#i cannot stress how fucking funny this whole thing is to me

[andr0nap-02]

rotating the swap au in my mind:

archimedean albrecht and executor loid meet on the day of albrechts execution

loid manages to appeal his sentence because he sees potential in his work and offers to personally oversee the void research project to appease the rest of the judges

albrecht is spared from the jade light and comes out of the situation with a sponsor and the greatest whiplash of his life

shenanigans ensue

[thistlerock]

I think it'd be really funny if Riz joined the Aguefort LGBT+ alliance mainly just because it counts as a club and he joined all of them. And he doesn't really show up often because he doesn't have time, and Kristen is currently its president so she just fills in that yeah he's here he's helping, and she vaguely clocks that he probably is queer but doesn't actually have time to think about it because so much is going on in their junior year and she vaguely knows that Riz signed up for a bunch of shit to get into college easier.

But like. A whole year later she finally asks like hey Riz that alliance is kinda a queer thing and you're welcome to hang but like idk and he just goes yeah obviously I'm queer I hate sex and love men. He doesn't say it like it's just funnier to me. And it's a whole thing. Full on spit take. "Why didn't you tell me???" "What the fuck do you mean why didn't I tell you I'm in your lgbt alliance." He's oriented aroace I think. Like he's gay (Baron's a he) but it doesn't really matter because he doesn't want to date or anything and any time he gets even close to thinking "oh that guy is attractive" his ocd brain decides to blast him with sexual intrusive thoughts and he's so repulsed by them that he fully doesn't clock the initial feeling as sexual attraction for maybe a year. Men are pretty but asexuality is stronger slash lighthearted. He openly calls himself aroace the gay thing is more something for him to privately take comfort in because exact labels make him feel like he's on top of things. But yeah that's off topic the thing I wanted to say is it's funny to me if Riz is very openly queer he just doesn't have a "proper" coming out so none of his friends know and are all shocked when he casually brings it up.

Kristen like, figured he was ace and maybe aro but just didn't know yet and didn't wanna be pushy meanwhile Riz fully owns a pride flag. Him technically liking guys does surprise her though, I think. Also he's surprised that his friends are all surprised, Riz for some reason assumed they'd all catch on eventually. "Why is this news to you I said Ragh is hot." World shattered. Horrifying. Fabian and Fig would be SO dramatic about it too. Actually Gorgug is the only one who isn't surprised because "yeah he's in the lgbt+ alliance of course he's queer I thought we all knew" he really didn't think about it that much LOL. But yeah. That's how I do Riz, I think it's funny. Love that guy. (Like I cannot stress enough how funny it is to me to not make him "no attraction, doesn't really think about sex" but instead "yes some level of attraction, thinks about sex against his will, hates it." He HAS to suffer. I am NOT letting that kid catch a break.)

[romaniacs]

▌ㅤKIM MINJEONG — SWEET COATING

( read more ) synopsis — minjeong hated sweet scents until she met you. warnings — female reader x coworker kim minjeong, messy headcanons without bullet points, enemies to lovers, cussing, fluff. text in bold is minjeong's.

minjeong has always had an aversion to anything sweet — perfume, food, kisses even, since she's always been too busy to enjoy any of them as she should. but when she comes across you, the company's rookie, things can't stay the same for much longer.

the first thing you do is offer her a cake, carrying your sweet scent along its slice in your hands. it's a chunky, heavy cake covered in glacé that you made yourself, and just looking at it gives her a headache. she refuses it. once. twice. thrice. "will you leave me alone if i take a bite?" she asks. and you nod quietly.

minjeong gets sick the next day and silently blames you for it.

she was too stressed and tired to notice it the first time, but eventually, minjeong catches on to how strong your perfume is. it feels like it's taking over her whole brain.

she refuses to even be around you for the first few days. she hates the sight of you, thinks you were too insistent the first time, and finds you annoying. your smiles bother her, your sweetness in general gets under her skin. this girl tries to avoid you in every way she can.

but when she sees you fighting to keep your job, her job and integrity, looking beyond fine bending down to grab anything far from her in your skirt, it's as if the world fell into place. you are in her brain, along with your nauseating scent. and minjeong knows that she's completely fucked.

"i’ll let you take the credits this time" you tell her while you're still brave. "i’ll let you stare because i’m feeling generous today" you tease. your perfume won’t leave her mind. neither will your voice. she doesn’t know if she hates you so much that she wants to get her hands on you or if that’s just a lame excuse she’s using to avoid admitting she’s feeling something deeper.

what she doesn't know is that you're not as sweet as she thinks, nor naive, nor innocent. you've got your eye on her. you know from jimin that she hates your scent, but blushed when she teased her about staring for too long at your figure.

"shut the fuck up, jimin" is her most used phrase now. and you smiling at her gives her butterflies, crazy as it might sound. minjeong doesn’t know what’s happening to her. she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to run from, but her feelings hit her like a truck.

it's cruel of you not to end her suffering; you see her staring at your lips, your waist. "are you paying attention to me, romanoff?" you ask, and she nods absentmindedly. "good. can you repeat what i just said?" and she cannot.

it's funny how she attracts a whole fucking lot of attention, but while all eyes are on her, hers are on you. and yours are on her. and company meetings are almost obscene in your own head, because you can't seem to focus anymore, but only replay a thousand times in your head the thought of being kissed by her. and the same happens to minjeong, who hates that, and no longer you at this point.

"can you stop wearing this strong-ass perfume so early in the morning?" she'd ask. "can you stop being grumpy?" you'd retort. but now, the tables have turned. months have passed.

"i haven't heard you complain in a while" you say. "got no reason for that, dear. it's like a sweet coating all over you, isn't it? and everything else. ever" she replies distractedly, looking out the window. meanwhile, you cough and blush. "excuse me?" and then minjeong comes to her senses. "yeah, excuse you. get going. we got men to ruin and i still don't like your perfume."

not true. she has even dreamt about it, somehow.

minjeong's thoughts are constantly interrupted by the realization that she now finds comfort in the very thing she once despised, what was once a headache is now addicting. and despite her best efforts to stay focused on the mission at hand, natasha can't help but keep her attention on you.

minjeong leans in over you to show you something on your computer screen, then looks down and rejoices a bit in your suffering. "you look red" she mumbles, watching you swallow hard. "you okay?" she asks.

your eyes are wide. she's close. "y-yeah. just allergies" you say shyly. minjeong notices the blush creeping harder onto your face and can't help but smirk a little. god, she's cute.

minjeong is tired of keeping herself so composed, now knowing she has an effect on you too. so she makes her move. "i have a feeling you’re not as put together as you want me to believe."

"stop being cocky" you whisper back, avoiding eye contact. but then she reaches out and gently takes your chin between her fingers, tilting your head up so your eyes meet.

"then quit acting tough and like a coward altogether" she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"coward? but-"your heart races as you look into minjeong's eyes, your breath catching in your throat. "fuck, minjeong. you’re not entirely wrong this time" you admit it. "i know i’m not" minjeong grins softly. you can't move, like a real coward. but she does the hard work, slowly brings you closer by the collar of your shirt.

her lips press against yours, soft and warm, while her hands grip your waist tightly, and after seconds you're already wanting more. minjeong senses it, gives you more, tilts her head to deepen the kiss, and a wave of warmth spreads through your spirit. you melt into her touch. the only sound you can manage is a soft whimper that escapes your lips, and you think fuck me. i should've done this before.

[txttletale]

roadhogsbigbelly is doubling down. genuinely incredible (yes i am aware how deeply funny it is to start a serious post with that sentence. it is my one allotment of levity)

oh okay you just assumed that "loliporn" was involved and something that i deserved to be associated with defending and accused of making "integral to the queer identity" because of stuff that the OP (who i cannot stress enough i never followed or talked to or knew in any fucking way!) did that got called out months after i made my addition?

the rest of his post is just a very lengthy way of saying "umm if you didn't want to be called a pedophile because you were mean about stardew valley maybe you should be more careful about how you reblog from". yeah buddy im sure you apply that standard to yourself too huh. im sure you pull out your Bad Person detector every time you reblog a fucking post and beam OP with it. you literally screenshot my post about how as a trans women i get this standard uniquely applied to me and went "um its a good standard though. answer for the actions of every fucking person youve ever reblogged a post by".

and all this whole fucking schtick where he's like "ummmm im not calling you a pedophile :) i just assumed you thought 'loliporn was integral to the queer identity' based on source: i made it up and am going out of my way to repeatedly say you're agreeing with pedophiles and not being wary enough about pedophiles and that 99% of people who make the type of post im accusing you of making are pedophiles" is so fucking pathetic and if you fall for it you are a blatant transmisogynist like come the fuck on man.

i am no longer having a nice time on the computer, i am pretty fucking angry. and all this because he "doesnt have much skin in the game" but he doesn't like my stardew valley takes! yeah man real proportionate response.

not to mention the aside he makes to say 'wah wah someone told me to kill myself' amiguito do you have any fucking idea what my inbox has looked like since this entire transmisogynistic harassment campaign began a week ago? i delete those asks because i'm not into flaunting every piece of online abuse i get to make myself look like the victim in computer arguments but it has been constant and graphic! breaking news, women are people too, some of the most cutting-edge research suggests they might even have feelings!

"oh i censored her identity i dont know how she even found it" oh okay so you were anonymously pedojacketing me to your thousands of followers while vaguing about a post i made that had thousands of notes and using the same screenshot that an uncensored version of was passed around with thousands of notes as part of a transmisogynistic harassment campaign last fucking week?

how could anyone possibly have guessed it was me! it's a real mystery man it was basically witness protection. "oh but i didn't know, i didn't know she was trans", maybe he'll also say he didn't know about the harassment campaign, hey fucker, maybe apply some of the constant scrutiny you're reserving for women who are mean about farming game and apply it to yourself and consider looking into these things before baselessly making pedo accusations against someone!

this transmisogynistic crybully shit is absolutely fucking insufferable and i am absolutely sick of it and anyone who buys into it. i'm done assuming good faith or ignorance. i am not going to be a good placid little bullying target and acquiesce to this vile shit. it's truly fucking incredible that a tme guy can be found out as an actual pedophile and guys like mr. belly can immediately jump into action to use this as an opportunity to denounce a trans woman who had one interaction with him ever that consisted of five minutes spent typing an addition to a post and hitting ''reblog''. & if you don't find that sickening then straight up you are not safe for trans women to be around.

[transamus]

ive been talking about it with friends irl but it's always going to be endlessly funny to me that like. okay mark zuckerberg right. horrible man, has done a lot of horrible things. but if you like, confronted him with any of the horrible things he's done, like any other crypto-fash capitalist pig, it would Not Phase Him At All. but i know i knowwwwwww that the social network has to keep him up at night. the fact that he's on record saying how "hurtful" that movie was. the "im not owned! im not owned!" ass response he had to it. like they literally just made a movie about how he's just Kinda A Fucking Asshole, and there's nothing he can do about it. the average person who doesn't really follow the specifics of his life & political implications? knows nothing about him other than "the guy made facebook" and "idk isn't he like kinda an asshole?" Like they really struck it out of the park with that one, because if the movie had been about how he's like, The Worst Person Ever, he could've just shrugged it off. The average person would probably not really think of it as super accurate. It wouldn't probably have had such an impact on his image if it was cut-and-dry Libel Against Him, especially since if they had taken it any further he could've definitely found some way to press legal charges. but instead they made the brilliant choice of having him be, again and i cannot stress this enough, just Sorta A Fucking Asshole, Really Unlikable Dude. The movie wasn't even a biopic about him. They just chose "hey what if we made him kinda a dick?" & now & forever that's going to be the impression that people have of him. imagine getting high as mark zuckerberg and being like "woah i created facebook and also everyone always will just think im kinda an asshole. also im high". Literally imagine a movie is made about you and the whole thesis of the movie is that you aren't The Devil, you just kinda suck and nobody likes you and it's your fault. I'd kill myself. Assigned Asshole At Movie.

[yuri-is-online]

Random JadeYuu scenarios because I also have no self control:

Earth and Twst have completely different species of mushrooms and Yuu tells him about earth mushrooms and then they try to cross breed different types of mushrooms to get this One Really Cool Mushroom from Yuus world

Similarly, Yuu tells jade about the Himalayan mountains and Mt Everest (I know a weird amount if Mt Everst lore)

Jazz band! Maybe there's a style of jazz that only exists in twst or on earth and they just combine them to get a whole new jazz! Like cyber jazz or something (That's actually a newly invented genre irl)

Visiting the coral sea and Yuu just starts trying to find old ocean fossils like a fucking nerd

Visiting the coral sea and Yuus trying to figure out why Jade is glowing like the fish equivalent if a glow stick

They go to a rave. Idk they just do shrooms and go to a rave in scarabia. Ft high clingy Jade

Silently courting Jade and watching him flip out

Teaching him how to drive (he cannot)

I love jadeyuu, getting random jadeyuu brainrot increases my lifespan... probably... i think...

I think this is such a cute idea. Apparently our world has deep sea mushrooms so I think it would be very cute of JadeYuu to go diving looking for Twisted Wonderland's equivalent. I also really like the idea of them trying to research how to crossbreed mushrooms for completely wholesome and mundane reason but ending up with a bunch of information on how to grow psychedelics. This is fine by them too.

Jade would have such a silly painfully in love face while Yuu talks about the mountains of their world. He memorizes every word you say and kisses you painfully slowly afterwords, he really loves when you tell him things about your world that make him want to see it. (Mt. Everest makes me sad because all I really know about it is how tourism has been fucking things up for it.)

I really love jazz music ( ˘▾˘)~ and the idea of music evolving in a different way in different worlds is not something that I think is too far fetched, music is influenced by the culture around it and the Coral Sea is super different from anything in Yuu's world. Jade would really enjoy playing music with Yuu, I think he would feel like it would help him understand them better.

Floyd would find this so funny. He already makes fun of you on the log in screen for collecting random junk, and now you are grabbing random sea shit too? This is hilarious. Even funnier that Jade gets super defensive of you and tries to help you pick out the nicest things to bring back to the surface. Don't listen to him pearl there really is no accounting for taste these days.

( ` ꒳ ´ )✧ hehe Jade can control his facial expressions but he cannot control his body's mating signals. He's literally glowing with happiness at having you here, under the sea, all to himself, and so... soft looking. Vulnerable even, so why is he the one breathing heavy and feeling faint? You're unbearably close and so painfully gentle with him as you trace the light down from his shoulder to his chest... come on now, be a bit bolder and go deeper, won't you? (his smile is all teeth and he's literally shaking, which is only worrying Yuu more)

I'm just picturing Jade glued to Yuu's side, really touchy and so honed in on you he's forgotten that you are technically in public. He's saying absolutely filthy things... at least you think he is. He's kind of mumbling and the music is really loud, but you know where his hands are going... maybe you should get out of here before Jamil kills you.

You hand Jade a handmade bracelet and watch him have the most stressed out smile as he tries to determine if you want him or want him while he tries to not make it too obvious which one he wants. You know. You know which one he wants everyone does he is so not slick.

Yeah he refers to something as a "dilly of a pickle" his ass can't drive. I bet he gets horrible motion sickness when riding in cars, similar to how he is with roller coasters in the Playful Land event. He still wants to learn how so he can helpfully insist on driving Azul somewhere (he wants to watch him throw up.)

[vivgst]

COD Headcanons

I mean they're not hc it's just shit I think they say/do but I needed the title okay?

As I previously said this is just my silly little opinion, I would love to read yours but don't take this too personal and I'm saying this cause Imma bout to write SHIT about two characters and I'm scared cause they're loved by the whole fandom.

Okay thats all thanks<3333

Let's start with my favorite piece of shit, shall we?

Alejandro Vargas

I don't care what yall say this man is a CHEATER and he would make you feel guilty about it too because you're not "meeting his needs".

“I’m not sexist???? We cannot do the same things, it's basic biology!”

Maybe he's good in bed, let's give him that.

Alain meza said he loved Rudy so let's assume he's bi, uh... he wouldn't admit that shit, not in a million years, probably would get offended if you even dare to suggest it.

He doesn’t argue to fix things, he argues to repeat how much in the right he is, I feel like he NEVER admits he’s in the wrong, he seems very stubborn.

Now can we address that fucking temper of his? Breathe mf, no ones gonna die if you stop yelling for a second.

I feel like he must’ve had A LOT of trouble when he just joined the army because of his anger issues, think about it for a moment: someone with a higher rank yelling at him and you think he just took it? I doubt it.

MUST HAVE fought with Valeria more than once cause that temper of hers is just as shitty.

I promise I don’t hate him, well I do but he’s one of my favs, I don’t know how to explain this bye.

Simon Riley

He’s very chill I love him <3

I think of him like a very nostalgic man, he thinks a lot about his past, past lovers, past experiences, when he was new in the army, you know? Not in a “I’m still traumatized” way, he’s just nostalgic.

He’s absent minded, he’s always daydreaming (when he’s not doing something important ofc).

Thin and I don’t fucking care, THAT MAN IS THIN, you can even see it sometimes!!!! He’s got chicken legs, I love them.

He really seems to enjoy dad jokes.

He cares a lot about his teammates and I love it, it’s very cute.

Can we talk about how everyone put him as a fucking beast in bed? I don't see it, I think he's ruthless when he needs to but I don't think this applies when it comes to sex, he suffered a lot too and sadly I know too well that sex is pretty fucking terrible after rape, especially because you feel like you're gonna hurt the person you're having sex with so...

John MacTavish

Typa guy everyone loves, even your dad and your grandma's always saying how handsome he is.

Maybe he was bullied bc of his accent but he just told them to go fuck themselves.

Caring and loving, buys his partner flowers and their favorite candy/chocolates/desserts.

Remembers anniversaries, birthdays, medical or school appointments.

Too charismatic and funny.

Kyle Garrick

He’s too good for his own good… I feel like he always end up going out with INSANE people, the jealous type, they’re always bitching and making him angry and stressed but he forgives them cause he’s an angel.

Very sweet, loves cooking for people he loves.

Kinda family oriented.

He smells good, I can almost smell his perfumeeeeee he smells good, he spends MONEY on it too.

Even the devil is afraid of him when he’s mad.

I think he's very private about his life in general, doesn't like to vent his problems.

Hot lover.

John Price

Now this man is a FATHER, my fucking dad I swear.

He seems pretty conservative to me, not in a bad way like he wants you to be his personal maid and slave, more like he wants to date to marry, hates casual sex.

Loves whiskey.

Dad energy, he would be so caring and loving with his child, he would give that baby the moon.

I don’t think he would love to date a younger woman, not a woman in her twenties at least, I think he would be into women his age.

If you feel disappointment by that, maybe you could try fixing your relationship with your dad, sweetheart ;).

Hates confrontation and loves to work things out.

Let’s not talk about how sex with be with the old man, okay? Thanks.

He's not that old, I get that but he looks like he's fucking 68.

Phillip Graves

He looks kinda daddy in that pic, not gonna lie.

“How come you don’t want to have sex? What about me? Have you thought about how that makes me feel? If your head hurts, sex would help but you never consider me, I’ll sleep in the couch”.

A selfish, self-centered bitch, only thinks about himself.

Feeling good having sex with him? Aw baby, try again cause this mf would use you like a damn toy and he couldn’t care less about your feelings or how much pain you’re in.

Cheater, he wouldn’t even be quiet about it. “Oh you want to divorce me? And where are you gonna go, sugar? You’re nothing without me”.

Doesn’t fucking know where the clit is, he doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Of course straight, loves to be white and American.

“Of course I can say whatever I want, I’m from America I have freedom of speech”.

Fuck you graves.

Rodolfo Parra

Perfect.

He seems so sweet and kind and considerate I love him.

Smart as hell, probably got the best grades when he was a kid.

Doesn’t hate anyone, no one hates him.

Loves nature and animals but he can’t enjoy it too much cause he is always busy.

Dreams about having a big family and a dog (a golden, probably).

Forget about having rough sex UNLESS he’s mad (fr mad like losing his shit but that doesn’t happen frequently).

Could be a teacher if he wasn’t in the army, he’s very patient and can explain things easily.

Have a pretty smile.

Valeria Garza aka MAMI

Feels like she needs to prove something, she was underestimated for so long in the army that now she’s always trying to prove to herself how badass and good at her job she is.

Almost no one knows the real Valeria, her favorite things, music taste, if she prefers cold or hot, coffee or tea etc.

She hates cold weather with all her MIGHT.

Likes to smoke only when she’s stressed.

Likes animals but thinks they’re so much work and she doesn’t have the time.

Did drugs once and hated it.

Feels guilty when she spots a church but she WOULD NEVER admit this shit to anyone.

Used to the worst of life so she didn’t like when someone is kind with her, is like “tf am I supposed to do with it???” but she gets used to it eventually.

I don’t think she has anger issues but def she doesn’t fucking know how to regulate her emotions, she lets stress take over her.

She would love a narcowife, kind of woman who wears a lot of beachy dresses and have a shitty personality like her (like Kate del Castillo in La Reina del Sur or in Bad Boys, exactly that kind of narcowife) (I’m kinda projecting, sorry lol).

I can’t picture her with a sweet girl and I think a sweet girl wouldn’t be able to handle that woman.

She keeps arguing even though she realized she’s in the wrong.

She wouldn't be able to spend a lot of time with her S.O, she's such a workaholic.

I don't think she likes to wear men clothes.

I don't think she hates kids but I can't picture her with kids.

Wouldn't divorce once she's married.

Btw I didn’t want to make this too sexual bc lately this fandom is full of just that, too much smut, too much violence and rape in the smut and it’s so graphic that I feel I’m watching instead of reading wtf, its uncomfortable and I honestly can’t picture the characters being that violent and vile.

As I said in my previous hcs… these guys are surrounded by violence, stress and blood every day, I personally don’t think they wanna get home to torture their partners (well, maybe graves cause he is a piece of shit that mf. Okay kidding, not even Graves is that much of a bastard).

[weebsinstash]

for the whole marriage thing, it would be kinda funny if you marry someone else out of spite, especially right after Miguel found out that you two were actually destined for each other.

You, out of breath and looking upset: Dude, this is gonna be a lot but, I need your help doing something to spite Miguel--

Hobie: don't even have to finish mate, you've already sold me on it

You: you and I need to get married because I wanna be my own person and rebel against Miguel because he wants US to get married but I don't want to because fuck him and fuck canon and I wanna choose my own destiny idk am I being dumb 🥺

Hobie, who Definitely Has Nothing To Gain Here Wink Wink: alright, that's what I'm talkin about, fuckin mental, let's do it 😌 fight the man ✊️

But no for real, you were actively avoiding relationships and suddenly Miguel hits you with "you and I are canon and I want to start getting to know each other better" and you're, I dunno, would "panic fucking" work. Would you be so bold. You're just trying to hook another person that YOU choose (and again Hobie would still apply here lmao) because, no, no, you can't let canon TRAP you like this!! And it would fucking suck if you had like, neutral or even negative feelings about Miguel. Shit, I've thought of, imagine being his FWB that he's actually catching feelings for but then the Miles Morales Incident happens and, you're just kind of disgusted how he acted, how he spoke to Miles, how he treated Gwen, but before you can officially tell him "hey, I want nothing to do with you anymore", that's when Miguel comes to you wanting to get more serious and he uh, does not accept you wanting to move on

I guess detouring into a different idea but imagine being kind of a FWB or fling of his that you kind of moved on from him from for whatever reason (he can have a temper, he can be too intense, you don't like when he did xyz, or maybe you're a free spirit and don't want to get serious and break things off when you feel he's too clingy) and he like. Cannot accept you've moved on. He's cockblocking you at the Spider Society bars n clubs and little holes in the wall where the adults go to drink and get together. By reputation alone, people know to avoid tou because Miguel wants you back, everyone still sees you as His Girl, like he's claimed you, but he still catches people dumb enough to get close to you (and I imagine his surveillance slips or he gets busy and you have a casual fuck under his radar and he sees hickeys or something on you later and goes ballistic)

But yeah gosh imagine like, he tells you up front you two are canon and not even 24 hours later you can notice the atmosphere has changed in the Spider Society with how people treat you in terms of respect, personal space, not being too touchy or overly familiar, but, most importantly, you just feel. Awkward. It's like everyone knows. Did they all know before you did, or did Miguel quickly spread the news around? You're not sure which of those is worse. He's wanting to get you know you more intimately, he wants to try and take you on dates, but, he sucks at it, he's been out of the game way too long and he's a stressed temperamental half-spider workaholic, so, his dates amount to, him just trying to spend time with you in different ways while trying to make awkward small talk. He takes you to dinner. He sees if there are any movies or entertainment you wanna see in the Spider Society, making awkward attempts to try and hold your hand

But also. Imagine. A version of Miguel that wants to move much faster than that. I mean, you two are going to be canon, so, you might as well get acclimated to him right away, right? He wants you to immediately spend more time with him, he starts controlling where you are and what you do so he can be spending time with you or connected to you in some way, you're living with him in his own residence now, he INSISTS you sleep in the same bed like a married couple, and while he may not immediately demand you do what married couples do, he makes it clear that he wants to eventually. God, you can barely even relax knowing he's in bed with you and he still forcibly cuddles you, getting used to feeling his body against your own (and what if he slept in the nude 😳 he provides you pj's but they're kind of small and thin and he keeps the room cold on purpose so you have to seek his warmth under the covers)

Miguel is like an established adult in his 30s or something all "we'll get to know each other and then we can start planning our wedding. We'll have dinner dates at least once a week and we'll have joint bank accounts--" meanwhile you're just sitting over here like " um 🥺 I um 🥺 have never really even dated anyone before 🥺" and suddenly this 6 ft 9 man is looking down at you realizing there's a lil bit of an age gap and definitely an experience gap and he gets to have all of your "firsts" and he's Just So Weird About It in like, kinda a fetish way. He gets to have your first kiss, your first time (maybe he even wants to wait until marriage), he gets to teach you things, like, lowkey it's kinda like a mentorship as well as a relationship, he's your teacher, your protector, your husband, your jailor

Like imagine you finally have your first baby and you're freaking out and you're so scared and worried about doing everything absolutely perfect and he's just like, so happy but also kind of romanticizing/fetishizing you being a new/first-time mom, he thinks you're so cute, so eager to do good and learn how to do the best for your baby. He teaches you all kinds of things about childcare and being pregnant since, he's already cared for his fiance before his canon event, he remembers all the things he learned to become a dad, all the things he picked up during the second go around, and now everything new he's learned just for you. I mean really if we follow the combo comic/movie canon, you're the first time he's getting a BABY baby and getting to raise it and do everything from the start, and it's his CANON baby so he knows you're both safe.

I just feel like between his literal list of trauma (beaten by abusive father who also abused his mom, he was betrayed and drugged with a highly addictive and agonizing substance to basically be enslaved, he was sabotaged and atomically spliced with a spider while trying to cure said addiction, his pregnant fiance died, his second family died as well as an entire universe) and him not really even having much of an OPTION with breaking canon at risk (which would have such a domino effect because it happening in his Nueva York would dismantle THE ENTIRE SPIDER SOCIETY, so, this is like, QUARDUPLE RISK) he would just. Like damn you don't even need to have yandere stuff in there, he HAS to make you stay with him? Obviously he eventually has no problem with it and fully enjoys the excuse if he wasn't crazy about you on sight, but like. LMAO you're just hanging around HQ with big sad eyes and people are whispering "who's that over there that Miguel is hovering over" "oh that's Miguel's wife. she's scared of him and he's way too intense" "well why doesnt she just leave him" "can't, they're canon, and even if they werent, i dont think he'd allow it. Shit just the other day she wanted to leave HQ to swing through the city and she didn't get his permission first and Miguel activated the Morales Protocol and sent us all chasing after her" "like ALL all?" "Oh yeah it was totally an 'all available units' situation, and once she saw she was being chased she started freaking out and panicking and tried to run, which pissed him off even more, and is why she's got a babysitter now" "oh wow, that's rough... so anyways do you know what they're serving in the cafeteria today?"

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 13 [PART 1]

I wonder what Joris's opinion on Tristepin abandoning post is. It'e either "thank god I don't have two Iops to wrangle" or "well at least the the one that's less likely to be killed is here" or "FOR FUCK'S SAKE NOT THIS FUCKING GUY"

Stealth mission with an iop by your side sounds like a whole new type of hell on earth.

It's very brief, but at this moment (5:50 in the episode), we can see Joris and Goultard going up the stairs.

The demons in my head are, once again, telling me to keep screenshotting him.

Trying to get her out is a pretty delicate balance, considering his strength. Joris is probably quite aware of the possibility that he might accdentally hurt her.

There's no fucking way Joris doesn't want Goultard to die a gruesome, violent death.

He's imagining Goultard's face instead of the rock... Seething and malding in silence.

GET SCARED.

DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO DODGE. HEHEHEHE

at least he's a good teammate, when he's not calling Joris slurs as a joke.

Not him looking down at them. BITCH WORK!!

Once again, I am compelled to take screenshots. It cannot be helped.

I will be honest, the sudden influx of content where Joris and Goultard are portrayed as friends — like drinking together, or going on missions together — in the fandom has been very weird, because I think what became very clear in this season is that Goultard is an iop who treats people in an iop way (for iops it's just normal to roughouse each other) while Joris is a man who has been infantilized for 600 years, doesn't want to be friends with anyone except people who never question his intelligence (like Yugo and Amaliaa), and wants to kill himself whenever his height is pointed out. and also has 2 drinking buddies already (who shower him in praise at how righteous and heroic and smart he is).

Literally fundamentally incompatible personalities. Joris can barely stand to be here, and the only thing uniting them is "we're immortal and don't want the world to end". If he could, Joris would slip rat poison into whatever Goultard is eating or drinking — because he knows that while it will not kill him, it will make him feel Bad. 😭

Maybe I'm weird, but I don't really like it when characters' discomfort of being treated cruelly is taken as something cute or funny or a Friendship thing...

(Attention: I am not bashing anyone, but expressing my personal opinion)

DFGJSDFKLGHSDKJFGHDSFKJG

you can tell that Joris is not having a good time. he's at his fucking limit. first he let loose with a "if you only knew :) how many people :) have degraded me the same way :) for all my life :)" and now an explicit "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!"

I really do think he's imagining Goultard's head here.

:)

As someone insane enough to have drawn maaany comparisons between Nora&Efrim and Joris this season, I think he has a soft spot for her by now. She's been through a lot...

And I think Joris understands what it's like, to feel guilty, because of something horrible happening — even if it's not necessarily your fault; besides that, I think they both have very closely matched temperaments — they're both introspective and a bit embittered.

In a kinder universe, Nora and Joris could have been besties. And Nora could have gone to his house for tea. The two of them could probably speak very quietly to one another about some interesting, sad things.

And then Kerubim could have a post-divorce stress disorder-related heart palpitations due to seeing a pink haired woman IRL inside his house unannounced.

Basically, I NEED NORA&JORIS FRIENDSHIP FANART HI?!

Basically: I have crazy levels of brainworms about this (and about Eva trying to sacrifice herself for her family, but there are so many screenshots in this post already...)

Of COURSE he'd stand guard for her.

I'm fucking CRAZY and INSANE.

HIS SMILE HERE!! HE'S SO PROUD OF HER!!! HE BELIEVES IN HER!!!!!!

[400badrequest]

How did Jane Austen shape fan fiction?

HI HELLO YAY SOMEONE ASKED

by god i could go on and on here and i WILL.

so, to nip it in the bud; Austen didn't yknow, pioneer the novel or romance. There was a lot of very strong female writers around her time (Eliza Haywood, Charlotte Lennox, Fanny Burney (biggest female novelist of her time, massive influence for Austen), Maria Edgeworth, I'll get onto this later) BUT she is the reason we have a lot of romance tropes.

Prior to her, in the 18th century, it was moreso that romance was a very masculine genre; Barbara Fuchs writes “A tale inverse, embodying the adventures of some hero of chivalry, esp. Of those of the great cycles of medieval legend, and belong both in matter and form to the ages of knighthood; also, in later use, a protale of a similar character” and she's not wrong at all. Women were the prize - even if they were married or whatever, it was about being worthy of the woman. Things would happen to the women and the man would handle it. On top of that, the perfect man and the perfect woman would meet; then it would just happen and they'd just get together, the bad get punished. The end, yay.

But Austen shifted things away from men; mainly because she was concerned about the inner workings of women, because she wouldn't know what male only spaces were like. In her time, you were so rarely alone with a man. If you were lucky, you'd dance with him at a party or be in the same room as a man with your entire family So of course she only spoke about what happened in female-centric spaces. Okay, i'm getting off topic. Whoops- Though Austen does this thing where she brings the romance forward as the primary of the novel, instead of a subplot. Everything else happens in the background, while the romance and interpersonal relationships are brought to the forefront - just like a lot of fanfic!

She was also so concerned with the growth of characters. Before her, it was often that characters were one thing throughout the whole novel. In Pride and Prejudice, Lizzie fucks up again and again - she trusts the wrong person, says the wrong thing. Lydia runs away! Mr Darcy continually insults Lizzie! It's awesome. Because they all grow and change and develop. On top of that, the bad aren't always punished - Mr Wickham, Mrs Bennet and so forth are complex enough as characters that there's no... like, holy retribution. It's great. (Sorry, I really like Pride and Prejudice right now, it's on the brain.) Is that not such an inherently fic-y thing to do? Flesh out characters solely because we can?

Now, in regards to the other female authors; yes, they all were pioneers in their own right, and not acknowledging that makes this a farce. But this is about Austen, so i'm not going to go on abt them. Interestingly, the title of Pride and Prejudice is pulled from the end of Cecila by Fanny Burney - which cmon. we ALL do that, pulling titles from other words! It's great!

Also, Austen was funny. She was sarcastic and tongue and cheek - she's not someone you just read at face value. One of her most famous lines is -

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

We all know it. But good lord is it sarcastic. Try reading it out loud, stressing a different part each time and it'll click that she is not serious at all. And in context of the novel - Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy aren't in Meryton for wives but to buy houses. She's a sarcastic little shit. Also, while it's not something we pick up on, the carriages she gives people are super specific - like, she men carriages who where dicks like… the teslas of their time lmao

AND. AND. Free indirect discourse. It's thee most written form of fanfiction. You cannot prove me wrong. Now what is free indirect discourse? Mm? It's third person where you go into the eyes of a character! Woo! One of the best examples is from Emma when she writes

"Why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr. Knightley than with Frank Churchill? Why was the evil so dreadfully increased by Harriet’s having some hope of a return? It darted through her with the speed of an arrow that Mr. Knightley must marry no one but herself!"

It's that well-worn and loved writing form where we get to see things omnisiently, but also feel how characters process things. I love that this is essentially the Austen ver. of "Oh. Oh." It's great.

Look, Austen is great. She doesn't write about aristocrats and unrelatable people who are no more than moral summaries. Sure, it's not to say this wasn't done before her, but she popularised and did a lot of things that were only really acknowledged after her. I just really love her and how her writing style became so influential on writing and how we can see echoes of her throughout nearly every piece of fictional literature after her. All fanfiction is how it is because of Austen, whether or not it is romance or not.

Read Austen!!! Do it!!! She's great!

[eclipseohno]

i'm gonna say it:

ugly sonic is better than the minecraft movie

i cannot stress enough how fucking angry the trailers make me. the only enjoyment i get from watching them is gawking at how insanely awful the whole thing is. it's uncanny, it's gross, it feel disrespectful to the entire spirit of what minecraft is supposed to be. "flint and steel" was the only thing that got a laugh out of me, not because it was genuinely funny, but more of like a "what the fuck lmao" type of moment.

every trailer has chipped away my already incredibly low faith more and more, to the point that i'm actually offended that they're pushing out into theaters.

ugly sonic may have put me into disbelief, but everything related to the minecraft movie has upset me so much. like. it's not hard to make a good movie for minecraft. even parkour civilization, as overstimulating and cheesy and ridiculous as it is, is so much better. because it embraces how cheesy it is and does it well enough. and i've yet to watch the whole thing because, as i've said, i find it slightly overstimulating. and there are so many series and videos and genuine works of art related to minecraft already out there and it baffles me that a multi BILLION dollar game has a movie that looks this bad.

hermitcraft, life series, stampy's lovely world, white pine, parkour civ, the librarian's from the fog, artimator, 100 days challenges, horror mod series, garfilled, zeemyth, horror args from andrewgaming to the one with the noodle moon anomalies to oldroot, mcc, the fallen kingdoms saga, fucking mincraft story mode. all of these and more embody the actual nature of mincraft so much better because even if modded or altered it's still minecraft. it still has that minecraft vibe that none of the trailers have been able to provide. i can't tell you what exactly the vibe is, but it's there. the movie just feels like those shitty clickbait videos that prey on children for views and money. there's none of the heart, the serenity, the feeling of possibility and beauty that this 15 year old game about building blocks has given so many people.

this game means so much to me. and this movie clearly doesn't care about anyone but the most impressionable, gullible of children. this movie isn't minecraft. it doesnt even look anything like the game.

minecraft is about surviving. struggling. spawning into a world for the first time and being scared of creepers and skeletons. it's running from ghasts, raiding mineshafts, building bigger and better houses. getting spooked by cave noises, swearing up and down to your friends that no, herobrine is real, i saw him and he killed my dog. spawning the wither for the first time, failing to kill it, and running away from everything you had ever known to escape it. discovering the world borders, building an army of dogs, sneaking the tablet late at night to follow a build tutorial. creating a world just to blow it up and cover it with lava. build a hotel out of colorful wool. typeing "deez nuts" into the seed generator to see what happens. typing your name to see what happens. running from the warden, fighting the warden, flying with an elytra for the first time, getting swarmed by phantoms because you've been sucked into a project for several hours. sitting in your room while it rains outside, panicking with your friends because your all backed into a cave, running out of torches and food while mobs close in on all sides. those 2 week long hyperfixation sessions. learning better build techniques. trying out mods for the first time, playing on public servers.

that's minecraft. not... whatever the movie has going on. like i don't even like piglins that much and i feel bad for them getting the short end of the stick in the movie like that.

and don't even get me started on the villagers. dear god.

at least they cared enough to fix sonic. minecraft couldn't give less of a fuck, and it shows.

[cyb-by-lang]

okay so my guess for which nine-tailed jinchuriki. you don't have to say if i'm right of course but i think it's Naruto. he's like, what, five now? it's been so long since you published the CYB chapter when he was born (and like a million other things happened that night 🥲) but i vaguely remember Kei being 14-ish? maybe?

my reasoning: 1) Kushina should have way more control over Kurama, so i'm not sure she'd even be able to (unwillingly) enter V2 mode. .... but that does raise the question of, if it IS Kushina, what the fuck pushed her to that?? but yeah mostly i just don't remember her ever doing V2 in CYB or OSF.

also, 1.5) i cannot imagine Kushina and Bruce being in the same room without some kinda consequences. her patience for emotionally constipated men would be incredibly limited lol, she'd either have him hiding away or she'd speedrun the whole "Fix your relationship with your SON before I BECOME HIS MOM" deal.

that said, i think Kushina and Alfred would be best buddies. idk if Alfred knows Japanese, but assuming he does, they'd be too powerful together lololol

2) if it's Naruto, then that's maximum emotional pain and plot drama/shock value for both Kei and also kinda Bruce. bc not only has a child been ripped away from his family and thrust into an unfamiliar and hostile world, the V2 cloak tends to burn the jinchuriki's skin off right? so upon Kei getting Kurama to chill, Bruce would see a small child in incredible pain and we all know that kids are his ultimate weakness. plus he'd want to interrogate Kei about it, since jinchuriki are supposed to be "weapons" and this is a whole ass child and what the FUCK is going on in her home world that this is a relatively normal thing??? Keisuke. Keisuke please tell me this isn't normal. What do you MEAN there's another one his age???

and for Kei, she suddenly has a part of her family with her, but Naruto doesn't deserve this at all. with Kushina, Kei could at least get a sense of security, bc that's her adopted mom who is stupidly smart and might be able to help figure out how to get back home. but Naruto would unfortunately add more problems. at least Isobu would have a sibling to talk to either way.

and 3) yeah, a baby jinchuriki wouldn't have a whole lot of control over Kurama in this kind of situation. and Kurama, being less dickish thanks to Kushina and Kei this time around, would probably get super protective of Naruto getting yoinked to another dimension, and if they met hostility upon arrival, then Kurama would 100% start swinging

4) this one is more of "i think this would be adorable" and that is Naruto being added to the Wayne household. the SHENANIGANS! the panicking Bruce and/or Alfred when a bored Naruto gets up to stuff. Tim potentially bonding with a high energy child (imagine the PRANKS!!)

and i know Naruto is too young to have mastered his "talk-no-jutsu" but there's nothing like a small child to forcefully pull a family together, he'd have a pretty solid chance of getting past Bruce's emotional walls (those walls wouldn't necessarily be knocked down, Naruto would just find a metaphorical "window" in a wall, stick his head through, and yell at Bruce to come out and play. how could Bruce resist??)

so yeah, my guess (or maybe just hope?) is Naruto. i really wasn't expecting other jinchuriki to show up, so i wonder if this is gonna be like in Ocean Stars Falling? lol now i'm picturing the Wayne Manor getting filled with nine more over-powered shinobi and Bruce banging his head on a wall for the stress of it. he and Doctor Fate would certainly have their hands full!

so very much looking forward to the next chapter (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

So, funny story, I couldn't figure out a way to respond to this without giving up a spoiler for chapter 13, so I held off for two weeks despite wanting to say MANY THINGS.

And here we are.

I did genuinely think about having Kushina along, but it was one of those choices that would have reduced the tension because Kushina would be someone Kei could confide basically everything in. On top of being more in-sync with her version of Kurama, she actually doesn't go wild the same way an inexperienced host does.

I'm aware that the Minato-centric bonus manga indicated that if anything, canon!Kushina was way less experienced than even Kei in her first couple of weeks. Like "real chance of going berserk if she steps foot out of the village without her bodyguards" inexperienced. It's simply not the case in CYB.

Then I thought about Naruto as a four-year-old, but then remembered that Kei could probably not be trusted with too much more stress. Can you imagine how badly she would've reacted to seeing a kid she's actively helping raise get the experimental subject treatment? She's leaning on all the restraint she has already.

So far.

Also, a genin Naruto offers certain leeway in interactions that caring for a preschooler doesn't. Which is more fun. >:3c

For the record, I did consider either of the Ginkaku and Kinkaku, or Sora, or an alternate Minato, but each one offered either too much or too little competence.

[polydamnory]

⚠️EA / Somehow Whole Spoilers⚠️

Okay, I’m just gonna start this off with saying I have always been a hater of the “but it was all a dream” trope. I know there’s more to this than that, but suffice to say I wasn’t the biggest fan of this ending. That isn’t to say it was bad writing, or I fully hated it, nothing like that. Erik’s writing has always impressed me, and this is no exception. But this just wasn’t the story twist for me personally, and a not insignificant part of me wishes it had gone down a different route. (If I see even one fucking anon on those confession blogs being genuinely shitty about this I swear to GOD-) 

With that out of the way, I’m now going to gush about the things that I really did enjoy about this finale (because it is the finale in case some of you weren’t sure, he labeled it as such in the EA post) as well as some things I think I are going to be relevant to the overall lore of the Redatedverse going forward. 

First off, I cannot BELIEVE that Erik spoiled the fact that Anton was a werewolf with a fucking Fooliverse video and none of us had a clue. Absolute icon, I genuinely love that so much, this is like the Azmidi thing but even funnier. I do kind of wish he was a different kind of shifter, we already have so many wolves and it’d be fun to see more of a variety. Didn’t expect him to actually be working for DUMP either. I wonder if he really is good with tech tho, considering he functioned as a sort of hacker in the Imperium universe. Hope we get to see more of him going forward. (Also is his partner still an earth elemental? Does he even have a partner in the real world?) 

Also, unless stated otherwise, the fact that “the Asset” might’ve just headcanoned James to be a bottom is so funny to me (this of course depends on what reality his BA took place in - his emphasis on him just being a facilitator makes me lean towards dreamscape considering how he spoke before everything *ahem* went down in that audio, but then again I’d assume working in any way for DUMP would be stressful so could be either or). 

Marcus, or Marc what have you, may not suck in the way we knew him to but he still sucks in a different way, so glad to know that’s still a reality lol. 

Wasn’t expecting to meet another victim of Quinn - even with the twist being revealed that this was just a dream and “the Asset” just being a latent human, he was still very much a surprise. 

I guess this means there’s a lot more information about how the department works made public than I thought there was, although the way they were partially depicted in the dream really just drives home that seemingly a lot of the public doesn’t have a high opinion of them (see implied fantasy racism towards demons). 

With how much “the Asset” knew about the Meridian (because some of that does seem to line up with what we know about it from other storylines), I guess it’s fair to say that this did take place later in the timeline considering that this appears to be more public knowledge (I think James said something about it being spoken about on the news), just maybe not as in the future as we thought considering this seems to take place relatively soon after Quinn getting caught. 

Anyways, this was still pretty enjoyable, even if it is based off of something I’m really not a fan of, and I totally see now why (aside from him also getting sick) Erik had to postpone this one for a bit. Never gonna complain about getting so much content at once. Hope we continue with more of the narrative driven stuff in the next couple weeks - now more than ever I need to know what the fuck is going on with Avior. Also give me more Anton content please and thank you.

[tarokro]

I finished watching the Yakuza Amazon Prime series. I'm really interested in hearing all of your thoughts now that the series is fully out.

for those curious, here is my review:

I wanted to like this series. I am a lover of a corny, well-intended but poorly-made media and clumsy adaptations. But I'm really not a fan. All the positive reviews citing negative reviews being from "angry gamers" fail to take into account the sheer number of people who aren't familiar with the games and still disliked this series, because it manages a feat which should be impossible for something of the yakuza genre: it is really, really fucking boring.

you have so many plot threads and characters introduced rapid-fire in a way that don't let you connect with anyone or anything in a series this short. Interesting moments aren't lingered on at all, with stiff, almost insultingly dull fight choreography and stilted, inauthentic one-on-one character moments. Boring plot threads like a road trip to find someone's sister and the Florist's backstory take up far, far too much screen time. The inclusion of the satanists is as entertaining as the violence in this series gets, and yet anyone familiar with the wider yakuza film genre that forms the foundation of this series' source material and serves as its inspiration just ends up bewildered as to why that's the main connecting thread throughout the whole thing. The camerawork and editing, especially in the final episode's giant brawl, is poor. Nothing is dynamic. Lighting and sound design could also be a lot better. Especially the sound design, the squelching stabs in the final episode are very funny. And I cannot stress enough how disappointed I am in the fight choreography in this show. For the yakuza genre it is breathtakingly boring.

Other minor details leave you baffled. They keep calling Kiryu oyagoroshi, which means patriarch killer, but never translate it or tell you what it means. You keep reading it in the subtitles and hearing it, but you're just meant to infer its meaning. The romantic conflict is just as shoehorned in as it is in the game. Kiryu and Miho's platonic interactions had more on-screen chemistry than anyone else shown. Saejima and his horrible wig are allowed to pop up for a few minutes before he dies-not-dies in a comically short gunfight. That the satanists are given more screen- and general punch-time than anyone else depicted is a baffling choice for a show like this and does nothing to generate interest in who the Satanists are beyond "why are they in this show?"

the invention of Aiko to serve as an older sister to Yumi and a mother to Haruka is baffling. A friend said it seems like she really was just created to load all the possible bad traits any of their group to have onto one person. I don't understand her purpose. To someone unfamiliar with the source material, she comes across as the friend group's load-bearing asshole.

Kento Kaku's performance as Nishiki, for what they've given him, is stellar. However convoluted the plot behind it was and how clumsily it was revealed, it was nice to see Nishiki's younger sister Miho given screen time and a personality so that you can experience some amount of connection to the grief felt by those she leaves behind.

I'm also really confused by the end. I assume that, if the second season they seem to be anticipating comes to fruition, they're going to drag the cult details forward. but my friends reminded me: if Nishiki has known about Kazama being the guy who killed their parents for this long and has been running around like a glorified El Tigre slashing and stabbing people for years, why is Kazama still alive? Surely he would have killed him?

I don't feel any need to be super positive about this series. as someone who's a fan of jank and clunky creativity, none of this series really comes across like it was made by someone having fun with it, and I think that's what makes me really disappointed in the whole thing.

@draayder I told myself I wouldn't check this blog again until I got the chance to watch the next batch of episodes, so sorry for my lack of reply! I hope you can forgive me. this sums up my thoughts.

[delugyu]

OMGGG I JUST FINISHED READING

i have so many thoughts and i’m very bad at putting them together so bear with me !!

starting with the shit that didn’t make me feel like i was losing my mind !! the convo between yn and chaewon abt how she should ask soobin to be her bf is so funny !! also that part where yn was like yeah this better be a good fucking band and then The concert is pretty mediocre. PLEASE

You don’t let yourself think about it as you crash your lips onto his. my heart STOPPED

i love love first of all how both beomgyu and soobin come around at the literally same time and the way you contrasted their personalities and intentions (besides the obvious actually decent man vs crazy bitch lol), like soobin wanting to know mc was sure about him before kissing her while beomgyu was doing a whole lot more and telling her he would be fine being friends just !!!!! (which also ???? fucking insane dude, like i know why but… yet ANOTHER red flag)

this was genuinely a roller coaster in the best way possible. every new scene i was holding my breath, you really plastered the tension all over this fic !!! i really liked how you wrote mc, since pt1 we were literally in her mind and navigating her every thought, but i think this shines a little more in pt2 with all the crazy lol, prompts a lot more self reflection. also you made this so real !! i really really sympathize with yn and i’m so sad the angst is basically her life 😭😭

that one scene with yeonjun made me so mad !!! beomgyu clearly twisted the story but wtf man ???? telling mc off but not the dude who keeps pushing her to have sex ???? asking for her side ???? ughhh, i mean, yn definitely needed to hear that and i like that you show that not everyone will be on her side !! but again, i deeply sympathize with her i just could NOT bear reading her getting dragged by yeonjun 😭😭

the scenes with soobin were so sweet </3 (cue tears) HOW HE SAID SHE WAS THE BEST THING IN THE CITY iirc they talked about that in pt2 i’m SOBBING that whole scene of him saying goodbye hurt me the most ngl, at least the smut was yummy enough to forget about that (seriously though, toe curling smut, hats off to u)

lol this got very long !! i can’t wait to read more of your works (if u want to share what’s next or more birth charts for future mcs, i’m not complaining hehe), take care !!

post-c3 astrology anon 🚬🚬

ASTROLOGY ANONNNN I JUST JUMPED FOR JOY! THANK U FOR THIS🤞 long ass response under the cut + c3 spoilers !!

omg yes that chaewon and yn convo on the phone was such a breath of fresh air to write. love to indulge in a little giggle from time to time. had to give the girls at least one scene to just be girls together. also LMFAOOO the transition for the concert scene tickled me so bad

whew yeah that kiss scene between mc and beomgyu is what inspired the tag “very bad reckless dumb decisions” LMAO cannot blame her tho tbh beomgyu was annoying asf and wasn’t gonna stop until something went his way. and then she got to dom him a little so you know what good for her

you crowning beomgyu w the crazy bitch title gave me a good chuckle. mc should’ve called him that once or twice to shut him up a little

RAHHHHH YESSS i’m so glad u pointed out that contrast between soobin turning mc’s kiss down vs beomgyu willing to go all the way immediately!!! soobin is so patient and level minded, and beomgyu is none of that 😭 soobin cares about fostering and protecting his relationship with the mc meanwhile beomgyu is much more concerned with getting mc to bend to his every whim

teehee thank youuuu some of these scenes i was even feeling the tension while writing. specifically the argument between chaewon and beomgyu omg even i was stressing. eek ty for the compliments on mc’s self reflections!! it was so interesting to navigate that in this part because i wanted to make sure her dilemma came across correctly without annoying the audience. there were so many paragraphs i had to rewrite cause i was like “no… this is too contradictory…” cause her actions had to match her thought process. i really wanted to give her some kind of character development—she was so defined by her weakness for so much of this fic, and i was determined to let her find strength at the end. writing her leaving beomgyu was such a challenge, cause she mentioned so many times that she would never leave him, so i kept asking myself how to write it in a way that seemed true to her character. it came her having to choose her friendship with beomgyu or her own sanity, and that’s kind of when it clicked for her that she had to leave.

the reaction to yeonjun’s scene is so real like 1) who does beomgyu think he is telling yeonjun abt that and 2) who does yeonjun think he is to belittle yn like that?! ur so right to be mad abt yeonjun attacking yn but not beomgyu, like yeonjun didn’t even think to question why beomgyu keeps trying to sex her up while she’s seeing someone else. FUCK THESE MEN!!

I SQUEALEDDDD IM SO HAPPY YOU NOTICED THAT PARALLEL!! in part 1 yn asks soobin what the best thing in the city is and he kinda laughs and looks off shyly, and finally we come back to that here and get his answer 😭😭😭💔 his goodbye scene FUCKING KILLED MEEE… but it’s my favorite scene in the whole fic i just love how soobin can still be this beacon of light even as he’s parting his ways with mc.

YAYYY smut praise makes me spin around and do little tricks i just did a backflip just now out of pure whimsy and glee. glad to be of service i will continue to provide the best work i can… not even iron chains tying my hands back could stop me from writing the freakiest smut scenes in the world when im ovulating

im fucking crying at u coming back just to complain about beomgyu KAJHAJAJHSHSJJS your hater game is so strong i admire it so much. u talking abt this fic with a friend omg u have balls of steel i keep this x reader stuff top secret LMAOOO. wait but like were they intrigued 😏 but yes beomgyu’s confession was sooo out of the blue and changed so much so fast. perhaps it was just another tactic to keep yn from leaving him (even tho it ended up having the opposite effect). yup get him again that isolation point is 10000% what his motive was.

writing manipulative characters is an art form i have perfected over the years… we are bringing beomgyu to the town square and inviting everyone to come throw tomatoes at him. i’ll even give you the honor of driving the car he gets hit by, out of the kindness of my heart

the chart analyses oh how far we’ve come astro anon… our harvest has been so fruitful i love this little farm we should do this forever. more are certainly to come when i get my ass back to work on my next fics.

take care, be well, water our crops while i’m off at work… until next time 🤍

[cosmiclove-heavenstruck]

My Not So Short Ramble About The Bear Season 3

(Spoilers: Ehhh, I did not really like it... I do like this frame though:)

I did kinda not so feel this season of The Bear, but let‘s start with what I liked: The Tina-centric episode was one of the best in my opinion (and directed by Ayo? Let's go, queen). She‘s a lovely character and to see her journey and how she got to The Beef and Mikey was very heartfelt and warming. It was also very nice to see Ebra happy again after he felt so out of place last season. And it‘s always good to have Olivia Coleman on my screen.

There were some fun moments. The Fak brothers are funny (to an extent), Richie and his daughter are super sweet, so there’s that. I like when all these characters clash, when things go wrong, when they scream at each other, when tensions get high and they need to achieve something. A show like this needs this energy.

Unfortunately, there is barely any engery this season.

This season was very slow. Look, I don‘t mind focusing on specific characters and getting to know them, but a whole episode dedicated to Sugar and her mom in the hospital because the baby‘s coming just for it to… not really go anywhere? Yes, some dialogue was really good but we don't leave the hospital room for 90% of the episode and they're just not strong enough to carry that. There wasn't even a big reunion, not even Carmy calling Sugar back, you know since she left pregnant and just didn‘t come back?? She could be in labor in Home Depot isle three, for all you know! Yeah, he‘s stressed and ill and all but that‘s his sister! Did he ever call her? Did he go see his niece? Why the fuck is it Sydney that cooks them food and brings it over and he isn‘t even shown talking to his sister once? (I mean, I know, Sdyney‘s great and she and Natalie are tight so that was sweet of her, but you get my point.) It just makes me so mad. There should have been a breakdown at the restaurant when they noticed! Hello, everybody loves Sugar! You'd be fucked without her. And y'all send her to get paper towels and don't give a flying fuck that she doesn't come back? This could have been a moment of peace between Richie and Carmy. The whole family should've been at the hospital. Instead it's... two Fak brothers. And even if they missed it, why couldn't Carmy go along with Syd to make up for his mistake? His love language is cooking and he and Sugar seemed so close the last two seasons so why never mention their relationship again?

While I mentioned I liked seeing Ebra happy again, I wish we'd gotten more of his character. In the beginning, it felt like they'd just sidelined him because he doesn't fit the high cuisine or whatever. Then he gets some support by some other guys but and yeah, he is happy and I love that, but it feels like the creators just wanted to get him out of the way even though the window business makes the only money in this hell house? He's fucking important to this success so treat him like it!

Montages and aesthetic shots of food cannot fill all the season (well, apparently, they can) because that‘s not storytelling. Yes, I want to see the food, but I don‘t need ten flashbacks and montages and slowmotion shots per episode. Speaking of flashbacks — what is it with Claire? Why are we doing this? Why would Carmy pine after her for months? She is so… bland, watered down — almost like a canvas for people who fancy JAW/Carmy to imagine themselves as Claire. It feels fanfiction-y, right? "You‘re a nurse and went to high school with Carmy but loose track of one another…" The Bear is capable of interesting, real-feeling characters so it‘s sad to see the screentime get wasted for her when all I want to see is what's happening in the restaurant.

What I mean is, this season was slow. Way too slow. There was so much time wasted on nothing that could‘ve been cut. Like the Natalie-goes-into-labor-episode and most of the first one as well, to be honest. The points that were supposed to come across to the viewer — how Carmy becomes this stressed out, shouting, cold chef high on perfectionism fighting with past desicions and getting a star for the restaurant, how that affected the whole staff, how it fucks up Sydney because he becomes so much like his former chef — they could have been better wrapped, a bit quicker paced. Have the funeral of the Ever more mid-season, have the surprise review consequences NOW and not just as flashes so I have to pause the episode to read anything/leave it hanging on a cliffhanger, have Syd fucking explode for once and tell Carmy how it is, how he is turning into the asshole he hates. Make it extra bad by having a conversation between the two earlier in the season on how bad it was for Carmy and not her "learning" about his past at the funeral dinner. Make her leave. Make him regret what he's done, make him feel what he's missing.

Really, I was yelling at Syd to leave through the last few episodes. Leave, get out, work at a different restaurant, find a new environment. Carmy doesn‘t need to have wallow in his feelings for minute on end on how he should apologize to Claire, he should apologize to Sydney and Richie and everyone he‘s stressing out so much. If Sydney only leaves by the end of season 4 I‘ll riot.

I don't even want to say I'm not hoping for anything to happen between Syd and Carmy, like I actively need them to get away from each other as of right now. But! I liked the call-back to the "best meal Sydney's ever had" and that that was the one time Carmy decided to go his own way and not follow the instructions of his chef. Which is why the theme of being haunted could've fit so well with them! It's just a joke in the beginning by the Faks, but then Sydney leaves The Bear and Carmy feels actually haunted by her. Doesn't even have to be romantic. The potential was there.

Some other smaller things: 1. The timing was so hard to tell. They should've worked with different lightnings or make it less confusing, but as it is now, I was constantly questioning myself when this took place. 2. I can't really complain about the casting of so many actual chefs because I just don't recognize them (oops, sorry) but while I liked to see the different dynamics between them and Carmy at least, it feels so rude to all the POC characters in the kitchen working their asses off and not getting any plot lines. 3. Again, again nothing really happens. I said it up there somewhere, if you'd cut the montages and flashbacks and filler stuff, how much plot are you really left with? When I think of all the important points that happened, they should not take ten episodes to show.

This could've been beautiful. But now it's just the bad kind of messy.