#i do love me some pain

[princessofxianle]

through a fractured existence (oh god i wish you were here)

~ a "Xie Lian dies in book 4" AU ~

| 2.0k | as always, formatting is better to read on ao3 | based on this post |

Tag requests: @kiba-chan27 @fandoom-strikes @maryqueenofmurder @iixie

Summary:

The man sighs in disappointment. “I’m sorry I must have stumbled into the wrong sedan.”

Nan Yang furrows his brows. “Were you expecting to find his highness here?”

The man chuckles. “I had hoped.”

“You won’t find him.”

“Believe me, I have my ways.”

“I’m telling you now. Stop looking for him. You will never find him.”

The man in red shoots a piercing glare at Nan Yang.

Only now does the general notice he wears an eyepatch. The presence of this ghost is great. Even a god has to suppress a shudder at the aura of intimidation it is emitting.

“Why? You think you can protect him from me?” The man chuckles as he takes a step back toward the ex-bodyguard.

Feng Xin’s heart sinks.

He doesn’t know?

or

800 years after the fall of Xianle, Feng Xin finds a ghost looking for the same crown prince he lost all those years ago. There's something he knows that this red-clad ghost does not

...

General Nan Yang sits quietly in the bridal sedan making its way across Mount Yu Jun.

He reminds himself that this isn’t the worst or most embarrassing thing he’s done. He pushes away old memories of busking for money during the years after his kingdom fell.

It’s of no use thinking about that now.

The sounds of fighting just outside his sedan from their earlier encounter with a swarm of flesh-eating binu have gone unsettlingly silent.

“Mu Qing?” he calls to outside the sedan.

There is no answer.

Suddenly there is a tintinnabulation of what sounds to be a jostling collection of small silver bells.

General Nan Yang freezes.

An indescribably harrowing shadow of a man stands immediately outside the red curtain of the sedan. The shadow approaches and extends a hand toward the barrier of the curtain. When the barrier is passed, the shadow becomes a human hand.

Except it’s not human, is it? Pale skin, slender fingers. And a red string tied around his third finger.

General Nan Yang hesitates but still reaches out and grabs the steady support of the hand. It, in turn, helps him up and out of the sedan. All clues point to this being the ghost groom, but something isn’t right. He steps out of the sedan and trips.

The man catches him. He’s wearing a red robe, embellished head to toe in silver jewelry. An intricate network of small silver bells adorns his boots from calf to ankle.

Nan Yang is a bit too on edge to feel embarrassment when his veil falls from his face. So he takes the opportunity to catch a glimpse of the face of this mysterious ghost groom.

Suddenly the man freezes and steps back.

“You aren’t his highness.” He utters surprised.

His highness?

His Highness

The Crown Prince.

Taizi Dianxia.

How does this ghost know of his highness?

“I am indeed not.” Nan Yang replies matter-of-factly. “What business do you have with the Crown Prince of Xianle?”

The man sighs in disappointment. “I’m sorry I must have stumbled into the wrong sedan.”

Nan Yang furrows his brows. “Were you expecting to find his highness here?”

The man chuckles. “I had hoped.”

“You won’t find him.”

“Believe me, I have my ways.”

“I’m telling you now. Stop looking for him. You will never find him.”

The man in red shoots a piercing glare at Nan Yang.

Only now does the general notice he wears an eyepatch. The presence of this ghost is great. Even a god has to suppress a shudder at the aura of intimidation it is emitting.

“Why? You think you can protect him from me?” The man chuckles as he takes a step back toward the ex-bodyguard.

Feng Xin’s heart sinks.

He doesn’t know?

“Protect Xie Lian?” Feng Xin inquires back. Best eliminate any possibility that they weren’t talking about the same crown prince.

“Who else?” The man hisses and takes another step toward Feng Xin. It becomes apparent how much taller this man is.

Feng Xin swallows. “I do not have the ability to protect his highness any longer…”

“Glad to see you know your place,” and with the grand flip of a red sleeve, he turns to leave.

But Feng Xin continues, “…because I’ve already failed.”

The man stops abruptly. And turns ever so slowly back toward Feng Xin.

Feng Xin notices that the aura of intimidation from this ghost shakes like an earthquake. If this man is indeed as old as himself, Feng Xin decides he should at least allow him the courtesy of the truth.

“The Crown Prince of Xianle died. 800 years ago. After his first banishment from heaven.”

The man fully turns back around toward Feng Xin. “Liar.”

“A ghost as strong as yourself should know I’m not deceiving you. It would be imbecilic for me to even try,” Feng Xin deduces, growing slowly more aware of the killing intent from this red clad ghost.

The man takes a breath. It isn’t labored, but it isn’t calm either. Ghosts don’t need to breathe. It seems to be more of a reaction than a simple need for air.

“You were his bodyguard, right?”

Feng Xin can’t tell if that is an educated guess or if he has met this soul before. But at the moment, the reasoning is not of importance.

“I was. Yes.”

“You didn’t protect him?” he prods. The killing aura around this ghost spikes once again.

Feng Xin is taken aback, 800 years of grief rushing back to him in a moment.

“How did he die?” This question isn’t an insult. Feng Xin thinks it to be more of a plea.

The failed bodyguard cannot answer. He shudders as more memories come rushing back. Words fail him, so his hand instinctively moves to roll up the sleeve of his robes.

A silk bandage is wrapped around his right arm. It’s old, stained with blood, but seemingly not covering a recent wound.

Well, not a physical one.

Feng Xin removes the bandage.

The red clad ghost stands frozen in place, eyes fixating on Feng Xin’s movements. Specifically on the dirty silk bandage. It is not a judgmental look. It’s more one of… worry.

The bandage swiftly ties itself into a noose.

Feng Xin takes a breath, trusting his voice not to fail him before he attempts to speak.

He looks down at the bandage noose in his hands.

He recalls the day he found his highness’s body.

Cold.

Lifeless.

Dead.

Hanging from a beam.

His parents nowhere to be found. And likely also deceased.

Feng Xin had taken the body down immediately, but he couldn’t quite recall how long it had taken him. He only remembered that when he shakily lowered him to the ground, he held his Crown Prince with no intention of ever letting go, cradling him with all the care in the world.

He had called the name Xie Lian so many times the sensation of the words on his tongue almost lost all meaning to him. Eventually his voice failed him anyway, beginning to crack in the middle of his words, and he simply cried into Xie Lian’s hair. His body was already stiff. His soul was long gone.

Feng Xin just prayed that he was dreaming.

Until he realized his god would never receive his prayer.

He clutched Xie Lian’s face to his shoulder, protected under his neck, even though he knew protecting him was utterly useless now.

The Crown Prince of Xianle’s bodyguard had utterly and completely failed.

He had exhausted himself. In strength due to his sobs. And in love due to the fact he no longer had anywhere for it to flow into. He felt it pour out of him until he was empty. And then he felt his grief wring the rest of it out of him like a wet towel. He was surprised a person could still be alive with all of it gone. If it weren’t for his shivering awareness of the cold nighttime air around him, he may have believed he had died and become a ghost.

Feng Xin was never cold, as Xie Lian had told him. His skin had always burned. Xie Lian was normally the cold one.

Then again…

Xie Lian had never been this cold.

He had fallen asleep holding Xie Lian, resting his head on top of his hair. His last conscious thoughts were wishing it all was a dream.

Unfortunately, upon waking, Xie Lian was still in his arms. Xie Lian was still cold.

Xie Lian was still dead.

All of this comes rushing back to Feng Xin in an instant. But the man is still awaiting his answer.

“Tell me how he died.” The ghost reaches for his saber but not to unsheathe it. The red stone settled into the hilt of this terrifying saber greatly resembles the shape of an eye. If it even is a stone. The ghost keeps his grip on it steady, but the sword shakes. Its eye spinning furiously, as if it were crying.

Feng Xin swears he sees the eye of this calamity sparkle in irrational hope. The pure absurd hope of a child waiting to poke holes in a stranger’s story.

But only for an instant.

It breaks Feng Xin to shatter that hope. “He took his own life,” motioning to the noose in his hand.

It almost feels like half an incense time passes before either of them moves again.

Feng Xin watches in horror as the ghost recognizes the faint trace of Xie Lian on the bandage. Just like how Feng Xin did after taking the body down, this ghost sees the shadow of Xie Lian’s life energy woven into the bandage. This type of residue is only ever imbued into weapons that have taken lives. Shadows of the souls it’s taken reflected in its essence until the day the weapon is destroyed.

Feng Xin could never mistake the presence of Xie Lian’s soul.

This ghost appears to react in the same way.

There is no mistaking it. Because he somehow sees a bit himself in this ghost. The bit he hides. And he hides it well.

Self-inflicted or not. This bandage killed Xie Lian.

Feng Xin realizes all too late how this could be taken the wrong way. He worries this ghost won’t believe him. Or worse. That he would assume that he himself had killed Xie Lian and kept the bandage as a souvenir.

Feng Xin inwardly recoils at his own thoughts, he would never… could never.

But this ghost doesn’t know him. And being in the immediate path of an impossibly strong and angry ghost is simply dancing with death.

The red clad man is the first to break the silence. His killing intent skyrockets much higher than it had before.

Feng Xin prepares himself to react.

But the man doesn’t attack. “You failed him indeed,” he deadpans.

Then he wordlessly removes something small from the ends of his hair and tosses it at Feng Xin as he turns to leave.

Feng Xin lets him. He has the briefest of thoughts to call out to him. To the part of himself that he sees in him.

I’m sorry.

But he doesn’t.

He catches the object while he lets the ghost go. He looks down at the tiny round ball that pricked his hand and stares in disbelief. If he didn’t know better, he would think it was the matching pair to the coral pearl earring currently pierced in own his left ear. The earring that went missing all those years ago. The second of Xie Lian’s coral pearl earrings.

This failed bodyguard stands alone on Mount Yu Jun holding a bandage in his hand tied in the shape of a noose. The same bandage that killed his prince. And the only person he had ever really loved with his own heart.

Only just now does Feng Xin realize that he is silently crying. He doesn’t know for how long he has been though.

He remembers that ghost’s reaction to his words. Did the tears start then? Could that have influenced the ghost’s decision to leave? Or maybe the ghost recognized the pearl in his own ear?

Why?

Feng Xin is then yanked from his stupor as a loud *CRACK* erupts from the exact direction the ghost had left.

He bolts to follow the source of the noise but finds no one.

Upon further investigation there is only one thing out of place. A brief reflection of moonlight on metal from the ground catches his eye.

He kneels down to look closer.

His fingers card through the grass to find the source. He picks it up between three fingers.

A silver chain.

And next to it, a white ceramic ring, fractured largely into two pieces.

Feng Xin catches a different flash of silver out of the corner of his eye. He turns his head.

Only a few chi away, a single small ghostly silver butterfly crumbles into glittering ash before it can fly away.

He remembers the silver butterflies on the ghost’s red robes.

Oh.

You miss him too, huh?

Maybe if Feng Xin wasn’t such a coward and a failure, he would’ve taken that way out years ago. But now the idea is more prominent in his mind.

After all, he doesn’t have a piercing for that second earring yet.

.

.

.

fin

[vextech]

i love that i read SO many jayvik fics about the divorce beginning with jayce being horrified at what viktor had done with the hexcore, only for it to turn out that jayce actually did not give a SINGLE fuck, didn't even flinch at the sight of his hand and leg, and was ecstatic when it ended up saving his life. i am absolutely obsessed

[hinamie]

unconditionally

[katiekatdragon27]

Sup gang, I have more doodles to shaaaaare~~

So, I recently got Glisten, and he is so fun to play as. So fun to play as in fact that I constantly play distractor on accident! It's so fun (lying)!! Both images are based on a run my friend and I had together with a few randoms in a public server. It was the farthest I've ever gotten and a blast.

You ain't never seen a distractor like meee✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️

On the topic of running, here are some doodles of Shrimpo and Pebble getting into conflict. Peb protects his owner, and if that means attacking the only dude who could pummel him in hand-to-hand combat, so be it lol.

Luckily Shrimpo doesn't like getting bit, so Dandy and Pebble get to live another day.

Below are a toooooon of shinyshrimp doodles (and a slightly suggestive joke so tread with caution lol):

Mmmmm gay men.

Glisten: "I couldn't imagine you getting any redder but you surprise me~" Shrimpo: "AAAAAAAAAA-"

What's gayer? Being gay? Or what these two have going on?

Domestic slice-of-life stuff. I think Shimpo has insomnia but tends to find comfort and sleep in human contact. Toodles has nightmares on occasion and appreciates snuggling when they occur. Glisten isn't the cuddly type, but when the people in his life need comfort, he's willing to put up with the cuddles lol. Also Glisten sleeps with an ungodly number of pillows.

Also, a funny idea I had about how short Shrimpo is compared to Glisten. That's how Glisten sees him lol.

And also..

I caved.

Here.

Shinyshrimp child upon ye🫳🫳🫳🫳

Dandy: "How the F*CK did this happen?!"

Her name is Shimmer, and she's based on an Asian Glass Shrimp (for hopefully obvious reasons). She's a sweet girl who is really really nosy lol. Just imagine Gwen from the movie Migration lol.

Also, no toons have ever created a toon themselves (it's only done if the humans working there made one by using the ichor machines), so Dandy is kinda flabbergasted about the whole thing. Ima leave it up to interpretation how they did it (cuz I have my personal hc that I'll share if people show interest lol) but it's not sexual lol.

Anyways pookies, have a good one!!

[benevolenterrancy]

("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)

[cheesenchalk]

i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality

[timethehobo]

Here to make yall cry. What if we have to make a decision and this happened?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[wistfullywaiting2]

The biggest misconception in the bsd fandom ever to me is people constantly portraying Atsushi as someone who trauma dumps excessively when he canonically barely talks about it at all.

The entire point is that Atsushi does not talk about his trauma he’s just constantly reliving it. He can’t escape the memories of his past so he tries not to acknowledge them.

He only mentions it when asked, either directly or when someone asks him to explain himself.

Atsushi doesn’t even give a cohesive explanation for what he saw while under Dogra Magra, he just apologizes to Haruno and Naomi.

If Lucy hadn’t had her whole “you’ve never suffered the way I have” spiel then I doubt even the audience would’ve gotten to find out about his scars

If Akutagawa never asked him how it felt for the orphanage headmaster to die Atsushi would have never told him that he’s been hallucinating.

In the omake where Kyoka asks him why his hair is like that it’s clear he wouldn’t have told her that unless she had asked.

In 55 minutes Atsushi very briefly mentions sleeping on a dirty floor somewhere to Kunikida because he was trying to explain and justify his behavior.

And the thing is there are scenes that implies the other characters see Atsushi behaving strangely and are visibly confused because they do not understand what’s wrong with him.

Remember, we as an audience get to see things about characters that the main cast doesn’t. Just because we see into Atsushi’s mind doesn’t mean the other characters know what’s going on in there.

[aroace-rizgukgak]

*goes up to a group of four friends* okay but which of each of you is teamwork, network, community and belonging?

[bonefall]

Hey, what makes a character a 'plot device but not a character'? And how do you not do that? I'm trying to do it on purpose but also I need to still make them interesting because it's on purpose, yknow?

A good skill to pick up is to learn to criticise criticism itself. A "plot device" is simply a thing that moves the plot along, it's a neutral literary analysis term! Usually, when people are angry that "a character has been used as a plot device," it doesn't mean they hate plot devices. It means they're gesturing at something deeper.

Runningwind and Bumble are equally plot devices in their deaths. They are both killed by the antagonist to escalate political tension. Runningwind is rarely "accused" of just being a plot device, and yet, we're talking about Bumble for the same thing.

So, why?

Well, Runningwind is just a background character, but in life, he was a part of the community. He was characterized as impatient but responsible. Yet, he wasn't SO important that he died with a bunch of unresolved plot threads.

He is mostly an extension of the entity of ThunderClan. His killing by Tigerstar, and the fear and paranoia that settles on the group after this, feel like a progression of the story insteas of something forced.

Bumble, on the other hand...

Is hated immediately by Gray Wing, when she's established as Turtle Tail's friend. Bumble's abuse at Tom the Wifebeater's hands invites even MORE investment. The rejection is shocking and upsetting. There's a story there about our main characters being imperfect; jealous, bigoted, and judgemental.

But, she is simply killed off. Everything they set up for this character is gone with little personalized fanfare. It's not a tragedy with a lesson about cruelty, or something anyone regrets.

It's just... plot. Gray Wing whinging that no one will like his shitty brother now that his body count is 2.

More than that, in the discussion of women in particular, "Fridging" was coined to give a name to the way women characters often don't get their stories told at all. There is a CULTURAL trend of female characters facing disproportionate violence, for the sake of advancing male plots.

Bumble has a lot going for her. Petal had a lot going for her. Turtle Tail had a lot going for her. Bright Stream had a lot going for her. When they died, they took their potential with them.

It's not always wrong to kill off a character of high potential, mind you. In Gurren Lagann, Kamina's death is sudden and shocking, leaving a massive hole in the hearts of the cast that never heals. Grappling with that loss, but also letting his memory fuel them, is a major theme of that story.

All that to say... there's no formula for avoiding it. You've gotta identify what the deeper issue is, in your specific narrative.

I can't say for certain what that will look like for your story, but here's some things I keep in mind;

When you make characters who exist to die, make sure they're people before you axe them.

Ask yourself; what about them does the cast miss?

If they just miss them because they were (pre-existing relationship), go back to the drawing board.

Fluttering Bird as an example. Who was she? Dead sister. Why do they miss her? Dead sister. No traits until after her death.

Runningwind was short-tempered and helpful. Kamina was a valuable leader who made people believe in a brighter future. Swiftpaw was fiesty and desperate to prove himself. The better characterized, the more profound the loss usually is.

If this is a female character who is dying just to serve the plot, be aware of cultural bias and tropes. How is the gender ratio looking in your cast? Is this happening disproportionately with your girls?

Note how Quiet Rain's litter had both a boy and a girl, but the girl was chosen to be "weaker" and wither away.

And how most of the time in DOTC, whenever a man had to be upset, a girl would get killed for it.

If you ever feel like the character on the chopping block is NOT a full character, ask yourself why it needs to be a character at all. You don't need to spend narrative time building out someone when a literal object of high value might suffice.

"My sister died when I swore to protect her and I can't face my family" = Old. Tired. Ive seen this.

"I lost my heirloom sword when I swore to protect it and I can't face my family." = Fascinating. Why was the sword so valuable? Will they really not take you back? How did you lose it?

When you do kill off "high value" characters, try to make sure you're not leaving too many plot threads hanging. Or at least make a point of how they will never get closure.

[seagullcharmer]

more headcanons :-)

[canisalbus]

So i remember an ask mentioning your mortal enemy, Felis Atra and their cats, and i thought it'd be fun to draw what Felis Atra's version of your italian dogs would be.

I think they would be called Butter Knife and Flamengo! Butter Knife is not his real name, it's an nickname given by his peers because of how harmless he is. I choose Flamengo because that's the name of Vasco's rival football team here in Brazil, so i thought that was the perfect name :)

Cat Machete was slightly inspired by the Oriental Shorthair cat because of their long noses and thin head shape.

Cat Vasco was inspired by the Scottish Fold cat, because FLOPPY EARS. I gave Flamengo longer ears and orange fur to make him more like his look-alike.

The last doodle is a reference to this ask (https://canisalbus.tumblr.com/post/728923918314946560/me-i-am-machete-ear-fan-number-1-those-ears) and contains the tumblr ask stand-in dog, whose cat version was inspired by the American Curl cat! They have round ears that are slightly floppy outwards.

Final notes: I know cardinal clothes don't come in vibrant blue, but i was ADAMANT on switching Machete's and Vasco's clothing color patterns. I would draw the rest of Butter Knife's and Flamengo's clothes, but i suck at designing cool outfits.

Speaking of outfits, for Machete's iconic void outfit, i figured it would be fun to make it more baggy for Butter Knife, in contrast to Machete's, that looks very tight-fitted. I think it's cute, it kinda looks like a sweater. Also i can't imagine a Machete doppelganger without high heels boots, so those HAD to stay.

Oh, and just to be clear, i'm not like, claiming ownership of these guys or anything. I just thought it would be a fun exercise. Hope you like them!! I love your art and your characters.

.

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

[age-of-moonknight]

“Khonshu: Strikefile,” Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu (Vol. 1/2024), #0.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

[casualavocados]

*colors your kiseki part 2: rainbow edition*

me when i see literally any kiseki scene: you are not immune to being color corrected. and given skintones. while Maintaining Pretty. 💝 (pt 1)

...i love working with this show ngl. & to the people who leave kind words on my sets: i love you too. 🫂❤️🥰🥰🥰