#and like the she eats that pie like a girlboss
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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago
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"I am not afraid of you at all. I have nothing left to lose. I have power I can use. Nothing you can say or do will ever stop me again" <<< aka the moment from Carrie the musical that makes me lose my shit every time
#the klock keeps ticking#its just the most cathartic feeling ever like the fucking mom is so controlling and its the climax shes losing her absolute fucking shit cuz#carries going to the prom and shes so scared of carrie being exposed to normal people and being accepted because then obviously#she’ll realize just how bad she has it and she’ll want to leave her mother for good and we cant have that#cuz the mom cant stand the idea of being alone so shes bringing out the fear mongering to the extreme#literally like ripping carries clothes off to make a point about how all men will try and assault her#and then carrie just snaps and she closes all those windows with her powers and shes just looking down at her mom#and shes just like. you dont scare me anymore and im gonna do what i want because i deserve to have fun#and like the she eats that pie like a girlboss#i have some pretty mixed feelings about the musical and like this story in general#cuz like i LOVE all the scenes with carrie and her mom but then the other half just really isnt very interesting#so in musical form its like half the songs fuck severely and the other half are so boring i snooze just thinking about them#but still when it hits it hits and you already know what i gotta say as someone whos been raised all strictly catholic#in a controlling environment with a codependent relationship with my mom this specific song feels so good#like yes girl you are so much better than your loser mom i hope she dies im running her over and kicking her#also sue is gay as fuck for carrie in the musical and i approve the final song makes me sob every time
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pixiedust-poppers · 10 months ago
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Queen Izzybella is such a girlboss episode, girl said holy shit!! This must be real!! We gotta go look for it!
And they (the boys) were like “haha yeah sure it’s real Iz, anyways let’s go eat this pie.” (In a land of make believe and literal dreams come true)
She does not have time for pie, sis is so on a fucking mission that she’s says “fuck y’all I’ll find this shit for myself!” and don’t even say goodbye and she does!
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chasani · 2 years ago
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Go on then, what are your koopaling/koopakid headcanons?
Aha
Ahaha
AHAHAHHAHAHAAGAHHAHAHAHAHA-
GASP
KOOPALINGS
Morton ->
stupid little dork
Asks what song it is when they're singing 'Happy Birthday to You' at a party
Memory loss, they gave him a note pad so he could write things down but he forgot where he put it
Enjoys wearing bows and is very open about it
Takes Wendy's bows
Big Hammer Tiny Brain
Smashes things he doesn't like/understand/want/know
Doesn't know how doors work
Somehow immune to poison if he doesn't know it's poison??
Iggy ->
Completely blind without his glasses
It's legally allowed to drive but drives anyway
Owns a bunch of blond wigs
Weird obsession with sticks and bones
Hangs out in Ludwig's room to listen to him play piano (whether he was invited or not)
Has at least 20 differently themed body pillows
Hatsune Miku binder
Ludwig ->
Does not sleep
Composer at day evil maniac scientist by night
Has a better eating habit than Kooky
I will fight you if you argue with me (you don't have to like it but just don't yell at me for it) but otherwise he's trans ftm and DEFINITELY bi
Steals mirrors from Wendy so he can admire himself
Makes Ramen in the toaster at 3 am while getting a sweet glass of Orange Milk (pineapple juice + milk + coffee + shots)
Dips bread in Egg Whites + Oreo crumbs and fries it (old habit never grew out of)
Wendy ->
Her room is FULL of coins and other gold things
Has two closets, one for clothes and the other for jewelry
Will scream if you take her bows
Somehow always has a mirror on hand
Drags the boys into her room so she can practice her makeup on them
Lemmy is willing to be makeup tester
Believes in bad luck but still dresses up for Friday the 13
PINK PINK PINK
you wouldn't guess it but her favorite songs are rock and country
Larry ->
Has 51 diseases and is banned from most public spaces
Would be a carnivore if the didn't force him to eat vegetables
Throws the baby penguin from the Mario game over the side of the ice cliff
Big fan of trains
His room is full of toy trains
Somehow knows how to drive a train
Owns + Pilots a helicopter, where did he get it from?
Lemmy ->
CLOWN BABY
wanted in 50 states (and counting)
states like solid, liquid, and gas
collect weird miscellaneous objects in hopes he could use it for a performance
Probably pan
Constantly makes jokes about liking pans because he's pan
Once he was caught kissing a pan
Once found biting a pan by the handle and running around on all fours at 3 am
Roy ->
Big man
Acts all tough but also loves bows
Finger paints
Eats raw eggs
KOOPAKIDS
Big Mouth ->
dumb baby
Tries to be tough but just ends up being cute
Memory loss
Eats raw eggs as a snack
Doesn't know you have to cook certain foods
Bully ->
never takes off his shades
Wears pink, blue, and white bows (in no particular order ;])
Own at LEAST 20 different pairs of glasses and counting
Eats like 30 pounds of food a day
Cheatsy ->
trains
trans
trains
Kooky Von Koopa ->
Complete Smart-Ack Maniac
Does not sleep (except for when he completely PASSES OUT from exhaustion in which it's usually day)
Only eats junk food like candy and fried stuff
does not shower or brush his hair you have to throw him into a lake with piranhas to get him clean
Stupidly smart, mad scientist that lives in a basement making monsters
Does a little composing here and there
Knows all of Beethoven's Symphonys + Rush E from heart
Knows at least 25 different languages and counting, already multi bilingual at 1 month old (smart baby)
Probably trans and Agender or smth idk I'm not a mad scientist
Kootie Pie ->
GIRLY GIRL
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS
won't admit it but she's a fan of clowns
Literally hates all boys (wouldn't blame her, growing up in an all boy house)
Would be friends with the princess if they didn't try to kidnap her all the time
Ringsssss
Hip ->
Clown baby
can cry at a frequency only dogs can hear
will throw his ball at you if you even dare disagree with him
Bites
Probably has autism idk I'm not a koopa
Hop ->
blind without the glasses
Will eat raw meat if you give it to him un cooked
Do not give him raw meat
He will scream if you give him food before dessert
Never give him food before dessert
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strangesmallbard · 2 years ago
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say more asoif/succession AU HCs
this au is so insanely funny to me because like. so little would fundamentally have to change for the au to work! if you added ice zombies in the arctic to succession, it would become asoiaf. if you transplanted the characters in king’s landing from a medieval empire to modern-day corporate america, it would be succession. a snake eating its own tail, narratively.
ANYWAY here are the stark kids in the asoiaf/succession au. they’re not the main characters of the au because it needs the protags to be fundamentally bad people with bad intentions and sympathetic motivations. the starks are well-meaning rich people! that still gets dicey! but only the lannisters can encapsulate the raw fail energy and nauseating privilege of the roy kids.
robb: set to inherit the starks’ company, which is owned by king’s landing inc, a massive media conglomerate akin to disney. instead of going to war, he goes to soooo many board meetings. realistically he probably needs to be like 27 for the au to work (just graduated with his mba, idealistic and fresh-faced,) but it would be so funny if he was still 14 years old.
jon: joins the military to prove himself to ned and forge his own identity. is sent to northern iceland. finds ice zombies. gets disillusioned about the military and forms his own coalition against the ice zombies. he still has terminal main character disease. he just wants to count how many MREs and flare guns they have left.
sansa: i think sansa had all these dreams of girlbossing her way to the top as a humanitarian, forward-thinking High Society Figure. running a lot of charity orgs, being on nonprofit board. but she still has the mindset and judgments of the 1%, and it’s not until she works as an intern in King’s Landing Inc that her world expands. then her dad gets murdered. now she’s going to girlboss her way into a better future for everyone, whether everyone’s ready or not.
arya: she’s like if one of the roy kids genuinely wanted to destroy the roy family (the Roy Family being king’s landing inc.) she works covertly—she can put on the right costumes for a king’s landing ball, but she’s also exposing cersei’s embezzlement scheme. she’s pulling an ocean’s eight with gendry (working as waitstaff) and hot pie (hacking offsite from arya’s kitchen.) she also has some Nepo Baby Disease and isn’t always as self aware as she wants to be. cue character arc!
bran: his story also remains the same. jaime pushes him out of a window after witnessing him and cersei. years later, he goes to college and realizes the weirwood network still exists. has to hide out in arya’s apartment when the lannisters try to have him killed for that bc a magical tree spy network would drive stock prices down.
rickon: sells ecstasy to his classmates’ parents at his private high school
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justsomerandomfanfic · 7 months ago
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Hello, I'm so happy to find someone who does matchups for Marvel and Supernatural! Thank you for writing those! Can I please get a romantic matchup with a guy from Marvel and Supernatural? If you already have too many requests or don't feel like writing, you can ignore this, please don't worry and take care of yourself first.
I'm a female, she/her, 25, gemini, enfj.
Personality wise, I got two sides (stereotypical for a gemini, I know). Most of the times, I'm affectionate, playful and loving but I also get dead serious, cold and slightly intimidating in a blink of an eye only if it's needed. Extremely ambitious and calculated when I want something or when I want to excel at something. Really protective and caring to my dear ones, I'd do anything for them. Good listener. Unfortunately, I tend to overwork myself in silence. I bottle up everything and walk it off, continue concentrating on my work and caring for others (but you know what they say, every girlboss needs a kiss on the forehead sometimes). I'm confident most of the time and can stand up for myself no matter what. I work in the medical field and love helping patients get through their condition mentally and emotionally first before their actual treatment. I'm an empath and it's both a blessing and a curse. My hobbies are: reading, training, dancing, playing the guitar, long walks.
Other facts: my love language is physical touch. I've been told that I have a resting bitchface and I find that amusing because it's not intentional at all. I love to share random facts regarding medicine, psychology and many other stuff.
Appearance: hazel eyes, dark blonde hair, freckles and beauty marks on the face, not that tall but not that short, curvy.
I hope this is not too much or too confusing. Take your time, take care of yourself and have a wonderful day/night! Thank you 🌹
Hi! I would love to write your matchup, it'll be my first Supernatural one :) No worries. Matchups are fun to write, so I don't mind doing them whenever. And, I hope you enjoy your matchup! <333
---
(Romantic);
---
Marvel;
Steve Rogers:
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🥡 You met Steve when Nick hired you to be the new Avenger team medic; which was the job of a lifetime, seeing as you would get to take care of the Avengers if - and whenever - they got hurt
🥡 You got to help Natasha and clint many times, even Thor, but after one gnarly mission, you watched as Steve walked into your medic room; and that was when you got to get the know the man under the red, white, and blue - and in a matter of months, you and Steve became fast friends
🥡 Steve, as we all know, is a very compassionate and very caring individual, and when he noticed that you were practically overworking yourself, he took action - doing what he could to possibly convince you to take a break; in the end, with the bribe of taking a walk together around Central Park, you caved.
🥡 Before you and Steve knew it, your walks together became more frequent - you and Steve would walk around New York together whenever you and him had the chance; soon enough, you were both holding hand, and then the next, you both shared a kiss
🥡 You and Steve are pretty well matched - you are always there for him, making sure he is taking care of himself physically and mentally, and Steve does the same for you; making sure that you are taking breaks, and having time to let your mind cool down
---
Supernatural;
Dean Winchester:
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🥧 You met Dean (and Sam) when you were eating lunch at a nearby diner - you were having a grand ol' lunch break before you had to get back to work at your medical field job, when he walked in; he ordered cherry pie
🥧 Surprise-surprise, he walked over to your booth and asked if he could join you - though you were a bit ehhhhh, he seemed nice and cute, so why the hell not? And who knew that you had just met your future monster-hunter boyfriend at your favorite diner?
🥧 After you both had become official, Dean had tried not to let you in on his monster-hunting life, but it was only a matter of time until you found out (and you did); didn't change a thing for you though, you did end up moving into the bunker, and Dean took up the job of driving you to and from work
🥧 Staying at the bunker was pretty entertaining (you got along great with Sam), and you didn't think you could fall any deeper in love with Dean, but you did - that man bought you a guitar when you got a promotion, and he loved nothing more when you ranted about interesting medicine and psychology facts
🥧 Dean is always there for you, as you are for him, the both of you lending an ear whenever the other just needed to be heard - and feel seen - he loves trying to count your freckles, but that's neither here nor there; Dean also loves how ambitious you are, always doing whatever it takes to get what you want/need
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the-priestess-of-dawn · 1 year ago
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Um clearly if FEA doesn't have that mechanic we need to think about it ourselves. Obviously anyone noble can't cook worth a dang, so I think we can safely sort Virion into the lower tiers. Can you see him cooking I can't. I think Chrom can cook campfire food, probably, and I think Frederick can cook...? Cherche seems self-sufficient enough... and I have no justification for this but I feel like Maribelle could girlboss her way into a good meal, if not a GREAT one. IDK why. I just feel it. In my bones.
Okay, we actually do have SOME information about who can and (more often) CAN'T cook from supports. Let's see what I can remember/find reasonably quickly.
Chrom sucks at cooking. In his A support with Vaike he makes goulash so bad that Vaike falls off his chair and goes unconscious. (Chrom then declares himself winner by knockout. I love him.) Also, his Dragalia Lost appearance had him saying "I'm useless as a chef. Even among my family, my cooking's reputation is less than stellar." This seems to imply that Emmeryn and Lissa (maybe Lucina and Owain, too?) are also not great at cooking, but that Chrom is particularly awful.
Sumia's food CAN turn out amazing, but she's pretty bad at the actual process. Chrom thinks her rhubarb pie is the best he's ever had, even though he normally hates rhubarb, but it took her 15 tries to get it right. Similarly, Gaius loves the honey cake she makes him in their S support, but then she admits it took her 23 tries. So... her heavenly cooking comes with a high price, apparently.
Sully is bad at cooking. "Yeah, maybe I can't cook, or clean, and I burn all the laundry" (per her S support with Chrom), but it's also brought up in Kjelle's supports with her father. Yeah, turns out Kjelle can't cook, either.
And actually, Kjelle's supports with her father actually do indicate something about the cooking skills of her potential fathers... See, most of them just get a line about giving her some pointers... EXCEPT for Chrom and Robin, who get an additional line of "I'm no whiz in the kitchen, but I've made my fair share of campfire breakfasts." So presumably, most of the guys in the Shepherds at least decent at cooking. Chrom "winner by knockout" Ylisse and Robin "I've only poisoned myself twice" Reflet are outliers.
Because speaking of Robin, yeah... "I've only poisoned myself twice" is from Donnel's supports, but we also see from Panne's supports that she is the only one willing to touch Robin's carrot stew. (Taguel notably have a different diet than humans do, and eat things like firefruit, which causes human skin to "blister and itch for days on end" according to her supports with Stahl.) In the Nowi/Robin supports, Frederick instructs Robin with field cooking (so we can probably assume Frederick is good at at least that sort of thing), and Robin and Nowi end up making something together that appears unappetizing but apparently tastes pretty good... but, um... Well... Nowi's a manakete, and Robin has fell dragon power even in their human body, so... Mm... Nah likes Robin's cooking, too (although to be fair, she was used to eating bitter leaves and plant roots in the bad timeline). Forgive me if I suspect it might be another Panne situation? F!Robin's C support with Severa does show her getting a good result, but Robin also says that her cooking usually turns out "tasting like mud... Or burned mud." Severa gets mad at what she sees as false modesty, but... Severa IS Severa, and also I don't think ANY of the future children were eating gourmet under Grima's reign, so... I'm inclined to think Robin's cooking is decent at its absolute best, on an exceptionally lucky day.
Now, let me go back to the Stahl/Panne supports for a second, because I think that Stahl is likely pretty good at cooking. Fitting for a guy who loves eating, right? Although it's a little weird, because I'm pretty sure they added that as his gimmick at the last second. If you read all his supports, eating is never really brought up, and in fact his gimmick appears instead to be... being so average that it's remarkable. If that's the case, perhaps his meals are also average when you look at the whole camp? But in his supports with Panne he specifically brings her a special dinner because Lissa was making "some kind of weird stew" (another point in favor of her not cooking well? although compare Tharja's line in her C support with Lon'qu about Lissa maybe making more little honey cakes for the war council she's hosting. Maybe Lissa is better at baking generally, or maybe she's better when it comes to sweets specifically?). Now, the cottage cheese and squid dish Stahl brings Panne doesn't sound, uh, super great for humans... but the "carrot dumpling wrapped in a flaky pastry crust" sounds pretty delicious and I kind of want one, too...
Severa claims that she burns everything she tries to cook in her supports with her father, but that's probably just her insecurity flaring up (she goes on to say she must be a disappointment compared to her mother... and yeah, I'm sure Cordelia's cooking is as excellent as her reputation for perfection would suggest). But in her supports with M!Morgan, she manages to cook a pretty good stew. Morgan's only complaint is that it tastes like she was just going through the motions with it, not really putting any feeling into her cooking. But hey, compared to SOME of the Shepherds, I think she's doing an amazing job! Morgan even asks for seconds! (Also, if she S supports Morgan then she makes the same stew and Morgan raves about it. Clearly, Severa putting her love into her cooking makes it outstanding).
... Okay so that's all I've got off the top of my head (I say as if I didn't already spend hours looking up supports...) but if anyone has anything else to add let me know. I'm too tired to read the full support list for every single character right now.
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tommyssupercoolblog · 11 months ago
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10 characters 10 fandoms - tagged by @kiki-strike
this is rlly hard actually oof help me,,, some of these aren't gonna be actual fandoms just things I like because I NEED TO HAVE TEN. No particular order. 1 - Jackieboyman from ALTRVERSE because he's so blorbo LOOK AT HIM GOOOOO also he reminds me of me and also he reminds me of Seán and also he reminds me of spiderman and I like all of those things. He's so silly too!!! silly little man!!! silly littyle guy!!!!!
2 -Zim from invader zim :p funny little guy yells a lot. also though so fucked up mentally like oh my god. something is so wrong with him /pos
3 - Pomni from the Amazing Digital Circus because she's so panicy and blorbo and I want to help her and give her a hug. She's so wet dog you know? She's so big sad eyed. She's so.... just..... *sqeezes her like a stress toy and hugs her and does a little spin going "wheeeee" and wraps her in a towl because she's sopping wet* you knOW??????!!!!
4 - AUDIE FROM ANIMAL CROSSING. SHE'S AN ICON SHE'S A LEGEND SHE'S A BADASS SHE'S A GIRLBOSS SHE'S A POPSTAR SHE'S A TAX FRAUD COMMITING QUEEN WITH A QURKY PERSONALITY AND SHE'S MY BESTIE OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! we commit crimes together we slay together we're so alike and we're so in sync and we're ready to rule the fucking world and do a million concerts forever
5. Karkat from homestuck because he's angey and his name rhymes with kitkat- I can't eat kitkats because of allergies so I live vicariously through his name. and I like his hair and his overal design. Also I like how he's actually v supportive of his friends and smart. short king
6. Rarity from My Little Pony because while Pinkie Pie is defenitely who I'd pick if I was choosing who like, represents me or who I gell with, or maybe rainbow dash & fluttershy for the gelling with/getting along thing (stares at Seán <3), I also rlly appreciate rarity's drama and her artistry and how she's glamorous. I guess there's just a lot of media demonizing femininity and as much as she comes off as prissy to people I've grown to realize that a lot of that is just that she's easily frustrated/upset/angered and also like cares about her appearance, neither of which is like evil or anything. She's actually reminds me of me in that way because I have a short fuse both for crying and deciding to like bite people so like. same girl. She gets a bad rep and I don't think she deserves it. we stan her for that reason. support ur local diva
7. Fizarolli from Helluva Boss because he's the next thing came to my head. don't interact with the fandom at all actually!!! but we watch the show and Fizz is like, pretty pog. he's poggers. I like his design and I like that he's blorbo.
8. Bocchi from bocchi the rock. MECOREMECOREMECORE because of the spiraling and "the world is ending" but then SEÁNCORE SEÁNCORE SO HIMCORE because she's socially anxious and can't talk to people. Both of us see her and go "wow me". our shared kin if we had a kinlist. Holding hands over her.
9. Yui from K-ON. Listen to me listen to me shakes you by the shoulders LISTEN. Literally me. me. ME.
10. OH MY GOD VIRGIL??? ANXIETY???? FROM SANDERS SIDES???? He reminds me of Seán and also he has so much character growth and development over time and I just rlly feel like we as an audience get to know and understand him better than anyone else really so it creates a sense of closeness with the character that like. Of course he's the fan favourite!! not just because he's edgy but also because he's someone people know and can understand as a character really well, can write fics well and make comics well, can see themselves talking to or hanging out with. or arguing with if they wouldn't get along IRL. It's a stacked deck right now I feel like. although,,, roman is so close in that #2 spot so he might just overtake asuming he can both get an actual episode where he breaks down finally and also that I don't end up still picking virgil because "my husband is an anxious emo boy too omg!!!"
yeah um. um. anyway tags are hard and I don't wanna annoy anyone so um I will jus end here :3 but if you WANT to do it and no one's tagged you just say I tagged you and do it, I'll help u out girliepop bestie pogchamp slay king
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hopefulstarfire · 2 years ago
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I have more incorrect quotes for the ocs. Have at them.
Iris: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for thirty minutes can't? Alister: Seconded.
River: I love you. You're the best big brother. Did I ever tell you congratulations on Kaibaland? Are you doing something different with your hair? It looks nice. The-- Seto: What do you want. River: Nothing! Can't I tell you how much I love and appreciate you without you thinking there's an ulterior motive? Seto: Mhm. Sure. Ten minutes later River: …Hey, Seto, would you mind driving Mokie, Rebecca and me to the movies?…and buying our tickets and snacks-- Seto: slams his hands against the laptop I KNEW IT-
Kat: Sometimes, I feel like a loaf of bread. Kat: Everyone keeps taking a slice of me until all that's left is two crusty pieces that no one wants. And I just want to scream, "Appreciate me, damn it!" Kat: But I don't. Why? Because my mother always told me that "Nice girls shouldn't make a fuss" and now I'm a FLIPPIN' DOORMAT!
Maddox: You need to stop this jaywalking crap. Joey: Miss me with that gay shit. Maddox: What gay shit, the law!?
Yugi: Why are Kat and Bakura sitting with their backs to each other? Iris: They're fighting. Yugi: Why are they holding hands then? Iris: They get sad when they fight.
Kat: Please, I'm begging you, go the the doctor! Bakura: I'm sorry, is this our stab wound? Bakura: No. Stay out of it.
Iris: Seto has no survival skills. His need to win has replaced them. Yugi: That can't be true. Iris: calling out Hey Seto! Race you downstairs-- Seto: jumps down from a couple stories above Seto: proceeds to jump through the window, doing a superhero landing pose Seto: Seto: I won. Iris: WE'RE ALREADY DOWNSTAIRS YOU IDIOT--
Maddox: First date idea is we go out for coffee and then the date lasts the entire weekend and then we move in together by the end of the month. Rishid: By the end of the week.
Alister: We should get married. Iris: choking on her coffee We should? Alister: Yeah, because if I'm your husband I'll never be asked to testify against you in court.
At a Stevie Nicks concert Kat: What do you think she's gonna play next, Max? Pegasus: I don't know, but if it's Edge of Seventeen, back up, I need some twirling room. Song starts to play Pegasus: Ah, this is it, this is it! Back up back up back up! Pegasus: starts to twirl
Chelsea: We've never met Joeys parents. But, judging from Joey, I think it's safe to assume they're-- Chelsea: --And this is nothing against Joey, we love Joey-- Chelsea: Monstrously stupid sewer people.
Vance: to his kids and the Yugi gang This weekends safety brief; Vance: Don't add to the population, don't subtract from the population. Vance: Don't end up in the hospital, newspaper or jail. Vance: If you end up in jail, establish dominance quickly. Vance: Have a good weekend.
Before that one big gang road trip Maddox: Alright, listen up, before we go any further, I'm gonna lay down a few rules, alright? Maddox: Commandment number one; shut the hell up. Maddox: Commandment number two; there's nothing I can do about the sun! Maddox: Commandment number three; there are no more jolly ranchers! They're all gone! Maddox: Commandment number four; when we pass a billboard, please don't read it out loud. Maddox: Alright? Now, c'mon, let's get going!
Weevil: None of those words are in the bible. Kat: Psalm 119:105. "And Jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mainsplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos." Weevil: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.
Serenity: Why are you sitting in a circle of salt? Kat: crossing her arms Oh, my boyfriend's a vengeful demon ghost and I'm mad at him. Serenity: concerned Oh, no! Bakura: trying to ram through the invisible barrier it made You can't sit inside that barrier forever! Kat: You stop doing your blood harvests and THEN we'll talk!\
Wes: to Bakura So, just chill out. Drink a seven up. Eat a moon pie. Wes: Quit murderin' people.
Gozaburo: You are annoyingly vain. Kat: Lmao you'd be surprised at how much I actually hate myself.
Kat: What if we went to dinner…not as friends? Kaiba: As enemies? Kat:
Yugi: Is he always like this when he loses? Iris: Oh, yeah. You should have been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum. Seto: YOU BUMPED THE TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT!
Having to face off against Ziegfried Maddox: chuckles darkly Maddox: I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, priviledged, effete, soft penised debutante. Maddox: You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on, but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. Maddox: You don't even know my real name! Maddox: I'm the fucking lizard king.
Bakura: holding out a diamond necklace to Kat It's not stealing; it's secret borrowing.
Joey: Have ya ever been told you can be a lil intimidatin'? Iris: Yes. Every day of my life since kindergarten.
Iris: Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess? Alister: Actually, I'm my favorite hot mess. But you're a close second.
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toongrrl-blog · 4 years ago
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Perpetua: A Potential Heroine for our times.
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Hi everyone we are going to rant about the Bridget Jones series once again and talk about a character, who I feel came too early before our current zeitgeist of bad bitch feminism and the #GirlBoss: Perpetua. 
Perpetua is not intended to be likable. She is very posh, snooty, a bit arrogant, and demanding of Bridget and people she works with, greeting Bridget with a slight sneer as she comes into work and Bridget’s inner monologue voices a desire to staple stuff to her head for having gained a bit of power over Bridget in the publishing company Pemberley Press. Gee, let’s see what we have: entitled, snooty, fancy, having the attitude they are above it all, who has those traits? I’ll wait *sipping tea*
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But we notice something about Perpetua; after Bridget’s relationship with Daniel implodes because he was using her as his side piece and decides to find a better job elsewhere, Bridget goes to Daniel to tell him she is quitting. Perpetua overhears and picks up on what has been going on (she is appalled at what she is hearing) and as soon as Daniel tries to beg Bridget to stay, Perpetua gets up to defend Bridget: “I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch, I’m going to fire her bony arse for being totally spineless!” To her smiling pride, she sees Bridget tell Daniel off and leave the publishing company...and that’s the last we see of Perpetua. Even after that (awesome) scene, my teenage self got the message that it’s better to be a Bridget over a Perpetua, a bubbly but insecure girl who tries to conform to the male gaze over a stoic and IDGAF woman who does what she wants. I also heard messages from people, like my parents, telling me how important it was to act and look a certain way to be “likable”; it was better to be insecure and conventionally feminine rather than to be confident not very popular but self-assured. Also Bridget was the rom-com heroine who had people fall in love with her, Perpetua was seen as stuck-up and she was thrown to the wayside. Who stood to reap the benefits of our society?
Looking back, I found out that after almost 20 years of trying to be a Bridget: the “relatable” insecure girl next door type who is vulnerable and needs the validation of those to find her desirable and “worth it” that I’m wasn’t the likable, conventionally pretty and feminine Bridget...I was Perpetua: not always likable, assertive, willing to put her neck out there, not always sociable, but assured of her intelligence and her ability to turn heads. Plus we have our signature style and know how to work accessories. While Bridget dresses basic and in miniskirts (she wants to blend in but also attract men), Perpetua stands out in her headbands, pearls, cardigans, and pie-crust collars combining the elements that I loved in a younger Hillary Rodham Clinton, Peggy Olson, Nancy Wheeler, and Raquel Rodriguez Orozco from Destinos: An Introduction to Spanish. Just a Power Preppie who figured out how to stick out and take her place in a male-dominated workplace, with no apologies. 
After watching Tee Noir’s video on women who were declared to be problematic but upon second viewing and reading were raising valid points about their situation or the situations they observed but lacked the likability or popularity to be taken seriously, I was inspired to finally write this post. As Perpetua was a woman who showcased what it was like to live life on your terms and not ask for the permission of anyone to validate you. A woman who may have envied Bridget’s “bony arse” but didn’t let her size or peoples’ perceptions of her appearance get in the way of getting what she wanted from others. 
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Here are some tropes and issues I will be referring to in this order, as they relate to Perpetua’s role in the films and books and how they regard her.
Fatphobia: Being Targeted by Internalized Hatred
“Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.” Bridget Jones’s inner monologue, Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
We all know that Bridget Jones is notoriously famous for obsessing over her weight (134 lbs. at 5′4″, which is pretty fine) and that there have been reviews of the books and the movies condemning her or passive-aggressively noting that she isn’t Hollywood Thin and how it was remarkable for she (with hourglass curves, wears a small to medium size, blonde and blue eyed, average pretty at her worst) to get Colin Firth and Hugh Grant (in their prime) to fight over her. Whether we go by the timeline of the books (her birth year being 1962, Marilyn Monroe’s death) or the movies (her birth year being 1969 in the first film, post Jayne Mansfield), we see that Bridget grew up in and became an adult in an age where the female standard of beauty had gotten thinner and thinner, with even models having their pores air-brushed away from their faces. To paraphrase a Mad Men fan when she was talking about the culture of the mid-1960s, when she was a kid and women wanted to look curvaceous as Marilyn and Elizabeth Taylor, she looked like Twiggy; when she developed the voluptuous curves, everyone wanted to look like Twiggy. The 1970s and 1980s was an age of self-improvement as female empowerment (feminism co-opted by capitalism) where dieting and getting thinner was seen as “bettering” oneself. Suddenly it wasn’t cool for Bridget to strut her stuff in a pencil skirt a la Joan Holloway, it wasn’t enough to be a junior partner or to create your own safety net, even the irresistible Veronica Lodge worried about her weight. 
*WARNING: Most of my sources refer to Fat Black Women but I feel like the arguments hold up here*
Then we go to Bridget and Perpetua, aside from their personality clash, Bridget is secretly envious and outwardly disgusted by how Perpetua can be much heavier than Bridget, yet wear curve-hugging clothes and go shopping and not give a shit about how her body looked. Perpetua knows that her boyfriend appreciates her good pussy under her gut! Bridget comforts herself by telling herself that happiness comes from reaching attainable goals....like changing one’s body rather than making money or procuring items....sigh Capitalism is a son of a gun. Clearly Bridget has animosity towards Perpetua for being plump and not feeling like she needs to hide for not looking like a supermodel. But why?
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Fatphobia is one way of expressing internalized hatred against one’s body and their own self. In fact, Perpetua committed the sin of loving herself (or being neutral to oneself) as she is, and stands out from the rest of the cast who are obsessed with living up to certain standards to putting forward a certain image to the world that everything is fine. In a fatphobic capitalist patriarchy, it’s quite maddening that she would develop the arrogance and entitlement that she puts on display, especially because she is a...woman! Katie Wee, in her essay for Huffington Post, talked about how it was hard for her to play a fat-shaming exercise instructor in an episode of Shrill because she wouldn’t fat shame another person, but she had practice internalizing that cruelty. Wee talks about her history of eating disorders and over-exercising, all in a bid to become a ballerina, well into her twenties. Currently she works at a body-inclusive fitness studio and that Lindy West and Aidy Bryant were very encouraging in her performance. She also said:
When Annie writes her off, I made the decision that for Tanya this hits something much deeper. It’s as if Annie is saying Tanya’s life’s work is for nothing, or her religion is bullshit. Annie is feeling content in the body she is in, and for Tanya this feels like a personal attack. The subtext to what Tanya is saying is, “If I don’t get to be happy in my body, neither do you! Especially not you.”
This was also explored in the Room 104 episode “The Hikers” where college graduates and childhood best friends go on a hiking trip before they start working or looking for work. Megan (the fabulous Shannon Purser) is plump, freckled, down to earth and happy to have gotten a job offer right after she accepted her degree while her friend Casey (Kendra Carelli) is thin, has excelled on Instagram artifice, and hasn’t procured her own job yet but is triumphant over her past popularity. Yet a placed pebble in Megan’s boot reveals that Casey has been feeling disgust over how her fat friend would thrive in a larger body and not cover up and how she was burdened with making sure she was included in social gatherings growing up, soon Casey’s angry rant after Megan voiced her disgust over Casey’s sense of superiority over her reveals that Casey is angry that being conventionally beautiful and popular hasn’t made her any happier with herself or her own life, while Megan has excelled in their young adulthood in spite of her appearance and lack of popularity. Bridget is angry that Perpetua is thriving and content with her own life despite not looking a certain way while Bridget has been trying to get down to 110 lbs since she was a teenager and has been backing out of rooms after getting laid so the menfolk wouldn’t notice her behind isn’t scrawny (what would she think of Kim Kardashian’s or Nicki Minaj’s behinds?). Bridget, who poured energy into fitting an ideal of an adult woman, is miserable while Perpetua, who isn’t the “ideal woman”, is successful. 
There is also some egocentrism on Bridget’s part: she is a heroine of a rom com so the story centers on her, with her friends being mere satellites. There has been a tradition of the fat best friend who exists to support the leading lady or gent who will fall in love while the fat person gets to sass and serve as cheerleader, with no insight on their inner life. Especially if they are Black. Tee Noir noted that most of the funny fat friends tend to be more engaging and likable or just plain compelling than the conventionally attractive main character, but their characterization is often neglected, to the point of sometimes even lacking a last name. In fact society, and even fat people, are internalized towards thinking that if you don’t fit the standard of desirability (thin, white, young-ish, cis, wealthy), you have to settle for less in your relationships and in entitlements, like how Annie in Shrill goes out with a boy who is too mediocre for her, all because she got the message that a fat girl like her shouldn’t expect a hunk or even a guy who is going to treat her decently and see her as a goddess. The show centered on Annie bringing out her inner fat bitch. Bridget hears constantly from her smug married male pals that women of a certain age shouldn’t be too picky because they aren’t as attractive and fertile as younger women (ring, ring, I am calling Tarana Burke on their asses, can I be the hype man?) and that triggers her insecurities about being single and 130 something pounds. Perpetua, who is a bit older than Bridget, medically overweight, single (but with a boyfriend) and less conventionally attractive than her...and is thriving in her life with no rush to the altar and she is free to voice demands in her relationship. I guess Bridget isn’t as nice as we were supposed to think she is, no shade, but be upfront about it Bridget (or writers). 
But I can go easy on our hapless blonde, because Bridget (and probably Perpetua) internalized the notion that fat is disgusting and that women who aren’t thin enough have to shrink themselves and blend in, not causing waves. Perpetua lets us in on some hints that perhaps she is jealous of Bridget’s looks and figure, referring to her as having a “bony arse” for one, but it’s not a driving trait of her character. In her seminal book on female Baby Boom pop culture history, Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media, she noted that from a young age women were encouraged to see other women as competition, and if one woman is victorious in one area, we are defeated “And we had grown up with a notion of a female hierarchy in which some women---the Waspy, wealthy, young, and beautiful---were at the top of the pyramid and other women---the poor, the dark-skinned, the ugly, the old, the fat---were at the bottom and this is something that advertising (a source that sells Perpetua her image of wealth and sells Bridget’s insecurities) capitalizes on. Media in the 1970s have even applied the same dichotomy to some feminists where Germaine Greer (before she was all TERFy) and Gloria Steinem were held up as exceptions to the stereotype of ugly, nagging, and/or mannish feminists (something that Betty Freidan, Kate Millet, and the OG Bella Abzug got slapped with). It’s the ugly side affect of individualism.
One can hope that Bridget got the shameless and joyful spirit of that little girl who ran around the paddling pool in her underwear back. 
Who’s Afraid of “Fat ass old bags”?: Backlash against non-insecure women
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Let’s be clear: arrogance isn’t confidence. I use the term “non-insecure” as an umbrella term for Perpetua and for confident women who have faced backlash for their lack of willingness to act like they are less than to appease the patriarchy. But...men get to be arrogant and admired for their drive and accomplishments, hell they don’t even have to accomplish much unless you count bankruptcies (look at who is President of the United States at the time of this writing). So why do women who act arrogantly, aggressively, cut throat, authoritative, or just plain assert their needs and personal boundaries are so vilified? So I will try to look for how we could all learn to be confident as Perpetua. 
Ever since Peggy Olson was promoted to Junior Copywriter, and even before, women in the workplace have been scrutinized from the secretarial pool to even top positions as CEO or junior partner. Like McCann-Erickson in the final season of Mad Men, Pemberley Press is something of a toxic workplace where underlings fight to get noticed for their achievements in dull lighting, men like Daniel Cleaver and Mr. Fitzherbert (more like Tits Pervert, right Bridget?) feel free to sexually harass women who haven’t developed the skills to defend themselves and demand respect, and where the characters we are closest to, don’t really like her. Women in power tend to confuse a white cis male hierarchy with a pecking order where the men try to undermine her authority either because they find her too attractive or make her feel unattractive, sometimes other women would undermine women because their success threatens their own self-image as women. A toxic workplace can also be why Bridget cannot excel at the work she does (she jumps from one toxic workplace to another in the movie); this can also be why Perpetua comes off as a hardass, she has to put up a shield to protect herself and the years working at Pemberley Press have hardened her to the point where Bridget couldn’t relate to her. 
Bridget, according to Daniel Cleaver and the viewers of the films, is likable while Perpetua is not. Bridget is very feminine, sexy, witty, self-deprecating, supportive, warm, and non-intimidating while Perpetua may be feminine (look at them pearls and long hair), she isn’t conventionally attractive as Bridget and her size and age have kept her out of the “sexy box” and while Perpetua is clever, the woman doesn’t ease her way into conversations at parties like Bridget pretty much demanding to be introduced and included in them and she walks with the ease and assumption that she belongs everywhere she goes. Perpetua just also isn’t cuddly, but men get to be aloof like Mark to the point of being insulting or irreverent like Daniel to the point of toxicity, why is Perpetua being judged so harshly for traits that we see in these two high-status men? Forbes magazine once quoted that women are affected by two types of bias at work: prescriptive and descriptive bias. 
Descriptive bias is the labels we attach and associate with certain social groups and communities, and prescriptive bias is how they are expected to behave. And, when someone does not conform to these prescribed roles and behaviors they can be penalized or punished. Women, for instance, are traditionally expected to be caring, warm, deferential, emotional, sensitive, and so on, and men are expected to be assertive, rational, competent and objective. So, when it comes to promotion, these traits are sometimes automatically prescribed to people as per their gender without detailed information about their personalities, thereby a man, in general, is assumed to be a better fit as a leader.
The other side of this is prescriptive bias is when a woman does not fit the role that is traditionally assigned to her and attempts to claim a traditionally male position is seen as breaking the norm. So, when a woman is decisive, she might be perceived as "brusque" and "abrupt". Therefore, for the same kind of leadership behavior, women might be penalized while a man is commended.
Women who are traditionally feminine (passive, self-effacing, caring), are considered “likable” but not leadership material while women who display traditionally masculine traits (assertiveness, self-preservation, ambition) are considered ball-busters. Both women are less likely to get promoted because of both bias, while what’s “bossy”  or, sometimes, “hysterical” for women, get’s men promoted (*cough* Brett Kavanaugh crying that he likes beer *cough*). Women who help out at work aren’t seen for what those caring and proactive qualities can benefit the workplace, it’s expected that a woman would be so domestic. Even female candidates for Head of State are subjected to the tyranny of likability....for a position where the focus has to be on achieving safety and stability for a nation, even if no one likes them, a position that will be decisive no matter what they do. The work can be done by women supporting one another and both genders checking their biases at the door. Men can call out another man for describing their appropriately authoritative female boss as a “bitch” and women can examine why other women demanding more in their relationships or being promiscuous is so threatening to them. Women can even decide who takes turns at office domestic tasks like making coffee and getting birthday cards signed, making it a universal effort by the work site and network with each other as they celebrate each other’s triumphs and different traits.  
Bridget’s passivity doesn’t help her in being taken seriously at work by her male peers either. Whereas Perpetua is disparaged for being older, heavier, and less conventionally attractive as she is criticized for being authoritative, Bridget is reduced to her sex appeal by Daniel to her face and even described as “fannying about with the press releases” (hearing about this treatment incenses Perpetua to Bridget’s side), thereby reducing Bridget’s femininity into something frivolous and not a endearing trait that helps her navigate the world. Bridget has proved in a deleted scene that she can give a brilliant advertising pitch for a horror novel, sadly the assignment was for a children’s book but it was maddening that the men wouldn’t give Bridget that credit (watch it, I can see Peggy Olson smiling somewhere). Bridget is also hampered by what is called “Imposter Syndrome”: according to Wikipedia, it “is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'” despite have external skills and a number of accomplishments. Aside from her own appearance, Bridget puts her own abilities and intellect down, and it’s no surprise as how her society puts an emphasis on the physical appearance of women: “If you've grown up with messages that you're only valued for your looks and your body, not your skills or intelligence, you may end up getting a certain job or position and wondering whether you truly deserve it or if the hiring manager just thought you were a pretty face”, said clinical psychologist Emily Hu for the BBC (not to mention it’s much harder for women of color who deal with their cultural expectations and prejudice from a white supremacist patriarchy). Bridget’s own outrageous mother hasn’t passed down her bolder traits to her daughter and often makes Bridget feel small as she berates her for “not getting your colours done” or being unmarried. 
In a world where tomboys and girly girls are pitted against each other, what would have happened if Perpetua and Bridget have let go of their preconceived notions of one another? Perpetua does seem to see Bridget as more than “blonde hair and big boobs”. It’s worth seeing that when the Bustle wrote about how to combat workplace misogyny, that they emphasized how important it was to support other women in the workplace as Perpetua did for Bridget at the last minute, alongside feeling free to disagree with men and demand a raise. Once again I want to note, Bridget and Perpetua are both white cis able-bodied women from upper-middle class backgrounds, so if their professional journey is fraught just imagine what it’s like for women of color. 
Tough Women
“You can stand me up at the gates of hell. But I won't back down.” I Won’t Back Down, Tom Petty  
Bridget learns, as we all do, and like Perpetua might have done that if she wanted to overcome her issues, she really has to confront her own discomfort and take risks as she demands more from life. Perpetua is a tough woman: she doesn’t appear to soften, even when she is greeting Bridget or Mark Darcy, who she is impressed by and she seems to encourage Natasha’s efforts to snatch him up. Granted a woman like Perpetua probably learned she had to tough, if she wanted to make it in a male-dominated workspace, I would not be surprised if she had parents who instilled a sense of ambition and toughness in her from a young age, or like Megan from Bridesmaids, she had to deal with a childhood of bullying and took that pain to transform herself into a formidable character.
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We also see from her confrontation with Daniel, she isn’t afraid to get harsh with a powerful man especially after she finds out that he has been using a female employee sexually and been denigrating her worth at the office. 
We don’t know Perpetua’s physical prowess and she clearly prefers pearls to combat boots, but she does possess traits that are associated with men: logical mind, firm, self-reliant, witty, sharp-minded, a professional in a cutthroat environment, and is flawed while being formidable. Perpetua is strong, a Shonda Rhimes character that Rhimes herself hasn’t created. Sadly like most Tough Girls, she isn’t her own protagonist and is there as an accessory to the main character, the Trinity to The Matrix’s Neo and she is often the lone woman that Bridget interacts with at work. Tough Girls are counterparts to more “typical” women: traditionally feminine women who are softer and more emotional...Bridgets. One thing I want to note is that Bridget is the protagonist instead of a love interest but yet she stands alone as her friendships are not that positive and her relationship with her mother is strained. Like Ripley of the Alien series, Perpetua is the lone smart and strong woman who has to deal with a environment where no one else wants to listen to her and everyone is ruled by their emotions (or their libido). She is Joan Holloway, who weathers the misogynistic waters with her razor-sharp observations and commentary regarding the absurdities of the people who are around her, while not being afraid to command attention and others, even at the risk at not being truly liked but “admired”. Not a phony. Perpetua is a privileged woman but like I stated before, she dealt with a combination of body-shaming and misogyny that toughened her...but why should a woman be tough and hurt? We could have had a scene where Bridget encourages Perpetua to reveal her vulnerabilities and open up along with Perpetua pushing her to be more resilient over a spa day with face masks, pedicures, beer, Milk Trays, pizza, Terminator movies, and hair makeovers while discussing how to hide Uncle Geoffrey’s body.
Strong Independent Women
“The watch I'm wearin', I've bought it. The house I live in, I've bought it. The car. I'm driving, I've bought it. I depend on me, I depend on me.” Independent Women, Destiny’s Child
Imagine trying to reconcile feminist principles of not depending on male partners and rugged individualism that insists the opposite of what John Donne’s quote about how one person is a party of a larger community. You have the Strong Independent Woman, who is used by capitalism to sell feminism and face cream/Spanx/sanitary napkins/Wonderbras/lipstick, who needs no man (or interdependence) to thrive in a still misogynistic world. This misogynistic world also abhors the independence, self-assurance, self-reliance, and self-love of women who choose to follow their path. Meanwhile the non-mainstream feminist and environmental movement have pushed for a culture of interdependence and for a culture that doesn’t base one’s value on how much money or genius or beauty (or what have you) an individual possesses; Bella Abzug noted that “Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel”.
But the image of the female individualist for one strong reason: women are still expected to perform the bulk of emotional and domestic labor while being paid less than their male peers for the same job, also because of ingrained sexism and perpetuated self-doubt, many women are still dependent on their spouses, parents, bosses, the opinions of others. It’s nice to see images of powerful, strong, often gorgeous women of wealth not have to depend on men for their worth or their livelihood. But we are flesh-and-blood human beings, not super beings or robots; even Perpetua shows some vulnerability when she refers to Bridget being a lot thinner than she and she is clearly looks crestfallen when she hears that Bridget has been belittled and used for her body by Daniel, we don’t hear much about her circle of friends in the movie aside from Natasha (in the book, she is friends with some same-minded women). Everyone needs an interdependent society of people supporting one another and helping each other grow. 
Perpetua both upholds and subverts the tenets of the Independent Woman: she isn’t the supermodel-esque independent woman but Perpetua makes her own money and at lot of it, she dresses very well to project her authority in the workplace, she is bold, rejects the validation of male authority, and she isn’t afraid to be unlikable. She lives in a big city (because independent and single people don’t live in small towns or the suburbs *sarcasm*), presumably in her own spacious apartment or even a townhouse, she has found herself at some point before the story and has a strong sense of self, she works hard and has a strong sense of purpose because of her work ethic, and heaven help the dumbass that underestimates her or any other woman. She is a non-superpowered Carol Danvers: rather than waiting for someone to rescue her, she is quick to rescue herself from self-doubt or even rescue someone from injustice. She is noted to have a love interest, but she doesn’t revolve her world around him and is suggested to make demands for her needs in the relationship, showing she isn’t prone to fuckwittage as Bridget is (perhaps Perpetua learned to put a stop to that bullshit?). Of course because this is Bridget’s story, a woman who yearns for that fairytale ending of marriage, and this is a regressive, “post-feminist” (what sense does that make?) story, Perpetua isn’t a role model and is seen as a polar opposite to Bridget’s softness, ditziness, girliness, romanticism, and self-effacing persona.
I want to stop and say that I am so happy to be writing this essay in 2020, a year in which a large number of women (especially of color) have been elected to political office in record numbers with the Indian and Jamaican American Kamala Harris being elected as Vice President of the United States (and the first woman to do so). She is also independent enough to make her own money and develop her sense of self, along with a strong sense of agency and inter-dependent enough to credit the support and love she has from her blended family including her late mother. In fact the independent women of Broad City, Sex and the City, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Moana, Mulan, and GLOW (crossing self) all have inter-dependent systems of support and are one another’s family (hell even Bridget’s so-called friends are her “Urban Family”). I also want to say, it’s highly likely that Kamala was more a Perpetua and not a Bridget (or else she wouldn’t have been able to succeed like she has done in her career), thus her win as Vice President vindicates Perpetuas who have worked and lived before her. 
Working Women Do’s and Don’ts
“You're just a step on the boss man's ladder. But you got dreams he'll never take away.” 9 to 5, Dolly Parton
As established, Perpetua is happily single (but also partnered), she fulfilled in material comforts, she is unafraid to confront men about their bullshit (she has a hard time trying to get Fitzherbert away, I bet), and she has high standards. To paraphrase Charlotte Pickles, to thrive where she works she has to “eat, breathe, and sweat self-esteem” and she does. This is something that Bridget lacks and something I feel Perpetua can help her with. Sadly we never got that chance: the gentle and feminine Bridget and the stern and neutral Perpetua bonding in a mutually beneficial kinship. I’m sure that Perpetua wishes she could talk back to men like Julia Sugarbaker of Designing Women and that her role models came after some viewings of Working Girl, Baby Boom, and Murphy Brown and perhaps by the privileged and successful men (and a few women) in her family. It must be said that despite being referred to and clearly existing, we never see Perpetua’s boyfriend and that’s because pop culture has long depicted women in managerial and supervisory positions as lonely, ice-cold, unfeminine, and hard. Meanwhile more feminine women like Bridget don’t get the respect that Perpetua has and demands, and Perpetua lacks Bridget’s likability (Bridget of the many men and one woman who fall in love with her). While I wouldn’t consider Perpetua to be politically progressive (she is a woman of privilege and Sloan Rangers are considered Tories) but she isn’t a woman who is willing to exploit others for her own bottom line (or the corner office). We do see that she is quick to defend Bridget from slut-shaming or having her worth denigrated by Daniel, which leads to a rare scene of comcaderie between her and Bridget. I get the sense that Perpetua isn’t merely interested in ruling the workplace, but she wants to change the workplace enough to be less toxic (getting rid of Daniel and Fitzherbert). 
I can find some similarities to Perpetua in three fictional characters known for their drive in the workplace: Dr. Christina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy), Peggy Olson (Mad Men), and Princess Carolyn (Bojack Horseman). Christina Yang, like her creator Shonda Rhimes (if you are reading this Ms. Rhimes or someone writing or interning for her, please feel free to take ideas for a film or show about Perpetua, I need cheddar), is proudly childfree, dominant, blunt, up for a good time, and voraciously sexual and ambitious. Like Perpetua, she doesn’t aim to please others and very performative in her actions and words along with being caring and brusque (and snarky, especially about the terrifying Mr. Blobby). Also like Perpetua, Yang finds comcaderie with a bubbly young blonde who is sometimes reduced to her beauty (Izzy as played by Katherine Heigel) and tries to lift her girl friends up. While Perpetua has been working in a post Cold War publishing company, Peggy Olson is a young woman from Brooklyn working at a advertising agency in the 1960s, with different struggles from her more “sexier” counterpart (Joan is a more confident Bridget after all, and Peggy has some BJ traits). Peggy is also a trailblazer for assertive working women of today and paved the way for Perpetua across the pond, setting an example from the ground up (partly observing the men above her) when she wasn’t able to find much female role models that didn’t rely on their sexuality or follow a traditional path. Women during that time didn’t have reproductive freedom, equal pay (still, sigh), and working women were shamed for wanting to follow a different path. Peggy also deals with fatphobia in Season One (she was actually pregnant) and divorced herself from her sexuality temporarily (but she experiments with sex and drugs throughout the series). Like Peggy, Perpetua isn’t crippled by Don Draper’s self-loathing (Bridget) or lack of discipline (Daniel) and Perpetua had to learn to believe in herself rather than merely rely on the validation of others. Princess Carolyn is a pink, perky, girly girl cat but like Perpetua she has a relentless drive, is intelligent, hard-working, can sell something (a celebrity image or books), and knows how to positively influence certain people around her. All these women have lived by their own self-definitions and owned the struggles they endured to get ahead. 
Can’t Be Tamed
Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
Katarina Stratford: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Rom Coms (such as Bridget Jones’s Diary) have a nasty habit of wanting to tame, soften, tone down, settle down an independent woman with her strong mind, sharp tongue, active sex life, and own money to matrimony. Then we have heroines who are allowed to fly their freak flag and find their own tribe (or leading man). That is Kat Stratford, the teenage feminist protagonist of 10 Things I Hate About You, a girl that Perpetua would have been at that age if she were American with blonde, pretty privilege. After all Perpetua has been perceived by Bridget (a Bianca without wit or spine) as a “heinous bitch” as delivered by the fabulous Allison Janney; they are perceived as difficult women who rain down their parades with their truth and don’t suffer the foolishness of arrogant men. Such women are supposed to be tamed, which has several meanings. The negative being to “tone down” or “dominate”; an alternate definition has been offered by The Little Prince’s fox “to earn one’s trust”.
We don’t know if Perpetua has anyone, romantic or platonic, to complement her personality and balance her out as Natasha seems to have Perpetua’s negative traits. This is where she and Bridget could have developed a friendship, combining vulnerability and a disdain for the fickle opinions of others and keep from having to choose between love and career, between relationships and financial independence. We could have seen a closer relationship blossom over the story just as Bianca and Kat grow closer to one another in the film. Maybe Bridget demanding more from Mark at the end, telling him that just because he bought her a new diary it doesn’t mean that he can get away with walking away from her and that it makes up for how tight-assed he can be with Perpetua cheering her on and another scene where Bridget smiles and let’s Perpetua squees over something in excitement. 
Like Kat, the Perpetuas can find their own tribes or mates. 
Women of Privilege in Media
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Rich bitches, girl bosses, sassy queens, matriarchs, as Christopher Rosa noted about these women (which includes Perpetua): "They're rude, they're loaded, and we love them for it.” In a world that hates empowered women, as bell hooks bluntly noted, these Regina Georges, Cheryl Blossoms, Alexis Carringtons, and Perpetuas take back that slur and wrap it up in designer couture and fabulous accessories with nary a hair out of place. They own the negative stereotypes and manicure it into an image of fearlessness. They reject the social pressures placed on women to be nice no matter what, likable, fade into the background, and talk themselves down. Rich bitches indulge themselves with no apology and wear their strengths as boldly as their statement jewelry. But what if you don’t want to be bitchy all the time, what if you want to channel that fierceness into something constructive? 
#Girlboss is an atom and a half: traditionalists argue that she isn’t a proper “feminine” woman who loses out on heterosexual love and children (”true womanhood”) while many feminists argue that she simply advanced to a seat in the patriarchy and doesn’t give a damn about the little people below her enough to truly make positive changes. Pop Culture has four flavors of the this character, as noted by The Take: the Bitch Boss, the Pre Code Boss who acts the way we think women started acting like after 1968, the Feminine Boss, and the social media savvy Girlboss who starts companies with cutesy names like WAHAM or WEEMAN or GOOP and they are often white and conventionally attractive. The last flavor exploits feminist phrases while selling out to capitalism and patriarchy for women to buy more shit and willing to step on people’s heads while building her empire. Sometimes she’s Charlotte Pickles, a somewhat ruthless but loving mother and CEO who loves angora sweaters, is glued to her phone, and can effectively hit the roof of a overturned boat with her high heel. Perpetua may seem standoffish to care only about her bottom line or take on traditionally masculine traits like Ruth Chatterton in Female or Diane Keaton in Baby Boom, but she proves to be a Leslie Knope when she stands up for Bridget in a heated moment. Perpetua has no necessity for large pink letters or catchphrases to prove she is a powerful (and empowered) woman, she simply is. One can see Perpetua taking over Pemberley Press, first Daniel’s job and then ousting Fitzherbert and taking his position, thus ousting misogyny from that workplace and using her power to uplift more voices in writing. 
Bridget and Perpetua, meet, Betty and Veronica (respectively). While the Bridget the Nice Girl avoids her issues (and Betty can be in danger of being subsumed by them), Veronica and Perpetua make their rules and are willing to break them. Like Perpetua, the teenage Veronica wears her posh prep clothes proudly with a string of pearls and headbands holding her shiny hair. Veronica is also confronting a system (and family legacy) that taints America and makes living so impossible for people who have no boots to pull the straps from and handicaps her to a pedestal. Perpetua seems to want her friend Natasha to snap up Mark Darcy (remember she knows nothing of Mark and Bridget) like Veronica in the CW reboot wanted Betty to do with Archie. Both want to work hard and be recognized for their merit, not wanting to depend solely on Daddy’s money, bucking long-standing patriarchal expectations of upper-class young women who were expected to marry a man from a similar class and have children to inherit the money. Perpetua and Veronica show a willingness to get down and dirty while being allies to their less privileged and/or more passive female comrades. They also wield their power to take down over-puffed authority figures who abuse their privilege and have attitude when a woman gets slut-shamed or otherwise mistreated. Remember Daniel and Mr. Titspervert, Perpetua’s specialty is ice.
Legally Blonde and Bridesmaids, etc. 
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Vivian Kensington. Elle Woods. Professor Stromwell. These women showcase an alternative where cold but supportive women befriend our plucky blonde protagonist in a Playboy bunny suit and a douchebag ex-boyfriend (before ending up with a lawyer who comes off as uptight). Legally Blonde gifted Elle camaraderie with these women while Perpetua was left at the wayside and Elle was given a circle of supportive friends while Bridget had friends who negged her and were a poor influence on her confidence. Where Delta Nu gave Elle their time to help her practice for the LSATS, Bridget’s friends openly wonder out loud that Mark Darcy said he likes Bridget as she is, ditziness and unfashionable (of the time) curves and non-airbrushed looks (really?). We also see Elle add more people to her friend circle, like the working-class Paulette who proves to be mutually supportive of Elle and has been empowered by her to stand up to her ex and then we focus on two women who stand in for Perpetua: the steely Professor Stromwell ( the Mrs. Sarah Paulson, Holland Taylor) and the preppy  Vivian Kensington (Selma Blair, la diva). Vivian and Elle start out as rivals for the handsome but douchey Warner Huntington III, who categorizes these women as the wife material Jackie and the fun and hot-tubbing Marilyn, but slowly upon finding out that their professor is a sexist who demands his young interns get him coffee and that Warner lacks Elle’s integrity find some common ground. Vivian is horrified and takes back her previous behavior upon hearing that their professor has sexually harassed Elle, reducing this intelligent and savvy young woman to her sex appeal. Also Professor Stromwell puts Elle on the spot on her first day of classes at and has a reputation for making her students sob, but it’s implied that Stromwell sees a bit of herself in Elle and wants this young woman to succeed and that means challenging her to do the hard work in Harvard. In the climax of the film, when Elle discusses quitting Harvard because of people undervaluing her intellect and being sexually harassed as a final straw, Stromwell turns around in her salon chair and tells Elle: “If you let one male prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.” Stromwell gets credit in Elle’s valedictorian speech at the end of the film. We see here that while Elle upholds girliness and finds new love in a established lawyer, unlike Bridget she has a support system of women (and a few men) who encourage her to kick ass and challenge the perceptions of others and celebrate her triumph in defending someone from a life-altering sentence. 
I feel that in 2001, either Annie Mumulo or Kristen Wiig watched BJD and found the relationship between Bridget and Megan wanting as well as I did, this likely spurred them into writing Bridesmaids, a film that centered on women fighting over a best friend rather than a man, where the male love interest listened to the protagonist vent about her friend issues, and where an overweight and unconventional female secondary character pushes our insecure everywoman protagonist to start fighting for her goals and her sense of self, or rather her “shitty life”. Annie (Kirsten Wiig) is a former owner of a bakery that fell victim to the 2008 recession who is hitting rock bottom as her childhood best friend gets engaged and starts befriending her fiancee’s boss’s preened to perfection wife Helen (Rose Byrne)  and then finds comfort and motivation in the form of the fiancee’s wacky sister Megan (Melissa McCarthy). Annie gets loonier as the movie goes on (ahem) until Megan persuades her to channel that spirit more constructively; Megan is proud of her hard-earned achievements and is confident but also kind enough to adopt several puppies and see Annie at her lowest. Megan earns her own money and demands more from her relationships than the other women in the movie (unhappy marriages, lack of communication, lack of trust) and emboldens Annie to grab life by the horns, thus starting a new friendship. It’s notable that this film is about post-college aged adults and the role of friendships in their lives.
Perpetua’s Potential
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The 2010s have shown more narratives that focused on women’s relationships with one another and have even re-defined what “happily ever after” looks like and as a result of the #MeToo and #TimesUp Movements, women have examined how toxic their culture is to women and finding that the harassment and assault of women to be terrifyingly normalized and it has been for a long time. Millennial and Gen Z women have even questioned the issue of pitting women against each other, one of which is the “not like other girls” attitude that pits the cool babe or the weird girl against the high-maintenance girly girls that easily conform to society (even rewriting these types as friends or lovers to one another). 
So what does that mean for Bridget Jones’s Diary? Well we could see a B Plot on Mark Darcy and his divorce from his Japanese ex-wife and she’d be given her own inner life and complexities, Perpetua might have to reconcile her relationship with Bridget and Natasha (the latter who is hostile to the former), we could see Perpetua strike up a friendship with her polar opposite Bridget and the narrative could focus on Bridget helping Perpetua open up her softer side while Perpetua gives Bridget the encouragement to stand up to her (admittedly) trashy family and friends and demand more from her relationship with Mark (or even dump him). We can even see them include Rebecca Gillies, the beautiful trust fund baby that works for Mark and finds Bridget to be desirable as she is (without being backhanded about it Mark!). We can see Bridget become stronger as she has one friend who challenges her to be better and another friend who finds her supremely wonderful and gets her to see it. 
Maybe we can see Uncle G die, a girl can dream.
The Rise of the Perpetuas or what happened after Bridget drank some of Perpetua’s Juice
#MeToo, #TimesUp, #BossBitch, Lizzo, Ariana Grande, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Beyonce, Hillary Clinton, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, the Notorious (and late) Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Jacinda Ardern, Michelle Obama, Jameela Jamil, Mindy Kaling, Tiffany Ferg, Kimberly Nicole Foster, Dahvi Waller, Gretchen Whitmer, #BlackGirlsAreMagic, Mothers of the Movement, CaShawn Thompson, Intersectional Feminism, Black Feminism, Mad Men, Mrs. America, Insecure, The Baby Sitters Club, Amy Schumer, GLOW, Emma Gonzalez, Candice Carty Williams, Malala Yousafzai, Kamala Harris, Meghan Markle...all of them have grappled with issues like Bridget and Perpetua and have even expanded the conversation about women’s day to day lives and the small (and large) ways society is misogynistic and have gone further to question why it’s so commonplace. We even see a talk about body neutrality (as opposed to the sanitized body positivity), which one can easily see Perpetua practicing. We also see women being held up in social media as being “stanned” for being difficult, wonderful, achievement oriented, sassy, fierce, outspoken, demanding, and fashionable...all things that Perpetua was put down for. 
“I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch
Even when I'm crying crazy
Yeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in me
Bling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in me” Truth Hurts, Lizzo
To paraphrase Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?: All this time, they could have been friends. 
The year 2020 has been a dismal year for women’s careers as women are swamped with the demands of domestic life and bosses have shown that they won’t cut their employees slack for having kids in the background. People even explored how the pandemic has revealed cracks in society from economic disparity, how women are ultimately shouldered with the burdens of home that men aren’t expected to, how vulnerable marginalized communities are in systems with poor health care and systemic bigotry, and the lack of a social safety net. These are challenges I see Gen X, Millennial, and Gen Z women pushing back against (I will show up, pussy hat and mask on my person). One can even see Bridget, the ex Mrs. Darcy, Perpetua, and Rebecca marching in their Women’s March or even the global Black Lives Matter marches as they cheer on (or help) “tipped” over statues of colonizers and slave traders. We’d even see them attend virtual seminars on how to be better allies to BIPOC and listen as ex Mrs. Darcy talked about her difficulties as a East Asian woman in a predominantly white society and Bridget promising to call out her mother for her racist comments. There’d be no good woman/bad-woman dichotomy being perpetuated as they embrace each other’s differences. 
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Nickname: online I have aliases, OneSong like my blog name, etc
Current hyperfixation: byler tumblr (I'm here for the vibes)
Fanfic or fanart: well considering I have made drawings both of Mikhail and of Jennifer as well as some canon characters' Halloween costumes, If have to say fanart. But I do literally have a post which is essentially a story outline of Mikhail's backstory, so maybe I'll do a fic one day.
Fave weather: cold or rainy or both. I hate the sun. But I also ski so snow as well :).
Fave color: dark warm gray
Color to represent me: flamingo fuckin pink
Fave tree: a crab apple tree I visit and eat crab apples off of.
Penguins or pandas: I think I also saw Walk of the Penguins and watched it daily for like a week straight but that was she's so. I love Happy Feet but I do not remember the plot so ✨️stim girlboss✨️ wait is it penguin Footloose? Anyways penguins sentimentally but why would I want to be anything besides myself? (I assume that's the quote, op?)
Fav food: current obsession is instant pasta with the water drained out and plain scrambled eggs and butter, but generally speaking french toast with real french people inside a fluffernutter inside like a Monte Cristo
Thoughts on sharks: blahaj
Best pick up line:
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All work but personally I'm the first one
Fav AU: I've read all of two fics in my life, both AUs. One is the ever-notorious FoG modern byler AU, the other is Mikhailgate.
First fandom: I've been a fan of so many things but I never really got into fandom itself until watching Stranger Things and joining byler fandom.
Current fandom: byler
Fun fact: Karen knows that Mike was dating El bc they spoke on the phone in season three, so it's likely Ted was, in fact, not calling Will "sweetie pie". I've already shared this, I just want to maximize our collective PAIN.
Tags: @exhausted-enby-vibes @sorry-i-panicked
bored in the car tag game!
fill in your answer then tag other people you think would like it👍👍
nickname: em :)
current hyperfixation: currently in between and suffering because of it! /hj
fanfic or fanart: can’t choose but i’d Much rather draw than write
fav weather: cold and slightly cloudy (as least humidity as possible)
fav color: dusty blue !!
color that represents you: mustard yellow and sage green
fav tree: pecan tree (but the Big big ones)
penguins or pandas: love them both but i just want to give penguins a big ol hug
fav food: sushi 10000/10
thoughts on sharks: they’re incredibly cool, basically dinosaurs, can detect electricity with pores in their heads, and ARE NOT INFESTATIONS humans shouldn’t be invading their space<3
best pick up line:*nervously stares in bisexual*
fav au: enemies to lovers in conjoined stores (esp tattoo and bookshop)
first fandom: oh god- harry potter i think?
current fandom: stranger things ronance
fun fact: dogs leave nail prints when they walk but cats don’t!
no pressure tags: @werewolfxwheeler @timesnewronance @pimplepogue @el-fandom-phantom @agentgenevra @hopelessronantics @willrelator @lionydoorin
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