#I feel like I was born alone
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I feel so disconnected all the time.
#what am I doing wrong#why do I feel like I am speaking to myself most of the time#I'm a nobody#I just want to feel like I belong#or at least that people like me#please talk to me#please tag me in things#please just make me feel like I'm not alone#I know that's a hard thing to do though#I feel like I was born alone#I wish I were a goddess but I know I'm just ghost#and I feel like such an ungrateful bitch#“you managed to cajole some of your friends into doing something just last week. Why can't that be enough?”#because it was for my fucking birthday and I didn't even tell them that#because I worked all day and felt completely drained physically and mentally after#and yet it was one of the best birthdays of my life#much better then all the ones I spent alone#I have no clue where this was going and normally it would get saved to my drafts for nobody to ever see#but I am feeling so confident that if I post this then nobody who cares would ever see it that I'm about to do something stupid#I guess the mask cracking is the first step in getting better but also it's gonna be real bad
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and i could belong to the night
#she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone#<- tief4tief's tags on the lineart that echoed in my mind as i finished this#this was a VERY quick drawing. like 3hrs tops#so its not polished and i dont feel like i did the concept justice BUT i enjoyed it as a break#and it nice to just get smth out quickly every once in a while!!#shadowheart#bg3#bg3 fanart#baldurs gate 3#i consulted the concept art for her rosary i mean rosary i mean rosary i mean sharran amulet
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#this is a girlblog#girlblogging#girlblogger#lana del rey#lana del rey aka lizzy grant#hell is a teenage girl#slyvia plath#sofia coppola#this is what makes us girls#loner girl#messy girl#sims 2#sims 2 gameplay#gonna be alone forever#gonna die alone#im going insane#girl interrupted#black swan#i just wanna be perfect#female rage#female hysteria#femcel#my year of rest and relaxation#lizzy grant#aka lizzy grant#valley of the dolls#dollette#born to die#girl blogger#feels like sugar in me
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I finished ISAT a while ago and still am coping but guess what i didnt have until now? Knowledge of where the game files were. ISAT TEXTPOSTS GO!!!!
#i feel like odile would study the furry fandom like a scientist observes ants and their behavior.#not part of it just. observes as sif makes a fennec fox doodle.#“she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone” Sog-Coded post#in stars and time#drexposting#shitpost#text post#isat act 2 spoilers
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Tobirama, some time after Hashirama's death: What do you mean I have to be the inspiring one now. That's not- I mean. Fuck.
#senju tobirama#naruto founders#naruto#hashirama senju#konoha#Tobirama: I'll be in my lab. Working on Unspecified and Completely Ethical Jutsu#It's NOT the reanimation jutsu I know he banned it this one is. It's the Living Dead jutsu.#Which I am declaring not forbidden but only for me#Hashirama Returning: Tobirama you've got this#it's your time. I can't just be Hokage forever#Tobirama: not forever just until I die or you find a different successor#He's being pulled by the ankles out of his lab and he's Not Happy#He yearns for the labs#Thus the shadow clone jutsu was born /j#He pops in front of an advisor and there's an uproar over the fact he sent a clone to do his Hokage duties#bc he wants to Make Trinkets (Weapons and jutsu)#Ik he was involved during Hashiramas time as hokage but#I feel like he was there for the Big Meetings and a lot in the beginning until Hashirama was a bit more confident in it#Then he crawled hermit crab style back to his lab to thrive on curiosity and pissiness alone
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I'm scared.
It's scary to see someone who doesn't consider you a human being to have so much power.
As a Pole I'm literally scared of what does it mean for Russia and future of Europe.
I fear for Ukraine. I fear for any country near Russia. I fear for Poland, historically invaded by Russia many times, and already mentioned by Russians as a possible next target.
I fear for women in US. We already have our almost-total abortion ban in Poland. And it doesn't matter that under some circumstances the abortion is permitted if the medical staff is too scared of legal repercussions to do anything. It doesn't matter that it's permissible if the country allows the OBGYN and others to follow the "conscience clause", which is just a fancy word for forcing religion down women's throats. If performing a medical procedure goes against your religion, do not become a fucking doctor.
Women die over this. It's not just religion. It's not just politics. Along with the abortion ban goes the penalization of any help anyone can offer to women wanting to terminate pregnancy. We are left alone with this.
And don't even get me started on the minorities in the US. You know, I remember, there was a guy in Europe, a Prussian artist-visionaire, who had similar ideas about mass segregation of people. They even set up places for them to stay. I wonder how did that one go, hmmmm.
I... I just need a nap.
Seasonal depression hits especially hard this year.
#pardon my unusual posting#I'm just feeling so scared and alone right now#i can't see how this choice is good for anyone but rich white male americans#he was born into unimaginable wealth#American really does vote like a group of slightly inconvenienced millionaires#most of you Trump voters are poor my dudes#and you just made yourself poorer#Trump is not your friend#he's not “one of the guys”#he's not “like an ordinary person”#he literally doesn't care#he became republican only because it's easier to run as one#he doesn't even share your beliefs#2024 presidential election#kamala harris#donald trump
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella
as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY
#paragraphs and paragraphs about the villains' endings alone. hawks hpsc president. midoriya's ending#the fact hero society is barely changed and the changes that do happen feel very much TELLING the reader it happened#as opposed to actually showing us how society changed on it. this is smthn ik people will argue w me about#bc yes it was a 400+ chapter manga arguably showing us how society changed but like. did it actually show that#like do u honestly think any community would watch televised battles between TEENAGERS and bad guys#and have the majority of them go 'gah! i cant help but sympathise with the bad guy who just suckerpunched child extra no.28!'#so like. why are they all suddenly on board with massive systemic reinvention. where's the rage where's the bitterness#this wasn't a story on showing the villains as redeemable and working towards society sympathising with them#and slowly painfully coming to a conclusion where japan was ready to change as a COLLECTIVE#this was a story of showing a group of redeemable villains (first step CHECK) getting DEFEATED IN BATTLE#THEY ALL FUCKING DIED EXCEPT SPINNER AND PRESUMABLY COMPRESS#WE DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DABI AT THE END ONLY THAT HE WAS PUT IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION#HE WAS IN WHEN HE WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA AND DABI WAS BORN. 'DABI' AS A PERSONA MEANT NOTHING#we still have an abuser who didn't come to justice. we still have the corrupt government body now being led by the guy they trafficked#and abused and conditioned into the perfect soldier. do u think maybe his opinions are a little biased in regards to that gov. body#maybe. perhaps. slightly. and we still have hero charts!!!!!! every kid in the last chap is still obsessed w becoming a hero!!!!#and dont get me STARTEDDDDDDDDD on midoriya being a teacher. 'i think it's cute he finally gets a life of peace 🥺#this way he can help the next generation directly 🥺' womp to the fucking womp he was supposed to be the world's no.1 hero#he barely sees his friends anymore. 'it's realistic to adulthood!' i dont want realism in my superpowered teen and up manga#put them in the avengers mansion NOW#so as you can see i waffled regardless of saying i specifically wasn't gonna do that and some of these points bother me more than others#with some being personal I Didn't Like It and some being i genuinely truly believe it to be bad writing#but my summary is mha ultimately felt like a story where a group of individuals unlearned (eh) the beliefs of a toxic society#and tried to save the people that society failed and then they themselves DID NOT FUCKING SAVE THEM#(i have a hit on the redemption via death trope on the dark web for ten bajillion pounds)#and while yeah that isn't objectively an evil story to tell i think 1) it was done poorly#and 2) isn't what a lot of people believed the premise to be nor what i think horikoshi himself was trying to write#ask#mha spoilers#mha
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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I drew him being miserable (bcuz he’s a wet cat of a man) but felt bad. Gave him lollipop.
#tw blood#cw blood#it’s not blood it’s givanium but just in case#garten of banban#Garten of banban fanart#gobb#gobb fanart#he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone#and I adore him for that#he’s just Such a guy#am I the only one who’s actually kinda really sad about him#I’m listening to my sad playlist and thinking ‘omg this is Literally him’#he’s so ‘I bet on losing dogs’ by Mitski to me#do u think banban would like mitski. I think he would#idc if this is cringe#he’s SO sad. I have to make him worse#how to convey that I have to make him feel the Worst. even tho he’s my fav#love this creature. the bong bong#<- was gonna type something like that last tag but ig I’ve already made that joke.?#sorry for so many tags I just Love the tagging function#I can convey so many emotions in just one post with both Text and TAGS it’s the BEST#it’s late an I’m tired. need to sleep before I write more tags abt how I want banban to be sad
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#i feel like they both suck at cooking#but i feel like princia would be worse#while they were both born rich#mereo mostly lives alone in the woods#so she's had to make her own meals#and be more resourceful#black clover#black clover movie#black clover sword of the wizard king#sword of the wizard king#princia funnybunny#mereoleona vermillion#bunnyleona
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you know i do wonder how many sonic characters actually have living parents. like knuckles is the last of his kind so obviously his parents arent around anymore. both guys who could be considered shadows dads are 100 percent confirmed dead. sonic is canonically an orphan im pretty sure. and on the other side of the coin cream is like the only character in the game cast who has a living parent we actually see onscreen. but what about everyone else i dont think theres a straight answer for any other character. other than rouge's mom being mentioned a couple times i Guess but we dont even know anything about her or if shes still alive just that she existed at some point. are these kids constantly putting themselves in danger because they dont have parents around to stop them or because their parents just dont care
#like what about tails. im guessing he didnt have any sort of family he was attached to if he left to be with sonic so quickly#but that doesnt really mean he didnt have parents at all. maybe he had parents and they just sucked i dont know#what about amy. what if she had parents this whole time we just never see them.#what about blaze. considering shes a princess id assume she was born into that role#but i dont know if her parents are ever actually mentioned#maybe theyre dead and there was no one else to take on their role and thats why blaze has so much responsibility at such a young age?#silver . he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone i cant really imagine him hvaing parents sorry#considering charmy is 6 and living with vector. an adult whos obviously not his biological dad.#i feel like something probably happened to charmys parents#espio i dont really question as much#becuase it feels very common in the sonic universe for teenagers to have more freedom than would be expected in real life#or maybe its not that common and the teenagers we're actually following are just living the most fucked up lives ever. i dotn know#but either way. espio where are your parents buddy. are they still alive. vector where are YOUR parents are they still alive#i dont know if i actually want canon explanations for all this though#because its kinda fun not knowing every detail about every characters life and being able to speculate and insert your headcanons n stuff#to be clear im talking about game canon#i know stuff like archie sonic and the sonic movies and the 90s cartoons will sometimes give characters new family members#or talk about their family situation even if the games dont say anything about that sort of thing
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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hey all if you like
incredibly toxic yuri
complex, interesting characters
fascinating, well-developed and unique lore
locked room murder-mystery plots with time shenanigans (?)
media that speaks to the experience of being chronically lonely and isolated socially from others starting at a very young age and continuing into early adulthood to the point where you have no reference as to what is normal and continue to isolate yourself from social interaction even when people try to reach out to you because you have no idea how to connect with them or maintain connections with them or even a drive to connect with them anymore and now you're programmed to view new social situations as tests you must pass rather than opportunities to connect with people and thus avoid them despite the pain of loneliness never really going away
pseudo-cannibalism
long interesting debates about arcane in-world political issues
You should absolutely read The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere by Lurina
#the flower that bloomed nowhere#after reading the most recent chapter i feel like su's story is quintessentially about lonliness#at least...the part of it that happens before the events of the actual story#im trying not to spoiler things here so im being vague but like#she literally was born in a wet cardboard box all alone#and you think for a large part of the story that shes a hamlet type#but its so much more than that <3 <3 <3 hehe#txt
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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waking up with the thought of i miss you i miss you turning over in my head over and over but i don’t know who exactly i miss
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