#i cant take being lonely anymore
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I miss cutting so much I wish I could cut
#i dont evn have anything#cutting was the only thing that made me feel better#she keeps pushing and pushing me until i cant think and i start screaming and then she gets to act all calm and cool and act like im the#crazy one#i canr ducking take it#its mot like im the one who asked for this#you were the one who gave birth to me and couldnt even give me a home and im the one to nlame fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u fuck u#i cant i wish thete was a button to kill myself it would be so much easier#i already kmow those things you fucking idiot#ypu cpuldnt even treat the o e thing you claim to care about properly and u think u have the right to treat me like this????#i wish someone would kill me i wish i was steuck by lightning i wish i could go out in front of a car and die but i cant bc im a coward#i cant take being lonely anymore#i want to die#i wouldnt be useless if i had even an once of some support or not even support but if i wasnt left alone to rot i mightve been ok#not happy but okay#i csnt do this#why cant i be dead#i dont even know wjere to get blades#im so fucking useless im basically a child i know#but who made me like that huh??? dont fucking blame me for the thjngs u did#kill yourself seriously and give me a break
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it continues to be kinda really hard to search for reasons to just like. keep going. and pretty consistently come up with basically none. and then things just keep getting worse and worse in various ways. when will it end fr
#crow.txt#it might just be the seasonal depression along with the everything else but like goddamn#i cant see myself ever not being strung out and exhausted ever again from just. surviving.#i just dont know what to do anymore. literally all the problems are just shit that will take time to go away#either cause its grief or cause its seasonal#i dont get to rest anymore i dont think. even when i do things that are rest activities i rarely feel rested at all#i dont think im allowed to feel okay anymore unless im distracted from the everything. while having the house to myself is nice in ways#its also just really hard. just really really difficult. ive kinda always known id have a reason living by myself#very lonely.
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Not sure if I'll be doing anything more for artfight this year I am. suffering. sorry :(
#my posts tag#work stress making me panic because i dont want to work and i dont know how to run a business#i hate living w other people?!!? so much???????????#im isolated and lonely but also social interaction with ppl is hard and makes me feel ill#body image hater brain is also being really hard to ignore lately too!!#AND my bf hauve covid. for the first time ever. i dont have the energy to take care of him as i am busy mentally kms#and withdrawls still. and the new med isnt working.#and i have to be anxious about not being able to afford either new or old med#because of withdrawals. i think at least. intrusive thoughts are fucking UNIGNOREABLE i cannot swioe away the fucking mental notification#its auto playing loud videos in my head. healp#and i honestly dont enjoy art anymore. or anything at all really.#games and stuff i previously loved are announcing new stuff that should be exciting but its just burnout and fomo#i have no money and no income and it makes me feel awful even tho like yeah im didabled n finding work is fucking impossible??#been in bed like 2 days and when im not asleep im sewer slidal yaaaay#anyways all that was mostly for me. sorry#i have moments of faith and reassurance like yeah this IS a waste of my energy i KNOW itll be fine lol? but i cant. hold onto it.#and that specifically might be system related but so frustrating. can we please work together.
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my art will never be good enough !
#vent#im so hypocritical#i give advice on how to not feel terrible about ones own art and then i want to burn all my traditional art and delete all my art files#i cant even follow my own advice. ive wanted to burn and delete my art for several years now and i am very close to doing it#its so hard to not compare myself to others. its so hard to not think that what I make isn't good enough. everyone else can make so#much more beloved art. and they all know that ill never amount to anything no matter how much time ans effort i put jnto an art#it will never be good enough. I will never be good enough.#since I cant stop why dont I just post art then bounce and not scroll afterwards? ive done that multiple times now#but it feels very isolating and lonely. So I can deactivate and leave social media for good so I stop always comparing numbers#but it bleeds into real life. i actually felt this terrible about my art before creating any social media and posting my art in 2020.#i just know that nowhere am i good enough.#I hate that i think these things and am acting like this. I need to quit and discard everything giving up would benefit everyone#in fact why dont i go commit sewercide and officially rid myself since i cant think anything without wanting to commit over it lol#everyone says take a break but i will just come back feeling fine then it will quickly evolve into feeling this exact same way again.#'take a break' I might as well fucking quit for good like I want#making art makes me happy and helps keep me going. but at this point im not happy doing art anymore so I have nothing keeping me from#giving up on being alive anymnore
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man
#i fucking hate my college i hate the town i hate being here i hate all the people here#everyone who goes here is fucking mean and unwilling to make friends so im never going to make any friends it’s been like two years#and when you don’t have friends to room with you cant get an apartment and you arent allowed to live off campus so im#never fucking getting an apartment and will have to live alone in a dorm where i just sit and cry every day after class because im so lonely#no wonder so many people who go here kill themselves#👍#vent#personal#and the only reason i go here is ebcause my parents forced me to go to college even when i begged to take a gap year because#covid fucking ruined my mental and physical health and they refused so im twice as miserable as i would have been#and i didnt want to pick a school so i just picked this one because i also grew up here and ive fucking hated living here this entire time#i dont know what to do#and i was going to transfer this semester but now i’m in the film program and it’s a top film tv school in the country so i feel like#id be making a worse choice career wise if i were to transfer but im so miserable im so fucking miserable man i cant do it anymore
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Burning hill but it's my relationship to my passions and burn out
#mitski#i love taking 'you' and 'him' in mitski songs as personified versions of concepts and experiences in her life#happy is personification of joy#burning hill (as i interpreted) is about her passion for music and also disassociation (im watching myself burn but i cant stop or step in)#remember my name is lonliness despite bearing your soul and the discrepancy btwn being a celebrity and a human#pearl diver is reaching within to find a 'pearl.' for something more. but in doing so youre straining and hurting yourself for it#shouldve been me (to me) is masking and realizing you gave people a version of you but they want to see the real you#afraid to be truly vulnerable without an ironic front is a challenge and the regret that comes from it#i think it's interesting she mainly ever addreses 'you' 'him' and 'me' and to have that third person be a man in a relationship with her#fireworks is literally depression when youre at the lowest point but youre still feeling everything. so youre hoping things will either get#magically better or they become worse and you finally dont have to feel anymore#but also once youre there; theres a desire to *feel* something. youre in so much pain you cant cry anymore but it's getting too much#cry cry cry almost as a plea; begging yourself#francis forever is about her music and desire to be seen/validated by fans/industry but needs to prove herself by constantly creating#a lot of her music is about her music and self destructive tendencies she has with it#giving her all. feeling isolated and lonely. not being enough. fighting with herself. list and horniness. loving herself. feeling at the top#the loss of control over your life and feeling aimless despite needing to continue#the idea of being used to fulfill your sense of purpose. to have a reason to do something#it's a wide range of emotions of grief and relief. a sour orange you cant stop sucking on#laurel hell really summarizes the whole journey tbh#im still wondering who/what her 'husband' is
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I hate how annoying and annoyed and depressed and gross and whiny I get and feel when i'm ignored and rejected and feel alone because no one will talk to me, hang out when I ask, ask me to hang out or chat, or I have to give up on things I really want to do because I need people and have no one. which is basically all the time every day. between trying to make friends and failing and trying to talk to/hang out with people I already know, it's just a constant deep chronic loneliness that nothing seems to help change it and no one is willing to help with it. and I don't have a clue what to do. no one gives useful advice. "be yourself!" hasn't worked in 30 years. "just talk to people!" has caused me more harm than good. "find your people!" is too broad of a statement, how do I know what my people even are? "keep trying it will happen one day!" I literally don't know how to stop trying and rather stop and accept i'm meant to be alone forever and force myself to like it!!! I live ~in the moment/day by day~ so I don't care what will happen "one day" I care about NOW because that's where I am!!!!! the future means nothing to me unless I had a magic ball that showed it to me. so waiting makes it worse! there's no guarantee it will ACTUALLY happen either. congrats of it happened to you. that doesn't help me. thats now in the present time and not my future so why should I care?
what the fuck am I supposed to actually do!
#am i supposed to date someone so theyre forced to always be there for me? is that why people do it?#because the anount of people around my age who say theyd “just kill themsleves” if they didnt have their partners is concerning....#also why do people insist on giving me useless advice about how to make friends or fix my problems but wont step up and befriend me lmao#everyone wants to be helpful but only with useless words and get upset when it doesnt work for me. no one wants to ACTUALLY help#and if i do get some rare person its someone just as lonely and more desperate and they want to trauma bond#or make me their free therapist. and we never have anything truly in common. and it makes me feel worse.#so ive started being a bit more selective and trying not to take just anyone anymore. which makes me have less selection#lee rambles#where was i going with these tags. idk#i used to basically beg people to talk abd hang out or dumped my lonely feelings on people so they know i NEED them to stick with me#that never worked so i started playing “hard to get” but turn out that doesnt actually work and i realize 6 months later i haven't#talked to a SINGLE PERSON because no one comes to me first. its only me going to others first or complaining and attracting the wrong people#what the fuck lmao#cant win.#lee rants
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repeating my therapists words in my head like the bike message in pokemon
#i am not responsible for other people#i am not responsible for their actions or feelings i am not in control of that#if its not in my control then i need to take a step back and accept that#tw drugs#soooooooooooo my dad picked up the op of the iods. which he was addicted to for about a decade and stopped a decade ago#like if he had gotten them when the hospital offered it to him it would be whatever yk because he has suffered burns#but he said no at the hospital and stressed that he wouldnt take that poison again#his words idk anything about them#and now that we're talking about weaning him off of his gabapentin (what hes been taking for pain)#he picks them up dawg you say youre not in pain enough to take regular old medicine anymore#i am quite so very stressed about it. our genepool is very heavy on addictions and yk my mom never stopped so i Experienced it#and of course i Experienced it as a child but i dont remember any of my childhood#but i would really rather my father not get addicted to them again i think that would be really quite terrible#i confronted him about it and he said he was just going to keep them as a backup just in case#like ofc i dont want my dad to be in pain. but he cant just say hes feeling really good and then pick them up#because that sets off the “he just wants to use them for Using them” alarm in my head#but i am not in control of him i cant control his actions i tried my best and now whatever happens happens i guess#trying very hard not to freak out very hard right now (everything in my body wants to have a cheeky panic attack and/or spiral)#have no close friends/friends i feel like i can just vent to for freesies is kind of a nightmare#i miss my Friends i miss my Friends i wish i could tell them my situation and just feel like i am Supported and Cared For#being lonely is all fun and games until bad things are happening in your life and you have no one to distract you or help you
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the problem with vacation is that now in three days i have to go back to working and being alone the rest of the time and idk if i can handle it
#cw suicide#genuinely i dont think i can handle that anymore like the idea of going back to that makes me want to die so bad#like its so lonely and work is so bad#what am i supposed to do when work makes me want to kill myself#and i have nothing to look forward to outside of work bc i lost all my friends and cant make more without inevitably hurting and losing the#and the only shot i have at a new job would mean i have to move to a more expensive city that i dont want to live in on short notice#and take major pay cut to the point where idk if id actually be able to afford to live there#and then potentially be in the same kind of work situation as here where i feel alienated from everyone and am shitty at my job#like im just always going to feel like this bc im bad at what i do so no job is going to be better#and im never going to be able to maintain friendships bc i cant fix the things that are wrong without support from friends#but i cant ask for support from friends bc that just leads to me emotionally draining them till they leave#and im so fucking tired i just feel like some ppl arent meant to survive and im one of them#like im just not built to exist or to be a real person ultimately me dying is the best thing for everyone at this point#sorry to be suicidal on here i try not to but lately its just all so constant and overwhelming#i just have nothing to look forward to as soon as this trip is over#like i had one more thing which was a friend visiting next week but we havent really been speaking so i assume thats off#and i just. idk im fucking tired and empty and lonely and nothing helps and i cant deal with being the only person that can fix me anymore#ive tried for so many years to fix me and apparently im the only one that can and i just keep failing so i clearly dont deserve to live
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Can it be sad posting hours rn
#im gonna make it sad posting hours#as much as im happy i found out I'm autistic#it's led to such an even more isolating experience#i finally got tests run and found out im probably just going to be disabled for the rest of my life#ive had horrid knee pain that just aches and throbe#i cant cook anymore or do dishes or bend over to pick anything up#I've been living off microwavable and ready made food because i cant handle the pain anymore#and all i can do for it is get braces/physical therapy/painkillers/take care of myself as best as i can.#and i dont feel like i can talk about it#i dint feel like i have anyone that will actually sit down and feel emotionally vulnerable with me#or understand me#i feel like my symptoms and what I've already been tested for are being dismissed by everyone#no one believed i was autistic either.#i had friends and famiky immediately dismiss it every time i would talk about it#same with the pain#told to take ibuprofen and just eat better#as if that's going to fix this fast enough so i can function again#i can't afford anything right now because all of money went to needs this paycheck#i just feel lonely and isolated#I've been feeling apart emotionally mourning this finding#i just keep finding all the signs that were missed and ignored by my parents and told how lazy i am#and now im finally getting disability diagnosis and im completely alone in it#it sucks when you've been the one to listen to others your whole life#and not question any friends or loved ones when they think there's something wrong with them#but then be told it could be so many other things when i have concerns#or be treated like im not smart enough to know my body#i dont feel like i get the support i give out ever.#I'm more alone and more disabked than ever
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how are you supposed to make friends when you can't drive can't get a job and don't go anywhere but drs appointments and grocery stores and only when your dad takes you and your mom.
#winona has something to say#im itching to go somewhere#without my family for once#but ive no one to take me anywhere#i took a walk around the trailer park today#no one said a word to me. why would they#i think about talking to ppl and then whenever i get the chance it seems either they only acknowledge my mom or i get cold feet#and dont say anything#what if im sick of being alone all the time#what if i want to 'come out of my shell' but i cant because anytime anyone talks to me my mom butts in and says oh she wont talk#what if im so lonely#what if i miss my stupid fucking friends (affectionate) but only one of them really misses me#what if idk how to tell my mom that i dont like 'keeping to myself' anymore#what if im sick of crying and not sleeping
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prompt: hugh is your sugar daddy and he just bought you a new dress to wear at a movie premiere after party, but he cant resist wanting to take it off of you (also ur writings are fantastic 🩷)
Don’t I Look So Pretty? | Sugar Daddy!Hugh Jackman x F!Reader
Warnings: Sugar Daddy, Age Gap (Reader is in their late 20’s – Hugh is 56) Secretive Relationship, Heavy Make Out, Hugh is Touchy Feely, Mentions of Smut, Mentions of Divorce, Choking, Biting, Thigh Riding, Slight Pain Kink,
Rating: M – No Minors
Word Count: 4.1k
Author’s Note: Thank you so much for being my first ever High request! I was on the fence about doing RPF but you know what? I cannot pass up Sugar Daddy Hugh like that! Also I 100% spaced on the fact that you said after party and just wrote the premiere. I hope that was okay!
To be tagged in any future work of mine, please fill this out.
How did you get so lucky? That was the age-old question in your mind. How did you go from working a 9-5 office job directly after getting your Masters, to now being a sugar baby? It still surprised you, knowing this was your life. A small studio apartment turned into a lavish penthouse. Your car that barely turned on anymore got upgraded to a brand-new Aston Martin; You’ve never driven it though – why would you if you have a private driver now? How you went from living and working independently to being a princess in less than a few months boggled your mind, but you wouldn’t trade it in for the world. You were happy, for the first time in a long time.
Meeting Hugh Jackman was luck of the draw. You never realized how close your old job was to his home in the city, nor to his favorite coffee shop downtown. That was your solace after long days and dreaded mornings; Extra strong coffee and a bagel was your go-to. Seeing him each time meant that your day was going to be okay, his tender smile and short but sweet conversations got you through your week. It first started off as your favorites being already paid for, not having to waste your own dime anymore. Then it was your parking lot fees being comped, gas being prepaid, food constantly being delivered – all the way up to your rent being paid in full for four months. That is when things took a turn, Hugh didn’t just chat you up to keep your company in the mornings, this time around he was setting terms. Falling into the roll of his sugar baby came so naturally, it was hard to know anything else. You felt bliss, complete happiness knowing you didn’t have to go back to your boring office job. You didn’t have to appease people who truly wanted to use you as a stepping stool for their own success, you could be free from the bullshit of it all. You never looked back, and you never would. Everything you needed was in front of you, and you wanted to keep it that way.
A year of being Hugh’s sugar baby was everything you wanted, and everything he needed. Though this was the first time he had ever asked you to come to a movie premiere with him. It was hush-hush, especially after the divorce he went through. Hugh didn’t take you on as his sugar baby for sexual reasons, but more for companionship. You both were lonely, seeking a connection and why not do it with someone who made you two feel comfortable. As time went on though, those fleeting touches and longing stares burned right through you. Ryan always said it was a match made; He could see through the charade. So here you sit in your closet, at your vanity getting your makeup done. Staring into the mirror while your personal glam team dolls you up, you reminisced about how things have been for the last year, how much happier you are, how deeply you fell in love with Hugh. Not that you’d ever admit it to him, what you had now was good. You didn’t want to ruin that.
“Alright gorgeous, you are set.” Your makeup artist smiled as your hair stylist finished up with the hairspray. Looking up into the mirror, you were taken aback by the image in front of you. You knew you were pretty, beautiful even but right now? You look ethereal. There was a glow on your face not even the makeup could cover up, the way your eyes shined like you were blissfully happy with life. You looked like a painting, nothing seemed real but a perfect portrait of a girl in love. Tears welled in the corner of your eyes as you took yourself in, gasping lowly as your makeup artist set his chin on your shoulder, smiling with you. “Those heart eyes are all you, babe. He’s going to drop to his knees when he sees you.” You couldn’t help but feel the heat creeping up your neck to fan over your cheeks, your body shivering at his words. “I hope, I really hope.” You smiled small into the mirror, heart hammering as you thought of Hugh.
Before you could even begin to silently ponder the reaction he would have to you, a line of giggles fluttered in from the open closet door, humming ensuing as the blonde bun came back in sight. “Special delivery for a special girl,” your hair stylist laughed as she held the box in her hands. You cocked a brow as you spun around in your chair, flicking a silent what in her direction before looking at her hands. An ivory box with a gentle purple ribbon tied in a bow sat in her palms, causing your heart to swell. Biting your glossed lip, you took the box slowly from her hands, seeing a little envelope with your name written out tucked beneath. As you placed the box on your lap, you reached out to run your fingers across the ink, feeling how your fingers shook with anticipation. Gently you grasped the corner of the envelope, opening the back with a quick flick of your finger before pulling the card out.
I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I saw this. I knew I needed to see you in it. Can’t wait to see my pretty girl tonight. Having you by my side is going to feel so right.
Yours, Hugh xx
If you had any doubts before, you knew now that no matter what, Hugh was going to be obsessed with you. It never crossed your mind that he was going to buy you a dress for tonight, much less get it wrapped and ready to go. Especially on such short notice, it was the little actions he did that made you love him even more. Holding the sweet note to your chest, you swooned softly as you let your free hand work the box open, seeing the pearlescent tissue paper covering your dress. Your hair stylist didn’t waste a moment to help you out, lifting the paper back so you could see what Hugh had picked. A deep sapphire blue dress, with little beads twisting to mimic vines across the bodice of the dress, all the way down well passed the hips. The sweetheart neckline perfectly complimented the sheer long sleeves that came down to your wrist.
As your makeup artist and hair stylist grabbed the dress out for you, holding it up, you noticed the deep slit up to the middle of your thigh, causing your breathing to become labored. It was stunning, truly a beauty you have never seen before. Hugh has bought you so many lavish pieces of jewelry, purses, dresses, but nothing ever so you. This didn’t feel like something perfectly curated to fit what you wanted, but something that you would’ve made yourself. Something you would’ve dreamed of wearing. The small notion that he saw this and thought of you made you want to cry – it was too sweet for you to begin. Quickly your makeup artist came over to fan your face, making sure no tears fell over his hard work. That simple action had you laughing away the emotion welling up within you, making it hard to overthink.
A couple face fanning and strategically helping you into the dress so your hair nor makeup go ruined, finally you were in your dress. It felt right against you, like truly it belonged to you, was curated for you, was meant to be for you only. Now as you stand in front of the full length mirror staring at yourself, you felt like you. The way the color complimented not just your figure, but your skin color was the best. You felt like a goddess, you felt like an angel on Earth. You felt powerful, enough to take down an entire empire. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you took a deep breath as you smiled, ready to show Hugh what he had really bought for you. Your glamour team rubbed your arm and back as you began to walk out of the closet, giving you that extra boost you may need.
Thankfully living with Hugh made it so much easier to surprise him, not having to walk down a grand staircase or even stand outside of the door. Simply you could walk out of the closet, into your bedroom, and right into the living room where he was standing. His back was facing you as his front faced the fireplace, a hand pressed against the mantle as his other nursed a glass of water. In this moment you didn’t have to say anything or move an inch. Hugh could feel that you were behind him, he could smell your perfume and instantly felt his body run hot. He longed for you, each and every day. Though you two weren’t intimate, it didn’t stop the deep connection you developed with each other. Having that emotional connection was perfect, even if a physical one didn’t happen. Being a sugar daddy was new to him too; Ryan told him not to fall in love but, with you he couldn’t help it.
Slowly Hugh turned around from his position, his eyes unfocused behind his glasses. From his fuzzy vision he could make out the color of your dress, and knew he wasn’t going to be able to handle this. As his vision came back into focus, Hugh sucked a breath in, eyes dilating at what he was seeing. Starting at your face, he let his eyes wander over your features, taking in your beauty from a few steps away. He was wondering how the hell he got so lucky, how he had the fortune of existing at the same time as you, you were everything to him. Slowly his eyes careened down to your neck, ghosting over your chest and down your front. Each flick of his gaze caused your body to grow warm, the slick between your thighs growing more and more. Once his eyes fell upon the generous slit in your dress, once emerald eyes turned obsidian. His facial features never moved, they stayed in their frozen state as his eyes flicked back to you, his mouth agape.
“Woah,” Hugh breathed out, his heart pounding in his chest. You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling, biting your lip as you slowly made your way to him. The strawberry vanilla lotion you had used wafted through his nostrils, mixed with your perfume made him feral. It was then you noticed how his tie matched the color of your dress, causing you to feel warm and fuzzy. The little details like that made it special for you, made this relationship feel not monetary – but real. “That bad, huh?” You snorted out, running your fingers down the collar of his blazer as your eyes remained on his. You could see there was something more brewing beneath his gaze, but he wasn’t showing – he was shutting it out for his own sake. Hugh laid his hands on your lips as he looked deep into your eyes, smiling like a man obsessed. “You look perfect. I knew this dress was made for you.”
Hearing him say that made your smile turn wide, leaning forth to give him a small kiss on the cheek as you let your breath waft over his ear. “Thank you for this, Hugh. That was too kind. You’re too sweet.” They were the best set of words you could string together; Under his stare this time around, you couldn’t think coherently. The energy between the two of you had shifted – once full of pink and purple lights now swam in dark reds and emerald. It was thick, not suffocating but held you both in. You felt your body pushing against his without even thinking about it, Hugh could feel it too. Bringing his hand up to caress your jaw, his eyes fell to your lips, enraptured by the color chosen to compliment the dress. “Anything for my baby. You ready?” He smiled, his eyes never leaving your mouth. Nodding against his hand, you moved your head slightly to the side as you kissed his palm, holding your other hand against his chest. “As I’ll ever be.”
That was all Hugh needed to hear to grab your hand, bringing the back up to his lips as he let his kiss linger. Taking your hand into his, you both made your way out to the town car with his driver, making your way to the premiere.
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Everything that you could’ve possibly thought a red carpet for a premiere could be, you got to experience. It was a blur of lights and yelling but it was magical. Seeing how the cast latched onto Hugh and his excellence made your heart grow fond. Seeing how many of his friends came out to support him warmed your insides. Tonight was about him and his amazing performance, to be tagging along with him to experience this was a dream come true. Though you didn’t want the full red-carpet experience; Seeing the plethora of lights and cameras shuttering made you feel lightheaded. Instead, you made your way over his Hugh’s assistant, falling right behind him in step as he made his way around to interviews with Hugh. This was your choice at the end of the day, Hugh was okay with what made you feel safe, but a part of him wishes he could’ve had you on the carpet with him, showing off his girl.
Everything flew by in the snap of your fingers, interviews and pictures were completely done with now as you two made it into the packed theater. The complimentary concessions stand was buzzing to life with all the celebrities wanting a snack, the chatter gradually got quieter as people started to make their way to their seats. You could feel your nerves on edge as you looked around. Hugh leaned closer to you as he laced his arm your waist, holding you to him as he ran his thumb over the dress. Turning your face up to look at him, you could see that his brows were pulled together. He looked upset, worried even as his eyes panned around the room. It was something you have never see Hugh do before, and you wondered what was the matter. “You okay, Hugh?” You asked as you held him close, placing your lips near his shoulder
Your words seemed to have broken him out of his internal thoughts, causing him to come back into reality. “Hm? Oh yeah, I’m great!” He chimed, leaning down to lay a kiss on your temple. It felt staged, artificial. Was he nervous about all the people? About bringing you along? Was he not wanting to see someone? Too many questions placated your mind as you tried to read Hugh’s expression. You could see a small glimmer of pain in his eyes as he searched the room, his breathing become harsh. Rubbing your hand along his lower back, you placed your hip against his, leaning as close as you possibly could so only he could hear you. “You sure? You look distracted.” You knew he was, and you were silently hoping he would tell you why, but alas he looked down at you with a blank stare, trying to mask how he was feeling. “I’m okay, my darling.”
Nodding up at Hugh, you gave him a small smile as you looked back at the crowd. It was then that you heard a small gasp of success from Hugh’s lips, not giving you time to ask what was going on. Hugh was a man on a mission, and wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted. His hand wrapped to yours tightly, tugging you through the theater. As you pushed your way through the line Hugh had made for you, you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at his eagerness. Hugh wasn’t upset but he was excited for something, of which you could not tell. But the way he looked back at you made your skin alight in adoration, his eyes sparkling with something more than like. You felt your body run hot as he stared at you, pulling you closer. Rounding the corner near the theater entrances, Hugh noted the light blue door at the end of the hall, humming out as he started to sprint with you.
Gathering the skirt of your dress in your free hand, you made good pace with Hugh as he led you to the door. Pushing it open with ease, you were met with the brightly lit interior of the bathroom, causing you to squint slightly. The bright light threw you off your balance as Hugh fully pulled you into the bathroom, maneuvering your body while you tried to adjust to the light. As your eyes finally focused, you felt your back being pressed up against the bathroom door, locking it with a harsh click. Hugh had both of your wrists clasped into his hands, holding them strictly above your head. Your eyes went wide at the action, staring into his blackened ones, your breathing labored in comparison to his easy one. “Hugh! What-“ You yelped out, but were cut short by Hugh shaking his head. His salt and peppered beard ran over your cheek as he tucked his head down, his breath sliding across your neck. “Sshh, don’t talk. Don’t talk.”
You obeyed his command as you whimpered, letting your eyes fall closed naturally at the feeling of him pressed against you. Hugh pulled his head back from your neck as he stared down at you, bringing his left hand down to grab at your chin, pointing your face up towards him. You could see the feral nature wanting to slip out and play with you, wanting to add physical contact to your relationship. You could see how Hugh was fighting it back with each breath, the small line teetering the deeper you gazed. You didn’t want just an emotional connection anymore, you wanted to make good on your job of sugar baby, giving Hugh exactly what he needs. He could see that in your eyes as well, the conflict of whether it would be a good idea. Tonight was a night of firsts, why not add that to the menu? A slight whimper left Hugh’s mouth as you pressed your breasts to him, leaning forth to nip at his bottom lip. “Earlier you asked me if I was okay. I lied, I’m not okay.” He sounded as if he was in pain, causing a wave of arousal to slip through your lower lips.
You felt your mind going hazy at the lack of space you two had, adding to the tension you wanted to slice with a knife. “W-What’s up?” It came out more as a moan than a sincere question, and you felt Hugh’s reserve slipping away. A chuckle of arousal slipped from his parted lips as he slid his left hand from your chin, to your neck. The action itself made your body sing, your eyes rolling back as he pushed. He was holding you hard enough so you couldn’t move, but not hard enough to where you couldn’t breathe. Instead, his thumb and first finger found your pulse point, pushing down to restrict the blood flow to your head, making your sight go fuzzy. “Fuck it,” Hugh let out with a growl. There was not enough time to respond before he pressed his mouth to yours, invading your senses.
Time stopped in that moment, slowing down enough to fully take in this moment. The first kiss of your relationship with Hugh, something you two have been wanting so bad over the last year. The floodgates had broken in this moment, letting you two embark on this voyage of discovery. His lips slotting against yours like he was made for you, how your mouth formed perfectly to his. The simple flicks of your tongue against his ignited the fire from within, causing you to burn to ash and be born anew. You struggled against Hugh’s grasp, wanting nothing more than to hold him close to you, feel every ridge of his body under your palms, to feel his burning passion. As if he had read your mind, Hugh had let your hands go, deepening the kiss. A sultry moan slipped past your parted lips as he licked into your mouth, letting him swallow it down.
Your hands slid down as he released his grasp, finding purchase on his hips. Letting your left-hand maneuver upwards, you tangled your fingers into Hugh hair at the base of his neck, giving the roots a soft tug. A growl escapes his lips and pours into your mouth; His right hand working its way under the slit of your dress to hold your plush thigh. The tantalizing touch of his calloused fingers against your baren skin made you want to scream in pleasure, to let this man ravish you all across the world. Hugh pulled back, panting like an animal as he gripped at your neck tighter, his touch shaking. “I can’t stop thinking about stripping you out of this dress.” Hugh sounded like he was in pain, a primal sound you have never heard him make. He sounded like a man possessed, the only cure was to make you scream his name.
A moan slipped out of his mouth as his hand slipped between your legs, feeling how sopping your cunt was at making out with him. Feeling his fingers slide against your panties made your knees buckle. Hugh stuck his knee between your thighs to hold you up, burying his face into your neck. “God, I fucking need you baby. I can’t do this any longer.” Hearing his desperate he was for you made you feel powerful, your hand gripping his hair tighter as he ravishes your neck. Hugh’s lips latched on roughly to the skin of your throat, suckling against the sweet scent of you. His knee on the other hand, slid back and forth against you, letting your erect clit nudge the soft fabric. Everything was too much, every feeling was too much, yet you didn’t want any of it to stop.
Grinding yourself down against his thigh, Hugh took that as an opportunity to bite into your neck, not hard enough to break skin but enough to mark what’s his. That was enough to send you over the edge, digging your nails into the back of his neck as you tossed your head back against the door. Against your core thigh you could feel Hugh growing harder, silently begging to make him cum. The mere size of him shocked you, knowing he would give you a good stretch if you tried. Just the thought was enough to put you on edge, his words aiding in your arousal. “If I’m not inside of you in the next two seconds, I might pass out.” You couldn’t take it anymore, you were sweating like a bitch in heat. You needed Hugh, and needed him now. You needed to feel him inside of you, to mark you, show everyone that you are his. “Would you-“ You began, not able to finish as Hugh pulls his face back from your neck.
“Yes.” How quickly he responded made you laugh, which in turn caused Hugh to roughly press his knee against your clothed clit, sending a wave of arousal through your body. Never tearing your eyes away from his, you licked your glossed lips sensually, putting on your best innocent eyes you could muster as you spoke. “You didn’t let me-“ Hugh had heard enough to know what you meant, because he needed the exact same from you. Hugh brought his face up inches from yours, pecking your lips slightly as he groaned out, your hand gripping his erect cock through his slacks. “Would you like to go home and let me worship you? Yes, I would baby.”
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Taglist: @anamiad00msday @coowayeoo @craziersarah98 @tezooks @pedroscurls @logansbaby
#hugh jackman#hugh jackman fic#hugh jackman fanfic#hugh jackman fanfiction#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x f!reader#hugh jackman rpf#rpf
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im so sleepy but cant fall asleep so OFC im thinking about rafe🙄
imagining like... not being able to sleep bc he's not in bed with you cus he's doing his Important Work Stuff but ur just soooo lonely and its sooooo late !! so you get up and go to his office and ur all pouty and sleepy and grumpy and he says he has to finish his work before he comes to bed but u just need him! and he just can't help but give in so he lets you lay in his lap and sleep against his chest while he finishes up <3 then carries you to bed after omg<33
oh i need this <3
˙✧˖°🍭 ༘ ⋆。˚
you can’t sleep, and it’s one of those frustrating nights where your body is exhausted — but your brain is just firing off. youre practically half asleep, but you can’t just let go whilst you’re babbling in your head, unable to shut off the noise. you know what the problem is, that being you’d been lonely all day, and there was nowhere to put your thoughts. you didn’t wanna talk anymore, but you knew rafes presence would immediately shut you down.
so, you take matters into your own hands— huffing out your nose as you climb off the bed, one sleep sock pulled up your calf and the other scrunched around your ankle — padding out into the lit hallway with a grumpy squint until you reach his office, pushing the door open.
“you have to come.” you speak, and it doesn’t really sound like words. just slurred, raspy babble from being barely awake. he licks his lips, dragging his eyes lazily away from his computer screen to blink at you.
“i’m not done here, baby.” he is strict but you don’t care, leaning your cheek against the doorframe, barely able to hold yourself up anymore. unexpectedly, tears fill your eyes.
“but i’m just tired rafe, and — and i can’t get any sleep because you’re not there. please, come.” you mewl— fat tears squeezing out of your eyes and he sighs, pushing back in his desk chair. you think he’s going to get up and follow you, but instead he just stares at you.
“come here.” he commands and you don’t have the energy to question or argue, so your feet drag over. “i can’t come to bed unless all of this is done tonight. alright? so— so, you’re gonna have to get comfy here ‘til i’m done.” he gestures to his lap and you sigh, nodding softly as you climb on him, resting your cheek to his shoulder and getting comfy. he has that warm boyfriend smell he gets before he comes to bed every night and your eyes flutter shut.
“okay? good?” he murmurs and you nod once more, body relaxing almost immediately. you’re asleep within minutes.
˙✧˖°🍭 ༘ ⋆。˚
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Just Alcoholic Whumper Things
CONTENT WARNING: Noncon references, alcoholism, forced/coerced intoxication, emotional abuse/manipulation
Whumpee always going hungry because Whumper is spending food money on booze
Whumper who visits Whumpee in their cell after a long night of solo binge drinking
Whumper rapidly shifting between Happy Drunk, Angry Drunk and Sad Drunk during a conversation with Whumpee
Whumper throwing a bottle at the wall and it shattering near Whumpees head
"I'm glad I have you. None of my drinking buddies want to hang out with me anymore."
Whumper forcing Whumpee to drink with them so they'll feel less alone and worthless.
Whumper making Whumpee take shot after shot until they get sick
Alternatively, Whumper manipulating Whumpee into drinking with by playing into the trauma of being Whumped (you've been through so much. You deserve something to take the edge off.)
Whumper telling Whumpee "I like you a lot better when I'm drunk"/"You know, when I'm this drunk, you almost look cute."
Whumpers own trauma getting triggered while drinking, being too wasted to recognize where they are and who they are with, and starts screaming at Whumpee as if Whumpee is their abuser
Whumper sobbing about how lonely they've been while they strip Whumpee, not noticing they are also in tears
The taste of cheap vodka and stale cigarettes in Whumpee's mouth as Whumper sticks their tongue down their throat.
Whumper who loses days on end due to their binge drinking. Whumper never remembering the nights they took advantage of Whumpee. How can you apologize for something you don't remember anyway?
Alternatively, Whumper who does apologize for noncon but claims the booze made them lose control (it will not stop them from drinking)
Whumper drunkenly inviting Whumpee to stay in their room for the night as an apology. Whumpee choosing to sleep on the floor
Whumper relapsing and taking out the rage and shame they feel on Whumpee
Whumpee who cant even stand the sight or smell of booze without being triggered
Alternatively, Whumpee developing their own drinking problem after getting away from Whumper
#tw noncon#whump#whump community#whump idea#whump prompt#whumpblr#intimate whumper#non con whump#manipulative whumper#just whump things#scumashling#creepy whumper#creepy/intimate whumper#writeblr#writing prompt
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friends to lovers with patrick…oh my i have thoughts
you guys both come from rich families, grew up with each other all that good stuff and you are quite literally the only people in your wealthy little bubble who really get each other. highlight of the year is when he comes back from the academy for summer break and holidays. all the time he has he spends with you…of course by the time you’re both teenagers he leaves you every once in a while when a pretty girl he can get with comes along. you’ve known you liked him since you were 10 (this all consuming love that knows you’ll always gravitate towards him) this goes on throughout your teens
He realizes he has feelings for you around the time you’re 17, stupidly when he finally sees you start going out with other people. takes him about a week to fully understand why seeing you with a boyfriend pisses him off…of course when he tells you this, things don’t go as planned (referring to your last post on friends to lovers…like of course youre nervous about this. you love him but if he cheats? god you lose him as a boyfriend and a friend). so you fool around a bit, and while he insists on something more serious, you’re too scared to take the jump
this hurts him of course. hurts him enough that when he leaves that summer in 2006 to go pro, he doesn’t want to keep in contact anymore. yeah it hurts to not respond to your calls or emails, but you broke his heart first? how can he just continue like something is normal. You try to keep track of his life, checking scores, even reaching out to that strawberry blonde boy he brought to your house in the summer before (who doesn’t tell you anything either)
life is so much more boring without your best friend. you try meeting new people all throughout college, spread your wings, but its all so boring. no one is as fun or exciting or loving as patrick. eventually you just give up on the idea he is going to come back to your life, its been four years at this point.
you graduate college and go back to your rich little family. realize he isn’t even in contact with his family, god you really have no connection to this man anymore, the only person you actually love is no longer in contact with you. and quite frankly you’re lonely. so after couple post-grad years of wallowing in your sadness, when your parents start pushing you to get married…it only takes couple weeks for you to agree
everything happens so quickly, meeting the rich prick your parents have picked out, the engagement, god now your wedding is in couple of weeks
are you excited? of course not, you don’t feel anything for this man, but hey there are worse outcomes than becoming a wife to a rich business man. you’re 24 you have the rest of your life to live, at least you can do it knowing you have as much money as possible
so yeah you’re content with the life that you’ve chosen….well that is until patrick mf zweig shows up at your door step after years going “you’re getting married?”
oh well…there goes being content with your husband
-🫀
CHEATING IMMEDIATELY
god, its like. why had he even showed up. you'd been the one to break his heart, you'd grappled with that, stewed with regret over it for years, still did, but he'd been the one to cut you off. to block you on all accounts. so to show up now..... like he'd never left, you're shell shocked. hand over your heart, your engagement ring glinting right there.
its like a full laurie moment. "dont marry him." and you're falling back a step like what, what, you cant say that to me.
but he means it. he'd cut you off but he'd never moved on. and hearing the news of your engagement felt like a wakeup call - like someone threw a bucket of ice water over his head. because he fucking knows you. knows you'd never marry a guy like that - not the girl he knew. and you might have broken his heart, but maybe he should have fought for you harder. maybe he shouldn't have stone walled you. maybe he should have seen you were scared and done everything in his power to prove you were meant to be with him.
its a late start, but he's never been one to quit. he wont give you up again.
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house wife reader pt 3!!! (house wife annon atp)
i wanna expand on shenhe and house wife reader bc i lost my 50/50 for her again
shenhe and housewife reader!!, Shenhe would be troubled to know if her house wife could leave her in an instance. Just so she knows you wont leave her she sometimes bends you over the kitchen counter ripping a hole in her favourite suit to let out her boner to fuck you desperately. She needs to cum in you leave some mark inside you so you get the hint.
She always cums raw inside she always wants your around so if you get an accidentital conception she’ll freak out at first and be confused since are you gonna leave? are you gonna scream at her? But turns out your making a new life with her guess her house wife really is something. she’ll happily learn abt parenting with you just for the slight mistake she caused from her own insecurities
beidou and her house wife reader is really something sometimes you beg along to go into going on the sea trips with her since you cant handle being lonely she reluctantly agrees sometimes but all you can do is sit in her cabin all day
at one point she drank too much and stumbled into the cabin, Full of lust she tears both your clothing off. she first gets you to suck her off getting her already to penetrate your cunt since you both knew how desperate you were for eachother you both just couldnt fuck due to the crew
but i know definetly they can hear that night of intamacy
lets also talk abt the inazuman girls more mainly miko rn
Yae miko is a very busy cunning woman who can only afford to give half of her time to you but that doesnt mean shes highly possesive over you, leaving condoms filled with her cum in your shared bedroom sometimes from how much she wishes she could be there for her house wife or while at night she wants you to rut against her cock and gets hard at the thought of it. All she can do now is rut against your cunt desperatly not trying to wake you up since she knows how hard her house wife works<3
untill she couldnt take it anymore she needed you she needed your tight cunt around her cock
she softly wakes up that night opening your thighs leaving cute bike marks and hickeys with her fangs as a sense of ownership before her buldge from her night suit is finally clear she pulls down her pants down enough for her semi hard cock to appear before slowly inserting the first few inchs
she was intoxicaited and drugged by how good you felt around her cock spasming already to cum inside but she knew she had to make it special she slowly started to join your hips and disattaxh them but honestly she got too desperate and started pouding away till you woke up
“go back to sleep, mommy’s g’nna make you feel real good princess” you knew you couldnt argue with your wife you cook and clean for her everyday and serve her as much as you could
honestly you thought you fsiled as a wife to have theese urges inside of you but turns out your wife was just as desperate as you <3
Dude I lost my 50/50 on her weapon I feel your pain.
Warnings: Smut written by a minor, possessive tendencies (Shenhe, Miko kinda), creampies (Shenhe), mention of pregnancy(Shenhe), power dynamics (Beidou), submission (Beidou), crying (Beidou), blowjob (Beidou), Riding (Beidou), Somno (Miko),
Links to pt1, pt2, & pt3
She’s so out of touch with society that sometimes she’ll get a bit insecure. Wouldn’t you rather want someone who has more knowledge about modern city life? Someone who can treat you to all the things Liyue has to offer? But she doesn’t let these thoughts get the better of her, not when she can do something about it. And that something is you, when she fucks your brains out. Suit be damned, a thin piece of material won’t get in the way of sex. She’s obsessed with the way her cum drips out of you when your pussy gets full of her. She finds it so incredibly hot how you’ve taken so much of her that the only place left for her cum to go is to drip out.
And it’s this same obsession that lead her to this accidental conception. In her time spent with Chongyun, she’s learned a bit or two about taking care of “kids”. And with the help of Cloud Retainer, she’ll try her best to fulfill the responsibilities of a mother.
A small part of her loves it. You’re “ruined” for anyone else. Not that she’s forcing you to stay with her after, but now your lives are intertwined in ways she didn’t anticipate. Her hand holds yours as she pounds away at you during another late night. You’re already carrying her child, so might as well cum inside again.
As much as she loves having you on board, she can’t always protect you from the dangers out at sea. Beidou feels much more comfortable with you safe and sound on land, even though it makes her miss you like crazy. There isn’t much you can do without the proper training needed to be apart of either the Shield or Spear groups so there isn’t a lot to do to pass the hours. There’s drinking of course, and on one of those nights you stop at a few glasses to go back into the cabin.
When she stumbles in with that look in her eye you know what’s about to happen. But here’s the fun part: when she’s drunk, she’s a lot more sensitive. You found this out long before you boarded. And ever since, with Beidou’s consent of course, you use that to your full advantage.
She has the faintest bit of pre-cum leaking out of her cock. You coo at how sensitive she is, aren’t you just so needy? You’ll hold the tip gently in your hand, softly wrapping your hand around it as you guide it towards your mouth. The sound of her whimpers fills your ears as she buckles greedily into you.
“Been waiting so long to have you like this. Damn the crew if they hear us, I need you”
She’s on the verge of tears as you suck her cock almost all the way. Her hand shakily grip the back of your head; weakly helping you bob your head up and down while massaging her balls for leverage. You’re usually the louder once, but when Beidou’s drunk, her breathy moans are hard to conceal.
Her cock will twitch inside your throat. When her eyebrows crease in pleasure and concentration, she paints your throat white with her cum. When you release your mouth from her cock, with a thin string of saliva connecting the two, you replace your mouth with your cunt as you shift to sit on Beidou’s lap.
She tends to sober up quickly after you suck her off, but she’s too overwhelmed to take full control. She’s tends to be the one to dominate and always loves the power trip. When she’s like this for you, she has no qualms over giving the reins to you.
Straddle her and hope there’s no noise complaints the next day.
Miko hates how she can get caught up in her work so easily. It happens a lot more than she would like since there’s always so much to be done. You’re always on her mind however. The image of your tired body cuddled in her arms, or tending to the various chores you assist with, or having your body spread out for her on the sheets. Sometimes in her office she would take her cock out and stroke it until she came. Sure it was a mess to clean up, but she desperately needed the stress relief.
Miko is mindful of your energy. No matter how much she wants it, she doesn’t want to over-exhaust your poor body. And that was how she started to bring up somno with you. You would get your much needed rest, and she would get her much needed release. She’s only settled with grinding but lately she’s been craving more.
Those first few inches felt like heaven. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s had your wet pussy wrapped around her. She was going to make this last. She started slow as she would any other night. A steady pace so your body can get used to the feeling. Her blunt nails dig into your hips as she began to loose control. It’s as if her instincts are being controlled by something else, something primal within her.
She can sense your eyelids flutter open but quietly shushes you before you can say a word. “You’re doing so good, you’re so good for me, princess. Close your eyes and let Mommy use you to get off.” She has big plans for you tonight, too bad you’ll be asleep for most of it.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin smut#yae miko x reader#yae miko imagines#yae miko smut#yae smut#yae miko x y/n#yae miko x you#shenhe x y/n#shenhe x you#shenhe smut#shenhe x reader#beidou smut#beidou x you#beidou x y/n#beidou x reader#💋
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