#i didn't even save it as a draft

[theosirianischosen]

A few different things it could be (though do note I don't agree with every item I list here):

The Tears of Gold cliffhanger at the end of season 2 is never brought up again. Like, the closest we get in season 3 is right before Victor becomes a sinner when he tries to plan with Robert on how to become immortal and re-create the elixir. Other than that one-off, it doesn't really connect, and it is never brought up again.

Nina not returning in season 3. I know that couldn't be helped and was not the fault of Nickelodeon; Nathalia just wanted to leave to focus on her schooling. I detest how they wrote her out of the show, but again, not the fault of Nickelodeon.

The switch from proper Nickelodeon to TeenNick. I'm not 100% sure it was done solely for mature themes. But for a lot of people, Nickelodeon and TeenNick were not in the same cable package. If they wanted to watch the show live, some people would have to upgrade their cable package. Plus, it also changed the way the show was formatted. Instead of one hour every week, it was 4 half-hour time slots. That may seem like a good thing on paper, but it also meant that the finale became finale week. I truly believe that had it stayed on Nickelodeon, the last four episodes would have been combined into a 2-hour finale episode. There's no way to know for sure, but I'd like to think this was the case, especially when the previous finales were action-packed with at least one plot twist (Season 1: Sibuna didn't bring the Ankh pieces to the school, Rufus gave Patricia the note, the tipping of the scales isn't symbolic and requires a sacrifice, and Joy isn't the chosen one; Nina is. Season 2: Rufus wants to become a god with the Mask, Senkhara wants the same thing, the mask at the end of the tunnels isn't real, and the reveal that Eddie is the Osirian.). But for a lot of people, the finale could simply be boiled down to a race to put the key in the keyhole. However, all of the finale week better fits the twists and turns of a finale episode.

House of Anubis deviated too far from Het Huis Anubis. I don't know how many of those complaining about Nickelodeon treating HOA poorly are people who originally saw HHA. But even us hardcore fans tend to think that HHA>HOA. Combined with the fact that the show was commissioned out of Nickelodeon US (even though it was produced in the UK), and it becomes clear that even the "British" elements have become Americanized. Alfie jokes about Santa in Season 3, not Father Christmas. The Touchstone of Ra features a high school graduation, which is something that doesn't happen in the UK equivalent to high school education. Also, in TOR, Trudy says "The middle school has bedbugs", but I'm pretty sure "middle school" is another American school term. (Does anyone in the UK want to confirm for me or correct me on that?) But even in season 1, which is the closest to HHA, the deviations from the source material can leave some things to be desired. In HHA, Nienke moves into Anubis House while her Gran moves into an old folks home. It's there, while Nienke is visiting her Gran, that she first bumps into Sarah. But in HOA, with Nina being from America, the writers needed to find another way for Nina to first run into Sarah. So, they come up with the brilliant idea of... having Sarah willingly leave the old folks home and walk up to Anubis House, but refuse to go inside because "He's always waiting". Or the fact that they combined Rufus and Zeno into one character (presumably for time, as the first season of HHA had nearly twice as many episodes, and Nickelodeon only commissioned 60 episodes for the first season), and changed up many storylines because of it. Rufus was looking for Joy in the original, while Zeno was looking for the cup. So, the writers moved the chosen one storyline to season 1, and have the plot twist that Nina was the chosen one, not Joy. In HHA, the plot twist is actually that Nienke (Nina) was NOT the chosen one; it was Noa. I've heard many people who grew up on HHA were fond of the plot twist being the character that would be obvious to make the chosen one is actually not the chosen one. This was undone in HOA. I think the writers tried to remedy this by making everyone think Fabian was going to be the Osirian, but then it turned out to be Eddie. Except, once you dive into the character further, it's a bit more obvious than the Noa reveal. Nina is American. So is Eddie. Nina's female. Eddie is male. Nina is sweet and kind. Eddie has a bad-boy persona. Nina can be reluctant to take action, preferring to think things through before doing them. Eddie is quick to take action with no regard for the consequences of doing so. Seeing as the Chosen One/Osirian dynamic is supposed to be like yin and yang, Nina and Eddie are polar opposite Americans. So, all this to say, while the writers are to "blame" for a lot of these changes, some of it could also be due to American executives meddling in the show's storyline.

Nickelodeon canceled the show, despite there being at least some demand in the fanbase for a season 4 in 2013/2014. I'd still wish they'd do a reunion movie for Paramount+ (and I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing for that), but that's unlikely to happen. Nowadays, most people who think of live-action Nickelodeon nostalgia think of the Dan Schnieder creations, and with Quiet on Set airing recently, people are "out to cancel" Nickelodeon. Now, I know the accusations in the documentary (which I have yet to see) are serious, but because many slept on the show when it first aired, I could see this becoming a causality in terms of people not looking fond on this era of Nickelodeon. Another reason why it could have been slept on is because of it's serialized nature. Generally speaking, once you know what Drake & Josh, iCarly, or Victorious are about, you can just watch any episode from that show in any order without getting lost. You can't do that with HOA. For those that don't know and/or remember, when HOA first aired season 1 in 2011, the first 9 episodes were billed as a "premiere movie" in two parts. The first part is the pilot, comprising of the first full episode and editing the next four to fit in a regular 1-hour time slot with commercials. The second part was the next 4 episodes in an hour time slot. (Remember, the first two seasons of HOA comprise of two 11-minute episodes in a half-hour time slot with commercials.) On streaming, the first part is episode 1, and the second part is billed as episodes 2 and 3 (at least here in the States). And because of how the movie ended, my younger self was under the impression that this was like iCarly and more episodic in nature. It wasn't until the cliffhanger at the end of the very next episode that I realized it was serialized. Its serialized nature also made reruns harder. You had to run a whole season regularly as a batch for it to work, but iCarly could have a season 2 episode followed by a season 5 episode and then two season 1 episodes in one two-hour marathon, and it wouldn't be confusing.

All of this to say, Nickelodeon could have handled some parts better. It didn't handle the show perfectly, but Nickelodeon didn't fully fumble it either. That's just my very rambly thoughts on the matter.

I am once again asking for everyone to actually get real here and realize that for a show whose formula was entirely different than anything else on the network at the time (barring the literal other versions of the same show), HOA had it pretty damn good. Most shows just got flat out canceled with no resolution.

[knightofgoetia]

Netflix's DMC cartoon critique.

This critique in particular will (try) to focus on why this adaptation didn't even try to work as an adaptation. It's a negative critique, at least 95% of it is. Mind you, I'll be as respectful as I can be with it. I won't throw literal insults nor saying something is "shit" without giving an argument beforehand — but given the impact the Devil May Cry series had into my life, I'm afraid that I may slip one or two times regarding that. Maybe four or five. Or twenty or thirty.

So, if you're an avid defender of the show, you're actually very welcome to read it, and discuss my points if so. But do not take it as a personal attack towards you, nor people who have gotten into DMC with it. I'm trying to be as constructive here as possible — even if I know I won't, since I'll have lost my energy halfway through.

I am also calling it a cartoon, because that's what it is. 'Anime' is basically a cartoon, yes, but a specific type of cartoon from Japan. And I've never been that much into Japanese media regarding anime, but whenever western cartoons try to fit into that — it's just not it. But that's for another critique, not one for the DMC series in particular.

This will also be a very long post. If you don't feel like reading, then just scroll by, don't jump at me with the "i ain't reading all that" nonsense.

Once that has been cleared up, here are also some extras that are more of a personal thing of mine than elaborated critiques:

a) If you want a judgemental commentary on the series' showrunner and some examples of experiences the fanbase has had with him, go here.

b) If you want a personal point of view regarding Netflix, and how 'pieces of media' are consumed nowadays, go here.

— Other examples of criticisms that are not mine, but I believe were quite on point:

Example One. Example Two. Example three.

Now that I'm all set, I shall begin. Hopefully, I'll keep my tone down, but don't expect much from me in that regard. I tried.

— Part 1: USA centrism.

The "western audiences" are americans. USA americans, particularly, the rest of the continent isn't included either. And of course that I do get why, I'm not that naive, but the world is too big for "The West™" to be just the United States of America.

I think it's obvious by this point (and if you follow my classics blog, you know it), but I am from Europe. Particularly, Spain. I'm not saying in a "look at me, i'm important too" way, rather in a "just like me, the world is full of other countries that are not the USA". Western Europe is the "western audience" too, is it not? I cannot speak for all, obviously, but which part of these DMC series did not scream "made by americans for americans."

There's, and let me get this clear, absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. So why do I bring it up? Well, because it's not the first time a series that is originally set in either its own fictional world, or another part of the world that isn't USA — suddenly gets an adaptation where it IS set in USA. And maybe, just maybe, that makes it lose part of its charm.

Take, for example, when Hollywood announced (with no context whatsoever, and we still don't know anything else) and adaptation of 'La Casa de Bernarda Alba' that was going to be set in Miami, of all places. This work is set in the rural Spain of the early 20th century, and it's about the repression of women in 'the rural Spain' — so again, why would you set it in Miami, of all places? Is it just the place for recording for the sake of setting a place? Are you gonna make all of the scenarios artificial or something? If it's not rural Spain, the work has no meaning at all.

Same thing in DMC. I... I really don't need airplanes with "UNITED STATES OF AMERICA" written on them to remind myself where we are. I don't need to see the USA flag all the time. I don't need them to be in "glory to America" mode during it. Okay, you've taken liberties from the source material — does anything in special come from the show being set in America? No. That's the issue.

The gothic aesthetic, gone. It was already gone by DMC 5, I know, I'm not blind. But even in DMC 5 they keep *some* crumbs of it. Mainly with the first Dante missions. It's not the ideal, and I did miss it back in the game — but it's nowhere near close to the show.

The show's closest gothic aesthetic is the museum scene. Which, isn't good. Why... Why would you keep the Force Edge, which is technically an important artifact with, you see, powers, in a *museum*? Does USA not have any places they can take some crumbs such as ruins, at least, like in DMC 5?

Or... You could have just used another country to set the series in. Or none at all. DMC has had its inspirations, it's obvious, but they do not have the name of the country they're set in written all over the place.

The Resident Evil reference doesn't make up for it, either. Is... Is Redgrave just a bit too much of an edgy game for this, or... Well.

— Part 2: Analogy to the War on Terror.

This... This is gonna be tough. It is hurting me to write it as much as it was hurtful to watch.

So, let me get this straight... The oppressed minorities in this show are the demons. Demons who were made to look, to put it simple, not white.

You made, you know, *demons*. Demons that, according to the dictionary, are vile creatures that carry no humanity in them. Because if they had humanity, they would be human.

Cambridge Dictionary:

"an evil spirit."

Second Cambridge definition:

"a person who behaves very badly."

Oxford Dictionary:

"an evil spirit or devil, especially one thought to possess a person or act as a tormentor in hell."

Second Oxford definition:

"a cruel, evil, or unmanageable person."

Demons being an allegory of the Middle East... Why? Why would you want to portray "the oppressed" as demons, of all things? Making demons 'good' in the show isn't gonna change anything. They're demons. Demons, by definition, are not good.

This is like putting a lion and using it as an allegory for a vegan. A lion, by definition, is a carnivore. It's the animal's nature. You could instead, for example, use a deer — deers are herbivores, yes, but they do chew on bones they do find around to obtain essential minerals that are lacking in their vegetarian diet. In other words, a similar way that humans who are vegan take proteins or similar things to compensate for them not eating food of animal origin.

In this case, you could have used another fantasy race for the allegory — like fairies, who are by definition kind spirits that do nothing but mind their own business.

But not demons.

"They just can't survive in the demon realm, that's why they come to the human world." Look at me. Look at me when you're saying that. The demons are refugees. Demons. de-mons.

"All we're trying to do is survive." Okay. No. Not really. What do demons even need to survive? Do they feed like humans? How is it that they die like humans? The show is trying really hard to make you sympathize with beings that are, by definition, bad ! Making it an allegory to the War On Terror it not making them look good !! For the love of god, they're DEMONS. Just— Just WHY would you choose *demons* to make such an alegory?!

Just... Imagine knowing (or being part of) those affected by the atrocities the show based the Hell invasion on... And then be represented as demons. Minorities that are ALREADY being categorized as demons in our real world by a bunch of fascists... And you portray them like that in a show based on a series that has absolutely nothing to do with that. What's not clicking?

You're not making this point any valid at all if the humans (or, well, americans) are fighting against... Well ! A threat !! Sure, make the 'oppressed' guys demons, make them a reason for humanity to fight against them. Who am I supposed to sympathize with in here... And why? Because "demons fleeing hell because they're treated horribly by their own home" is really not the best way to approach an allegory of AN EVENT OF THE REAL WORLD.

... Playing 'American Idiot' was certainly a choice. But we'll get to the music later. Let's just say that, my guy, isn't this scene supposed to have a dramatic impact on the characters and the viewer? We're watching the (technically) oppressed being in the show being BOMBED AND KILLED and you play "American Idiot". Isn't this like playing a Lady Gaga song during a massacre?

The 'good' demons in DMC are the exception to the norm. And those few 'good' demons don't want to live as demons AND they can't live as demons. The moment you act like a human, YOU ARE a human. That's why Sparda had a human form in the games !

I don't need a story about why the actual american fucking government is bad — sir, I'm very aware ! The showrunner literally should know if he goes around posting this stuff.

Sooo the victim of american imperialism is... Hell? As in. The thing. Were. Bad things occur. There was an attempt, I suppose. Oh. And this happened, too.

— Part 3: ... Lady. Or 'Mary Arkham'.

*sigh* DMC3 spoilers ahead, just in case.

First of all, it's Mary Ann Arkham. Why the 'Ann' is being removed is something I don't get. You're here praising that this new Lady is 'feminist' while the original 'wasn't', and you remove her mother's name, but keep her father's name? Sure, go ahead.

Lady went through half of DMC3 without saying her name. "I don't have a name" has a meaning, and it's that she hasn't been able to find an identity after seeing her mother being killed by her father in a search for power to become a demon. How do you process that in so little time? "Lady" comes from Dante. He said it once, "okay lady", and that was enough to have an impact on her. Because this is Dante. Half-demon, half-human, who has (who knew) family issues just like her. And just as bad.

If Arkham managed to manipulate her with his supposed death in the game, it was because he is still her father. No matter what evil he does, he is her father. And she's never moving on from killing him. Never. Ever. You can't move on from that. It's not a matter of 'moving on', in any case. Just like Dante was never able to fully move on from Vergil's drop into Hell, no matter how hard he had tried.

Meanwhile, Arkham dies when turning himself into a demon. He murders Kalina Ann for nothing. Lady's hatred towards demons stays in the show like that, but... But what is she even looking for after this? To eradicate all demons in the world since her parents died due to, technically, them?

"Maybe a devil may cry when he loses a loved one, don't you think?" That's one of the most iconic lines to come out of the whole franchise that is at least 24 years old by now. Because, no, devils never cry — if a devil does cry, that's not a devil anymore. Lady existed to show how strong humans are without the need to have super strength, hubris or anything else that demons do have. Netflix's Lady doesn't show anything, she's just here to yell at us "yeah humans bad, blah blah blah".

Without power, who can you protect? Yes, true — but what's the point of having power when there's no one to protect? Lady wanted to kill her own father because of what he did, what he was about to do... To humanity. Her mother was gone because of that, and anyone else could be the next.

Netflix's Lady, on the other hand... A cop. A cop who I don't know what ideology she even has at this point. She spends the whole show shitting on demons and cursing all the cursing existing words in the English dictionary... then sees demon refugees and, well, apparently that changes her point of view... aaand then she betrays Dante. That's some interesting character development, she's evolving — just backwards.

You didn't need to make her 10 times stronger than Dante, for her to capture him easily, and to BLOW HIS HEAD WITH A BOMB. You don't need to turn the 'protagonist' into a bloody mess to show me how powerful the ¿heorine? is in this show. If she's 10 times more powerful than demons then — then why are they considered a threat in the first place? Not to mention her swearing, because remember kids, this is for adults, in case you didn't notice. Gore and gore, swears and swears. She genuinely said 'fuck' in four sentences IN A ROW. Not even I with my anger issues swear this much.

She just commits police brutality all around because "america bad" and all that, I get it — but again, her character *doesn't evolve* and the flashbacks do not explain her hatred towards demons either...? Yes, your father turned himself into one, but WHY would he, if demons are incredibly weak in this thing?

Oh, and, I'm afraid I do not recall her age in the show. In DMC3 she's supposed to be 16-18. I don't think she should be the leader of a DEMON HUNTING GROUP THAT COMMIT POLICE BRUTALITY with that age. The Vice President substitute being a groomer for Lady was... Also a choice !

Because humans bad, guys. You get it? Humans only do bad things and act without thinking. Demons... Apparently don't do that, I suppose? Genuinely why would Lady side with people who insist that "we as a nation can do better" and then proceed to colonize Hell. Of all places.

"devil spawn motherfucker" are. are you being serious. right now.

She's a genocidal sociopath (she was already a sociopath in her childhood flashbacks ! what !), and what was the point of Arkham in the backstory, anyways? And Kalina Ann? The rocket launcher was a fucking cameo.

Lady pointing a gun at people who haven't done shit ?? Okay ma'am. Why are you a fascist. What does this have to do with trauma anyways.

Her speech about Sparda? You CAN'T be dramatic when saying "he one day went 'hey this is evil as fuck'", that's not a speech, that's a damn Twitter post.

— Part 4: "Wacky woohoo pizza man".

Jeez. The protagonist not being protagonic sure is a choice as well. And the worst part? Dante is the least badly done in here — that doesn't mean he's the Holy Grail, either. This interpretation of him is just mediocre and forgetable, but better than awful, I guess.

He really just exists. Does he, like, do anything else besides the jokes? The jokes that are, mind you, not funny ! "Your mom" joke from DANTE? Please. PLEASE someone hold me before I say very, very bad things regarding that.

I get it, Shankar, you like pop culture. I get it, really. No need to shove it in my face. But he doesn't do anything else ! The fights have no point if he's gonna lose them anyways for no reason at all ! Why ! Is he ! So ! Weak ! What has he been up to since the damn childhood even of 'my mom died in front of my eyes'? How has he been a mercenary if, like, mercenaries have no plot relevance in here? What do you mean —i breathe in and out— what do you mean. What do you mean he 'got bored' of his missions. What do you fucking mean.

Ok, I get it, it's an AU, they can take liberties — Dante still would not do that. Like. No matter how well or bad he is characterized in any interpretation, he never leaves a mission unfinished, even more if someone is in danger. BUT OF COURSE NO ONE IS IN DANGER HERE BECAUSE DEMONS ARE GOOD BUDDIES WHO ARE BEING KILLED BY HUMANS BECAUSE HUMANS ARE BAD AND THE TRUE MONSTERS AND WE SHOULD GOT EXTINCT DID YOU GUYS GET THE MESSAGE —i breathe in and out— that sure was a way to simplify a character into... Comedic relief ! It's your protagonist, for the love of god. How did he go TWO whole episodes without appearing AT ALL.

Also, Dante not knowing he is half-demon was, once again, another choice ! So the government knows but he doesn't? They can explain that nonsense as much as they want to, it won't make sense to me even once.

WHAT was that Devil Trigger awakening. WHAT was that. Generic action scene for such a crucial moment in original Dante's life? Sure, take creative liberties — but what's the point of those liberties if the changes are gonna be boring and not changing anything in THE SHOW'S OWN PLOT at all? It just looks like the normal, average power-up the hero gets for no reason other than, well, being the hero.

— Part 5: Sparda and Eva.

I think that I've lost any sort of professionalism by now. I apologize. I promise I didn't want to sound like this.

But... Sparda being morally gray? Almost depicting him like some sort of fascist? What does that add to the plot, exactly???

Sparda, who, fell in love with a human woman and realized that his own kind were nothing but monsters. Sparda who rebelled against his own kind and HOME for the sake of the ones who were being killed while they did nothing but have the capacity to love ! That Sparda. A... "morally gray" character according to the script in this.

(the way the show describes him isn't even the definition of "morally gray", but there was an attempt in that intention i guess)

The design really doesn't help — and saying it has to be 'simple' so animators have less trouble is... Ridiculous. I'm pretty sure many complex designs have been animated before? You just pay people for the job and... That's it.

Not like he even showed that much, why waste so little in a figure that is supposed to haunt the narrative?

People saying he's... Hot? Are you guys being serious? Can you please raise your standards a bit? Things are more deep than a figure who haunts-the-narrative to be hot, holy shit, we're not fourteen (... most).

That's not "more simple so it's easier to animate" it's straight up badly done. What are those horns. What is that quality of the million dollar company. Help me.

ALSO. OF COURSE HE'S A "DEADBEAT" DAD. OF. FUCKING. COURSE. RIGHT. WE'RE ALL WITHOUT FATHERS. ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN'T HAVE A DRAMATIC BACKSTORY WITHOUT YOUR FATHER ABANDONING YOU THE MOMENT YOU ARE BORN.

Just why? The twins did know their father in the original story, he didn't disappear the moment they were born. Again, what does it add to the plot? So Dante doesn't know that he's half-demon? BUT SOMEHOW THE GOVERNMENT DOES? So you're telling me you threw into the trash his whole self loath regarding his nature, which is, like, a base of the character? DANTE, YOU HEAL VERY FAST, HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT FULLY HUMAN.

Take liberties my guy, but there's a difference between "taking liberties" and straight up changing the plot to the point it has absolutely none of the essence from the original source material besides the NAMES. It just makes it look like you grabbed the IP's name to gain attraction, because if not, the show wouldn't have as much interest.

Again, you picked a story that isn't yours, and tried to make it yours. As GRRM said: "there always seems to be someone on hands who thinks he can do better, eager to take the story and 'improve' on it. Then they make the story their own. They never make it better, though."

About Eva — well, I don't have much to say. It's one of the few things that followed the original narrative... And maybe that's why it wasn't bad ! Who knew ! Right. Who knew respecting the source would do well. Sucks that she haunts the narrative as little as Sparda in here. Being a "single mom" is her biggest trait in the show, instead of her whole symbolism back in the games. Are we being serious here.

How did she even raise the twins alone? What's her job? Is she rich? If so, why? Did Sparda leave her anything? 8 episodes and you couldn't even throw in a line for context? A LINE AS TO WHY DEMONS KILLED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?

— Part 6: Secondary characters.

Lady's squad and Enzo, absolutely the most irrelevant thing I've seen in centuries. Their deaths hold little to no meaning. You could have removed them from the show and nothing would have changed at all. What were we even trying to achieve here? Didn't we say that humans bad? Why are their deaths supposed to be awful now? Weren't demons in the right? Weren't the demons fighting their oppressors? Make up your mind !

... And that's all. I guess that they fall under the same category as Dante. They're mediocre, not awfully bad. So I suppose that's part of the 5% that's not dreadful from the show.

And of course the deaths needed to be the most grotesque gore an american cartoon has ever shown. Because adult shows, am I right. DMC5 is the closest to that with the intro cutscene, and it carries way more impact.

(Enzo's design also sucks. But. Who am I to judge. And why does the squad look like DeviantArt OC's for the love of god. Girl what's that makeup.)

— Part 7: The White Rabbit.

He was my hope for this show. My damn "at least the villain will be intriguing and has the good design from the manga!" sort of hope. BUT NOPE ! His whole tale of vengance has absolutely no meaning like any conflict in this narrative ! Yeah ! Peak writing !

So. Why was this guy even here. His purpose in the manga was to bring Dante and Vergil together so he could get both amulets. If Vergil gave him his amulet willingly (Jesus Christ when I get to Vergil), why the hell did he go through the whole "down this rabbit hole" thing. What did he achieve. Dante is a weakling in this, he didn't need to take that much of an effort.

Was he just having fun being a furry? Guess I'll respect that, because they adaptated their design really well. Shock. A good thing from this mess.

Not to mention he turned out to be an OC that really didn't add anything to the plot aGAIN. SHOCK. I KNOW. He's a human and that makes Lady sympathize with him suddenly, instead of calling him a hypocrite for torturing demons as he experiments on them while saying he wants to save them ! SO SUDDENLY BY BEING HUMAN HER MIND CHANGES AGAIN? Girl get a grip.

Just look at how much Dante's ass gets beaten up buddy, you didn't need to go through all of that to get him, and the damn dialogues with Dante aren't helping either. They feel... Empty. Why was Dante trying to pull a "i can fix him" in this? Sir, my guy, my buddy, Dante, my dear — Lady immediatly agreed with the White Rabbit when he was revealed as a human. You can't fix anyone in this place.

Who is even supposed to be the antagonist in this show to begin with? Aren't humans bad and demons good? And that's the basis of the White Rabbit? But then demons bad because look how they react to humans and humans are being killed and the White Rabbit is a hypocrite, sort of? So demons are the good guys because they're being oppressed and just want to survive, but then apparently they'll only be "genocidal" if they step into the human world?

It's just one point contradicting the other. And taking the current real life events of the world... It's so painful to watch.

What a waste of a good design. WHAT. A. WASTE. The White Rabbit was so well animated and shown ! The voice acting was really good, too. It was one of my few hopes for the show, really ! But I am not defending an imcomplete villain... Or antagonist... Or whatever the furry is. I'm tired boss.

— Part 8: Vergil.

Eh. Where do I begin. It's been two days and I haven't recovered from the shock. The shock of seeing a character that was so well and beautifully written regarding traumatic experiences in a fucking action game... Being turned into a bootlicker towards the main villain. Or. One of the villains. I suppose. As if the writing was able to explain correctly everyone's role in this shithole.

Look. I tried. I really tried, I did. I promise I did ! I tried watching this twice ! Everything else, no matter how bad it was, was his own thing. Not my DMC whatsoever. Okay, cool, I can live with that. Yes, sure. I can accept the butchered Lady and Dante. I can accept the poorly written politics in it. I can accept incomplete villains due to inconsistencies.

But Vergil? Vergil??? The character blinded by trauma? The protagonist's other half? The Mr. i-am-haunted-by-a-past-i-cannot-go-back-to? The damn Mr. haunts-the-narrative-without-even-doing-anything? Mr. i-rather-slice-my-brother's-hand-rather-than-letting-him-follow-me-to-the-pits-of-hell-which-he-doesn't-deserve? MR. WHISPERING DANTE'S NAME WHEN HE WAS LOOKING AT HIS OWN REFLECTION ON THE YAMATO???

He wasn't just turned into a "generic villain" no. No, no, no. I would have wished it was that. Boy, do I wish.

WOW. JUST FUCKING WOW.

You guys are such good writers ! I can't believe I'm shitting on the "it was my father's fucking enemy who freed me" ! You made such a brilliant narrative compared to the original character who brought to us THOUSANDS OF ESSAYS and ACTUAL PSYCHOLOGISTS ANALYZING HIM regarding his whole story !

Now, trying to speak in a more... Serious way. If I can. I'm trying.

Nelo Angelo. One of my favorite concepts regarding Vergil's character. Imagine being enslaved like a mindless puppet for fighting for over a decade — and in here, that is turned into "oh no, this is just my powerful form after Mr. Bad Guy saved me because Mr. Bad Guy is absolutely awesome and he made me cool". Like. Not even antagonist or generic villain. He's the fucking "sidekick".

Is Mundus even supposed to be 'Mr. Bad Guy' in this IF DEMONS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OPPRESSED. I DON'T GET IT. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. ESTOY CANSADO JEFE. APRENDED A ESCRIBIR GUIONES. SANTA MIERDA.

Imagine being able to recognize your brother after a decade of imprisonment in Hell, but he's not able to recognize you due to how much Mundus has changed you. Identical twins. The same face. The same blood. Identical twins. A single thing separated into two back in the mother's womb. But he doesn't recognize you due to how much you've changed. And that's when you realize what you have been turned into. That there is no way back for you.

But add the 'funny haha' line at the end, and you're done ! He's the storm that is approaching guys ! Like the meme ! Like the only line we know from the song ! He's so cool ! Despite the fact that he has none of the reasons to act the way he does behind that damn line !

Vergil is... A very particular character. He's very unique in the entire world of videogames as a whole. Just like Dante. Just like Lady. Just like Sparda. But unlike those three, he wasn't just turned into your "average western characters", he was turned into a trope. A trope.

'But what if being raised by Mundus turns out interesting? What is he's brainwashed?' You really think he would side with the ones who killed his family in the show?

'But what if he's infiltrating?' ah, yes, and killing other guys in the process. They really took the whole AU thing to an extreme and made a villain a "what if Mundus was just misunderstood? 🥴" and then ya'll will be with the 'we want villains who are evil just because back!'

— Part 9: Symbolism.

I think it's obvious that I'm growing tired by now. I tried to keep calm, but the more I think of it, the more infuriating it gets.

The soundtrack PLAYS NO ROLE in the narrative. Something that amazes me from DMC and the fact that it's an action game is: how the soundtrack tells things from the narrative. "Devils Never Cry" is an iconic song for a reason — and they went and used it for the ending. That... That was A Choice™ ! Once more !

Do the lyrics of "Devil Trigger" not mean anything to you? For you to throw it into Dante's awakening of his DT for the sake of it being a DT? Did you forget the implications that it has with Nero? Since you're putting odd covers instead of the original versions too, but not enough for the lyrics to change their meaning TO THE SCENE THEY PLAY IN — I guess bringing Evanescence into your amalgamation was too much already. And, see, this is the only good part of the soundtrack that made sense. Because wHO KNEW THAT MAKING AN ORIGINAL SONG WAS BETTER THAN BUTCHERING ALREADY EXISTING ONES. WHO KNEW HUH.

WHY IS BURY THE LIGHT THERE. I don't care if it's popular, it has a MEANING and that meaning has been straight up butchered in the show. The show it's a different thing, I know, it's an AU, I know... But for the love of god that's like putting a Sabrina Carpenter song while a character is being killed or something.

What role did the Plasma even have in here? Why did it take Vergil's appearance if it didn't do anything to Dante at all? It lasted for three seconds. And was never brought up again. Sure, it was brought to show 'hey Vergil is actually alive because the Plasma can only mimic people who are alive!' Why... Why would he still do that with Dante. What's the point.

None of that symbolism is seen in the designs, so what gives? None of the symbolism is seen in the weapons, so what gives? None of the symbolism is seen on the demons, SO WHAT GIVES? Why putting there demons like Echidna or Agni & Rudra, if you spent the 8 episodes showing demons looking as human as possible? So are you telling me only the demons that look human are the good ones? No shit ! Hadn't thought of that ! You need to be human to show HUMANITY ! What a shock !

"Crimson Cloud" is also there. I'm sure I heard it. And again, WHY is it here? Why do the lyrics not mean anything to you? You heard 'fight for your life' and called it a day, didn't you? Because this was just a paintball match but with actual weapons with people and demons killing each other all the time for genuinely no reason other than YAY BLOOD !

Isn't it hilarious how out of the 4 character themes from DMC 5, they didn't include DANTE's theme in particular. And if your argument is "Subhuman sucks" i'm gonna block you directly. That's one of my favorite songs ever. They didn't use "Subhuman" simply because the lyrics make no sense with this Dante. A Dante who didn't know he was half-demon, who didn't spend half of his life depressed and with self loathing due to his own nature — but then again, neither do the lyrics of "Bury the Light", "Devil Trigger" or "Crimson Cloud" fit what is being told... So? So what is the fucking excuse for not including it???? That it's "a bad song"? That is doesn't fit you 'I'm a 2000 guy yaaay' vibe? I'm gonna chop off your tongue.

Actually, no, no... I'm thankful that one of my favorite songs ever was actually NOT included in this thing, so that when I listen to it I don't remember that butchered version of Dante.

"We're here to entertain ourselves, not to read a book", okay, that's fair. Why don't they just do Generic Action Series Number 34™ and call it a day, then? Oh wait, I know, because taking advantage of an IP's popularity is nothing new ! We've been doing this since the oldest works from mankind ! Just HOW many times have I seen a 'classic' being turned into whatever the hell the modern viewer 'enjoys' watching — and it strips off the entire original meaning and concept THAT MADE THAT WORK A *CLASSIC* IN THE FIRST PLACE?

— Part 10 (and finally, last): Cameos.

I gave it a chance because I was told that Lucia showed up. My hopes got up. I thought that they had genuinely put thought into this thing. I thought that, even if it wasn't canon, it would show care and appreciation for the series... That it was 'a love letter to the series' as it had been promoted — but of course, I was proven wrong. Yet again.

So, uhhhhh we have the city from Resident Evil. Megaman for some reason. Nell Goldestein is only mentioned for that??? WHERE THE HELL ARE EBONY & IBORY. LORD. Lady's rocket launcher is used once, for the "point and yell" I suppose. Cindy flirting with Dante was... A choice, as well. And she has no roller skates, when that was a very cool detail for a secondary character ! And all the pop culture references are just *not* it. Even without the DMC skin on, that's yells 'how do you do, fellow kids' so much.

... Lucia appears for three seconds, and she's almost as pale as me.

Say sike right now. My guy, don't you, the showrunner, have that similar skin tone. I genuinely never thought I would be complaining about a SKIN TONE of a fictional character. But here we are.

That's not a lighting thing, my guy, she's in the complete darkness. A bit more and they would have thrown her into the "dark-skinned characters whose skin is grey". I haven't used the term 'whitewash' even once in my life, given how little I interact with fandoms. But, lmao, this is literally that. There's so little poc characters in the series — and you do this?

I wouldn't be surprised if they butchered Morrison into this thing and used the 2007 anime's design instead of the one from DMC 5. Because, out of ALL the things they can take from the 2007 anime, they will take the ugliest design there could possibly be in it !

(Please don't touch Patty. Stay away from her.)

My brother in Christ, you won't have me yelling and pointing at the screen thanks to "references". For the love of god, think about the writing first !

*deep breath* because, after all, this all would have been avoided with good writing ! Genuinely. The music and cameos could have been so fun, and fit so well, if your script wasn't absolute ass (saying that with all due respect, which is none).

— Personal addition.

The constructive and objective critique ends here. This last part is a more personal addition, given how THE series that has had such a big impact in my life has been turned into a generic action show, that is treated as the Holy Grail because people lack critical thinking and will consume anything that shows the protagonist's abs. I can't believe that's a defense argument. How are you guys so basic.

Well... Devil May Cry came into my life just about a year ago, thanks to a mutual. I still hold said person very dear to me, due to many reasons, but this being one of them. I had no idea about DMC, nothing. I only knew the protagonist's name and that it was an action game.

The memes always kept me away, because I thought it was about that, after all. Generic action game about combos and funny hahas. And I need lore, I need a story. I need something else to be in it.

It was this comment that I myself made back then when said mutual spoke to me about the series, that made me give *all* of the games a try:

I knew nothing. I didn't even know about Vergil's existence, for example. I genuinely went to the first game thinking it was going to be just "pew pew die evil creatures" or "Resident Evil with memes" ... And then Nelo Angelo appeared.

That's why netflix's choice of changing everything about that concept pissed me off so much. It's the concept that made me CONTINUE, that made me play THE REST OF THE GAMES. That showed me DMC was a damn Greek tragedy and not just a 'funny haha' meme shitshow !

From there, it just kept on increasing. Some downs here and there, due to a company's awful decisions of not giving enough time to get a game done, but overall, it surprised me how much these series affected me. I told my therapist about them. My therapist.

Any side material, even the niche ones, I searched through them all. Heck. Games, novels, artbooks, interviews, mangas... The Tony Redgrave concept was so impactful. Beryl is the love of my life. DMC3 got me crying over a video game, after almost seven years of that not happening again. The 2007 anime showed how much you can do with little budget.

The protagonist was someone I wasn't used to. The antagonist was a perfectly crafted character regarding all the good kind of stories that I enjoy. The female characters are an insane detail, I can't believe there's so many of them, and I absolutely adore them all.

... So. Take all of that creative series, that has had such a big impact on my life as much as the Odyssey, the epic poem, had on me when I was just 10, and has been stucked with me for a decade. Those creative series that are making me feel the same thing that epic poem made me feel as a child — and turn them into a generic action series, with little to no symbolism, with some sort of political message delivered wrong because it keeps contradicting itself.

And with people calling me 'retard' or 'tourist' or 'hater' or 'whiny bitch' for voicing these current thoughts. For people saying I'm being 'mean' to new fans, when I simply told them I don't get the hype over such a messed up plot — I even offered myself recommendations as to where to start with the series !

I guess this being my hyperfixation to the point where I couldn't do basic tasks, to the point it made my chest physically hurt, to the point it made me cry just thinking about it, to the point of losing my breath when I was (supposed to be) talking about it to a friend casually — none of that matters to them. I'm being mean for trying to get them into the series that changed my life.

I'm not saying "anime only people you suck ass" no, I'm saying "for the love of god, don't shit on the original IP to praise the show".

I have to take what's given. Even if it's not even the bare minimum. Even if it's brought to us by an egocentric jackass. I have to enjoy it, because it's content. I'm being an 'ungrateful fan 'and a 'whiny bitch'.

I prefer not having any more content to play, read or watch, rather than to have bad content about said thing ! I don't need a retelling, nor a bootleg universe, nor an adaptation, to keep my interest going. I don't need it to be turned into a content farm to be satisfied. I liked what it had. What it had is what got me into the series.

I love Devil May Cry for what it meant, not for entertainment only.

And I tried to at least aceept the Netflix cartoon. I've watched it twice, to be able to write this precisely — or well, I tried, since at the second watch I stopped at episode 6. I couldn't. I can't. It feels disrespectful.

It makes me nauseous to see that someone is egocentric enough to claim that he is saving a series that... Didn't need any saving in the first place. "From the visionary mind of Adi Shankar" dude, dude that's not advertising. Get your head out of your own butt.

It's scary. Scary that this type of people have so much free time and money on their hands. There were a lot of things to 'adapt', as the word really means — and you picked not even one !

I'm not saying it has to be completely the same ! Not a 1:1 adaptation ! But it didn't need to strip the original meaning of WHY A DEVIL *MAY* CRY !

If you did enjoy it after reading this, I'm glad, I really am ! I'm very happy that you were able to see something marvelous in it that I didn't, that's beautiful and I'm very happy for you. (None of this last paragraph is sarcasm. Disclaimer.)

Albeit, maybe I was a bit too selfish, and dumb, to expect some extra content on the characters that have meant so much to me. That have both ruined and saved my life unironically. Maybe it's elitist to want that, maybe, I've never denied it.

Perhaps I'm overreacting. Perhaps it's just a silly cartoon. Perhaps.

But I wanted to cry like I did with DMC3 when I watched the series — and I didn't. I did cry... But of rage. Rage, frustration, and impotence.

Just consume. Pay. Praise the minimum effort. Wait for the next product. Repeat.

[crossbackpoke-check]

blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

[toastedclownery]

"I don't miss twice"

Uh oh?

[swan2swan]

The biggest problem with Dominion is the dichotomy of Maisie's plotline with regards to motherhood, and the way both plots revolve around it from wholly opposite perspectives while never actually clashing.

Her plot starts off simply enough: she's angsting about not being a real person, Claire's trying to protect her, and Maisie spits at her with the "You're not my mother!" line right before she's kidnapped.

This is a classic Finding Nemo setup, which Claire takes to with gusto: she calls on favors, slips into seedy markets, fights a crime boss, eludes raptors, jumps out of a plane, and crawls through a forest to get the girl she calls her daughter back. Most stories would show this as a trial: ye olde "GASP! My parents love me!" story.

But the fact that Claire has no obligation to bring Maisie back is never challenged. Soyona doesn't bother with asking or playing the role of the tempting serpent instilling doubt; the closest the movie comes to that is Franklin giving her the "I told you this would happen" speech. It's all taken for granted, which is...okay, because we have already established who Claire is, but that's not the problem.

The problem comes with the other half of the story: Maisie mopes to Wu about how she's just a close, and Wu immediately points out how no, she was conceived and carried in a human womb just like everyone else! And he calls Charlotte "your mother".

And Maisie goes "Is that my mother?"

And when she meets Ellie, Dr. Sattler is somehow fully aware of who Maisie's REAL MOTHER, the one who created her and who she looks like, is, and gushes about how great of a eugen--person she was. Every single time Maisie talks about "her mother" with the people around her, the word is referring to Charlotte Lockwood, the woman who birthed her.

Meanwhile, that Claire woman is crawling into a slimy pond to get away from a twenty-foot-tall Kreugersaurus because she wants to get Maisie away from kidnappers.

Of course, Maisie runs back to her and yells "Those are my parents!", but there's still something missing there. Claire's side of the story is all about her powering through, risking her life time and time again to track down her daughter...but there's never really a moment between them later. Maisie even posits the "So I was just an experiment to her..." plotline that has been seen before, but even that's immediately refuted.

The movie's not wrong for avoiding the cliches and the oft-used tropes of foster motherhood, but it doesn't really break any new ground, either. Obviously, people can have more than one mom, but there's something of an imbalanced focus on Charlotte as Maisie's mother in the Maisie and Jurassic Park plotline, while Claire in the Jurassic World plotline is doing all the expected Mom Stuff.

I can't wholly express what's bothering me about it, maybe I'm overthinking it, but it...doesn't quite sit right with me.

[limeartichoke]

purgatory fanart of that one scene where phil loses his wings for the second time

[genshin-impact-updates]

Okay! Apparently that last post published four times without my permission! Let's fix that real quick!

[kaiserouo]

Fine Dining

[tarczar]

objectum queen? taking this opportunity to tell you guys there's an audio drama story focused entirely on her and paracelsus ((slayer is also there <3)) also here's the english translation pdf

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 20 "humbug" thoughts

oh man! i really loved this episode. no aliens, no overarching plot, just some silly shenanigans and yeah, some murder, but in a far more lighthearted fashion than in other cases. filler episodes i love you soooo much <3

from the beginning, i thought the prompt sounded really good... shoutout to people who work in sideshows and other touring entertainment industries, y’all are real for that 

we open with some kids laughing under a full moon… nothing could be scarier… except SOMEONE WATCHING THEM!

and whoever it is, they are approaching the pool with feet out. where are their parents to safeguard them from stranger danger, i ask into my screen!

OH he is the dad!! what was once scary has now turned heartwarming. he splashes about in the pool with them and says they need to get ready for bed. aww. 

BUT NOW SOMEONE IS WATCHING HIM IN THE POOL!! NOOO the heartwarming session HAS BEEN CANCELLED... is he being EATEN???

(as he is killed, the camera shows a van with the words “alligator man” on it... at first i'm thinking that the alligator man was the creature who just Ate this guy, but turns out the father WAS alligator man, so named for his skin condition. rest in peace mister alligator, the world is a worse place for ur loss)

and now the agents are looking into his murder :(

(also, in the opening credits, we see that one of the guest stars is named “the enigma”... I’ll have to look into their work)

mulder says there have been a lot of murders in this fashion over the last 28 years, and they have been going all over the country!!! it seems to involve some sort of round bite mark. must be time to go investigate.

they roll up the the alligator man's funeral. honestly it is sad! and we see that the widow slash mother of the kids is a bearded lady and she is absolutely serving but this is a very sorrow-filled moment for them all

and interrupting the moment in which his community remembers the warmth he brought to their town, his casket starts moving… and someone emerges from the ground… and stabs himself in the chest with a spike???? HUH???

so the deceased was an escape artist but was forced into the sideshow circuit because of his skin condition… scully says she didn’t know sideshows were still a thing… which is honestly fair because it is a very vintage sort of entertainment. and they have a Not So Great history.

BUT if the people who live in this town in the summer are all traveling performers.. and if they have been touring for years... and the murders go on for years… hmm, it seems things are starting to add up

mulder notices a drawing of a creature on the menu of the restaurant they are sitting in, and he asks who drew it. why, the sheriff says, it's the artist named hepcat, of course! cut to him tending to his freaky mermaid. he describes his scary maze business as “a tabernacle of terror” 

mulder asks what the drawing on the menu was, and i was thinking, hmm, looks like the fiji mermaid, and hepcat says it is the fiji mermaid, and mulder doesn't seem to recognize it?? i assume this is one of those situations where he acts like he doesn't know what is going on to get more information because i feel like that is Exactly the sort of thing he has read about at length. like i had him pegged as a guy who could write a dissertation on the subject at the drop of a hat. so i think he's lying but narrative wise it isn't fully revealed. 

scully: “what’s the fiji mermaid?” hepcat: “it’s the fiji mermaid!” <- thanks this clears up a lot <3

mulder is acting surprised to hear that the top half of the fiji mermaid was a monkey, which i again assume to be an act? but he says that the tracks at the murder look monkey-ish. so perhaps there is a correlation...? between the very active murder case and that time PT barnum sewed a monkey and a fish together? hey, the dots aren't connecting for me, but i don't work for the fbi so what do i know

they go to get a place to stay and the guy operating the rental place, a kind and verbose fellow with dwarfism named mr. nutt, gives them their keys. and mulder asks if had worked in the circus, (and since everyone they have met so far has in fact done so, i feel that this was a fair question, but maybe i also deserved what follows), and mr. nutt really lays into him about making judgements, and maybe some people with dwarfism want to manage hotels...

and as all of this goes down scully just observes. wow. she let him flounder. lmao.

the man carrying their bags is named lanny, and he has a conjoined twin sort of situation, it's not entirely clear- but he says mr. nutt got him to work there because he believed it was undignified to work in the circus. hmm.

back to hepcat at his studio… listening to some groovy music... and something crawls in his window… looking like the fiji mermaid. and it BITES him.

next morning. mulder going for a jog. in a sweatshirt and sweatpants in florida heat. what in the hell was he thinking??? let’s analyze that while a man chomping a fish emerges from the river. we receive no real clarification on what is going on in either of their minds.

scully in bed. alerted to a murder by lanny. still in a robe. we get a shot of her chest and also lanny's brother that felt mutually uncomfortable. SMH no rest for her!

okay, examining the scene of the murder. mulder notices some blood on a little window and WHY DID HE TOUCH THE BLOOD NASTY!!!! NASTY!!!

they deduce that to fit in the window, the suspect would have to be a contortionist…. and they walk out to see a contortionist. it’s the spike guy that so disrespectfully ruined the funeral!!

he puts a nail up his nose in front them. and mulder pulls the nail out. probably to get some blood. not an easy watch still.

we learn here that the guy with the puzzle tattoos who was eating the fish in the river earlier is called “The Conundrum”, and the spike guy slash contortionist is dr. blockhead

dr. blockhead gives the conundrum a bunch of crickets and he gulps them up; then he offers crickets to the agents and scully TAKES one, says thanks, eats it, and leaves LMAOOO????? never let them guess your next move....

mulder is staring at her trying to figure out if he is in love with a woman that just ate a cricket and if this is something she does regularly and JUST KIDDING!!! she didn't eat it silly!!! she "reveals" the lil cricket behind mulder’s ear awww... her uncle was a magician <3

(he also does a lil slight of hand trick and pulls out the bloody nail, saying "everyone's uncle was an amateur magician", which i am sure they can bond over at a later date)

scully goes to a museum that says "freaks free, everyone else leave a donation" and she puts in some money… publicly declared non-freak 

this guy at the museum is touching her. don’t care for that. but I like that he knows lots of random information. and he won’t show his whole face, we as the audience only see him through mirrors. very cool framing device.

he says he will take her back and show her something of barnum’s for another $5 and sworn secrecy. good luck bucko; last time she was told to keep a secret (affair baby) the SECOND she was reunited with mulder the tea had been spilled LMAOOO. he hands her a paper featuring jim jim the dog faced boy, who, dare i say it, seems to be a king.

he leads her into the back rooms… scary. but her trench coat is serving though

okay, deep in the back is a trunk. and it’s empty and opens an exit door. NOOO she was scammed! it’s all part of the hustle. 

(well, that is what i THOUGHT, at least, until she realizes it leads to the sheriff's house, and things are adding up...)

mulder sees something crawling about. it’s the guy who owns the rental space, mr. nutt, under scully's trailer! he asks why he is under there and mr. nutt says he is NOT being creepy. mulder flirts with the man and he runs away LMAO... weaponized bisexuality 

agents are in the trailer having a nerd off and it’s not clear who is winning and there is romantic tension. sheriff hamilton used to be jim jim the dog faced boy???? what a reveal!!!

we are watching them watch the sheriff dig a hole during a full moon. average agent bonding activities. he buried something in the ground and goes inside. 

they are in his yard digging up what he was just digging and mulder has taken his earlier roasting to heart and says “we’re being highly discriminatory here” and clarifies that’s no reason to suspect him of being a werewolf and it’s like well. i don’t know that we both thought he was a werewolf. they pause to consider the moral weight of their actions then keep going.

uh oh! sheriff catches them!!! not a good look being caught digging something up. “We’re exhuming… your potato” is the best line that usually quick-tongued mulder could come up with, which had me losing my MIND and i proceeded to write a very long keysmash to express my amusement

“may I ask why?” (she starts monologing about serial killers taking positions in law enforcement and needing to monitor him as as suspect, and it’s convincing) (he cuts in: “we found out you used to be a dog-faced boy” STOP THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY) and she looks soooooo guilty!!

he doesn’t deny it and says he started balding on his head which put him out of a job. fair enough, gotta pay the bills.

next genius dialogue exchange: “that doesn’t explain the potato” “I got some warts on my hand” “...that doesn’t quite explain the potato” 

(i kept having to pause in rapid succession to write these lines down because i was laughing SO hard)

has anyone thought that maybe a man wants to bury a potato in his yard in peace…. like that’s how we get more potatoes…

“to get rid of warts you rub a sliced potato on your hand and bury it under a full moon” <- new life hack just dropped!!

nooooooo the conundrum is chasing the dog… dog escaped. everyone is pleased. he brings a check to mr. nutt and it’s rent!! king of paying his bills on time. but dog is still barking... NOOOOO MERMAID ATTACK ON MR. NUTT!!!

someone with bloody hands bursts into scully’s room and she must have her gun right by her pillow, and she gets it so fast, but it’s just lanny, saying he found mr. nutt dead... they truly hate to see a hard working entrepreneur in the field of hospitality winning 

the pin at the scene looked like something from dr. blockhead, so they go to his house to investigate and he is full of hooks. i made a noise like whAUUUWAUUHWAUH and mulder is looking intensely at what's going on there. blockhead goes on some cultural appropriation bs. um sir this is weird timing bur you are under arrest.

he gets out of the handcuffs- contortionist and escape artist! but the sheriff catches him by the hooks. what a KING! shoutout to this sheriff, formerly jim jim the dog faced boy, can we add him to the team? skinner are you hiring?  

just as our agents apprehend their suspect, we see that the mermaid creature is in the room with lanny!!! but... he isn't hurt?

OMG the twin inside him IS THE MERMAID??

lanny confesses to this when he asks how it would be possible to turn his "brother" in without turning himself in...and he thinks the mermaid fellow hates him and is looking for another brother which is so SAD but he says he’ll come back

is anyone concerned about the twin crawling out of lanny? well, mulder knows he isn't the man in charge here: “scully, you’re the medical expert… I believe you” yessir it's good to remember that!

the mermaid brother appears to have run off into the "tabernacle of terror" and mulder trying to hold a little evil mermaid at gunpoint is SO comical

their asses are lost in the maze!!! scully pulls a gun on a rubber skeleton that fell from the ceiling!

she's trapped in a mirror room to serve infinite looks in all directions, and it looks like mermaid baby is caught... she fires.. but it hits the mirror!! baby mermaid brother escaped!!!

at this moment, mulder slides through a trapdoor... and it was SO funny pls tell me there's a gif set of that somewhere because i need it...

baby on the loose... bad news!!! conundrum is being eaten by the baby twin…. but what if he eats him FIRST, i ask myself, and received an answer in the form of baby being gone and conundrum rubbing his stomach!!!! yassss!!! diva down!!!

the next morning, while everyone is searching for mermaid brother, we learn lanny died that evening of a condition related to alcoholism. we learn this while dr. blockhead and the conundrum are getting ready to leave.

and dr. blockhead's going on about the future, and how nature needs freaks, and in the 21st century everyone will look perfect… "just like him" (points to Mulder majestically posing by a trailer) LMAOOOOOO “imagine going through your whole life looking like that!!!” <- yeah it must be really hard....... /s

at last, conundrum and blockhead are taking off into the great unknown... scully points out he doesn't look too good…. CONUNDRUM TALKS???? “probably something I ate", he says. LMAOOO his voice is sooo normal 😭😭😭

this episode had me laughing. we really had it all: exhuming a potato, scully's valiant attempts at lying, mulder hitting on a guy, lessons in ableism and judgement, a man who eats crickets and fish, flirting over case details, a dog, scully doing magic, mulder running in the florida heat dressed like it was a new england winter. truly i have nothing that could be added.

and did i have a secret evil mermaid twin on my list of probably monsters of the week? no, i cannot say that i did! was it the most compelling or scary of creatures? not really! but i was filled with whimsy. cannibalism saved the day. an excellent episode, and a perfect contrast to earlier in the season when scully was literally About To Die and i was crying a lot over the whole thing. ah, the duality of TV shows!

[moongothic]

Crocodile's inability to truly get people to follow him is so interesting though, because in that way he's like the polar opposite of Luffy, who has the ability to draw people in and get them to follow him instead

And like it's not surprising Crocodile can't get anyone to be truly loyal to him (Daz Bones aside), since his primary method to get people to do as they're told is through (threats of) violence and money (if he has any). Like yes, that will get people to do as they're told, but you can't buy loyalty, you can't beat people into trusting you. And so, when shit hits the fan, who the fuck would stay for you, when you're like that

Of course, Crocodile is like that due to his trust issues, and god only knows what caused those trust issues. It's possible he was always like that, or past trauma caused him to become like that-- if it's the latter though, even if he was like more trusting of others once in the past, people still didn't stick with him in the end. The trust was one-sided

I think this also reflects in a really interesting way in Cross Guild actually, 'cause like. Despite being scared shitless, not even Buggy is willing to keep on taking Crocodile's shit. Even that clown has his limits before he starts a mutiny against Crocodile

And while Buggy hasn't really done anything to "earn" his current position in the world (like he hasn't Proven Himself in Combat, he's just Faked It Until He Made It), because he has treaten his underlings with basic kindness and respect, even if he's been lying through his teeth the whole time, that has been enough for Buggy to gain his followers' trust. And that's why Buggy's able to rile up people to follow him. While Crocodile can't.

Unironically makes me wonder what Daz sees in Crocodile that makes him want to follow Croc to literal hell and back

And I wonder what it really would take for Croc to be able to inspire people to follow him and be loyal to him, if it's even possible

[threadmonster]

Concept:

It's May 4th and Shinra has been talking about his plans to marathon Star Wars with Celty. He isn't particularly interested in the series but Celty is intrigued by aliens and all. Izaya is annoyed. Of course Shinra, as usual, only cares about Celty. It still makes him feel gloomy though, it's not like Shinra ever forgot his birthday before.

He gets even more annoyed when Shinra calls him for a favor. Why should he care if Shinra forgot a few things at the store? But it's fine, whatever, it's not like he has anything better to do. Even his own sisters didn't bother to send him his birthday death threat.

Shinra told him to let himself in. He doesn't know why all the lights are off. He huffs and turns them on all just to be bombarded by a chaotic mess of "Happy Birthday" wishes and a camera flash in his face.

He doesn't know what to say or how to react. He sees Shinra, Celty, his sisters, Kyohei and the van gang, Simon was there. He wants to get mad, how dare he be fooled like this. In truth, he doesn't even know how to feel about it.

You see, his self-worth is so low that he can't understand, people do care about him.

[cedarw00div]

I should start posting my discord rambles here in coherent form

anyways I think Gortash and Cazador knew each other, but Gortash hated Cazador for one: assuming he was born into nobility and that he didn't claim it from his time as a vampire, and two: because Cazador is a whiny little bitch

[eruditegeek]

I feel so disconnected all the time.

[invinciblerodent]

Some words to live by: being annoyed that someone is right doesn't make them any more wrong.

[wernerherzogs]

I’m pretty sure I was the anon who asked for fic recs and then u posted that AMAZING list about, so just wanted to say thank u for that 🫶🏻🫶🏻 u are consistently one of the best people I get fic recs from lol thank you again!!!

wait what..... one anon already told me it was them earlier today 😭 akdjfj Which One Of You Was Thee Anon..... the plot thickens