#i dont care. i know its stupid as FUCK trust me i know. but i love that city and i want to make the absolutely idiotic decision to go. sorry

[byjove-cannibalcove]

my uncle (who 15 years later is a super anti-trans pro-trump guy) when i told him i was trans as a teenager: starts explaining to me that i should date older divorced women "because if they are used goods theyll just be glad anyone is willing to take them, which is how (2007 version of the phrase 'low value men') like us get 9s and 10s, ive NEVER dated below a 7, hot girls get desperate when they're older" --(coincidentally we stopped to eat and even though i was not attempting to pass i walked into the womens bathroom and a man saw me doing it and GRABBED ME and scolded me and tried to push me towards the men room and i froze up, squeaked, hurried into the womens room, he went and got a manager, i had to go 'no im a girl' like it was.. not fun! a very BAD first accidental passing situation! i only felt miserable embarrassed and in danger. )

a year or so later, coming out to my dad id only recently met as being a 16ish year old Lesbian (because i didnt trust him enough to come out as trans): 'oh okay, cool, lets go to hooters and oggle the waitresses, they are hot but stupid haha, i like stupid girls the most (note, his gf was 20 years younger than him) but id FUCK Sarah Palin, im only going to vote for Mccain just because Palin is HOT, hey did you hear they made a porn of her lookalike? yeah i know she hates gay people (and you are gay) but who cares, shes fUCKABLE i dont care what shes SAYING i just care about her BOOBS'

when i was about 18 during the training week for my first ever job at krogers i managed to pass without realizing it until the dudes invited just me (not the 1 girl) to eat lunch with them and just IMMEDIATELY started talking about fucking girls, girls being worthless if they were ugly and 'if theyre ugly just fuck em in the mouth hahaha' and HEY you know what i did NOT feel liek one of the boys, i felt like i was IN DANGER if they clocked me!! i did not feel like id gotten a special pass to the Fun Misogyny World where id get paid more, i was a 5'2" spotty teen boy working his first ever job as a grocery bagger who was now kind of scared his new coworkers might kill him, because ALL id done to pass was have short hair, be naturally kinda ugly, and have a gender-neutral nickname. none of my bosses thought i was a guy, they could find out at any second (as soon as we got back from lunch, evern) , that i was a worthless ugly girl that had invaded their space for their private conversatoin and maybe theyd decide to to show me what they meant!!!???

i have pretty much never managed to pass Ever Again after that point as far as i know, just a handful of times where a service worker went 'sir' to me, so these are pretty much the only times ive ever passed and it wasnt super fun!! so like!! maybe if youre a big huge strong tough trans guy with a spine of steel, complete confidence in your ability to pass and defend yourself, are in a highpowered/skilled enough environment to not worry about your job opportunities, maybe in that case invitations to the Fun Special Misogyny Club are being handed out even if you disclose that youre trans and hey, maybe its even fun to be there! ... but acting like thats the DEFAULT is just insane.

I'm this close to just sending that trans inclusive radical misogynist post, the one about how there's loads of guys who'll go "oh, you're a man now, great, come shit talk women with us" to every blog insisting that trans men can't have male privilege and it's transandrophobia to say they do. Not every trans man has this experience but it's actually pretty common even for out trans men to be seen as, if not "real" men depending on who you ask, certainly non-women, and encouraged to perform misogyny as part of their social transition.

[passumstars]

words fail me

[sodrippy]

ok last personal rant ive ranted a million times before. last of the night not of ever.

when i say "oh this isnt gonna happen" im not being negative brother im making a neutral statement hello??? i dont need a Be Positive spiel its unnecessary man IM GOOD. RELAX.

[elliedile]

Takovics I saw your reblogs about the pornbots. I mean this affectionately: you are an idiot and Patient Zero in a disease movie. Pornbot followers don't boost your visibility, they won't interact with your content. All they do is follow the creators whose content you like and reblog. You and others like you are probably the reason why we're being inundated. BTW, Pornbots will also clog up search results for popular search tags with phishing lures.

you say this like i dont know they dont interact and shit lmao. buddy ive been here for almost 10 years, i know how pornbots work! quite frankly i dont give a fuck how visible or the marketability of my blog and i dont post here FOR a following or to be Seen. im only on here to interact with my friends and post abt media i enjoy, lol. ive deleted and reactivated so many times and im only really here to have fun with my friends anymore :]!

my tumblr isnt a buisness and my posts arent products, not even on MY art blog! im not selling anything or looking to Make something. if i eanted commissions id use & grow other platforms. on this note i DO understand how it can be frustrating for artists trying to make a living but quite frankly theres better websites than tumblr to market and grow a following on.

and if you ARE an artist im sure youve probably got multiple different platforms anyways so why would losing tumblr platform be such a big deal in comparison? and if you dont i strongly urge you make some; even if this bot shit gets fixed again! more platforms = more audience for your stuff.

and clogging tags, sure. but holy shit havent we dealt with this for Years before the 'porn ban' lmao? block phishy tags they use and report their bot accounts & send in those improvement letters to staff. itll get fixed eventually.

[nomairuins]

whining hours . sry

[hecksupremechips]

Replaying p3 is such a frightening experience because it forces me to remember Ikutski is a real character that exists

[fardf150]

fuck

[winterstaryu]

AH

[readymades2002]

it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce

[depvotee]

Vent dni

Man. It's insane when a family members are the ones that abuse you constantly that it becomes so normal at the point where you start to bite back they treat that as you begin the cunt.

[phagodyke]

I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.

[ruthlesslistener]

Okay having now seen Jurassic Park in full I can say:

a.) Everybody telling me not to bring back the dinosaurs because they're dangerous is full of shit, all these animals are attacking people because they are VASTLY underfed and understimulated. The entire movie was the animals toying with them bc they were bored and likely hungry, not because carnivores just...do that. The entire animal care team and handling was a goddamn disaster. C-

b.) The geneticists were fucking stupid, who the FUCK would patch AMPHIBIAN DNA into REPTILES, they're as distantly related to them as amphibians are to us!! Use bird DNA!! Or DNA from other reptiles! Fuck!!!

c.) On the same note, whoever thought to use all female dinosaurs was huffing paint thinners bc fucking. DAMN IT. PARTHINOGENISIS IS A THING IN REPTILES. YOU DONT EVEN NEED FANCY AMPHIBIAN DNA FOR THAT I AM RATTLING THEIR GENETICISTS BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK WITH MY TEETH ARE YOU ALL FUCKING IDIOTS

d.) The lysine contingency plan wouldn't have worked as a useful failsafe because it would have taken too long for the animals to run out of lysine to halt their metabolisms- the killswitch idea is excellent tho and is a legit tactic used for transgenic organisms so A+ for them implimenting that there. I don't exactly have an alternative method either bc I'm not good with metabolism, I just know that depriving them of lysine would likely be bullshit

e.) All the kill scenes were waaay too censored and way less people died than I thought :( major salt to my dad for not letting me watching this as a kid because it would be 'too scary' or 'make me violent' bc this shit was a letdown for how tame it was. Still a good movie but very much not a horror movie

f.) This is an outstanding movie about the hubris of man but I see now why people would think that the moral of the story is 'playing god and bringing back dinosaurs bad' when its really 'billionares are fucking idiots and should trust a wide variety of scientists'. Hammond chose a bunch of fucking idiots to help run his park and trying to monetize living creatures is never a good thing. This is why peer review exists!! This is why its important!!!

g.) this film reminded me that i will never see a living non-avian dinosaur irl and i am sad :(

[mystellenia]

ellie with a clumsy gf ୨ৎ

summary: how ellie cares for her clumsy girlfriend

content: nothing thats nsfw!! just ellie being a cutie concerned gf

notes: answer to this req!! SHES SO PUPU BABYGIRL IN THAT PIC I WANNA BITE HER JFWIBFJWKRJR. she's actually so beautiful i can't. entirely unrelated: idk how i feel about this... but i’m trying not to be like EW I HATE THIS FUCK THIS ITS SO BAD. like i dont even feel like that but we already know how i feel about this formatting. its growing on me tho

(wc 0.39k) so short i know guys i gotta dip my feet

constantly laughing but also concerned at how you manage to trip and bump and bruise yourself up on literal air

in apocalypse au, she's always been very aware of her surroundings bc of patrol and combat and stuff so she tries to keep you out of the way of things that she knows you'll bump into

always has an ice pack chilled and ready to go in the freezer in case you bump yourself real hard and it's sore because ice helps bumps not bruise right when you get them (looking at you guys clumsy ladies write that one down)

always warns you about things right as they're happening since you get into things SO FAST

like just as you're bumping into something or dropping an item she's blurting out, "wait! there's- a shirt on the floor"/"remember- that the washing machine door is open"/"baby, you're gonna drop that- just... like you did just now. you okay?"

always asks what you did to get a new bruise. she'll notice a new one and joke, "oh, what did you do this time?" and you'll respond, "i may have walked into the dishwasher while the door was down... but this one doesn't hurt that bad 😁" it's become like a little game

she's become sooo desensitized to any bump or bang sound in the house bc she knows its just you. not to say she doesn't care about you getting hurt--she immediately throws out a "you good?!" or "you need me?"--she just knows you know what to do: ice pack or heat compress. it's routine now.

read that low vitamin c levels make you bruise easily, so always has vitamin c rich snacks stocked up. oranges and strawberries and other fruits, always ready!

she's so stupid in love that she'll cut the fruits up into hearts or try nd make the most simple little animals with them from some mother of 3's tutorial on instagram reels and genuinely gets upset when she can't recreate them.

^ like you notice her absolutely maiming some apples and ask, "ummm why are you slicing and dicing that poor apple?" and she'll mumble, "it's supposed to be a stupid crab."

and for my ladies with darker skin where bruises aren't as visible or even just pale skin that just doesn't bruise easily, she's still just as concerned. and since there is no visible warning of a sore spot, she's hurriedly apologizing after pressing on a sore spot or laying on a tender patch.

@abbysbug @picklesarenice69

hello to my clitter critters. soooooooo erm sorry about going like basically inactive for like 2 weeks i got into the fight of a lifetime with my mother 😊 we still beefing 😊 dw tho when she's old and wrinkly i’ll have power of attorney and trust the cord WILL be plugged.

like i’m joking but as of now that bitch is an opp fr

but anywhoooo i’m back. and my dinosaur of a laptop had a health scare and i thought i was gonna have to plan a funeral for her but she went to the doctor (apple store) and she's all better. idk how it still works so well now bc my mom got this when obama was still president 😆 don't y'all worry tho this motherboard does nothing but purr we chillin (the fan turns on whenever there are too many graphics moving)

[strawberrymatchawhore]

moonlight

rafe cameron

“i just wanna get high with my lover, veo una muñeca cuando miro en el espejo”

summary- you make the mistake of getting too high and letting your horny addict bf take care of it

warnings- dubcon/noncon, filming, semimeanbf!rafe, drugs, party, alcohol, nutting inside without permission, fucking while unconscious DO NOT READ IF U R UNCOMFORTABLE WITH STUFF LIKE THIS PLEASE.

you stumble onto bed as your boyfriend rafe guides you back into his room, it was nearly 2 am. the both of you leaving from a party that one of the kooks hosted. you underestimated the amount you drank and smoked, your head pounding as your body began to heat up.

“rafeee its hot.” you whined fanning yourself, staring at him taking his shirt off and changing into his pajama pants. his biceps flexing as he picks something from off the floor. you couldn’t take the waves of warmth coming onto you and you started taking you clothes off, unable to as youre too gone to correctly take off the top you were wearing.

you feel strong arms roughly pull you to your feet, helping you take it off. the blurry sight of rafes dilated eyes staring down at you, biting his lip. he stares down at your chest heaving up and down, you swallowed.

“how much did you smoke” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“fuck i dont even know like 1 joint maybe 2.” you slurred giggling at out of it you sounded, legs giving up you sat back down on the bed.

“jeez y/n really.. and i know youve been drinking too, how stupid are you ?” he sighed, hands running through his hair. you could tell he was high too, the way he was slow and his flush cheeks.

“im not stupid, i was just having fun.” you argued, confused. blinking at him, maybe realizing the amount of shit you actually consumed tonight.

"i always gotta take care of you huh baby ?” he sighs grabbing your jaw, thumb rolling over your puffy lips. you look up at him with your glossy eyes, your heartbeat bumping against your chest. you open your mouth to say something but he roughly grabs your hair and pulls, your scalp stings at the action.

“god you drive me fucking insane.” he climbs onto the bed and gets on top of you. sloppily kissing you, you whine at the force and put your hand on his bare chest. he moves his hand from your face and down between your legs, two fingers slowly getting shoved into you.

your eyes squeeze shut, your brain not being able to handle this sensation. you mumbled his name grabbing his arm and squeezing, whimpers leaving your mouth as he curls his fingers.

“rafe please” you whined, arching your back when he makes slow circles around your clit. the room was quiet, but you could hear the sounds of how wet and rough he was fingering you.

“that feel good ?” he breathily says, he speeds up. and your eyes roll, grabbing harder onto his arms as you cum of his fingers. your body growing more tired from the strong orgasm you just experienced. weed really does enhance everything to the next level.

“spread your legs f’me.” words fly out of both ears as you try to listen to him, but physically you couldn’t. he laughs and uses his hand to open them wider, the view of your pussy makes his cock even harder than it already was. you were wet, so wet.

you feel him pushing into you slowly, a little groan falls out of your mouth from the stretching. no matter how many times you guys have had sex, he was always too big and never really fit inside.

you open your eyes and a phone camera is above your face, you didnt mind. you and him always did shit like this.

“w-wait the condom.” you slur, forgetting that you werent on birth control.

“shh its okay baby, you can trust me.” he convinces you, and you back off. his steady pace quickens when the coke finally is at its peak. your soft moans getting louder as he snaps his hips against yours, his tip kissing your cervix with every thrust making you dizzier each time.

“is this what you wanted sweetheart ? got all cute and fucked up for me to fuck you like the pillow princess you are ?” he teased, his big veiny hand choking you. this felt so good, and the only thing on your mind was how good his dick felt.

“open your eyes baby, look at the camera. show it how much of a pretty slut you are for me.” your tits bounce up and down, mouth falling open. you shyly turn to the side, he wont allow it though. he grabbed your face and spit in your mouth, slapping you.

“whatd i just say.” he looks at you sternly and you pout.

you squeal at the sudden changed position of your legs, pushed against your chest. the feeling of him fucking you gets stronger, he went deeper in and out.

“fuck- mmm youre so beautiful and perfect, and youre all mine.” he grips your thighs and fucks you harder. he shuts off the camera and tosses his phone to the side.

it started to get overwhelming, your eyes tearing up from the pleasure as you slowly passed out. rafe noticed but that didn’t stop him, no it felt too good. he couldnt just leave you untouched the way you were looking to be filled with his cum.

his face shiny from the sweat, he looks down and pushes on your stomach. he could feel his tip thrusting up at you, groaning he slows down to kiss your cheek damp with your tears.

“oh fuck fuck fuck, im about to cum.” he grinds his hips into yours as he fills you up. he pulls out and leans over to grab a towel, cleaning up the evidence. but before that he couldnt help but stare at the sight, all perfect and filled.. hole dripping with his cum. its not like you would be angry right ? i mean with a few words and you would be the one apologizing for his actions. its rafe, you will always forgive him.

[sanji-piss-hell]

ZOSAN FIC REC

Here is some of my fave zosan fics. Some of these I read years ago and so I don't fully remember what theyre about but they we're good enough that I still have strong emotional attachments when I see the name. Most of them are things I've read recently. Literally all I do all day is homework and have an app tts fanfics to me like an audio book so there's quite a few of recs here. I am not the best at summeries but just trust me bro these are GOOD SHIT. I only provide the best. What I consider a good fic: - Takes place in the one piece world (I don't like modern aus) - Characters stay in character or if they do have changes from their canon portrayal there is a justifiable reason from within the story. - Solid story telling and arcs (even the shorter fics) - The Zosan dynamic is kept mostly how it is in canon they fight and bicker. (I know some like when they're soft with eachother like a loving married couple. You won't find much of that here) - Some of these have pervy sanji, que nose bleeds and ogling. With that out of the way here's the list!! Now to my fave zosan fic of all time and ironically enough the only fic taking place in a modern setting: Life is fine series. TW: Drug abuse, heavy angst, depression I have reread this twice and forced a friend to read it too. It is so amazing not just for the zosan but for the genuinely good story telling. You follow zoro reeling from his sudden loss of relationship with Sanji and falling down a...Well uh, path. It's fucked it's dark it's depressing and its fucking riviting. Alot of the time reading this you're just like WHY DID SANJI LEAVE HIM WHAT IS GOING ON??? Honestly I need to reread this again. Onto softer fics to heal your heart after that one: Honor in limits, his strengths in weakness By Hawksbrood

“Fucking hell cook, what happened to you?” Zoro demanded, voice low so as not to disturb the others sleeping nearby.

Sanji rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told you we got in a fight earlier.”

“Not that, your fucking feet!”

The cook snarled at that, crushing his cigarette in his teeth. “What the fuck do you mean, my feet? They’re just feet!”

Zoro’s eyes widened, looking at the bruised flesh before him. This wasn’t that.

This was just so good and cute. I appreciate watching zoro appreciate sanji. They take care of eachother but in a way where theyre both still them yeah know? I appreciate how sanji is written letting himself be vulnerable but understanding that he's always gonna be crass cause it's just a part of who he is.

come on, come on (turn a little faster) by donutsandcoffee

The one where everyone thinks they’re dating, Sanji is oblivious, and Zoro takes everything in stride.

Sometimes a love story can go in reverse.

I reread this one recently and it's just soft and sweet. I like watching sanji flounder around. The gay panic is great.

a complete guide to falling in love by ThousandSunny Sanji was trained in the Bridal Arts; this does not go unnoticed by the rest of his crew. I read this like 3 years ago and I dont remember much but I do remember loving it!

Part Timer By 8ball Sanji really, really doesn't want to give Zoro a job at his restaurant. Zoro doesn't really even want to work there in the first place, but, well, there’s this thing with Sanji, and this thing with feelings and the whole thing is pretty damn stupid all together. Zeff just wants grandkids. He’s too old for this bullshit anyways. I am sure everyone knows 8ball very well they're like zosan famous but still just in case this one is really fucking good. Also read this 3 years ago so I don't remember much but I consider this a zosan classic. Onto the rated R Grand Buffet by asyndese Drunk fic!! If there was one thing Zoro knew, it was that you could always trust Sanji's inclinations to do a beautiful 180 as soon as he was drunk. Luckily, Zoro was more than equipped to handle it. I spent. 30 minutes. Trying to find this fic again because that's how much I loved it. It altered my brain chemistry. Sanji getting a nose job during sex is just. aaaaaaaaa. Read it. Cannot suggest enough. Horrors not yet known by Trixree

Sanji doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before, is the thing. Of all the times he has seen Zoro shirtless (in battle, mostly) he just… never noticed. The problem is, once he has noticed, Sanji can’t seem to stop noticing. And neither can anyone else.

In which Zoro has a nipple piercing and Sanji has a Problem.

I recently reread this and the first time I read it I didn't really get the whole gender sanji shit. Now though???? Yeah another fic that rewired my brain chemistry. This fic opened doors for me it exposed me to a new world. Also sanji gay panic is in here and I live for that. It can be pretty raunchy (love that too) Three rounds with a tiger by KobochaKitsune Another drunk Fic!! also in modern times damn maybe I lied sdklfj

Liquid courage, drunken decisions, terrible euphemisms, and texts from last night, or: how to think entirely with the booze (and your dick) for once.

Or: By the time Sanji got to the party, everyone was already drunk.

I read this 3 years ago (theres a trend going on can you tell??) It also rewired my brain chemistry (from this point on just assume all of these nsfw fics rewired my brain chemistry each of these opened doors for me. This one opened the doors to bottom zoro.) Fucking 20k words of just pwp. I dont even know how the author did that bro like damn. Nature of things by stark_black Tw: Sex work and prostitutes When the Sunny docks, Sanji and Zoro sometimes seek out relief in some not so savory places. After crossing paths in town on more than one occasion, the two find they have a lot more in common than they would like to admit. I hunted this down for like fucking hours a couple of weeks ago because it was that good. Stark_Black has a fucking library worth of zosan fics this one is a classic to me. But if you want more content check out his other fics I think they have like over 100 zosan its kinda insane. Coregasm by Yakarmi

Sanji discovers that sometimes, Zoro has orgasms while he lifts.

-----

“You…” Sanji trailed off, gaze turning down as he licked his lips. Pink tongue darting out nervously. “You orgasm when you exercise?”

Zoro clenched his jaw. Shrugged. Trying to act nonchalant.

“Sometimes.”

Sanji’s eye went wide, and like his mouth had suddenly been liberated from his brain, blurted out, “that’s so fucking hot,” before clamping his hands over his mouth. His cigarette fell from his mouth, bouncing soundlessly on the ground.

Bro bestie, the way this put me on nose bleed Sanji. Perv sanji. I need that gif thats like mmm cause man this is good. Ending this fic rec with a BANG we have

Contingencies and Congruencies by PeaceSignDisasterBi

Somewhere between finishing the bottles of alcohol and mugs of beer, the crew comes together to create a contingency plan for something that may-or-may-not-happen during their time on the Grand Line and beyond. Usopp thinks it's more likely than bumping into zombies, Zoro wants to stay out of this, Sanji is just going with the flow, and Nami may or may not keep things legally binding and above board with consistent consensual acquiescence. Robin finds it all amusing.

The damn chart stays in the locked drawer in her desk, split into three neat categories: Devil Fruit Powers, Science, and Magic. Each represents whatever they're hit with but also categorizes the amount of self-control the person has during.

AKA: 5 times Zoro and Sanji had to help each other as Consensual Helpers of Dubious Consent + 1 Time There Was Nothing Dubious At All

Ok this is 152k long its pretty insane. It regoes over the arcs so throughly so carefully that I literally had to question my memory because I havent experienced alot of these arcs in a while (it's one of the reasons im rewatching one piece). I will say despite how amazing and well written this is I had a hard time comprehending sometimes. now I was sick at the time of reading this so that might be why but sometimes the way things were phrased felt like yoda talking. I think it's just me though. I'm not used to big words :( And thats a wrap!! These arent even all the ones I wanted to include I have at least 20 more off the top of my head but I'll save that for another day. I hope you find joy in these fics Like i did I'll def do another one of these as cause I didnt even touch my sanji centric fics or germa 66 or just in general the best sanji fanfic writers. (Mentioned some of them like 8ball, thousand sunny and donuts and coffee.) Best of luck to yall and let me know what you think!

[poppy-metal]

With the love island!Patrick au just a sprinkling of angst for you: You're so sure that Patrick is going to bring someone else back from Casa Amor so you force yourself to explore other connections with her Casa boys even if your heart is not really in it because you don't want to look stupid standing there when Patrick walks in with a beautiful girl on his arm. When you decide to recouple with a Casa boy it's less about your connection to him and more about not being embarrassed by Patrick. But to everyone's surprise especially your own, he comes back to the Villa alone. You think you can see the exact moment his walls go back up. You're going to have to work twice as hard to get him back but now he single and the other girls definitely want their chance.

the way you're groveling immediately, too. like the casa man is tossed to the side like a piece of meat - you're coming to patrick the same night, nearly in his lap, arms hooked around his neck, telling him it meant nothing. "I was just scared you were gonna come back with someone else." you tell him. "I didn't want to look like a loser."

"so you made me the fucking loser?" his voice is cold. it reminds you of the patrick at the beginning. walls up - all smug grins and not being truthful. he doesn't push you off him but he's stiff. not returning any of your affection.

"I didn't mean too, I'm sorry." you tell him, genuinely upset and you try to get him to turn his head to look at you but he shakes you off. your eyes fill with tears and there's a whole ass camera crew filming this moment but you dont care, you just don't want to lose him. "he doesn't mean anything, patrick. I only want you -"

he rolls his eyes. being mean covers up the hurt. his pride is hurt, but more than that, his heart, which he feels fucking stupid for. he should have stuck to being the asshole. he doesn't like this feeling at all.

"whatever. Its done - I'm over it."

tears slide down your cheek and his hands twitch, he wants to wipe them away but he can't be soft with you. not ever again. he runs a hand through his hair instead, looking away from you.

"its not over." you tell him miserably. tug on his arm. "im sorry I let my trust issues get the best of me, I was stupid and wrong, but please don't throw away everything because I made a mistake - patrick -" you hiccup "- patrick please."

god, you're breaking his heart more. he genuinely feels it split in his chest, he thinks. feels his eyes burn, and he works his jaw back and forth to find that part of himself that's made of steel - grabs onto it - he pulls away from you. ignores your choked sob.

"you threw it away, not me." he tells you. his voice is soft, which just makes everything fucking worse. you'd take him yelling at you than this. "you really fucking hurt me." it's alot to admit that, but it's the truth. he doesn't think you understand just how much you've broken his trust. "I know I'm not perfect but I fucking tried with you. I didn't even fucking look at other girls - and what? you kissed him didn't you? outside of challenges."

your silence is answer enough and he nods. "thought so." he doesn't ask if you shared a bed. thinks he'll have to kill himself if he thinks about it. like genuinely drown himself in the pool. he stands and cracks his knuckles. scratches his jaw.

"I hope he makes you happy." he tells you. doesn't fucking mean it, but whatever. he wants the man to choke and die, really.

he leaves you crying alone on the terrace.