libraryofneith

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 12 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @vickie5446 @hannahlupinblack @joeldjarin @mellymbee @maximoff

Welp, you guys waited. And you waited so patiently. It is time. FOR THE SMUT!!!!

Thank you so much for sticking with me, I love writing this fic and we are getting near the end but we're gonna have some fun on the way ;) It's been a while since I wrote smut so hope it doesn't disappoint. Check out my masterlist for other fics and the series masterlist for previous chapters.

Summary: You and Joel take shelter in the cabin, and in each other.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, smut, unprotected piv (wrap it up guys and gals), age gap (reader is 27 and joel is 50), consent is sexy, oral (f receiving), fingering, titty play, reader is experienced in sex but not in emotional intimacy, joel is down bad, emotionally needy joel, monch joel gratuitous use of 'baby', being kinda goofy during sex cos that's my vibe

If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you… I ain't lettin' you go.

You

You'd been dreaming, dreaming so sweetly. You'd been cocooned in warmth, held in his arms. You didn't know where you were or how you'd gotten there, but you knew that you were safe and loved, and warm, so warm. The warmth was still there when you woke. You started at the expanse of warm flesh behind you but the blissful calm from your dream remained, reassuring you.

Your gaze drifted about the cabin. You had dim memories of last night: collapsing in the snow, being picked up and dragged somewhere dark and dingy, and then the biting cold as soaking wet layers were peeled off your body, but all of it was shrouded with exhaustion. You pieced together that you had reached shelter and Joel had stripped you both down to save you from freezing when you noticed the arm resting on your stomach - an arm so big that it could wrap fully around your middle, which it did when you tried to shift away; an arm speckled with sun spots, browned from long days spent working outside, hard-earned muscles attesting to weights carried and burdens borne, and covered with a light dusting of brown and grey hairs. You'd know that arm anywhere.

It tightened around you as you stretched, so you gave up your attempts to shuffle away from the bodyheat that threatened to cook you alive. Instead, you leaned back into it, leaned back into him, and let it engulf you. You could feel your hairs pull back as he sharply inhaled and he was pulling you flush with him. You could tell by the steadiness of his breath that he was still sleeping, and it brought to mind that night before you'd been caught up in that snowstorm, when he'd held you and stroked you till you fell asleep. You'd been so angry that you hadn't wanted to accept his comfort, but his caress had been unlike anything you'd experienced, from him or anyone else. You were no more able to pull away from it then as you were now, so instead you allowed yourself to fall into the kind of rest that can only be found when there is nothing nearby to fear.

~~~

The snow didn't let up the next day, or the day after that. You could have pushed through - theoretically, it was only a day, maybe two day's walk back to Boston. But that was only if you didn't get caught in a blizzard or turned around in the snow, and that wasn't a risk that Joel was willing to take despite your protests that you were fine now. He'd packed extra supplies, with the endless snow you had plenty of water, and he could set traps in case you ran low on food.

You fell into a routine with ease. You woke up, had a small breakfast of granola bars and coffee (Joel had packed a very generous supply of that), checked and reset the traps, walked the perimeter, making sure there weren't any infected or raiders approaching (there never were), ate a small lunch of shared soup from a can, checked the perimeter again, ate whatever had been caught in the trap or a Chef Boyardee special, checked in with Tess on the radio then sat in companionable silence until the last light was gone and you slipped into the shared bed together, sleeping on opposite sides yet still managing to wake in a tangle of limbs.

You didn't speak much to each other unless it was to ask questions about chores, share instructions or give updates, but you didn't mind. It wasn't tense like it was before, though you could tell Joel still felt guilty about what happened, which was why you hid from him when you were disinfecting your hand. You'd gotten lucky, you seemed to be healing fine with no sign of infection but you didn't want any lingering reminders of that man, so you cleaned it vigorously whenever you got the chance, whenever Joel wasn't around.

He'd just come back from checking the traps when he caught you in the midst of your cleansing process.

"What're you -" he stopped where he was as he saw you dragging the cotton ball diligently over the teeth marks. He gazed at the wounded hand intently, eyebrows knitting together in the middle of his forehead as they always did when he was troubled. You knew that he knew where these marks were from. He'd seen you cleaning them with snow and rubbing alcohol that first night, biting back tears as the alcohol stung your skin. When he'd offered to help you told him to fuck off.

He didn't ask now, just sat down beside you on the bed and held his hand out in a silent request. You hesitated, but turned to face him fully and let him get to work. His left hand held your injured one delicately while his right scrubbed over the old wounds, gently but with intense purpose. It was only when looking at his right hand that you saw the bite marks that you'd left on his hand and remembered the night you first met properly, not counting the time you robbed him. Without thinking, you lifted your other hand and brushed lightly over the indentations your teeth had made on him. He froze, looking up at you and you looked back at him. You realised with a start that his eyes were wet with tears.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't the first apology he'd made since that day, wasn't even the tenth, but it was the first you accepted. You nodded and said "we're ok Joel."

Then he brought your hands to his lips. You sucked in a sharp breath as his lips ghosted over your skin, and he looked up at you, eyes searching for permission. You nodded, and he continued applying tiny, feather-like kisses on each of the teeth marks, and it was your turn to choke back tears.

"Joel…" You were aware of how close you were, hands clasped together faces inches away, practically sharing oxygen. You just stopped yourself from whimpering as your lips brushed over his, only barely touching. It was then that he started to pull back, though not with a lot of conviction.

"We shouldn't…"

"I know, it's Tess right?" He frowned.

"Not exactly. Her and me… we're not, we haven't… we're not anymore." You huffed out a laugh. Articulate as always.

"Then why can't we?"

"You don't want me sweetheart." You couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness - him saying you didn't want him when you could feel arousal aching all over your body!

"I know someone who'd disagree with you," you replied, squeezing your thighs together to emphasise your point.

"I know baby." God, the way he said that! It wasn't fair, how could he say things like that and not fuck you?

"I'm not a good man." You leaned in closer, resting your forehead against his.

"I'm not a good woman."

"I've hurt people."

"Me too."

"I've killed people."

"Me too."

"Ciara."

"Joel."

You and Joel

You finally, finally caught his lips and kissed him with a ferocity you hadn't ever felt before, not when you'd fought people and not when you'd fucked people. He froze and for a second you were terrified that he would pull away but then, oh, but then his hands slid through your hair, pressing your mouth to his. His lips opened for you and he tasted like coffee and that tobacco he was always chewing. You hated tobacco but you loved the taste of it on him. He pulled back for breath but you were having none of it, leaning forward to chase his lips. He caught you in another kiss, pulling you onto his lap. His hands skimmed underneath your shirt and you gasped as his rough hands stroked gently over your back and tummy. Spurred on by his hands, you started to grind in his lap, feeling his crotch under yours start to grow harder. He gave a pleasurable groan but his hands went to your thighs stopping you.

"Baby."

"What is it ?" Your hands cupped his face so he had nowhere to look but you. He looked half-mad with arousal and you could only imagine what you looked like on top of him.

"If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you…" his hands squeezed your thighs, "I ain't lettin' you go." You grinded down on him once again.

"Baby if you even think about lettin' me go…" you grasped his chin as you held his gaze, "I will come running after you."

His mouth crashed against yours once again and he flipped you both so you were lying back on the bed with him humping against you between your legs. He started working at the buttons on your jeans.

"Need to get these off."

He quickly unbuttoned them and you were immediately lifting your hips as he ripped them down. His breath hitched when he saw the dark spot on your underwear.

"Jesus, that cos of me?" You rolled your eyes.

"Who else?" He tutted.

"Don't get smart with me," he ran an experimental finger over the fabric, making you jolt. He'd barely touched you and you were already losing your mind.

"Baby," he hooked a finger under your underwear. "Can I taste you? Please?" Your brain started to hum as you nodded eagerly. You shivered as he deftly pulled your briefs down, suddenly nervous at being completely bared to Joel from the waist down. He noticed your sudden withdrawal.

"You ok?"

"Yeah just… been a while." He nodded, stroking your thigh tenderly.

"We can stop if-" you looked up immediately.

"Don't you dare stop." He gave a low chuckle.

"Yes ma'am." Then he dove right back in, hooking your legs over his shoulders.

Joel Miller was not the first man to eat you out, but those other times had been transactional, an I'll go down on you if you go down on me type deal. It wasn't something you did often - you never really got why other people made such a big deal, it had never really done anything for you. However, as Joel licked from your hole up to your clit, you threw out everything you thought you knew. His tongue was slow and languid against your pussy, playing with your clit then diving inside to fuck his tongue into you. You didn't know what was filthier, the stuff he did with his mouth or the sounds he made as he ate you like you were his last meal. As his groans vibrated against you, it dawned that he was getting off on this as much if not more than you; a fact that was confirmed when you looked down and saw his eyes, positively black with desire, gazing up at your face as his mouth wrecked your sex.

He finally came up for air then asked, in a voice thick with lust, "Can I stretch you out pretty girl?"

Words had all but left you so you just nodded.

He lips pulled into a smile as they returned to your clit, sending sparks through your lower body that only momentarily distracted from his first finger and middle finger sinking into you.

"Joel!" you cried, having remembered one word at least. He stilled his fingers as he looked up.

"What is it baby, too much?" You shook your head.

"M-more." If you weren't losing your mind from horniness you would have been embarrassed at how pathetically needy you sounded. But Joel didn't make you feel embarrassed, though he had a deviantly smug look on his face, like the cat who got the cream. And like the apt metaphor, he went back to licking your clit as he added a third finger.

You were losing your mind. It was too much, it was not enough. As he fucked you on his three fingers, he massaged your clit with his tongue in a way that he knew from experience would finish you off in less than a minute. Sure enough, he soon felt your walls clamping around his fingers like a vice.

"You gonna cum for me darlin'?" he muttered, barely lifting his mouth from you. You whimpered an affirmative and he curled his fingers while giving your nub a suddenly hard suck and you were gone. You could still feel him working away at you down there, but you could feel him everywhere else - between your legs, in your hair, ringing in your ears. There was nothing else but him.

Eventually you came back to yourself and Joel was still eating you like it was his job, a job he was far too good at. He stopped as you twitched away from him.

"Sorry," he said in a slightly sticky voice. "Got carried away there."

"Don't you…" you gasped, "fucking dare apologise." He grinned as he climbed back up you.

"I do good?"

"You know damn well you did amazing." You pulled him down to kiss you but he hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"I'm covered in, well…you."

"You think I care?" You yanked his mouth down to yours without waiting for an answer. Your fingers tangled in his curls and you twisted against him to kiss him deeper as you went from kissing him to practically inhaling him. Once you were sure you'd gotten all of yourself from his mouth you started licking yourself off his beard.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he cursed as you suckled on his neck. "Shoulda been doing this the whole damn time. I'm suck a-"

"What?" You looked up, eyes sparkling. "What was that?"

"Such, that's what I meant. I'm such a fucking idiot." You sniggered.

"Yes you are." You placed a kiss to the side of his jaw. "But you're my idiot now."

"Damn right I am." His mouth caught yours in another searing kiss as his right hand slid up to cup your breast. You gasped into him as his thumb grazed over your rapidly hardening nipple through your clothes.

"Wanna see your tits baby." He started sliding your jersey up. "Need to see em so bad."

"Wait." He stopped. "It occurs to me that if you get my tits out I'll be completely naked." He gave you an incredulous look. After the intimate acquaintance that he had just established with your vagina, he didn't think that there was any room for modesty left.

"That a problem?"

"It's a problem when you're still wearing this much clothing." You tugged at his shirt. "I wanna see you." Self-doubt suddenly started nagging at Joel's mind. The last person he'd bared his body to had been Tess and she was of an age with him. You were young, soft, silky and beautiful, while age had made him tough in some places and pudgy in others. What if you were disappointed in him? What if you ran a mile or worse, gritted your teeth and made yourself get on with it? But you gave him such a pleading look.

"Please."

"I don't know doll, I ain't exactly an oil painting."

"And I am?"

"You kidding?" His eyes shot up. "You're like that picture of that lady on a seashell." You gave him a funny look.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, the point is you really don't want to see me."

"Yes I do." He still didn't look convinced so you decided to give him an extra incentive. "If you don't take at least your shirt off, you don't get to see my tits." That got his attention.

"God fucking dammit." He ripped off his shirt and there he was, in all his tanned, scarred, and chipped glory. His shoulders were broad and his arms were made for heavy lifting, muscles twitching under his skin with every movement. His brown skin was bedecked in scars and sunspots like brushstrokes on a canvas. Charcoal and seastone hair gathered on his tummy and trailed down to where he was bulging from under his jeans. He gave a sharp inhale as your fingers traced the trail and his hands stroked under your shirt.

"Deal's a deal, your turn now." You nodded and lifted your arms as he ripped it off then quickly unfastened your bra. His eyes went a whole new shade of black as your breasts spilled out.

"Jesus." He cupped them gently, his thumbs circling the flesh.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain."

"Screw that, these are my new god." And with that, he took your left breast in his mouth, lapping with the same determined energy with which he had eaten your pussy. Making sure your right breast wasn't devoid of attention, he rolled the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You moved your body against his, desperate to get more of your breast in his mouth, a desire he was more than willing to accommodate. As his mouth moved from your left to your right tit to lather the same attention, you found yourself grinding your bare sex on his clothed crotch, the denim providing perfect friction. Christ, you would never look at his jeans the same way again. He gave a muffled groan, mouth still full of your pillowy flesh, and ground back on you, causing you to twitch as the rough fabric caught your clit.

"Joel." He released your boob from his mouth with a pop. "Need you to fuck me, now." He gave a devilish grin.

"Really, ya sure? Right now? Don't wanna wait for a few minutes, hours, days?" You gave a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a growl.

"Joel I swear to God…"

"Ok ok." He kissed you. "I'll stop teasing, besides…" He put on finger in you. "She's been so good," then another, "so patient, I think she deserves a reward."

No one had ever called your pussy a 'she' before. You didn't know if you were indignant or insanely aroused.

"Be honest baby," he took himself out, stroking as he lined himself up between your legs, "how long have you wanted me?" He rubbed himself up and down your slit, coating himself in your slick. "Since we went on this run?" His tip just started to prod your entrance. "Since Bill and Frank's?" He pushed the head in. "Since I taught you to shoot?" You shook your head, then nearly screamed in frustration when he stopped. "Then when baby?"

You gasped and gulped. Somehow, even after he'd had your cunt in his mouth, even with the head of his cock splitting you open, you were still shy about admitting you had a crush on him. Course that shyness went out the window when he started to fuck the tip inside you.

"When baby?" He started to rub your clit. "When?"

"Since I first saw you!" You gasped out. "I've wanted you ever since I saw you. You were just so…so solid and present, and everyone moved out of your way. It was so insanely hot. I wanted you as long as I've known you." He stilled.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Even when you robbed me?" You smiled.

"Yeah."

"Even when ya fuckin' bit me." You grinned.

"Why'dya think I wanted to sink my teeth into you?"

"Oh you bad girl." With a wicked smile, he pushed all the way in. You gasped and your back twisted off the bed. You'd never been filled like this, there wasn't an inch of your body that wasn't consumed by him, from your head to your toes to your guts. Your mind went blank and you gave a cry of ecstatic pain. Joel immediately started to pull out.

"Shit darlin', was that too much? I'm sorry." You dug your thighs in to stop him from pulling out any further.

"I'm fine, don't go, I'm fine. Just…give me a minute."

"Ok darlin', it's ok just relax." He eased back in, leaning forward, covering your body with his, resting it against yours. As your body stretched to accommodate him, he stroked soothingly up and down your thighs.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine it's just, no one's ever been this deep before." He pushed himself up to look you in the eyes.

"No one?"

"No one." If Joel looked pleased with himself before, he was positively delighted now.

"No one stretched you out like this before?" Very very slowly, he started to move. "No one ever filled you up like you deserved?" You shook your head.

"Never, stupid boys. Could never go back to them now, you ruined me for anyone else."

"Good." He picked up the pace. "Cos I ain't never letting anyone else have you. Not so long as you're mine." You moaned at the raspy way he spat out mine.

"Yours Joel, I'm yours." He groaned and started fucking you even harder, body blanketing yours, panting into the crook of your neck as he drove his cock into you like a nail through a wall. He lifted his lips to your ear.

"Baby?"

"Yeah Joel?"

"Could you talk to me, tell me more about how long you wanted me?" The unsure tone of his voice was so completely unlike how cocksure he'd been this whole time, even now continuing to fuck you with as much force as he could muster, that it caught you off-guard. But far from turning you off, it endeared him even more to you, that he still craved your validation even after turning you into a whimpering, twitching mess.

"I've wanted you so long, it drove me crazy. The way you walked, the way you talked, the way you glared at people, but you know what the worst thing was?"

"What?" he rasped out as he drove himself into you again.

"Your hands."

"Really?" he smiled down at you, bringing one hand up to stroke your cheek.

"Oh yeah - the way they moved, how they looked holding heavy things, or when you loaded a gun-" You whimpered as he started to fuck even harder. "Your knuckles, the bruises on them from cracking heads."

He stilled.

"You like it when I hurt people?" He looked concerned. You dithered about what to say. You could try lying but that felt like bad form, lying to a man when he was inside you.

"Maybe, I don't know. I think fighting so hard to survive has made me appreciate strength and… I think I like it when you hurt other people cos I know you'd never hurt me." His face softened at that.

"Never." He leaned his forehead against you and you cupped his face.

"Is that ok?" you asked. He nodded as he started to move again, his head still pressed against yours.

"So," you felt him smile. "Hands, huh?"

"I mean, I like other parts…"

"You mean like this?" He drove his cock into you with extra force, making you cry out. "Oh you do like that." You nodded enthusiastically. "But not as much as my hands, huh?"

"I don't know," you gasped. "I like em both."

"Yeah?" He started to pick up speed.

"I used to think about your fingers, imagine what they'd feel like…"

"Here?" he asked, rubbing his fingers on your clit.

"Fuck, yes. I used to…"

"What baby, what?" He started rubbing faster, sensing that you were nearly at that crucial point.

"Used to fuck myself on my fingers, pretending they were yours."

"Shit. Need you to cum, need you to cum right now." With the way he was rubbing your clit it didn't take long, and the minute he felt your walls start to clamp, he pulled himself out, barely withdrawing himself in time before he spurted hot ropes all over your stomach.

"Jesus, fuck." He continued to mutter expletives as he fisted himself over you, twitching as he did so. You barely even noticed, still coming down from your own orgasm, senses tingling and muscles like jelly. Soon enough though, his body had given all it could and he collapsed on top of you.

You

For a while, you just lay like that, catching your breath. Your hand absentmindedly combed through Joel's curls and he hummed contentedly. Eventually, a sudden draft pulled you back to reality, the cold intruding against your overheated bodies, and you started to shift slowly as feeling came back to your legs. As Joel gingerly pulled himself off you he looked down at the mess he made, now plastered on both of your stomachs, and gave a sheepish smile.

"I uh…sorry. I'll get somethin' to clean that up."

He winced as he sat up properly, holding himself at the side of the bed. After a while you poked him playfully with your foot.

"You ok there?

"Just give me a minute for my legs to work." Right, you'd almost forgotten his advanced age with the way he fucked.

"Whatever you say old man." He gave you a look.

"Don't make me come over there."

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

He shook his head, muttering "Jesus" to himself then, heaving himself up with a great amount of effort, started cleaning himself up with a washcloth dipped in a pail of water made from freshly melted snow. Not exactly a spa treatment but needs must. You held out your hand, expecting him to hand you the cloth, but instead he cleaned you himself, wiping gently over your stomach and between your legs. You didn't think that there was anything Joel could do that would embarrass you after your latest adventure, but the gentle intimacy of him wiping his spend off your tummy as you lay there, the tenderness after the filth, you found yourself blushing and needing to look away.

"Need to get a shirt, it's fucking freezing in here." Joel nodded, unperturbed by your sudden bashfulness. He tossed you one of his seemingly infinite supply of check flannels and pulled one on for himself, then climbed into bed behind you, spooning you against his chest like you'd done for warmth many times before. Except this wasn't like before because now his hand was nestled just below your breasts and your legs ached from where he'd been pounding between them.

This was all new to you. It wasn't like you hadn't had sex before, you'd made your way in the world, but your previous partners hadn't stuck around after for snuggles. You thought about what Joel had said before, that once he had you he wasn't giving you up. Did he mean that, or was it just the heat of the moment? If you were his, what did that mean? Would he sleep in your bed when you got back, would he go on runs with you again, and more importantly, what were you going to tell Tess?

As if he could sense your brain going into overdrive, Joel kissed the back of your neck.

"What're you thinking 'bout?"

"It's nothing."

He kissed you again. "Tell me."

"I was just wondering if you meant what you said before…about not letting me go, about me being yours."

He pulled back slightly and though you couldn't see his face, you could practically feel him frowning.

"Look, if-if that's not what you want, we don't have to-"

"No!" You turned to face him. "That's not what I meant. I'm just worried cos of…"

"Cos of Tess." You nodded.

"I don't wanna hurt her."

"Neither do I, but she kinda already knows." You looked at him in surprise.

"She knows?"

"She knew that I liked you, that's why we stopped…" he trailed off, looking ashamed.

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"Ain't your fault."

"Look, even if she knows something's going on, would you like having your ex fuck someone else one door down from you?"

"No." His hand snaked round your waist. "But I'm not ready to give you up just yet."

"Neither am I, but we can keep our hands to ourselves when she's around." He nodded. You exhaled then tucked yourself into his arms, resting your head in the crook of his neck.

"So…we goin' steady then?" You snorted.

"You're an idiot."

[libraryofneith]

me @ Lucy after finishing Materialists

[libraryofneith]

Trans women are women, pass it on.

Trans women are women. Pass it on.

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 12 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @vickie5446 @hannahlupinblack @joeldjarin @mellymbee @maximoff

Welp, you guys waited. And you waited so patiently. It is time. FOR THE SMUT!!!!

Thank you so much for sticking with me, I love writing this fic and we are getting near the end but we're gonna have some fun on the way ;) It's been a while since I wrote smut so hope it doesn't disappoint. Check out my masterlist for other fics and the series masterlist for previous chapters.

Summary: You and Joel take shelter in the cabin, and in each other.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, smut, unprotected piv (wrap it up guys and gals), age gap (reader is 27 and joel is 50), consent is sexy, oral (f receiving), fingering, titty play, reader is experienced in sex but not in emotional intimacy, joel is down bad, emotionally needy joel, monch joel gratuitous use of 'baby', being kinda goofy during sex cos that's my vibe

If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you… I ain't lettin' you go.

You

You'd been dreaming, dreaming so sweetly. You'd been cocooned in warmth, held in his arms. You didn't know where you were or how you'd gotten there, but you knew that you were safe and loved, and warm, so warm. The warmth was still there when you woke. You started at the expanse of warm flesh behind you but the blissful calm from your dream remained, reassuring you.

Your gaze drifted about the cabin. You had dim memories of last night: collapsing in the snow, being picked up and dragged somewhere dark and dingy, and then the biting cold as soaking wet layers were peeled off your body, but all of it was shrouded with exhaustion. You pieced together that you had reached shelter and Joel had stripped you both down to save you from freezing when you noticed the arm resting on your stomach - an arm so big that it could wrap fully around your middle, which it did when you tried to shift away; an arm speckled with sun spots, browned from long days spent working outside, hard-earned muscles attesting to weights carried and burdens borne, and covered with a light dusting of brown and grey hairs. You'd know that arm anywhere.

It tightened around you as you stretched, so you gave up your attempts to shuffle away from the bodyheat that threatened to cook you alive. Instead, you leaned back into it, leaned back into him, and let it engulf you. You could feel your hairs pull back as he sharply inhaled and he was pulling you flush with him. You could tell by the steadiness of his breath that he was still sleeping, and it brought to mind that night before you'd been caught up in that snowstorm, when he'd held you and stroked you till you fell asleep. You'd been so angry that you hadn't wanted to accept his comfort, but his caress had been unlike anything you'd experienced, from him or anyone else. You were no more able to pull away from it then as you were now, so instead you allowed yourself to fall into the kind of rest that can only be found when there is nothing nearby to fear.

~~~

The snow didn't let up the next day, or the day after that. You could have pushed through - theoretically, it was only a day, maybe two day's walk back to Boston. But that was only if you didn't get caught in a blizzard or turned around in the snow, and that wasn't a risk that Joel was willing to take despite your protests that you were fine now. He'd packed extra supplies, with the endless snow you had plenty of water, and he could set traps in case you ran low on food.

You fell into a routine with ease. You woke up, had a small breakfast of granola bars and coffee (Joel had packed a very generous supply of that), checked and reset the traps, walked the perimeter, making sure there weren't any infected or raiders approaching (there never were), ate a small lunch of shared soup from a can, checked the perimeter again, ate whatever had been caught in the trap or a Chef Boyardee special, checked in with Tess on the radio then sat in companionable silence until the last light was gone and you slipped into the shared bed together, sleeping on opposite sides yet still managing to wake in a tangle of limbs.

You didn't speak much to each other unless it was to ask questions about chores, share instructions or give updates, but you didn't mind. It wasn't tense like it was before, though you could tell Joel still felt guilty about what happened, which was why you hid from him when you were disinfecting your hand. You'd gotten lucky, you seemed to be healing fine with no sign of infection but you didn't want any lingering reminders of that man, so you cleaned it vigorously whenever you got the chance, whenever Joel wasn't around.

He'd just come back from checking the traps when he caught you in the midst of your cleansing process.

"What're you -" he stopped where he was as he saw you dragging the cotton ball diligently over the teeth marks. He gazed at the wounded hand intently, eyebrows knitting together in the middle of his forehead as they always did when he was troubled. You knew that he knew where these marks were from. He'd seen you cleaning them with snow and rubbing alcohol that first night, biting back tears as the alcohol stung your skin. When he'd offered to help you told him to fuck off.

He didn't ask now, just sat down beside you on the bed and held his hand out in a silent request. You hesitated, but turned to face him fully and let him get to work. His left hand held your injured one delicately while his right scrubbed over the old wounds, gently but with intense purpose. It was only when looking at his right hand that you saw the bite marks that you'd left on his hand and remembered the night you first met properly, not counting the time you robbed him. Without thinking, you lifted your other hand and brushed lightly over the indentations your teeth had made on him. He froze, looking up at you and you looked back at him. You realised with a start that his eyes were wet with tears.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't the first apology he'd made since that day, wasn't even the tenth, but it was the first you accepted. You nodded and said "we're ok Joel."

Then he brought your hands to his lips. You sucked in a sharp breath as his lips ghosted over your skin, and he looked up at you, eyes searching for permission. You nodded, and he continued applying tiny, feather-like kisses on each of the teeth marks, and it was your turn to choke back tears.

"Joel…" You were aware of how close you were, hands clasped together faces inches away, practically sharing oxygen. You just stopped yourself from whimpering as your lips brushed over his, only barely touching. It was then that he started to pull back, though not with a lot of conviction.

"We shouldn't…"

"I know, it's Tess right?" He frowned.

"Not exactly. Her and me… we're not, we haven't… we're not anymore." You huffed out a laugh. Articulate as always.

"Then why can't we?"

"You don't want me sweetheart." You couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness - him saying you didn't want him when you could feel arousal aching all over your body!

"I know someone who'd disagree with you," you replied, squeezing your thighs together to emphasise your point.

"I know baby." God, the way he said that! It wasn't fair, how could he say things like that and not fuck you?

"I'm not a good man." You leaned in closer, resting your forehead against his.

"I'm not a good woman."

"I've hurt people."

"Me too."

"I've killed people."

"Me too."

"Ciara."

"Joel."

You and Joel

You finally, finally caught his lips and kissed him with a ferocity you hadn't ever felt before, not when you'd fought people and not when you'd fucked people. He froze and for a second you were terrified that he would pull away but then, oh, but then his hands slid through your hair, pressing your mouth to his. His lips opened for you and he tasted like coffee and that tobacco he was always chewing. You hated tobacco but you loved the taste of it on him. He pulled back for breath but you were having none of it, leaning forward to chase his lips. He caught you in another kiss, pulling you onto his lap. His hands skimmed underneath your shirt and you gasped as his rough hands stroked gently over your back and tummy. Spurred on by his hands, you started to grind in his lap, feeling his crotch under yours start to grow harder. He gave a pleasurable groan but his hands went to your thighs stopping you.

"Baby."

"What is it ?" Your hands cupped his face so he had nowhere to look but you. He looked half-mad with arousal and you could only imagine what you looked like on top of him.

"If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you…" his hands squeezed your thighs, "I ain't lettin' you go." You grinded down on him once again.

"Baby if you even think about lettin' me go…" you grasped his chin as you held his gaze, "I will come running after you."

His mouth crashed against yours once again and he flipped you both so you were lying back on the bed with him humping against you between your legs. He started working at the buttons on your jeans.

"Need to get these off."

He quickly unbuttoned them and you were immediately lifting your hips as he ripped them down. His breath hitched when he saw the dark spot on your underwear.

"Jesus, that cos of me?" You rolled your eyes.

"Who else?" He tutted.

"Don't get smart with me," he ran an experimental finger over the fabric, making you jolt. He'd barely touched you and you were already losing your mind.

"Baby," he hooked a finger under your underwear. "Can I taste you? Please?" Your brain started to hum as you nodded eagerly. You shivered as he deftly pulled your briefs down, suddenly nervous at being completely bared to Joel from the waist down. He noticed your sudden withdrawal.

"You ok?"

"Yeah just… been a while." He nodded, stroking your thigh tenderly.

"We can stop if-" you looked up immediately.

"Don't you dare stop." He gave a low chuckle.

"Yes ma'am." Then he dove right back in, hooking your legs over his shoulders.

Joel Miller was not the first man to eat you out, but those other times had been transactional, an I'll go down on you if you go down on me type deal. It wasn't something you did often - you never really got why other people made such a big deal, it had never really done anything for you. However, as Joel licked from your hole up to your clit, you threw out everything you thought you knew. His tongue was slow and languid against your pussy, playing with your clit then diving inside to fuck his tongue into you. You didn't know what was filthier, the stuff he did with his mouth or the sounds he made as he ate you like you were his last meal. As his groans vibrated against you, it dawned that he was getting off on this as much if not more than you; a fact that was confirmed when you looked down and saw his eyes, positively black with desire, gazing up at your face as his mouth wrecked your sex.

He finally came up for air then asked, in a voice thick with lust, "Can I stretch you out pretty girl?"

Words had all but left you so you just nodded.

He lips pulled into a smile as they returned to your clit, sending sparks through your lower body that only momentarily distracted from his first finger and middle finger sinking into you.

"Joel!" you cried, having remembered one word at least. He stilled his fingers as he looked up.

"What is it baby, too much?" You shook your head.

"M-more." If you weren't losing your mind from horniness you would have been embarrassed at how pathetically needy you sounded. But Joel didn't make you feel embarrassed, though he had a deviantly smug look on his face, like the cat who got the cream. And like the apt metaphor, he went back to licking your clit as he added a third finger.

You were losing your mind. It was too much, it was not enough. As he fucked you on his three fingers, he massaged your clit with his tongue in a way that he knew from experience would finish you off in less than a minute. Sure enough, he soon felt your walls clamping around his fingers like a vice.

"You gonna cum for me darlin'?" he muttered, barely lifting his mouth from you. You whimpered an affirmative and he curled his fingers while giving your nub a suddenly hard suck and you were gone. You could still feel him working away at you down there, but you could feel him everywhere else - between your legs, in your hair, ringing in your ears. There was nothing else but him.

Eventually you came back to yourself and Joel was still eating you like it was his job, a job he was far too good at. He stopped as you twitched away from him.

"Sorry," he said in a slightly sticky voice. "Got carried away there."

"Don't you…" you gasped, "fucking dare apologise." He grinned as he climbed back up you.

"I do good?"

"You know damn well you did amazing." You pulled him down to kiss you but he hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"I'm covered in, well…you."

"You think I care?" You yanked his mouth down to yours without waiting for an answer. Your fingers tangled in his curls and you twisted against him to kiss him deeper as you went from kissing him to practically inhaling him. Once you were sure you'd gotten all of yourself from his mouth you started licking yourself off his beard.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he cursed as you suckled on his neck. "Shoulda been doing this the whole damn time. I'm suck a-"

"What?" You looked up, eyes sparkling. "What was that?"

"Such, that's what I meant. I'm such a fucking idiot." You sniggered.

"Yes you are." You placed a kiss to the side of his jaw. "But you're my idiot now."

"Damn right I am." His mouth caught yours in another searing kiss as his right hand slid up to cup your breast. You gasped into him as his thumb grazed over your rapidly hardening nipple through your clothes.

"Wanna see your tits baby." He started sliding your jersey up. "Need to see em so bad."

"Wait." He stopped. "It occurs to me that if you get my tits out I'll be completely naked." He gave you an incredulous look. After the intimate acquaintance that he had just established with your vagina, he didn't think that there was any room for modesty left.

"That a problem?"

"It's a problem when you're still wearing this much clothing." You tugged at his shirt. "I wanna see you." Self-doubt suddenly started nagging at Joel's mind. The last person he'd bared his body to had been Tess and she was of an age with him. You were young, soft, silky and beautiful, while age had made him tough in some places and pudgy in others. What if you were disappointed in him? What if you ran a mile or worse, gritted your teeth and made yourself get on with it? But you gave him such a pleading look.

"Please."

"I don't know doll, I ain't exactly an oil painting."

"And I am?"

"You kidding?" His eyes shot up. "You're like that picture of that lady on a seashell." You gave him a funny look.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, the point is you really don't want to see me."

"Yes I do." He still didn't look convinced so you decided to give him an extra incentive. "If you don't take at least your shirt off, you don't get to see my tits." That got his attention.

"God fucking dammit." He ripped off his shirt and there he was, in all his tanned, scarred, and chipped glory. His shoulders were broad and his arms were made for heavy lifting, muscles twitching under his skin with every movement. His brown skin was bedecked in scars and sunspots like brushstrokes on a canvas. Charcoal and seastone hair gathered on his tummy and trailed down to where he was bulging from under his jeans. He gave a sharp inhale as your fingers traced the trail and his hands stroked under your shirt.

"Deal's a deal, your turn now." You nodded and lifted your arms as he ripped it off then quickly unfastened your bra. His eyes went a whole new shade of black as your breasts spilled out.

"Jesus." He cupped them gently, his thumbs circling the flesh.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain."

"Screw that, these are my new god." And with that, he took your left breast in his mouth, lapping with the same determined energy with which he had eaten your pussy. Making sure your right breast wasn't devoid of attention, he rolled the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You moved your body against his, desperate to get more of your breast in his mouth, a desire he was more than willing to accommodate. As his mouth moved from your left to your right tit to lather the same attention, you found yourself grinding your bare sex on his clothed crotch, the denim providing perfect friction. Christ, you would never look at his jeans the same way again. He gave a muffled groan, mouth still full of your pillowy flesh, and ground back on you, causing you to twitch as the rough fabric caught your clit.

"Joel." He released your boob from his mouth with a pop. "Need you to fuck me, now." He gave a devilish grin.

"Really, ya sure? Right now? Don't wanna wait for a few minutes, hours, days?" You gave a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a growl.

"Joel I swear to God…"

"Ok ok." He kissed you. "I'll stop teasing, besides…" He put on finger in you. "She's been so good," then another, "so patient, I think she deserves a reward."

No one had ever called your pussy a 'she' before. You didn't know if you were indignant or insanely aroused.

"Be honest baby," he took himself out, stroking as he lined himself up between your legs, "how long have you wanted me?" He rubbed himself up and down your slit, coating himself in your slick. "Since we went on this run?" His tip just started to prod your entrance. "Since Bill and Frank's?" He pushed the head in. "Since I taught you to shoot?" You shook your head, then nearly screamed in frustration when he stopped. "Then when baby?"

You gasped and gulped. Somehow, even after he'd had your cunt in his mouth, even with the head of his cock splitting you open, you were still shy about admitting you had a crush on him. Course that shyness went out the window when he started to fuck the tip inside you.

"When baby?" He started to rub your clit. "When?"

"Since I first saw you!" You gasped out. "I've wanted you ever since I saw you. You were just so…so solid and present, and everyone moved out of your way. It was so insanely hot. I wanted you as long as I've known you." He stilled.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Even when you robbed me?" You smiled.

"Yeah."

"Even when ya fuckin' bit me." You grinned.

"Why'dya think I wanted to sink my teeth into you?"

"Oh you bad girl." With a wicked smile, he pushed all the way in. You gasped and your back twisted off the bed. You'd never been filled like this, there wasn't an inch of your body that wasn't consumed by him, from your head to your toes to your guts. Your mind went blank and you gave a cry of ecstatic pain. Joel immediately started to pull out.

"Shit darlin', was that too much? I'm sorry." You dug your thighs in to stop him from pulling out any further.

"I'm fine, don't go, I'm fine. Just…give me a minute."

"Ok darlin', it's ok just relax." He eased back in, leaning forward, covering your body with his, resting it against yours. As your body stretched to accommodate him, he stroked soothingly up and down your thighs.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine it's just, no one's ever been this deep before." He pushed himself up to look you in the eyes.

"No one?"

"No one." If Joel looked pleased with himself before, he was positively delighted now.

"No one stretched you out like this before?" Very very slowly, he started to move. "No one ever filled you up like you deserved?" You shook your head.

"Never, stupid boys. Could never go back to them now, you ruined me for anyone else."

"Good." He picked up the pace. "Cos I ain't never letting anyone else have you. Not so long as you're mine." You moaned at the raspy way he spat out mine.

"Yours Joel, I'm yours." He groaned and started fucking you even harder, body blanketing yours, panting into the crook of your neck as he drove his cock into you like a nail through a wall. He lifted his lips to your ear.

"Baby?"

"Yeah Joel?"

"Could you talk to me, tell me more about how long you wanted me?" The unsure tone of his voice was so completely unlike how cocksure he'd been this whole time, even now continuing to fuck you with as much force as he could muster, that it caught you off-guard. But far from turning you off, it endeared him even more to you, that he still craved your validation even after turning you into a whimpering, twitching mess.

"I've wanted you so long, it drove me crazy. The way you walked, the way you talked, the way you glared at people, but you know what the worst thing was?"

"What?" he rasped out as he drove himself into you again.

"Your hands."

"Really?" he smiled down at you, bringing one hand up to stroke your cheek.

"Oh yeah - the way they moved, how they looked holding heavy things, or when you loaded a gun-" You whimpered as he started to fuck even harder. "Your knuckles, the bruises on them from cracking heads."

He stilled.

"You like it when I hurt people?" He looked concerned. You dithered about what to say. You could try lying but that felt like bad form, lying to a man when he was inside you.

"Maybe, I don't know. I think fighting so hard to survive has made me appreciate strength and… I think I like it when you hurt other people cos I know you'd never hurt me." His face softened at that.

"Never." He leaned his forehead against you and you cupped his face.

"Is that ok?" you asked. He nodded as he started to move again, his head still pressed against yours.

"So," you felt him smile. "Hands, huh?"

"I mean, I like other parts…"

"You mean like this?" He drove his cock into you with extra force, making you cry out. "Oh you do like that." You nodded enthusiastically. "But not as much as my hands, huh?"

"I don't know," you gasped. "I like em both."

"Yeah?" He started to pick up speed.

"I used to think about your fingers, imagine what they'd feel like…"

"Here?" he asked, rubbing his fingers on your clit.

"Fuck, yes. I used to…"

"What baby, what?" He started rubbing faster, sensing that you were nearly at that crucial point.

"Used to fuck myself on my fingers, pretending they were yours."

"Shit. Need you to cum, need you to cum right now." With the way he was rubbing your clit it didn't take long, and the minute he felt your walls start to clamp, he pulled himself out, barely withdrawing himself in time before he spurted hot ropes all over your stomach.

"Jesus, fuck." He continued to mutter expletives as he fisted himself over you, twitching as he did so. You barely even noticed, still coming down from your own orgasm, senses tingling and muscles like jelly. Soon enough though, his body had given all it could and he collapsed on top of you.

You

For a while, you just lay like that, catching your breath. Your hand absentmindedly combed through Joel's curls and he hummed contentedly. Eventually, a sudden draft pulled you back to reality, the cold intruding against your overheated bodies, and you started to shift slowly as feeling came back to your legs. As Joel gingerly pulled himself off you he looked down at the mess he made, now plastered on both of your stomachs, and gave a sheepish smile.

"I uh…sorry. I'll get somethin' to clean that up."

He winced as he sat up properly, holding himself at the side of the bed. After a while you poked him playfully with your foot.

"You ok there?

"Just give me a minute for my legs to work." Right, you'd almost forgotten his advanced age with the way he fucked.

"Whatever you say old man." He gave you a look.

"Don't make me come over there."

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

He shook his head, muttering "Jesus" to himself then, heaving himself up with a great amount of effort, started cleaning himself up with a washcloth dipped in a pail of water made from freshly melted snow. Not exactly a spa treatment but needs must. You held out your hand, expecting him to hand you the cloth, but instead he cleaned you himself, wiping gently over your stomach and between your legs. You didn't think that there was anything Joel could do that would embarrass you after your latest adventure, but the gentle intimacy of him wiping his spend off your tummy as you lay there, the tenderness after the filth, you found yourself blushing and needing to look away.

"Need to get a shirt, it's fucking freezing in here." Joel nodded, unperturbed by your sudden bashfulness. He tossed you one of his seemingly infinite supply of check flannels and pulled one on for himself, then climbed into bed behind you, spooning you against his chest like you'd done for warmth many times before. Except this wasn't like before because now his hand was nestled just below your breasts and your legs ached from where he'd been pounding between them.

This was all new to you. It wasn't like you hadn't had sex before, you'd made your way in the world, but your previous partners hadn't stuck around after for snuggles. You thought about what Joel had said before, that once he had you he wasn't giving you up. Did he mean that, or was it just the heat of the moment? If you were his, what did that mean? Would he sleep in your bed when you got back, would he go on runs with you again, and more importantly, what were you going to tell Tess?

As if he could sense your brain going into overdrive, Joel kissed the back of your neck.

"What're you thinking 'bout?"

"It's nothing."

He kissed you again. "Tell me."

"I was just wondering if you meant what you said before…about not letting me go, about me being yours."

He pulled back slightly and though you couldn't see his face, you could practically feel him frowning.

"Look, if-if that's not what you want, we don't have to-"

"No!" You turned to face him. "That's not what I meant. I'm just worried cos of…"

"Cos of Tess." You nodded.

"I don't wanna hurt her."

"Neither do I, but she kinda already knows." You looked at him in surprise.

"She knows?"

"She knew that I liked you, that's why we stopped…" he trailed off, looking ashamed.

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"Ain't your fault."

"Look, even if she knows something's going on, would you like having your ex fuck someone else one door down from you?"

"No." His hand snaked round your waist. "But I'm not ready to give you up just yet."

"Neither am I, but we can keep our hands to ourselves when she's around." He nodded. You exhaled then tucked yourself into his arms, resting your head in the crook of his neck.

"So…we goin' steady then?" You snorted.

"You're an idiot."

[libraryofneith]

Dear BBC

It seems that you don't have any money, probably due to the Tories or something. Luckily I have a solution to this problem.

Putting CGI in Doctor Who is expensive but you know what isn't? Asking all your staff to bring in their recycling bins and buying lots of paint.

The Welsh quarries are calling BBC. Disney betrayed you, didn't they? You don't need to worry about them when you use an old shower curtain as a costume.

We don't mind. Our eyes bled when we saw a CGI judoon. We physically retched at some of the environments you placed Doctor Who in.

But we're still watching episodes from the 1970s, aren't we?

Give us cardboard, give us plasterboard, give us foam, give us plastic, give us natural light, give us piles of rubble, give us silver paint, give us props the actors can interact with

[libraryofneith]

When the writing inspiration finally hits the minute you close your eyes.

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 12 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @vickie5446 @hannahlupinblack @joeldjarin @mellymbee @maximoff

Welp, you guys waited. And you waited so patiently. It is time. FOR THE SMUT!!!!

Thank you so much for sticking with me, I love writing this fic and we are getting near the end but we're gonna have some fun on the way ;) It's been a while since I wrote smut so hope it doesn't disappoint. Check out my masterlist for other fics and the series masterlist for previous chapters.

Summary: You and Joel take shelter in the cabin, and in each other.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, smut, unprotected piv (wrap it up guys and gals), age gap (reader is 27 and joel is 50), consent is sexy, oral (f receiving), fingering, titty play, reader is experienced in sex but not in emotional intimacy, joel is down bad, emotionally needy joel, monch joel gratuitous use of 'baby', being kinda goofy during sex cos that's my vibe

If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you… I ain't lettin' you go.

You

You'd been dreaming, dreaming so sweetly. You'd been cocooned in warmth, held in his arms. You didn't know where you were or how you'd gotten there, but you knew that you were safe and loved, and warm, so warm. The warmth was still there when you woke. You started at the expanse of warm flesh behind you but the blissful calm from your dream remained, reassuring you.

Your gaze drifted about the cabin. You had dim memories of last night: collapsing in the snow, being picked up and dragged somewhere dark and dingy, and then the biting cold as soaking wet layers were peeled off your body, but all of it was shrouded with exhaustion. You pieced together that you had reached shelter and Joel had stripped you both down to save you from freezing when you noticed the arm resting on your stomach - an arm so big that it could wrap fully around your middle, which it did when you tried to shift away; an arm speckled with sun spots, browned from long days spent working outside, hard-earned muscles attesting to weights carried and burdens borne, and covered with a light dusting of brown and grey hairs. You'd know that arm anywhere.

It tightened around you as you stretched, so you gave up your attempts to shuffle away from the bodyheat that threatened to cook you alive. Instead, you leaned back into it, leaned back into him, and let it engulf you. You could feel your hairs pull back as he sharply inhaled and he was pulling you flush with him. You could tell by the steadiness of his breath that he was still sleeping, and it brought to mind that night before you'd been caught up in that snowstorm, when he'd held you and stroked you till you fell asleep. You'd been so angry that you hadn't wanted to accept his comfort, but his caress had been unlike anything you'd experienced, from him or anyone else. You were no more able to pull away from it then as you were now, so instead you allowed yourself to fall into the kind of rest that can only be found when there is nothing nearby to fear.

~~~

The snow didn't let up the next day, or the day after that. You could have pushed through - theoretically, it was only a day, maybe two day's walk back to Boston. But that was only if you didn't get caught in a blizzard or turned around in the snow, and that wasn't a risk that Joel was willing to take despite your protests that you were fine now. He'd packed extra supplies, with the endless snow you had plenty of water, and he could set traps in case you ran low on food.

You fell into a routine with ease. You woke up, had a small breakfast of granola bars and coffee (Joel had packed a very generous supply of that), checked and reset the traps, walked the perimeter, making sure there weren't any infected or raiders approaching (there never were), ate a small lunch of shared soup from a can, checked the perimeter again, ate whatever had been caught in the trap or a Chef Boyardee special, checked in with Tess on the radio then sat in companionable silence until the last light was gone and you slipped into the shared bed together, sleeping on opposite sides yet still managing to wake in a tangle of limbs.

You didn't speak much to each other unless it was to ask questions about chores, share instructions or give updates, but you didn't mind. It wasn't tense like it was before, though you could tell Joel still felt guilty about what happened, which was why you hid from him when you were disinfecting your hand. You'd gotten lucky, you seemed to be healing fine with no sign of infection but you didn't want any lingering reminders of that man, so you cleaned it vigorously whenever you got the chance, whenever Joel wasn't around.

He'd just come back from checking the traps when he caught you in the midst of your cleansing process.

"What're you -" he stopped where he was as he saw you dragging the cotton ball diligently over the teeth marks. He gazed at the wounded hand intently, eyebrows knitting together in the middle of his forehead as they always did when he was troubled. You knew that he knew where these marks were from. He'd seen you cleaning them with snow and rubbing alcohol that first night, biting back tears as the alcohol stung your skin. When he'd offered to help you told him to fuck off.

He didn't ask now, just sat down beside you on the bed and held his hand out in a silent request. You hesitated, but turned to face him fully and let him get to work. His left hand held your injured one delicately while his right scrubbed over the old wounds, gently but with intense purpose. It was only when looking at his right hand that you saw the bite marks that you'd left on his hand and remembered the night you first met properly, not counting the time you robbed him. Without thinking, you lifted your other hand and brushed lightly over the indentations your teeth had made on him. He froze, looking up at you and you looked back at him. You realised with a start that his eyes were wet with tears.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't the first apology he'd made since that day, wasn't even the tenth, but it was the first you accepted. You nodded and said "we're ok Joel."

Then he brought your hands to his lips. You sucked in a sharp breath as his lips ghosted over your skin, and he looked up at you, eyes searching for permission. You nodded, and he continued applying tiny, feather-like kisses on each of the teeth marks, and it was your turn to choke back tears.

"Joel…" You were aware of how close you were, hands clasped together faces inches away, practically sharing oxygen. You just stopped yourself from whimpering as your lips brushed over his, only barely touching. It was then that he started to pull back, though not with a lot of conviction.

"We shouldn't…"

"I know, it's Tess right?" He frowned.

"Not exactly. Her and me… we're not, we haven't… we're not anymore." You huffed out a laugh. Articulate as always.

"Then why can't we?"

"You don't want me sweetheart." You couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness - him saying you didn't want him when you could feel arousal aching all over your body!

"I know someone who'd disagree with you," you replied, squeezing your thighs together to emphasise your point.

"I know baby." God, the way he said that! It wasn't fair, how could he say things like that and not fuck you?

"I'm not a good man." You leaned in closer, resting your forehead against his.

"I'm not a good woman."

"I've hurt people."

"Me too."

"I've killed people."

"Me too."

"Ciara."

"Joel."

You and Joel

You finally, finally caught his lips and kissed him with a ferocity you hadn't ever felt before, not when you'd fought people and not when you'd fucked people. He froze and for a second you were terrified that he would pull away but then, oh, but then his hands slid through your hair, pressing your mouth to his. His lips opened for you and he tasted like coffee and that tobacco he was always chewing. You hated tobacco but you loved the taste of it on him. He pulled back for breath but you were having none of it, leaning forward to chase his lips. He caught you in another kiss, pulling you onto his lap. His hands skimmed underneath your shirt and you gasped as his rough hands stroked gently over your back and tummy. Spurred on by his hands, you started to grind in his lap, feeling his crotch under yours start to grow harder. He gave a pleasurable groan but his hands went to your thighs stopping you.

"Baby."

"What is it ?" Your hands cupped his face so he had nowhere to look but you. He looked half-mad with arousal and you could only imagine what you looked like on top of him.

"If we're gonna do this, it can't just be a one time thing. If you're just looking for a quick fuck, we'd best stop now cos once I got you…" his hands squeezed your thighs, "I ain't lettin' you go." You grinded down on him once again.

"Baby if you even think about lettin' me go…" you grasped his chin as you held his gaze, "I will come running after you."

His mouth crashed against yours once again and he flipped you both so you were lying back on the bed with him humping against you between your legs. He started working at the buttons on your jeans.

"Need to get these off."

He quickly unbuttoned them and you were immediately lifting your hips as he ripped them down. His breath hitched when he saw the dark spot on your underwear.

"Jesus, that cos of me?" You rolled your eyes.

"Who else?" He tutted.

"Don't get smart with me," he ran an experimental finger over the fabric, making you jolt. He'd barely touched you and you were already losing your mind.

"Baby," he hooked a finger under your underwear. "Can I taste you? Please?" Your brain started to hum as you nodded eagerly. You shivered as he deftly pulled your briefs down, suddenly nervous at being completely bared to Joel from the waist down. He noticed your sudden withdrawal.

"You ok?"

"Yeah just… been a while." He nodded, stroking your thigh tenderly.

"We can stop if-" you looked up immediately.

"Don't you dare stop." He gave a low chuckle.

"Yes ma'am." Then he dove right back in, hooking your legs over his shoulders.

Joel Miller was not the first man to eat you out, but those other times had been transactional, an I'll go down on you if you go down on me type deal. It wasn't something you did often - you never really got why other people made such a big deal, it had never really done anything for you. However, as Joel licked from your hole up to your clit, you threw out everything you thought you knew. His tongue was slow and languid against your pussy, playing with your clit then diving inside to fuck his tongue into you. You didn't know what was filthier, the stuff he did with his mouth or the sounds he made as he ate you like you were his last meal. As his groans vibrated against you, it dawned that he was getting off on this as much if not more than you; a fact that was confirmed when you looked down and saw his eyes, positively black with desire, gazing up at your face as his mouth wrecked your sex.

He finally came up for air then asked, in a voice thick with lust, "Can I stretch you out pretty girl?"

Words had all but left you so you just nodded.

He lips pulled into a smile as they returned to your clit, sending sparks through your lower body that only momentarily distracted from his first finger and middle finger sinking into you.

"Joel!" you cried, having remembered one word at least. He stilled his fingers as he looked up.

"What is it baby, too much?" You shook your head.

"M-more." If you weren't losing your mind from horniness you would have been embarrassed at how pathetically needy you sounded. But Joel didn't make you feel embarrassed, though he had a deviantly smug look on his face, like the cat who got the cream. And like the apt metaphor, he went back to licking your clit as he added a third finger.

You were losing your mind. It was too much, it was not enough. As he fucked you on his three fingers, he massaged your clit with his tongue in a way that he knew from experience would finish you off in less than a minute. Sure enough, he soon felt your walls clamping around his fingers like a vice.

"You gonna cum for me darlin'?" he muttered, barely lifting his mouth from you. You whimpered an affirmative and he curled his fingers while giving your nub a suddenly hard suck and you were gone. You could still feel him working away at you down there, but you could feel him everywhere else - between your legs, in your hair, ringing in your ears. There was nothing else but him.

Eventually you came back to yourself and Joel was still eating you like it was his job, a job he was far too good at. He stopped as you twitched away from him.

"Sorry," he said in a slightly sticky voice. "Got carried away there."

"Don't you…" you gasped, "fucking dare apologise." He grinned as he climbed back up you.

"I do good?"

"You know damn well you did amazing." You pulled him down to kiss you but he hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"I'm covered in, well…you."

"You think I care?" You yanked his mouth down to yours without waiting for an answer. Your fingers tangled in his curls and you twisted against him to kiss him deeper as you went from kissing him to practically inhaling him. Once you were sure you'd gotten all of yourself from his mouth you started licking yourself off his beard.

"Jesus fucking Christ" he cursed as you suckled on his neck. "Shoulda been doing this the whole damn time. I'm suck a-"

"What?" You looked up, eyes sparkling. "What was that?"

"Such, that's what I meant. I'm such a fucking idiot." You sniggered.

"Yes you are." You placed a kiss to the side of his jaw. "But you're my idiot now."

"Damn right I am." His mouth caught yours in another searing kiss as his right hand slid up to cup your breast. You gasped into him as his thumb grazed over your rapidly hardening nipple through your clothes.

"Wanna see your tits baby." He started sliding your jersey up. "Need to see em so bad."

"Wait." He stopped. "It occurs to me that if you get my tits out I'll be completely naked." He gave you an incredulous look. After the intimate acquaintance that he had just established with your vagina, he didn't think that there was any room for modesty left.

"That a problem?"

"It's a problem when you're still wearing this much clothing." You tugged at his shirt. "I wanna see you." Self-doubt suddenly started nagging at Joel's mind. The last person he'd bared his body to had been Tess and she was of an age with him. You were young, soft, silky and beautiful, while age had made him tough in some places and pudgy in others. What if you were disappointed in him? What if you ran a mile or worse, gritted your teeth and made yourself get on with it? But you gave him such a pleading look.

"Please."

"I don't know doll, I ain't exactly an oil painting."

"And I am?"

"You kidding?" His eyes shot up. "You're like that picture of that lady on a seashell." You gave him a funny look.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, the point is you really don't want to see me."

"Yes I do." He still didn't look convinced so you decided to give him an extra incentive. "If you don't take at least your shirt off, you don't get to see my tits." That got his attention.

"God fucking dammit." He ripped off his shirt and there he was, in all his tanned, scarred, and chipped glory. His shoulders were broad and his arms were made for heavy lifting, muscles twitching under his skin with every movement. His brown skin was bedecked in scars and sunspots like brushstrokes on a canvas. Charcoal and seastone hair gathered on his tummy and trailed down to where he was bulging from under his jeans. He gave a sharp inhale as your fingers traced the trail and his hands stroked under your shirt.

"Deal's a deal, your turn now." You nodded and lifted your arms as he ripped it off then quickly unfastened your bra. His eyes went a whole new shade of black as your breasts spilled out.

"Jesus." He cupped them gently, his thumbs circling the flesh.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain."

"Screw that, these are my new god." And with that, he took your left breast in his mouth, lapping with the same determined energy with which he had eaten your pussy. Making sure your right breast wasn't devoid of attention, he rolled the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You moved your body against his, desperate to get more of your breast in his mouth, a desire he was more than willing to accommodate. As his mouth moved from your left to your right tit to lather the same attention, you found yourself grinding your bare sex on his clothed crotch, the denim providing perfect friction. Christ, you would never look at his jeans the same way again. He gave a muffled groan, mouth still full of your pillowy flesh, and ground back on you, causing you to twitch as the rough fabric caught your clit.

"Joel." He released your boob from his mouth with a pop. "Need you to fuck me, now." He gave a devilish grin.

"Really, ya sure? Right now? Don't wanna wait for a few minutes, hours, days?" You gave a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a growl.

"Joel I swear to God…"

"Ok ok." He kissed you. "I'll stop teasing, besides…" He put on finger in you. "She's been so good," then another, "so patient, I think she deserves a reward."

No one had ever called your pussy a 'she' before. You didn't know if you were indignant or insanely aroused.

"Be honest baby," he took himself out, stroking as he lined himself up between your legs, "how long have you wanted me?" He rubbed himself up and down your slit, coating himself in your slick. "Since we went on this run?" His tip just started to prod your entrance. "Since Bill and Frank's?" He pushed the head in. "Since I taught you to shoot?" You shook your head, then nearly screamed in frustration when he stopped. "Then when baby?"

You gasped and gulped. Somehow, even after he'd had your cunt in his mouth, even with the head of his cock splitting you open, you were still shy about admitting you had a crush on him. Course that shyness went out the window when he started to fuck the tip inside you.

"When baby?" He started to rub your clit. "When?"

"Since I first saw you!" You gasped out. "I've wanted you ever since I saw you. You were just so…so solid and present, and everyone moved out of your way. It was so insanely hot. I wanted you as long as I've known you." He stilled.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Even when you robbed me?" You smiled.

"Yeah."

"Even when ya fuckin' bit me." You grinned.

"Why'dya think I wanted to sink my teeth into you?"

"Oh you bad girl." With a wicked smile, he pushed all the way in. You gasped and your back twisted off the bed. You'd never been filled like this, there wasn't an inch of your body that wasn't consumed by him, from your head to your toes to your guts. Your mind went blank and you gave a cry of ecstatic pain. Joel immediately started to pull out.

"Shit darlin', was that too much? I'm sorry." You dug your thighs in to stop him from pulling out any further.

"I'm fine, don't go, I'm fine. Just…give me a minute."

"Ok darlin', it's ok just relax." He eased back in, leaning forward, covering your body with his, resting it against yours. As your body stretched to accommodate him, he stroked soothingly up and down your thighs.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine it's just, no one's ever been this deep before." He pushed himself up to look you in the eyes.

"No one?"

"No one." If Joel looked pleased with himself before, he was positively delighted now.

"No one stretched you out like this before?" Very very slowly, he started to move. "No one ever filled you up like you deserved?" You shook your head.

"Never, stupid boys. Could never go back to them now, you ruined me for anyone else."

"Good." He picked up the pace. "Cos I ain't never letting anyone else have you. Not so long as you're mine." You moaned at the raspy way he spat out mine.

"Yours Joel, I'm yours." He groaned and started fucking you even harder, body blanketing yours, panting into the crook of your neck as he drove his cock into you like a nail through a wall. He lifted his lips to your ear.

"Baby?"

"Yeah Joel?"

"Could you talk to me, tell me more about how long you wanted me?" The unsure tone of his voice was so completely unlike how cocksure he'd been this whole time, even now continuing to fuck you with as much force as he could muster, that it caught you off-guard. But far from turning you off, it endeared him even more to you, that he still craved your validation even after turning you into a whimpering, twitching mess.

"I've wanted you so long, it drove me crazy. The way you walked, the way you talked, the way you glared at people, but you know what the worst thing was?"

"What?" he rasped out as he drove himself into you again.

"Your hands."

"Really?" he smiled down at you, bringing one hand up to stroke your cheek.

"Oh yeah - the way they moved, how they looked holding heavy things, or when you loaded a gun-" You whimpered as he started to fuck even harder. "Your knuckles, the bruises on them from cracking heads."

He stilled.

"You like it when I hurt people?" He looked concerned. You dithered about what to say. You could try lying but that felt like bad form, lying to a man when he was inside you.

"Maybe, I don't know. I think fighting so hard to survive has made me appreciate strength and… I think I like it when you hurt other people cos I know you'd never hurt me." His face softened at that.

"Never." He leaned his forehead against you and you cupped his face.

"Is that ok?" you asked. He nodded as he started to move again, his head still pressed against yours.

"So," you felt him smile. "Hands, huh?"

"I mean, I like other parts…"

"You mean like this?" He drove his cock into you with extra force, making you cry out. "Oh you do like that." You nodded enthusiastically. "But not as much as my hands, huh?"

"I don't know," you gasped. "I like em both."

"Yeah?" He started to pick up speed.

"I used to think about your fingers, imagine what they'd feel like…"

"Here?" he asked, rubbing his fingers on your clit.

"Fuck, yes. I used to…"

"What baby, what?" He started rubbing faster, sensing that you were nearly at that crucial point.

"Used to fuck myself on my fingers, pretending they were yours."

"Shit. Need you to cum, need you to cum right now." With the way he was rubbing your clit it didn't take long, and the minute he felt your walls start to clamp, he pulled himself out, barely withdrawing himself in time before he spurted hot ropes all over your stomach.

"Jesus, fuck." He continued to mutter expletives as he fisted himself over you, twitching as he did so. You barely even noticed, still coming down from your own orgasm, senses tingling and muscles like jelly. Soon enough though, his body had given all it could and he collapsed on top of you.

You

For a while, you just lay like that, catching your breath. Your hand absentmindedly combed through Joel's curls and he hummed contentedly. Eventually, a sudden draft pulled you back to reality, the cold intruding against your overheated bodies, and you started to shift slowly as feeling came back to your legs. As Joel gingerly pulled himself off you he looked down at the mess he made, now plastered on both of your stomachs, and gave a sheepish smile.

"I uh…sorry. I'll get somethin' to clean that up."

He winced as he sat up properly, holding himself at the side of the bed. After a while you poked him playfully with your foot.

"You ok there?

"Just give me a minute for my legs to work." Right, you'd almost forgotten his advanced age with the way he fucked.

"Whatever you say old man." He gave you a look.

"Don't make me come over there."

"Don't threaten me with a good time."

He shook his head, muttering "Jesus" to himself then, heaving himself up with a great amount of effort, started cleaning himself up with a washcloth dipped in a pail of water made from freshly melted snow. Not exactly a spa treatment but needs must. You held out your hand, expecting him to hand you the cloth, but instead he cleaned you himself, wiping gently over your stomach and between your legs. You didn't think that there was anything Joel could do that would embarrass you after your latest adventure, but the gentle intimacy of him wiping his spend off your tummy as you lay there, the tenderness after the filth, you found yourself blushing and needing to look away.

"Need to get a shirt, it's fucking freezing in here." Joel nodded, unperturbed by your sudden bashfulness. He tossed you one of his seemingly infinite supply of check flannels and pulled one on for himself, then climbed into bed behind you, spooning you against his chest like you'd done for warmth many times before. Except this wasn't like before because now his hand was nestled just below your breasts and your legs ached from where he'd been pounding between them.

This was all new to you. It wasn't like you hadn't had sex before, you'd made your way in the world, but your previous partners hadn't stuck around after for snuggles. You thought about what Joel had said before, that once he had you he wasn't giving you up. Did he mean that, or was it just the heat of the moment? If you were his, what did that mean? Would he sleep in your bed when you got back, would he go on runs with you again, and more importantly, what were you going to tell Tess?

As if he could sense your brain going into overdrive, Joel kissed the back of your neck.

"What're you thinking 'bout?"

"It's nothing."

He kissed you again. "Tell me."

"I was just wondering if you meant what you said before…about not letting me go, about me being yours."

He pulled back slightly and though you couldn't see his face, you could practically feel him frowning.

"Look, if-if that's not what you want, we don't have to-"

"No!" You turned to face him. "That's not what I meant. I'm just worried cos of…"

"Cos of Tess." You nodded.

"I don't wanna hurt her."

"Neither do I, but she kinda already knows." You looked at him in surprise.

"She knows?"

"She knew that I liked you, that's why we stopped…" he trailed off, looking ashamed.

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"Ain't your fault."

"Look, even if she knows something's going on, would you like having your ex fuck someone else one door down from you?"

"No." His hand snaked round your waist. "But I'm not ready to give you up just yet."

"Neither am I, but we can keep our hands to ourselves when she's around." He nodded. You exhaled then tucked yourself into his arms, resting your head in the crook of his neck.

"So…we goin' steady then?" You snorted.

"You're an idiot."

[libraryofneith]

One of my favorite things is modern adaptations that leave people with the same careers they had in the original material, because unless you’re a cop or a doctor that practically never happens.

Irene Adler’s an opera singer. We still have those! They don’t have the same subtext exactly, but nothing is going to because we aren’t the Victorians. She could continue to be an opera singer. I have never seen this happen.

Jonathan Harker can still be in real estate. That’s a job people have. A modern story that still involves Dracula contacting his firm to help him purchase property sounds amazing actually.

[libraryofneith]

"Johnny loves space, Johnny loves women"

he's so real. talk your shit king

[libraryofneith]

[libraryofneith]

Getting thiiiiiiis close to bringing back One Drop Rules.

[libraryofneith]

[libraryofneith]

it does still make me insane specifically how many queer people lovingly embrace astrology. I went to a poetry workshop yesterday that was genuinely quite good but also included an option to disclose astrology designations during introductions and so many people broke out some variation of "I'm a [x] sum but I have a [y] placement and it SHOWS" girl no it doesn't. that's meaningless correlation you completely invented the causation

[libraryofneith]

[libraryofneith]

I would be very ok with that

every so often I think about how crazy it is that cats are only a fraction of our size and yet they're completely okay with us scooping them up and holding them 30 feet in the air and kissing them and petting them. I'm not sure if I would be okay with a creature ten times my size doing that to me recreationally

[libraryofneith]

GenAI v. not GenAI round up.

So you can avoid them stealing things from you, the artist/writer, etc.

Pro GenAI websites/Programs:

Facebook

Instagram

X/Twitter (Remember, Grok gives people cancer)

Threads

Pro Writing Aid

Grammarly

Duolingo

Google Docs

Microsoft Word/all Microsoft products Takes from and will feed their machine.

Youtube (taking advantage of people who are hearing impaired. ==;;)

Adobe Products. All of them. If you HAVE to use them (Some businesses require it), save offline because there is a film of at least some privacy protections there, so if you have to sue, you can say it violates US privacy law. Remember, contracts do not circumvent US law.

Corel won't feed the machines, but still uses AI stolen from other artists. Which sucks since Corel Draw is the second best overall for vector programs. (Plus I love Painter, but I bought the offline version to avoid AI). (Canadian company)

Canva Takes and feeds their machine.

Deviant Art Not only supports AI, but put a tool in and said they are going to steal your work if you like it or not for their machine.

Sketchup went Pro-GenAI. The thing is that you can do the same thing in Blender these days with precise measurements.

Autodesk has stated they are Pro-Gen AI here. It is not clear if they will use your models to feed their machine. But be on guard. They make Maya and 3Dmax. You can replace it with Blender.

Neutral ground:

Tumblr (there is a way to opt out [Link] and they don't have an active AI machine.) https://www.tumblr.com/dookins/743519550598987776/heres-how-to-disable-third-parties-like-ai

Etsy allows GenAI, but still has some (minor) restrictions. I'd still be cautious. (Also be cautious of drop shippers). Complaints about too much AI and AI images+patterns made by Ai still exist on the website. They lean slightly more pro-AI, but still won't let it run completely amok, say like Facebook. They won't feed your work into a machine, but also don't ban it through robots.txt.

Bluesky They don't use an AI algorithm except for in the "Discover" section of their website, but while they are anti-GenAI strongly, they don't seem to block the Gen AI bots from entry, so you'd still have to use Nightshade or Glaze (links below). There is no opt-out because they don't need an opt out. (Leaning towards strong position on AI, but I wish they would block GenAI bots).

Searxng- If you super want to screw over Google, in general, and have some tech savvy, you can set up your own search engine through searxng. It's easier on Windows and Linux than it is on a Mac. (Mac you need Docker), but if you're determined on privacy, Searxng adds a layer of privacy. Some of it sometimes uses bits of AI, but most of it doesn't and you can fuss with the settings so it doesn't spit out AI results. At sheer minimum Google will stop spitting out weird videos on Youtube at you because in your private browsing, you searched for the origin of ball bearings while not logged in for a book and Google likes to break privacy laws.

Strong positions against AI:

Scrivener (Creator vowed against AI) Writing program. There is an active forum, and versions for Mac, Linux and PC. It is paid, but at ~60 USD, it's cheaper than most programs. There is usually a holiday sale around Christmas. It has a learning curve, but with an active forum with the programmer of it there to ask obscure questions it's not a dead zone. They often take suggestions and implement them over time. (Especially if you rank the importance, applications, etc) US company.

LibreOffice Open source and free Spreadsheet and Word processor program that can replace Microsoft Word. Some people might have seen older versions where it was called Neo Office (now extinct) and Open Office. LibreOffice is still populated, plus the forums are super helpful if you get stuck. The UX is pretty intuitive if you've used Microsoft Word. Scrivener, BTW, supports exporting to odt (the native file) as well as .doc, and this can open both. The slight thing is that sometimes it doesn't export to .doc smoothly. And I DO wish more magazines, and agent (big clue here) supported .odt files since it is free. Part of the reason .odt isn't as supported is because Microsoft and Adobe have a deal with the devil with each other, so Adobe's Book formatting program InDesign doesn't support ODT. (BTW, if you have a good open source replacement for InDesign that supports ODT, let me know.)

Dabble (as suggested by SF stories, see reblog) is a writing program. Similar to Scrivener. Has vowed against AI and to resist it. 108 dollars a year for Basic. It is almost twice the price of Scrivener who lets you update for fairly cheap. 29 dollars a month, v. 59 dollars for the whole program (Scrivener) for the same features of Premium. You choose.

yWriter is a free Writing program and like Scrivener, and has vowed against AI Last I looked it had some UX issues, but some people swear by it. The learning curve is higher than Scrivener which is saying something.

Ellipsus is an online writing program and vowed against AI. The main feature I like (which Scrivener doesn't have) is the ability to change spellcheck based on region/language. It is a requested feature of Scrivener, but lower priority. So if you have a Brit, you can get the spelling for the character. They are a British-based company.

Cara.app (The creator of the website sued GenAI there is no chance they'll convert) is an artist website. Cara is trying to institute an auto Glaze/Nightshade into the website if given enough funds. People see it as a soft replacement for deviant art. (which went fully AI) If you believe in human art, please donate if you can. Zhang Jingna, the Creator,is Chinese-Singporean. She lives in Singapore.

Clip Studio Paint added AI, but saw the light and decided to protect artists instead because of protest and removed it. There are tutorials and a good forum if you get super stuck. Based in Japan, so the UI and UX is really clean.

Davinci Resolve Pro is a film editing software that's super good. There is a free version and a paid version. The forums are responsive. The programmers aren't always present. There is a healthy group of tutorials. US company. Clean UX. It does take a little bit of time to remember the shortcuts.

Tahoma2D is anti-AI and open source animation program. Takes a little getting used to, but is good for animations and doesn't crash as often as Animate. Programmers are in the forums and some bugs are fixed within hours. The forums are super responsive and helpful.

Krita open source and free, no AI. I'd rank it secondary to Clip Studio Paint (which is paid) I haven't tried the forums, but it's pretty intuitive and can stand for a lower level replacement for Painter, and do a lot of the basics of Photoshop. It's usually ranked higher than the equally open source Gimp.

Writer P AKA Writer+ (app for when you're on the go) is a simple word processor app for your phone that doesn't use AI. The original programmer stopped updating, so Writer+ person took over and isn't out to make a profit since it's free in the spirit of the original app. It has subfolders you can use. Since it was programmed before GenAI it doesn't have AI. Intuitive, easy to use. Fairly easy to upload the files through three dots->share. The files can save to your card or phone with some settings fussing. Simple word processor.

Inkscape is a free vector program and no AI. It is harder to use than illustrator and has less features. But if you're doing smaller vectors for one-offs with less complexity, it'll do you after some learning curve. Best of the lot. I hate Affinity Designer which is the same thing, only paid. (Neither Affinity program was worth the money paid)

Affinity (Designer, etc) swore to be AI-free and does Vector and Photos. The UX is messy, I dislike the program and regret paying for it. Inkscape and Krita are better UX and do the same thing. The forums aren't as friendly since there has been an onslaught of people seeing it's supposed to be a replacement for Photoshop and Illustrator, but the programmers aren't present. The people on the forums are often on edge about this assertion. And the capabilities of the program don't outshine basically Krita or Inkscape capabilities (both free). What is usually intuitive is not. UK company. If you're going to pay for a program, go for Clip Studio Paint which rivals Corel Painter.

Blender is a 3D art program and does not use GenAI. It can do 2D animation, but Tahoma is easier to use in this regard. It's open source and free. Plus there are plenty of tutorials. The forums can be touch and go sometimes, but there are plenty of sub Blender communities that might be responsive. It can also do animation.

Handmade vowed against AI and promised to never sell itself for stock prices to prevent AI (as a replacement for Etsy.)

Proton (to replace Google Suite) as suggested by SF Stories (see reblog) Vowed against AI. They are missing a spreadsheet, but have online and offline capabilities, plus a built-in VPN.

But you need a pro website...

Look up robots.txt and AI bots: https://www.cyberciti.biz/web-developer/block-openai-bard-bing-ai-crawler-bots-using-robots-txt-file/

Use cloudflare:

Use Nightshade:

https://nightshade.cs.uchicago.edu/whatis.html

which will poison the algorithm

Use Glaze:

Take Away:

The thing is you think you doing it alone will do nothing, but the more AI feeds on itself, AI images, the worse they become, and the less detailed so, denying it the images, adding poison or not being able to read the human text is eventually going to lead to an AI collapse.

And why not help that along?

I don't want to give cancer to poor people [Link] or make the planet burn faster [Link]. So GenAI collapse is everything I dream of. GenAI apocalypse is not.

[libraryofneith]

There's one in Edinburgh called Kafe Kweer and it's amazing

it's so Weird how ppl STILL make fun of the idea of alcohol-free queer spaces just because an asexual teenager suggested it in 2015. it was odd then and it's odd now. Why are you mad at the idea of a coffee shop for queer people. don't answer that i do not gaf