#i care way too much about this

[flashsidewayss]

i got tired of trying to figure out when things happened in lockwood & co

so i made a timeline with "years" that could technically be shifted in any direction but were put there to a) make the math make sense and show how long things have been and b) i think its HILARIOUS to place the series 2012-2014. hilarious series of years

anyway i wrote a fic that was supposed to be short and simply explore the universe and this timeline and then it spiraled. this is posted here so people can use this as a reference for the fic but it's also for the general enjoyment of the People. sorry

Pre-Canon

1937

May 7

Marissa Fittes born

1943

September

Marissa meets Ezekiel (age 6)

1952

February

Marissa meets Tom Rotwell (age 14)

October 28

Margaret Fittes born (Marissa age 15)

1953

February

Mud Lane Phantom (Marissa age 15)

Late May

Highgate Terror (Marissa age 16)

Problem officially recognized

1958

September

Marissa leaves Tom for good (age 19)

1959

January

Marissa forms Fittes Agency (age 19)

July 

Rotwell forms Rotwell Agency (Marissa age 20)

1972

January 20

Penelope Fittes born (Marissa age 34)

1981

November 3

Law passed letting children have legal rights to their autonomy from age 14 (drinking age is still 18, age of consent is still 18 unless with someone under age of 18)

1982

April 17

Marissa Fittes “dies” (age 43)

1985

April 1

Margaret Fittes dies (age 32)

Penelope Fittes (Marissa) takes control of Fittes Agency (age 14)

1991

July 8

Jessica Lockwood born

1997

July 25

Anthony Lockwood born

December 3

Flo Bones born

1998

May 18

George Cubbins/Karim born

October 31

Lucy Carlyle born

2003

December

Murton Colliery Horror

2005

July 15

Celia and Donald Lockwood die

July 16

Flo Bonnard’s mother dies, she beings working with Sinclair and Soanes (age 7)

2006

November 12

Jessica Lockwood dies (age 15) (Lockwood age 9)

2009

June

Flo Bones and Anthony Lockwood meet at dueling competition (both age 11) 

2010

February

Anthony Lockwood meets George Cubbins/Karim during a case with Sykes and Fittes Agency (ages 12 and 11 respectively)

2011

June

George is fired from Fittes Agency (age 12)

July 26

Anthony Lockwood founds Lockwood & Co. (age 14)

November

Flo Bones leaves her agency after the death of Sinclair and Soanes (age 13)

Canon

2012

February

Lucy joins Lockwood & Co. (age 13, Lockwood age 14, George 13)

November

Combe Carey Hall (LC 14, AL 15, GC/K 14)

2013

June

Bone Glass Incident (LC 14, AL 15, GC/K 15)

November

Chelsea Outbreak (LC 15, AL 16, GC/K 15)

Beginning of Black Winter

Lucy Carlyle leaves Lockwood & Co.

2014

April

Lucy rejoins Lockwood & Co. (LC 15, AL 16, GC/K 15)

September

Storming of Fittes Hall (LC 15, AL 17, GC/K 16)

anyway. i think jonathan stroud didn't put years so no one could understand how deeply fucked the math is. sorry marissa and margaret fittes you both have children as teenagers and even then the math BARELY works.

also the world has to be different for it to work the age of like Personal Autonomy is 14 now bc of kids working as agents. you still have to be an adult to do stuff like drink and vote (though i'm sure that's a political argument in this universe) but children can be in charge of businesses and gain custody in special cases (like the lockwoods) at 14.

hope this is entertaining!

[dmc-questions-anon]

Looking through my archive to reblog the EAH post and getting heated about how Math is blue and not red again

[rioabaixo]

Lord please teach me how to not give a fuck at work, lord please I'm begging you, PLEASE LORD

[dykef1sh-splatoon]

Every once in a while I think of The Punk Rock MBA's video where he judges different metal bands. He goes onto diss power metal, which is fine I guess. Definitely could have been worded nicer, but you're not entitled to like every genre of music, I'm not your mom. But the part that pisses me off? He's talking about Alestorm and says "well it's better than whatever this is" and starts playing Wind Rose's cover of Diggy Diggy Hole.

This is where I draw the line. The original song was imperative to my developmental years. My brother in christ probably was never on minecraft youtube in the early 2010's, let alone played the game itself. He probably didn't even know that minecraft youtube was a thing pre-dreamSMP. I bet he doesn't even know the joy and whimsy of being a dwarf and digging a hole, diggy diggy hole, digging a hole. He doesn't understand the excitement of seeing a band in a genre you love covering a song so special to your childhood. He doesn't know the cultural significance of a song like Diggy Diggy Hole and chooses to spit on it's legacy, disgusting.

[zillychu]

everyone sh. shutd up im cooking smthn

[thisisareallymeaningfulurl]

Ran out of games I want to play rn so I have returned to outlining the EXTREMELY self-indulgent multi-game no despair au danganronpa BDSM polycule fic that my partner and I were trying to write last summer. Idk why I wrote the original outline like this but it’s hilarious and I will continue to do so. I can’t guarantee it’ll be any good but tbh the audience for “Miu Iruma is repeatedly dominated by 3 other characters she is never shipped with by fans” is basically just the two of us anyways.

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[captain-oh-no-not-again]

i wish i could juice my my brain and my thesis would flow out without all of this writing mumbo jumbo

[mohntilyet]

illario as the grandchild that is most like caterina is something i'm loving to chew on. the grandson that took her lessons to heart the most. kill anyone who sees your face and knows your name, "we are not revolutionaries", the first out of the two to prioritise the contract. power at any cost, and the only one to lean into the unnecessary abuse that their grandmother told them was tradition. why is anyone surprised he allied with the venatori? and then there's illario's considerable skill in infiltration and manipulating any mark, he has always had the charisma that lucanis lacked. illario isn't attached, he has/can/will use someone and immediately drop them; "that does free me from promises i don't intend to keep". he can lie about how much he cares so well that he fools a magister into believing he loves her. he kills zara without hesitation to cover his own tracks, meanwhile lucanis blindly promises a young girl in the middle of a siege that he will help her find her father. even the lessons about family stick with him, and in this entire messy power struggle, he never actually orders anyone to directly kill caterina or lucanis, not until he's backed into a corner.

and even after all that. despite even lucanis believing illario should be first talon, lucanis is still the better killer. illario is not strong enough to be the brutal assassin caterina needs him to be. so when lucanis seems to fill the role his mother left, grief and love for her dead heir apparent remains, and any of the other qualities caterina needs in her next talon doesn't matter. whatever his mother was, lucanis has to be. what illario does doesn't matter, because he will always be second best to caterina's memory of her favored daughter.

[vaguely-concerned]

can you even imagine what a fucking horror show the early game is from spite's perspective, though. not only is this funky forcibly severed little slip of the fade having to deal with the reverse cosmic horror of physical reality as perceived by a spirit and being trapped in it against its will -- existentially confused and disoriented and hurting and nothing makes any kind of sense, at the mercy of human cruelty at its most deliberately sadistic. and then the one source of comfort and compassion and some kind of safety and clarity that lucanis surely must have been to him in the ossuary despite everything just goes and shuts himself in his room inside with a seemingly passive aggressive number of locks between them and no explanation and won't speak to him and they're STILL in the fucking ossuary. rook came and found them and they could be free now (rook is here!) and still lucanis keeps them in the ossuary even though he PROMISED he promised they'd get out of there together!!! what the fuck DO you think at that point? like did he trick me that whole time??? he wasn't like zara before, so why is he doing this to me now? why isn't he saying anything? 'he won't move. I can't reach him'. at least in the ossuary they had a deal, a goal, a hope -- each other. at least he wasn't entirely alone, before.

this poor poor poor little spite spirit really was ferried into the real world like 'hey welcome to reality! as your first introduction to it you're first getting horrifically tortured and then getting to vicariously experience one of THE most distressing and harrowing psychological conditions the human brain can cook up for itself (a fully fledged and deeply entrenched freeze response flaring up with catastrophic severity due to an unbroken ongoing and unlikely to let up any time soon chain of Unfortunately... Recent Events). I think spite is being extremely reasonable and patient about the whole thing, when you put it into perspective. I'm not saying let him eat the self-lighting candles or anything, but he's got some extremely valid points along the way lol. spite is not only child-like, the metaphor work going on is a lot more pleasingly flexible and complex than that, but he is also helplessly existentially dependent on lucanis in a way that, if anything, is a heightened version of the way a child (or child part) has to depend on a parent to navigate the world and survive.

tl;dr: we truly don't give enough sympathy to spite for having to live in the head of lucanis dellamorte. a place even lucanis dellamorte would prefer not to be. to be fair to him I think lucanis would be the first person to agree with this lol

[priceofreedom]

this makes me so sad and angry

John is easily one of the best voice actors in the game, but because Barret doesn't get enough appreciation, he doesn't either. i'm so tired of the Barret erasure man, and so is he, understandably. Barret is one of the MAIN!!! characters and he gets nothing every fucking time. WHEN will this change.

[shepscapades]

Xisuma, why in the world were trying to fix your helmet with TAPE?? I thought the superglue idea was unhinged but THIS IS A NEW LEVEL

(I know that it's probably not holding itself ONLY on tape, but the image in my head is too funny)

What's next? You tell me he attached Doc's new arm to his body with tape and glue too??

THIS RESPONSE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE COMICAL but I let it get away from me;;

[everchased]

at least it'll be wonderful while it lasts.

(a little post-game downtime discussion, when they have the time and space to talk about these things. also in my canon, scratch gets to stay. :/)

[revvetha]

[shows up at your door at 2AM] hey can we go through that last D&D session scene by scene and discuss the symbolism and the narrative themes and their implications, and how each character has grown and evolved? But in a normal way?

[mari-lair]

so the anime adapted this

but didn't adapt this...?

ok, sure, let's make the already most shallow friendship in this manga even more of a yuri bait.

[chickenchirps27]

hello denizens of tumblr i come with humble offerings

they wish to romance you