#i cant take being lonely anymore

[ableedingpromise]

I miss cutting so much I wish I could cut

[arundolyn]

it continues to be kinda really hard to search for reasons to just like. keep going. and pretty consistently come up with basically none. and then things just keep getting worse and worse in various ways. when will it end fr

[sparkleyiff]

Not sure if I'll be doing anything more for artfight this year I am. suffering. sorry :(

[qumiiiquinnquin]

my art will never be good enough !

[shouchan11]

realizing that im actually a pathetic idiot stupid loser and I should stop wasting my time writing smut and lock in

[gh0st-city]

This year was the last straw...

I'm not going to any more family events

[autisticlee]

I hate how annoying and annoyed and depressed and gross and whiny I get and feel when i'm ignored and rejected and feel alone because no one will talk to me, hang out when I ask, ask me to hang out or chat, or I have to give up on things I really want to do because I need people and have no one. which is basically all the time every day. between trying to make friends and failing and trying to talk to/hang out with people I already know, it's just a constant deep chronic loneliness that nothing seems to help change it and no one is willing to help with it. and I don't have a clue what to do. no one gives useful advice. "be yourself!" hasn't worked in 30 years. "just talk to people!" has caused me more harm than good. "find your people!" is too broad of a statement, how do I know what my people even are? "keep trying it will happen one day!" I literally don't know how to stop trying and rather stop and accept i'm meant to be alone forever and force myself to like it!!! I live ~in the moment/day by day~ so I don't care what will happen "one day" I care about NOW because that's where I am!!!!! the future means nothing to me unless I had a magic ball that showed it to me. so waiting makes it worse! there's no guarantee it will ACTUALLY happen either. congrats of it happened to you. that doesn't help me. thats now in the present time and not my future so why should I care?

what the fuck am I supposed to actually do!

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon

[gaystardykeco]

the problem with vacation is that now in three days i have to go back to working and being alone the rest of the time and idk if i can handle it

[knifehandsgf]

Can it be sad posting hours rn

[princessbrunette]

im so sleepy but cant fall asleep so OFC im thinking about rafe🙄

imagining like... not being able to sleep bc he's not in bed with you cus he's doing his Important Work Stuff but ur just soooo lonely and its sooooo late !! so you get up and go to his office and ur all pouty and sleepy and grumpy and he says he has to finish his work before he comes to bed but u just need him! and he just can't help but give in so he lets you lay in his lap and sleep against his chest while he finishes up <3 then carries you to bed after omg<33

oh i need this <3

˙✧˖°🍭 ༘ ⋆｡˚

you can’t sleep, and it’s one of those frustrating nights where your body is exhausted — but your brain is just firing off. youre practically half asleep, but you can’t just let go whilst you’re babbling in your head, unable to shut off the noise. you know what the problem is, that being you’d been lonely all day, and there was nowhere to put your thoughts. you didn’t wanna talk anymore, but you knew rafes presence would immediately shut you down.

so, you take matters into your own hands— huffing out your nose as you climb off the bed, one sleep sock pulled up your calf and the other scrunched around your ankle — padding out into the lit hallway with a grumpy squint until you reach his office, pushing the door open.

“you have to come.” you speak, and it doesn’t really sound like words. just slurred, raspy babble from being barely awake. he licks his lips, dragging his eyes lazily away from his computer screen to blink at you.

“i’m not done here, baby.” he is strict but you don’t care, leaning your cheek against the doorframe, barely able to hold yourself up anymore. unexpectedly, tears fill your eyes.

“but i’m just tired rafe, and — and i can’t get any sleep because you’re not there. please, come.” you mewl— fat tears squeezing out of your eyes and he sighs, pushing back in his desk chair. you think he’s going to get up and follow you, but instead he just stares at you.

“come here.” he commands and you don’t have the energy to question or argue, so your feet drag over. “i can’t come to bed unless all of this is done tonight. alright? so— so, you’re gonna have to get comfy here ‘til i’m done.” he gestures to his lap and you sigh, nodding softly as you climb on him, resting your cheek to his shoulder and getting comfy. he has that warm boyfriend smell he gets before he comes to bed every night and your eyes flutter shut.

“okay? good?” he murmurs and you nod once more, body relaxing almost immediately. you’re asleep within minutes.

˙✧˖°🍭 ༘ ⋆｡˚

[scumashling]

Just Alcoholic Whumper Things

CONTENT WARNING: Noncon references, alcoholism, forced/coerced intoxication, emotional abuse/manipulation

Whumpee always going hungry because Whumper is spending food money on booze

Whumper who visits Whumpee in their cell after a long night of solo binge drinking

Whumper rapidly shifting between Happy Drunk, Angry Drunk and Sad Drunk during a conversation with Whumpee

Whumper throwing a bottle at the wall and it shattering near Whumpees head

"I'm glad I have you. None of my drinking buddies want to hang out with me anymore."

Whumper forcing Whumpee to drink with them so they'll feel less alone and worthless.

Whumper making Whumpee take shot after shot until they get sick

Alternatively, Whumper manipulating Whumpee into drinking with by playing into the trauma of being Whumped (you've been through so much. You deserve something to take the edge off.)

Whumper telling Whumpee "I like you a lot better when I'm drunk"/"You know, when I'm this drunk, you almost look cute."

Whumpers own trauma getting triggered while drinking, being too wasted to recognize where they are and who they are with, and starts screaming at Whumpee as if Whumpee is their abuser

Whumper sobbing about how lonely they've been while they strip Whumpee, not noticing they are also in tears

The taste of cheap vodka and stale cigarettes in Whumpee's mouth as Whumper sticks their tongue down their throat.

Whumper who loses days on end due to their binge drinking. Whumper never remembering the nights they took advantage of Whumpee. How can you apologize for something you don't remember anyway?

Alternatively, Whumper who does apologize for noncon but claims the booze made them lose control (it will not stop them from drinking)

Whumper drunkenly inviting Whumpee to stay in their room for the night as an apology. Whumpee choosing to sleep on the floor

Whumper relapsing and taking out the rage and shame they feel on Whumpee

Whumpee who cant even stand the sight or smell of booze without being triggered

Alternatively, Whumpee developing their own drinking problem after getting away from Whumper

[wikipediette]

emotional motion sickness

General g/n headcanons (an analysation of abuse in the relationship); mentions of abuse dynamics in relationships, talks of physical, emotional, and mental abuse, if these topics trigger you please dont read

so I'll start with the idea of being on earth with Jimmy, I'd like to imagine that curly set you two up, hoping that you'd rub off on him

Your first date you meet and you're charmed by him, he's a sarcastic, flirty, handsome man with a sense of humor (albeit a dry sense of humor)

people like Jimmy are VERY charming and can pretend to be a certain person to draw you in. Then slowly up the ante until you feel trapped

He starts off cute, comes a little late to dates, clothes wrinkled, flowers bent. But hes apologetic and you cant help but feel bad for him

As you get deeper into the relationship the faults start to show.

Maybe a year or so in he starts asking about friends. Nothing too dramatic just an occasional "who's that?"

And at first its cute! He's just worried and protective. But it slowly gets more and more controlling.

One of the first things an abuser will do is isolate you to make it hard to leave them. so he asks you to stop talking to a few people, coworkers or group project friends.

if you question it he will get very intense very fast and uestion why your so hesitant to cut them off.

"is there something your not telling me?" He asks, he had both arms caging you down onto your armchair, his body leaned down to look at you closely. "No!" You exclaim sitting up as best you can with him so close, "I just think it's weird you suddenly aren't ok with me and danny talking anymore!" He laughs but it holds no humor if the look on his face is anything to go by "I know you probably didn't notice but he's constantly flirting with you, he obviously wants to fuck you." you begin to mentally look over your conversations in your head, had he? Was there something you missed? Something misinterpreted? "Really?" You ask, doubting if you really should be talking to a man who liked you while in a relationship. "yes! that's why I don't want you talking to him, he's trying to take advantage of you." you sigh before nodding "yeah, sorry I... didn't even realize" "its fine" he says softly holding the back of your head to lead you into a kiss "I just want to keep you safe".

so you bite and agree, you slowly begin to cut less important people out. As you do he'll pavlov you, with each friend you pick off he'll love bomb you. kisses, hugs, gifts, sex, sweet talk, pet names, bragging about you. He'll play into whatever you want as long as you follow his rules.

When it comes to the biggest hitters like family, close circle friends, and best friends he'll wait a few years to cut them out

He'll plant ideas of a us vs them mentality.

they just want to break us apart.

they're jealous of us.

your too good for them.

they don't treat you right.

they're the abusers.

i'm the only one who REALLY loves you

and after so many years with him, despite your ups and downs you cant help but do what he says because you just don't see him as this horrible monster everyone's making him out to be.

you love him and he loves you!

people just don't understand your dynamic,

they don't know him like you do.

when it's bad its bad but when it's good its so damn good.

and his lonely act works well too, besides curly he doesn't really have any friends.

he has acquaintances and coworkers, but friends? no.

if you broke up with him he'd have no one. and you've been together so long it'd be such a jump. going from deep conversations and intense love to asking about a person's favorite color? fuck that.

when he has you were he wants you that's when all hell breaks loose.

you barely go anywhere and if you do he either needs your location the whole time (probably makes you get life360) or has to be with you, hand on hip, glaring at anyone who talks to you.

when you two get invited to parties he'll play nice (after all he is in public) and let you roam.

you'll talk to people you haven't in a bit while he drinks and talks to curly.

and its times like that that makes the worst moments feel worth it.

speaking of the worst moments.....he's a very jealous person, he constantly is worried if you're cheating on him.

he'll argue with you and wont relent till your crying and exhausted.

then once he thinks you've proved yourself he'll scoop you up and let you cry on his shoulder. murmuring that he loves you and he sorry.

he'll open up, say he knows there's something wrong with him, and he's sorry hes like this, that you deserve better and he's trying.

"I'm sorry" Jimmy softly says into your ear. cradling you like a baby in his arms. your arms are around his neck, your eyes burn with drying tears and sleep, your nose is stuffy, your throat is dry from yelling and sobbing for hours. the rocking isn't helping your sleepiness. "I'm sorry, I know there's something wrong with me. Please don't leave me"

trying to leave in these situations is probably the worst thing you could do

now I'm not under the impression that Jimmy would be overly physically abusive given that his character is all about the subtleties of abuse.

BUT! I do believe he'd restrain you, push you, grab you harder than needed, ect. If you tried to leave him while arguing.

He doesn't like you taking control of the situation and it gets him very mad, as a result he'll force you to stay where he wants.

But he doesn't explicitly hit you as that would leave marks

he wouldn't want you to be bruised because that would bring suspicion to the safety of your relationship.

And most of the relationships abuse is kept to a level that could pass as normal to others.

I think having a friend like curly in these moments that always tries to smooth things over without any bridge burning would definitely lead to him unintentionally gaslighting you about it.

side note: ok this is the first time I've really written in this format, made a romantic x reader, AND this is also my first time posting x reader onto Tumblr lol. apologies if this is ooc I never refreshed myself on Jimmy's character simply bc I don't have the time for that lol. this is also based off of my general knowledge of abusive relationships. if anyone wants more plz let me know i really wanted to try writing fanfiction seriously for a while now lmao, bye :)

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 16

i don’t think i’ve ever been this fucking tired.

sometimes people act like one thing, even though they’re something else.

that little bit of hope, that’s the part i couldn’t bear.

i would give anything to feel like a good person again.

best way to make us suffer is to give us hope.

piecing this together is like trying to grab hold of water.

so far, i’m underwhelmed. 

i don’t want a relationship. i just want to be with you all the time.

i just wanna know why everyone always abandons me.

i can’t be around you anymore. it’s confusing, and it makes me feel insane.

you didn’t take me out of love, you took me out of spite. 

don’t let love make you out to be a fool. leave before you’re left.

you are a lonely, selfish, narcissistic asshole. 

every time i look at you, i feel so completely dismantled. 

i have people who mean more to me than you would ever understand. 

always surprised to see you so tenderhearted. 

that’s more like salvation than a simple favor.

when i think about the specifics too much, i just get sad.

i let my ego get in the way of a lot of good shit in my life.

it’s easier to lose interest than to work through things. 

it’s my life. it’s already over in the first place. 

i only wanted to leave because i’ve never felt seen here.

do you wanna be right, or do you wanna have your family?

you’re exactly like me. that’s the problem.

i just wanna feel normal. please help me feel normal.

it felt like we were changing the world.

i am so sorry i freaked out. it will not happen again.

i thought that work would distract me.

you challenged me, and in return, i made you feel small. i’m sorry.

you said that we were bad for each other.

why is my fucking point of view the one everyone’s assuming is wrong?

sometimes it feels like i’m watching other people experience things.

you know, sometimes i think you just lie for the fun of it.

i fucking love that. i love when you stoop to my level.

sometimes i just wanna feel so normal that i’m almost boring.

that’s the thing about liars. they look just like everybody else.

i don’t hate you. what good is that gonna do?

i feel angry, sad, betrayed. i don’t hate you, i feel bad for you.

i feel bad for you because you aren’t the good person you thought you were. that’s gotta hurt, knowing that.

i'm either all in or all out. i need to find a way forward.

when you are ready, this will make you stronger. better.

you either adapt, or you lose your mind.

don’t tell me you’re pretty, privileged, and humorless.

you know, at some point, we’re gonna have to start trusting each other. 

i used to be a happier person.

thank you for not being full of shit.

she was a nuisance as a child and a horror show as a teen. 

i’m so sick of hearing everybody’s opinions about me.

i don’t think you’re pathetic. i just want you to be careful.

i’m done looking like a fucking idiot, so i’m asking you to treat me with some respect from now on.

i just got you back. i’m not losing you again.

everyone was so scared, there was no time to be angry.

i believed in you. don’t you get that?

would you rather i just pick you apart and make you feel like shit?

what you want is for me to read your mind so i can say whatever you want to hear at any given time.

i was already on my fucking own.

whatever this is, it’s you and i.

i couldn’t kill you. i’d probably just cry.

if we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it together.

this seems like a really good plan to piss off my parents, so i’m in.

do things around here feel different to you?

scared people do scary things. even the good ones.

i know we don’t right now. but could we make sense again?

we keep playing with fire, and we need to stop before we burn our lives down.

i am the one who keeps people alive.

which fucking nightmare am i supposed to be afraid of?

i cant help if i’m in the dark.

every time something good happens, something bad comes to ruin it.

whatever this is, we are stronger than this.

will i ever feel normal again?

i think this is your normal now. and everyday, you’ll get a little more comfortable with it.

[a-certain-romance]

house wife reader pt 3!!! (house wife annon atp)

i wanna expand on shenhe and house wife reader bc i lost my 50/50 for her again

shenhe and housewife reader!!, Shenhe would be troubled to know if her house wife could leave her in an instance. Just so she knows you wont leave her she sometimes bends you over the kitchen counter ripping a hole in her favourite suit to let out her boner to fuck you desperately. She needs to cum in you leave some mark inside you so you get the hint.

She always cums raw inside she always wants your around so if you get an accidentital conception she’ll freak out at first and be confused since are you gonna leave? are you gonna scream at her? But turns out your making a new life with her guess her house wife really is something. she’ll happily learn abt parenting with you just for the slight mistake she caused from her own insecurities

beidou and her house wife reader is really something sometimes you beg along to go into going on the sea trips with her since you cant handle being lonely she reluctantly agrees sometimes but all you can do is sit in her cabin all day

at one point she drank too much and stumbled into the cabin, Full of lust she tears both your clothing off. she first gets you to suck her off getting her already to penetrate your cunt since you both knew how desperate you were for eachother you both just couldnt fuck due to the crew

but i know definetly they can hear that night of intamacy

lets also talk abt the inazuman girls more mainly miko rn

Yae miko is a very busy cunning woman who can only afford to give half of her time to you but that doesnt mean shes highly possesive over you, leaving condoms filled with her cum in your shared bedroom sometimes from how much she wishes she could be there for her house wife or while at night she wants you to rut against her cock and gets hard at the thought of it. All she can do now is rut against your cunt desperatly not trying to wake you up since she knows how hard her house wife works<3

untill she couldnt take it anymore she needed you she needed your tight cunt around her cock

she softly wakes up that night opening your thighs leaving cute bike marks and hickeys with her fangs as a sense of ownership before her buldge from her night suit is finally clear she pulls down her pants down enough for her semi hard cock to appear before slowly inserting the first few inchs

she was intoxicaited and drugged by how good you felt around her cock spasming already to cum inside but she knew she had to make it special she slowly started to join your hips and disattaxh them but honestly she got too desperate and started pouding away till you woke up

“go back to sleep, mommy’s g’nna make you feel real good princess” you knew you couldnt argue with your wife you cook and clean for her everyday and serve her as much as you could

honestly you thought you fsiled as a wife to have theese urges inside of you but turns out your wife was just as desperate as you <3

Dude I lost my 50/50 on her weapon I feel your pain.

Warnings: Smut written by a minor, possessive tendencies (Shenhe, Miko kinda), creampies (Shenhe), mention of pregnancy(Shenhe), power dynamics (Beidou), submission (Beidou), crying (Beidou), blowjob (Beidou), Riding (Beidou), Somno (Miko),

Links to pt1, pt2, & pt3

She’s so out of touch with society that sometimes she’ll get a bit insecure. Wouldn’t you rather want someone who has more knowledge about modern city life? Someone who can treat you to all the things Liyue has to offer? But she doesn’t let these thoughts get the better of her, not when she can do something about it. And that something is you, when she fucks your brains out. Suit be damned, a thin piece of material won’t get in the way of sex. She’s obsessed with the way her cum drips out of you when your pussy gets full of her. She finds it so incredibly hot how you’ve taken so much of her that the only place left for her cum to go is to drip out.

And it’s this same obsession that lead her to this accidental conception. In her time spent with Chongyun, she’s learned a bit or two about taking care of “kids”. And with the help of Cloud Retainer, she’ll try her best to fulfill the responsibilities of a mother.

A small part of her loves it. You’re “ruined” for anyone else. Not that she’s forcing you to stay with her after, but now your lives are intertwined in ways she didn’t anticipate. Her hand holds yours as she pounds away at you during another late night. You’re already carrying her child, so might as well cum inside again.

As much as she loves having you on board, she can’t always protect you from the dangers out at sea. Beidou feels much more comfortable with you safe and sound on land, even though it makes her miss you like crazy. There isn’t much you can do without the proper training needed to be apart of either the Shield or Spear groups so there isn’t a lot to do to pass the hours. There’s drinking of course, and on one of those nights you stop at a few glasses to go back into the cabin.

When she stumbles in with that look in her eye you know what’s about to happen. But here’s the fun part: when she’s drunk, she’s a lot more sensitive. You found this out long before you boarded. And ever since, with Beidou’s consent of course, you use that to your full advantage.

She has the faintest bit of pre-cum leaking out of her cock. You coo at how sensitive she is, aren’t you just so needy? You’ll hold the tip gently in your hand, softly wrapping your hand around it as you guide it towards your mouth. The sound of her whimpers fills your ears as she buckles greedily into you.

“Been waiting so long to have you like this. Damn the crew if they hear us, I need you”

She’s on the verge of tears as you suck her cock almost all the way. Her hand shakily grip the back of your head; weakly helping you bob your head up and down while massaging her balls for leverage. You’re usually the louder once, but when Beidou’s drunk, her breathy moans are hard to conceal.

Her cock will twitch inside your throat. When her eyebrows crease in pleasure and concentration, she paints your throat white with her cum. When you release your mouth from her cock, with a thin string of saliva connecting the two, you replace your mouth with your cunt as you shift to sit on Beidou’s lap.

She tends to sober up quickly after you suck her off, but she’s too overwhelmed to take full control. She’s tends to be the one to dominate and always loves the power trip. When she’s like this for you, she has no qualms over giving the reins to you.

Straddle her and hope there’s no noise complaints the next day.

Miko hates how she can get caught up in her work so easily. It happens a lot more than she would like since there’s always so much to be done. You’re always on her mind however. The image of your tired body cuddled in her arms, or tending to the various chores you assist with, or having your body spread out for her on the sheets. Sometimes in her office she would take her cock out and stroke it until she came. Sure it was a mess to clean up, but she desperately needed the stress relief.

Miko is mindful of your energy. No matter how much she wants it, she doesn’t want to over-exhaust your poor body. And that was how she started to bring up somno with you. You would get your much needed rest, and she would get her much needed release. She’s only settled with grinding but lately she’s been craving more.

Those first few inches felt like heaven. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s had your wet pussy wrapped around her. She was going to make this last. She started slow as she would any other night. A steady pace so your body can get used to the feeling. Her blunt nails dig into your hips as she began to loose control. It’s as if her instincts are being controlled by something else, something primal within her.

She can sense your eyelids flutter open but quietly shushes you before you can say a word. “You’re doing so good, you’re so good for me, princess. Close your eyes and let Mommy use you to get off.” She has big plans for you tonight, too bad you’ll be asleep for most of it.

[uracutieraka]

Something stupid

★・・・・・・★

The time is right, your perfume fills my head

The stars get red, and, oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

★・・・・・・★

Kuroo Tetsuro x F!reader

Tw: nothing! Lol!

★・・・・・・★

Synopsis; you and kuroo grew up together and one slightly intoxicated night you admit things you probably shouldn’t have.

★・・・・・・★

You and Kuroo met when you guys were 6 years old.

You had just moved in to your new home only to be greeted by a tall dark haired boy asking if you wanted to play volleyball.

You, ever so excited about the opportunity to already make a new friend took him up on his offer.

He tricked you.

He didn’t want to actually play volleyball, he just wanted you to throw the ball to him.

You were okay with this though, you thought the chatty boy was funny and cool.

“So your names y/n but can I just call you n/n? It sounds way cooler. No offense.”

“N/n is way cooler Tetsuro!” You chirped back.

“Cool. N/n it is then!”

Something about how sure of everything he was lured you in.

Even when asking questions it’s like he already knew what your answer would be.

That’s what kept you coming around him, he intrigued your little brain.

He felt the same about you.

You had big eyes that were always so full of wonder and joy that he wished he could have.

Tetsuro was smart. Extremely smart. He had heard his parents say he was too smart for his own good so many times he had lost count.

He hated being the smart kid.

Always knowing what the adults were talking about had made him stressed. More stressed than a six year old should ever be.

He had found himself bored with life. Dreading big questions all the time.

His parents fought a lot, he wondered how long it would take for them to get a divorce.

Divorce. He learned what that was a year ago when he over heard his mom mention getting one to her friend one night, while his dad was out of town for work.

‘I just cant stand this anymore. Im only here for Tetsu.’

‘Have you thought about… you know?’

‘Divorce? Yeah i have. I just- I don’t know how to even start.’

His mom was unaware of her son’s presence, otherwise the conversation would have been over the second she knew.

‘Divorce’ had repeated in his mind for the whole weekend.

Finally when school came around he asked his teacher.

“What’s a divorce?”

The teacher, thinking nothing of it, answered.

“It when a married couple breaks up.”

It took 3 more years for them to leave each other.

But he was lucky. He had you.

By the time you two were nine he had surpassed you in every academic way possible.

‘N/n! N/n! Guess what?!’

‘What?!’

‘I’m reading at the same level as middle school second years do!’

‘Wow Tetsu! You’re so smart!’

You didn’t care though, you always remained proud of him. Openly expressing it all the time too.

When you were 10 though, there was a suddenly shift between you two.

A younger kid from down the block named Kenma had started coming around.

Practicing volleyball with Tetsuro everyday nearly.

You weren’t one to get jealous but something about this whole situation made your stomach hurt.

The boy you had known for three years was pushing you aside for someone he had known for 3 months! How unfair!

‘You never play with me anymore Tetsu!’

‘Well yeah, Ive been busy!’

‘Playing with Kenma! It’s not fair!’

‘You’re dramatic!’

You guys didn’t talk for a whole year after that.

You had never been so lonely in your life.

On your 11th birthday though, Kuroo decided enough was enough.

He used all his allowance money to buy you the biggest stuffed animal he could find.

Rushing over to your house with it he practically ran your door down trying to get in.

‘Happy birthday n/n! Stop being mad at me! Im sorry! I miss you!’

A few years later, you had came around to the idea of Kenma. Creating a trio you three became unstoppable.

Middle school was rough for all three of you.

Kenma was a year younger than both of you so seeing him was harder to do than you thought it would be.

You decided Friday nights were mandatory sleepover nights because of this.

That’s how you ended up here, eight years later, on the floor of your new apartment with Kuroo.

Kenma’s mom said he needed to get his grades up before he even thought about asking to go out again.

It had been like this the past 6 Friday’s.

Just the two of you, because Kenma couldn’t get his damn grades up.

“Well maybe if you stopped bleaching your hair you wouldn’t have so many chemicals seeping into your brain so you’d actually focus in school.” A shit eating grin was plastered across the tall mans face.

“It’s not the bleach Tetsu. It’s the video games obviously.” You stated, propping your phone up so you both could properly see your younger friend.

“Both of you shut up!” Kenma groaned, throwing his face into a pillow on his bed.

“Welp! Maybe get your grades up!” Tetsuro said, sticking his tongue out tauntingly.

“Whatever asshole.”

‘Kozume! Watch your mouth!’ You heard kenma’s mom yell in the background.

“Whatever!,” he replied back, grabbing his phone and holding it close to his face. “Im gonna go now. Do my homework or something. I hate you both, bye!”

“Hate you, love you byeee!” You said pressing the big red ‘X’ in the corner of your screen.

Sighing you roll over on your mattress which is smack in the middle of your (soon-to-be) living room.

“Tetsuuuu,” you coo out, a sign you were up to something sneaky. “I have a surprise from my grandparents!”

“Oouuu what is it?” He said, matching your devious tone.

You hopped up and skipped over to your mostly empty fridge.

A pizza box and bottle of wine sat in it.

The pizza curtsey of your best friend, his ‘housewarming gift’ was dinner for the night.

And the bottle, a gift from your grandparents for turning 19 and moving out.

You grab the, now, chilled bottle and skip back out to the empty living room.

Lucky for you they also gifted you a corkscrew with it.

Sitting down infront of him you shake the bottle in his face.

“Oouuhh fancy, where’d ya’ get that?” A quizzical eyebrow shot up on the mans face.

“My grandparents. They said its a tradition and good luck to drink a bottle of wine when you get your first place.,” you huff looking down at the bottle in your hands. “I just think they’re cool as fuck and were trying to reason with my parents.” A small chuckle leaves your lips as you now look back up at the black haired man across from you.

“Hey nana l/n has always been awesome as hell! Cut my girl some slack!” He replies, reaching out and grabbing the bottle to inspect it himself.

You laugh at his response.

He’s always been so quick witted. It was one of his most charming traits, in your opinion.

“So! We gonna crack this bad boy open, or what?” You say, drawing his attention off the label.

“Yes, sorry!,” He smiles up at you apologetically. “Do the honors ms. l/n!”

You take the bottle from him and slam the cork screw in the end. After a moment of twisting a ‘POP!’ Sounds through the echo-y room.

“Hoorah!” He shouts, throwing his arms out wide in the air.

“You’re such a nerd!” You shout back.

“Whatever! Just fill my damn glass!” He shove the glasses in your face.

You stick your tongue out at him but do as he says, pouring the contents of the bottle out into the glasses.

After you fill each of them very generously to the half way point of the cups, you take a curious sip.

Your face contorts into a sour look.

“Ew! This is disgusting!”

“Really?” Kuroo asks, taking a cautious sip himself.

You watch as his face also turns sour.

“Oh my god thats horrible…”

You two stare at each other for a moment before bringing the glasses back up to your lips, both chugging the alcohol down, hoping to finish before the other one.

You finish your glass first and snatch the bottle off the floor, pouring another glass and doing the same thing.

He finished not long after you, waiting for you to fill your glass again before following your actions and refilling his.

After a few minutes of chugging down glasses you grab the bottle again, its empty.

“Damn!” You say, finally catching your breath.

You both are panting heavy at the lack of air intake.

“We finish it? Should be a few minutes before we start feeling it.” He finally says.

He was right.

10 minutes later you stand up to get some water to was the nasty after taste out of your mouth. But it hits you like a truck.

You wobble around for a second before giggling at your actions.

“Oop!” You slur out.

He laughs out behind you, standing to help you.

He trips slightly over his own foot, falling flat on to the ground.

Youre laughing so hard your stomach starts to hurt.

“Te- testu! Are- HAH are you okay?” You finally manage to ask through bursts of laughter.

He stands up, laughing just as hard as you.

“Yeah, im fine.” He says when he finally stands up straight.

He stumbles over to you.

“Where’s your speaker at?” He asks, brushing the front of his black t-shirt off.

You fumble around the counter, moving boxes around to find your bluetooth speaker.

You pull it out from behind a box and turn towards him.

“Here!” You hand it to him.

“Perfect..” he mumbles, fumbling in his pocket for his phone. He pulls it out and makes haste turning it on and connecting it.

A familiar song starts playing.

One that you two listened to on late night, alone in your old room.

Record old and scratchy, from your grandmothers collection.

You and Kuroo were far from just friends.

He was your first kiss, after all.

It happened when you were 14.

An off chance that kenma stayed home.

Kuroo had snuck a beer from his dads fridge the weekend prior, on a mandatory visit due to the divorce agreement.

He save it for this weekend hoping to share it with you and kenma, but kenma had a new game that had just released that day. He obviously had to play it right away.

You didn’t mind though, it was hard for you and Kuroo to find time to hangout just the two of you anymore.

You loved Kenma but Kuroo was your best friend first after all.

Kuroo stands up and reaches his arm out.

You grab it and stand up, facing him.

"So, I've been thinking, neither of us has kissed anyone yet," his face flushes and turns away from you as the words leave his mouth. "And it's probably better we get it out of the way before first year starts. That way we're not like, you know... behind?"

"Behind?" You ask.

"Yeah, all my friends on the volleyball team have had their first kisses and it's normal to do it. Plus we're best friends and friends can kiss too!" He says, a giant smile on his face.

"Friends... can kiss too?" You had never really thought about it like that, but you guess he's not wrong.

"Friends kiss all the time! It's normal in other cultures! Plus one little kiss couldn't hurt anybody," He leans forward to be slightly over you. "So? What'd ya' say?"

"Okay." you say quietly.

were you really about to kiss your best friend?

He leans forward and you close your eyes.

It was a quick and slobbery kiss to your lips.

He pulled away quickly. Unsure what to do next.

You blush and look away.

“Ok now we kissed so can we go back to what we were doing?

He laughs before sitting back down on your bed.

“Y/n?” Youre broken out of your train of thought by kuroo extending his hand out to you.

You grab it and he pulls you in close to his chest.

This was familiar.

You slightly inhale his smell while you adjust to the new position.

Your finger tips slowly trace up his arm, until your right hand meets his left one. He intertwines your fingers together.

At the same pace you slide your palm flat against his chest up to his shoulder.

He hums and closes his eyes and his right hand drops down to rest on your hip.

Kuroo enjoyed these moments. Slow and calming. They were a nice break from the busy schedule he had.

Everything and everyone around him was so intense all the time, but you? You had a way of stopping time and calming him down. And you didnt even have to do anything.

He begins swaying you two around languidly around the small kitchen.

Youre both humming to the tune of the song when he begins to sing softly.

“I practice every day, to find some clever lines to say, to make the meaning come true”

You giggle at his antics before joining in on his singing.

“But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you”

Its now his turn to chuckle at you, he instead opts to spin you around.

“Oh!” You say at the sudden movement. Stumbling a bit he grabs your waist to steady you out.

“Sorry.” He says, wide eyes trained on you.

“It’s okay dont worry!,” You say, resuming the position you were in before. “Let’s keep dancing.”

He nods, continuing to sway around.

"Y/n." He says, the sudden seriousness in his voice sends a chill down your spine.

"Hm?" You hum back in response, focused on where your hand intertwines with his.

"You know, this isn't, normal for friends right?"

You knew that. You weren't stupid.

Sneaking kisses when nobody was looking, intertwining your pinkies while you guys walked together, cuddling up whenever you guys could. All these things were things that couples did. Not friends.

"What about it?" You ask and he finally stops swaying you around, lowering his other hand to rest on your other hip.

He takes in a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. When he looks back down at you he begins to talk.

"So, maybe we should talk about it?"

You bring both your hands to smooth over the fabric on his shoulders.

"Do we have too? I like whatever this is." You huff out, now looking up to make eye contact.

He rolls his eyes.

"Yes! We obviously have too!" He's hurt at your response.

He would much rather be your boyfriend than best friend. In fact the idea of forever being whatever he was to you drove him crazy.

You step backwards a bit, breaking from his hold.

Obviously you want him to be more than your best friend, but was it worth it?

If you say no you risk losing him either way.

"Look, Tetsuro," He cuts you off before you can finish.

"If you're going to say no then you have to answer another question." His eyes hold an emotion you've only seen when he loses a match. Defeat. Like he's already accepted the fact you would turn him down.

"What is it?" You ask, curious as to what he wants to know.

"If you say no, then you have to tell me what all of this was then? All the late nights sneaking around, the long glances, the flirting, everything. What did it mean to you?"

The question begins ringing in your ears.

'What did it mean to you'

"Everything." it's a quiet whisper, you're not surprised he didn't hear you.

"What?" He says, voice low.

"It means everything to me. That's why I'm scared to do anything about it. It's so perfect right now, what if everything changes?"

He studies you for a moment. Obviously looking up and down.

You shy away slightly at the attention.

He just can't believe something so beautiful could casually stand around in front of him.

You're in old running shorts and one of his t-shirts. It was beaten up from years of use.

Once he grew out of it last year he finally gave it to you.

Your hair is messy and frizzy from the humidity of moving and drinking. Falling out of the bun you put it in lazily hours ago.

"I understand where you're coming from, but I can't just do this forever." His reply doesn't shock you. It isn't fair to ask him to wait forever. You know that.

"I know..." You sigh, looking down at your socks.

"Can you stop being so emo and just be my girlfriend?" He sighs loudly, taking a step forward, hands finding your hips again.

His tone is teasing but you know he means the words he's saying.

"Promise to not let it ruin what we have?"

"Hmmm....," He puts a finger up to his chin and taps it, like he's pondering the idea.

"We have to acknowledge that there will be certain risks, such as, since you'd be my girlfriend if anything happened between us I'd probably die of a broken heart, im pretty sure."

"Oh my god you are such a nerd Tetsu!" you playfully swat at his chest, laughing.

"Ok but seriously, be my girlfriend."

"I gotta think about it."

"There's nothing to think about, be my girlfriend."

"There's a lot to think about actually."

"How about, you say yes to being my girlfriend right now, then think about it later?"

"That makes no sense."

"Who cares?"

You didn't realize he'd be slowly leaning down with each question until you feel his breath on your face.

You can smell the alcohol from earlier on his lips.

"I care." Your voice is stern.

He backs up again, removing his hands from you and leaning back against the counter top.

He's so tall that the counter is in line with his hips. Making it the perfect resting spot for him.

You lean on the counter opposite from him. The kitchen is small so you guys are still close enough that your feet are touching.

You put some weight back on to your wrists, allowing you to lift your leg up and give a small kick to his shin.

He looks up at you, taking his focus from where your feet were once entangled.

"What?" He asks, a hint of attitude lacing his tone.

"Don't do that Tetsuro."

He doesn't respond, but instead rolls his eyes.

You huff, not caring to argue with him.

"Look, I'll be your girlfriend," You watch as his face perks up, he goes to say something but you're quick to shove your hand out in to his face to keep him quiet. "But, you have to make one promise."

You drop your hand, allowing him to respond.

"I'll do anything!"

"Okay, and I'm so serious about this. Like, this is do or die."

He nods his head up and down quickly, showing his blind alliance to whatever you were going to say.

"Okay, So, I need you to promise that you'll stop making corny science jokes all the time."

He stops moving to stare at you, popping a brow up at you In annoyance.

"That's it?"

You nod 'yes' quickly.

"No can do sweetheart. Science jokes are baller."

He rolls his eyes again, grabbing you and pulling you back into him.

Your words are muffled due to him holding your face into his chest.

"And you can't say 'baller' to describe things anymore!"

"Uh-Uh! You're asking too much of me!"

He lets your head go and move your head back to look up at him.

"Fine, I'll be your girlfriend. No conditions."

"Swear?" A cheesy grin overtakes his face.

"Yeah. Swear."

He leans over, grabbing your face in both his hands, squishing your cheeks until you're lips poke out.

A giant wet kiss lands on your lips and he makes a show of popping his lips with a 'MWUAH'! He drops your face and you wipe the excess spit off your mouth.

"Okay one condition, you have got to stop giving such wet kisses! It's gross!"

He just laughs, signaling that won't happen anytime soon.

"Too late you already said swear."

You roll your eyes and push his chest a bit, finally going to grab a glass of water.

You guess having him as your boyfriend couldn't be so bad.