#i could cook up my fancy mushrooms and some spinach.

[fishandshesmygills]

ugh it is 8pm i do eventually need to make and eat dinner. should i start on my 1lb of smoked salmon i bought because it was a good deal? use up my 3 week old zucchini before they finish going bad? am i no longer all pasta'd out?

[nicholasgoodgirl]

that was mean- nicholas

summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.

warning: argument, crying, happy ending

a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out

from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.

we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.

he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed

when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend

i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.

to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.

--

i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.

it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed

i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.

me: how's your day going so far?? :)

and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply

it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?

i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.

spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought

i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.

i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.

i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.

i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.

--

a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.

i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.

i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.

thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"

"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza

"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.

"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.

"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face

and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything

i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.

my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment

"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.

he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.

"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.

the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.

i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."

"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds

the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.

i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.

my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.

my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap

i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.

i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.

"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.

a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza

[dickarchivist]

For everyone that wants to answer, do you have a favorite food or drink? A favorite dessert or candy? Or something you’ve heard of that you would like to try?

Dax'Malkin: I have a particular fondness for meat. I prefer it rare or raw, in some cases. Ghost makes a very delicious broth type soup, I believe your galaxy calls it "Pho". He'll put thin sliced meat in raw, and the heat of the broth cooks it just enough for me. It's delightful.

Athena: I like the ryloth style toast Ghost makes. Master, what's that galaxy call it?

Dax: "French Toast", little Hena.

Athena: Yeah! Ghost puts sugar on the outside and sets it on fire so it's all bubbly and crunchy once it's cooled.

Ghost, chuckling: Creme Brulee French Toast with a strawberry compote, that's Athena's favorite.

Athena: we don't have it often, but it's sooooo good. Ban what's your favorite?

Banshee: Bang-corn. But I do love pies too, doesn't matter what flavor, sweet or savory, I could eat a whole one myself.

Specter: seen that happen. No wonder we're so tall, we eat a lot. I think my favorite thing Ghost makes is that bantha and mushroom noodles dish? With the sour cream?

Ghost: Stroganoff.

Specter snaps his fingers and points: That's the one. Tommy, what's your favorite?

Phantom: Mmmm... all of it?

Athena, giggling: Booooooo, pick something!

The group laughs, and Phantom pretends to be scandalized by it. He scoffs, holds his chest, and then joins in the laugh.

Phantom: alright, fine, let me think on it, Wraith you go while I think.

Wraith: in your galaxy it would be called a spinach and arugula salad with strawberry, watermelon, queso fresco, and a balsamic vinegarette. Nice crusty bread on the side. Sweet, salty, tangy, packed with nutrients.

Phantom, sputtering: you were locked and loaded with that! You went too fast!

Wraith, a little smug: because I pay attention~

Phantom playfully pushes his brother, who chuckles and nudges him back.

Phantom: I guess my favorite would be the Mac n Cheese then. It's simple, but it's... it's comforting. Puts that crunchy bread on top sometimes, when Ghost bakes it... no matter what, though, it always makes me feel better. What about you, Ghost? What's your favorite?

Ghost: the one I eat with you guys.

He chuckles when they groan at him, but he holds his hands up in surrender.

Ghost: Alright, it'd have to be a meiluroon tart. They're my favorite.

Stone: sounds like you lot eat well. You're making my favorite sound sad, you guys eat so fancy.

Ghost, shooting him a glare: Get on with it.

Stone: noodle take away from one of the food stalls down by 79's.

[raysletters]

hello hello! question for you: if you could only eat 5 foods for the rest of your life, what would they be 🩷 also, what's your go to coffee or tea order?

HIIII, this is such a good question but also im an indecisive mf so i might not choose only five sjfbdkabdnsjsdbsk

some of the foods here are colombian dishes and yall might not know them, so im gonna attach images about it

im gonna act like diabetes and my health in general are unaffected by the food i eat bc if not then my endocrinologist might haunt me at some point for this, but

1. bandeja paisa (colombian dish, it would absolutely NOT help me on my health whatsoever, but gosh its so fucking good)

2. ajiaco (colombian dish, see above for same disclaimer 💀)

3. popcorn (this is like my to go comfort food ao i wouldnt be able to leave it behind, even though i can hear somewhere at the back of my mind the voice of my endo going "why are you like this?")

4. pasta in whatever form and with most of its sidings (except anything with mushrooms, goodbye) (spinach is on thin ice idk) (HAVE YALL TRIED TUNA SOAGHETTI?? its not as fancy as it sounds but its the easiest thing to cook and im absolutely a fan) (re: the photo. if you ever put anything green on my salad besides, idk, pesto, i'll feel like you're offending me and my entire bloodline, and might end up crying or never talking to you again, but that is just a personal opinion)

5. idk how to explain that theres this typical lunch that my mom cooks gloriously and its rice, lentejas (idk how its called in english im sorry), slices of platano maduro (salad or an avocado are optional but not required),,,,,, and sometimes, when the stars align and some deity takes mercy upon myself, mango juice. idk how to explain yall that this is the most glorious lunch ever and i will literally go to your house and cook it for you if you ask me so bc everyone deserves to try it at least once in their life (the photo isnt how my mom prepares it but it was as close as i could find)

little tiny bonus bc i told yall i couldnt decide for shit: any kind of arepa, but either arepa de choclo or arepa boyacense???? i would sell my soul for those at any given chance

arepa de choclo:

arepa boyacense:

(no, they're not the same but both can be/are filled with cheese and its the best thing ever)

little tiny bonus dessert bc i couldnt help myself: theres a milhoja without sugar that an specific cafeteria in my city sells and i would commit crimes for, just to have it all my life, even though it is fucking expensive

fun fact: i just found out its also known in other parts of the world as "mille-feuille", "napoleon", "vanilla slice", and "custard slice" and it was originally from france sjsksjsksjsksjsksjsksjs

also also, about my to go order, it depends on the store, bc theres this kinda famous tea shop in my city and even though its incredibly expensive, i found a milk berry tea with the bubbles thingy that i love and im absolutely a fan. in my favorite cafeterias (im in colombia, so theres a lot) an iced coffee (like where they put the ice in the blender, and not coffee with ice) will always be my first choice, except if its like too early and im freezing, or in coffee vending machines, i will absolutely go for a cappuccino.

this went on for too long, but i have so many thoughts about food i could scream about it for ages, thank you so much for this lola ily 💕💕

[orientaltasty]

Egyptian Chicken Crepe - طريقة عمل الكريب المصري

How To Make Egyptian Chicken Crepe #EgyptianChickenCrepe #ChickenCrepe This Chicken Crepe Recipe is a fantastic spring recipe to serve for lunch or a fancy brunch. The best part about it is most of it can be made the day ahead, leaving just the bechamel sauce, assembly, and baking to the day of your party. This is probably not one of my most "traditional" French Recipes, but who can say no to a savory chicken crepe with bechamel sauce? This crepe recipe is really "Franglais Cooking" at best. Baked Chicken and Mushroom Crepe in a gratin dish on a wooden charger with side salad in a small olive wood bowl In Brittany, France where crepes originate from, you'll find sweet crepes made with white flour or savory crepes, or Galettes as they are called, made with buckwheat flour or "ble noir". But you don't really find a "mash-up" of savory crepes, in a white flour crepe, like this. Vertical image of a Baked crepe in a white gratin dish on a wooden charger with small side salad RECIPE PAIRINGS: For starters try my Goat Cheese Tarts with Carmelized Onions in Puff Pastry or my wonderful Tarte au Soleil with Pesto For French dessert try my lovely Honey Lavender Creme Brulee or my delicious Strawberry Pistachio Tart with Sable Breton Crust Cutting into a baked crepe with a knife and fork to reveal filling WATCH A VIDEO DEMO OF THIS RECIPE BELOW! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL FOR MORE RECIPE VIDEOS! STEP #1: ROAST THE CHICKEN For this recipe, I really like to use bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts. This will give you really moist, succulent chicken. I like to roast the chicken on a rack for even cooking and if you line your pan with foil, you'll have easy cleanup! Once the chicken is cooled you can shred the meat off the bone with two forks. Bone-in, skin on Roasted Chicken breasts on a roasting rack in a sheet pan lined with foil MAKE-AHEAD TIP: The chicken can be roasted and shredded the day before. Place the chicken in a bowl, covered it, and refrigerate it until ready to use. You can even roast double the chicken breast to have for other meals throughout the week, such as my BBQ Chicken Sliders or Enchiladas Suizas. Shredding Roasted Chicken with a fork VEGETARIAN OPTION: To make one or all crepes vegetarian, you can skip the chicken and add baby spinach instead. You don't even need to cook it since it will steam/wilt in the oven as the crepe bakes. Just add a handful on top of the mushroom mixture when assembling. This is an easy substitute if you need just one crepe to be a vegetarian crepe. STEP #2: MAKE THE CREPE BATTER The secret to making crepe batter is to make it as smooth as possible so that you don't create any lumps. You could use a blender, but who needs one more small appliance to drag out and clean? For this savory crepe recipe, I made a slight twist on my basic crepe recipe. Adding milk to flour in a glass bowl to form a crepe batter Instead, place your flour in a large bowl with the salt, whisk it together and then add the milk. This will assure a smooth, clump-free mixture from the start, a key attribute for any crepe recipe. adding beaten egg to crepe batter Then add beaten eggs to the flour mixture for continued "smoothness". You'll also add melted butter and for a finishing touch, I like to throw in some freshly minced dill. Adding minced Dill to crepe batter STEP #3: MAKING THE CREPES I've been making crepes for over 10 years now, just about every Saturday morning for my kids. طريقه تحضير الكريب: في وعاء مناسب نضيف الحليب والبيض والفانيليا والملح ونقلب جيدا بالمضرب اليدوي ثم نضيف الدقيق ونقلب جيدًا حتى يمتزج الخليط يجب تحضير طاسة غير لاصقة ونقوم بدهنها بقليل من الزيت ثم نضيف كمية صغيرة من الخليط بواسطة كوب معياري ونفرد الخليط ونتركه لمدة 30 ثانية ثم نقوم بتسويته على الوجه الآخر لمدة 30 ثانية أخرى. و بعد الانتهاء من الكمية نقوم بحشو الكريب بالبانيه المقلي  وشرائح الفلفل والقليل من المايونيز والكاتشب والجبنة الشيدر أو الموزاريلا. نغلق الكريب على شكل مثلث ونقوم بوضعه مرة أخرى في الطاسة أو الجريل لمدة دقيقة ليصبح مقرمش ولونه ذهبي وأيضًا من الممكن اختيار الحشو على حسب الرغبة أو المتاح. #crepes #cr #food #pes #crepe #foodporn #dessert #chocolate #nutella #pancakes #foodie #instafood #breakfast #icecream #waffles #yummy #coffee #foodphotography #delicious #sweet #foodstagram #creperie #foodblogger #foodlover #healthyfood #waffle #brunch #pancake #homemade #desserts #italianfood #food #foodporn #instafood #foodie #pasta #italy #foodblogger #foodphotography #pizza #foodlover #cucinaitaliana #italia #foodstagram #yummy #instagood #delicious #italian #dinner #homemade #cucina #restaurant #cibo #chef #love #pizzalover #lunch #ciboitaliano #cooking #pastalover #pe #love #instagood #cafe #sweets #creperia #delivery #glutenfree #vegan #restaurant #cake #a #yogurt #lunch #milkshake #tasty #bhfyp #strawberry #s #e #frozenyogurt #healthy #crepas #foodies #gelato #crepesnutella #crepelovers #crepecake #galettes #sweetcrepes

[odinspattern]

Curry egg fried rice

Todays dinner was really good, so I’m sharing =D

Cut up veggies of choice, I had onions, carrots, sugar snap peas, mushroom and red bell pepper

Day old cocked rice

Garlic, ginger and 1/2 of chilli

2 eggs

3 teaspoons of curry powder

2 tablespoons of soy sauce

1 teaspoon of sesame oil

1 teaspoon vinegar

1 teaspoon brown sugar

2 teaspoons sirracha sauce

I make own curry powder, wherein I mix 1 tablespoon cumin, 2 teaspoons of garam masala, 1-2 teaspoon of tumeric, 1 teaspoon cayenne, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, and 1/2 teaspoon of cardamom. I had some left over this time. You can also use whatever brand you like.

Start by chopping everything up. Seperate the garlic, chilli and the ginger into one small bowl.

Mix one teaspoon of curry powder with soy sauce, sesame oil, vinegar, sirracha and sugar. Set the sauce aside.

Crack two eggs into a bowl and whisk it together either with chopsticks, tiny whisk or fork.

Start by frying up your eggs. You want it to scramble but want it drier than for toast. Once finished scrambled, take it out of the pan and set aside.

Heat up some oil, and put in two teaspoons of curry powder. Let the spices toast for a minute before adding your garlic, ginger and chilli.

Let it grow fragrant and put in your veggies. If you have something like spinach that fall quickly, add it last, this time my veggies had similar cooking time, so I could not be bothered.

Add the rice, break it up in your pan/wok and let it cook for a few minutes, letting the rice soak up the spices.

Mix in your sauce and stir through. Mix in your cooked eggs, season with salt (I have a fancy chilli, coconut and lemon one, but you do yours) stir through and enjoy!

[kael-writ]

what I like to do when in doubt is just make a skillet. It's great because you can throw together whatever you have. All you need is a pan and some sorta cooking oil or whatever. Then just dice shit up and throw it in. Usually potatoes are a good base. They cook longer, so start em first. Got some peppers? Throw em in. Like garlic? Throw it in. Eat meat? start it up first or separately if its raw, then... throw it in. Mushrooms, onions, even spinach (I almost always throw spinach into anything I can).. toss up some good ole savories and season it to your taste with what you got. Italian spices, cajun spices, salt and pepper, whatever you fancy. Fry an egg and throw it on top or scramble an egg in. Great for a group, was my friend's favorite sleepover/hangover breakfast back when I used to wild out.

You can also serve it with/over rice. Set the table with some salsa or hot sauce if you got it. you could throw down some tortillas and avocado, some toast, whatever else you wanna add to company.

Love a good ol poverty "use whatever you got in your fridge" meal.

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[sabraeal]

Traffic Lights Are Burnin’

[Read on AO3]

Written in honor of @nebluus‘s birthday! She asked for some WFB, and of the options I gave she chose the next part of our Six Flags saga...only the beginning scene of that chapter ended up ballooning out into this so...it ended up being less Amusement Park Shenanigans and more Wholesome Boys Will Be Boys Content. I’M SURE MADI WILL BE JUST FINE WITH THAT TOO 😂

“Are you making an omelette?”

English is not, functionally, Mitsuhide’s first language. Not that he thinks of it like that-- first or second, third or fourth; there’s no ranking in his life, no moment in which one language followed another. There was English with Mama and quebecois with Papa; a plan quickly scuttled by Mitsuhide being the fifth Lowen sibling. Refusing to be pigeonholed into a single language no matter how many times Mama repeated consistency is key, his brothers mostly spoke a tossed salad of both and assumed he’d understand the lettuce.

Coupled with the fact that all his cousins lived in Toronto anyway, Mitsuhide had hardly begun talking himself before it became outside quebecois and inside English. Unless they left the province, in which case it was a free-for-all that left his few monolingual aunts and uncles dizzy.

Which is to say, Mitsuhide only becomes aware of the precise inner ranking of his languages in moments like this, where gut immediately kicks out a dry ‘j’essaie.’ The translation is vetoed on the grounds that although in quebecois he’s never met a word he couldn’t steep in sarcasm and smuggle in a sacre, he prefers to keep his English so clean it squeaks.

You’ve got it all backwards, Kihal had told him as he sweltered under the San Juan sun, English is fake, you can be as much of an asshole as you want it in, it doesn’t count.

It’s true, there’s something that’s more real to him in French, that’s more real about him, but, well-- there were far fewer cousins to tattle on his potty mouth this way. And now that he knows Obi...

Well, if Kiki ever made good on her threats to teach him any of his “church swears,” he’d probably never sleep easy again. So instead, he scrolls through his mental rolodex of possible appropriate replies before settling on, “Would you like one?”

Zen glances up from his array of pamphlets, glossy paper glaring beneath the overhead lamp. It matches the way Zen is looking at him. “We don’t have time for that.”

Mitsuhide frowns, giving his eggs one last vigorous whisk before pouring them into the pan. “There’s always time for breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

He glances over just in time to see Zen’s grimace. “Shirayuki really could be your sister.”

There’s really no reason he has to look so horrified by the idea. His brothers may all be broad shouldered, barrel-chested giants, but plenty of his cousins made pocket money in high school through catalogue modeling. And they’re all very nice girls.

He doesn’t mention it. A conversation never ends well if you have to whip out photos of female relatives to prove your point. “Would you like one?” he repeats instead, a safer tactic overall.

Zen’s nose wrinkles beneath some dubiously drawn eyebrows. “Are you putting spinach in there?”

“Kale,” he agrees. “And chicken.”

“In a breakfast omelette?” He clucks his tongue, just the way the Wisteria’s chef would when he attempted to cook at the estate. Quel dommage, he would say, sighing over the cutting board, why would you do that to perfectly good eggs? “Why would you do that?”

Because these muscles don’t come cheap; Mitsuhide chokes down a truly staggering amount of chicken in order to keep them. Roasted, of course-- boiled is technically better for protein, but even he has to draw the line somewhere. The eggs have less, but they are calorie efficient; he’d eat more of them if he could stomach the slimy, snake-like sensation of swallowing them down hard boiled.

But explaining his diet regime usually ended with glazed eyes, so he settles for, “I could always put something different in yours. There’s ham.”

Fancy ham, Obi calls it. It’s just from the deli counter, fresh sliced from whatever quality cut’s on sale, but considering how the first time Obi saw a charcuterie board, he shouted, Oh, Lunchables!--

Well, Mitsuhide can accept that maybe they have different benchmarks for fancy. And somehow just the simple act of calling it that does make it taste better. Or at least more satisfying when it’s shoved between a Hawaiian roll and deli cheese.

There’s a soft shuffle by the kitchen door, and a wild thatch of bristle peeps around the frame. Mitsuhide shakes his head with huff. That’s a new one-- just think the devil’s name and he appears.

Obi lopes into the kitchen, all long limbs and smooth movements, blurring right into the background without any effort at all. He’d gotten Mitsuhide a few times when he’d first moved in, popping up wherever it was sure to be the most inconvenient, grinning like a cat with feathers in its teeth. But once you knew the trick of it, well-- it’s no effort to keep the kid in his sights.

Which is why he has a full, uninterrupted view when Obi slips right up to Zen’s elbow, and asks, “Whatcha doing, chief?”

“Wah!” Pamphlets fly up, a glittering flock of wings swooping beneath the lamp. Zen slaps them down before they can skitter off the table’s edge. “Obi! Make noise for fuck’s sake!”

“Sorry,” he sing-songs, not a sincere note in it. Two long fingers pluck a pamphlet off the wood, twisting it between them. “What’s all this? They starting to put theme parks on exams now?”

“No.” Zen scowls, snatching it out of his hands. “I’m just making today’s itinerary.”

Mitsuhide slides his omelette onto a plate, turning just in time to catch the glance Obi sends him. It somehow says is he fucking with me while also implying I’ll hold him down if we gotta send him to the doctor. “An itinerary?”

He leans a hip against the island, fishing out a fork. What was it Obi always said? Dinner tastes better with a show. Time to find out whether it extends to breakfast too.

Zen fixes Obi with a look that could have had trenches with all its affront. “You can’t go to an amusement park without a plan. How else do you get on all the coasters?”

“It’s only Six Flags New England.” A week ago, the name alone made Obi flee like a cat from a bath, but now every syllable drips with derision, like a sommelier reviewing boxed wine. “They’ve got what? Superman?”

Mitsuhide shoves a corner of his omelette in his mouth. It’s not as good as a sausage, mushroom, and cheese, but, well, it’ll do. “Bizarro.”

“Bizarro.” Obi scoffs. “See? Nothing. Besides, I thought you were the kind of guy to spring for fast passes, boss.”

Zen’s always been sensitive; the sort of kid who tended to pop off when a situation came to a simmer instead of trying to turn down the heat. When Izana had been sitting president, he’s spent half his tenure fielding tense calls, sometimes even climbing into a towncar at a moment’s notice to be taken back east. The school, he’s always say, lifting a shoulder, my brother is proving to be a challenge, and my mother is...unreachable.

He’d thought this Zen kid must be like the ones he knew on the ice, punching first and asking questions later, complaining about being put in the box. All temper and no temperance, Mama used to say when she drove him home, can’t talk when you got plastic between your teeth.

But then he’d met him, undersized and stick-limbed, living in that house with people paid to be invisible. A kid with too much on his shoulders and too many eyes to watch him stumble under it. He’s come a long way from there.

So when Zen squirms in his chair, red already starting to lick up his neck, Mitsuhide doesn’t enjoy it. On the contrary, Zen’s discomfort is his discomfort, a failure of him to keep the watchful eye on him that Izana asked him to.

But it also doesn’t stop him from adding, “Shirayuki believes that waiting in line is part of the amusement park experience.”

Obi looks as though he’s just been told it’s his birthday and Christmas, all rolled into one. “Of course she does.” His mouth sharpens to a wicked grin. “So you’ll be lowering yourself to the peasant’s lines today, huh, Your Highness?”

“Don’t call me that,” he grumbles, swatting him away. “No one’s being lowered anywhere. We won’t be running into any of them so long as we get there early and hit the coasters in the right order.”

Obi coughs. Or at least, makes it sound like he is. “Uh-huh.”

“Where is Shirayuki anyway?” Zen glares at the empty doorway, brows heaving like thunderclouds over the bridge of his nose. “I thought you said you’d get her.”

“I did.” Obi twitches his shoulders; as good as a shrug, from him. “She’s getting ready.”

“It’s been fifteen minutes.” Zen’s glare changes target to him, thunder rolling in the tone of his voice. “Shirayuki doesn’t take this long to get ready.”

When Mitsuhide glances up, chewing around another stab of egg, kale, and chicken, Obi’s eyebrows are already there to meet him. His head tilts, just the barest degree; this is your show, big guy.

Mitsuhide coughs, trying to clear his throat of leaf bits. “Girls,” he starts, the ground sinking beneath him with each word, “like to look nice. Especially when they are on, uh, dates.”

“This isn’t a date,” Zen informs him, more than a little put out. “Obi’s going.”

The sound Obi makes can only be termed as distressed. “I didn’t want to.”

For exactly this reason, is what he doesn’t say. Doesn’t even show it on his face, though it has to be lurking beneath it, considering how he--

Well, considering nothing Mitsuhide knows for sure. But certainly a few things he reasonably suspects.

“Chief.” Obi flips the chair next to him, straddling it. “You know, I really thought it couldn’t be true. I really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. But to hear you now--” he leans in, one narrow brow raising the same time his voice drops-- “you really do chicken out when it comes to getting chummy with Doc.”

Mitsuhide nearly chokes on his chicken.

Zen’s red all over, like someone pulled him from a boiling pot and put him on a plate. “You don’t know that.”

“Sure I do,” he says, so easy. “Doc told me.”

“She said that?” His skin’s so flushed Mitsuhide’s half afraid he’ll pass out, but instead he just collapses against the ladderback, head buried in his arms. “Shirayuki?” 

“Pretty much.” Obi sighs, hands braced on the table. “I mean, is it so hard to say she looks nice when she dresses up? Or that you like her hair, or--” he stumbles, shaking his head-- “no, not the hair. Too loaded. But you know, one of her floaty little numbers. Her freckles. Something.”

“I have!”

Obi lifts a dubiously narrow eyebrow. “Like when?”

“Ah...” Whatever the answer is, it’s not helping his blood flow problem. Mitsuhide nearly opens his mouth, searching for a good way to make himself a target-- “The Big E.”

Well, there goes that plan.

Obi’s inquisition crumples into confusion. “What? When did you--”

Every word ekes into the air with the utmost resistance. “When she was wearing your hoodie.”

“When she was wearing my--?” Gold eyes round to coins. “Chief.”

For a solid minute, that’s the only reaction-- wide-eyed disbelief, earned from two sides. But Obi coughs, mouth twitching, and it’s a snort, a smirk, and--

And then Obi launches himself away from the table, both hands still gripping the edge as he falls apart utterly. The chair’s back keeps him from putting his head between his knees, but spiritually he’s there, tears tracking down his cheeks as his laughs wheeze out of him

One hand finally slaps the table, like he’s asking for a time out. Zen frowns down at him, red finally fading to a painful pink. “It’s not that funny.”

“It is,” Obi squeaks, and Mitsuhide has to shove his last bite of omelette into his mouth to stifle his own noises. It’s no good-- Zen whips around and gives him the same glare he’s been saving for Obi.

“If you don’t cut it out,” he says loftily, “I’m going to let a freshman stay in your room.”

Well, that brings Obi up. “Fine,” he coughs, voice still ragged from laughing. “But still. My hoodie.”

“The sleeves hung over her hands! It was cute.” Zen huffs, folding his arms over his chest. “Fine, if I’m so bad, why don’t you two show me how it’s done?”

There’s a pause, long and loaded; enough that Mitsuhide glances up from his plate to see just what tomfoolery he should brace himself to break up--

Only to find Zen staring at him.

Intellectually, Mitsuhide is aware that Zen is a Wisteria. He met him through Izana, after all; he’s been over to the manor, he’s even met their prodigal mother on one of her rare stopovers between vacations. But when he thinks of the name, it’s Izana who springs to mind, the gears churning behind his eyes.

It’s not often that Zen reminds him of his brother; Cookie’s always said that Izana takes after their mother with that long and lean model build, while Zen has always been Kain’s child. But now, now--

He sees it, and it sends a shiver right through him.

With a quirk of his lips, Zen says, so like Izana that if he closed his eyes he wouldn’t know any different, “You first, Mitsuhide.”

Obi’s mouth curves into a leer. “Yeah, Big Guy. Show us the skills that got you Ms Kiki.”

This probably isn’t the time to tell them that it wasn’t him who got her; Mitsuhide hadn’t been trying to do anything more than be the friend she needed, to be a person she could confide in, could trust. People like that were thin on the ground for girls like her; heiress tended to make men see dollar signs instead of personality. But Kiki--

Well, she had other ideas. Ones he’d only cottoned onto when she climbed on top of him and shoved him against the couch cushions with her mouth.

“D-Don’t look at me!” he manages, trying to busy himself with anything. But there’s only a plate to be put in the sink, and a pan to be wiped. Not enough to fake a decent amount of responsibility. “I’m not--”

“Aw, c’mon, Big Man. Don’t leave us hanging.” Obi leans back, grin so wide it practically splits his face. “Lemme paint the scene. You’re single, Doc is adorable, and she’s waiting there--” he gestures to Zen, who flutters his eyelashes in precisely the way Shirayuki doesn’t-- “for you to make your move. Go!”

He could point out he’s not single, and that he doesn’t have any plans to change that anytime soon-- but that only ends in one way: a two-pronged mockery with additional ridicule provided by the impending arrival of his better half. He could also point out that of all the people in this room, he’s the only one who hasn’t wanted to date Shirayuki, but-- well, the problems with that one were obvious.

Instead, Mitsuhide takes in a deep breath, learns on the counter, and says, “Why, Shirayuki! You’re looking beautiful this morning. Those shorts really flatter your legs.”

There is a long silence, and then to everlasting embarrassment, they burst out laughing.

“Her shorts?” Zen’s hand is pressed to his chest, like he needs support to keep upright. “That’s all you can think of? Her shorts?”

“Well, Obi said not to do her hair,” he protests. “Complimenting her dress seemed like low hanging fruit. I was trying to be unique.”

Obi doesn’t even bother to remain horizontal, sprawling himself over the long forgotten maps. “So you went for her legs?”

“There’s nothing wrong with legs!”

“Oh, no, of course not,” Zen sputters out in an effort to keep his mouth straight. “Definitely a very neutral place to comment on.”

“Definitely not known for being attached to things like asses.” Obi’s mouth twitches, as much a sign for danger as thunder rolling in the distance. “Or puss--”

“I was not trying to comment on that.” He’d felt bad for Zen earlier, but the sentiment doesn’t seem mutual. “It’s not typical, sure, but Kiki never seems to mind when I compliment--”

“Kiki?” Zen squawks. “Kiki?”

“Well, I think we’re all learning a little too much about Big Guy today,” Obi wheezes. “Mainly that it’s Ms Kiki that chased him, and not the other way around.”

“Yeah.” Zen shakes his head, long and slow and solemn, like a doctor about to give a terminal diagnosis. “No game at all.”

Mitsuhide’s not a competitive man. Sure, he was forward on the ice, the kind of player that got sent to the box before the end of the first half and slid right into the captain spot when it was vacant. Aggression is part of the game, competition laced in every turn of his skate and lift of his stick, but that’s a different situation, a different language--

But it’s that part of him that surges beneath his skin right now, that makes him want to saunter over and put both hands on that rickety, painted wood until it creaks. That makes him want to take a full minute to bend down, showing off every centimeter of his one-ninety plus, and ask real low if either of them has made a girl beg on their cock lately, but--

He puts it in its place. That sort of talk always sounded better en français anyway.

Zen waves his hand, slipping his pamphlets out from under Obi. “Anyway, enough messing around. Are you still making omelettes, Mitsuhide?”

“Ohh, omelettes?” Obi spins to him with wide eyes. “Can I get mine with fancy ham?”

Mitsuhide blinks. “Wait, aren’t you going to do your take?”

“Nah.”

Zen shrugs. “Joke’s over.”

“So I just did that for no reason--?”

“I wouldn’t say no reason,” Zen wheedles. “It was very educational.”

Obi grins. “Mainly about how Big Guy likes legs--”

“Oh,” drawls a voice that makes his body go cold and hot at the same time. When he turns, it’s Kiki leaning against the jamb, a single elegant brow raised, excusing amusement and menace in equal measure. “Am I to take it that the show is over?”

“K-kiki,” he stammers. “How long--?”

“Hm.” She saunters over to the counter, slipping onto a stool with a casual grace that still leaves his mouth dry. “Long enough. I have to admit, I was looking forward to seeing a display of Obi’s fabled moves.”

“Ms Kiki,” Obi simpers, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’d be happy to give you a personal demonstration anytime.”

Both her brows raise. “Did I say I was desperate?”

He’s saved from Obi’s answer by Shirayuki padding into the kitchen, flushed and breathless. “Oh, you were right Kiki! Everyone is already ready. Sorry to make you wait.”

There’s a hesitation in the air, and Mitsuhide can’t figure it out, not until he sees-- she’s wearing shorts.

Shirayuki blinks. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Kiki hums, sending him a gaze so wicked it should be illegal outside the bedroom. “Do you have anything to say to her, Mitsuhide?”

“No!” It comes out a little too harsh, a little too loud. “I mean, I, uh...like your sandals!”

“Sandals,” Obi snickers, a sound that’s only covered by Zen’s hushed, “Shut up.”

“Oh!” She blinks down. “Thank you. I got them at Payless. I, um, don’t think they make them in your size.”

“No,” he manages mildly. “I don’t imagine they would.”

“You do look real cute, Doc,” Obi chimes in, slinking out of his seat to circle around her. “Did you dress up for today?”

Zen makes a noise, somewhere between a choke and a gasp, but even with the pink brushing her cheeks, Shirayuki’s too used to his antics to do much more than sigh.

“Of course I did, Obi.” Her fists perch high on her hips, cocked as she talks to him. “It’s the last time we’re all going to be going out together, isn’t it? What could be more special than that?”

Mitsuhide may not be a competitive man, and especially isn’t a malicious one, but when Obi’s jaw goes slack, the tips of his ears darkening just the slightest bit, well-- he does indulge in the slightest bit of schadenfreude.

“Well,” Zen says, a little sharp. “Let’s get going.”

“Aw!” Obi whips around. “What about fancy ham?”

“I don’t think you need--”

“Oh, I haven’t had breakfast either!” Shirayuki adds, eyes wide. “Do we have time?”

Zen hesitates, and then with a sigh, relents. “We’ll stop at Dunkies.”

[awed-frog]

Hello! I see that people are asking you about diets right now. I started living independently fairy recently, and I still haven't figured out an ideal way of feeding myself. Not sure if my autism plays a role here, or if it's just me being inexperienced, but would you maybe happen to have any advice for NT people regarding food? Like how I can get myself to eat enough fruits + vegetables and how I can keep from eating the same two dishes for the rest of my life (I WILL, if I don't pay attention)

Hi, thanks for the message! I’d say first of all take it easy, planning your meals + groceries is harder than people think, especially in the beginning. Just remember not to buy too much (produce will go bad, stuff like flour will develop flies) and take it easy. I can suggest a few things:

1) If you can, get good cooking appliances, especially a rice cooker or multicooker or Instant Pot, depending on where you live and what’s available. A rice cooker is a good option because they’re generally cheap, but most of them can only handle white rice, which isn’t the most nutritious meal. I finally got myself a multicooker two years ago and I’m really happy. You may have to experiment a bit in the beginning, but it halves the time you spend in the kitchen, can reheat food, and also makes things like bread and yogurt.

2) If you have a freezer, use the hell out of it. The best option for varying your meals is to always cook twice the portion and freeze half. If you don’t have a big freezer, remember that most vegan meals will also keep fairly well in the fridge for a couple of days, so you could eat your delicious meal both on Thursday night and for lunch on Saturday, which is Not Bad. You can also look up ways to freeze vegetables and fruits - I started keeping batches readily available to add to soups, stir-frys, and fruit purees/smoothies.

3) Be realistic. Like, unless you’re a Michelin cook, you’ll need some time to learn a new or complicated recipe, so start trying on a Saturday and give yourself a few tries. And if you get home really late, you probably won’t want to spend two hours in the kitchen, so either prep your meals beforehand (you can find tons of good advice online), or keep some ingredients for a quick meal (like a pesto sauce or ready-made dips).

4) Pantry, pantry, pantry. Most cookbooks will have a pantry list in the first pages, and those are the first things you need to buy. Remember that if you keep the same old recipe but swap out ingredients, you’ll magically have different dishes and you’ll get a lot of nutritional benefits because you’re eating different stuff! For instance, for a quick meal you can make hummus but use borlotti beans instead of chickpeas, or peanut butter instead of tahini. Why not? God is not watching. 

5) Change up your greens. For your produce: if you live on your own, don’t buy too much, and choose variety instead. For instance: weekly, only buy two kinds of fruits (one perishable you’ll eat first, like stone fruits or berries, and one that’ll last longer, like bananas, apples or pears) and three kinds of vegetables (one cruciferous: cauliflower or broccoli, for instance; one root: turnips or carrots or sweet potatoes; and one leafy green: spinach, Swiss chards, kale and so on), plus mushrooms (a nutritional godsend and very yummy) + onions and garlic. Add whatever salad material is in season (summer or winter greens, zucchini, beets, avocado) and you’re basically all set. By thinking in terms of categories instead of specific foods, you’ll ensure variety without too much effort.

6) Stick to easy cooking. As for meals: you don’t actually need a lot of fancy recipes. Find two or three things you like to cook, and repeat them twice or three times a week. By alternating your lunches and dinners, and swapping out ingredients a bit (one evening rice, the other barley, for instance; one lunch roasted pumpkin, the next one roasted Brussel sprouts) you can cook on autopilot while still ensuring you’re getting your nutrients and don’t get bored.

7) Cheat. If you struggle to eat your veggies, there are tricks you can use. For instance, smoothies and soups are good ways to eat tons of stuff fairly easily. If you eat cheese, it will make anything taste good - although garlic has the same effect and zero bad fats. Nutritional yeast is also something most people love. Adding finely chopped veggies to a normal tomato pasta sauce is another way of hiding a few greens without much effort. You can find a lot of recipes for ‘hidden’ fruits and veggies by looking up parenting tips - and remember that the way you cook stuff also changes the flavour considerably, so if you don’t like steamed zucchini, try roasting them, or adding them to a stir-fry, a soufflé, a savoury bread and so on.

8) No rules apply. And finally, remember you’re an adult now, and if you decide that you want to try miso soup and fried rice for breakfast, or that Friday night is ice-cream-instead-of-dinner night, that’s perfectly alright. You don’t have to cook for yourself for every single meal, or stick to your own culture and family traditions for what is acceptable to do.

Also: a slightly unethical life tip. On b-ok, you’ll find most cookbooks that exist - for free. If you need ideas, you can look up a book on Amazon, see if it looks good, then download it on b-ok. I’d suggest trying three or four recipes and if you like them - and can afford it - buying the real book to support the author. I sometimes do this because you can’t always tell at a glance if a cookbook is what you’re looking for or not, so this makes it easier to decide what to buy.

Good luck and happy cooking!

[amanimcrae]

Steak Dinner

I’m sure everyone knows how to make a good steak dinner. It can go with many things: lobster, shrimp, grilled zucchini, spinach, any style potato, asparagus, wedge side, roasted or steamed broccoli, or roasted brussels sprouts. The list goes on and on and on.

To sauce or not to sauce. That is the question. For this steak cut, rib eye, I like to add sauce. Steak is also good on its own. This is all up to preference. Some people like A1 steak sauce, an herbaceous chimichurri sauce, a smooth aioli, balsamic, or even just barbeque sauce. I like to make a different sauce every time. This time around I chose random sauces left in my fridge (sesame garlic and teriyaki) and added orange zest to it. The orange zest added a nice citrusy flavor to the tangy sauce, but don’t worry, it’s not too strong.

Going to fancy steakhouses can get expensive, but they do turn out delicious. With the perfect marbling, sear, and seasoning any steak could be delicious!

Ingredients

Sirloin steak

Montreal Steak Seasoning

Garlic pepper

Lime

Seasoning salt

Rosemary

1 large onion, half-moons

10 oz sliced mushrooms, washed and dried

Sesame Garlic sauce

Teriyaki sauce

Asparagus

Olive oil

Garlic powder

Lemon squeeze

2 lb of raw cut russet potatoes

1 lb of butter

Pinch of salt

1.5 cup of Chicken broth

How to Make

Season steak and place in a flat pan on medium-high heat that’s already hot. This will allow for a perfect sear. Remove from the heat when all sides are equally charred. Place ½ tbs of butter and some rosemary on each steak, cover the pan with foil, and place in an oven preheated to 375 to cook to your preference.

Boil the potatoes, some with the skin removed, some with skin. Turn off the heat. Drain and add the chicken broth, pinch of salt, and butter. Mash the potatoes into a smooth consistency.

Cut off the hard ends of the asparagus, add olive oil, garlic powder, and lemon. Roast in the oven for 10-15 min in 375-degree heat.

In a pan on medium heat, add the onion and mushrooms, allow them to aerate for 2 mins before adding the sauces. Let the sauce simmer for one minute then turn off the heat.

Serve and Enjoy

And as always,

Stay Hungry!

[tosimplybe]

Jem’s huge crustless quiche / frittata / nightmare slice thing

Hello my dear friends. Today I have attempted to write down the recipe for my Son, the wonderful and lovingly named “quiche thing”

If you’re looking for a high volume, low calorie, ridiculously easy, actually tasty recipe that doesn’t use weird ingredients THIS IS FOR YOU

Starts from 234 Calories for the WHOLE THING

Here’s how ya do it:

1. Make the quiche base / custard

Ingredients:

1 cup egg white (or like... 8?? Idk I just get them in a carton) - 126

2 small or 1 large zucchini, grated then squeezed - 40

2 tbs nutritional yeast flakes - 53

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk - 15

Salt and pepper and some mustard if you’re feeling fancy

Just shove em together in a big bowl and mix!!!!!!!!

With the brands I’m using this comes to 234 calories for the whole “custard”.

2. Add cheeses if you want

I like to mix some random ones into my base for some more flavour and texture. I usually don’t add any if I’m the only one eating it because idk I’ve given up on making things taste edible I’d rather go low cal.

Here are some options for mixing:

1/4 cup ricotta (makes it so squishy and good) - 105

1/4 cup mozzarella - 85

2 tbs Parmesan - 44

Another 2 tbs nutritional yeast flakes - 53

3. Cook your fillings

Now the fun part. For a HUGE quiche this needs stuff to support it and fill it up. Just throw in ANY low calorie vegetables you can find. Not going to list calories because I’m sleepy but why not try:

Ham (in small amounts)

Mushrooms

Broccoli (SO MUCH VOLUME!!!!!)

Cauliflower (SO SO MUCH VOLUME)

Spinach (really really good)

Capsicum

Asparagus

Pumpkin chunks (my fav)

Eggplant

Tomato

Literally anything like genuinely you could shove an iPod in and it would taste good

Cook and season these however you please. Sometimes I microwave, sometimes I roast, sometimes I use the stove depends how fancy you’re feeling. Just make sure they’re nice and squishy

DONT SKIMP ON THE VEG! YOU WILL END UP WITH AN OMELETTE BARELY THICK ENOUGH TO DRY YOUR TEARS

4. Put it together

Ok now shove all of these squishy veggies into a giant (and I mean giant) casserole dish and pour your quiche base on top. If it doesn’t cover it add a few more eggs and milk idk. Sprinkle some cheese on the top and you’re good to go!!!

5. Cook!

Cook Him at 200 degrees Celsius ish (490 Fahrenheit for you heathens) for about 45 minutes or until you can stab it with a knife and it feels.... jiggly and solid.

Then LET HIM COOL!!!!! It’s so tempting to stab immediately but just wait patiently and pick at the cheese for 15 mins or so otherwise he will just kind of dissolve. After that chop into 6-12 pieces and devour!

Feel free to play around with this recipe. Since it’s just an egg it literally cannot go wrong. If you want to be less suspicious use one or two whole eggs, a splash of normal milk and extra cheese on top and you’d never know it was low calorie

CALORIE COUNT:

This entirely depends on your vegetables and cheese choices

Say you go wild and use 300 cal of veg and cheese it comes to 534 calories for the ENTIRE THING. If you cut that into 6 huge pieces that’s 89 CALORIES!!!!!!!!!

This serves 6-8 people generally but for lunches I’ve made it up to 16. It’s genuinely huge and so delicious

Ok now that I have shared my wisdom with the world I shall go back into hibernation. Let me know if you make this how it goes!!!!

(For @laescheyyy <3)

[vore-scientist]

Cookie Jar (M/f platonic safe/soft sfw vore)

A Tale of the Mystic Woods

Sophia see’s an opportunity to prank her half-giant wizard, by getting him to eat her. Also some Gardening! (sadly no actual cookies or jars feature in this story)

Princess Sophia and Yonah the Wizard are my OCs, they are both adults, and part of my Mystic Woods series. I commissioned art for this chapter! So that’s in there too!

Warnings: While this story is all about safe, soft, willing, silliness there are uhhhh some really strange references/discussion about fa.tal. None occurs. King Ben just is a bit... creepy and uncaring. 

----

“So, what’s the plan for today?”

The Princess Sophia asked as she and her half-giant wizard ate breakfast. Toast with a citrus marmalade and eggs scrambled with spinach, onions, and mushrooms. They always had eggs. Yonah was a really amazing cook, and eggs were his favorite food. Well. Second favorite food. Sophia had to admit, the wizard made the best eggs she’d ever had, and she grew up with royal cooks! Yonah took one more giant mouthful of his own portion of eggs, and a drink of water flavored with a few slices of magic melon, before answering. 

“Not much,” he took another bite. Clearly not in a hurry. “Was thinking we could garden this morning, then I’ve got some translations to complete. Maybe there will be time for a dusk patrol.”

No way. 

Sophia’s forkful of egg was frozen halfway to her mouth. 

There was no way he had forgotten. Right? Someone so smart organized and all. It wasn’t possible Not in her wildest dreams. 

“That’s it? Nothing else?” she risked jogging his memory just to be sure.

Yonah was looking at her funny, so she finished her bite of food to keep a straight face. 

“Nope. That’s it. Unless… Is there something you wanted to do?” He asked. 

She took such a big drink of water she nearly choked. 

“Ah- um.” 

“I could try to put together a lesson, but I didn't plan on one today. Im still waiting on a few potion ingredients, which should be here soon.” 

“The plan sounds good!” She said, her voice squeaking a bit. 

He’d definitely forgotten. And if Sophia was a good friend she would have told him. Thankfully Sophia wasn’t a good friend. She was a great friend. His Best Friend. And as the best friend to an evil giant wizard she got an evil idea. All she had to do was not raise suspicion. 

“Ok…” Yonah didn’t sound convinced. “Would you like me to clear your dishes?”

Sophia nodded and placed them delicately unto his palm, but finishing her water first. Then she zipped off, climbing down the ladder attached to the table, sprinting to the staircase, and leaping down the stairs to the bedroom. By the time Yonah caught up to her she was in her gardening outfit. Waiting for him, on top of his dresser, upon which was her magic wardrobe. 

“What’s the rush princess?” Yonah said with a smile as he took his time changing into a sturdy button up and overalls that matched Sophia’s. “I don’t have any plants that will get up and walk away if we don’t water them.”

He adjusted the shoulder straps on his overalls and held out a hand to Sophia. She scampered across his arm and dropped into his front pocket. 

“Ok then,” he said, smiling as he got out his sandals, gloves, and straw-wizard’s hat. 

“I’m just excited to garden!” Sophia said. 

“Glad to hear it,” he gently pat the pocket over his midsection to jostle the princess, and then with a finger ruffled her hair. Or tried, since it was in it’s pretty-permanently tight braid. He did nearly knock off her tiara but she held it in place. Then she held onto the lip of the pocket as Yonah went up the stairs, and she bounced happily. 

She had to hold on tighter when he leapt from the tower window. That was never not exhilarating  and so frightening she screeched like a banshee as, with an earth-shaking THUD, Yonah landed in the garden. 

“Out you come from there!” Yonah said cheerfully as he plucked Sophia out of the pocket and set her on the edge of a flower bed. 

Then from a side pocket he took out a pouch of power that he dipped a finger into. He dabbed a bit of the powder and recited a spell in giant. With a puff of grey smoke Yonah now stood 7.5ft. About a third his original height. 

There was a lot to do as it turned out. A lot of beds had weeds! Those damn seeds must just manifest out of thin air. The pair spent an entire hour weeding the flower beds. A few weeds happened to be spell ingredients, which Sophia Then wondered why they were considered weeds. 

Regardless she attacked them with extreme ferociousness, getting right to their roots. Which was good because the roots of this particular weed were what they wanted. They were placed in a bag to be dried out over a magical smoke that night. 

They didn’t take a break. Not really. When moving onto the Apple trees and other fruits the pair took random small breaks to sample the ripening bounty, but worked steadily to trim branches and check for sickness and fungus. 

Some fungus was of course wanted! Yonah had recently planted a patch of moaning bamboo that was bred to be vulnerable to infection by void fungus; used to make magical ink to enchant scrolls and book pages. It was a slow growing bamboo but it was finally large enough that if infected would produce a decent amount of magic ink, enough to make the investment in the bamboo worth the money. 

Sophia took a tuning fork and tapped the green-yellow rods. No void fungus to be found. But cuttings of the bamboo were taken. When the current batch caught the bug they would have healthy ones to replace them. Void Fungus was not kind to it’s hosts. Thankfully it wasn’t harmful to animals or people. 

She started to worry that, after all this work, Yonah would insist they have lunch, and she would have to tell him. 

And then she nearly ruined it by cheering when he suggested he get a little translating done before lunch. He was just feeling very motivated for some reason. She didn’t mind waiting a little to eat right?

“Don’t mind at all! In fact, you wanna eat me?” she couldn’t risk waiting any longer or it would be too late. She tried not to look at the clock. 

It wasn’t really a silence, since Yonah continued to gather supplies around the room, until he stopped listening to himself and processed Sophia’s words. Then he stood up, holding a bunch of scrolls, looking at her as if he may have imagined her talking at all.  

“You haven’t had lunch yet, so you must be hungry,” she added. /don’t push it too much he’ll get suspicious!/ “and watching you translate is boring.”

But then she heard his stomach growl and his cheeks grew red. “I- yeah!” he came over to the desk. His face was still a bit flushed but he was smiling as he leaned over, arms folded and he put his head eye level with Sophia. “A pre-lunch snack is exactly what I need!” 

He reached out a hand to poke her, which tickled. “And I couldn’t refuse my favorite snack.”

Without hesitation Sophia got out her vial of glass paste and applied a small dab to her forehead and recited the words. Yonah closed his eyes as there was an explosion of sparkling purple dust. He felt the heavy glass form of the princess sit on his arm. He stood back up, taking the princess with him, keeping her at his face. He opened his mouth in a wide smile that revealed large white fangs glittering with drool and anticipation. She took hold of his bottom teeth, hoisting herself inside. It was a tight fit, which always made her wonder how he managed to eat people larger than herself. And she was petit. 

Air wooshed by her as he took a deep breath and tipped his head back so that she slid to his throat. With perfect timing he swallowed. Once. Twice. Three times. 

The princess’s feet passed over his lips, and he kept swallowing. It hurt considerably. Stretching his throat and putting pressure on his windpipe, but it was worth it. With a strong gulp she was down past his airways and he could breathe again. He could already feel her hands in his stomach, soon joined by the rest of her. Filling him up so nicely, he smiled and sighed. 

“Mr HaEsh?”

It was like his blood turned to ice and then instantly into steam; the pressure threatening to make him explode.  

He remembered. 

Dare he open his eyes? He had to. It was too late now. 

Yonah HaEsh looked down at the magic mirror on his desk. But instead of his reflection framed by the fancy gold filigree, the King of the Mystic Woods looked back at him, arms crossed. It was like the entire damn forest was looking at him. And the forest didn’t exactly have feelings like normal people. 

/Had he seen?/

“Ah- Y-Your Majesty-” 

Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Because at that moment Sophia started laughing hysterically, with her whole body. Normally that would feel GREAT; now it was distracting at best, visible and audible to her father at worst. Her father who spoke over the stuttering giant. 

[art by @pythonpie​ @art_python on twitter]

“We had a meeting today, or did you forget?” The King’s expression. Well it wasn’t neutral but it wasn’t full of vengeful rage, which it surely would have if he had seen his daughter get swallowed whole. It still wasn’t happy. 

“No-I mean yes- I mean no, Your Majesty.”

“Then where, Mr. HaEsh, is my daughter?” The King’s emerald green eyes pulsed and narrowed, his face hardening like petrified wood. 

Yonah resisted putting a hand to his stomach to try and cover up Sophia’s movement, or get her to stop! Her laughter was penetrating his brain! But that would be too obvious. 

“The princess! She!” Yonah realized he had a bit of drool running down his chin, but he dare not wipe it away. “Is asleep.”

“In the afternoon?” asked The King, raising an eyebrow, “Surely she didn’t forget the meeting?”

Yonah gritted his teeth as Sophia screeched inside him. 

He hissed out “No sire, she did not.”

“Speak up Mr. HaEsh,” the King Ordered. 

“Ah- well, I don’t know, she was very tired after working so hard in the garden I thought she deserved a nap,” and he thought he deserved a freaking medal for coming up with that excuse and saying it as convincingly as possible with a princess thrashing in his belly. 

“I don’t appreciate her sleep schedule being dysregulated this way,” said The King, his voice rising enough to make Yonah’s skin crawl. 

It was so eerie, and so absolutely horrifying to see The King get mad in the mirror, while outside the trees rustled with the rhythm of Ben’s words, his breaths, his huffs, and his grunts. Yonah swore the vines around his tower were constricting, causing the stone to crack a bit. Could Ben collapse the tower just like that?

“I didn’t mean-” but once again The King spoke. 

“And,” the king pointed at him. Though it wasn’t exactly precise through the mirror it was clearly at his stoamch very full of struggling human, “Who was that you were eating?”

“Sire?” Yonah didn’t think he could really hide it. 

“Don’t play dumb with me, wizard,” The King spat, “When the mirrors resolved I saw feet disappearing down your massive throat. And they’re still alive by the look of-”

“A thief!” Yonah said a bit too quickly, “It was, is, a thief!”

Now he felt comfortable enough to rub at his stomach, “Tasty too, your majesty,” he smiled a big embarrassed grin, “In the excitement of the chase I forgot it was nearly time for our call.”

The King didn’t look convinced and Yonah felt his heart sink. 

“A thief? In the middle of the day?”

“Yes Sire! That happens, not common but not-” was he gesticulating too much? Was he gesticulating to little? Should he just stop using his hands?

“And that doesn’t sound like screaming, it sounds more like laughter.”

/Oh GODS he could hear it!/ Yonah’s heart lifted but only so it could start racing 

“Nope! Not laughter” Yonah poked his middle and Sophia obliged by screaming a little less happily, “It’s terror! Because I ate them! And I am very scary. Just like you hired me to be!”

“Very well, I suppose you should go wake Sophia,” The King examined his fingernails. Thanks to the mirror enhancing the King’s size, Yonah could see they were painted with black runes. What for? Yonah couldn’t think about that right now. 

“And the thief?”

The king looked up, “Oh right, the thief.” the king eye’d Yonah’s middle like one would a disappointing servant  “Are they not dead yet?” Sophia had stopped laughing so hard, guess Ben couldn’t hear it now. 

“N-No sire,” Yonah poked his middle again and was relieved when Sophia moved sharply and screamed at like she really was in danger. 

“Not in the mood for a free meal today?” Ben asked, completely serious. “Less money out of my pocket. It costs a lot to... feed you.” There was a weird tick in Ben’s right cheek. Like he had been about to mention the fact that Yonah gives adventurers gold when he lets them live, which was most of the time, and that money was technically King Ben’s, even if most of it was deducted from Yonah’s salary. 

“Not with you watching, my liege,” Yonah said, trying to sound like he cared as little for the thieves’ lives as Ben did. 

“It’s not as if I can see whatever horrorshow is going on in there,” he said. 

With Sophia being the one in there, that was the last thing Yonah wanted to think about.  

“Fine, spit them out.” 

Gods those gem-like eyes were so bright yet so hollow. Yonah wouldn’t be surprised if Ben COULD see though mere barriers like flesh, but also was thankful he couldn’t.

Yonah bowed, unable to enjoy Sophia being squished inside him.

“Where are you going?” Ben said as Yonah turned to the stairwell. 

“To- spit out the thief and wake-”

“You cannot do that here? I’ve seen it before”

He had. Once. When interrogating a prisoner of war, Ben supervised Yonah swallowing, threatening, and spitting up fairy. That had been a feat. Fairies were larger than humans. Even thinking about it briefly made his throat sore. 

Yonah’s face turned so red it was like a tomato. If he spat Sophia out that would be it. In the moment he could not fathom what Ben might do to him if Sophia slid out of his mouth. Could he somehow cast a disguise spell on her? No Ben would see the cast. 

Thankfully Ben heaved a huge sigh, “I don’t see why you’re so self-conscious, go ahead.” He waved him off and Yonah disappeared down the trap door. 

---

PERFECT TIMING! 

Sophia couldn’t see what had gone on outside, but as Yonah stiffened, everything around her going tense, the pulse around her accelerating and his quavering voice say “Your majesty,” she knew she had done it. 

While she had wanted to try and hear what her father was saying she could not help but burst into laughter as soon as she imagined the look on Yonah’s face. Probably guilty, smiling, bewilderment. Oh she wished she could see! But if she could have done that, this would be a very different prank. 

It wasn’t hard to guess her father’s words based on Yonah’s responses. 

Deciding to help her poor giant she switched from laughter to just yelling when Yonah poked at her and insisted the sound coming from his middle was terror. That should be pretty convincing, though it was hard to sound scared when riding the high of such a brilliant prank. 

Eventually she calmed down to hear her father. She loved her dad. She really did. But 30 years ruling two kingdoms; 30 years being joined magically to The Mystic Woods, a mind as far from human as one could get, he tended to be a bit heartless. Ben’s body, mind, and spirit were part of a vast ecosystem that had things living and dying in it every day. So why would random adventurers dying, even eaten by one of his employees, be of much concern to him? 

Still, she felt proud of Yonah for managing to get away to “wake her up” and “spit out the thief”. She did not resist when Yonah threw up into his bathroom sink. 

“That was ! A dirty trick!” 

He coughed out a bit more fluid and did not bother to aim away from Sophia. He didn’t speak again until he regained his breath. By then Sophia had washed and dried off, and returned to flesh of her own accord. She sat on the towel and looked at him with big innocent brown eyes. 

Ok not innocent, but definitely not guilty or regretful. He reached out to grab her but she grabbed him back, wrapping her arms around his fingers. He wriggled his fingers and she laughed, not at him, but with him. He did pull her to the edge of the counter and kissed her side. She tried to get away from his scratchy facial hair but failed. 

“How long were you planning that?” he asked, his chin in her lab. 

“Since this morning,” she said, shoving him away.  

He obliged but left one arm on the counter for her to climb across to his shoulder. She lay into his hair. The dark curls so fluffy and soft. 

“Couldn’t believe my luck. Something like our monthly meetings slipping through that big wizard brain of yours!” She scratched his head, making one side of his hair stick up funny. Then she sat down and he put on his hat. 

“Let’s not keep my father-” she paused. 

“The King-” Yonah smiled. 

She laughed “Let’s not keep him waiting.”

Ben had not moved a muscle as far as Yonah could tell, when he sat at his desk and tried to smile without conveying that he had in fact, not eaten a thief, but the king’s daughter. Sophia scrawled down from his shoulder and leapt onto the desk. 

“Hi dad!” she said. 

“Hello Sophia”

And no, it wasn’t really comforting to see kind emotions in the face of The Mystical Majesty, if anything it made him more eerie. He was capable of human feelings, or at least he remembered what they were enough to mimic them. 

It never really bothered Yonah before but. He barely noticed. Oh sure Ben unnerved him greatly. Yet he hadn’t registered just how detached The King was. 

Not until he had figured out that Sophia was already chosen as the next Mystic King. Would she slowly turn into an unfeeling vessel for the forest? Would he lose her? He was to train her, prepare her to be King. Maybe that meant she could avoid this fate. 

Shit Ben was asking him a question! 

Shit Sophia was answering for him!

“-unconscious when they came out. We put washed them off and put them in a box.”

Ben was back to his normal, detached irritation. But there was a flicker of amusement. Still not comforting. 

“You woke her before spitting the thief up?”

He had to nod; Sophia was in charge of the narrative now. 

“Cutting it a bit close weren’t we?”

/why did he care? Ben was just fine with letting this hypothetical thief die while they had a not-so-pleasant chat/

“No sir, fainted from fright. Happens all the time. They were kicking and screaming until-”

“I don’t actually want the details Mr HaEsh.” 

Yonah wasn’t so sure about that. King Ben seemed to have some morbid fascinations. Maybe when one’s mind is so expanded you need some really extreme diversions to peak your interest. 

With so much time wasted the talk was very brief. Ben was actually legitimately pleased with Sophia’s progress. In the last month she’d met with several insular communities in the woods. One in particular was hardly more than a rumor. The fact that she’d made contact was a significant achievement. Not that she knew why, but she was glad to go on about the new spell she’d learned, none the wiser about her growing connection to The Woods. 

Still, Yonah didn’t breathe easy until Ben’s face faded from the mirror. 

Sophia sighed and turned to look up at him. 

“Im going to get you back for this,” he said, “especially since you were this close” he held his thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart, “To Ben seeing you eaten. He saw you feet.”

“Ah!” She finally looked guilty, “Well- I couldn’t resist”

No. She wouldn’t be Sophia if she’d done anything else. He even suspected that his mirror had delayed establishing the link and made a mental note to be kinder to it. 

“-if you want to eat me again.”

Yonah scooped her up, cradling her in his arms. “You’ve certainly earned the honor of being my dessert tonight,” he cooed. “And I’d better get some belly rubs. But that doesn’t count as payback.”

“You’re going to eat me now too?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “No. We should have actual lunch; like we normally do after talking with your father-”

“The King!” she declared, standing up unsteady and pulling herself onto his shoulder. 

He laughed so hard she almost fell back into his arms.  

And they went downstairs. 

[FIN] if you liked PLEASE REBLOG!

REBLOGS HELP SPREAD MY WORK! I also love knowing that people read my stories! My askbox and DMs are OPEN!!! let me know!!! 

[Thanks for reading! please reblog! Or message me telling me what you think! I crave feedback! For more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’

[gwtoomanyalts]

I love discovering cooking recipes without looking them up. I literally spent like an hour and a half doing that on Katla for no other reason than I see her as enjoying cooking as much as I do, and she’s new so she had the most to find.

The fact that so many cooking recipes in this game make sense is what's so fun about discovering them to me. You go in like “Okay, so it’s rice and a green bell pepper, okay, so it must need red meat and tomato sauce now! Stuffed peppers accomplished!”

Heck, I even ordered pizza yesterday (contactless delivery) and got it with mushrooms, bell peppers, spinach, and onions just to (mostly) copy the fancy vegie pizza in game while I was doing all that discovering. It’s not often you can eat a food while you make it in a game, and it just tickled me. If you can’t tell cooking is my favorite crafting discipline in Guild Wars 2 by a long shot.

I kind of wish they had more drinks though, the coffee was a neat addition and one of my favorites from Elona. We could use some teas at the very least, what with all the herbs we have already. Mint tea or hot chocolate would be pretty nice to have. Heck, let us make the Wintersday ones like the eggnog and the apple cider while they are at it, I mean they let us make the Halloween recipes.

[littlethingwithfeathers]

Quarantine Cuisine: Soup Making 101

So here’s another installment that’s more technique than recipe (though don’t worry... there is a recipe at the end). Forgive me for going a little long with this one, but I feel like not enough people know how to look at their pantry contents and summon soup. So... here we go. Soup-making 101.

Here are the basic building blocks of soup:

Protein:

If you’re wanting soup that is an actual meal, you’ll need protein, and since it’s sort of the central component of your soup, it informs every decision trickling down. Cook time, flavor palate, additional ingredients. On and on and on... And the list of soup-worthy proteins is endless. In fact, it’s probably best to list what -doesn’t- make good soup. And generally, what doesn’t make good soup is anything that is best cooked on high heat for a short amount of time. So... lean steak, delicate fish... things of that sort. Here are your best choices in most categories...

Meat: anything tough like roasts, shoulders, shanks. And sausage... links or ground. And anything cured like bacon or ham. (watch your salt with those though). You basically want things that aren’t going to just boil away... things with some fat and connective tissue.

Chicken: Thighs. 100%. You can do breasts but it’s a pain because they dry out with long cooking. And they’re more expensive. Just do chicken thighs.

Seafood: shrimp or clams... tougher fish like swordfish. But unlike the proteins above, you don’t want to add them in until the very end.

Veg: any sort of bean or mushroom. Lentils... all that good stuff.

If you’re new to soup making, I recommend starting with something forgiving. Chicken thighs, bacon, ground beef or sausage, mushrooms, or chick peas... These things stand up to being souped and are pretty hard to overcook. That said, your meat choice will arbitrate your cooking time. Meat with lots of connective tissue needs a longer cooking time, whereas chicken thighs will only take about 20-30 minutes to cook through. Keep that in mind moving forward.

Broth:

Your broth choice depends largely on your previous decision... but you can sort of think of it like wine. Red wine is like darker heavier broths like beef... save it for the red meat. Chicken broth is like a dry sturdy white wine... good for chicken obvs but also veggies. Fish broth is really only good if you’re making a fish dish. And veggie broth... I really only ever use it for keeping a dish vegetarian... it’s good but the flavor isn’t super strong. My go-to is chicken broth for most everything except heavy beef stew. And even then it would work in a pinch.

There are other liquids to consider as well. Wine... vinegars... acids... juice... coconut milk... but we don’t want to really settle those until we decide the following.

Fat: All soups need a little fat. It can come from your protein if you’re using meat... or you can go with oil or butter. Keep it fairly neutral.

Aromatics and spices: Herbs, spices, and things like onion, lemongrass, garlic, or ginger. This is where you decide your flavor palate. And don’t worry... it’s not complicated. I tend to choose my flavors based on geographical location. Here... watch.

French soup: onion/shallot, celery, carrots, tarragon, parsley, lemon, thyme, rosemary.

Italian soup: onion, celery, carrots, a shitload of garlic, oregano, basil (fresh or dried).

Thai: onion, ginger, garlic, chili paste, lemongrass, Thai basil

Indian: red onion, garlic, ginger, garam masala, curry powders, turmeric

Central American: lime, garlic, cilantro, onion, cumin

Or if you really want an advanced course in flavor matching, check out this book:

The Flavor Bible by Karen Page and Andrew Dornenburg.

You can search by ingredient and see what goes with it. Magic! It’s probably the most well used cook book on my shelf and it’s not even a cook book!

Veg: Again... go with things that are forgiving when it comes to cooking time: Mushrooms, carrots, celery, bell peppers, sturdy beans, frozen corn. But that being said, you can add things in stages. Simmer your meat and onions and carrots for awhile... add more sensitive things like potatoes in a little later. Then when everything is almost done, toss in your spinach or fresh peas and such like that to just cook through at the end. Carbohydrate: Honestly... pick your poison. Potatoes, rice, barley, pasta... go nuts. Just pay attention to the cooking time and be careful not to overcook.

***

So, with those base ingredient categories in mind, we’re just going to think like we did with the scrappy pasta from last week. You want certain flavor roles filled: Salty, sweet, fat, acid, umami.

Salty: salt. Just... straight up. You don’t always have to have something filling in... but other things to think about that might help in that department are sausage, bacon, soy sauce, grated cheese. And bear in mind... if you’re using a lot of starch like with beans, pasta, or potatoes, keep tasting as you work along to make sure you use enough salt.

Sweet: Okay we’re not talking sugar... but think about things that have a sweet component to them. Carrots, sweet peas, sweet corn... it isn’t a must have but it helps keep a dish from falling too flat.

Fat: This can come from the meat you’re using or be added by you. Keep the smoke point high so things like plain olive oil (not Extra Virgin), bacon fat, or a little butter are best. Save your fancy stuff for something else. This is more utility than anything.

Acid: This will also help keep your soup from just being all one note. Tomatoes make a great acid. As does a splash of red wine vinegar or lemon juice right at the end of cooking.

Umami: Ah that witchy little concept... the X factor of every dish. It’s hard to explain exactly what umami is. It’s a complexity that usually comes from a combination of flavors... think about chocolate and pretzels, and the way those two ingredients bring out flavors that don’t exist when those two things are eaten on their own. Have a look at this list and you’ll know what you’re looking for... bacon, toasted sesame oil, olives, parmesan cheese, miso paste, balsamic vinegar. For savory dishes, it’s usually something aged, brined, or smoked. You get the picture.

Alright... all that out of the way. I’m going to make an example soup from just crap in my pantry. I’ll give substitutions as we go along as well. Another thing you can do is google soup recipes and use this guide to make substitutions. It’s like you’re one of those neural net learning computers! Only with better context clues.

***

Pantry soup:

6 pieces of bacon, cut into one inch pieces (could also be literally any kind of fatty meat... sausage, ground critter. I wanted this to be a mostly veggie soup, so I’m going with this one)

one onion, chopped (could also be some shallots)

four carrots, cubed (could also use some celery here if you have it. I don’t.)

3-4 cloves of garlic

Some white wine... 1/2 cup-ish (for my acid and for liquid... you could totally just use more broth, but a note about cooking with alcohol... there are flavors that are soluble in alcohol but not in water. Use both broth and wine... you get the best of both worlds.)

Chicken broth (enough to liberally cover all the ingredients... this took about 48oz)

one Parmesan rind (or a little Parmesan cheese)

1 14oz can diced tomatoes, juice and all. (Pro tip... rinse the can out with about half a cup of water and dump that into the pot too so you get all the flavor.)

1 bay leaf

1 tsp Italian herbs

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes

salt and pepper

1 14oz can chick peas drained

one cup frozen green beans

3-4 potatoes cut small

spritz of lemon juice.

Things I don’t have but really wish I could add to this: Mushrooms, celery, bell peppers, and fresh spinach. Other possible adds could be frozen corn, frozen peas, sweet potatoes, kale, fresh grape tomatoes (halved), other beans like kidney, cannellini, or great northerns. In a large, heavy bottomed pot or dutch oven, cook bacon until it starts to get some color and most of the fat is rendered. Scoop the bacon out with a slotted spoon. Add onion and carrots and saute until softened. Add garlic and cook for a minute more.

Add white wine and scrape up any bits stuck to the bottom of the pan and allow to cook down by half. Add the broth, bacon, tomatoes, Parmesan rind, and spices. Bring to a simmer and cook for about 20 minutes. Taste for salt here. I’d go easy up to now, what with the bacon and the parm. But with the potatoes and the chickpeas coming into the mix, you’re going to want to make sure the broth is well seasoned. Scoop out the Parmesan rind. Add the chick peas, green beans, and potatoes and cook for an additional 30 minutes, or until potatoes and carrots are fork tender (it was closer to 40 minutes for me). Taste again for salt.

Spritz with lemon juice and serve.

[harryandmolly]

Ten Years - Part One

summary: ten years after 2007 Warped Tour, Shawn and Val come face to face in London

warnings: Language, that good yearning

WC: 3.3k

A/N: this is a post-epilogue miniseries of I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It. I recommend you read that first or this will make you go 🤔

------------

Shawn has never felt further from his 19-year-old self than right now, squished into what has to be the world’s tiniest lift with Val and Alice and Alice’s very large, fancy pram.

The rickety lift slowly drags them up to the third floor of the old building. In the mirrored doors, Shawn watches them, saved from Val’s returning gaze as she focuses on making faces at her sleepy baby. Her back is pressed up against his chest. He can smell the achingly familiar citrus scent of her hair. But he can barely recognize the boy that ran away from this girl.

The lift stops with an alarming little jolt but Val looks unbothered. She hands the pram off to Shawn to steer while she fishes keys out of her purse. Shawn walks slowly, gazing down at Alice’s round and curious face. Who are you to be taking up my mommy’s attention? She seems to say. Shawn’s lower lip twitches. Who, indeed.

Val lets them into the dark flat. It’s roomier than Shawn expected, having seen the modest building from the outside. As Val flips on lights, Shawn’s hungry eyes suck in as much as they can, committing it to memory for further study.

The walls are a rich shade of deep, deep red. The furniture is modern but comfortable. There are bookshelves in every corner, packed full of fantasy, art texts and music biographies. He stumbles over a stuffed colorful caterpillar toy. It makes Val chuckle.

He looks up at her and watches as she drops her jacket onto a hanger and kicks her boots into a corner next to a teeny tiny pair of cleats that make him smile.

“Already got her on a club team?” he rasps, finding his voice has failed him slightly. Val graciously ignores it and glances over at the cleats.

“Aren’t those hilarious? Raf sent those for her a few weeks ago. They were his daughter’s when she was Alice’s size.”

Shawn smiles and tucks his hands into his jacket pockets, rocking back and forth. He’s gazing around, memorizing as casually as possible, when he feels her warmth again. He looks down to see her smirking up at him. He ducks his head and chuckles. There never was any hiding from Val.

“Wanna stay for dinner? I was going to order takeaway.”

He grins at her British -ism and bites into his lower lip, nodding at her fridge. “I can cook if you want.”

Val’s eyebrows lift. Shawn’s laugh is low and gravelly. His voice is still not working quite right. He thinks it’s prolonged exposure to her coming out of nowhere. He doesn’t really mind. She could always understand exactly what he was saying even when he was babbling helplessly, even when he wasn’t speaking at all.

“You can… cook?”

Shawn rolls his eyes and shucks off his jacket, placing it on the back of a barstool at her modest kitchen island.

“I did grow up a little in the last ten years,” he sighs, wandering into her kitchen curiously.

“I noticed.”

Shawn freezes almost comically. His hand is halfway to the fridge handle. He blinks and turns his head slightly to look at her. She’s wearing the smile that’s haunted him for ten years, the one that’s so signature Val -- it’s a dare and a promise all in one. He swallows so hard his throat visibly bobs.

She’s fucking flirting with him. And she doesn’t look like she did it accidentally.

His motor function comes back enough to open the refrigerator and look around, and also hope the cool air will reduce the pink burning in his cheeks. Val busies herself with freeing fussy Alice from the pram, holding her against her hip after shedding all her tiny little layers down to a pair of leggings and a long sleeved tee with the Arsenal FC logo on it.

Shawn studies the contents of the fridge. It doesn’t take long. He looks up at her, frowning disapprovingly.

“You don’t cook,” he says plainly.

Val snorts, which makes Alice wriggle against her chest.

“I don’t cook. Never have, never will. It horrifies my mother, who sends five pounds of frozen homemade empanadas every month packed with dry ice.”

Shawn groans and lets his head loll back. “Fuck, I love your mom’s empanadas.”

A moment later, his head snaps up. His eyes widen. He claps a hand over his mouth.

“I’m so sorry!” The sound is garbled against the skin of his hand. He removes it to Val’s amusement.

“Don’t worry,” Val hums, pressing her nose and lips up against Alice’s patch of dark hair above her little ear, “I swear around her all the fucking time. Don’t I, nina?”

Shawn grins and turns back to the fridge. With a sigh, he unloads a carton of old Waitrose eggs, some wilted spinach and a bag of shiitake mushrooms. He snuggles the ingredients into his arms and nudges the door shut with his foot, glancing at her reproachfully.

“Don’t judge me on this, it won’t be my best work. But I have limited resources.”

Val takes a deep, calming breath, watching him start to sort out a cutting board and a pathetically dull knife at her kitchen counter. Because Shawn Mendes is cooking her dinner.

It’s been a weird six hours.

Val props herself up on a stool, planting Alice in front of her, holding her by the waist so her floppy, energetic baby doesn’t squirm onto the floor. Alice also serves as an excellent shield between herself and the man in her kitchen she can’t stop staring at.

She listens to him chop and crack eggs and melt butter like making dinner for her is some kind of Food Network challenge. She tries to tamp down a goofy smile at the thought. Alice smacks her tiny palm against Val’s lips for her attention. She holds her daughter’s hand and mimes nibbling at her fingers, making Alice squeal with laughter. Val peeks over Alice’s shoulder to see Shawn grinning at a frying pan, expertly flipping an omelette. Val’s stomach flips with it.

“So,” Val coughs, “How’ve you found London so far?”

Shawn slides the omelette sizzling onto a plate and cracks pepper over the top. He slides it over to her with a fork, slinging a dish towel over his shoulder while he gets to work on the second. Val mouths thank you, sealing it with a wink as she lifts the baby into a high chair and pops open a can of mashed carrot and swede from the countertop.

“I love it,” Shawn murmurs, nodding, “I’ve always really liked it here. My mum has family here. I’m over here a lot for work.”

He slides his tongue over his lower lip, making the black enameled ring quiver as he thinks about the comment he left out -- he’s long been considering getting a place here. Many of his favorite producers are based out of London. He and the guys love working out here. Forefront has remained more popular in the UK after the scene faded in the US. It makes sense.

“And… how long are you staying?”

Val hopes the eagerness doesn’t cut too deeply into her voice. If Shawn notices, he’s mercifully cool about it.

“I’m leaving Thursday to go home for the holidays.”

Val’s jaw tightens. She straightens up and stares at Alice, watching as she takes a fist of Val’s hair and shoves it into her mouth instead of the spoon of food Val is offering.

“I’ll be back after New Years to write the new album. Gonna spend a few months here.”

Val’s stomach swoops. She jams the spoon into Alice’s cheek by accident, reaching for her bib to wipe the food away before Alice can protest.

“That’s nice,” Val replies airily.

Shawn plops into the stool next to her with his plate and eyes her as she takes one bite of her food and feeds her daughter with her other hand.

“Ever accidentally mixed up the spoons and eaten baby food by mistake?”

Val barks a laugh. “Happens like, once a week.”

Shawn, Val and Alice eat in comfortable silence. Shawn chews a little slower than usual because he knows he’s probably getting kicked out after dinner and he’s not really ready to let go of this just yet.

This.

What is this?

Shawn shakes the thought before it can sprout in his brain. He’s not going to freak out over this. This is fine. It’s dinner with an old friend and her baby. Nothing weird can happen with a baby around, right?

Val stands and scoops a squirming Alice out of her high chair, walking toward the nursery with a glance over her shoulder.

“I’m gonna get her changed and put her down for the night. Want to open that bottle of wine there?” She nods at a bottle of cabernet and Shawn’s eyes get a little brighter.

“Yeah,” he responds enthusiastically, nodding, “Good night, Alice!”

Val beams and flaps Alice’s little hand at him. “Night night, Shawn!”

When Val emerges twenty minutes later with the baby monitor, Shawn has the dishes cleaned and the wine breathing with two glasses out on the counter while he flips absently through his phone.

“I’m gonna get changed, too,” Val says softly, gesturing down at her leather pants and chewing on the inside of her lip, trying not to read too much into all the different cozy-cute outfit ideas in her head.

Before she can overthink it, she swaps out her urban mom chic look for clingy charcoal leggings and a black camisole with her favorite cable knit cardigan over top. She gives her hair a flip in the mirror and pinches some color into her cheeks.

You know, just because.

When she walks back into the living room, Shawn has the wine poured. She tips her glass against his and murmurs “cheers,” willfully ignoring the way Shawn is trying not to check her out.

They sit at the bar. Shawn watches Val cross her long, slender legs, her bare, black-lacquered toes glinting up at him. He hums a chuckle and sips his wine.

“What?” she giggles.

He nods at her. “You. Your black nail polish. Some things never change, I guess.”

The words feel heavy as soon as they leave him. It swirls around them, all that has changed, all that hasn’t.

It would be easy to look over at Val now and see a stranger. It’s been a full decade. The amount of life experience packed into the ten years between 22 and 32 could have made her an entirely different person. But Shawn’s been watching her, listening to her all day. She’s still Val.

It’s a comfort and a curse, he thinks. It’s not like he hasn’t wondered about her, about how much the years have changed all the things that drew him in. It hurt to think she was changing and he didn’t even know it, couldn’t see it. And now he knows just how… Val she still is.

This night won’t last forever, even if they did just open a nice bottle of wine. He’ll go back to the hotel, he’ll leave London. He’ll be stuck with knowing the woman he loved is still every bit as incredible as he remembers her. Hell, she got better. He can’t believe it, but Val Moreno got better with time.

He shakes his head and pushes a hand through his hair. “Wow,” he mutters.

Val takes a gulp from her glass and nods. “I’m kind of feeling that, too.”

“It’s just…” Shawn hisses, finally cracking with the help of the fine cabernet, “It’s been… ten fucking years.”

Val looks over at him. She’s silent for a few long, slow seconds.

“So tell me about them.”

Shawn looks at her as she stands and reaches for the bottle and her glass, heading for the couch.

“Didn’t we do that all afternoon?” he laughs, standing and ambling after her.

Hey moron, he thinks to himself, Do you really want to give her a reason to make you leave sooner than you have to?

To his relief, Val persists, swinging her legs up to fold beside her and patting the cushions. He settles in and continues sipping from his glass for courage.

“Well,” she starts, looking a bit uncertain as she gazes into her glass, “If your ten years has been anything like mine, you have a list of things you’ve been wanting to tell me, saving up for if we’d ever see each other again.”

Shawn’s fucking fingers tingle. She’s been making a list. For him.

He nods. “Y-yeah. I mean… yeah.”

Val smiles. It’s soft and encouraging. “Ok. I’ll start.”

Shawn’s heart softens its battering ram motion in his chest. He bobs his head.

“I was… so scared when I got pregnant with Alice. God, it was the most frightened I’ve ever been of anything. More scared than when I told Raf I was leaving Streets, even more scared than when I was pregnant with Rafael. Because I felt so ready this time. If she was taken from me… god, I swear to god, I held my breath the entire nine months with her. Even after she was born, I just stared at her. Like if I blinked, that would be it. She’d be gone. I think it’s only in the last six months that I’ve started to fucking relax.”

Shawn’s body surges with affection and protective instincts he barely recognizes. He nods eagerly.

“I think it’s amazing you decided to do it on your own. I mean, I bet you hear that all the time. But…”

“But you know better than most how much of a risk I felt I was taking,” she says softly, leveling him with her gaze.

Shawn is quiet remembering the night she finally released it into him, a flood of words he was too young to hear, to feel, to accept. It was the night they said ‘I love you.’ It was the night he ran.

“Your turn,” Val whispers, refilling their glasses. Shawn drinks eagerly.

“Uhm… I… fuck. The closest I ever came to calling you was six years ago, after Making Midnight. I felt like shit. I think I knew all along it wasn’t right -- none of it. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t us. It was a bad album. I had no business being as pissed as I was that it sucked and everyone hated it. But I was so angry with myself. I just felt powerless. It took me so long to be ok with speaking up and saying when I thought something was wrong. It took me so long to find a way to be a leader. I think that’s the way I’ve changed the most in the last ten years.”

Val watches him thoughtfully. She takes a short sip and shakes her head.

“Maybe that’s one of the ways. I’m not sure it’s the biggest. I think 19-year-old you wouldn’t have lasted through a walk in the park with me and my kid. 29-year-old you held her for over an hour. I think you fell a little bit in love with her.”

She chuckles but she’s not joking. Shawn goes crimson.

“She’s… god, Val, she’s amazing. You’re so lucky. You… you both are.”

Val’s eyes drift shut. She drains her second glass. When she opens her eyes again, Shawn’s warm honeyed eyes are watching her. He doesn’t look scared. He doesn’t look anxious. He looks a little lonely.

Val fills their glasses again. She’s warm enough now to slip out of her cardigan and leave it beside her on the sofa. She watches Shawn watch her toss her hair over her shoulders. He chews on his lip until it’s red and swollen.

“Say it.”

He looks up from his already half empty third glass. He blinks quickly. “What?”

“Say it, whatever it is.”

Her voice is calm and smooth. He swallows.

“I was just… wondering if you’ve been in love in the last ten years.”

Val’s head tilts. “Honestly? I didn’t really try. I didn’t want to be. I just wanted Alice. Even before I was ready for her, though, I wasn’t all that interested in looking around. I guess I figured it would fall into my lap when it was right.”

“Why didn’t you look?” Shawn asks, a little too quickly.

Val notices. She takes a slow, deep breath. Shawn watches it inflate and deflate her chest as his tightens. With a resigned smile, Val reaches out and cups his cheek. Her whole body is warm, humming with alcohol in her veins. Her fingers have him choking down a gasp.

“Do you know what I think is really the most incredible part?” she breathes. He blinks at her again, dumbstruck.

“We were together less than three months. It was Warped Tour. We were… fuck, we were kids. I never expected that I’d be hung up on it after all this time. That years later, I’d be on dates and thinking of you. That I’d be sleeping with other people and still thinking of you. I thought this is something that would fade. When I saw you in the garden today, it felt exactly the same as waking up next to you in my bunk on that stupid tour bus, like it was 2007 all over again.”

Shawn’s eyes have fallen shut. He’s overwhelmed, breathing heavily. He turns his face to nudge his lips against her thumb, leaving a gentle kiss.

“God, I still write songs about you. Like, all the time. I thought I was crazy. Maybe I am. I don’t know. Maybe we both are.”

Val waits a beat, then drags his lips to hers. Her kiss is firm but sweet. Her face softens as soon as his mouth touches hers. His fingers curls into the ends of her hair as he edges closer, carefully, dropping himself headfirst into the kiss because who knows if he’ll get another.

They break apart, panting for air. Val plants her hands on his shoulders and wastes no time hauling herself into his lap.

Shawn whimpers, gasping into her mouth. She feels… perfect. Fuck, he’s on fire. It’s been so long. Her tongue slips against his, she groans into his mouth. Her arms are slung around his neck so all he can see and hear and feel is her. How did he go without this for so long? How did he let her go? How could he leave?

But he knows why he left. He left because he was a kid. It took every ounce of strength and maturity he had to walk away when he let himself realize it. He left for him.

Shawn inhales deeply and scoops his hands around her cheeks, easing her back gently. Val’s eyes are heavy. She’s panting.

“Wait… wait,” he grunts, shaking his head as he breathes heavily, in synch with her, “It can’t be like this this time.”

Val feels his words snapping into place in her head. She looks down at the baby monitor she dropped next to her sweater. She lets her head fall forward as she laughs breathlessly.

“Ok. Add that to the list of things you wouldn’t have done ten years ago.”

Shawn grins and tugs her forward until her head rests against his shoulder and his arms drape around her back.

“You deserve so much better than what I gave you last time,” he says softly. It’s not pained or self-deprecating, it’s simple and honest. “I want it to be real.”

She turns her lips against his neck and sighs. The same scurry of goosebumps she remembers she always left on him marches across his skin.

“Then let’s talk about it in the morning,” Val murmurs. Carefully, she unfolds her body from his, takes his hand, and leads the way to her bedroom.

-----------

Do your part to support the Scene and buy me a Ko-fi (link on main page)!

Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @mendesoft @singanddreamanyway @alone-in-madness @abigfatmess @shawnitsmutual @awkwardfangirl2014 @september-lace @grittyisaho @sinplisticshawn @rollingxstone @yslsaint @randi-eve @fallmoreinlove @heyits-claire @itrocksmysocks @parkerspicedlatte​ @embracehappy @peacedolantwins2 @kitykatnumber

[tictictay]

A list of easy meals to make if you’re stuck at home and not much of a cook (brought to you by a year and a half of living in a dorm with not much money)

spaghetti (if you’re upsetti)

-cook spaghetti or your favorite pasta. if you don’t know how to cook pasta, google has some great tips.

-homemade red sauce: sauté chopped onion (about a half) & garlic (lots), cut up tomatoes (fresh and/or roma are best) or use canned diced tomatoes. tomato paste and water can be added to get the right consistency

-season with basil, parsley, salt, black pepper, crushed red pepper & cayenne if ya feel, add turmeric if you have anti-inflammatory needs like I do

****you can also jazz up a jarred marinara sauce by sautéing onion and garlic in olive oil, then pouring the sauce over to heat it, and adding those same seasonings

-for more nutrition you can add: ground meat or meat substitute, cooked lentils, roasted chickpeas, eggplant, zucchini, or whatever tbh

the only egg sandwich, as far as i’m concerned

-toasted bread, naan, wrap, or sandwich round

-half avocado, mashed

-mix mayo with chili powder, sriracha, garlic, turmeric, or whatever you have available/ like best

-1 egg over easy/medium: just spray the pan or melt some butter, crack an egg right into it, and let it cook until the clear part turns white (the longer it cooks, the less runny the yolk will be)

-spread the spicy mayo on the toast base, then mash the avocado, then place the egg on top

-top with salt, pepper, chili flakes

-you could add breakfast meats or veggies if you’re feeling fancy

quesadillas

-grab a tortilla

-put cheese on one side

-add veggies, meat, or whatever you want on top of the cheese

-spray the pan or put a little oil in it

-fold the tortilla in half

-place it on the pan, smush with a spatula

-flip it once it gets crispy; it’s done when the second side is crispy and the cheese is melted

-top with salsa, sour cream, guacamole, or ranch, or enjoy it plain

grilled cheese

-if you don’t know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich, message me and i will help you with this crucial life skill

-use as many cheeses as you can find or just your favorite kind. grilled cheese doesn’t discriminate.

-things i’ve added to grilled cheese: apple butter, spinach & feta, bacon, tomato, buffalo chicken dip

-you can also grill a pb&j or pb & banana sandwich the same way! 10/10 would recommend.

rice & beans

-cook rice in a pot, use some of the liquid from the bean can along with the water for more flavor, or use chicken/vegetable stock if you have it on hand!

-i like to season my rice as it cooks with cumin, garlic, and chili powder; just sprinkle it right into the pot

-if you’re feeling fancy, you can sauté some onion and garlic in the pan first, but garlic & onion powder will work just fine too

-pour a can of beans into a pan, season with salt, pepper, cumin, chili powder

-let them cook on low-medium heat for as long as it takes the rice to cook

-you can add whatever you want to the beans: leftover meat, mushrooms, a can of tomatoes, corn, etc.

-pour the beans into the rice pot, mix it all up, and enjoy! delicious alone, as a side, in a tortilla, on top of a salad, whatever.