#i dont even know but it was something to do with my identity so its also why i got really passionate over it
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Imagine if you were a gay or bi man who tried a certain firefighter show because of all the attention it was getting for one of its mains having a later in life bi awakening.....and between seasons you ventured into its fandom in search of material to tide you over til the next one. And you're greeted by a deluge of posts and fics that are just cheerfully homophobic towards one half of the newly out bi character's canon relationship on the basis of 'well he's not the RIGHT gay guy' and pushing the idea that actually its fine to cheat on him because Reasons and he's sexually predacious based on......behind the scenes implications people have divined like they're reading fucking tea leaves.
But don't get it twisted....this fandom, like all fandoms, really cares about representation!
Sorry not sorry, but we really need to kill this idea that fandoms are welcoming and inviting and inherently progressive when they're frequently insular and reductive as fuck. Every single fandom I've been in has had major trends of people doubling down on their own headcanons and fanon interpretations of the characters and willfully enacting trends aimed at running off people who like the 'wrong' characters (usually characters marginalized along one or multiple axes), like the characters in the 'wrong ways' or other bullshit.
Scott is a Bad Friend fics overtaking Teen Wolf fandom was not incidental, it was a FEATURE of the fandom, because the vast majority of that fandom did not want to share its space with anyone who had the nerve to like its main character. Survivors complaining about or criticizing the prevalance of rape fics in a certain fandom has in my experience always led to a reactionary UPTICK in those fics, with gems like 'this character can, will, must be raped' in the tags making it crystal clear that some of these fics exist because how fucking DARE anyone try and push forth a narrative not agreed upon by Fandom Main.
I could cite examples for so many other fandoms, with the commonalities always being that vast majorities in these fandoms are explicitly reacting defensively to being asked to be more mindful of fandom trends revolving around or exacerbating racism, homophobia, transphobia, rape or abuse apologia, ableism, etc....
With the most prolific fucking rallying cry across countless fandoms being "No the fuck we will NOT be doing that," because lolololol.....
Fandom is an inherently progressive space, didn't you hear?
#anyway this has been on my mind in general for a few weeks now#and its more about fandoms just being fandoms#and like....what if they werent though#these patterns migrate from one to another as fans migrate from fandom to fandom bringing their bullshit with them#like do people never get tired of just trying to call DIBS and claim fandoms for themselves while shutting out anyone else#who might have a lot to fucking offer if you werent being so gd intent on staking a claim instead of sharing perspectives#and exploring new possibilities?#and I know not everyone links certain problems with racist homophobic and other behaviors to my own issues with dark fic and rape and#abuse apologia but I do inherently see it as sharing large portions of venn diagrams even though I do not consider being a survivor to be#something that demarcates privilege in the way that axes of identity do#as its situationally based rather than inherently identity based#but the way it can affect and shape large parts of peoples' identities begets commonalities#but my point is just.....a big part of why I so often lump it in is specifically because of how people react to these things or#defend against criticism across the board#like most people know my stance on censorship and how my blood boils when its people who are throwing accusations of#censorship at those raising criticisms....#but the point is just.....think about what censorship actually IS in all practical senses of the word#its about shutting down conversations. limiting the flow of information the sharing of perspectives and experiences#THATS WHAT MAKES IT BAD#now......what about criticism inherently lends itself to any of those things if you DONT accept as a foregone conclusion that criticism#is only ever offered up in bad faith and meant as a silencing tactic#instead of just a request or offered avenue of ways for things to be done better rather than not at all?#who is ACTUALLY out here trying to shut down convos and limit possibilities?#is it really the people being critical of fandom behaviors and trends?#or the ones doubling down at the first hint of any criticism and aggressively ramping up how frequently and visibly they engage in#the criticized behaviors in efforts to drive people away or as a silencing tactic of their own?#just saying
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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uuuuuhhh no reason just wanna see the robot get preggers because nobody is really taking advantage of the narrative consequences of the robots of ULTRAKILL having fleshy bits inside them (in my humble opinion hahahaha...hahaha....hah....). Anywhosen also a sucker for general Bad End especially when it involves a psycho-sexual (breeding) binding to a greater entity but also I wanna see the murder-robot get knocked up. And the galaxy brain bit of this is instead of calming down they just get Worse.
YEAH NO ONE REALLY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT. and well i mostly assumed a very small percentage of people actually want to breed the robots like that which is why.
also i don't think this as a bad end, but a bad path that can lead to some other.. inch resting things (my stupid ass is trying to craft a plot with horror and drama from this path and how it'd change the story slightly despite knowing I will never get around to writing it in fic form except tiny excerpt ideas and art)
also i have so much to say abt the 'it doesn't calm down it just gets worse' bc its So true
#kicking my legs. it sooo genuinely gets worse i think it believes its actually in “love” with hell. and maybe it is.#gets worse and loses itself more and more. abandon any last trace of identity that had never been regarded anyway by anyone#its easy to let something guide you and instruct you in nearly everything if it feels too painfully good? and why spend more power thinking#altho for the. plot i was conducting in my head it was msotly involving gabriel and the primes bc of an idea my friend gave me which was#that if this occurred before v1 reached the prime sanctums it could have been guided or instructed to go to the sanctums but at the time#it does its currently carrying a child and because of that both the primes and v1 itself are spared because. i dont know if i think#the kings would fight a pregnant person . i at least think sisyphus Wouldnt because wheres the fun in an opponent who appears to already#be disadvantaged. (even if it can fare just fine.)#if any friendships were able to be made (cough . i like sisyphus qnd v1 platonic and romantic) itd be kind of. sad from an outside perspect#ve to watch it deteriorate into being less of its own entity and becoming slowly just another extension of hell. even in fighting it shows.#i wish i could explain it all better#and sorry if this ask is late to be answered i was writing my rwsponse at a con LMAOOO#.txt#ask#i want to write i have no timeee no energyyy but hear me out there is potential for crazy wackjob shit#ive decided also not to kill gabriel i think i should do somethign fucked up with him and his inexperience in relationshios#i forgot who suggested he should get so desperate that he begs for hell to take him as well. (which i cant decide if it would or wouldnt bc#its kind of really funny and mean if it#says no)
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whats it called when your not depressed but just doing something that once made you happy is so overwhelming and theres so much to do and set up and expectations that i have of myself that i cant even bring myself to begin to post online again head in hands
#i... dont want to job hunt why is there so much to do#what am i meant to do also with like how do i go about not getting deadnamed when all this legal identity stuff requires ID and everything#to match with whatever name you put in the profiles and whatever so now its just something u have to explain which is scary like what#i dont even know what to draw the art block is killing me and this stupid imposter syndrome that i shouldnt even have is also here guhhhh#websites????? need to? fix ??? i- what the fuck......#my reaction when i just want to hug my boyfriend and not have to think about anything else ever again#i see all these tips and tricks for all getting employed or art stuff and theres just so so much i just want to lay on the floor
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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One of my friends got spoiled for the ending of orv by one of her classmates. And it isn't even a proper spoiling where she now knows the ending. It's literally just for the big plot twists. The marvel movie version of orv if you will. I think I might actually hate someone in real life more than I hate myself
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#literally the worst type of spoilers#you just get left confused and distraught and without any real understanding of the story#like seriously how stupid do you have to be to not have the self restraint to not spoil a story???#cannot believe i share a fandom with something with the brain functionality of a decomposing frog#okay maybe its because it involves my friend and ive been trying so hard over the past year and a half to NOT spoil her#but i am so pissed by this????????#and i might be overreacting a bit (or a lot)#but like. orv is just one of those novels that you have to experience (mostly) unspoiled#lbr there is no way youre reading it unspoiled unless you dont go on social media the whole time#but like. you dont just go up to someone who is still in the nirvana arc. and fucking explain the 4951 tls123 etc etc#you just dont#learning the reason for the creation of wos (even though i already knew who tls123 was). experiencing the confrontation with od (even though#i already knew his identity). the growing dread as i read ch 516 because it seemed like such a good anding and i just knew something would#happen (there were too many chapters left. i didnt know what the 49 51 thing was). these are all things that my friend will never experience#how can i not be angry. how can i not hate this person.#orv spoilers
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mutual how are you so good at getting into arguments with people who agree with you
probably bc i only respond to people who cant write or read
"rape play can be consented to" and "rape can be consented to" are VERY different sentences. n like honestly i shouldnt even have bothered.
if you have such a fundamental misunderstanding of the english language i wont waste my time trying to communicate with you. when every word means something different its not really english anymore is it. if everything u say is so divorced from the english language that i need to ask you to repeat and translate everything i dont think im at fault here
i might just cut contact w anyone in the community because everything i say is misunderstood and misrepresented and not taken seriously if im not sucking up to people.
and so many words have new double-meanings and im led to think i disagree with ppl because theyre fucking incapable of writing a coherent sentence. and then its my fault somehow.
and its not like 'transid' or paraphilia dont exist outside of the radqueer community. everyone wants to change things about themselves. everyone changes. people are into weird shit and have mental disorders. i dont have a problem with peoples experiences.
n if rqs put any effort into what they say (or even didnt blame me for assuming that a word doesnt have any new secret meaning) id treat it the same as the mogai or liom community. whatever. kinda fun. sometimes theres a relatable label
.delete later
#i do have a deep insecurity about being stupid and always confused and people not understanding anything i say#ableist shit#but i also dont see anything wrong with how i talk from my perspective#i dont know why whatever is wrong with me is wrong with me#other autists dont like or understand me#but like. even if theres something fundamentally wrong with me im not gonna bend over backwards and make myself palatable you anyone.#i dont give a shit really. no one has to like or understand me ig#also. 'where do you guys find animal rape porn?'. im not hanging out near a community where thats as common as it is and people you reblog#from like that shit.#im aware that 'not all of us' and 'theres bad apples everywhere' but thw queer community doesnt have a Huge chunk that believes in#legalizing rape.#and i dont think id hang out in any other community that does.#also#not as bad obviously but so many people being pathetic. identities for when youre trans but have internallized so much transphobia tha#t youre calling yourself cis now#you have intrusive thoughts so now you say youre transharmful.#its a whole lot of letting outside factors control your identity which is just miserable to look at for me#and not a vibe i wanna be around#sometimes theres straight up bigotry 'afab 4 afab because duhh afab means pussy. and transsexuals dont exist' or treating birth assignment#as a gender#you see that in the regular queer community too i just feel like complaining#im just tired of this. every day i log on to tumblr and see a rq post and go 'wow/damn these people are extremely annoying and detached#from the english language'.#fucking. even transgender in a transid context has a different meaning#ppl say transgender isnt a transid and like. theyre right and theyre also wrong.#transgender(transid version) isnt the fucking same as transgender(queer community)#and this isnt me being genuine but lets have some fun with radqueer etymology and twist transgender even further. trans- in a transid#context means (change) with intent.#i did not choose my gender with intent..therefore actually i am a cisgender male.#so if i do end up fucking blocking you then you know why
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that damn web comic is rattling around in my brain ...
#i just felt smacked in the face with a mirror reality something i could see not only myself but so many other people i know/have known in#with a frighteningly sharp precision#some of the people in whn look IDENTICAL to real life friends or exes or people i knew in high school or coworkers#i sent it to my friend and he said 'i feel like this HAPPENED to someone i know'#i keep thinking about that awful feedback loop of mental illness isolation and social media addiction#but its so much more complicated than 'touch grass' like you could shoot all these peoples phones#and theyd just turn to something equally toxic and retraumatizing and self-flagellating#they already show this because they have ed's and self harm and abuse substances and spend money they dont have#the chronic online-ness is a symptom not the disease#the thing that makes me a little sick is how much i relate to milo refusing to delete his tumblr even after everything#i have had instances in my life where posting on tumblr was actively making my life worse or harder or getting in the way of real shit#and i still use it as a crutch in the worst of times#its just funny cuz its this thing that saves you from riskier vices while still obviously perpetuating those things#because its a place that reflects You so heavily#you reblog sad shit cause youre sad and it makes you sadder#you wanna self harm you see people post their cutting pics now you feel like its not so weird or bad#its making me ask questions like 'am i stunted' 'what does it mean to be stunted' and then of course#when is someone 'acting like a victim' and just A Victim and can you do both and what does that mean#man....
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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
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its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting
#like he knew that a lot of the money i earned went directly to paying my families bills and literally feeding them and he still. said that#to me. and then when i got upset he spun it as me being irrational and playing the victim and always guilttripping him like. idk. idk.#i try rly hard not to think abt that bc it just makes me feel horrific but like. i was already so insanely paranoid about spending money#any Non essential purchase made me spiral and then that just made it. so much worse . i told him from the start i didnt have much money and#he said it was fine and i told him from the start id pay him back as quickly as i could and he said it was fine and then he just#he completely ghosted me he never talked to me he slept downstairs and he spent more time with one of our roommates than he did me#and now i. know why he did that lol#but whatever. but he iced me out and the only time he ever talked to me was to tell me i was being greedy for not paying him back#or if i literally fuckjng. begged him to do skmething with me#and then hed spend like 1 hour completely checked out but technically sitting in the same room as me and i just. idk. that relationship#genuinely like. fucked me up. and now i reakize it wasnt Just since i moved here and a lot of the like. stripping me of.my identity and#pressuring me into doing. certain things when i wasnt comfortable with them and guilttripping me if i did try to stand up for myself. now i#realize that had been going on nearly since the start but it fucking. rly hurts. basically#and to top it all of he knew i struggle with very severe depression and i have since i was a kid and he knew i specifically struggle a lot#with hygiene and he knew how gross that makes me feel. and he still called me disgusting for it. and in every argument he had he would#hold the fact i owed him money over my head and i judt. i dont know what i was supposed to do. and i realize now there was jothing bc he#was already. yk. and probably had been for a while but it just. rly fucking sucks basically.#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.#and i try to force myself to buy like. a small nice thing for myself every once in a while i buy 1 coffee and 1 breakfast food every week#on saturday to try n like. make sure i know its ok 4 me to do that and it doesnt make me selfish but like. it still makes me feel sick
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the capitalist mindset runs so deep and no matter how much you run you all seem incapable of escaping it btw. and its obvious
#my little pony adoptable thats just barbie as a horse sold for $50 right after the movie comes out.#something mundane but aggravating happens so you immediately paste it into an unfunny meme format to generate fast likes#everything you do and say is for consumption and for a 'brand.' you are not a person you are an Identity#its so sad watching this happen. dont you all see it#and i know im not immune either even a little bit. but its still just... exhausting to watch#txt
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I know it'll be a cold day in hell when Masato asks for Jo's input and actually listens but sometimes I like to think about Jo helping him pick out his new name. He never gave himself the opportunity when he was born and Arakawa had his turn yk... only he put actual thought into it and Jo's just like It Sounds Like Jo 😭😭
THAT WOULD BE CUTE WOLUDNT.... whenever i think of jo getting small chances to be a dad i feel my heart and soul grow 50 times its original size i SWEARRR (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
#snap chats#i always wondered what jo wouldve named aoki if he decided to keep him like PLEAASE (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)#its why im obsessed with the idea of jo in america with aoki yk.... just an actual period where solely jo is resposnible for aoki..#i mean aoki would be like. TWENTY by then but stlil... a small sliver taste of true fatherhood... even if aoki being a dickhead#I CAN SEE IT I SEE THE VISION AND I MAY INFLICT EVEYRONE WITH IT AT SOME POINT BUT IN CASE I DONT ILL PRATTLE#like i just imagine them on the plane to the states- maybe masato's still. 👁️👁️ bout everything happening#hed PROBABLY try to play it off like hes fine but jo's already seen him at his lowest so it's kind of moot to try and act Whatever#i mean masato wouldnt know the first thing about starting a new life or any shady business like that. Yet.#so it's fair to assume that jo would probably be the first to bring up the subject of changing his identity when theyre alone#i mean i IMAGINE jo/arakawa/masato all talked about what they were going to do going forward but yk.#Gotta Actually Set Things In Motion Now. i see it in my minds eye so clearly byyyye#its a long flight til they land gotta use that time somehow... we thinkin a names now...#LEMME CALL IT THERE HOL UP IM DRAWING SOEMTHING RN if i come back with something done with. This. you didnt see any of this#OK BYEYBEYBEY
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Reposting this for shits and giggles bc I don't expect asks about this lol. But I'll answer some in the tags
Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?
3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?
6. What is your darkest fear about writing?
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?
16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch
21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?
26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?
27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?
28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?
29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?
30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?
31. Write a short love letter to your readers.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?
37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?
38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?
39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
#1. default font always otherwise i cant read it. dont know why but i just cant do anything else#3. i write specifically at the worst times ever. right before i have to go to bed or right before i have to leave the house.#and then ill proceed to get mad when sometimes tells me to stop writing as if this situation is somehow their fault#sorry to my bf#lol#im gonna majorly jump LMAO#36. I write an absolute fuckton about existential dread which sounds weird but i also have a dissociative disorder. so#self discovery and identity confusion and feeling less than human are Large Themes 💀#34. oxford comma always fuck you.#29. invader zim i love you so... if i ever post more about kc here invader zim was a huge influence in that#also the show knight rider for a lot of its themes#also steven universe even tho i just started watching it#im only like eight years late okay shut up#23. omg this is funny. so i literally go into something akin to a time out corner#its a little place between my dresser and a mini fridge in the corner of my room that i will with blankets and pillows#so that i am literally squished#i also have a hatsune miku plushie that protects and watches me while i write#there are always lost pencils and pens and stuff in the blankets#and random clothes#19. i write out of spite for my mother 💖#she said nooo dont be an artist you need to be Successful 😡 and now here i am#she tried to beat art out of me so bad and my reaction every time was to go make art about it#slightly unrelated but she also hates comedians with a passion (lowkey understandable) and#i turned out to be a ventriloquist so#fuck u mom#anyways#oh hey and abiut 9#i already did write something thats jusy dialogue its a fanfic its ongoing#if you wanna read power rangers fanfic about a side character i guess it's cool 💀#my handle on ao3 is like basicallt the same as thjs one so
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ANYWAY i recently got into tng and am now super obsessed with wesley (just a lil dude!! why does everyone hate him i don't get it!!) and all the Implications and Potential that his character had (and has)
like your father killed on duty, lingering resentment with the man who feels responsible for it, the same man whose words are like gospel to you, who gives you every single opportunity that you shouldn't be given, who was only persuaded to do so by a somewhat higher being who is oh so carefully crafting your life in just the right ways for Something, constantly being brought forward and pushed away, too many parent figures and only one and none, the only meaningful friendships you have are with people twice your age (they will always see you as a child), you do everything for Him, everything for His legacy (your dead father? your captain? they're so closely intermingled and so far apart), you finally reach what everyone knows you're going to do, you get into the best team in the school, you have a best friend (was he something more? do you even remember?), you kill him (it's so much more than that but the black and white is addicting), everyone hates you, He's disappointed in you, how long has it been since you could look your mother in her eyes, you want to die but that would be unfair, how dare you feel guilty, and oh look, the beings who have watched you for your whole life (they knew this would happen) want you to join them. there's never been another choice. the prodigal son always completes his duties.
#GOD#ive only had wesley for a day and half but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then myself#except everything is happening to him all the time#like NO ONE on the enterprise thinks its Weird that this guy is So into wesley and knows exactly when to show up to help#and conveniently there's an open spot for him in the time space cult roster when his life is falling apart and he has no direction#(no one is giving him direction)#i think about wesley too long and i implode#not even getting into the whole thing with jack 2....#anyway i watched a bit of prodigy because i wanted to see wesley as a traveler and i gotta say i Do Not like it akjdg#i really wanted to but i just couldnt#some people like him because he feels happier#but all i can think about is why would he be#sure its nice in some ways i wont deny that#but he's isolated he's important he's meaningless nothing he does matters everything he does matters it's too much and not enough#it's the exact same position he was in at starfleet. something Bigger than him telling him who he is what he means what his morals are#ALSO HE GOES BACK HE GOES BACK TO STARFLEET HE SERVES UNDER RIKER LIKE HELLO#god there's so much more too like how many times has he almost died as a child remember when he fucking did die#how many times did the adults around him get controlled and hurt them#genuinely think wesley has felt helpless his entire life and that culminates in him being obsessed with needing to know everything#that happens on the ship + eventually running away to the Know Everything In The Multiverse Cult + going back to starfleet#his whole life has been him fighting for control while simultaneously bowing his head at every parental figure#wesley: surely This Guy can give me a sense of purpose and identity#it started with jack man... wesley never really escaped i really dont think he did#wesley crusher#anyway i need a nova squadron fixit fic sooo badly it's ruining every day of my life#on one hand i love them tragic and depressed and dead on the other what if happy yippee hooray???
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i wish i had an exact copy of myself. sigh
#i wouldnt even do anything crazy with it like hed have his life id have mine. Thats my thing abt like um stuff like this with specifically#the fiction clones where they r like. an exact copy of you with all your memories#the second they r made they r no longer an exact copy of you bc from that point on you have 2 different experiences of life you know .. like#even judt like. you wkae up in a lab thats a pretty big experience. i can speak for myself and say id be 1#scared 2. kind of excited bc im a freak like that. thatd be a pretty picotsl moment 4 me#and then . whyd i almost misgender myself. i was talking abt the clone and called ot they... while i did just establish that the clone is#not exactly me so ig i dont know his pronouns. Sorry connor. but also the clone Is me at the aame time do you guys get it bc the clone even#if it Knows she was cloned it still has all my memories and still is a connor you know. its just that from the moment hes made we have two#different trajectories and every single second changes us further. like my clone might see a car accident or something and be super changed#by that. anyways i didnt mean to go on a tangent baout the identity of a clone (its something i think abt a lot bc of um. teehee. gestures#at my head) basically i wish i had a clone bc i think the like. itd be so easy to talk to her bc i wouldnt have to worry abt anything or be#scared... like yeah shed be a weird overly sensitive dickhead BUT she probably wouldnt misinterpret me bc we have similar thought patterns#so hed understand what i mean by things and hed get it and itd be easy. and we could be good friends and we could both get better and become#better ppl and obv wed both grow into completely distinct ppl and i think thatd be good... cloneor where r you. need you#itis my fault though i need to not be so paranoid. bc 'i wish i could just be friends with myself' makes me sound kind of like an evilperson#so disclaiming I would like to make friends with a lot of people and have a lot of different friends with different lives and interests and#passions i just have trouble with that and i think being able to talk to a clone of myself would be a good way for me to get used to talking#to ppl again its like training wheels. you get it. and also i think i could fix her
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