#i don't even wish for them to return...like i could so easily interact with them again. but i know it's no use

[hydrasaura]

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦,

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦…

[waves-against-a-cliff]

Where Soul Meets Body - Ghost x Reader

Ao3 Link

Content Warnings - afab!reader, no pronouns used, reader has a call sign, canon typical violence, ghost's past :(, angst, smut, fingering, oral, thigh riding, PiV, unprotected sex, happy ending. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Summary - Simon Riley has been your best friend since the two of you were five. You've been in love with him since you were 15. It's too bad life has other plans

WC: 18k

Big thanks to @shotmrmiller for helping me with the last chapter and big thanks to @itsagrimm for listening to my rambling about this since January. I'm so happy to see it written and finished.

Rainy days in the United Kingdom we're far from abnormal. Seeing the bright sun with no clouds obstruction was abnormal. Seeing someone without an umbrella, even a jacket, in the rain was more than abnormal to you. Who in the world would set out to school without a jacket or umbrella? You approach the strawberry blond boy and tentatively hold your umbrella over his head. "What are you doing without an umbrella?" You ask, head tilting ever so slightly at the boy looking up at you. Oh, he's from your class, what was his name again?

"I don't have one."

"Did your mum not buy you one?" There was a small silence but you smile, "Well it doesn't matter now, I'm here and we can share." You give him your name and get the smallest smile from him.

"I'm Simon Riley." Ah, that's right, Simon Riley.

"Well then Simon, let's get to school." The umbrella was hardly large enough for you to fit under but you held it over his head as the rain came down. It rained all day but that was okay because you and Simon sat together all day. "I'll walk home with you so you don't get wet." You say while playing another round of Sorry!.

"You don't need to." Simon mutters as he moves his piece, his brown eyes downcast. You frown, brows pinching together as you try to piece together the logic behind that statement.

"I don't need to but I want to." You respond with a toothy grin. "It's what friends do." You say with confidence as you draw a card.

"We're friends?" Simon asks, his eyes suddenly meeting yours.

"Of course. We're sharing an umbrella." You laugh and move your piece according to the card. "And when you get your own umbrella, we can be umbrella friends." He repeats the term umbrella friends as if testing the waters and then smiles. A smile suits him much better than a frown you decide. During lunch, you offer part of your sandwich when you realize how sad his packed lunch is. "Here, I'm full." A lie but he hardly had half of what your mum packed. He looked at the triangularly cut sandwich with apprehension. "Please eat it." He continues to stare at it before picking it up and taking a bite then looking at you. When he sees your smile, he keeps eating it. "You have very brown eyes." You suddenly comment, unable to keep it to yourself. "I like them."

Simon easily fit into the routine of your life, each day after school he would walk home with you on Fridays. Together the two of you would chatter about anything and everything, conversation flowing easily. Somedays were worse than others, like right now while you treated Simon's busted lip with a bag of cold peas pressing against his cheek. "I'll beat him up." You promise. He seems different these days, he had always been a bit timid before but any loud noise scared him. You don't ask what happened, you could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to talk about it. Those same eyes were always looking down all the time now too, you wish he wouldn't. You like to see his eyes.

"You can't beat up Tommy." He insists.

"He beat you up, I'm just returning the favor." You huff as you dab the blood away from his lip and hand him a bag of cold broccoli. The attic of your home had become a safe haven to him and the walls and ceiling were decorated in drawings that the two of you had created over the last two years. A plate of triangle sandwiches sat half eaten on the box-made-table. "I'll just punch him. Serve him right." You huff and cross your arms after throwing the wet rag in the corner. Books and half put away board games were scattered all around the little attic.

"Please don't." Simon begs, his brown eyes downcast again.

"Will it make you happy if I don't?" You ask, twisting your shirt and pulling at the loose thread. Simon nods and you sigh, pushing your hair from your face. "Fine then but you're staying the night." You declare.

"Don't you need to ask your mum and dad permission?" He asks.

"They'll say yes. They always do." It was true, there hadn't been a time your mum hadn't let Simon sleep over if you had asked. Simon tapped your arm and handed you a book from the pile.

"Out of your head, let's read." He says while giving a frail smile. When did his smiles get smaller? You take the book from his hand, you hope it'll make him happy. A knock on the attic door as your mum peaks her head up.

"Are you staying for dinner Simon?" You mum asks and you jump on the opportunity.

"Can Simon stay the night mum? Please." You draw out your please and put on your best puppy eyes. Your mum looks between you and Simon who still held the bag of broccoli against his mouth.

"Of course he can stay. Just be quiet after eight pm." Your mum disappears back down the ladder towards the kitchen while you turn to Simon with a victorious smile on your face.

"Told you so."

You knock rapidly on his home's front door, "Come on Riley! I'm not gonna stand out here all day waiting for you." You would, of course you would. Rain or shine, warm or hot. The door swung open and you scrunched up your nose when Tommy was standing in front of you. "You smell like a sewer rat." You remark, "Where's Simon?"

"Don't you ever shut up?" Tommy snapped, "Simon isn't your boyfriend."

"He doesn't need to be my boyfriend in order for me to ask where he is." You immediately respond. He snorts and rolls his eyes. Tommy, Simon's younger brother, had been teasing the two of you for years since the first time he saw you walk Simon home. "Simon!" You say, a smile immediately appearing on your face as he finally appears behind his brother. "Come on!" You push Tommy out of the way and grab Simon's hand. "I got my drivers license." You boast, "Dad's letting me drive his truck around whenever he doesn't need it."

It was a rare day in spring when it wasn't raining and you weren't gonna let it go to waste. The windows of the truck were rolled down and the wind blew through your hair. The city of Manchester slowly disappears, the loudness exchanged for the quiet of the countryside.

"Don't look so grumpy Simon." You say when you notice he had his head in his hand and a scowl on his face. "You're acting like I'm driving you to your death."

"With how you drive, I'm sure you are." He retorts, a small smile growing on his face as you bark out a laugh.

"Well we're almost there so your death won't be quiet so soon." You remark. You slow the truck down before pulling off into a dirt road and coming to a complete stop. You turn the truck off and tuck the keys into your pocket and grab the basket you brought from the back of the truck. You look at the fence blocking the way into the flower field before you toss the basket over the fence before you launching yourself over the fence. "Come on Simon, just jump it!"

"Isn't this illegal?"

"Only if you get caught." You laugh and wink before helping Simon over the fence. The field of flowers stretch far and bumblebees buzz around from flower to flower. You open the basket and lay out the thin blanket onto the ground. Lowering yourself onto the blanket and you motion for Simon to join you.

"What's all this then?" He asked with a brow raised as you began to pull out a few cans of coke, a couple of sandwiches and apples.

"Happy 15th birthday." You say with a grin, "I got your present back at my house but I figured you'd like it out here." Simon stares at you, brown eyes wide as he looks between you and all the food you somehow managed to pack into the basket. You shift a little his heavy gaze as anxiety crept up as your cheeks turned red. "Do you not like it?" You ask.

Simon looked at you before a lopsided grin grew on his face, "It's great. Thank you."

"What are you planning to do after school is over?" You ask after taking a sip from your coke. "I mean, we only have next year left. Are you going to attend University?"

"I'm gonna take a butcher's apprenticeship."

"What?"

"My grades aren't doing great and I figured why not." Simon shrugged, "Not like it's a bad idea." You punched his shoulder lightly and glared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were struggling Riley? You know I would have helped." The wind blows softly, the flowers and grass rustle, birds sing in the distance. "You're a smart man Simon, if this is what you want to do," You take a steadying breath, "then I'll support you."

Simon smiles at you, "You took it better then my mum did at least." He sighs and takes a bite from his apple.

"She just wants what's best for you." You say, softening your voice. If there was one thing you learned about Simon Riley after these five years, it's that he loves his mum more than anything. You lean against him, coke can still in hand as the silence blankets the space between you and him. After a few minutes of silently eating and drinking, he nudges you.

"Look." He whispers and points to a flower by his side. You lean over and a massive smile grows on your face as you spot a very tired bumblebee resting within a flower. You look at Simon and feel something within yourself turn on or maybe become louder as you see his soft gaze at the sleeping bee. Suddenly, you wanted him to look at you with that same soft expression.

"You know Daisy?" Simon asks one day while you were driving to the flower field. It had become a place to get away from school and home, away from all the stresses of life for at least a few hours. Daisy was a classmate in the same year, you had never been close with her but you had grown up with her the same as you had with Simon.

"Of course, Daisy Lockmon right?"

"Yeah." There's something in the way he says it that makes your heart clench. It's the softness of it, the fondness and the soft sigh, even the sort of dreamy look in his eyes you spot in the mirror as he gazes out into the countryside.

"Yeah?"

"I'm dating her. She asked me out a few days ago." Few days ago. Why did that sting so fucking much? You smile at him as you grip on the steering wheel until your knuckles turn white and your fingers go numb. It doesn't compare to the squeezing grip of whatever is holding your heart. No, you know who holds your heart and he doesn't even know it. It's my fault, I never told him. You try to reason with yourself but it doesn't stop the hurt.

"Congratulations then. Daisy is a sweet girl."

A few months later, you feel like you're going to throw up. You fight back any words threatening to come out of your mouth besides something good and kind because he doesn't deserve your anger or sadness. Simon doesn't know, you keep reminding yourself, you're just his best friend that he's confiding in. Just the person he's grown up with since ten years old, just the person who treated his busted lips, cuts and bruises. Just his best friend. Not the girl, not Daisy Lockmon who he thinks he loves. He probably does love her, you've never seen him look at someone the way he does Daisy.

You lay in the field, something that allows your stress to melt away, does nothing for you. Not as Simon lays next to you, not as you think about the times before all of this you could have said something. Simon says nothing, you say nothing and the two of you just watch the clouds float by. Simon sits up as he speaks, "I'm ready to leave, how about you?" Your heart clenches again, time in the field has been getting shorter and trips less frequent. You know it's not just because of his relationship and it's just how life is sometimes. He has his butcher's apprenticeship and you're studying for university classes but logic doesn't dictate emotion.

"In a moment, I'll catch up with you at the truck." You say, pasting on a smile. Simon shrugs and grunts as he gets up. You wait until you're sure he's already hopped the fence and heading towards the truck before you move over to his spot. Where the grass and flowers are flattened down into his shape, slowly you curl into the spot. For a moment, you imagined that you were the one he says he loves. For just a bittersweet moment, you pretend that you're his and he's yours.

"I'm joining the military." Your ceramic mug shatters on the floor. Just like that, everything comes crashing down. The world was still reeling from the twin towers attack in the United States, the sense of safety shattered in a terrorist attack.

"What?" That was the only word that could come from your mouth. You look at Simon with wide eyes, the cozy atmosphere of your flat turned cold. "You're joking. Right Simon?"

"I'm not."

"What about your apprenticeship Simon? You've been working as a butcher since you were 16. You're nearly done." The words come flying out of your mouth, "Simon-"

"I'm not asking you to understand my decision. I'm just telling you that I'm doing it and you can't stop me." You laugh bitterly and the sound is so foreign to both your ears and Simons.

"As if I could stop you Simon." You mutter, moving to grab a broom and dustpan to clean up the shattered mug on the floor. "But why? You've never once shown interest in joining the military." The answer is clear, its reason why many people were joining the military and you already know his answer before he opens his mouth.

"The attack in the US." Of course, he doesn't elaborate. "I'm being sent to bootcamp in two weeks."

"Two weeks? That's hardly any time at all." You sigh and sink down into your couch, putting your face in your hands as you try to process everything. "What about Daisy?"

"Broke up with her." He says so plainly and with a shrug of his shoulders. You have to bite your tongue to keep from saying something back handed. You're not petty, you're not petty, you're not petty, is the thought running through your head but you can't deny how good it feels to know he isn't dating her anymore. Not like you have much of a chance now since he's going off to bootcamp. "She said she didn't want to date a guy in the military. It's a deal breaker apparently." It's not for me you think quickly.

The day comes too quickly, for once you wished life would slow down and let you soak up Simon's presence in your life. It's not like he's dying, he's just going off to bootcamp and then he'll be back is what you think to keep yourself from falling apart. Nearly nine years of friendship, spending hardly any time or going a long distance away from one another, now Simon will be gone for 14 weeks. Then he'll be stationed somewhere for two to six years. You wrap your arms around him, squeezing him hard and burying your face into his jacket. "You be safe Simon Riley or I'll raise you from the dead."

He chuckles and pats your head, "Its bootcamp not an active war zone." You just shake your head and he wraps his arms around you. "But I'll be safe. I'll write to you every chance I get, I promise."

"Good."

"Simon?"

The last three years had passed quickly with the letters from Simon being the only rest stop between university studies and work. Grabbing your coat from the back, you sigh as you finally shut off the lights to the cafe you work at part time. With a small click, your work day was finally, finally over. You twist the lock on the cafe front door, struggling momentarily from your thick gloves. You turn to start walking towards your rather cheap flat and scream when you see a massive figure barely a foot away. The familiar voice hissing your name made the panic subside as quickly as it appeared.

"Glad to know you still have those pipes of yours." You look at Simon, he is barely illuminated by the street lights but you can still tell he's different now. He's no longer the slightly slender boy you knew three years ago. He wasn't slouching and made direct eye contact with you. You take him all in before you rush to him and wrap your arms around him, burying your face into his coat and drinking in his scent.

"Simon Riley," You whisper into his coat before pulling back to look up at him, "you've really grown. Come on, I'll let you crash at my place." He opens his mouth to argue but you're already pulling him along. You lead him to your flat, which isn't far away from your place of work thankfully. You kick off your shoes at the door and tell Simon to do the same. Placing a kettle on the stove to boil some water you then sit down and look at Simon. "So, what's brought you back here?" You ask.

Simon looks at you, drinking in your appearance. You look tired, worn down and ready to collapse. "I'm gonna fix my family." He finally answers after you cock your head to the side.

"You're... gonna fix your family?" You ask, leaning back as the words wash over you. Your heart hurt slightly for a reason you didn't want to understand, for a reason you didn't want to voice out loud or in your own head.

"Yes. And I'm not leaving until it is."

You purse your lips and get up to pour the boiling water into two cups. You put an earl gray tea bag with a splash of milk into the mug for Simon and a few cubes of sugar for your own cup of tea. You hand him the tea and sit back down as you continue to run through the implications of his choice. "Alright." You finally say. "You can crash at my place while you fix your family."

"You don't believe me." Simon states and you snap your head to look at him completely. "I know it sounds crazy but I'm stronger now. I can finally do what I've always wanted." He says between sips of his tea. "And I won't leave until it is fixed."

You sigh and set your cup down, "Fine." You get up and grab a piece of paper and a pen. You scribble down the addresses of Tommy's friends that he keeps couch surfing between before handing it to Simon. "This is what I know about Tommy. You'll probably get a confirmed address from your mom."

"And my dad?"

"Still an arsehole who comes and goes as he pleases." You grumble.

You walk out of your bedroom as quietly as possible. You peak over your couch and feel a weight lift off your chest. He was still here, right here in your flat. Your best friend, your rock and crush. Simon was finally back, not for the reason you might have fantasized about more than often you were willing to admit, but he was back. Love is such a funny thing, you think to yourself as you lay in bed. It had been three years since you had last seen him, hugging and barely holding back tears as he hopped on a bus to bootcamp. You hadn't cried that hard ever as you had cried on that day when he left. You turn onto your side and wipe away a few tears that leak from your eyes, at least he was here now.

You stand outside his family's home. You look down the street and recall the exact path that you could take to see your family. You had turned down Simon's offer to come inside, you didn't want to intrude on his reunion with his mother. You tap your foot as you lean against your truck, the same one you had driven to the fields outside of Manchester all those years ago. Simon steps outside of the house and hugs his mother one last time, his mouth moves but you don't hear what he has to say. His mother looks around him and looks at you. She's been crying you realize. You exchange a smile and a wave before she goes back inside of the house.

"Got the address?" You ask Simon as you both get into your truck.

"Got it." He confirms and gives you the address. You can't stop yourself from grimacing, of course it had to be that arsehole’s address. You hadn't left Simon in the dark of what was going on with his family while he was deployed and away. You didn't bother to spare details, okay, well maybe a few. Mostly about your own interactions with Tommy and his friends. But Simon didn't need to hear that, he had already sworn to come back and fix his family at least a dozen times since the third month. He didn't need to stress himself over you.

The car ride was quiet, the radio was off and the only sound was the wind blowing in through the open windows. You can feel the rage rolling off him but also the concern for his brother. The truck comes to stop outside of a dingy and unwelcoming flat building, you look at Simon and take him in. His brown eyes fill with determination and rage the longer he looks at the building. Finally, he opens the door, "I'm gonna get Tommy." He says before turning to go into the building after shutting the door. You let out a shaky sigh and let go of the steering wheel, looking at your shaking hands you try not to think too hard about what Tommy and his friends had done. What kind of people they were.

Tommy, your best friend's young brother had let his so-called friends push you around at your job until they were banned by your manager. Then they slashed your tires. Tommy hadn't changed, just become a carbon copy of dirt-bag father. Simon was made from something different, he was his mother's son, the undying love of his family and the ability to go with the flow of life. To never give up. You tense up as the people who lived in the flat walk past you, your breathing becoming more shallow as you watch them enter the flat. Oh god. Oh god. You panic and go to unbuckle yourself but struggle as your trembling hands only become worse.

You could hear the fighting coming from inside the house as you finally unbuckle yourself. There were five of them and only one of him. Oh god. Oh god. You push the truck door open and nearly tumble out, rushing to Simon's aid. You didn't expect to see him handling himself well against five other people while Tommy crouches low to avoid the fight altogether. One of the men goes to try and put Simon in a headlock, you do the only thing you can think of. You grab the man's jacket and pull him into your punch.

Simon places Tommy in the back seat, telling him he's going to bring him to the clinic and get him clean. You rub your throbbing knuckles, the pain from that one punch still echoing in your body. Simon gently takes your hand and inspects your knuckles, clicking his tongue. "You were never much of a fighter." He comments and looks up into your eyes. "But that was a good punch."

You're standing outside the clinic, the cold early spring wind making you pull your jacket closer to your body. Today was the day Tommy was going to be released, you weren't going to turn down Simon's request for you to be there. You had been spending more and more time with Simon and his mother. She is such a sweet lady, and loves her sons more than anything in the entire world. Simon looks at you and smiles, "I told you I would fix my family."

You roll your eyes, "I'll believe Tommy is clean when I see it." You grumble.

"I know he wasn't a good man back then,"

"He was a fucking mess Simon." You say, "He and his druggie friends cornered me once, demanded whatever money I had on me." You finally spill your guts, "I don't like him. You've been defending Tommy and his stupidity every day since I've known you." You look him right in the eyes, "He doesn't deserve your love or your mothers. As far as I'm concerned, he's been on my shit list since the first time I had to clean your bloody lip."

Simon looks at you for a long moment, your words hanging in the air until he pulls you into a hug. "I'm sorry." He mutters and hides his face in the crook of your neck. You freeze and he hugs you tighter, "I'm so sorry. You should have told me about that. I would have never-"

"Don't be sorry." You whisper quickly, "Never be sorry. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. Simon you're too kind, too forgiving."

"That's not true."

"I think it is."

Someone coughs and Simon lets go of you, his face breaking into a smile as Tommy stands in front of the two of you. He looks different, better. Healthy and alive. "Can we go home now?" He asks. You watch as Simon walks up to Tommy and wraps him in his arms.

"Of course."

You watch from the driver's seat as their mum opens the door and jump into Tommy's arms as Tommy hugs her tight. You can't help the smile that grows on your face when Simon joins the hug. Their mum looks at you and motions you to join them. You shake your head but Simon walks over and pretty much drags you from the car and into the group hug.

Later that night, their mum pulls you to the side. "Thank you." She says and takes your hand into hers, "for being there for my Simon."

"It really was nothing." You assure her and she shakes her head.

"You love him very much. Don't try to deny it, you've stuck by his side all these years and I've seen the way you look at him." She winks, "I just hope the two of you get together before I'm dead."

You can't help the quiet laugh that comes from your throat, "Me too." You whisper and look over at Simon who sits next to Tommy as they watch a football match after eating dinner.

You can hardly believe that you're sitting here at Tommy's wedding next to their mum as you comfort her. Simon stands as Tommy's best man as they trade vows. Beth looks beautiful as she always has. Long black hair and charming blue eyes, she was beyond kind as well. Perfect for Tommy who hadn't lost some of his snark but Beth softened him. You look at Simon and smile when you notice he's holding back tears as they exchange vows.

The wedding's reception wasn't filled to the brim with people but it was lively, friends and distant family members mingled as you sit at a table with a glass of champagne. Simon lets out a sigh as he sits next to you at the edge of the party. "Are you having fun?" You tease and Simon rolls his eyes. Joseph, Simon's nephew who you are sure will never know a day of fear or hurt like his uncle and father, is exchanged between party members and snuck small bites of cake.

"I'd let to get away from all of this for a moment." He admits as he runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair. You remember when he was the sad strawberry blond boy that rainy school day. The way he avoided eye contact and others. You smile and take his hand.

"Then lets go."

You can faintly hear the music from the reception but other wise, this bench away from the party was the perfect place. The night sky is some what visible, with only the brightest stars being visible from all the light pollution of the city. A small breeze blows through your hair and you close your eyes to just soak in the moment. You open your eyes and Simon looks at you, softness in his eyes.

"What?"

"You're stunning." He says and you furrow your brows, ignoring the heat in your cheeks and neck. He leans in closer and cups your cheek, "Can I kiss you?" The words don't come to you but you nod frantically, feeling worried that he might change his mind for some reason. His eyes look between your eyes and lips before he leans in. The kiss is slow and he holds you like you might break or in case you want to leave. His lips are slightly chapped but soft and you vaguely wonder if he put on flavored chapstick earlier. You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer and he takes the hint. The kiss turns from soft to practically ravenous as he holds you close, your mouth parts automatically and he slips his tongue in.

When you finally pull back to breath deeper, he looks at you with amazement. "I love you Simon Riley." You whisper and rest your forehead against his, "I have since we were 15. Don't leave me again Simon. Not if you can help it."

"You're gonna hate me then." He whispers as he holds you close. "I'm returning to duty in a month."

"I could never hate you Simon. Not in a million years. Just… write to me and when you go on leave again,” You take a steadying breath, “We can talk about what we are." He nods and you press your lips to his again.

You stand in the rain. You fucking hate the rain. It soaks through your black clothes and makes it stick to your skin. It mats down your hair and hides the tears that run down your face. There is no one here, no one but you and the priest at this funeral. How could this happen, you wonder. Everything was perfect. You look at the name on the gravestone. Tommy, Beth and Joseph, there's another gravestone a few feet away that has his mothers and fathers name on it. Simon is the only one who is buried alone. A bitter and petty choice from their distant family. Everyone thinks Simon did it. There was no proof to prove otherwise and it fit the story. A soldier returns home and suffers a PTSD breakdown and kills his entire family.

It didn't make sense. Simon was getting better, he promised he was getting better and attending therapy appointments. He loved Joseph, he loved his family and he loved you. He would have never done this. Maybe he would have murdered his father but the anger there was long and bitter, if he wanted to kill his father, he would have done it years ago.

Earlier last month, you had passed by a stand with different brochures. Some of them were for churches, others for activities to do with the family. Normally, you would have passed by it, eager to leave the store as quickly as possible. But you stopped this time and glanced at a particular brochure, you picked it from its spot and glanced over it. “You belong here.” A soldier is yelling while another is taking cover, inside are different recruiting offices and general information. You pocket it.

It was an impulsive decision. But the papers were filed and your two week notice already given. You didn't want to think about the consequences of what you were about to do, you just felt lost. University didn't matter, your cafe job didn't matter and every street in this fucking city reminded you of him. You decided if you were going to join the military. You had been accepted, the letter sat in your bag now that all of your items in your flat had been packed up and stored in your old childhood bedroom. This was just the last thing to do before the bus picks you up tomorrow morning.

You throw the roses in your hand into the caskets until you reach Simons. Your hand trembles as it holds the thorny rose, shakily you bring it to your lips and kiss the petals before tossing it into his grave. "I love you Simon Riley."

You watch as the city of Manchester flows past you like a river. It's raining again and the droplets obscure your vision of the outside world. People around you talk and you realize just how out of place you are. These are 16, 17 and 18 year olds with bright eyes and dreams. You vaguely wonder if Simon had sat in silence as he liked to do or if he had been dragged into a conversation. You glance at your duffle bag by your feet before leaning your head back and shutting your eyes. The bus ride would be a long one, you figure that some rest would make it faster.

Your name is called and you step forward, you hold onto the bag of items shoved into your arms. You listen to the drill sergeant yell that these are your items. You are responsible for maintaining and keeping track of all things in this bag. You realize, in a way that makes it difficult not to smile, that Simon was right. They are hard arses here.

You wonder why Simon never told you about this but he never seemed to tell you anything. You curse the dead man and curse yourself for being impulsive. Nearly done with university and you dropped out for him, for a dead man who was buried alone in his own grave. You use your anger to make it to the end, your uniform is covered in mud and the sensation makes your skin crawl but you run forward towards the rope wall, swinging your rifle over your back. “Come on Private!” The drill sergeant screams at you, “I’ve seen injured men move faster than you do!” You grit your teeth as he mocks you.

The scratches that litter your body sting as you crawl through the mud and muck underneath the barbed wire with a rifle held close to your chest. You breathe out puffs of condensation in the air, you’re shivering and you keep your jaw clenched so your teeth don’t chatter. You keep crawling, inching like a caterpillar towards the end of this section and fight the urge to just lay there on the ground. The cold rain soaks through your clothes and you grunt when part of the barbed wire above you catches onto your leg again. “Fuck.” You hiss but you’re nearly there.

It's his job, you remind yourself, to try and break you. If Simon leaving didn’t break you, if him and his family dying didn’t break you then this fucking drill sergeant was not going to break you. You climb up the rope and grapple onto the next bit of rope, locking your legs with your ankles and you inch down the rope even as your hands burn.

That night as you sit in the corner of the mess hall, you itch at the bandages wrapped around your hand. Whatever salve the lady in the med bay had slathered onto your hand hadn’t done much to cool the burning. You know it's counterintuitive to scratch at it but who was going to stop you? You were an adult now and could suffer the consequences of your stupid actions. Like not demanding Simon give you answers on why he was pulling away after finally confessing his feelings. You clench your fist and smother those feelings with the pain you feel.

No matter how many times you try to remind yourself there's no point in focusing on the past you can’t stop. How can you stop? Everything you’ve done has been for him and now he’s gone and you’re still doing things for him. You look around the mess hall at the different groups of fellow trainee’s and know you’ll never have that kind of connection with anyone else. Simon was it. Your best friend since childhood, your first crush and first heartbreak. You wander outside and sit on a stack of crates near the mess when the talking and clanking of silverware grows too much.

The night is cool, the sky is clear from the rain that had poured so hard earlier but you can’t see the stars anyway. You go to itch at your hand again when a drill sergeant comes around the corner. You stiffen up and immediately get up to salute but he dismisses you before you even get your hand to your forehead. “Private, why aren’t you in the mess eating?”

“Lost my appetite, sir.” You reply, “Figured some fresh air would do me some good.” You go to scratch at your hand again and his eyes snap to the motion.

“Private, did the nurse not provide you with burn cream?” He asked and it was weird having the man who yelled at you all day suddenly become concerned for your well-being.

“She did, sir, it just itches.” You explain and the drill sergeant makes a face, for a second you worry that he will demand that you return to the med bay again. Instead, he nods.

“Dismissed Private. Get some rest.” You nod and scurry away to your barracks.

The helicopter’s wings slow but any flyaways in your hair whip and stick to your face anyways. After serving in the SAS for five years, you had been picked by Chief station Laswell and Captain John Price to be a part of the 141 task force. You couldn’t believe you had finally done it, all these years of serving and you start to finally believe that you might’ve done Simon some justice. All the broken bones, bruises and scars are worth it if it means he’s looking down on you fondly. You look between the four men in front of you. You recognize Captain Price immediately with his boonie hat and well groomed mutton chops. He extends his hand which you take and shake with a firm grip. “Boys, this is Gator. They’ll be joinin’ our task force startin’ today.”

The man standing next to Price smiles at you, beautiful white teeth with a stunning smile and soft brown eyes. He has a scar on his cheek and you wonder how he got it as you shake his hand, “This is Sergeant Garrick.” Price says and you beam back at him.

“A pleasure to meet you Sergeant.”

“No need for that, just call me Gaz.” He assures you and lets go of your hand. You turn to meet the third man and before you can even open your mouth or extend your hand to shake, he’s grabbing yours with a grip tight enough to shatter a few bones. He has a stupid mohawk haircut that he somehow makes work, crystal blue eyes and you can tell that he’s a little mischievous.

“I’m Sergeant MacTavish but e’eryone calls me Soap.” He laughs, warm like an early summer day, when he sees your eyebrows raise. “I’ll tell ye why later.” He promises with a wink.

“Oi! Johnny, stop hoggin’ the new meat.” You turn to the voice and have to stop yourself from taking a step back just so you could look at the man fully. He’s fucking huge. Broad shoulders, wearing all black and a skull mask to hide his face. You can barely make out his brown eyes from under all that eye black. His accent is rough, with a voice that gives away how much he smokes. He looks down at you, like you suspect he has to most people, and you want to slink away into whatever hole he thinks you crawled out of. Despite this, you stick your hand out for him to shake.

“And this is your Lieutenant, Ghost.” You have to stop yourself from snorting. Ghost, how fitting for a man literally wearing a skull mask. He grips your hand and gives it a firm shake as his eyes burn holes into your soul. You look at his hand when you feel something other than familiar flesh, it's a glove. Even funnier, its skeleton gloves. It sends you nearly into a giggle fit, yes this man is intimidating to a point where you would have been shaking in your boots a few years ago. But he’s unironically wearing skeleton gloves. How is that not funny? He gives you a firm shake but just as quickly removes his gloved hand from yours. “Alright Gator, Ghost will give you a quick tour around here and then I want you to report for training at 0500 hours.”

The tour is silent besides the simple sentences Ghost speaks and you’re that sure he wouldn’t if Price hadn’t put him on the spot for giving you the tour. “This ‘ere is the training hall, this is where yer expected to be tomorrow.” He gruffly says, stiff as a board. You nod and nearly jump out of your skin when someone wraps their arm around your shoulders.

“There ye are! I was tryin’ tae find ye.”

“Sergeant.” Ghost says gruffly and Soap rolls his eyes before removing his arm. “They are busy.”

“Away an bile yer heid.” Soap says with a laugh, “I ken that yer aboot as excited fer this tour as they are.” You didn’t need to see Ghost roll his eyes to know he did, it was just in the way the air shifts around the three of you. “Lemme take over the rest of the tour aye?” Ghost sighs but concedes which confirms that he would really rather be anywhere else than giving the FNG a tour. “Good lad.” Soap chuckles and pats Ghost’s shoulder.

Ghost leaves quickly for being a man so massive and Soap turns to you, “Dinnae mind him, he’s a big grump.” You snort and laugh while nodding in agreement. “Alright, let's continue this tour.” Soap claps a hand on your back and for the rest of the day, with breaks for food of course, he showed you around. He was certainly better at it then Ghost who acted like he had been asked to travel across the sahara desert while carrying you.

“Steamin’ Jesus.” Soap groans while he stumbles back from you. Sweat sticks to your forehead and your usual hairdo is ruined but so is the way of sparring and training. “I see why they call ye Gator.” He grumbles as he holds his head. “Ye fuckin’ death rolled me.” Soap accuses and it was true. You have the strength to take down men bigger than you in not only height but sheer mass. It was a skill you had honed for the past several years ever since you figured it out in bootcamp.

You wrap your arms around him as he tries to pin you to the mat and roll. You twist with all your might and switch the position then without a second thought you slam your head against his. The force knocks your brain around and the headache you’ll get later is going to be absolutely terrible but the man under you groans and holds his forehead. “I yield! Holy shite.” He curses as you immediately back away from him. You glance around at the group of people who had made it this far into the training and then meet the eyes of your drill sergeant who, if you weren’t mistaken and didn’t have a concussion, looked almost proud.

That night as you hold an ice pack against your forehead and sit outside the mess hall away, he approaches again. “Never seen a private do that.” He says after immediately acknowledging your salute and telling you to be at ease. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone do that before.” You sheepishly shrug.

“I didn’t want to lose.”

“And so you didn’t.” A silence hangs in the air as the crickets chirp and you wonder if that's an owl’s hoot you hear. “I think you're going to have a nickname before you even leave camp.” He says, “You have the other sergeants wantin’ to call you Gator.”

“Gator?” You ask even if you understand the implications. You guess you did a kind of death roll that poor buy but Gator? Really?

“Better than some poor sod who got named Dirt because he ended up with a mouth full of dirt after tripping on the 20 mile march.” You chuckle at that.

“I guess Gator is much better than Dirt.”

“That’s the spirit. You better get some rest for tomorrow, Private.” He says before walking away and just like that time, leaving you to sit in the cool night air before you heed his warning.

You grit your teeth as Ghost ignores you again. You’re just trying to get him to sign from fucking paperwork Captain Price asked of you. “Lieutenant I need-”

“Not now sergeant.” Ghost says as he walks away from you and you want to scream. Its been like this the entire time you’ve been on this team. At first you thought it was his way of hazing you, act like a dickhead and see if the FNG breaks. Well you haven’t broken, you’ve only doubled down because every time he acts like this you keep being reminded of Simon and how he wouldn’t have given up.

At least Gaz and Soap were more open to you being on their task force now that months had passed. Although you doubt if Soap had ever disliked the idea of you being on the force. You barely duck Gaz’s punch but aren’t fast enough to catch his leg before it slams full force into your side. You grab it before he can bring it back and yank on it so he falls onto the floor, he rolls over before you can pin him down. You stare at each other for a moment before you lunge at him like a rabid dog without a leash.

He steps to the side and then grabs the back of your shirt collar to slam you down into the mat. You squirm and fight to keep him from pinning your arms back but it's no use. And in this position, death rolling him was nearly impossible. And you’ve definitely been trying. “Distracted Gator?” Gaz asks as he pants and you snarl back at him before you let out a meek ‘I yield’. He releases you immediately and you rub your wrists. “Broken?”

“Negative.” You say as you walk over to grab your bottle of water.

Watching you spar from the corner was Ghost. He observes the way you fight and the way you wiggle out of every attempt to pin you until the last. If it wasn’t for your infamous ability to death roll, he’s sure you would have ended up being called Weasel. And wasn’t that an amusing thought? Still better than Soap. “Ye stalkin’ the FNG.” Soap teases and Ghost glances down at Soap with what he knows is a deadpan expression. Or at least deadpan eyes. Mask and all that.

“You stalkin’ me?” Ghost shoots back and Soap grins this feral grin that makes Ghost groan inwardly because that grin meant only one thing. Dog with a fuckin’ bone, thats what Soap is when he thinks he’s smelt something out. “Don’t start MacTavish.”

“Oh its MacTavish it is?” Soap feigns hurt as he clutches his chest. “Ye wound me sir.”

“It is when yer about to say somethin’ god awfully stupid.”

“Yer no fun L.T.” Soap laments and Ghost rolls his eyes while shaking his head at Soap’s antics. Soap looks past Ghost and to Gator who is talking with Gaz on the bench while the two of them drink water and give the other advice. “Slippery thing they are.” Soap comments and Ghost nods. “Dinnae think I’ve ever seen someone slip out of your hold befure.”

“Is tha’ the reason yer botheirn’ me Sergeant?”

“Botherin’ ye? Nae sir, jus’ wanna see how Gaz manages to take them down.” Soap says, a half truth and they both know it.

“They gave him a hard time too.”

“Do ye think tha’ they oil up befure every sparrin’ match?” Soap says with a smile and Ghost rolls his eyes despite the small smile growing beneath his mask. You look up and notice Soap and Ghost which immediately makes him want to flee the scene. Every time you lock eyes with him, it sends him back to his time in Mexico. You’re a constant reminder and he wants you gone. Simon is dead and he’s not sure why you even joined the fucking military in the first place. Last he knew you were close to finishing off your degree, did you drop out to join this place?

Ghost grits his teeth as he shoves the memories of both Roba and you back into the box he had stuffed the two of you into years ago. He can’t open the box for one without the other escaping. You offer him a small smile and he turns on his heel. He walks as quickly as he can back to his private quarters, perks of being an officer and also being dead he guessed. He slams his door behind him and marches right into the bathroom. He yanks off the mask and stares at himself. He stares at the scars across his face, his broken one-too-many-times nose and the scar that cuts his lip. He takes stalk of his flaws within his face, the one you had seen and hadn’t recoiled from.

He wonders if you even suspect that its him and his chest hurts at the thought that you’ve forgotten him. But he knows he hasn’t earned his right back into your life, he’s dead. He can never be the man you need or want, he’s different now. Much more scarred than when he returned from Mexico, he’s brash and rude. He doesn’t like people and he doesn’t like that he still wants to be near you. It’s irrational, it’s stupid and there’s nothing he can do about it but try and get to you to quit.

“Captain Price told me to give this to you.” A Corporal says, clearly shaking in his boots, as he hands Ghost a file. “A-and he told me that he wants you in the briefing room.”

“Dismissed Corporal.” Ghost says and the man scurries off. Ghost looks at the file and opens it, the first thing he sees is that it’s a duo op. The second thing he sees is that you’re the one coming along. “Fuckin’ hell.” He mutters as he looks at your little picture papercliped to the top of the page next to his faceless one.

“He always does that.” You groan to Gaz as you watch Ghost turn on his heel and leave once you lock eyes with him. “Did I do something wrong?” You ask, “It's been months.”

Gaz shrugs, “Ghost is an enigma, when you start to think you know him you find something else about him. That man has secrets upon secrets.” You frown at that statement. Obviously he was hiding his face to protect his identity and of course that made you naturally curious but you’ve never pressed about it. He’s quiet and efficient if any of the stories told you by Gaz and Soap were anything to go by. And now he’s a secret keeper.

Who are you Ghost?

”The group that had been inhabiting the old soviet base are still lingering around and might return when they realize that they’ve left behind a very important piece of information.” Captain Price says and points to the projected map on the wall. “You’ll need to be fast and efficient. Is that clear?” His blue eyes scan over the two of you and both of you echo a ‘yes sir’ at the same time. “Good, get your gear and be ready, you’re wheels up in two hours.”

You sit at the table in the briefing room, bouncing your leg up and down under the table as Captain Price goes over what the mission objective is and what intel you and Ghost will be going in with. The mission is in Siberia, the objective is to get an old usb drive from a recently re-abandoned USSR base. You glance over at Ghost who hasn’t stopped looking at you this entire time, only dragging his eyes away from you when Captain Price addresses him specifically. His brown eyes seem to be trying to burn holes into your very soul so you try to match it. This would be your first duo op with Ghost and you would not be pushed around during it.

“Yes sir.” You say and leave the room after being properly dismissed. You look at the file in your hand, the information covered in the briefing summarized in the file with certain things blacked out. Like the fact this is in Siberia or that it’s an old soviet base that had been taken over by a terrorist group for a short while. You worry about that fact, if this base had been well and truly abandoned, why would the group set up there? Siberia wasn’t exactly a very hospitable environment and would take a certain amount of resources to deal with. Not just any kind of terrorist group would be able to afford those expenses.

“What’s got ye frownin’ so hard?” Soap asks and you jolt, not even aware that Soap had come up to you. He glances at the file and whistles, “Yer on a mission with L.T?”

”Somethin’ wrong with that? Something I should be worried about?” You ask, glancing behind Soap to make sure that specter wasn’t there.

“Nae, nothin’ ye should worry about besides the stick up his arse.” Soap jokes and you can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of you. Soap grins, “There’s that smile.” Soap pinches your cheek and you swat at his hand.

”What are you? My aunt?”

”Nae I’m worse.” Soap laughs as he goes to pinch your cheek again. You squeal and laugh as you take off towards the armory and Soap gives chase. You eventually make him leave, shoo-ing him off so you can change into your gear. The gear is heavy but familiar, a comforting kind of weight that you always mourn once an op is over. Tightening the strap of your vest until you felt like it was secure enough and doing the same thing with the gun holster on your thigh.

”You tighten it anymore and you’ll lose blood flow.” Ghost grunts and you stop yourself from startling a little. Ghost walks up to you and loosens the straps himself a little before your brain starts working again. You slap his hands away and glare up at him.

”I am perfectly capable of knowing when to stop tightening my straps.” You hiss. You had been in the SAS long enough to know your preferences and the fact that he is trying to baby you is insulting at best and downright disrespectful at worst. Ghost stares down at you, brown eyes dead but also filled with some kind of emotion you can’t place. He says nothing else, doesn’t even grunt, before he turns to get his gear on. You huff and finish preparing your items for the op.

You go over the file one last time while on the flight to Siberia, flipping through the different pages and you can’t fight off the gut feeling that something isn’t right. You bounce your leg as you look at the map of the base, for an old soviet base, it's small. Granted, you don’t know how big USSR bases in Siberia tended to be but this is just too small. You glance at Ghost and contemplate mentioning this to him but since the armory he hasn’t spoken a word to you. Let alone even look your way which would normally be a reprieve but right now you wish he would look, just so you’d feel less awkward starting a conversation. You remind yourself that he’s a Lieutenant, he knows more than a Sergeant such as yourself. You need to trust your commanding officer.

Ghost can feel the warmth from you, like you had leaked a part of yourself into his gloves and now he can’t get rid of it. He doesn’t understand why he had approached and went to fix your straps, really they are too tight for comfort, but when you had slapped his hands away it was like a shock had gone through him. Like his entire system had been rebooted from the simple touch, now he can’t even bear to look at you. He can feel the weight of your gaze on him though and that’s how he knows that he acted out of character. He clenches his fist so tight his knuckles are cramped when he opens it again, he wishes you would just say what you want to say.

He wishes you would yell at him so he would have something to tell Price about, to maybe get you booted off the team. He’s been a prick to you, moving your stuff in the rec room, eating your food and being condescending. What kind of drill sergeant you had, he didn’t know but they must’ve turned your will into steel. Or maybe you were always like that, you hadn’t given up on him when you got a glance at his life at home. You treated his bloody noses and busted lips, you convinced your parents to let him stay over as often as possible. You even went with him to get Tommy despite the shit Tommy and his shitty friends had put you through.

Ghost clenches his jaw, no matter what, this is better for you. He just needs to get you to quit or maybe transfer to some kind of safer job in the military if you’re so hell bent on staying. He still can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you dropped out of university. He steals a glance and sees you looking at the file the same way you would look at study notes before a test.

You were right. Of course you were fucking right. Why do you have to be right? The base is much, much bigger than the intel said and worse is the fact that its not completely abandoned. “Get the fuck out of there!” Ghost yells over comms and you’re so close to just tearing the wiring in half so you don’t have to listen to him. You turn another corner, refilling the ammo in your pistol as the sound of pounding footsteps echo down the long concrete hallways of this underground base. You wait for the man to turn the corner and shoot him right between the eyes, the muzzle on your pistol only does so much and the sound bounces off the walls. ”I said to get out of there soldier!”

You snarl, “I’m getting this fucking USB drive, fuck off!” You say into comms as you run down the halls. Lights flicker above you and distantly you can hear soldiers yelling. Just a few more turns, you tell yourself as you slide into a wall, using your arms you push off it and keep going. Once out of this god forsaken underground, NOT abandoned, USSR base you’d die happy never seeing another concrete hall. You slam the door open to the server room stored deep in the base and lock it behind you, hoping that might spare you some time between you and soldiers surely running down the halls towards you.

”Don’t ignore me Sergeant!” His voice comes out warbled, likely because you’re so far underground. You clench your jaw so hard your teeth hurt as you fling open different desk drawers, toss everything onto the desk in search of the USB they sent you here for in the first place. After six desks, you realize there is no way there is a USB.

”Fucking CIA intel.” You grab an unused USB from a desk and jam it into the nearest computer. “Fucking lucky I took that damn class.” You mutter to yourself as you bypass the passwords and begin to download the information.

”Sergeant! I said get out of there, use your bloody ears!”

”I have to download everything myself!” You yell into the comms, “The intel was shite!” You slam your pistol into the PC you’re not currently using. “Fucking CIA.”

”I don’t care! I’m pulling us from this mission.”

”I’m getting this USB Lieutenant, you’re welcome to chew me out once I’m back on the surface.” You snap, “Going dark.”

”Don’t you da-“ You rip the wires out of your comms and throw the damn thing onto the floor.

Ghost yells into the comms again but only gets static back, he looks down at the base from the scope of his sniper. It looks abandoned, it looks small and easy to navigate but he heard what you said. He knows that its all a facade, that the terrorist group had found tunnels to another base nearby and have been smuggling weapons and food between those tunnels, hardly ever having to go outside at this base. Which is what led the intel team to believe its been abandoned and therefore an easy op. His heart is pounding against his chest and it hurts from how hard its beating against his chest, he keeps trying the comms. “Gator! Gator turn your comms back on!” He snarls into the mic but still nothing.

It’s then that it dawns on him that you didn’t just turn comms off, you ripped the wiring out. “God damn it.” He grunts as he gets off the ground, the snow disguising him falls to the ground as he hauls his sniper up and buries it under the snow between two trees. He pulls out his shitty cracked phone, that he frankly refuses to replace. He knows why and its not because he doesn’t like the newer versions. It’s because this one has those pictures of you, the version of you that hadn’t turned your back on civilian life yet. The version of you that makes him feel kind of sick for looking at now that he knows you now.

He opens up his map to the coordinates to the nearest safe house, and grabs his pistol before he puts his phone away. He sighs and makes his way down towards the base that must be crawling with enemy terrorists but no one gets left behind. And he’s not about to let you die down there, his grip on his pistol tightens for just a second before he forces his fist to relax. He saunters his way in, everyone is far too distracted with chasing you down to pay attention to the cameras. He slides down the ladder into the base and is immediately greeted with the muffled sound of an alarm. “Fucking hell.” He mutters as he readies his pistol and knife.

You grunt, push the metal cabinet against the door, pushing through the pain in your thigh to do so. By the time it’s in place, you collapse against the wall next to it, grunting at the pain that shoots up your thigh in quick bursts. You look at the bullet wound and can’t help the disgust that crawls up your face when you realize it's pumping blood out in the rhythm of your heart beat. It’s funny, you’ve been shot before but you never had the time to look at it. It makes sense that it would do that though. You lean your head back against the concrete wall and can’t help the sob that rips it way out of your throat. Not because you’re going to die, not entirely because of that. Because you’re going to die in a concrete box alone.

You smear your bloody hand against the wall, wiping it off as you fumble with your shirt, pull just enough fabric out and rip it. No, you think, you’re not going to die here. Anywhere but in fucking Siberia surrounded by enemies and in a damn concrete room underground. You wrap the torn fabric around your thigh, just above the wound and wrap it tightly. So tightly you can actually feel the blood flow being slowed and this time on purpose. You check the bullets in your pistol and laugh when you see only two. “And I’m fucking out.” You mumble just as you hear someone’s boots echo outside of the room. You rise on shaky legs and bite your tongue to keep from crying out from the pain but walk over to the corner. You raise the gun and point towards the metal cabinet that is rocking from the force of what must be either several people pushing or one big motherfucker.

You don’t pray, no sense in praying right now. Even if you did ask for forgiveness you wouldn’t get it, the blood on your hands is more than any person can justify, not even God because it is a rule. Thou shall not murder. You huff out a laugh at that, well you’ve certainly sinned. The metal cabinet comes crashing down and in bursts three men. Fuck. You fire your last two shots and take down the first two but when the third enemy hears the gun click, he laughs. It’s an ugly and horrible laugh, one that expresses his entire arrogance of you being in this situation. Wounded and without any ammo, your knife left behind in some fuckers neck a few corners ago. “You lose.” He taunts as he walks closer and your leg finally loses feeling, you slide down the wall as you stare at the man who is going to hopefully bring you death.

You’re reminded of that quote you read once, When I die, bury me in the woods, the wolves will be kinder to me than any man. And if you weren’t about to meet your end, you’d laugh at the fact you can’t even remember the woman who said it. You hope she got her wish. The man raises his pistol and presses it to your temple. You hear a bang echo in the room and expect for it all to be over but you grunt when the man lands on you. “What the fuck?” You mutter as you struggle to push the weight of a dead man off of you. He’s pulled off of you and you look up at the bloody skull face plate, “Aren’t you just a life saver?” You quip before you throw up.

Ghost huffs when you pass out after throwing up and narrowly avoiding his boots. He hauls you up and over his shoulder, tucking your pistol into your thigh holster. Trying to get you up the ladder was hell, he was constantly afraid that his grip would loosen and you’d fall to your death. The walk to the safe house is about half way done when he feels your stirring. He grips you tighter just in case you try to flail around and attempt to land yourself in the snow.

When you come to, you realize that you’re over someone’s shoulder. Just as you’re about to flail around, the memory of Ghost standing over you. “Awake now?” Ghost asks, his voice rough as always and that reminds you of someone you used to know. You give your reply in the form of a groan which is all that seems to want to leave your mouth. “We’re about an hour away from a safe house.”

”And I wasn’t told?” You snap, anger pushing past the way you feel like you’re going to throw up if you speak again.

”Need to know.”

”Well I might’ve needed to know!” You flail your arms around harmlessly before you collapse back to being a rag doll on his back. He doesn’t respond and when you think he’s about to return to his normal grumpy silence, he breaks it.

”What the fuck were you thinkin’?” He snaps and you jolt awake from the half sleep you had unknowingly slipped into. “Ripping your comm wires out and going dark. What the fuck Sergeant?”

”I wasn’t able to focus with you screaming at me to abandon the mission.” You immediately jump to defend, “I got the damn USB drive with the intel they need, I completed the mission.” You don’t even realize that he’s reached the safe house until he nearly kicks the door in because the doorknob is frozen. He practically tosses you onto the couch before slamming the door shut. “I completed the objective.” You nearly snarl out.

”You failed to follow simple orders to retreat.” He slams his pistol and knife down on the table, “You nearly died.”

”Yeah, well it didn’t seem like you’d care all that fucking much if I did! If I hadn’t gotten the USB,” You pull the damn thing from your front vest pouch and throw it onto the table. “then the entire thing would have been a waste!”

”I don’t care about the USB, if you’re in danger like that you follow my damn orders! I can’t lose you!” Ghost grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you just a little. You look at him, feeling confusion creep up before it is swallowed down by anger.

”What?”

”Forget about it.”

”No. You’ve been treating me like a damn nuisance the minute I joined the task force and now you suddenly care? Why now huh? Why now? Because you sure didn’t act like I mattered very much.”

”I said forget about it.” He snarls but you go to stand on shaking legs

”No fuck that! Fuck you Ghost! What changed?” You keep hounding him until he slams his fist down the table and rips off his mask.

He says your name gently, like he’s trying to soothe an animal but you’re frankly ready to sink your teeth into his skin if he tries to approach. “You didn’t even have the courage to write? Not even a little postcard? Something! Anything! To let me know you’re not dead? You’re lucky I’m not able to walk.” You spit.

Rage boils up in you so quickly, so quickly you aren’t able to express it all just through yelling. It burns you up, sets you on fire and throws lighter fluid into that inferno any time you think it's about to burn a little less. It’s all consuming anger mixed with all those years of grief that you never properly addressed, just slapped a bandaid on called military life and carried on. Hot tears run down your face as you scream and rage at him. You even throw something at him, though he ducks out of the way easily. “You fucking bastard! You bastard! Fuck you Simon Riley!” You scream as you cry, head pounding from something. The pain in your thigh? The rage in your temple? Or how hard you’re crying? Probably a mixture of all three. “You’re dead! I buried you! I went to your funeral Riley!” You throw something else at him, probably an MRE.

”Would you listen-“ Simon tries to say but you immediately cut him off. Hearing his voice makes whatever walls you have built up over these five years crumble so easily. You can’t let him speak or else you’ll fall into his arms and just cry. And you need to be angry because you deserve to be angry.

”No! You listen to me Simon Riley!” You ball your hands into fists, “Why? Why did you treat me like shit? Why did you undermine me at every turn? It’s bad enough that you let me believe that you were dead! Wasn’t that enough for you? But of course it wasn’t, you had to make my life hell because you met me again!”

”Shut up!” Simon finally snaps, his brown eyes swirling with fury and guilt. “I had my reasons and if you would just-”

”Well what were they then? Huh? I’m all fucking ears.”

”You keep interrupting me. If you didn’t-“

”You had months to come clean Simon! Years if you count the time before I met you again and after all that time you couldn’t just be a man and tell me? Couldn’t even send me a hint that you were alive?” You slam your fist into the wall, you ignore the pain that shoots right up your arm into your shoulder. You glare at him through your tears and wipe at them frantically. “You didn’t even try.”

”I did it to protect you! And if you’d just let me speak I’d tell you all the reasons I had to not tell you or even let you think I was alive!” Simon finally manages to say, he goes to speak again and you hold up your hand.

”Don’t talk to me Simon Riley.” You say as you wipe away any tears from your cheeks that hadn’t rolled all the way down. Your eyes burn and your stomach hurts from just how much you’re feeling right now. Deep down, past the anger you feel relief because he’s alive. Your Simon is alive and maybe more rough around the edges with a scar bisecting his lip, a nasty scar along his cheek and nose broken and not properly set several times. You’re also sure his eye bags have increased tenfold since you last saw him but his eye black keeps that little fact hidden from you. His teeth are chipped and broken but his brown eyes still hold that same depth. You can tell he still smiles the same and he’s still that overprotective boy who had scared off your date that one time just by opening the door.

That’s still your Simon Riley. But damn him to the deepest hell and back for making your heart hurt so badly. “Fine.” He grits out before he marches to what you assume is the safe house bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

There is something wrong with me. That is Simon’s first thought when he looks at himself in the mirror that must be old because his reflection is warped. There is something wrong with me and it's not the scars or the way my joints ache when I stand or sit down. There is something wrong with me and it makes my blood run black. Simon wonders if he had been born wrong. He suspects he’s always been this way, he was his father’s son after all, doomed to be awful to all of those he knows. To use them and drain them dry until they cut him off or he tosses them away. He doesn’t want you to be part of that cycle, to be a part of the cycle that always results in those close to him dying.

He already lost his family, he couldn’t lose you too so he cut you out completely. It was better if you thought he was dead. You were better off thinking he was dead in the ground even if it hurt you, even if it hurt him. And fuck did it hurt that first year, every time something happened he wanted to call you or text you. Tell you all about it late at night in a part of base where no one would care if he was awake if they even dared to approach him at all. Simon wanted to return to you more then anything but Ghost hadn’t dug himself out of that grave and lost his entire family as consequence for not fucking dying just for you to meet that same fate. No, you’d be his only in memory. Maybe one day he’d stalk your social media and find that you’ve moved on. Hopefully out of that fucking city, working a good paying job with a man who deserved you.

And it didn’t matter how much that thought made his supposedly ice heart hurt. It didn’t matter because he was dead and there was nothing he could give you besides this rotting body and whatever love he could scrape together for you.

Simon looks at himself in the mirror, completely maskless and bare for what felt like the first time in years. It felt like his skin had been pulled away to show the maggots, rotting tendons and muscle underneath. Every tear that had left your beautiful eyes had felt like acid on his skin, every word thrown his way a well placed knife throw. He knew he deserved all that malice and if you didn't want to talk to him, then he wouldn’t talk to you. No matter how much he wants to.

The next two days go by slowly, it reminds you of the time you had to go through a bog. Slow movements and time seemed to slow to a fucking crawl as you traversed the bog to go around an enemy encampment so you could get the jump on them from behind. It didn’t matter that your clothes had been soaked through or that you could feel the cold of the water seeping into your bones. You kept going. So the same logic was applied here. Your bullet wound in your thigh eventually got treated properly, in silence of course. Simon had given you the first aid kit and you did your best with what you had. Digging out the bullet had to be one of the most painful experiences you’ve ever had.

Simon had wanted to step in and do it himself but he knew you’d sooner accept an infection then let him any closer then needed. By the end of the hour and several deep, guttural screams cut off only by the belt between your teeth, you had managed to pull the bullet out. You were quick to stitch the hole closed and to wrap it in bandages. When that was over, you only had enough strength to crawl onto the shitty couch and pass out.

The first day not talking to him was filled with tension. It was so thick you could cut it with your knife, if you had it that is. It’s still stuck in that asshole’s neck which sucks because it was a good neck. You were hesitant to put any pressure on your wound, terrified of ripping your frankly shit stitches and increasing the chances of you getting an infection. You spent the entire day cleaning and taking apart your gun with occasional glares sent to Simon if he tried to enter the same room as you and stay for more than a few minutes.

He understood your anger, he did, but he couldn’t stand it at the same time. He wants to sit right next to and soak in your presence in a way he hadn’t allowed himself before this. He hadn’t bothered to put his mask back on and when he had stepped out of the bathroom without it the first time you had jerked like someone had pinched you. You could still tell he had blonde hair from his eyebrows but seeing his blonde hair in a buzz cut had felt like an electric shock. That was still your Simon even all these years later and that made you angrier. How could he? How dare he? After all these years, he looked the same despite the scars on his face but you? Do you still look the same despite the weariness in your eyes and being grief eaten.

The only word he spoke to you was, “There’s a blizzard coming in tomorrow.” You had only given a grunt in acknowledgement which he had to admit, stung. How many times had he responded to you like that while trying to get you to quit and transfer somewhere else? Far too many times, he ran a gloved hand through his prickly hair as he shook his head. God he had been so fucking stupid and stubborn. As it turns out, the blizzard couldn’t wait until tomorrow or maybe it was the next day. The wind shook the entire safe house, the walls creaked and groaned from the force of it. The windows were covered by snow or maybe it was a white out, you couldn’t tell. You didn’t even want to lift your head to check. You were fucking freezing despite your thermals and the blanket. Your teeth chattered as you pulled the blanket even closer and closed your eyes. Your cheeks were numb and you could barely feel your nose, your fingers actually hurt from how cold they were.

You blew more warm breath into your cupped hands, your entire body shivered as another burst of wind caused the house to groan from the weight of it. You glanced around the living room/kitchen area, the fireplace was boarded up but it wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t, you had no wood. The only thing of light was a battery powered lamp that you had been surprised still worked. You knew where Simon was, in the only other room besides the bathroom, the bedroom. Getting up those stairs would have been impossible for you the first two days here with your injury. Hell, you even doubted if you had enough strength to do it now even with the protein and nutrient packed MRE’s given to you for rations. But you suspected if you didn’t seek out another form of warmth and soon, you’d end up a popsicle. And frankly? That sounded like a bad way to go.

You shakily got to your feet, where it was from being nervous about putting weight on your injured leg or if you were cold, you couldn’t be sure. But you wobble up the stairs, gripping the rail for life the entire way and nearly falling when you finally manage to get the doorknob to turn. Simon catches you, he opens his mouth to chastise you before he realizes the state you’re in. He mutters your name, brown eyes filled with worry as you shrug, too tired and frozen to verbally shrug. He shakes his head and brings you to the mattress in the corner, he quickly runs downstairs and grabs your blanket before returning upstairs. You grumble, which honestly was just noises from the back of your throat as he settles next to you, pulling both blankets over the two of you. After a few minutes and warming up a little you mumble, “This doesn’t change that I’m upset with you.”

”I would never expect it to.” He whispers back as he wraps an arm around you. It shouldn’t be as easy as it is, like two pieces of a puzzle finally snapping together. You seep warmth from him like a leech while he holds you close and steady enough that you don’t shiver or shake. He stays awake the entire time, long after you’ve fallen asleep on your pack-made-pillow. Simon looks at you and drinks you in properly this time. Despite the blizzard outside still raging on and the cold temperatures making your skin lose a little color, you’re still as stunning as the day he confessed his love to you. He can still recall that day, sitting at a bench a little ways away from the reception party. The cool October breeze blowing through and the way you looked so relaxed. So content with the moment and with him. He kissed you that night, he kissed you like a starving animal. Like he might never get to kiss you again and that he needed to take what he could now.

“I love you Simon Riley. I have since we were 15. Don’t leave me again Simon, not if you can help it.” He was fucking idiot not to say it back, he didn’t even think to do so because his heart had been stabbed the moment you pleaded with him not to leave because he was leaving again. He was leaving you, the best thing in his entire life. Then he came back fucked but he did his best to get better. He didn’t want to touch you, he was terrified he would hurt you. Force himself on you, every night he dreamed that he was hurting you and that he enjoyed it. The therapy helped a little, you and his family helped a lot. Having something to return to helped so much. Then it all came burning down and damn it, he wasn’t going to let you die. So he killed the men then he returned to Mexico and killed Roba and his entire cartel. Then he never returned home, he never let you even think that he was alive. He glances down at you, sleeping in his arms

Sometimes, if he looks at you even now, he can recall the day the two of you met.

It was so cold and the rain didn’t make anything better. He trembles in his too-big shirt and pants which are rolled up to stop him from tripping again. He sniffles and wipes at his face, if he wipes away tears or the rain he doesn’t know. Other kids pass by him quickly with their umbrellas, rain coats and boots, protected by the things their mum’s and dad’s buy for them. His dad had sold his and Tommy’s umbrella’s and coats to afford more alcohol and drugs. Being the good big brother that Simon told himself he was, he let Tommy take their mum’s coat instead of him. He didn’t regret that, he could never regret making Tommy’s life a little better.

He isn’t expecting you to walk up to him with an umbrella with yellow ducks on it. He recognizes you almost instantly, you go to his class. You ask him, “What are you doing without an umbrella?” with your head tilted to the side like a confused puppy.

He mumbled out, eyes averted to the ground and soggy strawberry hair sticking to his forehead, “I don’t have one.” You asked if his mum didn’t buy him one. She did, she always did her best to provide for him and Tommy but his dad always ruined it. You don’t wait for him to respond, you don’t push for further answers or make fun of him for not having an umbrella or raincoat.

Instead, you smile at him and hold the umbrella with yellow ducks on it over his head after pulling the hood of your coat over your head. “Well it doesn’t matter now, I’m here and we can share.” You give him your name and he gives you his with the tiniest smile on his face. You held the umbrella over his head the entire way there then you walked him home because it was still raining. You called him a friend.

When you wake up, he lets you sit in silence. The blizzard had mostly passed through during the night, the worst of it was over but the safe house outside of the blankets was freezing cold. Simon knew he wasn’t exactly in a rush to leave the warmth and comfort of this moment. The silence hangs between the two of you and at some point, you begin to play with fingers in the way you used to when growing up. It takes a better part of an hour for him to work up the courage and it really feels like he is going to throw up when he whispers, “Do you still love me?” It’s quiet that if you didn’t know his voice that you’d think it was the wind still blowing.

He swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut as he waits for the killing blow. For you tell him that you don’t love him anymore, especially after these five years and the shit he pulled. But it doesn’t come, instead he hears your shuffling and feels your slightly cold hands cup his stubble covered cheeks. He peaks his eyes open and nearly melts at the sight before him. You, nearly in tears as you look at him so fondly like you did that October day. “Of course I still love you Simon Riley.” He can’t stop himself from closing the gap between the two of you as tears spill from both of your eyes and kiss you.

”I love you Simon Riley.” You kiss his cheeks, “I love you.” You kiss his forehead, “And I’ll keep loving you for eternity.” Simon melts with each kiss you give him and sighs when you kiss his lips again. His large hands find your waist and tug you closer, his thick thigh parting yours as his tongue swipes at your bottom lip. You happily part your lips for him, your hands gripping his shoulders as his tongue explores your mouth and a needy moan leaves you. Your heart aches still and tears keep slipping down your face because he’s here. Simon Riley is alive and has been for years. The relief is almost enough to make you forgive him on the spot.

You’re taken by surprise when he kisses you, it's gentle and some tears slip between your connected lips. You don’t even realize that either you or him has started to cry but you return his kiss, trying to keep him this close for as long as you can without breathing. His hands tug you closer, if he could tear open his ribs and stuff you in there instead of his heart and lungs, he would. When you finally pull away, tears still running down your cheeks, you look at him. Tears run down his cheeks too and wet the fabric of his shirt now that they’re not being caught between your lips and spread between your cheeks and his. “Say it again.” He croaks and you repeat it.

Maybe you are forgiving him in a way, not fully. God knows that it will take a lot more than just this to make you forgive him but it's a start. And it’s a start you desperately need, your fingers dig into him further which pulls a groan from him. Immediately you loosen your grip on him, fearing that you’ve hurt him until he pulls away completely breathless and with pupils so wide there’s hardly any brown left, “Don’t stop doing that.” He leans in and whispers against the shell of your ear. It sends goosebumps rising up on your skin as you dig your fingers back into him right as his mouth connects with yours again.

He rests a hand on the back of your neck to keep you close and connected to him. You feel like a teenager again when he slips one of his thick thighs between your own and you grind down on it nearly out of pure instinct. The pressure of your pants seam pressing against your clit makes your legs weak and a liquid warmth to pool. You do it again and you moan into the kiss, his other hand which he had used to cup your cheek immediately went to your hip and grabbed it. He doesn’t try to stop you, instead he encourages you to grind against his thigh. He mutters something against your lips and it comes out muffled but it sounds like, “Take what you need love.” And you’re not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

You grind against him, a little harder this time which causes your entire body to jolt as the electric pleasure shoots up your spine. His hand on the back of your neck tangles itself into your hair and he pulls away only barely so he can catch his breath. You’re left breathless and panting as you grind against his thigh, he rests his forehead against yours and his eyes focus on you using his thigh. “Fuck.” He mutters as his hand on your hip moves up and cups your chest. “I’m sorry.” He whispers and you furrow your brows, your pace faltering at his words.

”Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, I’m sorry fo’ bein’ such a twat.” He says and pushes his thigh back against you. Your head tips back as a moan leaves your throat and you resume your previous pace. He gropes and paws at your chest, trying to pinch and twist at your hardened nipples from over the fabric of your shirts. “Love, please let me- let me push your shirt up.” He begs and you immediately give your consent. He doesn’t waste another second and pushes your shirt up as far as it would go then he grumbles something to himself before he pulls it over your head and discards it nearby.

He dips his head down and immediately takes a nipple into his mouth while his hand squeezes the other breast. He sucks on it, laving his tongue over it like a dog and letting his teeth graze it slightly when he figures out it makes your hips jolt. You tighten your grip on his shoulders as your thighs tense up and you desperately keep rocking your hips against his thigh. “Si-Simon I’m cl-“ You’re cut off by your own moan when he switches nipples and when he looks up at you between blonde lashes your orgasm washes over you. Your hips stutter and your entire body jolts once or twice as you soak your underwear. Simon swears at the sight of your mouth falling open and your head tipping back to expose your entire neck.

His fingers are nimble as he unbuttons your pants, he hooks his thumbs under the waistband of both the pants and your underwear then yanks them down. “Let me? Please let me make you feel good.” He begs and you nod, mind still trying to piece itself back together after the first orgasm. He shuffles under the covers and it’s kind of funny to see the bottom half of his body sticking out but the sight of it is pulled away from you as he yanks you further down the mattress.

”Simon-“ You yelp before it’s cut away into a moan. There’s no preamble or teasing, likely because he feels like he’s going to die if he doesn’t have his mouth on your cunt now, before he buries his face in it. You grab at the blankets, your mouth falling open as you moan when his tongue flicks your engorged clit. He can’t seem to decide if he wants to focus on your clit or your pulsing hole, dipping his tongue down to slurp up your juices before returning to your clit. He’s desperate, his hands are gripping your thighs like you might try and pull away despite your moans and pleads for more filling the safe house.

He eases one thick finger into you as he sucks on your clit and you see stars in your vision. “Like that- oh my god- like that please don’t stop.” You whimper as your fingers card through his hair. You moan and start to squirm a little as he begins to pump his thick digit in and out of you. He seems to be searching for something, trying different things and sticking to the one that makes you keen the loudest. He crooks his finger just right and your thighs tense up around his head as a moan tears through your throat.

Like the sniper that he is, he focuses on that spot within your increasingly soaked cunt as he tortures your clit with his mouth. The slurping sounds have your cheeks heating up and you squirm as he pushes a second finger into you with no resistance. He rubs against that soft spot inside you that causes your body to relax further and pins down your hips when you try to squirm away from his tongue.

“Simon- nngh- that feels so-“ You can barely string together a sentence as he seems intent on rendering you boneless and incapable of speech as he abuses your g-spot. You feel a tightness growing within your abdomen, like something is winding up before it lets go. It barely registers in your brain that you’re on the verge of cumming. Simon must feel it too, with the way your pussy clamps down around his fingers, because he redoubles his efforts. Your fingers dig into his shoulders as your pussy pulses without a rhythm and you’re thrown over the edge. The muscles in your thighs clench involuntarily as the pleasure runs through you. He keeps rubbing at that spot through your orgasm, his fingers soaked in your slick as you twitch a little from the aftershocks.

You try to move upwards when he eases a third finger into you but he holds you down. “It’s too much.” You choke out as he crawls up your body, leaving a trail of sticky wet kisses. “Si please.” You hiccup as he begins to work you open with those three fingers.

”Got to work you open love.” He mutters reassuringly before capturing your lips in a kiss. He swallows down your moans like the greedy man he is, keeping all of these sounds for himself. He doesn’t care if the two of you are the only people around for miles upon miles, he doesn’t even want the walls to know your sounds in case they ever learn to talk. You whine at his words and a hand grabs his bicep as he fucks his fingers in and out of you. The stretch of three of his fingers is delicious, just that slight sting that ebbs away the more he finger fucks you.

It feels like he rips the next orgasm out of you, your entire body tenses as it slams into you. You feel yourself gush on his thick fingers and he keeps going, keeps fucking you through it until your pushing at his arm and pleading for a moment of reprieve. It’s only until tears gather in your eyes that he finally stops. Simon peppers your face in kisses while he whispers that he’s sorry. He promises that he’ll do right by you this time, no more running away or disappearing. He swears it as you unbuckle his pants and pulls them down. There’s a noticeable wet patch on his boxers but you don’t comment on it, just pull those down as well. Your mouth waters and your eyes widen when you see his cock.

It's thick, uncut and long. The tip is red from neglect and drips pre-cum like a leaky faucet. His cock is heavy that it hangs low and his brown eyes are filled with lust as he watches you reach down and wrap your hand around his length. “That’s not going to fit.” You finally whisper out, meeting his eyes which crinkle from the cocky smile on his face.

He leans down, body draping over yours. You can feel his body heat rolling off him in waves as he takes his cock from your hands and lines up the bulbous tip with your cunt. He strokes it a few times with his slick coated fingers as he looks you in the eyes before whispering, “I’ll make it fit.” When he pushes it, he does it slowly. You can feel every ridge, every pulsing vein of his cock against your walls. Despite having stretched you with three of his fingers before hand and making you cum twice the sting remains. It’s a sweet burn, a delicious heat that licks from your hips up to the back of your skull. It grounds you to the moment as his fingers dig into you as his hips meet yours, bottoming out in you he lets out a low moan. His eyes flicker down to where the two of you meet and he licks his lips at the sight.

He pulls back just a little and the squelch that comes from your cunt when he pushes back in makes your face hot. He leans down and grabs your uninjured thigh. He hooks his arm around it and forces it up as he cages your body between his arms. You grab onto his shoulder and bicep, your eyes can’t seem to leave his as he thrusts in and out of you. The pace isn’t fast but his hips snap against yours, the sound of skin on skin fills the room and mixes with each noise pulled from you. Simon swallows the lump in his throat as he supports himself on one arm and cups your cheek, his thumb swiping something away. You sniffle and reach your hands up to his face, you try to drink his face. The same face you thought you would never see as tears roll down your cheeks and his cock fills you past the point of full.

“I love you.” You say between hiccups and moans. You watch as his eyes water and he buries his face within the crook of your neck. He mouths at the sweaty skin there and whispers that he loves you back. That he loves you so much it hurts and that he’s sorry. He repeats it over and over again with each roll of his hips and that feeling within your stomach grows again quickly. With each snap of his hips you feel yourself getting closer and more tears leak from your eyes. You cum again with his name on your lips and feel his hips stutter and loose pace. He grinds up against you, nudging your cervix in a way that causes a slight pinch within your lower abdomen that makes you clench down harder on him.

You feel him cum, you hear his groan right next to your ear as his hips come to a complete stop and pressed against the meat of your thighs. His sticky warm cum fills you, the feeling is odd. Foreign but not entirely unwelcome as he stays in that position after letting your thigh rest back down onto the mattress. You twist your head to the side and give him a quick kiss, “Say it again?” He whispers.

”I love you.”

Simon lets out a shaky sigh, the relief he feels is palpable, “I love you too.”

It’s not all that surprising that he can’t keep his hands off you and you’re not innocent either. After seemingly fucking all of your anger towards him out, the two of you cling to each other. He rocks his hips into your again, every movement lighting up your nerves in a way that seems never ending. Like this pleasure will swallow you whole but you don’t mind, it hides the twinges of pain from your thigh from being pressed so close to your chest. You kiss all of his face, soft moans from both of you mixing together into a melody.

”How long until someone is able to get us?” You ask later while you lay on his chest and trail your fingers up and down his abdomen. You’re exhausted, barely able to keep your eyes open and the heat between the two of you is slowly lulling you further into sleep.

”The radio said they’ll be here tomorrow.” Simon replies and you mindlessly hum.

”What will happen when we leave?” You ask, “When all of this is over.”

”We’ll figure it out.” he murmurs and kisses you. “Rest up love.” You’re not surprised, actually delighted, when he wakes you up with kisses on your neck. He trails down from your jaw, nipping occasionally at the soft flesh which earns a wanton moan from you.

”Happened to resting?” You tease and he chuckles against you.

”Oops.” He says and it would be convincing if you couldn’t feel his smile. Simon’s hands trail down your naked body and he pushes two fingers back into your sopping wet cunt. You gasp and arch your back, eyes fluttering closed as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. “You’re so wet.” He groans, like he still can’t believe that you still want him. “Never going to let you go again.” He promises as he begins to abuse that soft part inside you.

Simon kisses your nose and you chuckle. “Excited?” You ask and he nods. It’s been two years since that mission when everything changed again. Two years since you found out Simon Riley never died, that he had refused to die once again. It had taken a little while to figure out what the both of you wanted, therapy helped a lot. It helped you realize that the military lifestyle, despite it being the thing you had only known for the past five years, wasn’t truly for you. Of course you had known that you had only joined in Simon’s memory but therapy helped you let go of it.

God bless John Price, bless him for being utterly professional despite two of his soldiers fucking which has to be the most unprofessional thing to do in the military. He looked at you with that smile that made his eyes crinkle when you placed the discharge paperwork on his desk that day 8 months ago. “Finally figured out what you want then?” He asked as he immediately signed off on it, not even bothering to read through it.

”Yeah, I have, Captain.” You said with a fond smile, you’d miss this. You’d miss him, Gaz and Soap but it wasn’t like they couldn’t come and see you when on leave. You’d only be an hour away in a nearby city anyways. You glance at the two keys in your hand, one for you and one for Simon. You place the second one into his palm. “Let’s go see our home then.” You pick up the cat carrier and Mittens meows in protest. You coo your reassurances to her, promising that it’s almost over. The three of you climb the steps up the porch of the townhouse you now own and Simon unlocks the door.

You glance around the currently empty space then glance behind you to the moving truck parked out on the side of the street. “I think it might take us a day to get everything in here.” You say when you turn to look at Simon

”I’d say two.” Simon says as he takes the cat carrier from your hands and sets it down next to the stairs. You quirk an eyebrow up and part your lips in an ‘o’ shape when you realize what’s on his mind.

”Really Riley?” You ask as you loop your arms around his neck and he chuckles as your expression.

”I’ve always wanted to bend you over a countertop.” He purrs as he tugs his mask down and plants a kiss on your neck which sends shivers down your spine.

”Is that so?” You ask as he backs you up against it after closing the front door. He hoists you up on top of it with a ‘mhm’ before he captures your lips in a kiss and his hands settle on your hips.

You grasp at the edge of the counter, moans being punched out of you with each thrust of his hips. The sound of skin on skin echoes in the house and mixes with his groans. Simon’s fingers dig a little harder into your hips, enjoying the sight of how your fat squishes up between his fingers. “You’re so fuckin’ stunning.” And all you can respond with is a moan as his fat cock abuses the tip of your cervix. “I’m gonna retire.” He babbles and his words hardly register in your mind as you begin to clench down on him as a sign you’re on the precipice of an orgasm. He loops a hand around and rubs mean circles around your clit which sends you falling off the edge.

He swears as your cunt clenches down on him like a vice and he spills himself in you all while he keeps rubbing at your clit. You lay there panting, trying to gather your senses as you blink away the tears of overstimulation once his hand falls away. You gasp and gulp down the air, “Simon?”

”Fuck I said that out loud didn’t I?”

You can’t help but giggle and shake your head. “You mean it?”

”Yeah, I mean it. I’m gonna look into retiring, I can’t be a soldier forever.” He rests his sweaty forehead against your back as he speaks.

”I love you so much Simon Riley.”

His hand reaches out and loops through yours, the matching rings on your fingers glinting in the light. “I love you too.”

[oh-no-its-bird]

Incredibly self indulgent 'early konoha kids get zapped into canon right after Hiruzen is killed' au..... save me incredibly self indulgent 'early konoha kids get zapped into canon right after Hiruzen is killed' au ,,,,

This is so stupid but I'm embracing the cringe.

POV a Nara an Orochi and 2 Hatake twins fuck around and find out with one of Tobirama's seals (that one of the Hatake's definitely stole) when they really really shouldn't and get zapped to Konoha

Immediate glaring problem: the Orochi clan is incredibly recognizable. They all look very similar. And Orochimaru is the only one left in modern era and also just killed the Hokage in front of a fuck ton of people, like, last week. And is also a known body hopper so any minor differences in appearance can be very easily waved away.

They don't even realize smthn went wrong at first bc they were fucking around way on the outskirts of town to avoid being caught playing with things they shouldn't, and when they return to town they take the back ways around so they don't even notice the new buildings n stuff

They all just kinda shrug and call it a day after the seal explodes on them (and poke at the Hatake who's genius idea it was to play with the seal, who is also the only one of them currently throwing up in the grass due to the seal backlash) and split off to go home

"Did it hurt?" Haru cheerfully prodded his brothers cheek with his finger. "Do you feel sick?" He gave him another poke. "Do you feel stupid?" At this poke, Hiro let out a low grumble. "You look pretty stupid."

Only, in going home, the Hatake's return to a ruined, falling appart clan compound that suitably freaks them out

The Nara to a house that looks somewhat the same (with some changes to the garden) but has a new family in it who yells at her in confusion when she apparently breaks in and chases her away

And the Orochi, the only one of them to go run errands before heading home, is immediatley mistaken for Orochimaru and tackled by like 10 ANBU agents at once while trying to buy groceries (the weeping shopkeep is very relieved. The Orochi meanwhile, is very confused)

Prison break time !! The Nara and Hatake twins very messily break out their friend, who then refuses to leave without retrieving their gourd, which was taken to evidence (and is an important clan artifect and weapon) so the escape gets even messier

They may have tried to clear up any misunderstandings but that was before their Orochi buddy got put in prison under threat and schedule of torture, so they decide to fuck off from the village in hopes of creating some distance

(There's a lot of conflict on Konoha's side, behind the curtains and higher up, from some who had interacted w Orochinatsu, who do not believe them to be Orochimaru. And those who interacted w them and do. And Danzo, who wants them dead and or in his hands either way, who is also kind of in charge rn bc Sarutobi's fucking dead)

So they retreat real hard and real fast and knock right into Sasuke actually, who's in the middle of trying to defect to sound.

Oh also it's to note that the warring states guys are all 17-18, so they (read:the Hatake twins) see Sasuke and are like "oh the ittle baby wishes to commit treason? That's so cut— whO taught him that ????? (Chidori) WHY CANT I DO THAT I WANT TO DO THAT ???????"

Anyways they somehow join Sasuke on his little trip to sound— They hear Orochimaru and think of the Orochimaru of their time (the name is a title passed down through Orochi clan heads) and they also, now somewhat aware of the time travel, think of the (literal this time) baby Oro they occasionally babysit together, and who is Orochinatsu's baby cousin (who is, yes, the Orochimaru of this time)

They get to Sound and Orochimaru is like "???? Ayo ????" for MULTIPLE reasons, this entire thing fascinates him

Omg Sasuke u brought him a gift ?? Ur such a good guest!

Unfortunately for them tho, Orochinatsu is also like. Literally the most perfect body he could ask for, actually. They look really similar, the kid is young and strong and healthy, plus also very talented (annoyingly to the others, one of the most skilled among their generation in early konoha) they already have a snake contract, and best of all they're literally directly biologically related to Orochimaru, which could seriously help the body snatching procedure, etc.

Unsure where it goes from there, they might tuck Sasuke under their arm and book it, maybe even promise to help w his Itachi problem, idk I'm just having fun spinning around in circles in a chair daydreaming ab silly stupid oc time travel aus

Staring at a wall telling myself to embrace the cringe ,,, I earned it,, tis my birthright to make unasked for naruto oc content ,,

[lovelyiida]

secret relationship with bakugo~

INCLUDES: KATSUKI BAKUGO

WARNINGS: implied fem reader, vulgar language, sexual themes

MASTERLIST

WORDS: 1.8K

Bakugo is known for his heartbreaking nature as a pro hero. Since he has been in many open relationships, each is heavily surveyed by the media at all times.

usually dating other pro-heroes or random A-list celebrities. He has broken, maybe even shattered, everyone's heart.

so when he wrote his number down on the bill you gave him and handed it back to you, you were shocked.

so…he’s into waitresses now?

You were working a long 9-hour shift at a local noodles restaurant located in the heart of the city. Back aching and eyes dry, you give your all as each customer you greet is shown a million-dollar smile.

When the time came 1 minute before closing, you began to untie your oily apron until a loud bell rang. Signaling that someone had just come through the door.

You almost collapse in agony at the sound. Collecting yourself you stomp out the back and head to the front.

“Excuse me! I'm sorry but we're--" As you saw the person standing patiently at the front, your words caught in your throat.

Pro-Hero Dynamight?

His red eyes pierced yours as he stared at you. Your eyes travel down his body, his hero suit still on, a little torn and muddy, must've had a little tussle.

the rumors are true, he's way more attractive in person. His toned muscles were drenched with sweat as you watched them glisten in the city lights.

you now understand why he gets into relationships so easily, even with such a hideous personality, he's drop-dead gorgeous.

as your eyes travel back up to his face, you notice he had a smug grin. Sighing, the pro-hero slowly folds his head back to brush through his hair. He walks towards your figure, as the only thing separating you two is the front desk.

"I know you're closed and all, but you don't mind staying open for a hard workin' hero like myself would ya?" voice deep and strong as it bounced off the walls of the empty restaurant.

Still stunned, you shakily nod. Swiftly returning to the kitchen with quick steps your body crashes into the dish sink, your hands gripping tight into the curved metal. Your body hangs almost limply above the dirty dishes you forgot to wash.

"pro-hero dynamight is in my resturant!" you squealed quietly. you were fangirling quite hard, as this interaction was almost comparable to meeting royalty.

"hello? any fucking day!" the pro-hero yells, snapping you from your daze. you jumped, hurrily grabbing a paper and pen and dash out to the dining floor.

In the back of the room, you can see the pro-hero seated in a corner booth, away from windows.

walking over you look down at him, a pen and paper in hand ready to take his order. "Are you ready?" you politely asked.

"does it look like i'm fuckin' ready? gimmie a sec" he grumbled. It's possible that he would have caught you completely gawking at him if he hadn't been eyeing the menu.

the dim yellow light hanging from the ceiling shines on his sharp facial features. Vermillion eyes glowing, his lips pursed as he's in deep thought trying to choose his next meal.

his lips were so pink and looked so soft, you bet he was a fantastic kisser, there's no doubt about that. you imagined his lips on yours, you imagined how he'd grab your waist and pull you in deeper and deeper until you were gasping for another breath.

god, you wish he could just take you to this dining table right now–

"I'll take this," the pro-hero says, pointing at the spicy noodles.

you snap out of your daze once more, and let out a shy smile.

"coming right up sir!" you take a sharp bow (which makes him roll his eyes) and head into the kitchen to make his meal. after nearly 20 minutes, you serve him a hefty bowl of spicy ramen noodles. "It's on the house" you said with a tired smile.

the hero nods in gratitude and goes to town on his noodles. walking away to stand behind the front desk, still taking your chances for a quick glance at the oh-so-handsome hero.

In another 20 minutes, you were wiping imaginary stains on your counter until the clank of a bowl was heard.

You jump, snapping your neck towards the sound, looking up to see the pro-hero smirking at you.

“Finished. How much?” He says. You tilt your head at the question. “For the food, princess.”

The pet-name sent you into a flustered frenzy. “Oh! Um, like I said it’s on the house…to thank you for your service” you mumbled. This earned a genuine smile from the hero.

Chuckling, he leans in close to you. His arms rest on the counter, toned biceps flexed with ease and his chest tall and forward exuding confidence.

“Y’know I’ve been going here since high school…and I’ve never seen you here before. And I come here often.”

His voice was smug, the tone of his voice smooth like honey as the words from his lips drip-dropped off his tongue with ease.

“Well…I’ve been working here for about a month so–“

“That’s why my noodles weren’t as spicy as they usually are,” He says. This makes your eyes widen "Oh! I’m so sorry! The next one is on the house again-“

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, it was still tasty " he spits. The next time, don’t stare at your customers so hard. Usually not one for stares but…your cuteness makes up for it.”

Before you could react, the hero reaches into his pocket and slams down the exact amount for the food.

“It’s late, get home soon cutie” he says, a small smile on his lips as he flashes a quick wink your way.

Putting his mask on in a hurry, he walks into the darkness of the night.

You stood in shock, gazing at the pro-hero in awe. Did he just call you cute?

Letting out a sigh, you look down to take the cash. Only to realize a pink piece a paper was on top of the cash.

‘XXX-XXX-XXXX consider this as a tip.’

You couldn't even think, he just gave you his fucking number.

After several booty calls and three more “let’s see each other again”, you find yourself laying down in the pro-hero Dynamights' bedroom. Flicking through TV channels, wearing nothing but an oversized Dynamight shirt and a pair of panties.

Pro-hero? Sorry, you meant Bakugo now.

Pressing the remote over and over, the screen flashes quickly. The RGB lights flicker from the screen and into your eyes, you let out a bored sigh.

News? Boring.

Home channel? Not in a interior design mood.

Cooking shows? No point, you can’t get any hungrier.

What’s this? The gossip channel?

Legs swinging off the bed suddenly come to a halt, you noticed it was currently on a hero segment. Talking about some pro-hero Chargebolt? You didn’t know him personally, all you knew was that he bought another damn car.

“Y’know what’s shocking me? It’s been 6 months since we’ve heard any buzz in the dating scene about pro-hero dynamight!” The female reporter gushed.

Rolling your eyes, you stayed glued to the action. Anticipating hearing their opinions.

“I agree! I mean– I’m truly surprised he’s not in a relationship. Maybe he’s finally decided to focus on building himself up in the ranks. Being the #4 hero is good…but compared to last year being in the #2 spot–“

“I’m turning this shit off” you hear your boyfriend grunt. Hair wet and most of his body still wet from the shower, a towel loosely hanging from his waist.

Stomping towards you, he snatches the remote and quickly turns it off. Which earns an exasperated whine out of you.

“I was watching that!” You protested. Bakugo rolls his eyes, “so you were entertained watching random ass people talk shit about me?” He spits.

Lifting yourself off your stomach, you crawl towards the edge of the bed with a giggle. Taking a deep breath, walking on your knees, you reach out to your boyfriend and wrap your arms around him.

“not exactly”

Leaning in to kiss him, he quickly grabs your waist and pushes you into the bed. You laugh at the sudden force, the bakugo crawls on top of you. Tiny water droplets hit your face.

“So is it true?” You asked, your voice softer than it was a mere moment ago. Bakugo mumbles, too busy kissing your neck.

Sighing, you push yourself away, earning an irritant groan. “Is what true, beautiful?” He finally answers.

“You haven’t been dating anyone for more than 6 months, which means we’ve been together for that same amount of time” you say.

“All signs point to yes, why’ya ask?” He says, his body collapsing on the side of you. His muscular arm snakes around your waist and pulls you close to him.

“I don’t know, I’m just shocked…I didn’t know you’d be the waitress type” you say, which makes Bakugo chuckle.

“I know, everyone is so used to me dating the hottest of the hottest I guess, but they’re not as hot as you baby” Leaning in, he plants a quick peck on your lips.

Grabbing his face you go in for another, more intimate kiss. Hiking your leg up against his torso as his hands reach for your bottom, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Pulling away from the kiss on your forehead, looking deeply into his eyes, you laughed. “What?” Bakugo smiled.

“I don’t know…I’m just surprised you chose me out of all those other guys and girls. I like you a lot Bakugo, you know that right?” Your voice soft and attentive rang through your boyfriend's ear like a beautiful symphony.

“I needed change in my life. I wanted to slow down. I was tired of living the fast life, and I wanted to fuckin’ settle” he says.

“I knew walkin’ into that restaurant you were gonna be the one, you were too cute to pass up” he mumbles sweetly, planting a soft kiss on your lips.

“So you walked in on purpose?” You chuckled.

“I may have seen you working earlier that day and found you hot. I was praying to any and every god that you would still be there after patrol. And God gave me their blessing” he says.

Sighing, you drop your head into his chest.

The shared bedroom is subdued by a long, comfortable pause.

You never knew Bakugo felt that way towards you. At first you felt like you were just a booty call. After that, you noticed how much you clicked with each other.

From general conversation to sexual attraction, the relationship was solid.

You didn’t know if it was going to last. But now, you felt like the luckiest girl in the world knowing Bakugo planned you for the long-haul.

“Let’s make it official”

Bakugo breaks the silence. Turning your head to him you let out a last gasp. “A-are you sure?” You stuttered.

“Hell yeah, I need to let these fuckers know you’re mine and that I dare anyone to lay a mere pinky toe on you.”

You laugh at Bakugo’s broad statement, cuddling at him you nod.

“Okay, let’s make it official.”

hello everyone!! This was supposed to be headcanons but school is so tiring, currently writing this at 2 AM. You guys are so amazing, walking up to so much support makes me smile everyday. Thank you!!

— lovelyiida<3

[papaziggy-devblog]

What would your RO's options be of the DoL RO's?

This is going to take so long why would you do this to me? OTL

Harper:

Kylar: Probably similar to Xavier... Bully but more in a cousin-ly sort of way... Would play games with, Would carry by the scruff like a stray cat

Whitney: On sight, throwing hands, no questions asked

Sydney: Makes Harper itchy :\

Robin: Who's lost child is this? Doesn't know really what to do with him... Would default to playing fortnight with... Possibly friends on Roblox?

Avery: Thinks he's weird, is loaded himself so not impressed, which I'd imagine would annoy Avery

Eden: Would probably never meet unless Eden lived near the camp cause Harper would never willingly spend any amount of time in the woods unless it involved MC

Alex: Probably banned from the farm for saying 'I wanna be a cooowboyy baby' one too many times

Malik

Kylar: "Oh great.. another fuckin' weirdo"

Whitney: Avoids if possible but probably has been targeted a few times, has probably tricked him into eating laxities at one point as retaliation

Sydney: Is chill with... C!Syd would probably fit into the friend group p alright, always returns his science textbooks at the very last second though

Robin: Goes older brother mode

Avery: Doesn't even bother, hates guys like Avery

Eden: Would 100% avoid at all cost

Alex: Don't really have any strong opinions on

Gavin

Kylar: Feels kinda bad he's always alone... probably would try to interact with? Check up on here and there? You ok buddy?

Whitney: Would be absolutely terrified of... would avoid at all cost

Sydney: Would hit on both P! and C!

Robin: Would help with the lemonade stand

Avery: Feels very uneasy around

Eden: Also terrified of

Alex: Not allowed on the farm anymore, but only cause the chickens bully him too much

Sophie

Kylar: Also feels kinda bad he's always alone... maybe brings him a snack here and there

Whitney: Whitney very quickly realized he was out of his depth.. For once, pray for this man

Sydney: Thinks he's a sweetheart! Would be gentle with him <3.... Would not be gentle with C!Syd cause he's freaky like that... On a related note, is probably Sirris' #1 customer

Robin: Goes mom-friend mode, maybe dotes a little too much though

Avery: Avery wishes he could handle her

Eden: Would feel a bit bad about him being all alone in the woods, might also go mom-mode with, the thought of tiny little Sophie scolding him makes me giggle

Alex: Would think he's nice, I could see her liking to help with the animals

Cammie

Kylar: Is creeped out by him, stays away as far as possible

Whitney: Like Gavin, is terrified of him, avoids at all cost

Sydney: Thinks he's really nice! Would be very easily flustered by C!Syd though

Robin: Would probably get along the best with tbh, I see them being sweet friends uvu

Avery: Ducking through alleyways to avoid, leave her alone pls

Eden: Is never stepping foot in the forest ever again qvo

Alex: I could see her volunteering at the farm! Probably helping with smaller livestock

Jazz

Kylar: Keeps a close eye on him, very suspicious

Whitney: Having absolutely none of his BS... Probably suplexes him at one point

Sydney: No strong opinions of, happy he's not much of a trouble maker

Robin: .... Are we sure this isn't one of the campers?

Avery: Shoots him down point blank and tells him to piss off

Eden: Battle for dominance lmao

Alex: Probably has some sort of deal going where campers can come to his farm for educational stuff

Dante

Kylar: 'ThatBoyAin'tRight'

Whitney: Has probably punched him out

Sydney: No strong opinions of tbh

Robin: Dad mode

Avery: Just turns and walks away without saying anything

Eden: Staring into the camera like in the office

Alex: Don't really see much interaction between the two

[bettydice]

I have finished Veilguard. A bunch of thoughts under the cut!

The Companions: Loved all of them and all the banter and their interactions. I thought the companion quests were fantastic and there was a lot of content there and I enjoyed it all. Voice acting was fantastic and some line deliveries made me tear up. And while it was honestly nice to have everyone get along well and be respectful with each other, I did miss some... bite and conflict. Like you get all those delicious conversations with Solas and questioning of motives and I wanted more of that sort of thing. Also I'd die for Assan and Manfred. The Environments: This is definitely one of the strongest parts of the game for me. Everything is gorgeous and I loved just walking around, exploring. I thought they found a great balance of streamlined and exploration! Puzzles were at a difficulty that I can still enjoy (thus very simple, I'm sure other people are annoyed by that) and it made exploring satisfying and relaxing instead of a chore. And I loved seeing changes in the environments after certain events or NPCs moving into places that I'd cleared. I rarely fast travelled because I loved walking through the Crossroads so much.

Rook: Overall, I enjoyed Rook. I chose Erika Ishii's voice for my first playthrough and thought it was fantastic. Also loved every Mourn Watch dialogue option. However... Rook has a loooot of auto dialogue and the dialogue options feel quite limited, so I'm worried about replays and being able to make different Rooks actually feel different. Also hate to say this, but Rook could smile a little less in cutscenes... I also don't think you can play a Rook that antagonizes any companions or is just plain shit at conflict resolution.

Combat: Even though I never felt like I fully mastered it, I enjoyed it. And especially after recently replaying all the other games - the dragon fights were so much cooler (though as a mage, they were also 80% running around screaming). I didn't miss being able to control my companions, except for taking screenshots. Romance: I romanced Bellara and I love her, she is my beautiful wife. I do wish there'd been more romance specific content, especially because you get to see soo much of your companions getting together and being together and you're just there like... what about me? Spare romance banter for Rook pls? I didn't even get a romance specific greeting! Though ultimately, I'm really happy with the romance and the ending added some welcome drama, because Bellara was the one that got abducted by the blight/Elgarnan and yesss! The drama! The fade statues guilt trip! She's so smart and fierce when she returns! And the last scene was super sweet. <3

Story: Overall I'd say... Yay? Loved all the Lore drops and actual answers. Thought the side quests were well done and interesting. Another shout out to the companion quests! All in all, I'm satisfied with the ending, I think. HOWEVER! You can feel the Things We Didn't Import all over the game. There were so many moments where I was like, okay they COULD have mentioned xyz here easily, but no, they have to go out of their way to be vague or not let you talk to this character much. I don't need actual cameos (Isabela you deserve better) but there's so many missed opportunities for simple mentions or codex entries and it's such a shame. Because this IS the culmination of the story and why can't we see that reflected in little moments, so that we can truly feel the depth of the story once more? But I do love the Codex! There's so much good stuff in there! I might even go back and read all the Codex entries I haven't yet. Oh, why do we see no Elves working for Solas? Did he manage to get his entire spy network killed before the game? Classic Solas. Music: Soundtrack was fine, better than I expected tbh though a few scenes had some really awkward whimsical music that made me go ?????????? The Varric thing is dumb. The 'twist' only works because I guess nobody ever mentioned his death ever again. I hate sacrificing character development or People Behaving Normally for twists.

Why is the Inquisitor still wearing FUCKING PYJAMAS. Really wish there was an option to dye armour. The decision between Minrathous and Treviso is a cool concept and loved (though hated) seeing the fallout but what.... Rook and their two buddies are the only thing standing between a city and complete ruin???? I do not think so.

That's all for now.

[samyanggs]

Heyyyyy! Can you please write hcs about Thor, Loki and Poseidon with a human s/o who is wise beyond her years and is perfectly fine with her own mortality and human nature, she is easy-going and gets along with literally anyone, doesn't expect anything in return from her boyfriend despite them being powerful deities and doesn't ask them for stuff, being completely fine with just spending time with them. Bonus points if you include something along the lines of "Don't you want to become a deity?" "Why would I? I like being me and that includes all my faults and virtues". Thanks!!! Sending you lots of love and hugs!!!

Hihii! Yea I can do those and thanks for the love and hugs! I’m currently having nausea, migraine, slight dizziness and a stomachache so I’m sorry if this is bad or isn’t what you’re looking for I’ve also never wrote Poseidon before so sorry for ooc

Warnings: none

Don’t be afraid to reach out to me for any reason, you can ask me questions about me and request smth for me to write or you can js ask me a question you’d like for me to answer!

“My mind is well beyond my years..”

Thor

You were.. odd.. you were a human yet wise and smart beyond your mortal years. That must’ve been why Thor had been attracted to you, the moment you showed your intelligence. A few weeks into your relationship he started noticing how you were definitely much more smarter than the average mortal of your age. People also flocked to you because you got along with everyone with no problems. He questioned you, curious. You were both relaxing, eating dinner together like he has asked you too and you complied. It was silent, just how you both liked it- that was until he spoke.

“Don’t you want to become a deity?” He asked, out of the blue. He bit into his food and chewed it, looking at you expectantly for your answer.

You chuckled before shaking your head. “Why would I? I like being me and that includes all my faults and virtues. I can’t control what I am so there’s no point in wishing that I could be one when I’m not one.” You replied simply, going back to eating your food silently. He blinked, nodding slowly.

He looked back down to his food and continued eating, smiling softly. You really were wise beyond your mortal years.

Loki

He, as a god, always thought that the ones who could be wiser than any other human would be the gods. Oh, how he was proven wrong the moment you came and showed your fantastic and amazing intelligence. You were wiser than anybody that was the same human age as you. And he dare say that you were wiser than some of the gods. He was immediately attracted to you the moment you showed your intelligence. Many people, and he means many, could get along with you easily. You were smart and you could interact with people even better. You were definitely if not, his type. But he always found himself wondering why you never wished to become a deity. So he decided to ask you while you both were in his room. You were reading a book while he was playing a game.

“Don’t you wanna be a deity?” He asked eyes fixated on the screen, moving quickly between you and the screen.

You looked up from your book and looked at him “Why would I? I like being me and that includes all my faults and virtues.” You said, smiling softly at him. “I can’t control what I am so there’s no point in wishing that I could be a deity when I’m not one.” You said going back to reading your book.

Loki paused his game and turned to look at you. He blinked slowly before going back to his game, unpausing it. He chuckled softly. You really were wiser than your mortal years and more selfless than many gods and humans.

Poseidon

If you told Poseidon that he was going to court with a human in the future, he would’ve ignored you with a hint of distaste on his faces . He supposes that he couldn’t do that now, after courting a human.. who was much wiser than humans and (some) gods alike— the reason why he thought that you were worthy enough for him to look at you. While he was reserved, quiet and disliked other people, you were the opposite. You were extroverted, polite and liked people. You got along with everyone while he didn’t. he supposed that, that’s what they mean by opposites attract. He does question why you don’t want to become a deity despite your own strengths and personality. So he decided to question you one day while you both were together.

“Why don’t you want to become a deity?” He asked, looking at you. He rested his cheek on his fist waiting for your answer with that same cold expression on his face.

You looked at him, unfazed by his coldness. “Why would I? I like being me and that includes all my faults and virtues. I also am not able control who and what I am, therefore there is no reason for me to wish to become a deity when I’m not one.” You answered calmly.

He blinked at you slowly and nodded, his cold expression turning into one of confusion and acceptance. He smirked to himself quietly. He really did choose a wise partner to court.

[wsdanon]

i think what i really like about qsmp era celltw is that they are friends. they're not just family tied together by the favela and richas, they're friends and have been for years. esconde-esconde was canonised in cellbit's message to them during the regret arc and yeah... that's been going on for years

and even when the qsmp starts they interact like friends (hell, they even kiss down in the caves and pac just jokes about how they haven't done that in a while). pac e mike feel comfortable enough during the third day of qsmp to bring up what happened in fuga and make jokes about it. even without esconde-esconde canonisation it doesn't give off the vibes of this is the first time they've met since the island

and i know people can say like... well they weren't roleplaying during that part. but even when they got put into the Federation jail they wished cellbit was there with them so he could help them escape. they easily could've dropped a comment about well did they really want him there? but they didn't. they could've changed how they interacted with cellbit immediately after but they didn't

as far as i'm aware, pac doesn't start getting actively scared of cellbit until after he's kidnapped the second time (or even after mike was? i can't remember exactly. and feel free to correct me if i'm wrong and pac started getting scared earlier). the first arrest was already bad, but after the second kidnapping he got a lot more paranoid and easily scared right? so being scared of cellbit feels like a natural extension of that

i don't think it's a stretch necessarily to say pac moved on from what happened pretty well and then after all the continuing trauma from qsmp (specifically since a lot of it was prison cells) his fear of cellbit came back. but by this point he knows cellbit is his family and he's been cellbit's friend for years and he knows cellbit has changed because he's seen it firsthand so he will try to stick with him despite that returning fear

he's not just clinging onto cellbit because cellbit is one of the only family members he has left, he's clinging onto cellbit because they grew to be genuinely healthy friends and he remembers that as much as he remembers what happened in fuga

it's a very complex dynamic that i enjoy a lot. like the interesting development of toxic (fuga) -> healthy (post-therapy to majority of qsmp) -> falling back into toxicity kinda but it's different because neither of them want to hurt each other. it's just pac is in a very bad headspace atm and can't help being afraid, and cellbit is worrying about a million things and can't always pick up on pac's mood

[onyxino]

Break Me Down

Lieutenant!Muken!Aizen x Captain!Reader

WC: 3.8k

CW: Creampie, riding, soft sex, Oral (M&F receiving), Virginity loss (M). Slight Dom and Sub dynamic. Touched Starved Aizen. lil OOC/soft Aizen. If there is anything else lemme know &lt;3

I'm always of two minds on Aizen's sexual experience, on one hand he gives off the aura of 'THIS GUY FUCKS' but on the other hand I really don't think he would have the time or desire due to being more concentrated on his plans. So today I decided to play with the idea of Aizen having little to no sexual experience. Hope you enjoy! Prolly grammar and spelling mistakes but idc I'm human and yall just read for the fucking so .

this is just a conjuring of my delulu mind

You couldn’t believe it when they exonerated him.

You couldn’t believe it when Kisuke found a way to remove the Hougyoku from his chest without killing him.

You couldn’t believe it when they simply just placed him in your squad. With the head captain's only statement on the matter being “Captain (Name) can handle him if he gets out of control.”

Then you really really couldn’t believe it when you appointed him to be your lieutenant.

He had really proven himself to you, he seemed remorseful for his actions. He no longer wished for the fall of the soul society he wanted quite the opposite actually, he seemed to have been changing right before your very eyes.

At first even though you treated him with the same respect as you did your other subordinates but you limited your contact with him to just bare minimum, the stigma around him was just too strong.

Then one day you caught him sitting on his own underneath a shady tree and decided to join him, he looked so lonely and in a weird way you felt sadness for him.

The way his face twisted up in shock at your presence sealed in all of your assumptions. He wasn’t used to someone just willingly being in his company, he wasn’t used to human interaction at all.

As time passed you joined him under that tree any chance you could. You took your time and actually had meaningful conversations with him. You learned that you two enjoyed a lot of the same things. That’s when you decided that he would make a splendid lieutenant for you.

Aizen declined the offer at first stating that he hadn't had a real chance to earn your trust yet but you insisted and he relented.

That led you to now both of you sitting in your personal quarters on the floor looking and digging through old files looking for a specific report that would aid squad 12 in some research they were conducting.

You sighed and pinched your bridge. It was near midnight at this point and your eyes were starting to betray you, lids becoming heavier each time you blinked.

Aizen also felt the fatigue setting in, since returning to his shinigami state he realized how easily it was to become exhausted.

“Welp Lieutenant of mine, I really don't know if we have a shot at finding this report for them!” You said a yawn forming as you stretched your arms into the air.

“Agreed, my head is starting to hurt.” Aizen replied, running a hand over his partially covered face. It's true the headaches that have been coming and going since returning to his shinigami state had been killer. One of the many, many side effects his body had been enduring over the course of the last year or so.

“Oh damn, another headache again, Sosuke?” You ask worry etching its way to your face.

“Yes, unfortunately. Urahara said that they will lessen in time though.” You nod your head at his reply before slowly standing up.

“Would you like some tea then? I have chamomile, which works wonderfully for headaches.” You offer walking over to your kitchenette 

“Yes captain, please.” Sosuke had taken this moment to let his composure falter while your back was turned. Slouching forward he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

Having put the electric kettle on to heat making note that the timer would go off in 10 minutes and the kettle would shut off. Swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t forget about it this time you turn and you catch your eyepatched subordinate in this state. 

You felt your heart lurch a little for him “Do you want me to try something that my mom always did for me when I got bad headaches?” you asked, retaking your seat in front of him.

He opened his eye a little and nodded, “I’m willing to try just about anything at this point.” 

You nodded back at him and scooted a little bit closer just within arms length, you took note of how he flinched slightly at your movement “It involves me touching your head, if that's okay?”

All he did was a nod and you slowly reached your arms forward, slotting your digits into the brunette’s hair. He shuddered slightly at the contact, you massage his scalp digging your nails in ever so slightly.

Sosuke seemed to be enjoying it and it seemed to be alleviating some of the discomfort. You frowned slightly at the strap of the eyepatch getting in the way, your nimble fingers went for its buckle at the back of his head.

“Wait!” Sosuke almost yelped as his hands wrapped around your wrists stopping you in your tracks.

Your eyes widened at the sudden action, “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” panic ran through you. You have never been able to get this close to him, the thought of crossing a boundary and having him regress on you made you feel ill.

“N-No, it’s just some parts of me are still- My eye it’s still discolored.” He explained quietly, still having your wrists in his hold.

“Sosuke.” The way his name slipped off your tongue in such a sweet fashion had him slightly shivering “It’s okay, I just wanna be able to message your head better, can I please take it off? I won’t judge you, I’m your captain, this is a safe space.”

He exhaled a breath he didn't realize he had been holding “Very well.”

You smiled at him and he swore the heart he insisted he never had stopped.

You slowly remove the eyepatch from his head and let it fall to the ground, you then return to lightly massaging his scalp.

You were right, he thought, this does feel a whole lot better.

Keeping his eyes closed he leaned into your touch more and let himself get lost in the feeling of your hands combing through his hair.

Then he whimpered,

You paused and his eyes shot open in disbelief. 

It was a small one but it was unmistakable, Sosuke Aizen just whimpered and you were the one who pulled it from him.

“I-”

“Wow, you really are touch starved aren’t you?” You ask a sympathetic look gracing your features, you dug your nails in just slightly harder. Testing the waters.

This had him inhaling a sharp breath “N-Never been touched like this.”

“I can tell, do you want me to keep going?” You ask cocking your head to the side.

“Yes, keep going but I need you closer.” Before even registering what he had said you felt a soft but strong grip on your hips pulling you into his lap. He lifted you like you were made of nothing.

You found yourself straddling his lap, chests smooshed together and faces dangerously close, It was your turn to take in a sharp breath. A hot feeling coursing its way throughout your body.

You can’t remember who did it first but in a fraction of a second your lips were connected, Aizen’s hands running up and down your sides. He was already a whimpering whiny mess in your arms, just from kissing you. He felt like he was going to explode when you took the opportunity to slide your tongue into his mouth.

It was sloppy, but it was passionate. He craved more, he never experienced wanting like this. Wanting another person. His hands further their exploration sliding their way up to your chest squeezing breasts roughly, you moaned into his mouth and it only fueled the fire, sending blood straight to his hardening cock.

You both parted from the intense makeout session with a string of saliva connecting your mouths. Heavy breathing just staring into each others eyes, taking this time to admire his slightly fucked out features.

Man, if this has him fucked out just imagine what sex would do to him you thought. 

Thinking of having him in such a state had heat pooling in your core, without thinking you slowly grind your hips into his. 

He yelped at the friction “(name)” he pleaded, and you did it again.

“D-do you wanna keep going?” You sheepishly ask burying your face into his neck placing soft kisses along the sensitive flesh leading up to his jaw line.

“I’ve never-”

He didn’t even have to finish his sentence, you understood completely. You pulled away from his neck and gave him a soft smile. “I can lead. I want you, Sosuke.” your hands rubbed up and down his shoulders in a comforting motion.

He sucked in a jagged breath “Please.”

“Please what, Sosuke? Use your words.” 

“Please, fuck me.” He panted, gripping your hips and pulling your clothed cores closer to each other in a desperate attempt to gain friction.

You placed a soft kiss to his lips before standing from him, he looked confused and almost sad at the loss of contact you couldn’t help but giggle at him. Sticking your hand out, he grabbed it and you led him over to the futon before gently pushing him down on it.

His breathing picked up once again as you kneeled over him. “Relax, at any time you wanna stop, just tell me and we will.”

He nodded in understanding at this and licked his lips as he watched you go for the knot tied in front of your shinigami uniform. Suddenly a surge of urgency ran through his body as he shot up and stopped your hands from continuing their action.

Your eyes shot up to him, worry spread throughout your body, had he changed his mind all of a sudden? Was something wrong?

“I want to undress you.” This statement sent a rush of liquid into your already damp panties.

You pulled your hands away from the semi untied knot of your uniform and allowed his hands to take their place. He was slow and gentle with it as you pulled the knot loose and went to work on your top. The way his face gained a new shade of red as he exposed your bare chest to himself had you breathing heavily.

He wasted no time exploring the new territory, the way your breasts fit perfectly into his hands had him in awe. He was a fast learner too, as to be expected he picked up quickly on what made those little noises he’d come to like so much fall from your mouth.

He noticed how sensitive your nipples were and little flicks and taps turned into rough pinches and pulls. “F-fuck, Sosuke. That’s so good.” You mewled as his lips attached to your right nipple and his hand continued to assault the left one.

Slotting your hands into his hair you slowly pulled him away from your chest, “I need you here though.” guiding his hands down to your bottoms, he picked up on exactly what you needed and he was quick to remove the rest of your clothing.

The sight before him was like no other, you laid out legs spread open for him. He may have been a virgin but he knew exactly where women liked to be touched. It took him no time to locate your bundle of nerves rubbing slow and soft circles against it.

“Can I taste you?” The request sent shivers down your spine.

“Only if I get to return the favor.” You said cheekily as you combed your fingers through his dark brown hair.

He swiftly lowered himself between your legs and applied a rough suck to your clit, the action caused a guttural moan to leave your lips. The hand in his hair tugging lightly was now gripping it aggressively pulling his face into your heat. Your other arm laid itself across your eyes unable to contain your embarrassment at your noises and sounds.

This did not go unnoticed by Aizen who detached his mouth from your heat and leaned up to remove your arm from your eyes “Don’t, I want you to look at me, if you look away or close your eyes I will stop.”  

You took in a sharp breath at this, this was the first showing of his dominance you have seen through this entire ordeal. You said you would lead but it was short lived once Aizen got the hang of this particular task. He needed your eye contact, he needed you to see him making you feel this good. You needed to know it was him and only him who could do this to you.

You maintained eye contact as he lapped and sucked at your clit, you gasped lightly as the intrusion of a long slender finger into your walls “Sosuke!” You cried as his finger curled up and he began to softly move it in and out of you.

“More a-and faster, please.” You pleaded, these pleas did not fall on deaf ears.

Aizen then added another finger and increased his speed, drinking up your arousal while listening to the sweet noises that tumbled from your shaky lips. It was a new form of heaven for him.

“S-sosuke- I’m really, really close.” You mewl pulling his face into your cunt, he increased his speed just a little bit more and sucked just a little bit harder on your clit but it was enough to send you falling over the edge. The sound of his name broken and falling from your lips had him grind into the futon below it was a high he knew he’d soon be addicted to.

Your breaths soon steadied as Aizen lifted himself over top of you taking in your form, your eyes met his and you gave him the sweetest smile he thought he’d ever seen, it filled his chest with warmth. “Thank you, that was so good, but now it's your turn.”

The warmth in his chest rose to his cheeks as you flipped your bodies in an instant demonstrating your strength just as he had earlier. Now you were sat on top of him grinding your naked core against his clothed one, the repeated action provided some friction but not enough and it was frustrating to him but not as frustrating as the moment you ceased all movement and removed yourself from his body.

His mouth hung open and he looked at you in disbelief “Don’t look at me like that, lieutenant. I have to undress you too don’t I?”

The realization hit him and had him slightly embarrassed, the pink dusting his cheeks turning a darker shade. Your hands went to the knot in the front of his uniform and with a simple tug it came undone, you decided to tease him with this and keep your movements slow. Aizen felt as if he was burning from the inside out.

He sat up slightly so that you could pull the top portion of his shinigami uniform off. You gasped slightly at the sight before you, he was absolutely gorgeous, like the gods chiseled his body by hand. 

Too Aizen, though your gasp was one of disgust, adorned on his chest was not only the scars from the seals piercing him but also the scar left from the Hougyoku’s removal procedure. He turned his head away from your gaze fearing the worst from your silence.

“Sosuke, your body is gorgeous.” You said in awe as the tips of your fingers grazed the scars upon his chest, he shuddered at the contact.

He returned his gaze to you eyes widened slightly at the compliment. You? Find him? Gorgeous? He was pulled from his thoughts by you applying just a little bit more pressure to the center of his chest with the tips of your fingers causing him to wince slightly. This did not go unnoticed by you “Did it hurt?”

He gazed at you trying to understand the context of your question. Did what hurt? The seals piercing my chest for what felt like ions? Or the surgery that I was mostly awake for that had me feeling as if my soul was being sucked from my body? He pondered.

“Yes, it hurt. All of it hurt.” He muttered quietly.

A somber look etched its way to your features “I’m sorry, love.” leaning down you pressed your cool lips touched the scar in the center of his chest and it felt like fire had begun to run its way through his veins once more.

Lastly you began working on his bottoms, once ridding him of the garment he was fully bare in front of you. Hungry cock springing free, your eyes widened at the impressive length of his manhood. Your mouth began to salivate at the thought of trying to take all of him down your throat.

Softly wrapping your fingers around the shaft you gave him a few strokes as you settled in between his legs. A strangled groan escaped Aizen’s lips, he thought he would cum from just the contact alone. You giggled at his reaction, the noises he made had your clit throbbing and your hole clenching around nothing.

Licking from the base to the tip you wrap your lips around his head and slid him into your mouth as far as you could take him. Your hands stroked what you couldn’t reach and you began to bob your head up and down hollowing your cheeks.

The pleasure was almost unbearable for Aizen, his hands found purchase in your hair swooping it back into a makeshift ponytail. He was finding it very hard to control himself, he eagerly wanted to thrust into your mouth and face fuck you until you were gagging, the thought of that had him on the brink of orgasm.

He was getting close, way too close. “Captain (Name), if you keep going like that I’m not gonna last.” the words left his mouth broken moans in between each word and you could have sworn you heard his voice crack.

You lifted your mouth from him with a obscene ‘pop’, “Fuck.” the curse fell out of his mouth as a hiss. 

Wiping your mouth on your arm you settled on top of him, running your folds against his shaft, fingers digging into his shoulders every time his tip bumped into your clit. Aizen’s grip was ironclad on your hips helping you drag them back and forth on his member.

“I need to be inside you.” He pleaded his nails leaving crescent shaped marks into your skin that will no doubt be bruised come morning.

Listening to his pleas, you lifted yourself up and aligned him with your entrance, sinking yourself down just enough to have his tip buried in you. A throaty gasp left Aizen’s lips, silently praising and cursing you in the same thought. 

“You’re gonna drag this out aren’t you, little minx.” He accused, head thrown back in pleasure.

You couldn’t hide the smirk playing on your lips, you had to tease him just a little “You can take it.”

In one swift motion you let yourself completely sink down on to his cock. You knocked your head back, eyes rolling ever so slightly at the delicious stretch of his girth. You couldn’t help but clamp down around him as you adjusted to his size.

“You’re so tight.” He hissed, eyes glued shut focused on not coming to an end just from being sheathed inside you.

You rolled your hips just a little and the moan that fell from his lips was obscene. You slowly bounced yourself on his cock it was like torture for the man below you, he was getting very impatient. He bucked his hips rough up into you cause your rhythm to falter “Faster, please- I”

You silenced his pleas by giving him exactly what he wanted. You picked up the pace and he met you halfway as he thrusted up into you, cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. 

He couldn’t contain the whimpers and pants rolling off his tongue. He looks so fucked out and on the edge. A particularly hard thrust from Aizen brought you out of your thoughts back into reality.

His hands slid from your waist to your thighs, groping them and gripping them hard, those will also undoubtedly become bruises come sunrise.

 “F-fuck, Sosuke. You’re doing so good, fucking me so good.” you whine tossing your head back and raking your nails down his chest leaving little red lines behind.

All he could muster in response was obscene moans and whiny breaths. You take a moment to drink in his image, he is beyond fucked out. His hair everywhere, his mouth a gape and there is a little bit of drool that slid from the corner of his mouth to the pillow below

You make note of this to tease him about later.  

You bite your lip hard at the sight, feeling that knot in your lower abdomen tighten up. You were getting close, really close and he was too. You walls clench around him when he brings his thumb to you clit rubbing slow circles.

“Tell me- Tell me where-” you already knew what he was getting at and you took no time with your answer.

“Inside please- need to feel it.” The thought of him cumming in you made your head spin and sent you flying off the edge. Walls squeezing against him repeatedly and the way his name fell off your tongue was pure sin.

His name sounding so debauched coming from your lips sent him over the edge with you, a rush of warmth spread through your core. You slowly rocked your hips against his working him through his orgasm, and milking his cock dry.

Taking note of each breathy whine that left his lips when your hips rocked forward.

Unable to hold yourself up any longer you laid atop his chest trying to regain your breath. His hands rub gently up and down your sides. You tilt your head upwards hoping to lock eyes with him but you are met with his eyes shut, a peaceful look etched into his features,

You admired him for a minute and a smile slowly curled on your lips as you drank him in.

“What are you smiling at?” He quipped, opening an eye to stare down at you, you would be lying if you said you didn’t jump a little bit slightly embarrassed. Just how long had he known you’d been staring?

“Oh nothing, nothing at all.” You say lifting yourself up and off him.

The sudden movement and disconnection of your conjoined bodies made a small barely audible whimper leave his lips. This did not go unnoticed by you, again you make a mental note of this to tease him about later.

“Stay here tonight, we can talk more in the morning.” You suggested as you snuggled yourself into his side.

He only nodded at the statement silently agreeing with you. He watched as your features slowly relaxed and your breathing mellowed out as sleep took you into its grasp. A sense of peace washed over him as his eyes wandered over your sleeping form.

What in the hell are you doing to me, woman.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days!!! Thank you so much for being like the only one to interact with me on here 🫶 I was wondering if you and anyone else could send me any fics with naruto being a gym rat? Even if he’s just a little background character lol

💕💕💕💕 You're a dear mutual to me 😭😭 you don't have to thank me 😭😭

The first fics I thought of are ones you probably already know 😔

Gym Naruto in NaruHina Fics

“Serenity Prayer” by katarinahime - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” by katarinahime & “Medicated” by szajnie - Rated E for a lot of things, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

There are these others that show gyms...of various types...:

“Seeing Stars” by Free Mentality - Rated T, Modern AU, One-shot. They had been attending the same boxing gym for months before he noticed her, and the first time they met was a bit of a disaster, to say the least.

Chapter 21 from “Between the Trees” by @utsus - Rated G, Olympics AU, One-shot. It’s not uncommon for them to train in the same gym.

Chapter 6 from “Heartbreaks and Heartaches” by @powerful-niya - Rated T, College AU, One-shot. Prompt 4: Hinata slowly raised her head to look at Tenten, her eyes burning from the amount of tears, “No, it’s my fault.” She muttered, clutching her own shirt, “I caused this to happen— I told him to leave.” (prepare to be very sad.)

"Prey" by @sessakag- Rated E, Crime AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. Following a midnight chance encounter with Hinata Hyuuga, a smitten sociopath, Naruto Uzumaki, tries his hand at romance, determined to make her fall in love with him the only way he knows how.

Oh, here's a couple that I think fit the idea of gym rat a little better!

“Naughty or Nice?” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Modern AU, Two-shot. Even though she was against the idea at first, Hinata can’t take her eyes off the Sexy Santa that Ino recruited for their company’s holiday party.

“Nighttime Workout” by Breezyanimetra - Rated E, College AU, Two-shot. Shy Hinata doesn’t usually have the courage to speak with her long time crush Naruto. All she does is watch him workout wishing she can do more. A snow storm one fateful night changes that for her.

Oh this next one doesn't show any gym setting, but Naruto is a physical trainer:

“Warped” by BountifullyBeautifullyBlessed - Rated E includes non-con, College AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata can’t sleep and her roommate, Naruto, is more than willing to help her out.

going to the gym is also mentioned in these:

“The Study Session” from “Endless Lemons” by agitosgirl - Rated M, High School AU, One-shot. She’s covered in piercings and leather, and has a bad attitude. But she takes an interest in him. A very special interest…

“Echoes of Silence” by @ellaroundpanda - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. Hinata Hyuga was trapped. Her relationship with Toneri was leading to nowhere and she wanted to find a new Dom. Naruto Uzumaki seemed to be the answer to all her prayers, but her fiancé wouldn’t give up that easily…

Naruto does weightlifting in this one:

“Asynchronous With You” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. They told everyone they were foster siblings. He did it for her because she didn’t want them to grow apart. She did it for herself so she could stop loving him. Their timing couldn’t have been worse.

uhmm I think in this one, he owns gyms:

“Missed Years” by Rinne-Kami - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. The act of one night gave birth to their future. And now, with years past since that one night, they were left with years to return. Seven years of love to find, seven years of trust to rebuild, and seven years of fatherhood to return.

Okay, I found more than I thought I would! If anyone can think of others, feel free to add!

[book-of-legends]

*Destino approaches Queen Lunaria*

Destino: Queen? You're some sort of queen? How could someone that looks like you be considered royalty? What are you even the queen of? Standing around doing nothing? I may not be monarch yet but I know when I am, I'll be ten times more useful than you appear to me. Unless you can prove your status, I don't think I'll consider you at an equal level to I. I mean, I'm not even wearing my crown and yet I feel more royal than you.

Hope gently pet Destinos fur, "Oh, I love it when mortals act so bold in the presence of a god! It's so amusing and endearing. You creatures are endlessly entertaining!" Though her comment was well-intentioned, it sounded more demeaning than anything. Perhaps she didn't know any better? After all the goddess barely interacted with mortal Pokemon.

"For me? It's quite simple, They consider me royalty because I'm a deity. My appearance matters not, I just look like this to not frighten my people with my presence. You see, Mortals are quite small. I do not wish to accidentally injury one, especially little cuties like you!" "As for your other inquiry... I love little games like this! Hmmm, let me ponder..."

The Lunala looked quite giddy with her idea, "Alright~ Do me a favour and stand really, really still!! I don't want to accidentally decapitate you!" With a cheerful snicker, her form seemed to grow, shift and loom over them suddenly. "Get ready cutie~"

With a rake of her giant wing, she easily severed the Absol's soul from their body. Everything went black within an instant and their husk of a body fell to the ground with a soft thud! It was almost as if all your senses had been instantly taken away, you felt nothing. You were no longer connected to the mortal realm but rather were shoved into a completely different one.

"Hello there little one! I see you have finally arrived!"

She caught the tiny Pokemon in her grasp. "I apologise for that, I had to do that to allow you in here. Your mortal body was much too heavy to phase into a completely different realm. But look!" Hope held the Absol much like a puppy as she proudly showed them around.

"I store my body here whilst I am in a different form, that holds true for my children as well." Every which way you could possibly look there was only endless night. It seemed desolate... void, and almost lonely? There was nothing apart from the stars and her. "This is where I used to stay before I created my mortal realm! I must admit it was only me and my counterpart for many millennia. Quite isolating..." "Eventually we decided to create something of our own. But that is a story for another time! I shouldn't keep you here for too long you might get stuck!"

Hope placed a gentle kiss on Destinos forehead before she abruptly let go of them and allowed them to fall into the endless void below... just as they left they were already being returned to the mortal realm. ...Or rather, they never truly left. Hope was peering down at Destino, almost as if she'd been there the whole time staring at them.

"I wouldn't want your soul to try to take residence up in some other poor creature's body! Having your soul split up doesn't feel very pleasant." "Alright, I should go cutie! It was fun talking to you though! I'd stay longer but having food around is too tempting~ I must say, your soul looks very yummy, it's making me hungry. So, Bye now!" She smiled, Hope gave one final ruffle to Destinos hair before she wandered off.

[minediamonds]

Okay so I have tons of drafts, but not tons of muse. TLDR version: I will possibly drop some drafts after I do some today, muse and energy depending. <3

Also, still insecure RP-wise, so if anyone can spare some positivity, I'd appreciate it <3

The longer version is: I have 100+ drafts and don't know when or if my muse for some of them will return. So...what I'm going to do is I'm going to go through my drafts and queue some responses. Then, when I'm done, I will go through my drafts and drop some that I don't know when the muse will return. However, me dropping a draft does NOT equal dropping the relationship/connection between our muses. It just means I no longer have inspiration for that particular interaction.

Also, I'm still feeling insecure RP-wise, and I'm trying not to worry about it too much, as that tends to make the insecurities worse. I just feel really blah tbh, and don't know what will improve these blah feelings. I keep losing mutuals, and never having a clue as to why. That, and I genuinely have threads with so many people who are no longer following and so I'm just like "to reply or not to reply? That is the question." I guess I'll just reply when I have the muse (if I have the muse) and see what happens. But it's hard.

Not gonna lie, I'm probably going to go lower activity on this blog, at least once I get my drafts to a more manageable level. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to follow me or anything, of course not. I just...do people not want to follow me? And if so, why? These are the questions that have been haunting me. And the worst part is, I'll probably never have satisfactory answers to either of these questions. So I just need to find a way of moving on.

I really don't want to dwell on this, honestly. But sometimes my insecurities get to me and I feel like I'm a bad RPer and writer and that everyone could easily replace me with someone better. Idk how to get rid of these feelings, but I want to. I don't want them to ruin my experience in the RPC.

Obviously, I can't control what others do, only what I do. And some may say "just stop overthinking it" , "don't worry about it you're fine" etcetera. But to me, the more people unfollow, the more I'm convinced that my insecurities are right. And this is NOT me saying people don't have the right to unfollow me, of course they do. Everyone has to curate their dash in the way that's best for them. I get it. I bear them no ill will, really. I just wish there was a way I could feel more secure in the mutuals and followers I do have, because I do genuinely appreciate every single one. But ever since I moved, I've been feeling this way (and before the move too). I genuinely want to move on but then....I lose another follower/mutual and the insecurities rear their ugly head again.

I guess, what I'm saying is that I just want to feel more secure in my place in the RPC. That people genuinely want to write with me, etcetera. And I don't know how that's going to happen. I don't have all the answers, as much as I wish I did.

Also, obviously there are plenty of reasons for people to unfollow that don't equal "me sucking at RPing". But because of my insecurities, I tend to assume that the worst case scenario is the truth, even if I know it's likely more complex than I'm giving it credit for. I don't know why I have these insecurities on my RP blog, as I genuinely don't care when someone unfollows my personal. I just do whatever I want on there. But somehow, I have myself convinced that if people unfollow me in the RPC, it can only mean that I'm a terrible RP partner and not...you know....1000000000000000 other things it could mean.

If anyone can spare any positive energy or thoughts my way, I would appreciate it. Truly. <3

And just know, that if we're mutuals, ILY and want to write with you and am just waiting for my drafts to get more under control if we haven't written yet. <3 But still, feel free to send memes. I'm always accepting them <3

[captainjacklyn]

Making my first DOL post today..random game I got into, it's so easy to get invested.

So here is my PC, don't be fooled- that's a boy he just likes his hair long cause an someone told him it looked nice.

Kinda felt like giving him a small description, how he views most of the LIs and other characters, maybe him as a person idk this really feels like a shitpost. I only recommend the game if you aren't a minor and have a strong ass stomach cause I almost vomited the first time.

!!TW!! mentions of SA, blood, gore, violence, human experiments, death, abuse (both mentally and physically), psychopathic behavior, murder, mutation, stalking, if I missed any other triggers please inform me immediately so that I may fix my mistakes. If any of these topics make you uncomfortable, I advise you to please ignore this post and find something else more suitable. !!TW!!

Degrees of Lewdity :

APPEARANCE :

The slender young man slowly stares back at you and returns your greeting. "Oh..it's you." his name is Elias, he's a resident at the local orphanage, he won't talk back if you try anything. Just avoid taking off his gloves unless he allows it.

PROFILE/MAIN INFORMATION :

Species - human, any hybrid Occupation - student Affiliation - orphanage, oxford street school Age - 18 years old Height - 178 cm Birthday - 04th of April Gender - male (can morph his system into changing sexe so female too) Marital Status - Dating Sydney, Avery's side hoe Zodiac Sign - Aries Best Subject - English, History Interests - Cross dressing, sunbathing, napping, gardening, makeup

PERSONALITY :

Elias is an unfazed and blunt yet somewhat gentle young adult who quietly cares for others from afar. At first glance, many would think that he only speaks up when others wish to converse with him, even then his answers are short with little depth. Though it is stated that his confidence becomes much more evident once he gets comfortable, Elias can tease his peers and act playful. Furthermore, he will occasionally invite friends to spend some time with him. Whether it be taking a nap together, walking along the beach shore or reading in the library. He can crave company and has no shame in asking for someone's attention.

Not only so, but angering/provoking Elias is a feat itself, he usually avoids confrontation by walking away and even when things get out of hand, the young man will still struggle for the sake of running off. Though reaching a certain state of insanity, he looses all control of reason and will attack the offender without limit. This livid persona gives him an animalistic instinct to kill, relentlessly harming the individual(s) who previously caused his senses to go a-wire. The way he does this can get more gruesome depending on the previously inflicted physical or mental wounds on Elias, from forcing himself on them to tearing their skin open and eventually creating a gash deadly enough to give them a slow painful end. He stops at nothing until he's satisfied with how much suffering his abuser lives through.

InGameAU/Canon

Note - The statements above is largely different to how he canonically behaves. I have a knack for 'book accurate' vs 'show representation' and wanted a similar concept for my character.

In the game itself, Elias is much less of a victim and instead finds himself to be in constant control (I've been wary of any nonconsensual interactions, making a save before every choice that could lead to gr*pe or getting..y'know v*red). He is manipulative, defiant and easily angered. Belittling any passerby who leaves him a crude remark, regarding his more manipulative tendencies, this does result in him being a bit of a player.

One ↦ Robin can only have a specific percentage of confidence, preferably leaning towards a hundred but never fully. There is the excessive guilt-trip technique, Elias takes care of him from time to time and the moment Robin says something that could waver the white haired boy's sense of control he half scolds him by reminding Robin of everything he does just for him.

Two ↦ Sydney's purity = max level at all times. He doesn't want to deal with the possibility of having a bratty little *sshole follow him around everywhere for s*x. Especially not if the church proceeds to act up along with his corrupted state. The two of them are dating in game, Elias mainly uses him for protection at school, status wise at least. Due to Elias' line of work and desperate need to pay off Bailey, my PC cheats on Sydney practically everyday, having intercourse with multiple NPCs who offer a good price in exchange for his body as well as acting as Avery's sugar baby.

Despite this, he does care, I promise that he does. But his way of thinking would be similar to Alicent Hightower from House of The Dragon. He isn't narcissistic and has never once acted that way, however Elias is heavily twisted by loneliness abandonment issues go brr, anxiety and peer pressure (e.g robin getting punished for not paying his rent, Bailey possibly selling him off to the farm, etc..). This causes him to appear collected and normal at one moment and then unexpectedly go nuts.

BACKGROUND :

Elias' past follows most of the in-game's PC backstory, he was raised in the orphanage by Bailey and supposedly lived within that town his whole childhood. Another NPC who is only present in Elias' story is Monika, an older sister-like figure who was also raised in the orphanage but soon adopted and taken away. She is said to have learned to read rather quickly and many youngsters would come to her for stories, including Robin. Monika was especially close to Elias, treating him like he was a blood relative than just another inhabitant, their bond grew strong as years passed and her depart created a rather detrimental impact on Elias. Who closed in on himself and ceased to socialize, a partial root to his present conduct.

However, there is a darker side to his story. This would also explain the truth behind his gloved hands which he hates uncovering at all cost, as well as his existence alone. Elias wasn't conceived naturally, instead he was created inside an artificial womb manufactured by a non-governmental laboratory which was currently exploring the nature of hybrids (e.g beings such as the Black Wolf or Great Hawk). A group of scientist took a step further, planning a project which was yet to be approved by their employer, and decided to combine several varieties of animal DNA along with human ones. Their goal was to revolutionize the science of genetic research. Unfortunately, the team was found out and reported to their boss, who visioned Elias' birth as a horrific mistake exhibiting complete disrespect to the laws of nature. The people who had fabricated the unnatural child were instantly discarded from further company work.

Up until that point, the infant mainly looked human and acted as such. So the executive ordered for the toddler to be dropped off at an orphanage and forgotten.

TRIVIA/BONUS FACTS :

Elias is rather fashionable, he sometimes goes into the supermarket to try on a set of clothes before leaving without purchasing a single item. (the art is in the savings)

It is stated by several NPCs that he has a bad habit of staring, this is actually due to him daydreaming/spacing out whilst looking ahead unconsciously.

His favorite drink is lemonade and favorite dessert is lemon tart, anything that has to do with lemons is usually enjoyed by Elias.

When adapting to an environment, his hands are the first to metamorphose. They also connect to his emotions/primal instincts, circumstances like these are what drove Elias to hide them.

His screams sound like a mix of Caraxes and Syrax, his sounds are more guttural than actual cries.

CREDITS FOR PICREW :

#1; #2; #3; #4; #5; #6; #7; #8; #9

[austajunk]

How about 2, 3, 7, 8, 12 and 18 for Komaeda? :3

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I love Nagito. Let me just say that. I do. But I also love the fun little ways life continues to shit on him. He constantly gets his shit wrecked and it is endlessly funny to me. He opens his little mouth during the trial and everyone is like "Komaeda... please... I beg... shut the fuck up!"

He sees the most beautiful creature in the world to him and falls in love--as he gets SHOT IN THE FUCKING CHEST. It's awesome.

As a Despair, he has to babysit bratty children (poorly and he even bullies one) and gets mercilessly harassed and cut up while having to watch the most lesbian confrontation of all time (complete with sunrise and cherry blossom tress in the background).

I could watch Komaeda eat shit for days.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

He really just had to ruin that SeikoxRurukaxIzayoi threesome and get them expelled, didn't he?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I like that they draw him looking like the messed up little weirdo that he is. The artwork and deep dives are just chefs kiss.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Guys, stop acting like Komahina is the only valid ship out there. We all know Nagihoe Hoemaeda is a total slut. There's enough of him to go around. I really wish the fan base just... generally wasn't so gatekeepey with him.

Then there's the woobifying.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

He's blessed with amazing oral sex skills. Good with the tongue surprisingly. But very low stamina. Poor guy.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Aw man don't make me pick his relationships. They're too interesting. My favorites are his relationships with Hajime and Chiaki, of course, but...

I will list some that I feel don't get much attention.

I like his dynamic with Kazuichi because I feel like Nagito actually does fantasize about befriending him. But I think that's because Kaz attached himself so easily to Hajime that he's envious of Hajime's ability to just attract others to his side. When Nagito identifies Kaz's trust issues and breaks him down in the fourth chapter of DR2, it shows that he's been watching the mechanic and he knows how to eat away at his insecurities. Then there's the DR3 interactions and how Kaz had to carry him and get shit on because of Nagito's luck cycle. It's pretty funny.

Then there's his interaction (tho brief) with Gundham where Gundham refused Nagito and his apathy to steal his moment in Chapter 4. How they are both contrasted in the trial as both having to go through the Final Death Room (I may be misremembering the name) and the roulette challenge. Gundham is scraping to fight for his life because it's important to him. Nagito simply doesn't care but wants to end them all after going through the same challenge. These two were the antagonist giants of Chapter Four.

With Sonia, Nagito is notably respectful and protective. It's very sweet. And in return, Sonia has this more curious side about her. I think Nagito makes her curious because his motives are so unknown to her and of course, occult loving Sonia just has to work him out in her head and understand him whilst Chiaki is more accepting of how he is. Against I just think it's sweet.

[measuredingold]

to be in love and to be loved

chapter two: changes

authors note: welcome back! we have successfully made it to chapter two. this one was a bit hard for me to finish because i wanted to get the ball rolling on some things. this chapter switches povs throughout it, but it’ll make sense. was proofread at 1 am so if there’s any mistakes i apologize. as always, enjoy and feedback is always appreciated <3 (p.s. to the person who asked if the title was from a 1d song… it sure is 🖤)

pairing: noah sebastian x ofc x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist / cross-posted on ao3

word count: 9.4k (another doozy)

cw: depicts of anxiety/anxiety attacks, mental health struggles, ~kissing~, lots of angst, 18+ (minors do not interact.)

After his sudden realization, Nicholas learned quickly that he's very good at avoiding things. Like… scary good, actually.

He convinced himself it was the right thing to do, to push those feelings so far into the back of his mind, to the back of his heart, closed off away from the world so things don't get complicated. He can't sit here and say that he hasn't thought about it, because he has, the possibility of him coming out with the truth. It's wishful thinking, but it always makes something stir inside Nicholas, his chest fluttering with excitement. In another life, he thinks, maybe it could work out. Maybe he could be happy. Maybe they could be happy. Together.

He doesn't think this life is as lucky.

So, he avoids it. Acts like it's not there. Things remain the same, for the most part, and Naomi doesn’t bring up the almost kiss. He knows she wants to. Sometimes he finds her watching him when Noah’s not looking, eyes pleading but all he can do is give her a sad smile and look away. As time goes on, she doesn’t silently press anymore, doesn’t give him that look. That’s when he decides that this was the right decision. This is what he needed to do to keep things the same, to keep them here. With him. Even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted it.

He gazes up from the table to find Noah staring at him and glances to his side to find Naomi doing the same. He has to swallow down the impending sadness that seems to be lingering more often these days and puts on a smile, one that they easily return before going back to their conversation while they wait for their food. He feels Naomi's hand settle on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze as she speaks animatedly to Noah, and he finds himself leaning his head against her shoulder.

He glances over at Noah again, finding the younger boy staring at him with such softness that it almost makes him feel sick, and all he wishes for right now is to reach over and grab ahold of Noah's hand that's laid across the table. His fingers twitch, but he doesn't move.

Nicholas knows he can't keep living this way and knows that one day this might blow up in his face. This won't last forever, but he's content for now and that's all that matters. He'll let himself live in this moment just a little longer, even if it slowly breaks his heart piece by piece. 

…

If you had told Noah that in three years he'd leave his old band, start a whole new project that would lead him to his new band, get signed by a pretty popular label, and end up touring for said label well before their debut album is released, he probably would've called you a fucking liar. 

Then he’d have to smack himself when he found out it was true.

Sometimes he has to sit and think about how he deserved all of this; despite all the hard work he’s put into this project. It was his baby, at least that’s what Nicholas liked to call it. And yeah, it was. He put his entire being into Bad Omens, working his ass off for months - years, almost - for this to work out, and as his eyes scan the room to find his bandmates and crew turned best-friends, he likes to think it’s worked out so far.

He can't say he's made it yet, but he has a feeling it’s not too far from his reach.

Noah's gaze snaps towards the back of the room where he hears laughter erupting, and warmth spreads itself across his chest and down his arms, all the way to the tips of his fingers. Naomi and Nicholas work together to bring in boxes of merch for tonight's show, and for some reason he has to try and stop himself from smiling as he watches them.

Nicholas was his first supporter, long before Noah had even roped him into being in the band with him. Naomi came next and Noah was forever grateful for them. He wasn't sure where he'd be without their support, love, and patience, and he tries not to think about it too hard, because he knows he wouldn’t be anywhere without them. Well, anywhere good. They kept him anchored.

Naomi wasn't even supposed to be here originally, but she had surprised the whole crew a few days ago with saved up time from work. She took the whole week off to be with them because she knew an extra hand would do them some good. When she told Noah that he remembers how giddy he had felt, and how excited he was to have her there with them.

"Anything for my boys." She had said on the phone. The memory makes his face heat up and his heart thud wildly against his chest.

Noah perks up, eyes narrowing as he watches Nicholas' hand brush against Naomi's back, leaving it there a beat longer for it to be deemed casual. He can see Naomi's cheeks flush all the way from where he stood, and she leans back, tilting her head up to say something to Nicholas. Noah has no clue what she says, too far away to be in ear shot, and his whole body warms at Nicholas having to bend down to whisper something in her ear. He can hear Naomi's laughter.

He’s sure his face is flushed, and he has to force himself to look away. It's so hard, though. He's not angry, not at them at least. He's not even jealous. He's something he can't exactly explain, and he thinks that's what frustrates him the most.

The way Nicholas' touch looked so delicate even all the way over where Noah was made his head spin, especially with how Mimi leaned into him almost instantly. His mind starts up again and before he could stop, he finds himself wondering what it would be like to have the girl pressed up against him... and Nicholas.

He halts his movements when he almost lost his grip on the box he had been carrying but he finds his footing again, slowly sitting the box down on the stage. 

This isn't the first time his mind has gone somewhere that's uncharted. The thought of Naomi pressed in between the two boys has slipped through his mind more than a handful of times, and maybe even some with himself in between them... 

He shakes his head to make his thoughts stop and he finds Jolly watching him, a brow raised.

"You good?"

Noah gives him a nonchalant shrug that's far from convincing and his eyes find their way back to the merch table before looking back at Jolly. "Yeah, I'm good. Why?"

“Just wondering.” Jolly follows his gaze and his lips quirk up. "You ever going to tell her?"

Noah crouches down to open up the box he had brought to the stage, quickly glancing at Jolly. He regrets having told the boy his feelings for Naomi one drunken night months ago.

"Tell her what?"

"Dude." Jolly looks unimpressed, lips pressed in a line and all Noah can do is sigh.

"What am I supposed to say, man? Hey, I have feelings for you."

"You can literally say that." It's Noah's turn to look unimpressed and Jolly rolls his eyes. "Seriously! That's all you gotta say."

"You make it sound so easy." 

"Because it is easy." Jolly shrugs. " She flew across the fucking country to see you. The feeling is mutual." 

"If it was that easy, don't you think I would've done it already?" Noah hisses through his teeth, eyes narrowing at Jolly. The older male rolls his eyes, a huff passing his lips. “Plus, she’s here to see all of us. Not just me.”

"Listen, all I'm saying is that you should do it now before someone else comes along." Jolly's gaze shifts between Noah and then the merch table, before looking back at the younger boy.

Noah's jaw tenses and as he glances that way for a second time just as Mimi reached up to mess with Nicholas’ hair. He says something to her, pulling a goofy face, and she throws her head back in laughter. Noah's stomach drops and he forces himself to look away, feeling Jolly's eyes burn against his skin.

"And it’s starting to look like someone already has."

He can't stop the way his heart pounds rapidly against his chest, the sudden wave of anxiety filling his body. Jolly’s just speaking out of his ass, right? There’s no way that that’s true, though, as he continues to watch Naomi and the way Nicholas is looking down at her, the pit in his stomach begins to grow.

He swallows thickly. "Shut up."

"I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Shut up, Joakim.”

Jolly frowns. “Noah-“

"Please for the love of god," He sucks down a deep breath, and he can feel his throat tightening as each second passes, "shut up." 

"When did you become so pissy?" Jolly grumbles, mainly to himself, but Noah hears him. 

His jaw tenses and he has to shut his eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath. He stands from his crouched position and glares down at Jolly. 

"Maybe because you’re always in my fucking business." 

Noah can't explain why he's so... pissy, as Jolly put it, but the males words have wormed their way into his mind and it’s making his skin fucking crawl. His hands have balled into fists at his sides and he has to squeeze his fingers together, taking another deep breath before he turns.

"Where are you going?" Jolly calls after him after he hopped off the stage.

"Away from you."

He doesn't know where he's going, but he knew he needed to get out of there. He keeps his head low and just keeps walking, avoiding the worried glances from their crew. He turns a corner and finds an empty hallway, looking around to find that it’s just him and a few empty boxes. 

He lets out the breath he had been holding. 

Because it is easy. Noah scoffs. Jolly doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't see the bigger picture here, because this is more than just Noah having feelings for Naomi. It's about the change that'll follow. Sure, what if Naomi liked Noah back, but Jolly’s words lingered in the back of his mind. What if someone had already beat him there? He groans.

Noah doesn't like change all that much, which is kind of hilarious when he thinks back to his life, but it's true. He likes consistency. He likes stability. Besides Bad Omens (so far), Naomi and Nicholas were the only consistent things in his life. He couldn't risk messing up what they have, the tiny little world they created with just the three of them, for something like this. He's heard stories of people falling for their best friends and everything fucking up, and he'll be damned if he ever lets that happen to him. 

"Noah?" Naomi’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he jumps away from the wall, turning to face her. She’s frowning, eyes scanning him up and down before they meet his gaze. “Is everything alright?”

He doesn’t bother answering, slumping back against the wall and running a shaky hand down his face. He hears her shuffle closer and he squeezes his eyes shut. He can't look at her - he refuses. He's embarrassed, ashamed, because the reason he's so fucking upset is because of her. Well, sort of. He's upset with his feelings for her and how he can't convey them properly like a normal fucking human. He lets out a frustrated, shaky breath and runs his hands through his hair and tugs at the ends, something he tends to do when he's anxious. 

"Noah, baby, look at me. Come on." Naomi's voice is so gentle, and Noah's throat tightens.

Baby. 

The word itself is almost enough to send him spiraling and definitely did not help the pit in his stomach at all, but he looks at her anyways, swallowing down the lump that's beginning to form. Her lips are settled into a frown and he can see the crease in her forehead, the distress on her face. She hasn't seen him like this in months, he thinks.

"I'm gonna need you to take a big deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.” 

Her fingers wrap around his wrists and gives them a hard squeeze, trying to bring Noah back to the present but he just can't. He can't breathe, he can't move, he can't fucking do anything. His chest feels like there's a ten-ton brick placed right in the center of it and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Noah. Breathe."

He tries to suck in a breath, but it just sounds ragged, and he barely notices the tears that slip down his cheeks. He feels his arms being tugged and looks down to find Naomi crouching to settle into a sitting position, trying to bring him down with her. He follows on shaky legs and automatically crosses them. Naomi squeezes his wrists again and he tries to take another breath.

"Lean your head back for me and take another breath." She says quietly and scratches her nails against the inside of his wrists. He visibly shakes, as if he wasn't already, and he has to suck in another ragged breath, but it goes down a little easier than before. "Good. You're doing so good, Noah. Keep going."

So, he does. He takes another deep breath, and another, and then another after that. Noah doesn't know how long they sit there for, Naomi's eyes piercing into his own as she takes the breaths with him. He has to drop his gaze when it starts becoming too much and his chest feels tight again, so instead he shuts his eyes, trying to focus on getting his breathing normal and the soft touch of her thumbs rubbing circles on the inside of his wrists.

It takes a few beats of silence before he finally feels like he can finally breathe slightly normal, his glossy gaze finding hers. 

"Oh, Noah. What happened out there?” He almost breaks at her voice, the sadness seeping through as she sits up on her knees, leaning towards him. Her hands cup his cheeks and wipe away the tears that seem to still be falling. "Think you can tell me what's going on?"

He whines in response, head shaking in her hands. Naomi's frown deepens.

"Jolly’s just being an asshole." 

“…Are you sure?” She brushes a few strands of hair that's fallen away from his face, "You know you can tell me anything, bub." 

"I can't-" His lips press together to try and hold in another whine, eyes brimming with tears again. "I can't tell you this. If... if I do then it could fuck everything up and I can't do that. Not now when things are just starting to work out.”

Her eyes narrow in confusion as she smooths back his hair, fingertips trailing over his cheek. “I’m sure whatever it is it wouldn’t fuck up everything.”

“You don’t know that!” It comes out louder than he anticipated, and his stomach drops at the way Naomi flinches, but she doesn’t pull away from him. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

"Noah, relax." She grips his face gently and tilts his head up to look at her. "It's just me."

He swallows before shakily replying, "That's why I can't tell you."

That has her stilling and he can see the moment her mind comes to screeching halt, body deflating. In the three years he's known her, there's never been a thing he couldn't tell her. Well... a thing he couldn't tell her that he wanted to, and this was one of the things he did not want to tell her. 

"Well," She finds her words again, coming back to herself. "I hope that as your best-friend that I've given you a space to always be open and honest with me. Whatever it is, good or bad, you can tell me. We can work it out, whatever you want." Naomi pauses again, lips dipping into a frown. "And if you can't... I understand. I won't pry."

His eyes sting with tears again at her words and he sucks down another ragged breath, throat tightening again. Noah has always hated how understanding Naomi was, and how gentle she can be. It was one of her best and worst attributes because now he feels like the asshole for not telling her how he felt.

"You have to promise me that this won't fuck everything up." He manages to get out. Naomi nods immediately. “Say you promise.”

"I promise."

They stare at each other for a second, then two, then three before Noah's letting out a defeated sigh. Here goes fucking nothing.

"I..." He swallows harshly. "I love you. More than just a friend or whatever and it fucking terrifies me because this... god, this is the closest to normal my life has been in a really long fucking time. Probably the first time ever." Noah lets out a watery laugh. "You... and Nicholas... and this fucking band are so important to me, Mimi, and I'd never want to jeopardize that." Something in Naomi's eyes shift and Noah has to squeeze his shut, too overwhelmed to look at her now as more words tumble from his lips. "That's why I couldn't tell you, because I didn't want to ruin what we have now. I could never forgive myself for doing that."

The silence that follows is deafening. He doesn't dare open his eyes, so he keeps them shut, and he tries to not imagine Naomi's face. He wants her to say something, anything, even if it's to let him down, which is what he's expecting. His heart pounds against his chest when he feels her hands slip from his face and his eyes spring open, preparing to apologize for just ruining everything between them but it never comes.

Instead, he's met with Naomi's lips pressing against his own.

His eyes widen. He doesn't move, can't, not even when she's pulling away, face mere inches from his own. Naomi stares at him expectantly, waiting, full lips slightly swollen from the pressure of the kiss and face a light shade of crimson. Noah can only blink - once, twice, and then a third time before dropping his eyes to her mouth. 

He's thought about what it would be like to kiss Naomi, to feel her lips against his own just once. He knows it's corny, but he thought it would be like the movies where fireworks would erupt inside of him, body buzzing from excitement that he's practically shaking, but it was none of that. Actually, it was something better. In those brief moments he's never felt so... at peace. Instead of buzzing with excitement it was a warm feeling that spread throughout his body, starting from his toes expanding all the way to the very top of his head. 

"Noah..." 

Her voice breaks him out of his head, and he doesn't miss the slight waver to it, like she was on the verge of tears. His eyes find hers again and they're brimmed with tears, but her lips are slowly tugging into a smile now. His chest swirls with excitement and he reaches for her, hands settling on her waist as she slowly climbs into his lap, her legs resting on either side of his hips.

"I know I'm a really good fucking friend, but I hope you know I wouldn't cross this damn country just for anyone." She says through a watery laugh and has to pull away to wipe at her face as more tears fell. Noah's fingers dig into her hips, scared to let her go. She's never been so close before.

He looks up at her with a dazed expression. "...Huh?"

She laughs again, this time much louder, and leans forward to press her forehead against his. Her hands come up to cup his cheeks again, her nose nudging Noah's. 

"I love you, you dumbass. I thought it was fucking obvious." 

Oh.

Oh.

Naomi tilts her head forward to brush her lips against his again before pulling back all too soon, acting as if she was too shy to continue even further. He digs his fingers into her hips again without really thinking and loosens his grip, scared he was hurting her. He just needed to make sure she was real. That this was real and not just his fucked-up imagination trying to hurt him. Her eyes flutter shut, and she lets out her own shaky breath, her hands moving from his cheeks to the back of his neck.

Noah's the one who leans in this time, lips slotting against Naomi's. He gets the same feeling that he did just seconds before, the warmth filling his veins, and the feeling of peace engulfing him whole. Naomi lets out a tiny little noise, almost like a whine, and that spurs him on. It's overwhelming, the way her lips feel against his and how natural it feels to have her in his hold, and his arms circle around her waist to bring her that much closer to him.

He needs to feel her everywhere.

"Noah? Mimi?" 

Folio's voice has Mimi pulling away from him, eyes glossed over, and lips swollen from the contact. She gives him a sheepish smile before crawling off his lap and he feels himself physically deflate at the loss of contact but knew that the position they were in before would raise a few questions, especially from Nick. Plus, he can't keep his mouth shut, so the second he sees Naomi in Noah's lap it's game over. Everyone in the damn building would know in less than 5 seconds.

She stands and holds a hand out for him which he gladly takes, legs shaky as he stands. He feels better, he thinks, rummaging through his mind for any of those previous anxious thoughts. He finds none and instead realizes the jitteriness is from the kiss, and his face flushes at the thought. 

"There you are." Folio sounds relieved as he rounds the corner, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smile as he steps into the hallway. "Everything alright?"

Noah glances at Mimi from the corner of his eye and finds her nodding, giving Folio a bright smile.

"Yeah, I think so." She looks up at him now, her smile changing to something softer.

"Uh, yeah." Noah finds his voice finally, clearing his throat and stares at Naomi a beat longer before looking off towards Nick. "Sorry about that.”

Nick shrugs and rubs at his neck sheepishly. "You're good, man. Jolly and I were just teasing you, and we're sorry for, uh... causing this." 

"Nah, it's fine. Don't apologize." He waves him off and relief washes over Nick.

"Cool." Folio's eyes scan the two of them briefly before looking up and down the hallway, confusion written all over his face. "Where's Nicholas?"

That has Noah stilling and his eyes dart to Mimi.

"What about him?" She questions, eyebrows scrunching. 

"He said he was coming to check on you guys..." His words trail off, head tilting.

"Are you sure he came this way?" Her tone stirs something inside of Noah.

Even if he had come this way, Noah wouldn't have noticed. He was too immersed in Naomi and the way she felt in his hands, in his arms, and the way her lips easily slid over his... His fingers twitch at his sides, the urge to reach out and grab her becoming stronger by the second. 

"Huh. I swear I saw him walk this way." Folio says, almost dumbfounded, and his shoulders go up into another shrug. "Oh well. Maybe he's in the bathroom, I don't know. Anyways, glad everything's alright. Do you need anything or...?" 

“Uh, nah. I’m good now.” He throws a thumbs up for added emphasis and Folio laughs, giving him one back.

“Sweet.” He looks like he’s about to leave and the stress in Noah’s shoulders drop for just a second before Nick is turning back towards them. “Would I be a dick to ask you to come back and help? We’re kind of struggling without you and Nicholas.”

“Oh, shit. Yeah, I can come help.” He’s almost forgotten why they were here in the first place. They literally have a show in a few short hours. Mimi looks as if she’s just remembered that as well, eyes widening, and Nick laughs at their reactions.

“Thanks, man.”

They all shuffle out of the hallway and back into the main room, seeing only Jolly and a few people from their crew working at setting their gear up. Noah feels bad for running off like that and knows he’ll have to make it up to them tomorrow. He notices Naomi walking the opposite direction out of the corner of his eye and he stops her, fingers circling around her arm.

“We’ll talk later, yeah?” He tries to keep his voice low when he notices Nick stop for a second to watch them before wandering back to the stage. Mimi’s eyes gaze up at him, lips quirking up.

“Of course. If you want.”

“I do.” His hand drops from her arm and briefly brushes her hand, and he has to bite his lip to stop his own smile from growing. “Catch me before the show?”

He doesn’t miss the flush in her cheeks when their fingers brush together and she turns her head. “Okay.”

The pull from each other and Noah can’t help but watch her walk away before finally making his way back to the stage to find both Jolly and Folio staring at him.

“What?” He questions as he pulls himself up on the stage.

“What the hell was that?” Jolly questions, but Noah doesn’t miss the teasing grin on his lips. He blushes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.”

“Bullshit.” Nick whistles, eyeing Noah before glancing across the room. “I knew something happened in that hallway. You could cut the tension with a fucking knife, bro.”

He laughs it off, but his cheeks beat up even more. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Alright, alright. Enough teasing Noah. We’ve done enough of that today.” Jolly gives Noah a sheepish smile before clapping his hands together. “Let’s hurry and get this shit done.”

…

Nicholas is the first to notice Noah jump off the stage, head down as he practically runs out of the main room. Mimi notices next, back straightening as they both watch Noah run into a hallway, away from view. Something inside him turns and his eyes snap towards Jolly who's already looking at him, lips turned down. The older male shakes his head and mouths "I don't know" before going back to unloading their equipment. 

"I'll be right back." He hears Naomi mumble, and before he could respond she's already placing whatever shirt she had been about to hang up down and rushing off.

Nicholas drops the shirt he was holding and turns the opposite direction, marching his way towards the stage, eyes narrowing at Jolly's back.

"Dude, what the fuck did you do?"

Jolly turns around. "Why do you think I did something?"

"Well, you were the last one to talk to him before he fucking ran off." Nicholas throws his arms around before placing his hands on his hips, almost like an angry dad. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing." 

"Oh, bullshit-"

"Nick, calm down." Folio cuts in, coming out from behind his drum set to look down at Nicholas from the stage. "It wasn't anything bad - Noah just freaked out. You know how he is. Mimi's with him so he's probably fine now."

Nicholas presses his lips together and breathes deeply through his nose, trying his very best to calm down. He hates being upset, especially with his friends, but when it comes to Noah, he can't help but be protective. 

"I swear it wasn't bad." Jolly's swinging his legs over the side of the stage, sitting in front of him now. "I just... told him to get over whatever he was going through and to tell Mimi how he felt. He kind of freaked out and just... ran off."

His eyes widen at Jolly’s words. 

"You wanted him to... tell Mimi how he felt about her?"

Jolly nods. "We're all kind of sick seeing him stare at her like a kicked little puppy and we all know how he feels about her. Why not?"

"And it's not like she doesn't feel the same. We all see how she looks at him. It's kind of gross." Nick says before going back to his set up. “Plus, who fucking flies halfway across the country for a friend? No offense.”

Nicholas feels his stomach drop at the others words, immediately shaking his head.

"She came to see all of us." He replies, defensively almost, and both Folio and Jolly give him a look that reads seriously? He frowns. "She told me that."

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." Folio mutters to himself and Nicholas can't stop the way his eyes narrow at the younger boy.

"She told all of us that, man, and I'm sure that's part of it but we all know the real reason why she's here." Jolly points towards the hallway that both Noah and Naomi ran to, and Nicholas feels his stomach turn. 

He doesn't say anything to that. Truthfully, he's not sure what he can say. He stares off towards the hallway, brain foggy as he tries to wrap his mind around the boys words before he comes back to himself, clearing his throat.

"I'm gonna go check on them, see if he needs anything." Nicholas mumbles, almost to himself, and Jolly gives him a smile. 

"Do whatever you gotta do, man."

He gives Jolly a half assed smile before turning on his heels and walking towards the hallway, hands clammy. His heart pounds in his ears with each step he takes, and he swears the turning in his stomach that was once nerves is now nausea. Great.

Nicholas turns the corner and immediately stops, heart pounding against his chest when he sees Noah sitting on the ground, face wet with tears... and Naomi settling into his lap. She says something to him but they're too far down the hall that Nicholas doesn't catch it, and his throat tightens the second they both lean into each other.

He shouldn't have followed. He should've stayed right where he was, unpacking their shirts for the night to hang up, but he couldn't forget the look on Noah's face as he ran past them. He definitely couldn't forget the way Naomi dropped everything and followed after him, running into the hallway in search of Noah. He couldn't forget the rage he felt at Jolly in those few minutes, thinking the other said something to trigger Noah’s anxiety. He should've minded his fucking business, but when it comes to Noah and Mimi, he knows he never could. 

His eyes sting and he swears he feels his heart snap into a billion little pieces the second their lips meet. Naomi's hands grip his face and Noah's fingers dig into her hips, and Nicholas has to force himself to look away. He knew this would happen - he fucking knew it would. He's known the second he met Naomi and saw the way Noah looked at her, like she hung up all the stars in the goddamn sky.

He doesn't stay long, doesn't make his presence known as he was going to, and instead rushes off to the bathroom. It's a single, so he's able to lock himself in there, and leans back against the door. His head hits the door with a thud, and he sucks in a ragged breath, eyes squeezing shut. 

Nicholas knows he shouldn't feel this way - heartbroken - but he can't help it. It's one thing to see the person you love kissing someone else, but when it's both of them... it's a whole other world of hurt. His chest feels like it's been ripped open and someone reached deep inside to pull his heart out, then held it in front of his face and ripped it to shreds.

He hates that there's not a goddamn thing he can do about it.

He’s going to have to stand there, wait for them to tell him that they confessed their feelings and he'll have to put a smile on his face and tell them he's happy for them. And in a way, he is. He's only ever wanted for them to be happy, but maybe a small part of him had a feeling it was going to be him. That he would be lucky enough to be the one making them happy. It was all wishful thinking, a fucking dream that would never happen, and he has to press himself further into the door to hold himself up right, legs weak as he slides down.

Nicholas lets himself cry, face crumbling as the first few tears fall. He pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them, burying his face in his knees. His body shakes with each cry and he knows if someone was close, they could hear him, but he didn't care. He's let himself not feel anything about this for far too long, and if he's going to get over it, he should finally let himself feel. 

He doesn't know how long he sat there, body shaking with sobs, but by time he's done he feels... exhausted. He feels sick, stomach twisting with each sniffle and he lets himself stand on shaky legs. He finds himself in the mirror, eyes puffy and face blotchy. He stares at his reflection for a few more moments before he turns the faucet on, splashing water over his face.

He squeezes his eyes shut and counts to ten, hoping to calm himself down some before patting his face dry. He turns to face the door and swallows thickly because he knows the second he leaves the safety of this bathroom, he'll have to put a smile on his face and act like everything's okay. As if he didn't just sob his fucking heart out in this damn bathroom for the last ten minutes. It sucks, but he’s been acting like everything's alright since the almost kiss, so he guesses he can continue to act like nothing's wrong a little longer.

With a shaky breath, he pushes the door open and makes his way back to the main room where everything was being set up. He sees Noah first, who's back on stage helping Jolly out with something, and he turns, almost as if he could feel his presence. Nicholas smiles, hoping it isn't too obvious he's faking, and Noah gives him one back, relieved.

"Was wondering where you went." He calls, hopping off the stage to make his way towards Nicholas. "Folio said you wandered off like 15 minutes ago."

"Oh, uh." His voice cracks and Noah's eyes narrow. Nicholas clears his throat. "I was going to look for you, but they told me Naomi got to you first, and then I uh. I had to pee! So, I went to the bathroom. Then got distracted by my phone." His words come out rushed. “Twitter is so addictive.”

"...You were on Twitter the entire time?" 

"Yeah, but that’s beside the point," Nicholas quickly responds, "are you okay?"

For some reason this surprises Noah, eyes widening just a bit and Nicholas doesn't miss the glance he casts in Naomi's direction. His stomach drops.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. Mimi helped a lot." 

"Oh, cool. That's... that's great. Awesome. I'm glad. " Nicholas rambles on. He holds in a breath and Noah's eyes scan his face, his lips slowly dipping down into a frown. 

"You promise you're alright?" 

"Of course," He finally takes a deep breath, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. "I'm just... tired. Didn't sleep well last night. The van's cramped as shit and I can never get comfortable."  

Nicholas thinks he's convinced him well enough because instead of replying Noah wraps an arm around Nicholas' shoulder and tugs him into his side, walking off towards the stage. He feels like his eyes are bulging out of his fucking head the second he's wrapped in Noah's embrace and he tries to pull away, but for some reason this skinny little bastard's hold is way too strong. 

He's rambling on about something, he thinks it has to do with Jolly and their equipment, but Nicholas is barely listening. He's too focused on the way Noah's arm feels wrapped around him and he gets a sudden sick feeling in his stomach, eyes darting across the room towards Naomi. She's already looking at them, eyebrows scrunched together but the second her eyes fall on Nicholas her face relaxes in an instant. His heart leaps into his throat and he tries swallowing it down, but the smile she gives him is enough to bring it right back up. 

This is going to be a lot harder than he thought.

…

Naomi watches the two boys interact, her skin buzzing with nerves. She's still not able to process what just happened, the kiss, the confession... her head is reeling. She should be excited - happy – and she is, swear. She's never denied her feelings for Noah, always knowing that they were there somewhere inside of her, but she can't help but feel almost... sad.

Her eyes land on Nicholas and her mind wanders back to a few years ago to her first tattoo session with him. She thinks back to how he took care of her, making sure she was alright the entire time and the tenderness behind his touch. She remembers just how badly she wanted to kiss him in that moment, to feel his lips against hers. She also remembers the look in his eyes, and the way she knew that he wanted it just as much as her. 

She shivers and has to shake her head from the thought. She can't be thinking of kissing her best friend after she had just confessed to her other best friend. She groans to herself, head already aching from her thoughts. Mimi knew that she couldn't help how she felt. It does happen - falling for two people at once. She's not the first person to do it, and won't be the last, but it just makes things so complicated.

Almost to the point where she doesn’t even want to deal with it.

"Ready for tonight?" Folio's voice breaks her out of her thoughts, and she whips around to look at him, lips pulling into a small smile.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She looks over the merchandise before her before looking at Nick. "I've never been a merch girl before, so we'll see how it goes."

"It isn't too hard." He says with a shrug, leaning against the table. "Plus, you'll have Nicholas here to help.”

Shit. She forgot about that. 

"I'll be fine." She decides to say and gives Folio a tight-lipped smile. "Nicky is always the best teacher, so I'm sure I'll have it down in no time." 

He smiles at her and even gives her a pat on the back, hand sliding up to grip her shoulder gently. "We really appreciate you coming out here. More than you know."

Mimi gives him a real smile, not all tight-lipped, and leans into his touch. She hadn't lied when said she'd do anything for them to Noah on the phone weeks ago, because she would. Not even just for him and Nicholas, she'd even offer a hand to Jolly and Folio, people she now considers some of her closest friends. 

"That's what friends are for. Don't thank me."

"Whatever." Nick laughs and gives her shoulder another squeeze before he turns to leave back for the stage. "If you need anything, let one of us know."

Naomi waves him off before she gets back to unboxing and setting up the merch for tonight's show. What happened with Noah was a bit of a setback and she wishes he hadn’t whisked Nicholas towards the stage so she could have some help, but she knew she could do this on her own. She'll just have to talk to him before the show starts and make sure she did everything right. 

Her stomach twists as the thought of also talking to Noah crosses her mind, and she lets out a sigh. She brings a hand up to rub at her temples as the dull ache in her head grew. Why was this so complicated? Why did she feel so fucking guilty? She didn’t exactly understand why, but a part of her isn’t too keen on figuring it out anytime soon.

She quietly gets everything set up for the night, going through the instructions in her head that Nicholas told her earlier in the day. She doesn’t even realize how much time has passed until the bands go through their sound check, trying to hurry before the crowd is let in. With too much going on, she doesn't end up getting to talk to Noah or Nicholas before the show. With all the rushing around, they barely even were able to stop and say hi.

Before she knows it, the show is starting, and to her surprise she has a steady line during Bad Omens set. She was able to catch a glimpse here and there in between talking to a few fans, but she was mostly kept busy throughout it all, which she was thankful for.

Naomi feels like she can finally breathe by the time the nights over and they were packing up to set off for their next destination. Her and Nicholas were wordlessly putting away the merch for the night, the older male being much quieter than normal. He's barely even said a few words to her since he came back to help after getting off stage, only giving her strained smiles when she said anything to him. She figured he was just tired, which worried her, because it was his turn to drive tonight.

"Feeling alright, Nicky?" She questioned as she closed up one of the last boxes. He looks over at her and there's something in his stare that she can't place, but it makes her blood run cold.

"Yeah." He replies shortly, and she watches his throat bob as he swallowed harshly before closing up his own box. "Just tired."

She frowns. "Do you want me to drive for you tonight?"

"No."

It's a short response and his back is turned towards her now, which makes her frown deepen even more. She takes a step towards him and opens her mouth to say something but comes to a stop when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey."

She turns quickly to find Noah behind her and her worry from seconds ago vanishes the second their eyes meet. Naomi can't help but smile and Noah does the same, leaning against the table beside her. 

"Oh, hi."

She feels giddy, almost like a schoolgirl, and she mentally scolds herself at how embarrassing that is. This is Noah, her best friend... that told her he loved her and then they kissed. No big deal, right?

"How'd tonight go?" Noah questions. She shrugs.

"Alright, I think."

He snorts and looks over at Nicholas who still has his back turned. "Think she's merch girl material, Nicky?"

"Sure."

They both narrow their eyes at him, and confusion wraps itself in Noah's expression. He stares at him another moment before looking down at Mimi, and she can only shrug. 

"Alright." He sounds unconvinced but a smile finds his way on his lips again. "Think you got it down for tomorrow? I could probably come out and help, too, if you want."

"I think she'll be alright, Noah. You don't need to hover." Nicholas lets out an annoyed huff as he gathers up their things and both Mimi and Noah stare at him before glancing at each other.

What the fuck?

Noah looks like he's having an internal battle with himself, lips slowly tugging back down into a frown. All she wants to do is wrap him up in a hug, but she stays where she is as she sees him step forward.

Noah moves over to Nicholas now and places a gentle hand on his back, lips pursed into a pout. "Dude, if you’re tired, I can drive the first half for you.”

Nicholas jumps at the touch, and Naomi assumes he just wasn't expecting it, and turns his head to look at the younger boy for a second.

"I’m fine, Noah." His words are clipped, and she sees the moment when Noah's face falls, but he recovers it quickly. 

"Well, okay. I got you a few extra red bulls, they're in the front with your stuff." His hand lingers on his back for a second too long before he takes a step back, giving Nicholas a gentle smile. "Also got some of those skittles you like. Hopefully all the caffeine and sugar will keep you awake."

Nicholas pauses and he returns the smile Noah gives him, but it looks pained. She’s starting to think he’s more than just tired.

"Thanks." Is all he responds before he picks up a box of shirts, nodding his head towards the exit. "I'm gonna start hauling this stuff back to the van."

Noah nods and takes another step away from him to make room, and they watch Nicholas wordlessly walk away. He doesn’t even look at them and stares straight ahead. She’s not sure what’s going on, and she’s positive it’s something more than just being tired, and the fact he hasn’t told her or Noah what’s wrong is starting to worry her.

"So..." Noah clearing his throat snaps Naomi out of her thoughts, finally looking away from where Nicholas once stood. Her eyes flicker up towards him. "About earlier..."

Her mouth drops into an O and her cheeks burn, probably already beginning to flush. 

"Oh, yeah. That."

Noah snorts out a laugh. "That?"

"What else am I supposed to call it?" She says in a hushed tone, stepping closer to him. She looks around before continuing, "Like, oh, when we made out in the hallway? Yeah, I remember that." 

Noah laughs fully now, eyes scrunching as he throws his head back. A few people stare but Naomi doesn't mind, too busy thinking about how much she's always enjoyed his laugh. She smiles.

"We don't have to call it anything." He says once he's calmed down and looks around himself before his eyes fall back to hers, reaching out to take her hand. She blushes but lets him lace their fingers together. "And we don't have to talk about it right now, but I'd just... I'd like to know where you stand on it."

He looks nervous now, eyes casted down to their hands. His thumb brushes against the back of her hand and she has to stop herself from smiling at the gesture.

"Where I stand?" Her head tilts. "What do you mean?"

Noah shrugs but doesn’t respond, staring down at their connected hands.  

"Dude. I cried and told you I loved you. I feel like that should tell you where I stand pretty well."

"Okay, but like I need you to verbally tell me again or else I'm just going to think you did all of that to make me feel better." He whines out and looks away from her bashfully.

She can't help but frown, chest twisting at the thought of Noah thinking she did all of that just to make him calm down. She pulls her hand away from his and steps forward, taking another quick glance around the room to find absolutely no one paying attention to them. She reaches up to cup his cheeks and pulls his head down to stare at her.

"Noah," She hums, thumbs brushing against the tops of his flushing cheeks. "I wasn't saying that just to say it. I love you." 

Noah chews on his bottom lip and she can feel his eyes scanning her face, trying to search for any indication that she may be lying. Her heart breaks at that. She can see the worry and doubt in his gaze, and it stays for just a beat longer, but it finally vanishes. 

“That was kind of corny.” Noah finally says, a teasing grin pulling at his lips. She lets out a groan, hands dropping from his face.

“We were having a really nice moment and you fucking ruined it.”

Noah laughs, the doubt his face once held long gone, and all Naomi wants to do is lean up and kiss that stupid grin off his face.

“10 minutes till curfew!” Someone yells from across the room.

They finally pull apart and pack up the rest of the boxes, hauling them off to the van. It's a fairly quick process and before she knows it, they're all piling into the van for the night, getting into their designated seats for the next few hours. She practically begged for Noah to let her sit up front, so the other boys can have the backseats to at least try and get some rest. She even asked Nicholas if it was alright but all he did was shrug, buckling himself in the driver's seat. 

The beginning of the drive was loud, Jolly and Noah talking about tonight's show with Folio chiming in every so often. Nicholas didn't say much but did say a few things here and there, but never once looked away from the road. Not even an hour later, though, the only thing that could be heard was silence.

"Everything alright?" Nicholas' voice is quiet over the hum of the radio, and she can faintly hear someone snoring in the seat behind her, probably Jolly. She has to stifle her laughter as she looks over at him.

"Yeah," She hums, shifting in her seat. "Everything's peachy."

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again. "You know I can always tell when you're lying, right?"

She freezes, glancing up at Nicholas. He's already looking at her, briefly, before he focuses back on the road. Her eyes drop to his hands and watches as they grip the steering wheel, and she's surprised they're not turning white with how tight his grip is. She shifts in her seat again, pulling a leg up to rest underneath her.

"I wasn't lying." Her eyes drop to her lap and she picks at her nails. "Everything is alright, Nicky. Promise."

"Okay." She looks up and sees his grip loosen around the wheel before his gaze catches hers again. "Next question. If there's something going on, you would tell me. Yes or no?"

This one catches her off guard and the air gets stuck in her throat, only for a moment, and she tries to swallow it away.  

"Elaborate." 

She's stalling. Naomi barely had any time to sit and talk to Noah about what happened earlier, let alone think about what she would tell Nicholas. Oddly enough she's scared to tell him, scared to see his reaction because for some reason she feels like it's going to screw everything up. Just like Noah had mentioned. 

"Like..." He drags the word out. "Let's say something happened earlier... and it was kind of huge... because it could change everything, you would still tell me.”

Oh.

She feels her heart pound against her chest, and she looks down again. It shouldn't be this fucking hard to tell Nicholas that she and Noah kissed. It shouldn't be this hard to tell him that she loves Noah and wants to be with him. These are things you share with your best friend, so why does it feel so wrong?

It's the same reason you never told Noah about your almost kiss with Nicholas, her mind yells at her. She swallows thickly and ignores the voice in her head.

"Well," Naomi starts, picking her head up. "If something did happen, and it was something that could change everything, maybe I'm trying to find the best way to tell you." 

Another moment of silence washes over them and she tries to read his face, tries to see how he handles her words, but there’s nothing. Not even a twitch. He just stares blankly at the road, lips pressed in a line.

“If that’s the case,” His voice was much lower than before, “then I want to remind you that you’re my best friend. You should be able to tell me anything.”

She sighs. “It’s complicated, Nicky.”

“How so?”

That she can’t exactly answer. With another sigh she looks out the window, barely able to see the world passing by with how dark it was.

“The second I say something, it’ll change everything, and…” She shrugs. “Maybe I don’t want anything to change. Maybe I like the way things are now.”

“How do you know things will change?”

“God, you are so full of questions tonight.” She tries to keep her voice light, but the sharpness is heard from a mile away. She hears Nicholas sigh next to her.

“Mimi.” Another long sigh. “You know all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, right?”

She finally looks at him again, lips dipping into a frown. He’s focused on the road, eyes never wavering, but she knows he’s waiting for her to respond. She nods.

“Of course, but-“

“Then if whatever happened could end up making you happy,” Nicholas cuts her off, eyes flickering towards her before looking back to the road, “then why should I let that come between us? That’s kind of ridiculous.”

She doesn’t respond, letting his words sink in. He’s right, in a way, but she still thinks he doesn’t fully understand. For the last three years it’s just been the three of them – Noah, Nicholas, and Naomi. If her and Noah make this thing official, it could change the entire dynamic, and for some reason the thought of losing this type of bond with the two boys makes her sick to her stomach.

“You don’t have to tell me now.” Nicholas continues. “But as long as you’re happy, and as long as Noah’s happy,” She doesn’t miss the emphasis on the younger boys’ name, “then I’m happy.”

His words make something in her chest ache, eyes burning with tears. She stares hard at the side of his face, begging him with her eyes to look at her, but he never takes his gaze off the road.

“Nicky.”

“Mimi.”

He finally looks at her now, and she swears she sees tears brimming his eyes, but the van is so dark she probably just made it up. She tries to swallow her own away, throat tightening as a fresh new set burned at her eyes.

"I know change can be scary," Nicholas starts off slowly, a sigh slipping out after his words, "but sometimes... change is good. You shouldn't stop yourself from experiencing this because you're worried about what other people think."

He looks at her now and she has to bite her lip to hold back the tears burning at her eyes. When the hell did she get so emotional? Nicholas' eyes dart to her lap and then back up to her, and they're both reaching out at the same time. She laces their fingers and squeezes their hands together. He smiles, though it's small.

"I know I keep saying it but it’s true… all I want is for you to be happy. Can you do that for me?"

She pauses. “I can try.”

“Good.” That answer seems to satisfy him enough, eyes dropping to their hands one more time before he focuses back on the road.

For some reason she feels relieved by his words and gives his hand another squeeze. She tries telling herself that this was the universes way of letting her know that things will be alright, but something twisting in her gut is telling her the complete opposite.

She chooses to ignore it and holds onto Nicholas’ hand tightly.

[inventors-fair]

Your Favorite Commentary: Show and Tell

It really is always a joy to see people expressing what they're passionate about. The entries were exactly as eclectic as I would've expected, and I've had a great time seeing all these varied takes on varied archetypes. More than ever, these entries are deeply personal, which means there's only so much I can critique from an outside perspective. All the same, I've got my fair share of things to say, don't you worry. It is interesting to see not only a variety of archetypes, but a variety of approaches to supporting them. After all, almost everyone will have a different opinion about what exactly the missing piece in any given strategy is. The bias of being a personal favorite will also inevitably color whatever you come up with. And I'm not saying that as a cautionary tale or anything, I think that's great. With that, let's get nto the meat of this, shall we?

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@bergdg — Ignite

Double down is immediately an interesting idea, and while a pure burn spell is perhaps not the most exciting way to showcase it, it's a very solid way of showing the merits. I love the idea of interacting with the graveyard as sort of a bizarro-world Spellshaper, but I wish the restriction was a bit more...specific? Like, it should require a certain attribute of card to be exiled, like something that shares a type or a color, and not just any old card in the yard. Especially because the rate on this card is currently way too good. It's trivially easy to get a single card into the graveyard, and 6 damage for 3 mana on a single card would be excellent even if you couldn't split it two ways. You're definitely heading in the right direction with this concept, this iteration just falls a teensy bit flat. Keep at it, though! I'd love to see what can be done with the mechanic.

~

@big-golyat — Blessing of Etlan Shiis

Well, uh...wow. The double whammy of World and tide counters is certainly a blast from the past, but I think this may be a bit too much flair and not enough substance. First of all, World already essentially enforces a more stringent version of the legend rule, so I don't see much reason for this to also be legendary besides occasional favorable interaction with legends-matter and also cool factor. For those who need a refresher, World means there can only be one permanent with the supertype anywhere on the battlefield, period. I do actually like the idea of an anthem that oscillates in strength, but it really shouldn't vary on a per creature basis; that just sounds like a living nightmare to track when it's applied to every single creature at all times. If you maybe made this only affect your creatures and give a buff of varying strength depending on the tide instead of a buff or a debuff, I could pretty easily see it. Although, that would likely necessitate the color shifting to white.

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@bowtochris — Zhalfirin Veil

As you mentioned on your submission, this is a colorshifted Teferi's Veil, a card that I do hold a lot of affection towards myself. I can definitely see your reasons, too: phasing has moved squarely into white's wheelhouse in recent years, and the color's more aggressive leaning would really appreciate the protection, as we've seen with cards like Nahiri's Resolve. The additional effect over the original Veil is where I'm really impressed, though. Keeping your creatures safe in moments between attacks is all well and good, but it tends to leave you terribly exposed to being attacked on the crackback. Not so here, as you're able to constantly threaten the entire army returning at a moment's notice. It's also a funny counter to phasing effects targeted against you, and can even save a creature from an indefinite phasing such as with The Pandorica. There is a minor wording mistake here, though: given that phased-out creatures don't exist, you don't control them as such, and you'd need to specify something along the lines "phased-out creatures you control" for it to properly affect them.

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@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion — Cruel Remedy

Right off the bat, this card is clearly intended as a callback to Tainted Remedy. And...that's really all the card seems to want to be, unfortunately. Redundancy can be a powerful tool when it comes to supporting decks—Soul Sisters immediately come to mind, just to name one off the top of my head—but something about this card's status as "Tainted Remedy Plus" doesn't quite sit right. It's also pulling in a bit of different direction than the original: while lifegaining your opponent to death is a bit of cheeky fun, the card was originally designed as a counter to life-gaining strategies. Similarly, the ability to place a lifelink counter on an opposing creature to turn it into a double-edged sword is cute, it smacks of being more needlessly clever than intuitive. Plus, allowing the card to support itself kind of muddles the idea of the strategy, which is that specific cards that do little on their own need to work together. Or that's my interpretation, anyway. I think you identified this, based on the extremely high cost to place a counter, but I'm not sure that solves the problem as much as makes the card so specific that there's not really any place for it outside of the dedicated strategy.

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@curiooftheheart — Doco, Inky Familiar

I was not previously aware this was a pre-established character, so immediate points for the deep cut. This is a really neat compact package of effects. The pseudo-heroic trigger pairs perfectly with Killian, and the aggressive body makes Docco itself a fantastic target for the kind of spells it wants you to be casting. The trigger itself seems a bit low-impact when you have to spend cards to get it, but the previously mentioned efficient body and the fact that it blankets your board and can therefore stack with similar triggers does plenty to justify that. Just great all around, I really like this little guy!

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@dimestoretajic — Occupied Battlements

I enjoy a good defender support card, although I do worry this one has slightly missed the point. First of all, I don't really see any reason for this to be legendary. Maybe having two copies of this would be strong, but I can't see it being particularly backbreaking. Plus, nothing about the name or flavor text really scream the uniqueness and singular nature necessary for a legendary card. The bigger issue as I see it, is that with the way defender strategies are now, you really don't want defenders dying. That's usually a symptom of losing, and at that point I'd rather have a card that prevents them from dying in the first place than something that gives a consolation prize. In addition, defender decks are chock full of cards to allow them to hit with their toughness, so swapping that toughness to power hardly feels like an incentive to sacrifice them yourself.

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@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Irradiation Elemental

We've seen a card grant demonstrate before, but The Twelfth Doctor is more specific, more expensive, and more limited. Demonstrate is a powerful ability, and I think giving it out this willy-nilly is probably a step too far. The high toughness is also extremely annoying to deal with, as it enables you to sling burn with nary a care of the elemental being removed in retaliation, while you're hammering opponents with doubled spells. The bigger problem is how many cards there are that your opponents really don't want to be forced to cast. In particular, forcing a redless opponent to cast a Pact of the Titan more or less ends them on the spot, and Glorious End becomes a turn skip that also kills someone. I just feel like this is crying out for some sort of conditionality to enable what is a really powerful effect.

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@milfannihilator — Echoing Scream Trap

As cool as they are, I can't help but think that Traps kind of defy being an archetype by their nature. After all, they're all designed to counter something specific, and there's only so many activation conditions your average opponent can reasonably meet. Being able to toolbox out the ideal Trap for the situation sounds like a way to remedy that, but...it's not really a Trap if you have to reveal it to your opponent, is it? It's not a dealbreaker, of course, as you can just search a Trap that's already met its condition, but it pretty severely limits the applications in an archetype whose problem is limited applications. There's also the issue of the other modes, which don't really feel like they add much of anything, especially for what is a fairly difficult condition to meet. Modality applies a tax, of course, but even if the spell always cost 2 mana, the first two modes would only ever feel mediocre at best.

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@nine-effing-hells — Cultist of Polukranos

Calling out X spells by name is always a fun time, and this very much picks that up and runs with it. Cost reduction to allow you to hit ever-larger X values is nothing new, but I do like the unique way this goes about it. There is a slight concern that the reduction is just a mite too strong on cards that are balanced around having to pay into multiple Xs before the effect can start scaling (Doppelgang, anyone?), but those are pretty few and far between. That and the restriction to make sure you can't abuse X abilities too much shows an eye towards balance that I can appreciate. I'm not sure I'm a big fan of the inclusion of the mana ability, though. Cost reduction and mana production are an odd pair, and although I like how one pays for colorless costs and the other colored, it ends up feeling a bit like the same ability twice with different words.

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@real-aspen-hours — Kathuur the Skyweaver

On the surface, this is yet another iteration of the Young Pyromancer effect, but I find myself really liking the twist here. The shift to temporary tokens does fundamentally change the gameplay here in a way that I find immediately engaging. And while on paper this seems equivalent to adding 1 damage to every cast, there's so much more you can do with a token that you can't with a ping. Making this a magecraft trigger that deals immediate damage does run into the same problem as Witherbloom Apprentice, where copying a spell an arbitrary number of times makes for easy OTKs. It's especially concerning for a card actually in Fork colors. Additionally, I can't help but wonder if the more aggressive intention means that the tokens should have a "can't block" rider, so they can't also function as surprise blockers. Still, very cool!

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@tanknspank — Fragmenting Memory

This definitely tickles my neurons as a serial self-mill player, although that's hardly the only way to approach this card. "If it wasn't cast" certainly is an odd bit of text out of context, but good on you for remembering that instants and sorceries go straight from the stack to the graveyard. It's interesting that although this looks at everyone's graveyard, forcing you to choose which type of card it's tracking can often force you to focus on one deck in particular. After all, the ratios of card types will always vary between decks. I feel like you'll often name whatever card type you sculpted your deck around and focus on your own deck, given that's the one you have best knowledge of. I'm not sure if I entirely agree with the reasoning in your submission to not use Clues, that they've received enough support. That said, I am a big fan of the flavor you've managed to create by using Shards, so I can't say it's that big of a deal ultimately.

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@the-gboi — Familiar Informant

Artifact tokens, artifact tokens, artifact tokens. They're just about everywhere these days, and while I'm generally all for it, they're most certainly not for everyone. This card follows roughly the same blueprint as Nuka-Cola Vending Machine, where you put one type of token in and get another out. Just like the vending machine, it's pretty broken paired with Academy Manufactor, but that's hardly a unique status. While this is a fine enough effect, I'm just...not sure I get the card? Like, I'm struggling to see the thematic connection between the flavor and the effect, and the lack of flavor text definitely isn't helping clear it up. Maybe they're giving you tips if you buy them a meal? But then, why do they bring a Food with them? It just doesn't quite resonate in a way that I can't really fully express, and just leaves the card feeling a bit muddled.

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@yourrightfulking — Necrotic Recycler

Reduce, reuse, revenge! True to the name, this really is a frightening efficient value piece. Creating tokens on death (or sacrifice specifically in this case, which is slightly unusual) is an old hat, but I love the second ability feeding back into your nontoken creatures. I would maybe argue that the counters should only be placeable on other creatures, to better incentivize you to keep something alive and removing the easy option of just piling everything on the Recycler itself. The use of decayed tokens is pretty genius here though, I must say. For one, it does decrease the power level of the tokens so that can be invested somewhere else. More importantly though, it gives the tokens an inbuilt way to sacrifice themselves to keep the loop going, which goes a long way towards making the card feel that much better to play. My biggest complaint is that this is crying out for some sort of flavor text or art direction. You've set a truly grisly scene here, and I'd be fascinated to see how a zombie described as a "recycler" looks or functions.

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With profuse apologies for the delay, thanks for tuning in! I'll see you all some other week. @spooky-bard