#i do think the worst is done now
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THE NEW CHAPTER OMFG😭im lowkey shaking i feel like my life has been changed by it😭you’ve (once again) outdone yourself, the writing in this chapter was absolutely phenomenal🙌there’s so much to process omfg i need to re-read but here are my immediate thoughts:
bug’s visions?!!!?!?!? brutal. like i’m emotionally devastated, even while knowing it’s not real i felt like my own heart was being broken especially with the steve/nancy part😭poor bug having to see and hear all that horrible shit like vecna really hit her where it hurts (with her father and will as well)😭💔i’m so scared for the next chapter like wtf is happening is big gonna be even more traumatised (yeah probably)
on the positive side😅omfg so much stug cuteness like yeah it sucks they’re both wounded but they’re so damn adorable when they’re worried and pining for eachother😭
and so many cute moments with robin🥹you did that for me🫡 i felt like i was so busy enjoying all the hurt/comfort and the heartfelt moments etc that i totally forgot about the pain and suffering to come😭
AH THANK YOU <3333
dude bugs vision was BRUTAL like vecna said heres every insecurity and trauma ever. good luck ! poor girl just wanted to go home lmao.
stug tho <333 they were indeed very cutie this ep and robin was <333 i selfishly had to add more scenes with her because i miss her and bug being gfs ugh.
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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in case you are in the mood to feel devastated here’s an alternate way of viewing charles’ response to edwin’s confession:
we know that charles kinda puts edwin on a pedestal- yes they are partners but there is a bit of a hierarchy between them. charles just looks up to and admires edwin in so many ways while constantly looking down on and being really hard on himself. he puts on his big happy persona because he thinks that people wouldn’t like him if they actually got to know him.
so when edwin confesses, it’s like a blow to him. he took his charming persona too far and went and tricked the most important person in the world into thinking he was worthy of love. and it’s worse because he does love edwin in that way, which is exactly why he can’t let him know that. charles still believes that he is like his dad, and he saw exactly what his parents’ relationship did to his mother.
he thinks that loving edwin in the way that he wants to would only cause more pain to this boy who has already been through far more than he deserves. so he blinks back his tears, attempts the same charming smile he’s used all these years, and dishes out the gentlest non-rejection in the history of forever
#i don’t really think this is what happened but my brain just loves to add an extra sprinkle of angst to everything#but honestly the more that i study that scene the more i think this is a possibility#at least to some extent#like specifically his facial reactions after edwin says he’s in love with him#he looks panicked and devastated#almost like it was something he thought about before and was afraid of it happening#and then he cracks his little joke to downplay it because he isn’t ready to accept that what’s really happening#because he already had to watch edwin get dragged away before he could step in to protect him and now this#his two worst nightmares became reality in hell#anyways i do think he’s just oblivious and will figure it out in season 2#but i just wanted to ramble#i do think a lot of the reason why he has to figure things out is because he’s afraid he’s a bad person#so it’s more him figuring out if he’s good enough to love edwin rather than if he actually does#okay i’m done yapping for now#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland
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who's pulling the strings of the puppet king?
#lies of p#lies of p romeo#king of puppets#lies of p geppetto#fanart#digital art#hi hello do you think romeo was fully conscious when geppetto enacted law zero (?through him?).#i think about these two a lot... i don't tend to jump straight to the 'deal with the devil' part because there's something about--#--two people with nothing in common but the empty space between them. world's worst grief bonding situation!!!#and there's something a lot more compelling about that to me. and that's not even mentioning the grand covenant in the room--#merits its own post or something else. (because i think about it more than anything ever.)#tl;dr i would kill carlo myself if i got to witness them having the most painfully unpleasant conversation ever had by two people.#anyway i should comment on art process too huh.#the gist of it is if no one got me i know red and black got me.#it's my Old Reliable. i've been nearly gnawing my hands off from. not managing to get anything done in a way i liked so i went back.#i feel better now.... :-)#anyway. worst in-laws ever <3
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment
Thank you and this is what I want to get across.
A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.
I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.
He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.
He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.
Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?
Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.
#i do believe Anya was a victum to Jimmy more than once before the crash but the game plays wit the sort of fear of waiting and stagnation#i believe the reason she decided to tell him was becasuse she finally broke down and tested to see if she was pregnant after one too many#signs and its why she went to hide the gun because she knew now that there was proof of what Jimmy did and was he would do anything to#cover it up and while she also didn't want the baby there was no sure fire way to safely induce a miscarriage or abortion cause shes smart#enough to know that hence her reading the illusion of choice and taking measures to protect herself#but in the hypothetical it was a one time occurence I think Jimmy would act like one single mistake shouldn't define him and Anya thinks#that if she did something sooner or said something sooner than she or Curly could've stopped all of it but that the hard thing taking actio#its so hard to be preventative to a person like they also have the autonomy to do things and no one on the ship is okay with actively takin#that away outside of Jimmy that its just a delicate issue and people act like it was a conscious choice not to help when he just helped#wrong he did wrong by not immediately punishing Jimmy but at the same time did he even fully get it yet? Jimmy immediately got into his hea#after like the sound design right before he confront him is telling like every track sort of gives you the feeling of the characters where#we cant see their thoughts because again the only two characters pov we get are Jimmy's and Curly's and even then we only get Curly's thru#the responsibilites he has to take like he is always tasked with something because thats his role but we rarely see him do something off hi#own volition cause hes a metaphorical cog in many of the machines the games comments on but he's not actively pulling a switch#also i think people latch on to the we can both be heros things too much when analyzing Curly because Curly very much is not happy being th#leader and current “hero” of the Tulpar he just wants out in a way that doesn't hurt and while he is still responsible for not doing more#the idea he could've easily nipped this in the butt acts like Jimmy was not a beast of his own and that he made Jimmy into the person he wa#vs the fact that Jimmy is a person on his own right that makes these choices others are forced to take responsibility for when he simply c#couldve not done evil shit like at the end of the day Curly is not perfect but not nearly or remotely as bad as Jimmy because for that hed#have to not care hed have to not have tried hed have to not try to take responsibility and he did just not in the right way but thats#subjective to the person and you can only realize you did fuck up after the results are before you and its tragic like this game is a#a tragedy no matter how you try and spin it. There's lessosn to be learnt but at the end of the day it telling the worst moments of peoples#lives and the certain inevitabilities that come with it#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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here's that essay i accidently hyped up (sorry) on how fionna & cake did a poor job of concluding betty & simons characters + story in the final 2 episodes. sorry it is so insanely long. i don't know what my deal is. sometimes a show just does such a bad job of handling your favorite characters that you have to write 19k+ words complaining about it, i guess. im linking it as a pdf bc i DO NOT want to have 2 copy & paste this all over to tumblr & i kinda don't think tumblr would be happy with me making a post that long.
#if it sucks uhm. be nice to me pls 👉👈#ik im very snarky & kinda harsh in this but like. i rlly dont usually share my thoughts on media like this much#im ok w hearing rebuttals btw. but also its not likley youll change my mind#im really happy other ppl enjoyed this ending (& also kinda jealous)#but i very definitely. dont like it#not just from a personal standpoint but in that#i just genuinely think the portrayal of simon & betty was done really poorly#things r bolded + theres random section titles that interupt the flow#bc even tho i wrote this much i do genuinely have reading comprehension issues#as in the actual definition of poor reading comprension. due to disability#not the tumblr thing where its for some reason used to mean ' bad at understanding media ' sometimes#oh yea also the font is big bc of this too#im nervou s abt this but too late now ig#fionna and cake spoilers#im not putting it in the tags its 4 the ppl who already know abt it#its emberassing that i wrote all this but i think its worse if i dont share it bc then i just. have it#mmmm..worst part is i dont even cover everything. i have MORE complaints#text
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From the same Storm mini-series 🥹
THE FAM 🥺
#snap chats#logan can you not look like a moody teenage boy for five minutes you are ALMOST 200 years old <- obsessed regardless#AND OFC MY BEST FRIEND CHARLES. i always love it when he looks so quaint ..... very polite i'm treating him to hors d'oeuvres#hey real quick did you guys know i hate french. worst language its not close it got me PISSED#i got three sibs and those FREAKS all took french in school. freaks the lot of them#Unrelated Ramble Asided thank you for treating me to a snippet of what else ill come to read from these issues !!!#i cannot wait.... ive been embroiled in krakoa so much it's nice to take a break sometimes#i mean i . already do that with the 60's comics but ive been neglecting them a lil Ill Admit#on that note tho i finished the first volume of legion of x and i'll prob start/finish the second one this weekend so that'll be fun :]#then i got my First Class issues + this storm run ... i do be readin a lot its a very exciting time for my brain i think#ihave once again rambled for a solid year LMAOOOO ok im done fr now. im hungry#thank you again for this gift my friend i cant wait to see it in its context 👯♀️👯♀️
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woooowwww wowowowowwwww its that guy. the dude. its my special lil guy!!
uuhh i did this because. i thought the album art for the 1998 anime looked kinda like. the sonic adventure pose. and it was SUPPOSED! to just be a shit post. and then i got 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎!!
Trimax version TriStamp version
#art#my art#digital art#Digital Illustration#fanart#trigun#trigun 98#trigun 1998#Vash the Stampede#goddddd this took me way too long lmaooo#i been busy sobb#i am not gonna lie i kinda wanna redraw it for both trimax and tristamp#but im not super sure abt it well see#i dont think itd take as long as this did#the worst part abt art imo is color i just cant do it its too hard i struggle too much i hope u cant tell i gave up on it LOL#i was literally like im done w the colors now i just gotta do bg and showed the colored vers to my mom and she was like 😬#WHAT!! WHAT DOES THAT FACE MEAN!! the colors clash really bad... it doesnt look very good.... love the lineart but the colors...... not it#the defeat in my soul#so i redid it and i redid the shading and the style and said then got back to the colors and stole them from one of my favorite paintings#and then ended up puttin a filter on em sobb#i got the colors from rosalyn drexlers chubby checker fyi#cos i mentioned i stole em might as well say from where#i like her art#idk if her arts surreal but its a lil weird its my type#actually i think its pop? idk im not good at tellin that stuff#dont ask me what happened to the bottom of the text it got cropped off on accident n i noticed too late n was too lazy to fix it#i will not change#anyways thats the post sorry for ramblin so much in the tags loll im tired i havent slept in oof a while
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I don't go here and I realize I'm in the minority with this opinion, but it looks to me like GRRM is just trying to distract from the fact that he's never going to finish his f*cking story. I hardly think he's in any position to criticize someone who may have created a flawed product but at least GOT IT TO THE AUDIENCE. Also he's a misogynistic, entitled hack and I will die on that hill.
#cue all of tumblr blocking me#seriously i rage-quit those books after AFFC and my only regret is not doing it sooner#what an unbelievable waste of my time#I'm kind of sort of interested in hotd but i think I'll just binge it when it's over#*edit#ACKSHUALLY I'm not done ranting about this#those books and show also had the worst influence on mainstream fantasy#like suddenly everything has to be REALISTIC and gritty and depressing#and editors let worldbuilder's disease run amok#like good lord dude you do not have to describe the materials and provenance of every item a riding party is carrying with them ffs#NO ONE CAAAAARRRES#also your sex scenes are shit#okay seriously done now
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Gman and his son, Tommy Coolatta!!!
Hrrngh, flowercrown ref redraw TWO!!
Even tho Gordon doesn't really know Gman, just due to being Tommy's dad he gets his own flower :) . Although none of Gmans flowers will sprout on Gordon himself, they are scattered around a few small spots of Black Mesa (any time Gman freezes time leaves these flowers)
Tommy was the second to last to remember the resets, and unlike the other times Gordon was killed by his friends, this one was accidental. During the fight with Gordon later, he's a bit easier on Tommy then the others.
#art#help how do i anatomy#hlvrai#flowercrown au#tommy coolatta#hlvrai tommy#hlvrai gman#gman hlvrai#gman coolatta#half life vr but the ai is self aware#hlvrai au#hlvrai art#tommy hlvrai#gordon is the last one to remember the resets. Xen kind of like. attacks his mind!#sort of like mind control??? not like. actual mind control but it does influence his reactions by pushing his worst memories to the front#and pushing his good memories to the back.#gordons not reslly in control of his own abilities. he doesnt grow to benrey sizes or anything but he does summon like. a shit ton of#of thorns and gaint man eating plants. vines sprout ffom where his hand used to be.#anyway the science team would win obvs. i dont think theyd kill Gordon again lol theyve done that so much itd just mske everything worse#but they do calmnhim down somehwat?? like they just wreck his shit and knock him out. yippee they win!#now they can all have a heart to heart at chuckcheese . 👍
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not to be a volo defender or anything (even tho i want him and im on his side) but like volo doesnt think pkmn r just tools. he just said desperation / life or death situations w ur pokemon make stronger bonds than modern day friendly pkmn battles where nothing is on the line
#had to put that out there#also hes right cuz like how do y kno who ur true friends r if ur not in a desperate situation#like anyone could literally just leave u speaking from experience#speaking from experience :))))))))))))))))))))))#if u dont believe this then u r LUCKY#if u think volo is insane u r LUCKY to not have EXPERIENCES that make u THINK THIS#ignore me#ok im done#(all of my friends left me 2 yrs ago when i was going thru the worst thing ever apparently still reaping the ramifications of it)#(luckily bc of that now i know who my REAL friends are)#(who is worth sticking up for and who will stick up for me)
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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i cannot stop thinking about anissa and marky though [COMIC SPOILERS]
how did he react when he learned what his mother did? just like mark, he lived a lie. he thought his mother was kind and nice — the only thing that is true is that she loved him, but now, he has no idea if he should believe it
and. you've grown up being conditioned to believe that violence is peace, and that kindness is a lie and a weakness. you hurt people. by hurting a person, by destroying him irreparably, you found the boy you love most: your son. and you don't regret it. you hope one day, once he sees him, he'll get it. but you still don't regret it. you can't say you're sorry
marky will grow up without his biological father, because when mark hugs him he can only remember his mother and what she did to him. your father can't love you the way your mom did. you can't love your mother the way your father loved his
the worst part is, that it she hadn't done it, you wouldn't have existed. you wouldn't be here. your father will grow to love you. you will grow to accept each other. but you tend to wonder — if he never sees you as anything else other than your mother's son, then who will you have when everyone else you know dies?
#i hate anissa but also her character was done so well#like i hate her#fuck her#but jesus christ.#wow#i feel so bad for marky honestly#when anissa said “i don't regret it. tell him. tell him he'll understand when he sees him”#that shit hurt me#that was the WORST time for you to die girl#i was like “idc about anissa thank fuck she died” but then#i put myself in marky's place. and WOWWW#you gotta be strong to deam with that#YOU GOTTA BE STRONG TO BE ANY INVINCIBLE TBH#LIKE WOW.#thinking about mark now#imagine learning that the person who hurt you the most is a better person now#and that means she regrets kt#but then you learn right after her death that she does not regret it at all#you don't even get to hear an “i'm sorry”. not that you'd have listened to it#then you learn she had a son. with you. named AFTER YOU#honestly i can't blame him for allowing things to be THAT awkward w marky#i am so glad the reconciled tho I don't think I'd be able to live if mark's son hated him#tw sa mention#invincible#invincible comic#comic spoilers#marky grayson#anissa invincible#mark grayson#b4 anyone gets this wrong: I DO NOT SUPPORT WHAT ANISSA DID. it's just that marky's relationship w her is smth i would love to see explored
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looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom
#based loosely off the bird who keeps taunting my cats through the window. brown headed cowbird who will sit there#and flap it's wings and yell until the cats show up and then it starts pecking at the window and jumping back and forth in front of them#weird bird.#it's done this for like two years now i think#anyways. sound it makes when it fluffs up is vaguely similar to echidnas birdsong soundboard noise thing. so. yeag#whisp whispers#my art#ALSO. ANIMATION PRECOLLEGE IS SO AWESOME. IM SO. AHRHRHNFMDM GET ME OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL PRLESDRRRE GIVE ME AN ART TEACJER WHO CARES ABOUT ART#it's so awesome here. toonboom access!!!! this is so awesome. guys toonboom is so awesome. not to turn a hobby into a job but like i was#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck#miserably all the time. like it's a precollege but still this is so ??? so much better than anything i've done in the past 8 years#<-except for fine crafts one i miss u fine crafts ...... not even a fine arts credit. but it was a nice class#anyways point being. hm. maybe i could animate for a job. i used to think about it but hs art magnet is so bad guys it's so bad .and i#was like hm this sucks actually. also like worst period of my life but that's unrelated . but this is so. nice? and im DOING things and i#feel like i'm learning??? god i hope dual enrollment goes well maybe i will be able to make it through college...#im so. this is so awesome. precollege animation 2-week intensive thing i love you i love you i love you#BTW GUYS DID YOU KNOW ALL AUTODESK PRODUCTS ARE FREE AS LONG AS UR IN ANY SCHOOLING. MAYA. FOR FREE. FOR AS LONG AS ENROLLED IN ANY SCHOOL#AND THEN SOME !!! i don't even like 3d modeling that much but. maya for free??? that's awesome. that's awesome!! anyways#rambling. i think i missed all normal tags. uhhhhhhhhh#beastlife#<-oh no i only missed that one. awesome. guys i love it here this is so. arbrnsnnm i love you figure drawing. i'm having fun!#with charcoal!!!!! i thought i hated charcoal but this is like !!!!! so aweosme ?????? i'm#this is so awesome. this is so awesome. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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