#i don't mean to be mean towards people with adhd. but a lot of “adhd spaces�� or whatever now just take behaviors that are mostly autistic

[wc-confessions]

The way some people talk about Moth Flight rubs me the wrong way, and I don't mean people criticizing her for how she acted towards Leafpool and all that, I mean her character in her SE

Like...I relate to her a lot. She's pretty heavily adhd coded and the way her mother treats her for the first part of the book is unfortunately relatable to me. She was just screwed over so bad, having her mate die young and having to raise four children without him when she was still basically apprentice aged (nobody really helped her out either) she just makes me sad

Seeing people call her useless for being distracted a lot or saying she's a horrible mother for "not being able to raise her children" as if she wasn't a depressed teenager with barely any support system makes me feel weird. I've seen someone call her a "freakazoid" before because of her adhd similarities and it really hurt

I know I sound sensitive, it just sucks to see people tearing this character apart because of things out of her control. What she did to Leafpool and Squirrelflight was really shitty, but in her own book she's basically just suffering the whole time. Cut her some slack for her younger self at least

.

[barnbridges]

what's funny is that "the tism" or whatever is fed on people's inabilities to break certain cycles or habits, not because they can't, but because they feel uncomfortable doing so. having back problems isnt an inherent autistic trait, just most people have it because we don't comprehend posture very well. you at some points need to make greater effort to fit in and be happy and healthy. but some people would rather die than work on themselves.

[thedivinetarot]

Talk to me in songs and poems

10 facts and more about your fs

☆ How to chose the perfect pile for you?

- Close your eyes and take a deep breathe. Ask the question I your head, open your eyes and the picture that you can't look away from is your pile.

☆ Note:

- This is a general reading, use your own discernment when judging the accuracy.

- This is a short mini reading. I may do an extended one or pt. 2 later.

- This is a future spouse reading which means that it is not applicable for crushes or someone you are briefly dating and if you want to do it on your long term partner feel free but I don't guarantee that it will be 100% accurate.

- Can be applied on a future lover too.

Pile 1 - The corpse bride

1. This person is very active. He could move a lot, work out a lot, or he could be an athlete. I see a constant movement from this person. Also he could walk fast, faster than normal.

2. This person get overwhelmed so quickly and the funny part is they cannot focus on more than one task and get distracted easily. He gives me an ADHD vibe. So, they may have ADHD.

3. This person is indecisive, it take them forever to make a decision which can be good or bad because they overthink everything. And because they see the good and bad in every option.

4. Your person is unbalanced when it comes to giving and receiving affection/ emotions/ gifts/ and other stuff. They either give too much or doesn't give at all.

5. They are tall and scary. They might have anger issues or get angry very easily. I see that this person is a catalyst of change or they might have changed a lot physically or mentally throughout their life.

6. This person is very emotional honestly, I see someone who is kind, sweet and caring towards others but they doesn't know how to show it in a balanced way.

7. This person have a big family or he came from a very strong/ rich or wealthy family. I see also that their family are very respected from people in the country they live in.

8. They are very successful but they kinda show it off and brag about their success in arrogant way. They could be arrogant too.

9. This person is pessimistic. They doesn't know how to be optimistic at all. It is like they have a different point of view than the people around them and because they overthink it, they doesn't feel good about it. There's a lot of emphasis on "what ifs" in their mind.

10. This person is family oriented. They are the perfect husband/wife material. They dream of having a family on their own and they are so excited about it.

Bonus: they lives far away from you and they travel to work or to their home. Could be in travel (from state to state) or out travel (from country to country).

Pile 2 - Blue moon

1. Lives near you. Or in the same state. Could be your neighbor too. I see that he tried to travel for work but it didn't last at all and he got homesick and returned.

2. Very diplomatic and 'demure'. He doesn't like conflicts and always try to avoid them.

3. Is very emotional. Idk why I keep picturing a blonde, white, and an overweight man in my mind eye. This person is cute or look cute and cuddly too.

4. They are very nurturing, if they are identified as masculine; he doesn't feel ashamed of taking care of others. And if they are identified as feminine; then they are very in their feminine energy.

5. This person is intuitive too, I'm picking up on the mbti INFP, ISFP, INFJ, ENFJ, ENFP, ISFJ too.

6. This person is very spiritual, I'm sensing major pisces placements. This person could be a wizard or a witch. They could read tarot and practice divination too. If not then they may be interested in those things (even if they are not a practioners of it).

7. This person have a very interesting point of view. I see that they see things from a different angle which cause others to misunderstand them and their intentions.

8. Despite this person's sweet personality or look. They have a dark side that they keep to themselves. I see that they might have been a drug addict, alcohol addict or other some type of addiction that I couldn't put my finger on. Could even be sex? Or masturbation? Maybe.

9. This person is very vital, they could blush quickly or their face get red easily. I see also that their voice can be rough and loud in an annoying way.

10. This person is active too like pile one. They may walk fast, talk fast or work out to keep fit even if they are obese or overweight.

Bonus: They were dating someone but they broke up with them. This incident was close in time like 2 to 4 months ago. I'm not seeing something deep at all. Could be a fling or a hookup.

Pile 3 - Blue butterfly

1. This person is an extrovert. I see someone who party a lot but from time to time this gives them anxiety so they isolate themselves from time to time.

2. This person is a huge believer in twin flame, they might be manifesting their twin into their life.

3. This person is spiritual too. I see that they are into psychology, inner child healing.

4. This person could mirror you a lot. Could be good or bad, so if you want them in your life you need to be better yourself in order for this to last.

5. Your future spouse is you twin flame, this came again while I'm channeling the facts about them.

6. They are very childish and innocent. And if not they can impulsive and carefree of the consequences of their own actions.

7. They are really a hard worker. Could be a workaholic too. I see that they are working on their finances so when they meet you they can wife you up.

8. This person is a busy bee. They are constantly working and juggling things. Could be a great multi-tasker too.

9. Their family traditions are very important to them. And they get very defensive when someone point out anything wrong with their family traditions.

10. This person is defensive. And also argumentative. They only want to prove that their opinion is the only right one.

Bonus: They are on their healing journey towards you. I see that also they can be a slow/smooth talker or walker. I see also that they do not hesitate to walk away when things are not working the way they want. They abandon their projects easily too. They could breathe loudly, or make a loud voice when they inhale.

Pile 4 - White swan

1. This person is an atheist. Or if not they might not have a religion or not into spirituality or doesn't believe in that "crab".

2. They are that one hot sexy fucker that fuck around with no commitment. And if not then they used to be like that before meeting you.

3. This person is very blunt, harsh with words and even abusive, be careful of their rage. They have a nasty energy. I smell something not pleasant at all. They could be clueless about hygiene.

4. This person is broke. Financial and in other areas in their life. They could also use their attractiveness to their advantages to use women's money. Again be careful, you don't have to keep up with that.

5. This person got disappointed and if not so they disappointed a lot of people in their life. Especially their family. I feel like when you get to know them, they will complain a lot about how unsupported they are.

6. I see that they always daydream about being successful, independent, and the boss but they do nothing about it honestly. Like there is no serious steps to be like that.

7. They have daddy issues, even if they are a male. Their father; might have left them which caused them to be heartbroken.

8. This person is a player. I see that they use people around them to their advantage.

9. I see also that at some point they learned from their past mistakes. They want to be a better person. I see that they might travel to another country to work on themselves.

10. This person when you meet them they will be in a better place. The previous facts might be from their past and they feel so ashamed of what they have done.

Bonus: He could be in a poly relationship or like poly relationships, or they date two or three people at the same time. Major womanizer vibe. Even if they change; they still are attracted to the opposite sex like crazy.

29th of sep/2024- Sun

* Feedback is appreciated

[brehaaorgana]

ADHD money/budgeting system I'm currently using for my benefit is going well (I've been using it for like half a year now?), and I wanna recommend it.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT. 10/10 do recommend. Uhhh rambling about it and my generic disclaimers + gushing extensively under the cut but TL;DR I think it's great for ADHD ppl, I've used it for 6+ months now and I find it super SUPER helpful. also weirdly fun.

DISCLAIMERS:

Budgeting helps you understand/know your money, it can't make money appear where there is none.

Everyone should learn to budget even if you don't have much money (especially then)

This is NOT a magic trick solution. Just like everything else, it is an assistive tool. This is one of those adult things we can't simply opt out of without negative consequences, though.

My advice is based on something I am currently able to do. That is, I can spend an amount of money on this specific thing that works well for me. If you have no extra money to spend then previously I was tracking things in a notebook. So you can still do this.

I believe Dave Ramsey is a fundie fraud/hack and no one should listen to him about money.

DID YOU KNOW THEY CANCELLED MINT???

Okay? OKAY.

Ahem.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT.

It is called YNAB for short. The first 34 days are your free trial, and that is my referral link. If anyone uses it and then signs up for a subscription, we both get a month free. Also you can share a subscription with up to six people (account owner can see everything but individuals can pick and choose what they share amongst each other) so like...idk your whole polycule can be on one account. Or your kids. Whatever.

If you are a student, it's free for a year. If you aren't, a subscription is $99 for a year (paid all at once) or $14.99 monthly, which is equivalent to paying Amazon prime. Go cancel Prime and get this instead tbh.

They got a whole article just on ynab and ADHD. They also have like...a big variety of ways to access their info? They have a book, podcast episodes, YouTube videos, blog posts, q&A's, free live workshops you can join (you can request live captioning), emails they can send (if you want) a wiki, and so on. They got workshops on all kinds of topics!!

So whatever ends up working for your brain. It also has a matching app.

If you lost Mint this year they have a gajillion things for moving from Mint.

Also they have a "got five minutes?" Page which has a slider so you can decide how much attention/time you have before going on lol:

They only have 4 rules of the budget, they're simple and practical, and it doesn't get judgey or like...mean about your spending.

1. Give every dollar a job 2. Embrace your true expenses 3. Roll with the punches 4. Age your money.

THEN THEY BREAK THESE DOWN INTO SMALL STEPS FOR YOU! They even have a printable! Also these rules are great because there's built in expectations that things WILL HAPPEN and it's NOT all or nothing with a fear of total collapse into failure. Reality and The Plan don't always align, especially if you have ADHD. So it's directing our energy towards the true expenses and not clinging to The Plan!! over reality.

You can automate a lot of shit (you can sync with your bank accounts just like mint, but also automate tagging the categories of regular expenses/transactions). And if for whatever reason you accidentally do something that makes the budget look weird or wrong:

A) you can usually fix it somehow OR b) they have like, a button you can press that gives you a clean slate and archives the previous version of the budget for you.

So if you forget for a few weeks or months, or accidentally input something wildly wrong, or just don't want to look at a really terrible month anymore and feel like you need a fresh start you can usually either fix it or start fresh which is really nice.

The app also (for whatever reason) scratches my itch to have things like...have incentives or little game-like goals in a way mint never did? I don't know why. Filling up the bars or putting money into the categories to cover my expenses is satisfying lmao. You can also make a big wish expense category for all the fun shit you want, and fund it whenever you can and then you can see the little bar go up and that's fun.

Anyways I've been using it for like 6+ months now and I think it's really helped me when I use it.

[copperbadge]

TBH it was surprising when you mentioned you have difficulty knowing how others feel about you. You strike me as an incredibly likeable guy with an interesting life and viewpoint, and it seems your readers feel the same :) . If I lived anywhere near I'd love to hang out (or at least exchange cat pictures), but alas. Anyway, I hope you're having a good day and please give the kits a kiss for me!

Ah, thank you! That's a lovely thing to say :)

That's the curse of rejection-sensitive dysphoria though -- you're just never goddamn sure. Your brain wants to read everything other people say and do in a negative light, but you also know that's not correct. So it's one more axis along which you can't trust yourself.

Being unable to trust yourself is actually a really big part of ADHD. Specialists talk a lot about how people with ADHD can't trust their memory, they can't trust knowledge they've worked to acquire will be there when it's needed, they can't trust their reactions in a crisis, they can't trust their perceptions of others. I know, intellectually, that the people in my life don't remember 99% of the dumb shit I pull, but I remember it all in visceral emotional detail, which makes it difficult to believe in my soul that they don't. Do I remember the dumb shit they pull? No. Does that matter? Not to my stupid dinged-up corpus striatum, which is where the ADHD lives.

Even before my diagnosis I was dimly aware of this issue and so I did a lot of work on myself to make sure that I took a healthy attitude towards this, that I didn't try to manipulate people into reassuring me or lash out if I thought they secretly hated me. I remind myself not everyone will like me and that's okay, I remind myself that people who don't want to spend time with you don't proactively seek out your company.

But what that means is that while I for the most part don't suspect people of baselessly hating me, or at least don't act on suspicion when I do, I also just kinda...never know what anyone thinks. All I can really do is continue to assume the positive, and if that starts to fail, communicate openly about it. Which as coping mechanisms go is pretty healthy, like short of a drastic personality rewiring I'm not sure how I could handle it better, but the struggle is pretty real.

All of which is to say that I do appreciate the ask -- and all evidence in this post to the contrary I am having a pretty great day. It's Friday, the house is clean, I got paid today and I'm going on vacation starting Sunday. And I did just spend half an hour cuddling the kitties. :D

[homunculus-argument]

I was born and raised American, but with everything that's happened over the past few years I've been considering moving to another country. but I don't know if this is just "the grass is greener". Not sure if this really fits with your blog, but as someone from Europe what's your attitude towards living in the US?

I've visited there a handful of times and most of my thoughts are "damn bitch, y'all really live like this?" People in Finland like to complain about the climate, the taxes, and how stingy the welfare systems are (if you currently rely on them) or how costly they are (if you're currently not relying on them), but honestly most of the time that's because people are used to having it so good, or don't really have a perspective of how bad everyone would be doing without the infrastructure that everything runs on.

Sure, nowhere is perfect, and there's always room for improvement, but honestly the people I've met in the US only really seem to think that their system is good because they've never been anywhere else and don't know any better.

Mostly it's stuff that you'd never think about if you hadn't been to both places, like being able to trust that tap water is drinkable or that you can safely walk/bike to wherever you need to go. The US really doesn't have the kind of ability to just hang out in public places, just walking to the town and sitting on benches. Having public parks and libraries isn't really the same if you can't just walk there, and you genuinely need a car to go anywhere.

I moan and lament a lot about how the winters here are hard to endure - at the darkest time of the year the sun rises at 9 and sets before 5 pm - but I wouldn't move from here just because of that, mainly because of how reliably everything is structured here. Sure, it's all run with funds from relatively high taxes, but that is a self-feeding loop on its own. The tax-paying workforce isn't a disposable resource that's wrung dry once and tossed out when it's broken, but even when you're just another cog in the machine, you're one that's maintained, not replaced if broken.

I had a lot of breakdowns when I was younger, largely due to depression and other mental issues I had due to the undiagnosed ADHD. When I started breaking down at work in my old factory job, they couldn't just fire me on the spot because of the workers' union fought tooth and nail to make sure that you can't throw people out for getting sick, and mental illness is treated no different from other health issues. I was allowed to take two years off work in order to study into a career I thought would fit me better. That didn't turn out well either, but I was still allowed to bounce back and forth between odd jobs, sick leave, and studying - all on government pensions during the spots when I wasn't working a wage - until I found the right diagnosis, the right medications, and the right job.

It's not a hyperbole to say that I owe my life to the ample and studry social welfare systems that Finland has in place. Sure, you're just another brick in the wall, a cog in the machine, but if you keep breaking down, it takes a long time until they completely give up on you if you can somehow make them believe that you're trying, because it's cheaper for the tax system to figure out how to make you fit into the machine than just toss you out. A human being is an expensive investment and if getting you to the right job, education, diagnosis, medication or even arranged housing is what it takes to get your ass back into the workforce, they'll at least try.

I'm perfectly happy to pay the taxes here to fund the system that helped me onto my feet when I was in no condition to function, and to support the people who never do recover, find their place, or be able to support themselves on their own. And I can live with the peace of mind that even if I fall apart again, that safety net is still there. It's brutal, pragmatic, and regards your health and welfare as a means to an end - to get you working and paying taxes again - but they still do prioritise your welfare. Cogs are cheaper to maintain than replace.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.

Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)

I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.

Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot

Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.

The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)

If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."

I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.

It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.

(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)

A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."

It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.

I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

[jonesywrites]

I feel compelled, so I must.

*Now with images for context

Man I shit you not, I have so much stuff to do like SO MUCH but I also have ADHD and a tendency toward hyperfixation so I am compelled, I tell you.

I'm writing for a whole ass other ship, filming, and editing for my YT channel. But I saw gifs, and I read tweets, and I saw hot takes and then I decided to react to Season 3 Part I for my channel.

I AM OBSESSED.

I'm in the middle of editing my reactions to Ep 1-4 and I just HAVE to chime in with these observations I keep having as I go through and re-live each Polin scene while editing. I know some of this has been seen/said before but I'm a newb to this fandom and I just finished listening to all of the audiobooks (save Simon and Daphne's story) so I just gotta! I OBSERVED A LOT and there's a lot here, so . . .

Colin turns to the Featherington house as soon as he arrives home and greets his family.

Because whether he's aware of it or not, he's thinking of one of those Featheringtons, who happens to be standing there as he debuts "the new Colin" to the people he cares about the most -- which includes Pen, they are telegraphing to us in this moment -- (right after testing some of that newfound charm on a gaggle of giggly girls). I don't think he greets her right away because he isn't ready yet but you can see his smile/smirk when he spots her -- like "Yep, Pen, feast your eyes, it's the new me, and NOW I'll bet you'll want to hear about my travels."

Eloise is the first person to spot that he may not really be into this "new Colin".

The show GOES OUT OF ITS WAY to let you know this isn't really Colin, that his heart isn't really into it, from jump. The siblings Bridgerton do a little "we see each other" when he questions her about trying to fit into society after all this time -- they're two sides of the same coin. He's too sensitive and romantic for the rakes of the ton and she's too independent and free-thinking for the boring trappings of the marriage mart, but here they both are. Pretending.

Colin goes out of his way to test his new charm on half the ladies at the Queen's garden party thing BEFORE he approaches Pen to talk for the first time since he got back -- at first glance he's just doing his thing, being the new him, enjoying himself and his new ability to woo the ladies but IT IS THIS AUTHOR'S HUMBLE OPINION THAT HE WAS TESTING HIS CHARM TO ITS LIMITS BEFORE HE WENT OVER TO THE ONE GIRL HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO/TRUELY ENJOYS CONVERSING WITH TO LAY IT ON HER.

Wanna bet me he wasn't thinking about Pen while he was away, wondering why she wasn't answering, plotting to talk to her when he got back, plotting to see if his new charm would work on her because she's Pen and her opinion means a lot to him? He doesn't get why yet but it's there -- the tip of the iceberg, only a strong desire for her attention and approval right now, but I can sooooo see how that started to quickly burn into a much more intense desire for just...her.

I adore how Penelope asks the dressmaker for new dresses in the fashion of "what they are wearing in Paris" after Colin tells her his new wardrobe is what's all the rage in Paris from is travels.

He always counts on her just being Pen in the citrus colors hanging on the wall, a safe place, but then he sees her in that green dress and I truly believe this is the moment he realizes -- nah fam, this isn't just "Pen my friend who doesn't count (as a woman)", this is "wow who is that woman in the striking color with pretty lips and fiery red hair?"

This poor lovesick fellow has no idea why every time he sees her at a ball his heart does a funny thing and he suddenly can't see anyone else and he gets the urge to drink whatever's in his hand/close by.

HEY BABE IT'S BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER. A LOT. She isn't just Pen who doesn't count, she is SPECIAL.

Much has been said about the "Goodnight, Mr. Bridgerton" scene, but I'll just add that you can tell when Colin is being genuine and totally himself vs when he's trying to charm her into relaxing with him/being more like her usual self.

When he says "the colour rather suits you," he's being her good friend who is pleased to see her looking so good but he's also saying that to himself, judging by his tone, like "yeah girl you should wear green more often, this makes you look damn good". And when he says he misses her, he means it, but you can also hear the armor of that New Colin Charm in his tone. It's a vulnerable thing to admit, so he uses a devilish smile and has a wink in his eyes because so far that has worked on every girl here since he got back. Not Pen, though ... he was SHOOK when she rebuffed him and called him cruel.

Yes, he is absolutely panicked that he might lose his one true friend in all of the fickle ton, but also . . . Colin is totally realizing how hot Pen is in the garden scene. Colin is looking into her gorgeous eyes and admitting how she makes him feel and you can see the real-time realization in his eyes/expression. Handshake? He is acting on his impulse to touch her while using his newfound charm to disguise his curiosity.

Colin wants to hang out with her as much as possible because that's how comfortable and appreciated she makes him feel but also it's my opinion that he, at least subconsciously, also wants to keep looking at her, getting closer to her, winning her favor. He's not even thinking about the results of the whole charm lessons thing, he's just thinking about being around Penelope as much as possible because of that realization that she makes existing in a world that is determined to misunderstand him (and has "forced" him to don a mask/facade to survive) bearable.

I agree with those who pointed out that he is taken aback by Pen's awkward flirting session with the fan because normally when they're alone talking all he sees/experiences is her wit, intelligence, keen ability to read between the lines of their society, etc.

Also, you can see he doesn't even care what the other blokes think of her, he thinks she's friggin adorable -- he can't keep the smile off his face even as he's sympathizing with her for going down faster than the Titanic-which-doesn't-exist-yet-duh-but-analogy-with-me-here.

Every moment of the private lesson scene, from him instantly abandoning the card game with his siblings to the way he planned out the whole thing and thought about where everyone would be and what window of time they'd have to "practice" shows THAT HE WAS IN FACT VERY EAGERLY AWAITING HER VISIT for their lesson. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one who suggested the game in the garden to get everyone out of the house in anticipation of Pen’s arrival.

It is this author's humble opinion that Colin really, really wanted to pretend to flirt with Penelope to satisfy his nagging, subconscious (yet fluttering to the surface) curiosity and I AM WILLING TO BET MY TWIN SISTER'S WHOLE 2024 SALARY that (especially after her compliment shook him to his core) they wouldn't have made it much longer without him kissing her if they hadn't been interrupted and she had't read his journal.

He wanted alone time, he wanted intimacy, he wanted to flirt -- they would have charmed each other right into each other's pants if those lessons were allowed to continue, mark my words.

Colin's body was at least several weeks ahead of him. The body doesn't lie. Touching her skin in the garden. Leaning into her whenever they speak (with the convenient excuse of their height difference), pressing his palm into her lower back to escort her to the drawing room, sitting and letting her hold his hand for an unnecessarily long pause before forcing himself to stop staring at her and end the impropriety (escape the intensity of the moment to breathe and process, more like).

Jealous Colin(tm) with his intense eyes and hard jawline is everything and hot af, end of observation.

I love Dream Pen for Colin. The way he dressed her. The way his mind envisions her being breathless for him.

The way he pictures himself just holding her close and indulging in hot, sultry kisses until she's practically melting in his arms. THIS IS WHAT HE DREAMS ABOUT, WHAT HE TRULY WANTS. This boy is a Romantic with a capital ROMANTIC and I JUST LOVE how his dream about Pen reflects that so clearly. We've seen him struggling to pay attention or care in brothels but he displays more sexual intensity, passion, and lust in this romantic wet dream about simply confessing his feelings than any other time he's seen on screen with a woman he's supposed to find attractive.

The "Sweet Treats" scene, as I believe I've seen others pointing out, is --yes, sweet-- at a glance. But also HOT AF. He's pining, he's nervous, he's jealous, she's so sweet and lovely confessing her excitement and hopes for the match with Deblin. But it's also hot b/c I meeeean....The pink everywhere (pink walls, get it), her lips and his reaction to her glancing her tongue across them, his fingers flexing out of nerves but also the subconscious urge to touch, maybe even caress, is all in his stiff, hovering body language. Like, if he could shove those treats off one of those tables, throw her against it and ravage her "sweet treat" right then there in that pink little tent, homeboy totally would have if society/propriety/scandal/watching eyes weren't a concern.

SIDENOTE: I think Deblin was definitely attracted to Pen, it wasn't SOLELY a practical match for him.

He says she can make men wither within seconds of their first meeting and he definitely looks at her in a way that says he's charmed, intrigued, impressed, etc. So I think even they married, eventually he would start to miss her while away, then ache for her, then he would come home to her and he would fall. Gradually maybe, but I do believe Pen was right to hope love could grow between them. However, I'm so so sooo glad neither of them settled.

WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THE CARRIAGE SCENE THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID??? It's one of the hottest love scenes I've ever seen, and it's not because everybody is naked or because there's kink or anything crazy. It's because (for me) the actors TRULY CARE ABOUT THE DETAILS. Almost every frame has something you can freeze and stare at in awe, they DID THAT. Colin finally FEELING IT, with the one person who can truly see him and inspire those deep feelings he's been yearning for was HOT AF. Pen basically being at his mercy but also realizing her power over him and embracing it by letting him ruin her because it's COLIN (she wouldn't let anyone else do that, IMO, not even Deblin). MY FAVORITE PART:

At the end, when they exhale and slump into each other/the carriage seat in sync. She looks like she's never felt anything like this in her life (cuz she ain't) and he looks like he's finally HOME. And I'm not talking about his family's estate -- I specifically mean right there in Penelope's bosom, between her legs, her breath, her eyes, her moans for him, like he looks relieved and satisfied AND THEN HE'S LIKE "SO I'M NEVER LETTING THIS GO. DONE DEAL, YOU'RE MY PENELOPE, NOW."

Ugh. I loooove this couple! I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY BODY. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Gonna add stills for the moments I mention once Tumblr stops being a bitch.

[bridgetoesoteria]

💌 Love: Feelings and thoughts about you & the connection

OMGGG I hit 50 follows while working on this post. Thank you! I appreciate every one of you 🥰

Y'all already know what it is. Options left to right. Pick a ring! 💍

I'm using multiple decks so cards won't be listed.

See you at your reading. Hope it resonates <3

Pile 1

Off the bat: This relationship could be in a rocky place. I'm seeing a masculine with their brows furrowed like they are stressed or deep in thought. Maybe that is this person's general demeanor. The feminine could have her mind elsewhere or is trying to tune out the masculine.

Feelings for you:

Lots and lots of wands! Temperance is linked to Sagittarius. Maybe this person is a fire sign. Or they just feel quite passionately about you. You know when people say "so and so doesn't play about _____," its like that. When I say passionate, I mean they feel quite strongly. They could be very intense. Some of you may have pulled away because you did not like their energy. I see that they could come back around so be prepared to stand your ground. If they were controlling before, they will continue to be. I say that because I pulled cards I associate with dominance and assertiveness, i.e., the chariot, the king of wands.

For others, you may have gotten into a disagreement with this person. Or you have done something that they are offended by. Some of you may have been super blunt and told them to get their shit together!

Their energy toward you is pretty defensive. However, if you are not talking, I'm not sure that will last forever. (I don't usually give time predictions I am getting 2 weeks). With temperance + the eight of wands, they are being stubborn and delaying communication. I think they will communicate eventually, and should probably do it first. If you reach out first, they could ignore you, intentionally delay responding, or just be immature/petty. They do really want to work it out but they are on edge right now.

Some of you are waiting on this person to choose in some way. The decision could involve work, relocating, or another person. There is so much physical attraction. Like they are ready to take you to poundtown, but its not that kind of reading...

Thoughts on connection:

They could worry and over think a lot. I think they would like for the connection to be healthy. This connection really makes them reflect on what exactly do they want in a partner? What is their ideal connection? They also think about how they show up as a partner.

This person could have had interactions with you that are thought-provoking. They could also be receiving counseling and that is what is leading them to think more about these things. This person could be on some kind of journey; Spiritual journey, health journey, self-discovery journey, etc.

They want to understand where you are coming from. They could be mentally experimenting with the idea of changing certain things and meeting you halfway. They could be a perfectionist or diagnosed with ADHD or OCD. They want your relationship to be perfect. They also think about making breakfast for you and wonder you'd like most.

They think about your communication styles. Maybe they clash. "Is it ever appropriate to blow someone's phone up?" is really standing out to me. They might think they are the "monster" or "villain" in this connection or at this particular time. There are a lot fears and insecurities.

Okay...I have to say this just because it's come up AGAIN. *ahem* some of you may have communicated, in some way, that their sex game is wack.

TL;DR: This person is on the defense. Maybe because of a recent disagreement or an offensive statement. They are planning to come back around, they really want to. They feel very strongly towards you. Beware if they are controlling and domineering. They will come back around with the same energy so be prepared to reassert boundaries. Your connection makes them think so deeply about their ideas around relationships. They overthink a lot. However, they are trying to grow mentally and improve themselves.

Pile 2

Off the bat: Someone may be a stoner. You could get high a lot or when you're together everything feels dreamy. Very heady. You could have met this person overseas or one of you is from a different country. I feel quite nostalgic. So maybe this is an old connection or one that reminds you of a certain era in your life. You could daydream about them a lot. This could be a crush. The masculine may have long hair or blonde hair. Some of you could be LGBT.

Feelings for you:

I think your sacral chakras are very activated by this connection. Now I see why I was getting a heady, intoxicating feeling. Your person is sooo very attracted to you! Like they think you are hot hot. I'm hearing "hot to the touch." I don't know why this is so heavily on their mind. Are you holding back from them? Have you been spending time apart? I keep getting very 18+ flashes in my head. This person seems like the type to actually study the karma sutra.

Some of you may not even know they feel this passionately for you. I'm sure you know they're attracted but do you know they're absolutely feral? I think they try to keep a calm demeanor on the outside. They feel like you have a lot of power over them. Maybe not the connection itself, but you definitely heavily influence this person.

There could be an issue with third parties. I think they feel a bit cursed. Like if things aren't working out, or they met you after they had already settled down with someone else...they are taking it very personally. Its frustrating. They have very deep emotions. They feel things strongly and examine their emotions in solitude. I'm also hearing, "I picked the winning side." So maybe they chose someone else for shallow reasons, or for purely financial reasons. They feel a bit opportunistic like they are waiting to capitalize.

If you are the cheater then this person feels like walking away from you was the right decision. They are defensive toward giving this anymore chances. Maybe this is how they perceive your energy toward them. Some of you may have been the person that experienced a betrayal. You are trying to heal. They are aware of this.

Thoughts on connection:

This person could be veryy avoidant. It is so hard pulling any cards for this part of the reading, so it is likely that they avoid thinking about the connection. Oof after pulling more cards I can see why. I'm using the Ceccoli deck and the knight of pentacles literally says "hate me."

Their thoughts toward you feel very hostile. Or they could view the connection to be hostile. They think you care about yourself than anyone else. In particular, they think that you look good and so you are able to string people along. They feel soo jealous. They feel rejected. They don't want to be just another suitor.

Honestly, I am so taken aback by this energy. I did not see it coming. They are so so mad over you! Honestly, I would stay away from this person. This is the sort of energy where you would have to start from scratch if you ever did decide to give this another go. Or they are realizing they have to move on and start from zero. Like setting up dating app profiles, going on dates, bla bla.

They could be feeling like you know what you're doing. That you target people. Is this a sugar daddy that didn't realize he was a sugar daddy? lol. Either way they think all of your actions are intentional. Maybe this why they feel gloat-y when I pulled their feeling cards. Do they think they are getting revenge?

Take this how it resonates. Reverse roles if needed.

TL;DR: You could have had a very passionate, lusty relationship with this person. Someone feels extremely burned here. For most of you it is this person. They see as a self-absorbed, player. They are super attracted to you, but also very angry and jealous right now. I would keep my distance because they feel very scorned. They could try to avoid thinking about you. Reverse any roles if needed.

Pile 3

Off the bat: I'm tasting cotton candy. Maybe that relates to some memory you made together. I also think this connection could feel very sweet. Maybe you're high school sweethearts. It could also be that you are still in the crush phase or honeymoon phase. Things feel mostly happy.

Feelings for you:

Aww so right away, this person has very tender feelings for you. They feel all warm and gooey on the inside when they think of you. For some, you could be this person's first same-sex crush or relationship. I do think they want to make some kind of offer. They could be considering confessing their feelings or asking you out. They are very attracted to you.

Some of you may not have had sex yet and they are trying to temper their desires. But its not easy. Maybe you want to take your time or you have very conservative values. If they are not getting to communicate with you at all, it is eating them up. They are ready to apologize, make up, or reunited. Whatever it may be. They want to be by your side. I get very simpy vibes and I mean that in the best way possible!

They want to remain optimistic about the connection. They are trying to be brave and build a good connection. Or maybe this what they think of you. Fearless, a trailblazer, good with boundaries. Either way, they want to embody these traits.

Thoughts on Connection:

I really do think this person would have to be "brave" to pursue this connection because that message is coming out again in their thoughts. Maybe they will just have to take a deep breath and make their approach. For others, this may require them coming out of the closet. It doesn't have to be telling the world. Its mainly about telling you.

There are a lot of messages about staying focused and working hard. So they could be hyper focused on putting in effort to make this connection work. They consider the connection itself to be pleasant. They know they can leave their insecurities at the door and drop any facade. You both can be yourselves. This makes them feel so safe.

An example of what all this could look like: You have been spending time together and now you have caught feelings for each other. Maybe for right now your relationship is private. Or their feelings for you are private but they will have to confess them. This could be anxiety inducting. So, taking these actions might not be pleasant, but being with you is. And that's what makes it all worth it.

They are trying to believe that love exists. I think they may actively try to keep their thoughts positive, like challenging negative thoughts when they come up. Maybe they need to have more hope in order to approach you. That its possible to find a good partner. Those people exist. I am also getting that they are struggling like this because of a breakup.

TL;DR: This person gives major simp vibes. They are feeling you for sure! Very very attracted. This relationship could still be in the honeymoon phase or could feel like that. For some this person hasn't even confessed feelings yet. They don't want to keep hiding their feelings from you or hiding the relationship from the world. They are giving themselves mental pep talks! They are trying to be less jaded about love. They are want to do what it takes to make this connection work!

Pile 4

Off the bat: The energy feels very serious. Kind of corporate. A bit stagnant like there isn't much going on in the connection. Someone could be from a small town or from a more traditional part of the country. Maybe a difference in views was an issue.

Feelings for you:

They are fighting their pull towards you. I would not be surprised if they reached out to you soon. If they do, just know that they fought that feeling for as long as they could! Maybe you are matching their energy and they wanted to show you they could wait you out. They could be indulging in vices to distract themselves.

They most definitely feel like "you're mine". They are very possessive over you. They are not going anywhere and they are going to fight off anything threats to the relationship. They find you to be gentle and feminine. Calming. You could remind them of their mother but not in a creepy way. Like say she always knew exactly what to say and they never thought they would find anyone else that could soothe them like that. Maybe you do that for them

If you just reconciled they feel very happy about this. 6 of wands with the tower. They are celebrating. Their pride and ego are off the charts.

Alternatively, this person could have ended the relationship in a dramatic or cruel fashion. They think about how they blew up all the potential that was here. It almost feels like they're gloating. Umm I don't want to go further into this energy because its just hurtful. There's no need to rehash it.

Thoughts on Connection:

As I was looking over the cards (I left them faced down until I finished pulling), I thought "tricky tricky," and in the guidebook, they literally used TRICKY. Idk I thought that was interesting. So this could either be how they think about you or ⚠ these are their actions they are thinking of ⚠

I say this because there are some very player like cards coming out. 3/4 of the oracle cards mention tricks or hidden layers. Since these are their thoughts, this person is aware they are being deceptive. This connection in general could be one where it is wise to trust each other. Maybe you hurt each other.

If you have no history with this person, or this person seems very charming, this is intentional. They could be trying to get into your pants. But in a gross, conquest-y way. Furthermore, the one card that didn't mention tricky energy, talked about being naive and getting caught in a trap...so yeah. No need to belabor the point but this person could be trying to craft the perfect image or relationship to get what they want.

Finally, for some of you, this person is aware they are toxic. They could know it is time to heal. Maybe you even left them because they needed to get it together. They are numb. They are so torn between choosing their vices and choosing to get better. This could be living a party lifestyle vs. getting into rehab. Or being a player vs. going to therapy. I don't think this started with you. If they aren't at rock bottom yet, they are headed there. They know this. They are about to burst so they need to choose. Get better/do better or be consumed by their inner demons.

For some of you, this person feels iced out by you but it is probably by choice. They could change and do better and get you back. Its killing them inside that you are apart, but they have to decide whether are willing to do what it takes to deserve you.

TL;DR: This person feels possessive over you. They also could be vindictive. For example, they may have rejected you in a cruel way. Or they feel you did that. This could be a painful connection for both of you. This person could have a lot of vices that they need to battle. For some, you are dealing with a player who is on a mission. If they are super charming and seem too good to be true, they are. They could be trying to say and do all the right things to get what they want. They could think there are many hidden layers to this connection. There is a lack of trust or they are aware of their deceptive behavior.

This is the final reading from the poll. Which means another poll is otw.

Keep an eye out 👁‍🗨👄👁

~ K

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for hiding a new relationship from our friends?

My friends (A (F20), B(F18), and E(F18)) and I (F18) are freshmen in college. A few weeks into the beginning of the year, E & I started hooking up (FWB situation) and A & B got together (more serious, but an open relationship). Eventually E clearly got fucked up about some stuff happening at home and we stopped having sex because I was concerned it was affecting our friendship/was uncomfortable with how we were interacting-- this was amiable. shortly after B became very irritated with E's behavior (mostly her behavior toward me), started being rude to her and attempting to remove her from our group (made E's anxiety worse-- she was throwing up constantly).

One night the three of us were drinking without E so that B could have some vent space (I disagreed with a lot of what she was saying, but this was the situation I was in) and when B left to go to their dorm for the night I stayed in A's room for a while to sober up. During this time A and I hooked up for the first time. A told me not to tell E or B until she felt more sure of her feelings.

The next morning, E asked me point blank if I had been with A + B the night before and I told her I hadn't. Later, she saw us kiss (while we were all drunk)-- I panicked, kissed her too, and told her not to tell B. She asked me later if anything was happening between A and I and I told her no. Throughout all this, A + B were still together, although A was spending more and more time with me. I'm a naturally flirty person, so B suspected something and started being cold to me.

Finally, about two weeks later we tell B and then A. B takes this very badly and doesn't talk to any of us anymore (she spoke with A shortly after but spent most of the time calling the two of us names), while E sort of shrugged it off but has been a little weird. E says that she thinks B has a right to be upset because part of B + A's open relationship was an agreement that they would say if they started hooking up with other people, and B saw me as her best friend here after her relationship with E fell apart. A + I think that it's fair to want time to explore a brand new relationship before you tell your friends, plus I was just respecting her wishes about who we told and when. I never lie, and told E that I would never lie to her outside of this situation, which was just because A asked me to. B + E don't talk and A + E have a tense relationship now. E (still my best friend after A, although we r much more distant now) says that she's worried about A hurting me because of how our relationship started.

I'm worried that our friend group falling apart is my fault. AITA here?

(Bonus-- A + I are together now and still hang out with E a lot. A has ADHD and is really slow at getting ready to go places. Sometimes that means that, even with my best efforts, we're an hour+ late to plans with E and she has to wait for us alone. AITA for this?)

What are these acronyms?

[the-milk-monarch]

hello there milk! really love your writing, I want to eat it very badly /pos :D. can I please request a Mike, Mal and Scott x reader with very noticeable stims? like clapping, chirping, flappy hands ect? totally cool if not!

☣︎ Hey Anon! Tysm, it means a lot! I hope It's alright.

[𝚂/𝙾 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙴𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙼𝚂]

Summary: General headcanons.

☢︎ | Total Drama | 621 words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Mike | Mal| Scott ⚠ | Mal being an ass

[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]

I believe he has some knowledge about those.

I mean, he's not an expert, but he understands that stimming is a calming method.

With that in mind, he wouldn't make any comments about it.

At most would ask how it feels like, out of curiosity.

"Well... it calms me down. Sometimes I do it out of excitement as well." You explained simply. "...So... You're like a puppy who wags their tail?" He tried to joke lightheartedly, hoping it's not offensive or ignorant. "That's a first time I hear this comparison." You truthfully responded, a bit amused and not offended at all. "Is it bad?" His voice hesitated slightly as he got more worried about your reply. "No- It's actually kinda cute." And so, he immediately calmed down.

His only repetitive movement (and point of reference) is scratching his arm when stressed, but he doesn't do it on the daily, unlike you.

Would never make fun or think of you weird, and is ready to throw hands if anyone is planning on that.

Well, okay, not literally, but

He'd make sure they're not bothering you to the best of his abilities.

Unless you don't want to, which he'll also respect.

It also never bothers him.

[𝙼𝚊𝚕]

He doesn't stim, like, at all, so he doesn't get it.

But you do you ig.

He's aware about what it is and why you do it, but he doesn't care much. /pos?

He might get a bit annoyed if he's trying to focus on something and you start doing it, though.

His first instinct isn't to be nice to people, so prepare for some rough reactions at first.

"Will you shut up for a minute?"

He'll learn to tone it down.

"...Can you stop for a moment, I'm trying to think."

But he will not tolerate other people saying that.

Only he has the right to be mildly mean to you sometimes /affectionate

Even if someone were to look at you the wrong way.

He's not the one to infantilize you, as he knows you're capable of protecting yourself, but if he's feeling particularly spicy that day, there might be some domination display on his part.

"Are you looking for something?" He stared daggers at the person who dared to show any sort of negative opinion towards you. "...To get hurt, perhaps?"

[𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝]

Now this poor guy has no idea what autism/adhd even is.

Like, never heard of it.

So he'll just bluntly ask you what you're doing.

"Why are you... clapping?" He asked, tilting his hands. You immediately stopped, feeling a bit put on the spot. "Uh... I'm excited?" You responded casually, although you weren't sure of Scott's opinion on the topic yet. You wished he's gonna grasp it. "Oh." He said as you saw a bit of cogs turning in his head. You decide to spare him the figuring out by himself and explained further. "It's a stim." You calmly concluded. "You do drugs?!" His face turned into a surprise, concern and disbelief. You got thrown off your trail of thoughts, so a chuckle escaped your lips. "No- It's a stim. Not a stimulant." You elaborated once more. "Of course. I obviously know what that is." He didn't.

Be prepared for a long list of questions.

It doesn't really bother him, plus he has the benefit of now knowing your body language.

If he can make you make those movements, he won!

In case your stimming stems from stress.

Which he also gotta learn is a thing.

If anyone dares to point your stimming, he's ready to protect your honor like the hero he is.

"Hey! If you make fun of their flapping, you get the- slapping!" He was really proud of that one.

[tsams-and-co-memes]

TMGAFS Monty Canon Info

Updated - 11/10/24

Monty’s likes:

Winning

Screwing with people

Trains

Tea

Aggressive humor

Earth

Money

Frolicking

Monty’s dislikes:

Clickbaiting people

Fire

Their favorite season is winter

Kids (<- their thoughts and feelings towards kids may or may not be different now)

Their dad

Stitchwraith

Eclipse

Bloodmoon

El Chip

Miscellaneous:

Monty is gender-fluid and bisexual

Their dad is British. It’s probably fair to assume that by extension, that makes Monty British, too

They have a sister who is a lawyer in Germany

Their mom is dead, and Monty was the one who handled most (if not all) of her funeral arrangements and expenses

They get extremely competitive over gaming

They have a temper and swear a lot

They have ADHD

Monty’s father and sister are human, but were genetically modified to look more like gators. Fazbear's merely bought their dad's likeness and used it to create Monty (<- partial retcon, it seems that Millie is an animatronic like Monty now. Everything about their dad is still pretty concrete)

Monty’s sister’s name is Millie

Their parents used to argue frequently

They once worked as a bartender

Monty’s sister (Millie) is very professional, even outside of her working hours (according to their dad)

Monty’s dad was a horrible parent

They con and rob NFT bros

They don’t pay taxes - they apparently owe $8 and some odd cents to the IRS

Monty built an off brand Vegeta animatronic and a husky animatronic

Monty had a kill switch at one point from Fazbear’s to shut them down if they did anything super bad, but the kill switch no longer works

Monty and Millie play Minecraft together and talk just about every other day, which would mean they have a decently close relationship

Monty plays D&D with Puppet sometimes

Monty hires a photographer to take pictures of them every few months, and the photographer charges $10,000 per picture. They then pay off the photographer with Monopoly money

They had a dragon ball phase

Monty used to sell food to the cartel

Apparently Monty’s nemesis is hip Yoda

Monty knows how to drive and seems to be a better teacher than Sun. It's implied that Monty also knows how to fly planes

Monty knows what Millie's job is, but they don't know the specifics about it

Monty is Francine's godfather

Monty apparently smells like hand sanitizer, according to Earth

Monty’s a fan of alcohol and drinks every so often

Monty has killed an entire population of smurf people

Funtime Freddy had a habit of looking through Monty’s window at night and watching them sleep

Monty recently sold a Chili's to Moon (implied, since Moon recently bought it and Monty said that they recently sold it)

Monty swears more when drunk

Monty shows up late for work and then leaves early

Monty knows Spanish

Monty's tail gets stiff when they are angry (fact yoinked from the wiki)

In the past Monty had asked out Glamrock Chica but ended up getting rejected (fact yoinked from the wiki)

Their tail has been said to be magnetic meaning that it can take it off and move it around. Lunar liked to play with it (fact yoinked from the wiki)

Apparently, they are banned from Switzerland for some unknown reason (fact yoinked from the wiki)

They nuked Sweden for unknown reasons (fact yoinked from the wiki)

They are the ones who updated the daycare and have access to cameras (fact yoinked from the wiki)

They had a space station at one point, but it was destroyed by meteors (I think?)

Monty sold a space apartment/house to Sun once, but the place was also destroyed

Monty’s been to jail before

Monty experiments with "medicinal stuff" (with there being implications that the "medicinal stuff" is actually weed. There are two bongs in their new house, and Foxy even picked one of the bongs up and directly referred to it as "weed paraphernalia")

Despite being an animatronic, Monty has functioning taste buds

Monty knows how to pilot (?) a ship

Monty is a grill master and is good at cooking

[ashs-nerd-den]

Studyblr prompt Week 1 - My Study space

I usually study either my desk or by bed, but nobody is seeing my bed on here, and I did up my desk at the start of the summer to make it ADHD friendly, which I have been dying to show off, so this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

The peg board is not only aesthetically pleasing, it is an ADHD saviour. The clear storage means that I can actually see stuff so that way I dont forget that they exist. The pretty notebooks add the aesthetic which draws me in to study and makes it seem more appealing to my brain.

The temporary dumping box is where I throw things when I don't have the energy to put them away because it prevents mess and when I do have the energy, I don't have to pick everything up around the room because they're all in 1 spot.

A lot of people put up pictures of their goals, like their dream university, or the exam results that they want. I put up pictures of my grandparents (that's what's behind the hearts). If I turn out even 1% as amazing as any of them, I will die happy, because they are the most incredible people ever. I'm considering shuffling things around a bit so I can put up a picture of one of my aunties because she is beyond amazing and she is currently doing her masters in psychology (the field I want to go into) while raising her kids and being a carer. I don't use Pinterest for inspiration, my family is more than inspirational enough for me. I could go on for hours about how extraordinary each of them are, but I'll save yous the time.

The water bottle hole was probably for a pen holder, but neither of my pen mugs fit and it gives me a designated place to put my drink so that I don't forget about it, which is good because last time I checked humans need water and not just lucozade and coffee.

There are even more highlighters in the drawer because they are one of my special interests and I love them (I have more in my school pencil case and a full pencil case of highlighters)

Everything is visible with no covering or lids because I will forget that they exist. Adhd object impermance is a BIG thing in my house, and when I say big, I mean it.

The tumb tacs and paper clips are once again part of a stationary special interest that I have had since I was around 8

The different shaped sticky strips and sticky speech bubbles are for annotating things in a way that gets my brain to actually want to look at it. You might be recognising a recurring theme here. If it isn't right infront of me and looks fun, my brain doesn't cooperate.

The day planner is because I want to try to work out a way to do bullet journaling that works for ADHD. Like the way that it was originally created for. But all of the resources are aimed at neurotypicals and nobody can find resources on how to us it for ADHD anymore, even though that was the whole purpose of them (this is not hate towards any neurotypicals that use them, this is hatred of the fact that so many of our resources get shared to neurotypicals and then we lose access to them)

This was longer and more rambly than intended, but I'm both mentally and physically exhausted so I'll probably edit this tomorrow because once it goes into the drafts, it never comes out.

[copperbadge]

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

[anomaliex]

I like to think that Riz is autistic (and maybe has adhd?), which greatly contributes to his social struggles pre Highschool, and him developing serious social competence later on kind of makes me think so even more? Words. This headcanon is very precious to me, for some reason.

Riz is initially presented as the socially awkward dorky briefcase kid, and though he grows into being more suave like his father (Brennan's words) and has really high insight and persuasion by the end of junior year he's still kind of a "weirdo", he's just gotten better at reading people and adjusting accordingly. And, like, understanding social structures and how to exploit them ("we don't need cool people. We just need a lot of dorks.")

My experience with autism and empathy and social interaction or whatever has been that allistic people, for some reason, seem to "just know" how to approach others and whether they're well received. It's like some kind of secret language that you're not in on, an instinctual knowledge that you for some reason lack, making you an outcast for reasons you genuinely don't really get. ("I don't have many friends even though I'm pretty social, which is weird.")

The way I've rationalised this is that they read tone, body language etc subconsciously, leading to them clocking things without really thinking about them too hard, whereas I can only do so with a conscious effort. I'm good at people reading, at picking up on non-verbal cues and remembering previous behaviour and breaks from patterns and analysing what they might mean and all that, but I had to actively teach myself that? It's something you have to learn if it doesn't come to you naturally, and I think as Riz mechanically levels up and increases his proficiency bonus and gains expertise and stuff, he's just gradually observing and memorising all these things in a very logical and objective way.

Additionally, he figures out how to adjust his own behaviour in ways that are appeasing to others. This means masking but it also means, like, learning how to suck up to people. He learns where to look so people think he's making normal eye contact, at what volume to keep his voice, which forms of stimming pass as "normal guy being bored" and which are "what a freak", and even to just not info dump at all unless he's in the right company no matter how bad he wants to (he doesn't shut up about his cases around his friends, though). This isn't necessarily a good thing, it's just a thing. I think that's part of growing up for a lot of autistic teenagers. This is how I interpret his persuasion, kinda, and it's notable that he's worse at this than insight. It's one thing to analyse and know what people think and want, it's another to actually get yourself to do it when it really goes against your nature.

There's also something to be said about his violent anger towards the rat grinders, and Kipperlilly specifically. Autistic teenager when someone drags his special interest (which is connected not only to his truest form of growth but also his personal view on justice) (in this case adventuring. I think it's gen just adventuring and investigating) through the mud:

(Why he doesn't like it is more nuanced than this expresses but I'm referring to like. How strong his emotional reaction is compared to how he usually acts lol. Also rigid morals and stuff are a symptom tm but hey.)

Ohhh I also think Fabian is autistic, but he happens to be more easily digestible for others because he's athletic and rich and stuff but gods does he also suck at people-ling initially (and honestly he never gets particularly good at it, he just happens to be charming and a good performer but that doesn't necessarily mean he knows what he's doing), especially with other teenagers (it probably doesn't help that he canonically went on adventures with his father for a while which is why he got into school a year later. This kid doesn't have any experience with people his age at the beginning) and oh god I got off track this sentence is really long. But, like, something something, neurodivergent (especially autistic) people tend to kinda flock together automatically? Which is why I think Riz decides Fabian is his best friend so quickly. They're very special to me.