#i don't want to be religious sorry :/
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I can't believe trump is winning the elections...
#like... for real?#I was reading about a woman pregnant with twins in texas#who needed a selective reduction i.e. to abort one twin#because he wasn't going to survive#and the doctors went 'no we can't do that'#which meant they would ALL die. both twins and their mom#she managed to get the abortion done out of texas but like#how insane is this??#it drives me mad#I'm worried about the anti-abortion stance spreading#I mean it's not like it's not already there in europe#see Ireland until recently. see Italy#where abortion is legal on paper but doctors can still refuse to perform it#on religious grounds#which is INSANE. insane#omg I was discussing it with my aunt ages ago and I was like#they shouldn't have that option#and she went 'oh so you think doctors should be forced to perform abortions'#NO I think if you don't want to perform abortions don't become a fucking gyno?? maybe??#did they point a gun to their head?? aren't there lots of other specialties they could've gone for??#like what am I missing here. help#it's not even about religion though for most which makes it even more infuriating#oh I went off on a tangent here. sorry#reproductive rights#us politics#donald trump
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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As you all know, I was raised in one of those wack ass "non-denominational" pentecostal churches. I was always taught anyone not pentecostal/baptist/methodist or within that realm weren't actually christians. Essentially, if your group had a Name™️ like Mormons, JWs, Catholics, etc. then u were that group, not "[That Group] Christians"
#sorry it's biased towards pentecostals it's unfortunately my frame of reference#So I put pentecostal and baptist together#not those (anyone that ids as a christian of any kind [including those in this group if they feel that way])#and then ppl not christian in anyway (other faiths and the groups specified if you don't see ur group as christian)#specify in the tags if you want#also specify in the tags if you picked some but not all#cause I've heard some say catholics are but JWs and Mormons aren't#some that say JWs are but catholics and mormons arent#i've never seen anyone say mormons are but the others aren't tho for some reason#I think because of the polygamy but idk honestly#usually if mormons are considered JWs are too#and catholics always are if the other two groups are#if I start Reformation 2: Electric Boogaloo then so be it#ex christian#ex catholic#exmormon#exjw#exvangelical#religious trauma#wanna give everyone a chance to vote in this lol
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i don't believe in Him but i want someone who does to tell me that they believe He could love me because deep down i don't think anyone can i want to reach out and plead and beg 'do you love me do you love people like me could you ever love someone like me do you think God loves me does your God love me'
#i may or may not post this#i mean if you're seeing it then i guess you know#been thinking a lot abt my relationship w religion#as someone who was never religious but is queer living and growing up in a religious town#because every morning my teacher goes on and on about gods love#and i want to grab her by the shoulder just so someone can assure me that someone i don't think exists loves me#this is so cringe fuck#uhhh#queer#poetry#i guess#sorry to all people scrolling through the poetry tag that see this 🙏🙏🙏#lesbian#words#original post#lgbtq#lgbtqia#? my head ?
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oh wow i've been in the coffin for quite a while when it comes to posting,,,
and i had told myself i would this summer! how funny, i suppose im just used to not being perceived...
#i think some rainy art would be since compensation...#though i have a feeling wally art would be more regarded#its been a while since i've looked at the site actually!#i should probably look at it before the summer ends!#i am sorry to admit it... but i am lazy...#i've been religiously playing dress to impress and bee swarm simulator...#sigh#i cannot help it#i like bees#fish thoughts#I WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK ON REM TOO#BLAST IT.#i think thats a project im not really going to be able to do until i have a place of my own#i don't want to say much but i really do think id find my success if i was on my own#hopefully by the next year or two ill be able to!#in the meantime. ill probably try to post more
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I improved my morning alarm
#It was just Heat of the Moment#but *now* it's Heat of the Moment + Dean#and I now will let it go off *solely* so I can fill in the dialogue as Sam XD#If I don't have it memorized after spending almost 40 minutes editing this together I'll be thoroughly dissapointed#If I wake up and its Tuesday again I'll be frusterated but also *religiously* hunting for Gabriel#I bet he was one of the guys who came into the pet store today#sorry I'm getting ahead of myself there lol#WAIT#nononono what if he's my boss#hear me out#ok so I was complaining about not being able to be a hunter because 90% of monsters don't even exist in this world#THE NEXT DAY I have my first shift at the pet store#and let me tell you: that place is HAUNTED#flickering lights; weird sounds; cold spots; objects moving on their own. All of it.#This might be a little crazy but if Gabriel was going to be impersonating *somebody* in my life rn it would be my boss#and if I wake up in a time loop then I already figured it out. I win. And if that's the case: I bet the haunting is fake#If I don't wake up in a time loop I'm actually going to be more disappointed than if I do#I want an excuse to be able to tell my mom “yesterday was tuesday right? but today is tuesday too”#and then she's going to tell me I'm lying so after enough loops I'm just going to start saying all the same words as her at the same time#ohmygod and that would be SUCH a Gabriel thing to do actually#ok so my mom is a Sam Girl and I'm a Dean Girl so having us in the oposite characters' situations would be really funny#especially because I *really* don't like Sam that much#Guys trust if Gabriel was real he'd have a golden opportunity sitting at his feet right now#omg I love this#idle speaks#supernatural#spn#spn gabriel#dean winchester#sam winchester
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I never got too deep into enstars but there are days where I miss Mama 😔
#no one should ever be surprised that I main Boothill >:( /silly#yeehaw partner /jjjjjjjjj#i also like eichi for the aesthetic. he's like if you mix dain's face and ayato's mindset. actual warcriminal emperor-#and i think in terms of singing kaito slays 🔥🔥🔥🔥 I'm sorry.#actually in terms of songs in general imho it's valkyrie and akatsuki HAHAHAH#then idk i think i vibe with most undead songs though i wish there were like valentine eve's nightmare-#PERFECTLY-IMPERFECT 🔥🔥🔥🔥#fORBIDDEN RAIN- okay ill#stfu abt undead songs HAHAH#me typing these tags just slowly but surely reminds me I actually very much enjoy adonis' voice#in terms of trauma I think I got it most from Eden songs HAHAHAHHA the fricking apocalypse dance shit i forgot name but THAT#i love how i went “oh i like undead too but not as much i guess” and then proceeded to talk about undead songs more than akatsuki#and valkyrie HAHAHAHHA I'm a fricking liar#HEY HEY i mostly like valkyrie cuz shu's voice is mesmerizing- and every song in akatsuki slays because of their vocals even if I'm not th#e biggest fan of their genre leave me alone my biggest taste in men depends on their voice 😭😭😭😭😭#though in terms of friendship MaM/DoubleFace CrazyB and alkaloid for sure we'd be friends absolutely-#i played the music!! one not the original and nothing got me as hyped in the story as the fricking crazy roulette HAHAHAHA#GOT ME FEELIN LIKE I WAS IN THE CONCERT#never be a loooooSAAAAAUURRRRR *breakdances*#kiss of life is also mwah they're all my children. i know nothing on properly playing this game but i know i tried to main the christian guy#produce? forgot name but HIM I also love his voice and I have one of his priest card so he fricking dances with the priest uniform HAHAHAH#random confession: i don't have a 5 star mama card. orz.#anyways back to regular chaos in the tags omg aira i remember him what a mood and also the phantom oh frick forgot his name but i have his#sanrio card HAHAHHA 😭😭 i haven't leveled it up. i don't play this religiously-#the grind feels so overwhelming and i understand nothing I'm still on the work task 2 thing HAHHAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#most importantly i want to mention my redhead son i forgot his name but i love him very much my pretty son and his chaotic older bro i#support them both amen#as for fine. i don't really like most their songs that much...? okay this time I'm not lying like with Undead HAHAHAH I do vibe with#tempest nights for SURE absolute bop my dear blue haired clown is my fave fine member (as you can tell i love my loud girlies HAHAHHA)#most knight songs are bops and I like all the members- specially mister ensemble stRaws musiC (my other red haired son)
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i just won't ever get why whenever i have a period of being reclusive when im clearly experiencing symptoms of depression and my parents interpret it as me being a lazy asshole and my dad in particular gets so weirdly insensitive about it . sorry i have temporarily lost my zest for life & ability to take care of myself please take it as a personal slight against you. and let's not consider the fact that this has been a reoccurring issue since my adolescence & perhaps is a glaring signal of a deeper issue but nooo ok let's just get needlessly passive agggressive & then confrontational over and over until we wither & die i guess . like that's gonna solve Anything
#i'm managing it better than i have in the past i just want some fucking space#i think my dad views it as a religious issue somehow?? like every day is a gift from god#so if i'm not living every day to the fullest i'm wasting gods gift or some shit i don't know#sorry god !
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"inherently evil" -- there can be no accord with these people
#again this is religious for them#this is just a rehashing of christianity#“we are all the children of god” and if you think about prioritizing your own then you're an inherently evil heathen#also “it's common sense to care about everyone equally” despite this not being a common believe ever in history?#again this reminds me of the early christians who would happily sacrifice their family in the name of their faith#these people would gleefully sacrifice their own for their ideology#also there's something particularly vile about this#because it's so easy to feel sorry for people on the other side of the world#it's a great way to feel good about yourself without having to do anything#but meanwhile taking care of your neighbors? that's well within your power#but if you make it wrong to prioritize your own then you don't have to feel so guilty about not doing anything#and before anyone says “it's possible to care about two things at once”#yeah i agree#but for these types of people prioritizing the other is consistent#it is perverse#especially because i've seen some of these people express a certain kind of joy about it#like i saw an article from politico i believe that was enthusiastic about the effects this hurricane will have#on the ability for racist white southerners to vote for trump#and i've also seen them express a callous disregard for them#like “haha NOW these hillbillies want government handouts???”#they hate you
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now im......not jewish, and not well educated on this subject so im not sure about how to talk about it myself, but this has been picking at my mind so......can anyone tell me if this is antisemitic or not?
oh and let me just say, the original anon this person is responding to didn't mention america or living in america AT ALL. the conversation was suddenly changed to be about the us, which is the center of the world obviously (/sar), with this additional comment
im not informed enough to combat this, though this post did NOT give me a good feeling while reading it
#also this not me asking if antizionism is antisemitism it's me asking if these specific arguments are antisemitic#i/p#israel/palestine#um how do I tag this#anti zionisim#i/p conflict#jewish#judaism#tw antisemitism#antisemitism#sorry i know I have jewish followers so im trying to make sure you don't have to see it if you don't want to#might delete later#im just looking to be informed by someone who knows more bc while I'm really raising my brow at it#I don't have the ability to really point out what's happening here#I've seen people pull statistics out of their ass before or use them in a way that's misleading so#“jews are the most loved and successful and rich religious group in america” just screams antisemitism
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Spicy Geto: vampire Geto masquerading as a priest, Geto as cult leader having to do a more "intricate" exorcism, Geto being super turned on by his preggo wifey
I CAN PROVIDE MORE
me: haha what if vampire geto kills you lol
my brain: wait write that down
#i mean i should get used to writing romance that is fucked up like that anyway for atwh...#why am i like this lmao#yeah me and my brain are separate entities don't think about it too hard#sorry i really want to stay away from religious themes bc i have already written both priest and cult leader for him...#hmmm vampire geto tho... i do want to write something with him outside of our rp#OH WAIT I THINK I GOT SOMETHING#<- gears turning...#YES YES OK I GOT IT TY BOO <3
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i want sooooo badly to lash out and pull away from everyone but the god damn people pleaser in me .
#sorry to make two personal posts in as many hours but man .#i dont want to go to the family gathering. i dont want to talk to people. i dont want to celebrate holidays.#i dont want to do ANY of this i want to be left alone. smfhhhhhhhhhhhh.#(all this is in context with irl family btw. friends in phone ilysm this doesnt apply to u <3)#like i get that we're all grieving together or whatever. but i want to stop being civil about it.#everyone in my family is very religious and theyre using god and church to cope with this. as people do.#but im NOT religious im in fact the only one in the entire family who's NOT religious and i am not comforted by any of that.#''we need to be grateful for this trial that jesus has given us'' ok well what if i set something on fire.#i just. want to fight someone. bloody fists blood in my mouth kinda fight.#none of this ''good christian sadness'' shit i want to fucking fight someone. biting and clawing like a wild animal because i feel like one#et cetera.#this is senseless and meaningless don't mind me i just donnnnt wanna go to the family gatherings <//3#its like. everyone's SO determined to pretend like everything's fine and normal. carrying on with things like every other year.#and i get that theyre trying to deal with this shit but things are NOT normal. they will in fact never again be normal.#idk. i need to punch someone. i need someone to punch me. and then i need to be alone by myself for 300 years.#winter speaks#personal
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i think it's a little concerning that ppl watch dune 2 and don't realize that paul is a villain
#is it not obvious what he is when he makes the fremen attack the emperor under the atreides house banner?#the fremen just want to not have their planet exploited for a valuable natural resource and be able to terraform it as they wish#wtf do they care about paul's stupid egomaniacal war#he's not trying to destroy the empire he's becoming the emperor hello?#it's cleanly exposed in the first movie that the bene gesserit purposefully fomented religious myth about the 'messiah' so the fremen#would fall under the control of the kiswatz haderach which is a figure they created#i'm sorry i just lose my mind when people call dune a great movie (it's just good) and then seemingly don't even understand#what they're seeing#he's not even a well-intentioned 'white saviour' who's doomed to fail ala lawrence of arabia#(now that's a great movie and herbert's inspo for dune)#he's just using the fremen to achieve his goals which is control of the imperial machine#he's not liberating anyone lmao
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i personally believe if your theology does not allow your queer child to be baptised because you believe that puts them on a similar level to satan, or if you want to flip tables by seeing the statement "God loves trans people", your theology is bad and it is not based in love.
#queer christian#queer christianity#i had a talk with a youth kid tonight!! guess how it went#i don't know how i was able to temper my anger in the moment. God probably#but hey what the FUCK#and i know her parents. i know they are capable of love. i know they loved their child#but you don't want her to have a relationship with God because of who she is and things she cannot change#for that? fuck you#also this is why i hate 'queer people can't be religious' (coming from queer people). babe homophobes are saying the same thing#if you can remember. please keep this girl in your prayers.#edit: sorry i miswrote the quote the flipping tables person was specifically transphobic and called it 'transgenderism'
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Petty rant this morning- I can understand that somtimes even the nicest noises can be a nuisance, even painful, and believe me I have become cranky about all sorts of innocuous noises at the wrong time.
That being said, I have heard a surprising number of people complain about bellringers practising, when they moved into a house next to a mediaeval English church
#Oh I'm sorry we'll just move this twelfth-century bell tower somewhere that doesn't irritate you#Can it sometimes be a rather awful cacophony? Yes but they only get better if they practise#And even the worst noise of bells (from the distance of neighbouring houses not the tower) is better than car engines and drunk arguments#And bellringing is such a magnificent piece of craft and tradition; it's worth preserving even above and beyond any religious role#Though to be fair all the bellringers I've met seem to hold bellringing as their chief religion and are indifferent at best to the church#So it's not even that much of a reminder of Christianity imo#Thouhg I suppose people could disagree#Anyway church bells were one of the best things about living in the south of England#Even when they were rattling away very untidily#I miss them so much being back in Scotland where we only have a handful of towers at best#and certainly don't have the longstanding tradition of ringing in small churches#I have to get my kicks from the Tolbooth clock and let me tell you it just isn't the same as hearing an English bell tower ringing up#Let alone actually ringing the changes#It's one of the few genuinely wholesome English traditions and you want to whine about the sound of BELLS#Not because it's a sensory issue or anything just because you don't like your lie-in being interrupted#But you'd expect your neighbours to put up with your noisy barbecues#Actually never even mind disruptive events like that- in my opinion the noise of your silly car idling in the driveway is worse than bells#You trying to fit your massive SUV down the tiny streets of a small English village#Is always worse than plain hunt
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I hate christian holidays being so big in the usa like this shit is a cult + most people use it to excuse their bigotry + for a country supposedly founded on freedom of religion it sure is looked down on to not be christan in some form
#I don't wanna say I have religious trauma bc I'm not the one being forced into religion#But most of my trauma was done to me BY religious people and people who aren't religious but were raised as such and therefore hate LGBTs#yeah no sorry I don't give a single fuck about your holidays. Your people kill queers for existing and then want to say THEY'RE oppressed#The second someone says they're religious I become wary of them. Bc my first thought has to be: are you normal about trans people?#The answer is no at least 75% of the time. This doesn't even touch the rest of the gross shit they believe like pro-forced-birth lol#🪶.exe
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