#i cant tell if she looks upset or not. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lunarharp · 11 months ago

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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want #but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care #i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now #i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit #i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know #i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines #i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words #to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court #anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him #why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out #way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey #I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now

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theladyfae · 3 months ago

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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶

#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that #but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair #and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like #did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in #the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because #of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails #and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on #and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her #he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely #have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then #does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them #surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki #he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them #its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him #oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened #like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been #i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the #accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past #if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there #not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away #and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it

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faaun · 8 months ago

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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months ago

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I wish AI images didn't make me so intensely upset. Just the existence of them bothers me a lot, because it's just clutter without meaning or emotion or any genuineness. But recently something happened that made me very upset, and I feel so irrational saying this, but it really gave me this sick, heart-wrenching feeling, and I wish it would stop. My mom was looking through Facebook, and showed me this image of birds that to me was so obviously AI. But she wasn't 100% sure it was fake, only telling me after I had told her it was definitely AI, that she had been a bit unsure about it.

I hate how intense my feelings are about it, bcs it made me want to irrationally almost infantalize her without meaning to. It just made me overwhelmingly sad that this is state of things. That people are being fed this imitation, this trash, and aren't familiar enough to recognize it all the time. Every time I think about it, it hurts my chest.

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my-thirteenth-reason · 6 months ago

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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit #ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise #guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice #(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD #okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with #shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a #simple question #and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people #but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny #(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip #so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me #then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me #then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it #like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you #i wanted to cry so bad then #ugh i hate it #like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem #this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes #and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy #but its still so frustrating #we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday #then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home #bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends #rant

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halfdeadwallfly · 7 months ago

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i was just sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast, having greek yogurt with grape nuts - which i thought was perfectly normal - and my mom cam in and with complete sincerity told me that i needed to have some fruit with it because otherwise i was basically eating plain sugar. am i going insane here

#boink #i went grocery shopping for her the other day and apparently i got the wrong yogurt bc it has too much sugar and fat in it #idk #anyway she got mad at me for eating yogurt the other day too #i had had one spoon of it after stirring it up out of the fridge #and she got all prickly and asked if i ever check the serving size on food #and that i should pay attention to how much i was eating and put it in a bowl instead of eating it out of the container #which i was notable not doing #anyway #she also got upset when she noticed it was the wrong kind and said that i needed to be careful eating it because it's basically candy #and THEN when i got upset abt this she said not to get mad at her for caring #which #ok #but i just #god #i dont know #im the fattest person in my family #when i was a kid one of the traits that i sort of adopted bc people said it abt me was that i was 'always hungry'#even though that wasnt true #that im not picky and ill eat anything which /again/ is not true #and now that im older i can just tell. that people look at me and think i'm gluttonous. like it's a sin right #and i know especially with my family that that's what theyre thinking about me #i already have so much guilt about wanting things and enjoying things #like this year at school i feel like i was doing so well with that kind of thing #and i gained weight of course i did of course #and thats shitty and whatever the fuck but also i didnt hate myself for it a lot of the time?#and now im back in my house and its just like. i dont know #i need to work through things one step at a time #and i just cant #i mean not with everyone watching

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finnsfunworld · 5 months ago

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i cut my hair in my bathroom last night on impluse...

#EVERYONE SAYS IT LOOKS GOOD DW #my parents are just a little upset #mom: “dont do that ever again” “we couldve booked an appointment” “never go shorter then that”#my dad told me i was grounded and i cant tell if he was joking or not #anyways my mom just scared of me being trans #especially now that i told her #i think shes trying to dissuade me from being trans?#idk what up w my dad #if i ever have a kid im going to be better then them #finns fun nonsense

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 1 year ago

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stfu ART cannot be dead. surely not. this book is lying to me

#someone better say sike RIGHT FUCKING NOW im so upset. im SO upset #although i do incredibly love murderbot having an emotional breakdown.#when the one alien (<< i think theyre aliens ar least) said they deleted art and amena looked at murderbots face and just said 'oh shit'#like fuck yes i love some murderous revenge moments. thats so delicious. but also i cannot accept the fact that art is dead #MURDERBOT HAS REFERRED TO ART AS ITS FRIEND MULTIPLE TIMES SINCE IT AND AMENA WERE CAPTURED #IT HAS NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. WITHOUT ANY SNARKY SIDE COMMENTSRY #IT HAS THOUGHT THE WORD FRIEND. GENUINELY. MULTIPLE TIMES.#IM GOING TO START EATING FIBERGLASS. RIGHT NOW #SOMEONE SAY SIKE PLEASE. I MISS ART SO MUCH #<< DO NOT ACTUALLY TELL ME. IM STILL READING.#reaction time #im fucking UPSET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but also i LOVE murderbot feeling unbridled emotions . more of that please. its pissed its grieving its miserable #it cant think about art too long without completely breaking down. it has let its guard down around dangerous entities so many times. it #never fucjing does that. especially while it considers amena a client and ESPECIALLY because shes dr mensahs kid.#what the hell im feeling so insane rn.

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scribbyizhere · 9 months ago

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ok well now I'm fucking pissed

#tw vent #in the tags #its never #its never the child thats the problem #its the grown ass adult that thinks she can force a child to do whatever she wants her to do #but when look at the situation and think #huh #you are simply not right and this childs feelings are valid #maybe screaming and shouting at someone younger than ten and bringing physical violence isnt right #i mean seriously #maybe that simply is not right #and maybe i want to have the chance to fucking say that #maybe i wont stay silent when a sister is turning the house into her rage room #idgaf what your age is #its js proving how fucking immature you are #im just so #im fucking pissed #im not spoiling a child by giving her the ability to not be screamed at by you #you arent a fucking high and mighty princess that can control us #and we're not shittheads for being unnaccepting of that #i have had a shitty week #i am losing my fucking voice because of this fucking sinus thing and it hurts so fucking bad #ivs just been upset period #my family wont pay attention to the fact that i can struggle without telling them #and of course theyre not gonna know im hyperfixating #they wont let me have social media liek every. single. teenager(btw #if a modern day adolescent doesnt have social media they are missing so much bullshit its not even funny)#so how tf are they gonna know i fixate on THE ONE HORROR GAME THEY HATE WITH A PASSION????#they never fucking asked #and i have to scream to be heard by this bitch ass of a sister that cant handle a child existing and doing the same shit she still does

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lunarflare64 · 1 year ago

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I never claimed to be the responsible one in this body *takes a sip of whiskey on a completely empty stomach, having last eaten 11 hours ago and it only being half a bag of chips, no breakfast to speak of*

#look i dont think i was the one that fucked up breakfast but come on #who the hell looks away from food in this adhd ass body?#we all know if we dont immediately dig in we'll forget it exists and it'll get gross #so no breakfast and all i could manage to handle was the chips and nothing else sooooo #nothing went to plan today our life is in shambles #we should never rely on other people to do fucking anything and we should never plan around them either #didnt do chores didnt eat its a fucking miracle we took our meds #im gonna fucking drink and we're gonna TRY to not be snappish at our mum for not at least notifying us that the plans were cancelled #cant entirely blame her shes showing signs of VERY early stages of dementia. her memory isnt gonna last forever #and she doesnt have the coping mechanisms we have with our memory issues because shes used to having a reliable memory to fall back on #it'll take time for her to adjust to her brain being unreliable like this and it'll take longer than it took for us #amnesia from childhood is VERY different from amnesia appearing late into adulthood ('late' shes 41)#its gotta be weird and probably very upsetting #we were a little confused about it at first when she took our reminders as insults #if youre new to memory struggles reminders are helpful right? wrong. its not about practicality its about being deemed as unreliable #even if its true in a completely objective sense #whatever we know theres times where we wont completely understand what shes dealing with - different experiences and all that #the tism on our end doesnt help #we just cant tell when reminders are welcome so we dont give them at all anymore #even when it fucks us over - like today! ☆#gods we're tired

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advancedscurvy · 1 year ago

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i hate when you know youre being unreasonable to be so upset and nobody meant anything by a remark from a complete stranger but it has snowballed into an afternoon-long downturn of mood completely and you want to cry

#personal #mine #for context i wore a dress with an empire waist out to the grocery store #now i am not a small person. not like. plus size but i definitely have a bit of a tummy #i think it's a pretty dress and i felt kinda nice! i also had a recurring dream about having a baby last night. for context i probably cant #i reasonably should not have children i would be a huge medical risk and it would be a huge detriment to my health but i WANT ONE.#so i was already a bit bummed about that this morning. but i have banana bread to make and no flour to make it.#im standing in line with my hand basket and this very sweet older lady asks me how far along i am. she clearly means well #i am like oh uh sorry to tell you but i am not and she looked mortified but like #it got me bummed both about my body and about the I Don't For A Variety of Reasons Have A Baby and I Want One #bad time all around #it's one off hand remark by someone who was clearly trying to be kind to me and care about my life because she was complimenting me before!#i should not be upset by a stranger assuming a bit by the cut of my clothes and the fact that i have a bit of a tummy that i am With Child.#but i am completely bummed

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laikinz · 2 years ago

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my mom telling me to think about going out to eat with my cousin and aunt cause shes tired of seeing them only in a negative light and wants to repair the relationship and im like great that sounds like a horrible plan that will backfire like it does every single other time

#IM DONE TRYING FOR THESE PEOPLE #i cant look at them the same way since my grandfather died and they treated helping him and us as the biggest inconvenience and liked i #guilted them into helping when i told them they should take some time with him at the end of his life #and my mom plays the whole it wont change again i really want to fix it thing as if the past has shown any different #and what is the point.#and then it’s going to make me really upset at my mom #cause it doesn’t matter how I feel or what I think the only thing that matters in the situation #is my moms feelings #so I have to tell her no I don’t want to do that you can but I have no energy left in me #and then that’ll make her upset #I’ve been upset about this all day #why did she even have to bring this up. she’s like well I’ve been thinking.. we have one good day out with my other aunt and my moms like ok #I forgive everything they have done to me and my family for the past 7 years

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perfunctory-satisfaction · 1 month ago

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#'quinn has split on me and its never been that bad'#yeah well you never emotionally (and even physically at times) abused quinn?#you dont have the kind of relationship with your brother where you fight that way? you dont push him that far?#you dont manipulate and control quinn and his life? you havent given him good reason to want to hate him?#i genuinely cant even tell if this is splitting #im so upset at her for being so controlling and cold and careless #and right now it does feel like i hate her #i know itll pass and ill be missing her in no time which is so frustrating for its own reasons #because it comes with having to look past all of the ways shes hurt me and never made up for it or even apologized #but i do constantly because it feels like heaven when she loves me #and id rather her love me than hate me i guess?? i dont know it feels so toxic i dont know #definitely deleting later #personal.txt #delete tag #actually no #i usually want to delete these ones cause im scared shell stalk my tumblr and see them #but not this time #if you read this kayla- THATS why it looks different #thats why when i split on you it seems 'excessive' and its always a drastic extreme #because you SLAPPED ME SO HARD YOU BROKE MY TOOTH. YOU GAVE ME A CONCUSSION.#THERE IS A SCAR ON MY FOOT FROM WHEN YOU STOMPED ON MY BARE FEET IN HEELED BOOTS.#I DIDNT GET MY DAMAGE DEPOSIT FROM MY LAST PLACE BECAUSE YOU BROKE THE CURTAIN ROD AND THREW A FLOWER VASE AGAINST THE WALL #YOU CONTROLLED ME AND MANIPULATED ME AND GASLIT FOR MONTHS #not just throwing therapy speak around here she actually did all of those things. :|#like i had an abuser and thats a hard thing to accept because i certainly wasnt a perfect victim #god i fucking instigated shit sometimes #but the dynamic was clear: kayla was the lead and i was the follower #the whole relationship thats how it was #and the little bit of control i tried to take back i had to fuckin claw from her because she was so used to controlling me because i LET her

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foxcassius · 6 months ago

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wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently #and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who #like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact #but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt #because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them #anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore #i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri #end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly #into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment #in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them #because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk #i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags #i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps #t

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kavehater · 8 months ago

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AURGHH I KEEP FLASHBACKING TO THE AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY

#it feels unreal #gonna cry #I wish guys didn’t exist !!! that way I wouldn’t be so awkward around them !!!!#like it’s so mean to expect me to suddenly be okay with interacting with them when I’ve been shut out from them for most of my development #years #its like so unhealthy 🧍‍♀️#anyways I already have a tough time talking when I’m in a mildly stressful situation but …#like my words always get stuck in my throat / I just mumble random nonesense / I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts / stammering #I’m a rlly anxious person and it’s rlly debilitating 🧎‍♀️#who ever thinks stammering is cute can respectfully … idk IM JUST LIKE 😭😭😭 how’s stammering cute I am stressed beyond belief !!!#I hate socialisation #anyways ughhh that was so embarrassing pls like now I think I made him feel bad about himself …#I didn’t mean to I swear I would never 😭 he just misunderstood me is all 😭#Muslim Girls CANT TOUCH ANY GUY INCLUDING HANDSHAKES FISTBUMPS ETC #pls … why are guys trying to fist bump me I am not a bro 😔#I Ran out of the lab basically #my mum when I told her the story she was sympathising w him more than me and said I should get over it !!!!#girl … I cannot stand men … even the normal ones creep me out to some extent #I’ve been shut out from them for centuries everyone wants a token goody two shoes good girl #who doesn’t talk to boys until she’s thrust into said mixed environment and is expected to deal with it how about no …#dora daily #yeah I dislike every male idk they make me feel weird ? it’s hard to explain 😭#it wouldn’t be that deep if everyone didn’t slaughter malala for the handshake UGHHH ID RATHER JUST SHAKE HIS HAND WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE #like on one hand I could’ve said hey I’m not allowed in my religion but doesn’t that just sound like rlly bad ?#the only thing I managed to tell him was after I stared at him like a deer in headlights was “uh …. I … can’t”#and he was like wdym you can’t LIKE LOOKING UPSET 😭#I DONT DO WELL WITH MAKING PPL UPSET IM SOBBING #I hope he didn’t take it personally it’s just 😭😭😭#anyways time to shut up !!!

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sakebytheriver · 1 year ago

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#looking back at that friendship and its felt like for years now that she would never take responsibility for anything #that i was gonna constantly be the bad guy and constantly have to swallow teeth because speaking up and confronting her was something #she just couldnt handle and she would see it as grounds to end the friendship entirely #and how she would compare me to her abusive ex and say that i triggefed her but then when i ask for more info when i aske her to explain #she breaks down until i just have to capitulate her and apologize without being able to have a conversation about it whatsoever #how she turned the one time i confronted her about how she hurt me into a 'im sorry you feel that way' and then made it about how i hurt her #for even being upset about her actions and that i wasnt happy for her turning it into me apologizing for even speaking up at all #how she held her friendship hostage and made me feel like i had to walk on eggshells and that any errant comment meant shed leave #how it was always about her and how she felt and that ive been feeling for so long now that i cant tell her shit about my feelings #that whenever i was with her i had to be on guard and that anything meant she wouldnt want me around #how i had to validate her every feeling and make her the center of the universe that i could never criticize her or her behavior #because her insecurity and sensitivity was so intense if i didnt constantly make her feel like she was in the right even when she was wrong #it would spell the end of the friendship #and now i said the wrong thing i made her feel bad and triggered her insecurity and her toxic positivity so after 5 years she decides #that shes 'done with second chances' as if i was the only problem in this friendship and she for sure has convinced herself of that #has convinced everyone im this bitch who couldnt help but hurt her when in reality basically anything would hurt her #there were times when i wasnt sufficiently happy enough for her and shed make it into a big thing and make me apologize for not validating #her enough shed make me overly congratulate her and capitulate her feelings while she never once reciprocated the same treatment for my shit #and its like thats not how friendship is supposed to work its not supposed to feel like im one mistake away from being left #its not supposed to feel like i have to give her everything to receive basically nothing in return #its not supposed to feel like im waiting for the moment she tells me she never wants to talk to me again (WITH ONE TEXT TOO AFTER 5 YEARS)#its not supposed to feel like i have to constantly make myself the bad guy and over apologize while she can treat me any way she wants to #without being confronted about it because she 'cant handle confrontation'#like what kind of friendship can even be built when one person has one foot out the door at all times and builds the relationship in such a #way where they can talk to you anyway they see fit and tell you anything they want but you cant talk to them the same way #i look back at so much of what she said to me how one time she said the way i treated her wasnt fair and its like the way she treated me #wasnt fair that after five years of friendship she wasnt a safe place for me at all that i had to be on my toes or else id be left #and now here we are i didnt articulate myself right i made her feel bad i tried to explain and make my point better she didnt want to talk #at all and instead ghosted me for weeks before playing phone tag for a week when all she planned to do was send one text and cut me off #i look back and i really was just fighting to keep her around just to say that someone stayed but she was never one i should have kept

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