#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain

[comet-wire]

Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

[starryjoy]

i think i get it. as a more or less asexual and sex repulsed trans guy i feel like i have basically the inverse of your situation, where people think the two are related even though im pretty sure i would be that way if i was a cis guy. and theres parts of me thats scared to dress certain ways or get certain haircuts cause im like Well Thats A Stereotypical Trans Guy Look, even though theres probably way more cis guys that look like that than trans guys. and its not really that im embarrassed but its like well so many people are going to think my personality and hobbies are already dictated by my being trans anyway i dont want to feed into it any more than i have to. but theres not really any way to get out of it unless you purposefully change your whole personality to avoid whatever people associate with being Trans.

thank you anon ❤️

i do want to say that yeah I don't think that's a healthy response to it. the way to get rid of this theoretically would be to combat misogyny and transphobia but also that's a long way off to be completely removed. for now I think we gotta just... stay with people who get it, who have examined their internal biases, and be happy with them, while trying to educate who we can.

also as an aside: get that haircut you want !!! trans guys with stereotypical haircuts look good as hell!!!

also also: yeah honestly I think my identity as an aromantic trans woman does add to my feelings a lot you know? aromantic trans women 🤝 asexual trans men

[jupitercl0uds]

suddenly i wanna be specific about my labels lmao??? ignore this unless you wanna know the specifics teehee!!!

obviously, my pronouns are up, but just in case: they/them/theirs, xe/xem/xyrs, occasionally he/him but thats for such brief periods of time i dont mention it.

honorifics: preferably nothing but mx is ok, mr/sir if you need to

panromantic easiest one to explain cause this is not even slightly a spectrum. i dont give a crap about gender. also id say my romantic drive is suuuuuper high like i really love romance so much omg aaaaaa!!!!!

asexual im very much the opposite haha! i am VERY VERY VERY sex repulsed, though, occasionally indifferent. even so, im only ever comfortable with the thought of other people having sex, when i am comfortable with it. please dont take this as 'so this means you cant have sex and be horny' please go right ahead!!!

nonbinary (but specific >:3) i think genderfluid is probably a good term to describe me, but i dont like it. i used to use it, back when i was all 'i need to find the label that perfectly fits me and describes me to a T', but im not fussed anymore. id say typically, i present slightly more femme, i like to be addressed slightly more masc and i feel neither.

2 gender labels i actually kinda like:

neurogender/autigender - this just means i think my gender is directly linked to me being neurodivergent and autistic respectively. in other words, i dont think id be enby if i were neurotypical!!!!

endergender - this means my gender is linked to minecraft endermen. i have never used this label but yeah thats about right. AND THE FLAGS ARE SO PRETTY!!!! i say flags because theres like 5 that i see people use

polycurious (is that a thing????) basically, i genuinely cannot tell if id be monogamous or not. ill have to find out by being in a polyam relationship lol. i think id enjoy it but idk :3

BONUS: umbrella terms i like/dont like to use

queer

trans

gay (in certain contexts)

im slightly ok with being called faggot

i think only specific people could call me tranny so please please please ask first

im not bi so dont call me that (unless its funny)

[ifyouseekay468]

what do YOU personally think the teenagers (mcr) lyrics are about my friend ? like i keep thinking about them but im not sure im going somewhere

okay, ive answered this ask twice on mobile and each time my phone deleted it, so here I go, the FINAL version of this post

It's been a hot minute since I listened to teenagers so I decided to do a quick run-through of the lyrics, and while Gerard&Co were raised catholic the lyrics seem to REEK of protestant trauma, so that's what I'll be going off of, but I'm pretty sure the two denominations overlap here. The first verse is about kids in youth group, Christian GirlsTM especially, who are put there to pressure you into being "normal" into "cleaning you up with the lies in the book" (bible), although the pastor is the one giving the teaching THESE are the people who will get you to BELIEVE, who will get you to lie to yourself, who will get you to church camps that on some level utilize brainwashing techniques, and will DESTROY you with the idea that you're "Just one of them, and just need to change everything about yourself and fake your way through every last sermon to be just a part of the gang",

The part about sleeping with a gun and keeping an eye on you is about two things: one, about the idea that God can see all your thoughts, that THINKING about "sin" (ie; fantasizing about sex) is as bad as COMMITTING sin (which is fucked up entirely on its own because fantasy is SO FUCKING DIFFERENT FROM REALITY and that is a CRUCIAL aspect of sexual expression in order to safely engage in sex), AND the fact that these kids will pretend to be your friend, will prod you into doing things with them, into telling them things about yourself all the while making you feel like "part of the group" when really they're just blabbing either to religious leaders, or are ostracizing you and bullying you behind your back.

"The drugs never work"

This in my opinion points to the fact that this song is specifically about being QUEER in a christian culture. It is common for trans people to turn to drugs or psychedelics in an area that has little to no access to gender affirming care, or acceptance because they both change reality and disconnect one from the body that is causing their dysphoria. It can also help burn away the guilt, so to speak.

The methods of keeping you clean is about two things: one, about purity culture, no smoking, no drinking, no friends who drink, no sex, no porn, no masturbation, no impure thoughts. The second, is the way they're able to subtly manipulate you into hiding yourself, into lying to yourself, into forcing yourself to the point of death into being cishet. They're keeping you clean not just from the vices of addiction, but the vices of the flesh, the vice you can't escape because it's a part of you from the day youre born. On a darker note, this could also be referring to c*nversion th*rapy, given this second interpretation of the lyrics

"Ripping your head and aspirations to shreds," Is again about two things in my opinion: both the idea of "losing yourself to God's will" that usually leads one to losing their identity and getting depression and fucked up mental health, and the "shift" that happens at church when you reach a certain age. You know the kind, right? You're four years old, and church is FUN! You get to go to this big room and sing and dance on stage with all your friends! You get to play GAMES! You get to talk to the ~cool teenagers~ who are ~Just like you~ and ~think youre a "cool kid"~, you have ~best friends~ who will be with you like Jesus and the 12! but then, one day, something happens, something SHIFTS. maybe the Sunday school teacher leaves, maybe there's a new family at church, maybe the church changes buildings. Maybe none of that has to do with any of it, all you know is that now things are forever different. Church isn't fun anymore. The kids classes are repetitive, they're bribing you into memorizing bible verses with money, they DONT reward critical thinking or analysis, but they do call you smart, that's because they dont want SMART kids they want OBEDIANT ones. You have no choice but to stat going to REAL church. Suddenly, your best friends are not your best friends. Suddenly they're avoiding you. Suddenly they're lying to you. Suddenly you're too... well they don't know the word yet but "gay" for them...

"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

This is what youth group does to you, it isolates you from your entire generation because there are few people your age and a whole lot older than you, and everyone is so much DIFFERENT from you for some reason, but neither of you know why, not yet anyways. This makes you distance yourself from teenagers, because you can't SEE yourself as a teenager, because youre nothing like other teenagers.

"They could care less as long as someone will bleed,"

This is the martyr complex that permeates youth culture like the smell of wine, the problem? these kids love to make a show of themselves and their martyrdom, but they're unwilling to martyr themselves, so what do they do? They throw someone else to the wolves and take the glory. They ostracize and eliminate the unique in the name of preserving their faith. They convert and convert and god help anyone who doesn't want to convert.

"So darken your clothes and strike a violent pose"

This is about deconversion, how the moment you leave the church you never want to see another cross till the day you die, that you want to avoid christians of all costs because you don't want them To drag you back into the pit that devoured you. So you do anything and everything you can to make yourself repulsive to Christians, which actually coincides with your indulgence of mundane activities previously considered as "sin"

"Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me,"

There's a different between a cishet ex Christian and a queer ex christian, and that difference is that a cishet atheist is more likely to be left alone than a queer one, especially a queer one whose whole demeanor screams "Christians be gone," that shit is like... it summons christians faster than free winter jam tickets! They swarm to you frothing at the mouth with holy water waiting to either convert you or exorcise you into purity, depends on if you want them or not. Again, you don't even have to be OPENLY gay, they can TRACK this shit. it's like fucking... INSTINCT or something.

"The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick, you're never gonna fit in much kid,"

as alluded to above, this lyric is about how, even from a young age, BEFORE youth group, this toxic culture kind of develops. ESPECIALLY around christian girls. They don't have the vulgarity of slurs, but they can make up for it with slang like "tomboy" "nancyboy" "too boyish" "a sissy" "Weird" etc, youre NEVER going to fit in, because the moment that "shift", from fun games and songs to Real Church, occurs, you have a target on your back.

"But if youre troubled and hurt what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things that they did,"

This is probably a gun. But that's a tad too boring for my taste. If you were raised protestant you KNOW that being an ex protestant, after the craziness of evangelicalism, you would not hesitate to burn down your old church. It could be a secret tattoo, top surgery scars, hell maybe even nipple clamps. Whatever it is, it's symbolic of revenge. I know that anytime I wore my labrys necklace to church I would always hide it under my shirt. I hid books and CDs under there too. Again, it's about revenge, it's about breaking free, gun or no gun, the point is getting out and getting back at them.

and thats pretty much my take on the song. Again, this is not about artist intent this is just what the lyrics reminded ME of personally (as you can see from the over biographical bullshit I wrote), I'm always open to contradicting interpretations though as I always have like 2+ interpretations of a song or book! I never really saw the song through the lens of youth group specifically but when I went over the lyrics again in retrospect it all seemed to really click (pun not intended) well! Thanks for the ask!

[transrightsjimin]

i srsly never rly felt comfortable in the push in feminism that showing more nudity = self liberation. like i get the idea a bit and if someone likes to be e.g. a nudist, a sex worker, wear more revealing clothing, thats all within their own right etc. i just dont like how strong this view is integrated into western (particularly liberal / white / cis) feminism, for several reasons, such as how it doesn’t consider other perspectives on self-determination, or how it isn’t per se more radical to be naked than to be covered up, and in fact this push is weaponized in the west against muslimas (see also the niqaab ban here) and portrays modest fashion as restrictive.

on a more personal issue, i cant exactly explain coherently why it bothers me when these supposedly feminist art / activist ig pages (not even the liberal hashtag girlboss or terf ones) are just full of paintings of vulvas and nude portraits / selfies. i did my bachelor thesis in the past on local feminist zine creators, and w a few i could understand them better, but some were rly like the aforementioned description and it felt weird. it’s partially the fact that some of the women posed as allies to trans people and poc, but also did stuff like paint vulvas all the time and saw that as super unique and radical, or used terms like “women and people who identify as women“, or suggested in their zine for assault victims to call the police (??) as if that would help. and these were “intersectional“ feminists but clearly only talked to other cis white women, judging by their language. like when i asked them abt one of those things they were stunned bc they hadnt considered another perspective nd its embarrassing bc im not even the best spokesperson for this stuff.

i dont know where im going w this. it might not even solely be my annoyance w feminism being such a vague term now that’s used by anyone varying from leftists to liberals to fascists. its also just knowing that im naturally sometimes suddenly rly uncomfortable w nudity (though overall just uncomfortable in general), but i dont know why that should be bad or have to force myself to change that. like its partially probably just dysphoria, partially feeling really weirded out by the thought of being sexualized bc of being perceived as a woman, and those two issues intersect ofc. i especially feel rly weirded out when seeing skinny women w no body hair, like idk why but that just freaks me out, maybe bc ive distanced myself from that so much as defense against being expected to be like that from an early age on. but i dont feel "empowered” seeing other body types all naked either. i would say it’s sex repulsion but obv nudity is not always intended as sexual. though i dont get why it’s such a common thing in art too or why it’s considered more genuine / raw / experimental / unique than clothed people whereas nudity is like so fucking common in art im losing my mind over how that makes no sense?? maybe its an autism thing where i just find certain things weird and cannot change my mind. idk im prob not making sense and being a “prude“ but i truly dont get what’s supposed to be so great abt being naked. all it makes me do is pop my skin and be in pain. or feel cold and get sick when not dressed in time.

[nofapmission]

Returning Back To Tumblr

what a crazy journey its been since I last posted on here. I am in my late 20s and I have cut my entire family off - who were being incredibly toxic towards me, I have been able to find a place of my own and hold down a decent job, pay my bills and work on my business goals. 

I have been through therapy on and off and realised that Same sex attraction is definitely coming from all sorts of various things in the childhood. 

Ive been able to pin point certain root causes (theres about 5) and the therapist makes me close my eyes and use my imagination to talk to that homosexual part of my personality...

I have so much awareness that I’ve gone weeks without needing to use porn etc.. however when I am very depressed, feeling isolated and victimising myself I tend to binge on porn and go on grindr to talk to other men. 

I have come so far, however the random urge comes where I crave men. I noticed its not even sex that Im craving, its just a gentle hug from another man, to give me the touch I never received as a young child. Alot of men in my childhood were very aggressive and physically abusive towards me, so Im now craving a strong man to just touch me in a non-sexual way. Thats what most of us want. We think its the sex we want, but its a step beyond that. The sex and acting out is just the outer layers of the onion..

The core of it is the need to be accepted by another man, and to have another man embrace you  - NON SEXUALLY..

It gets hard though and this journey aint been easy. Like even now I feel healed from so much due to so much therapy and self discovery, however today I went to the supermarket and I kept following this man around. He was 5′11, very good looking, strong fit body and a really big ass that I kept trying to check out. 

Eventually I just stopped looking and carried on. Its almost a hypnotic trance that doesn’t feel healthy or normal. Years and years of porn use-age has also made me like this - perverted.

It just feels wrong when I look at men in this way. Not because of a religion or because of what society had told me. Its innate. We know we are not supposed to be doing this and that we are really repulsed on the inside of this kind of behaviour.

Im remaining to stay strong and work through all of this no matter how rough it gets or what reality shows me. I have come so far and most of the time I dont even care to look at men. But urges comes. You have to be equipped and you have to have a strong enough why. 

My why is all about having a loving wife and kids, and having a beautiful family of my own some time soon. I just need to keep the faith 

[missrandomdreamer]

Oof emotional rambles about Dragon Age OC and Zevran

um talks on asexuality and stuff and kind of gets me emotional so below cut i guess just needed to get it out of my system

I love Sonya and Zevran so damn much, the fact that he loves your character and you dont have to sleep with him to advance his romance (Which i didnt know that when first playing it so when that sex scene happens i felt like garbage, like physically sick and actually had to stop playing but then someone mentioned you didnt have to I was like shit really like

I honestly feel that was a time where I was struggling trying to figure out my asexuality and sex repulsion was a thing for me (which Im still not sure about, its like i still can't really handle it so when i see or read romance and sex comes up i have to either breeze through, try to make myself read it to see if I can handle it which is hit and miss most days i dont get anything from me, but it still makes me feel...gross i guess but its not as bad as it was when I was still figuring things out, its complicated and thats a story for another day, but anyway when i played dao is when I really started delving more into myself and it was also the first game that made me extremely emotional and just

shit

it hit me so hard and i got so emotional i finally went back and played it, didnt have the sex scene and it was just...f*cking beautiful. like to me it made Sonya and Zevran's relationship so much more deep for me. It just made me feel a certain way and made me put Zevran in even more high regard because Sonya was basically me so just having that just makes me super emotional and idk why Im rambling but yeah

just the idea of someone loving you even though you dont want to have sex with that person, and still being sweet and kind to you just means a lot to me and makes me cry every damn time

so that is why Zevran is by far my favorite dragon age character ever and i mean there is more reasons than that which I could write a paper on but yeah i just love him so damn much

[amicicidalgambler]

you know what fuck it kitty did it so i have an excuse and im sick so i need something mindless to do

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? not really nah.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? just with nadaya :3c

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? id be willing to say its nad

4: Have you ever changed for someone? yyyyyyyes? shes willing to fake things she doesnt feel and play up certain parts of her personality for a relationship

5: How is your relationship with your ex? theyre all dead jim. except eridan and kanaya and she hasnt talked to kan and her relationship with eridan is Awkward

6: Have you ever been cheated on? as far as she knows no, but for the npc relationships its possible?

7: Have you ever cheated? nah

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? yeah, she doesnt really care

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? having fun but like. said in a way that sounds like she has no fucking idea what another answer would be

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? flings? she likes short barely committed relationships.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? shed be okay with it. more than okay with it even. so okay with it that actually she doesnt care you can leave for a while and shell barely notice.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? i guess the drone thing kinda counts but none

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? she feels like she was a tad harsh with eridan but otherwise i cant think of anything

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? yes? she feels like if you meet someone and youre meant to keep talking to them youll Know

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah dude

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? either not being interesting enough or outright hurting her

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? vris gives up as soon as she starts feeling too bored with them, but thats the only way shes done it so otherwise she has no fuckening clue 

20: Are you currently in a relationship? ya

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? when theyre not dead yes

22: Do you think people should date their friends? sure

23: How many relationships have you had? 3 since this blog started, 2 from canon, and ive fleshed out 2 of the npc relationships so that would be 7? ye

24: Do you think love can last forever? for other people yes. for her not so much.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? no.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? the first thing that came to mind was “May8e don’t.”

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? its kind of hard for trolls with instant transportation to do the whole ldr thing for real.

29: What do you notice first about another person? how their brain feels to her powers

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? bi/pan and grey-aro

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? ehhhhhhh. depending on what it is it could work but dont expect her to be that helpful.

33: Do you want to get married one day? shes not really familiar with marriage but the idea of actually committing like that usually freaks her out.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? n ah she doesnt even like regular tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? she prefers it that way

36: Are you still a virgin? no but only because drones

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality?

38: Do you enjoy love films? there has to be something else violent going on in the plot also but sometimes

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? probably has received them, probably hasnt given them

40: Have you ever had a valentine? ppprprprprprprprobably not

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? a murder date. really though shes not super picky as long as its fun and not too crowded

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? mmm. she feels like your partner is supposed to be a little more important than your friends but in practice its p even for her.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? half of the time yes. the other half she feels like shes Not Meant for relationships.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? yes but im not saying which one aha

48: What’s your favorite love song? meant to be yours from the heathers musical, my love wont wait by two gallants, and true love by thoushaltnot are all the ones that show up on her trntbl more than once. but im also going to add the squeaky wheel by the dear hunter

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? im pretty sure most of them were too busy bleeding out to be heartbroken

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? shes single in pale because she doesnt really want a moirail? she doesnt see much reason to since she has nadaya and doesnt see her being as comfortable as someone else. then in pitch she has kind of weird needs and its hard to meet them.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? like 90% of the people shes dated have been rich douchebags. also she is a rich douchebags. thats just kind of who she usually gets along with.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? a broke clock is right twice a day

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? ssssssssort of. she kind of flips between being repulsed by seeing other couples and being jealous

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? having other people know shes together with someone is important to her but there doesnt need to be any spectacle to it yknow

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? vriska can get really fucking jealous in the wrong circumstances. like “i want to kill your other mates” jealous. shes not super clingy though she can only talk to her mate once every couple of weeks and be fine. it can be better for her that way sometimes tbh like with mak rn.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? yes

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? shes like the non-sexual equivalent of a power bottom Or Something. she wants control of whats happening but is more submissive Or Something.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? she never forgets but it doesnt always last long enough for that kind of thing to come up lmao

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? she doesnt have anything against them but theyre very much not for her. shes way way to jealous to share a quad with someone and doesnt feel any need to take more than one mate in a quad, and isnt big on non-quad romance

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? yes she does

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? SHE REALLY REALLY IS BUT WONT ADMIT TO IT

[rainbowroadonsteroids]

I know I commented earlier but I'm taking the time to say firstly, I understand why you've been offline/not responding that much and it's all good, and second, I'm gonna support you no matter what pookie 🫵🥺

The way you're describing it.. oddly enough kind of reminds me of Ridley? They're transmasc, they weren't comfy being referred to as fem or anything, but they do still have a like for certain traditionally feminine stuff (makeup and dresses, for the most part). But still, I'm here for you hun 🥺🥹

Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿