#i cant handle college | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jazasterr · 5 months ago

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When you're obviously autistic but undiagnosed and need extra support in order to function in society but in order to get support you need money and in order to get money you need to function in society but in or-

#this is the cycle of my life rn #ive been unemployed since i graduated #i cant handle college #but cant handle a job either #i have no irl relationships other than my immediate family #so im stuck being dependant on my parents #i also live in a foreign country #so i cant handle moving out yet either #and be alone to learn adulting in an unfamiliar place #im scared im going to be stuck in this house for a long time #and lose my young adult years #actually autistic #autism #autism awareness #neurodivergent

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dykedvonte · 4 months ago

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The second fic idea is a what-if scenerio where Jimmy dies in the crash due to and altercation with Curly and how Curly would navigate being Captain once he has to notice the little things and how he and Anya's relationship develop as he adopts an identical view point to hers rather than just keeping the peace.

And maybe i will write it but only time will tell tbh but it's stuck in my brain dome for the time being.

#cause even if it got to Curly snapping and killing Jimmy for the sakes of the crew would you not have that guilt in being responsible for #anothers death espcially with all the responsibility on his shoulder and how he realizes he tried to be reponsible for things and made them #worse like the guilt drives Jimmy insane even if he doesnt admit like imagine Curly who would care so much and wonder if it shouldve #been him not to mention Anya being free from Jimmy but still not his actions and having to navigate still being stuck with the pregnancy an #the shallow feeling because relief doesn't mean happiness like i think shed believe shed be happier that Jimmy cant get to her anymore but #what now that their stuck? That the Captain is faltering and they are stranded for like another 6 months? If they even make it that long?#Like he may be gone but all his damage is still there and thr wounds fresh like its such a good concept i just cant divide my attention lik #that as i am still in college and it is sadly midterms #anyway uhhhh I just really want to write a fic where Curly and Anya can have that hard conversation on how he handled Jimmy constructively #and without him looking like undercooked skirt steak like there would be those moments where it lingers between the monotiny of staying #alive but how would they even address it? what comes first the sorry or the list of why he should be? like Curly places a lot of value on #his use to others and its interesing and subtle and its mostly directed between Jimmy who steers it and Anya who rides along with it #like go the thoughts and ideas i have but not the fuckin time!!!!#mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #curly #curly mouthwashing #anya mouthwashing #also daisuke and swansea are there but like i still have to think of the reflections they have and how to play with their characters in thi #idea world but yeah I want Curly to make amends and Anya to rediscover her autonomy and living outside that fear.

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acido0oo · 14 days ago

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Butch Morgan

more below break

#butch #art #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanart #rdr2 #rdr #read dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 arthur morgan #rdr2 fanart #butch arthur morgan #took me ages to finish this #too busy with college #i wanted to add more details but i cant handle it without my brain imploding #arthur morgan my wife #fanart #artist #i DO NOT know how to draw horses. do not mention it.

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feddy-34 · 4 months ago

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irl shit below

im havin real doubts on whether i want to continue with aerospace engineering. im thinking abt possibly switching to poli sci and going for law school to focus on environmental law. i miss writing papers and not just lab reports. and ive always wanted to go into something environmental, i used to want to be an oceanographer when i was a kid

but i cant tell if thats just me running from the grind cuz math aint my strong suit. like i really dont have the attention span to actually do well in calc. and i dont know how im gonna get through the upper div classes when im struggling with calc. but i also dont know if i want to continue with aero eng and sit at a desk and CAD the rest of my life.

if i switch to poli sci i'll miss physics a lot, it's basically the only thing keeping me in engineering and was the first subject i really liked. but rn i really really miss writing. idk what to do. just feeling pretty lost rn like i cant tell if this is me just being lazy and not willing to do the hard work to understand the math or if this is really something i want to do bc i do feel strongly about pushing for change within federal regulations

but i do love space. and i think astronautics is amazing and i dont know if i can just abandon a dream like that. i dont know if im in love with the idea of working with rockets or if i actually have passion for it. im just really uncertain right now and it doesn't help that my cocktail of medication is doing jack shit rn

#like is the adhd just making me so dysfunctional i want to switch?#am i just being lazy and not wanting to put in the work?#i thought i knew what i wanted for my life but now. i dont know.#and thats a really scary thought #college #irl shit #ive been chasing this aero eng dream since sophomore year of high school #and ive been trying to reach for the stars since i was six years old #am i ready to let that dream die?#is it because i think i cant handle it?#am i not willing to go through five years of shit in college to get what ive wanted?#does that mean i never really wanted it bad enough?#i dont know #im feeling really lost right now

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tamaharu · 8 months ago

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so scary... everythings so scary... (<- just signed up for a dorm that is both shared room and doesnt require a meal plan [will have to purchase my own food somehow])

#can this next job interview PLEASE pan out #and im worried ill have to get a job during the school year... i cant handle that... im going to die... im going to fail...#whyd i let my parents talk me into doing a bigger college instead of cc... idk what i want to do enough for a university degree...#i need a job so i can pay for college and . well. blushes bashfully testosterone.#like even if i werent making an insane dorm choice rn (its the only building thats co-ed so im over here going uh.. whuh.. um.. okay..)#my parents still want me to pay for at least some of my college this next year.. theyre not like twisting my arm but i get why..#so i need a fucking job or im going to die!!!!!!!!!

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inkgeeky · 4 months ago

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bitches insist its not autistic but then have a mental breakdown at the prospect of throwing away something its been using routinely for the last 5 years

#its me im bitches #usb hub a friend got from a job fair in college PLEASE HANG IN THERE I CANT HANDLE THE FUCKING EMOTIONAL LOSS THROWING YOU AWAY WOULD PUT ON #(( axiom 🪫 he/it ))

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itsalwaysdark · 6 months ago

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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this #which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is #like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again #but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier #but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare #since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how #ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only #likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me #unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate #but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or #gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that #week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go #buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family #r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask #abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt #being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa #kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of #me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to #fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i #shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr #n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy #that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid #like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of #my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to #handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i #cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much #if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything #it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are

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venomgaia · 6 months ago

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honestly the fact that procreate is apparently working on a destop application is pretty sweet, its def understandable how it became like a workhorse for a lot of people, its super lightweight and can still do a lot of stuff, even if it's ui is extremely minimal and takes some learning. I hope it'll be good n work on windows tbh

#i dont use procreate as much anymore bc im kinda picky abt what i refer to as the 'brush engine' but im unsure if thstd what it rlly is #i dont like how the brushes handle. its a good app ive made a lot of art in it most of my jjba stuff was made in procreate #i almost exclusively used it up until my last semesrer of college #n had it on my ipad mini. but uh. i do not. i dont rlly like how brushes feel in it #it could even he an issue with the apple pencil and its pressure sensitivity compared to a tablet and ptsai #so i cant wait to see if maybe ive just been doing things wrong #but as long as procreate is a one time purchase. i say get it if you can #my irl homie makes crazy shit in it. animations and pixel art n everything #i just. it doesnt feel right. im glad clip studio implemented a minimalist ui because thats been the best of both workds for me tbh #just yappin here about tech stuff mostly dont worry about me #not art

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anadorablekiwi · 2 years ago

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I’m really not even half as good or ‘amazing’ as y’all say i am

#kiwi vents #I’m nothing special #just a college dropout who cant handle class and took 6 years of debt to figure that out #who constantly has mental breakdowns and doesn’t know how to fix it despite being very much an adult #reblogging self care once in a while doesn’t really make up for that #i just hide it from you #because no one wants to see me fall apart again and spiral #kiwi gets love #<- for finding later

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choochoopickledie · 1 year ago

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My biology professor, in his last lecture with us, told us that "science is the process and the people. Data is the residue, " and I wanna say mean things to him for that because now I am feeling unwell.

He said, "In 2009, Elizabeth Blackburn won the noble Prize for discovering the genome for the connective tissue on the telomere in the protist Tetrahymena thermophila That genome is found in ALL eukaryotic life." Even if he didn't explicitly say it, all I heard was in 2009, Elizabeth black burn discovered a part of me!

And I've always known it but now I understand. We're all connected, and the bugs are my brother!

#science #college #help #i am not okay #biology #nature #humanity #silly #Freshman #bio major #im still not over it #life means so muc to me #going through it #if you even care #bugs #we need each other #quotes #i cant handle them being sad

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fallowtail · 2 years ago

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i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c