#see i get 6 hours of sleep. 7 hours at school. that leaves me 11 hours for personal stuff and a good four of those are spent eating and-

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

What if I just don't sleep. What then.

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 11 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul

Guess who just graduated and got into grad school! And how am I celebrating? By abandoning my academic endeavours for my fics.

I know it's been a slow burn but we are so close I promise!

If you want to be the first to know when this fic is updated let me know and I'll add you to the taglist.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Summary: Joel shelters you from the storm

Tags/Warnings: [whole fic is 18+, minors DNI], it puts its age in the bio or it gets the block button, nearly freezing to death, survival, nudity, just for body heat honest

It was funny. Moments ago, all he'd wanted was sleep and now he'd done all that he could do, now that he finally could sleep, he was wide awake.

Joel

The door wouldn't budge. The hinges creaked and groaned with protest and refused to give way. Joel cursed. He would have to put her down.

She gave a muffled cry of protest as he lay her gently in the snow but it couldn't be helped. He was going to have to put his full weight behind this next push and he couldn't do that while carrying her.

She'd collapsed a while back. She'd lasted longer than he'd feared she would but a combination of the cold, the climb and the lack of sleep eventually drained the last of her energy and she'd curled up in the snow, letting the blizzard cover her, refusing to budge.

"We have to keep going."

"Can't."

"C'mon, we're nearly there."

"You said that an hour ago." Had it been an hour? Time didn't seem to mean anything anymore. There was too much snow to see the sky and he didn't have the strength to look up. Just ahead. He had to keep looking ahead.

"You can't stay here."

"Just let me rest a bit. Just a bit. I'll be fine in a minute." Joel had heard that before. Before, he had pressed on regardless, leaving it to the other person to get back up or lie there and let the snow take them. Perhaps she'd get back up if he left her. Perhaps not. He was not taking that chance.

With her in his arms he couldn't shield his face from the snowstorm and he got turned around four times. Five times he thought he spied the cabin but it turned out to be a large tree, if anything at all. So when he finally saw it, he thought it was his mind playing tricks on him again and he nearly sobbed with relief when the house stayed where it was as he walked on. Now he was there and they couldn't get in.

He took a few steps back then rushed forward covering his head as he bulldozed the door open and fell through. It took the rest of his willpower to get back up.

She barely said or did anything as he dragged her in and that chilled him more than any snow or wind. So he got to work quickly. He taped the door shut to keep out the wind, and any other unwelcome elements. Mercifully there was the remains of a fire in the fireplace and some scraps of paper and twigs. Not enough for a huge fire but it would have to do, any wood out there would be soaked. He got the flames going then took out his flask and cursed as he realised the whisky was frozen into slush. He put it by the fire to warm up then turned to her.

"Ciara"

"Mmmph"

"We're inside but we're gonna freeze in these clothes, you understand?"

"Ciara wake up." Her eyes were open but she seemed dazed.

"OK?"

"Ciara we both need to strip naked, can you do that?" She closed her eyes and groaned.

"Do you need me to help?" A nod. Thank god. He hoped she didn't give him hell later. He stripped himself first. It felt weird taking her clothes off while he still had all of his on. Maybe that made no sense but it was how he felt.

He felt no less cold naked than he had fully clothed, but she shivered as each layer of wet clothing was peeled off and when he exposed her skin, it was so icy that he hissed through his teeth like he'd been burned. But he had to keep going or they were both goners. There was still a bed with a duvet so they wouldn't have to use their wet sleeping bags. He grabbed the duvet and blanket and covered them both and they each took a swig of the semi warm whiskey. Joel shuddered at the cold slush but the burning taste helped a lot. He had to help her, tilting her head back so she could drink. She gagged at the taste but kept it down.

It was funny. Moments ago, all he'd wanted to do was sleep but now that he'd done all that he could do, now that he finally could sleep, he was wide awake. Adrenaline was coursing through his body. He couldn't believe they'd actually made it. And now they were lying here. Like two icicles stuck together.

As much as he hated to admit it, he'd imagined being pressed to her naked form so many times but not like this, not with the two of them barely holding on to consciousness. He'd made sure to look as little as possible but the glimpses - the bare shoulders, the curve where her neck met her body, the divot between her shoulder blades… it was the sweetest form of torture. How was a man meant to sleep just inches away from that? Still, he felt his eyes growing heavy as we watched her, her hair cascading down her back, moving with each breath. He found himself fighting sleep but as he gazed at the hair on the nape of her neck, he was pulled into the smell, the feel and the sweet sweet warmth of her.

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 13

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | AO3

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Eddie wakes up in the morning - or at least, he thinks it's morning, though he guesses he could still be losing track of time, and it might still be the same day. His head lulls automatically to the side, gaze seeking out the hospital bed next to him like it's second nature, and -

Steve's gone.

There's no one there, the bed clean and empty with sheets all tucked and a pillow still in plastic, like no one was ever there in the first place.

Fuck, what if he wasn't there? What if Eddie's doped up brain imagined all of this, giving himself the comfort of a circle of friends that would stay with him in the hospital, that promised they wouldn't leave him and meant it? What if he really is alone now?

His breath is coming in short, desperate gasps, and he recognizes enough to know that he's hyperventilating again - though it feels distant, fuzzy, like it's happening to someone else and he's just observing.

Somewhere through the thick cotton obscuring his ears, he can tell someone is saying his name.

It's Dustin, fuck, he knows that voice, and he knows that means he's not alone, that they're still here with him, but he can't quite seem to get the rest of him on board with that thought, can't make it cut the panic racing through him.

There's a loud squawk by his ear, a hitch-pitched whine of feedback and a rush of static, and that startles him enough to focus in on Dustin urgently asking someone to do what they did before.

"Hey, Eddie, can you hear me?" Steve asks, voice tinny but still there, and Eddie tries not to feel pathetic about how hard he latches onto it. "You're all right, you're safe. You're not alone. We've got you, Eds, everyone's okay. We all made it out, we're all with you."

He keeps up the mantra as Eddie's breathing slowly evens out, as he feels himself settle back into himself. Dustin's sitting next to him, eyes wide and panicked, clutching a walkie-talkie and holding it up close to him as Steve's voice sounds from it.

"I'm-" Eddie starts, then has to swallow a few times around how dry his mouth feels. "I'm here. I'm good. Just - saw your bed empty when I woke up, kind of panicked."

"We've all been there," Steve says. "I got myself discharged a few hours ago - I'm out getting things ready. I'll let Dustin take it from here, okay? See you guys soon."

Eddie hums an affirmative, and Dustin lets go of the walkie, tucks it back into his pocket. There's a moment where Eddie has no idea what the fuck to say, but then Dustin shoots a little smile at him.

"It's okay," he says. "It happens to all of us. We skipped school to be with Will the first time this all happened, and I spent the night at Steve's for a week straight once."

Eddie's eyebrows shoot up. "Your mom let you sleep over at Steve Harrington's place for a week?"

Dustin rolls his eyes. "She loves Steve, it's kind of annoying. I told her he got his concussion defending us from bullies that time, and he needed someone to stay with him and make sure his brain didn't bleed out of his ears in his sleep."

There's a pause, and then the kid's eyes go a little bit earnest, like he's trying to sell him on something. "It was great, though. Steve made breakfast every morning, and he let me get whatever I wanted on my pizza, and he cooked dinner sometimes too, and he's got a huge TV and a ton of movies on tape, and he only complains a little bit if you-"

The door slams open, and Eddie jumps.

"We gotta go," Robin says as she and Lucas crowd into the room. "Did you tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Eddie asks, eyes darting around the room, fully expecting to see clocks or vines or fucking bats. "Is it Vecna, did that fucker recover already?"

"No, Max says he was in pretty bad shape. He's gonna be down for a while," Lucas replies.

"It's the cops and the rest of the town looneys," Robin says, taking up a post by the door while Lucas paces across the room, looking out the window. "We heard on the police radio channel, they found out you're here. We gotta get you out."

"Fuck." Eddie swallows, tangling the fingers of his good hand in the sheets of the hospital bed so tight it makes his knuckles creak. "I'm kind of out of options on safe places to lay low and recuperate here."

"What?" Dustin looks affronted. "No you're not. I told you, you've got us."

"All of us," Robin says, as Dustin comes to stand by her at the door.

He cranes his head down the hall. "Is there a doctor coming to release him?"

"Yeah, Erica yelled at him until he gave in, he's on his way." Lucas glances away from the window to look at Eddie. "We hid El in Mike's basement for days without anyone knowing, you think we can't do the same for you?"

Robin snorts. "It's not going to be Wheeler's shitty basement, Eddie, don't worry."

Eddie stares at them. Part of him is aware of what they're saying, is processing that he needs to get out of the hospital and he's not going to have to do it alone - that even though the world isn't technically ending right now, they're all going to stand by him.

But he feels like he did when they came back from sticking up for him with Carver and the others - overwhelmed, like he hasn't done anything to deserve this, like he doesn't know what to do with such clear, undeniable evidence that they've made him one of this party now.

"Eddie?" Dustin asks, stepping in a little closer. "You okay?"

Eddie snaps himself out of it. "Yeah. Just - fuck, all right, let's do this."

Robin helps him stand up, stays by his side as he steps into a pair of loose scrubs that someone's scrounged up for him - he doesn't ask, and he's assuming the clothes he wore in the Upside Down are trashed - and lets him lean on her shoulder so he's somewhat steady on his feet by the time a harried looking doctor makes it into the room.

"You realize you're not ready to be discharged?" the doctor asks immediately.

"I'm over eighteen," Eddie replies. "You can't keep me here if I want to leave, right?"

The doctor sighs. "You'll be leaving against medical advice."

"But I'm not going to, like, die of blood loss or infection or something if I do?" Eddie presses.

"We can't answer that question with any surety without another few days of observation," the doctor replies, then relents when everyone glares at him. "It's highly unlikely."

"Just tell us what we need to do to keep an eye on him," Robin says.

The doctor goes over the cliff notes - soft foods for a while, showers are okay but no soaking, no lifting things over five pounds, there's a page of stretching exercises for his shoulder and leg, a timeline for recovery, and a prescription for the rest of his antibiotics and a smaller one for some painkillers.

"That's all I can give you since you're leaving against medical advice," the doctor says, which Eddie knows is a load of bullshit, but he's too exhausted and itching to get out of here to call him on it.

They herd him out of the room and to the elevator, standing in a little half circle around him like he's got his own little string of tiny bodyguards, and the thought makes him giggle, just a little bit hysterically.

"You guys look like little lion cubs," he says.

"You think we can't protect you?" Dustin asks, sounding hurt.

Eddie shakes his head. "No, no, I'm feeling very protected right now. Thank you."

The elevator dings, and Eddie takes a deep breath as he steps off - into a controlled chaos. The waiting room is packed, some gurneys set up right out there with nurses tending to what seems like minor cases, and even some people sleeping on the floor. Eddie feels a moment of swooping panic, but no one even looks his way. They shuffle him out of the hospital to where Nancy and Erica are waiting in the Wheeler station wagon.

Eddie gingerly climbs in, and Lucas and Dustin slide into the backseat with Erica.

Robin holds up his prescription. "I'm gonna get this filled. Swing back and grab me after you drop them off?" she asks Nancy.

Nancy hums an affirmative, eyes flicking around to make sure everyone's wearing their seat belts before she takes off.

Eddie thinks about asking where they're going, but his stomach and chest and legs and arm ache, and he's wiped just from the walk out of the hospital and to the car. So he just tips his head back against the seat of the car, closes his eyes, and tries to hold himself still enough that the seatbelt doesn't rub up against his wounded gut.

Eventually, the car stops. He expects more talking, but there's a tense silence in the flurry of activity, until someone pulls open the car door and is unbuckling his seatbelt for him.

"Shit," Dustin says. "Is he out again?"

"M'up," Eddie mumbles, though admittedly, he's not entirely sure he's up for moving.

"Go get Steve," Erica orders imperiously. "Someone needs to drag his sorry ass around again."

Eddie forces his eyes open. "M'up, m'up, I got this."

In the time it takes for him to get oriented well enough to notice that the car is in a garage, and then shuffle around to get his feet pointed in the direction of out, though, Dustin's apparently managed to collect Steve, who emerges from what Eddie assumes is the door to a house, wearing a pair of sweats and a Hawkins swim team sweatshirt.

Eddie waves his hands around, preemptively slapping Steve away before he can even get to him. "No," he tells him, as he comes to a stop just out of slapping range. "I know you've got stitches, too. No heavy lifting."

"We're not going to lift you, Eddie, we're just going to help," Nancy says, coming around to his other side, and -

Hmm.

"Yeah, okay," he agrees, lowering his arms for a moment before changing course, and holding one hand out to each of them.

Nancy takes one hand, and Steve the other, and they both step in closer to help guide him out of the car and to his feet. They promptly sling one of his arms over each of their shoulders, and start shuffling their way into the house. Eddie pretends the sharp hiss and the sting of tears in his eyes are due only to the edge of pain from the movement, and not to the fact that he's feeling overwhelmed again by just how willing all of them seem to be to help him when he needs it.

The house that they shuffle him through is fucking pristine, a laundry room that feels bigger than Eddie's kitchen right off the garage and into a hallway, a closed off double door to the right and then a massive living room. There's an l-shaped sofa all made up with pillows and blankets, and that's where they take him, letting him settle down on it with a sigh of relief.

"Robin's filling his prescriptions," Nancy says to Steve. "I'm going to go get her, we'll be back soon."

She heads out as the herd of children Eddie apparently belongs to now troop into the living room, their voices all clamoring together.

Steve whistles, sharp and clear and making Eddie wince, though it does cut through the noise.

"You two," he says, pointing at the Sinclairs. "With me, we're calling your parents from the kitchen. Dustin, you're after them."

The noise picks up again, and this time Eddie can make out loud protests. Steve puts his fingers to his mouth again, and nope, nope, Eddie does not want that sounding off this close to his ear again.

"Hey!" he roars, and even though it makes his throat hurt, it works to shut them up. "Thank you."

"Parents," Steve repeats. "Or they're going to come looking for you, and maybe no one else will think to look for you guys here, but they will."

Dustin groans, but he doesn't protest again.

"What are we even supposed to tell them?" Lucas grumbles.

Steve shrugs. "What do you usually tell them?"

Dustin considers. "…yeah, okay, the babysitter cover will probably still work."

"Add in the Starcourt special," Lucas says.

Eddie looks between them all. "Is any of that supposed to make sense?"

"I told you, our parents love Steve," Dustin says. "He's been beaten up enough protecting us that they think he's some kind of defender against bullies and natural disasters."

Unwillingly, Eddie remembers the headlines after Starcourt, puts it together with what Robin'd told him and how beat to hell Steve looked when Eddie saw him. It doesn't sit well with Eddie, how casually Dustin talks about Steve getting beat up protecting them, but he also remembers Dustin holding onto Steve like he was a lifeline back in the hospital, so he thinks maybe it's a coping mechanism as much as it's a belief that Steve is invincible.

"We'll just tell them Steve was with us when the earthquake hit, and he kept us safe, then we waited with him at the hospital until he was discharged," Lucas says. "It's not even technically a lie."

Erica snorts, unimpressed. "And how does that explain you three sneaking out of the house when the cops were there and running away?"

"The cops? Oh, fucking great," Steve mutters. "What'd they say to you, are you guys okay?"

Max waves her good hand. "They didn't have anything on us. We weren't under arrest, they didn't tell us not to leave the house. They've got nothing."

"Question," Eddie says, holding up a hand. "How does that fit in with Steve carrying my unconscious ass into the hospital and telling everyone we were attacked?"

"You were attacked by the real killer, obviously," Dustin says, rolling his eyes. "But we're not going to bring that out until things have settled down a little."

Eddie considers if it's worth protesting exactly how flimsy that cover story is, and how much it won't hold up to anything, but - well. If he thinks too much about how deeply screwed he is with this murder stuff, it just makes him panic, and he doesn't really have room for all of that right now considering he's barely able to physically function.

He's pretty sure their parents will be too focused on their kids being safe after the "earthquake" for now, so he lets it go.

Steve seems to agree - or comes to an entirely different conclusion with the same result, fuck if Eddie knows, because he just points at Lucas and Erica again. "Kitchen. Now."

The Sinclairs reluctantly follow him, leaving Max and Dustin alone with Eddie.

"They're probably going to make us come home," Dustin mutters.

Max gives him a disdainful look. "At least you probably have a home to go back to."

"Wait, what?" Eddie asks when Dustin winces.

"The trailer park's a wreck," Max says flatly. "The earthquake or whatever it was hit the worst at the gates."

The gates. One of which was on the ceiling of his living room, right where -

"My uncle," Eddie says, trying not to freak out. "Is he okay, has anyone-"

"He's fine!" Dustin says hurriedly. "He was already out of your guys' place, cause, you know, crime scene. The school's been set up as a temporary housing until they can get everything sorted out, he's there."

Fuck if that doesn't make Eddie feel guilty all over again, but knowing his uncle is at least physically safe calms him down.

Max looks a little abashed, like she'd forgotten that she wasn't the only one in this little group who lives on that side of town anymore, which makes his heart go out to her. It's easy to forget about the things that should divide them, when they're all focused on saving the world and just trying to survive another day. He wonders how she deals with it when they're not all caught up in the Upside Down - wonders if she just hasn't been dealing with it at all, considering he knows she's a new resident of Forest Hills and that she'd been pulling away from the group before this.

She doesn't say anything else, and he doesn't ask.

Steve comes back before it gets too awkward, eyes automatically landing on Max in a way that, for a ridiculous moment, makes Eddie wonder if the guy is actually psychic.

"Mrs. Sinclair is asking for you," Steve says. "Do you want to come talk to her?"

His voice is soft, gentle, and he gives Max time to think it over - Eddie gets the feeling that Steve already has an excuse prepared for the Sinclairs if Max says no.

Max's eyes dart over at Eddie and Dustin for a moment, like she's not sure she wants to say anything in front of them. Then she deflates a little and looks back at Steve.

"My mom call back?" she asks.

"Not yet," Steve replies. "We can try again."

Max's jaw sets, and she shakes her head. "No. I want to talk to Mrs. Sinclair."

She stands, and doesn't push Steve's arm off of her when he grabs her in for a side hug as he guides her back into the kitchen.

Dustin leans back in the recliner he'd claimed, propping his booted foot up on the footrest. "I'm going to see if Mom'll let me stay over here a few days," he declares.

"Good luck with that," Eddie says. "Your mom's love of Steve aside, you've been gone for days. I think she's entitled to a day or two of hovering over you."

Dustin's nose scrunches, like he really wants to protest that but he's pretty sure Eddie's right.

"Fine," he mutters. "But you guys have to agree to walkie me every night. Every night, Eddie. And you have to make sure Steve leaves it on, and charged up, and I'm going to make him promise to check in as soon as he wakes up in the morning."

His heart - his stupid, not nearly cynical enough heart - cracks a little. "I'm okay, Dustin. Steve and I made it out okay."

"This time," Dustin says, and he won't meet Eddie's eyes, his voice thick enough that Eddie suspects he's holding back tears. "But you almost didn't. You almost died, Eddie, if El hadn't been ready for Vecna maybe you would have. And Steve - he's my brother, and I know he thinks he's invincible but one day he's not going to be, and he doesn't know how much I need him, how much I need you both -"

"Hey," Steve says.

Dustin yelps at the same time that Eddie jumps, hissing when that pulls at his stitches.

"Shit, Steve, make some noise next time!" Dustin complains.

"Sorry," Steve says, then reaches out to ruffle Dustin's hair. "I know, Dustin. Eddie and I both know, okay? We need you, too."

Part of Eddie wants to wheel back, to tell Steve that's awfully presumptuous of him, but - the part of him that he doesn't want to acknowledge, the bigger part right now, really fucking likes the way Steve says we, the way it makes Dustin stop looking so broken.

"Go home for a few days, then you can tell your mom that you're worried I'm going to rip my stitches trying to take care of myself and come stay over for a while, okay? We'll do it just like the first time."

Dustin considers that for a moment, then nods. "Okay."

"Good," Steve says. "Because it's your turn. You want me to bring the phone out here?"

"Nah, I can make it." Dustin lets down the recliner and slowly shuffles his way to the kitchen.

Steve shoots Eddie a look, and there's something quiet and intense in his eyes, something that Eddie feels like he can almost get, if he just -

Then Steve's moving, following Dustin back to the kitchen, and it's gone.

Eddie's alone.

This is the first time since he spent that long, shitty night in the woods that he's actually had some space to himself without one of the others in this strange little party right there. Part of him thinks he should enjoy the reprieve, taking in a breath and letting it out without worrying about what anyone else might see. Part of him thinks he should be panicking, like he did every time he thought he might have been left alone in the hospital.

He doesn't know what he actually feels.

There's a faint murmur of voices from the kitchen, low and soothing, and he thinks - he thinks about how if he yelled, any one of them would come running for him. He thinks about how if he heard yelling from them, he'd be launching himself up off this sofa and scrambling for the kitchen, bloody bite wounds or not. He thinks about how he ran, and how he didn't, and how none of them seemed to blame him when he ran from an invisible monster that turned a girl who was nothing but nice to him into a broken doll, and how they yelled at him for almost dying when he didn't run from a mob of demon bats who almost tore him to pieces. He thinks about how not one of them ever called him a coward, thinks about how they dragged him out of hell and slept in his hospital room and whisked him off to safety.

He thinks, maybe, they might just keep him, even if he isn't Steve's soulmate.

Steve comes out of the kitchen, shoots him a little wry smile and says, "Kind of figured none of us really want to be alone right now," and Eddie -

He thinks, fuck, he still really wants to be Steve's soulmate anyway.

Taglist (always happy to add more!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

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Part 14

[wttcsms]

i know you mentioned grad school and your job a lot but you write a lot too? curious as to what your schedule looks like

tl;dr: i normally write at around 11 pm - midnight, so my brain is usually fried up by then and im fighting sleep, which is why my fic writing process is both slow and doesn’t produce much quality 😭🙏🏻

my prof jokes that i need 36 hours in a day and he’s not wrong LOL. my typical routine ive settled into (from start to finish):

5 am - wake up, get ready for work (skincare, makeup, iron clothes/get dressed, pack lunch, make coffee); if my assignments for school get overwhelming, i will adjust my wake up time to 4 to give me time to work on them when i wake up

7 am - i leave my apartment no later than 7. im in auditing and travel to a client site 3 out of 5 days of the week (the other 2 days are wfh). right now, my commute is 1 hour 21 mins one-way (so i spend about almost 3 hours of my workday just commuting to and from), but it honestly feels like such a short trip now LOL

5 pm - workday is over; my office allows me to charge nonbillable time to account for my commute so i take a 30 min lunch over an hour long lunch so i can leave the client site at 3pm rather than 3:30pm (they just want to ensure that i get home/finish the workday at 5)

5 - 6 pm - my designated time to workout & then cook dinner

6 - 7 pm - shower and self care (in the form of skin and body care)

8 - 10 pm - depending on how many assignments i have, my designated schoolwork and study time will either end right at 10 bc im tired or i finish early OR it can drag until midnight

11pm - 12 am - free time

when work is slow or im waiting on something or im on lunch, you’ll see me post a lot!!!

my WFH days are every wednesday and friday, so similar working hours (7-3:30) but everything gets pushed up a bit, so i can workout earlier, wake up later, etc. on weekends, i normally drive back to my family + help out at their business. i get to sleep in until 6am, I’m at my parents’ shop from 7am-6:30pm basically LOL and any down time i spend shitposting on tumblr (it’s hard to write anything serious while im always being interrupted w work stuff + on my phone), i try to have free time by 9pm but usually all i wanna do on the weekend is sleep, so that’s what i do haha

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

As long as their dad is not named Tomas, it's fine

The year is 2040, and Violetta and Francesca are mothers to three teenagers. As Christmas is upon them, everyone prepares to buy gifts for their loved ones. Especially Violetta and Francesca's oldest daughter, Elina, who has found herself quite interested in a certain someone. With her moms and her siblings, unbeknownst to her, helping out, maybe she'll get a little romance this Christmas.

This first chapter will include some introduction to Franletta's next gens, how the family dynamic is, plus some other next gens you've met before. Plus some slander thrown at Germán and of course, Tomas. Enjoy!

Read on ao3 or under the cut.

Elina smiled in her sleep. She was enjoying her dream.

They were on a beach. They smiled at each other.

They leaned in, and were just about to…

“Elina! Wake up, you joxter!”

Elina tried to finish her dream, but she couldn’t get back into it.

Her little sister opened the door and proceeded to sit on top of her.

“Quit dreaming and get up!” she exclaimed.

“Caro… it’s literally the first day of summer vacation, leave me be.”

“It may be so, but Christmas is just around the corner! It’s not really summer until January!” Carolina said.

“And in Italy it’s winter… the world is weird!” Elina muttered, quoting something their mom said practically every single change of season. ”Anyway… it’s not christmas yet. We don’t need to go fix stuff early in the morning.”

“It is 11 AM,” Carolina noted. “That is why I woke you up. It’s almost lunch and you haven’t woken up! Chop chop!”

Elina groaned and covered her head with her blanket.

“Get up,” Carolina said in a serious tone, “Or I’ll fart in your room.”

“Are you 10 years old? Come on.”

“I will, if you don’t get up.”

“Ha ha.”

“I’m serious. I’m gonna count down.”

Elina wasn’t buying it. Carolina was 16 now, she shouldn’t do such childish things anymore.

“10… 9…”

“Caro, you’re so childish, come on.”

“8… 7…”

“You’re not gonna do it.”

“6…5…”

“You’re seriously not gonna…”

“4…3…”

Elina looked into her sister’s eyes and realized she was dead serious.

“Ok, I’m up!” she yelled, standing on the floor within the next second. “Don’t fart in my room, or I’ll kill you.”

“You got away this time,” Carolina said, starting to walk out of the room. “I’ll do it in Oliver’s room!”

Elina took a deep breath. Ok, 11 AM was pretty late to still sleep… she might as well get up now. 

-

Elina got dressed in the outfit she wore yesterday, that she had just thrown on the floor, and went down to the kitchen. She knew lunch was just an hour or two away, so she just took something light.

“Look who’s awake!” Violetta, her mother, sang. She went up to hug her, as she continued singing some made-up melody. “Sleepyhead is awake from her hibernation! Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.”

“Too well,” Carolina said, “I heard her moaning in her sleep.”

Elina turned to her. “Why are you here?”

“I live here.”

“Did you have a nice dream?” Violetta asked.

“Yeah! I mean… I don’t remember… Can you let me go, mama, so I can go eat something?”

“Yes, boss!” Violetta sang. When she sang everything she said, she was in a good mood. 

Elina walked into the kitchen and got some yogurt.

“Do you wanna know when I woke up?”

She got slightly startled, seeing her little brother suddenly popping up out of nowhere.

“At 6 AM!” Oliver said, crossing his arms. “Beat that!”

“Why would you wake up that early on a break?” Elina asked.

“Because I had the energy! And do you know what I did?”

“What did you do?”

“I decided that since I was awake, I might as well bake! So I baked some cookies!”

He handed her one. “Here you go!”

“Thanks.”

Oliver had always been a morning bird. Elina remembered she too liked waking up early when she was little, but around middle school she suddenly felt the need to sleep as long as possible… 

But Oliver was on another level. As a kid he often woke up at 4 AM, wide awake, and went downstairs to watch kids shows. Elina would often wake up from him having the tv on too loud. But as he grew up, he still kept waking up early. Their mom had joked he was an old man trapped in a boy’s body. When he woke up nowadays, he often took walks around the block, at times even going to the store to buy something they needed so that no one else needed to get it. Or he did stuff like bake, or engage in something creative. The con of this was, of course, that he became very sleepy early in the evening. Elina had heard he often was the first to fall asleep at sleepovers, and didn’t understand why anyone willingly wanted to stay up after 22:30. Both Elina and Carolina had joked that as soon as he’d become a teenager, he’d realize how fun it was staying up late and sleeping until noon. But Oliver was 14 now, and his morning energy had never changed.

“Look who’s awake!” Francesca exclaimed, making the exact same comments Violetta had made. Although, she didn’t sing.

“Morning, mami…” Elina said.

People had often asked Elina how she felt having two moms. But she never really reflected much on it. She never felt “odd” or “different” - especially because she knew several others who also had two moms or two dads. All it made her think was that families can look very different. 

Technically, none of her siblings were biologically related to her. Violetta and Francesca had taken turns being pregnant, Violetta carrying Elina and Francesca carrying Carolina. They had different donors as well. And Oliver was adopted.

But it didn’t matter that the only person she was biologically related to was Violetta. Francesca was just as much her mom. She didn’t call her siblings “half-siblings”. They were her full siblings - maybe not technically, but they shared the same parents (even if not by blood) and grew up in the same house. That is full siblings.

“What are your plans for today?” Francesca asked.

“Mm, I might do some shopping for gifts,” Elina said.

“You haven’t bought any yet?” Oliver asked.

“I’ve been busy with school.”

“So have I, but I still found the time!”

Elina rolled her eyes. “For your information, I have gotten some, but I still need to buy some more.”

”Want me to drive you?” Francesca asked.

”No, I can walk.”

”Are you meeting up with a friend?”

Elina shrugged. ”Maybe.”

Carolina passed by the kitchen, just to drop one single comment before leaving again.

”She’s gonna meet her crush!”

”No!” Elina exclaimed.

Francesca smiled. ”Well, it’s fine if you are. You know you can tell us if there’s someone you like.”

Violetta walked into the kitchen, wrapping her arm around Francesca. She decided to join the conversation.

”But, if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. You have a right to some privacy, too.”

”Right… we’re not gonna dress up in secret identities and spy on you!” Francesca said jokingly.

Elina looked at her moms for a brief moment, before shaking her head. ”Who even does that?”

”Oh sweet child, I have some stories,” Violetta sighed. 

”Ok… well, I’m leaving! I’m gonna eat lunch in the city!”

”Have fun!” Francesca exclaimed. ”And text if you want a ride home!”

As Elina left the house, they turned to their middle child, who had been hiding at the entrance of the kitchen with a smirk.

”Ok, tell us,” Francesca said, ”Does she really have a crush?”

”Mhm!” Carolina said. ”I heard her moaning in her sleep. I didn’t hear a name, but I think I know who it is.”

”Is it a boy, girl, neither, both?” Violetta asked. ”Have we met them? Will she bring them home? In that case, the bedroom door needs to be open!” She then gasped at herself. ”Oh no, am I becoming my father?”

”You’re never gonna be your father,” Francesca assured her. 

”Mama, why are you so afraid of turning into grandpa?” Oliver asked. ”He’s so… nice. A little odd, it seems sometimes that he doesn’t know mami’s name despite you two being married for like 20 years, but he’s nice.”

”Oh, he is,” Violetta said. ”But… let’s just say everyone has gotten therapy except for him.”

”How is grandpa, anyway?” Carolina asked. ”Last time we met, he coughed so badly and needed to rest.”

”He’s… fine…” Violetta looked down on the floor. She didn’t really want to tell her kids what actually went on. Germán was… well, not that healthy. It had declined every year since around 2024, and while he still had some energy, she could tell that… well, he probably needed to have a checkup with a doctor, but he kept telling everyone he was fine. He was still a very stubborn man.

Violetta loved her father, but she had also felt a lot more strained with him for every year that passed. However, Germán didn’t seem to notice that.

He had always been so anti-boys with Violetta, so when she brought home a girl his brain kind of got a short-circuit. He was of course supportive of them, but he kept calling Francesca ”Camila” even after 20 years of her and Violetta being married, and was a bit confused how they got their kids. When he found out Violetta was pregnant with Elina, he thought some boy had gotten himself on her, and he practically ran around in circles because he couldn’t be mad at Violetta’s wife - she didn’t make her pregnant? So he just madly ran around being mad at someone who did this to his daughter. When Francesca was pregnant with Carolina though, he did not process that Violetta also was gonna be a mother to this child. But when they adopted Oliver, he did realize pretty quickly that both of them were the parents and they were raising him together. Only took him 3 times… He did love his grandchildren though. Violetta however was always more hesitant leaving them with him. She didn’t know why, he was often good with them, and a ”funny grandpa”, but he also seemed to forget they were growing up. Just a year ago he asked if Oliver had quit diapers yet. ”Yes, around 10 years ago?” 

Sadly Germán was their closest living relative (if you didn’t count Angie, of course. But Angie had her own life too, with her own husband and child). Both Violetta and Francesca thought Francesca’s parents were much better grandparents than Germán. They kept track of the kids’ ages, interests and loved catching up with them. They were also, unlike Germán, knowing Violetta and Francesca had equal parenting over all the kids. It didn’t matter if only one of the kids was biologically related to them, they saw all of them as their grandkids (however, they did like making comments about how much other relatives Carolina looked like). 

Sadly, Francesca’s parents lived in Italy. Luckily, social media and smartphones existed. They loved calling their grandchildren and seeing their photos on social media. 

Luca never got any kids, so these were their only grandchildren. And they had sent them some christmas gifts all the way from Italy, which was due to arrive tomorrow. 

”I only have one more question about her crush,” Violetta said, ”Is their dad named Tomas?”

”Yes, it may sound silly, but that’s our biggest red flag, no matter how friendly her crush is,” Francesca added.

Carolina continued to smirk. ”I don’t know Elina’s crush’s parents… but I do know… she also has two moms.”

”So it’s a she?” Violetta asked.

”And she also has two moms?” Francesca asked. ”Ok, now I’m feeling more green flags.”

”What if Elina’s crush is really evil, despite having two moms?” Oliver asked.

”Then we’ll deal with that then,” Violetta said. ”Right now I’m just happy it’s not Tomas’ offspring!”

Violetta and Francesca did not know what happened to the Tomas they knew in 2012. Maybe he wasn’t even alive! But it could be possible he had settled down and started a family. Maybe he found someone who liked him. 

They both had been having literal nightmares that Tomas would move back to Buenos Aires and his offspring would date one of their kids. 

Luckily, that never happened. And the world continued to never know about what Tomas was up to in 2040.

”May I ask where you got all this information about her supposed crush?” Violetta asked Carolina.

”I read her diary!” Carolina replied. ”Just kidding. She doesn’t have a diary.”

”Yes! She has one from when she was 10!” Oliver chimed in. ”And that one you did read!”

”Yes, I did! But she doesn’t have one now. Anyway, I found out by observing her. It’s a girl from school. I have seen how she acts around her.”

”Interesting…” Violetta said. ”And tell me, what is this girl’s name?”

-

”Lola!” 

Elina waved at her as she stood outside the book shop. Lola came up to her, with her normal smug face.

They were gonna buy some christmas gifts together, and then have lunch and maybe do something else in the city. They didn’t have much plans. Maybe they’d just end up walking around.

”What’s up?” Lola asked.

”Not much. My siblings mocked me for waking up at 11.”

”That’s a classic. My sister once woke me up by blasting Caramelldansen at the highest volume.” 

They giggled.

“So, what gifts do you need to buy?” Lola asked.

“I need a gift for my sister and one of my moms, the others I’ve fixed.”

“I’m gonna buy a gift for one of my moms, too!”

“Great! Where are we going first?”

“I wanna buy a fun t-shirt for my mom, so maybe that store down the street?”

“Yeah!”

They walked to the store. Lola was starting to search for a specific shirt she had seen, while Elina was browsing around. There were lots of funny t-shirts. A lot of them were in english, but clearly written by someone who was not fluent in english. She kinda wanted to buy one herself…

”Ok, I found it!” Lola exclaimed and held up a T-shirt that said If you’re allergic to cats, don’t put them in your mouth, in an italics font, with a picture of a rose, as if it was a beautiful poetic message.

“I love it!” Elina admitted, cracking up.

“This is great, now I got my gift!”

As Lola was paying, Elina was thinking of which gift she should buy first. She planned on buying a new blazer for Violetta, and for Carolina she thought about buying her some new headphones.

Soon she noticed a bright turquoise blazer. It looked just like what she saw her mom had worn when she was her age. It was a blazer Elina happened to look for, and give to her mother.

Perfect! She found a gift here. Now it was just the headphones.

Elina bought the blazer, and they headed to an electronics store to buy some headphones. Most of them were way too expensive, but Oliver said he’d be in on the gift too. He’d give less money, because he was 14 and got a smaller allowance than Elina, but it was enough to at least buy a pretty decent set of headphones.

“Where do you wanna eat?” Lola asked.

“I don’t know. I think I can eat a burger or something,” Elina replied.

“Sounds great!”

They went to a burger place that had opened recently. They made pretty nice burgers. Apparently “eco friendly” too, which made them more expensive than they needed to be.

”I’m thinking of going to the hairdresser later,” Lola said. ”I wanna re-dye my hair. Wanna join?”

”Yes!” Elina thought going to the hairdresser felt a little boring, but she’d go anywhere as long as Lola was with her. 

”I’m thinking of leaving my right part the same, and just dyeing my left part.” Lola pointed at her hair. It was currently parted in the middle, brown on the right and blonde on the left. 

”What color did you have in mind?”

”Purple!”

”Ooh!” Elina imagined just how nice Lola would look in that. She enjoyed that imaginary image a lot, so she was excited how it would be in real life. ”You know, I’ve been thinking of dyeing my hair myself, but I just haven’t.”

Lola smirked. ”Why don’t you try it now?”

”Oh, I don’t know…”

”Come on! You can’t afford it? At the place I’m going to, they let the first time be half the price!”

”I can afford it! It’s just… it feels so spontaneous!”

”Yeah! Isn’t it exciting?”

Elina couldn’t argue with that. 

Alone, she’d never go and dye her hair. But when Lola was around, it was like she was ready to try more things.

-

On their way to the hair salon, they passed someone on the street that Elina recognized.

“Kim?”

Kim turned around. “Elina! Hey!”

“I didn’t recognize you! Did you dye your hair?”

Kim normally had their natural hair color, which was dark brown. But now, they had dyed it a magenta-color.

“Yeah! You know, I started university this year, and I have just gone on this journey… I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I decided it was time for an update.”

“I like it!”

Lola decided to chime in, despite having no idea who Kim was. “Elina here is also gonna dye her hair!”

Kim cracked up. “No way!”

“It’s true…” Elina admitted. “I’m gonna try…”

“Send me a picture later,” Kim said. “Now I gotta go.”

“Who was that?” Lola asked as they waved them off.

“They’re a family friend. My moms are best friends with their mom.”

Lola put her hands behind her neck, like an anime character acting laid back. “University… I don’t know what I wanna do, to be honest.”

“We have a year left!” Elina said. “And you don’t have to go to university right away after high school ends.”

“That’s true…”

They came up to the hair salon.

”Lola! Are you here for a drop-in?” a hairdresser asked.

”Sure am! Thought about dying my hair a new color. And I brought a friend! She’s gonna dye her hair, too!”

Elina smiled shyly. ”Hello.”

”How fun! Come, we have two seats ready!”

Lola sat down in a chair, and Elina sat down in the chair next to hers. 

”What would you like to do today?” the hairdresser asked Elina.

”Dye my hair… in… can I dye it in several colors?”

”You can!”

Elina smiled. ”Good, because I can’t choose between orange, pink and white.”

”Those three colors together will look so good! You’re gonna be very happy with it, I can already tell.”

-

Lola got done before Elina. It took much faster just dyeing one half of your hair. She waited in anticipation.

Finally, after a long wait, the hairdresser showed Elina her hair in the mirror. 

Elina gasped. ”It’s… perfect!”

”I knew you’d like it!”

Elina was filled with adrenaline. She actually dyed her hair! Why was she ever nervous about it in the first place? 

And it looked so good, too!

”Lola, I need to thank you,” she said. ”Without you I had never dared to do this.”

She then realized how cheesy she sounded. As if Lola was a superhero or something…

”Eh, it was nothing,” Lola chuckled. ”You look rad!”

”So do you! You look so good in purple!”

Lola checked her phone. ”Ah, I gotta go home. I need to wrap the gift so that I don’t forget.”

”Yeah, me too! But it was really fun hanging out with you today!”

”Hey, the pleasure was on my side!”

They kissed on the cheek goodbye. Elina watched Lola slowly walk away. She took a deep breath.

She kind of wanted to give Lola a christmas gift. She didn’t know why.

Maybe it would be weird. Lola might not give her anything, so if she gave her something it would be awkward. But she still wanted to…

The question was only what…

-

Elina came home, feeling very confident. She entered the kitchen, where Francesca was currently sitting. She looked up at Elina and gasped. 

”Your hair!”

”Oh. Yeah, I dyed it.”

”Who has dyed their hair?” Carolina asked, rushing into the room. She was also quite surprised seeing Elina’s new look. ”No way!”

Violetta and Oliver then entered the kitchen, and were just as surprised.

”You look so cool!” Violetta said. ”So much color! When I was your age, I only dared to dye the highlights. My dad still got shocked, however…”

”You did go full blonde for a year, though,” Francesca noted.

”That was the year after.”

”Lola and I made a spontaneous trip to the hair salon,” Elina explained. ”I��ve been thinking of dyeing my hair for so long and I just… did it now.”

Carolina looked at it closer. ”Elina… tell me something.”

”What?”

”Is this your way of coming out to us?”

”Huh?”

Carolina smirked. ”It’s the lesbian flag’s colors.”

”It is!” Francesca exclaimed. ”I knew it reminded me of something.”

”Oh…” Elina said. ”Well, it wasn’t my intention, I just… liked the colors.”

”Mhm,” Carolina said and continued giving smug faces.

”Yeah, because you don’t need to come out as anything when you already have two moms,” Oliver said. 

”You wouldn’t have to come out as anything regardless,” Violetta assured her kids. She turned back to Elina. ”But it does look really good. And I’m happy you seemed to have fun with… Lola? Was it?”

”Yes, Lola.”

”You can invite her over, sometime…” Francesca said. ”If you want.”

”Yeah…” For some reason, the thought of inviting Lola over made Elina feel a bit… odd. As if, while she wanted to, she felt self conscious that she wanted to.  

It could be because of that dream you had about her last night, her brain told her.

Shut up, brain, she told the brain. 

She also thought about her sister’s comment. 

She was aware it was the lesbian flag. And a part of her may have dyed her hair in those colors just because of that. But she did not want to fully admit that actually was the reason. 

But she was a lesbian. Probably… maybe… 

She wasn’t sure why she’d even be uncertain of labeling herself. She had two moms, she was raised not even needing to think so much about society’s norms. She never needed to label herself, because no one assumed she was anything in the first place. 

And yet here she was, being uncertain of her sexuality. Or, rather, she was pretty sure, but she just did not want to admit it, or fully want to embrace it just yet. And that was ok. But it was also kinda odd. She had no societal pressure from anyone to label herself, and yet she told herself she needed to figure it out preferably now. Why was that?

She decided to not think about it too much, and focus on what she could potentially give as a Christmas gift for Lola.

Yeah, because that’ll help with your sexuality struggle!

Shut up, brain…

If you've read my other works, then Lola might be familiar to you! Franletta's kids have also appeared in oneshots of mine, but I felt like it was only fair that they'd get their own multichapter fic for once. They're just as important to me. This first chapter was just some introduction into all the dynamics. I'll post the next chapter next wednesday, and then it'll start to focus some more on the romance… not gonna say much, but let's say Franletta thought it was a good idea to have a spontaneous dinner party and very much encourages their oldest daughter to invite Lola over…

[problematicfanfics]

hey i got groped on friday night at the club in a “business casual” fit, sexually assaulted on a date tuesday wearing jorts and a loose t shirt, and then had to evacuate campus for hurricane helene bc we’re in flood zone A. now im staying with my uncle aunt and 12/11 year old cousins. i literally got no complete alone time to process what the fuck happened

the night i got sexually assaulted i basically just called up my friends and was like “hey date went like shit let’s go drink together!” but i genuinely just needed to get violently drunk and high. so i did very successfully. 12 heads in a singles dorm room space after downing copious amounts of wine, liquor, and weed while playing beer pong one floor above us. i took a ten minute nap before we went to mcdonald’s and when i woke up, i asked everyone if we were still going (it was 5 am and we said we were going for the breakfast menu), and they all said “bro none of us can fuckin walk” so i went back to bed.

tell me why i wake up at 7 am sharp, in the same clothes i was SAd in the day before, sleeping in my suitemate’s bed with her? i woke up to her face and i was like “yo why we sleepin together?? wait why am i in her bed???” so i got up to piss then walked into my room to get in my own bed.

i walk in to see my mattress topper halfway off my bed. i tried to push it back on but it wouldn’t budge. i’m like “damn i’m mad hungover if i can’t move a piece of foam.” i reach onto my bed to move my ikea bear (the really big one, i love him) and i fucking find my friend sleeping under it??

i start dying. like actually crying laughing. he gets up and he’s completely coherent he’s like “bro why you laughing?” i’m like “dude i didn’t know you slept in my bed what the fuck happened?” bc he’s literally one floor above us?? why didn’t u walk up one flight of stairs and walk ten steps to ur room? he’s like “well u went to bed in suitemate’s bed so i took yours” WHAT?? so i was like “go back to bed bro” and went back to sleep in my suitemate’s bed.

i wake up again at 9 am and go back into my bedroom to see how my bro’s doing.

tell me how my entire mattress topper was on the floor. the entirety of it. and he was still under seven blankets, my five throw pillows and the stupid bear.

he wakes up and my suitemate’s tells me ANOTHER MF was asleep in my room ON MY RUG. he left at like 6:50 am to walk back to the other side of campus to his room. i felt so bad like he could’ve stayed and i would’ve made him a comfier lil bed :(

at 10 am we all get a notif that we need to be off campus out of our rooms by 1. i’m tweaking, bc my uncle is the one who was picking me up and he didn’t get out of work until 5:30, plus 15-20 min to drive and pick me up, plus the hurricane weather, i wasn’t scooped until 6.

the friend who slept in my bed and i sat in the lobby and waited for his friend w a car to show up so we could at least get out of the school area for now. we went to get sushi, shit was buss. i explained to bro wit da car that i wasn’t getting scooped until at least 5:40 and he was like “nah it’s chill dawg we ain’t in a rush to get to the house we’ll chill w u” so i hung w them until 3pm when his aunt called him and told him he needed to go to the house bc of the storm.

so they dropped me BACK OFF AT THE SCHOOL. WITH MY STUPID SUITCASE. WITH MY SUSHI AND A HAT I STOLE OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. i was tweaking. freaking out, even. i still had 2 hours

they left and bc florida is florida, it was super fucking sunny and warm out. so i sat at one of the many outdoor tables we have.

and of course about 30 min later it starts pouring something fierce. i get soaked. i call up my friend and was like “fuck yall for leaving me in the rain” he’s like “bro i’m sorry i didn’t know it would start raining” YEAH ME NEITHER BUT BRO CMONNNN U COULDVE SAVED ME.

i find a small little indent in my dorm building to hide in w no cameras and i change my shirt. i was still wearing the exact same fit from the entire school day prior. i didn’t even have time to change my clothes by the time i cleaned up all the alcohol left out (which was essential, because they did room checks to make sure everyone was evacuated) and packed my bag properly to go stay w my fam.

same pants, unwashed hair body or face, sunglasses bc of how violently high i got in the morning to forget my week, and sopping wet socks. eating hours old sushi in the outdoor mechanics closet of my dorm.

BUT I STILL LOOKED FLY AS FUCK BC THE SECURITY GUARD COMPLIMENTED MY FIT WHEN HE CAME TO ASK IF I WAS OK 🗣️🗣️🗣️😤😤😤

anyways i’m still tweaking. i’m like actually just not ok rn. and the worst part is i enjoyed my weekend so fucking much. it was amazing and i was so happy how my life was turning around for the better, with a nice normal man (unheard of in my life), a good friend group, and doing decent in my classes. i hung out w a bunch of new people, met some old friends from the beginning of the year, never did too much drugs (even tho it takes a lot for anything to hit me anymore so it’s not hard to avoid, and i don’t enjoy that feeling)

i had so much fun, my friends were pulling cute people, i pulled a decent guy. and im just so mad because i pride myself in how good i am at reading people. and im always so cautious. it just makes me spiral because like i’ve spent my entire life making sure it doesn’t happen again and it DOES. like i do so much to protect myself. i literally don’t even have romantic attractions so every date i go on is like a “ok you’re a good person maybe we can make something work” thing, never like a love at first sight/i actively want to be with you thing, AND I LITERALLY TELL THEM THAT. AND I TELL THEM I DONT FUCK. SO HOW DO I WIN?

i’ll never win 🥲

[lumosatnight]

15 questions | 15 people

Thanks for the tag ❤️ @mundrakan @crazybutgood @schmem14

1. Are you named after anyone? A saint. I won't tell you which one.

2. When was the last time you cried? Last week, I think. It was a stressful week.

3. Do you have kids? Nope

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Sometimes. Only with people I'm comfortable with.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their vibe. So I guess a combination of their style and how they interact with others. I can usually tell if we're going to get along before I even talk to them. But never say never. First impressions aren't everything. I've been surprised.

6. What’s your eye colour? Brown. That deep chocolate color that Edward Cullen probably likes.

7. Scary movies or happy ending? Not super into scary movies. I love a good thriller, but a jump-scare just because you can isn't my thing. I'm there for the plot, not the dismembered bodies.

8. Any special talents? I can sleep for 12 hours a day and still feel tired. Ayyyy.

9. Where were you born? China.

10. What are your hobbies? Ice skating, rock climbing (occasionally), traveling, eating, drinking bubble tea, practicing Chinese (rarely), I want to get into bookbinding

11. Do you have any pets? Nope.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? I was never a sports person, but I danced for most of my childhood. Ballet. Maybe I'll write a ballet AU one day.

13. How tall are you? 5'5' in the mornings.

14. Favourite subject at school? Math, then chemistry, then immunology. But damn, immunology was probably the hardest class I ever took. So many immunoglobulins.

15. Dream job? Ballerina, then astronaut, then scientist. Ballet hurt my feet. My stomach is not strong enough to go to space. Tried the third, and it wasn't for me. Who knows what's next? OnlyFans? Jk, jk... unless...

~

I think all my friends have already been tagged, so I'll leave the tag open. If you see this and want to answer, consider yourself tagged!

God, I've had the worst cold this past week, so I probably won't remember what I wrote tomorrow. Let's hope it's not anything too embarrassing.

[eldritchsurveys]

1284.

1 - What time did you wake up this morning? Is there a particular reason you woke up at that time? >> I woke up at 07:00 and then ended up falling back to sleep and waking up for good at 09:00. The particular reason is that 07:00 is my normal wake-up time but I'd taken a muscle relaxant the night before which always makes me sleep more than I usually do. 2 - What was the first thing you did after opening your eyes? >> Picked up my phone to see what time it was, which is how I have the answers for the previous question. It's amusing to me how often I wake up on the hour like that, like literally 07:00 and not like 07:15 or :40 or any other random time.

3 - What did you have for breakfast? Are you even a breakfast person? >> I had one of these sweet potato veggie burgers that I got from... was it Trader Joe's? I don't remember, but probably. I had it on a sesame-seed brioche bun with some chips. And yes, I am a person who eats shortly after waking up. The body requires energy. 4 - Have you left the house at all today? Where did you go and what did you do? >> I did not. I had been looking forward to the tai chi beginner lessons at the library since fucking December but then of course I had to do something weird to my back recently and now I can barely leave the fucking house because my main mode of transportation is my feet (and the bus, but there's a lot of walking and standing involved in taking the bus). I'm so gutted.

5 - What's your favourite time of day to shower/bathe? Have you done either of those things yet? >> I shower in the evening. And yeah, I showered a couple of hours ago.

6 - Did/do you have work or school today? .

7 - What made you decide on your current outfit? What are you wearing, anyway? >> I'm just wearing a bathrobe.

8 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did it taste good? >> Like, fully cooked, not just microwaved or air-fried? Probably that Asian salad/stir-fry type thing. It was okay -- good flavour-wise, but the ingredient ratios were kind of off to me. 9 - Do you spend a lot of time with the people you live with? If you live alone, who do you spend the most time with? >> I don't spend a lot of time with Sparrow because we exist in separate rooms and they work a lot and we really only end up interacting with each other when we go out to shop or whatever once a week. Or like today, when they were cleaning and I was hanging out doing the body-double thing. It's mostly like having a roommate that I see incidentally.

10 - When was the last time you got caught in the rain? >> I avoid being caught in the rain as much as possible.

11 - Who was the last person you spoke to online? Do you know them in person or not? >> I don't know, man. Mostly I comment on people's stuff and get comments back about 30% of the time.

12 - If you could change any law that exists in your current country, what would it be and why? . 13 - What were the last toppings you had on a pizza? >> Pepperoni. 14 - When was the last time you cut your toenails? >> Too long ago. I keep not doing it.

15 - What do you take the most photos of? Do you post them anywhere in particular? . 16 - What's your favourite way to eat potatoes? >> Fries.

17 - What time of day do you feel at your most productive? .

18 - Would you rather spend an hour walking a dog or riding a horse? >> Walking a dog. I've never ridden a horse and I don't think I want to try. It sounds like the most uncomfortable thing in the world.

19 - Do you ever have fairy lights up even though it's not Christmas? >> My main source of lighting in my room are my fairy lights, yeah. They're... not Christmas-related, though? These are just regular string lights, they're not Christmas-tree lights.

20 - Do you freak out when you need to visit the doctor or the dentist? >> I do, the amount of anxiety and aversion I feel towards medical settings is insane.

21 - What do you tend to spend most of your free time doing? Do you do that activity alone or with other people? >> Just being on the computer in some fashion. Gaming, oftentimes. I am almost always alone when I do any activity.

22 - When was the last time you met someone new? What were the circumstances and did you get along? >> Sunday before last, I think. It was a Witches of West Michigan meetup and yeah, I got along with everyone I met there.

23 - What's the job of your dreams? Is this something that's achievable to you at all? .

24 - What will you be eating for your next meal? Will you be cooking, eating out or ordering a takeaway? >> I don't know, my next meal will be tomorrow morning and I don't know what I'm going to want by then. Possibly leftover pizza.

25 - Are you still living under COVID restrictions or have things mostly gone back to normal for you now? >> COVID restrictions really only applied to me for a few months in 2020, when we weren't going anywhere. As for masking, I think I stopped after a year and a half or so, with incidental masking after that.

26 - What time of year would you say is your favourite, weather-wise? >> May through August.

27 - Do you have any irrational fears or phobias? >> I do not. Or, possibly I do, but I can't really put them into words because they're both highly personal (as in, personally relevant, not like... secret) and highly abstract.

28 - Do you prefer The Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit movies, if you like any of them? >> I prefer the LOTR trilogy.

29 - Which Harry Potter film was your favourite? What about your least favourite? >> I guess Half-Blood Prince, since that was also my favourite book. I think I also liked Deathly Hallows Part One a lot. It had such a dark vibe. My least favourite is either Sorcerer's Stone or Chamber of Secrets, I just really didn't care for the earlier years in either the books or movies. I also really couldn't stand Gilderoy Lockhart, lol. 30 - Do you ever get in the mood to clean/tidy/organise? When was the last time that happened? >> I do, but not frequently. Well, organisation is something I like doing no matter what, but cleaning is something that I rarely have the desire to do.

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 11/23/24 - 11/24/24

OH MY GOD I GIVE UP ON DOCUMENTING THE DAYS I HAVE MISSED FOR MY JOURNAL I STG I have fallen so far behind on this it's crazy!! I've just been so tired to be honest, it was a really busy week and I'm entering the final stretch of school for the year ough. It's exhausting!! Sometimes I forget that what I'm doing is in fact more than what most people can - or should - do. I work 40 hours a week in a warehousing job as the second highest person in my department, attend school full time with four classes and 15 credit hours, maintain friendships, go to the gym for 6-7 hours a week, cook at home, keep my house tidy. It's a lot, really. I guess I'm proud of my capabilities but maynnNNNnNnNN I AM SO TIRED I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!

I would like to talk about e neighbor of mine. They just reminded me of their existence through their sole habit that I'm aware of. Across the way from my house, visible directly through the window behind my computer, is the parking garage of a large high end apartment complex. Every day this neighbor that I presume lives in said apartment complex arrives home around nine o' clock pm, parks their red Toyota corolla and then presses the door lock button on their key fob at least eight times. They then walk away towards the elevator that surely leads into the complex, but along the way they again stop and press the key at least six or seven more times to elicit another series of honks from their car. I always know when they arrive because of their honking car! I don't really mind it. I feel like firstly it must be both a habit of paranoia, or maybe an impulse that's difficult to control, and secondly it's oddly comforting knowing that a stranger is still alive and continuing their routine. I love observing the routines of the world.

Anyways!! I wanted to actually journal about what in the heck I've been up to lately. I swear I'm gonna get back in the habit of doing these more often now that life is settling back down again.

So Saturday the 23rd I actually had my families thanksgiving celebration! I'm gonna be honest this is literally the first one I've gone to since I was twelve and they became optional lol. This year I only decided to go because my little brother, his girlfriend, my niece that I haven't seen in eight months and my older sister I'm trying to make amends with (she should really be the one apologizing to me imo but whatever I guess) were all gonna be there. The people I was less interested in seeing were my dad, his girlfriend, my other younger brother and his wife. So it was sorta fifty-fifty worth it versus not. But I decided to give it a chance, and I think I had fun! I still went to work beforehand so there was that, but tbh the shift was very easy. There was almost nothing to do besides a quick round of stock in the morning, some deep cleaning and me making the plan for the night shift workers who would come in around when I was leaving. After work I headed home and grabbed the food I'd cooked the night before! I made a big dutch oven full of garlic mashed potatoes and some homemade cranberry sauce :3 I love my cranberry sauce recipe so here it is! I make mine really tart so feel free to up the sugar:

Sprout's (cranberry) sauce!

Ingredients: 16 oz's raw cranberries (washed and dried), 1 large navel orange, 1 cup of sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg to taste but always less than half as much nutmeg as cinnamon, a pinch of salt!

Step 1: pour washed and dried cranberries into a sauce pot and immediately add the cup of sugar. Stir periodically to prevent burning

Step 2: while the cranberries and sugar start to come to temperature add in the zest of half the orange, the juice of the full orange, and your seasonings

Step 3: cook on medium heat until all berries have popped and sauce has thickened, pour into a heat safe container to cool (CLEAN YOUR SAUCE POT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE THIS STUFF TURNS TO CONCRETE AS IT COOLS)

Add more zest on top before serving! :3 but this is just for aesthetics.

Anyways so I drove over there after I grabbed my food and immediately got to helping in the kitchen! I ended up helping to make the turkey, which turned out fantastic :3 I am good at cooking methinks. Dinner was ready a couple hours after I arrived! We had so many dishes... lemme give y'all a tierlist hold on.

This isn't my opinion of the dishes as concepts, just how the ones at the actual dinner turned out. Sadly I gotta rank that mac and cheese so low :( they used fuckin big ass rigatoni noodles for some godforsaken reason, didn't bake the mac and only used velveeta </3 heartbreaking truly. My sister made these homemade rolls and sweet potato casserole that went crazzyy though... also I'm biased as hell my foods both went straight to the top of the list. They also had ham there but I don't wanna eat pork, it's kinda yucky imo, and I am a certified green bean casserole hater. But after dinner we got some board games out and just chilled while having drinks :3 I won a game of settlers of catan because I am the main character (I got lucky)

Forreal after that not a bunch happened! I think I upset my sister :< I was getting my hair braided by my brothers gf (the brother I like's gf) and my sister walked in and I said "go away we're having girl time" because it was me and both of my brothers gf's in there talking about hair and makeup alksdjfasdf but I sometimes forget that my sister is trans and she takes feelings of exclusion like that very seriously :< I was making a joke but... it honestly wasn't a very sensitive one and I feel bad about it

tbh the very best part of the day was probably the Bnuuy sending me a sleepy selfie, they looked super cute and I had really missed seeing their face!! It was really nice and kinda put me in a good mood for the whole day I'm ngl.

Yesterday, the 24th, was a really simple day! Work was easy as all hell, I didn't really do anything there besides what I was supposed to and play basketball asDKFASDF I have gotten weirdly good at basketball since we installed a hoop in the warehouse, I win a decent amount of the time and I'm only getting better as I work out more. After work I went to the GYM AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DID??? I HIT A TEN MINUTE MILE AND I KEPT THAT SHIT UP FOR THE FULL HOUR!! I ran six miles an hour for one hour straight, I felt like a fucking olympian I'm ngl. That stuff was HARD UGH. I got a lil sad feeling after I got home, though. I was thinking about the bnuuy a lot. I was thinking about how tomorrow (today) is our monthiverssary that we almost always would celebrate. The number 25 always reminds me of them now, and the number 12, and the number 9. It's funny how little numbers like that become sacred, they become a part of a persons image to you. Anyways I was feeling sad so to mitigate that feeling I decided to go online and ask the sleep token mutuals I have on twitter to send me pet pics and oh my gosh did they ever!!!! Like 100 different people either dm'd or replied to my post with pet pictures ToT it was such a sweet thing, I felt really taken care of. I felt loved. I keep looking at all their cute lil pets today ugfh. Besides that I didn't have much else go on :3 I felt better after a lil bit and stopped my yearning as best as I could and then actually slept pretty early!!!

For once, I don't wanna type a big segment about the bnuy. They're super duper on my mind don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling tired and don't particularly wanna go through that feeling right now askjdnhfasdf I don't need to get the emotions out at this precise junction so I think I'll just hold them <33 anyways I love them a lot, I love them so so so so so so so so so so so much and they're my favorite person to ever exist. There we go, bvnuuyventing out of the way. #yearnposting amirite

That's it!! Finally caught up on my journaling asdfasdf I love you so much tumbie!! Have a good night!! <333

[mint-moon25]

Filipino Knife Defense is Deadly!!

I WOULD - LIKE - 2 - TESTIFY - THIS - IS

THE - CALIBRE - OF - MANILA - POLICE

OUR - MEN - FATHERS - OF - KIDS AND

FINE - AND - LOVING - LOYAL - TRULY

FAITHFUL AND - DEVOTED HUSBANDS

UNLIKE - KOREAN - SPOUSES - VERY

UNFAITHFUL - VARIOUS - AGES THEY

FOOL - AROUND - ALL - THE - WAY - 4

WIFEY - WRINKLED - PRUNE - BAG

THOUGH - VERY - RICH - WHY - HE

MARRIED - HER - SAD - KOREAN

MARRIAGES - AND - VERY - OLD

AGE - 2 - MARRY - IN - KOREA KR

JOANA - CITY - OF - MIAMI - HAS NOT

RETURNED - MY - PURSE - WALKING

STICKS - BEEF - RAMEN - NOODLES

AND - THIEVES - I - HAVE - 2 - PAY - 4

01 OCT 2024 - WHEN - MY - LEASE IS

DUE - WOW - JUST - 1 DAY - WAS YES

PAID - BY - CITY - OF - MIAMI - TAXES

JESUS - IS - LORD

MIAMI - POLICE - SUPPORTS - NO 1 TO

THEM - CAMILLUS HOUSE

THEY’RE - THE - MIAMI - FREE - TOILET

5 MIN - ONLY - 4 - PREGNANT - 4 - YES

BLEEDING - FEMALES - BECAUSE - AS

AMERICANS - THEY - BLEED - LIKE - A

BROKEN - FAUCET - TRICKLES - ONLY

SHELTERS - ONLY - HAVE - PANTY

LINERS - AS - THEIR - BLEEDING 2

WHY - AMERICANS - ARE - VERY - HARSH

WITH - THEIR - BODIES - ATHLETES HAVE

AS - ACTIVE - IN - LOVEMAKING - THEY’VE

ALREADY - HAD - 235 BABIES - ALREADY

DEAD - FR - SPORTS - EVERYTHING YES

THEY - DO - IN - ASSUMPTION - CONVENT

SAN LORENZO - MAKATI - WE WERE NOT

ALLOWED - 2 - EXERCISE - DURING

BLOODFLOW - THE - ONLY - KNOWN

PRIVATE - SCHOOL - UNIFORMED - THAT

DOES - THAT - SO - HERE

CAMILLUS HOUSE - VAN - THEY - TRULY

DISTRIBUTED - BY - ORDER - OF - TRUE

MIAMI - POLICE - DEPAKOTE - MEDS AS

THE - HOMELESS - GET - THERE - AS

BOTH - PLUNDER - MEDICAID - YOUNGER

MEDICAIRE - 65 AND OLDER - AS - TRUTH

DEPAKOTE - IS - OVER - $6,000 - EA MON

VIOLENT - ONE - GIVES - VIOLENCE AND

WHAT - PSYCHIATRY - WANTS - IN - USA

MUSICAL - ‘JECKLE - AND - HYDE’ - YES

THEY - WANT - OBEDIENCE - SO - THEY

ARE - GOING - ALL - THE - WAY - TRUE

AS - MARRIED - PSYCHIATRISTS - WITH

18 AND OLDER - CLIENTS - MARRIED - 2

OR - NOT THUS DEPAKOTE - PRODUCES

DEATH - AND - VIOLENT - DISOBEDIENCE

NOSE - BLEED - HEADACHES - MIGRAINE

MARRIED - MAN - PSYCHIATRIST - LOW

GPA - GRADES - YELLED - AT - ME - HE

WAS - UNDER - SOLICITATION - 4 - THE

HOMELESS - FRONT - OF - MAIN LIBRARY

NEAR - STAIRS - YELLED - AT - ME - YES

REGARDLESS - THAT - I - WAS 

HOLE - ON - FOREHEAD - AGE 6

KNIFED - 2 X - AT - BACK - AGE 7

SHOT - 2 X - AT - BACK - BY - SAME YES

PERSON - HE - SAID - ‘REGARDLESS’ - I

NEED - DEPAKOTE - CITY - OF - MIAMI IS

PAYING - 2 - GET - HUMAN - TRAFFICKING

2 - BRING - HOMELESS - 2 - VERY - BAD

BUS 77 - BUS 21 - ILLEGAL - 24 HOURS

BAD - NEIGHBORHOOD - CAMILLUS HOUSE

THEY’RE - ALSO - REASON - WHY - ITS BAD

5 A - U - MUST - BE - THERE - 2 - EAT - LATE

AFTER - 7:45A - 2 - SHOWER - BOILING WATER

WEEKDAYS - 15 MIN - FREE - SHIRT - FREE

DRINKS - MAIL - AT - 8A - ONLY - CAN - GET

WHEN - APPROVED - BY - A - HISPANIC MALE

HE - SAID - I - CAN’T - GET - MY - MAIL SO - I

NEVER - RECEIVED - MY - NEW

DEMOCRAT - CARD - VOTER’S - INFO - CARD

LEASE - TAKES - ITS - PLACE - THEY’RE - YES

HOLDING - IT - HOSTAGE - MY - MAIL

THEY - PAY - FOR - LOW - INCOME - APTS OR

HUDS - BECAUSE - THEY - WANT - U 2 - SEE

THEIR - PSYCHIATRISTS

11 MIN - WALKING - 97 DEGREES - FR - THE

METRORAIL - $2.25 - EXIT - CULMER

TURN - L - L - L - UNTIL - U C - R SIDE - BIG

CAMILLUS HOUSE - LONG - WALKING - YES

MOTHER - TERESA - L SIDE - U - CAN’T - FLUSH

TOILET - PAPER - INCLUDING - POOP - AND NO

AIR CONDITIONING - 1 MEAL - EACH - DAY AND

LEAVE - EARLY - NO - SMARTPHONE - NO - YES

TABLET - NO - LAPTOP - ILLEGAL - STARTING

4P - LATE - NO - ENTRY - 3 WEEKS - ONLY - 2

MORE - AND - MORE - CATHOLIC - RELIGION

TALKED - ABOUT - ILLEGALLY - B 4 - MEAL AS

YOU’RE - SO - HUNGRY - ILLEGAL - PEOPLE

THUS - CAMILLUS HOUSE - WANTS - YOU - 2

HAVE - THEIR - PSYCHIATRISTS - EACH

MONTH - UNTIL - YOU - DIE

$328 - FOR - 20 MINUTES - WHY - THEY PAY

FOR - HUD - OR - LOW - INCOME - SO - THEY

ARE - ALL - ON - MEDICATION - MEANING

ALL - VIOLENT - ALL - SLEEPING - ALL NO

DREAMS - 2 - LEAVE - POVERTY - ALL - R

JUST - FLOATING - NO - DECISIONS JUST

FLOATING - BECAUSE - MED - CONTROLLED

THIS - VIDEO - 2 - TELL - YOU - THERE - ARE

BETTER - POLICE - MANILA - POLICE

FOUND - ONLINE - PSYCHIATRISTS 

ACCEPTS - FLORIDA - SUNSHINE - HEALTH

JESUS - IS - LORD

CONTINUING ...

[wanderlotz]

Let's see, so my fic is called " The Recollection of Wednesday Addams" on AO3

1. I can't believe I wrote this.

2. I get giddy!! First couple of weeks my face ached from smiling lmao.

3. Haven't gotten any, wenclair community has been nothing but loving. I guess if do get negative comments it's one of 2 scenarios; they dislike the ship/fic, can't do much about that except thank them for at least giving the fic a chance, or they have a critique on my writing, which could be a learning experience.

4. I love all of my comments, and have a group of commenters that are with me every update 😭 I can't pick favorites man. It's like asking a parent who their favorite kid is. 🤣

5. "Great, Enid, you killed her with your wolf hotness, now I have a dead goth girl in my office."

6. Only have one fic, can't do this one.

7. "I fear that we are falling for an insipid cliché. But it is indeed a situation where I am not stuck here with you. You are damnably stuck here WITH ME."

8. Wednesday wouldn't apologize if she had been. It was the least expected reaction to how striking Enid looked.

9. I normally don't snack when I write cause it will inevitably end up on my phone screen, but I guess Takis?

10. Water?

11. Wenclair.

12. Wednesday or Gideon the ninth.

13. Nope.

14. Honestly, a Cairo Sweet x CC Walker or Pip has been plaguing my mind. Inspired by this image:

15. none.

16. just anything describing an intense want or desire, I like those words.

17. Black cat x sunshine characters.

18. Enemies to lovers.

19. Character inadvertently falls in love, is in hilarious denial.

20. Herbs and their properties .

22. I used to watch TikTok edits 😭😭 ,now that TikTok is dead to me, I guess I'll watch gay movies. 'You can live forever" is one of my faves and always manages to crack the ice.

23. In my car at the school pickup line (Safely, I get there early, park and get an hour of free time) , or briefly in the mornins before leaving for work, or very very rarely, when work stops for any reason, I sneak in a couple of paragraphs or just scribble sudden lines or scenes on paper and stuff them in my pockets for later.

24. to 33. I currently only have one fic 😅. So all of it is that fic. The Recollection of Wednesday Addams.

34. 'Where Others Lose Faith' has been rolling around in my mind, and I really like it cause the letters spell "WOLF"

35. Nope.

36. Yes. Jaws- Sleep Token.

37. -Bite marks- Ari Abdul

Go back- Tom Auton

Artificial Paradise- Vlad Holiday

38. As Above So Below- Cxssidy

39. I've been slacking, haven't drawn a lot. 😭😭😭 And I couldn't find an image that fit.

40. "I don't love you with my heart. It will stop one day. I don't love you with my mind, I may lose it. I love you with my soul, and that does not forget."

Yet another fanfic writer ask game!

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[genobiagon-helary]

My childhood memories are never been forgotten because at that moment we feel like i dont like to grow up but that life we didnt get to young but that memories is in my heart forever,And growing up is another mission us to face we need to learn,grow,and be open to our self to accept challenges to come.

Hi I'm Helary Genobiagon 17 years old i live in lo-oc locatha llc, my childhood memories is traumatizing at the same time fun. i dont like my brother and i always teasing him or joking around him, but at the time i slowly love him as my brother. we became so close every afternoon were going out at our backyard because were playing sand and hide and seek.I like going to school because i have many friends there and i can play anytime and to learn, When im gr 2 were going to a small island to celebrate fiesta and i enjoy the time because i didnt got another chance to swim in the beach everyday,but that place is leave at me a bad trauma.

When were about to go home im not feeling my best,my body is so heavy and headache i want my mom to carry me because i cant handle the pain,and we got home i have a high fever but my mom didnt worry because maybe its just a normal fever that gone after a week but 2 weeks after i have still my fever so my lolo and lola but panicked,my lolo immediately borrowed a jeep to take me to hostipal and while driving my mom told me that i dont a pulse anymore like im about to die but my lolo was so panicked and worried about me so he drive so fast as he could,then when we arrived at hospital the doctors got angry to my parents because why did they take so long to take me to the hospital if my lolo didnt bring me immediately i could die, i got my second life thanks to my hero,i couldnt stop saying thank you to my lolo he save my life he was my hero since that day.

When im gr 3 this is the day i didnt forget my in whole life my father got a call from my lola saying that my lolo got to the hospital because he was like chilling outside while laying at the duyan and my lola got confused because my lolo is so quite and then she saw my lolo is touching his heart like he couldnt breathe and she immdiately call a ambulance then the nxt day my whole family my aunties,uncles,cousins are going to hospital then when we arrived my lola go inside at the hospital because were not allowed to go inside, then an hours after my lola came back and shes crying then at that very moment i just realized that my hero,my lolo past away she didnt get a chance to say that my lolo past away,after we sa her crying we ended up all crying.

Every third sunday of january were going to cebu to celebrate sinulog wth my father side i have a lot of experience try new food,buy anything ,and got a chance to see an a celebrity and the traditional dance of sinulog

When you grow older you're mind is full of couriosity and question about life,and when you experience things that you didnt experience when you're a child you can say that im growing a d im not a child anymore,that when i got my period in gr 6,i like im 11 years old or around 12,were sleeping and i need to get up because i need to go to the cr and theres something got my attention when i look to my underwear and i see blood and i panicked i look to the bowl and all over the bowl gcover wth blood and i shouted and my mom got scared and ran into the cr and she laugh when she saw my underwear,she immediately said the rituals if you're having your first period and then after a month i dont have any interest going outside and play around my friends ,i just want to stay inside our house watching tv

I realized that were not going to have a same feelings,thoughts,and interest like were at the young age because i started doing some makeup² making my self pretty and girly stuff ,i have my taste of style and i got my first crush at gr 7 like i literaly stalking him and always admiring him because were roommates his room is beside mine and every breaktime i always go to his room and give him a snack then i admiring him until gr 8 but my feelings for him is faded and gone, and theirs someone have a feelings for me but it is she,she always gives me snack,flowers,chocolate, and that the time i questioned my sexuality or identity because i have something sparks feelings about her but i didnt show to her because i confused about my feelings to after how many months she ask me can i be her girlfriend and i answered yes but we didnt have a serious rs its like a puppy love.

Gr 9 thats when pandemic and my parents seperated its hard to have a broken family, my parents always arguing about financial and they decided to ended up because their not happy to each other anymore and if their going to stay together were like pretending a happy family even though were not,i always jealous to my friend or other family their truly happy even at their lowest point and complete but i nvr get mad or upset to both of them i support their decision and im still thankful because even they seperated their always at my back and now they okay nothing hard feelings to each other.

So my father went to his home town and i always visited him,because im at my mother house and as i always visited him i get closer to my auties, relatives,uncles because i didnt grow there and they didnt see me often,they treating me so so well like a princess and i make many new friends there and i have meet someone that hook my heart,she's is a friend of my friends she introduced me to her and as i always go to my fathers place i always hang out with them specially wth her because shes my fathers neighbor so we can hang out anytime until i fall inlove wth her but i didnt knew that she fell inlove wth me first but she didnt confess her feelings wth me but she confess her feelings to me to our friends and i confess my feelings too to our same friend and after we know that were fell inlove wth eachother she courted me twice and the last i said yes

We're still dating now, she always supporting me cheering and comforting me, she loved me without judgement in her eyes and she accept me for who i am even though im not perfect and i know nobodys perfect but she accepts me complety ,that's how i am, i accept her completely and only now have i experienced being loved like this and i dont need to pretend that im happy because im actually happy wth her,even though thre are many people who object to our relationship because were the same women, i dont listen anymore because i let my feeling exist more because their is no type or form of love,their is no choice of people if you love you love,so if you love someone and you are afraid to fight,fight them because dont rely on people who interfere in your life,you know yourself better than others.

[spinachandhoney]

SnakeFace episode 9 (parts 1+2) script

This is where the script starts to get consistent with the story, so I apologize for any repetitions or confusing elements of the first 6 episode scripts, because (keep in mind) episodes 7-11 are rewrites of the ORIGINAL script. There will be several inconsistencies with the previous script, but not with the comic itself (which I highly recommend reading before reading the script). Thank you

[episode script under cut]

<Ivan’s nightmare #1> - [episode 9]

  Ivan woke up in a cold sweat, his blanket thrown halfway onto the floor. For a moment, he had forgotten what had startled him awake. When he remembered, he buried his face in his hands with an upset grumble. There was never a moment that the memory of the car crash didn’t haunt Ivan, his sleep now included. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, unable to settle down again.

  There was no use trying to fall back asleep, so he got up to get a glass of water. He went downstairs to the kitchen to get a cup, then back up to the top floor and climbed up into the attic. He didn’t even know what time it was, but he did know it was very late. The attic was cold that morning, so Ivan sat in front of the empty fireplace once he cooled off. After several long hours, the sun finally started to peek up from behind the trees.

  “Ivan?” Kim murmured as she came down the stairs. “Why are you up so early?”

  “Couldn’t sleep,” Ivan admitted quietly.

  “How long have you been up?”

  He paused. “A while.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, that’s alright. Thanks, Kim.”

  Kim offered a weak smile. She knew Ivan wasn’t happy but acknowledged his boundaries. So, she changed the subject. “Want me to make breakfast, or are you not hungry?”

  Ivan nodded. “Breakfast sounds good.”

  Kim mouthed the word “okay.”

  Ivan stared at his dad’s jacket as he slipped on a shirt from his floor. He stared at it for a good long while. Despite the war causing so much destruction for countless families all through the country, this was one thing Ivan couldn’t blame on the war. There was never any word of the person who had killed his dad either. At this point, Ivan assumed they’d stopped looking not long after they started. Police don’t usually look for someone who just hits someone with a car.

  He quickly grabbed the jacket and left the room. Kim was putting her hair up in her room, which was just two rooms down from the bathroom. Everything about her was perfect, from her looks to her life. She was an incredibly talented witch, with flawless skin and the brightest eyes he’d ever seen that practically sparkled in any light. She never had to worry about money or losing one of her parents. In a way, Ivan was jealous of her. 

  She smiled when she noticed Ivan watching her, turning to the door. “You can come in, you know. I actually need your help here for a second, if you don’t mind.”

  Ivan helped her tie her hair up as gently as he could. When she looked in her mirror, she could tell something was wrong.

  “Ivan,” she turned around. “Are you sure you’re okay? You can stay home if you need to-”

  “I’ll be alright, Kim,” Ivan forced a weak smile. “It’s not that bad, really. Don’t worry about me.”

  Kim hugged Ivan just as gently as he’d done with her. “I just don’t want you forcing yourself into something again. If you ever need a break just let me know.”

  Ivan didn’t say anything, just nodded. He never wanted Kim to worry. He didn’t want anyone to worry. So he just kept quiet.

  Kim took a deep breath. “Well, Val and Joey should start moving in this afternoon. We might as well leave soon to get to school early. According to Val, Joey’s always the first person to arrive on campus.”

  She lingered for a moment but nodded as she pushed past Ivan. He followed close behind, slowly moving down the stairs to grab their bags. Ivan’s mom had just woken up in time to see them off.

  “See you after school, mom,” Ivan hugged his mother before walking out the door. “Joey and Val are coming back over today if it’s okay.”

  Ivan’s mom smiled. “It’s alright with me. Kim, your mom and dad are working all day again.”

  “I know,” Kim smiled. “I have everything worked out, so you don’t need to worry, Mrs. Jamie.”

  Ivan and Kim rushed down the street, splashing through shallow puddles on the sidewalk. Looking up at the sky, the clouds promised rain later in the day. 

  Ivan returned his gaze forward, Kim glancing back at him for a moment with a cheerful smile. She was always so genuine, caring for Ivan when it seemed the whole world was against him.

  They made it to the campus fairly early, about ten minutes before the first morning bell. Joey and Val were already hanging out at a table outside, beckoning the two over.

  “You two seem refreshed,” Kim smiled. “You excited?”

  “To move in with this bat-brain?” Joey elbowed Val in the side, jokingly. “No way.”

  Val grinned sarcastically.

  “Yo, Ivan, you alright?” 

  “Oh, yeah- I-I’m fine. I’m fine, just tired is all. Yeah.”

  “You sure?” Val leaned forward. “You don’t look so great.”

  “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”

  Val looked at Kim who lightly shook her head. Val didn’t pry any further.

  “So how many classes do you guys have together?” Joey asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Ivan and I have gym together,” Kim started, “and I have first and third with Val.”

  “Cool, I’ve just got Photography with Ivan and second with Val. Ivan, you and Val got any classes together?”

  Ivan shook his head. “Just lunch, I think.”

  “Alright, then I guess lunch is when we’ll all hang out. By the way, Kim, Ivan, who are your study hall instructors?”

  “I have Mrs. Adders,” Kim said, “She’s pretty frightening if you ask me.”

  “I’ve got Graves,” Ivan said.

  Val and Joey went quiet.

  “What? Did I say something wrong?”

  “No, it’s just- Graves is probably the harshest teacher on campus. I think he expelled over fifteen students in one term during my freshman year. He’s pretty rough, if you ask me, so make sure to stay on his good side.”

  “Oh, I’m not really worried about that.”

  The older boys exchanged a worried look.

  The bell rang, and they each went off to their classes. Ivan just took notes for his first three classes before study hall, sluggishly making his way to Graves’ room.

  Throughout the class, Ivan could feel his head growing heavy. Graves seemed to notice and made his way to Ivan’s desk.

  “Ivan,” he murmured. “Did you get enough sleep last night?”

  Ivan shook his head again. Graves nodded. “Try to rest here a bit, I’ll keep the class quiet enough. Maybe go get a drink of water if you need to.”

  Ivan sat his head down on the desk for a while but realized Graves was probably right in his suggestion to get some water. Ivan stood up, making his way to the door when he suddenly felt very dizzy, his vision blacking out as the ceiling fell further away. Muffled shouts could be heard before everything went quiet.

[part 2]

  Ivan’s eyes struggled as he forced them open, bright light on his face. He looked around to find himself in what seemed to be the school nurse’s office. Graves was asleep in the office chair across the room. Ivan glanced down near the foot of the bed where a seemingly sleeping Kim was resting her head on her arms. Ivan smiled.

  Kim’s eyes blinked open delicately, lighting up when she saw Ivan was awake.

  “You’re okay!” She muttered as she stood up beside the bed. “Oh thank goodness.”

  “What happened?” Ivan asked in a low voice. “What time is it?”

  It’s just the beginning of lunch. You passed out earlier, I saw Graves and a few students rushing you in here so I tagged along to make sure you were okay. Ivan, you should’ve said something if you weren’t feeling well.”

  “Kim, I feel fine. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

  “How can’t I? You say you’re fine but then you go and collapse onto the floor in the middle of study hall. What if it gets worse? You-You’re just gonna blow it off again and pass out where there’s no one able to help you in time? What if you don’t wake up next time-”

  Ivan pulled Kim into a hug, cutting her off. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have worried you.”

  “I just don’t want to lose my best friend.”

  Ivan buried his face in Kim’s shoulder and slowly drifted off again. Joey and Val burst into the infirmary, looking for Ivan. The action woke up Graves. The two boys froze for a moment and quickly sped past the man. The two sat down in the chairs next to the bed. 

  “I guess I’ll be returning to my class now that he’s okay,” Graves said. “Make sure he gets the rest he needs.”

  “Okay,” Kim whispered with a smile.

  “Is he okay?” Val whispered.

  Kim nodded. “He just needs some rest for now.”

  “What was Graves doing here?” Joey wondered.

  “He’s the one that brought Ivan in here. He seemed so worried about him.”

  Ivan slept through most of lunch and all of third and fourth, waking up in time for photography. Joey helped him to class, making sure he didn’t have any trouble getting there. The rest of the day was fairly mellow after that, so the four stopped by the café after school to grab some coffee before heading home.

  “I already called Beverly and packed everything last night,” Joey said. “So as soon as she gets home she should be on her way to drop everything off.”

  “My things should probably start coming in later tonight or tomorrow,” Val joined. “I don’t know how I’m going to divide my clothes, but I’ll figure it out.”

  The four were lounging around in the den while they waited for Joey’s sister to show up. At some point, Joey and Val were playing go fish, and Kim was reading another new book. The four heard the sound of a truck pulling up in the driveway and they made their way to the door.

  A tall, green-haired girl got out of the truck in a neatly ironed pantsuit and sunglasses. Joey opened the door and they waved to each other.

  “Jojo,” she said. “Give me a hand with the back hatch.”

  The five of them worked quickly and moved all of Joey’s things to the second-floor balcony room. He had all sorts of cool posters, action figures and collectables, a skateboard, several bean bags, and a few houseplants. Val seemed to like the green-haired boy’s choice in aesthetics.

  Soon enough, it was time for Val to head home. He walked alone, though Beverly offered to drive him. Ivan, Kim and Joey got ready for bed, sitting by the fireplace for a while as they waited for the night to take its toll. Kim was the first to give in, heading off to bed at around nine while Ivan and Joey stayed up for a while longer.

  “Do you like it?” Ivan asked in a low voice. “The house?”

  “It’s amazing, I’ll admit that,” Joey nodded. “A lot nicer than Dan’s place.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking, who is Dan?”

  “My father. But I don’t really like calling him that. He was only ever the guy who watched over and criticized me for everything rather than being a dad. You and Kim are very lucky to have the parents you do. I’m jealous.”

  “Don’t be, this is your family now, too. Who cares about what Dan ever thought, anyway? I think you’re pretty cool.”

  Joey smiled. “Thanks, Ivan.”

[infiniteorbits]

last updated

1.

“amelie” - last updated 3/30/23 at 10:31

likes

- when songs blend into each other

- untangling necklaces

- restoration videos

- doorbells that play songs

dislikes

- when previously melted popcorn butter hardens

- when people laugh or talk at the end of songs

- restoration vids that r actually transformation

- when musical movies have less/no songs in the second half 

2.

“now twitter” - last updated 3/30/23 at 17:03

3/28

- dunkin is very hit or miss. luckily for both of us i will take whatever is given to me in any situation ever. - 07:59

- i’m a good kid just mentally disturbed - 9:49

- why is it always hot as balls in [building] i am DYING! - 9:57

3.

“lyrics” - last updated 3/28/23 at 21:06

are you there? - sbd

- “is there anyone in the audience currently living in vain?”

nights - frank ocean

- “wanna see nirvana but don’t wanna die”

4.

“band names” - last updated 4/2/23 at 17:04

i called it

señor manatee

morph suit with the genitals cut out

western haircut

vape gosh

car moth

snail gunk shoes

banana fever

radiobread

nonconsensual gymnastics routine

goodbye endemic fish

uneven sunburn

bread zeppelin

phoebe breadgers

self-imposed bald spot

turtle crossing

5.

“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 1/3)

i really only wake up to go back to sleep again

i dont wanna leave my house because then i have to put on clothes and look at my body. i hate watching tiktok because i see other people’s bodies and hate mine. i hate existing

do you ever yearn to be loved by someone that doesn’t exist so badly that your body aches. do you ever ever want to pull out ur hair bc ur so ashamed of your own thoughts that you cant exist

6.

“dreams” - last updated 2/2/23 at 06:27

night of 12/22/22

[person 1] and [person 2] shit themselves. it seemed to be a reoccurring event bc [freshman year teacher], [person 3], and [person 4] were disappointed

7.

“try god: 1060 AM” - last updated 3/10/23 at 19:36

(is an atheist station)

9/16/19 : 2

11/5/19 : 1

12/5/19: 1

1/14/20 : 1

5/24/21: 1

7/28/21: 1

8/12/21: 1

9/3/21: 1

12/29/21: 1 (roche bros [town] parking lot)

9/23/22: 1

3/9/23: 1 (the bitch had like 2 stickers tho!!!)

8.

“hm” - last updated 1/22/23 at 22:57

“i’m not like you, other people’s problems don’t make me feel better” - [redacted]

9.

“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 2/3)

how the fuck do candles burn out the wax doesn’t evaporate right

welcome to the achery, what can i get u? vomit, comin right up!

the world is made of orbits

the moon around the earth

the earth around the sun

our solar system around the middle

even little galaxies orbit around ours

i suppose that even we, as people,

orbit too

i like to think

that i orbit around you

10.

“i miss all the angel numbers and i keep getting mad bc i dont have to a reason to keep thinking of u”  - last updated 3/4/23 at 13:09

people kinda just age out of me.

11.

untitled - last updated 3/28/22 at 10:46

i dont know what to write. i dont wanna seem like im not workin gbut i just…. cant do this right now. i had to walk to school today and i wanted to die. i mean realistically thats not truly a bad thing. the walk is like ten minutes and its in Rennes and im lucky to be here and to be able to walk and go to school and breathe clean air and whatnot. but im so tired. so tired. it took my nearly an hour to pick out my clothes today. i decided on a shirt and jeans that dont look good together at all and that are half dry bc the dryer just does not work in this house for some damn reason and its fucking annoying. i did my makeup because i was looking atrocious- my hair was wet because i finally got myself to shower after god knows how long (less than a week i presume - i think i last showered the weekend before this week?) and the lack of shape to my hair and the weird way my face looks after i wake up or shower or do anything made me need to sit down and inevitably still be upset when its over. i dreamt that i saw [redacted #2]. it was another one of those dreams where theres a big storm or tsunami or combination of the two and we all had to huddle in a school building that looks kind of like this one but not really. i was so excited to see her and i almost cried in my dream. but i barely saw her for the rest of the dream, she was off with [redacted #3] and her other friends and not me. i was left behind. they left without me. i’m not mad at her for this because she hasnt done this to me yet but i know she will so i guess im preemptively sad and mad and upset even though i have no reason to be and thats not fair to her. i am at myself and the person in front of me and how she treats me like im stupid and i dont want to be stupid and i know im not stupid but there is nothing i can do. i know that seems dramatic. “nothing i can do.” there is. there probably is. i really hope there is but at the same time i hope there isnt because then its true. i am stupid. i do get my work done or at least the work i know that i need to get done and my grades are fine i have like a 3.67 unweighted which isnt great but not like awful. i know i could do better. i know i could work harder. i have worked harder before but its gone now and shes gone now and im gone now. im gone now. im gone now. 

12.

“favs” - last updated 3/18/22 at 15:19

bc i always seem to forget

music

dirty computer - janelle monae

sawdust - the killers

sgt peppers lonely heart club band - the beatles

rubber soul - the beatles

stranger in the alps - phoebe bridgers

apricot princess - rex orange county

punisher - phoebe bridgers 

ow - pom pom squad

turkey dinner - pinky pinky

death of a cheerleader- pom pom squad

13.

“list of issues (current)” - last updated 8/17/22 at 07:46

- [ ] chronic/crippling fear of death (usually intrusive)

- [ ] shortness of breath/high resting heart rate

- [ ] trouble sleeping (falling asleep, keepingg eyelids closed, fear of dreams [lack of control], fear of unconsciousness)

- [ ] usually naseous or having abdominal issues

- [ ] head hurts all the time

- [ ] lack of control with my thoughts

- [ ] depression :( - am i taking too much of my meds?

14.

untitled - last updated 9/7/21 at 06:51

ah oui!! désolé, j’avais fatigué donc j’ai oublié envoyer un text. on est en bus et on va arriver à 15:16

merci pour ce skype!!! j’ai aimé faire de connaissance de votre famille :) j’étais enthousiaste d’aller avant mais maintenant je suis plus enthousiaste (j’ai pensé que c’est ne pas possible!). mes parents se sentent impatients à l’idée que je vais habiter avec vous. je ne peux pas attendre pour vous rencontrer en personne!!!

15.

“grocery list” - last updated 6/7/21 at 10:37

- [x] watermelon

- [ ] orange juice

- [ ] plants

- [ ] ice

- [ ] muffins

- [ ] 

16.

“bus writing assignment” - last updated 10/19/21 at 18:05

-doja cat plays

-everyone is on their phone, with wired headphones

-old bus or new? blue model with the facing hanging handicapped seats

-new bus, c3

-woman quiet her phone

-baby blows bubbles than screams, a child laughs

-people look up as siren passes

-12 year olds laugh and play hand games in the back

-girl with dyed hair (color i want)

-its so hot, holding my bag

-i can hear music of man standing near me

- vaguely familiar man walks in

- office man

- u express bag reminds me of my own

-- woman stands to get off, holding an umbrella, clear with ocean designs (why does she have umbrella? its sunny? i have an umbrella but its new. shes holding it like its fragile bht not new)

- almost miss my stop once i realize i dont know where i am

- lost in writing

- nvm got off one too early

- ill walk ig

17.

“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 3/3)

i agree with the catholics sometimes

like when they mention gay people

and get that look in their eyes

i tilt my head down in shame

but i also put my head down to pray

/

i don’t know if being gay is a sin

but it sure as hell is a punishment

i wonder if future me is looking at me now

crying on the bus, mask soaked with tears

i know she is, because can feel her holding me

i feel her hug and her tears on my shoulders

i hope she’s happy in the way i want to be

18.

untitled - last updated 9/19/19 at 07:58

kantism: you must follow your moral code always with no exceptions, which is defined as something that is good in all situations (intent matters, impact does a bit). 

utilitarianism: do what makes the most people happy (intent doesn’t matter, impact does). morality is defined by amount of happiness.

contractialism: if you agree to a contract, explicit or not, you must follow it. while the contract may not benefit you at all times, it is better than living in a world of “natural law”, a world with no contracts and no security.

virtue theory: if we try to be good people, good actions will follow (good intent = good impact). everyone should be good people because it is in our nature, it is our function. you are good if you fulfill your function and bad if you do not

natural law theory: god gave us the ability to be good

[gapjacket]

I just realized that I only post here when I'm not in the best mood, and reading past entries just reinforces those feelings. So today I'll write the things I'm trying to improve myself: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I made a calendar of what I should accomplish in a day. Generally, it goes like this: Wake up at 4 am, shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, and be at school before 6 so I could start or review that day's tasks.

I end at either 4 or 5 pm, so I scheduled doing my assignments at 7 pm — to give way for travelling and a short rest. Once 7 pm hits, I should be starting my tasks and end at 11:30 or 12 am. For the weekends, I start my day at 6 am, and end earlier — at 10 pm. Sunday mornings are for rest days though. I adjust my Sunday according to what tasks I still have left.

I've been doing this for a week, actually less than a week. It's only Saturday, but here's what I found.

I can wake up and leave at the scheduled time. I also can follow the pre-class prep routine, but kinda depends on travelling time. I do a good job in the mornings.

But the after class routine is what kills me, especially if I have laboratory days. I have shit ton of materials with me and we have to hike those up 4-floors everytime. So by the time I got home, I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep, and I end up procrastinating, saying "I deserve the rest." Which I do, but that just gave me more stuff to do the next day, and the cycle repeats until I'm crying because I'm drowning from the workload.

I want to be better at laboratory activities, but I don't have time to practice. I want to do better theoretically, but even if I study, professors have twists in their exams that just stump me. So I'm drowning and beating myself up for not following the schedule, but I can't always be that productive. Not unless I gulp down liters of coffee — and I don't necessarily like that, makes me feel nauseous and lethargic after.

I lost my drive. 2 semesters ago, I was keeping up, and wanted to keep up because I wanted to get my scholarship back. Which I did, then last semester I lost it again. Is this me feeling like my efforts will be for naught? That driving myself to the ground will yield nothing? I should think about my future, because what use is studying so hard if I can't retain any of it when I eventually practice?

Realizations: I need to study to understand what I'm doing. How will I be entrusted with people's lives if I don't know what I'm doing? I didn't study as much during my earlier years and I'm paying for it now. I don't need detailed notes for those — I realize that now. But I should still be familiar with them.

I need to study for my parents, because they gave me everything and I want to be successful and give back. I need to study because I want to be a great doctor, someone my patients will go back to because they feel that I know what I'm doing. I need to study for me, because it'll feel so damn good for hard work to pay off — to see myself in a good future.

So I've identified some issues I'm having, let's go back to my schedule and see what I can tweak.

Physically: I can't go to the gym in the mornings of weekdays. I like the sun on my face, so I could bask in its rays after I've done my workout. So I think a few push ups, sit ups is what I can do. Then go all out on the weekends. As for food, I have to cut back the rice, because I'm not even having that much snacks anymore, but I'm still gaining weight. I need to buy bread so I can have those for quick snacks, and not unhealthy alternatives. I'm gonna start eating pita again, it's not heavy compared to rice.

Academically: I can do my tasks at night if I go outside. I went to the nearby yogurt shop and stayed there for 4 hours just to do my assignments. I might not be as productive as I want, given I only finished 1 subject of notes — but progress is still progress. So if I'm feeling tired and want to rest, I will take a nap, then go out. This will still feel like a win and won't beat myself up for it. The best place is still a studyhub, because I noticed that I lose all motivation once I enter the condo. So yeah, at least I can stay late there and finish stuff

Mentally/Emotionally: Take a few hours to myself. For weekdays that I feel drained, I can hang out at the rooftop and take the fresh air in. I can take a walk around the mall, eat good food, and people watch. On weekends, I can take a book and read outside. Either at the rooftop again or find a coffee shop where I'll feel relaxed. I feel like Sundays are the only days I can do this. Actually, I should. I need to set a boundary for myself.

Monday to Saturday is me hard at work. I need to finish everything I can before Sunday, because that time is mine. I need to protect it. I will reward myself with little treats to help me through the week, but Sunday is when I'll spoil myself. Sundays will be mine.

I never thought writing this down will help me. But it did. Here's to me trying my best. Here's to giving myself the best future to attain! Let's do this!

[January 18, 2025]

my heart feels heavy again. my mind's racing and i feel like running away

[January 4, 2023]

[i-cant-sing]

I know requests are closed so this isn’t a request I just had an idea based off an ask you got about hawks and the Todoroki clan. What if the reader escaped from yandere Todoroki clan (Dabi scared the reader/took it too far with the threats, or because endeavor and the brothers had a fight and the reader got scared)and they ran into hawks, crying and panicked thinking that he would help. But hawks recognizes them from the pictures in endeavors desk and offers them a lift to somewhere safe. Only for hawks to fly the reader back to the Todoroki estate where the whole family is waiting for them.

The reader feels hurt and betrayed and everyone is angry, but hawks being hawks tries to diffuse the situation by saying,”stop scaring the poor kid. They came to me scared out of their mind, but being the outstanding godfather that I am, I made sure to bring them back safely.” (Or something like that)

And endeavor just accepts that hawks claimed himself as the readers godfather, and tells the reader to get inside and to clean up.

So now hawks takes it upon himself to hang around the estate more to fulfill his “godfather” duties, spoiling the reader as much as he can.

Yandere Godfather Hawks x Todoroki clan reader

I was going to write boyfriend Hawks, instead of Godfather Hawks but this was just too good. I kinda thought that the age gap between Hawks and reader would be too much so maybe Godfather would be a better role for him, but the chaos that would follow if they find him dating reader would be just *chef's kiss*. I think I just might write bf Hawks too. Let me know what you guys think.

Anyways, enjoy!

Check out my MASTERLIST here!

Yandere Hawks:

You didn't know how long you had been running for. You didn't know how far you had gotten away from their house. You didn't even know where you were going, to be honest. But you did know that you had to get away from there as far as you could.

Sure, you only had a few hours headstart. But for them, the most powerful family in Japan, this wasn’t enough time for you. 

You had planned your escape with their schedule in mind.

Enji would come home from his office at 9pm; he used to return at 11, but ever since you were kidnapped adopted by them, he tries to come home early.

Natsuo had already visited you during the day. He habitually comes after his shift at the hospital. Once he would check you over for any injuries and be satisfied with your overall health, he would join you, Rei and Fuyumi for a quick lunch before leaving.

Usually, you would spend the day with Rei, Fuyumi and Shotou, then Enji would come by the time dinner was served. And once everyone went to sleep, Dabi would come to visit you around 2 am. He would tap on your window and disturb you from your sleep, but its not like you have any engagements in the morning anyways. Once you would let him in, he would talk to you and maybe watch a movie too. If he's pissed, he might "accidentally" leave a burn mark on your arm (and you've tried asking your family for help, but they wouldn't do anything. Natsuo would just bandage you up, while Shotou would comfort you. Besides, you've learned not to snitch on Dabi because he would even get angrier than before.)

That was your routine ever since they had took you, almost 7 months ago. Well, they had actually adopted you an year ago, and everything was going well. But then you started noticing their odd behaviour. You thought they were just being protective of you at first, but as time went on, their obsessive tendencies and no regard for your personal boundaries started weirding you out.

Then one day, they just stopped letting you out of the house. No matter how much you cried, begged or fought, they just wouldn't let you go outside, telling that you its for your own good.

At first, they would use cuffs to keep you bound since you fought so much. But then you started behaving, and they slowly started trusting you more and stopped putting on the restraints.

What they didn't know was that you were just biding your time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape. Like today.

Shotou had to go to his friend's house to work on a school project, so he wasn't able to join you at lunch today and would be coming home late.

After lunch, once Natsuo had left, you asked Fuyumi if she could go to the mall and buy you some books. You had been complaining to her about your boredom for quite sometime now, so she agreed and left to go shop for you.

So that only left you with Rei in the house. And while she had a weaker quirk than the rest of the family, your quirkless self was no match for her either.

But she was easier to fool. You told Rei that you were going to take a nap in your room and to call you when dinner was ready. Rei nodded before going to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

You went to your room and opened the window to get out. It used to be bolted shut but after months of working on it slowly but stealthily, you had managed to pop it open. It was 6, and you were sure Fuyumi and Shotou would be coming home by 7, so without having anytime to pack, you ran.

It was stupid. You should've at least gotten your coat and shoes on, but there was no guarantee a chance like this would appear again, so you left without them.

You kind of regret it now, as you winced in pain at all the rocks and twigs pressing into your bare feet. You shivered in the cold, which didn't bother you at first because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins, but now as you slid against a dumpster in an alley to give a break to your legs, you wished Rei could've given you some proper clothes, instead of the light, pastel pink dress. In her defence, the house was centrally heated during winters so you didn't really need warm clothes inside the house. But now, looking at the dark clouds forming in the sky, you wished she could've at least given you a sweater.

It had soon started raining, and the wind had picked up as well. Shivering, you decided to stay put by the dumpster and wait until it stopped. It would be easier for them to find you if you ran now because the streets will be empty because of the rain. And its not like you could go to a police station either. How will you explain to them that the no.1 hero had kidnapped you?

Sighing, you closed your eyes. You just have to vanish from their eyes until they give up on you, or at least find someone else to replace you.

Hawks was flying home when it had begun raining. Tutting, he flew back to the ground to walk his way home. It was dangerous to fly during the rain; his feathers would get heavy and weigh him down.

As he was walking, whistling to himself, he heard someone whimper in the alley to his left. He walked in the dark alley, bracing himself for any sudden movements. The little whimpers came from near the dumpster. The alley had no light, so he couldn't see much. He walked closer to the source of whimpers and he could make out a silhouette of a shivering girl, who was completely drenched. Her eyes were closed so she hadn't noticed Hawks yet.

He took a step closer. "Hey. You okay?" As soon Hawks voice reached her ears, she snapped her eyes open and backed away from him. Hawks backed up a bit, raising his hands in surrender. "Its okay. I'm a hero." He said, calmly.

Once she seemed recognise him, or at least realise he wasn't dangerous, she relaxed a bit. "What are you doing in the rain?"he asked. She paused for a bit, before replying in a tiny voice,"none of your business." Hawks smiled. "It kinda is. Now you can either tell me, or I can take you to the cops and you can tell them. What's it gonna be?"

Your breath hitched at his question. If he takes you to the cops, Enji will surely find you, and the punishment that will be waiting for you...you didn't even want to think about it. "I'm just...running." you mumbled, hoping he would leave you alone. "From who?" When you didn't reply, he sighed. "Okay. Can you tell me why you're running?"

You thought for a bit. Would he believe if you told him the truth? You knew he was close friends with Enji and you heard from Enji that he was very loyal to him, so you doubted that he would believe you if you told him the no. 1 hero had been holding you hostage for 7 months. But maybe he could help you. If you just tell him that someone's after you, then maybe he could drop you off somewhere safe?

Gulping, you answered. "I- I was kidnapped. And they've probably noticed that I'm missing now and- and I need to hide before they can find me. I can't, I can't go back there-" your voice broke down as you slowly started crying.

Hawks's eyes widened as he heard you confess. He hugged you, rubbing your back soothingly. "Shh, its okay. I'm here now. Tell me who it is." You shook your head no. "Don’t be afraid. I'll keep you safe. Just tell me who-" "No!"you cut him off, realising that you would be putting his life in danger if you told him the truth. The Todorokis have done it before, with your old family and friends; you have no doubt that they will do it again.

Hawks was taken aback by your outburst. Who were you so afraid of? Was it a crazy ex? Or a family member? Maybe you had gotten in trouble with the wrong crowd? Whoever it was, fear was evident in your voice. He had to help you.

"Okay. I'm sorry. How about we get out of the rain? Maybe to a cafe, where we can get a coffee to warm ourselves up?" He asked you again, trying to look at your face in the dark. You shook your head again, before speaking. "Could you- could you just get me out of this city? Or at least as far away from here as possible?"

Who were you so scared of that you wanted to leave the city? He could investigate that later, but first he needed to get you out of the rain. 

He nodded. "Alright. It should stop raining anytime now, so I can't fly you out right now. How about we walk to my apartment and warm ourselves and then, I could take you anywhere you want?"

This was the best you were going to get. You know you need to leave the city right now, but he was your only chance of leaving. So you agreed. Hawks smiled at that. "Can you walk?"he asked you. You nodded, but as soon as you took a step, you yelped in pain, almost falling down. Thankfully, Hakws was near to catch you. He laughed. Noticing your chattering teeth, he gave you his jacket. "You're going to catch a cold." Once you had worn his big, warm jacket, he lifted you up into his arms and started walking out of the alley and towards his home.

As he got out of the alley, the street lights finally illuminated your face.

You looked familiar, like he'd seen you before, but he can't seem to remember where he saw you. His eyes scanned your face. Your brows were furrowed in worry, and you kept looking over his shoulder. You looked scared, almost like a child. Looking down, he noticed your pink dress was completely ruined. He moved his gaze to your feet. They were bleeding, due to the stones, twigs and broken glass that had pierced them. Your legs had tiny burns, some had faded, others looked still fresh.

Were you being abused? Is that why you're running? He wanted to ask you these questions but he knew he had to wait for you to open up.

"Thank you."your tiny voice brought him back to reality. Hawks gave his famous heroic smile. "No problem." You gave a tiny smile of your own. It was kind. "Why do you keep looking back?"he asked you. Your eyes widened slightly, looking like a kid who got caught stealing cookies. "Are you worried about them taking you away again?"he asked, not really sure who he was referring to. You started tearing up again. Your lips wobbled as you slowly nodded your head. He stopped walking, causing you to look up to him. "Its okay. I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise." His voice held such sincerity, you started crying into his chest as you kept on thanking him.

Hawks meant every word. He's going to make sure nobody ever lays a finger on you. How could anyone harm such a sweet thing like you?

He rubbed your shoulder with one hand to calm you down. Once you had stopped crying, he spoke again. "Hey, look. It stopped raining." You looked up and he was right; the sky had cleared up. "Well, are you ready to fly?" You smiled slightly before nodding. He told you to hold on to him tightly, and you buried your face into his chest before he took off.

Once you guys were in the air, Hawks told you to open your eyes. You did and the view was breathtaking. Tall buildings and sky scrapers were all over the city, and tiny lights from cars and street lamps looked like stars. It looked like a scene from an anime. Really pretty.

"Wow."you finally said. Hawks chuckled at that. Your looked like you just saw Santa. So adorable.

"I'm glad you like it."he said, as he started flying towards his home. You smiled. "Hey! You never told me your name."he said, mocking fake surprise.

You giggled at that. "I'm Y/n."

And just like that, Hawks finally remembered where he had seen you.

A year ago Endeavour had asked him to find everything he can on this one particular girl. Hawks thought that maybe you were linked to some case, but your records were clean, so he thought that maybe Enji was just looking for someone for Shotou. Hawks thought it was weird when you suddenly disappeared from the public eye a month later. He tried to ask Enji about you but he would just brush him off, telling him he had mistook you for someone else. It was odd, but Hawks eventually let go of it.

Wait. Does that mean Enji had been hurting you? No, that can't be it. Enji had been working with him on a lot of missions abroad, and the burn marks on your legs were rather fresh. 

"Whats wrong?"your soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Hmm? Oh nothing. Why do you ask?"Hawks faked a smile. You stared at him. Something was off. "Nothing. Its just you were lost in your thoughts, I guess."

Hawks laughed at that. "You’re really observant, aren't you?" Deciding to test out his theory, he continued. "Well, you're right. I was thinking about a work colleague. You might've heard of him. Endeavour, hm?"

At the sound of his name, you stiffened, confirming his suspicion. You were connected to him somehow. Hawks didn't know how, but he was going to figure it out. "Um, y-yeah. He's the no.1 h- hero, right?"the fear in your voice had returned, although you were trying hard to hide it.

Hawks nodded. "Yeah!" He had to find out how you were linked to Enji. Suddenly, he turned around and started flying back where you guys had started.

"W-what are you doing? Why are we going back?"you asked him. He looked down at you and replied, "we need to get bandages for your wounds. Otherwise your feet will get infected." You nodded. "Oh. Okay." With that you closed your eyes to prevent them from drying against the wind.

After maybe half an hour or so, you opened your eyes to look where you guys were flying to. You looked down and to your horror, saw a familiar house coming up. You looked at Hawks and he seemed to know what you were thinking. "We're going down there."he nodded his head towards the Todoroki estate. Your eyes grew wide, and your body started trembling. "No! No! We- we can't! We can't go there!" You started shaking your head. "And why not?"Hawks stopped flying towards the estate, simply flapping his wings to remain in the air. You just shook your head. "We can't. I can't. Just drop me off somewhere else. I'll be fine on my own." Hawks wanted to know the real reason. He frowned. "Tell me the truth right now or I'll take you down there this instant."

You gulped, his eyes were showing that he wasn't bluffing. Your eyes started to glisten with unshed tears as you finally told him the truth. You told him everything; about how Enji had kidnapped you, how he got rid of your real family, how he and Rei had tried to keep you a secret from everyone, how their kids found out about you but instead of helping you out, became attached to you just like their parents, about how the famous villian Dabi was Enji's son and how he would sometimes burn you. By the time you were done, tears were flowing down your cheeks as Hawks tried to process what you had just confessed to him.

"Do you trust me?"he suddenly asked you. You looked at him confused. "What?" He repeated again. "Do you trust me?" Did you? Honestly, not that much, but he was the only one who was going to help you so you slowly nodded. "Yes?" Not really sure of it yourself but Hawks accepted the answer anyways. "Good." As soon as he said that, he started flying again, towards the house. You started thrashing in his arms again. "No! You said you wouldn't take me back here! You said you wouldn't!"you were full on sobbing against him, trying to wring yourself free from his vice grip, but Hawks was neither listening nor relenting his tight hold on you.

You looked down and that's when you saw them. Enji, Rei, all of them, were standing in the garden looking at you and Hawks. Even Dabi was there. Rei must've panicked and called everyone. And from the look on his- everyone's face, you could tell you were in deep trouble.

You thrashed in Hawks arms, begging him to fly away, but he didn't listen to you at all.

Once you reached the ground, you didn't pull your head out of Hawk's chest. You don't want to see their rage or the punishments they have planned for you.

"Hey, Endeavour!" Hawks broke the silence first. "Mrs Todoroki. Kids." He nodded towards them. "Hawks. Who do you have there?"Enji asked, pretending as if he doesn't know you. Hawks laughed. "You don't have to pretend! I know everything." At this, Dabi activated his quirk, ready to cremate him but was stopped by Shotou.

Thinking that this was some sort of blackmail, Enji asked, "What do you want? Money?"

Hawks smirked. "Nope! Look, I know you kidnapped her and all but you are providing her a good life, right?" He paused to look at them. Everyone nodded. He continued. "And you're just keeping her home to protect her from harm?" Again, everyone nodded. "But she still managed to escape you all even though she's quirkless and you all are not."

"Get to the fucking point."Dabi said impatiently.

Hawks sighed. "Clearly, you need all the help you can get. You need me. I can help you help her keep safe and healthy!" He paused, before his eyes lit up. "I can't have my goddaughter getting hurt again." Everyone looked at him weirdly. Goddaughter?

"How about you hand her over and you'll still be able to fly." Dabi threatened, blue flames engulfing his hands. Hawks laughed again. He was right. It wasn't Enji who giving you those nasty burns, it was Dabi. "If something happens to me, I have enough evidence gathered against you" he pointed to Dabi, "and then cops will get involved and maybe take away Y/n away."

The threat of someone taking you away from them, made their heart drop. Rei, who had been previously sobbing, put a hand on Dabi's shoulder, telling him to calm down.

Hawks grinned at Enji, raising his eyebrows. "So what will it be, Endeavour?"

Enji understood the ultimatum Hawks was giving him. Either let him in the family or risk losing you to the authorities. And he knew Hawks wasn't one to make empty threats.

Enji's eyes snapped to you. You were trying to bury yourself into Hawks chest, trying to hide from them. He wasn't that mad at you for running, more worried if anything. Had his family really spooked you that much? He'll have to worry about that later. First he needs to get you back into his and Rei's arms.

Enji sighed, before nodding. "Fine. We'll do it your way."

Hawks beamed at that. "Great!" He was glad that Enji had accepted. "Now, you need to take Y/n in before she catches a cold; although I'm certain she already has. Oh and tend to her bloody feet too! Poor thing was just running around barefoot." He chuckled. Shotou moved forward to take you from Hawks but you clung tightly to Hawks shoulders.

"Please. Please. Just take me out of here. Please." You whispered to him, fresh tears pricking your eyes now.

You looked so scared. Your eyes were saucer wide, nose red from cold and cheeks flush. Fear. That was were you emitting. But the longer he looked at your face, he found something else too. Hope. Innocence. Naivety. And while fear was the predominant emotion, the latter were the ones that he wanted to protect. "Hawks." Enji's voice broke him out from his trance. Hawks smiled. Addressing you, he started rubbing soothing circles to your back. "Hey. Hey. Its okay, princess." You kept on crying, your eyes begging him to whisk you away anywhere but here. You looked so much like him when he was little. So afraid. "Listen, do you remember what I promised you?" You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You're so endearing. "I promised you that I'll never let anyone hurt you again, didn't I?" You nodded slowly. "I intent on keep that promise, dove. Infact I'll talk to your dad tonight! But you need to go in and take warm bath. I don't want you getting sick, okay?"

You had seemed to calm down as you slowly nodded and let him hand you over to Shotou, who quickly ushered you in, with Natsuo, Rei and Fuyumi quickly following behind, leaving Hawks with Dabi and Enji.

"Lets go to your office, Endeavour! I have to go over some details as Y/n's new godfather." Enji nodded and went inside to go to his home office. Hawks was about to follow but was stopped by Dabi. "What game are you playing, you freak?" 

Hawks chuckled, before swiftly pulling out a very sharp feather and pressing it against Dabi's jugular. "I'm just here to make sure that no one hurts Y/n again. And if I see another scorch mark on her, I'll find you and carve your skin into ribbons."

I will be accepting requests and asks for godfather hawks and Todoroki clan!

Oh and don't worry, I'm working on part 2 of rei hurting the reader. It'll be done soon! :)