#i couldn’t bear just leaving Sirius and regulus alone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

princeblack · 1 year ago

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it makes sense to him that bee would fight to stay beside who she loves– she doesn’t seem like the type to leave anyone behind. she’s sweet, with a sort of intensity to her, too. it fuels his jealousy, just thinking about if she’s in a relationship or not. what distracts him is her comment about it seeming unrealistic that he hasn’t fallen in love, explaining how girls in her class would have slipped him a love potion by now. he feels flattered more than anything, that she thinks he’s that attractive. “it wouldn’t go well for them, anyway,” he says, amused. “I put counter charms on a lot of my jewelry… it would just backfire.” it’s almost funny to him, picturing someone stupid enough to try using a love potion on him. “don’t worry, though– you wouldn’t need one to get my attention.”

he’s relieved that she isn’t seeing anyone; probably more than he should be. “it sounds like you’ve had a difficult few years,” he says gently, not wanting to downplay that. “i wish i could’ve been there, to give you a shoulder.” he would hold her any day, and for anything. he likes the idea of comforting the beautiful girl, both for selfish reasons and because no one so sweet should have to go through anything like that alone. “should i even ask how you were attacked by a basilisk on school grounds?”

she talks about her brother for the first time and he listens quietly. he notices the way she says ‘was’, as if he’s no longer here, and frowns. “i’m sorry,” he says quietly. he doesn’t know if he’s apologizing because she feels unloved by her father or because he’s pretty certain her brother is dead; maybe both. he wonders if this was how sirius felt, getting less attention from their own parents. “my family had problems like this, too… just know that you’re both special in your own ways, even if that sounds like a cop out sometimes.”

it makes him frown, the way emma laments about not having done anything to help. “you couldn’t have known what was going to happen. and besides that, i made my own bed to lie in. i joined them because i was ignorant... and a fool.” he speaks with loathing; hatred for himself because of everything he went along with, ruining his relationship with his brother in the name of getting approval from every adult in his life. as if that did him any good, when none of them really cared anyway. his mother wasn’t even going to let him pick his own wife, much less a career path or any of his hobbies. he was like a doll to her– the perfect son, but he wasn’t himself. and the dark lord never cared for anyone but himself, which is obvious to him now.

it helps when bee’s hand slips into his, startling him because it feels good and no one is ever this gentle with him. her fingers trace his skin and make him shiver lightly, glancing down at where their hands are intertwined. he slips his fingers into hers, looking up at her with tender green eyes.

she’s speaking to her mother, asking if he can stay, and to his surprise emma agrees. she seems genuinely pained by the sight of him, apologizing for what happened to him as if she had any bearing on it. he appreciates her kindness, though, seeing where her daughter gets it from. “you don’t have to be sorry,” he says, but he has a lump in his throat. “and thank you for your help.” it means a lot to him that she would risk an argument with her husband, making such a definitive decision to let him stay here before even talking to him.

emma touches his face and his eyes close for a moment, a small sigh leaving him because even if she was his age what feels like yesterday, she’s different now; motherly. he can feel it in her demeanor and it makes him wish he was lucky enough to call someone like her his mother, instead of what he got.

she turns to bee and regulus still holds the girl’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze. her laugh is adorable and he can’t help but feel his stress melting away, enjoying the giddy way she talks about him. his entire chest is warm when she hugs him, his arms coming up to squeeze her to him. she’s so small in his embrace and it makes his heart race, giving her a tight hug before letting her go.

emma commands they eat before she leaves, so he glances down at the pancakes again, wondering if it’s finally time to sit down. but bee is smiling at him, asking if he’s okay. “only because of you and emma,” he replies, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear gently. “you just tell me, if there’s ever anything i can do to repay you…” he hates the dirty thoughts that pop into his mind, unbidden.

she can't help the smile that tugs at her pink lips, she doesn't even notice it at first or understand why she cares but the fact he tells her that he could neve give up on someone he loves makes her heart flutter so much that she's pretty sure she's never been happier in her life. "I guess...but it seems so lonely when you don't fight for it." she shrugs, blue eyes looking back at him.

it makes her stomach turn a bit, thinking about the idea of him loving someone else. she knows it's silly and almost unfair, after all he has been around a lot longer than her there's no doubt he should've had at least one great love up until the moment his life was ripped away from him, she just wishes the girl back pain for the rest of her life or something. but regulus continues on, explaining his life was much too busy and he didn't really have time for love also the girls weren't all too good at catching his attention and she tries not to smile, biting down on her lower lip as she nods. "no offense but that sounds almost unrealistic given the fact you look the way you do... in this time one of the girls would've spilled a love potion in your peas by now." she teases biting down on her lower lip. he then asks if she's in a relationship and she can't help but laugh just a bit, shaking her head as a smile grows. "oh god no..." she shakes her head. "um, I guess I had a guy ask me out first year but I rejected him and then second year I was kind of paralyzed most of the semester because of a rouge basilisk who attacked the school...." she says it light heartedly but it was a horrible time, losing her friend mini and almost dying herself with very little memory of the encounter other than the fact she couldn't save her friend. "every year after that kind of got more and more hectic, I never had time for that sort of thing and we'll, none of those boys could catch my interest enough of they tried.." she shrugs biting down on the lower lip. "so I guess we have something in common."

she can't help but laugh a little at what he says next, not because there's actually humor but because he makes her feel shy. complimenting her to the highest degree as if she's something special. "please." she giggles, tucking her hair behind her ear again as she smiles brightly. he mentions amos and her heart sinks a little, he must've known her father pretty well to know what amos diggory was like. "well, yeah...and no um, even without him I was always second to my brother. it's always been cedric and his sister...though they started with amos...it always kind of stuck I guess. don't get me wrong though cedric is special." he was but even the word on past tense makes her feel all cold inside. bee was used to being in his shadow, in some ways it always made her feel better because now everything feels so blindly, she feels lost...

he looks at her in a way that she never knew she needed, it's like a romance novel and the two main leads were just about to share their first kiss. she knows she shouldn't think of him this way, he was going through so much but it feels intimate almost, all she had to do was lean in and learn how soft his lips feel against hers, maybe his hands against her waist if he wants to hold her a little.

she chuckles at his joke, smiling fondly because she really does like his sense of humor. however he points something out and it makes her a little shy, shit was it that obvious? she was about to lean in, say something else in response as her eyes stay on his lips but when her mom came in she knew she shouldn't. they should focus on one thing at a time and not the fact her teen daughter might just have a thing for her once dead classmate. plus regulus needed room to breathe.

emma seems struck, so many emotions at once as her big brown eyes gaze at the boy she once called a peer. she's not angry with him though, letting him talk about his situation she almost seems more heart broken or sad for him. "I can't believe this.." she says sadly. people don't come back from the dead, not even in a world full of magical beings...she's not supposed to be looking at seventeen year old regulus when she's in her thirties. "I still remember the last day I saw you, you looked so...broken down and scared. I always regretted never doing anything to help, I just didn't know how." and then one day, regulus never came back and everyone knew what happened or at least they had different theories. some were that voldemort finally caught up with him with the rumors of him beisome were that he took his own life nobody knew what really happened though because a body was never found. "you haven't changed a day..." she says softly, still in shock. he looked exactly the same as he did when he was a boy but that's because he was still a boy....he was no older than her daughter, looking just like classmates or maybe near because emma spots the way he smiles at bee as she attempts to lighten up the mood.

bee can tell he's a bit anxious, maybe scared of how her mom will react so she reaches out for his hand, letting her fingers trace against the back of it before gently taking it and giving it a light squeeze. "he doesn't have any where to go to right now mom...and I figured he could stay here until school starts? he shouldn't be on his own given everything he's been through... cedric's old room-" emma looks at her almost surprised, not because bee is offering up her brothers room but the fact she evne said his name. it felt like it had been so long since...emma gives bee a soft look before looking at regulus. "

you have nothing to apologize for regulus and I'm glad bee found you and not someone else." emma starts, eyes catching where her daughter had taken regulus's hand before looking at him. "god you were, just a child...you are just a child... seventeen." her voice is filled with pain and so are her eyes and bee knows what she's thinking, how cedric was seventeen too. she seems sad, heartbroken. "I'm sorry regulus, for everything that happened to you. you didn't deserve it." she shakes her head. "you can stay here as long as you need, I have to talk to my hus- amos and we'll figure this out. bee will set you up a place in my son's old room and I'll figure the rest out after I get home from a few things I need to take care of okay?"

she gently touches the boys face in almost a motherly way. "Its good to see you again." she then looks at her, kissing her head. "and if it wasn't for your need to bring everything home he probably would've frozen half to death, so I'm proud of you but I do hope this is the last stray boy you bring home." bee giggles nodding. "so we can keep him?" she says teasingly to which emma rolls her eyes. "he's not a puppy bexley...and don't talk like this around your father." bee stops listening though, giving regulus a big hug as if she's truly excited for his company. "okay, then...you two need to eat, especially you." she looks at regulus, and then the table. "it looks like bee is taking care of you already...I'll be back later this evening if you two need anything just send an owl." she says softly going back to pick up her basket. she had some medicines to work on and sell at the shop in town and bee's father would be working till late which meant bee was alone with the prettiest boy in europe and that made her nervous.

once emma leaves bee looks at regulus, smiling softly. "are you okay?" she says gently knowing this was probably a lot, especially her mom's rather emotional response. "she seemed happy to see you or at least as happy as one could be given the situation..."

#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( prose ) .#Ⅰ. ⸻ / 𝑹.𝑨.𝑩. ( 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. bexley ) .

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willowbleedsonpaper · 4 years ago

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Winter In The Shade III

Part III

Sirius Black x Ravenclaw Reader

W.C. : 2383

Requested by @amourtentiaa : It is Sirius' fifth year at Hogwarts, the same year he ran away from home and to the Potter's. Soon, he discovers the unfamiliar sight of his brother Regulus smiling and looking truly happy, next to him a Ravenclaw girl who immediately captures his interest. What will happen when the Black family gets involved in their sons lives and the ones they hold close to their hearts?

Warnings: Mentions of food. / Eating. /

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Regulus' eyes opened immediately at the mention of his brother. With furrowed eyebrows he stared at you deeply “What?” he asked cautiously, his mind still registering your question.

You moved to sit closer to him, knees touching as you looked for his eyes “Sirius,” you repeated “Can you tell me about him?”

He stayed in silence for what felt like hours, his eyes hardened as you saw him put his walls up again. It didn’t come as a surprise to you that he closed himself at your question but now you wondered how sensitive the subject was for him to be looking at you the way he looked at everyone else.

“Why do you want to know?” he asked with pursed lips. He crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze so hard over you that it forced you to look away from him and down to your lap.

“I- well, I know you are close to him but you barely talk about him. Actually, I think I’ve never seen you talk to him.” you explained, hoping he couldn’t read you and see that it was more than just mere curiosity.

“We’re not close.” he said sharply, his voice bitter.

“Oh… okay.” you nodded, playing with the grass underneath you “I just assumed you were.” you said with a smile, trying to get him to relax as you changed the subject “What do you want to do over the weekend?” your arm moved to nudge his side, a playful smile on your face.

“What do you want to do?” he asked back, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

Your heart broke as you stared at him, his eyes void as he tried and failed to put on a smile for you, you knew you had killed his mood for the time being and you felt terrible, your own smile falling as you shrugged your shoulders “I don’t know.” you mumbled “I always choose, I thought you’d have something you want to do.”

Regulus didn’t move and you thought he might be just thinking. With your head low, you missed the way his eyes stared down at you, watching the way you thoughtlessly played with your hands as you waited for his answer. He knew you better than you would like to admit, you were never one to keep your head low. You felt bad for asking him about Sirius, retreating to the world inside your head so you would do no more harm. And he felt the knot in his stomach tightening for how he reacted, how his reaction affected you; but still he couldn’t help it, it was second nature for him to put his guard up at the mention of his brother. He wanted to tell you to never ask about Sirius again, that no matter what you heard he wouldn’t talk about it but he could see you were already overthinking everything you had done since the question crossed your mind. He said nothing and just appreciated the fact that you stayed with him and that, that’s what made you different from everyone else. Even if you didn’t understand why he reacted the way he did, even if you didn’t know what had happened between him and Sirius, you didn’t push it and you stayed when you could have easily walked away like he had seen you do with others when they stepped out of line. You stayed with him, and even if he wanted nothing more than to get up and leave, he stayed there with you. You stayed for each other.

“I’m fine with anything you want to do.” he told you after minutes of silence.

Your head rose up in surprise “Really?” you asked with a small smile.

He nodded, his face relaxed “Really.” he said, turning on his side as he started to get on his feet, your eyes following his movements closely “I have to go and get something from my dorm. Wait for me here?” he said.

You nodded and sat back as he started to walk away, your eyes suddenly falling on the small group of people a few meters from you, all of them laughing and running around, nothing out of the ordinary but you stared too long. They must have felt your gaze on them, the one wearing glasses and a permanent smirk turning to the one at his side, patting him in the shoulder as he motioned his head towards you.

You jumped to your feet, running the small distance to the castle “Reg!” you yelled, grabbing the ends of your scarf as it flew over your face. He stopped at the sudden sound on your voice, looking over your shoulder in confusion before his eyes settled on you.

“What 's wrong?” he asked, his hand reaching for yours in an instant as he linked his arm with yours.

You smiled, shaking your head “Can I go with you?” you asked out of breath “I don’t really fancy staying there all alone.” you told him.

He looked back to where you sat not a minute ago, looking for any sign you were lying but saw none. “Of course.” he said, his eyes lingering in the distance before he shook his head, resuming his walk with you at his side.

You looked back once more, seeing the place completely empty but you knew it meant nothing. You had seen Sirius and he had seen you leave.

*******

The weekend was spent doing more things that you or Regulus could actually remember. Even if in all honesty, you two remembered every single detail.

You had forced the both of you to get up early to get breakfast before anyone else, or more like forced Regulus to get you up early because between the two of you, he was both the early bird and the night owl, while you were the sleepy bear.

It was one of your missions to be ghosts during the weekend, to never be seen by anyone else as if you didn’t exist in the perspective of others; and if they did manage to get a glimpse of the two of you, that was all it was, a glimpse of something they would never see again until monday morning. Two entire days for you and him to just exist and bond over simple things and activities, it was the only days he would stay out late with you and you took full advantage of that.

“What are we doing in the kitchens?” he asked as you pulled his hand to keep him walking.

“What do you think?” you asked with a laugh “What do you use kitchens for?” you let go of his hand, starting to rummage over all the things there as he just stared at you.

“Cooking…” he said wearily, his eyes snapping at you as you yelled in triumph.

“And baking!” you beamed, holding the cookie trays over your head “Well, c’mon.” you called him, motioning for him to get close. With a chuckle you turned to face him, ravishing in the completely confused look he had on his face, of course he had never done any baking. “I am sharing my Grandmother's red velvet cookies recipe with you.” you said, taking his hands and rolling his sleeves up for him “It is my pleasure to tell you that you are the only one I would share this recipe with.”

He smiled as you worked on his sleeves, watching you carefully as he gave you his other arm “I’m honored.” he said, meeting your eyes full with excitement.

You clapped your hands before you as you started to move around the kitchen, starting to measure the ingredients as you never ceased to talk, giving instructions and showing him how to get all the things ready. A task that should have been done in an hour took you both at least two; in between laughs, chatting and the small war that got you both covered in flour you emerged from the kitchens once the moon was already shining up in the night sky.

You had baked enough cookies for the week ahead of you, carrying them with you to every class and place you had to go. It was easy to sneak a small piece of it to Regulus or to eat one yourself since you spent the entirety of your time together and shared most of your classes, with the exception of your optative classes. Whilst you and Regulus took a great curiosity for Ancient Runes, you had also opted for studying divination as it woke something in you, how you could interpret different signs to know the future. It was so fun and interesting you couldn’t let the opportunity pass. Regulus thought it was ridiculous to think you could know the future by reading tea leaves but you paid him no mind.

On the days you had Divination, you found yourself wandering the halls alone, a weird sight for anyone who had been paying attention to yours and Regulus’ friendship flourishing. You walked the long hallways to get to the North Tower, a piece of cookie in hand as you took small bites of it, looking everywhere but where you were headed.

“Woah!” exclaimed a voice next to you as they barely stopped on their tracks “We really need to stop meeting like this.” Sirius smiled, looking at you with a smirk.

The corner of your mouth lifted for a fraction of second, your eyes already looking for an escape to not avail “Hello.” you mustered, starting to walk around him only for him to match your steps.

“That 's it?” he asked, baffled “Hello?” he repeated, trying and failing to imitate your voice.

Taking a hesitant look at him you tried to keep looking forward. “That’s still the right term, isn’t?” you said, never stopping to acknowledge him again, not giving him the chance to speak up.

You walked awkwardly next to him until you reached the beginning of the stairs to the Divination classroom, the space narrowed so only one person could fit comfortably, or two people walking very close together. You closed your eyes shut, you were not ready for this.

“Can I help you with something?” you snapped, turning to stare at him as you climbed on the first step of the stairs, looking directly into his eyes. You, of course, took him off guard with the sudden burst of emotion, his mouth opening with no chance to speak “You keep showing up everywhere I am, you walked next to me all the way here when you certainly don’t take divination so tell me, is there something I can help you with?” you spat the words, not even stopping to think them before they were out of your mouth. “Is it- is it because I didn’t tell you my name? Because if you really wanted to know, it’s Y/N. You’re Sirius. Nice to meet you. Goodbye.” you said, turning on your heel and walking up the stairs.

Sirius stopped momentarily to appreciate the beauty of your name, hearing the melody repeating inside his head and how much it fitted you. Y/N, he thought, shaking his head and snapping out of the trance you put him in before he jumped the steps to catch up with you “Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” he said loudly, trying to keep up with your speed “I just want to know you, okay?”

You scrunch your nose in confusion but never stopped, letting his words flow as he said them.

“I think you’re really interesting and, in all honesty, really beautiful.” he said, making you hide your face from him as a flush appeared over your cheeks, but his next words erased all trace of the previous feelings he provoked on you, replacing the fluttery feeling in your stomach with a knot “I’ve seen you with Regulus and heard a lot about..”

“So that’s what this is all about?” you cut him mid sentence, clenching your hands in fists as you turned to him once more “If you want to know about Regulus you can find someone else or ask him yourself.” you said with a huff, crossing your arms as you glared at him, hating the way your heart started to beat harder inside your chest.

Sirius shook his head and climbed the few steps separating you, still leaving a considerable space in between “No, that’s no it.” he explained “You’re just… I’ve already told you, alright? I would like to get to know you.”

Saying you were confused was an understatement, the complete mess of thoughts running inside your head too loud to even form a coherent phrase. You wanted to be sure he was just using you, that he only wanted to mess with Regulus and make him mad, but the glint in his eyes told you nothing but the contrary to that exact thought. What if he was true to his word and just wanted to know you?

You were certain the hurricane of emotions was showing on your face, your eyes glued to his as he took a hesitant step towards you and, when you didn’t back away a smile appeared on his lips, walking in front of you he placed his hand over yours “Y/N.” he whispered.

He sounded just like him.

“I’m sorry.” you muttered, slowly moving your hand away from his grasp “I don’t know what happened between you and Regulus and it’s really not my place to ask, I would really hate to get involved.” And pick sides you thought, taking a step back.

You wanted to believe he meant well and just wanted to get close to you but you couldn’t risk getting Regulus hurt. If the sole mention of his brother’s name put his walls up what would happen if he found out his best friend, the only person he let his guard down with and the only one he trusted, was friends with the brother that hurt him so much. You couldn't risk hurting Regulus, not you.

“He’s the only one I have.” you said slowly with a small yet sad smile on your face, and with that you turned.

And again, Sirius let you walk away.

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moonlight-and-the-stars · 4 years ago

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Marauders in Quarantine

Lily somehow manages to stay productive, does a lot of DIYs, bakes, cooks, never misses a class

But she has her days too, sometimes she can't leave the bed at all

She stays at home most of the time, doesn't want to go out either

She is fine staying at home, and not seeing anyone, though sometimes staying with her sister all the time annoys her

She definitely loves wearing masks too, because she can mouth along to the songs she is listening to

She definitely played Animal Crossing like the rest of the group

James invited Sirius and Regulus to his house so they wouldn't have to spend the whole quarantine with their parents

Though it was a good idea, because their parents refused to wear masks and didn't believe Coronavirus was real, so they caught the virus

Regulus is very productive and attended his classes while James and Sirius did nothing but playing games all day long

They love Among Us so much, they always play it together, sometimes Regulus joins them

Both James and Sirius are extroverts and they both can't bear staying at home at all, they just want to go out and party

But they care so much about James' parents, so they would definitely not go out

But his parents are so old and they don't want to risk it

But they aren't so good at not creating chaos in the house

You can find them in the garden playing with fire or riding motorcycle with their hands in the air

They once listened Lily's idea and tried baking breads

There was flour all over the kitchen but the bread tasted really good

This is how Sirius found out he likes cooking

They do TikTok dances an challenges a lot

They also do partner yoga, they are so good at it

James extremely hates wearing masks, he has Asthma and masks make it worse

Sirius doesn't really have an opinion on masks, he'd wear them as long as he needs to

Regulus really enjoys wearing masks, he wears on his hoodie and sunglasses and his mask, and no one can see his face when he's out

He also says that when Covid is over, they should keep social distancing, he loves staying away from people

Remus really enjoys wearing masks too, because "it hides half of my face, I don't understand why lots of people hate it"

Remus tries to be productive too, but he somehow spends the whole day on his phone, lying in the bed

He bingewatches a lot of shows

He thought he'd read a lot of books too, but he has no motivation to read or study

He used to finish a book in 2-3 days, but he can't even read more than 10 pages in a day in quarantine

He loves staying indoors because he finally doesn't have to go out and talk to people

But he is left alone with his thoughts for a long time, he questions so many things about himself

He doesn't like questioning but at the end, he found out who he is, and that's nice

The way he was in the beginning of the quarantine and now is so different, both physically and mentally

He dyes his hair a lot

Sirius is so lucky because whenever Remus tries a new hairstyle, he sends Sirius snaps

Sirius can't help but fall in love

Dorcas would try so many new hobbies, you'd see her on her Instagram stories with a guitar one day and with cross stitch the other day

They all facetime all the time, because they miss each other so much

Sometimes they don't even talk in the facetime, they do the things they should do everyday, but just in front of their laptops so they can be together

James yells he's in love with Lily and flirts with her the whole time

Sirius just simps Remus he doesn't even talk much

James makes sure every single one of his friends take care of themself everday

He sends good morning texts because he always wakes up so early and reminds them to drink enough water

James and Remus have their birthday in March, so they couldn't throw the birthday party they do every year

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years ago

Text

Other Girls (one shot)

Harry Potter AU-Marauders Era

Request- can you please do a Regulus x reader one shot where they're best friends and they do everything together, but she never goes to his Quidditch games due to the fact that there are always girls flirting with him and she gets really jealous over it because over time, she's developed romantic feelings for him. But he gets really stressed over his final quidditch match, begs her to come, so she does and they end up confessing their feelings

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: T

____

You should come.”

“I have to study…”

This was the typical conversation that you seemed to have with Regulus throughout quidditch season. It was Regulus following you around asking you to come to his matches and you coming up with clever excuses as to why you wouldn’t. You had come up with some clever ones over the last two years. It was nothing to be proud of either. Your best friend wanted you there to watch him but you couldn’t bear it. It was nothing to do with the sport in the slightest. You were just fine with quidditch. It was Regulus’ little band of “groupies” that got to you.

Watching your best friend flirt with whatever girl was throwing herself at him was enough to make you want to vomit. At first, the feeling was bemusement. When your feelings for your best friend started becoming more intimate it became jealousy and pain. All of these girls never found Regulus interesting until he started showing how skilled that he was as a seeker. It also probably had something to do with him being Sirius Black’s brother. These girls were little rejects that Sirius had either said no to or had dated himself and was desperate to have something like Sirius back. Little did they seem to realize, Regulus was nothing like Sirius...or so you thought.

That thought started changing when Regulus started flirting back with these girls or disappearing off of the planet with one of them into a broom cupboard or under a set of stairs. You tried not to let it get to you but it was. It was getting to you bad and beginning to affect your friendship.

“I don’t understand what is going on. You seem so moody and grumpy lately? Did I do something?”

Regulus asked one morning over breakfast. You tried to ignore the question but he wouldn’t leave you alone.

“No, you didn’t do anything.”

Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr, who had put 2 and 2 together, were shaking their heads in annoyance. You didn’t have to be part of their little group to know that they were muttering about Regulus being a blind idiot.

“Then what in the devil is going on?”

“I started my period, okay!”

You hissed. Regulus’ cheeks went scarlet as he looked down at his lap. You hated that you gave him such a snippy response but it was the best that you could come up with.

Pulling yourself from the memory of the previous day, you sighed miserably as Regulus followed you around the library. Just when your feelings changed from friendship to romance was still fuzzy. Part of you swore that you had always had a crush on Regulus. The other part swore it was 4th year when he came back to school from summer vacation taller with a deeper voice and longer hair.

“That’s also when every other girl started finding him interesting too.”

Your mind supplied. Regulus speaking again broke your thoughts.

“Y/n, I’m sorry but I don’t understand. You used to come to watch the matches all the time then suddenly you’ve stopped. We do everything together so why can’t you come and watch…”

“We don’t do everything together anymore.”

You replied. Regulus crossed his arms over his chest beginning to get annoyed. He wasn’t sure what your problem was and it was beginning to get under his skin. You didn’t seem to understand how badly he wanted you. Was it that hard to understand? It seemed like the harder he tried the more you shut him down.

That was the reason that he dated the other girls. Regulus was desperate to have what he wanted with you. He really cared nothing for the other girls and perhaps it was cruel but he couldn’t help the feelings. You were the girl that he wanted to sit at the top of the astronomy tower with or the girl that he wanted to hold in his arms at night in the common room.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Regulus finally asked. You put the heavy book that you were holding down before turning and facing him with that feisty sassy frown. Damn, had you always been this pretty?

As you were about to respond, a girl that you decided to call blonde bimbo number 4 came up and wrapped her arms around Regulus’ left arm.

“There you are! I thought that we had a date.”

Regulus watched as your eyes narrowed on Abigail...or at least he thought that her name was Abigail. He would have to put that together later. Regulus had developed his own methods for getting girl’s names that he didn’t remember.

Oh Merlin, I am turning into my brother…

Regulus thought with a scowl.

“Exhibit A.”

You commented before turning and walking away without another word. Regulus wiggled his arm loose before turning to...whatever her name was.

“Can you give me a moment?”

The girl nodded, batting her eyes at him. Had it been the year before and Regulus hadn’t developed some skill with dealing with members of the opposite sex he would have probably asked if she had something in her eyes. Now he knew that this was supposed to be attractive and went with it.

“Y/n, wait!”

You turned around as Regulus ran after you. He shoved some of his messy curls away from his face before reaching out for your hands.

“Look, I'm sorry I know that I have been a bit...distracted but you’re still my best friends and I…”

You slowly pulled your hands out of his, unable to handle the physical contact.

“Reggie, you’re beyond distracted. You won't understand what’s going on. Go have fun with whatever her name is then tomorrow you can go out with her red-headed best friend. You’re a smart guy...figure it out.”

“I would understand a lot more if you would freaking talk to me. Its like you are turning into some kind of jealous...oh….OH!”

Regulus had finally put two and two together! His mouth dropped as he looked down at you with an opened mouth. You liked him! How had he not seen the jealousy in your eyes before?

“Y/n, I…”

“Regulus, are you coming?”

Abigail’s voice interrupted the moment again. Your eyes narrowed on Regulus’ face again. He was looking at you with apologetic eyes now.

“Have fun and just forget it.”

You coldy stated before turning and walking away. Walking a little slower than normal, you wanted to give Regulus a chance to come after you. If he came after you then you would know that he actually felt something. If he didn’t, well, you had probably just lost your best friend.

When you didn’t hear his footsteps coming after you, the last thing that you wanted to see was Regulus wrap his arms around that girl. Now he knew your secret and instead of coming after you, he was going with the other girl...perfect.

Storming into the common room, you met Evan’s gaze. He automatically knew that something was wrong and curious to know what Regulus did or didn’t do. You flopped down on the couch and handed him a pillow.

“Just smother me. When I stop twitching, you’ll know that I am dead.”

Evan laughed.

“Yeah, like I’m going to do that. What’s going on?”

You jumped up and started tugging on your hair.

“I really did it this time, Evan. Regulus knows that I like him and he still went out with that stupid Abigail from Hufflepuff.”

Evan frowned.

“Let me get this straight, he went out with her and not with you?”

You nodded.

“Of course, he went out with her. She’s pretty and bubbly. I’m this snobby bitch that says the wrong things as the wrong time. I love all of my friends but I just hate being here!”

You sat back down on the couch and fought the urge to cry. Evan scooted closer to you.

“Y/n, Regulus wants you...he’s told me himself. I’ll talk to him...if you would like.”

You shook your head.

“No, just forget it, Evan. If he is going to be running around with all of these girls that turn up at the matches like some kind of sex-crazed group of girls at a rock concert I would rather be left the hell alone. I’m sure there is some other boy in this castle that I could fall in love with...if not then I’ll be a cat lady.”

Evan laughed hard at that one.

“Whatever, Y/n. You are too pretty to be a cat lady.”

You stood up, wanting nothing more than to go hide in your bed and never come out. At least in the girls' dormitory, you wouldn’t have to face Regulus.

“I’m going to put my order in for a black cat. Excuse me.”

You had been out of the common room for five minutes when Regulus walked in. Evan had settled back down in front of his homework. He didn’t look up at his friend.

“You just missed her. Whatever you did, nice going. Y/n is convinced that she is going to be some kind of spinster cat lady.”

Regulus ran a hand through his hair.

“I need to talk to her but she keeps running away.”

Evan shrugged.

“Thank you for joining the rest of society and realizing that she likes you.”

Regulus walked across the room and snatched Evan’s book to force the other boy to look up.

“How long?”

Regulus questioned. Evan frowned.

“How long what?”

Regulus put a hand over his face. Was he dealing with idiots?

“How long has Y/n liked me and why wasn’t I let in on this secret?”

Evan threw his hands up becoming impatient himself.

“Regulus are you really that blind? Y/n has had it bad for you for ages! I don’t see her snuggling with her other friends the way that she does you. She goes out on limbs to do whatever it is that you want. That girl would follow you anywhere and you don’t see it. A friendly word of advice...stop flirting with those girls that you have taken a liking too. It's crushing Y/n. Will you please talk to her tomorrow and stop acting like a 12 year old girl? It's really annoying.”

Regulus groaned and sat down. This was the last thing that he had ever expected to happen. He never planned on you actually liking him. Now that it was happening, he felt like a fool...a heartless fool who was breaking your heart.

“I have been so stressed over this final quidditch match that I am not seeing anything going on around me. Do you think that I have any chance of fixing it with her?”

Evan nodded.

“Regulus, I hope so because you two are making me sick.”

The next morning, you waited until the common room was empty before you dared going down to breakfast. Regulus hadn’t tried to speak with you at all the night before. You figured he was too busy doing whatever he did with his “girlfriends.”

“That is the last thing that I want to think about.”

You muttered as you made your way out of the dungeons. As you walked past Professor Slughorn’s class a set of hands reached out and tugged you in. You were ready to hex whoever it was when you met Regulus’ gaze.

“Are you trying to scare me to death?”

You snapped as Regulus fixed your messy robe. He shrugged.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Regulus, I really don’t think…”

Before you could finish the sentence, Regulus was kissing you. You stood motionless as he poured his soul into the kiss. He pulled away but kept his face close to yours.

“What was that?”

You asked. Regulus gave you a rare smile. The two of you weren’t “smiley” people. Both of your facial expressions mirrored major cases of “resting bitch face.”

“I really like you, Y/n. I want to be with you.”

“You’re being mean.”

You commented and pulled yourself from his arms. Regulus had his wand out and slammed the door before you could reach it.

“I am not being mean! Y/n, I didn’t know! I’m sorry...if I had known...I would have said something before now. Look, I am a typical useless man.”

You turned around with a sigh.

“You are not a typical useless man.”

Regulus gave you a sheepish shrug.

“I’m calling it as I see it. I have hurt the one person that I swore I would never do anything cold to. You could have told me sooner too, you know.”

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest.

“And you would have laughed at me.”

Regulus was annoyed now.

“I never would have laughed at you! You aren’t getting my point. I have been so stressed out over this final match that I apparently haven’t noticed anything but I do now. Please, would you consider being my girlfriend?”

He stepped closer and gently touched the side of your face. You wanted to play hard to get but didn’t have the strength.

“I can’t bear watching your flirt with those other girls.”

Regulus shook his head. He quickly pulled you into another kiss.

“There will be no other girls.”

“Promise?”

You weakly asked. Regulus smiled.

“I promise.”

The next day you sat wedged in-between Evan and Barty at the final quidditch match of the season. You woke up feeling sick to your stomach with worry. Today would be the day that you would really know if Regulus meant what he said. You only agreed to come to appease Regulus. If he flirted with one girl you were out of there and never speaking to him again. That was no threat but a promise.

From where you sat you could see Abigail and her little friends eyeing Regulus hopefully. You took a shaky breath as Evan leaned over.

“They have nothing on you.”

You could only nod at Evan’s comment. There was no way that you could formulate a sentence.

As the match came to an end, you followed Evan and Barty down onto the pitch. You felt your stomach begin to feel queasy the moment Abigail and her “friends” showed up. Regulus was busy talking to one of his other friends before his grey eyes turned to you. He immediately gave you a small smile and picked up on the source of your nervousness.

Abigail was already screeching his name but Regulus chose to ignore her. He instead walked right past Abigail and all of the other girls that he would typically flirt with for kicks. Seeing you smile was a relief.

“See? I said no other girls.”

Regulus said with a smirk before pulling you into his arms. There wouldn’t be any other girls. From here on out you would be the only girl.

“Yes, you did. I think they will really get the message if you kiss me.”

Regulus glanced over his shoulder at the stunned group of girls before turning back to you.

“I guess we should really rock their worlds.”

_______

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#Regulus Black #Regulus Black x Reader #Sirius Black #Evan Rosier #Barty Crouch Jr #timothee chalamet as regulus black #request fic #annon request #harry potter marauders #young marauders #regulus x reader #regulus arcturus black #harry potter fan fiction #regulus black fanfiction #Other Girls #Other Girls oneshot

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ginnyweasleywannabe · 4 years ago

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Last Morning Alone

Written for Blackinnon Week 2021

This is the first fic I've ever written so I hope everyone likes it. I also haven't re-read or edited it because I just wanted to get something out there for the week so I do apologize for any mistakes or weird wordings. I have another blackinnon story for blackinnon week but this week has been unexpectedly busy so it might not get written during the actual week.

Last Morning Alone

Marlene was beautiful when she slept, or at least he thought so. Watching her sleep was one of his favorite things to do. The war had taken its toll on him and he didn’t sleep much so he was always up earlier than her. He would wake from his minimal sleep and turn to look down at her and just think “holy shit.” This morning was no different. If he had known it would be their last day and night alone together he night have done things differently, made love to her, made she knew how much she and she alone meant to him but he didn’t so he just watched with silent adoration.

Marlene hated that he watched her. She knew it wasn’t her best look. Marlene slept like a bear in winter, she always had. He used to tease her about falling asleep all over the castle. Sirius thought Marlene was beautiful when she slept. She looked so peaceful. Ok so maybe peaceful wasn’t the right word. She was sprawled out on her back, hands above her head, mouth wide open with a little drool. He was just happy she was sleeping, she had been having trouble the past few weeks. Marlene normally slept on her stomach, mouth closed and that’s when she was peaceful, undisturbed, like a bear in winter. But she could no longer sleep on her stomach, not with the rather large now bump that was holding his most precious little boy or girl. So she slept on her back mouth open with loud snores. A particularly loud and harsh snore pulled him from his inner monologue. She had woke herself up. Stretching her arms up and blinking a few times she came too, seeing Sirius watching her.

She hated that he watched her. She looked over and there he was just like any other morning, smiling that same stupid grin that she fell in love with. She wanted to be mad and fuss at him but she was really too tired and her back hurt. Besides it never worked because there was no real anger behind the words.

“Whatcha you looking at?”

“Some girl I brought home from a bar once and she just can’t take a hint, she just won’t leave”

Marlene let out a laugh at that. “Oh yeah, see I remember some guy practically begging me to go home with him, look where that got me” She said gesturing to the bump giggling.

Sirius rolled his eyes but reached over and pulled her closer. “Any day now you know”

“I know, believe me I literally can’t forget”

“Your back?”

Marlene just nodded and snuggled closer but Sirius was already starting to shift them so that she was sitting in front of him and he could rub he back.

These were the moments Marlene loved. Just the two of them, when he would do something so sweet without prompting. Had you asked her a few years ago if she ever saw womanizer playboy Sirius Black rubbing his wife’s back because their unborn child was making hard to sleep she would have laughed and hard. If you had asked her if she was going to be said wife she would had told you that was just impossible because she was never going to fall in love with Sirius Black. Although deep down she knew that was a lie, it had been a lie since second year but she would never admit that to anyone, not herself, and definitely not him.

“What do you want for breakfast, I think we might have some eggs” Sirius didn’t sound very confident in this statement.

“You know we’re about to have a kid, we really need to get better at stocking the pantry and stop ordering take-out”

“No” Sirius whined “This kid cant take Foo Lin’s from me, babes everyone says we have to stay true to who we are before the baby came. Look at James, He wouldn’t even get a beer with me last me week”

“Take-out and going to bars are two very different things, so I think your Foo Lin’s is safe. Besides James didn’t go out because the next morning was Harry’s first day at pre-school and you boys went out the week before.” Marlene looked back at him

“Well I’ll go check on the egg situation and you can just have a lie in” With a quick kiss, too short for his liking but he heard her stomach growl he was out the door. Returning just a few minutes later, a sheepish smile on his face.

“We’re out aren’t we?” Marlene groaned, she really was hungry.

“Bakery on 7th?”

The suggestion was music to her ears. Her whole face lit up. She hoped from the bed with a newfound energy and began waddling around to get ready to leave. Sirius just laughed at his wife’s antics. If you had asked him a few years ago if he would be a mix of excitement and nerves for a baby on the way, he would have laughed and hard. If you would have told him that the mother of his child would be spitfire Marlene McKinnon he would have called you crazy. Although he had known he was in love with her since the first moment he saw her talking to James on the platform September 1st before first year, before he knew what either of them would mean to him but he was never going to admit that to anyone but her.

He quickly dressed and helped her put on her shoes. A routine that perfected, her refusing to ask for help and attempting to reach down or bend them up to her and eventually pretending to get distracted with the paper and sit down while he would put them on without a word about it. After a satisfactory amount of time she would pretend she was done with the paper and walk to the door.

“Marlene…”

She had almost made it out the door

“Hmm” Marlene would hum pretending she didn’t know what he was about to say

“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something”

“Oh sorry babes!” She leaned gave him a hearty kiss hoping to distracted him from his original thought. It had almost worked, I mean who could blame him, his wife was hot if she wanted a snog he couldn’t refuse a pregnant women. It had almost worked. Almost.

Pulling away he softened his face “Marls…”

Huffing she reluctantly sighed out a “fineee” and held her arms up. Still as stubborn as always

Sirius began to bundle her up, a heavy coat, a scarf, and topping it off with a beanie and quick kiss to her forehead.

Rolling her eyes but still leaning her head in so he could kiss it she huffed once more as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and they exited the flat.

“You know you’re the one who keeps bring up how we shouldn’t change because of the baby and yet you treat me like I will break at the slightest chill. I’m a Scott for sakes, we can handle this London ‘fall’…. Weak city boys” Mumbling the last bit under her breath.

Sirius just listened and nodded knowing she wasn’t truly upset. I mean she was carrying precious cargo, she was precious cargo so yeah he was going to keep it up. They continued to walk to the bakery. It was a nice morning, not too cold and he had probably over done the layers but too late now.

They had entered warmth of the bakery. She was so happy to smell the blueberry muffins. Marlene kept rocking on her heels, antsy to order and get some food.

“Finally…” she mumbled and was quick to order her muffin and a coffee.

“Marlene…”

“Fine. Change the coffee to a decafe”

“Marlene…” She was eight months pregnant, he didn’t think he was being unreasonable.

“Foo Lin’s, Sirius. And its small” She turned around to pay with a satisfied smirk. Marlene knew the threat of no more take out would shut him right up.

They began the walk home, her happily munching on a muffin and his arm slung over her shoulder. As they rounded a corner he felt a splash. They stopped and he began inspecting himself wiping the wet area on the bottom of his pants

“Marlene, did you spill your coffee?” She had stopped a few feet behind him as he walked forward.

“Marlene?” He turned around expecting her to be crying. This had happened before, she would spill a drink or food and just burst into tears but he turned around and she was just standing there wide eyed and panicked.

“Sirius, that wasn’t my coffee…”

Sirius could see the wet all down her pants and it all clicked it was happening, it was really happening. He quickly closed the distance between them scooping her up and jogging as smoothly as possible to St. Mungo’s

Regulus Michael Black was born 13 hours later.

#blackinnonweek2021 #blackinnon #marlius #sirius x marlene

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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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All in the Family

Chapter 46: The Marauder's Map

Warmth! The sensation after such harsh conditions was quite literally the best experience they'd had through all these trying times. Eyes still watering and adjusting to these new surroundings, none of them felt the need to stay so close and huddled together anymore as the rest of this place came into focus.

It was still too eerily quiet, save the wind howling outside which helped some. The place was so heavenly though, for once they didn't care about the outside world.

"Padfoot, I think we actually may have died during that last one," Remus stated as he spun slowly on the spot.

Sirius inhaled deeply, mouth already watering a bit, and feared answering for getting spittle on every surface. Not in Honeydukes of all places.

Shivers already slowing in such a homey environment, James quickly ruffled his hair back to normal. He swallowed, but not for their surroundings. As mad as he was at her, those last few moments had left him legitimately concerned about Evans, and spotting her now he realized he'd been right.

She was still crouched down on the floor in the far corner, her dark red hair plastered to her face but not quite hiding her red tinted eyes and sniffling noises that had nothing to do with being next to a barrel of All Icing For All Occasions, Flavors Include Strawberry, Dragon Breath, Chocolate and More! Frank and Alice had landed behind the register a bit away from her, so he still managed to get there first.

"All right Evans?" He couldn't help but ask, even as his innards clenched and he still felt like snapping at her for all she'd thrown at Sirius lately. It was the angriest he'd ever been at her, and still he couldn't think to do anything else but offer her a box he'd swiped on his way over. "Bean?"

Anyone hearing their last words could not be the most pleasant of things, let alone what she must have been suffering through. Maybe that was why she looked at him and said with the calmest, most indifferent expression ever, "no thanks."

Ignoring his outstretched hand still, she got herself shakily to her feet and murmured something about checking for the book upstairs, all the while James couldn't help but notice such an alteration in her personality. Somehow seeing her so subdued was even worse than her usual anger at him. He bit down on his lip and looked around with intent, there had to be something he could do.

The upstairs flat very quickly showed there was no book in sight, though that had been the least of her worries. Alice and Frank truly were very good friends, one look exchanged between them before she'd gone up these stairs had explained she hadn't wanted to be followed, she'd just wanted a moment alone.

Around her was a one bedroom, tightly packed but clearly very loved and lived in space. A small kitchenette sat in the far corner looking out into the alley way, a comfortable bed was all made up, and a door cracked open showed a closet charmed to hold the rest of their belongings. The only door closed she quickly rectified to find a bathroom.

The smell of the candies still managed to waft up here, but that wasn't why she took an uneasy breath. All her reservations were screaming at her for the invasion of privacy she was considering, but her hair was still dripping slightly on the floor, and she needed some way to chase away this cold that was still settled around her. The last time she'd had the privilege of a shower had been in the Gryffindor dormitory ages ago...

This was finally a decision she made for herself, no outside voices telling her what she should and shouldn't do, and she needed this for herself. Decided, she quickly set to work.

The tap was easy enough, and she set the spray as hot as it would go while she pursued the linen available. There weren't enough spares, so she gently took a rather threadbare butter yellow towel, and duplicated it eight times before putting the original back and leaving the rest on the sinks edge, shucked her wet clothes into the basin and finally managed to relax.

After she was done, a quick charm left her attire still grungy with use, but warm and dry once more as she made her way back downstairs, amazed to find no one had started the next part yet. Her answer came in the form of the Marauders, as usual.

If she hadn't known better, despite Harry's loss in the last chapter, Gryffindor would have just won another game. Potter and Pettigrew were juggling various sweets between them, while occasionally still managing to swipe a parcel into their mouth and continue their exuberant game. The elder Black was busy stacking various boxes of every candy available onto his younger brothers head, and it didn't even look like it was under duress. She couldn't imagine how he'd talked him into it, but he was smiling as much as the others. The only thing missing was the cheering crowd and the butterbeer for their usual antics. She found herself smiling and relaxing even more than the steaming hot water had provided.

"I've found it!" A voice cheered, from below her feet? Lily looked around and finally spotted a door behind the register she hadn't noticed before, and Lupin came charging out holding nothing apparently but he had a pleased enough smile on his face. He looked surprised to see her back and quickly went over to Potter and Pettigrew, sidling up like he was going to join the game.

The others seemed so busy they either didn't notice, or didn't care. She cleared her throat and polity informed, "err, I've found a shower up top, I'm sure they wouldn't mind, I mean I've tried to keep it as put together as I found it. So long as we all do-"

The older Black, Sirius she forced herself to distinguish, looked around at her, and before she was even done was sprinting towards the stairs.

"Oi!" His little brother spluttered, but too late, there was already a door slamming shut upstairs and the sound of running water again.

Potter fell to the floor laughing at the display, a pile of sweets quickly covering him. The others were all snickering as well, but Pettigrew came over and waved his wand to begin unpiling the makeshift, edible hat. The younger- err, Regulus finally took the base off his head, a whole box of licorice wands, and cracked it open to begin unwrapping one, offering Pettigrew another in thanks. "Black, red, green, brown, purple, blue, or the one that's all mixed together?"

"The rainbow one," he asked. He took a huge bite of the mixture, and his skin quickly took on the same tie-dye effect. Regulus snickered as he took a bite of the green one, his skin taking on a sickly hue but clearly enjoying the flavor anyways.

"Oi, Evans," Potter had suddenly popped up right beside her again, somehow unburying himself from his pile of sweets, but unsurprisingly still clutching some. "I found a chocolate ganache flavored pack of All-In-Rolls. Padfoot already ate the turkey one, and I may or may not have nibbled on the hash one. Had to pry this away from Remus and Peter nearly killing themselves for it, so I hope you enjoy such a sacrifice." He flashed her a winning smile and offered it to her with a slight bow even.

She couldn't help it, she snorted out a laugh. Through all of this madness and mayhem, something was finally normal again. She quickly regained herself back though, ignoring the bright twinkle in his eye, and told him sternly, "I'll not have it, and you shouldn't either! You can not tell me you've brought enough money to repay this shop all the madness you've already caused."

"Evans, you wound me!" He flashed her that smile again, clearly pleased as ever at the proceedings. "I've been keeping this business afloat for as long as we've been here, of course I'd never run them out without proper compensation now." He pulled a money bag, which she swore he hadn't had in their Potions class when all this started, and jangled it purposefully.

She let out a resigned sigh, but finally took the dinner bred flavored in her favorite dessert.

James smiled to himself as she turned away, towards Alice and Frank already levitating a few feet off the ground as they enjoyed their sherbet balls. Bless Moony for having the quick hands to pass him the gold without anyone noticing. He was patting his past self on the back for keeping a stash of galleons in the basement below right under the secret trap for just such occasions, it was quite lucky he had still managed to get in, even if he was sure had he traveled all the way back to the school that one would have been blocked.

There were alternately seven of them all enjoying themselves as one excused themselves to the bathroom, Remus going last because he just hadn't been able to bear putting down his salt water taffy until he'd finished it. The water was still as warm as ever, thank Merlin for magic.

In all the hubbub, Frank finally found the book behind a stack of Shock-O-Choc. They were all in such a relaxed and comfortable mood, everyone having savored a few chocolates first, that at first he almost glossed right over the chapter title.

"What map?" Alice asked in confusion, looking from the book to the suddenly shifty Marauders.

"No idea," Potter said with a completely straight face.

"Yeah, beyond us," his best friend nodded along.

"We're not the only Marauders on Earth," Lupin casually studied his fingers, picking fudge out from under his nails.

"Why would you assume otherwise?" Peter asked back innocently. He kept his hand in his pocket where said item currently was. They'd only finished it over Christmas break of this year, no way were they willing to show it to anyone else in this school! Not to mention, it wasn't really working anyways, the place would be more deserted than it ever had in its life. Even during holidays you could find some teachers who lived there about the school, now there wasn't even that.

The three exchanged a look of exasperation, but really they couldn't force another answer out of them, considering none believed this, so Frank just got started hoping for more answers from the book.

Regulus just kept eyeing Sirius, though he wasn't sure what for. He wasn't expecting some special treatment and an explanation, but he'd been well aware for ages his brother and friends got up to something around school. Even without Snape going on about it to anyone who would listen it was obvious enough, there just wasn't enough care from the general student populace to find out. Now here was an honest clue to it all, but what did a map help? By second year most students didn't need such a thing.

A kid voluntarily staying in the hospital wing for the weekend was quite the depressing way to get things started. It was nice his friends all came to visit him, Frank actually got a chuckle out of the fact that he didn't share his recent Grim sighting because he could accurately predict his friends reactions. There was irony abound in there.

Sirius didn't seem to find it as funny, blanching in unease and taking a step closer to Prongs at the reminder Harry had nearly died both times he'd caught sight of him. Was he really some omen? Twelve people had all died around him for some reason... "Oi Padfoot!" Remus cut in loudly. "Come here and play Exploding Bonbons with me."

"You two are so lame," Peter rolled his eyes as Sirius at once darted over. "Only couples do that sort of shite."

"Just because you caught Bertha Jorkins and Florence Jr. playing that last month doesn't change the fact that they've been doing this since third year," James rolled his eyes at him. "Now come here, I want a witness to see how many Pepper Imps I can fit in my mouth at once." Peter frowned in confusion at him why he hadn't instead made some joke towards Evans about trying the same, but willingly followed him over to the shelf where he could grab arm fulls of the little candies.

Alice was filling her pockets with plenty of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, while Frank was popping Crystallized Pineapple into his mouth every few sentences. Evans was now ignoring everything as much as she could as she dug into some No-Melt Ice-Cream Every Flavor, but she seemed to have a hard time swallowing it. He sighed and wished more than anything he could skip ahead, but the blasted book only let a few lines appear at a time. No one should have to listen to their final moments being lived through by their child. There wasn't any comfort they could give her for this.

Sirius nearly choked on his next bonbon when Ron threw a crocodile heart in Malfoy's face, spraying Dynamite Coconut all over Remus and neither of them caring as they knew they'd do just the same.

"I won that one," Moony smirked, wiping the crumbs free from his scruff, he needed a shave soon.

"Blast," he grumbled as he snatched up the next one blindly, and then scowled when it came up black.

Remus did so next, coming up with a red one. The two held each others gaze as they popped them in, but Sirius lost again this time because the little concoction exploded in his mouth faster, forcing him to quickly and visibly swallow. "How do you win at this every time?" He demanded as the prick still sat there smirking with his jaw firmly held around the candy even as Sirius blindly began choosing another. Luckily he came up with a white one this time, while the book turned to Professor Lupin's class.

"I've always been better at handling my sweets," he muttered for Sirius alone, nearly causing him to drop his candy. He grumbled and eyed the staircase, but didn't think the two of them could skip off without their friends noticing and coming along this time. Blast Wormtail putting the idea in his head, he'd been fighting back the urge to snog Remus for a whole minute now, the candies would have made such an experience even better.

They were interrupted anyways by the two joining them, smoke still pouring out of Prongs' nose and a very satisfied look on his face. "New record!" He crowed, collapsing on the ground beside Sirius and offering him a Jelly Slug.

"You really must make quite the good teacher Moony," Peter snickered. "All those kids complaining to you, and you taking it in stride like that."

"Least I managed to take your advice and keep my cool," he sighed, knowing full well he wouldn't be having any words with Snape. If he wasn't already avoiding him before, he would be now, even though the question of that mysterious potion was still on all their minds, Harry didn't seem to be picking up any more clues about it.

Lupin did call Harry back, and that following conversation was wrenching for them all. More talk of Azkaban and those dementors wasn't helping anyone's mood in here despite the warmth surrounding this room. No amount of Chocolate Flavored Pumpkin Pasties was going to make hearing of this better, but it was quite interesting to hear he promised Harry dementor lessons soon! The four exchanged almost excited looks for that promise, finally someone who was going out of there way to help Harry.

"Thanks, err, Remus."

Moony nearly startled to his feet, the only one who didn't seem surprised by Evans coming over was Prongs. He seemed determined to be unfazed by this, shifting through some Treacle Fudge with an absent expression.

"Oh, ah, you're welcome," he quickly smiled at her, meeting her expression openly. "I'd ah, do it for any student of course, but, well, I don't need to tell you I'd do anything for James' kid."

"Right," she said quietly, turning back away now that she'd said her peace, unable to shake the dark thought her friend had certainly never bothered to do the same. She held the two beside each other in her head, trying to age them up nineteen years, it was almost unfathomable. Her best friend had turned into some bitter tyrant of the school and here Potter's friend was, going out of his way to help Harry.

Of course this didn't explain Black on the loose, and Lupin just so happening to be at the school the same year. There was just no way that could be a coincidence, but would another of Potter's friends really be out to kill Harry?

Alice distracted her by offering her a Sugar Quill, gazing around at Honeydukes with a new eye and asking, "you know, I've just thought. Why would this place have any significance to Harry? He's not getting in here, and I wouldn't think his friends bringing him more sweets from this place would be so big a deal."

"Who cares," Frank managed around a mouth full of toffee. How he'd been getting the words from the book out with any semblance of intelligence was the real mystery today.

Regulus stopped sorting his beans into different colors and looked up with interest as the twins pulled Harry aside right before a Hogsmeade visit, instantly guessing what all this was about. He'd heard rumors from some of the older students the school had dozens of secret passages, and he'd certainly put money down those twins knew some of them. Then his eyes widened further as he turned to look at his brother, the four of them looking as if they were holding their breath in anticipation, all sweets forgotten and expressions locked in on Frank. A map of those secrets of the school would come in handy, and the Marauders were certainly more than capable of making such a thing; and then it somehow got even more fantastical!

The four of them had to scramble desperately to hide their sudden euphoria of Prongs kid of all people just stumbling across this! Instead they were forced to fix confused expressions in place, trying to make themselves look as intrigued and curious as anyone else should. It was like staring down Dumbledore!

"Wow, ah, what a marvel that thing is!" James began earnestly.

"My, my, we must be geniuses to figure this out, by our seventh year surely!" Sirius quickly agreed.

"If it's even ours," Peter quickly tacked in.

"Oh yes of course, how silly of us, or anyone to think we alone could engineer such a thing and-"

"Sign it with your bloody stupid nicknames you keep calling each other," Frank interrupted with an eye roll.

"You lot are the worst liars, really pathetic considering how often you try practicing at it," Alice snickered.

"Can't we see it," Regulus asked with such an excited little squeal to his voice, Sirius swore he was that ten year old again asking to see his big brothers wand.

Then James made the mistake of looking at Evans, five years of habit unbroken, and found her looking nothing but curious for this.

The two caved. Remus knew they'd lost. Peter pulled it out.

Sirius snatched it away, cleared his throat with far more importance than anyone really thought was necessary, and stated clearly, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Little ink lines began spreading about at once, and the other four crowded forward eagerly.

"Well I don't know what you were expecting," Remus couldn't help but say defensively into the silence. "You knew as well as us there's no one in the castle for it to be properly working right now!"

"Mrs. Norris is still there," Regulus noticed, prodding a corner that housed Filch's office.

"Huh, none of the other animals are," Alice said curiously.

"Or that basilisk," Frank shivered.

"We had to put a special charm in to track that cat," James shrugged, "doesn't work on all animals."

"And we don't have the Chamber on here, we never found it," Sirius sighed.

"I'm not particularly fond of the idea of adding it in," Remus agreed.

"How did you manage such a thing?" Evans asked, a wide-eyed student in class again. She held her hand out curiously, Sirius reluctantly let it go.

"Some modifications to the Homenum Revelio spell, had to transfigure a textbook on revealing charms," James quickly said with bursting pride. He was more than happy to brag about this to her now that it was out in the open, but Peter was still frowning at the four suspiciously.

"It's not exactly something we made overnight, took us ages to get it all-"

"Isn't Hogwarts unplottable though!" Frank interrupted. "How did you actually manage this?"

"Drew the whole thing myself," James crossed his arms with a smirk. "The magic didn't stop us from animating our own map, we just couldn't con one up from the school. Padfoot and Moony managed all the fancy wand-work, then Wormtail went around and marked all the details."

"I can't imagine this thing when the school's, well, normal," Alice giggled as she scanned every corridor. Even having lived there the past six years, she hadn't found half the places marked on this thing. "How can you make out anything with so many people about?"

"Practice," all four said at once.

"I want to know how the twins got a hold of it," Regulus took his turn holding it, Evans offering it without a second thought. He held it up to the light, then flipped it all around to get every angle, before finally folding it up again. "I can't imagine you lot letting this out of your sight much, let alone how it fell into the Weasley's possession."

"They said they swiped it from Filch," Peter recalled. "It wouldn't be too far fetched for him to confiscate it from us and for them to figure out how to get it working from there." Then he shifted uncomfortably and again tried to caution, "of course, the more people who know about it, the more likely-"

"You think Harry's going to get into Hogsmeade with this!" James suddenly shouted above everyone, snatching it away and quickly tracing his finger to the corridor Harry would be in.

Regulus gave Peter a sympathetic smile and whispered, "don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks," Peter sighed back while Frank scrambled back to the book curiously. "I just hope those three will keep their mouths shut."

"It's hard to imagine Evans doing it," Regulus agreed. "She might lord this over you lot, threaten to turn it into a teacher once the novelty wears off."

"That might put Prongs off her once and for all," Peter couldn't help an ironic laugh.

James' prediction came true of course, and Harry was soon on his way to this very building. The other four of course went traipsing down the stairs as if to meet him, all of them crowding around the basement now looking for the secret hatch.

The Marauders stayed on the stairs with smirks in place, their eyes knowing just where to fall.

Frank tried to keep reading and get a clue, but despite Harry coming up and then above into the shop, he still couldn't spot it. Alice cast a few spells to reveal any such thing but nothing happened, while Lily was walking purposefully on the floor, clearly listening for something. Regulus was watching, and finally managed to follow Sirius' eyes, right to a square spot on the floor that had slightly less dust then everywhere else.

Alice yelped in excitement when he pulled it up, jumping down the hole with abandon.

"Bit of a squeeze down here, hard to imagine you four all scampering around in here," she called back.

"We manage," Sirius snorted.

It took a while for them to finally stop badgering questions, but the Marauders couldn't find it in them to be very upset at these four learning one of their secrets. Well, two, but plenty of students knew of the secret passages existences. They still had one secret that was just for them after all, and still no one had thought to ask them about their nicknames.

Harry was now able to explore Honeydukes, and eerily running right into his friends. They'd all had their fill of candy already and were more than happy to hear of Harry getting to explore even more of the village. James expected the chapter to be winding down soon so went wandering back upstairs to make sure and drop enough money in their till, Remus going with him to see if he couldn't stuff a few more sweets into his pockets for the continuing trip, who knew when they'd get food again. Regulus thought up a few more questions and managed a decent conversation with Peter and Sirius for a time, while Lily and Alice were discussing the merits of that kind of magic. Their thoughts of those boys being layabouts felt laughable now, how much research must have gone into that map?

Frank was as surprised as anyone when the kids reached the Three Broomsticks, got comfortable, and then choked on the words as teachers appeared.

"Blast it all, Harry can't have one decent thing!" Sirius scowled.

There was a thunk from upstairs, and they didn't have long to wonder what had been dropped in surprise as a cascade of Tooth-Splintering Strongmints came tumbling downstairs, James and Remus close behind.

"This is madness," Potter protested, skittering on the last few steps and nearly sliding into the entrance that had been left open.

"He didn't even bring the Invisibility Cloak," Remus sighed.

Hermione did some quick thinking and hid the kids from sight, but the relaxed tone couldn't quite come back.

"Has anyone tracked how long Hagrid's been in this place before?" Peter sighed. "I feel like Harry's going to miss curfew before he can slip past him."

"Have a bit more faith in the lad," Sirius tried to laugh off. "He's on the smaller side," sending a superior smirk at James, who in turn flipped him off. "He'll sneak out in no time."

Frank hoped they were right, he didn't particularly want to be the one to read about Harry's adventure getting ruined so thoroughly when he wasn't really doing anything that wrong. He'd expected the conversation wasn't much to listen to, but was quickly proven wrong when once again Black and the dementors were the topic. In all the excitement of this news he'd almost forgotten about Black's future misdeeds.

Judging from the mingled horror and resignation on his face, he might have as well. He shrunk back into the shadows with ease, nearly vanishing from sight and murmuring something for his friends ears alone.

"It's alright Pads," Remus caught him up in a reassuring embrace before he could slink too far away.

"Yeah, we still don't believe a word of it, no matter who says what," James stated in no uncertain terms.

"Even McGonagall of all people," Peter laughed awkwardly as their head of house even managed to share light on the tail. The four managed a pleasant smile for a moment as she reminisced about James and Sirius being as close as brothers, it was a wonder she didn't mention the other two, even a little offensive considering she now worked with one of them! Sirius' teeth sunk uncomfortably into his lower lip as he wondered at that, if he'd really done something to make her not associate Remus with him anymore.

Things weren't going that badly for a moment, James even perking up with interest at Sirius being his best man at his wedding to Evans. He glanced over and saw her scoffing, as usual, but even now he couldn't help but grin at the idea. She would look lovely in white. He turned away much quicker than usual though with an uneasy sigh, he wasn't sure how to look past her attitude towards his best friend. He'd named Sirius Harry's godfather for crying out loud, the news unsurprising to him. Shouldn't that be enough for anyone to know what kind of person Sirius was?

He missed Lily watching him out of the corner of her eye, her own mind a tumultuous mess of wondering at her future. A marriage to Potter of all people sounded ridiculous of course, but what would it have been like? His best friend had been there, had hers? Her sister? For just a moment, she could imagine it. Tired of feeling so alone, and the one person still trying to fight for her attention, she'd cave and possibly say something civil to him-

She'd missed some of it in her musings, Black being a Secret Keeper or something and the Marauders vehement protests something must have gone wrong with Dumbledore's spell before their mate had done anything against Potter. She wanted to scoff and laugh at their naivety in such a reckless friend, but stopped cold before she could even start, forcing herself to remember this time she once would have said the same about Sev- still would! Right?

Frank was growing increasingly uncomfortable the longer he had to keep going. Hagrid's shame at not stopping Black but instead accepting a gift from him like that bike was only making things worse. When he'd dismissed the Marauders as naive for thinking their friend couldn't do what the rest of the world said he'd done, they all must have been some level of crazy. It just kept getting worse, Black managed to kill Peter in that explosion?! It didn't seem real.

That arrogant pureblood stepping off and taking out a dozen muggles to prove himself had been perfectly in line with the character he knew, but taking out one of his own friends with it? After having just stabbed another in the back? It was hard to imagine any human with half the loyalty he'd witnessed in the past few days conceiving of such a thing.

Regulus had started to back away from his brother at the gore in this story, feeling like he was interrupting something private between the four even as he was forced to listen to the grisly tale. He stopped though when he realized what he wasn't seeing. The four just seemed frozen in place, expressions stuck on shock and nothing else. Regulus drew his wand and flexed his fingers, scenarios running through his mind of six of them turning on his brother. He didn't care what mother said, what anyone said, Sirius hadn't done anything yet to deserve this fate. Regulus still wasn't convinced this was the whole story, he wouldn't trust anything second hand now if details were already admitted to being covered up.

James unfroze first, stuffing his hands casually into his pockets, eyes flashing with fire about the room as he snarled what a horrible story that had been. Remus crossed his arms and put a calculating expression onto his pasty face, whispering to no one all the inconsistencies that could be had from this. Then Peter moved, Regulus raised his wand with a curse on his lips, but the guy merely launched himself into his friend, half shrieking, "glory Pads, to think what was going through your head finally wasn't your insanity! It's alright, whatever the hell that was, I know you'd never really!"

"I, wouldn't," he managed in half a sob, fingers trying to shake right out of socket as he patted him on the back, before crushing him in a life threatening hug. "Course I wouldn't," he repeated with a conviction no one would have believed moments ago. "I'd never."

Frank and Alice exchanged another of their unspoken looks. After such tenderness, watching their friendship in action, he found himself trying to guess what story in this future was missing a few holes, while watching those in front of him band around each other. Frank read the last few lines, Harry's shock at hearing all this as fresh as theirs, and begged of the new chapter to give some relief.

#Harry Potter #reading the books #fanfiction #Marauders #Wolfstar #Jilly #James Potter #PoA #Lily Evans #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Peter Pettigrew #Frank Longbottom #Alice Smith #HP

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imaginejamesandsirius · 4 years ago

Note

Arranged marriage but they think that the other hates them

“You have got to be joking,” Sirius said immediately, looking between his parents for any sign that they’d attempted humor for the first time in their lives. They hadn’t.

“I know you do not want this, but it is necessary.”

“Why?!” he cried indignantly.

Orion didn’t look the least bit annoyed by his firstborn’s reaction. The same couldn’t be said for Walburga; she was obviously annoyed with him. “Your mother did nothing to hide her support for the rising Dark Lord. With him gone, we now need damage control. You always knew this would happen, Sirius,” he added almost kindly.

“Yeah, but- but that was supposed to be years from now, not before I graduated!” He sounded hysterical, and he couldn’t bring himself to care or stop. Orion had reasserted control in his household, which, fortunately for Sirius, meant no more of Walburga doing whatever she wanted disguised as discipline. He would have run away if he’d had somewhere to go, and almost had last summer anyways. That didn’t mean he was suddenly living in paradise, but at least he didn’t feel like he was being tortured anymore. Orion at least had stopped Walburga from constantly buying him skirts. “Can’t we at least wait until after that?” he begged. He rarely begged without coercion, but he would beg as much as he had to for this. He was only seventeen! An adult technically, but by no stretch of the imagination was he mature enough or ready to be married.

Orion shook his head, actually looking sad for his son. If Sirius hadn’t been so distracted, he would have been shocked to see that. “The only reason the Potters agreed to this was because they want their heir married as soon as possible.”

Sirius froze. “Potter? You’re marrying me off to James Potter?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” Walburga snapped, unable to keep her tongue during this- this spectacle Sirius was making.

“Is there something wrong with that?” Orion asked. He wouldn’t change the plans based on his answer, but he was curious about his son’s reaction. It was no secret the Potter’s were a definite Light family, but he hadn’t heard of the heir mistreating Sirius in any way.

“Does he know he’s marrying me?”

“If he does not, he will soon enough. Why?”

Sirius looked at his father like it was obvious. “He hates me. He hates all Slytherins. There’s no way he’ll agree.”

“I do not believe he has much choice in the matter.”

He frowned, panic giving way to curiosity and suspicion. “His parents don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want.”

“They have… reconsidered. They did not share their specific reasons with me, but they seem to think that in this matter he would choose someone unacceptable.”

Sirius thought of Evans, the Gryffindor prefect Potter had been chasing for the entirety of their Hogwarts education, and made a face, thinking that the elderly parents had no reason to worry about her. They must have a different reason, one he didn’t have a chance of guessing without more information. Then his father’s wording caught up to him. “And I count as acceptable?”

Walburga opened her mouth, no doubt to say something scathing, but a sharp look from her husband made her stop. She decided to leave the room entirely after a moment’s consideration.

“You are part of an Ancient and Noble House, you are pureblood, and you are capable of bearing children.” Sirius cringed at the last part. “That is acceptable enough for them given the circumstances. Yes they would prefer if you were from a Light family and more… traditional, I assume, but I think this is the best option you will ever have.”

He hung his head slightly. “Right,” he said bitterly. Today hadn’t been a good day for his body image, but finding out that he was soon to be married sent it into overdrive.

“Sirius,” Orion said, waiting for his son to meet his gaze before continuing. “This is sooner than you or I wanted, but I do think it is the best option. Potter may hate all Slytherins, but from what I have heard, he has never mocked your gender and that is better than I hoped I could find for you, particularly with this Dark Lord mess. I am not going to call off this betrothal, but I want you to be happy. With Potter, you have a chance.

“The Hat nearly placed you in Gryffindor, and if you had gone there instead, I believe you would have been good friends. This is the best match for both of you.”

Sirius nodded even though he disagreed, not bothering to ask how his father knew he’d nearly been a lion. It was probably obvious in the way he acted.

“The meeting is this afternoon, after lunch. You and James,” his mouth quirked upwards slightly saying his first name instead of the last, “will have a chance to talk before we sign anything. Apparently his parents wish to keep up the semblance of choice.”

Sirius sighed, smoothing a hand over his hair unnecessarily. “When’s the official announcement?”

“The Potter’s Solstice party.”

“Oh,” he said faintly. “That’s… soon.” ‘Soon’ felt like an understatement. In one week, he’d be officially engaged, and there was no turning back. Engagements could be broken off in the Wizarding world, but it seldom happened, and it never happened to high profile couples. In the last half a millennia, there were maybe two and both had resulted in blood feuds between the families, as well as social embarrassment for all involved. Sirius was pretty sure he’d get murdered before he was allowed to call off the wedding once they were engaged.

Orion didn’t know what to say to that, unaccustomed to comforting anyone. He laid a hand on Sirius’s shoulder briefly, then left, leaving him alone in the large, cold room.

Sirius numbly walked back to his room, then cast a silencing spell and screamed, venting his frustration on any object nearby. When he was done, he was breathing heavily, and only felt marginally better. He repaired everything he’d broken but knew that if he picked any of them up to put in their correct places, he’d end up throwing them again.

He flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling for hours, though it didn’t feel like it had been that long. Someone knocked on his door and opened it a minute later when he didn’t answer.

“Sirius?” It was Regulus. “It’s time for lunch.”

Sirius wordlessly stood and followed him, eating on autopilot and silently getting to his feet when Orion asked him to get dressed for the meeting.

He got dressed, finally getting his wits back as he moved. He was tempted to wear his favoured muggle attire, but he knew that he’d be forced into robes before the Potter’s showed up. Sometimes, putting up a fight for the sake of it was nice, but he just… didn’t care right now. Getting dressed in the proper clothes wasn’t a fight he felt like having. He did pull his hair back though, figuring that they might let him get away with it. If they didn’t, it would be easy to take down.

When he walked downstairs, Walburga didn’t even glance at him, and Orion gave him a look to make sure his outfit was appropriate. His eyes lingered on his hair, but he turned back to his book without saying anything. Regulus was the only one with a smile for him, which Sirius returned, flopping on the couch next to his brother to wait for the Potter’s to arrive.

They sat in dreaded silence-- for Sirius at least-- for several minutes before the bell rang throughout the house, a small crack signalling a house elf’s apparition to the door to answer. Orion stood and they all followed suit. “Try to behave yourself,” he said, but there was no heat behind it, merely the obligation he felt to say it. Personally, Sirius thought they overreacted; he wasn’t half so rebellious as they thought.

Mipsy led the group of three into the room where the Blacks were waiting, bowing before leaving. The air was tense around them, but Orion, Fleamont, and Euphemia all pretended it wasn’t there. They exchanged greetings, officially presenting Sirius and James respectively, who shared uneasy looks and nods of acknowledgement.

“How about we let these two talk while we sort out a few details?” Euphemia suggested.

Regulus was temporarily dismissed and the adults all left them alone in the room to… what, talk?

“Well this is great,” James said, mussing his somewhat tamed hair that must’ve taken a half hour to get that way.

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, totally.”

Silence.

“So I take it this wasn’t your idea?” James ventured.

Sirius replied with a harsh bark of laughter and shook his head. “They told me this morning. There wasn’t any ‘choice’ about it, let alone ‘idea’. You?”

“Mum and Dad told me a few days ago, but I was trying to get out of it. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, but,” he shrugged.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Although it was news to him that James didn’t think there was anything wrong with him. Maybe what he meant was that physically there was nothing wrong with him. “So where did this come from? Father said it was your parents who were out looking to marry you off quickly.”

James made a face. “You know Evans?”

“That Gryffindor girl you’ve been chasing for the past six years, loudly and publicly? Hard to miss.”

He didn’t look the least bit bothered by Sirius’s somewhat condescending tone. “Yeah, well, apparently they were worried I’d get married to her or something and wanted to make sure I had pureblooded kids.”

Sirius blinked. “Tell me you’re joking. We have to get married because your parents are worried about you and Evans getting together? She won’t give you the time of day! It’s more likely that we’d actually choose to marry each other than you’d get a date with her.”

James rolled his eyes. “Well, I know that. But it took me a little bit to work out what they thought, and by that point they thought I’d say anything to get out of this. No offense,” he added.

It was Sirius’s turn to roll his eyes. “Please, like I don’t know you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” At Sirius’s disbelieving look, he said, “What? I don’t. I mean, yeah you’re a Slytherin and all that rot, but you seem alright.”

“A true compliment to be sure,” he replied flatly.

James scowled. “You look nice.”

“What?” Sirius said, completely thrown off by the random comment.

“You look nice,” he repeated.

“Er, thanks?”

“You wanted a compliment, so there.”

“Oh. Thanks,” he said again, more genuinely this time. There was a pause, then Sirius mused, “I wonder what this will do for your reputation.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re doing this to fix ours, but I can’t imagine this will help yours at all. Might make it worse, given that you’re marrying a person from a prominent Dark family, and a disgraced member of it, no less.”

“You’re not a disgrace,” James said automatically, as if he’d said it innumerable times before.

Sirius gave him a strange look for that but dismissed it to the back of his mind to think on later. “It’s nice that you think so,” he said airily. “What about at Hogwarts? Once the announcement is out, everyone’s opinion of you will change.”

He shrugged, completely uncaring. “Fuck them, it doesn’t change anything.”

Sirius shot him an amused look. “Getting married to someone you hate won’t change anything?”

“I don’t hate you,” he repeated, looking irritated with him for even thinking it. “What I meant was it won’t change who my friends are, that I’m Quidditch Captain, or how I do in class.”

“But it will change how the rest of your housemates treat you, what they say to you, and how they act around you. Marrying the prettiest bloke around won’t help you any since he’s in a House you openly despise,” he said with a wink.

James glared at him, and he was slightly taken aback by how annoyed James seemed to be with him. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” he asked, genuinely confused. Salazar and his brother said he was an emotional rollercoaster. He had nothing on James.

“Saying that I hate you. I don’t. Merlin, Sirius, the only people that hate you are arseholes.”

Apparently the basis of James and Sirius’s relationship would be annoying the shit out of each other and lying about obvious truths. “I’m sure,” he said dryly. “Besides, why do you care? We’ll be stuck together whether I believe you hate me or not.”

He didn’t say anything and averted his eyes. After a minute, Sirius got tired of waiting for an answer.

“I guess you’ll have to start caring what people say about me now that we’re betrothed. Upkeep on your rep and all. Word of advice, Potter-” James held back a wince at being called by his last name “-you can’t hex any- and every- one that insults me because there will be no one left for you to talk to. Just ignore them.”

James hated that idea, but agreed. “Fine. Oh,” he added, “and call me James.” He waved a hand vaguely. “Getting married and all, no reason to make it confusing when your last name will be the same soon.”

Sirius tried for a grin but it came out a grimace. He gave up the effort after a few seconds. “Right. Sirius Potter.” They stood in awkward quiet for a minute before Sirius suggested they go to their parents. James readily agreed and they left, keeping a sizable distance between each other.

“Moony just trust me.”

Remus looked at him skeptically. “I trust you with me, but I don’t trust you with you.”

“Are you not making sense on purpose?”

Remus sighed. He loved James-- really he did-- but he could be obtuse. Hell, Remus had been the one to tell James his obsession with Sirius wasn’t as academic as he assumed. “James,” he said patiently, “just because Sirius isn’t wildly opposed to this doesn’t mean he’s going to…” fall in love “-with you. I don’t want you to get your hopes up and get hurt.”

“I can be charming,” he said indignantly.

“Not when you’re trying too hard you can’t.”

James glared at him, because he knew he was right. If he was capable of wooing someone, then he and Lily would’ve had at least one date, even if it would have turned out wildly unsuccessful. “I’m not saying he will like me, I’m just saying it’s a possibility. He doesn’t hate me, and we’ll be,” James gestured vaguely, “married, so we’ll be around each other all the time. Maybe I’ll grow on him.”

“Just be yourself. It worked for me and Pete,” he offered.

“Neither of you fancy me though, we’re just friends,” James grumbled.

Remus studied him for a minute before deciding that he would say it. “I think you and Sirius being friends is the most probable best case scenario you’re going to get Prongs.” James deflated, looking like a kicked puppy, and Remus wanted to take it back just so he wouldn’t look so sad but restrained himself. Barely. The words were out there, and claiming they were a lie wasn’t going to help him. “Sorry.”

James shrugged, shoulders tight. “You’re telling the truth. It’s fine to dream sometimes but… well. I wouldn’t want to live the rest of my life waiting and hoping for something that would never happen. But I still think you’re wrong.”

Their engagement was announced and everyone at the party was nice about it because that's why they'd been invited. It wasn't just the Potter's Solstice Party; it was their announcement to high society, and the guest list had been adjusted accordingly. Everyone congratulated them, and Sirius had to field a disturbingly high number of women that wanted to talk to him about their wedding night. Telling one to bugger off had ended with her getting insulted and Orion forcing Sirius to apologise. Telling another that he'd already had sex had scandalized her into lecturing him, nevermind that it was a lie. He got in trouble for that one too since Walburga had come up in the middle of the lecture, dragging him away to yell at him in private before returning to the party. After that, he just stood there and sipped at his drink and let them talk themselves hoarse. Normally he would've tried harder to get out of it, but across the room, he saw James getting similar treatment.

Sirius held onto the vague hope that they would have a long engagement, but it wasn't really a surprise when they ended up getting married a month after announcing their engagement. He was pretty sure that Orion had said something about the Potter parents wanting for James to get married as soon as possible when he was told about this whole bloody situation. Sirius knew that some day he'd have to have sex with James, but he'd let him know in advance not to expect anything on their wedding night. They ended the day with a single kiss from the ceremony, and that was that.

As a married couple, they had to live together. Neither of their parents were willing to let them live together all on their own when they were about to go to Hogwarts for another year, so Sirius had to move into the Potter mansion.

He hated it.

Oh sure it was nicer than Grimmauld Place and there were far less cursed objects to be wary of, but it felt like he was in enemy territory at all times. Him and James shared a room because of course they did, and the entire house wasn't safe from prying eyes. He had nowhere to go and relax. It sure as fuck didn't help that James kept inviting his friends over, so he couldn't even get some sodding quiet on a regular basis. Say what you want about Slytherins, but at least they were quiet.

And James's mates came by. Every. Bloody. Day. Or almost every day, which was just as bad since he never knew what days he'd have all alone and what days would get crashed by two very loud Gryffindors. In some misguided attempt to either bother him or make him feel included, they talked to him when they were over if he wasn't busy. It meant that Sirius spent a lot of time with Euphemia. She was alright, except for the part where she was trying to teach Sirius how to take care of a household.

His choices came down to being annoyed by her, or being annoyed by James and his mates. James, for reasons unknown, was still trying to convince Sirius that he liked him alright. So far, he'd been strong armed into learning how to clean dishes, and how to cook two kinds of soup.

There was some good news amidst all of this. He didn't have to see his parents anymore, which was nice. They sent him a couple letters, but he didn't even have to reply. It was the sort of avoidance he didn't think he'd get for a few more years, and he was loving it. The other good news was that no one here cared how he dressed. No one yelled at him when he pulled back his hair or wore a tee for a muggle punk band. No one gave a shite that he wore denim trousers, and they didn't even get mad when he listened to his music-- he figured they would get mad if he turned it as loud as he really wanted, but they were being pretty nice to him, so he didn't bother testing it.

He hadn't seen Regulus since moving out. Orion and Walburga were pretty strict on how they saw over break, so it wasn't all that surprising. Disappointing, but not surprising.

"Sirius?" Euphemia said, one morning when he'd thought he had managed to get out of his spousal lessons to 'work on homework'. He wasn't doing homework; he'd finished it all in the week after they'd gotten married, which was why he'd run out of material to hide behind. He'd decided that reading his transfiguration textbook front to back was a better use of his time than letting Mrs. Potter teach him how to properly season a chicken.

He'd thought he had a pretty good excuse up until now. He bit back a sigh and looked up at her. "Yes, Mrs. Potter?"

"You can call me Mum or Euphemia, you know," she reminded him, just as she did every time he called her Mrs. Potter. "Your brother's here to see you."

Sirius froze, then shot up from his seat, letting the book fall closed without marking his page. "Thanks, Mrs. Potter!" he called, running from the room. He ran to the entryway, where Regulus was standing. He looked horribly out of place here. Without the stone of Hogwarts or the dim, crowded feel of Grimmauld Place, he looked almost... too bright. Sirius was used to seeing him a lot smaller, in more bleak lighting. That was a depressing road he was going down, so he stopped thinking about that and nearly bowled him over with a hug. "Oh Merlin, I am so glad to see you."

"That bad?" Regulus asked quietly.

"It's-" Sirius paused. "Better than with our parents, but you're not here and I don't know if you've noticed, but you're kind of my only friend, so it's not like I'm getting a whole lot done without their rules." He saw that Regulus was carrying something now that he let go and had the space to see it. "What's with the bag?"

"Hm? Oh, some things you left at Grimmauld Place."

"If I left it there, I probably didn't want it," Sirius said, but he accepted it when Regulus handed it over. He peeked inside, then grinned. It was all the stuff that he couldn't find when he was packing. He knew that Walburga had refused to let him bring some of his belongings with him, thinking that its existence would somehow embarrass her if the Potter's found out about it. She knew that they only way to keep him from bringing some of his shite was if he couldn't find it, so. He'd kind of thought that she'd burned it, so to see that Regulus had rescued all of those items was nothing short of amazing. "Thanks."

"I'm not sure I managed to get everything," he said apologetically, and Sirius shook his head.

"This is plenty. Thanks. Can you- I mean, you don't have to go back right away, yeah?"

"No, I can stay for a while."

Sirius grinned. "Great. I'll put this away and we can... catch up. Chat. I dunno; we'll think of something."

"Please. I'm in no hurry to get home."

"Why? Not that I'm trying to run you off; I could use the company."

Regulus snorted. "You remember what it's like there, don't you?"

"Oh. Ha, yeah."

"Sort of really sucks without you there," Regulus muttered. "Not sure how I'm going to survive another three years there."

"You can visit."

"Yeah, but it's not going to be the same."

Sirius dumped the bag on his side of the bed and turned to leave again. He wanted to get in and out as quickly as he could so that he didn't have to think about the fact that he was sharing a bed with James.

But Regulus had noticed. "You don't even get your own room?"

"We're married," Sirius said dismissively. He grabbed Regulus's arm and pulled him from the room. Regulus reluctantly let it happen. Sirius shut the door because otherwise, who knew how long Regulus would stand there staring?

"You shouldn't have to do that."

"Shouldn't have to do what?" Sirius asked, looking straight at him. Challenging. Say what you mean, he silently dared.

Regulus must have learnt some courage since Sirius moved out, because he did. "It's bad enough that you have to live here, and it's even worse that you have to sleep with him, but not getting your own room? You deserve to have some bloody space."

"What part of married aren't you getting? Besides, it's only for the rest of the summer."

"Right," Regulus said, rolling his eyes, "I'm sure that once you graduate from Hogwarts, he won't expect anything from you at all."

"You make it sound like I'm being taken advantage of."

"Aren't you?"

"No." They stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them willing to back down. "Whatever. I don't want to argue with you. You want to play a game of Snap?" Sirius started walking down the hallway again, and Regulus followed.

"You know I hate playing Snap."

"Fine, we'll be boring old men and play chess. I don't know why you hate Snap; you're good at it."

"It's too fast. You never have time to just sit and think. Besides, you're the only old one here," Regulus said, elbowing him.

"I'm not even eighteen," Sirius said, elbowing him back.

"Yeah, but you're married, that makes you old."

"You're the one that likes playing chess."

"Playing chess doesn't make you old," Regulus argued.

"Keep telling yourself that old man."

"You're such a shite."

Sirius grinned at him. "See? I'm reminding you why you're glad I'm gone."

"Try as much as you want, you won't be able to do it."

"Aww, I knew you loved me."

"For Salazar's sake, I'm about to leave you here all alone," Regulus threatened, but there was no heat behind it.

Sirius hummed. "If you did that, I'd be able to finish reading all my textbooks before the start of them."

"You're reading your textbooks?"

"It's not like I have much else I want to be doing," Sirius said with a shrug.

Regulus didn't say anything. When Sirius glanced at him, his face was drawn.

"It was just a joke," Sirius said, nudging him.

"No it wasn't," Regulus said quietly. "That makes it worse."

"Hey, I agreed to play chess with you; let's drop all this other shite."

"...Fine."

They got through two games-- Regulus won both of them-- and had started on a third when James showed his face. Naturally, it was with his mates at his side.

"You must be Sirius's brother," James said with an attempt at a warm smile. He fell short.

"What gave it away," Regulus said flatly.

"Regulus," Sirius warned.

Regulus ignored him. "You realise we go to the same school, right Potter? We've met before."

"Oh. Right."

"And we saw each other at the wedding."

"Yeah." James shifted awkwardly. "Well, just wanted to say hi before we went outside."

Sirius waved, which Peter and Remus returned. It was awkward. They were all trying to make the best of it. Sirius grit his teeth and didn't say anything until they'd all walked away. "What the hell was that?"

"What?"

"You were being an arse."

"He introduced himself to me. We've known each other for years. He's a bloody idiot."

"Who cares? You can't treat him like that."

"Why, because he's your sodding husband? You don't love him. You don't even like him."

"That doesn't matter. They could stop you from visiting if they want to, and you're egging them on."

Regulus paused. "They would do that?"

"I dunno, but I don't want to risk it."

"That's why you're being like this," Regulus said, leaning back in his chair. He folded his arms over his chest, looking at Sirius like he could see right through him. "You think they're going to treat you like shite if you act like yourself."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing, so stop making it harder. After a while, I probably won't have to do it, but for now, I'm going to bloody behave and you should too."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Regulus shook his head. "I can't believe you're doing this," he muttered. "I sort of thought that you'd never do what someone told you to."

"Well, times change. I'm adapting."

Regulus left, and with him, any sense of happiness that Sirius had managed to work up. He'd pretended he was fine for Regulus, because that's what he always did. Now that he was gone, it was hard for Sirius to convince himself that he was fine with the way things were. He had exactly one friend and it was his brother, and he buggering missed him.

"You okay?" James asked. His mates had left for the day. His parents had had to go to some fancy party with the other hoity-toity couples of the Wizarding World.

Sirius was laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. From the corner of his eye, he could see James sit down in one of the armchairs nearby. "Yeah," Sirius said, not putting much energy into the lie. He was bored. Reading textbooks was exactly as thrilling as it sounded. "D'you know when your parents are getting back?"

"Party ends at midnight. I think Mum said they were staying the whole time. Why?"

"You know what we should do?"

"Er. No. Because we don't really do stuff together. Pretty sure you like to pretend I don't exist."

He wasn't wrong, so Sirius didn't bother correcting him. He didn't care to make it believable right now. Sirius rolled his head to look at him. "We should have sex."

James blinked, blushing. "What?"

"You heard me."

"But- but I thought you said you didn't want to."

"Yeah, a month ago. It's different now."

"Is it? We haven't even- I mean, we haven't kissed or anything."

"Fine, then let's snog."

"You want to snog?"

"It's what I just said innit?"

"Since when do you want to do that?"

Sirius propped himself up. "I'm bored."

"You want to fool around because you're bored?" James repeated doubtfully.

It wasn't the complete truth. Yes he was bored, but that was mostly an excuse that he was giving James. The honest truth was that Regulus's visit had gotten him thinking. He'd been living in limbo. He hadn't committed to living here and being married to James because he kept hoping that it wouldn't last. Logically, he'd known that it would, but he'd needed an additional nudge. At some point, him and James were going to need to have sex, and... well, he'd gotten used to the idea. "Why are you acting like this bothers you? I've seen you check me out; it's not like you don't find me attractive."

James's blush deepened. "Well- yeah. But there's a difference between... that, and what you're suggesting."

"Of course there's a difference. It's a good difference. The difference is both of us getting laid."

James cleared his throat and shifted a little in his seat. Sirius almost laughed at the realisation that James was getting turned on thinking about it, but he was finally making some progress and he wasn't going to throw it out the window.

"We don't have to," Sirius said, letting himself fall back down onto the couch. It wasn't innocent flopping; he was giving James a chance to look at him with sex in mind without worrying that Sirius would catch him. "It was just a suggestion."

James was silent for a minute, mulling it over. "If we did," he said, "it wouldn't... I mean, it wouldn't mean anything to you, right? We'd be the way that we are now?"

"Right."

He was quiet for several seconds. "Okay. If you- if you want to, we can."

"Really?" Sirius asked, looking over at him. He'd been thinking about it for the past couple hours, but he hadn't expected for James to give in so easily.

James nodded, and Sirius grinned at him.

"Awesome."

Regular sex was pretty nice. It had been awkward as hell the first few times, but for the most part, they'd worked it out. James still thought it was weird that Sirius liked to keep his shirt on. And he didn't really seem to understand why Sirius was cool with being close while they were having sex but didn't like it afterwards. Sirius had a personal bubble, okay? Touching during sex made it good; touching after sex made him feel crowded and uncomfortable. James was pretty content to hug a pillow instead, so it's not like it was a big loss for him.

Now that Sirius had his favourite stuff back, it was easier to pass the time. He still messed Regulus. He'd been forced to learn how to cook one type of curry, and Mrs. Potter had doubled up on the lesson so he now knew how to bake a chocolate cake, too.

James would get a birthday cake from him over his dead body. They were sort of getting along now. They didn't talk for fun, but they could at least hold a conversation over dinner. But Sirius wasn't about to bake for him. Combined with the sex, it would probably make James think that Sirius was happy to be married to him.

He knew what would happen to him if James thought that. Completely and utterly taken for granted. Expected to cook and clean all by himself. Expected to have sex with his dear husband whenever the hell it was requested.

Yeah. Sirius wasn't doing that. Had James acted like that before? No, but things changed. It was a risk Sirius wasn't going to take. Besides, Mrs. Potter would probably send James some cupcakes on his birthday, so it's not like he'd be suffering or summat.

"What are we doing when we get to Hogwarts?" James asked one night as they laid in bed. James was hugging his pillow, and Sirius was enjoying his space as he cooled off.

"What do you mean?"

"The... sex. Are we going to keep doing it?"

"Probably," Sirius said, then thought better of it. "I mean, I want to keep doing it. I've gotten used to it."

"'Gotten used to it'," James repeated, sounding amused. That, at least, was a relief. Back at the start of this, James had been hurt by just about everything Sirius said, thinking that he meant it as a personal attack. He'd calmed down since then, realising that it was how Sirius talked-- also Sirius had told him that if he wanted to insult him, he'd be much more deliberate and direct about it. "Good to know. I guess we'll figure it out once we're there."

"You act like we can't sneak into each other's dorms."

James wrinkled his nose. "I'm not going to the Slytherin common room."

"You're such a baby," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Fine, I'll go to the Gryffindor one. Assuming your roommates won't mind."

"They'll get over it."

Sirius snorted. "Glad to see you're such a good person to live with."

"Hey, you've been doing it for two months, and you've survived."

"I guess."

"You guess you've survived?" James said, laughing.

"Bugger off," Sirius said, shoving at his arm.

James laughed some more, turning on his side to face him. "I'm pretty happy I married you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said warmly.

That smile looked far too sincere. It made Sirius's chest constrict uncomfortably. "I guess I could've married someone worse," Sirius said, and James laughed again.

"Thanks."

They'd been back at school for two days, and Sirius was already tired of it. Post came in the third morning, and Sirius got a rather thick envelope from James's parents addressed to him. When he opened it, he saw that about half of its contents were actually for James. He separated them, then walked over to the Gryffindor table.

"Do us both a favour and tell your parents to send you your own post instead of shoving it in with mine," Sirius said, sliding it next to James's plate.

James frowned. "Why did they send it to you?"

"How the hell should I know? You're the one that's known them your whole life," Sirius said. Then he left, because he didn't actually have anything else to say.

Sirius was going to kill James. No arguments. He was going to buggering murder him, and he'd deserve it. He was flirting with Evans. Again. Or perhaps 'still' would've fit better. He was still flirting with Evans, because the last time that they'd all been at school, he'd flirted with her then, too. At no point had he seen her and decided to leave well enough alone.

Sirius wanted to bash his head in. Did he not remember that he was married? And Sirius was having sex with him! It's not like he was preventing James from getting any action; he was the action.

Peter was a very good person to have on your side. Sirius knew this because when Peter noticed Sirius walking towards them, looking furious, he tried to get James's attention. Unfortunately, James was an idiot who ignored him and didn't seem to realise that a damn thing was wrong until Sirius yanked on his arm. Hell, even then he didn't get it. "Ow, what the- oh, hi Sirius. What's up?" he asked, completely innocent of his own misdeeds.

Sirius grit his teeth. He would've preferred if James had known what he did wrong. "A word," Sirius growled, dragging him away. He wasn't nice about it, either.

"Okay, you're kind of hurting me. Do you mind loosening up?" James said.

Sirius ignored him and did no such thing. Being nice to his husband was a benefit James got when he wasn't being a total twat. He pulled him into an abandoned classroom and slammed the door, finally letting James go. "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"What? What did I do?"

"You were hitting on Evans!"

"So? It's not like she's going to say yes."

"You're married." To ME, Sirius almost added, but he held back. It wouldn't matter to James that he was married to Sirius, but it mattered that he was married.

"You said that you didn't want us sleeping together to change anything."

Sirius glared at him, the urge to punch him intensifying. "I meant that I'm not in love with you, not that you get to pretend you're not married, you bloody idiot."

"I think you're overreacting," James said, oblivious to the way Sirius's anger rose sharply. "I've been flirting with Lily since I was eleven, and she's no more likely to respond positively to it now than she was when I started."

"It's not about her. I don't give a shit about her."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Do you have any idea how that looks? How it makes me look? If my parents hear about this, they're going to send me a bloody Howler. More to the point, if I ever catch you flirting with someone ever again, I'm going to hex your bollocks off. Got it?"

"Erm. Got it. I still don't see why you care so much. It's not like anyone thinks we're in love," James said. "It's not like cheating you or summat."

"You're not getting this," Sirius growled. Punching James would hurt his hand, but it would make him feel better. He was sorely tempted to give it a try and see how it went.

"No, I'm not getting it," James agreed. "Why would you care?"

Sirius grabbed his tie and yanked James down to his eye level, knuckles whitened from how hard he was gripping the fabric. "Don't. Do it. Again. Understand?"

James swallowed. "Yep," he said, sounding strained.

"Good." Sirius pulled him in and kissed him. It wasn't very nice. It was too hard, and Sirius still had half a mind to hit him. "I'll see you in class," he said, releasing his tie and breezing past him to leave the room.

"I think Sirius likes me," James said.

"Really?" Peter asked doubtfully. "Because he kind of looked like he wanted to kill you."

Remus nodded. "Kill you painfully and get his brother to help him hide the body."

"Yeah, but after he yelled at me, he kissed me. That means something, right?"

"Probably means that he likes getting snogged," Peter said.

"I think you're wrong."

"Do you have any proof for that?" Remus asked. "Or do you just want it to be true."

"Hey, we're shagging now. That's progress that neither of you thought I would make when we got engaged."

They both blinked at him. "I would love to have that amount of confidence," Peter said.

"Oh shut it," James grumbled. "He totally loves me." He could've done without thinking that Sirius was going to kill him before that realisation, but it was nice to know all the same.

"Keep living the dream, Prongs," Remus said.

"Get bent."

Sirius blinked at the wrapped present in front of him. "What is this?"

"A gift," James said.

"Why?"

"Because it's your birthday."

"So?"

"So you're my husband, and it's your birthday, and generally spouses give gifts on important dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Are you going to open it?"

Sirius continued to stare down at it. James had gotten him a present.

James took his silence as a no. "Alright. Well, I hope you like it." He leaned forward and gave Sirius a quick peck on the cheek, then left for class. Sirius didn't have anything in this time slot, so he was free to stand there and be confused.

He got him a present. Because they were married and it was his birthday. That was... thoughtful. His parents had never given him any presents on his birthday before. James had even taken the time to wrap it. He knew that it was James that had wrapped it and not someone else, because it wasn't professional. The ribbon wrapped around the edges wasn't perfectly even, and the bow had crinkled in places from where James had tied it then redone it. He turned it upside down for a moment and noticed that some of the edges from the uncoloured part were peeking through.

Sirius stared at the gift for a while longer. Longer than he would've done if anyone had been around to see it, but it was on in his mind on a loop. James got me a present. Eventually, Sirius had to open it. What if it was a joke gift? What if it was socks? Then he would've been standing here like a dumbarse for no reason.

He slid the ribbon aside and tore open the paper, then stared some more. Chocolates.

He tried to tell himself that that was a pretty generic gift, especially for a married couple, but it was his favourite flavour. White chocolate with cherries. That wasn't something James picked off the shelf at a guess. The Honeydukes in Hogsmeade didn't even carry this; they only had it at their location in Diagon Alley. James had gone out of his way to get these for Sirius. There was a bar and some truffles, both of which they carried, but there was also fudge in the same flavour and a lollipop. He'd had to ask for them special. That took time. How long had he been planning this?

And Sirius had never told him that these were his favourite, so how did he know? Regulus would sooner switch to Hufflepuff than he would talk to James, which meant that James had heard Sirius talk to Regulus about how Honeydukes had been out when he went to pick up his school supplies for the year and then was sad about it. That was ages ago-- in the summer. James had heard him mention it to someone else months ago, and he remembered it.

It left him even more speechless than before, somehow. James... liked him. That was the only explanation. Sirius had sort of thought that James was just playing nice this whole time, but he hadn't; he actually liked Sirius. Despite every reason not to. Bloody hell, how long had that been going on? Why would he like Sirius in the slightest after everything? It's not like Sirius had been the best roommate during summer, and now that they were at Hogwarts, Sirius didn't seek him out to talk. They had most of their classes together, and sure, they had to talk during meals a few times a week over whatever James's parents had sent them in the morning post. Yeah, Sirius snuck into his dormitory a couple times throughout the week so they could fool around, but... that didn't... oh fuck. He liked James too. When the hell did that happen? And how did he not notice until now?

Sirius was smug as he leaned back. He wiped at his face with the back of one hand-- really, why did sucking someone off have to be so messy?-- and crawled up to be beside him. "Thanks for the chocolates," he whispered, kissing James's cheek softly.

"Guh," James tried, then took a couple more breaths. "I think you sucked my brains out."

"Good," Sirius said, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

James didn't respond for a minute. His eyes looked sort of glazed over. "Not complaining," he said slowly, "but you could've just said thank you."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. He laid his head down next to James's, on his side, and one leg curled over on him.

He felt James shift to glance at him. "Sorry. Give me a minute, and I can get you off."

"Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"...You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

James didn't say anything for a minute. "I don't mind it, but you're... not acting like you normally do."

"You mean how normally I run to the other side of the bed?"

"Yeah."

Sirius sighed. "I dunno. Felt like cuddling, is all."

"Does that mean you won't get mad at me if I put an arm around you?"

"Go for it."

James tentatively put his arm around Sirius, and when he didn't get poked in the side for it, he relaxed.

"You know what's weird? I think Sirius likes you now," Remus said. He had far too much surprise in his tone for James's liking.

"Yeah. He was really happy that I'd given him a present on his birthday, so I figured more presents would make him like me more." It wasn't his best idea, but Sirius seemed to like the attention. Of course, his thanks usually came in the form of mind-blowing sex, so that was nice too. Not to say that the sex was the only reason he kept getting Sirius gifts. They got closer. Sirius actually cuddled with him now. He liked the closeness. Being able to hold him was-- not to be melodramatic-- a dream come true. He didn't think it would stop if he stopped getting Sirius presents, but he really did like how thrilled Sirius was by it every single time. Now, would he prefer that Sirius liked him just for him? Of course. But he was going to take what he could get.

"So you've been buying him a whole bunch of gifts to make him like you?" Peter asked.

"Pretty much."

"What happened to winning him over with your charms?" Remus asked.

"Bugger off."

Remus, the unsympathetic arse, laughed. "Maybe you should get him a necklace so that he'll shag you."

James didn't say anything, but something in his face must've given him away because Peter said, "Woah, he's sleeping with you already? You must be over the bloody moon. I'm shocked you've kept your mouth shut about it. How long ago did it happen?"

"I'm not telling you pricks anything."

"A while, then," Remus guessed. Peter nodded in agreement.

"Bugger off," James said again, grabbing his bag. He'd go to the library to get his homework done since clearly he wasn't going to get it done in here tonight.

He opened the door and Remus called, "Why don't you order him a necklace and he'll go down on you!"

"Shut it!" James said, closing the door a bit harder than he'd meant. Things went from bad to worse when he turned and saw Sirius standing a few steps down, face close off. "Er." Shite. "It's not what it sounded like. Remus was just being an arse."

"I'm sure," he said tightly. He had his own bag slung over his shoulder, and one hand was raised, holding the strap in place. His sleeve had fallen down a little, making the bracelet on his wrist visible. James had bought it for him a week after his birthday. Sirius had liked it so much that he'd ridden James that night, holding him close the entire time.

"Sirius," James said desperately, "it- it really wasn't what it sounded like."

"Don't touch me," Sirius mumbled, slapping his hand away when it got too close. With a shaking hand, he took the bracelet off and slipped it into his pocket. When he looked at James again, he was glaring. "You don't talk to your friends about me. Not like that. Understand?"

"I wasn't. They said that it seemed like you like me now, and I said it was probably because of the presents."

"I fail to see how that helps you."

"I buy you presents because it makes you happy! They were making jokes about it- sodding, buying sex or summat, but that's not what it was."

Sirius gave a short, unconvinced hum. "You don't talk about our sex life with them. Not what we do, what we don't do, or how often. What leads up to it, or what we do afterwards. Got it?"

"I wasn't-!" James threw up his hands. "You know what? Fine. I promise. It's no bloody wonder you don't understand; it's not like you have friends."

Sirius didn't say anything. He didn't change his expression.

There was a little pulse of adrenaline with being such a complete and total tosser, and James clenched his jaw instead of apologising. He was pissed, okay? Sirius was accusing him of gossiping and talking shite about him to his mates, and then he didn't listen when James tried to tell him that he hadn't done anything of the sort. Sirius should trust him more.

When Sirius silently turned and walked down the stairs, that's what James told himself: he should trust me more.

For his part, Sirius was thinking that it would make Regulus's day if he told him that he could punch James. Since James would know exactly why it happened, it's not even like Regulus would have to dodge a return punch or anything. Pissed off as he was, though, he didn't want for James to get hurt. It would be satisfying for about two hours, and then he'd feel guilty. And instead of working through whatever the fuck was going on with James, he'd have to apologise. He wasn't in the mood to apologise, and he knew that he wouldn't be any time soon.

Sirius couldn't have been more surprised to see James if he tried. Because Sirius was in bed. In his own dormitory. And James was standing there awkwardly, surrounded by green like he'd sworn he would never do. "What the-?" There was noise as someone passed by the door, and Sirius yanked James onto his bed and closed the curtain. Absently, he cast a silencing spell, then turned to James. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Erm. Apologising," James said sheepishly. "In theory. You kind of look like you want to kick my arse, so I'm not sure I'll get it all out."

"You're apologising?" He'd kind of thought that James wouldn't. He'd make some sort of gesture, Sirius would stop being mad at him, and that was close enough. Even if he had thought James was going to apologise, he thought it would've taken more time. Not a couple hours.

"That was the intention."

Sirius blinked. "Alright." He leaned back, effecting casualness. He wondered if James had noticed that he'd put the bracelet back on. "Let's hear it."

"I'm sorry I said you don't have any friends. Regulus is your best mate, and it's not like you can really get along with the other people in Slytherin because they're all arseholes."

"You're an arsehole."

"Yeah, but I'm an arse in a way that's sometimes likeable. They keep... mocking you and calling you a girl. Say what you want about me, but at least I've never done that."

"The bar is really buggering low there, James."

"That's my point. The bar is low and none of them can reach it. So, y'know, I'm not actually judging you for not having friends."

"You're not very good at apologising."

James made a face. "Yeah. Sorry. I don't have a whole lot of practice."

"Stop telling me that I don't have any friends, for one."

"But... you don't."

"Yeah, but I already know that. That's not what I'm mad at you for."

"It isn't?" James asked.

"No." He'd thought it was pretty obvious what he was mad about. "Why do think I'm mad about that?"

"Because I said it to be mean?" James guessed.

Sirius blew out a breath. "Look. You... you said that you didn't... you know. Tell your mates anything, right?"

"I didn't tell them anything."

Sirius nodded slowly and swallowed past the lump in his throat. "People just- they always want to know, you know?"

"Er. I don't know, actually."

Sirius squirmed uncomfortably. "The me-being-a-bloke thing. They want to know every sodding detail. Who tops. If I left you touch me. If you go down on me. If I do it for you."

"That's fucked up."

"Yeah. And I get that we're married and you don't- love me or anything, but I want all of that to be private. I know it's normal locker room talk but-"

"No, I get it. Really, Sirius, I didn't say anything to them. They were teasing me about trying so hard to get you to like me, and... yeah."

Sirius wasn't entirely sure he believed that. "You're trying to get me to like you?" he asked instead.

"Well, yeah. I thought it was kind of obvious."

"It sort of was."

"Then why are you questioning me about it?" James asked. "You're a hard bloke to understand, you know that?"

"Comes with being so gorgeous."

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" James asked hopefully. Merlin, he was so bloody cute.

Sirius blew out a breath. "It's in the works. I don't think your mates like me very much, though."

"What they don't like is that I talk about you all the time. They like you fine."

Sirius hummed. "Whatever." They'd have plenty of time to get used to each other.

James slid a small box across the table. It was a ring box-- that much was obvious. There was a small, professionally done bow tacked on top.

"What is this?" Sirius asked. Since the whole blow up they'd had with James's friends over presents, James had stopped. Because Sirius told him to and James agreed. This was not holding to that agreement.

"I know you said no more presents, but trust me, this one doesn't count."

"How does it not count?"

"Open it, and you'll see."

"If I don't see, does that mean I get to push your face in a bowl of pudding?"

James rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Satisfied with that answer, Sirius pulled the box towards himself and opened it. Then he blinked. "This is an engagement ring."

"Yeah."

Sirius looked up at him. "Why? You do realise we're already married, right?"

"Yeah but," James hesitated. Slowly, he reached his hand across the table. He hovered for a moment, then laid his hand down on Sirius's wrist. "I erm. I really care about you, Sirius. Even if we hadn't been forced into this... I'd still want to be married to you."

He couldn't breathe. The room felt four times smaller than it had a minute ago. Had it gotten hotter? He was pretty sure it had gotten warm in here because his palms were sweaty. Where James's fingers were circled around around his wrist felt like it was about to burn.

"I don't want to say that you feel the same way, but I think that maybe you don't mind me quite as much as when we started all this."

"I don't-" Sirius stuttered. He couldn't breathe. He closed the box.

James's face fell, but he smiled right after. He was smiling, but he looked more sad than Sirius had ever seen him before. "It's okay. I didn't think you'd accept, but I had to try." He pulled his hand back and grabbed the box, trying to take it.

Sirius clamped his fingers around it.

"Erm, Sirius?"

He took a deep breath-- maybe the key had been getting the ring out of sight.

James tugged on the ring box, and Sirius glared at him.

"Mine."

James's eyebrows went up. "Excuse me?" His grip went slack enough that Sirius could snatch the ring box out of reach.

"Mine," Sirius said again.

"I don't think you can say no to the proposal, and then keep the ring. I'm pretty sure that's not how that works."

Sirius doubled down on his glare. "I didn't say no."

"Saying nothing in the moment counted as an answer," James said, but mostly he looked confused. "And the answer was no."

"Then I'm taking that answer back and replacing it with a different one."

"And that different answer would be?" James was so buggering adorable. Sirius thought it was obvious that he was about to say yes, but James had an expression like he had no idea where this was going.

"It's a..." Sirius chickened out. "Sort of yes," he finished instead of the complete yes that he'd wanted to say. He wasn't ready for that. He hated it, but he wasn't ready. James was here, laying his heart on the line, and Sirius could barely meet him half way. He figured James would be okay with it though, considering how the rest of their relationship had gone. "I'm keeping the ring but I'm not wearing it yet."

"But you do want to wear it some day?" James asked slowly.

Sirius nodded.

James beamed like that made his entire damn week. "Okay. Yeah, no, that's- that's great. You can take as much time as you need."

Merlin, Sirius wanted to kiss him. So he did.

#prongsfoot #marauders #fanfic #sirius black #james potter #regulus black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #getting together #married #slytherin sirius #no voldemort au #hogwarts time #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

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fictionaltobe · 4 years ago

Text

Wondering

Buried in his books and stationery, Regulus finally figured out what to do, he wondered what the world would be like without him, it could be a better place.‘Sometimes risks are worth taking.’These were the last words of Sirius before he departed, leaving Regulus, his biggest admirer all alone. His eyes burned with tears in his thought, ‘would he be alright?’ he wondered. ‘Of course he would, he’s with James, he did his sacrifice, Sirius left him for freedom, that was the biggest sacrifice and promise he could ever make. ‘Of course I wouldn’t leave you Reggie, I love you, you’re my little brother.’

‘You lied.’Regulus wondered out loud, tears burning in his eyes.

‘ WHAT IS THAT NOISE, REGULUS?!’ Regulus was startled, when he recognised the voice, of his very own mother, he whimpered ‘ nothing mother’ Walburga looks at him ‘cut your hair tomorrow, you’re starting to look like that blood traitor brother of yours.’ She snapped. The thought of Sirius again made him melancholy gand without thinking, he shouted, ’DONT TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT, HE IS A GREAT HUMAN, GREATER THAN YOU WILL EVER-‘ ‘SILENCE’ her voice echoed through the halls, echoed in his ears. ‘HE IS NOTHING, BUT A FOOL, A BLOOD TRAITOR AND A USELESS OIECE OF GARBAGE, REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK, I COMMAND YOU TO GO TO BED RUGHT THIS INSTANT, I AM CALLING GUESTS TOMORROW FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, SO YOU CAN CONTINUE THE PURE BLOOD NOBILITY OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN.’ Regulus hatred for his mother was never so deep, his anger had been bottled for too long, but if he lashed out, he would get cruciated, deciding to keep his mouth shut and to stick to the plan, he went off to bed.

‘Wake up, Master Regulus, your mother is commanding for you.’ came Kreacher’s croak at the break of dawn. He went to the restroom, brushed his teeth, took a bath, styled his hair and set off the dining room. ‘Breakfast, Master Regulus?’ ‘Just eggs and bacon, please Kreacher.’ ‘I got an owl from the Avery’s, they can’t reach today’ eying Regulus as it was his fault. Regulus smirked to the horror and anger of Walburga who decided to not shout I first thing in the early morning. ‘I’m just so pleased we could be in favour of the Dark Lord’ Kreacher’s eyes widened with fear, Regulus noticed, ‘ever since he asked for Kreacher..’ Kreacher’s hand slipped and the plate fell over. ‘KREACHER!’ roared Orion, Kreacher fell on his knees ‘so sorry, master, I beg for your forgiveness master’ ‘you know that will be equal to you ironing your hands’ spit out Walburga ‘yes Mistress, it shall be done this very night.’

‘Psst, Kreacher, I need a favour of you, Kreacher.’ ‘Anything, Master.’ ‘You said that The Dark Lord took you to a cave that night, made you drink a potion that it made you see horrible things, then he dropped a locket in the sink, can you take me to that place, please?’ Kreacher’s eyes widened with fear once again, ’Master Regulus, you are way too precious to drag to such a horrific places, you are too great a treasure to lose!’ ‘Sssshhhh, lower your volume, Kreacher please, it has to be done, take be there, please it is my command, do it for me, I’m your master right?’ Kreacher sighs ‘Master Regulus....’ but the longing in Regulus’s eyes made him tempted.

As soon as his parents’ bedroom light turned off, he crept out his room with the replacement locket, tip toeing to not wake them up, he held Kreacher’s arm, made him apparated to the cave. Kreacher apparated to the sink, whereas Regulus had to take the boat over the inferi, it all felt weird, it all felt cold, it all felt melancholy, it would the the end of his life, he would never meet Regulus again, he would never see his face, he would never see his parents, he wouldn’t see the day he would turn twenty, the day he was looking forward to, all he wanted was that this wretched dark Lord could vanish from the face of his planet, but it couldn’t be done until- ‘Master Regulus?’ Regulus snapped back into reality, ‘Master, are you alright?I think we should leave, this place isn’t very wonderful.’ ‘No! No- we shouldn’t, we can’t, I can’t, I have figured it out. I’m ready to drink the potion’ ‘Master Regulus, I can drink it for you- ‘ ‘no Kreacher, I insist, if I don’t drink it, force me to.’ He filled the cup and as soon as the cold drink touched his lips, he had sharp pain and control all over his body, he could see Walburga, yelling and casting the cruciatus curse at him, he saw Sirius, no longer bearing the smile he held, but instead in anger, he saw everybody he ever loved against him. ‘N-no mo-re, I -I can’t- take-more, KILL ME!’ ‘Master Regulus!’ he croaked while forcing the drink in his mouth, ignoring Regulus cries, he grabbed the locket, and as soon as Regulus recovered, he heard the most bizarre thing, ‘take it then leave.’ ‘MASTER??’ ‘this was it, it was intended, it is purposeful. Kreacher this is my last wish to you, please take the locket, destroy it, leave.’ He reached out for the water, caught by the inferi, accepting his faith, as soon as he got in, his screams echoed in Kreacher’s ears, Sirius as his last thought, as he was dragged down to the bottomless pit, screaming as he became one of them....

‘Sometimes sacrifices gotta be made.’

#hp #hpfandom #padfoot #sirius black #pro marauders #marauders era #marauders #regulus deserved better #sirius and regulus #regulus black #blackfamily

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green-and-grey-kenaz · 3 years ago

Text

I Sleep with the Dirt by Fire Glow

Language: English

Chapter 5: I'll tend to the flame, you can worship the ashes

Characters in Chapter: Regulus Black, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore

Chapter Summary:

Regulus wishes to delay is studies after the events at the World Cup, Dumbledore and Severus Snape would like to know why. Regulus also comes to the discovery that quiet a lot of people apparently care about his mental health, which was certainly not something he had previously considered. Sirius meanwhile is trying to quietly wrestle with alcoholism after his time in Azkaban.

Word Count: c. 4 500

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34049455/chapters/84695911 (whole work, starting from chapter 1)

“Hello, Regulus.” Severus greeted.

Generally, Regulus had quiet enjoyed catching up with his old friend but he had a nagging suspicion that today would not be such an enjoyable event. Normally, Severus arrived alone. Normally Regulus hadn’t recently cast the Dark Mark.

“Severus.” Regulus greeted, plastering a smile on his face. “And Dumbledore. What a surprise. May I get you refreshments?”

Did either of them suspect? Was that why Dumbledore had come? Or had Barty done something stupid? Merlin, please don’t let Barty get caught within a week of escaping. That would be too much to bear.

“Perhaps a small port or brandy?” Dumbledore suggested.

Regulus’ eyes narrowed. It was going to be one of those meetings.

“Kreacher!” He called, glancing down to the House Elf who appeared by his side. “Bring the Reserve Port to the Drawing room and three glasses, if you would?”

“Of course, Master Regulus.” Kreacher said, bowing deeply before snapping his fingers and disappearing in a heartbeat.

“Would you gentlemen like to follow me?” Regulus lightly suggested, leading the way without glancing behind him. If they did not want to follow etiquette, they could stand in the hallway for all he cared. Calm. They couldn’t know. They wouldn’t suspect. There was nothing to suspect. He hated the Dark Lord (Riddle, call him that).

He took a seat in his favourite chair. It was by the fire and with a wave of his hand, it flickered into life. A small piece of him eased in the warmth. Severus sank down less easily beside him while Dumbledore remained standing.

“I received your letter about delaying your return to finish your education.” Severus said slowly, dark eyes boring into him. Regulus blinked with the slowness that being an inferius had brought to him. It comforted him to know it still unnerved as Severus looked away, eyes flicking briefly to Dumbledore before falling just behind Regulus.

“As Head of Slytherin House, it is my duty to look after your health and since your letter was brief and contained no explanation, I am duty bound to offer you guidance.” His voice grew tense there. “And as you friend, I’m concerned. You seemed eager to get back to Hogwarts and finish your NEWTs last time we spoke. This has been a sudden change and rather soon after recent events. I want to reassure you that you will be safe at Hogwarts. Not only does our Headmaster offer you full protection, but I do as well. Something which might mean more to you, I imagine.”

The door opened and Sirius came in, unceremoniously plopping into a seat.

“I didn’t miss much?” He asked, glancing towards the Headmaster who gave a small shake of his head. Sirius was pointedly not looking at Severus and it was a mutual thing. Regulus glowered at his brother, suddenly getting the inkling that this was more than just Regulus’ formal letter requesting to delay his education.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t step in on my afternoon teas with Severus.” Regulus said, eyes not leaving Sirus as Kreacher entered, pouring port for them and bringing a cheese board with grapes, ever adaptable.

“Dumbledore is here, isn’t he?” Sirius said with a gesture of his head and clearly trying to look more at ease than he was as he took a glass of port and tried not to down it.

“Yes. He wasn’t invited.” Regulus shifted his gaze towards the elderly man. He had yet to bring him a basilisk tooth so Regulus could destroy the horcrux. It had been weeks and Regulus was growing impatient. If Dumbledore were to interrupt his catch-ups with Severus, he better had brought something to appease him.

“When I heard Severus was visiting, I invited myself along.” Dumbledore smiled, good naturedly. Regulus gave him an expectant look but no tooth was presented. “This is rather a school matter after all. And I do think it is right that Sirius, as your legal guardian, be present.”

“Since when did you care about legal guardians being present? I seem to recall you giving me a very leading meeting back in my seventh year. Something about trying to get me to turn spy and join your little band of merry-makers.”

“Sirius asked me to try and protect you. He had a suspicion that you would likely join Voldemort’s forces and suggested prevention is key.”

“Only you knew I had already joined.”

“I merely suggested that if you felt that you must join to keep yourself safe, becoming a spy would assure your safety once Voldemort was defeated.”

“You dropped some pretty strong hints that you knew.” He remembered the only reason he wasn’t on the lookout for aurors coming to take him away during his last few months was because he knew Dumbledore had no evidence and thus the family could pay his way to safety.

“Did you know?” Sirius interjected, eyes fixed on Dumbledore.

“I had my concerns.”

Regulus scoffed.

“So, what did I interrupt?” Sirius asked, leaning forwards to top up his port. Regulus allowed his gaze to flicker up to Severus, enough to note that his friend’s dark eyes had followed Sirius’ seemingly innocent action with too much attention. While Sirius had inherited their mother’s perchance for alcoholism, her decorum in hiding it had not been passed down the line. It did Sirius no good to sign post his struggles.

“We’re here to talk about Regulus delaying his final year.” Severus said slowly, eyes moving back up to Sirius’ face, after lingering on his hands.

“I had a slight regression. I fell asleep underwater and did not drown. That certainly would seem to imply that whatever dark magic turned my body into that of the undead is still within me. I certainly don’t think it would be safe to have me amongst children until this issue has been resolved.”

“But no urges to eat flesh?”

“Residual.” He shrugged, although it was tempting to make it seem more frequent if that would make it easier to avoid going back... Regulus couldn’t face trying to return to normality. It would be too strange… attending lessons… learning from teachers… He had thought he had been ready for all that, but he wasn’t.

“May I?” Dumbledore asked, raising a wand, hovering. Regulus stared at it with a frown, before giving a nod of his head. The headmaster waved the wand in a series of motions. Some, Regulus could guess at. There were spells to measure Dark Magic – not that they would be much use inside Grimmauld Place, which reeked of it. Yet, he supposed that someone as powerful as Dumbledore might be able to wade through the miasma and pin point what he himself gave off.

The old man hummed and pocketed his wand.

“I rather suspect that it is more that you are struggling to move on and clinging on to the last of your issues.”

“I am not.” Regulus snapped.

“Forgive me, Regulus, if it might seem presumptuous, but you spent your formative years surrounded by dark magic and willingly followed Voldemort. There is nothing to be ashamed about struggling to move on from your childhood. This is your last connection to that life. It is only natural that you would subconsciously cling onto that.”

“I died to bring down the Dark Lord-”

“That does not mean that you will have given up on your family’s association with Dark Magic.”

“Even if I don’t mind Dark Magic, that doesn’t mean I want to be a dark creature.” Regulus growled through gritted teeth.

“Then perhaps some other reason. Might you have a vested interest in not returning to school this year?”

The question was casual but his eyes were piercing.

“So what? I’m terrified about what could happen if the Dark Lord actually returns. It may have escaped your notice, but I still bear his mark and if by some miracle, he does not think my return to life suspicious, then I will be expected to do his bidding. That or die. You know that no one survives once they’ve decided to betray him, and for some reason everyone has been taking such fucking care to give me something to live for. Sorry Severus, I know you were there for me before I died but you cannot deny we’ve ended up closer during our shared experience as defected Death Eaters. I have things to live for now… people to live for…”

Regulus took a small breath. It was the closest he had come to admitting that he had been willing, or even favourable, to his own demise back when he visited the cave.

“If he comes back, I’ll be expected to recruit within school once more. I’m not putting any more children in the way of the Dark Lord. If I’m home, I cannot be used that way.”

“Reg, you wouldn’t have to go back to him. I’d protect you!” Sirius exclaimed, surging forward to put his arms around him. Regulus pushed his brother away.

“Regulus is right.” Severus said slowly. “If the Dark Lord does return, neither of us could afford to be considered traitors to his cause.” His eyes shifted to Dumbledore.

“I won’t pretend that I could protect you, should Voldemort discover the truth about your disappearance.” Dumbledore admitted.

“But you’re the only man he fears!” Sirius exclaimed, waving his hand dramatically and spilling the port in it. With a flick of his hand the droplets fell back into the glass and he drank it angrily. Regulus looked away.

“The only protection would be to go into hiding and I do not think that Regulus would be particularly willing to standby.”

“I’m not letting the Dark Lord win this.” Regulus agreed. “I will bring him down.”

“Regulus, stop getting delusions of grandeur, you’re a kid.”

“I’m no younger than you when you signed up to join the Order of the Phoenix.”

“You’re in this mess because you couldn’t help but sign up to Voldemort because ‘you wanted to bring the wizarding world out of hiding and into a bright new future ruling over muggles’. You’re an idealist Reg and it’s going to get you killed!” Sirius exclaimed.

“And of course,” Dumbledore interjected. “We do not know when Voldemort will return. Do you intend to leave your education to wait until Voldemort has been fully defeated?”

“It gives me a year to find his horcruxes.” Regulus shrugged. “Then there will be nothing to worry about. I can return to Hogwarts with a clear mind.”

Sirius paled.

“Horcruxes….” He said, eyes glancing between them. Regulus noted that Sirius was the only one who seemed surprised.

“It’s what I died to get, Sirius.” He said softly, looking down at his hands. Truly, he should have spoken up before now.

“You all knew?” Sirius asked, glancing around, accusatively.

“I had assumed Regulus would have told you.” Dumbledore said. Sirius turned to look at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not proud that I swore my loyalty to a man who would engage in such magics. I know you already think less of me for being fine with dark magic.” Regulus said softly.

Sirius groaned.

“No, Reg. I don’t think less of you. You can’t help it, we were raised with it. I wish you would have told me sooner. Is there anything else you’re hiding?”

“I still haven’t been able to destroy the horcrux that I stole. I’m keeping it safe.”

“Wait…. There’s a part of Voldemort’s soul here and you let me have Harry over?”

“I wouldn’t say I let you have Potter over. I’ve been rather vocal that we should not.” Regulus pointed out.

“Yeah, well you didn’t tell me that it’s because you’re hoarding a part of Voldemort’s soul. That man killed Harry’s parents and you let Harry into the house while hoarding a part of his soul. I can’t… I just…”

Regulus shrugged.

“And you said horcruxes? As in multiple?” Sirius asked, turning towards Dumbledore.

“Yes. And it is reasonable that Regulus did not share that information as it is something we discussed in private.”

Sirius harrumphed.

“But Snape knows about it.”

“Severus has been helping me.”

“I was the one who first discovered the Dark Lord’s Horcrux. I was the first to steal one from him. And as I seem to recall, the one you found was only discovered by Potter due to Lucius’ carelessness. If anyone should be helping, it’s me.” Regulus spoke up.

“Regulus, I understand your frustration, but you are still a young and you did not get to have much of a childhood. You deserve time to enjoy your youth and to not be a soldier.” Severus said, his voice softer.

“What, like you got to have that chance?” Regulus snapped. “Like any of us got to have that choice? I have to fix this. The Dark Lord wronged me, and I refuse to not have my vengeance. I will not let someone else claim the reward and fame for bringing down him down.”

“And what are you going to do once everyone knows, Reg? Plenty of purebloods support him. You’ll lose your precious social circles.” Sirius responded, his tone matching Regulus’.

“Most of us were more loyal to the ideals than the man. It won’t be hard to discredit the Dark Lord and then I shall gain the prestige of destroying him.” Regulus said, raising his chin defiantly at Sirius. He wouldn’t allow Potter the pleasure of continuing to be known as the one to defeat the Dark Lord. Not would he give Dumbledore the pleasure of gaining another deed to his name. It was time for the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black to return to the centre stage, where it belonged.

“Is this you speaking, or the inferius?”

“Me, Sirius. Do not underestimate my anger and hatred.”

“That can’t be healthy.” His brother said, giving him a look.

“I don’t care. It’s not about what’s healthy but what is right.”

“Healthy is what is right for you.” Sirius said softly.

“Vengeance is right for me.”

“Is it?”

“Regulus, it may be to your advantage to wait. You’ve been through a lot and destruction is not a good building block for improving your mental health.” Dumbledore interjected.

Regulus stared at him.

“My mental health?” He said slowly.

“Indeed. It is a vital part of your overall health.”

Dumbledore did not seem to understand the irony.

“Forgive me, but I don’t think anyone has ever cared about my mental health and I think that there’s a fat chance of that starting now. This is about getting me out of the picture.”

“Regulus-”

“Reg-”

Both Sirius and Severus started at the same time before stopping and glaring at each other. Regulus pinched his nose.

“A word?” Severus said, before Sirius could start again. Regulus gave a curt nod and lead Severus out to the Dinning Room. He flicked his hand at the empty fireplace and it roared to life, heating the empty room. A second flick and the door closed, giving them privacy.

“Did you really think I did not care?” Severus asked, rounding on him as soon as the door clicked shut.

Regulus kicked his feet on the carpeted floor.

“I don’t know.” He said softly, not meeting his friend’s eyes. Then: “I didn’t think you cared back then. I didn’t think anyone did… that anyone could.”

He felt Severus’ hand on his shoulder, the barest of touches and he glanced up.

“Regulus, we cared. I… we all wished that we could have done anything to save you. Yes, we realised too late that your withdrawn mood was ill health, but we would have been there should you have asked. After your disappearance, we stopped sending children into conflict. Narcissa insisted on putting it out that you had gotten cold feet, she figured that if the fighting and killing had destroyed you, it might be fitting to have you remembered as someone too kind for this world. It put us to shame.”

Regulus closed his eyes.

“It’s just… Severus…. Everything went so wrong. I couldn’t stop the nightmares. I’d look at my schoolfellows and imagine them under the cruciatus curse… I would see them under my wand. Then the Dark Lord revealed that he’d created a horcrux and everything just… spiralled. I couldn’t tell anyone. The less who knew the better.”

Regulus took a small breath.

“I wish you had come to me.” Severus said softly. “I might have realised earlier that it was wrong and Lily…”

Regulus glanced up and saw Severus’ dark eyes glimmering with pain.

“I’m sorry. I know you loved her.”

They had avoided talking about the war, about their losses. Neither had wanted to recall the pain and torment of those years. Regulus sometimes wondered if he was lucky that he had just shy of two years of working for the Dark Lord. Severus had played his role for much longer.

“After I lost… After the fall of the Dark Lord, I made a vow to protect those I care about – to do better. I placed Narcissa on that list for you.” Severus commented. “I’d failed one Black, I promised myself not another. Now that you are back, I want you to know that you too, are on that list. Come what may, I will do my best to protect you, Regulus.”

Regulus gave a small nod, his throat tight.

“I… Severus, you know that the same applies to you. I won’t let the Dark Lord hurt those who I care about.”

“Then look after yourself, if not for you, for those who care. Don’t make us go through loosing you again.” Severus said.

Regulus sighed, shoulders slumping.

“I’ll try. But I have to do something. I can’t stand idly by.”

“So talk to me, help me understand. Regulus, why don’t you want to go back? You can be honest, you know that.”

Regulus sighed and fell into a chair, staring at the wall. Severus respected a secret.

“I was there at the World Cup and I saw those… They were too organised and skilled to be people playing at Death Eaters, they were our old crowd. With or without the Dark Lord, it seems they will take action. Give me a year or two outside of Hogwarts and I can try to talk people round. If we are to continue our agenda, then I’d rather we do it without war and killing.” Regulus paused, glancing at Severus. They had never much spoken about his own personal belief in the cause. Regulus suspected Severus had always believed in it less than he did and had just wanted to find somewhere to fit in. His friend gave no sign of his feelings on the matter but waited for him to continue.

“At the very least it might weaken support for the Dark Lord.”

Severus continued to look at him. Regulus closed his eyes. His friend knew him well.

“And Barty’s alive.” He whispered. “His dad faked his death and has been hiding him for however long. I want to save him. Severus, I have to save him.”

He heard the scrape of a chair as Severus sat down opposite him.

“Do you know where he is?”

Regulus swallowed and shook his head.

“No, but he wants to find the Dark Lord.”

“You didn’t capture him?”

“I couldn’t. What would I do? I couldn’t keep him here and I’m not going to use the imperious curse to keep him bound.”

A pause.

“Was he the one who cast the Dark Mark?”

“I did.” Regulus’ voice was smaller than it was meant to be. “He held me to wand point. I think he was afraid my loyalties might have changed.”

“You were afraid he might hurt you.” Severus pressed.

Regulus shook his head.

“Not hurt, he wouldn’t… but he would have cast the imperious curse on me should I have shown that my loyalties have changed.”

Severus gave him a look.

“I lead him down this route Severus. It’s my fault.”

“It’s not all on you, Regulus. I seem to recall that I also bear responsibility for bring Barty to the Dark Lord.”

“I managed to convince him to stay in contact with me. If I’m at home, I can do something, I can work on talking him around. If the Ministry catch him, they’ll send him back to Azkaban. I can’t allow that Severus.”

“You do realise he was imprisoned for the torture of the Longbottoms. He, Bellatrix and the Lestranges tortured them into insanity believing them to know the whereabouts of the Dark Lord. What’s to stop him doing the same to you?”

“He won’t hurt me Severus.”

“I think we’re beyond school friendships. If he figures out you no longer serve the Dark Lord, I do not think he will spare you.”

Regulus sighed.

“Give me a year, Severus. Then I’ll return to Hogwarts. Give me time to win over the old crowd and to convince Barty. Then I’ll finish my final year.”

Severus stared then gave a slow nod.

“Just as well. It’s being kept quiet, but this year is not going to be a normal year. I think you would fare better returning next year.”

“What’s happening?” Regulus asked sharply and Severus gave him a look.

“It’s not to be leaked. Needless to say, you should trust that I know that it would not do well for you.”

Regulus huffed and examined Severus curiously.

“And this isn’t you trying to convince me to come back through some mind ploy?” He asked, suspiciously.

Severus gave a shake of his head.

“No, I honestly think it better if you take this year out. I may be able to use it as an excuse to convince Dumbledore to not suspect your ulterior reasons.”

Regulus heaved a sigh of relief and gave Severus a smile. It was extra conformation that he would not let on about Barty.

“Thanks, I knew I could trust you.”

“I expect you to keep me updated on the situation during our visits.”

“Naturally. It may even help if you are with me for some of the meetings I might have with our old colleagues.”

“For the most part, I have not kept up with them. Narcissa and Lucius are an exception. Their son, Draco, has taken a shine to the sons of Aschwin Crabbe and Gaius Goyle.”

Regulus gave a nod. It was useful information, he could work with that.

“We should go back in. I’d hate to think what Sirius is saying in my absence.” He suggested, rising. Severus gave a nod and glanced towards the fire and it flickered out.

Whatever Sirius and Dumbledore had been discussing, they went silent as the two entered.

“I was wrong. Turns out people do care about my mental health.” Regulus said, dropping himself into his chair and picking up his port for a sip. “But as part of my ‘mental health’, I think I need a year out to fix myself. You’re probably right. I’m clinging onto my time as an inferius but going to school isn’t going to right that. I’m going to do my best to find what horcruxes I can, but I’ll also go out and make contact with my old friends and get back into practice for living a normal life.”

“You approve of this, Severus?” Dumbledore asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned to look at the Potions Master.

“Having spoken things through, I too think that this is the best choice for Regulus.”

“And the fact that you’ll be several years the senior to you peers, rather than one?” Dumbledore asked.

“Eighteen, nineteen? What difference does it make when I was seventeen fifteen years ago.” Regulus questioned.

“It will give us time to consider what arrangements should be made for Regulus. I am still not convinced that fitting an extra bed into the seventh-year dorm will suffice.” Severus suggested.

“Hogwarts has so many spare rooms. You don’t need to put him in with the Slytherins.” Sirius huffed.

“No, I should be with Slytherin.” Regulus said quickly. “I can’t be without a House and if I were to face the sorting again, I know exactly where I would go. Perhaps if there is an empty dorm?” He let the question hang.

They never filled the dorms to full capacity. The Founders had planned the castle to take more than just those of the British Isles, Regulus was certain.

“That is something to discuss.” Dumbledore agreed.

“So, are we of an accord? I’ll take a year out. A summer is too short a time to recover from being dead and an inferius.” Regulus said, giving a smile.

Dumbledore looked at him a moment longer before dipping his head in consent.

“You are right. In which case, I shall take my leave of you. Should you change your mind, Regulus, send me an owl. As you should if there is anything concerning you.”

“Of course. And on your next visit, you will not forget the basilisk tooth, I trust?” Regulus said, raising his chin slightly so he could look down on the Headmaster.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius try to hide a snigger.

“Ah, it had slipped my mind. I shall bring it for our next catch up. Do keep me informed of your hunt for horcruxes, Regulus.”

“I am certain it will be fruitful.”

Dumbledore’s lips twitched in a smile.

“Kreacher, see the Professor out.” Regulus said, before the old man could think of any clever or witty comeback.

As soon as he had left the room, Sirius fell into laughter.

“Look at you, all eighteen odd years old and trying to be threatening.” Sirius chuckled, his bony cheeks tinted pink with the port he had drunk. It sudden occurred to Regulus that maybe Sirius was waiting for someone to show concern over his bad habits. Fine, another problem for him to fix.

“Sirius, why don’t you leave Severus and I to talk?” He suggested. “Then later we might…” Regulus searched his mind for something that they used to do together that might take Sirius’ mind off everything and away from drink. With a pang, he realised that despite a summer together, he still did not know the man his brother had become. “You could show me that park you visit? With Potter…”

Sirius stared at him, perplexed before a smile came across his face.

“It’s muggle.” He pointed out.

Regulus gave a shrug and mentally gritted his teeth for the ordeal.

“I don’t mind. It’ll be good to do something together.” A pause and a small smile was all that it took for Sirius to leave, a little lighter and the port mercifully left behind for him and Severus.

#harry potter fanfic #regulus black #Regulus #inferius regulus #severus snape #Sirius Black #Albus Dumbledore #tw alchoholism #fanfic

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starlightregulus · 4 years ago

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the stars of the night sky could never be enough

i started writing this when i was trying to write the inferi fic and then realized oh this got dark so i decided to make it completely separate! it is also available to read on ao3.

if you’re interested in a second chapter or follow up to this let me know!

-----------------------

Regulus had always been considered handsome. Not only by close family, who took every birthday and holiday as a chance to host a spectacular ball full of stuffy purebloods gossiping and spreading rumours, but also by the general populace. Though he had never exactly understood being attracted to someone based on their appearance, he realized in about his late sixth or seventh year that apparently romantic attraction based on looks was a thing and about half of his year was interested in him.

He continued to ignore this throughout his sixth year, there being far more important things for him to focus on; his mother had been pushing him to take the Dark Mark, him being the only eligible heir for the Blacks now that Sirius was gone.

Sirius. He wanted to hate his brother, he really did. Wanted to hate him for always being better than him, for always mastering a spell faster, for remembering the names of his great aunts and the history of their entire House-- but he couldn’t. He wanted to hate Sirius for always being that little bit smarter, for being just that much better looking, for being everything that he couldn’t be. For being the one he was compared to even when he had run away, disgracing the entire House and disowned. He was still being compared to him, still mocked for being a failure compared to his older brother.

When Regulus was younger, it didn’t seem to matter as much. Sirius had used to protect him, both through standing in front of him, bearing the brunt of the curses their mother threw, and through sitting with him at night, when he was scared of the dark, scared of the screaming from downstairs.

“But you’re going to leave me next year for Hogwarts, Siri. I don’t want to be alone.”

Regulus still remembered his ten year old self standing on the platform, watching the scarlet train carrying away his only friend. The only thing that distracted him from the icy hand clamped on his shoulder was the memory of his brother’s promise ringing in his ears.

“You’re always gonna be my best friend, Reg. And next year, you’ll be at Hogwarts with me! I’m not gonna leave you behind.”

Regulus had stared up at him, glorifying the eleven year old as a hero; that’s what Sirius had been to him.

“Promise?”

“‘Course. Promise.”

Regulus raked a hand through his hair, staring at the door to his dormitory. Sirius had graduated from Hogwarts the year before, leaving him alone. Well, he corrected himself, it didn’t feel very different with him gone. Sirius had returned that Christmas brimming with an energy Regulus had never seen him with before. Talking excitedly about Gryffindor, about the new friends he had made. About how amazing James Potter was. About how they loved all the same things, from Quidditch to Transfiguration to pranks. How James Potter, a boy he had met only months before, was like a brother to him.

“Did you miss me Siri?”

Regulus later regretted asking. He had felt vaguely sick the entire time Sirius had talked on about how amazing his new friends were, how their Mother and Father were wrong about everything, how glad he was to be in Gryffindor. Was he not enough for Sirius anymore?

“Of course I did, Reg.”

But Regulus had been good at spotting lies since he was young, and he heard the hesitation. Connected it to the single letter he had received from his brother. Pasted on a fake smile as he listened to his brother chat away about the new family he had.

As Regulus got older, the gap between them grew. Knowing how much more severe the punishments for both of them would be if he were in any house other than Slytherin, Regulus made sure to be placed in the house of the snakes. He made alliances with purebloods. Aced his classes. Did everything his family wanted, hoping that maybe this time, they would be proud of him. But it was never quite enough for them.

He got all O’s except in Potions? Sirius had been able to brew those potions since he was nine.

He made the Quidditch team in his second year? Impressive enough, sure, but Sirius was still better.

He could never live up to what they wanted, just as he could never be good enough for Sirius. Three letters his first year from Sirius turned into one in his second, and none in his third. That only led to Sirius pretending not to hear him in his fourth. Regulus didn’t know if he was just embarrassed to be his brother or ashamed. He didn’t really want to know either.

The attention he got from the other students as he grew older never was what he wanted. He didn’t care what the pretty blonde Slytherin wanted when she fluttered her eyelashes, what the cute black haired Ravenclaw meant when he asked Regulus to meet him after hours for “studying”. He just wanted someone to be proud of him, to like him for more than his appearance and the prestige he wielded.

Regulus signed his initials on the bottom of the note, flourishing the quill slightly to add a slight bit more dramatic flair. He leaned back on the bed, studying the soft emerald fabric and then sighed. He was wasting time, trying to stall the inevitable. He got off the bed, staring back at the lonely trunk, holding everything that he had with him of any value to him. His eyes skimmed over the piles of textbooks, Divination cards and crystals, and landed on the black velvet box-- a gift from Sirius in his first year that held a crystal model of the stars, of both of their constellations revolving around each other. After six years, it was still his most precious possession. His eyes fixed last on the balled up piece of parchment in the corner of his trunk. He had tried for hours to write a letter to Sirius, apologizing, telling him what he was about to do, but in the end thought it wasn’t worth it. He didn’t know if Sirius would even bother to read the letter and thought that perhaps it would be better, easier, if Sirius could just forget about him. If there weren’t lingering what-ifs still there, Sirius would never bother wondering if there had been any way to save him.

Regulus turned away, glancing back one last time when he reached the door, staring for the last time at his home for the past seven years. Sirius would move on easily enough-- he probably wouldn’t even miss him.

Regulus turned, calling Kreacher and apparating directly to the cave. Why put off his death longer than he had to? He felt the shadow of his demise looming over him and sank into it, almost grateful. He was almost done.

The potion burned, like liquid fire as Kreacher poured it down his throat, his arms too weak to even hold the goblet. The pain was nothing though-- he had felt similar pain a million times before when his mother had decided that he wasn’t quite good enough for her. The hallucinations taunted him, his worst nightmares being laid out in front of him. He saw Sirius taunting him, screaming that he was worthless, pathetic, and that he was glad Regulus would finally be gone, dead weight that would finally be cut away. A nuisance would finally be left behind and forgotten.

He watched Sirius numbly, not even having the strength to feel the hurt from everything the hallucination was saying. It was nothing that he hadn’t already thought Sirius must feel about him. He had made as much peace with it as he could.

And then, the hallucination vanished and he was left shaking on the cold and slimy rocks of the cave. He needed water, desperately needed it, and it was there, only feet away, glistening cold and inviting.

Somewhere in his mind there was a warning bell, but this is why he came, wasn’t it? To get the locket, and then to be free of everything. He could hear Kreacher crying, and with all his strength, called for him to go, to destroy the locket and not to return for him. To not tell his mother of what had happened to him. It was the first and last time he had demanded something of the house elf, but it was necessary.

For one moment there was peace as he tasted the cool water, but then hands, slimy and gray, rotted yet strong wrapped around his hands, pulling him forwards. He fought back, water splashing around him. A hand wrapped around his neck and Regulus overbalanced, falling backwards into the water. His head slipped beneath the surface and he panicked, fighting back with the last of his strength. He broke for only a moment, long enough to see Kreacher disapparate through heartbreaking wails before the hands held him tighter and dragged him into the murky depths.

For years, people had been forcing him to do things. Deciding his fate, pulling him to places. Girls and guys alike had been trying to flirt with him, push him around, make him do things. He had resisted everything, fought fate and destiny, but now he was here. And for the first time in his life, he gave in, closing his eyes and letting the inferi pull him down into the murky depths of the lake.

#:)#elle writes #regulus black #sirius black #marauders #marauders era #marauders fi #hp #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fic #the noble and most ancient house of black #black brothers #kreacher #the cave #the locket #slytherins locket #if you have any requests or want a second part please let me know!

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xomarauders · 5 years ago

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okay i’m posting it now cuz i can’t wait :) enjoy!

—

“I can’t remember how you take your tea.”

Remus looked up, the book in his hands falling to his lap as he saw Sirius standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. His eyes were cast downward, and his shoulders were hunched inward, looking like a child who was waiting to be scolded by their mother. His bottom lip was tucked neatly between his teeth and Remus fought the urge to stand up and kiss it better. Sirius’ eyes were sort of glossed over and there was a melancholic look on his face mixed with pure agitation and confusion.

Azkaban had taken a lot of things from Sirius; Remus knew that. The dementors were vicious creatures who toyed with the happy memories of their victims and twisted them into faux nightmares. Sirius had spent twelve years with them and when he finally escaped, the man who came out was not the same as the man Remus once knew.

There were still instances of the old Sirius that Remus’ heart would melt for whenever they happened to appear. Like the crunch of his nose whenever he was thinking intently and the way he bounced on his toes whenever he got excited. The way his eyes lit up when Remus read to him and the barking laugh that was rare to hear these days. Little things like that made it bearable for Remus to withstand the screaming he woke up to every night and the blank expression that resided on Sirius’ face most of the time. It was heartbreaking to see, but Remus would bear it in the hope that one day, the Sirius he loved would fully return to him.

“That’s okay, Sirius.” Remus said calmly even as his heart sank deeper into his stomach. How many other details had the dementors made foreign to the man in front of him? “Just a splash of milk. No sugar.”

Sirius let out a disgruntled sigh and his eyebrows furrowed more. His bony fists clenched at his side as he became frustrated with himself and Remus thought for a brief moment that the frail bones may break under the pressure. Apparently, Sirius’ impatience was still intact.

“Okay.”

He turned and left the room, leaving Remus alone with his book once more. He couldn’t be bothered to focus on reading now, though, and set the novel down on the small coffee table before him. The sound of dishes clinking softly together came from the kitchen where Sirius was attempting to make the tea and Remus wondered if he should go in to help or stay put. It was always like that now. The decision making that should have been simple but seemed near impossible now because of the circumstance. Remus knew what he would have done fourteen years ago but things had changed—they had changed—and Remus was walking on pins and needles, waiting for the inevitable breakdown to come.

“Here you go.” Sirius’ voice brought Remus out of his mind and he reached forward to take the tea from Sirius’ outstretched hand. He took a sip, feeling Sirius’ gaze on him and his heart broke a little bit more as the taste of sugar filled his mouth, but it might as well have been salt because of the bitter flavor it left.

“Is it right?”

Remus looked up to the hesitant eyes of the man he loved and the hopeful gleam that was hidden behind them and smiled the best he could. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

* * *

“I can’t remember the lyrics.”

Remus had come home from the market to see his records scattered across the bedroom floor with Sirius sitting in the middle of them, head in his hands and tears streaming down his face. The record that was actually playing was instantly recognizable to Remus as Billy Joel’s “Turnstiles” and the track was “James,” making the whole scene that much more painful to bear witness to.

It would have been so much easier if James were here, Remus thought. James always knew how to handle the worst sides of Sirius, the two of them always having some sort of connection others couldn’t even comprehend and it jarred Remus not for the first time in his life that he ever believed Sirius could betray James Potter. How the war had twisted them, broken them down into fragments of distrust and paranoia.

“That’s okay, Sirius.” Remus said because what else could he say? What comfort could he possibly offer the broken man before him when he was partially to blame for it all? Remus had left him to rot in Azkaban just like everybody else did. He should have known better. He did know better.

“I miss him. I miss them both.”

Remus just nodded. There was nothing he could say that would banish the pain and anguish Sirius felt over losing James and Lily. He himself had yet to figure out how others dealt with such grief, how they woke up every morning claiming to feel better. All Remus felt was worse, with each passing day acting as a reminder that James and Lily Potter were gone from the Earth, taken in such a cruel and devastating way. The world had celebrated—the Dark Lord was gone! Let the light thrive! —but Remus had felt nothing but despair, a hole forever left in his heart. How could there be light with the two of them gone? They should have lived. Over him, Sirius, Peter and everybody else who had somehow survived that first war, it should have been James and Lily who made it out alive. But it wasn’t. Because fate or destiny or prophecy or whatever the fuck it was had made up its mind.

So, Remus sat down on the floor next to Sirius, and they cried for their fallen friends.

* * *

“I can’t remember how she died.”

Remus cringed, closing his eyes and willing himself to keep it together. They were standing there, he and Sirius, in front of the smallest headstone in the cemetery—it was all Remus could afford—looking down at the name scrawled across it.

Hope Howell Lupin

1938 – 1979

She was only forty-one when the cancer had finally consumed her. It was almost ironic that Hope had survived the early stages of the war and all the attacks against muggles but was defeated by some chronic disease that had no cure—magic or otherwise. It pained Remus to sit there and do nothing as he watched her wallow away to nothing those last few months. She had grown thin and frail that Remus had taken to carrying her around like a small child everywhere she went. A part of him was glad that Sirius couldn’t remember. It was hard on the both of them. Sirius had adored Hope and she adored him in return. He was so starved for motherly affection and she was so happy that Remus had someone who loved him that the two of them became fast friends. The day she died, Sirius cursed every star in the sky for taking away such a woman. He screamed about how unfair life was that it had taken her away, that he would die ten times over just to have her back. At the time, all Remus could do was watch Sirius yell into the night as he tried to understand his own feelings. He was never truly able to.

“It was a brain tumor.” Remus said and he hated how his voice cracked. “Cancer. Terrible.”

Sirius nodded minutely and they were quiet once more. After everything happened—with James and Lily’s deaths, Peter being assumed dead as well, and Sirius being locked away—Remus thought his life was an embodiment of irony. He had lost everyone that was important to him in a matter of two years when in all reality, he should’ve been first to leave them all. The wolf inside of him was bound to kill him one day, and Remus was okay with that. He never thought he’d have to be the one grieving.

He would have rather taken the former option.

The feeling of Sirius’ cool fingers intertwining between his own pulled Remus from his thoughts and he turned to the man beside him. Sirius smiled, albeit a bit brokenly, and gave Remus’ palm a squeeze. All the walls Remus seemed to have put up broke down in that moment and he fell to his knees, pulling Sirius down with him. It was as if all the emotions he had been holding in for the past sixteen years came flooding to the surface, making him crumble.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Sirius whispered, delicate fingers running over Remus’ scalp.

“I’m sorry,” Remus stuttered, because he was. God, was he sorry.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It would never be fine. But Remus nodded anyway.

* * *

“I can’t remember our last kiss.”

Remus almost missed the quiet admittance of Sirius’ latest lost thought. Usually he sounded frustrated or sad whenever he talked to Remus about the things he couldn’t remember but now he almost sounded ashamed for forgetting such a thing. They were sitting on the back porch because Sirius was feeling too claustrophobic to be inside at the moment, gazing up at the night sky. Remus’ eyes would always find the moon while Sirius’ tended to linger on Regulus. Neither of them mentioned it, though.

“It was August. 1981. The 31st, I believe.” Remus said. He remembered it perfectly, the way it down poured that night, as if the universe knew what was about to come. “It was our last night together before Dumbledore sent me off…off with the werewolves.”

He took a breath to compose himself. It was the last good night before everything went to hell. The last good night the two of them had together before suspicion and paranoia drove them apart. Remus often wished he could go back to that night.

“We made love. You had left the window open and so the rain came in and chilled our skin, but we didn’t care. I just kept kissing you and you kept saying my name, like some sort of mantra or prayer. And afterwards we just laid there, arms wrapped around each other and legs intertwined. I didn’t want to let you go. I really didn’t. I wanted to…to run away with you that night. Just run away from it all. But I knew that we couldn’t. So, I just kept kissing you. Trying to memorize the way your lips felt on mine just...just in case.”

The silence between them seemed to stretch on for ages after Remus finished speaking. It was a lot to say, a lot of emotions to unpack. Remus was never good at talking about his emotions, but Sirius deserved this. He deserved to remember how much they meant to one another, no matter how much it hurt now.

“Remus?”

“Yes, Sirius?”

“I…will you kiss me?”

He finally turned to Sirius, who was looking at him sadly, silent tears streaming down his face. The moonlight illuminated his pale skin, offering an almost celestial glow on his broken appearance. Silver eyes that had long since turned to ash stared at Remus with such longing sorrow and the werewolf felt his heart break. Even though he was damaged, possibly beyond repair, he was still the most beautiful thing Remus had ever seen.

Remus nodded minutely and leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against Sirius’. It was soft at first, hesitant, but then Sirius surged forward, hands reaching up to cling onto the back of Remus’ neck and pulling him forward. Remus brought his own hands up to curl in long locks of dark hair that crowded Sirius’ face, urgent and desperate, holding on like he would be taken away from him again at any moment. He wouldn’t let it happen. This was everything, Sirius was everything.

They were together again. Despite the odds, despite fate, they had somehow found their way back to one another. And Remus was not going to let go.

They broke apart, hands still holding one another close, gasping for the same air and looking at each other like they used to, back when all that mattered was their love.

“Was that like how you remember?”

“Yes,” Remus gasped, and he smiled genuinely for the first time in years, “Exactly how I remember.”

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