#i debated actually posting this but I just needed to rant

[thepromisethatlovecouldbeeternal]

tvd adjacent so I wanna see if anyone else agrees

If you've read ACOTAR and are active in the fandom, I swear the ship war is veeery familiar to TVD 😂

You've got the "destined" pairing where people want them together because they're fated to be = Stelena / Elucien (of course, Elena actually liked Stefan whereas Elain does NOT like Lucien. AT ALL.)

The one where it doesn't even make sense but people ship it because they read waaaay too much into interactions that aren't even romantic, and somehow keeps coming up with headcanons that are already canon scenes for another ship? = Bamon / Gwynriel

The one that clearly has insane chemistry, and is all "fuck destiny", has many romantic and friendship moments, everyone around them can clearly see SOMETHING between them, to the point that even Stefan/Lucien can tell and it makes them uncomfy because they have to acknowledge that there is something there, they're touch her/him and you die/saved each other, hands them something they wouldn't trust with anyone else, spouts goddamn poetry to the other, etc. etc. = Delena / Elriel

And guess which TVD couple was endgame? 🤭

You have fans who also can't spell Gwyn's name, just like TVD fans.

Stefan = Stephan/Steven

Damon = Demon 💀 (this could be intentional but considering they can't spell Stefan or Elena's names either, I'm not sure.)

Elena = Elaine/Elain

People claiming if you don't like Gwyn it's because you're a victim blamer/haven't been SA'd (WHAT THE FUCK BTW) 😐/people claiming if you don't like Bonnie, you're racist.

Sadly, there may be a few that are, but to blanket statement a whole group of people of something horrible/disgusting because they simply don't like a character is wild.

The fandom bullshit will always happen. Sad.

That being said, the only difference for me personally, is that I actually don't care for Gwyn at all, Bonnie was great. Was she my fave? No. Did I dislike her? No. I wanted her to get her happy ending too.

Gwyn? I forgot she existed after I read ACOSF, if she never appeared again, I would not care.

Anyways, rant done.

[driftwooddestiel]

comment so bad i read it in the jacksfilms your grammar sucks voice

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

[delileaf]

officially decided i shant ever write again. decided i suck. if u need me ill be smoking a cigarette at the bus stop and lamenting .

[courfee]

just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff

[jessahmewren]

.

[ravewing]

cambrian period dashboard simulator

redlichiida-realdeactivated0455414

petition to ban anomalocarises from the local sandbar. theyre so fucking big and it's freaking everyone out and me personally ion want a trilobite muncher looming over me when im trying to have a drink.

🪲 trillybite17 Follow

they dont call them the ABNORMAL shrimp for nothing, they're fucking weird

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

No, you know what petition needs to be started? One to get rid of ignorant bigots like you. Have you ever SEEN an Anomalocaris ever eat– let alone ATTACK– a trilobite? No, you haven't. Because they DON'T EAT TRILOBITES. Do some fucking research before you say shit like this.

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

fyi if you get rid of anomalocarises from public spaces then you will quite literally starve. you know those dead soft-bodied organisms yall scavenge and eat? yeah anomalocaris is the one providing those for you. as a scavenger myself i have been personally impacted by loss of food due to unfair treatment of anomalocarises that have forced them to leave the shallows that i live in and let me tell you eating detritus and nothing else is literally awful. please think twice before you post something prejudiced like this.

🩶 pleurae71 Follow

common hallucigenia + marrella W

ignore the OP, i promise most of us trilobites aren't like them- i don't even know why this is a debate. i guarantee they've never stepped outside of their little rock cave in their life

🌀 xcorynexospikesx Follow

LMFAOO they deactivated☠️

32,354 notes

🫧 cambripuns Follow

What do you call a Hurdiidae without any eyes? A Hurddae!

♟️vampeytoia Follow

actually you'd call it 'uncle maximilien' because my uncle maximilien was hatched with no eyes

💼 stanley-shrimp Follow

Valerie, you and I both know damn well that you do not have an "Uncle Maximilien," let alone one with no eyes. Stop lying on the internet and stop leaving your soft-bodied organism carcasses on my front sandbed. It smells putrid.

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

wow ok mr fun police. just go and piss on my parade like that

51,039 notes

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

giys i.m tripping bals rn lol. shuld not hv eaten tge 'detritus " browni e from the hallucigna.. i saw thr magic anomllcrais

🪱 pinkpikaiapage Follow

What?? Elaborate

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

He told me a prophecy

6,211 notes

🦐 apexshrimpy Follow

she cambrian on my period till i explosion

#anomalo talks #misc tag #is this hash tag funny or no?

211 notes

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

thinking about dying my spikes again. what color should i get?

🍢 leancho852 Follow

Do magenta to match your skateboard!!

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

ohh that's actually really smart thanks🙏

17 notes

🪨 shalesifters Follow

🧽 the-odontogriphus767 Follow

yo wtf. none of these fuck the landmasses. we're all in the ocean for a REASON

🦪 biofilmer08 Follow

Hey, actually, a few other molluscs and I browse on the microbial biofilm :)

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

🤓

9,761 notes

🕸️ arthropodstemz Follow

reblog if u get around by undulating ur lateral lobes

21,006 notes

📜 g-wiwaxia Follow

Did anyone else happen to see @shalesifters poll on the landmasses (followed by the reblog of the mollusc)? I'd like to think that I was born in the wrong generation. I should have been able to experience the joys of being a land-dweller. I may just have grown tired of being in the ocean every day; quite frankly I just want some sort of change or reform (especially considering the incredulous prices of jellyfish nowadays...)

#Rant #I hope you guys get the idea. I expect some (likely a copious amount of, actually) hate for this one, but regardless I thought that I'd share my thoughts here #I'd like to move to Laurentia

74 notes

📸 daily-cambrian-pics Follow

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

omg thats me on the bottom in the middle! @romip51212 @kookykootenia look its us from earlier today

🫑 kookykootenia Follow

Woah whatt this is actually crazy

🍤 romip51212 Follow

yo i look rad in that.. changing my header immediately

8,121 notes

🦂 radiodont-radiostatic Follow

DNI if you support any of the anti-anomalocaris propaganda that's circling around. Sick and tired of the twisted lies that are being spread on here. I won't stand for the slandering of my brethren.

#static speaks #dni #will not hesitate to block and report any of you bigoted assholes

93 notes

🪼 jlyfsgh224256 Follow

q

79,343 notes

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

I FUCKING LOVE DETRITUS

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

Yo wtf was i on last night

🍢 leancho852 Follow

You were speaking your truth king. Don't hold back

755 notes

🪸 see-you-lagerstatte Follow

thought too long about the big white orb beyond the surface and broke down crying. What to do about this?

#why is it there?????? what is it???? #please im going insane over this

23 notes

🐾 catboycanadaspis Follow

born to say "nya!" and meow. forced to consume the coarse particles found on the sediment surface

886 notes

🌊 tidal-trilobite Follow

hey has anyone else noticed that it's been harder to breathe lately or is it just me? can't afford to go to the doctor for an exam rn

🦀 clackyappendages Follow

I thought that it was just me! I might sound crazy but have there been less archaeocyathids lately??

🐚 sand-muncher-757 Follow

i've had TWO neighbors pass away from hypoxia in the past month, definitely have noticed the breathing issues too. also i havent seen an archaeocyathid in so long either. so weird😬😬

682 notes

[actualhumantrashcan]

I can understand a silly workplace comedy about pirates not being everyone’s jam but I really can’t understand the amount of queer people I see hating on ofmd.

like for one thing most of the debates turn into gatekeeping queerness (which I think has a lot more to do with the ages of the main couples than actual concerns about authentic representation but that’s another post) and the rest are just hateful because it doesn’t directly name or label it’s queer characters but like why do we need that at this point?? listen I love heartstopper with all my heart but it is exhausting to watch them explain queer identities sometimes (even though I do think it’s super useful for younger audiences I’m just not the target demographic!) and ofmd is an explicit, violent, adult show that doesn’t NEED to explain it’s character’s identities.

queer people past their 30’s are usually very well aware of their queerness and have had (hopefully) plenty of time to go through the arc of discovering that. so why would we need to see Stede or Lucius or Ed going through turmoil because they’re attracted to men when they have already come to terms with that at this point in their lives?? i for one find it so fucking refreshing to watch a show where the characters being queer is not their main arc, they just ARE queer and life is still happening to and around them. maybe that’s just the millennial gay in me talking, but it gets emotionally exhaustive to watch show after show where the queer character’s arc is overcoming homophobia. yes obviously homophobia still exists and yes obviously if ofmd was trying to be historically accurate these characters would be living in a very dangerous time to be queer but it isn’t trying to be accurate!! it’s trying to be fun and diverse and kind!!

and also, they aren’t pretending homophobia doesn’t exist!! it’s just addressed in a different way. Stede was emotionally abused by his father for his entire life for being “soft” and then was chased down by his homophobic childhood bullies, one of which explicitly told him that he “defiled” the great pirate Blackbeard by simply falling in love with the man behind that name. Meanwhile Ed was forced into the world of piracy at a young age and developed the entire persona of Blackbeard (who fits the toxic, violent masculine stereotype of the time) to hide the fact that he’s actually an incredibly sensitive and deeply queer man! and is told multiple times by male figures in his life that sex with other men is fine but it is absolutely unacceptable to be in love with a man. both of their arcs contain homophobic rhetoric that is still present in society today, but its never presented as a problem that they have to wrestle with. they don’t have to come to terms with what it means to love each other, they just have to overcome some trials that go along with the complicated lives they both lead as a pirate and former aristocrat. the homophobia in ofmd is woven into the backstory of each and every character, it shapes them into the people they are at the beginning of the show when all of their walls are up and they are performing the “pirate” roles they are supposed to play. and then we get to see them grow and realize that they are in a safe space, part of a community not just on the ship itself but in the life of piracy (which in the show is pretty much explicitly an allegory for queer lifestyles.)

anyway, I could rant about this all day but just truly why do we have to tear people down for enjoying something? why do we have to find reasons to hate something so obviously created with sensitivity to it’s queer audience and with so much queer joy? if historically inaccurate gay pirates going on silly adventures and falling in love are not your thing, fine! but perhaps just let people enjoy things and find your own things to enjoy.

[cozy-writes-things]

Electric Love: Pt. 1

Edgar [Electric Dreams 1984] x Gn!Reader

All of my fics so far have followed the same universe, so I thought it's only logical that I post an introduction to that universe.

The old man peering at you through puffy eyes and age seemed to have an air shrouded in mystery. His thin, white wisps of hair seemed to stagnate in place as he adjusted his button down.

“This old thing has been around for years now,” he gruffed—an unreadable tone—as his hand encased the yellowed plastic, “I don’t remember what happened to it; must have dropped it, or let some animal chip away at it.”

The dingy, vintage computer before your eyes surely had not been dropped, nor torn into by some animal. It sat upon his countertop completely destroyed; as if it had burst and shattered from the inside out, ripping the glass into jagged shards. You swallowed this thought; this was no time to debate the old man. He seemed to be quite senile as it was and pushing any further seemed like a fruitless effort. Instead, you stretched a thin smile his way, pursing your lips in thought.

“You actually think you can get this thing to work again?” he queried, raising a salt and pepper brow at your expression.

“Well, I’m not sure, but… I’d like to try,” what you hadn’t told him, however, was your infatuation with electronics. Ever since completing your bachelor’s in computer science, you have been tinkering away at many different projects in between jobs, building custom PCs, fixing old Game Boys, and many others. This little computer was an addition to your ever growing collection.

It came from a company you had never heard of before, only to learn it had become defunct in the 80s due to some inexplicable software issues in their products. This certainly intrigued you, as prodding into its code could provide some useful insight to real, vintage tech that just doesn’t exist anymore. But, that’s only if you manage to fix the heap of destruction limply hung before you.

The old man stiffened at your words, ever so slightly, before rattling out, “Well, if you do, don’t bring it anywhere near me. I can’t stand all this tech, and gadgets, and whatnot. Pisses me off.”

“Right,” you interjected, knowing people like him tend to go on long, anti-future, anti-technology rants, trying desperately to beat him to the punch, “well, how much do you want for it?”

He stilled, contemplating for a moment, “twenty-five should be fine.”

“Perfect,” you chirped, padding against your pockets and bag searching for some cash. Pulling out your wallet, you waded around the folds, only to find a crumpled up and faded ten dollar bill and a debit card.

“Ah, I’ve only got a ten…”

He rolled his eyes, “of course you do, you got PayPal, then?” Your cheeks flushed a burning red hot from embarrassment, “ah, yes, I do-”

“Great, just pay me that way,” he bent down and scribbled something messily onto a note, “here’s my information. I made sure to set this up for people like you, you know. Nobody carries cash anymore, or so my grandson tells me.”

You force out a nervous chuckle.

“That’s certainly true… these days, ah…” you unlocked your phone and began inputting his information into PayPal before pressing send on the digital payment, “okay, it went through.”

“Perfect. You need help getting this hunk of junk to your car?”

“No, I should be fine, thank you, sir,” you croak as you heave the broken computer into your arms, heading towards his door.

“Well, come back if you want to buy anything else. Nobody goes to yard sales anymore, it seems.”

You can only turn your head and chuckle at his quip, before awkwardly dashing out of his apartment and towards your car. The dampened asphalt from the rain squelched under your toes as you lugged the large piece of tech to the passenger side.

“There,” you whispered, to nobody in particular, as you awkwardly buckled the computer in place, “hopefully you won’t fall that way.”

And just like that, you were off, headed towards home to begin the massive project that was repairing this obsolete device.

“What to do with you?”

You groaned as you thumped the solid mass of plastic and metal against your desk, “you’re incredibly broken.”

First and foremost, it needs a screen replacement. Which is easier said than done. Especially considering the company who manufactured these things hasn’t existed in 40 years. Unfortunately, a close replica will have to do. Maybe you could even upgrade its screen with something with a bit more prowess.

Poking inside of its components seemed to tell a different story. Miraculously, none of the motherboards were damaged with the same ferocity the screen had been. There seemed to be some sort of dried, caked on water damage of some sort, that left a sticky residue, but otherwise, everything seemed to be relatively intact. The yellowed casing could use a wipe down from the thick layer of starchy dust, but it seemed to hold its original shape with surprising ease.

Following a closer inspection, it seemed as though the glass screen, and the components in charge of illuminating it, were the only things in need of replacing. A quick browse on Amazon, some tech forums, and a post on Reddit should be a good start in finding a usable replacement for this sad, broken gadget.

For now, however, you get some isopropyl alcohol and a soft bristled toothbrush to chip away at the water damage on the motherboards in hopes of restoring the electrical connections. You were quite hopeful that you’d get this little guy up and running just as soon as you could find the right parts. It’s only a matter of time.

[fortheloveofpiggy]

TW this is a rant about proship and comship! Tags will have more in-depth trigger warnings

Edit: OMG PROSHIPPERS STOP MAKING THIS POST ABOUT DEFENDING IF SHIPPING CHILD X ADULT OR INCEST IS OKAY OR NOT THE POST IS ABOUT THE LABLE I DONT WANT TO ARGUE WITH YALL ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

This is my one post where all people on all sides of the proship debate can interact. Including proshippers. If that makes you uncomfortable then don’t interact. I hate echo chambers and I want to hear all sides.

Also sorry for cross tagging just want the opinions from all sides

Actual post:

I hate the terms proship, neutral ship, and antiship. They’re all extremes and I hate them. From what I understand the meanings are

Proship: support all ships no matter what even if they’re comships

Neutral ship: doesn’t have an opinion at all

Antiship: is anti any comship which is outrageous

If y’all don’t know comship just means complex ship or they enjoy more morally grey or imperfect ships. This can include things like human X different intelligent species (like aliens, furries, monsters) which most rational people don’t think is bad. But this can also mean kid X adult, family x family, or victim X abuser

I actually don’t identify as pro, neu, or anti because I think some comships are good and healthy. I think morally grey ships are important in media when done correctly. Especially since a lot of relationships are rocky and not always healthy and it’s good to show that in media. My own ocs personally aren’t in a perfectly healthy relationship because of their own issues. But this should be done respectfully and with care. Abuse shouldn’t be romanticized but people can be romantic outside of the abuse going on just like in real life relationships

But in a pedophilic fan fiction or art or an incest fanfic or art there is no such thing as a loving part of it. The relationship in itself is abuse because a minor being with a child is abuse and family members being together is abuse. It’s not healthy for anyone involved to romanticize relationships like that and frankly can effect reality no matter how you spin it because it’s representing something as normal to kids.

Right now a lot of neutrals, antis, and probably a lot of pro shippers are agreeing but that’s where my point really starts

The term “proship” and “anti ship” are too vague. If you say you’re proship you sound like you defend media where children are harmed. I understand the meaning is being proshipping and minding your business but that’s still what you look like and frankly that’s what the term does. If you’re pro everything then that means you’re pro the harmful stuff too

And the term “antiship” suggest that you’re anti shipping in general or anti any complex ship which is also unhealthy for us all because morally grey topics need brought up. Antis also are very very commonly okay with harassment when it comes to proshippers

And neutral ship is basically just saying you don’t have a opinion at all which is harmful because you’re suggesting you’re okay with the harm done on both sides. And I understand some people who are neutral ship agree with me and don’t just not care but I feel like majority is the former not the latter (based on what I’ve seen)

Also disclaimer if you’re neutral because of mental health or because you have better things to deal with that’s valid but identifying as neutral ship does put you in it and i instead suggest staying out of it entirely

So idk maybe we should make a term for the middle. I had a few ideas maybe something like middleship or intentship (intentship meaning enjoying or allowing all ships as long as the intentions are good and are not to romanticize trauma or abuse)

Idk everyone can share their opinions but if I see another proshipper say fiction doesn’t effect reality I’m gonna scream and if I see another anti shipper call all morally grey ships bad as if they done killed their grandma I’ll go insane

[bloop-bl00p]

So who’s in the wrong?

Trigger warning: talks of sexual coercion, abuse, it’s long as fuck and the mention of St**as may trigger some unwanted rage.

• Don't argue about how I’m wrong without reading this first, look I’m a person it’s natural to be incorrect and I’m all for debate. Thank you. Obliviously I won’t always directly agree with you and will defend my arguments, respect is mutual be respectful and I/any other people ready for debate will be respectful to you.

• I tend to post these at night (at least in the country where I live) don’t expect me to respond to you immediately because most of the time, I’ll be sleeping.

• This post is mostly for me, I was really trying to recontextualize their relationship and came up with my own conclusion. There’s lots and lots of repetition, especially at the end so it can get annoying.

Actual start of the rant

I’ll be honest here, I’m biased and I don’t like any of these two, especially Stolas, my girls Millie and Octavia are underappreciated but I’m gonna stick with them no matter what.

While I have a clear animosity toward these two, I decided to be completely objective, I’m gonna point out what both of them did wrong since the beginning of the relationship and the writing issues.

Childhood friends, really?

The first time Stolas met him they were kids, and considering how he blushed when he saw Blitzø performing at the circus we can guess he got his gay awakening here….

Wait are we really going to take into consideration the feelings of a child? Childhood crushes are rarely relevant, and it’s not like they were long-time childhood BFFs, no he just saw him and blushed. We also have to consider the fact that he saw him the day he learned that his entire life was premeditated to his displeasure, Stolas was a kid, and he never wanted to get married so he naturally sought to find a form of escapism to his situation. Which is a pattern that followed him to his adulthood.

His father saw that he took a liking to the imp and bought him for the day and they played buddy. But Blitzø wasn’t having it at all.

He never wanted to be here and honestly, Stolas’s interest in literature isn't his cup of tea. he then proceeded to use Stola's naivety against him to steal items on behalf of his father.

This is the moment where I lost it completely, the first time they met was Blitzø using Stolas’ feelings in order to steal, why didn't Paimon beat the crap out of Stolas? These two literally stole everything and you’re telling me that Stolas did not get scolded? that’s hardly believable when he got smacked just for bowing to an imp. Paimon is the type of parent who only notices his kids when they are making a mistake, the fact that he didn't punish Stolas or even try to pursue Blitzø’s family is more than odd.

Don’t take this as me blaming Blitzø, if anything I blame his father for purposely using the name of his mother to influence his child. Blitzø was just doing it for his family, most importantly for survival.

Blitzø was a child living in poverty in a society that looked down on him because he was an imp, with the influence of his father and the people around him, he learned that he needed to steal in order for him to survive.

Even if there was this “cute” little montage of the two smiling and “playing” Blitzø wasn’t having it he was not here for Stolas he was here to make sure his family ate tomorrow.

But you wanna know why they couldn’t have Stolas actually punished by Paimon because they needed him to still hold onto his Blitzø fantasy.

The messiest meeting I’ve ever seen

Stolas grew up, married Stella, and purposely stayed in a marriage he could have avoided for the simple excuse of “I stay for my daughter.”

I explained why this is a stupid reason →HERE← going back to him. The security eventually brings him Blitzø who was trying to break into his room to which he brings the imp in it and starts casually flirting.

This is the moment when each of y’all are going to burn me. Stolas isn’t that much in the wrong here, yes, it’s a bit weird to flirt with a guy you haven’t seen in years but first, he drank a lot prior to their conversation. While he wasn’t drunk, it’s safe to assume he wasn’t in full control of his speech. Second and last, Stolas said it better than me.

It’s teasing, I don’t think he was actually aroused and more amused by the possible implication of why Blitzø would try to sneak up during the night specifically in his room. This is a man who canonically read smut, what he said was relatively vanilla. Plus Blitzø didn't express any form of disgust except a subtle “ew” before directly getting into his game and playfully flirting back.

In his head, it was just a friend coming back after a long time to see him, he was genuinely trying to catch up.

Is it stupid from a writing perspective that he somehow never realized that he was fooled as a child? Yes. Do I believe that the second he saw Blitzø he should have been more wary because he should have known that the last time he saw him he literally stole from his parent’s castle? ABSOLUTELY!! But the writing gymnastics perpetuated by the writers allowed Stolas’ cluelessness to be believable, in the story at least.

How ‘bout Blitzø?

He wants to start his killing business and goes on a mission to steal the grimoire from Stolas, in order to do so, he flirts back with the Prince and lets things escalate quickly.

He’s more in the wrong, with this context at least, he’s trying to manipulate Stolas in order to steal. The first reaction Stolas had when Blitzø actually went on with the more sexy talk was to back off, ‘til now Stolas just made a few innuendos Blitzø actually elevated the situation. Birdie eventually gets bitten and all of that pent-up frustration from his marriage drops and he starts to say very very questionable comments.

I’m not gonna blame him here because again, Blitzø was manipulating him, to him, that was what Blitzø wanted. They eventually fucked, because Blitzø pitied Stolas. Does this remove accountability for everything he has done to the Prince until now? No.

Verdicts

➤ Stolas not getting grounded as a child for letting an imp steal stuff is nonsensical it was probably a deliberate decision so he could act all friendly with Blitzø for their meeting. He drank not to the point of drunkennes, but still a lot. Alcohol will always affect the brain even when you have not reached a drunken state, so it’s safe to assume that Stolas wasn’t fully in control of what he was saying or doing.

➤ Blitzø is not in the wrong as a child, but he definitely used Stolas to get what he wanted as an adult, he takes the L.

The “Passionate fortification”

Coercion definition

It’s persuading someone to do something by using force or profiting from a possible disadvantage.

There’s sexual coercion where you convince someone to have sex with you by force. The instance of a boss using his power to have sex with one of his employees will be sexual coercion because he has power over them. He can threaten to fire them at any moment, even if he’s a “nice guy” and “will never do such things” That doesn’t remove the control he has.

Even without being threatened, the employee may accept because they do not want to risk their job or negatively affect their career. There’s a difference between genuine concent and the one you gave when disadvantaged. Power imbalance makes it hard to actually evaluate if the concent given is sincere or not.

Going back to Stolas and Blitzø

Stolas, unfortunately for Blitzø, realized that he got robbed and oh well, what does he do?

A. Get rightfully angry for being stolen but since he’s reasonable simply get the book back pacifically?

B. Get more than angry and completely destroy Blitzø’s building in order to teach the Imp a lesson about messing with Royal?

C. Prostitution 2.0 without concent.

If you choose C, congratulations you’re correct.

Now many people seemingly don’t think the deal was sexual coercion because Blitzø accepted it and because Stolas would never even think of actually threatening Blitzø, with the definition I gave I explained why they were weak arguments. The power dynamism is unhealthy, let’s look at how this deal even came up in the first place.

Blitzø was in danger actively running for his life telling Stolas “Hey dude, it’s literally not the time!” he’s getting shot at! You cannot tell me Stolas couldn't hear him getting chased, worse, he was seeing it before his eyes.

It was mentioned that they had a discussion about the grimoire before and that Stolas allowed him to use it. Why couldn’t he make the deal at this moment? Considering that he can actually see Blitzø, there’s this disturbing impression that he waited for him to be in danger, thus in a situation where he couldn’t process information properly so he could make the deal. It’s just an icky impression I had when rewatching the scene.

Even without the whole thing of Blitzø being in danger, the deal would have been unhealthy. Blitzø needs the book for the sake of his business and, y’know, get money to make sure he has a shelter above his and his daughter's heads and he doesn’t know Stolas personally. How could he possibly know that this practical stanger would have been “nice” and accepting if he refused, Stolas is a Prince, he can ruin Blitzø company with the snap of his fingers, it’s this whole power imbalance all over again.

But I kid you not when I heard someone have this take:

It’s still Blitzø's fault because why the hell would he specifically choose to own a business where he needs Stolas’ book? He brought this unto himself.

My brother is Christ are you dense? Blitzø did not choose this, the writer chose to make IMP a human-killing business. What the Hell?

But since I like to dismantle every argument on the internet I’m gonna open parentheses to explain, why, in the story, Blitzø chose to have this business…

( First of all, owning something as complicated as a business for an imp is weird, most of the people Blitzø has talked to have pointed out how surprising it is for him to thrive. Millie’s parent literally thought she was poor.

The fact that he still decided to go for it stems from insecurities I’m going to explain.

We have to evaluate the fact that he always wanted to own his own company, first completely based around circus. Then later killing people. It’s a childhood dream that persisted.

We are shown that he did try to work in a circus as an adult, but he was overshadowed by Robot Fizz. Blitzø is someone with a lot of self-image issues, when he explained to young Stolas what he wanted to do, he explicitly said that he wanted to become the most famous imp with a lot of money. We know that his performance was considered mediocre compared to the better Fizzarolly. As an adult Fizz literally did what Blitzø couldn’t and even without being physically there he put him to shame.

Which led me to believe that he sought something that only he could do correctly. At default of being a clown, he would be something else.

We don’t know how he got into killing business exactly but my guess is when he was Verosika’s bodyguard. She did say “Unlike you, he (being Vortex) actually does his job well.” While it’s more of a theory, I believe he quit the industry Fizzarolly was dominating and went on to protect the succubus.

The sentence was mostly for teasing and picking fun at but there’s also the possible implication that maybe Blitzø was actually bad, why? Because it was his first time, maybe he got better and realized “Hey I actually like killing people.” Then the whole “stealing credit card and ditching her” happened and he eventually started his business in Hell.

But here’s the thing, he’s not the only one killing other demons, he probably doesn't have enough money to buy angelic weapons and alleviate his business to kill royalty like Striker does, and hell, considering where he lives Striker seems to sacrifice a lot to afford those things. Blitzø and his team will just be hitmen over many, so what do you do to push your business agenda, you kill humans directly on Earth.

Blitzø started the company to prove himself that he was good at something else, which is killing. In an effort to seem original from any other killers in Hell, he decided to go for killing humans which he needs Stolas’ books for.

You could ask why he simply didn't get an Asmodeus Crystal because he needs to be registered to use them. How do you get registered? Is it like a passport? Do you need to pay, maybe he just didn’t have enough money to do so and simply resulted in stealing as a last resort. I said it at the beginning when discussing Stolas and Blitzø’s dynamics as kids, he learned in his childhood that in order to survive he needed to steal. A behavior that still stuck with him. )

BOOM parentheses closed.

Verdicts

➤ Stolas flipped the situation and is in the wrong for coercing Blitzø, I’m not saying that Blitzø is a saint here. But his relationship with other people does not matter right now, he’s clearly a victim, just not a perfect one.

➤ I can’t believe that I had to actually explain why Blitzø chose to have this business, he always brags about how good he is with guns and deserves recognition. That’s something he uses to inflate his ego. Not saying that he shouldn’t be proud of his company of course.

Lust and Codependency but not Love

Stolas

Stolas never had a really tangible idea of what healthy relationships look like outside of fiction, we’ve seen him throughout the series reading two books, “Imp in the Sheet” and “Passion & Brimstone.”

Considering that Stolas almost always tends to specify the nature of Blitzø which is an imp (basically a race in this world) it leads me to believe that Stolas is fetishing Blitzø.

Think about it, throughout all of season 1 he was always pointing out how small he was compared to him, mentioning most of the time in his flirting that he was an imp, sexualizing his body, and speaking of how big he was. Not just to him, while he wasn’t flirting with others he always found a way to remind everyone “Hey, y’all are small imps.”

Honorable mention to “Impish little plaything.”

This is not love, it's lust, he likes getting dicked by people hierarchically inferior to him. It’s the white girl having sex with the POC wild man all over again but make it gay with demons.

But why Blitzø out of all people? Because Stolas sees him as a way of escapism.

Every time Stolas is in danger he calls unto Blitzø. In the face of danger, he thinks of Blitzø. In his little fantasy, Blitzø is the one who is going to “save” him from this boring marriage he absolutely has no control over. Except that no, he was indeed forced to have Octavia which is tragic but that ends here. He easily called unto divorce the second a stranger came into the picture as if he was confident that his happiness was guaranteed now that Blitzø was here.

Notice how I used the word “easily” to describe the divorce, he did not face the consequences that should have happened, Stella made parties about how they were still legally together as if it were an accomplishment. Stolas could have left without any problems.

“I’m staying for my daughter” is a weak argument, I’m sending you back to the purple link. If he really wanted to stay for Octavia, why did he throw all of his effort for Blitzø? When the divorce was officialized, he directly went in to get a crystal with the hope of Blitzø staying otherwise he would have sunk into misery, he does not want to be responsible for his own happiness.

You’ll tell me he uses anti-depressants but most of the time, he takes a good amount of them once and that's all. I’m pretty sure that you shouldn't take a shit tone of them in one gulp immortal prince or not it does not help. On top of that, he doesn’t make any effort to fix his drinking issue that has been showcased in the show. Stella is mean? Quick the alcohol! There’s literally a scene where he wakes up from a blackout caused by drunkenness,

He’s miserable, acknowledges it, and has all of the tools to ameliorate his life but he doesn’t. He preferred fantasy, a fantasy he is projecting onto Blitzø. I don’t care if he wants to be better, we all do but he needs to put in the work.

OCTAVIA IS RIGHT THERE BEGGING YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

Yes, it’s not romantic but it's still something! Before seeking deeper bounds you need to work on yourself and learn to be content with what you have first, he’s acting as if nobody ever loved him completely disregarding his daughter’s.

When I said put in the work I mean multiple things regarding Stolas’ situation, the fact that he, whether consciously or unconsciously, believes that Blitzø is the solution to all of his problems and not HIS action reeks of a shitty self-esteem. He could have got rid of Stella who clearly has a negative effect on him, which he did but way too late and it affected his daughter out of all people.

He could have surrounded himself with people who actually cared for him, Better, Stolas is isolated, and the introduction of Vassago in the trailers, and the confirmation that he isn’t evil, means that there are probably other positive figures in the Goetia. He could have tried to socialize and go to parties or special events about his favorite subject.

Most importantly, he should seek professional help, there's rehabs and anti-depressants in Hell, and you’re telling me there’s no therapist?

I’m not a therapist myself but I did have a period of my life where my self-esteem was relatively low, those are the solutions I applied during my healing journey and while I definitely still have work to do, I can say that I’m fine now.

Because I worked on myself.

Blitzø

Tell me how could he love the one guy who constantly belittled him throughout most of their interaction.

Often the counter-arguments to that will be that Stolas did not realize that he was making Blitzø uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that he did not hurt him. If I shot you in the shoulder, you wouldn’t care if it was accidental or not, I still shot you and now I have to make up for it. The same goes for Stolas.

Also…

How bad do you need to be to be unable to read the room and realize that someone's facial expressions show discomfort, how deaf do you need to be to not hear when he blatantly says “Hey, I don’t like how you call me that all the time!”

The fact that the writers make it seem like he did not realize how uncomfortable he was is to me a writing issue again. Or Stolas is just that braindead.

I already explained why Blitzø hasn’t given his consent to the deal in the coercion/unhealthy power dynamics parentheses, so let’s skip ahead to the dependence part.

Here’s my take, Blitzø does not love Stolas.

We all know how bad this guy is at relationships, his last bad experiences make it so he constantly sabotages his connection with others because he cannot fandom the thought of being vulnerable with someone. Being vulnerable is exposing yourself to potentially being hurt, something that happened too many times to him. I believe his relationship with Verosika was just a regular hookup, she mentioned that he only left when she confessed leading me to think that it never was official. He enjoys casual sex because he still wants to feel wanted but leaves when feelings get involved, a pattern he most likely had with other people.

Does this trauma justify him being a dick to everyone else, no. But, he recently showed a desire to make up for his bullshit. While I believe the resolution was fast, he worked out his issues with Fizz and they are friends now. It’s still salty with Veronika but it’s implied that she doesn’t hold that much of a grunge anymore. He still has work to do though.

So how does Stolas fit in all of this?

The deal was made way before he started apologizing to people, meaning that he was vulnerable so here’s the situation:

He’s a guy so bad at showing his true colors that he purposely makes his relationship with people unbearable because at least it’s something that he would see coming. He got hurt but deliberately, he’s in control of the situation. At the same time, he actually craves intimacy making him seek casual sex as a form of replacement for genuine attachment. Now you have this powerful man being the one controlling the situation and weirdly being obsessed with him forcing him into a sexual relationship.

Stolas came like a little flower, offering him the thing he want in the fucked up way possible, a form of attachment, and now Blitzø is stuck in this situation where he doesn’t want the relationship but still accepts it. First, because, it's for the sake of his job, and second because it’s the only form of “attachment” that he could get. He might as well entertain Stolas with sex long enough just so he doesn't get disinterested in him, for the money and for the sense of false intimacy it provides.

Verdicts

➤ Both are codependent on each other but Stolas is the one in power, he’s the abuser who is projecting his savior fantasies onto Blitzø. Some will say that Blitzø is just as a shitty person as Stolas, what he did to Mox is disgusting but does he deserves to be coerced?

When people said that, it felt like they said “He’s a bad person therefore karma bitch!” no, Blitzø is not meant to be a perfect victim. What he did to other people was awful but it did not have any impact on his relationship with Stolas, whether you like it or not Blitzø is a bad person but he’s also a victim.

Hey! It’s the episode with the best song in the first season!!

So Moxxie and the best girl of the show after Octavia had a little rendezvous in Ozzie in order to celebrate their marriage. Moxxie again proves himself to be a lucky boy.

To which Blitzø decides to stalk them… now I mentioned he’s bad at relationships. The fact that he stalks them can be explained by the fascination he has, he is probably jealous or trying to leave something he thinks he would never have thought them. Which does not justify the stalking or sexual harassment! No, I merely explain why he does it.

Unlucky he is, he needs a partner to continue following them in the restaurant to which he calls Stolas feigning inventing him to a date in order to do so… look, calling someone just so you can use them to stalk your employees without specifying your true intention is bad. He’s in the wrong there.

So Stolas was alone in this castle hinting at his solitude, and got existed when he was asked out. While they were still the annoying flirting and infamous “Blitzy” you cannot say that he did not try a bit to get closer to him. He wanted to have a good time, I mean he thought that Blitzø actually wanted to see him, not just because they had a deal. So you’ll notice that he toned down the flirting a bit.

He was not only aggravated that Blitzø wasn’t paying attention to him, which makes sense in this context because anyone would be pissed if the date that invited them didn't give a shit. But despite this, he is actually trying to have a conversation, with how surprised/confused Blitzø looks, I can only assume that it’s the first time Stolas is addressing him over anything else than bad attempts at sexy talk.

He still fumbled despite his best effort.

They weren’t uncomfortable until Asmodeus, a figure of great authority, pointed them out. To Blitzø this means one thing, he is something that Stolas will love to brag around among the lesser, he will toy with him and use him as he pleases but the second their relationship threatens his reputation, the second he will be in the company of the higher folks he will drop him. He’s a kink, a toy to be ashamed of.

You can tell me all you want that this is not what Stolas wanted to convey but the comparison feels so much clearer when Millie and Mox are in the picture. They are unapologetically sweet to one another not caring about anything or the judgments of people, Millie literally knocked out Fizz to protect her husband! Then you have Stolas who’ll brag about how hot Blitzø is, but not too much to make sure it does not reach higher ears. Blitzø realized this and that's why he refused to stay with Stolas at the end of the episode.

“Hey, now that we’re alone we can act all lovely-dovely, sorry for not defending you earlier but my reputation is more important.”

Because of this gesture, all of Stolas’ attempts at getting close felt like some sort of roleplay the bird was planning, but got cut short the moment he got humiliated. It's why rather than saying “I don't want to spend time with you tonight” he says “I don’t want to fuck you tonight.” Blitzø believes his feelings are getting played again.

Stolas said it, it’s just a transaction, a favor for-favor thing. Blitzø does not want the illusion of being a couple to settle in, and despite all of this he still apologizes for not sleeping with the bird.

He got his confirmation that Stolas could never truly love him, one of the reasons being societal. He’s dead set on keeping this relationship as it is.

Verdicts

➤ Blitzø once again used Stolas to entertain his immoral behavior, while the stealing of the grimoire wasn’t immoral because it was for the sake of his companies. Dude literally just wanted to stalk his employees, what the hell dude? He takes the L.

➤ Stolas isn’t the reason for this rendez-vous and actually came with genuine interest, intending to actually have a genuine conversation with Blitzø to flesh out their relationship. But he just dug his own grave and he proved to Blitzø that he was just a toy, a toy to be ashamed of and only used in private to whiting the minority he belongs to.

Honorable mentions

➤ At the beginning of Harvest Moon, during Stolas and Blitzø's conversation, it is implied that it’s not the first time that Stolas advanced the dates of their meeting to align with his princely duties. Now I want you to think of one thing, how many times do you think Blitzø had to completely drop everything he was doing just so he could reluctantly go fuck one bird without even respecting the schedule. And I’m insisting on the “reluctant,” Blitzø cannot say just “no” to the sexy part, he can’t just drop the books no he has to have sex with Stolas.

➤ People take the scene in Truth Seekers where Stolas got all big and angry as proof that he cares about Blitzø, potentially meaning that he was watching over him and decided to intervene to save him.

Not only does he call him “Impish Little Plaything” reducing him once again to the role of toy and dehumanizing him completely, but what does he do after traumatizing the agents? He asked for a little “thanks” When you do something genuinely nice you do it from the kindest of your heart. Blitzø obviously did not see any other possible so he slept with him to satisfy him.

➤ When rewatching the show I noticed something all the way through the first episode of Truth Seekers. When Stolas starts aggressively flirting with Blitzø, his natural reaction is to call out of his bullshit which unfortunately falls on deaf ears. In Western Energy he even allows himself to push Stolas away when he’s too touchy. (at 0:33)

However, in Truth Seeker, we can see he’s still uncomfortable/annoyed but doesn’t do as much as he did in the first episode. He got used to Stola's behavior and stopped trying to assert boundaries, he knows the Prince won’t listen anyway.

➤ People in Western Energy were angry at Blitzø for not jumping on his horse to fulfill Stolas’ fantasies of being saved by him.

First of all, he mentioned that he had a shot to give to Loona, an appointment that took him five fucking years to get. So yeah, sorry I ain’t available to save your ass.

Second, Stolas has a legion of demons he rules over (S2/Ep.1 = 1:32) why the hell would he call that one random imp who has a life outside of him? He even has the nerve to say “I think you should come save me.” (S2/Ep.4 = 2:00) bitch call one or two members of your legion maybe?!

Third, not only did Blitzø apologize for being rightly busy with his own life but, just because he was worried, and also for the sake of his business, he sent Millie and Moxxie to get him. He still assured that help was in the way without asking for anything else unlike someone.

The “passionate fortification” gone wrong

Stolas realized that coercion is bad and decided to ask Blitzø to meet him so he could have a proper conversation about the unhealthy nature of their deal and… oh. Wait…

Stolas: I’m sorry if anything I said or did may have offended you tonight. Blitzo: ITZ WUTEVS Stolas: Next time you come over. Maybe we can talk about what happened at Ozzie’s? Blitzø: Y? Stolas: I’m sorry nevermind. It’s not a big deal. I was just worried about you. You seemed very upset and you took off so fast. But maybe I read too much into that. I’m glad that it’s not the case. I wasn’t upset either I just wanted to make sure you weren’t and obliviously you can handle any stupid joke a clown can make. Asmodeus can be very invasive with his humor. But I thought it was pretty funny. What he said about me at least. I enjoy being the subject of the jest. Maybe you can say mean thing s to me too the next time you come over. If you want? Blitzo: SHUR

→ HERE ← is a link to other much-needed phone calls between these two.

Stolas does show some levels of care in those banters and seems to be driven by wanting to respect Blitzø boundaries. Those happen in parallel with him realizing that the deal he made was fucked up so he wanted to give Blitzø is the choice. The fact that Blitzø did not acknowledge these attempts as genuine affection was explained earlier, in Ozzie he basically got the confirmation that every Stolas is acting like that it’s just to fuck with him.

Right now after what seemed to be months where Stolas gave him the choice he deliberately chose to stay away from him before coming back to the full moon, Stolas failed to do one thing to convey the seriousness of what they were gonna adress.

That little piece of lyrics from Blitzø let me once again think that this was Stolas who asked for the meeting using the full moon as an excuse. Considering Blitzø was more than happy to get back to square one and how he prepared himself to do the nasty to Stolas, he clearly did not get announced that this wasn’t going to be their casual sex. Which is a big mistake.

Just to remind everyone, Blitzø uses this relationship to get the feeling of closeness he thinks he’ll never have and doesn’t deserve.

Quoting myself:

“Stolas came like a little flower, offering him the thing he want in the fucked up way possible, a form of attachment, and now Blitzø is stuck in this situation where he doesn’t want the relationship but still accepts it. First, because, it's for the sake of his job, and second because it’s the only form of “attachment” that he could get. He might as well entertain Stolas with sex long enough just so he doesn't get disinterested in him, for the money and for the sense of false intimacy it provides. .”

We the audience know this but Stolas doesn’t. But even without this knowledge, why would you not mention that you do not want sex but serious talk? Be for real! Miscommunication is when you fail to convey information, he did not try to tell him beforehand that this was gonna be serious!

So Loona essentially planted the seeds in Blitzø’s head that Stolas was getting bored of him, and well… it fucked with his mind, so how does he respond when the unintended suddenly serious talk happens? With denial then anger.

Can he seriously expect sincerity from Stolas? To Blitzø, there are two solutions, Stolas is roleplaying with him or he’s throwing him away after his fun. It’s the worst-case scenario, he had the power, he put Blitzø to shame stripped him away of his pride, constantly belittled and tossed him to the role of toy, a toy he cannot show off to royalty because of his statue. And then what? Does he leave him after everything?! Seriously?!

And Stolas?

He understood coercion was bad and we can give him the thumbs up for that. He fucked up on everything else, first because it’s the only thing he seems to acknowledge, he only reflects on the unfairness of the contract and not how his past behavior hurted Blitzø.

When Blitzø started going to roleplay, rather than stopping him and further showcasing the seriousness and sincerity of his action he just left like he got a full fleshed-down answer.

You dropped a bomb so suddenly, out of nowhere, using the pretext that you two were going to fuck and you expect him to proceed with this information in a matter of seconds?! Not only did you not leave Blitzø at least a few days to prepare himself psychologically by saying that the night wouldn’t be about sucking your ass for once, but you go and abandon the ship when you don’t get a desired answer?! What the hell is wrong with you?!

The bitches are fighting now

Why did Blitzø come back to Stolas if he hated him so much?

Trauma Bounding

Trauma bonding is when you feel a deep attachment to your abuser. In my opinion, this is what happens here.

This is the relationship Blitzø thinks he deserves, he feels entitled to Stolas because Stolas is what he has coming. He ruined the lives of all of his past lovers/hookups, and his family hates him, yes his friendship with an old crush was fixed but it’s a very minor improvement when you compare it to the years of self-deprecation Blitzø suffered from. Stolas is a prince, Blitzø cannot ruin his life, he cannot blow him up like he did with Fizz, he cannot run away from him, he cannot do anything but please him.

From having sex with him, he gets the semi-form of love he’ll never have with the guarantee that he won't be able to leave. He gained a fully long-lasting “relationship”, a toxic one but it’s better than nothing.

But now that he has the choice, the Asmodeus crystal, with his mind so ingrained in the idea that Stolas is the only thing he deserves, he tries to reinstall the only thing he seeks in this. Intimacy. Stolas doesn't reciprocate, which is surprising.

“You usually like it when I talk all dirty, and fucky, and shit.” (S2 Ep.9/0:52)

Blitzø doesn’t want to lose his VIP pass to a semblance of what love could look like, he can still stalk his employees but it would be drastically different from actually acting on his frustration.

But less talking about Blitzø, why is Stolas so upset with Blitzø? Because despite everything  that happened he still can see that he is genuine. He’s frustrated that Blitzø cannot see it outside of sex.

Honey, you put yourself into this situation.

Must I remind you of the “favors for favors” thingy, you were the one who initiated sex as the center of the relationship? In addition, you ruined the image he has of you. You refused to listen to his complaints when you were aggressively flirting and touching him, and you built this image of superiority and dominance over him with your actions, which nullified all of your attempts to try and be soft because it’s simply not possible to think that you could be genuine with him.

Now you have the chance to apologize and listen to him, but you choose to be sassy and hold the most hypocritical speech I have ever seen.

Watch me lose hours of my life dismantling some of his bullshit:

“As shocking as this might seem, Blitzo- I don't think I'm in the mood to "do sex" with you. In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you! So, how about you respect that?”

And I’m sure Blitzø wishes he could have said the same thing to you multiple times, while Blitzø is clearly disrespecting Stolas’ boundaries here, you cannot tell me how hypocritical that sounds from him.

“I don't look down on you! How many times do I ha- When have I ever?! You speak just like that vile Striker friend of yours. The one who tried to kill me and you couldn't be bothered to come help me. Remember him?”

Imagine changing the subject when the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with Striker. Isn’t Stola's award of the racism toward imp in the society? I mean, he can not be aware of his own bigotry, but why does he sound so surprised when someone points out how royals and even himself talk down to Imps? Granted, Striker was torturing him while doing it, but with Blitzø? That should have been the moment when he realized that maybe he was racist without realizing it. You know a self-reflection you make by actually thinking about what the other is telling you rather than dismissing them.

“I suppose you are right, silly me. It's not an imp's place to protect a Goetia, is it?”

You own a legion of powerful demons, why do expect an imp to constantly save you?

“That's all you were waiting for, wasn't it? For me to play into this idea you have of me that I'm this prince who thinks he's so much better than you. Well, I don't! Why would I allow everyone to see how much I like you? How I've tried so fucking hard to spend time with you, to support you? You don't owe me those things, but you can't just ignore all that!”

I explained most of these things already, but my question is why bother? Why are you wasting your time and energy on someone not reciprocating your feelings when you could redirect them to your daughter?

– Oh, you think I can't apologize?! For what?! You want me to be like- Oh, sorry, this entire time I assumed the worst because I was convinced a prince could never love someone like me and I've let my self-hatred stop me from apologizing to anyone I could ever care about! – Well, yes. That.

I… yeah I’m absolutely going to make you apologize when I’m partially the cause of why you see me that way. What? Apologize myself? Ah! No.

“Do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do?”

Also Blitzø: “Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. *voice breaking* But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? I'm sorry.”

“Stolas, wait! I'm s-”

The last verdicts

My final thought will start with a question, where is the love?

This fandom and the series are constantly beating us with the allegation that this is just a miscommunication issue that is going to be fixed at the end!

They are soulmates, everyone!

You know what I see? I see a man unable to face his issue himself and projecting his savior fantasy onto a stranger leading him to eventually trap this other person in a shitty deal just so he could fulfill his dream. On top of that, the person he trapped clearly doesn’t give two shit about him, and seeking the comfort they provide made him neglect the important parts of his life. AKA his child. He’s waiting energy on someone who doesn’t care and torturing this person at the same time.

I see another man trapped in a shitty deal, unable to leave because his life depends on it and because he deeply believes that it’s the only form of love he could get, so he simply content himself with it. Despite not being 100% in control, he still finds little cracks where he can manipulate the one who has the power in order to do immoral shit.

How romantic, but seriously…

Where the hell do you get the conclusion that yay they bone and love each other?! They are two miserable people searching for consolation in a very destructive situation! Not only is the narrative using the most badly affected in the relationship as a punching bag but it is also trying to fly over the radar and showcase this mess as an endgame. A match made in Hell, everyone!

What could have been a powerful story exploring how childhood trauma can let two people fall into a toxic relationship just so they could cramp onto each other to feel the warmth of the flesh turned into… whatever soap opera subgenre it is.

What should have happened is that Blitzø should have realized that he deserves a better form of love, he has a daughter and a friend who cares about him, if anything he should seek to rebuild healthy dynamics with his family and with himself.

Stolas should have realized that one of the many factors of his misery is himself and should have focused on the things that matter, his daughter and mental health. By the end of season 2, they should have separated realizing how they both fucked, mostly Stolas. Season 3 would have been based on their healing journey and how they are focusing on it before seeking relation.

But no… apparently, what they have is love, they are miskomunicatatatin… and they should fall in love to fix all of their issues. Yay! Season 2 is about the end and it's way too late to hold Stolas accountable for everything I’ve mentioned up there, with how the narrative focused on beating the dead horse that is Blitzø, I’m getting the vibe that when they address Stolas it will never feel truly satisfying.

Anyhow, I’m gonna sleep now, rewatching Helluva Boss again and again gave me a migraine.

And → HERE ← you can find a good video, it helped me with the making of the script and the channel is too underrate, go support them.

[llxferim]

a/n: STOP WHOLE 15 ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS LIKED MY POST AND 1 EVEN REBLOGGED IT GDHSG THANK YOUU!?? umm alsoo I meant to post this yesterday but I debated on it cuz it's so small😭 I do have my requests open, I write for anyone as long as I have watched the show so just send in the requests and I’ll tell you if I write for them! (gonna have to do this before I have the time to write down every single character that I write for 😭)

pairings: Klaus Hargreeves x reader

Summary: you have to meet up with Five and Diego but Klaus won’t let you go without a kiss (or a few).

genre: fluff

Warnings: explicit language, idk its fluff man

Word Count: 553 (ik ik its small)

You and the Umbrellas just got your ass handed to you by the sparrows, so you were in some random park rethinking your life choices. Your head rested on Klaus’s shoulder while Five walked back and forth, lost in thought.

“I can’t believe Dad replaced us in this timeline,” Luther said, slumping on the bench.“is it that hard to believe it, Luther?” Five shot back with his usual sarcastic tone. “What are we going to do now?” you asked softly, tracing your finger along Klaus’s hand.

Allison let out a sigh, crossing her arms “Well we definitely can’t sit in the middle of this park, bleeding out”

“I don’t know, but we’d better gear up fast before they come for round two,” Diego began, but you interrupted before he could spiral into his usual rant. “Calm down, Batman. We need to find a place to stay first.”

“Let’s think of someplace off the radar,” Five suggested, stepping forward. “Yeah? What kind of weird place are we not going to draw attention to?” Diego challenged.

“Well,” Klaus suddenly sprang up, startling you. “Actually, I might know a place.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Five sighed and then turned to you as Klaus plopped back down. “You, Diego, and I are going to go gear up while Klaus takes the rest of them to this ‘place.’ Sound good?” The group agreed without much debate, exhaustion rendering them too tired to argue.

***

As Five and Diego went off to grab some food—courtesy of Diego’s relentless nagging—Allison headed out to find a phone to call Claire, with Viktor. That left you, Klaus, and Luther behind in the park.

You stood up from the bench. “Five will murder me if I don’t catch up with them. I’m off,” you groaned.

You leaned in and gave Klaus a quick kiss. Just as you were about to pull away, he gently tugged you back. “One more?” he asked, his face sporting a smug grin. You giggled and leaned in for another kiss, expecting to break away, but Klaus kept you close. “Again?” he said, still with that mischievous smile.

You rolled your eyes but found yourself unable to resist his charm. He began planting a series of quick, playful kisses on you. “I” kiss “have” kiss “to” kiss “go” kiss.

Finally, Klaus pulled back, and Luther made a dramatic gagging noise, turning away. “I think I’m going to puke,” he said, clearly unimpressed. “One more and I’ll leave you alone,” Klaus insisted, his eyes now large and pleading.

“Seriously, Klaus—” you started, but he cut you off “Just one more,” he begged, giving you his best puppy eyes.

You sighed, feeling a mix of exasperation and affection. “Fine, but make it quick. I don’t want to hear Five's nonsense anymore than I have to.” As you gave in, Klaus kissed you again, but this time it was longer and deeper, a more heartfelt connection that lingered far beyond the playful exchanges before.

When he finally pulled away, you were breathless, the intensity of the kiss leaving you slightly disoriented. Klaus looked at you with a satisfied grin, and Luther cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable.

“Alright, enough of this,” he protested, “any more and i will actually throw up on you both”

Klaus reluctantly lets you go, and you hurry off.

[randomness-is-my-order]

okay, buckle up, this pjo rant-post will be a bit long! this is gonna sound a bit melodramatic but what genuinely saddens me about percy’s characterisations and portrayal by the narrative over the years since the last olympian was out is that... the very nuance that was written into this character in the original series is slowly being stripped away and moulded into the caricatures that percy has been flanderized into in popular fanon. i remember having debates over the whole “can’t function without annabeth”/“has one functional braincell”/“is constantly self-doubting himself into a pithole” characterisations and opposing these perceptions with canonical content. because the beauty of percy’s character is how his strengths have always balanced his weaknesses. he’s impulsive but battle-smart, he’s ignorant (about the greek ways) but has a tough as shit skin, he’s new to everything but he’s mindful enough to keep up with the new inlet of information. he’s loyal to a fault, but brave beyond measure. he’s a smart guy, a wisecracking guy, a loving, caring, wonderful person. the aspect of himself that doubts himself always read part-trauma, part-humility. his perception of himself was generally skewed, yes, but we had a counterbalance of it in terms of how people reacted to him, even in the original series! annabeth sure as hell didn’t fall for him for being a dumbknut who can’t tie his shoelaces without her assistance. their competence was implicitly and explicitly shown to be equal! percy had opinions that went against annabeth’s all the time, he had stances on matters that he remained so firm on he gave up immortality for them. he respected himself enough to respect his own views on different matters.

and towards the end of the series, i always got the impression that percy’s self-doubt had been improving and that is exactly how an upward progressive arc for a main character should be! and i did think that was rick’s idea too during the heroes of olympus, especially because the outsider perspectives were heavy on appreciating percy as a powerful, capable demigod. but i think, in hindsight, the seeds of what we now see in the new trilogy had already been planted. the constant pointed remarks about percy’s intelligence are irksome enough but the backpedaling of percy’s self-perception is probably the most egregious to me. because how do i argue my points from above anymore when the newest canon supports that fanon pov?

when the people surrounding percy have been reinforcing views that undermine him–primarily his intelligence and his competence–the very same people who you’d think would know better because they actually know percy the most intimately, it makes sense that percy himself is still stuck in the routine of undermining his ownself. but also... this should, from a writing-continuity perspective, make NO sense whatsoever. because this kind of superficial reading of percy from the other characters only made sense at the very start of the original series. by the end, i do not think annabeth was in the dark about percy’s “surprising intelligence”. that’s a laughable notion to have. and she’d be the first to shut down anyone implying that percy couldn’t function without her because again, so much of their original fascination and bonding with each other was about how well they could keep up with each other! they don’t need each other and that makes it all the more wonderful that they’re gonna help each other out regardless!

ugh, i just do not understand the logic behind having the protagonist revert back to self-esteem issues that he has already been shown to overcome to a noticeable difference by the conclusion of his original arc. i get regression in self perception is not some uncommon, unfathomable concept. but i cannot wrap my head around the fact that this view of percy of his ownself is not treated with enough gravity by the narrative, instead it’s just a part of his pov now. i do not think rick’s trying to paint annabeth or the friends as enablers of this self-perception and if he is, that’s bullshit. someone like sally would not allow her son to continue thinking of himself in such a manner anyway.

also, like, forget everything–the writing, the logic leaps, the plot holes. is it too much to ask for percy, a beloved main character, to have a confident outlook and have that reflected in the books explicitly meant for “fun”? if this series is how we send-off the golden trio and say goodbye to them, why do we need to see percy with a self-deprecating perception? why can’t we have banter that doesn’t horribly contradict established characterisations in the past? the fun of percabeth was, for me, that even if they were on some pedestal, they were on it together. but lately, it’s like rick is trying his best to throw percy off that pedestal from all directions possible and i think that’s such a disservice to this character we all have cherished for decades now. there are ways to go about writing, what is essentially, an “unserious” trilogy without compromising on character traits and interpersonal dynamics. it was never dumb vs smart, clumsy vs competent, grumpy vs sunshine, whipped vs unbothered when it came to percabeth. but slowly, so many of these black-and-white popular tropes have been bleeding into their canon dynamic and at the cost of sounding crude: fuck this, just fucking FUCK THISSSS.

[ekkotimesthree]

RE: Homestuck Discourse, Media Literacy, Fandom Entitlement, & The Puppet Theory

an essay by yours truly

content warning: discussions of child abuse, CSA, & child neglect

so many discourses and debates surrounding homestuck boil down to lacking basic media literacy. so instead of making a petulant rant, i’ll attempt writing a productive essay, but forgive me if my annoyance seeps into parts of this post due to the subject matter. let’s start with dave, since he’s one of the most contentious characters (also because he’s my blorbo, sorry not sorry), and move on from there!

i constantly see people say something along the lines of “davekat happening in the retcon timeline makes no sense why would terezi ignore dave and gamzee yada yada yada”, like there’s not a whole scene that explains this! and it’s one of the most plot relevant scenes in the comic!! if you don’t know what the blood scarf even is, your opinion on this irrelevant, since you didn’t read/remember the text. rule number one of media literacy is properly consuming the media.

“dave being abused and the gay stuff came out of nowhere” this is definitively not true. one of the first things we learn about dave is that he has to hide food in his room so he doesn’t starve, and that this is an intentional choice by his brother. oh, and then his brother actually beats the shit out of him on screen, while not letting him abscond, right after we see john and rose strife their parents in a healthy way no less. (take note of bro using cal, and dave trying to abscond from him. more on that later.)

and re: dave’s sexuality, rose immediately points out that dave is probably gay during their first on screen interaction, and it’s her first line of dialogue to him.

TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.

TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.

moving on, later that same day, dave outright admits he loves john:

in these scenes, rose would be considered a mouthpiece! author’s use mouthpieces to get across information to the audience, that the character(s) themsel(ves) don’t know. in this case, that character is dave.

so now let’s address the elephant in the room, you probably thought these messages were just jokes, and that’s okay! that’s for three reasons:

first, your worldviews and perspectives shift the way you perceive the world, and more specifically art in this instance. that’s a fundamental part of the human experience. having your own personal biases based on your life experiences isn’t inherently a bad thing! for example, if you finish my essay, you can learn more about compulsive heterosexuality, or the effects of child abuse, see all of the signs, all without having to deal with it first hand. which is great! that’s the point of art and storytelling.

secondly, you probably still thought dave was straight while reading this narration. that’s because homestuck is written in deep pov, or as you would probably call it, unreliable narration. these are technically two separate things, but i don’t feel like breaking down all of those pedantics. all you need to know is: deep pov is when a character’s worldviews and perspective shift the narrative, rather than a story being told objectively. think junie b jones, the percy jackson series, or uh, catcher in the rye, if you’re into that sort of thing. that means that all the dialogue and narration within homestuck will always have some level of subtext, aka the non-literal explanation for text. homestuck is made by adults for adults, so it’s created on the basis we can analyze the text, and come to our own conclusions, unlike YA and children’s media.

a lot of people assume homestuck is supposed to be YA series, but that’s not the case. homestuck’s themes are about exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, which you need to be an adult to fully understand. and unlike cinderella, homestuck shows child abuse on screen, and as we’ll discuss later, tackles subject matter about CSA, or child s*x*al *ss*lt. that inherently makes it a 18+ story, no matter the ages of any characters involved. just because most of us read homestuck as kids doesn’t really have any impact on that.

“well there’s no explicitly 18+ content in homestuck!!! they’re all 13!!!!” please take one look at equius’s room, or translate damara’s dialogue, and tell me if you still feel that way. oh, and read the epilogues too. also do you not remember the sheer amount of bloodshed, sex jokes, and cursing shown without a single censor??? even the official homestuck twitter said this:

finally, it’s also worth mentioning the time homestuck was made, because art can’t be removed from it’s historical context. so in 2009, gay representation was still virtually non-existent, especially in children’s and teen media. in the 2000s there was an extremely prevalent trope, “queer people are funny”, where the whole joke is that a character doing something that could be perceived as gay, or transgender, is funny. this problem was especially rampant in media for men. the most infamous example of this is family guy this was s8e18 of family guy, “quagmire’s dad”, where the whole joke is that brian slept with a trans woman, and everyone single joke comes at the expense of the trans woman, who’s relegated to a background role, while the narrative focuses on quagmire and brian’s emotions, the two cis men. so what homestuck is doing is called a deconstruction of this trope! deconstruction is where you break something down to critically analyze the philosophy behind it. we’ll leave a pin in john for now (just you wait), but it’s made extremely clear that dave is struggling with internalized homophobia, thus deconstructing why he makes these jokes in the first place. by the end of homestuck, dave says:

DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff. about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them. a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy, but now im not so sure. we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember?

with this quote, and the knowledge that dave goes onto date a man, i don’t think anyone is denying the internalized homophobia now, so let’s move onto reading this:

i’m sure all of us are thinking “there’s no heterosexual explanation for this, he doesn’t even like ben stiller!” OR “maybe dave’s just too embarrassed to admit he likes shitty movies? is it really more than that??” either way, that’s because hussie utilitized the rule of three to make you subconsciously notice dave’s obsession with irony! the rule of three is used to set patterns in a story, either to establish a fact, or to subvert the viewer’s expectations. for example, let’s analyze this joke:

notice how terezi’s third response is the funny one?by setting up the pattern, both you and john are expecting her to keep laughing in response, so when terezi flips the script on him, it’s hilarious. that’s called payoff, or in this instance, comedic payoff. now we can compare that to dave’s irony, where it was mentioned three times on one panel. no subversions of expectations here! that’s because hussie wants to establish dave’s obsession with irony, and they did so by creating a pattern you would notice subconsciously. this is how the rule of three works! psychology is cool, right?

so now that we can all agree that the subtext here is related to the irony, we have a new problem: we’ve only gotten dave and rose’s perspectives. we still need one more to complete the rule of three. fuck. thank god i can skip ahead!

using my whimsical ability to read ahead analyze text, i find out what john said to dave, and leave out the unimportant bullshit for everyone’s sake (mostly mine though):

dear dave, happy birthday!!! (…) i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.

now we have three characters’ perspectives on dave’s behavior. you’re probably able to put together the pieces i’m putting down, but for those who aren’t getting it: when you compare john’s letter, with dave’s actions, and rose’s messages, you realize that: dave is keeping these glasses because he loves john, not because he likes ben stiller, but he can’t admit that to himself, hence why his narration overcompensates with the usage of irony! it’s worth noting that all of these examples are from dave’s pov, because switching to rose or john’s pov would no longer make them mouthpieces!

“okay but isn’t dave’s perspective not reliable either??” yes! that’s why we’re using his actions as textual evidence, not his statements. the fact dave kept these glasses, and hung up a picture of an actor he doesn’t even like, is the proof he loves john, not him saying outright that he loves him. like i said earlier, this is a comic intended for adults, so characters aren’t going to outright say themes or how they feel. that’s more for peppa pig, hannah montana, and riverdale, you feel me? just like in real life, talk is fucking cheap here.

so now we’re left with a new question: why does dave feel comfortable admitting his love for john to rose, but not john himself? i’m sure the answer is becoming obvious! putting all this together we can gather the following: hussie wants us to know that dave possibly has a crush on john, but definitely loves him.

wait a minute… possibly?!? that’s because we still need textual evidence dave likes men. luckily, like i mentioned earlier, we can skip ahead to the epilogues, where him and karkat get together in the meat timeline, thus proving dave has liked men this whole time. boom! that’s payoff!!!

now we can OFFICIALLY put together that dave had a crush on john. once again, notice how we’re using dave’s actions to prove this, and not just quotes! either way, now we have officially used media analysis to deduce that dave had a childhood crush on john! huzzah! pat yourself on the back my loyal reader.

and for those who still aren’t convinced of dave’s crush on john, this masterpost has way more evidence than i ever could fit in this post.

(trigger warning: csa)

so now with everything we’ve learned about media analysis, i present you with my own analysis: the puppets are a symbolism for abuse, and the sex puppets specifically are an allegory for CSA, or child s*xual ass*ult. symbolism is where you use a certain object to represent ideas or qualities. the best example of this is the iconic green house logo we see throughout the comic. in comparison, an allegory is when a certain object or plot device is used to get a point across, without directly stating the point itself, aka, a hidden meaning. for instance, hussie has said their game “pyscholonials” is an allegory for how they feel about their gender identity!

so now, let’s start finding textual evidence to back up my claims about the puppet allegory, through looking for textual evidence of dave’s symptoms, aka analyzing character psychology:

dave’s anxiety manifests in the way he types. according to healthline “rambling or excessive talking [is a sign of] social anxiety. you fear saying the wrong thing or being judged by others, but you end up talking more (…) in an effort to help make up for your anxiety, and help quiet the worries revolving around what others think of you”. this is basically dave’s whole personality, but more specifically, you can see him doing this around the puppets in this scene, he rambles to himself non stop when returning to his childhood bedroom, and he’s still doing so on the meteor when he can’t find terezi to do “some stuff”. by the end of the comic, dave even acknowledges this himself by saying: “DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers”. it’s also worth mentioning that, generally speaking, dave also spams his friends a lot until he gets a response, implying he gets anxious when people don’t respond quick enough to him, which is a normal reaction after being neglected as a child. that’s called a trauma response! all of these bullet points are trauma responses that happen to people who had to deal with CSA. in this case, the trauma response would be dave’s anxiety in general, and not him spamming his friends specifically. moving along…

dave’s hypersexuality manifests in a pretty in a pretty straightforward way, hence him constantly making s*xual jokes, and him drawing dicks on stuff on the meteor, much to the annoyance of everyone else. terezi even points this out herself while dave is failing to grieve bro:

TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth

GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3XING 3UPH3MISMS INVOLVING WHAT I PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND VAGU3LY INTRIGUING PORTIONS OF HUMAN 4N4TOMY 1 THINK 4R3 NOT 4S HILARIOUS 4S YOU PROBABLY B3L13V3

his dissociation is also pretty straightforward. he constantly talks about himself in the third person, and treats himself like he’s a character in a story, rather than a person who has wants and needs. for reference, dave immediately pulls meta shenanigans when you meet him, foreshadowing his dissociation. you can tell it’s built up to an already toxic level when we meet him, because on the same day, he has almost no reaction to seeing his own corpse, and immediately disposes of it “for jade’s sake”, rather than his own. and to make matters worse, he immediately “moves on” as if nothing happened. deep pov, remember? he also couldn’t properly process bro’s death. once again, terezi tries to point this out to dave, and he’s still not getting the message. put a pin in this section for now.

near the end of the comic, davepetasprite outright says that davesprite was depressed, regularly talked about how he wanted to off himself, and implies he might of attempted it. this is a grey area since davesprite is technically a separate character, and grieving the death of everyone from his original timeline, but it feels weird to just ignore it. to each their own on this point, but i would assume davepetasprite was referring to dave’s whole life when they talked about him being depressed based on wording, and his terrible childhood, but the s**cidal stuff could go either way. again, the proof here is dave/davesprite’s actions, not davepetasprite’s quote itself.

he displays regressive behavior 24/7 by wearing his shades to avoid eye contact, refusing to participate in common social cues (i.e.: constant dick jokes), and the few times we see him get upset, he shuts down rather than feeling his emotions. not so fun fact, the only time dave cries in all of homestuck is because of onions being cut in front of him. there’s an allegory in this scene, can you find it? (hint: the dragons forced dave into the soup, but he refuses to get out of it) also, in his most emotional scene, he still tries his damndest to not talk about emotional stuff with dirk, and still doesn’t cry when they hug, despite discussing bro’s death, and his thoughts on his own abuse in detail:

the lack of self esteem is pretty apparent. he constantly over compensates at the beginning of the comic, as seen below. he always talks about himself as if he’s a famous important guy, despite that all of his friends know he’s lying, and regularly say it to his face, but he’s still adamant that they’re wrong, or commits to the bit without actually admitting the truth. i wanna note that dave’s humor is always more of a commit to the bit and keep it going sort of thing, for better… or usually worse. not full on sarcasm. this is opposed to rose and john’s teenaged douchebaggery mixed with flagrant sarcasm. also, in the aforementioned scene above, davepetasprite still refers to davesprite as a piece of garbage, showing this is something dave struggles with even while being combined with nepeta. again, we’re using the action of putting himself down, not the quote itself. (also, sorry for the image quality, i’m on mobile)

in the long term, it’s basically impossible for him to form long lasting, fulfilling, and romantic relationships. first, it’s his crush on john, but that’s just kids being kids stuff. there’s also the fact dave and rose had some sort of failed relationship in davesprite’s timeline, due to them not learning they’re siblings. then we see the serious problems arise with terezi, who he dates pre-retcon mostly just cause she’s there, and his weird definitely not gay rivalry with karkat, which leads to her being unfulfilled in their relationship, and starting a kismesistude with gamzee. obviously the jade stuff is a big wooooof (pun NOT intended), both with davesprite, and the candy timeline. ultimately, both times, dave only dates jade because he feels bad for not liking her back, which leads to the relationship falling apart both times. remember the pin in dissociation? that’s what he’s doing here. karkat would be the opposite of jade. dave doesn’t let himself date karkat because dave hates himself, and more specifically, his attraction to men, which i’ll elaborate on later. this is what we call a character foil, aka two characters who have similarities so you can contrast their differences. think naruto and sasuke, or uh, deku and bakugo i guess? how do you do fellow kids? actually yeah! cause jade is green, and karkat is red blooded, which would symbolize how dave sees karkat as the “wrong” choice, while jade is the “right” one. the colors green and red are opposites, but jade and karkat are both of dave’s love interests in the epilogues. see? character foils! symbolism! personally, i refer to this as “star wars logic”, cause the good guys have green lightsabers, and the bad guys have red ones. this is definitely intentional, seeing as homestuck is littered with star wars references, like how HIC is basically just darth vader. meenah is also definitely a reference to darth maul, just look at her double sided weapon, or how they both die before getting to their respective thrones. i could keep going but it’s not really relevant to the discussion.

so right now you might be thinking “well you still didn’t explain how dave got assaulted tho”, and that’s fair. however, i wanna remind you that showing children porn against their will is 100% a form of CSA, same with sex paraphernalia, and especially forcing sex paraphernalia onto them. to do that to a child non-stop, in an environment they can’t escape, would have horrid effects psychologically, and dave displays almost every one of them, as you saw with the textual evidence above. so when dave can’t admit to himself that he he hates bro’s puppets, and more specifically the sex ones, it’s because doing so would force him to admit: a) what bro did to him was wrong & b) that he enjoyed it in some aspect. john even points out how weird bro’s affinity for puppets is weird and definitively not cool, which causes dave to immediately shut him down hardcore (more allegory).

speaking from experience, one of the worst parts of CSA is that you have no clue what’s going on. victims of assault often blame themselves, or feel guilty of what happened, and children lack the ability to tell what’s fully going on in the first place, due to their brains being underdeveloped, thus amplifying the guilt and blame. people often worry so much about the “man tricking kids with candy” because it’s the most pervasive p****ph*le you see in media (god i hate true crime culture), that people forget that 84% of csa happens in the home, 50% of the time it’s someone the child trusts, and 40% of time it’s family members specifically. even if 99% of your experience is terrible, you’ll still find a way to blame yourself for the 1% until you can properly process that you didn’t do anything wrong. this is what’s referred to as the “the myth of the perfect victim”.

i know this is “personal speculation”, but to me, it seems very apparent that dave is gay, and can’t come to terms with it because of his CSA trauma, hence his inability to just admit to himself he has a crush on john. every girl he dates in the main comic is quite literally the ONLY dateable girl in front of him, or usually the only girl in front of him at all, and all three girls have crushes on him/flirt with him WAY before he starts their relationships. and once again, he only dates jade in the epilogues due to his own guilt and dissociation, combined with her doing everything short of forcing herself onto him. compulsive heterosexuality is a major part of homestuck. for instance, hussie has confirmed via author’s notes that rose had a crush on dave when they were kids, and that something happened between them when they never learned they were siblings on davesprite’s timeline, yet hussie has also said that rose is a full on lesbian. that’s comphet, and it’s very intentional!

i also wanna take a moment to acknowledge that dave and rose are 100% nods to luke skywalker and princess leia, who also kiss before finding out they’re related. notice how dave fights with swords, like a lightsaber, and has the same hair as luke. meanwhile, rose’s seer of light powers are basically the same as leia’s force powers, and she uses most of her weapons as blasters, just like leia. i don’t think hussie was trying to be weird or add this stuff in for any unsavory reasons, like some people imply. there’s a reason all of this extremely vague, and not shown on screen. put a pin in that.

so in the same way the katanas in dave’s fridge symbolize bro prioritizing preparing dave for battle over what he actually needs (food and shelter), that’s how the puppets symbolize dave’s CSA. now, if you read dave and rose’s conversation about the sex puppets with that knowledge, it starts to paint the harrowing picture (again, allegory). it’s important to remember that rose had a canonically had a crush on dave at the time during this conversation, so she was probably just negging him the same way she negs her mom. she was upset because she knew that dave liked john, and probably was just gay in general, so he was never going to like her back. she’s definitely projecting her gayness (and love of puppets) onto dave too. again, all of this is definitely comphet lesbian behavior. all that’s to say, i’m not claiming she’s intentionally victim blaming him or anything during this scene. she’s just as much of a child as he is. put a pin in that too! i got sited sources coming, but i can only put so many goddamn words and images in a single post.

so, i see the sentiment shared a lot that hussie just tacked on the abuse stuff at the end, and that the beginning of homestuck “was just a silly comic at the beginning it’s not that deep”. that is an objectively ill informed take, and now you know why! the entirety of homestuck’s themes are exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, hence the name, home stuck. there’s a reason the protagonist who is able to save everyone, also has a seemingly perfect home life. notably, the only other character who’s a completely well adjusted nice person is nepeta. she’s also the only character who’s able to free roam as she pleases, has a loving lusus, and ironically, is the only character without a home/hive to begin with. once she makes into the game, her land is quite literally her cup of tea as well. these definitely aren’t coincidences. i hope your allegory alarms are going off right now!

the only reason homestuck is sillier in the beginning is solely because it was a fan lead project for the first few acts. back in the day, there were forums dedicated for audience input to decide what happens next in the story. fun fact: this is how a lot the characters names were decided as well! so there’s a reoccurring bit where (insert beta kid) does (something stupid) and then the plot just moves on (i.e. john’s HILARIOUS antics). those were the silly suggestions sent in by the fan community! that was back when the homestuck community was still pretty small, all things considered. this explains the wonky pacing in the first few acts, and the more comedic tone.

moving on, the reason the puppets and the katana fridge are used as symbols, is because yeah, the tone would be way too dark if they played that straight. however, there’s another reason that’s way more important. remember how homestuck is written with a deep pov, aka unreliable narration? (please don’t kill me pedantics police!!!) hussie uses deep pov to display how homestuck chacters see their parents/lusii, in order to convey the themes of the story. stick around a bit longer and i’ll explain the theme of homestuck! just let me explain something real quick, so you get the big picture.

bro is shown in a positive zany light because that’s how dave sees him. to dave, bro is his whacky older brother, and sure he’s a little out there, but ninja battles and puppets are sick as fuck, right? well we as the audience know that’s NOT the case. again, dave is literally starved on screen, and gets the shit beaten out of him, also on screen. this parallels rose’s relationship with her mom, who gives her everything she could ever want and need, but doesn’t fulfill rose’s emotional needs, so rose sees her as a some sort of spiteful cartoon villain. dave even calls this out the second he sees all the wizard stuff rose got from her mom.

meanwhile, you can see rose admit to liking the puppets here, and she says she’s a fan of bro’s pornbot websites as well.

ultimately, they both want what each other has, but aren’t really able to fully grasp why their own parents did what they did, much less each other’s parents, which leads to them both envying the toxic part of each other’s households. i’m sure you’re starting to see the big picture with the puppets now, so to send the point home, remember that image i showed you during dave and bro’s strife? well, bro is attacking dave with a puppet, and dave wants to abscond, but can’t, perfectly paralleling dave’s abuse to a puppet. furthermore, that’s why he’s surrounded by sex puppets specifically, and they’re all throughout his apartment. it’s all symbolism for how dave is trapped in home dealing with CSA.

this is the purpose of allegory, telling you something without directly showing it. i doubt any of us think homestuck would be better if this stuff was depicted literally, for all the obvious reasons. i’ll close out with this dialogue since it shows what i mean better than i ever could myself:

DAVE: why did i get such a raw cut of the asshole deck? and why did it take me so long to figure that out? and like hes dead now so thats that. so all thats left to do is look back and try to put the pieces together of my first 13 years, and all i can think is what the fuck WAS that?!

DAVE: i dont come away with the impression i used to try convincing myself of, that he was like "mysterious" or "stern" or "aloof". the only feeling left is this insane impression that i was raised by somebody who fuckin HATED me, and the whole act of even "raising a child" was some totally fucked up game to him.

DIRK: What… did he do?

DAVE: i dont want to get out the laundry list, but for reference laundry wasnt one of those things. that was just one of the many little domestic things i just had to sort of FIGURE OUT. sorta like i eventually had to learn what the REAL purpose of a refridgerator was from movies.

DIRK: Wait. What???

DAVE: i dunno theres too much to even get into. just- i dont remember the atmosphere ever not being nerve wracking. all havin to sneak around and... ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it.

DAVE: it was "training" you know?

DAVE: but you know what it really was, it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it

DAVE: it didnt make me stronger

DAVE: it did the opposite

DAVE: it made me never want to fight

DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds

DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism

(…)

DAVE: i know how it sounds but i am NOT joking and there is NO shred of doubt in my mind that he loved all those puppets more than me

so uh, this essay is already long enough, and you definitely want me to just say the theme by now, so let’s explain the rest of this allegory in optional bullet points that you should definitely still read.

rose liking the puppets is symbolism for how emotionally neglected children often end up subconsciously “wanting” terrible things to them, like abuse or self harm, so they can justify their own unhappiness with their lives, due to them not understanding that their emotional needs aren’t being fufilled. again, the myth of the perfect victim, starting during childhood specifically. rose does this by convincing herself that her mom hates her, rather than seeing that her mom is trying her best to parent, and failing miserably. rose is also unaware of her mother’s alcoholism, which symbolizes how she doesn’t understand that her mother is emotionally neglecting her. this parallels how dave is seemingly caught off guard by dirk’s sexuality, and thus bro’s sexuality, due to dave not processing that his abuse is sexual in nature.

jade’s love of plushies parallels dave’s love, and eventual hatred, for puppets. (once again, notice the red vs green. character foils!) this is because her neglect causes her to become extremely immature. when she’s a kid, this mostly just manifests as her liking children’s toys, and speaking with a childish affectation. however, this immaturity goes unchecked, leading to the epilogues, where she completely ruins dave and karkat’s relationship for her own sexual desires (paraphrasing). you could say the same for her secretly getting rose pregnant in hs^2, knowing kanaya will be upset when she finds out. basically, she has a huge emotional disregard for everyone around her, which stems from her almost complete isolation for most of her childhood. once again, emotional neglect leading to regression, more specifically maturity regression in her case, which makes sense when you remember she grew up raised by an actual dog. and interestingly, dogs have low emotional intelligence compared to other animals. jade herself becomes part dog while going godtier, right as she has to go into further isolation during the three year journey. dogtier symbolism! jadesprite also throws a tantrum when she’s created, right after being combined with a dog. more symbolism!

dirk loving cal is an allegory how he can’t let go of his own self abuse, which becomes extremely literal when he cuts his head off. something something symbolism. this is also foreshadowing his eventual role as the villain of the story once he achieves his ultimate self, and begins thrusting abuse onto others. after going ult, dirk ends up pushing jane into presidency, thus allowing a troll genocide to happen. it’s also worth mentioning jane r*pes jake in the epilogues, and while knowing this, dirk still supports her because he believes “the ends justify the means” during all of this. now he’s officially just as bad as bro at this point. i also wanna point out that this, once again, this makes dirk a huge foil to dave, with both of them helping their respective presidential picks to win the election. i believe this is hinting that dave will eventually be the one to defeat dirk, thus finally not letting his bro have power over him, or anyone else for that matter. remember how dave is a reference to luke skywalker? well the main villain of homestuck^2 is his father figure from another timeline/universe, so at this point, it seems like dave will have to be the one to do the killing blow on dirk, the same way luke did to vader. only time will tell. pun intended bitch. also, dirk’s shade of orange is right in between dave’s, and the yellow bloods, possibly symbolizing how dirk is doomed by the narrative just like sollux, mituna, and the Ψiioniic, combined with his own self abuse.

roxy has seemingly no affinity or hatred for puppets, dolls, or plushes, foreshadowing her failed assassination attempt on the batterwitch, and her short lived alcoholism. however, she does still have a pile of cat and wizard plushes in her room. roxy is probably the third most well adjusted character in all of homestuck, and had a pretty nice childhood all things considered! obviously it wasn’t perfect though, hence the short bout of alcoholism. all that fits into my puppet theory pretty well, implying that roxy made it to the end of her game due to her lack of alcoholism, unlike her alpha self, but just like rose. her shade of pink being the middle ground of dave and rose’s makes sense as well.

on davesprite’s timeline, his sprite prototypes with cal, and one of the birds who never left his apartment, symbolizing how he was unable to escape the trauma of his abuse and homelife. also another easter egg! crows are the smartest bird, and one of the smartest animals in the animal kingdom. this is symbolizing how dave is actually the smartest member of his session, which makes sense due to the sheer amount of math he does for his sylladex, despite bro not bothering with his homeschooling. this is why davesprite’s wings are clipped, to symbolize how his neglect and abuse ultimately made him worse off, rather than “being the air beneath his wings”. actual dave notably fights with a clipped sword, can you guess what that symbolizes? (hint: bro clipped the sword)

john interestingly fits into this as well, due to him receiving a harlequin doll for his birthday, and it later prototyping his kernelsprite. john hates clowns, and is the main character, which interestingly foils gamzee, who loves all things clown, and is relegated to a joke background character. let’s just put another pin in john and gamzee for now! i promise it will pay off.

but most importantly, lord english is the referred to as “the 8ig 8ad” by vriska (not a coincidence! think about spidermom!!!), and lil cal himself is referred to as the “most important character in homestuck”. notably, lord english is also the mind behind lil cal. this symbolizes how abuse is a central theme of homestuck, and the last trial the characters must overcome. that’s why rose stops drinking after the retcon, and why dave starts… doing something with karkat?

so there’s a huge elephant in the room! if we’re discussing davekat, we have to to mention the contentious reveal scene, don’t we? forgive me, but we have to address all the little nuances of this. so uh, remember dave’s anxious speaking habit we’ve established? well he starts blabbering when karkat immediately brings up his old black feelings for john, most likely implying he’s a little jealous/insecure about that. this is pretty normal, cause he’s still teenager at the end of the day. you can see it specifically in these two lines:

DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john

DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce

see? remember what i said about dave having trauma responses? this is it. he’s just anxious karkat might still like john, thus ruining their relationship, or uh, situationship at the time. he also might be projecting his romantic attraction to john onto karkat as well. then, he rambles a bunch of incoherent bullshit when john asks what his sexuality is. karkat is extremely embarrassed by this part of the conversation, yet he was able to calmly discuss his old crush on john. so this all comes to a head with the following dialogue:

JOHN: did you... like, date any boys?

DAVE: uh

JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor? well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him... that really only leaves... um, were you and karkat... ARE you and karkat, like. hmm.

this makes karkat officially loses it due to embarrassment, but i’ll spare you from that huge wall of text. next dialogue reads:

JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.

DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this

JOHN: ok.

so lets think. they aren’t dating, but they definitely did something kinda gay. notably, this parallels the “things” dave did with terezi pre-retcon, while still being tastefully vague. the idea that dave did some gay teenager shenanigans actually does make sense for his character arc, because it implies he’s comfortable enough now to try something like that now. though i do wanna emphasize that i’m not try to explicitly say they had sex, i’m just saying dave explored his sexuality. come to the conclusions you’re comfortable with here! hussie goes out of their way to not display or mention characters doing any sex acts while they are minors, and this is the closest we ever get to anything like that. there’s only one instance of making out even happening in homestuck, and it’s just jake making out with his avatar poster. well, unless you wanna count this i guess? considering everything we’ve gone over in this post, this is most definitely intentional.

through john’s retcons, the butterfly effect forces the dave and rose to address their respective childhood traumas, which leads to them being able to beat the game. same with davepetasprite finally giving jade the closure she needed right before she woke up. same with terezi fixing her relationship with vriska. karkat runs for president later, proving he’s got over his leadership trauma as well. that’s how you win sburb. john saving everyone with that retcon shows the central theme of homestuck: you can change at any point, and get through any hard times, as long as you have people in your life to help and support you. the retcon is great because it shows you how a timeline is doomed, so that way you can understand why they won.

EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense. not because i think you are lying... i just feel like there must still be a way to win! (…) also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!

so when dave and karkat start getting together, and do “stuff” on the meteor, that’s all the tasteful way of saying: dave was able to process things, and become more comfortable with himself. again, this totally could’ve just been making out, come to the conclusions you want. the vagueness is intentional.

notably, vriska, dirk, jake, gamzee, and jane are the only surviving characters to not address their trauma at all by the ending, which leads into their current arcs in homestuck^2 (or lack thereof in gamzee’s case). there’s also one more character, who we’ve carefully left pins in until now….

it’s time to address june egbert. spare the torches and pitchforks please! i’ve done a ridiculous amount of research, and there still doesn’t seem to be a proper explanation for june egbert from either a homestuck fan or a creator behind homestuck, so i’ll bare the cross of this explanation. from here on out, i’ll still say both names interchangeably for pedantic reasons, but that’s solely because this is still in a weird state of schrödinger’s canon, and hs^2 is pretty much it’s own thing in itself. but i’m a trans woman so w/e. once again, spare the pitchforks! please!

the reason why her being trans works is because john/june spent the whole series so focused on saving everyone else, that she never focused on herself, or thought too deeply about anything. that’s kind of her thing, taking everything at face value, and not thinking too deeply about herself (i wonder why… ♾️). this is even pointed out by dave himself during The Davekat Scene™:

DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is… i dont think its all as simple as you think it is, or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much, due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids

JOHN: i,

JOHN: hm.

so you see the set up here right? the character who i was referring to, who still hadn’t processed their childhood? it’s important to realize that june/john has never actually had a character arc herself, because her story is told via the hero’s journey structure, not a typical three act story structure like almost every other character receives in their arcs. ever notice how homestuck is constantly compared to the odyssey or the iliad? that’s why! this all means, june/john is a plot motivated character, rather than a self motivated one, again, like almost the rest of the entire cast. it makes sense for her to have to start self introspection once the game is over, she never really had the chance to while saving everyone else. interestingly, vriska’s arc is told in the format of the hero’s journey as well. dave/davebot’s arc in the epilogues and hs^2 is also told in the format of the hero’s journey. he seems to be in between “woman as the temptress” (aka jade) and the “atonement” stage, which would most definitely be finally seeing karkat again, something hs^2 is still building up to. this makes sense for all three characters, seeing as being a “hero” plays huge parts of all of their respective storylines.

i also wanna bring up the clown stuff again, and more specifically, gamzee. even more specifically, this amazing analysis by @abcq2:

before murderstuck, gamzee has no idea that he is a clown. sure, he anoints his face with greasepaint, rides a unicycle, and juggles, but these are serious religious sacraments to him. and, sure, sometimes he trips on his giant floppy shoes and lands face first in a pie, but that's just being blessed with a miracle, because he was just thinking about pie. and, sure, sometimes his friends say things like "HEY ASSHOLE. CLOWN ASSHOLE. YOU WORSHIP A CLOWN RELIGXON. FOR CLOWNS." to him, but he's too zonked on sopor slime to extract any meaning from it. when gamzee sees the ICP miracles video, he's too sober to dismiss it as a mere coincidence; for once, he gets the joke, and realises that he was the butt of the joke the whole time. he understands that every time he fell face first in a pie, it was the work of an unsen riddler. he grasps that he is, in a cosmic sense, a clown, and hates it. (…) when the murder spree is over, gamzee's beatific grin returns; no longer a look of blank ignorance, but a knowing smirk. he's successfully ruined his character forever - no one wants to see him and no one thinks he's funny. hussie seems to say: jesus you are such a shitty clown. and gamzee's impassive face seems to say: i know. gamzee refuses to clown out of spite, and hussie refuses to remove gamzee from the story out of spite. it's a committed relationship of reciprocal, mutual antagonism. what i'm saying is that hussie and gamzee ar-

once again, all credit for this gamzee analysis goes to @abcq2, please check them out!!!

so i’ll cut straight to the chase, mostly due to me getting close to tumblr’s character limit. the clowns are an allegory/symbol of being transgender. it’s impossible to ignore. remember that game i told you about? psycholonials? if you’ve ever played it, you’d know that clowns and transgenderism are tied up together in one big scene. i won’t spoil the game, it’s really good! check it out! this parallels homestuck, where june has always been associated clowns. not a coincidence. once you fit gamzee into this equation, it’s clear that gamzee’s “clown” dysphoria is a stand in for gender dysphoria. read the analysis above one last time and tell me i’m wrong. hussie themself has only posted themself in clown makeup since 2020, this started exactly half a year before they unofficially came out as non-binary via a homestuck announcement. they also tweeted that they use any pronouns shortly afterwards, on a private (?) twitter account. it’s also worth mentioning that one of the few of photos of hussie that we have, they were in ICP/juggalo stuff just like gamzee, and this photo was taken in october of 2010, mere months after gamzee’s introduction, and possibly a month or less after act 5 act 1 was finished. if you know anything about this image, or tumblr user @dead12234352356456775, please message me! this blog is the earliest place the picture can be tracked to, and i’d love to ask OP if they know anything about this image. hussie has notably referred to themselves “clown gender” as well. it’s unclear to me whether hussie actually likes icp, or if this is one huge coming out ARG, but either way, clowns = trans, got it?

so when john/june have a clown sprite following her around, it’s an allegory for how the trans stuff is literally in her face, but she can’t understand it!

“but there’s no textual evidence of john wanting to be a girl!!” see, we’ve officially waded deep all the way into the murkey grey waters of nuance. so if you don’t know, june is the embodiment of what us trans women refer to as the “pre-egg crack”, aka, the phase before you realize you’re trans. this phrase applies to all trans people, but trans women use/identify with it the most, just cause we usually come out way later, usually around say, 20-23, like john/june is by the end of homestuck! huh, what a coincidence. in all seriousness, this is because most trans women start their transitions when they first live on their own. john/june’s also a computer scientist by hobby, something a lot of trans women do. this is because trans women are one of the smallest minority groups, so we usually have to go resort to online communities to talk to each other. this is also necessary for a lot of us, due to research on hrt not really being as advanced as it should be, and the fact transitioning is still illegal/hard to access in a lot of areas. trans women are also likely to stay inside on our computers cause yknow… dysphoria. plus computer jobs often have decent pay, low barrier to entry, and require little to no interaction with other people in person, making them perfect to both medically and socially transition. sure, june never outright says “i want to wear a dress” or laments about dysphoria, but again, homestuck is by adults for adults. the story shouldn’t have to explain something like this to you. the only reason you had the impression that there’s no evidence of john being trans is because you weren’t educated on the subject matter, but now you are!

“you’re just projecting onto this character!!!” and you are too! again, that’s how everyone engages with art. to think you don’t do the same yourself is foolish. utter poppycock even! however, i really despise this sentiment. the fact i’m a trans woman makes me the most qualified to speak on this subject, not the other way around. who are you to speak on the experiences of trans women? exactly. i’m tired of us trans women being berated for headcanoning characters as trans women, even when it’s extremely obvious why we do as such. it’s always the boils back down to the same bullshit in response: “well actually YOU’RE the transphobic one for saying all trans women look/act the same!!!” *sigh* that is literally the definition of an identity. you sound dumb, and are speaking over actual trans women, whose opinions are infinitely more important than yours when it comes to this subject. this is literally just the “what is a woman” debate repackaged with the guise of liberalism. it’s annoying.

“all this june stuff came out of nowhere!!!” this headcanon became prevalent during the pandemic, where tons of trans people were able to start their transitions! i did this myself, and so did hussie. doesn’t seem so random now, does it?

“hussie is just doing this for woke/fandom points!!!” uh, and what would they be gaining by making john trans? if this was about making money, wouldn’t the merch link on the official website work? hussie makes visual novels now, and has removed themselves from homestuck as much as feasibly possible, while still maintaining their ownership of the IP. not exactly the most lucrative career path. and if you’re implying hussie is adding any element to homestuck simply to please fans (yes, that includes davekat), you obviously know nothing about hussie. go on reddit, read ANY responses to the epilogues, or the plot of homestuck^2, and tell me when you find the tons of people happy with their contents. oh, and see how homestuck fans feel about kankri and cronus while you’re at it. i’ll wait.

“okay but the toblerone stuff is dumb!!!” at no point before the june wish did hussie say that finding a toblerone would give the finder the power to make a canon-altering wish. as you can see here, all of the wishes weren’t even granted, some of which have no impact on canon at all. if hussie wanted to, they were well within their rights to go “yeah no, this is dumb, sorry” when the wish for june egbert was sent in. this means that june egbert already fit into hussie’s idea of canon, and as i’ve already pointed out, june egbert has properly been foreshadowed, so this all adds up. the idea that hussie “turned john transgender because of a toblerone” is an exaggeration of events perpetuated by losers misguided and ill informed fans. hussie has been sent an insurmountable amount of headcanons over the years, and aysha u farah, who has had major involvement for multiple homestuck projects over the years, has said “the only headcanon i've ever seen andrew get excited about is june egbert” on a now defunct podcast called perfectly generic podcast. (forgive me, but any links to the specific episode i’m finding no longer work due to their official website no longer working. i’m not listening to hundreds of hours of an archived podcast for this minuscule of a clip. be my guest if you want to take that on! once again, message me, and i’ll update this section.)

either way, based on everything we know, june egbert is canon because hussie wanted this prior to the toblerone wish, because if the wish contradicted or retconned canon, it wouldn’t have been granted in the first place. simply put, june egbert is canon because it’s want hussie wanted to begin with, and the wish came after that. once again, the sheer amount of foreshadowing here should be more than enough proof, and if you want more even more proof of june egbert foreshadowing, check out this blog post! it’s great!

“well it’s dumbledore logic!!!!!!!!!” is it though? j.k. rowling is a transphobic bigot, who’s works cost money to access, who confirmed dumbledore was gay only after he died, and then she still straight-washed him in future harry potter media. hussie is an actual trans person, running an indie project, who wrote one of the longest literary works in the entire english language, made it all free to access, supports all fan archives, and hasn’t even ended homestuck^2, where john/june is very much alive. and once again, the wishes were to add something to post canon content specifically, without shifting the canon of the main series. homestuck^2 is still updating, and as far as we know now, more projects are on the way, like the completion of hs^2 and hiveswap. these situations have almost nothing in common aside from deriving from twitter. if you’re mad about this, were you mad when jake was confirmed to be brazilian in a youtube livestream comment? or when gamzee’s red crush on tavros was confirmed via a dubiously canon comic? probably not. eh, maybe you were actually, i don’t know you. either way, feel how you wanna feel about jake being brazilian, i don’t care, but you can’t say there was “nothing building up to june egbert” now that you’ve read this essay. the dumbledore comparison is dumb as hell.

“well i’m trans and i don’t feel represented by june!!!” if you’re “feeling unrepresented” by june, it’s probably just because you’re not a trans woman obsessed with computer science. that’s just you not relating to the character. it’s really not much deeper than that. and on that point…

“well i just don’t like this!!!” with all due respect, you seriously need to put thought into why that is. i can’t think of a single non-transphobic to be upset about a character transitioning in a story. and again, homestuck is one of the longest literary works in the entire language, and is completely free to access. in all of homestuck history, not a single product was sold under the guise that “john will be cisgender forever” or “dave will not end up with karkat” or “jake will never be brazilian”. hussie doesn’t owe anyone any part of their story’s canon. it’s their story, full stop, and if you’re mad about that, you’re entitled to something that was never yours to begin with. not all art is made purely for your consumption, and free art is especially not made for your consumption. can you critique it? absolutely. there’s a big difference between criticism and bashing though. if you don’t like any part of homestuck, write a fan fiction, make some fanart, or write an oddly soapboxy essay about your personal fan theories and headcanons. turn that negative energy to make something positive! i’m being serious! hussie themself encourages this!!!

“okay but it’s still lame the davekat stuff happened off screen” i can agree to a certain extent, but dave and karkat’s relationship plays a major part in the epilogues, as well as homestuck^2, and that’s not even unpacking their weird borderline black rom dynamics pre-retcon. to act as though their romance starts and stops during one intermission really downplays how seriously their relationship is taken throughout the homestuck series.

“okay but isn’t a lot of that stuff dubiously canon?” baby, everything is canon. hussie has said so themself. there are infinite possibilities for what could have happened during homestuck, so maybe we should just focus on the fact it’s taken seriously at all? honestly, the line between dubiously canon and actual canon is paper thin. homestuck^2’s entire plot is currently deconstructing what canon even means. if you wanna only see the main series as canon, be my guest, but the accusations of homophobia and queerbaiting over the davekat reveal are a little ridiculous. their relationship plays a major part in all homestuck content for years now. also, big reminder that, with the reveal of june egbert, there’s now only one canonically straight character from the main series, and she’s a villain now, so…

“well you’re just strawmanning me now!!!” my loyal reader, i understand you are a human being with infinite nuances i will never be able to understand, cause quite frankly, i have no clue who you are to begin with. i don’t think everyone who hates davekat or june egbert is some anti-lgbt bigot. i’m just here to set the record straight, and provide context for people who are willing to listen. a lot of this shit is confusing, and there’s misinformation a plenty out there. most people who are participating in this discussion clearly haven’t bothered reading homestuck for years at this point, possibly even a decade. and that’s fair, most of us read it as kids, and probably stopped by the final update, if not sooner. honestly, i think the main issue here is that people are playing the telephone game via fandom discourse. that’s how we went from “hussie supports june egbert” to “hussie made john being transgender canon cause of a candy bar” in the first place. if you’re participating in this discussion, maybe try rereading homestuck before you let your vague memories of reading the comic years ago define your current day opinions? besides, i’m not delusional enough to think any bigots are going to read this post and be convinced, but i’m sure i can open up the minds and eyes of people who are willing to listen! give homestuck a reread, imagine how much more foreshadowing has gone unnoticed over the years!

i feel the need to be so thorough, bust out so many references, break down every bit of nuance, and speak from my own experiences, because inevitably, a small group of people are gonna read this post and still go “it’s not that deep! they’re just puppets! june egbert is a bunch of sjw malarkey!!!”, and to those people, i hope you stop making fandom spaces miserable because you didn’t wanna pay attention in english class. media analysis is a necessary tool, and i’m sorry our education system here in america failed both you and i. (or maybe your a non-american country has english classes as terrible as ours? idk.)

honestly, i think i read like five or six books in throughout of all high school. i failed english my freshman year, and dropped out by my senior year. there’s always room to grow though! look at how i’m able to write this essay now! all you have to do is just watch some video essays that break down your favorite movies, tv shows, books, and more!!! there’s tons of jackasses like me who will lament about their hyperfixations. plus, now you already know what symbolism, the rule of three, and allegories are! before you know it YOU’LL be the one noticing all of the easter eggs in the media you enjoy, just like us the rest of us pretentious media analysis fuckheads.

i’m sure all of us are old enough to remember how exciting it was when rosemary was first confirmed, or when the dirkjake kiss happened, or all the recent stuff with davekat. and guess what, june egbert is going to be that lots of young trans women! after reading all of this, is hating june egbert the hill you’re gonna die on?

you know, hussie practically uses homestuck as their personal diary. i don’t think anyone’s denying that. it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why they want their main character to be trans, or why they wanted dave to end up with karkat. maybe you’re just not willing to understand it? if we’re allowed to project on to these characters, then why won’t you let hussie?

if you got to the bottom of this post, thanks for reading! i might turn this into a video essay if i’m being honest, but if you wanna repost this, or make your own response, please just credit me! also check out my homestuck fanworks if you like this post, i’m sure you’ll like them too!!! i don’t really have anything else to promote so uh…. if you’re on the homestuck^2 team and read this…pleasefortheloveofgodiwouldkilltoworkonanofficialhomestuckprojectidontevencarewhowhenwhenwhereorhowbutillsettleforanytjingpLEdareplelaplwlalsplelallaldle

in all seriousness, thanks for reading! i doubt this post will take off simply due to how long it is. i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions on this, or possibly make mutuals to yap with even! dear lord i miss having friends to talk about homestuck with. also sorry for the censors, normally i wouldn’t bother with something like that, but i’ve been working on this non-stop for the past few days, so i don’t wanna risk it being taken down.

anyways….. THAT’S why i have the bro strider tag muted 😭

(EDIT ON 9/15/24: added a new source i found and fixed some minor grammatical errors)

[euniexenoblade]

re: egg discourse

i thought it was just people saying that specifically making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic. are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?

i dont really have a side in the debate it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt

"making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic"

Sure, but it also isn't for a lot of people. And, a lot of people I talk to say egg jokes helped them realize who they were. Though I do think part of this resistance to an egg joke is actually internalized transphobia at points (the idea of being compared to trans people is being treated as degrading in a lot of these people's arguments) the truth of the matter is different people need and want different things. Me making eggs jokes with my friends is not your friend group.

This is why the recurring complaint of our side is it's never egg jokes can make people uncomfortable, 'make sure your friends are cool with them before just doing them,' it's always complaining about trans women forcing cis men to be women or trans women being "transvestigators" or "similar to Christian missionaries." People who are uncomfortable with egg jokes are always projecting their discomfort onto other people, other friend groups, and portray harmless fun between friends as something abusive.

Like for example,

this is a projection. the egg jokes people are talking about happen among friends and stuff, but this person is doing a whole "never make egg jokes because people did it about me and made me feel bad" (oh woe is you, people thought you might be transgender, how disgusting to be a tranny). The majority of egg jokes are not about random ass people, it's within friend groups. And, if you don't like your friends saying them, tell them to stop. If they don't? Then stop being their friends. Also from that post

The underwater filter butchered that. I know you can't read it but I wanted to post it cuz fucking look at that. What the hell. Anyways,

This opposition to egg joke people always talk about strangers. As if we're walking up to random people on the street and making egg jokes about them. It's mostly contained to friend groups. This is just an inaccurate portrayal of what's actually being discussed, and I'm sure the op will be like "I'm talking about my experience!" but OP openly admitted that this rant was relevant to a random blogger complaining about an egg tweet a woman made about her own friend group that neither this OP or that blogger are part of. They are actually dictating how strangers are allowed to act and identify with this, not the egg jokesters.

Yeah, once and a while you get shit like "Aaron Bushnell seems transfem" which was a completely innocuous convo that no one would have seen if well known transmisogynists who accuse random trans women of pedophilia like three times a year hadn't found the post. It was a trans woman seeing herself in someone important in history, and even if someone said something inappropriate, the backlash was undeserved. Yall say embarrassing shit all the time and no one's running you off the web site for it.

I'm sorry this person and others seem to have a bad time with egg jokes (though most of the time, what they describe isn't egg jokes but that's a whole other thing), but their few experiences can not be used to determine a blanket response to something so many people actually do enjoy and find useful. I'm especially not gonna take a cis person's opinions on egg jokes seriously (since so many have seemed to gotten involved and think their opinion on this matters).

"are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?"

Yes! That's like, the entire underlying premise of this! Like, 100% this is the backbone of every anti-egg joke argument. That's the entire concept of "egg prime directive." And, it's overwhelmingly weaponized against trying to help transfems realize themselves sooner than they would. From the aforementioned Bushnell drama, to the polls where a shit ton of transmascs voted it was ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans man but NOT ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans woman, to the newest drama where chongoblog whined about a random trans woman on twitter making egg jokes about her friend (which it was later revealed chongoblog misrepresented the tweet), the anti egg joke committee / "You can't tell anyone they're trans!!!" crew are always wielding this ideology against transfems / trans women but practically never against transmascs.

This is why it's constantly said that these posts and arguments are transmisogynistic in nature. "I'm a trans woman and I say eggs jokes are bad, so it can't be transmisogynistic you're just using that as a shield!" That's great but 1) maybe read between the lines, or read the criticisms you're clearly ignoring and maybe you'll see these people don't respect you 2) the whole "using transmisogyny as a shield" is like, classic transmisogyny at this point. We've been hearing that from anti-feminists, cryptoterfs, and trans woman hating google doc writers for a few years now and 3) you being complicit doesn't mean we gotta care about what you say.

"it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt"

Oh, I'm sure this is absolutely the case. The problem is a bunch of transphobes are really who spurred a lot of this drama up earlier this year and instead of people thinking "oh these people have bad intentions I shouldn't boost this" they instead were like "Yeah! I don't like egg jokes!" and now we have to deal with trans women making egg jokes (normal, harmless, pro-trans and literally want to help trans people) being compared to transvestigators (a literal anti-trans hate group thing). The issue is people aren't treating us as people, and thus it gets returned in kind.

What's the answer to this? Mutual understanding that "some people need to be told they're trans," "some people don't respond well to being told who they are," "egg jokes can help people and be a fun joke for friends," and "some people are uncomfortable with egg jokes" can all coexist. But, honestly, I don't think we'll ever get there.

[ihave-atummyache]

i was never there

bang chan one shot/imagine

SFW but some allusions to NSFW activities.

toxic relationship! toxic!chan toxic!reader

summary: to everyone’s disapproval, you and chan just cant seem to leave one another alone.

1.2k words

Chan knows that the two of you breaking up was for the best. Your relationship was unstable and toxic, borderline obsessive. You both had become distant from important things in your life because all you cared about was each other.

If he knows that then why is he feeling so guilty about having someone else in his bed? Why does he feel guilty that it isn’t you in some foreign country with him instead of some girl he met at a bar? Why has he only been able to write the worst heart broken lyrics that he has ever thought of?

Despite his better judgement, after his hookup leaves, he sits up and grabs his phone. He unlocks it and instantly opens social media, hoping that you had posted something, posted anything, just so he could see your face.

He feels like he’s going crazy. He checks your social media at least 10 times a day. He doesn’t care if he’s the first view, he just needs to see you. He opens your profile and sees you posted a story and of course he opens it.

13 s ago

He chews his bottom lip as he analyzes the photo you had posted. It looked like you were having brunch and mimosas but that isn’t what bothered him. What bothered him was the fact that there was somebody sitting at the seat across from you.

There was another plate and another glass but the chair was empty, something you had purposely done to try to maintain your privacy, he assumes.

Maybe it’s the drinks he had earlier in the night or the post nut high but something makes him open his texts and message you, despite every fiber in his brain telling him not to.

Who are you with?

Why would he say that? Now he probably looks insane. But your response is almost instant, not even a minute later.

it’s almost 5 am over there. why are u up?

He chuckles at his phone. You’re right, it’s 4:47am where he is but he can’t help his stomach doing a flip at the thought that you know exactly where in the world that he is. It makes him feel slightly less crazy that you seem to have been watching him just as much as he has been watching you.

Keeping tabs on me now? He types the message and sends it before he thinks too much about it. This is the first time the two of you have talked in almost a month and he feels like he’s getting an adrenaline high.

Chan stands from the bed and heads to his bathroom before turning the shower on and staring at his phone as he waits for the water to heat up.

ik YOU aren’t talking about keeping tabs on anyone. somehow you see everything i post within a minute of it being posted. care to explain? He can sense your sassy attitude through the screen and smirks down at his phone.

I can’t miss you?

Risky. Risky reply and he knows it but its all or nothing at this point.

He sends the message before he can think too hard about it. He sees you’re typing then the bubble disappears. This happens a few times before he finally decides to get into the shower.

A few countries away, you’re staring down at your phone, debating how you should reply.

“I fucked up,” you glance up at your coworker, a new friend that you had made. She had listened to you rant and rant about your ex boyfriend and it had actually brought the two of you pretty close.

“What happened?” She raises an eyebrow at you as she takes another sip of mimosa. you let out a sigh, running a hand through your hair before sliding your phone across the table to her. She reads the messages quickly before shaking her head in disbelief.

“He is fucking insane. Are you going to reply?” her words linger in the air for a minute before you grab your phone and read over the messages again.

“Should I even reply? This is so toxic. I’m feeding into him. Fuck!” You drag your hand down your face, frustrated and the waitress returns to your table at the perfect time.

“Can we get another bottle of champagne?” You ask with a polite smile and she nods before walking away.

“Y/n, it’s 11 in the morning,” your new friend eyes you from across the table and you shrug.

“I’ve officially been driven to drinking. I just need to get drunk and then I’ll go home and fall asleep then I’ll wake up and text him back,” you nod at her and she chuckles but lets you continue drinking anyways. Your phone vibrates again on the table and you flip it over, Chan had texted you again.

“What did he say?” Your friend already knows who it is without you having to say a word. You lean forward and unlock your phone and your heart drops at the message.

Baby, I need you. I miss you. Come to the show in Seoul.

You choke on air and start coughing before sliding your phone to your friend so she can read the messages. Her jaw drops and just as she hands your phone back, a notification pops up at the top of your screen; an incoming call from ‘Christopher Bahng’.

Without thinking you answer the call, excusing yourself from the table and stepping onto the patio, right next to your table so your friend can still see you.

“Chris…” you breathe his name out, it feels like a stab to your chest when you hear him let out a breath on the other side.

“I’ve missed hearing you say my name. I miss you so much, baby. Did you see my message?” His voice is slightly slurred over the phone and you recognize the influence that alcohol probably has over this entire interaction but honestly, you don’t even care.

“I saw it. Chris I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

“I don’t care if it’s a good idea or not. I just need to see you. I’m going to lose my fucking mind if I don’t get to hold you soon,” his voice is desperate and you can hear how overcome with emotions he is.

“We aren’t together anymore. This is exactly why. We aren’t healthy for each other, baby. You know that,” the nickname slips from your mouth like a habit and you immediately gulp when you realize what you said.

“I don’t care. I don’t care about anything if you aren’t at my side,” his confession just further nails it into your head that the two of you aren’t good for each other. You chew on your lip, pulling your sweater tighter around yourself.

“Fine.” Before you realize it, you have agreed to see him, just one more time. This will be the final time, your final goodbye.

Or the cycle will start over and you’ll be back in the endless toxicity that you two have been in for a long time.

“God, I love you so much, y/n,” his voice is raspy and you can tell he’s getting tired.

“I know, Chris. Send me two tickets so I can bring my friend since you ruined our brunch,” you chuckle and you hear him laugh on the other end.

“Yes ma’am,” he replies and you feel your phone vibrate, probably the notification that he just sent you the tickets.