#because everyone in my immediate vicinity is more fragile than i am

[oldestenemy]

…

[sonichkkaaascreams]

Mountain with a flower crown

As inspired by a post made by @bleachhaven I made a bleach OC. I am very proud of her. This post is her full bio as I laid the ground work of who she is and next post coming in sometime tomorrow or the day after will be a oneshot of this wonderful lady and her partner. Maybe even turn into something more.

The request and the head cannon it resulted were as followed:

Headcanon for Zaraki Kenpachi with a S/O that’s bigger than him (fluff and smut) 

wordcount: 5816 ~ 

it’s a lpt so i hope you’re patient with me. i like going in depth with my OC’s but also this time i tried to keep her simple and leave some space for the oneshot to come. also i already apologize for any possible errors that i might have missed. my eyes are stinging at the time of posting this.

again special thanks to @bleachhaven​ and also a thank you to @shadowsnlace who also inspired me with their headcanons and i will be using tid bits from their combined effort (they worked seporatly.) in the oneshot of the same name as in the headline. 

Verse: bleach manga – bleach anime property of Tite Kubo

Motto: Chop your own wood, it will warm you twice.

 Name: Yasu (assertive child, ヤス) Yamase (Yama = mountain ,山 – se = back / spine / stature / ridge , 背 )

Reason or meaning of the name: she was a very large child since birth – and her last name was given because of her large stature that resembled a mountain in comparison to her peers and the fact that she carried the livelihood of an entire village on her back.

Nickname: 1. Ushi-oni (Ox/cow demon - 牛鬼)

                   2. Yama-0nna (mountain woman/ mountain lady)

Reason for nickname: 1. This nickname bears the weight of an insult and is what she is called by those who have crossed her path and met her as an enemy. They call her that to convey how beastly large and powerful she is and by the extent how unbothered by their attacks she was.

                                      2. This endearing nickname is given to her by the new children of her village. They call her that because she is very large, like a mountain, and also because she has the word mountain in her last name.

Birth date: Oct 1st

Her birth: she was born on the first day of autumn, around 2 A.M (the hour is known as the ox hour) it was a quiet and peaceful night with the owls hooting as the only noise outside.

Place of birth: a small secluded beachside village named “Momo Niwa” (peach, garden/field - 桃,庭) located in district 35 of east Rukongai

Species: soul

Occupation: formerly the hunter, farmer gardener, shepherd, fisherwoman, and the primary breadwinner of her village

                      Later on: Shinigami (soul reaper)

Age: 556 years old

How old does the OC appear: mid to late twenties (maybe late twenties to early thirties if you account for some significant facial features)

Weight: 363.4 lbs = 164.83 kg

Height: 8’8 = 264.16 cm

Body build: she is 363.4 lbs of pure muscle accumulated by eating a bear (or 3 entier boars down to the bone) a day and shaped with everyday hard labor since she was old enough to have a grip on a tool. She is bulky and strong, able to wrestle with a grown male bear easily, carry multiple three trunks on her back, and if needed pull a tree out of the ground. She is perhaps the single largest soul living in soul society.

The shape of her face: her face is not very feminine, she has a sharp jawline and strong chin. High cheekbones and gentle brows. Her nose while proportionate has been broken twice. The skin of her face while still soft has been wiped with direct sunlight for long periods of time. Her lips are thick and plump with a downward curve that makes her seem constantly annoyed. A small horizontal scar on her right cheek from where she was attacked by an angry wild cat as an inexperienced hunter. A scar on her upper left forehead near her hairline from when she fell off a three as a child (there is a very small bald spot there due to the scar tissue) and a thick but short diagonal scar under the right corner of her lip leaving it slightly misshapen.

Eye color: light gray – almost white if looked at from afar.

Eyesight: exceptional

Skin tone: as a child, she had fine pale skin, but as the years went by and time spent on the field or the beach her skin changed, and now it’s rough, leathery, and tanned – however, some parts of her body that have never been under the direct sunlight are still moonlight pale.

Distinguishing marks: the scars on her face. Her physique. Scaring around her feet and hands due to hard labor and occasional fights.

Predominant features: the sheer size and height of this woman.

Hair color: a dark reddish-brown with a few gray streaks amidst them. The gray parts make her seem older than she is.

Hair type: wavy, wild, and unkempt. She rarely has enough time or patience to properly care for them.

Hairstyle: the majority of her hair is usually either in a high ponytail or a bun to keep out of her face with a simple old blue ribbon that’s almost ragged by this point due to extensive use. The gray streaks are kept in small braids decorated with beads, feathers, and animal teeth or bones. (insisted by her village elders as hair decoration speaks of position in her village)

Voice: surprisingly has a soft and gentle voice that seems unusual for her throat. Make no mistake she is not quiet nor meek. She has loud booming laughter that is guaranteed to shake the house and her voice can easily be heard over others in a loud crowded room. But her speech pattern is gentle, polite, soft-spoken, and calming. She speaks with a reassuring sense of confidence that will make everyone listen and heed her words.

Overall attractiveness: she is not considered conventionally beautiful nor attractive; especially by feminine standards. She is simply too large, too tall, and too muscular to be the image of the traditionally graceful innocent flower petal that women are perceived as. Instead, she is considered rather handsome. In a manly, reliable kind of way that makes a woman to be attracted to her more than men. As most men don’t like courting girls that tower over them both figuratively and literally.

Physical disabilities: due to her height and weight, her knees and ankles are prone to joint pain and are in need of getting an ointment and herbal massage every once in a while. She may be very strong but the same muscles that made her so, also take away from her speed and she usually is more of a slow and steady kind of worker than the speedy type. She also used to have a difficulty in controlling her strength and had very loud and heavy steps and as a hunter that was a disadvantage. She has long since corrected her steps and is now as quiet as a wild cat while hunting and is quite good with her hands now but she is still rather slow.

The usual fashion of dress: as a child, she would wear normal clothing but as she continued to grow at an abnormal rate her clothes began to consist of multiple Yukatas and Kimonos sewn poorly together to make one dress that is big enough for her to wear comfortable and decently.

Favorite outfit: an utilitarian Yukata that is made of multiple dark-colored and green-colored fabrics that she uses for hunting and a winter coat made of only white rabbit skin.

Jewelry or accessories: No earrings, necklaces, or rings only hair decorations made of seashells, feathers, carved bones, and teeth.

Personality: Hardworking, steel true, and blade straight, Yasu is the primary breadwinner of her small village and responsible for the care of many elders, pregnant women, and many children along with many injured and otherwise incapacitated souls. She not only hunts, fishes works on fields, collects herbs, fixe tools, and homes, and guards the village against potential harm, but also she teaches everything she was taught and learned herself to the next generation ensuring the survival of her small village. She is primarily a noncombatant as her imposing sight alone wards off any potential threats and due to her size and strength she rarely needs to exert herself and to this day she has not been physically challenged (not since the first time she wrestled a bear as a child, but then she was mostly unprepared than weaker. Ps. She cried when she accidentally killed it, stopped crying when she realized how tasty the bear is.).

                      Unless necessary she rather not partake in violence, as a hunter she was thought that a kill must be clear and clean sparing the pray from unneeded misery and pain. If forced, however she is not a pushover, and while still does not partake in needless violence will effectively and immediately remove the assailant from her and her associates' vicinity by picking them up and throwing them away over her head.

                      She grew up in a village that predominantly had many fragile and weak people and thus not only she gained mastery over her strength but also was raised with the duty of the caretaker. She may have been one of the younger children of her village at the time, but since she was the largest and strongest many of the manual labor was placed on her shoulders and so she grew to have a habit of being everyone’s mother, to care for their well-being, eating habits, if their sleeping well, fixing their clothes if it’s untidy and even bathing them. (She was strong enough to safely carry the pregnant women to the bath, wash them safely and carry them back with no problem, or help those that had injured arms or legs in bathing)

                      She is, as formerly mentioned, very soft-spoken and quiet and never feels the need to yell or raise her voice as her sight alone demands unwavering attention. She is well respected as the breadwinner of an entire village as is dutiful to be deserving of that respect. She rises early morning before the birds – the elders' joke that she wakes up the sun every morning ) and goes to bed later than everyone on the nights that she doesn’t stand guard all night (again the elders' joke that she either stays up to make sure all the stars are accounted for or that she keeps guard of the moon as well.)

                      She knows there’s a time and a place for everything, a time to be respectful, a time to be playful, and a time to be forceful. She put her duty as the caretaker above all else.

                      She hates it when people think she’s older than she is because of her hair and battered face.

                     She holds on to a very old superstition that drinking boar blood mixed with milk makes children grow to be strong, completely ignoring the parts that the superstition is about “sons” and not daughters and that she is not a “CHILD” anymore.

                    She may act humbly, but secretly she loves how large she is. The only time she ever hated her height is when she entered Shino Academy and all the doorframes were too short for her and her dorm room was ridiculously small for her built. And for that, she prefers to sleep on the rooftop.

                    She genuinely enjoys hard labor and will always offer to carry items for others and if she senses that someone is getting tired she will carry them on her shoulder With delight.

                     While she is a well-spoken person, if she meets someone she is annoyed with or particularly have done something to warrant her contempt towards them, she starts calling them a very specific insult she never normally uses and only reserves for those she dislikes. “Puny/tiny man” for the men and “ladybug” or “little caterpillar” for the woman. (Ex: *smiling politely* be careful little ladybug/puny man, it would be a shame if I accidentally stepped on you. – She has only ever used this insult twice to this day) and on the other hand, she particularly likes someone, she will make them flower crowns and jewelry made of bones and teeth of animals if they are girls (or they like jewelry) and make hand-carved hunting knives and fur coats for the men.

                   She prefers to bathe in a cold lake as oppose to use warm water or use an Onsen.

                   When she finally partakes in combat, she is without a doubt both an unmovable object and an unstoppable force. she prefers to detain her opponents with Kido or Hakudo and if forced break their bones with the hilt or the dull side of her sword and avoid having to cut them down. (She says: a blade is for slaying and not for playing.) if due to specific circumstances; she were to aim for her opponent's death, they will die as quickly and painlessly as possible within a day – if the numbers are high – she makes it seem as if her opponents are mere animals that she needs to put out of misery as quickly as possible and not prolong their suffering. (on one specific occasion where she was disarmed, she held her opponent in a tight hug and crushed his entire spine and rib cage, killing him. – She was miserable and depressed for days afterward, and proceeded to dig an honorable grave for the man.)

Moral: she is dutiful and puts it above all else. When she mush kills, she will make it as fast and painless as possible. And only when it’s necessary. She rarely becomes physical with anyone. she believes she’s stronger than anyone she knows and doesn’t see the need to assert herself in such away.

Self-control: fairly high. She is a very disciplined individual both physically and mentally.

Motivation: the satisfaction of achievement through hard work. By the sweat of her brow and the strength of her mountain-like back.

Discouragement: realizing her size may prevent her from perfecting an action. Or realizing she may have to resort to violence.

Intelligence level: she may not be the most intelligent, but she is wise for her age and has great life experience. Her intuition and deduction skills have saved her from many sticky situations.

Confidence level: she is not arrogant or boastful but she is without a doubt very confident and assured of her capabilities. Of her strength, skills, and intuition. As well as the leadership skills that she acquired through the years.

Mood the OC is in most often: peaceful and relaxed yet focused on the task at hand.

Sense of humor: she has heard every tall joke and buff girl joke there is and is bored of hearing them but she will use at least 1 a day. Lesbian and butch jokes annoy her. She has heard every crude joke an individual can think of. Personally, associates with dark humor. Will hopelessly laugh at shitty puns.

The greatest joy in life: once in her life she had nothing to do so she sat by the beach and laid on the sand listening to the sound of the waves and allowed the children to braid her hair with flowers and colorful ribbons, and that is the greatest feeling she ever had.

Greatest fear – why: to grow old and die in the same village she was born into without ever leaving it. While she is grateful to the people who raised her she doesn’t want her life to have begun and ended in a secluded village by the beach without ever having seen much beyond the woods and the shore.

What would throw the OC’s life in turmoil: the times where she had to kill, especially if the death was A) unintentional due to her uncontrolled strength as a youth and B) done with inappropriate weaponry that caused a slow death and prolonged suffering.

Most at ease when: surrounded by children or people that are younger than her. When surrounded by loved ones. When hearing the sound of running water that reminds her of the shore she grew up in.

Enraged when: insulted, annoyed for too long regarding petty things, teased for her graying hair or size for too long, if someone decides to attack someone smaller and weaker

Trauma: this goes back to when she was a very young child. At the tender age of seven, when she was all but a doe-eyed child, she would eat as much as 3 times a grown man – by that time she was about as tall as a teen – so it’s understandable that on a specially cold winter the village became short on rations. Instead of telling the child to eat less, the villagers lessened their rations for the children and Yasu. For that reason that winter 5 of the older and weaker villagers passed away. Yasu was not told this until she was a good 200 years old, and when she realized this is the reason why her “Yuudai sofu” (grandfather Yuudai) passed away. she was traumatized to a point of losing her appetite and starving herself for the next two years that she grieved. then she returned, vowed she would repay her family every grain of rice a thousand fold and every drop of milk ten thousand. 

Prejudice: a general disdain for those who are physically capable but refuse to “cut their own wood” or “pull their weight”. She came from a village where it was an unspoken rule that the youth – and generally those who are capable – must look after those who cannot do so/ the old. and also a disdain for those who take the hard work of others for granted.

Favorite activity – hobby: when she doesn’t have anything particular to do she likes to sit down under a tree and either carve wood and bones into hunting knives or make flower crowns.

How does the OC feel about herself: she is comfortable in her own skin. Never really thinks about her appearance nor does she compare herself to others. She is content with who she is and the work she does.

One word to describe herself: reliable

One paragraph of how would she describe herself: “I think I’m reliable. I would like to think that I am. It’s my duty as the capable one to look after the others. I do enjoy working, I never seem to be able to sit down idly. Makes me fidgety. (Chuckles.) By the way, you seem tired! Need me to carry you? (Bends down) come now don’t be shy the weather is nice up here!” (Points at her shoulders making a tall joke)

Her best and worst personality trait is based on herself: “Oooooh, I’m not sure. I think my best trait is that, well, I’m reliable. And very sturdy. (Laughs.) my worst trait? I don’t know. I work too hard? Don’t take as many breaks as I should? I feel like I’m bragging.”

Her best and the worst physical trait is based on herself: “Hmmm. I never thought about that. I guess I do like that I’m tall and strong. I can take care of everyone like that. Reach the high shelves for them and pick them up when they're tired. I guess I don’t like my graying streaks? Makes people think I’m older than I actually am. “

How others perceive her: Villiger child said. ”Yama-Onna- san is the best! She picks us up and swings us around and around until we get dizzy and then she brings us fresh peaches every afternoon. She saved Aki-chan from a mean boar once. We love Yama-Onna- san sooo very much.”

                                             Villager woman: “Aah, yes. I do know Yasu- chan. She is wonderful. A dutiful, wonderful, kind person. I remember when I was with child and couldn’t walk. She would always pick me up so gently and take me to bathe and take very good care of me. Not to mention she'd always make special rabbit soup for me to make sure I was well fed. She fixed my room when it was broken too. Such a handy girl she is. If only she were a man, I think I wouldn't mind a husband like her.” (she laughs as a man’s grumble comes from inside her home.)

The opinion of other people in general: “seeing her for the first time she may look frightening and imposing but in truth, she has the gentle heart of a bunny. Give her a chance to show you who she is rather than what she looks like. She may look like an imposing beast; but she’s about as harmless as a sweet little chipmunk. “

Does she hide her (true) opinion on other people: not particularly.  Even when speaking the truth she will make sure to phrase it politely and gently.

The person she hates the most: lazy people in general – or that least lazy people who are ungrateful

Best friends: Hinamori Momo, Kotetsu Isane, Ise Nanao

Persons she avoids: Kurotsuchi Mayuri, Soi Feng

Person, she feels awkward with: Hitsugaya Toshiro (so small), Hirako Shinji (that weird smile), Soi Feng (so loud for someone so small)

The person she openly or secretly admires: Zaraki Kenpachi (he is up to my chest, very tall), Ise Nanao, Kuchiki Rukia

How she thinks others perceive her: Ushi-oni, imposing and scary (which makes her a bit sad)

One thing she would change about herself: the gray hair, maybe make herself a little shorter – just a little – enough that her head wouldn’t hit the door frames all the time.

Her main logic of the world: Chop your own wood, it will warm you twice.

                                                   You can either dream or work to achieve that                                                           dream.

                                                  You won't always be motivated, you must learn                                                       to be disciplined.

                                                    By the sweat of your brow and the strength of your back, and the blood in your veins. Anything can be achieved.

                                                      When there’s a will there’s a way.

Depressed or sad when: she does something she deems cruel. doesn’t have anything to do. Her friend is in the middle of something she can’t help them with. When away from Kenpachi for too long. Sometimes she misses her mothers, father figures and her village.  

Priorities: duty first. And not just work duty. Her duty to herself. Her duty to her romantic partner/ spouse. Her duty to her friend. Her duty to nature, her duty to her conscious. Her duty to her mothers.

Life philosophy: hard work pays off. Always. Not always in the ways, we want or we think we want. But always pays off in some way.

Soft spot – is it obvious or not: she has a giant soft spot for children and people who are physically very small even by normal standards. (namely, Hinamori Momo. Hitsugaya Toshiro, Kuchiki Rukia) – it couldn’t be any more obvious – she makes them flower crowns every day without fail)

Greatest strength: other than her bulging biceps? Her great leadership skills and hard-working nature.

Vulnerability or weakness: deep down she does feel weird and vulnerable about her size, after all, she is still a girl, and about the time she was 150 or so she was deeply sensitive when a guy would call her Ushi-Oni. Just because she was taller than everyone else. Although now she knows logically she shouldn't feel bad about herself and her appearance there are still times she feels embarrassed when she knows she can’t wear a beautiful Kimono because A) they don’t have it in her size and B) she realizes it wouldn’t be good on her as it would on someone like Ise Nanao or Kuchiki Rukia

Biggest regret: accidentally killing that bear, not realizing her eating habits were putting a strain on the village sooner

Minor regret: not learning feminine skills (sewing, tea etiquette, etc.)

Biggest accomplishment: becoming a Shinigami

Other accomplishments: mastering the sword, archery, trapping, fishing, tracking, and finding her way based on stars – making a full garden of peaches from only 3 peaches she bought – building a small fishing boat (albeit a flimsy one) – raising the number of the village livestock exponentially.

Past failures: she failed many times in almost everything she started. It’s not important how many times she failed in what, what’s important is that she is now more skilled than the average souls and Shinigami.

Embarrassing moments: her first 3 weeks at Shino Academy they didn't have a uniform her size so until they make one her size she was heavily underdressed. (the pants were only to her knees and the upper half was more like a tight short-sleeved vest. She preferred to wear her usual clothes but wasn’t allowed to. The moment Captain Hitsugaya who had come to the Academy on work-related matters saw her state of indecency he threw a fit and demanded appropriate clothing for a lady. – Yasu wanted to die at that moment.)

Darkest secret: she secretly, very deep down, is annoyed that no one else is half as strong as she is. And wishes there was someone she could find that she didn’t have to hold back for.) (*wink wink* foreshadowing *wink wink*)

Skills: life skills: 1. wielding a club

                            2. archery

                            3. trapping

                            4. pathfinding using stars

                            5. fishing

                            6. trapping and hunting and skinning animals

                            7. wood carving, bone carving, and tool building in general

                            8. cooking

                            9. farming, gardening

 Incompetence: 1. Sewing

                                  2. tea brewing

                                  3. anything to do with speed or agility

                                  4. patience in anything other than hunting

                                  5. strategizing in anything other than hunting

 Strength – talent – powers: Shinigami based: 1. professional Zanjutsu

                                                                            2. advanced levels of Kido

                                                                            3. unrivaled Hakudo

                                                                            4. passable Hoho

                                                                              Habits: 1. she stubbornly sticks to the superstition of drinking mill mixed with boar blood is good for health and strength. (even though the superstition says it’s good for little boys to grow strong and healthy and she is neither a boy nor a child.)

            2. She prefers to take cold bathes even in midwinter.

           3. Sleeping outside – unless provided with a big enough room.

           4. Braiding her hair and making flower crowns when she is bored or nervous.

 The organization involved: Gotei 13, Squad 10. (as the third seat officer)

Income: standard seated officer Shinigami income + overtime

Job satisfaction: doing all the paperwork as fast as possible (even those that aren’t hers… LOOKING AT YOU MATSUMOTO RANGIKU)

Health: as is expected of someone her size she is very healthy seldom gets sick. Her knees and ankles need a herbal and ointment massage now and then due to the pressure of caring for her weight.

 Childhood life: on a particularly warm summer evening a woman by the name of “Hatsume” comes across this small village begging for a small room so she can have her child in peace. The villagers of course all this and the woman spends the next two months peacefully waiting for her child. The villagers assumed she must have multiple sons as her belly was greatly swollen but by the time the child was born, it was revealed that “Hatsume” was right and she only had one child. One little girl.

                          Actually no, she had one big girl. A girl so big, that she broke her mother’s hips as she was coming out resulting in the death of her mother. Originally the midwife –“ Obba-chan Harumi” – deemed it a bad omen and wanted to drown the child but was convinced otherwise by the rest of the women. Thus the newborn was given to “Riko” another woman who had recently lost her weak child due to heatwave. She named the child “Yasu “ and accepted her as her own child and fed her until she no longer could.

                         Apparently “Yasu” was a very hungry child and drank her mother dry within a few months, and so she was given to another woman named “Natsuko” who also raised her as her own alongside her son named “Tadashi”.  And so, until Yasu-chan was old enough to eat solid food she was cared for by the collective effort of 10 women. (Riko-san, Natsuko-san, Haruko-san, Kaede-san, Usagiko-san, Amaya- san, Yuria-san, Ikuko-san, Minako-san, Sakue-san) and as a child, she grew to eat 3 times a grown man and as an adult, she eats 9 times the average man as a moderate ratio (she can eat more)

Best memories: 1. sitting by the ocean with her 10 mothers and their other children making flower crowns and listening to the sound of waves.

                            2. Learning how to carve knives and sitting next to her        “Yuudai-gi” and making hunting knives.

Worst memories: 1. sitting at the grave of “Yuudai-gi” now knowing why he died

                                2. Barring her mother “Kaede-san” after she fell ill

Alignment: bounces between lawful chaotic and chaotic lawful – sometimes lawful neutral

Short-term goal: accomplish daily duties to the best of her abilities.

Long term goal: live her life to the fullest and learn to relax and have fun without worrying

The most defining moment in her life: deciding she’s prepared the kids of her village enough and leaving them to become a Shinigami.

Type of childhood: certainly eventful, but all in all nurturing

First memory: her first and oldest childhood memory is being surrounded by many women cooing at her (her motherers) and one in particular saying something about giving her boar blood with milk.

Most important childhood memory: her first successful hunt, an old limping stag.

Childhood hero: Yuudai-gi

Education: thought by the rest of the villagers. Mostly focused on practical information – learned how to write and read when she had nothing better to do by her mothers.

Family: mothers: Riko-san, Natsuko-san, Haruko-san, Kaede-san, Usagiko-san, Amaya- san, Yuria-san, Ikuko-san, Minako-san, Sakue-san

             Father figure: Yuudai-gi, Kaoru-gi, Manzo-san, Ikemoto-san, Gihei-gi, Sotaro-san

              Siblings: Tadashi-kun, Ekiken-kun, Toyozo-kun, kenji-kun, Hachigoro-kun, shigeru-kun, Akeno-chan, Euki-chan ,Mizuki-chan, Mami-chan, Romi-chan, Shizue-chan, Chieko-chan, Asaji-chan, Ochiyo- chan

                  +the rest of the village.

Relationship with parents: she was well-loved by all of her mothers.  

Relationship with siblings: there were arguments as children and there were teasings as children but the older they got the better their relationship became and with her size she became everyone's protector and the helping hand of her mothers.

Spouse – lover – the person of interest: Zaraki Kenpachi, the second Kenpachi and the 11th captain of squad 11 of Gotei 13.

Children: none

Relationship with children: very well.

Other important family members: (her father may or may not have been a member of a branch family sworn to the Kuchiki clan but Hatsume never confirmed anything and died before revealing anything about the father of the child.) later on Yasu says she has no interest of ever finding her father since she already has 6 father figures and an entire village as family.

Favorites

-color: light ocean blue

-music: the sound of waves – the sound of branches moving in the wind – the sound of owls Hooting at night.

-food: Bear, boar, shrimps

-literature: she doesn't read much. The Academy textbooks are the closest she got to literature. That being said the book of Seireite Laws is her somewhat favorite.

-form of entertainment: making flower crowns, carving knives, going to the woods to watch the wildlife as they are, watch Kenpachi fight, watch captain Hitsugaya yell at Rangiku.

-expression: 1. You won't always be motivated, you must learn to be      disciplined.

                        2. Chop your own wood, it will warm you twice.

-most prized possession: 1. her ragged old ribbon she uses to tie her hair up.

                                             2. Her hair decorations.

                                             3. The old hunting knife made of bear bone that once belonged to her Yuudai-gi

-weapon: old hunting knife that belonged to Yuudai-gi,

                     Her Zanpakuto (it’s her first and only appropriate and professionally made weapon)

-pastime: watching Kenpachi fight as she makes flower crowns or carves knives.

Poetry describing – quote describing: “she may not have been the innocent cherry blossom, nor the alluring lotus. She may not have been the moon goddess nor the lady sun. she may not have been the enchanting vixen nor the oblivious doe. She may not have been gentle river nor the cherishing wind. She may not have been a princess nor a noble jewel.

Instead, she was unconventionally alluring. She was the reliable oak and the sturdy pine tree. She is the north star guiding travelers home and the early morning twilight, the very beginning of a gentle, warm touch waking you up. She is the dangerously alluring owl and the coyote that mates for life. She is the iron shield you carry to war and the rock you lean on. She’s the hard-working peasant girl in the rice field and The silver O-Choko cup, the only thing the beggar refuses to sell.”

Playlist: 

I have a dream – Abba

“I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything

If you see the wonder of a fairy tale

You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels”

My same – Adele (Yasu and Kenpachi)

“I don't know who I'd be if I didn't know you

You're so provocative

I'm so conservative

You're so adventurous

I'm so very cautious

Combined you think we wouldn't and we do”

  Into you – Ariana Grande

“So, baby, come light me up, and maybe I'll let you on it

A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that's how I want it

A little less conversation and a little more "touch my body"

'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you

Got everyone watchin' us, so, baby, let's keep it secret

A little bit scandalous, but, baby, don't let them see it

A little less conversation and a little more "touch my body"

'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you, oh yeah”

Are you ready – the Disturbed

“That's enough already now

You don't want to take it

All your reservations have been taken away

They've been taken away

So you think you're ready now

For the revolution

Yeah, they can't control you

Once you've broken away

You've got to get them out of your mind

When they stand before you they will find

A force they aren't ready for

***

Are you ready?

They aren't ready for you to be strong

Are you ready?

They aren't ready for you to prove them wrong

Are you ready?

They aren't ready for you to be turned into someone

Who cannot be preyed upon”

  The greatest thing – Cher Lloyd, lady Gaga (Yasu and Kenpachi)

”I hope, that you can see,

you are the greatest thing to me.

And when, you' feeling like you're not enough.

I'll give you wings, i'll lift you up.

I hope, that you can see,

you are the greatest, greatest thing to me.”

   Out of control – lady gaga (Yasu and Kenpachi)

“I need a love that's crazy don't you see?

***

“Give it up, Put it up, Not enough, Not enough, Not enough, I need it Out of control.

 Give it up just let your body Out of control”

 Rival – Ruelle

“The tide is high

It's sink or swim

My only rival is within

Giants calling round the bend

My only rival is within

I won't let my demons win

My only rival is within

I will fight through thick and thin

My only rival is within”

 The one thing – Shakira (Yasu and Kenpachi)

“You are the one thing that I got right

It's a fickle world, yeah, it's a fickle world

You turn the darkness into sun light

I'm a lucky girl, yeah, I'm a lucky girl

And if I mess up everything someday

I would hide my head in shame

Cause you are the one thing that I got right”

aesthetic: (disclaimer: non of the photoes and art works used in the grid bellow are mine i acuired them from pinterest. i do not take credit for any of these pieces.)

[mastrechef]

I was getting frustrated with my lack of progress on my other writing projects and was apparently in a Naruto mood. I’m still working on it and just posting a small bit here. This was purely for fun and, while vague on the details, does not hold to the canon, because frankly it’s ridiculous and confusing. Just looking at all the uncertainties, discrepancies, and retcons in the timeline gave me a headache, so I opted to ignore a lot of it. Plus the whole premise behind this was to deviate from canon anyway.

Written in achronological snippets. The italicized phrases are song lyrics, so not mine.

Show no mercy, let the world see we're invincible

Show them nothing is beyond our control

Humans were selfish creatures. They took and took until there was nothing left. And they felt entitled to it. To take what they wanted and damn the consequences. Like that vile sense of absolute superiority made it alright for them to treat the world like their personal playground and all other non-human entities as fuel for their ravenous greed. Like humans were the be-all end-all of intelligent life and therefore allowed to dictate the rules. Even among their own kind the pattern was apparent. The strong were in the right and given free reign while the weak were nothing but fodder. They waged war carelessly and scrabbled for every scrap of power they could get their grubby hands on, perpetuating an endless cycle of hatred, pain, and death.

Of course, there were rare exceptions. Exceedingly rare exceptions, to the point of almost complete non-existence. And it just so happened that Uzumaki Naruto was one of them.

Kurama bared his fangs in a ferocious grin promising extreme prejudice to any who stood in his way. The humans had forgotten that there was always a bigger fish in the sea, a more terrifying predator hunting in the shadows. Graciously, Kurama volunteered to teach them a lesson and remind them of their folly. His feet pounded the ground with earth shattering force while his nine tails lashed the air. Anyone who dared to try laying a finger on Naruto would be crushed mercilessly.

...

And all that I regret

I have before, I will again

Kakashi jolted into awareness, though he didn’t outwardly show it, his body relaxed and his breathing slow and measured. Immediately, he was on his guard. Something was wrong. More than a few somethings even. The first thing he registered was the lack of the usual chakra drain from his sharingan. And yet, he could still feel it there, waiting to be activated. How was that possible? He’d never been able to control the activation of his single sharingan. What was going on? What had he been doing and where was he now? He couldn’t remember. His memories were a scrambled mess, another impossibility given the sharingan’s perfect recall. 

He mentally shoved the confusion to the side. Right now, determining his current situation was the most important. Sorting his head out would have to come later. Kakashi turned his focus outward to glean any clues. He tensed minutely as he finally took notice of three others in the vicinity, berating himself for his carelessness. He was really off his game. By the sounds of their breathing, two were awake while the third kept watch. His breath caught when he got a whiff of a familiar scent.

Minato-sensei.

...

It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you

Ignite the fire within you

Sunlight filtered through the thick canopy of leaves, flickering with the wind and dappling the ground in little starbursts of light. It was this that woke Naruto. He groaned as all the aches in his body made themselves known. It felt like he’d been trampled by a herd of bijū and had the collective memories of hundreds of clones slam into his brain simultaneously. Trying to sit up was apparently a bad idea, only causing the pain to flare up stronger. He allowed himself to flop gingerly back to the ground.

“It’s fine, I didn’t want to get up anyway,'' he grumbled to himself. He was absolutely beat and would be quite content to sleep for the next fourteen hours straight. Racking his brain for a reason as to why he was in such a state, he came up blank. Whatever it was, it must have packed a wallop to put him of all people on his ass like this. Speaking of which, his friend was being suspiciously quiet. Normally, he’d be chewing Naruto out for his recklessness right about now. Or making fun of him, depending on the situation.

As though summoned by his thoughts, the fox’s voice rumbled through his head. “Go to sleep, brat. You’re still recovering.”

“Kurama?” Naruto pried weary eyes open to look for his friend. Something about the bijū’s voice was off. He wanted to find out what, but he was just so tired, and his body wouldn’t cooperate with him, and his eyelids felt like they were weighed down with lead.

“Get some rest. I’ll handle things for now.”

Okay. No problem. Naruto trusted Kurama unconditionally, so he would listen. Maybe once he’d slept this off, then Kurama would fill him in. He sighed in contentment as he gave in to sweet oblivion.

...

I'll take you away from your nightmare!

If only you would come with me!

I want to show you a better way, so you and I will finally be free!

The Fourth Shinobi War ended, and yet true peace was still a distant dream. The calamitous destruction brought about by the Jūbi only reinforced the fear of the bijū and their jinchūriki. Fear and desperation made people stupid or dangerous. Oftentimes both.

Kakashi raced towards the rampaging Kyūbi, worry gnawing at him. This couldn’t have gone more wrong. Everything was falling apart. They had already lost so many good shinobi, good comrades, and now if Kurama’s reaction was anything to go by, Naruto was in critical condition. The Rokudaime Hokage pushed himself to go faster.

The sunshine boy filled with false bravado had grown and matured, but he looked so tiny crumpled on the ground, blood spilling out around him. Kakashi used his chakra to hastily trace out a seal, one firmly ingrained in his memory even without the sharingan. Sealing was truly an invaluable skill and he was grateful for all the time he and Naruto had spent together working on it, because right now it was his best hope for getting Naruto out of here alive.

All that mattered was getting him away. Someplace safe.

Light blazed as the seal took shape. Catching wind of what he was up to, Kurama threw his chakra into the mix to speed them on their way. The three were whisked away in a clap of thunder.

Destiny unfurled in a new direction.

...

I never wanted this

I never asked for it

But this is what you gave me

Dread pooled in his stomach. His thoughts were already beginning to spiral and took all his concentration to pay attention to Kurama’s explanation.

“Naruto was not meant to exist in this time. The only way to prevent him from disappearing entirely was to merge with him. He had no body to inhabit, so I created this form from chakra alone.”

“So is he…” Kakashi could hardly complete the thought. The idea that Naruto might be permanently damaged from their little jaunt through time was beyond terrifying. Naruto was a precious light that washed away the darkness of Kakashi’s younger years. Not only that, but he was Kakashi’s last anchor to sanity, to life. Without him...

“He is safe. He simply needs time to adjust. Our consciousnesses remain separate, so while he sleeps I am in control.”

As much of a relief as it was to know that Naruto would be alright, his former sensei couldn’t help but blame himself. It was his seal that got them into this mess.

Kurama whacked him, surprisingly gently, in the back of the head, scowling. “Seeing as Naruto isn’t awake to knock some sense into you, I shall do so in his place. This is not your fault. If anything, it was my chakra that threw everything off.”

Well. Kakashi must look truly pathetic for the perpetually cantankerous fox to jump in to comfort him. He couldn’t help it though. As many regrets as he had, and as tempting as it was to have a chance to fix them handed to him on a silver platter, nothing was worth Naruto’s life. He would make use of this opportunity only so long as Naruto’s wellbeing wasn’t at stake.

...

Death would be an ample compensation

Even if it's my demise

But heaven doesn't want me

Blood splattered in a hot spray of red death, the sound of a thousand chirping birds fading back into grim silence. Nothing else stirred in the dead of the night. Anbu Hound pulled back his hand, covered in the already cooling lifeblood of his target. Another layer of blood that he would never be able to wash off. Another stain on his soul.

He left the lifeless corpse behind to regroup with his team, who had been taking care of the guards while he carried out the assassination. He wasn’t overly worried about them, but it wouldn’t do to get sloppy. One slip-up could be fatal. Kakashi would prevent that no matter what. The only thing he lived for now was to ensure the return of all of his comrades, even at the expense of himself. His borderline suicidal tendencies drove his team nuts, particularly Genma, mother hen that he was. But Kakashi was good at it. There was a reason that his team took the most dangerous missions. There was a reason he had the respect of every single member of the Anbu black ops. All the same, he kept everyone at arm's length. While he hadn’t managed to get himself killed yet, all bets were off for everyone else. One way or another, anyone he let close wound up dead.

Kakashi wouldn’t be able to handle it if it happened again. For all his strength as a shinobi, he felt as fragile as glass, teetering on the brink of falling and shattering into a million broken pieces.

[pygmyscheese]

What am I to you?

There are times, when you can’t do anything to help your loved ones in their struggles, but you stay with them for good and for worse.

Namjoon x reader

genre: light angst & some fluff I guess?

word count: 3 786

based on: Verbal Jint “Pretty enough”

A/N: I’ll be honest, it’s not good at all, but the idea for this fic was going around in my mind for so long, and then I came across the song and I just had to pour it all out. No matter how bad it is, I’m still proud of this small baby of mine as it’s the first work I fully wrote in English, which is not my native language. I’d like you to take that into consideration while reading, especially if you find some grammatically incorrect fragments, although I tried my best not to do any and if, correct any mistakes in the text. Enjoy!

“Namjoon” You called him quietly. He should be awake by now, trying not to be late to work, but he stayed up all night to finish project before deadline for one of his classes. Working while studying is a cruel thing indeed, but almost everyone has to go through it to learn the harsh way of life and try their best to survive in society. World is brutal and Namjoon knew it, it was all about survival of the fittest, but he opposed that. That is why you loved him. “Namjoon” You repeated, this time louder. He really had to wake up by now, but there was no reaction. You studied his face. Dark bags under his eyes that with every passing day became more and more visible, messy hair that should be cut long time ago, dry skin from obvious dehydration. He was slowly becoming a shadow of who he once was. And it was all because of her.

“Namjoon!” A loud bang at the door and her shout woke him up immediately. Looking around the room his hazy eyes stopped at your figure.

“What time is it?” He mumbled more to himself than to you, running hand through his blond hair, black roots showing underneath, shaking his head from left to right to shoo the sleep away. Grabbing the phone he forced open his still glued from sleep eyes. Seconds later you heard him gasp and watched how he jumped out of bed just to run around the room in search for any clothes he could wear and look decent. “Why didn’t you wake me up? You know I’m still on a trial, I cannot let myself be late.” Namjoon gave you a quick look, hurt and exhaustion mixed in it.

You knew perfectly what he meant. After working many odd jobs he caught position as a junior editor in a magazine he wished to work for several years already. Even though still on trial, during which people tried to use him for their own tasks as much as possible, with the fact that work wasn’t exactly as he imagined, it was pretty obvious he was happy there. Definitely happier than during last two years you’ve spent with him, full of struggles, self-sacrifice and many sleepless nights. 

“I tried Namjoon, I did” You just said, accepting the blame. You always did.

“I might be late today, will you be fine?” You heard him asking, while going out of the room. There was another bang at the front door, as she was getting impatient. Not the first, not the last time, you thought.

“Sure, I have food and something to drink, I’ll survive.” Namjoon double checked what you said just to be sure himself. It’s not that he didn’t trust or believe you, he just cared too much and you accepted it gladly. Then with rushed swing of his arm he opened the front door, where the one you detested the most stood in full grace.

“Finally. Do you know how long I had to wait? You better take me to work before I’m late.” He didn’t say anything at her words and with slight nod of his head his arm wrapped around her waist to guide to parking lot. You stole last glance at his stoic face when he closed the door. Yes, he knew better not to say anything while she was in a bad mood as things could go very wrong in a matter of second with someone like her.

Sighing you retreated back to the depths of the flat you shared with Namjoon. It was small and cosy, just like the two of you liked. As everyday you ate breakfast in silence and went to bed. It was a sad and boring routine that started after he met her. You were happy for him finally going out and meeting girls, he needed it, he deserved it after his heart broke right before college. But why, just why, it had to be her? She was pretty, you admit. Beautiful, flawless even, with long silky hair, perfect proportions and good manners. Only if her personality wasn’t rotten to the core. She always put herself on pedestal just because she already got her degree and stable, well-paid job. Always pretending, just to keep her high social status. Seeing her acting high and mighty around Namjoon, ordering him around caused pain in your chest. You tried so many times to help him realize that she’s not the one for him, that her presence in his life was like a poison to him. But he was in love. Oh, he was. Seeing the boy, who never let anyone be their pushover, the same boy that went through life with his own opinions and beliefs, so often different from the common ones accepted by society, the same boy, who was always eager for intellectual disputes with just enough criticism entwined in them not to hurt the other party, the boy who stood even against people close to him in order to pursue his dream, his passion, seeing that very boy being so cruelly played by her was crucifying to you. He wasn’t the type to be dominated, no. But Namjoon had a good heart. He was the most compassionate and the warmest person you’ve ever met and that was also his biggest weakness. He couldn’t indifferently pass by seeing people’s fragility and troubles, he tried to oppose injustice surrounding people in everyday life. When he put his mind to something, it was hard to change it. Same was for love. He’ve been hurt before, broken to be exact and it was about to happen again but because of thoroughly different reason. Trying your best to help him realize relationship he was currently in was toxic for him and his dreams was pointless as he had tunnel vision.

You could go on about all small and big things you didn’t like about her for whole day. You liked people, you felt good around them and could always find some chemistry with everyone you approached. But she smelled like danger and you wished Namjoon knew it as well. Train of your thoughts was suddenly interrupted by the sound of key turning in a lock. Scooting to hallway to check what was going on, the man in question stood in front of you.

“Didn’t you say you’ll be late?” You asked trying to read his mood. Namjoon sighed loudly. Was it from exhaustion, which he most definitely felt or something else happened? “I missed you.” You hugged him tightly as if he would fall apart any second and gave a peck in a cheek. You decided not to ask any more questions, he would tell you eventually when the time was right.

“I missed you too, sweetie.” Both of you were so used to each other and grown so close, that sometimes you forgot to grant yourselves with such simple affections like those. That is why you cherished every one of them. Just like his hand that he placed on your head and gently patted your hair. “Do you want to go to our place?”

Your place. The place, you’ve first met. Secluded part of a park, resembling wild forest, small meadow hidden from curious eyes. You always went there when something was up, when he had to clear his mind. About to give him positive answer, your voice got stuck in your throat as sound of his ringtone resounded in hallway. He gave the screen quick glance before putting the phone to ear. 

“Yes? I’m home already. Where? …Fine, give me 20 minutes.” Judging from his tone and sighs that came out of his mouth between the words it was her again. Namjoon gave you an apologetic look to which you could just nod, encouraging him to go and see her. 

Little did you know that it was the beginning of then end. Several hours after his short visit home, he came back, accompanied by her and two big suitcases.

“Don’t tell me…” You were dumbfounded, eyes wide open when she made herself home seconds after entering your place. Yours and Namjoon’s.

The boy nodded. “She’s gonna live with us from now on. Treat her right, hm?” His fond smile directed at you didn’t help you in digesting this new information.

Days dragged on painfully slow since her appearance and Namjoon gradually started to disappear from your vicinity, being tangled tighter into her web of lies and fake smiles. Sometimes it was as if you became invisible. Acknowledgement of your existence varied from person. Namjoon provided you with food and checked on you from time to time but his sighs at you when you tried to spend some time together clearly showed he was starting to be fed up with you pestering him. She on the other hand was straight up ignoring you, occasionally, when Namjoon wasn’t around, using you to vent out her own problems on you in quite an abusive way. It wasn’t just once or twice when you ended up almost tearing up, feeling that places she hit started to bruise. But you couldn’t say anything, seeing Namjoon so cheerful and productive since she moved in. Even if you did, he was deaf for everything except for her words. It wasn’t only you who saw how unhealthy this relationship was. His friends came over from time to time, hopefully when she wasn’t around and tried to shine some light on his clouded mind, with no results unfortunately.

And then it happened.

You saw her change. New clothes, different make-up, perfume other than the one Namjoon bought for her birthday. Those small, almost trivial changes didn’t go unnoticed by you only. Her gruff behaviour was showing on a daily basis now, giving both of you a hard time. Even when he was nothing but sweet as sugar to her, she would snap at him without any reason. And he still loved her despite being hurt by this kind of treatment.

“Namjoon, I think we need to talk.” One day, when you were alone you once again took up the subject that was  cause of all problems. “Can’t you see you’re becoming a wreck because of her? It’s not healthy. She’s not healthy.”

“Sweetie” He sighed loudly, taking off his glasses and moving away from laptop to face you. “Do you really have such a problem with her being here? Nothing changed, you know? I’ll always be there for you.”

“Are you serious?” You didn’t even try to stop the snicker that left your lips. “Since she’s here you gave up on everything other than your job and college. And what do you get in return? You’re treated like shit.” You weren’t really the type to be harsh with words or to show anger, but you were losing your composure because of the situation you were all in.

“I really didn’t want to say that but…don’t you think you became too clingy recently? It’s tiring.”

Silence fell on both of you, staring in each other’s eyes. You hoped he would see in them everything you wanted to tell him but couldn’t. He didn’t. Instead, without a word he left the room and soon after, the flat. He left you alone once again.

Little did you know that one Monday afternoon would be the time when your world would slowly collapse into pieces. You were napping comfortably on the bed when door opened suddenly and you heard two voices. One of them was hers, so sweet, as honey dripping from her lips when she whispered sweet nothings into someone’s ear. You started to move away from bed, sure that soon they’d barge here with Namjoon to indulge in each others fantasies, but the man you saw in the door was definitely not the man, he was supposed to be.

“What’s going on?” you asked, voice barely audible.

“Oh. I forgot you’re here” She scoffed when her lips finally left man’s neck, already covered in few marks.

“What are you doing?” You repeated, your voice higher, harsher, as you approached the pair. You had your suspicions for some time now, but you didn’t want to believe your eyes. How could she cheat on Namjoon and even be shameless enough to bring that man to their flat? “Get out. Now.”

“Fuck, can’t you shut up?” The stranger furrowed his brows in annoyance. “Are you asking for a beating, is that it?” His open hand flew toward your face, leaving your cheek stinging in pain.

“Get the fuck out” Managing to spit those words between gritted teeth you threw yourself on the man and bit his arm. Yelping in pain he pushed you away with brutal force. You flew to the wall, back hitting it with a loud thud.

“I had enough, you fucking bitch” This time punch came from her. You felt air leaving your lungs when her foot met your side. Her partner used that chance to grab you by the hair and threw into study. Trying to fight back, your nails dragged on his forearms, leaving red lines on his skin. 

Everything was happening so fast, leaving you in shock, your mind blank, that you hadn’t realised you were screaming all this time until they wrapped a cloth around your mouth. 

“You have to treat bitches like this, roughly, so they know their place” Man spitted those harsh words while granting you with another kick in the ribs. 

Choking back the tears you saw how doors closed behind them, leaving you alone in the darkness of the room. You always hated Namjoon’s study for it’s storage like size and lack of windows that made you feel trapped, now even more so, your body aching, your cries muffled. You were left there to hear all the things they did, her being so audible that you felt nauseous. You didn’t know how much time have passed when the door opened and cloth was removed from your mouth. Not daring to leave the room you stayed where they left you, letting your eyes to close in search for sleep, hoping that maybe it all was a bad dream.

“Sweetie, wake up.” Hours later, Namjoon’s voice drew you back to reality from sweet covers of nothingness. “What are you doing here?” The feeling of his fingers on your skin made you shudder and move away. His eyes studied you cautiously, not expecting such behaviour. “What happened? You’re acting weird.” Oh, how you wish, you could just say everything that happened. You felt sick to the stomach, smell of the stranger still lingering in the flat, as if the walls absorbed all of it for the reminder of what happened. And continued to happen, all behind Namjoon’s back. Study, that you once hated, became your shelter, where you hid from everyone, both her and Namjoon. He was alarmed by the way you acted, tried to find solution for it but was still blind that it was all because of her.

Until that one day, in late April when spring was in it’s fullest.

“Say…what am I to you?” Namjoon asked her during dinner. His body was tense, face expressionless, eyes dark but empty.

“What question is that even? You’re my boyfriend Joonie.” Sweet lies, he knew too well by now left her cherry lips yet again, just to fade away in silence that followed them.

Biting his lower lip, eyes moved to her face, as if trying to look for the last ray of hope. He hesitated for few seconds before quietly muttering question that was on his mind for weeks now. “Am I, really?”

“Are you trying to imply something now? We know each other not from yesterday, it’s been almost a year, so just spill it.”

“How long have it been with him then?” Hearing man’s question her hand that was reaching for wine glass stopped mid-air. “Don’t try to deny it. I saw you two. Not just once.” Namjoon laughed in disbelief. “I’m not stupid. I saw you change. You grew distant and more fake than you’ve ever been.”

Her mouth hanged open for mere seconds before she snapped. “Excuse me? Who do you think you are to call me fake?” her lips quirked upwards in a mocking smile, words leaving them like poison. “You know my little secret now, so what? Are you hurt Joonie? Will it make you feel better if I said sorry? It won’t happen, because I’m not. You’re sweet but boring, nothing more than a pet.” Sickly sweet voice she used made you boil in anger. You were about to react and give her a lesson she deserved when Namjoon spoke as if giving a command, voice so stern as you’ve never heard before.  “Leave. I’m done with you.”

Ostentatiously standing up from the table she grabbed her bag and was about to leave when she turned on her feet. As expected, she had to have the last word in everything. “Just don’t call later begging for me to come back.”

Silence enveloped the two of you left in the room. Without a word, you approached Namjoon and tugged on his sleeve, trying to bring his attention to you. When it failed, you lay your head on his lap, looking up at his face, hidden behind fringe of now all black hair. 

“You did well, my love.” Your voice a mere whisper, when reached his ears caused him to break. It was second time you saw his tears, second time to see his heart break in span of just few years and you knew, he didn’t deserve any of it. He deserved the world. That’s why you were beside him all this time.

It hasn’t been that long since you left your tiny flat in the centre for the new one, right next to the park you first met at. Enjoying weather, mix of springs freshness and summer’s heat, the two of you laid under trees shadow on soft grass covering the meadow. It was just the two of you, both content with each other’s company. Stealing glances at Namjoon, you studied his face. He dyed his hair again, now to beautiful deep purple graciously accentuating his tan skin, cheeks became more plump, eyes regained that sparkle, you loved so much. He was coming back to life, blossoming like a late flower after harsh winter.

“Namjoon” Just calling his name excited you, as you hoped, he would understand you fully this time. Not satisfied with a lazy hum as an answer, you poked his side to grab his attention. “Look” You got up and stood by one of the trees waiting for him to follow your tracks. Your hand pointed to a hole in the tree trunk, once in the open, now hidden behind the green bushes.

“What do you see there?” Furrowing his brows in confusion he tried to see what you did, but failed. Trying to move away the natural barrier of leaves, his hand brushed over small, now barely visible carvings in wood. “How did you…?” Bewildered, eyes moved between you and names on the tree.

He carved them there himself, long time ago, when he was still a teen, his own name right next to the name of the love of his life. No one but the two of them knew about this fact, so how could you? As sudden recollection of past events flooded his mind, his eyes widened in shock and blank amazement. Nodding to his silent question, you knew he wanted to ask, you smiled widely.

“Y/N, what am I to you?” Namjoon asked, when he sat beside the tree that had your names on it. You declared it yours long time ago, way before becoming a couple, which happened under the same tree anyway. It was your secret place, sort of your own piece of heaven, your sanctuary. He watched as you absently walked in circles, your bare feet disappearing in high grass with every step, face showing you were deep in thought.

“Everything” You finally admitted, looking him straight in the eyes with determination. He couldn’t help himself and chuckled at how it sounded. “You think it’s lame? I don’t care. You’re everything to me. Everything I need, everything I want, everything that makes me feel alive.”

“Now that sounds like a bit too much. I almost got goosebumps.” Namjoon’s hands reached for you when you approached him and pulled you into his frame for a tight embrace.

“I didn’t lie though. I’d say the same thing even in my next life and I’m pretty much sure I said it in previous one as well.”

“And what would you like to be in your next life? Assuming that you couldn’t be born as human again?”

“What?” You scoffed, not agreeing with such condition, but still giving it enough thought to be sure of your answer. “A dog.”

“Really? Why?” Without even looking at his face you could tell he was smiling, revealing his deep dimples to the world. He probably expected your answer, both of you being huge dog lovers.

“Then I could always be next to you, for better, for worse, I could love and cherish you as I do now.” With every word spoken you felt his embrace tightening, him feeling overwhelmed with content feeling.

“I like that.” Placing a kiss on your forehead, Namjoon made a silent vow to recognise you in your next life and love you as deeply as you deserve it.

Remembering his vows, his grief after hearing of your accident, despair followed by emptiness after you passed away, he looked at you again, taking in your features, your eyes and that playful sparkle that shined in them, just like before.

“Y/N?” His voice barely audible, as if scared that it was all a dream, he reached his hand to you to cup your cheek. Feeling his touch you naturally leaned in, humming ever so slightly in confirmation. “I can’t believe it.” Swallowing back the tears, threatening to fall from his eyes, he took you in tight embrace, just like before. And even though you weren’t the same anymore, you couldn’t tell him everything you wished to share with him, you were happy enough to feel the love you once shared, enveloping both of you again. As you promised years ago, you came back by his side to protect him, for good, for worse, so he could get all the love he deserved. As he stroked your snow-white fur, you felt tears falling down his cheeks. It was third time, you saw Namjoon cry, but this time he wasn’t broken, quite the opposite, he have never felt as happy as in that moment.

A/N: Surprise! I hope you enjoyed it! Love you! ♡

[sunshinemiranda]

King of the Lost Boys - Anthony Ramos x Reader (Chapter 5)

Summary: The Pirates want a fight, but the Lost Boys have self-destruct. Tink and a newfound Tiger Lily implore you to bring him back, leading you into Mermaid territory. 

Warnings: Swear words, drinking and smoking. 

Words: 7,644 (kill! me! please!)

A/N: i have no idea where this came from. i’m not joking when i say this but there’s a reason why it’s so disembodied. this might be either the worst or best chapter i’ve written for this series yet. oh god. anyway, enjoy. 

askbox | masterlist

You didn’t wear your leather jacket anymore. It hurt too much. The fabric was the same one that graced Anthony’s slim, proud shoulders; the texture was too familiar after reverently brushing your hands over it the night Oak had given it to you. The warmth and pride it imbued in your skin was seemingly gone. The people around you saw it as an article of clothing tossed to the side but it was much, much more than that. Saying you didn’t wear your leather jacket anymore was meant to express that you were not a Lost Boy anymore.

It hurt more than you could have possibly imagine to pull the jacket off and throw it at Anthony’s feet. He hadn’t let his cold expression fall for one second and it simultaneously made it easier and broke your heart. He was so perfectly good at what he did. It was a tragedy that you, despite all the pain, loved more than words could express.

So here you were, back in the school cafeteria, eating food that had lost all taste and thinking about the last few moments you had spent as a Lost Boy. In those dissipating minutes, so much that happened that you could only contemplate the instance in a sort of slow motion train of thought, not unlike molasses cloaking your brain so as to take in information more deeply.

It didn’t work, which didn’t surprise you. It hadn’t worked the night after the confrontation with the Pirates. It hadn’t worked once in the two days after you had left the Lost Boys. It hadn’t worked last night when all you could do to sleep was summon the feeling of flying. Even that had been tainted when Anthony’s smile flashed against your closed eyelids.

It hurt more than you could have possibly imagined to rip yourself away from that perfectly imperfect group. It really did.

“(Y/N)?”

Nat’s soft smile and bright eyes tugged you above the surface of your thoughts and you startled, sitting up straight on the uncomfortable blue plastic bench.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.” The words, even as they escaped your mouth, sounded so insincere that you physically cringed.

Nat let a breath out, treading lightly. She was the only other person who knew just how unstable this upheaval had left you.

“About them?”

Your hands tightened into fists. “As always.”

She pauses, lips pressed together as her thoughts solidify slowly. “You really loved that group, huh.”

“Yes.” The affirmation falls from your lips too quickly and before you know it, humiliation slaps a blush onto your cheeks.

“It’s okay,” Nat whispers, reaching across the table to press her hand over yours. “Can I…can I ask why this-“

“Please don’t.”

And she doesn’t because she can tell that your voice is distorted by the sort of emotion that comes when you’re holding back tears. And she doesn’t because she knows that hurt takes time but it scars with a sort of immortality too. And she doesn’t because she is your friend. That, all in itself, is enough for you to escape out the back door of the school before lunch period ends, wanting desperately but infinitely unable, to return to Neverland.

When you get home, the house is dark and you don’t bother to turn on the lights. Your bed has become the only refuge possible and even that is starting to be invaded by memories. As sleep takes hold of you with fragile fingers, there is a sinking feeling in your stomach that tells you your rest will be filled with restless dreams.

“I think they want Neverland.”

Slightly had been correct. The purr of motorcycle engines cut through the comfortable silence that enveloped the forest and by the time the words fell from Lin’s lips, Anthony had moved forward and there you were, as always, right behind him.

There was no possibility of forgetting the deep ache in your heart, however, and as you stepped forward, you gathered what little dignity you had left to stare at his leather-clad back in front of you. It was almost too much.

The Lost Boys were already grouped up at the mouth of the path and they turned to their leader with a rare vulnerability, an unsettling fear starting to rear its ugly head. It was the way they looked at Anthony that made your stomach twist with a bittersweet feeling. They were so devoted and until moments ago, you had been just as unwaveringly loyal.

“Tootles, is this the first you hear of this?” Anthony had already reverted to a granite exterior. Pan made his entrance.

“Yes,” Oak replied immediately. “I’ve been keeping my ear to the ground and neither the Mermaids or Tiger Lily knew about this.”

“I think it’s an ambush,” Nibs spoke up, an almost imperceptible tremor in his voice. “I scouted from the highest point possible and they’ve come in numbers.”

“I swear to God, if that asshole tries to wreck anything here, I’m keeping his teeth as a prize.” Tink had her jaw clenched, hands balled into tight fists.

“You know procedure. We start with diplomacy first, but be on your guard. Jordan, can you take (Y/N) to the projection room? Come back when she’s safe.” Pan threw a hand in the general direction of the shack.

Your blood boiled. “Are you fucking kidding me? No way. I’m staying with you guys.”

“It’s too dangerous, (Y/N). Absolutely not.” Pan’s gaze was cold but the underlying care in his message did not escape you.

“Listen to me, Anthony, or Pan, or whoever you’re choosing to be in this moment,” your voice had an edge, a symptom of leftover hurt. “I may not be a part of this immediate group anymore but that does not mean I want to watch a group of my friends dive headfirst into what’s, most likely, a trap. Now you can switch personalities all you want, you can pretend that you’re not afraid of loving and being loved, but what you cannot do is make me cower in fear while this group goes to fight for you, Pan. They’re fighting for you. So when I say I’m coming with you guys, it is not a suggestion. It’s just fact.”

Silence fell over everyone in the vicinity. You caught more than one slack-jawed expression out of the corner of your eye. Anthony was staring back, surprised for once and speechless. Pippa took the chance.

“Well I guess (Y/N)’s coming with us, then. Come on. We should get going.” She reached out and placed a cautious hand on your arm. It was meant to be a gauge; she was checking to see if you were okay.

The group moved without Anthony’s final say, which seemed to send a rebellious thrill down everyone’s spine. Finally, Pan nodded slightly, just a slight movement before stepping forward and taking his position at the head of the group.

You could see the gleam of Hook’s silver necklace in the moonlight from meters away and as the distance closed, you were reminded again of the eeriness of Smee’s cold gaze. She was not an exceptionally tall woman, quite the opposite, in fact, but she had a look in her eye that prompted your heart to find its way into your stomach. Hook himself practically made your skin crawl.

“My friends!” James Oleander, his blonde hair reflecting light, opened his arms as the Lost Boys approached. “It’s good to see you, you know, a guy gets to missing a ragtag bunch of quirks like you.”

“Hook,” Pan barely nodded his head in recognition. “What is this?”

“Whoa, you sure went defensive fast.” Hook tsk-ed, stepping forward as he lazily paced in front of the tense group. “Is it not okay for me to visit?”

“I think we made it quite clear that you aren’t welcome,” you snapped, unable to stop yourself. Pan sent you a glare, his expression telling you to back down immediately.

“Ah, yes! I do remember that, how could I forget. In fact, you were the lovely lady who knew exactly what to do with her hands.” He stepped towards you, a predatory grin on his face. Just as he reached you, Pan angled his body just so and blocked Hook’s approach with ease.

“Why don’t we stop with the banter and get to more important issues?” Anthony’s voice was the coldest it had ever been in all your experiences with him. The words themselves were polite but the chilling way he stated them set a new tone in the air.

James pulled back, eyes narrowing. “Hm. Alright, then. Let me present my desire.” He pulled away from the group and spread his arms wide, turning in a slow circle as he took in Neverland. “I want to expand Pirate territory. Now I know that sounds bad, but hear me out. It comes to my attention that your broke friend here, needs money for college.”

Oak let out a slow breath at that, trying his best to lose tension. The group tensed, ready to pounce and retaliate but he spoke before it could happen. “That’s correct.”

“Mhm, I thought so.” Hook nodded, a synthetic empathy honeying his words. “It must be so hard to be poor. I can’t even imagine. In any case, I am offering you money. Lots of it. So much money, indeed, that it would be enough to pay for this one’s tuition for years, enough to buy you all cars, enough to…” He paused, letting his eyes settle on you. “To buy anything your little hearts desire.”

Pan let out a disbelieving laugh. “Right. What’s the catch?”

Hook gasped, pulling a hand to his chest. “Is that what you think of me? Just a business man?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Slightly rolled his eyes.

“What’s the catch, Hook?” Pan repeated, voice stern and level.

James turned to face the Lost Boys, his grin only growing in size. “In exchange for all that, you give me Neverland.”

Any tension that had been rising promptly exploded. Curly lunged, his fist narrowly missing a Pirate’s face as Oak struggled to pull him back. Tink’s voice rose above the crowd, the Twins spread out and Nibs had already started to move forward, fists raised. Everyone was ready for a fight, until Pan held up one calm hand. All noise or conflict ceased.

“And if we turn down the offer?”

Hook looked up from where he was focusing on his nails, his expression of disinterest turning to a sadistic sort of glee. “Then we take it by other means.”

You immediately cut your eyes to Pan as he paused, the air filled with anticipation. He was stuck. You could see it in his posture, the way he was trying so desperately to fix what he could. It broke your heart and, with a newfound bravery, you stepped forward.

“That’s not quite fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, sweetie.” Hook sighed.

“At least let us fight for it.” Your plan, still forming, became solid as you spoke the words.

James paused, eyes narrowing as he considered your words. “I’m listening.”

“There’ll be a rumble. Give us a week to regroup; we’ll meet you in the clearing just off the highway. If we win, you pay for Oak’s education, fully and without complaint, we keep Neverland and you never return. If you win, we let you have this place and never bother you again.”

“(Y/N), what are you doing?” Tink’s voice took your attention momentarily and you turned to her, attempting a smile.

“It’s okay, Pip. I’ve got it.” You returned your gaze to Hook, raising an eyebrow. “So? What do you think?”

He turned to Smee at his side and a silent conversation passed between the two before he focused on you again. “You’ve got a deal.”

The tension in the air seemed to snap and everyone in the vicinity deflated as the prospect of peace, though likely short-lived, became present. The Lost Boys watched in perfect silence as the Pirates took off on their motorcycles, leaving behind an acrid smell of exhaust and fear.

You turned to face the group, hoping against hope that you could bring these people together for just one second more of the golden light that past experiences exuded. It seemed possible until Pan spoke.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” His voice was shaking with rage.

You could do nothing but stare at him in disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“I said, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? You’ve just stepped forward and made a deal, not even thinking about the consequences, you didn’t even flinch. Maybe you should learn that you can’t go ahead with whatever plan takes your fancy at the goddamn moment.”

“But Pan, what if-“ Nibs attempted.

“Daveed, don’t.” Pan sent him a look that silenced the statement within seconds.

You threw your hands up, laughing coldly. “Right. Of course. Maybe you should learn to be grateful for once in your life. We have a week to get ourselves together and prepare for something we might have the chance to win, all thanks to me. I’ve given us-“

“Us?” He questioned. There was no light left in his eyes and as he stepped toward you, it was clear that not a trace of Anthony was present. “I think you’re mistaken, (Y/N). You’re not a part of the Lost Boys anymore, are you?”

“Anthony,” Oak called out, voice angered for once. “That is completely uncalled for.”

“No, this one was her choice. Isn’t that true, (Y/N)? Explain to these people why you’ve decided to so graciously drag us into this situation and skip out like it doesn’t mean anything.” Pan’s eyes had gone dark.

You stepped back, feeling tears gathering at the corner of your eyes. Quickly, you ripped at the leather jacket hugging your figure, winding your arm back and throwing it at Anthony’s feet. He flinched but stayed still, staring defiantly at where the crumpled fabric lay on the ground.

“I hate you,” you whispered, frantically rubbing at tears that had fallen down your cheeks. “I hate you Pan, I hate you.”

You turned and ran and whether he watched you leave didn’t matter. Not even Tink’s desperate voice was enough to keep you from running and you so you did; running and running and running until you had practically no breath left and home was ahead.

The Lost Boys didn’t come to school anymore. Or at least, they hadn’t in the three-day period since the confrontation with the Pirates. You missed Tink desperately, Nibs too, and Slightly, and on that note, every single one of that band. Whether you liked it or not, they had been your family away from home. All you hoped was that they were preparing for a fight because Hook was undoubtedly bent on having what he wanted.

“You need to talk to Tink.” Nat’s ever-logical voice pulled you, once again, out of your shallow mulling.

“What? Why, what does that have to do with anything?” You, as usual, immediately deflected and focused on your, again, uneaten cafeteria lunch.

“It has to do with everything. (Y/N), this is ridiculous. You never sleep, there are bags under your eyes. You hardly eat, there’s nothing that you enjoy anymore. Most of all, you’re not…you’re not here anymore. It’s like you’re present in a shell but the rest of you is just…somewhere else.” Nat’s voice had a stern care to it and it was clear that you were hoping you would listen.

“I…” your deflection died in your throat. There was no point in denying any further. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You need to talk to Tink.” She said it with finality. “She’ll know what to do, I know it. You need that group of people. I know you don’t want to believe it but it’s true.”

“Nat, it’s over.” You looked up and just for a second, let her see just how broken you really felt. “All of it. There’s nothing left to fix, I can’t. I just can’t.”

After that, your friend stopped trying and maybe there was a blessing hidden in a curse there, but it didn’t feel like it. Instead, it just felt like pure, cold, untouched isolation.

Time was running short for the Lost Boys. You knew, just as well as they did, that Hook was ten times more vicious and willing to stoop as low as possible to get what he desired. In this case, it was Neverland. The boys were simply collateral damage. You wanted, desperately and more than anything, to reach out and contact them somehow but your pride had gotten in the way. In fact, no one other than Nat had tried to speak to you since the incident.

That was, until Tiger Lily entered the picture. When someone like her walked into the room, there wasn’t a soul who didn’t know it. She had a striking sort of beauty about her, every one of her features seemed to be singing out in perfectly bold letters; jet black hair, warm copper-coloured skin and deep brown irises. It was the kind of beauty that graced Greek goddesses and female warriors from gilded storybooks. Tiger Lily didn’t go to your school; she led a band of equally lovely girls from her district, an allied counterpart of the Lost Boys. It was for this exact reason that the entire school fell into tense silence the moment she stepped into the room. Her dark brown eyes scanned the premises, a calm, calculated gaze. She promptly latched onto you and stepped, slowly and surely, in a straight line towards your table, pushing her dark hair over her shoulder as she slid into the seat next to you.

With that one action, the entire school seemed to burst at the seams. Waves of chatter rolled through every table, a mix of whispers and assumptions with you, cringing to make yourself the smallest shape possible. Ever since your fallout with the Lost Boys, the social hierarchy at school looked at you differently. After this, there was no way you could ever hope to lay low again. The murmurs continued and after Tiger Lily became too tired of waiting, she turned to the masses and help up one perfectly elegant hand. Immediately, the voices died down to a pleasant vibration and without a second of hesitation, she turned her focus to you.

“You’re (Y/N), right?” She questioned and the gravity to her voice surprised you. There was a pleasing huskiness to it that contradicted the elegant way she carried herself, a beautiful contrast.

“Y-Yes.” You barely managed to reply, shooting Nat a panicked glance. Your friend could only stare back at you with the same alarm.

“I’ve got a message,” she leaned forward, a duty in her tone. “From Tink.”

You could have melted at her words. An unparalleled relief tingled through your joints. “Tell me.”

“She wants to meet with you.” At this, she raised a single dark eyebrow and you tripped over yourself trying to agree.

“Where?”

“That club downtown, Belle Rêve.”

“Okay. How-how will I get there?”

Tiger Lily cracked a smile at that, emitting a musical, gravelly laugh. “You’ll travel with me, of course. Come on.”

“Wait,” you managed to choke out, your head spinning with development. “Why so soon?”

Tiger Lily had stood by now but she turned around to meet your eyes. Her gaze revealed a barely masked panic that you had become very well accustomed with over the last few days.

“(Y/N), I think you know, more than anyone, just how little time the Lost Boys have. If they’re going to get a winning chance, we need to go now.”

You sent her a nod that she accepted with an acknowledgment of her own. Hesitating slightly, you turned to Nat, bottom lip caught between your teeth. She sent you a reassuring smile.

“I’ll be fine. Go. You need to do this.”

Reaching out, you gave her hand a quick squeeze, you stood to follow Tiger Lily out, feeling the eyes of every person on your back and, as always, as if you were running out of time.

Belle Rêve, though exactly as you remembered it, was a completely different creature during the day. It lacked the thrill it carried in the dark of the night and the attendees were more sloth-like and half-lidded than the immortal feeling of young people ruling the night. This was the day drinking crowd.

“Tink’s in the back, I’ll show you.” Tiger Lily sent you a wave, her voice breaking you out of your stupor in moments.

Even in a place like this, Tiger Lily held the gaze of every person in the room. She didn’t seem to notice the attention that followed her around constantly. If she did, she remarkably good at hiding it. Her perfectly disinterested expression was part of the mystery she was and that only added to the magnetism that affected everyone around her. This was a princess on the tipping point of queen.

The hallway you walked was the exact same one that had led to Nat and the memory of Anthony’s hand, warm, real and wrapped around yours, punched you in the stomach with its presence. You visibly paled and stumbled on your feet but continued walking, determined to keep your priorities key. Tiger Lily noticed, sending you a half-worried look from the corner of her eye, but opting not to say anything. You were eternally grateful.

“She’s just through here,” she gestured at a red curtain, stepping aside to let you in first.

With only a single breath to prepare, you pushed the heavy fabric aside and, as always, moved forward.

Tink was perched on the edge of the couch, tension in every corner of her posture as she nursed a glass of amber liquid. A cigarette was dangling from between her trembling fingers and ash tumbled to the ground as she jerked her head upwards to get a glance at you. Before you knew it, she was moving like a blur towards you, glass left on the marble table with a slight ping. Her arms circled around your waist and you were left, wide-eyed, to contemplate how to maneuver a hug with Tink, of all people.

“You scared the shit out of us,” was all she said, the scent of her cigarette smoke wafting from behind you.

Near tears, you squeezed your eyes shut and returned her embrace with fervor, holding her body to yours, seeking warmth and friendship and just her goddamn presence.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured against her leather jacket. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jesus Christ, I shouldn’t have-“

“Don’t,” she said and from her tone, you could hear the reassuring smile in her voice. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We forgive you.”

Those words alone were enough for the tears in your eyes to find release and mark trails down your cheek as you clung to her. As your breathing slowed and her grip started to loosen, you took in a slow breath as you pulled away, sending her a small, watery smile.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she returned the smile but it seemed much more forced than yours. “And I hate to ruin this, but…”

As she trailed off, you understood the gravity of the situation and nodded once, beckoning her over as you took a seat on the red couch. Tink returned to her spot, taking a sip of browned whisky as her breaths moved shakily through her lungs. Tiger Lily had returned, now accompanied by two drinks, one of which she sat down in front of you. A mute thank you was communicated in smiles.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” You murmured.

Pippa hesitated, taking the time to down the rest of her whisky. It was clear that she was in desperate need of some liquid courage.

“The Lost Boys are a mess, we don’t even know how to start with this clusterfuck of a situation. Pan has disappeared, hasn’t been seen at Neverland since you left.” Pippa paused. “We need you back.”

The air spiked with tension. Even Tiger Lily froze, looking between the two of you with a spark of curiosity. Your heart thumped against your ribcage.

“Tink, I don’t-“

“I know, I know.” She sighed, reaching up to pass a hand over her exhausted face. “It’s Pan, isn’t it.”

You let out a breath, falling back against the couch; eyes squeezed shut, as if to fend off sparkling memories gone bad.

“It always is,” Tiger Lily quipped, a bittersweet smile on her face.

A yawning chasm opened in your chest as words caught in your throat.

“What do you mean?”

Tiger Lily sighed, looking into her martini glass. “That boy has had three major counterparts in his life: you, Pippa, and myself. Anthony doesn’t…he doesn’t quite understand love. I think you’ve already found that out. And after he pushed me away and Pippa gave up, it just became known that the likelihood of someone else coming along was lessening each day. At least, that’s what we thought-“

“Until you.” Pippa glanced up, a wild sort of desperation in her eyes. You had never seen her so shaken. “Until you, (Y/N).”

You sent her a sad smile. “That’s sweet, but I think I’ve just joined the Jilted Lovers Club. You saw us, something…something broke.”

Tink squeezed her hands together in frustration. “I know. I know, and he’s the biggest asshole in the world, I realize that, but…(Y/N), I’ve never seen him like this before. I think when that something broke, it broke him too.”

Hands shaking, you set your glass down on the table, looking up to meet Tink’s gaze. “Pippa? What are you asking me to do?”

Tink was staring at her hands as the room boiled over with tension. Finally she looked up. “I need you to talk to Pan. I need you to convince him to come back.” It wasn’t the shock that stole the breath from your lungs. You had been expecting her to say something like that. It was the memories you were plunged into that crushed your heart under the pressure, like being underneath a thousand leagues of deep blue, almost black, water.

“Tink, I can’t.”

She breathed out. “Why?”

“I think…I think if it goes wrong…I don’t think my heart can take it.”

There was a pause and you squeezed your eyes shut, teeth grinding as you suppressed and internalized anything inconvenient that came up. You didn’t open your eyes again until Tink’s presence became tangible. She had closed a bit of distance between you on the couch, her eyes imploring and desperate.

“None of this is for him. This fight for Neverland is for Neverland. It is not for Pan or so the Lost Boys can keep their hold in this part of town or for bragging rights. It is not to keep our pride from being injured. We are fighting for each other. I fight for the Twins just as much as Curly does. I fight for Nibs and Tootles and Slightly and you, (Y/N), because you are one of us too. Pan is our leader, not our purpose. Come back to us. Talk to him. Please. I am begging you, (Y/N). We have to fight.”

You stared at her, barely breathing as she spoke. Every one of her words thundered in your mind, the impact nearly destroying you.

“I’ll do it. Not for him, not even for me. For all of you.”

Tink grinned, a sight you had missed. “We owe you one.”

“Where is he?”

Tink turned to Tiger Lily, raising an eyebrow. The girl in question set down her empty martini glass and stood, propping her hands up on her hips.

“There’s only one place Pan goes to drown his sorrows; The Lagoon.”

“And that is…?” You trailed off.

“It’s a bar, which I can get us into fairly easily. Only problem is that it’s in Mermaid territory.” Tiger Lily rolled her eyes at the mention of the fourth gang in the district.

“Why is that an issue?”

“Their leader Matsu and Pan are okay enough friends, but since he’s come alone and made it clear that he wants distance from the Lost Boys, I’m not sure if her hospitality will extend to us too.

Tink stood, waving you towards the doorway. “Come on. We’ve got a date with a couple mermaids and a fairy boy.”

The Mermaids had a freezing cold kind of beauty that belonged to ladies of the lake of legend. They were an eccentric group that kept to themselves, staying modest in their territory but fiercely protective. Each one of them was hypnotizingly beautiful with a crackling air of danger that seemed to spark from their skin. They were the sirens responsible for the shipwrecks of lost sailors. Stray too close and they will bite.

Matsu is the leader and it only takes one look to understand why. She is tall, sleek and visibly untouchable. Her name comes from the Chinese deity, a goddess of the sea who doubles as the powerful and miraculous Queen of Heaven. Each and every one of Matsu’s movements is slow and purposeful, every one of her limbs seemingly floating as if perpetually suspended deep under water. Her eyes are impossibly obsidian, hair just as dark and olive skin glowing with a blue-ish tint. Unlike the Pirates and the Lost Boys, she chooses to be gloriously neutral, rising above every single conflict that mark Pan’s knuckles and cause Hook’s nose to bleed. She is the queen of a nonpartisan nation but a short fuse in conflicts around her might just one day force her hand. The Mermaids, whether they liked it or not, would have to fight.

In their part of town, the Mermaids had a stronghold in a bar appropriately named The Lagoon. Pan didn’t frequent the place but he had a stable enough tie to Matsu that allowed him to come in without needing to worry about a bouncer throwing him out. It was the only place, other than Neverland, that Pan could visit to disappear from the rest of the world.

Daylight was fading from sight as Tiger Lily’s car pulled up to the place. Afternoon was quickly turning to evening and in the conflicting war of light versus dark, the neon green sign seemed to take on a haunting sort of flicker.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in this part of town before,” you murmured, partially to yourself as you took in the surroundings.

“The Mermaids keep to themselves. They’re not hard to find on a map but there’s hell to pay if you try to get in uninvited. Come on.” Tink beckoned you forward, taking the lead through the door as you followed behind, flanked by Tiger Lily.

The hallway was darkened and oddly deserted. There was no one to check ID at the door, no tall intimidating presence blocking the doorway, just a long stretch of black tile that felt foreign under your feet. Finally, after twisting through the maze like corridor for what seemed like an eternity, blue and green lights appeared at the end of one last turn and you emerged from the tunnel like hallway into a darkened bar filled with aquamarine undertones.

In the center of the room, a tall woman stood perfectly still, her hair pulled up in a neat and purposeful braided bun, two attendants at her elbow.

“Matsu. It’s nice to see you,” Tink smiled, not even missing a beat. Her voice was civil but there was a tension underneath it.

“It’s been a while.” Matsu replied, her voice cool and enchanting. “Hello, Tiger Lily.”

Tiger Lily barely made a move of recognition, only bothering to tilt her head down slightly. “Matsu.”

“And who is this?” Matsu enquired, lifting a perfect eyebrow as she turned her sight toward you.

“My name is (Y/N),” you managed, keeping your voice as steady as possible. “And I think you know why we’re here.”

Matsu smiled at that, her glossy pink lips catching blue light. She stepped forward, the click of her heels echoing loudly, even against the beat that pumped from the speakers. She had closed some considerable distance and with her so near, your heart thudded painfully in your chest.  

“I do,” she admitted, eyes assessing as she stared at you. “The only problem is whether I feel charitable enough to let you have what you want.”

“Matsu, if you think-“ Tink started but you put a hand on her arm, silently asking for civility.

“Please.” You breathed. “Please do this. I know this is your territory and we respect that. This is not an offensive approach. We just came here to talk to Anthony. Please, Matsu.”

You met her eyes directly and her assessment slowed there. Her hand dropped from her hip as she searched your expression. Something in Matsu’s demeanor switched and she breathed out, stepping back. One hand lifted to point down the left hallway.

“He’s in there.”

Pulling up a smile, you nodded, stepping quietly down a small turn off, Tink and Tiger Lily following behind. The next room was more brightly lit but it still carried that blue glow that simulated an underwater feeling. Your eyes searched the room desperately until your heart stuttered to an uncomfortable stop.

Perched on a bar stool, whisky in hand, a boy in a white t-shirt with a head of curly hair filled the room with a wild presence. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket anymore. Your breath escaped in a single second and you froze, hands trembling at your side. The world started closing in, blood roaring in your ears until you felt Tink’s tentative touch at your arm. You turned to her with glazed eyes and she sent you a smile.

“For each other, right?” She murmured.

“For each other.” You replied.

Your steps were shaky but purposeful and time seemed to slow as you attempted to close space between you and Pan. This was the perspective you always had, almost close enough to touch him but too far away to do so. He was always so infuriatingly near.

Soon enough, you had appeared beside him, settling down on a leather stool. He didn’t address you at all, seemingly numb to his surroundings. The only movement he exhibited was to bring his glass to his lips.

“I’ll have a dry Vesper, please.” You signalled the bartender, sending her a smile as thanks.

“I thought you didn’t like martinis.”

His abrupt speech startled you and your gaze whipped from the marble counters to his side profile. His voice was hoarse and gravelly, seemingly so from disuse. It was either that or he had been smoking too much.

“It’s not that I don’t like them. I just prefer Sex on the Beach.”

“The act, or the drink?”

His choice of words echoed from the first time you had met him, pearly white teeth gleaming in the dark lights of the club.

“Oh, that’s real class.” You murmured, repeating the exact same remark you had thrown back.

A half smile twisted the corner of his lips up and finally, finally, it was like you could breath again. The bartender set your martini down and you nodded your thanks, taking a drink before setting it down, a breath moving steadily in, then out.

“What are you doing here, (Y/N)?” He murmured, reaching into his leather jacket to retrieve a box of Newport cigarettes and a lighter.

“Oh, you didn’t know? I’m the one who’s supposed to drag your dumb ass back to Neverland.”

He snorts a laugh at that, pausing to take a drag of his cigarette before speaking again. “Of course. I hate to tell you this, but I don’t think I’m coming back.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach out for the bottom of his stool, spinning his seat to the side so you can look at him straight on. Not yet satisfied with his level of concentration, you reach your hand out and snatch the cigarette from between his fingers. His eyes widen but he stays relatively still.

“Just shut up and listen, would you? I’m not here for you. I almost didn’t come when Tink asked me to.”

“Why am I not surprised that she-“

“What did I say about listening, Pan? Like I said, I’m not here as some whining, brokenhearted admirer of yours. This is bigger than you. It’s bigger than me, hell, it’s bigger than the Lost Boys too. You owe it to those people to fight. You’re the leader, Pan. That means something. You can’t just drop out of sight when it appeals to you.” Momentarily satisfied with the impact of your words, you pause.

The cigarette in your hand is glowing orange and something about its light is so enchanting that you bring it to your lips, moving slowly. You catch a look of shock pass over Pan’s face as you inhale, then breathe out, a cloud furling elegantly from your mouth. It sets your pounding heart at rest. You reach your arm out and pass the cigarette back to him as he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“I don’t. I’m just trying to prove something.”

“And what’s that?”

“That just because something is out of character, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to do it. Just because it’s not usually something you do, it’s okay to exhibit and express your emotion. It’s okay to feel attached to the Lost Boys. It’s okay because, fuck what other people think.”

He’s looking at you cautiously now, guard slowly falling as he mulls over your words and takes another drag off his cigarette. “Tink was fuckin’ smart to choose you to come get me.”

Your mouth pushes into a grin against your own will. You swivel on your seat, turning back to the bar counter to drink from your martini glass. “Does that mean you’re coming back?”

Pan downs the rest of his whisky, looking down, his free hand drumming a quiet beat against the counter. “No.”

Your teeth grind with frustration, hands curling into fists against the marble. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“(Y/N) it’s just too-“

“No. Don’t give me that shit. God, you are un-fucking-believable. These are the people you treat like a second goddamn family. This is a group of refused souls that you pulled together. I might have gotten us in this situation. I’ll take the blame for it if that’s what you want. But if you don’t have enough in you to get us out of this hole, I don’t think you’re good enough to be that person. The one who heads the charge, the leader, the king of the Lost Boys. If this is the case, you don’t deserve the crown. We fucking need you, Anthony.” You’re standing by now, two steps farther away from him as you prepare to storm out.

He freezes there, hands still as his cigarette burns its last few breaths. “Do you need me?”

There’s a pause. “That’s not relevant.”

“Yes, Jesus Christ, it is. Say it.”

“No.”

“Please. I want to hear it, just once.”

“I’m not saying it.”

“Why?”

You take in a breath, eyes closing. “Because it’s true. And I think you know that. Just come back to us. Please?”

Anthony turns slowly, facing you with soft, glimmering eyes. “I can’t. I’m scared.”

Again, you are struck with the realization that he is just as young as you. This is a boy in front of you, lost, wild and desperate as hell. But that doesn’t mean he’s an exception. A fire of hurt and anger rises up in your chest and you turn away.

“We’re all scared, Anthony. It’s just that the rest of us are deciding to face up to this fight anyway.”

With that, you leave the room with quick, long strides, seeing Tink and Tiger Lily hovering at the end of the hallway.

“So? How did it go?” Pippa asks, anticipation clear in her posture.

“You’re right. He is an asshole. Come on, we should get to Neverland. We’ve got a fight to prepare for.”

Nothing could have prepared you for the event of coming back to Neverland. The place had changed considerably. Plants were starting to wither, brown tinges appearing on previously healthy leaves. The pines were shedding layers of needles that created a thick matt on top of the roots. The sky had lost its perfect, cloudless blue. Everything was turning gray and you knew that it was due to Anthony’s absence. With Pan gone, Neverland was dying.

However, coming back to the rest of the boys filled you with such a sense of pride and nostalgia that a tear almost slipped from your eye. The moment Tink pushed open the projection room’s screen door and waved to you with a grand flourish, a loud whoop went up and the room burst into cheers.

“(Y/N)! It’s good to see you,” the Twins grinned in unison.

“There’s my girl,” Nibs threw out, one fist in the air.

“You’re back.” Curly smiled.

Slightly only sent you a wink and a smile.

“Welcome home,” Tootles smiled softly, but it was clear through the lines in his face that tension had been high recently.

“I couldn’t convince Pan to come back, but I promise you, I am here.” You sent all of them a smile. “We have a couple days left so let’s get ready.”

Preparing meant more than just learning how to fight. Making sure the authorities wouldn’t interrupt the fight was paramount to the survival of Neverland. If the police found out a bunch of teenaged delinquents were squatting on privately owned property, and organizing fights on it, there would be hell to pay. Nibs took it upon himself to teach you how to fight, making sure you felt comfortable in your own skill. The Twins scoped out a covered path as an escape route if anything truly went wrong. Slightly and Tink took to rebuilding the gate that closed at the steel sign, swearing up and down that when the Lost Boys fought and won Neverland, this gate would make it clear that this was their territory. Tiger Lily, unable to convince her own group to get involved in the conflict, had stayed to personally help as much as she could.

Time went fast. Too fast, and now you were standing in front of a group of half-scared, half-enraged teenagers about to dive into a rumble headfirst. The clearing you had arranged to meet in was close enough to Neverland to feel the brunt of the rot that seemed to be a result of Pan’s absence. The forest lush around you was turning brown.

“Okay,” you breathed out. “So today is the day. Tink told me, when she was convincing me to come back to this place, that the Lost Boys fight for each other. They don’t fight for themselves, or their pride, or even for Pan. We fight because we’re kind of…”

“Family,” Oak spoke up, his voice strong and sure.

You sent him a grin. “Yeah. We’re kind of family. And honestly, this is the best kind of family anyone could ask for. So maybe some of us have our vices, and maybe some of us are a little beat up but that’s okay. We’re okay. We are going to be okay. I promise. We’re outnumbered, and scared and we might not be able to have this place anymore, but let’s think about us instead. I mean, the Lost Boys deserve glory, but we deserve respect and love too.”

“You’re goddamn right,” Slightly grinned.

You looked around, remembering the youthful glimmer in every look they returned. It was a misshapen but happy group, perfectly imperfect. It struck you, then and there, that you were a little bit in love with all of them. Every single Lost Boy.

A collective gasp rolled through all seven people. Their eyes were trained on something behind you. A familiar spark flew through your veins. You turned slowly, almost sure of what you were about to see but unable to believe it.

There he was. Pan, in all his boyish, fairy dust glory, hair falling haphazardly out of his ponytail. His leather jacket, the only icon that belonged to the Lost Boys sloped over his shoulders. He had come back, and not alone. Eight Mermaids, beautiful, cold, untouchable women followed him, their sheer number balancing your group out easily with the number of people under Hook’s grasp.

“You guys weren’t thinking of having all this fun without me, were you?” Anthony grinned.

Nibs was shaking his head, a grin tilting his lips up as he crossed his arms. “You motherfucker.”

Pan approached, the Mermaids melding into the group, and took a spot beside you. The dynamic between you two had changed. Instead of protection, he was offering support now.

“Seems like you thought about what I said,” you grinned, propping a hand on your hip as you stared at him.

“I did,” he smiled, turning serious. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

“For what?”

“For trying.”

“Anytime,” you replied.

Pan turned around, eyes flicking over each member of his motley crew. “I think I owe you all an apology. I didn’t think about you guys when I disappeared and that was my biggest mistake. You guys deserve better.”

“Yeah, but who cares?” You shrugged, sending Anthony a small smile. “We like it this way. You’re a good leader, Ant. You’re king of the Lost Boys.”

The rumble of motorcycle engines echoed in the distance, getting closer with each passing second. The Pirates were on their way.

“Well then,” Pan breathed out, facing forward as a spark of determination lit in his eyes. “A king must fight for his people.”