#jemrambles

[infinitedivinity]

I fear getting drunk with Aelin would be so fun

just imagine being at a bar or a club with her and there's music blaring through the speakers. it rumbles from the bottom of your feet into the very ache in your bones.

her hands are all over you. roaming around your hips and shoulders and neck. and she's drunkenly singing lyrics into your ear.

i feel like our fire breathing bitch queen would eat clubs up 💀

and when it's time to go home, her hand never leaves the small of your back as you both tumble into rowan. he's glaring at the both of you, but glad to know you called him to pick you up. he's glad you two had your girls night out and had fun.

he'd probably help take off yours and aelin's makeup. his calloused hands so gentle on your face. change you out of your dresses and heels. and lay you both in bed. he'd be right beside the both of you until you fell asleep. he'd be so good to you and aelin it's perfect.

[flindersarcade]

Having a breakdown over this stupid old forum from 2010 <33

Maybe I’ll never be allowed to be normal. If this is true I’m so scared.

Please god I just want to be able to eat what I want normally. Please :(

[phislilium]

Marvus and Marvel

Okay so that title is very confusing, huh?

Okay well I just looked up the definition of Marvel- like the literal definition- cause of class. And it means "To be filled with wonder or awe" so I immediately started to think of Marvus due to Marvel sounding so close to him.

Well what if- just an if-

Okay so the idea is like- Marvus is a cloun boi right?

Well what if hes based off of that definition. Like hear me out for a minute. So hes a cloun. What if he can just do really cool stuff? He does own a circus(carnival?) after all.

But also-

And really cute fanon here

What if thats Marvus' personality?? Like what if the entire fandom got him wrong? What if the cocky attitude is all for show? (Literally and figuratively) And hes literally just so interested in anything and everything?? Like you show him Christmas lights and he's on it? Decorating his room n shit just cause they're so pretty to him?

What if he's just a precious cloun boi???

What if hes texting a sister bc hes so innocent and wants to know how to ask a girl out? What if the sister is Chahut and he wants to know what space will be like? What if its her and he just really cares and wants her to be okay? What if he looks up to Chahut??? What if he likes her so he thinks running a circus is a good way to impress her?

He does (probably) have the Soleil twins with him too. And thats like a mutation and one of them would prolly be in danger. Plus they don't talk so how would any relationship besides between themselves work?? He has to care for them. He just cares. Maybe.

He a good cloun boi in my eyes though.

What if we just have yet another precious cloun boi on our hands? The type so nervous he just needs to act to get by?

Precious boi I tell you all- HE A PRECIOUS BOI--

Boi boi boi

Cloun boi

#ClounBoiLove

#ClounBoisNeedLoveToo

#LoveClounBois

[infinitedivinity]

thinking about doing dorian's makeup :3

he's laid out on your bed, and you're sitting on top of him. his hands are gripping your hips and waist as you talk him through what you're doing.

"close your eyes." you tell him, dipping your ring finger in some sparkly blue cosmetics. "what's that for?" dorian asks, keeping his eyes open as he looks down at the pallet. "it's for your eyes." you try to explain. when he kinda just stares at you, you give him a light smack on his shoulder. "i said close!"

"yes, ma'am." he laughs, finally closing his eyes. you smear the blue shadow over his eyelids and feel there's no need to apply a dark coat over his lashes since they're already so long.

"you're all done!" you grin, staring at him as he opens his eyes. he blinks away extra powder, and you move to help him sit up. "do i look like a princess?" he puckers his lips, blinking his lashes at you. you roll your eyes as you smile, "yes. a very pretty one."

"obviously." he stands up to look at himself in the mirror.

HE LOVES IT. he literally falls in love with himself.

now you're stuck watching him kiss at the mirror and touch up his hair for hours.

it's late, late into the night when you finally convince him to take his makeup off.

"can we do this again?" he asks as you run a warm, damp rag over his cheeks. "sure. i'll teach you next time." you reply sleepily.

[infinitedivinity]

hear me out

i'm thinking about vampire!nesta

vampire!nesta who locks herself away in her room so she doesn't have to interact with you

vampire!nesta who is so scared of crossing paths with you because all she can think about is your scent and how delicious your blood would taste

vampire!nesta who gets frustrated when you go to her rooms late at night to talk with her, even if it's just from behind the door

vampire!nesta who takes a few weeks or months opening up to you, but eventually her door opens for you during your nightly talks

vampire!nesta who bites her bottom lip to keep herself from growing thirsty of you, but she just thinks you look so beautiful under the moonlight, talking her ear off about the latest gossip you've heard from rhys and amren

vampire!nesta who opens up to you about her fears of hurting you, so you shut her up with a kiss

vampire!nesta who's eyes become dark with hunger and you assure her that you're okay with her feeding off of you. you've noticed the hospital blood bags she uses to feed instead of a live human.

vampire!nesta who asks "is this okay?" "can i?" before feeding from you

vampire!nesta who takes her time kissing and licking up the side of your neck, praising and worshipping you and your skin for allowing her the pleasure of tasting your blood

vampire!nesta who carefully sinks her teeth in and holds back a moan at the taste of you. (she'll never go back to hospital blood bags again)

vampire!nesta who makes sure to thank you and take care of the teeth bites on your neck, kissing the pain away and murmuring countless praises

[flindersarcade]

My safe hot drinks 🍁

In honour of fall / autumn 🍂 coming in for Americans (and my continual cold despite the weather) here’s some hot drinks!

Hot chocolate 🍫

Misery Hot Chocolate - 15 calories

Tastes like hot chocolate if you squint... I drink it before every school test for the energy and fullness it gives me! Honestly kind of a miracle

Ingredients

Hot water

Almond milk (unsweetened) - 7 cals

Teaspoon of unsweetened cocoa powder - 7 cals

Shit tonne of fake sweetener - 1 cal

Teaspoon instant coffee - 0 cals (optional)

(Half a teaspoon of cornflour / cornstarch - 10 cals COMPLETLY OPTIONAL but makes it so thick like a fancy cafe)

Method

Pour boiling water into a mug. Add cocoa, sweetener and coffee and stir because it’s gonna CLUMP. I mean you can stop here and not add milk but I’m assuming you’re not a psychopath so just splash in a tiny bit. Cry as you drink this abomination

Tea ☕️

Chai masala - 7 calories

If you can bear the weight of how culturally incorrect this is compared to the creamy delight that is actual chai masala, this is incredible! You can sub in honey, or my favourite sticky honey chai I don’t since honey has so many calories it terrifies me :/ sucks because I keep bees

Ingredients

Chai loose leaf black tea mixture - 0 cals

Almond milk (unsweetened) - 7 cals

Sweetener - 0 cals

Method

Fill your cup with a tiny bit of milk then up to the top with water. Pour this into a little saucepan, add the tea and put it on the stovetop. Boil it then simmer for ages like 7-10 minutes until it smells good. Strain into a cup, add your preferred sweetener (or don’t) and drink that creamy incredibleness

Matcha 🍵

Matcha latte - 10 calories

Genuinely my favourite drink. Allegedly good for the metabolism but honestly who trusts that. If you can froth your brand of almond milk do it’s so good

Ingredients

Matcha powder (don’t buy the weirdly cheap health supermarket one it’s a bad idea it’s so grainy and bitter honestly just buy like the second cheapest or it’s unbearably bad ok rant over) - 3 cals

Almond milk (unsweetened) - 7 cals

Sweetener - 0 cals

Method

Boil your water, then add a little tiny bit of cold so it’s not boiling. Idk I heard it on a podcast it stops it burning or something don’t ask me. Whisk in a tiny bit of matcha with a fork while wishing you owned a cool bamboo whisk. Drink it in a tiny bowl if u want to be fancy - bonus of warming up your hands!! Sweeten and pour in your almond milk (or drink without)

Coffee 🎃

Pumpkin spice latte but it’s really goddamn sad - 10 calories

I’m not American so I couldn’t drink a real one if I wanted to but according to the internet the high cal version is pretty similar to Starbucks. I get the feeling someone is lying. Either way it tastes good to me! Get into the Halloween spirit

Ingredients

Watered down shot of espresso - 0

Pumpkin pie spices (cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves etc) - 0 (at least I don’t count it)

1 tsp pumpkin (you can use a purée but I just grab a chunk of cooked pumpkin) - 3 cals

Almond milk (unsweetened) - 7 cals

Method

You can use a blender but who has time to wash that. Take your pumpkin and add whatever spices and sweeteners and some hot water and MASH IT!!!!! Until it’s liquidy enough that it can dissolve. Add your coffee and almond milk and stir until you can just pretend it isn’t lumpy. I would Not recommend drinking the last few sips it will be sludge but the rest? Pretty good

Dirty tea 🧉

London smog (hear me out) - 7 calories

Ok so every time I mention this to someone they look at me like I’m crazy but I swear it’s good. Works really really well with chai too!!!

Ingredients

Earl gray / lady gray tea bag honestly just any flavour you have - 0 cals

Shot of espresso - 0 cals

Almond milk (unsweetened) - 7 cals

Sweetener - 0 cals

Method

Boil a kettle and brew your tea strong. Add it to a cup and sweeten as desired. Add a shot of espresso and some almond milk. Cross my heart it’s good

Tips:

Almond milk calculated as .2 of a glass of unsweetened! Feel free to use any amount of any milk if you don’t have a ridiculous fear of milk like I do :D

Honey will make most of these drinks 100 times better

If you have any sugar free / low calorie drink flavouring things add them and let me know how they go!!

You always deserve the full calorie version. If you are looking for permission to have a 300 calorie hot chocolate, this is it. Go ahead. You always deserve food. Never limit something you enjoy.

Send me pictures and let me know if you like these!!!(particularly the London Smog and pumpkin, my irls think I’ve lost my mind and I’d like some backup)

Enjoy and stay safe <3

[flindersarcade]

No one talks about how fucking BORING having an eating disorder is

Like for the first year or so everything feels almost new and exciting and mysterious - like you have some secret mission that you have to achieve.

And then suddenly it just becomes habit.

Not eating until a certain time or avoiding foods stops giving that thrill. It just becomes something that’s required of you to make a day even passable.

Your disorder eats away at you. It asks for more and more until there’s nothing left to give it.

I am a shell of a human. I spend my time between meals in a haze, longing for the hours I am allowed to eat yet hating the eating and the crushing guilt that follows.

Once I have eaten for the day I have no purpose. I cannot think before or after meals. I have to will to do anything, even what I once enjoyed. I have no hobbies, no focus, no friends and have to force myself to drag my brain from thoughts of food in order to do the bare minimum to scrape by.

I am a husk of what I used to be. I just want to enjoy things again. I want to go out with my family, I want to hug my mum, I want to sit on the couch and watch tv with my friends, I want to study and read and create artwork and run in a field and climb a tree. I don’t know how to stop.

[flindersarcade]

Hey my friends. Long time no see.

Life update: I’m going to a fully catered University college next week. Five meals a day. I am more disordered than I have ever been.

Dunno how I’m gonna survive that. Oh well!

Other updates: I’m obsessed with eating dog treats, addicted to vyvanse and can’t really walk without feeling like I’m about to collapse

Woo hoo!

[flindersarcade]

What are your “go-to” safe increasing intake foods? Has anyone successfully increased their intake to a Functional Level without gaining?

Idk why but hearing that other disordered people eat things let’s me eat them too.

At the moment it’s adding protein powder and powdered almond butter to chobani yoghurt and raspberries!!!!

Also sugar free jello but it’s not very caloric

But this is expensive and my parents are saying they’ll stop buying yogurt for me if I keep eating it. Idk if they’d just rather I literally starve but oh well.

I have access to cereal and stuff but I’m SO SCARED of everything but puffed rice for some reason and they don’t sell that in supermarkets :/

[flindersarcade]

Jem’s huge crustless quiche / frittata / nightmare slice thing

Hello my dear friends. Today I have attempted to write down the recipe for my Son, the wonderful and lovingly named “quiche thing”

If you’re looking for a high volume, low calorie, ridiculously easy, actually tasty recipe that doesn’t use weird ingredients THIS IS FOR YOU

Starts from 234 Calories for the WHOLE THING

Here’s how ya do it:

1. Make the quiche base / custard

Ingredients:

1 cup egg white (or like... 8?? Idk I just get them in a carton) - 126

2 small or 1 large zucchini, grated then squeezed - 40

2 tbs nutritional yeast flakes - 53

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk - 15

Salt and pepper and some mustard if you’re feeling fancy

Just shove em together in a big bowl and mix!!!!!!!!

With the brands I’m using this comes to 234 calories for the whole “custard”.

2. Add cheeses if you want

I like to mix some random ones into my base for some more flavour and texture. I usually don’t add any if I’m the only one eating it because idk I’ve given up on making things taste edible I’d rather go low cal.

Here are some options for mixing:

1/4 cup ricotta (makes it so squishy and good) - 105

1/4 cup mozzarella - 85

2 tbs Parmesan - 44

Another 2 tbs nutritional yeast flakes - 53

3. Cook your fillings

Now the fun part. For a HUGE quiche this needs stuff to support it and fill it up. Just throw in ANY low calorie vegetables you can find. Not going to list calories because I’m sleepy but why not try:

Ham (in small amounts)

Mushrooms

Broccoli (SO MUCH VOLUME!!!!!)

Cauliflower (SO SO MUCH VOLUME)

Spinach (really really good)

Capsicum

Asparagus

Pumpkin chunks (my fav)

Eggplant

Tomato

Literally anything like genuinely you could shove an iPod in and it would taste good

Cook and season these however you please. Sometimes I microwave, sometimes I roast, sometimes I use the stove depends how fancy you’re feeling. Just make sure they’re nice and squishy

DONT SKIMP ON THE VEG! YOU WILL END UP WITH AN OMELETTE BARELY THICK ENOUGH TO DRY YOUR TEARS

4. Put it together

Ok now shove all of these squishy veggies into a giant (and I mean giant) casserole dish and pour your quiche base on top. If it doesn’t cover it add a few more eggs and milk idk. Sprinkle some cheese on the top and you’re good to go!!!

5. Cook!

Cook Him at 200 degrees Celsius ish (490 Fahrenheit for you heathens) for about 45 minutes or until you can stab it with a knife and it feels.... jiggly and solid.

Then LET HIM COOL!!!!! It’s so tempting to stab immediately but just wait patiently and pick at the cheese for 15 mins or so otherwise he will just kind of dissolve. After that chop into 6-12 pieces and devour!

Feel free to play around with this recipe. Since it’s just an egg it literally cannot go wrong. If you want to be less suspicious use one or two whole eggs, a splash of normal milk and extra cheese on top and you’d never know it was low calorie

CALORIE COUNT:

This entirely depends on your vegetables and cheese choices

Say you go wild and use 300 cal of veg and cheese it comes to 534 calories for the ENTIRE THING. If you cut that into 6 huge pieces that’s 89 CALORIES!!!!!!!!!

This serves 6-8 people generally but for lunches I’ve made it up to 16. It’s genuinely huge and so delicious

Ok now that I have shared my wisdom with the world I shall go back into hibernation. Let me know if you make this how it goes!!!!

(For @laescheyyy <3)

[flindersarcade]

Ookkkkkk life update

22 days until my final exams start. We had our Big General Achievement Test today that moderates out scores and all I could bring myself to eat was half a protein bar (45) and I was so fucking hungry because it went for 3.5 hours.

The stupid thing is I’m fine eating like 300-400 calories in the afternoon because “the day is over” but morning when I actually need energy?? Nooo

Woo hoo! Want 2 die!

I’ve bought a bunch of quest bars though and I’ve eaten the cookie dough one over 4 days and it was SO GOOD!!!!!! I wanna taste the other flavours so bad. But so many calories in so little space that it makes me want 2 rip my skin off you know.

Ah well. Got important tests tomorrow and the next day so let’s see how that goes.

If I eat more than today I’ll have so much guilt I won’t be able to think if I eat less I won’t be able to think either

It’s kinda crazy how I’m scared to even eat half of these things when once my breakfast alone would have been like 2 raspberry white chocolate quest bars. To think I didn’t even appreciate it…

[flindersarcade]

Oh my god I found the best brownie recipe EVER... and no weird ingredients????

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEure0RprgP/?igshid=hwy563ibz1cy

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by (Brownie) Boo 👻 (@lowcalrecipes98) on Sep 4, 2020 at 2:16pm PDT

115 cals for the WHOLE THING!!!! Like actual full 8 brownies or so with absolutely NO weird ingredients. I made a bowl full of the batter and I’m eating it randomly throughout the day + microwaving mini mug cakes

So so so good!!!!!!!!

[flindersarcade]

62 calorie Microwave pumpkin pie that absolutely fucking sucks

Happy Halloween or something

Right is tall left is squished

Ingredients:

60 g egg white

90 g pumpkin

0 cal sweetener of choice (I dissolved a few of those little coffee tablets)

Pumpkin pie spice / shove cinnamon and stuff in there

Any other flavourings e.g. syrups if your country sells those

A tiny dash of almond milk like tiiiinnnyy

Now stir it all together in a big mug or one of those tiny baking things.

Microwave for 3 or 4 minutes or until desired texture.

Squish down to look more like a pie. Slice it if you want, I ate 1/4 of mine.

Serve with 0 cal syrups or tears.

Nutrition:

15.5 per 1/4 or 62 whole

Honestly probably above 62 if you count the cinnamon but if I Google the calories of cinnamon then the one thing that brings me joy in my tea and coffee will scare me so I’ll leave that to you (please don’t tell me)

Quick q and a:

Does this taste good? No

Does this taste like vaguely cinnamony scrambled eggs? Yes

Does it smell good? No it smells like eggs

Should I make this? Honestly probably not it sucked

Why are you posting this then? Because it’s my favourite thing I’ve ever microwaved and I will be eating it for lunch for the next 40 years

[flindersarcade]

Oh what I would give for the ability to feel full and satiated after eating

*eats microwaved egg white* *eats bowl of yoghurt* *eats bowl of blueberries* *eats bowl of egg white* *eats bowl of cauliflower rice* *eats bowl of strawberries* *eats bowl of sugar free jelly* *eats bowl of cauliflower rice* *eats bowl of yoghurt* *eats bowl of jelly* *eats bowl of egg white* *eats

[flindersarcade]

I have had a toothache for a few days and I just checked and I’ve got this massive cavity thing like a whole half a tooth missing and it’s horrifying

Between this and hitting 15.5 bmi by accident it kinda feels like my body is decaying a little.

Been trying to eat more and it hurts so bad choosing to eat and what to eat but we are getting there. I don’t know where else to go but forward so, I suppose: onwards we trek my friends

[flindersarcade]

My brain telling me what I’m allowed to eat today