#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain

[comet-wire]

Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

[starryroe]

i think i get it. as a more or less asexual and sex repulsed trans guy i feel like i have basically the inverse of your situation, where people think the two are related even though im pretty sure i would be that way if i was a cis guy. and theres parts of me thats scared to dress certain ways or get certain haircuts cause im like Well Thats A Stereotypical Trans Guy Look, even though theres probably way more cis guys that look like that than trans guys. and its not really that im embarrassed but its like well so many people are going to think my personality and hobbies are already dictated by my being trans anyway i dont want to feed into it any more than i have to. but theres not really any way to get out of it unless you purposefully change your whole personality to avoid whatever people associate with being Trans.

thank you anon ❤️

i do want to say that yeah I don't think that's a healthy response to it. the way to get rid of this theoretically would be to combat misogyny and transphobia but also that's a long way off to be completely removed. for now I think we gotta just... stay with people who get it, who have examined their internal biases, and be happy with them, while trying to educate who we can.

also as an aside: get that haircut you want !!! trans guys with stereotypical haircuts look good as hell!!!

also also: yeah honestly I think my identity as an aromantic trans woman does add to my feelings a lot you know? aromantic trans women 🤝 asexual trans men

[jupitercl0uds]

suddenly i wanna be specific about my labels lmao??? ignore this unless you wanna know the specifics teehee!!!

obviously, my pronouns are up, but just in case: they/them/theirs, xe/xem/xyrs, occasionally he/him but thats for such brief periods of time i dont mention it.

honorifics: preferably nothing but mx is ok, mr/sir if you need to

panromantic easiest one to explain cause this is not even slightly a spectrum. i dont give a crap about gender. also id say my romantic drive is suuuuuper high like i really love romance so much omg aaaaaa!!!!!

asexual im very much the opposite haha! i am VERY VERY VERY sex repulsed, though, occasionally indifferent. even so, im only ever comfortable with the thought of other people having sex, when i am comfortable with it. please dont take this as 'so this means you cant have sex and be horny' please go right ahead!!!

nonbinary (but specific >:3) i think genderfluid is probably a good term to describe me, but i dont like it. i used to use it, back when i was all 'i need to find the label that perfectly fits me and describes me to a T', but im not fussed anymore. id say typically, i present slightly more femme, i like to be addressed slightly more masc and i feel neither.

2 gender labels i actually kinda like:

neurogender/autigender - this just means i think my gender is directly linked to me being neurodivergent and autistic respectively. in other words, i dont think id be enby if i were neurotypical!!!!

endergender - this means my gender is linked to minecraft endermen. i have never used this label but yeah thats about right. AND THE FLAGS ARE SO PRETTY!!!! i say flags because theres like 5 that i see people use

polycurious (is that a thing????) basically, i genuinely cannot tell if id be monogamous or not. ill have to find out by being in a polyam relationship lol. i think id enjoy it but idk :3

BONUS: umbrella terms i like/dont like to use

queer

trans

gay (in certain contexts)

im slightly ok with being called faggot

i think only specific people could call me tranny so please please please ask first

im not bi so dont call me that (unless its funny)

[transrightsjimin]

i srsly never rly felt comfortable in the push in feminism that showing more nudity = self liberation. like i get the idea a bit and if someone likes to be e.g. a nudist, a sex worker, wear more revealing clothing, thats all within their own right etc. i just dont like how strong this view is integrated into western (particularly liberal / white / cis) feminism, for several reasons, such as how it doesn’t consider other perspectives on self-determination, or how it isn’t per se more radical to be naked than to be covered up, and in fact this push is weaponized in the west against muslimas (see also the niqaab ban here) and portrays modest fashion as restrictive.

on a more personal issue, i cant exactly explain coherently why it bothers me when these supposedly feminist art / activist ig pages (not even the liberal hashtag girlboss or terf ones) are just full of paintings of vulvas and nude portraits / selfies. i did my bachelor thesis in the past on local feminist zine creators, and w a few i could understand them better, but some were rly like the aforementioned description and it felt weird. it’s partially the fact that some of the women posed as allies to trans people and poc, but also did stuff like paint vulvas all the time and saw that as super unique and radical, or used terms like “women and people who identify as women“, or suggested in their zine for assault victims to call the police (??) as if that would help. and these were “intersectional“ feminists but clearly only talked to other cis white women, judging by their language. like when i asked them abt one of those things they were stunned bc they hadnt considered another perspective nd its embarrassing bc im not even the best spokesperson for this stuff.

i dont know where im going w this. it might not even solely be my annoyance w feminism being such a vague term now that’s used by anyone varying from leftists to liberals to fascists. its also just knowing that im naturally sometimes suddenly rly uncomfortable w nudity (though overall just uncomfortable in general), but i dont know why that should be bad or have to force myself to change that. like its partially probably just dysphoria, partially feeling really weirded out by the thought of being sexualized bc of being perceived as a woman, and those two issues intersect ofc. i especially feel rly weirded out when seeing skinny women w no body hair, like idk why but that just freaks me out, maybe bc ive distanced myself from that so much as defense against being expected to be like that from an early age on. but i dont feel "empowered” seeing other body types all naked either. i would say it’s sex repulsion but obv nudity is not always intended as sexual. though i dont get why it’s such a common thing in art too or why it’s considered more genuine / raw / experimental / unique than clothed people whereas nudity is like so fucking common in art im losing my mind over how that makes no sense?? maybe its an autism thing where i just find certain things weird and cannot change my mind. idk im prob not making sense and being a “prude“ but i truly dont get what’s supposed to be so great abt being naked. all it makes me do is pop my skin and be in pain. or feel cold and get sick when not dressed in time.

[nofapmission]

Returning Back To Tumblr

what a crazy journey its been since I last posted on here. I am in my late 20s and I have cut my entire family off - who were being incredibly toxic towards me, I have been able to find a place of my own and hold down a decent job, pay my bills and work on my business goals. 

I have been through therapy on and off and realised that Same sex attraction is definitely coming from all sorts of various things in the childhood. 

Ive been able to pin point certain root causes (theres about 5) and the therapist makes me close my eyes and use my imagination to talk to that homosexual part of my personality...

I have so much awareness that I’ve gone weeks without needing to use porn etc.. however when I am very depressed, feeling isolated and victimising myself I tend to binge on porn and go on grindr to talk to other men. 

I have come so far, however the random urge comes where I crave men. I noticed its not even sex that Im craving, its just a gentle hug from another man, to give me the touch I never received as a young child. Alot of men in my childhood were very aggressive and physically abusive towards me, so Im now craving a strong man to just touch me in a non-sexual way. Thats what most of us want. We think its the sex we want, but its a step beyond that. The sex and acting out is just the outer layers of the onion..

The core of it is the need to be accepted by another man, and to have another man embrace you  - NON SEXUALLY..

It gets hard though and this journey aint been easy. Like even now I feel healed from so much due to so much therapy and self discovery, however today I went to the supermarket and I kept following this man around. He was 5′11, very good looking, strong fit body and a really big ass that I kept trying to check out. 

Eventually I just stopped looking and carried on. Its almost a hypnotic trance that doesn’t feel healthy or normal. Years and years of porn use-age has also made me like this - perverted.

It just feels wrong when I look at men in this way. Not because of a religion or because of what society had told me. Its innate. We know we are not supposed to be doing this and that we are really repulsed on the inside of this kind of behaviour.

Im remaining to stay strong and work through all of this no matter how rough it gets or what reality shows me. I have come so far and most of the time I dont even care to look at men. But urges comes. You have to be equipped and you have to have a strong enough why. 

My why is all about having a loving wife and kids, and having a beautiful family of my own some time soon. I just need to keep the faith 

[missrandomdreamer]

Oof emotional rambles about Dragon Age OC and Zevran

um talks on asexuality and stuff and kind of gets me emotional so below cut i guess just needed to get it out of my system

I love Sonya and Zevran so damn much, the fact that he loves your character and you dont have to sleep with him to advance his romance (Which i didnt know that when first playing it so when that sex scene happens i felt like garbage, like physically sick and actually had to stop playing but then someone mentioned you didnt have to I was like shit really like

I honestly feel that was a time where I was struggling trying to figure out my asexuality and sex repulsion was a thing for me (which Im still not sure about, its like i still can't really handle it so when i see or read romance and sex comes up i have to either breeze through, try to make myself read it to see if I can handle it which is hit and miss most days i dont get anything from me, but it still makes me feel...gross i guess but its not as bad as it was when I was still figuring things out, its complicated and thats a story for another day, but anyway when i played dao is when I really started delving more into myself and it was also the first game that made me extremely emotional and just

shit

it hit me so hard and i got so emotional i finally went back and played it, didnt have the sex scene and it was just...f*cking beautiful. like to me it made Sonya and Zevran's relationship so much more deep for me. It just made me feel a certain way and made me put Zevran in even more high regard because Sonya was basically me so just having that just makes me super emotional and idk why Im rambling but yeah

just the idea of someone loving you even though you dont want to have sex with that person, and still being sweet and kind to you just means a lot to me and makes me cry every damn time

so that is why Zevran is by far my favorite dragon age character ever and i mean there is more reasons than that which I could write a paper on but yeah i just love him so damn much