#walked away for a bit
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store đ
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying âLET me kill the jokerâ to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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A few different things it could be (though do note I don't agree with every item I list here):
The Tears of Gold cliffhanger at the end of season 2 is never brought up again. Like, the closest we get in season 3 is right before Victor becomes a sinner when he tries to plan with Robert on how to become immortal and re-create the elixir. Other than that one-off, it doesn't really connect, and it is never brought up again.
Nina not returning in season 3. I know that couldn't be helped and was not the fault of Nickelodeon; Nathalia just wanted to leave to focus on her schooling. I detest how they wrote her out of the show, but again, not the fault of Nickelodeon.
The switch from proper Nickelodeon to TeenNick. I'm not 100% sure it was done solely for mature themes. But for a lot of people, Nickelodeon and TeenNick were not in the same cable package. If they wanted to watch the show live, some people would have to upgrade their cable package. Plus, it also changed the way the show was formatted. Instead of one hour every week, it was 4 half-hour time slots. That may seem like a good thing on paper, but it also meant that the finale became finale week. I truly believe that had it stayed on Nickelodeon, the last four episodes would have been combined into a 2-hour finale episode. There's no way to know for sure, but I'd like to think this was the case, especially when the previous finales were action-packed with at least one plot twist (Season 1: Sibuna didn't bring the Ankh pieces to the school, Rufus gave Patricia the note, the tipping of the scales isn't symbolic and requires a sacrifice, and Joy isn't the chosen one; Nina is. Season 2: Rufus wants to become a god with the Mask, Senkhara wants the same thing, the mask at the end of the tunnels isn't real, and the reveal that Eddie is the Osirian.). But for a lot of people, the finale could simply be boiled down to a race to put the key in the keyhole. However, all of the finale week better fits the twists and turns of a finale episode.
House of Anubis deviated too far from Het Huis Anubis. I don't know how many of those complaining about Nickelodeon treating HOA poorly are people who originally saw HHA. But even us hardcore fans tend to think that HHA>HOA. Combined with the fact that the show was commissioned out of Nickelodeon US (even though it was produced in the UK), and it becomes clear that even the "British" elements have become Americanized. Alfie jokes about Santa in Season 3, not Father Christmas. The Touchstone of Ra features a high school graduation, which is something that doesn't happen in the UK equivalent to high school education. Also, in TOR, Trudy says "The middle school has bedbugs", but I'm pretty sure "middle school" is another American school term. (Does anyone in the UK want to confirm for me or correct me on that?) But even in season 1, which is the closest to HHA, the deviations from the source material can leave some things to be desired. In HHA, Nienke moves into Anubis House while her Gran moves into an old folks home. It's there, while Nienke is visiting her Gran, that she first bumps into Sarah. But in HOA, with Nina being from America, the writers needed to find another way for Nina to first run into Sarah. So, they come up with the brilliant idea of... having Sarah willingly leave the old folks home and walk up to Anubis House, but refuse to go inside because "He's always waiting". Or the fact that they combined Rufus and Zeno into one character (presumably for time, as the first season of HHA had nearly twice as many episodes, and Nickelodeon only commissioned 60 episodes for the first season), and changed up many storylines because of it. Rufus was looking for Joy in the original, while Zeno was looking for the cup. So, the writers moved the chosen one storyline to season 1, and have the plot twist that Nina was the chosen one, not Joy. In HHA, the plot twist is actually that Nienke (Nina) was NOT the chosen one; it was Noa. I've heard many people who grew up on HHA were fond of the plot twist being the character that would be obvious to make the chosen one is actually not the chosen one. This was undone in HOA. I think the writers tried to remedy this by making everyone think Fabian was going to be the Osirian, but then it turned out to be Eddie. Except, once you dive into the character further, it's a bit more obvious than the Noa reveal. Nina is American. So is Eddie. Nina's female. Eddie is male. Nina is sweet and kind. Eddie has a bad-boy persona. Nina can be reluctant to take action, preferring to think things through before doing them. Eddie is quick to take action with no regard for the consequences of doing so. Seeing as the Chosen One/Osirian dynamic is supposed to be like yin and yang, Nina and Eddie are polar opposite Americans. So, all this to say, while the writers are to "blame" for a lot of these changes, some of it could also be due to American executives meddling in the show's storyline.
Nickelodeon canceled the show, despite there being at least some demand in the fanbase for a season 4 in 2013/2014. I'd still wish they'd do a reunion movie for Paramount+ (and I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing for that), but that's unlikely to happen. Nowadays, most people who think of live-action Nickelodeon nostalgia think of the Dan Schnieder creations, and with Quiet on Set airing recently, people are "out to cancel" Nickelodeon. Now, I know the accusations in the documentary (which I have yet to see) are serious, but because many slept on the show when it first aired, I could see this becoming a causality in terms of people not looking fond on this era of Nickelodeon. Another reason why it could have been slept on is because of it's serialized nature. Generally speaking, once you know what Drake & Josh, iCarly, or Victorious are about, you can just watch any episode from that show in any order without getting lost. You can't do that with HOA. For those that don't know and/or remember, when HOA first aired season 1 in 2011, the first 9 episodes were billed as a "premiere movie" in two parts. The first part is the pilot, comprising of the first full episode and editing the next four to fit in a regular 1-hour time slot with commercials. The second part was the next 4 episodes in an hour time slot. (Remember, the first two seasons of HOA comprise of two 11-minute episodes in a half-hour time slot with commercials.) On streaming, the first part is episode 1, and the second part is billed as episodes 2 and 3 (at least here in the States). And because of how the movie ended, my younger self was under the impression that this was like iCarly and more episodic in nature. It wasn't until the cliffhanger at the end of the very next episode that I realized it was serialized. Its serialized nature also made reruns harder. You had to run a whole season regularly as a batch for it to work, but iCarly could have a season 2 episode followed by a season 5 episode and then two season 1 episodes in one two-hour marathon, and it wouldn't be confusing.
All of this to say, Nickelodeon could have handled some parts better. It didn't handle the show perfectly, but Nickelodeon didn't fully fumble it either. That's just my very rambly thoughts on the matter.
I am once again asking for everyone to actually get real here and realize that for a show whose formula was entirely different than anything else on the network at the time (barring the literal other versions of the same show), HOA had it pretty damn good. Most shows just got flat out canceled with no resolution.
#if the first half seems more coherent or organized than the second half#there's a reason for that...#I started typing this at 10:30 in the morning#walked away for a bit#my AuDHD brain pulled up another tab to do something else#and came back to this tab in the sea of 100s of tabs#i didn't even save it as a draft#i was too lazy for that lol#so I finished this post after midnight on the same day#now i'm gonna stop rambling and get to bed#house of anubis#hoa#nickelodeon
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the machine.
a comic about being a 'creator' online.
creative notes:
#in light of recent online 'success' i feel like this may come off as ungrateful#just wanna say that all the comics i make in this series are written about experiences i felt in 2022#which was a rough year personally and creatively#and i very luckily don't feel this way anymore#and this also isnt to shame anyone who DOES feel this way#its easy to start to feel like all you are is a vending machine of art#and like thats all you are to people#theres nothing human to you#it can be a bit of a pit#and on some level this damage is self inflicted but social media really doesnt help that feeling#this wont work for everyone but having friends around you who you can talk to about stuff that ISNT art#going outside for dinner#maybe walking around#its good for when you need that feeling to go away even a bit temporarily#youre a human being#not a mindless content creation machine#and i hope anyone who feels like this now can get to a place where they have a healthier relationship with their own work#good luck to all of you#and thank you for reading#comic art#its 10pm#stillindigo art
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I keep seeing Takes about how recent media like Glass Onion and The Menu arenât taking âeat the richâ seriously enough to launch real change or revolution and like?? yeah??? popular crowd-pleasing entertainment where horrible rich people Suffer A Comeuppance for the pleasure of an audience is one of the oldest tropes in all of human history???? It is a crowd pleaser! It is the bread (ha) and butter of the Western canon! It is in Chaucer it is in Dante it is in Shakespeare it is the stuff of Dickens and 95% of Agatha Christie and almost every teen movie ever made??????? âlook at these horrible rich idiots and hypocritesâŚand now enjoy their DESTRUCTIONâ transcends time and space and historical moments! It is so strange to be surprised that Hollywood returns to this well without any intention of seeking anything more transgressive than an audience having a hearty chuckle lmao
#it would be great if we could all walk away from Omelas but expecting billion dollar studios to lead the charge seems a bit misguided#spoilers#kinda but not really more than the trailers tell you#the menu#glass onion#Norton Anthology of Literature#etc#Clue!#The Sting!#now Iâm just naming movies Iâve watched this week
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Fuck anyone who makes jokes about a crash that literally sent a driver to hospital.
Max's crash at Silverstone is the third most severe crash we've had in F1 in the past five years (most severe being Grosjean's in Bahrain 2020, followed by Zhou's in Silverstone 2022).
Additionally, the fact he was sent to the hospital at all is significant as Silverstone has its own medical facility on the grounds. It says everything that even as a precautionary measure, Max (+ Alex & Zhou the following year) was sent to the nearest hospital instead.
Do not for a single second take a driver walking away from a severe crash for granted. Sometimes, the miracles don't happen. Sometimes, a driver doesn't walk away unscathed. You do not want to be watching when the worst-case scenario becomes a real possibility, or worse; a reality.
If the like from Lando's dad is real... I have nothing else to say, from the bottom of my heart; FUCK YOU!
#f1#formula 1#formula one#max verstappen#fuck sky sports#if that like is real i don't have the fucking words#the sheer fucking privilege#the bitch slap he deserves my god if its real#there's so many people who have lost someone in a crash who would do anything for it to be just a joke#just something for a bit or meme or some shit#so their loved one could come home so their loved one would be alive#like ffs your son walked away from his worst crash which was at spa#there's at least 50 families who weren't so lucky at that track#I'm probably going to delete this later because I'm getting angrier and more upset#but its because i lived the other end i didn't get a miracle#we'll leave it at that
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"Go away. You're too late." "Oh, it's a hell of a place. It says something about the late Marcus that he found imprisoning your sister to be a greater mercy than killing her." "Killing isn't mercy." Silco chuckles. " A spark of rebellion still burns inside that husk, I see. No... killing is a cycle. One that started long before Vander and me. And it will continue long after the two of you." "I'm done running in circles." "We build our own prisons. Bars forged of oaths, codes, commitments. Walls of self-doubt and accepted limitation. We inhabit these cells, these identities, and call them "us." I thought I could break free by eliminating those I deemed my jailors. But... Jinx... I think the cycle only ends when you find the will to walk away."
#silco#jinx#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#im broken#he was her last voice of reason#the way his voice broke a bit when he said 'walk away'#christtttt#his eye being blue is so interestinggggg#there's so many ways to interpret this since it's not exactly silco as silco but through the lens of jinx#and she's in the darkest headspace here#so whether or not having silco say this to her and her coming to her own conclusion of how to 'fix' things is what silco actually say#is so fascinating#because later on she attempts to take her own life#and silco would never have her do such a thing#it's so messed up#ahhhhhh
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#decadentart#bloodborne#father gascoigne#the perspective might be a wee bit wonky . thats fine. dont care#this is what i get for adjusting the angle of his face sligjtly mid-drawing#context - the blood is explicitly his own#originally it only came from his gums but. eh. nosebleed upon thee#he makes me crazy he makes me sick he m#7 hours on canvas⌠woof#so important to me how he has 6 incisors. that must hurt#snyways i have a biology lab to attend *puts on a pair of sick goggles and a lab coat and walks away with swagger*#UPDATE: gr his chin is bothering me. eh. its unnoticeable. anywyas . nothing weird here lalalala#update 2 - jsut realize dhow coose this is to the one shot of him in thr cutscene . its kay. its iconic . just wish i NOTICED!!!!
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If you're not here, then how are you always with me? If I'm not here, then how am I not there with you? â One of Us, Paruyr Sevak (tr. metamorphesque)
happy belated birthday, tay ⥠@misakarose [insp.]
#trigun#trigun stampede#vashwood#tristamp#trigunedit#anime gif#animeedit#anisource#trigunsource#animangahive#fyanimegifs#animangaboys#*gifs#usericybtch#userinahochi#usersophies#tusermalina#userartless#userhanyi#userloidforgers#userdabiluna#i feel like this one warrants a bit more commentary so. when i first read this quote i went. trigun core#but i wasn't sure if it would translate well into a gifset? bc it's more about the abstract doomed narrative of it all ykwim#and while brainstorming for this set i noticed the parallel in the 4-5th gifs. of how they both reach out to the other but are pushed away#how they're both taken aback by it. how they are together but choose to stand alone#and how they both walk away from each other at the end#and i fr let out an evil laugh >:) AKJSDHJA that's when i knew i HAD to make this#also my idea for the little rhombuses was to be a focal point of where the center is. of how far apart they stand#and how when one of them crosses to the other side they are pushed away#so hope it came across well? also went for muted coloring for a somber feel which was a challenge for me. ANYWAYS hope u like it tay ily <3
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I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:
Itâs been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, thatâs also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it canât afford to lose?
What a way to be told âI love youâ - to be told âI will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you donât want me toâ
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#murderbot spoilers#perihelion#I am not normal about this and I will continue to be not normal about this#I have feelings about how important they are to each other#how their relationship doesnât fit into neat boxes and is still undeniable#I donât think art loves quite like humans love but it DOES love and will all of that power behind it#that love is an overwhelming thing I think#not romantic but INTENSE the way it just⌠IS intense by nature#and like⌠I got to the part where mb was thinking about just walking away in the other direction like#âoh this is BAD badâ#and this moment justâŚâŚ.#something about âyou canât go because I wonât let youâ#âI will make the hard choice for you even if you donât like what I chooseâ#not even in a possessive way just. just that mb is not ALLOWED to not exist#and Iâve got a lot of goddamn feelings about it#mb is a little bit in pieces and art is gonna forcibly hold those pieces together until it starts to heal#(but also. goddamn donât even get me started on art having to hear that because. HHHHHH)
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Blue always seems to have the answers
#UTDR#UTMV#Dream Sans#Swap Sans#What did he have the answer to? Good question! (starts walking away very fast and doesn't answer)#I dunno I just wanted to draw these two being friends#They make each other happy and I love that for them#Also sometimes Dream gets too excited and forgets he's very strong and lifts his whole friends up like it's nothing#Blue doesn't mind though. It's fun being tall!! :D#I have a semi-silly idea for these two I wanna make into a text post#But I might draw a lil bit for it too#We'll see!!
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Prompt 204
Danny is on a bit of a roadtrip. An accidental roadtrip and might be getting chased by some sort of assassins or whatever they were. Look, itâs not his fault, he was injured and out of it! How was he supposed to know that the Pits or whatever the people were yelling about were important. Or sapient.Â
Actually, he should like⌠âHow do you even know how to drive if youâre like, thousands of years old??â That was not what he was going to ask his current roadtrip buddy, but maybe he had a concussion.Â
Ectoplasm-green eyes turned towards him from the road, framed by a mixture of black and white hair that shifted like his own. âYou most likely donât want to know the answer to that, actually.â Okay, but what if he did, huh?Â
âOkay, but where are we going, because I donât think this is my dimensionâŚâ Â
They shrugged, their clothing shifting with the motion. Ha, ninja clothing for a sapient pool of ecto, or whatever it had been. âI am, not exactly familiar to things that were not known to those thrown into my blood, so weâre, I believe the saying is going in blind?â
âOh. Okay. Yâknow youâre kind of nice for an ecto-death pit thing.â
â... I am going to pretend I didnât hear that, child.â Â
âOkay. Iâm going to go to sleep because my head hurts.âÂ
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Sentient Lazarus Pits#All of them are sentient#The one at Nanda Parbat has just adopted a halfa and run away#Why yes they get the information of anyone dipped in their waters#Danny: Do you have a name?#Lazarus Pit:#Danny: Oh my Ancients you donât even have a name how are you an adult#Batman is going to have the wildest call ever if Ras or Talia contacts him because What The Fuck#League: THAT CHILD STOLE THE SACRED POOL#Pit: Actually I stole myself by walking with my own two legs you imbeciles#Danny will freak out once the concussion is taken care of and heâs not all loopy from the Leagueâs poisons#Pit with Danny under an arm: Itâs free child#Pit looks like a bit of a mixture of everyone who never surfaced from the Lazarus Pit
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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There are many things people expect from one called 'God of Blood'. Always, the first thought is the blood of war, the blood of violence, the blood of the weak shed for the goals of the strong. Ares doesn't think of the blood of battle at all. When he thinks of blood, he envisions the many tied knots of blood bonds and bonds forged in the blood of battle. Blood sons and blood daughters, blood brothers and battle sisters, blood oaths and blood vengeance - he watches over them all and keeps close each one of these bonds.
One cannot begrudge his displeasure then when he realises he cannot tell Leto's offspring apart just by looking at them.
It was easier when it was just Artemis. Dark hair curled about her shoulders, a fierce mien whenever Father summons her to the mountain, a scattering of bones and blood shed whenever she was disturbed; the eldest child of Leto was a wild thing, sharp toothed with sharper claws always at the ready. There's whispers of her being a twin, of her other half being made to crawl on their belly as penance for their sin of god-slaying but Ares pays it little mind. What twins look alike among their number? Even dog litters are born distinct with all their unique markings inlaid in their fur. Artemis' twin too would be much more than their sister's mirror image.
Pouring over his list now, he wishes anything about Phoebus Apollo was that simple.
Mirror image did not begin to describe it. The twins were the same height, the same build, had the same colour and texture hair, ate the same raw food and drank the same amount of nectar. There was no difference in how they dressed, no difference in the company they kept, no variance in the weapons they used. There are some days Ares still cannot believe Phoebus will grow into a man and not some nymph with the way his ears have that slender point. He watches them now, sitting together beneath a shady palm and stringing their bows in an uncanny unison and curses because he still cannot tell them apart. What use is his skill in knowing blood when they both have the same damn blood running through their veins? What bond is there to sense when they are tied so tightly together, Ares can scarcely tell brother from sister?
He sighs. Unadorned and completely alone, the only way to know who is who is to speak to them. He'll have to find more ways to tell them apart from a distance. Surely they cannot stay this similar all the rest of their immortal lives.
#ginger writes#hello and welcome to my 'ares is doing his best' corner#I can't overstate enough how alike Artemis and Apollo are as young gods physically#literally identical twin status which only begins to change as they acquire different domains#I was really happy with the font I got because it very closely resembles what I imagine Ares' handwriting to be like#But I'll gladly add an image description if it's too illegible#That said Ares has an interesting dynamic with the twins#In a lot of ways there's a sense of guilt/wariness surrounding him for Apollo and Artemis#because he knows how much they stress his mother out and he also knows how much Hera doesn't like Leto#But there's also a bit of fascination because Artemis is extremely strong#(in a way that's markedly different from Athena's strength)#while Apollo has all of these crazy stories attached to him from killing Python + his work while exiled#but when he returns he's very placid and calm and almost?? too nice? Definitely nothing like Artemis#in terms of personality#Ares doesn't really trust it until he learns that straight up that's just What Apollo Is Like#That too will change eventually but for now Ares just doesn't want to approach Artemis the way he'd approach Apollo#because he'd get his head caved in with the curved side of a bow#There are precious few encounters Ares has had with Artemis where he hasn't walked away with#at least a few arrow wounds LMAO#He'll eventually be forced to accept that it's Artemis' love language#ares#artemis#apollo#pursuing daybreak posting#writing
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do you ever think about how, when we get lucanis' ossuary mind note on what he was thinking during the fireplace scene at the end of his recruitment mission... what's implied to be his instinctive internal reaction as he's saying "you'd have to kill me" out loud sure isn't 'and I don't want to die'. it's '(and spite would die)'. do you think spite's gremlin-y candle-hungering give-me-FIRE! >:D presence has maybe saved that guy's life even more times and in more ways than are immediately obvious at a glance. do you ever. cry.
it's also very. him that the thing that would stay his hand on killing himself partially might be that he just isn't willing to visit the same cruelty or harm on spite as zara, even when accepting his passenger spirit as collateral damage would at least offer a chance to put an end to his own pain, which at that point he seems unable to see any other way of truly escaping or find real relief from than to die. there's so much resentment and fear and other understandable fraught emotions in spite and lucanis' relationship early on, but it's just as clear that deep down lucanis conceptualizes spite as fundamentally innocent in what's happened here -- perhaps, indeed, more innocent than he manages to conceptualize himself until someone else can help him get in there and start to untangle it with him. he's protective of spite in some subtle ways right from the start, taking pains to point out several times on the jog through the ossuary that the spirits here were just as much victims in what was done to them as anyone else. when spite acts out during the fireplace scene... how much of lucanis brushing it off the way he does is about the '*actively bleeding from the eyes* don't worry about me' avoidant side of it all, and how much is him trying to shelter spite from the eyes of people he does not know well enough yet to predict how theyâll react in response â towards himself or spite. (additional idea to really bring on the heartache: do you think he has maybe intervened in pretty much the same way between illario and caterina over the years and thatâs how he does it so smoothly and automatically; itâs basically psychological muscle memory. Haha. ow.)Â
Between that and the pretty consistent language he uses that frames spite as child-like, even when he means that in frustration/enfant terrible flavoured terms lol, you get the sense that regardless of how much Lucanis is aware of this on the surface, there is a deep instinctive protectiveness in him for spite. I think that even comes across in the scene where lucanis tells you heâll continue to pursue a way to separate him and spite on the minrathous route. So I was kind of picking up on/working with that already subconsciously, but when I found that note it hit me like a sledgehammer that clearly in some part at least, the reason lucanis is still here is that he knows now that spite would die with him and doesnât find that price acceptable. Spite thinks that lucanis mentally locking himself in his (torture :() room and refusing to speak to him is an act of rejection or trickery, but to my eyes taken with everything else we know about how lucanisâ brain tends to work⌠as much as itâs an expression of avoidance and fear and overwhelm and trying to get away from the voice pushing him towards action when the mere prospect of action fills you with despair to even contemplate (âThereâs nowhere to goâ), I think itâs also a mark of lucanisâ affection and protectiveness of spite. The guards along the way make it very clear that more so than to keep the outside world from coming in, this place is for protecting people from what might break out.Â
And thatâs why I think this is also such a good case study to look at lucanis' internal freeze logic and why it has been so adaptive for him up until now when faced with completely impossible emotional situations to which there are no good answers or causes of actions available, even though it's inherently and unavoidably one of those 'what's worse, the medicine or the disease' solutions a brain cooks up. lucanis by the point of inner demons is facing this conundrum: 1) I can't live like this, it hurts too much. I've been in pain so long Iâve got screams where my blood should be and it just keeps getting louder, and nothing really touches or helps that. 2) I can't die to escape this, because that would also kill spite (and also I've got a job to do I guess *working 9-5 slowed with reverb and with underwater sound distortion effects is playing in the background*). those are of course not actually his only options, but in the state he's in they are the only options he can conceive of. (that's not infrequently how it works, when the suffering is that intense and unrelenting. Nothing gives you tunnel sight quite like âI just need this to stopâ agony that has gone on long enough to add sheer soul exhaustion to the mix)
so what happens in the end? his freeze brain -- honed, I'm sure, through many long years of attachment trauma and abuse and loss for exactly this kind of 'uh-oh. Incoming FUBAR situation alert letâs go' -- kicks into action and makes him do nothing except what's externally required of him, so he can stay just functional and momentarily distracted by a plethora of avoidance behaviours enough to get through his daily life, if like not particularly happily so... and otherwise, as it were, locking himself in his room deep inside where nothing can touch him, where nothing gets in and nothing gets out, no harm allowed to either escape from within nor allowed to pierce through and get inside. numbness isn't actually a cure for that kind of suffering, but it's the closest thing you're likely to get with any immediacy and if youâre desperate enough by god you take those. Itâs how he survived his upbringing, and itâs how he survived the ossuary â as he tells Davrin straight out, the trick to just shut down every part of his soul he can to get through intolerable pain, loss or helplessness. I donât think that mechanism came to him in the ossuary the first time, I think that blueprint was deeply embedded in his neurons and went âah. My time again. Not to worry Iâm a bit of an expert at this Iâll get us through this yet (though you may not thank me for it by the end of it all)â.Â
In that state he's unable to himself reach out and meaningfully ask for help (and also like... why would his inner world have any framework for that as even being on the table? this has never been an option before in his life, not in any safe or consistent way; he's fucked up the way he is because the same things/people that should have been and partially, comparatively, were the sources of help and relief and safety growing up are also the sources of pain and abuse, that eternal irreconcilable ambivalence, the double edged sword of unpredictable insecure attachment), but it also keeps him from doing anything uh drastic the other way too, on acting impulsively in ways that canât be taken back. (that seems to be more illarioâs role/dubious privilege in the family lol.) at many points in his life and especially growing up, freezing and going numb around the pain is as close to having control of anything as there was any hope of. 'harm will be inflicted on me unpredictably, but fuck you I don't have to truly feel it as long as I shut all this other stuff down as well, that's what I can control' nervous system logic. (it'll get you every time.) for what itâs worth Iâm not so sure his nervous system judged that one incorrectly, I think that is the kind of rebellion you would have to cling to while being raised by someone like caterina, because look at illario if you want to know how much she respects and rewards anything more overt or active. (I mean, if you donât succeed, at least. swing at Grandma Dellamorte youâd better not miss or youâll meet that cane swinging at you the other way and she will not miss)
I say all this because I think it's as easy to demonize the freeze response as it is to demonize anger, to conceptualize it only as an obstructive force that, as bellara puts it, is one of the purest forms of a heart not seeming to want to let you be happy, or a mindless byproduct of trauma. But in my experience, the brain doesnât generally come up with âstupidâ defense mechanisms. Even in the most maladaptive of coping mechanisms, there is at the core of it some part of you that once meant to save your life, no matter what trouble it is wreaking for you today. when you look at the setup of Lucanisâ soul, as it were, you can see the dual and in some ways genuinely noble and even tender qualities this response has in him, however misguided: it does imprison, but it also protects, and it means to protect; for all the pain along the way it has sheltered all the parts of his soul that are most precious and breakable, the most vulnerable parts that want to live and so so importantly love completely and freely. Lucanis thinks heâs protecting not even primarily himself but everyone he loves by staying where he is. (âIt would be better for me to stay here than to risk losing youâ) A childâs logic, to be sure, but logic of a kind and clearly one that caterina has encouraged in him because thatâs a conception of love itâs been very useful for her for him to have. Freeze looks like utter hopelessness on the surface, but in some ways I think itâs the utmost triumph of hope â a spare and unrelenting winter that exists because it thinks one day spring might still come, and the things too precious and fragile to thrive in your life as it is now might bloom then.Â
He is an adult now, and Caterina no longer controls his entire world, physically and emotionally. Thereâs finally room for other things, other people, himself, in his life, without everything having to defer to the gravitational force of what Caterina wants from him at the end of the day. And while I think her jumpscaring him with the First Talon position is partly her attempt to wrangle him back into the status quo of control she once had, Iâm not sure itâs going to work quite the way she might hope â at least in the Treviso saved route, there are just too many fresh spring shoots in his life at that point that could grow into something new, itâs too late to trample all the saplings growing up through the cracks in time (and indeed some of them might also fight back). (The outlook on the Minrathous saved route is um. Perhaps less convincingly immediately hopeful to me and the prospect of actually getting around to healing further down the road, but I refuse to give up on him thatâs my little guy and heâs above all incredibly smart and stubborn and not a quitter and all the rest of this still remains true beneath it all, just like. Give him a moment here.) His hopes and dreams have diversified while she had her back turned lmao he suddenly keeps them with so many more people than just her and Iillario now. She doesnât hold the monopoly of meaning and connection in his life the way she used to. And whether out of love (you know. Hope is every manâs prerogative I suppose) at seeing him really happy for perhaps the first time or sheer pragmatism, I think sheâs going to have to accept that and adapt her ways of doing things with him accordingly, or else have him drift even further away from her.
Spite is the urgent impatient voice that starts to break through to go âthat moment is now it HAS to be now. We need to shake off the shackles and illusions and face whatâs actually here so we can learn to properly live now, or this winter will starve us to death as surely as anything Zara could do to usâ. And he is right! As crucial as this soul-starvation landscape has been in survival, it has clearly reached the end of its sustainability, you canât survive permanently on frost alone. I just also want to recognize the credit Lucanis (and his fucked up but valiant nervous system <3 pour one out for a real one) also deserves for stubbornly holding on in any way he had to until Spiteâs true escape project is even an option for either of them. Especially since Lucanis seems to harbour a lot of self-loathing and frustration over his own propensity for freeze â âYou know him. You can open the door, but he wonât walk through itâ (still one of the saddest most painful things Iâve ever heard. In case you were wondering. He knows. He knows what heâs like, and he despairs of it, he thinks it means itâs his own fault he still feels like this. Augh.) The real point at the end of the day is not that spite saved lucanis or vice versa, but that as traumatic as it was to get there and against all cultural expectations, it is ultimately their enmeshed condition, their togetherness, that saved them both. (which, again, when you consider the cultural narrative of possession and spirits most andrastian nations are working withâŚwhat a radical conclusion to come away with haha. Not unprecedented at all, if you look at Wynne and her spirit, but on a deeper and more psychological plane than ever and even more impactful for it, to me.)
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#spite#dragon age meta#cw suicidal ideation#long post#listen I don't know. I don't know how this happened. I'm putting it here and walking away#I feel everything about this character and storyline with such nuance trying to write things about it makes me feel nuts#I have to include so many things to give even a full enough picture to make sense in a way I want it to#why can't my fiction brain be on more reliably for this kind of output. I'd be stephen king levels productive about it#anyway I want to give credit to spite as much as the next person but sometimes it tips a bit far the other way for me haha#they're doing their best individually and together ok. they're trying.
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Tubbo: Hola!
Spreen: [Completely unprompted] I can't be homophobic, my btch is gay.
Tubbo: PFTTTâ?!
Spreen: [Laughs as he jumps off the ledge]
Tubbo: [Continues laughing in confused delight]
#Tubbo#Spreen#Squidcraft#Squidcraft 2#I LOVE this interaction so much I cannot emphasize enough that this came out of frickin nowhere#at least on Tubbo's end#Spreen's laugh was very sweet too#I'll be real I don't really watch Spreen and I don't know much about him but I'm in a bit of a ''q!Spreen get behind me'' mood rn#because I just read an analysis of him that was so bad I had to stand up and walk away from my computer#I've posted this before but I'm posting a shorter version since I'd rather not reblog the one#since the full one includes a certain someone đ
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i could make a comment on how tess being overlooked in the tlou fandom is because of the misogynistic views on older women we have in this society where any woman over 35 is not considered sexy anymore and therefore loses her worth, but do i want to
#it's a tale as old as time#do we need to talk about it#or should i just walk away#like what i keep thinking but don't really want to bring up#is how sad it makes me that most of the fandom seems to want to ignore tess#because they prefer picturing joel with a hot 25 year old#this maybe comes from me realising the amount of age gap dbf type of content that is out there#and obviously i don't need to engage in any of it and i can block the tags#but sometimes just the sheer amount of it#has me a bit worried for the future of our society#tess servopoulos#the last of us
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