#i do not want to do this. im going to be sobbing half the time im there
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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are you normal or do you cry for the entire 30 minute drive back from work over billdip?
#straight up sobbing#idek why i was so sad i was just straight up depressed#like literally that bone chilled level of depressed where it's like youre in a black hole of despair#like debated going into oncoming traffic for a small second#They are like Klance if VLD was an early 2010s show#they were made for eachother but the creators refuse to publically admit it#and they go out of their way to actively shit on the people who do ship it.#anyway#im gonna stare at my billdip wip docs for like half an hour before i just pass out from exhaustion#wish me luck#I WANT TO ITERATE THAT I WAS NOT SAD ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF THE BILLDIP FANDOM#i was just sad about them as a ship in general. they are universal to me. they transcend time and space
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i havent been to the gym since i moved out & i wanna get active again but fr -_- i feel like everything is too much faff, too expensive or something that will bore me to tearssssss
#egg.txt#i was like ok before i go sign up to a new place i'll do the chloe ting workouts just to get a routine back in#my god . i have never wanted to sob more from just being so understimulated in my life#but theyre all the SAAAAAME. IM GOING TOKILLMYSELFFFFF.#and the stupid music makes me want to put knives in my fucking ears#i'd gym again but i just couldnt keep waking up at 5am i wasnt getting sleep & half the time i wasnt even able to get a good work out in#like it would be 30mins max of actual exercise and then like#+ so much more time just getting there and it was wrecking everything else in my schedule#it sounds so dumb but even shit like having to drop my bagg off & pick it up every day meant i had to get later buses (& more)#and it would mean just losing hours in total at that point. for what. for a 30 min workout. when i wasnt making any progress with anyway bc#i was getting no sleep? 😭#i wanted ot try running outside again but ugh not to be a baby but people have been harassing me in the street so much more again and i jus#cant fucking do it broooo#and im too shy for most classes . the other stuff is crazy expensive . im going to start gnawing on something for real#i was thinking abt bouldering but it looks so crazy fucking expensive#its rlly a shame bc i did rlly start to get into running too. i could get a treadmill but idek where to put it rn and it feels crazy#to get one when i dont even have a couch... ehrm
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What if I just don't sleep. What then.
#it is 11:01 and i just finished taking a shower that was supposed to have been taken at 9:30#look. unless someone (steve usually) forces me to go to bed i will not despite knowing i will be complaining the entire day#“im soooi tiiiiired” well maybe its cause you only slept 6 hours you fucking microwave oven#ik its recommended for teens to get about 10 hours of sleep but if the school system wanted me to be healthy they should not make an entire-#-essay due in three days and maybe consider letting kids have more than 10 days absent or even not starting the day at 8 am what about that#huh??? huh??? wisconsin school system i have a complaint to make#see i get 6 hours of sleep. 7 hours at school. that leaves me 11 hours for personal stuff and a good four of those are spent eating and-#-doing chores and talking to family etc etc. so i get about 7 hours to myself add in showering homework and laying on the floor sobbing#and ive got like 5 and a half hours of free time so excuse me if i like to. yk. do thingsand maybe im not getting the recommended 10 hours#- of sleep.#im regan thank you for coming to my speech i wrote it in 10 minutes it is now 11:12 goodnight of youre going to bed if not?#join me in being a fucking goddamn disaster all the time :)
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Yall dont even know how badly down i was for this guy back in the day. Mf had me eating off the palm of his hand.
#luly talks#im pretty sure hes the main reason why im so into eyepatches in characters#at least one of the reasons at least#he was so hot AND FOR WHAT#TO SPEND HALF OF THE GAME JUST PUKING BLOOD#i remember close to nothing about this game but that scene had little kid me like sobbing and screaming and ripping my hair off#im exaggerating but not entirely im sure i cried when it looked like he was going to die#fucking okegom itself had me eating off the palm of their hand when i was a kid which#ITS BAD I KNOW LMAO but man. zany emoji but man. these silly little characters had me ON MY KNEES i swear to god#i dont actually remember if i was down as bad for anyone in wadanohara i guess. idate? and the octopus#but it was NOTHING like what me and wodahs had. or nega. although w nega it was platonic love i didnt wanna fuck that thing#i spoke of nega before the moment he died was one of the hardest blows kid me took#i mean they fucking crucified my man. they nailed him to the fucking cross. i was like 8.#my 8 year old ass did NOT need to see my at the time all time fave be fucking crucified i literally was crying so fucking hard#this sort of *grips table* way of interacting w shit did carry me to UT where when papyrus died i was like NOOOOOOOOOOO#bc i used to be a papyrus girlie yeah#part time sans girlie too i mean who wasnt back then but it was platonic never wished to fuck him#i dont remember if i didnt wanna fuck paps tho#i DO remember wanting to fuck grillby tho KFAJDHBGJH#when i got into lisa i was already too old and too normal to go as crazy anymore#no games ever managed to make me as emotional as Mogeko Castle and TGG just cuz of wodahs tho
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i maxxed the tags (what did i expect) but!!
what a soft piece ari 🥺 thank you for sharing this hurt/comfort piece w us!! i think satoru will always be a figure of strength—but i think it’s in part because that’s how he brands himself to be around the people he cares about. he’ll never truly share how he thinks and feels about things, will almost always downplay it really. but he’s always worrying, always aware and cautious, overthinking 🥺 and i felt that loads here!!
there’s a shipwreck stuck between your ribs ; satoru gojo
synopsis; three times satoru sees you cry, and the understanding you gain of each other from it.
word count; 4.6k
contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, the synopsis speaks for itself i think, copious amounts of hurt/comfort, i just think he’d be so good at comforting u :ccc, also fluff!!, he’s addicted to calling u ”baby,” satoru gojo vs human emotion (he loses)
a/n; pls ignore the fact that 90% of my gojo fics are hurt/comfort ok we dont need to get into that <33 the writing in this one might be a lil rusty but im pretty fond of this gojo :’3
dim lights, buttery popcorn, and boredom.
the senses invading his mind are mellow, coaxing, a little tedious. all he can see are the buzzing lights before him, all he can hear is the insistent chewing of the people around him, and all he can feel is just that:
boredom.
satoru stifles a yawn, resting his cheek on the heel of his palm. he’s trying to pay attention — really, he is. trying to pay attention to the movie he picked out himself, after thoughtful consideration, one he’s been looking forward to watching with you all week. he’s trying his best. but, gosh, it’s just so boring.
or maybe he just doesn’t have it in him today — with all these too-dim lights, too-loud popcorn-chewers, and the too-convoluted plot playing on the big screen in front of him. he has no idea what’s happening, anymore, what scene this is supposed to be. some sob-story? he clocked out a while ago.
so, with nothing better to do — satoru decides to savour another view.
that’s how it always goes. no matter the movie, no matter the snacks, whether you’re watching at home on the couch or a nearby movie theatre — eventually, when his eyelids begin to grow heavy, or when his attention span begins to falter, that blue-soaked gaze of his shifts. a moth to a flame, following his instincts. constantly looking over to see what kind of face you're making.
after all, your reactions are far more entertaining than any movie could ever hope to be. little sighs of exasperation, jolts and shivers down your spine, or a laughter so bubbly he can’t resist leaning in for a kiss or ten — he loves it. adores it. lives and dies by it.
so satoru turns his head, and looks at you, knowing you’ll save him from the boredom clutching at his subconscious.
and something in his chest constricts.
at first, he doesn’t notice it. hungrily lapping over the expanse of your jaw, to your cheekbones, his gaze drinking in everything he can see. scanning your eyes for a hint of emotion; and he finds it. he finds it in something that glimmers in the dim lighting of the theatre, something that has his breath drawing back to the depths of his throat.
tears.
crystalline, dew-drawn, a fresh set of tears clinging to the edge of your lash line. they’ve yet to fall, but satoru sees them — he sees them and he doesn’t know what to do.
tears.
tears?
you’re crying.
in the depths of your glassy eyes, he sees a fractured scene — playing against the scope of your iris, as the movie reflects off your pupils. there’s a turmoil there, a sadness, one that has you covering your mouth with the front of your knuckle. and you’re crying.
satoru wants to tease you. he wants to lean over and purr against the shell of your ear, poke fun at you for being so emotional. such a little baby. what else is he supposed to do?
the tricky part is that he can’t. he can’t move, can’t shape his voice into a purr, can’t even speak. he’s frozen in place like a bug trapped in amber, stuck to his seat, unable to do anything but blink at you in what he thinks might be bewilderment.
his breath hitches — and that’s all.
something about the sight of you makes him falter, makes him stop in his tracks. catches him off guard. he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t recognize the feeling stirred deep within his chest, something discomforting and foreign. doesn’t understand why his heart feels so itchy, all of a sudden.
then your eyes meet.
and you blink. once, then twice. eyes just a little wide, an embarrassed kind of surprise. he thinks you must be flustered, and he’s proven right when your gaze flees from his.
a mingle of words clog up at the base of his throat. say something, say something, say something. but he doesn’t know what.
he wets his lips, preparing to part them, but before he can get the first syllable out you're leaning in. close. close enough that he feels your breath ghost against the shell of his ear, close enough that his heart starts skipping the way it always does when you press yourself against him like that’s where you belong.
a whisper. it’s small, hushed, a little frail. but there’s something else, too, laced together with the vowels — amusement.
”you didn’t tell me this was a sad movie.”
a pout plays at your lips, as you murmur your grievances. but then there’s that amusement; it’s there when you pull back, in the crinkle of your sparkling eyes, the curve of your smile.
and satoru’s shoulders relax. stiffened bones melting. he exhales a breath he had no idea he was holding, and his heart feels at ease. a grin finds it’s way to his lips, wide, teasing, cheshire and sweet.
he leans a little closer, bumping his head against yours. gently. ”i think you’re just sensitive, baby.”
his teasing is rewarded with a little huff, as your elbow meets his side. soft. everything you do is soft.
”oh, shut up,” you scoff. smiling. he’s so relieved that you’re smiling.
a moth to a flame, following his instincts, satoru brings you closer. an arm around your waist, pulling you into his orbit, until you’re practically sharing seats. searching for your hand — and he finds it, intertwining his long fingers with yours, just to give it a little squeeze.
(for some reason, he feels more protective than usual.)
he feels your gaze. questioning, maybe. but you melt into him quickly, with your head slumped against his shoulder, and his heart settles back into a sleepy rhythm. just watching the movie pass you by.
the dim lighting of the theatre casts a hazy shadow over your face, a tender desaturation, and his eyes stay glued to it when you aren’t looking. the smell of popcorn hangs heavy in the air, salty and buttery, warm and sweet, and he’s almost grateful to feel that familiar boredom tug at his veins.
anything is fine. anything is better than that discomfort, that irritating itch.
satoru watches the movie flicker by, scene by scene, whispering commentary into your ear and stealing your popcorn with a satisfied hum. chuckling when you whisper-shout at him to cut it out!
he tries not to think of the glittering tears at your lash line, and almost succeeds.
rain clouds, cups of chamomile, and frustration.
it seeps out into the open air, engulfing your living room in a feverish haze. thick and suffocating; the scent of heavy rain, lukewarm tea, and that ugly, ugly feeling underneath his skin.
it pulses. it itches. and oh, how it aches.
satoru hates it. he hates feeling angry, feeling upset — hates when either of those emotions are in connection to you. hates it, hates it, hates it more than anything.
he does everything he possibly can to avoid it; his eyes are keen, always have been, and he can see when that thin line he shouldn’t cross crawls a little too close for comfort. when the rubber band of your patience just snaps. he sees all your buttons, knows which ones not to push. he knows you.
and, more importantly, more than anything — nothing you do could ever make him angry at you.
(well, at least that’s what he thought.)
satoru’s anger is a fickle thing, controlled, kept under wraps. it’s a slow process; it simmers, boils, a cup of chamomile brewed too long. and then it all but invades his senses. it never gets the best of him, never, but right now he can feel it — little pinpricks against his skin, a frustration that stirs his guts and has his eyes going cold.
satoru towers over you, like this. full height on display. not slouching or draping himself over furniture, but standing tall, and proud, and menacing. he isn’t smiling, and that’s all you need to know that he’s upset with you. his eyes are layered over with discontentment.
a sigh spills from his lips, a little gruff, unmistakably annoyed. it slices the silence of the room in half, and a shiver travels down your spine. he doesn’t notice it. his voice has a rough edge to it, something firm. something that doesn’t sound like it could come out of his mouth at all.
”don’t act like such a child.”
a flinch. or maybe more like a jolt; this time, he notices, but it’s too late. he’s in too deep, boiled water licking at his ankles, pulling him down. frustration nips at his skin, and he can’t quite seem to push it away.
and you’re just so, so unaccustomed to it. unaccustomed to seeing him wear anything but a smile, unaccustomed to that cold gaze, usually nothing but warm and fond when it meets your own. this isn’t like him.
it’s not like him at all.
swallowing thickly, you do your best to calm down. but before you can make any attempt to contain it, wetness begins to gather in the corners of your eyes. pooling, little droplets yearning to fall.
satoru notices them instantly. he sees that sad glimmer, framed by the murky darkness seeping in from beyond the curtains, accompanied by the symphony of pitter patter against the windowpane. tears, much like the rain beating down outside.
and his chest goes cold.
a tiny sniffle pushes past your lips, and the dam inside you begins to break — tears tripping over your lash line, rolling down your cheeks. cascading across your pretty face. the air fills with a sense of dread, and both of you seem to be thinking the exact same thing.
(oh, fuck.)
satoru notices, belatedly, that his throat has gone dry. that his heart feels itchy, again. it itches and itches but he can’t do anything to soothe it, and your tears continue to fall.
his heart begins to crack. right down the middle, like a gash in the reflection of a puddle, right across his chest. it hurts.
an inhale, then an exhale. you’re still trying to keep it all together, grasping for control over your emotions, but it’s not going too well. the little breaths that escape your throat are shaky at best, hands trembling as you wipe the tears away with the front of your wrists. and your voice sounds a little like it’s about to crumble away.
”sorry,” you squeak, taking a step back. there’s a silent panic in the gesture, one that makes satoru want to get down on his knees. ”i’ll just — i’ll leave —”
he wants to stop you. he needs to stop you. but he does nothing, nothing at all, even as you stumble out. leaving the haunting echo of tiny sniffles and tear-stained cheeks behind you.
satoru just stands there. once again, the sight of your tears seems to render him completely helpless. useless.
and he's frustrated, honestly. frustrated by the argument, by your tears, by his own guilt. he’s so frustrated he wants to claw his eyes out. he scratches at his forearm, but it does no good. all he can think of is your frightened little expression.
(he scared you.)
satoru slumps down on the couch, head in his hands, running rough fingers through his soft hair. it’s unruly by the time he’s done, and his bottom lip is bruised with teeth marks, and everything in the world feels so meaningless. so out of tune.
(he made you cry.)
a sigh. drawn out, tinged with exhaustion, bitter and battered like the swing of a baseball bat. he feels a little like he could throw up. it’s foreign, this emotion, suffocating. how long has it been since he genuinely felt this kind of shame?
the crack in his heart grows deeper, while you’re gone. more severe. every moment you spend outside of his vision makes him falter more and more, makes his desperation grow. desperate to plead for your forgiveness, to convince you not to leave. to wipe the tears away from your cheeks, delicately, the way you deserve. but he can do nothing but sit there, useless, repeating the same old phrase inside his mind.
he’ll make it up to you.
and when you finally come back, having calmed down a bit, he does just that. you’re embarrassed, he can tell, a little meek. it makes him feel that discomforting emotion, again, that ache. the crack that only ever seems to deepen.
but he covers it all up with a smile. a little sheepish, more than a little forced, but he hopes you understand. hopes you can see his remorse, see a man who loves you, because he does.
so satoru takes you into his arms, softly, hands finding the small of your back. delicate, protective. a little whisper spilling from his lips.
”’m sorry, baby. i didn’t mean it.”
and it’s not enough. he knows it isn’t. but he does what he can — even when it just ends up clumsy, teasing, bordering on something that most would interpret as insincere. all he can do is coddle you. shower you in hugs and kisses, gifts and praises. he hands it out like candy, eager hands finding yours, everything spilling out of his chest all at once.
there’s a desperation to it that isn’t lost on you.
but it works. he’ll make it up to you; he swears. and he dotes on you until you’re too embarrassed to be sad anymore, apologizes until his throat runs dry. until he’s sure you believe him.
he brews you another cup of chamomile, stirred to perfection, warm enough to make up for the shiver he sent down your spine. the rain beating down on your windows serves as a constant reminder of his failure, and satoru does his best to ignore it. swallowing what’s left of his frustration, focusing on you.
anything to see you smile again. anything to wash away the red tint to your eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. anything to hear you laugh, to get you to feel safe around him again.
(anything to make him forget the sight of those tears rolling down your cheeks.)
panic, panic, panic.
it’s all he can feel, all he can think, the only emotion his muddled mind can cling to. he’s in pure, sincere, genuine panic, and you aren’t saying a thing. can’t bring yourself to.
arms wrapped around his waist, tightly, you hide away in the crook of his neck. clutching the fabric of his shirt, burrowing your face deeper into his warmth — and you’re not just crying.
you’re downright sobbing.
satoru knew something was off the moment you fell into his embrace, suddenly, tackling him into a hug so desperate it left him reeling. a kind of desperation he isn’t used to, from you.
he knew something was wrong.
he knew even before he heard it; your choking sobs, those shaky, heaving breaths. muffled into the cotton of his shirt, his uncertain arms around you.
they break his heart.
”hey, hey…” there’s a soothing lilt to his voice, awfully delicate. sweet like molten honey, almost enough to hide the panic. ”what’s wrong?”
satoru holds you to his chest, safe and secure, cradling you protectively. as if shielding you from the world — from whatever or whoever got you like this. as if you’d crumble into dust, otherwise.
he tries to calm down, but his mind is spinning like a broken clock, and your silence doesn’t help. you’re trying to respond; he knows you are, but you just can’t get the words out. any attempts only make you cry harder.
a shake of your head is all he gets — and it’s not much, but satoru’s learned to make a lot out of a little.
so he continues to hold you, hiding his worry, tucking his anxiety away somewhere you won’t be able to see. he curses, inwardly, grasping blindly for conclusions — for some divine guidance. how is he supposed to deal with this?
(how long has it been since he felt so very useless?)
gentle. that’s the approach he takes, finally, hiding his nervosity. he rocks you back and forth, just a little, like he’s lulling you to sleep; his warm hands finding the small of your back, the back of your head. cradling you so close you hear his rapid heartbeat by your ear.
soothing whispers. murmured into your hair, so soft they seem to melt once they slip from his tongue, all honey and devotion. affection so palpable you taste it in the air, from the breaths he exhales.
”it’s fine. i’m here, i’m here… i’ve got you.”
he doesn’t know what he’s doing, not really, but it seems to work. because you calm down, after a while, just sniffling into his neck and letting him soothe you. sobs and unstable heaves, turning into whimpers and shaky breaths. clinging to him all the while; so desperate for comfort, for him.
it makes him feel so, so desperate to protect you, to wash every single one of your worries away.
it’s unbearable, this aching desire. like a great, insatiable, unnamed something deep within the caverns of his chest, clawing at his ribcage, snarling and hissing, itching to break out so it can open its maw and devour you both.
(it’s ugly. it’s grotesque. it wants to keep you safe so badly it might kill him for it.)
a coo. sad, dripping with care, a comforting tone that he hopes you’ll find soothing. he smooths his palm down the back of your head, heavy, doting. it hurts so much to see you hurt.
”my baby….” satoru exhales, a little shaky. but he smiles, and he hopes you can hear it, hopes it’ll help mend the pain in your chest. ”what’s got you this upset, hm? you're worrying me, here…”
a broken sniffle. the guilt eats at you, gnaws at your bones, and all you can do is hide away in the crook of his neck. apologizing, your voice no more than a tremor of a breath.
”’m sorry…”
and satoru thinks his heart shatters. he can practically hear the crash, feel the broken, useless little pieces dig into his skin.
his arms travel down to your hips, steady, and he lifts you up. just for a second, just so he can plop down on the floor with you in tow — keeping you snuggled into his neck. seated on his lap with your legs around his waist, like you’re his baby koala.
”shh, it's okay,” he soothes, a grounding rumble of his chest right by your ear. he’s got you enveloped, wrapped up in his buzzing warmth, and all you can feel is him. ”you’re okay. no matter what it is, i'll take care of it, alright? you can rely on me.”
a moment passes.
satoru clears his throat. nervous, suddenly. ”you know that, right?”
all you can give him is a shaky nod, but it’s enough. he sighs, in palpable relief, still rubbing circles into your back. ”okay,” he sneaks a hand underneath your shirt, tracing little shapes into your bare skin. ”good.”
he isn’t sure how long you spend there, on the floor, entirely focused on comforting you. washing away all your sadness, with every gentle caress, every soothing murmur of there, there… every little stutter of his heartbeat next to yours.
and when you’ve finally calmed down, melting under his touch and into his skin, arms going lax around his neck — satoru takes a breath. collecting himself, so you don’t have to. acting like his heart isn’t still a mess of crushed glass.
”you okay now?” he coos, drawing absentminded hearts into the skin of your back. his voice is teasing, but warm, spilling from his tongue and into your ear. deep and smooth. ”almost gave me a heart attack, baby.”
he feels the way your grip around him tightens, just a smidge, and he hears the weak little breath you draw in. your voice is still shaky, and it makes him want to rearrange the world, stitch those broken vowels back together.
(he doesn’t like how irrational it is, this insatiable something. how it makes him want to bend the rules of the universe, just to see you smile. a dangerous temptation.)
”i’m sorry,” you croak, clinging to him like a shipwreck to a shore. ”it’s not — not a big deal, ’m just…”
satoru pulls back. just a little bit, making sure your arms and legs stay in their rightful place, curled around his neck and waist. making sure the two of you stay connected.
then he pinches your cheek.
”don’t apologize,” he quips, a playful frown on his face. soft, a vague furrow of his brows. like he’s scolding you.
it makes you wince, your eyes downcast. you look so meek. a little like a kicked puppy, glassy eyes glancing up at him in search of comfort.
satoru clicks his tongue. ”and don’t look at me like that, either.”
he boops your nose, playful, doting, and you exhale weakly. it’s small, more breath than a real laugh, but you’re almost smiling, and —
it’s a start. it’s something.
satoru coos, voice dripping with warmth, sickeningly sweet. it seeps from his fingertips when he cradles your cheek in his palm, rubbing circles into the puffy skin beneath your eyes. there’s a mirth in his own, crinkled at the edges, tucked into that blue shade, something glazed over with pure adoration.
”there’s that smile.”
he leans forward, closer, to press a kiss against the bridge of your nose, eyelashes fluttering. tickling your skin. you fall further into his embrace and he makes no move to resist, wouldn’t do it even if he physically could. even if he had the strength to let you go.
then he broaches the subject. hesitant. tactful, careful, delicate — he tries to remember how it works. how to handle something fragile. he thinks of those boxes you carried last week, little porcelain cups. heavy in his arms. he thinks of the way you jab his side with your elbow; gentle, always gentle, even though there’s never any need.
he thinks of you, and it all comes easy. that’s how it always goes.
”wanna talk about it?” he asks, softly. fingers treading through your hair, scratching softly at your scalp. it makes you melt, a little. clearing your throat.
”it’s nothing, really,” you mumble, tiny, seeking respite in the warmth that seeps from his body. speaking with a raspy voice, a hoarse throat, all tired out after crying. ”nothing big, anyway…”
a moment passes, before you continue. ”i guess it's just been a rough week,” you admit, a sigh slipping from your lips, tinged with pure exhaustion. ”just little things piling up. ’m okay now.”
a hum. satoru clears his throat.
”anything i can do?”
(please let me help.)
but you only shake your head. ”you’ve already done enough,” you assure him, leaning into his touch. ”think i just needed to get it all out, y’know?”
a beat. an itch. satoru holds you tight, a little tighter than he should. gentle, he reminds himself. but he needs you close enough to feel the flutter of your heartbeat, close enough to delude himself that you’ve merged together. closer isn’t close enough.
he gnaws at his bottom lip, teeth sinking into the flesh. pulling words out from the back of his throat, uncertain. ”i’m always here,” he settles on. ”if there’s anything you need, come straight to me. okay?”
a frown plays at your lips. you’re silent, for a while, until he hears you mumble beneath your breath.
”i don’t want to bother you so much, though…”
”— it’s not a bother.”
the words spill into the air, a little more firm than he meant to sound. but he means them.
”i’m serious. if you ever need help, with anything, come find me. i’m yours,” satoru inhales, deep, his chest moving in tune with the breath. you’re carried along with it, as if being lulled to sleep, following the steady pattern of his lungs.
then he exhales. in, and out, and with it comes a promise. ”if anyone makes you cry, i’ll get rid of them.”
he says it casually, so casually that you assume it’s a joke, a bout of breathless giggles pushing past your lips. the sound has his own curling up, and he doesn’t have the heart to correct you. has enough tact to know that this might not be the best moment to let you know that he’s honestly a little terrified of how far he’d be willing to go to keep you safe and happy.
but you’re smiling, finally, laughing. and that matters more than anything. when he closes his eyes, he thinks he can even feel the telltale signs that his heart is picking itself back up, gluing jagged shards into a shape that resembles you.
"that's scary!” you gasp, amusement bubbling up inside your throat. ”you’d go to jail for me?”
satoru huffs. ”bold of you to assume i’d get caught,” he tuts, a smug smile on his face. it makes you giggle, again, and he feels like a god.
”okay, okay,” you nose at his neck, breathing him in, strawberry lotion and laundry detergent filling your senses. ”please don’t kill anyone on my behalf, though.”
”no promises.”
”satoru…”
slowly, steadily, his heart begins to stitch itself together. it helps that you’re there, he thinks. helps that you’re pressed up against him, that you’re holding him, like he’s the safest thing in the world. like you trust him.
(the word tastes like molten honey and luscious berries, sickly-sweet on his tongue. he gulps it down hungrily.)
it’s healing. the weight of your arms around him, the breaths that brush against his neck. he holds you to keep you together, intact, to keep himself together. a shipwreck and a shore — he just isn’t sure which one of you is which. but your jagged edges fit just right with his own.
”i don’t like seeing you cry.”
you blink. gazing up at him, with a contemplative look in your eyes. it melts into something a little too close to guilt for his liking. shame.
”— but i still want you to let me see you like that.” satoru smiles, with a tilt of his head. snowy tufts of hair falling across his face. ”is that weird?”
a moment passes. then you hum.
”no,” you exhale, a little breathless. smiling, somewhat weak, but still enough to have his heart skipping a beat. ”i love that about you, satoru.”
”huh?” he gapes at you — blinking dumbly. ”love what? that i want to see you sob into my chest?”
”that you try,” you stifle a yawn, sleepily nuzzling into him, all tuckered out from crying. ”even when it makes you a little uncomfortable.”
satoru stills.
silence fills the space between you. there’s nothing more to say. his tongue isn’t really cooperating with him, anyhow — all tied up. so he leaves a kiss on the top of your head, and doesn’t say a word about the tremor running through his chest.
he hates seeing you cry. hates how powerless it makes him feel, how useless. hates the fact that he can’t always protect you from the world, from himself.
but you let him see you like that.
he thinks of your tears, crystalline and glassy, like translucent marbles on a summer shore — and sees the trust instead of the sorrow. he thinks of your tearstained face, meek and feeble, and knows it’ll always be enough to break his heart to pieces.
he thinks of you, and tells himself that it’s worth it; just as long as he gets to bring that pretty little smile back to life.
#jjk#satoru#omg i am so excited i finally got to this ari 🥹🥹 and an x times kind of fic too oh my heart!!!!!!#oh he’s soooo into you 🥺 how his gaze always gravitates towards you i am sOOO my heart is SOOO#‘lives and die by it’ PLSSS reading this is like reading it thru rose tinted glasses!!! his rose tinted glasses!! like a movie in a haze 🥹#your writing is always so incredibly descriptive ari and i love love love that because it paints the scene so so well!!#it describes his emotions so well too — the part on him watching your tears is so pretty ‘crystalline & dew-drawn’ HOW PRETTY#the way the movie reflects on your irises — i love that image so much!!!! its such a vivid picture#satoru not knowing what to do when youre near; his emotions going haywire UUUGH forever a fave concept#and WHEN HE SPEAKS WKNDJEJD I THINK URE JUST SENSITIVE BABY HELLLLLOOOOOSUSJDJISJSJS#‘everything you do is soft’ MY GOSH that’s SO CUTE#anything is better than that irritating itch :((((((( GAWSH i love him#i LOOOOOVE the little descriptors at the start and how they set the mood for the scene omg love love loce#comparing his anger to a cup of chamomile??? oh my god i LOVE that how it simmers and boils omfg ari ur mind#and an angry satoru? oh my god take me tf out LOL IDK iF I CAN TAKE THAT LMAO#slicing the silence in the room into half is an AMAZING description ari omfg#‘dont act like such a child’ MY jaw DROPPED oh my god ari if he ever said that to me id actually cry#that oh fuck is so so loud and i love love love how you described that scene ari omg its so vivid and i could feel his and the readers#emotions thru it !!! i wish i could copy paste it properly but im rdg from my phone rn so 🥲#the idea that he hurts when you hurt is sooo oh my god im such a sucker for that and i think its so true!!#because as much as youre unaccustomed to him acting this way; he’s just as unaccustomed to treating you like this too :((((#oh my god him biting his lips to death :(( everything is meaningless . out of tune :(#see a man who loves you because he does :((( WAAAAH ILL SAWB RN#:(((( it makes him want to rearrange the the world & stitch those broken vowels back together HOW PRETTY#the sheer panic he feels at you sobbing bc he just doesnt know what to do#oh god :(( he thinks of you when he wants to handle you gently :(( bc thats all u rlly are :(( gentle :((#and its insane omg how kinda crazed u can feel he is abt u too. how uve managed to write in the extent of what he’d do just for y#i love the lil banter after 🥺 how he tries to keep things lighthearted still bc thats him!! thats satoru!!!#that dialogue is so tender ‘i dont like seeing u cry but i still want you to let me see u like that’ UGH i love that#:((((( and its that act of. he doesnt like it but he’ll brave it for u!! i love that line of him knowing that itll break his heart
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vent in tags don't mind me
#skye talks#vent#it's been a long time since i had a panic attack in the grocery store but here we are#maybe it has something to do with spending my last money on food and gas#new job tomorrow just gotta make it through#all my days are full of tasks now and i have no choice really i gotta do things i gotta maintain and yet im so tired my whole body aches#i want to sleep for twenty years and i haven't even started yet#actually i want to sob and someone to run their hands through my hair#i got home and nearly fell asleep sitting in my car and my muscles keep twitching like they'll cramp#and my feet feel like they're going to split in half#and all the lights in my space were different from how i left them and blinds were open that I didn't and somebody turned my fan off#and like wow i really can't leave my room for even a day without everything being different#and they'll just yell at me and yell me I'm being so disagreeable and difficult if i beg them once sgain to please respect my space#I'm 30 amd saving to move out but they open the door on me unannounced like I'm a child#and i nearly started sobbing in the kitchen as i tried to pack up some chopped onions in the freezer and I coulnt even do that#i begged four separate times in like ten minutes to please let me do this stop goving me other bags stop questioning what I'm putting where#i just couldn't talk i could barely hold myself together#everything in my body hurt and my chest feels like it's being stabbed and my brain is screaming at me and i just#i just needed to put the onions in the freezer and be allowed to be nonverbal and it was too much and it took everything i had#all of it to just beg and say please don't talk to me I'm so tired i just need to do this#and i got literally shrieked at the fourth time i said it#i just#i don't#oh my god i'm gonna lay here for hours and maybe cry again#AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BIGGEST THING ON MY MIND IT WAS JUST THE PANIC AFTERMATH#somebody sedate me or something why is it all so hard#I'll deal with it but holy fucking shit
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So I have surgery coming up in early December and i need to fully pay for it by mid November right? Crazy thing is I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I'm so short. Literally 3 weeks ago I was short like maybe 700. But today is at 1500. I've only spent around 200 max if I over calculate. Am I forgetting something. Am I insane.
#all of my money is stored in my parents account#which i realize is no bueno but its my only option#and i hate tot hink this but like#maybe she took some or did something or whatever#which has ahppened before#but i dont know#i just#this is a surgery ive been wanting forever#and it feels like everyone and everything is working against me on it#hell i wouldnt be suprised if she did it on purpose#cuz half the time im not even sure shes actually supportive#im just#so fucking stressed#and literally now is my only otpion to get this surgery#because i wont have the time or money at any other point#i want to sob and acream and punch something#because im starting to believe its fucking useless to even try#i see others and im like#that could be me#and then my brains all no it wont because its not going to happen#i already had to reschedule once which was fine because i kinds figuerd. i knew the date was too early but had to schedule to keep my quote#but like#i cant do it again#right now its set on break from college so its possible#but literally the inly available time after this would be next decemebr#i cant wait a year#i jeed to get this done now#or else whats the fucking point of trying to live#god. im fucked#just telling myself its after 6pm (spiritually for my sleep scehdule)
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"I am not afraid of you at all. I have nothing left to lose. I have power I can use. Nothing you can say or do will ever stop me again" <<< aka the moment from Carrie the musical that makes me lose my shit every time
#the klock keeps ticking#its just the most cathartic feeling ever like the fucking mom is so controlling and its the climax shes losing her absolute fucking shit cuz#carries going to the prom and shes so scared of carrie being exposed to normal people and being accepted because then obviously#she’ll realize just how bad she has it and she’ll want to leave her mother for good and we cant have that#cuz the mom cant stand the idea of being alone so shes bringing out the fear mongering to the extreme#literally like ripping carries clothes off to make a point about how all men will try and assault her#and then carrie just snaps and she closes all those windows with her powers and shes just looking down at her mom#and shes just like. you dont scare me anymore and im gonna do what i want because i deserve to have fun#and like the she eats that pie like a girlboss#i have some pretty mixed feelings about the musical and like this story in general#cuz like i LOVE all the scenes with carrie and her mom but then the other half just really isnt very interesting#so in musical form its like half the songs fuck severely and the other half are so boring i snooze just thinking about them#but still when it hits it hits and you already know what i gotta say as someone whos been raised all strictly catholic#in a controlling environment with a codependent relationship with my mom this specific song feels so good#like yes girl you are so much better than your loser mom i hope she dies im running her over and kicking her#also sue is gay as fuck for carrie in the musical and i approve the final song makes me sob every time
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i think i just. Need to accept that im going to lose friends to sewercide.
#it's. hard#it's over half of my friends that i will lose#i just. i don't want to stop someone. i don't want them to live in pain and force them to stay alive for me#but at the same time. ive never experienced loss like that before and im terrified to lose people close to me#ive just sobbed at the idea multiple times before. i just can't get myself to accept and understand it.#i don't know what to do. i can't keep going on like this#if a friend disappears...I will do it too#im currently very worried about a friend#i feel like gravity has a greater force on me and im molding into the bed#i feel so helpless and alone and sad#vent
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THEY GO TOO FAR 𖹭 엔하이픈 ( reaction ) !
genre yandere 𖹭 warning dark fic, mentions of hitting , blood , starvation , psychological torture — parings OT7! enhypen x fem reader | back to library .
request: what about yandere!enha when they've gone too far ? like punished you/messed with you enough to the point the person is non-verbal/fainted/really mad at them etc.
— what happens enhypen goes too far with a punishment?
「 authors note 𖹭 」
﹙ 𐙚 : heeseung﹚ .ᐟ
he doesn't think he went too far , in fact he got you exactly where he wanted — all to himself , that's why he did this , this why he isolated you from your friends, your family; anyone who loved you — cause only he could love you, you were his. all you did now was follow him around the house , not wanting to leave his side, you even sat on the toilet while he showered. he couldn't even leave the house without you screaming for him to stay , and that made him smile wickedly , he went too far and he loved it. "pl-please don't leave me." you sobbed , grabbing his arms , he wasn't even going anywhere, he just wanted to see what you were gonna do , smiling , he closed the door , pulling your shaking body into his arms as you begged him not to leave.
"see how easily i can leave , remember that."
﹙ 𐙚 : jay﹚ .ᐟ
when you did something he didn't like, he withheld everything from you; shower , food water for as long as he saw fit , he even ordered the maids and everyone else to ignore you. this went on as long as he saw fit , mostly a week , but he wanted to try and prolong it to prove a point to you. — until one day he heard a thud and scream of a maid , you had fainted. "shit." he pulled the tie of his suit. "don't just stand there pick her up take her to the room , call the doctor." he sighed. "how long did she go without eating?" He asked ,everyone was silent. "how long!" he shouted. "about a week and a half." he cursed , he went too far.
"stupid girl i told you to listen to me , call the fucking doctor."
﹙ 𐙚 : jake﹚ .ᐟ
jake knew he'd gone too far, you didn't care anymore. you didn't cry when he cut himself anymore , you didn't stay up for days making sure he didn't hurt himself , you were desensitized to his actions and he didn't know what to do , you were gonna leave him for sure now , he no longer had control. "I'll really kill myself this time , I promise." you stood there watching him bleed from his arms , every emotion flowing through your brain — you snapped , picking up the knife. "fine." he watched you put the blade to your arm , slicing it. "y-yn." you screamed as he began to cry. "shut up , shut up." you shouted at him. "you wanna die? you can't live without me? let's die then." you said , he was watching you go crazy.
he didn't know what to do , he'd gone way too far.
﹙ 𐙚 : sunghoon﹚ .ᐟ
sunghoon was short tempered at times , and you both knew it was only a matter of time before he went too far with his punishments , and he did. "su-sunghoon please." you could see he face turning red. "i'm sorry." he didn't hear you , all he saw was you hitting him and running towards the door , it was locked and he had the key , but he was pissed. "sunghoon please im sorry." all he wanted to do was push you to the floor , but he pushed too hard , you fell to the ground not before hitting your head on the table , knocking you out cold. "shit." he ran his fingers through his hair , checking your pulse— you were still breathing. he picked your body up off the floor taking you back to his room.
he actually felt bad this time
﹙ 𐙚 : sunoo﹚ .ᐟ
it happened too fast , you were leaving out the door, you were gonna leave him all alone , you were falling for his manipulation tactics anymore , you didn't pack anything ready to leave , he blacked out , like everything was in flashes; one minute your hand was on the door knob , another flash and the lamp was in his hand and he was behind you , then another flash and you were on the floor , he'd hit you. "oh no." he dropped the lamp , tears welling in his eyes , you were breathing but you were out cold . "im so sorry." he sobbed , holding you in his arms. "yo-you were gonna leave me , i couldn't let you go." he cried. "I'm so sorry." he moved you to the bed.
"i-im sorry i went too far."
﹙ 𐙚 : jungwon﹚ .ᐟ
so maybe he left you in the isolated room too long; normally it was only a week, he knew you could take it— so then what about 2 weeks? 2 and a half weeks? 3 weeks? no you couldn't take it , and jungwon soon found that once he stopped hearing you scream , when he went to give you food , you barely ate it , then you stopped eating all together. he started to fear you were dead , he didn't want that , so he opened the door , where you were balled up in a corner , hair messy , you whimpered from the light shining into the room. "hey come on." he said, you didn't move , he tried to come near you , but you tried to bury yourself into your knees , muttering im sorry over and over again , until he picked you up from the floor taking you to his room.
when you crawled into a ball silently sobbing to yourself , he realized he went too far.
﹙ 𐙚 : ni-ki﹚ .ᐟ
ni-ki doesn't think he went too far , he didn't even twist your arm that hard , why are you crying like a baby? "it's not broken , get up." you don't get up , so he grabs you by that arm which makes you scream in pain , he drops you on the couch. "shit." he realizes it might actually be broken. "i told you not to leave again and you did , this is your fault." he said , how the hell was he gonna explain this to a doctor? he won't , cause he's not taking you to the doctor, well not at first. "go take a pain killer and stop screaming before someone hears you." he only takes you to a doctor because he's sick and tired of hearing you scream.
"fine i'll take you , just shut up."
#enhypen x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen reactions#enhypen headcanons#kpop x reader#lee heeseung x reader#lee heeseung scenarios#jay park x reader#jay park scenarios#jake sim x reader#jake sim scenarios#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon scenarios#sunoo x reader#sunoo scenarios#jungwon scenarios#yang jungwon x reader#ni ki x reader#ni ki scenarios
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The taskforce 141’s favourite steamy moments
Contain smut(18+), minors do not interact
a/n: I wanted to write something that the 141 members like the most whenever they have some spicy moment with the reader >:) so I decided to give smut writing a go! These are arranged based on length, I apologise for writing such a short one for Ghost as I was struggling to make it as gender-neutral as possible(if it still comes out as fem, Im so sorry!), maybe next time I’ll do specific gender one post at a time, but for now enjoy this mess :> Tags: xgn! Reader, dry humping/grinding, eating out(reader receiving), submissive, teasing, riding(implied sorta), biting, slightly possessive behaviour, hand job - let me know if i missed any tags reader's text is in purple PLEASE DO NOT RESHARE MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Simon Ghost Riley - taste
Ghost likes it when you run your fingers along his hair, soft and gentle as he closes his eyes and savour the gesture. But he likes it best when you scratch his hairline and lock your hands in his short blonde curls.
Ghost has been in between your thighs since he dragged you into his room, he laps on your entrance as he sloppily licks up your sensitive sex, sinful slurping and moans filling the room. He works his tongue expertly, mixing those arousal juices with his saliva as he grunts and groans. You watch with teary, half-lidded eyes as he slowly retracts from your aching sex and trails teasing kisses around your thighs before he bites down as you jolt.
S-simon…!
You whine out his name as he hums and graze his teeth along your thighs, taking his sweet time as he watches you grow increasingly desperate, turning into a whimpering mess on his bed because of him.
He spread your leg further as he let his tongue dance against you, watching your back arches up as he moan into your sex, causing a shiver to run down your spine as his deep husky voice reverberated through your entire body. He looks up to you with those dark eyes that are blown out and filled with desire, hungrily pinning your hips down with his eyes alone.
“Be good”, was all he said before he latch onto you again as he devour you like there was no tomorrow. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
John Soap MacTavish - wants
You struggle to breathe properly as your chest is fully pressed on top of your desk, now messy and with papers and reports that are scattered about and long forgotten.
Grunts and moans filled your room as Soap has your hands pinned on top of your head, his other hand grabbing your hips, fingers digging into your hips that always leave purplish-red marks the next day.
“Fuck y/n…..” Soap slurs as he buckled his hip at your ass, both of you still have your gears and clothes on, leaving only the bulky vest on the floor as he grinds on you, so desperate, so fucking desperate.
He leans down to bite on the back of your neck causing you to moan as you feel his tongue lap at the bite marks and suck gently to soothe the flesh, now littered with goosebumps. You can feel how warm and hot he is from your back despite the layers of clothes, and you can hear his heartbeat too when he starts thrusting you faster, harsher, pressing his chest and his hips on you, as if he’s moulding your entire body as both of you are mushed together perfectly.
‘It's not enough…” he growls as he continues grinding on you, voice getting lower as he frowns and bites down on your neck again, another mark as he lets out pants of frustration, you gasp and moan at his bites as you push your hips back to meet his.
‘Yeah just like that…fuck…..fuck. me.” he lets out a deep sigh as both of you fight to push your hips towards each other to be impossibly close, you can feel it too, you can feel how he angles his hip so that every time he snaps and presses onto you, you can feel his tip poking at your entrance, making you roll your eyes back as you sob softly.
You want him, just as badly as he wants you. God it’s not enough, it’s never enough at all and yet every single fucking time, he does it still, it's too painfully good to stop, to pause this heating moment to remove some fabric, no, there’s no way he’ll stop, it's as if he’s afraid that doing so will result in these pent-up emotions and arousal slipping away.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Captain John Price - voice
John likes it when you hold back your moans and voices whenever you guys do it in his office, since his room is in the centre of the base, that means there are other rooms besides, and the walls are not exactly the thickest.
Sure, he absolutely loves your moans and the way you scream his name whenever he pounds you hard never fails to make him lost in ecstasy. But nothing riles him up more than hearing the voices you make that only he gets to hear.
He loves it when you suppress your moans, because it makes it so your voice tends to become whinier, and more desperate, reaching a pitch that sometimes has surprised him and yourself. He loves it because when you try to be quiet by squeezing your head into his neck, mouth biting on his collar as he drags his thick cock in and out of you, he gets to hear all those little gasps and pretty little moans that are barely audible.
John loves it, and he absolutely likes to break that resolve of yours, he likes to push all the buttons to see you crumble before him, and he knows when he is on the right track when you start to pant harder, and those whimper escapes more as you shakily grab onto his arm,
J-John….please…
he smirks as the pleas come spilling out from your mouth whenever you feel like you couldn't hold in your moans more.
“Awwww….too much?”
He would whisper back into your ears as he draws out each word in his deep honey voice, hands coming down on your waist before he slams it down hard on his hip, causing a startled yelp and a jolt of shiver running down your spine and let out a string of suppressed curses and moans.
He chuckles deeply, hot breath fanning against your neck when he watches your eyes tear up and your mouth opens as you let out a silent scream, still holding on as you shake your head and mutter to him, “N-no…m-my voice-” you didn’t finish your words as he clashes his mouth with yours, swallowing your pitiful pleas before biting down your lower lip as he pulls back, smirking as he bites down your shoulder.
“Let it out”, he challenges you with a raspy voice as he kisses the bite marks around your neck and nibbles softly when he coos at you, watching you squirm around as he gives you a mischievous look, oh he is going to, and will bully you until he has you screaming his name. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Kyle Gaz Garrick - hands
Kyle loves it whenever you take your time and tease him with your hands, you can feel how his thigh muscle tensed up and how he let out his breath shakily whenever you trail your finger around him. He always likes it when you start slow, gently trailing along his neck first as you kiss and softly nibble his ears, before you slip your hands down lower as you rest it on his chest, and those eyes….those big doe eyes of yours whenever you look up to him and whisper so sweetly, honey tone dripping out from your irresistible mouth absolutely drives him mad every time, and send his head into a spiral heat of want.
You like it, hm?
He gives a nod as he lay back on the sofa, completely melting under you touch as he squeezes his eyes shut when he feels your teasing hand trailing around his chest, sometimes flicking his nipples that cause him to jolt as you giggle,
Mhm, you do like it…
Fuck, you’ve barely done anything and he already feels like his losing his mind, only being able to nod frantically as words fail to come into his mind. As you slowly reach down, resting your palm just shy above his pants, his grip on your hip tightens as he desperately wants you to go lower, to give him what he wants. He loves it because you always manage to rile him up, giving some relief but never enough, it's like you knew exactly how he works.
Hmmmmm what do you want…pretty boy?
You whisper back teasingly as you brush your lips against his ear, you watch as his boxers get tighter when his arousal increases, even a small stain was visible now the more you tease him with the nickname, his favourite one, among all the other things you call him.
“Ah fuck….please y/n…”
He begs as you slowly pull down his boxers, bit by bit as he lifts his hips up on instinct to help you remove them, then you slowly let him free of these hellish restrictions, and you make sure your hand doesn't touch his hard cock that flings up as you remove the boxers, watching the red angry tip leaking as he lets out a content sigh. Yet as free as he is at the moment, he needs more.
“y/n….god…please….”
He whines softly again as you rest your hand on his V-line, trailing those deep beautiful grooves as you hum idly and press your body against his. You continue moving your hand along the V-line before you lightly ghost his cock with the middle knuckle of your index finger, running it all the way from his tip to the base.
Please what hm?
He lets out another whimper when you tease him again, trying to be good as he bites his lower lip to stop himself from flinching so much from how sensitive and needy he is, he nuzzles into your neck as he pleaded with a desperate tone, voice crackling at the end as he gulps in between words.
“Please….fuck….please touch me….touch my cock…need to feel you please….”
You chuckle as you kiss his cheek and snake your hand down to hold the base of his cock, watching him buck his hip up to seek those sweet, sweet friction. Who are you to deny him when he begged so nicely?
Good boy~
you whisper back huskily as you wrap your hands around his length, he takes a sharp inhale and lets out a trembling moan as he slung his head back to the top of the couch, his hand holding your hips, to ground himself as you start moving your hands around his cock, sliding upwards as you wipe the precum of the tip, teasing the tip as you slowly pump your hand down and watch another string of precum leak and flow down his length, you run your thumb along that one prominent vein as you press on it slightly, the agonizing slow speed you’re doing makes Kyle gasp as he frown and grab your hips tighter,
“fuck, so good….hmm fuck your hands….ah…”, he lets out a loud moan lightly when you kiss his ear lobe, whispering sweet nothing as you attack his ear with your tongue, moaning and letting sloppy noises consume his head, you take this opportunity to reach out and interlace your finger with his other hand as well to overwhelm him in every sense.
He prays internally as he tries his best not to come right here right now, you just started stroking him but he already feels like he’s about to explode. He can’t help it when he can feel your hands, every crease of your finger swiping along his girth as you pump slowly again, god and your thumb? Whenever you use it to press down on him he swears his vision goes white for a moment.
“Don't stop….”
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
a/n: yes yes I know yet another longer section for Gaz, I am, and forever will be biased towards our babygirl, YOU CAN'T STOP ME *runs*
#cod mw22#cod mwii#cod x reader#call of duty x reader#cod imagines#mw2 x reader#cod fanfic#mw2 fanfic#cod smut#simon ghost riley x reader#john soap mactavish x reader#captain john price x reader#kyle gaz garrick x reader#gaz x reader#smut#gomzwrites
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TAKING- advantage of the strongest
He's been having a hard time lately, he's lost Suguru, his one and only, of course- you on the other hand are overjoyed at that fact.
It's annoying, after all, you've done for him, he calls out his name instead of yours, it's time you taught him a permanent lesson on manners.
P.s I TOLD YOU ITS NEVER GOJOVERRR RAHHH- [credits- __3aem on insta]
Also, follow my insta r3xni3 n text me, let's talk, im bored!!
...gojo Satoru...
Seeing Gojo with his head in his hands sitting at the edge of the school stairs wasn't a new sight for you, in fact for the past week you've been seeing him sitting there.
Crying, sobbing, or simply sitting in misery. He's always thinking of that damned suguru. Honestly, it was hard to get him to show you any affection with suguru around, and now that he's gone it's gotten even harder!
It's not that you hate suguru, you just love gojo, and seeing your gojo in pain annoys you, but. It also makes for the perfect opportunity to shove yourself in his life, when he's most vulnerable and make him rely on you
"what up 'toru?" Sitting down next to him gently touching his shoulder, you can't be too forward now. "..mhm, it's nothing." Hmm, well you knew it wouldn't be that easy, of course he wouldn't open up to you just yet! So you'll just keep trying- "come on satoru, this isn't like you, you're the strongest-"
"Can you leave? I'm not in the mood y/n." Running his hands through his hair he groaned as he hid his face. You got up without a word, it's fine, if he pushes you away you have many more ways to push back harder.
The continuing weeks during classes you would always make small talk, distracting his mind from geto. Then you'd buy him sweets saying that there was some buy one get one free offer, which is why you had brought one over for him there wasn't
You occupied him on the missions he'd usually go to alone, keeping him from feeling lonely. No matter how hard they were and no matter how much strain they put your body through you'd reassure him, you're fine!
He'd notice how you'd push yourself for him, it made him- feel. Feel something other than the constant sorrow due to Geto's absence.
He started reciprocating your 'kindness'. he would let you rest your head on his lap after a stressful mission and sometimes..he'd rests his own head on yours.
Shoving yourself in his life to replace the sorrows he felt didn't only include platonic relations. Every once in a while, whenever the feelings of loss came back too harshly, all he wanted was to forget. Get lost in pleasure, in anything, just- just please make him forget.
His tears which usually stained his face due to sorrow, now stained his face due to mind-numbing pleasure, his body was yours for the destroying, just please, please make him forget. Even if just for tonight!
" 'toru, use your words now, tell me what you want, hm?" You moved your hand ever so slowly, it hurt. "Just- just please, touch me, ruin me, do whatever you want. I'm yours, yours all yours- Suguru please.
Hah- fuck. He's so lucky he's Gojo Satoru. your gojo Satoru. You can feel yourself growing numb as you let out an unhinged chuckle "Sure Satoru." You try pronouncing his name with that same softness, to replicate that tone of pure love and kindness geto had, but alas, you never truly get it right.
Still, it's close enough for him. as he whines, bucking into your hand. You have half the mind to leave him like this, writhing on the bed, but you never do. This isn't the first time, and certainly isn't the last. You're sure every single fucking time you've seen satoru he's called out his name,
But, as you gaze down at him and as he stares up at you with his pretty blue eyes which spill with tears by the second, you can't help it. Perhaps you pity him, or perhaps you simply don't care if he's using you as a means to an end, since in return, you get to be the one fucking him dumb. And not Suguru, 'cause he's dead. But that's beside the point.
Rocking his world as his vision blanks, eyes rolling back as sweat covers him. You don't mind the pain of when he bites into your shoulder, you don't mind the fact that Suguru's name slips out of him more than your (can be fake) cock
But, for some reason you just can't take it today. Something takes over you, you swear, as you grab harshly onto his neck, gasps leave his throat as he huffs for air. "Wh- Ah pl- EAse- hah."
"say my name." "Wha- AHh-" pressing your hand down harder you're sure it'll leave marks. "Y/n. Fucking say it you dumb bitch." Tears fall down from his cheeks and onto your hand but it only seems to egg you on "Ah- mhm y-y/n please?" As you let go gits of his coughs fill the air as his pink chest rises up and down for air
Suddenly he gasps once more as you push against his prostate, you're far too pleased with him saying your name to let him rest, even to catch his breath.
His cries ring in your ear as his hands scratch onto your skin, leaving deep bloody marks in their wake he stares up at you with his tear stained eyes, mumbling only your name for the rest of the night.
You hope he's learned his lesson, and if not. You wouldn't mind teaching him another one.
#sub gojo#gojo smut#gojo x reader#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#sub gojo satoru#gojo satoru#getou suguru#geto suguru#jjk x reader#jjk smut#sub jjk#jjk#satoru x reader#x reader#top reader#dom reader#sub character#jujutsu kaisen satoru#jujutsu sorcerer#jujutsu kaisen#sub char#yandere reader#yanderer#redflag
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hi lilli!! i heard angst and i came running, how about searching for each other in crowded rooms, finding each other everywhere with logan or oscar, whoever sparks the most inspo, but plot twist—not being able to be together for some reason (the why is totally up to you, feel free to ignore if this isn't your cup of tea). thank u thank u <3
kait!!! hello!!! thank u for sending this in!!! im gonna do oscar 😁 it genuinely hurt my feelings SO BADLY to not have them make up at the end of this. so i sympathise with everyone that im about to make sad it was a bad time for me too❤️🩹❤️🩹
It's familiar, this feeling.
The squeeze of your chest, the grieving, panicking thing climbing up your throat. You've been feeling it a lot lately, every time you catch a glimpse of someone with hair the same colour as Oscar's; wearing clothes you swear that he has; a person with the same shoulders, the same gait.
You've been seeing him everywhere. You just think you have. Monaco is small… not that small apparently.
When it had first happened, at the beginning of summer break, you’d half expected to be back together within a week. For Oscar to message you and half-beg to talk to you again. In your dreams, you’d both come grovelling back to each other, apologising for cruel words, making amends for various mistakes. Then you would kiss him and you’d tell him how much you love him and things would get better.
Instead, you’ve spent weeks of your summer break totally and utterly miserable. Missing Oscar like a phantom limb. You reach for him, he’s not there. You go to text him, find a thread of messages discussing the logistics of returning the other’s belongings.
You sit in your flat and you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy twice in a row twenty two hours and forty-four minutes because it doesn’t remind you of Oscar and it occupies your time in a way nothing else can right now. You cry until your eyes are puffy and you write in a diary you’ve never touched before, because it needs to go somewhere. The feeling stuck in your throat needs to be written down said out loud and you can’t say it to Oscar, who you would usually tell everything, because he needs “distance from you right now”.
Briefly, you convince yourself that “right now”, indicates that there still might be a later for the two of you. That this thing between you that’s fallen to pieces might one day be salvaged. In the quiet moments of Lord of the Rings you spiral down a rabbit hole of ways to get Oscar back, pathetic fantasies of how you might convince him to talk to you again. Then Arwen says, “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone” and you cry for two hours straight.
You sob, your face in your pillow and you think that was supposed to me! That was supposed to be us! And maybe it wasn’t, maybe you’re not an elven maiden giving up her immortality for a mere man, but you love Oscar. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with Oscar. And now… now…
Well—
It is the waiting that’s the worst.
No texts, no calls. Lando sends you a few, but you can’t bear to hold a conversation with him, knowing he’s playing both sides. And anyway, you’re just thinking about Oscar. Is he there? Is he reading your texts? Seeing the pathetic selfies of you on your couch in days-old PJs? Is he staring at your stagnant text thread just like you are? Has he blocked you?
Your every waking thought is consumed by him. You drag yourself out of the apartment for coffee down the street and you wonder what he’s doing. Has he been rotting at home like you? More than likely he’s been doing things. Playing padel with Lando, going out for lunch, training at the gym, FaceTiming his family.
You feel sick to you stomach. You can list on one hand the activities that you’ve done since Oscar broke up with you at the beginning of the month:
Sleeping, crying, watching Lord of the Rings, ordering takeout, training because you have to. Going for coffee had been a big step out of your current comfort zone. You’re wearing pants that aren’t sweatpants… you’d even showered properly for fuckssake.
You got your most noise-cancelling headphones on, blasting sad Taylor Swift (who you don’t even like. It’s just something to fill the void) and staring down the barista so you can lip-read if they’re saying your name or the words Large Oat Latte. And then—
Then. The barista is mouthing Oscar and your stomach lurches as the exact object of your ire temporary depression walks to the counter. You try to convince yourself it’s not him, you keep seeing him places but it’s never really him. But it is, that’s his burgundy shirt, his swoop of hair, his knobbly little ankles.
You release a ragged breath that you hope isn’t too loud. You duck your head, try to avoid his gaze as he turns, pretending that you haven’t seen him. Try to look occupied by your phone though you’ve only had time to open to your home screen. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, you blink furiously, trying your best not to fall apart in this coffee shop.
At least he’s not with someone else, you think as a tightness crawls up your throat to settle at the base of your tongue. But he looks happy, he looks fine, he looks better than you feel right now. God, what if he’s better off without you? What does it mean that you don’t seem to better off without him?
There’s something wet sliding down your left cheek and then you see Nike trainers entering your vision, still directed firmly downward. Someone puts a hand on your shoulder— you don’t jump but it’s a near thing. You reach up to slip your headphones off, wiping the tear discreetly as you go. Then you look up and it’s him, it’s Oscar.
He’s holding out a paper cup labeled, Oat Latte and smiling at you tightly.
“They were calling your name,” he says by way of explanation.
“Right,” your voice is shaky, weak, “Thanks.”
He nods, you take the coffee, careful not to touch his hand. You’re trying to swallow down the lump in your throat that’s rising rising trying to claw its way out of your mouth. You blink away the tears filling the corners of your eyes. You can’t look at him.
You’re looking up at the ceiling instead, biting the inside of your mouth. Breathing in and out, in and out.
He says your name, and then, “Do you want to talk?”
You feel like a tonne of bricks has just hit your chest. Knocking the wind out of you. Tears, hot and wet, are slipping down your cheeks. You can’t speak, you turn around and leave the coffee shop without saying anything because surely you’ll just start crying if you open your mouth. Oscar finds you again across the road, in a dark cobbled alleyway. The heel of your hand is pressed to the middle of your chest, you’re hiccuping, trying to stifle heavy sobs that you’d much prefer to let out in the privacy of your own apartment.
“Hey,” he says, gathering you into his arms before you can push him away, “It’s okay.”
You whine, collapsing into his chest, face pressing into his shoulder, “No, it’s not.”
You cry loudly, trying fruitlessly to keep the sobs in. Oscar’s hand rubs comforting circles into your back, which makes it better until you realise it’s Oscar, which makes it immediately worse. You stay there a while. Until your eyes are puffy and your throat sore.
“Better?”, Oscar asks, the crease between his eyebrows prominent.
You sigh tiredly, shrug, “Sure.”
Your coffee is cold now, your chest feels void, hollow.
You shake your head before Oscar can say anything further, before you’re set off on another fucking pathetic crying fit in the arms of your ex-boyfriend, “I can’t talk, Oscar. I really can’t.”
“Okay,” he says, nodding and swallowing some lump in his own throat.
You bite down hard on your tongue. Turn to leave the dark alley to go home, your back prickling with Oscar’s wet brown-eyed stare on you. He lets you leave. You spend the ten minute walk wiping tears before they fall and itching to run back, to kiss him, to pour all the emotion in your chest into some physical action.
There’s an awful grieving ache in your chest that’s carving out your insides and when you check your phone after walking in the door there’s a text from Oscar that reads:
I miss you. I’d really like to talk to you soon.
not sure if it was weird but the lord of the rings Mentions were kinda about how you’re in such a fragile state during a breakup that something as irrelevant to your break up at lord of the rings will make you cry for hours for no real reason. (and not to expose myself but after a break up i did watch the lotr trilogy two times in a row. told my friends and got a text from one of them asking if i was depressed 😭 like yes… temporarily alright)
send me a prompt/req + driver and i'll write something. pls check if my requests are open first 💖
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TAGS/WARNINGS: reader is gender neutral but afab, reader and keigo are married, reader is a civilian, this is post-war, toys (duh), forced orgasms, heavy overstimulation, dacryphilia, aftercare GENRE: smut SUMMARY: WORD COUNT: 702 🦊’s A/N: god im almost free sorry if this is shit idgaf anymore i need to take a BREAK im sorry this is short as fuck
when your husband brought up wanting to try a couple toys in the bedroom, he had failed to neglect that you would end up like this!
blindfolded and bound spread eagle to the bed, with an evil hitachi wand tied to your thigh with its vibrating head pressed snugly against your swollen, hypersensitive clit, having cum a minimum six times, and at this point, your cunt had gone numb three orgasms ago, yet it still hurt.
he’d had the heart not to gag you, at least—or maybe his perverted ass wanted to hear your pretty moans turned to choked sobs and wails of his name, begging him to come back, as you weren’t sure if he was even in the room anymore.
keigo, meanwhile, had been in the living room, finally doing some of the paperwork he’d been putting off, listening to the sound of your whimpering and whining from his spot on the couch and trying his best to ignore the painful erection in his sweatpants.
glancing at the clock on his laptop, he sees it had been about an hour and a half since he had initially left you like this; so he figures he should head back to check in on your exhausted form.
the sight he was greeted with was better than anything any porno could cook up—your back arched off the bed as you tug and thrash against the ropes binding you in place, the magic wand he’d tied to your thigh still happily buzzing away against your sensitive cunt, your inner thighs and bedsheets beneath you drenched in sweat and cum.
“awh, darlin’—you look so lovely,” he coos softly and your body tenses at the sound of his voice.
“kei–keigo! you—you bastard!” you cry, wrists tugging at the silken ropes holding them so tightly in place. “you— bitch! l–let me—let me go! please!”
you’re right on the precipice of another orgasm when he agrees; “okay, okay—don’t get your feathers all ruffled, dove.” (SIR?)
moving to turn off the godforsaken vibrator, he tenderly unties it from your leg, taking his time to run his calloused hands over your quivering thighs as he whispers soft praises of how you did so well for him. shifting to take your blindfold off next—wanting to see your tear streaked face before he untied you—you whine impatiently as he gently undoes the knot keeping the cloth in place.
“you’re so pretty when you cry, baby,” he says quietly. “now let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” he suggests, tenderly caressing your face and planting a quick peck to your lips.
it’s only a few seconds after that he’s untying your wrists, then your ankles, and turning on one heel to start a warm bath for you, saying he’ll be right back.
about five minutes of heavy breathing and sporadic twitching later, keigo comes back to scoop you up and gently set you in the bathtub, grabbing a clean washcloth to dip into the water and start washing the sweat off your sticky skin. during the intimate process, he makes sure to ask you how you were feeling and that you knew he was sorry for just leaving you there.
afterwards, he drys you off with a soft, fluffy towel and carries you to sit in the plush chair in your room as he changes the sheets in record time, simply discarding the used ones on the floor of the laundry room, a problem to be dealt with later.
“you feelin’ okay, sweetheart?” he asks sweetly, voice laced with genuine concern as he picks you back up and sets you on your side of the bed.
“‘ll be okay…. just—we’re not doing this again anytime soon,” you tell him, mind still hazy from having cum so many times.
he chuckles quietly at your words and runs his hand through your hair before saying he’s gonna go and get you some water; when he comes back, he’s greeted by your lightly snoring, absolutely passed out form.
“ah—that checks out, yeah,” he grins lightly at the sight and sets the water on your nightstand before crawling into bed to spoon you. “sleep well, dove,” he whispers into your ear, pressing a light kiss to your cheek.
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#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia#bnha x reader#mha x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#my hero academia x reader#bnha x reader smut#mha x reader smut#keigo takami#takami keigo#keigo takami x reader#takami keigo x reader#keigo x reader#takami keigo x reader smut#keigo takami x reader smut#hawks x reader#hawks x reader smut#kinktober#kinktober 2024#bnha kinktober
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im sorry - chris sturniolo x femreader
summary : in which you and chris get into your worst argument yet, to the point you think its all over.
warnings : angst, arguing, fluff.
"do you think you should maybe, slow down?" your friend whispers from the side of you as you finish yet another vodka soda. you wipe at your lip as a small bit of the liquid missed your mouth and turn to her, hitting the glass on the table a little harder than intend.
"my relationship is as good as finished. no. i need another." you say. a sentence that just a few weeks ago would have had you sobbing, but now just made you angry.
you had promised yourself that you would never let any man treat you like you were worthless. you'd never simp for a man so hard that you'd be crying in your bed alone. and yet chris sturniolo had ticked every box.
he was your sweetheart. the first person to show you what true love was. but your too different personalities had finally hit heads. you arguments over the last month where harsh. unforgiving, almost. and yet you still stayed. both of you did.
but tonight had been different. you hadn't spoken in two days, despite living in the same house. he preoccupied himself with work, which was understandable, and you preoccupied yourself with everything but his presence. but when his brother and your best friend nick asked you both over dinner to talk to each other, you world had shattered.
"can you both please just talk this out? i dont know the extent of your argument but this is becoming unbearable."
you had looked at nick with a sorry expression on your face. you did feel bad, the triplets had been more than nice enough to allow you to move in and you hated the hostile feeling you were both bringing to the house, but when you looked back at chris, his eyes on his plate, and he shrugged, you felt your heart in your throat.
when he uttered the words. "i don't think theres anything left to say anymore", your world broke.
you stood up from your chair immediately, a silence around the table that was unbearable, and you kept your eyes trained on your boyfriend. but he didn't look up. you nodded, before you looked at both nick and matt, there eyes on you in a sympathetic glare, and you gave them a smile before you removed yourself, running down the stairs and out into the fresh air. you couldn't even summon tears.
so you headed to the bar. you rang your friend, who was there in a flash, but you were five drinks down by that point and you had no plans to stop.
"you're being ridiculous" your friend said now, holding your wrist and dragging you down as you went to stand up, you stumbled back into your chair and she gave you an eye. "you both need time to cool off."
you scoffed. "cool off?” you say again, looking back towards the bar.
"where is nick? or matt?" your friend says now and you shrug.
"have they not text?" she asks.
"nick followed me out" you say, remembering back to just an hour ago.
the anger that surged through you when hit the fresh air and out into the driveway was unbearable. this had been going on for too long, you yourself could admit that. argument after argument after argument. but for chris to not even look at you, and utter words so heartbreaking in the presences of his brothers without speaking to you privately? you felt embarrassed. angry.
“y/n” you heard nick shout when you were only half way down the driveway, and you turned to him immediately. you were angry but you weren’t going to take it out on him. he was your best friend. he had seen the hurt in your eyes even though you had tried to push it down over the last two days of silence between you and chris.
“please, come back in” he had said, and you give him a sympathetic smile.
“i need to walk this off, nick” you say, and he sighed when he finally reached you. you held out your arms immediately and he was bringing you in for an embrace within seconds.
“do you want me to come with you?” he had said, and you smiled.
“be there for chris”
“what he just said to you in there was uncalled for. matts with him, i want to be here for you”
you smiled. “he’s your brother. and i think he just broke up with me. he can act the tough guy all he wants, i know he’ll want you” you said.
he didn’t tell you but nick was in awe of you. he could see your anger and your upset, could see the way you didn’t know if to scream or cry, and yet your resilience in that moment he thought was admirable. you were completely unaware of the conversations that were happening in the house after that moment whilst you were now sat with your friend, but for the time being you didn’t care.
your friend let out a sigh as you finally scrambled out of her grip, declining your offer of a drink you were going to buy her as you walk across to the bar. it was busy, and you were already swaying from left to right as you used the bar to steady yourself.
“what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone?”
your head whipped up at the sound of the voice. a man you did not recognise leant against the bar at the side of you, his eyes looking you up and down. you knew instantly there was nothing sleazy or untoward about him. his aura gave off nothing but positivity, so you cracked a smile.
“oh, you know. just letting my hair down”
he laughed. “no boyfriend? or girlfriend? sorry, i don’t want to assume”
you smiled. “boyfriend.” you confirm. “no, hes -“
and there it is. the hurt hits you. you look up at the man who's smiling at you, already stepped back an inch after you had told him you had a boyfriend, and the argument springs up again.
"hes not here." you utter, before a laugh escapes you. where was he? you grab your phone from your pocket, no messages having coming through. you think back to the way it was nick that chased you out the door, and not him. and suddenly you feel sick. you look at the man stood in front of him and you utter a sorry before you turn on your heel, heading towards the your friend who's sat watching you from the table you were just at.
"i need to go" you say, and she looks at you for a second before standing up.
"i'll take you" she says. you nod, unable to even thank her with the surge of emotions that run through your body. you had jumped into an uber on the way here and your friend had driven, clearly knowing she wasn't going to end up drinking with you. really, she knew you wouldn't last long before you wanted to head home, so to her this was planning out exactly as she imagined.
you reach the outside of the bar, just a small one not even 10 minutes from the triplets house and the fading sunset hits you, you can feel the lump in your throat. your friend grabs hold of your arm as she pulls you down towards the street and to her car, but when you're half way there she finally speaks to you, noticing that your energy has shifted ever so slightly since being outside and the LA sunshine hitting your skin.
"are you okay?" she asks, and you look away from the skyline to her. and you laugh.
"no. no im not."
she gives you a sympathetic smile. "you're angry, i can tell. but i feel theres more too it. please dont give up on each other."
you nod as you reach her car, climbing into the passenger seat as she unlocks it and gets into the driver side after ensuring you're settled. she gives you another smile before she pulls off into the street, and you try your best to calm down. there were so many things you wanted to say to him. you wanted to scream at him. you wanted to cry at him. you wanted to ask him where it had all gone wrong.
youre so submerged in your own thoughts that you don't even realised when you pull up outside. you jerk your head up and let out a loud sigh, before looking to your friend.
"do you need a minute?" she says. "you look like you're going to cry. dont let him see you cry."
you smile as you reach over and give her a hug. "im okay. i'll be okay. thank you, so much."
you get out of the car and shut the door, double checking your pockets for your belongings. you could tell you were drunk, it had been an hour since you stepped off the driveway and ordered an uber to the bar and you'd drank way too quick, so you gather yourself as your friend drives off. taking a deep breath, looking up at the sky as the darkness finally sets in.
when you feel okay enough, you let out a large breath before turning on your heel, making your way up the drive way. you dont know what you were going to say. you were angry. you were hurt. and you feared when you did see him, you'd finally break down.
reaching the door to the house you unlock it slowly and quietly, needing a few more minutes before you saw anyone, but when you heard the three of them upstairs, you let out a breath. you're not sure what they're talking about, but you can make out the mumble of chris' voice and you turn on your heel, heading towards your shared bedroom, quietly opening and closing the door behind you.
when the door clinks shut, you lean against it, letting out a sigh of relief. but it hurts. you're drunk. you're feeling everything at once and the tears flow. pulling your hand over your mouth to muffle any noise, you make your way to the bathroom.
but he's heard you. the door opens, and his voice fills the room.
"baby" he says. and you snap.
spinning on your heel, you move your hand from your mouth. you know you look a mess. fresh tears on your cheeks. hair in a messy bun. you feel embarrassed that you'd even gone to the bar looking the way you did but in the moment it felt right.
chris' eyes widen when he sees you.
"fuck. baby -"
"baby!?" you spit. "baby?!"
and you see his adams apple move as he takes a gulp.
"please don't-"
"don't what?!" you spit. you take a deep gulp as you compose yourself, wiping under your eyes to take away the tears. you didn't want to argue. you didn't want to cry. but there was something inside you that was raging. "don't what, chris?"
"listen to me, please" he says, and walks over to your, grabbing at your wrists, but you pull them away immediately and head towards the bathroom. he's close behind you. "im so sorry, baby. im so so sorry"
you spin around immediately, and he accidentally walks into your chest. you take a slight step back at the side time as him, and your breath is harsh. "sorry? for what, chris? for talking to me like a piece of shit in front of your brothers? for ignoring for me the last two days? can you even remember what we were arguing about?"
"no but-"
"but what?!" you say, and the tears are falling again. "but what, chris? do you want to break up? do you want this to end? because thats what it sounds like to me and i'd prefer for you to tell me privately that in front of your brothers, because-"
"stop it, y/n. stop it!" he says, and he grabs at your hands again, but you pull them away, stepping beside him to reenter his bedroom. but you come to a stop. because you don't know where to go. you need to have this conversation. you know you do. but you're drunk, you're hungry, you're all of a sudden irritated and overstimulated.
so you cry. again. and you spin around to look at him as he to reenters his bedroom. he's crying to.
"please, listen to me" he chokes.
"i dont-"
"baby, stop it." he says, and he rushes right over to your side, taking your hands in his. you pull them away again, but this time he doesn't accept it.
"fuck, you're killing me." he says, and this time he grabs your wrists, pulling them up and stepping forward, trapping your arms in his hands in-between the both of yours chest.
"get off me" you say, but you don't mean it. you're angry but the first bit of physical touch from him in 2 days feels electrifying.
"no." he says, and you sniffle a cry before looking into his eyes. they too, rimmed with tears. this close you realise that they're too raw, and his lips are too swollen to have only just started crying.
"have you been crying?" you whisper, and he laughs. only slightly, but its a laugh, a smile appears on your face to.
"i love you." he starts. "I know that much is true. i dont know what the fuck has happened to us but i fucking love you. so much it hurts sometimes actually. i think thats why I coward away when we do fight. i cant handle it, y/n. i cant handle when you look at me when you're hurt or upset, it's easier to walk away and let us both cool off. and i know thats wrong, fuck nick and matt have just had my life about it, and im sorry."
you look at him. searching his face. his hair. feeling his hands and body on yours.
"why do we even fight, chris?" you ask now.
"i dont know, baby."
"am i too much? was moving in with you too much?"
he shakes his head immediately. "no, god no please dont think that."
you sigh, and he finally removes his hands from your arms. you take a step back, sitting on his bed, and he comes to join you.
"im so sorry for what i said earlier. i was being stubborn." he says, and you laugh slightly.
"we both were, chris. two days of ignoring each other."
he laughs too, and he places his hand on your thigh. you don't flinch away, but you don't reach for it either.
"do you want to be with me, chris? tell me the truth. because i can't keep being hurt like this. im not blaming you, either. its me, too."
he turns slightly to look at you, and you can see the genuine panic in his eyes. "if you were to break up with me, i dont know how i would survive. i mean it. i dont know why i said what i said earlier. embarrassed maybe, that nick had mentioned it. embarrassed i had let it carry on for two days. i dont know. but i know im sorry. not just for that but for all the times we argue."
the tears have brimmed in your eyes again and you let out a small smile, finally bringing your hand to his.
"I think we are both incredibly stubborn." you start. "and easily hot headed. and you're a social butterfly when i sometimes like to chill."
"i know" chris admits.
"but i love you, so much. i shouldn't have ran out earlier." you admit, and chris shakes his head.
"no. i shouldn't have let nick run after you. it should have been me." he says.
"its okay." you say now.
"do you forgive me?" chris asks, and just his face alone, his beautiful yet saddened face, makes you want to cry.
"yes. and you me?"
he laughs. "yes."
you chuckle, and then you finally lean in, his lips on yours. arguments were normal, you had to remind yourself that. but deep down, you loved this man to death, and he you.
when you finally pull away from your kiss, your first kiss in days, chris grabs your face in his hands. "im going to marry you, one day."
you heart jumps. "that so?"
he nods. "i already told nick and matt."
"when?"
he smiles. "when nick came back and gave me an ear full after speaking to you outside. he told me what you said. the way you were angry but you knew i would want him to be there. and it just blurted out."
you smile, a sense of relief washing over you.
"because i love you, dumbass. even if you do get on my last nerve sometime."
he chuckles, pressing his lips against yours.
"you stink of vodka" he mumbles in your lips, and you smile.
"im celebrating."
he pulls away, giving you another eye. "celebrating what?"
you chuckle. "my man wants to marry me one day." and you crash your lips against his once more.
#chris sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo
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