know. all i know is i hate looking in the mirror i hate touching my atomach i hate everything about myself.

Another thing i havent been able to breast feed. And because of that my breasts have turned into rocks and the hurt and they’re hot to the touch. they leak so bad that my maternity bra is drenched.

I also have been doing way to much. but i feel like if i tell my boyfriend i cant be standing up and down and bending over and lifting so many heavy things he’ll just get mad at me.

Maybe i should be thankful that he’s even helping me. I mean he did let me sleep a good amount of the day today.

but we also had a dr.s appt for our daughter and we hadnt gotten much sleep and i thought i had grabbed her paperwork but i didnt grab the right one and he got mad that he had to go out to the car to get it for me. we also had problems with the carseat and he blamed me for getting a difficult one. idk i keep fucking up idk what to do.

Its now almost 6am and we have to meet up with his family later today. Im just glad he let me sleep for a while yesterday. i think i got a good 6hours while he watched our daughter. so its been my turn to watch her tonight. i know i should sleep while she sleeps but its so difficult beca im scared i wont wake up to feed her or when she cries. So ive just decided to stay awake and just keep an eye on her.

Well im going to stop my complaining here. if anyone has read this far thank you for listening to my bullshit.

As always, stay safe and thank you for coming to my ted talk. Much love🖤🖤🖤🖤