#i cant decide i didnt think this would be so hard
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#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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guys the 1.4 patch is actually going to kill me with these banners
#thinking out loud 🏵️#BEING A F2P WITH SCHOOL AND A LIFE IN HSR IS SO HARD#IM HEAVILY LACKING IN ICE AND FIRE DPS (ESP ICE) SO LIKE....... I NEED BOTH#AND I CANT DECIDE BASED ON PERSONALITY EITHER BC TOPAZ IS MY BESTIE AND JINGLIU IS BEAUTIFUL#AND THEN.... 1.5 HAS ARGENTI#GODDAMNIT HYV WHY DO U HAVE SUCH HOT CHARACTERS#YKW !!! I WILL#PULL THROUGH#SOMEHOW#MOMMA DIDNT RAISE NO QUITTER#and tbh if i lost the 50/50 to yanqing I WOULD NOT MIND.#I JSUT NEED AN ICE DPS
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if I think abt the state of trans politics in the US for more than .2 seconds I start wanting to sob god I hate it here
#damien.txt#obligatory obv this is not the worst place etc etc but like. crazy that i feel WAYYY less safe than i did 3 yrs ago!#like bro what the fuck happened. we were like...... vaguely making progress. why the fuck are we here#it really makes me feel sooo nauseous like i have so much anxiety abt it#so much that my brain starts convincing me that Maybe Im Not Trans bc i get so anxious abt it#literally hitting the 'maybe it's not worth it' mindset even tho like. id-ing as a girl makes me want to throw up#idk. idk idk idk. it's so shitty#unfortunately im a person that really values comfort. and like. it can be really hard for me sometimes to like#decide that those types of risk to personal safety/comfort are worth it. idk.#but also literally ive known i was trans since i was like 12. so. haha. what the fuck would i even do#also! this really has me delaying like. doing certain things with like transition#like lowkey im soooo scared to get top surgery with the current climate#even tho i might have the money for it in abt a year 👀#and like. really truly i cant see myself regretting it. like even if i didnt commit to other transition stuff.#i think i would like top surgery. like forever.#but man!!! im just so scared of getting hate crimed. ugh.#i need to learn to not be. so scared of things like this. like i need to learn to live life like how i want to#but also MANNNN this shit is so scary i cant handle it#yeah. idk what the solution here is. this has literally been on my mind for like a year
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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thinking about dl!scar makes me sad for many reasons but one of the worst is thinking about him knowing far too well that grian is unhappy with him and just having to live with that
#they make my brain melt. and srry in advance cause what im about to say is like mainly the shit i made up but bear w me#anyways#like. scar loves him. and grian makes it very obvious that he isnt happy being soulmates with him#and scar just has to go around knowing that. he doesnt WANT grian to be unhappy but there isnt anything he can really do about it#he didnt make them be soulmates#and yet he gets punished for it anyway as if its his fault#also notice i never said grian doesnt love him. its the soulmate thing he doesnt like#maybe if it had been someone else he had been paired with#but with it being scar its just. he cant go thru that again. he is still in that damn cactus ring and now he is literally being forced to#basically do that all over again. with the added bonus of being RESPONSIBLE FOR IF SCAR DIES which is like erm.#the WHOLE crux of why 3rd life fucked him up#i do think grian loves scar but. he loved him once and it ended in tragedy. and he just cant do that again#thats why i believe he distances himself so much from scar in double life#also i will always champion that grian would literally rather die than be forced into a monogamous relationship which is.....#basically what DL is lmao. (3L is different cause despite initially being forced to serve scar he CHOSE to love him)#so add that plus extremely complicated feelings ft. trauma concerning scar equals yeah that mf is gettin outta there!!#btw this is not at all to excuse him if u guys know me you know when it comes to life series grian i HATE HIS ASS!!!#he couldve talked to scar about this. maybe they could have worked something out! but instead he decided to be shady and inconsiderate#anyways GETTING BACK TO WHAT I WAS ORIGINALLY SAYING.#i just think about how hard it'd be to be scar in DL. like you have been forcibly paired up with the guy you love and got lowkey betrayed by#in LL (but you betrayed him too once so does it really matter? and does the bond you forged in the desert really carry over?)#and yeah you're a little annoyed and hurt he kept it from you for that long. but you're ready to work together again#it's just like back then and its great! after all you never really left monopoly mountain. but the problem is he never left the cactus ring#even though you never held it against him. it always affected him more than you didnt it? you seemed to have far different takeaways from 3L#and so now you're sitting in a patch of bamboo feeling like a useless burden (because that is what he keeps treating you as)#and you havent seen your so-called ''soulmate'' in a day#and when you do its like whatever happiness was on his face dies out and he is so painfully unhappy around you#and you both pretend there isn't a smudge of chocolate and crumbs around his mouth#serena.txt#sorry. my demons
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absolutely wild that a doctor who had spoken to me about three times and possibly gathered information from other people who'd known me about a week could write down the he thought i had BPD and when i asked if there was some way for them to figure out/point me in the direction of whether i might havd adhd or autism or something they said "oh we dont do any assessments sorry"
#posts#i dont think bpd got put an any of my charts thank god#< not in a weird way just in a i extremely do not have that way#the doctor even said he decided that based on 1. my impulsivity and 2. something about my emotions. i cant remember anymore#i was gonna say strong emotions/emotional reactions but i didnt really act that way in the hospital#i think i talked about feeling very strong emotions? or described an emotion that Was strong? but that would have been me talking about the#severe and extremely recent trauma i was going through#so like. this is not my baseline#but yeah go ahead and decide i have a personality disorder about it. because thats definitely the only thing that would cause me to be#impulsive and emotionalw#LIKEEEEE. i have strong feelings/opinions about people yeah. but those do NOT fluctuate#it is in fact very inconvenient for me how concrete those get. its hard for me to get over it once i decide i hate someone#which uhhhh. is maybe not quite the same as intense switches in opinion! in fact might be a literal fucking opposite! you motherfucker!
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so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.
the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.
i had like, fifteen raw eggs.
i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.
except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.
so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.
#i feel a kinship with that snake#would that i could be a simple tube#and eat my fill of eggs#but being a person is rather nice too#my wife is a saint#and i promise that most of the time she is the goblin and i am the Serious Guy#but i had a little pique of insanity and you know what it was my junior year of college#and i deserved to just go a little insane#you spent 65 hours a week being Rational and then you go home and eat like twenty raw eggs
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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one of my innate personality traits is that i can really only think big term about my future plans when it's like 1am on a random weekday. spent like two hours last night fighting with myself on if i really want to try applying to mfa grad programs this winter or not.
#liveblogging life#i've been prepping to apply but idk man!!! it's disheartening to look up stuff about mfa programs and how bad financially everyone is#after they leave & how hard it can be to find jobs etc. in academia which is probably where i'd want to end up#but on the other hand i really do think a program would be good for me#on the third hand i might be dismissed out of hand thanks to an extremely shitty undergrad gpa#[deep sigh]#i guess idk if i want to go through all the work of applying - including the mortifying ordeal of asking for letters of rec#if it means i'm not getting in anyway#i talked myself back into at least applying to like my top 3-5 schools in part just to see what happens#and if i dont get accepted then i turn my focus back to trying to finish my novel projects and getting published#and if do then i have to decide what the fuck im doing with that lmao#the thing about this grad school question is that the likelihood i'd be accepted at my local school is pretty low#so if i got in there's a high chance i'd have to move#which means i cant like. think about houses or moving or w/e until i know for sure either way what my next year is going to look like#grad app woes#i'm also NOT telling my family i'm applying this year bc honestly i dont want any of them to get hyped on my behalf and then#have to tell them that i didn't get in. i'd rather if they just didnt know and i can pretend i lost interest if i dont get in to any lol#but literally if i tell like my parents my ENTIRE extended family will know about it and that's so stressful jesus christ
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man my old school was weird and all but i miss it 😭
#i miss my biology teacher#she was amazing#she was so good at teaching#she didnt just teach biology#she would always teach us meaningful things too#like lessons about how difficult things can be and how life isnt so easy at all even if we're still kids#and about the future things like we don't need to pressure ourselves so much about our future#there were so many things i cant list here#she went above and beyond#and everybody loved her sm#she really took the time to teach us valuable things#and she actually put a lot of effort and time into getting to know everyone#she taught us so much#she was also the first adult i really opened up to even if it was only a little#i think the most memorable event was when I was going through a hard time and I accidentally cried#and she actually reached out to me and made sure I was alright and gave me words of support#and it was just so sincere and kind that i cried all over again#and i decided i could open up to her#and she listened to me as someone who also experienced something similar when she was younger#she was so kind fkjkjsd#i want to go back to visit the school someday (avoiding the weird people of course) but I'm scared she won't remember me by then#but damn#not me crying rn#gotta rethank her someday#i should write her a letter when I'm ready to rethank her#idk how letters to teachers work but im assuming if i mail it to the school and put their name then they'll receive it#maybe ill draw her something when my art skills improve more#or maybe i should just do a holiday letter on those seasonal greeting cards#angryborzois rambles#this ended being such a long post in the tags lmfaoo
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I ALMOST SHIFTED AFTER 4 YEARS THANKS TO SHIFTBLR
i didnt think i would end up posting on this account but im too excited to not say anything about it.
so ive been apart of the shifting community on tiktok for about 4 years, but ive never had any success.
i just downloaded tumblr a couple weeks ago after deciding that shifttok was annoying LOL. i started to look at shifting here and take in some better info. i was focusing more on loa and myself rather than scavenging for some perfect “method” that was going to work.
ive been doing a lot of affirmations with loa and changing my mindset from “ugh this is so hard i cant do it” to “i have everything i want”
something felt different today, before my attempt i just knew i was going to do something and i kept telling myself how easy it is and how in control i am.
i laid down with no method in mind, just trusting my intention. i affirmed and visualized, occasionally drifiting off to sleep but never sleeping. i noticed i wasnt feeling my body much, and really tuned in to keep affirming.
i ended up seeing a bright light and then suddenly i felt like i was rising and falling and spinning all at the same time. i just *felt* something different like i was somewhere else. i kept affirming but the sudden onset of symptoms overwhelmed me bc its NEVER happened before. i ended up opening my eyes and i hadnt shifted, but i literally dont care because ive never been that close before. i just know i was so close and its because i had set intention and just knew how powerful my abilities are!
i realized ive been overcomplicating everything, theres no magic special method to make you shift, theres not one piece of advice that you havent found yet thats holding you back, all you need is you.
basically i love everyone on shiftblr fuck shifttok sorry this was so long
#shifting community#shifting antis dni#shifting realities#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifters#shifting motivation#shifting blog#shifting consciousness#shifting methods#loa tumblr#loablr#law of assumption
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❝𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐅𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑❞
A/N - ngl i literally pulled this out my ass at 11 am since i rlly needed to start posting on my tumblr more, pls request fic ideas!
relationship is established! also fem!reader
MDNI
ᡣ𐭩
satoru gojo, just seems like the the type of person to randomly be scrolling on instgram,— barely finding interesting and find a video of a baby.
The baby could be doing anything, laughing, giggling, saying its first word,—and like fucking magic will automatically text you about it, spam calling you
it all just started as one simple cute video that satoru saw, making his baby fever go through the roof.
One fucking video, was all it took.
You would get home from work, wanting to take a nap, oh but here he comes, bending you over on the kitchen table, making your legs tremble, just so he can try to get you pregnant.
“Spread wide open f’me, yeah?”
You started to wonder what was going on when one day he magically appeared when you were showering saying he wanted to shower with his beautiful girlfriend, which you knew he was lying straight through his teeth.
Few minutes later, he has you pinned against the shower wall, going at an ungodly pace bruising your cervix in the process with every thrust as he smiles seeing breathless, flustered face.— which some how always seemed to keep him hard.
“Just a little longer for daddy?”
You automatically knew when he said that something was going on, and you were going to get to the bottom of it.
For days straight, satoru would always have you bend over, legs up, on the floor,on the wall, in the bed, in the car fucking you dumb until he finally came inside you.
Everytime.
At this point you were getting concerned that you might actually get you pregnant.
So, you decided to finally open up about the whole dilemma, you couldnt keep going on like this.
“toru baby?” You called out to him after minutes thinking about if you should actually do this. “coming.” He said back as his light footsteps treaded across the living room before finally appearing in-front of you before he sat beside you. “yeah honeybun?” He softly spoke to you while his hand traveled to your thighs, squeezing at the plush.
“I wanted to talk to you about something..” You trailed off at the end, which in gojo’s eyes sounded pretty serious to him. His head immediately turned to look at you looking at you concerned. “Do you think we could like…—calm down with the sex?”
You spoke softly to him not even looking at him out of pure embarrassment of the situation. The silence was so loud after you spoke to him,— until he finally casually spoke back to you“yea baby thats fine, if you wanted to calm down you could’ve told me earlier.” He said with a shrug seeming like the situation didn’t affect him at all.
Oh but, it very much did.
In his eyes, It sounded like you didnt want to have a child with him, which drove him absolutely insane.
The constant sex ban worked for a full month until he was back at it again.
You couldn’t even take off your shoes without him touching your nipples through your clothes, just to turn you on and get you into bed with him.
One thing lead to another and you and him getting into a heated argument in your shared bedroom.
“Gojo, what is up with you? I cant even walk into the fucking house without you trying to finger me!” you exclaimed practically yelling at him. Your attitude towards him at him caught in a dumb daze. You were starting to get tired of the constant sex every day.
He was yelling back before but now he was silent as he stood in front of you not speaking, you rarely ever called him last name which let him know you were pretty serious about the whole ordeal.
He couldn’t keep his need for you under wraps for any longer.
“Honeybun, I want a baby.” He said to you, as his light blue eyes locked with yours.
You were honestly shocked at him, he wanted a baby? The only word you could even speak was
“what?”
“honeybun, I want a baby with you.” He leaned towards you cupping your face as he planted tender kisses.
“I want to see you and me mixed together, I wanna see both of us go through mother and fatherhood, I want to see all of you honeybun.” He said grabbing your hands interlocking them with his. He was really genuine and heartfelt about the whole baby fever nonsense.
You were still in slight shock, but you had a small thought about the idea of you and satoru’s kid still fresh in your mind at the moment
—
Needless to say, you finally found out why gojo was acting crazy all those months ago
You sighed watching television with your pregnant belly while gojo had his arms wrapped around you and his head lightly resting on your stomach, careful not to hurt you at any point
“Their going to be so cute.”
he hummed giving your tummy a tender kiss.
#gojo satoru#jjk smut#jjk gojo#jjk x reader#gojo saturo#x reader#fanfic#smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#breeding k1nk#gojo x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen 18+#jujustu kaisen#isuyiafics!
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the feeling of not having any real close friends is really crashing me lately
#i know its not the end of the world but it really is hard to not feel and think about it being your fault#or maybe i just go into friendships different ways or something#and when ppl say just go somewhere and youre gonna meet people...like where am i going to go? i cant even go tot he concert alone bc i dont#drive and then getting out of the place earlier and going home in the dark to catch the train is giving me anxious feelings#im actually so sick of this town and the way it works tbh#im just upset bc if one of ny 3 friends asked me to go somewhere with them i would do that even if i didnt want to :/#also wanted to ask dude but he's going somewhere else also i should finallly get the fact that we arent even close friends to my head#and other things too... like i just love being delusional bc it gives me something going on ig#anywya im upset and i know that but it is really upsetting#also one thing at work is stressing me too and i decided to check it on Monday and dont stress about it on the weekend but i am here...
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