#Sol is the shivering dog. obvi

[erythriina]

sort of but not technically for @terrortracks - here is an untitled ‘survives the expedition’ solving playlist for you all <3 (more commentary in the tags lol)

listen on 8tracks here

1. All These Things That I’ve Done - The Killers

over and in, last call for sin / when everyone’s lost, the battle is won

2. The Only Thing - Sufjan Stevens

faith in reason, i wasted my life playing dumb / signs and wonders, sea lion caves in the dark / blind faith, god's grace, nothing else left to impart

3. Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier

when the stench of the sea and the absence of green / are the death of all things that are seen and unseen / not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do

4. Blue Ridge Mountains - Fleet Foxes

terrible am I, child, even if you don't mind / in the quivering forest where the shivering dog rests…

5. We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists

i laid you down on the grass of a clearing / you wept, but your soul was willing

6. Olympians - Andrew Bird

you start spitting out anathemas…

7. Love Love Love - The Mountain Goats

love, love is going to lead you by the hand / into a white and soundless place

8. King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men

in the winter night sky, ships are sailing … past the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind / though far away / we're still the same / howling ghosts, they reappear in mountains that are stacked with fear / but you're a king and i’m a lionheart

[from-red-string]

Why?

This shout out for the simbar shippers after the lutteo ficweek, which I loved and is amazing. 

Sorry for not finishing it, I had some problems. 

Ps: Especial thanks to Ellie @fangirlelliethings for handling my excited self for this fic and proofreading for me ILY 

 Emms @rowbrinaswift I need your reaction haha

Anyway, Simbar now! I hope you like it.

“Why do you two work so well?”

When I first heard this question, my first reaction was to start laughing out loud. How could anyone think that?

We’ve had a long way to become what we are now. I’m not even sure how it started. I was a plastic rich girl from Buenos Aires and he was a waiter in Cancun. What were the chances of us meeting? What were our odds of ending up together?

But against all of the odds, we’ve met. The beginning was terrible. I thought Simón was Luna’s dog, also known as Luna’s best friend that was ridiculously in l love with her. And for Simón, I’m not sure what he thought about me for real, but he politely says that he had no problem with me even though I was mean to Luna.

After a while, I broke up with Matteo, who was in love with Luna and she liked him back. Since I needed to get away from Matteo, my best option for a pair up was Simón. Even better, we were two products of love rejection.

What better way to fix a broken heart than to meet another one?

It was cool to skate with him. We seemed connected, we had the same rhythm. The rhythm that guide me was the same that guide him. Skating together had made me realize that we worked together very well.

This realization scared me so bad. Nothing ever worked well for me naturally. I've always needed to make things to go my way. It was good for once to just let it be and it was going fine by itself. With Simón, it was easy to talk, to dance, to play, to be me, it was easy but also so intense. Every feeling I got around him was strong, awestruck, real. Nothing was a pretense.

And my stupid self had noticed how great they were, so I had this ridiculous revenge plan where I wanted to make Simón against Luna because I thought that would make her suffer as much as I suffered when she took my best friend. I didn’t realize that was a mistake until it was too late.

I was in love. Probably, I was in love with him even before that but when I noticed it, the scariest moment of my life came right after that. If I'd thought that what I felt when I was with Simón was fear, I was wrong. When Simón discovered the plan, I saw that the fear I felt before was not even close to a real fear. The only thing that made me feel good. The only person with who I could be myself and I manage to destroy all of this. I was so afraid of losing him. In that time, he told me something that was painful but true.

“You can’t lose what you’ve never had for real. All we had was a lie - your lie.”

It took me so much time to stop thinking about this sentence. Even after he had forgave me, he needed to say a billion times that he didn't mean it that way.

“I was angry hurt boy. I wanted you to feel as bad as I felt. I was yours before you first talked to me. I knew I was yours when I first saw you on Jam & Roller’s stage singing. I heard your voice and I knew it was a lost battle, I couldn’t fight against it.”

For so long, the guilt of hurting Simón followed me but we are okay now. I realized Simón doesn’t care about this anymore, so it was time for me to let it go. I’ve learned that those plans and acts only end up by hurting me and who I loved so it needed to be in the past.

About love - my first “I love you” came out on one of our secret nights, the ones when Simón would sneak in my room late night and leave early morning. I’m sure Amanda noticed the existence of male clothes in a drawer in my closet but she's never said a word about it, at least not to me.

“Do you really need this thing on all night?” Simón asked pointing at the air conditioner, taking his shirt off. “It’s winter. It’s already cold.” He complained sitting on my bed.

“I need the air on to sleep and you wouldn’t feel so cold if you'd wear some clothes.” I said coming from the closet and laughing when he gasped, but then smirked and I frowned.

“You want me with clothes on? Okay.” He reached for his shirt on the floor, provoking me. I stopped him by stepping up closer and putting a hand on his chest.

“No.” I said shaking my head and slowly pushing him to lay down. “I can keep you warm.” Then I kissed him.

Eventually, the “I love you” slipped out of my lips, shocking Simón. He already confessed his love a hundred times before and in various forms. He has never rushed me to say it back even through he wanted to hear me saying it, so hearing it from me for the first time made him really happy. Also it made me happier for feeling confident enough for saying it out loud.

Our happiness could've lasted longer if the whole 'Sol Benson' drama didn't come. The discovery that I wasn’t Sol Benson had wrecked me. First, I wasn’t Ámbar Smith, then I wasn’t Sol Benson. I freaked out. I believed that I was no one that I had nothing and no one, and the life that I've lived before was somebody else's life. Everything previous had belong to someone else, so I needed to start over. I needed a name. I chose to be the new “Ámbar Smith”, I created her before so it was time to recreate her. If Sharon Benson’s ever wished to destroy someone’s life, that was when she'd succeeded.

I felt so lost, I had no direction to go, I was a train whose rail ended but couldn't stop itself. Simón had tried to help me, to make me stop, to reach out for me, but I kept pushing him away, I confused his care for control and I didn’t need somebody to try control my life.

He tried everyday, he didn’t give up. Somehow he knew I still needed him.

When I couldn’t handle it anymore, ready for a free fall, he was there to catch me.

Together we started solving the dazzle that was me. He helped me to get to know who I am and we realized that he already was a part of me.

One day we were coming back from my therapy session in Simón's car - Luckily, he got his license during my dark phase, it was truly just luck - I have no idea how someone like him could pass. I’ve become our official driver, soon after I got my license. We figured out that was safer.

“Last song was bit lame. But that beat.” Simón commented replaying the best with his mouth. I had no idea what music is he talking about.

“Yes, obvi.” I agreed taking my eyes off the window, Simón laughed.

“You ignored the radio.” He stated shaking his head smirking. “A kiss for your thoughts.” We usually do that to get things from each other, it’s a silly joke but I enjoy it. And that would've worked if he wasn’t driving.

“Concentrate on the road and try not kill us, driver.” I replied. Although he was an okay driver, I wouldn’t bet our life on Simón’s multitasking skills. Simón grinned and turned the radio up.

 I don’t ask for you to change, baby no no no

And you don’t ask for me to change

 Tell me how we're not alike

But we work so well and we don’t even know why

 “This song is way better.” He smiled saying it. I silently agreed, smiling back, then turned back to the window again.

But I couldn’t ignore this song.

In that time, I still lived in Benson’s mansion, even through I didn’t talk to Sharon anymore. I ate in the kitchen and started being friend with Luna. She made staying there easier. Almost the whole time I spent in the mansion was with her - studying, watching movies, even cooking.

Within a year, I moved in with Simón. We were alright living together. He cooked I did the math - bills part and we divide the cleaning duties. I was finishing college, so sometimes we had a few parties to go. At one specific party there was a cold night, the people that went there were not that cool and we didn’t feel like drinking, we weren’t enjoying being there, but I needed to stay a little because it was my classmate's birthday.

“So cold!” I murmured to myself, brushing my arms with my hands, Simón gave me his jacket. Sometimes, cold seemed to be just a thing from my head because I was shaking but Simón didn't feel a thing.

“Aren’t you the one who loves the air on?” He mocked, hugging me. Simón was trying to make us leave the party and go home, he want us to have some privacy. It was taking all of me not to give in.

“It’s different.” I answered and I shivered losing my breath when he kissed a skin spot right below my ear. He knows me too well. “You’re dirty, Simón. That’s a low move.”

“I’m just a player who try to beat his enemy.” He whispered low with his lips almost glued to my ear, then gave me a hickey on the neck making me suppress the moan that arised. “Can we go now?”

He asked taking a step back to look in my eyes. I nodded unable to speak. I gave in. After all those years, Simón's effect on me was still as surprising as the first, but it’s stronger and better each time.

9 months after that night, Emma came, our first daughter. Fortunately, I had only 6 months of college to go when I got pregnant so Emma came in the right time. Emma’s birth was perfect and we couldn’t be happier. Luna is her godmother, she really loves Emma. Emma was the best unexpected thing that happened to us.

And that’s a huge fact when nothing on your parents life is as expected or has a plan set.

“Emms, your mom is sleeping.” I heard Simón, whispering to the 1 year old Emma in his arms, when I woke up from my nap on the sofa. I got up to give them a kiss.

“Hey, how was your day at the studio?” I asked letting Emma play with my hand. Simón has a studio with the Roller Band, they were a pretty famous band but they've decided to do less tours and work more on producing music. Simón says they want to give a chance to some new bands.

“Good. Emma was a success singing with Pedro. What about you? How is Fab & Chic going?” He said with his hand caressing my cheek. Oh yeah, I work with Jazmín and Delfi, we created the Fab & Chic brand clothes, there’s a store and a fashion blog, we are doing pretty well. I’m the manager, the three of us have different accomplishment functions in the company, each if us doing what is best at. Emma goes with us to work some days, since she’s on vacation from her daycare.

And now, 10 years after that day, things didn’t change much. And you could’ve thought that would be boring, well, you would be wrong. It’s not that we've found a happily ever after - we don’t. We can’t find something that doesn’t exists. But we know we are happier living together than apart, so we just live passing through whatever we need.

Okay, many things have changed. Luna and Matteo are married, Gastón and Nina aren’t yet - Nina keeps delaying it. I can’t judge it, Simón and I haven't got married neither, but we don’t need this. About us, we had twins, Ellie and Lucas, who are the best planned thing in what we succeed in.

At least, one of them was planned. The twin part wasn’t exactly expected.

But Emma is the one who changed the most. She can eat alone, wipe herself, sleep the whole night, walk and talk. Indeed, it was her question that started all this wondering.

My eyes are locked to Simón's. We are on the sofa and the twins are watching Trolls on TV.

“We don’t know why.” I answered for both of us, looking at Emma.

“It need to have reason.” Emma whispers staring the TV.

“Is it the time?” Simón mouths to me, my eyes widened. I think he’s right. Oh girl, my baby. I nodded. “Emms,” He calls her, she turns to him. “When a boy and a girl like each other,”

“No no no. I already…” Emma stands up saying with the hands on her hips. She’s undeniably my daughter. “I’m done.” And goes to the kitchen. We start laughing, the twins looking at us, confused but soon go back to watching the movie.

“You started just perfect.” I mocked getting closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

“I love you.” He says kissing my forehead.

“I love you.”