#i don’t know who or what i am anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oldestenemy · 8 months ago

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#i’m so tired of having too much shit going on #i am the one who has to hold it together because i am objectively the least fragile #i haven’t got a debilitating chronic illness. my dog isn’t currently dying. i didn’t owe $2k in taxes for no reason.#i’m not homeless anymore. i’m just unemployed full of debt and absolutely fucking TERRIFIED of the future #i don’t know who or what i am anymore #i don’t know what i want or where i’m going or what i’m doing #but i have to be stable and calm and at bare minimum emotionally neutral #because everyone in my immediate vicinity is more fragile than i am #i’m just tired #selfish bullshit rambling #i want to be able to have a breakdown and move past it #i can’t go anywhere like this #still tapping. less murder.

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deltaruminations · 11 months ago

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what if gaster in a future chapter calls out the audience for speculating so much about him. the guy canonically has some amount of access to Real Life Social Media. like i started this mostly as a joke but there are definitely some real metanarrative opportunities for a character with recklessly curious impulses, and possibly a fragile sense of self, having nearly limitless access to streams of debate over whether or not he’s a bastard. rude to talk about someone who’s listening etc

#this is very fast and loose character reading on my part but i do get the sense sometimes #that gaster may be asking some of the same questions of himself that we are of him.#’who are you? how should i feel about you? should i sympathize with you or be disgusted by you?’#i said ‘call out’ in the post but i don’t even necessarily think this is a matter of anger #so much as sincere confusion and ego-shattering overwhelm #a character so wrung out by the mechanisms of audience interpretation that even he has no idea who he is anymore #and he’s looking at the audience who looked so hard for him and spent so much energy tearing him apart for clues or answers #and saying ‘you want to know what i am. but you seem to know that better than i do. please tell me. tell me what you think.’#’because i want to know just as much as you do.’#…anyway this is not real speculation. just rambling on an idea i think would be cool lol #$ waltz of a shattered man

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blackthorn-faerie · 2 months ago

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As an Aventurine kinnie, I love the trope of Aventurine repressing his feelings for Ratio, not letting him get too close or attached because he feels like he isn’t worth love/is afraid that the people he loves will get taken from him. However, hear me out, what if he decided to love Ratio with everything in him out of spite? He’s lost everything, doesn’t even own himself, but he has this. Logically, it would never work, which is exactly why he’s going to love Ratio as hard as he can.

#no thoughts only them #aventio #ratiorine #look I just think that he’d get tired of his brain not letting him love others #especially after Penacony #he almost died with no one to mourn him #except ratio #who wanted him to stay alive #like you know what #i don’t care anymore #I am going to love this man for all he’s worth #and no one can stop me #god they’re in love #and fucking useless at expressing it #they make me sick #hsr aventurine #dr ratio hsr #dr ratio x aventurine #hsr headcanons

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sea-jello · 2 months ago

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hong kong miku,,,

#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise #i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around #lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one #however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why #and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing #miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT #someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy #not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways #i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror #OKAY let me explain the context #street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular #back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go #but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that #ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those #if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there #that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time #a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk #that’s just what i was told #i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg #lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable #everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did #boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them #oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved #so like a fun little allusion #gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible #this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up #hatsune miku #miku from my culture #jellos scribbles #i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you

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larapaulussen · 1 year ago

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#gif #why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone #for what am I being punished #I am a good person #and I don’t think this suffering has any sense #it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way #and the sad people always just get more trauma #I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood #my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes #but i don’t know what to do about it #every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me #and we also didn’t have anything in common #so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out #and they deserve someone who actually fancies them #i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with #or who matched my preferences lookwise #it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person #and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone #as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole #I just don’t have any energy left anymore #I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore #I’m so so tired

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marimbles · 20 days ago

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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom #s3 was soooo much fun for me #and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha #things just feel so different in the fandom now #both the fandom has changed and I have changed #and of course the STORY has changed #and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react #cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol #committed to spreading positivity #and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore #this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters #and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing #that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol #like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining #and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t #I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd #i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol #cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter #I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha #but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter #or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction #is that too much nuance for tumblr lol #see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…

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luvnakaharas · 3 months ago

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when the category is dazai risking his life to protect those he cares about

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #oh dazai #you could have gotten urself killed in any of these situations #but you did it anyway #he really is getting better #and he’s becoming GOOD. he’s doing GOOD.#i just don’t think he’s realised it yet #my baby #i love him so much #oda would be so proud that he’s saving people #i know i am #but at the same time he’s putting himself in so much danger and now that fyodor’s back who knows what he’ll do next to protect the agency #and he’s such a MESS in the last picture too i can’t take it please asagiri don’t make him suffer anymore

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jinstronaut · 29 days ago

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some 5am thoughts bc my cat woke me up:

solo stan’s and solo behavior can kick rocks

there is no right or wrong way to use a tracked tag — ppl have lives and ppl are busy, don’t get mad bc someone isn’t reblogging something within 2 hrs of it being posted. some of us use a tag to catch up since we’re too busy to be here 24/7, that’s not a bad thing.

if you’ve never ever ever spoken to someone personally you don’t get to speak on who they are as a human being. if you’ve never actually reached out and had a convo with someone abt who they are you’re doing a disservice to them and yourself when you just assume things abt them based on perception instead of fact

most importantly HOBI IS HOME so let us celebrate 😌🎉✨💖

#.txt #been thinking abt 2 & 3 a lot lately #you don’t know anyone beyond their fandom blog 90% of the time #what you see of me here is like a tiny fraction of who i am #and if there’s never been any effort to learn beyond that then …..#then don’t get mad at your preconceived notions of who someone is 🤷🏻‍♀️#the internet is crazy and since ppl put so much of their lives out there ppl get entitled and think everyone owes them everything #no one gets privacy or free time anymore in the age of the internet #and i value those two things very heavily. and so should you. there’s a life outside tumblr dot com

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lesbianlenas · 13 days ago

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bought pre-cut fruit & am finally able to eat fruit 👍 i love fruit but my adhd HATES having to cut things & i cannot just bite into a fruit bc it creates a sensory issue for me when my face gets sticky i can’t stand it so like i have had to narrow down so much the ways i can eat fruit 😭 but anyway being able to just eat it made me actually eat the fruit i am so happy 😩 next i need to get smth that will cut onions for me so i can cook like 90% of the things i want to cook but can’t make myself bc i don’t want to chop an onion so badly…..

#michelle speaks #unfortunately they don’t pre-cut most of my favorite fruits but that’s ok i still like the fruits they do cut #they don’t have most of the fruits i like in general rn bc i love plums and peaches and pears #pears are in season but they don’t have my favorite pear anymore it seems 😔 red bartlett my beloved 😭#SOMEONE. TOOK my last red bartlett pear that i was going to eat & favor for NO REASON. and i have not been able to have another one since #*SAVOR not favor #it was cruelly stolen from me. AFTER i requested it not be. i was going to say it’s fine but it isn’t.#and it will NOT be fine until i can have another one again. which they do not have them at whole foods rn. so who knows when that will be 😑#took myself over to the whole foods website which states that ALLEGEDLY. they have red pears. which they do NOT!!!!! bc i checked two days #ago and they DONT. not that it matters bc i am too mentally exhausted to cut a fruit which was the whole point of this post #and now i’m just complaining that i can’t get a pear and a previous incident that took place where i was ROBBED.#but ANYWAY!!!!! i bought fruit and ENJOYED it bc i didn’t have to cut it and the moral of the story is that if u have adhd and cannot do #things u should figure out what abt the task bothers u and see if there is a way to get around it or make it easier. supercorp bless u

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foxgloveinspace · 11 months ago

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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.

#very much so #tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks #listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one #‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans #I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t #mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass #this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change #and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing #I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love #I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask #if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.

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sammygender · 5 months ago

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years ago i remember someone saying about dave strider that either he’s gay or he’s bisexual but deep down too misogynistic to actually have a fulfilling romantic relationship with a woman. anyway. this is how i see dean winchester

#i truly do not think dean as we know him could ever be happy longterm romantically with a girl #whether that’s because he’s gay or because of a mix of mommy issues and deep rooted misogyny. who knows #maybe both #hes sexually attracted to women in canon for sure but #sexuality’s complex. honestly he’s gay to me #coming out as gay dean truther #then again like. Can i really see him settling down romantically with a guy either #not really.#am i a gay dean truther. i dont fucking know. his problems are too complex for me to talk about in the tags of this post #oliver talks #spn #dean winchester #supernatural #also #with dave it’s like. he means well hes not an awful misogynist but re like. his treatment of jade. him being into her isn’t actually him #being into Her as so much as it is him being into the idea of this girl he can protect #what’s that line. where he’s like ‘jade would probably just be a liability if she got it in her head she wanted to take le down’ or somethin #idk i don’t go here anymore. but #anyway that’s what deans like with lisa he isnt actually in love with her he just likes the idea of the family she symbolises

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erythriina · 5 months ago

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sort of but not technically for @terrortracks - here is an untitled ‘survives the expedition’ solving playlist for you all <3 (more commentary in the tags lol)

listen on 8tracks here

1. All These Things That I’ve Done - The Killers

over and in, last call for sin / when everyone’s lost, the battle is won

2. The Only Thing - Sufjan Stevens

faith in reason, i wasted my life playing dumb / signs and wonders, sea lion caves in the dark / blind faith, god's grace, nothing else left to impart

3. Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier

when the stench of the sea and the absence of green / are the death of all things that are seen and unseen / not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do

4. Blue Ridge Mountains - Fleet Foxes

terrible am I, child, even if you don't mind / in the quivering forest where the shivering dog rests…

5. We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists

i laid you down on the grass of a clearing / you wept, but your soul was willing

6. Olympians - Andrew Bird

you start spitting out anathemas…

7. Love Love Love - The Mountain Goats

love, love is going to lead you by the hand / into a white and soundless place

8. King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men

in the winter night sky, ships are sailing … past the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind / though far away / we're still the same / howling ghosts, they reappear in mountains that are stacked with fear / but you're a king and i’m a lionheart

#more thoughts in my tag ramble lmao check me out —>#they’re gonna be ok. they’re also gonna be the death of me #terror tracks #the terror amc #the terror #terrorposting #solomon tozer #john irving #i wish they had a taggable ship name. sigh #tozer x irving #mine #blue ridge mountains makes less sense out of the context of them running away together so just know #the context is them running away together #‘terrible am I child even if you don’t mind’ meaning (in my personal interpretation)#‘what I am (gay) is bad even if you personally don’t mind it’#he’s working on it ok? give him some time #Sol is the shivering dog. obvi #and also IVE GOT SOUL BUT IM NOT A SOLDIER📣📣📣BTWWWW #god what a good song #Sol’s inner thoughts: do I deserve my position anymore? I’ve failed at keeping my men safe #if I’ve been stupid and cowardly am I really still a soldier?#is there room for me in the world anymore now that I’ve returned to England? room for someone who’s done what I’ve done?#and I think it applies to irving as well. I’ve got soul but I’m no soldier. not like you. i wasn’t prepared for any of this #I’m not a fighter #but sol says: I wasn’t prepared for this either. it’s ok. we share that #musicposting

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inkmoose · 1 year ago

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More art of @inconsistentracoon ‘s fantastic epic of a KH fanfic (link below), the fic so good I read all 190k+ words twice.

Sora’s gradually recovering here, and Kairi gladly leans into her mobile game obsession to give him a distraction when he needs one. 🥲

#kingdom hearts #fanart #kh #kh sora #kh kairi #sokai #Sora whump #whump art #this fic has absorbed my entire brain #I don’t know what’s canon anymore #I don’t know who I am or who I was anymore #there is only this fic #it is soooooo inspiring for my art though 😭#inkmoose art

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ahalliance · 28 days ago

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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another