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contrary to popular belief

                   its unwise to temper creatures of flesh and bone like steel

[indie borderlands oc. wrangled in by lexy. selective. mutuals only.]

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TIG NOTARO as MARIANNE PETERS Army of the Dead (2021) dir. Zack Snyder

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tig notaros character in army of the dead is literally revy and I’m sobbing

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i may not have an about page or—-anything else but pls take this bit of nonsense i wrote bc i think im a riot

But like—who knew fist fighting your boss before going to the casino he owns to get his doppelganger would have actual concussions—–

repercussions. 

She gave him a concussion.

Wow she needs a nap.

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Revy after Elpis: good morning god has let me live another day so I’ve decided to make it everyone’s problem

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So like——would anyone wanna interact with an ex Dahl elite super soldier project that went AWOL and proceeded to get sucked into presequel and Hyperion shit bc well. It’s Wednesday and she’s got nothing better to do???

If so like the thing I need to find some borderlands blogs

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“can we please take me to go see Nina and if she needs to know my blood type is red”

— ——revayah. now with less depth perception (via corporatedesertion)

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tumblr rly needs to make it easier to switch accounts. i end up neglecting blogs for way too long

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       john mulaney: kid gorgeous   → sentence starters

slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes. feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!

❝ Let’s change the subject! ❞

❝ This is a weird conversation and I want to talk about a book I read about World War II.❞

❝ Whoever did kill her only did it to protect her from this world. ❞

❝ Ah, none of us really know their fathers. ❞

❝ I was sitting over on the bench. ❞

❝ You saw what happened and did nothing! ❞

❝ Sometimes, he was gay. ❞

❝ When he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work. ❞

❝ I never talked to my dad about that but I figured I’d tell you. ❞

❝ Freebasing is the greatest orgasm known to man. ❞

❝ I’ve been sober now two weeks. Well, weekdays, not weekends. ❞

❝ What was so funny? I wanna know. ❞

❝ None of that matters but it’s important to me that you know that.  ❞

❝ Phonebooks don’t leave bruises. ❞

❝ Give us some money! As a gift! We want a gift! But only if it’s money! ❞

❝ I thought I’d be dead in a trunk by now. ❞

❝ You spent it already?! ❞

❝ Where’s the money? ❞

❝ I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and adderall. ❞

❝ Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep? ❞

❝ That’s illegal! They tricked me! ❞

❝ I paid 120,000 dollars for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t!❞

❝ If it’s too big you can just wear it as a sleep-shirt. ❞

❝ Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? ❞

❝ Jokes don’t do well in court. ❞

❝ I’m in the phase right before Old. ❞

❝ I am damp all the time. ❞

❝ I am gross. ❞

❝ UGHHHHH – you know, life. ❞

❝ I don’t know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room. ❞

❝ I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason. ❞

❝ Let’s just not see each other for eight months and it doesn’t matter at all. ❞

❝ I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. ❞

❝ A lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world. ❞

❝ Not everyone thinks the same things are nice. ❞

❝ Famous people are weird as shit. ❞

❝ Your suspicions are correct. ❞

❝ I say ‘knock-knock’ out loud.❞

❝ The world is run by robots and we spend most of our time telling them we’re not a robot. ❞

❝ Think about that for two minutes and tell me that you don’t want to walk into the ocean.❞

❝ It seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. ❞

❝ I try to stay optimistic even though things seem to be getting a little sticky. ❞

❝ I don’t remember that in Hamilton. ❞

❝ I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. ❞

❝ What do you think they’re celebrating? ❞

❝ I wasn’t raised catholic and I’m fucking glad I wasn’t because it’s a fucked up organization. ❞

❝ That should be the slogan of the catholic church: It’s an hour! ❞

❝ God can’t hear you. ❞

❝ First of all, get out of here with your facts. Just ‘cause you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting. ❞

❝ A charming anecdote that was fake and never happened. ❞

❝ These meaningless politeness rules! ❞

❝ I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. ❞

❝ My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. ❞ 

❝ I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now I’m afraid to get a flu shot. People change. ❞

❝ I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff. ❞

❝ Brush your teeth! Now boom, orange juice! That’s life. ❞

❝ College is a $120,000 hooker and you’re the idiot who fell in love with her.❞

❝ STREET SMARTS! ❞

❝ He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin. ❞

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Archer Sentence Starters

“Wow. Open purse, remove balls, huh?”

“Sploosh!”

“Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of /I’m punching you./”

“A /ruse/, you big dumb idiot!”

“RAMPAGE!”

“Are we rampaging? I thought we were rampaging.”

“How is this suddenly my fault?”

“Phrasing!”

“Dude, you alive?”

“Give me that gun.”

“No, you’re agitated.”

“If it helps, I puked most of it up.”

“Well, don’t just sit there sweating like a gigantic cheese! Do something!”

“Man up! Talk to your mother, and then you can go be a bartender and destroy a new marriage every week.”

“Why are you wearing silk socks?”

“Is that a real question?”

“Oh, are they? Or are 5 in a black, and 5 in a slightly darker black?”

“The tactical turtleneck. The…/tactleneck./”

“Danger zone!”

“I don’t know what that means, (name). I didn’t grow up on a cheese farm.”

“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t invent /English./”

“How hot am I? Let me answer that: as balls.”

“WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY MOTHER’S ROBE?”

“So this one starts freaking out and, long story short…I kinda had to drown her in the tub.”

“That’s just classic her.”

“Oh my God! What shade is that, Crackwhore Red?”

“So, the last thing you hear me say is ‘oh my god, they’re shooting at us!’ and you don’t even call me back?”

“I swear to God, I had something for this.”

“Just the tip?”

“Idiots doing idiot things, because they’re idiots.”

“I’m scared that if I stop all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.”

“Hey, you wanna smell something?”

“Can I offer you a drink? How about this expensive prostitute?”

“Well /fuck/ your dolphin, (name)!”

“Sorry, I was picturing Whore Island.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“No, I’ve seen the end of that movie. And, spoiler alert, it ends with a closet full of my suits on fire!”

“Who are you, Comrade Question?”

“I /am/ drunk, or I wouldn’t be talking to you.”

“Now let’s go bury this dead hooker.”

“Are you kidding? Dude. Bros before apparent threats to national security.”

“For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”

“Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?“

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Pls consider revy originally being like 5'4 but when she blew both her knees out dahl was like how bout we make you a normal person height

so now her knees and about two inches above and below is just. Metal.

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im just leaving this hereeeee

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Tbh I think about the angel au and how revy would about lose her mind when jack tries to murder her when she confronts him as a distraction to get angel out of Hyperion. ‘ Dahl couldn’t kill me, zarpedon couldn’t kill me, a fucking vault monster couldn’t kill me so what makes you think you ever fucking could?????’ Is she full of herself?? Yes but she has every right to 😂😂😂

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dahl enrolled revy in the project that made her the half terminator she is today at about 19 or so. they were waiting for her to finish growing and figured they’d train her in the meantime. and one fun thing about her is that she is very hard on her body. no fucks given.

what i mean by that is she went so hard one or both of her knees arent real now  and neither is one of her hips. 

honestly shes a goblin held together with chicken wire and aluminum foil by the time shes 30

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I’m a sucker for characters who see troubled kids in dangerous situations and basically go “they need parents, guess that’s me now”

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i swear to god im making this a crossstich 

its just that perfect

//sometimes a family is an ex-dahl super soldier, a himbo actor with someone else’s face, and their newly acquired siren daughter