#i cannot just be screaming my head off constantly though so i am doing my best to be normal and fine and decent and appropriate

[piplupod]

i hate that there isnt any way to work thru these feelings and i hate that theres no way for me to escape them properly and i am just supposed to survive all of this and sit with this terror and dread 24/7 and be fine !!!

[sant-riley]

[Task force 141 + others with Gen z!reader] [pt3]

A/N: Some of these you /may/ have seen on tiktok, that is me who posted them on tiktok. I am green haired bitch so no I didn't steal anything LMAO. I hope these live up to yalls expectations.

The last two of these my lovely friend gave me inspiration for <3 @frogchiro

Warnings: She/her pronouns swearing, age gaps, tiktok memes (like always lmk if I miss something!)

~

You steal Prices hat on numerous occasions bc its a fashion abomination and you refuse to let this man wear it around you. You hide around base as frequently as you can.

Jokes on you though bc he will literally wait til it's your birthday and buy you a matching one and will laugh at your scream of disgust.

Gaz one ups him by gifting you a matching hat as well, putting it on your head as he flicks the brim.

"Thanks Gaz! I love it!

"And not mine?"

"You're on thin ice, old man."

Price gets gifted a set from manscaped by the guys as a gag gift. He uses it for his beard bc he never bothered to look into why everyone was laughing around him.

Price takes your phone when you try and show him memes, squinting hard as fuck like a dad 💀

Soap, if yall have the time off takes you to scottish football games and it's a whole thing. You sitting there while he gets drunk out of his fucking mind, hollering and whooping and you're there trying to sink into your seat.

Chances are someone's gonna shove you and you're gonna trip and fall bc everyone's so amped up and Soap threatens to beat the shit out of them. It's a miracle y'all don't get kicked out 💀

If you have tattoos, Soap is the first one to take a marker set and color them in and adding his own additions. If you were ever to get them actually tattooed, he would tear up and pretend he isn't emotional about it.

"You like me that much Bonnie?"

He would get something of you too, so it evens out. This also makes Ghost in turn get a tattoo for you bc he refuses to be out done and he's just as attached

Neither of them get your call sign or your name, but they get something personal to what each of them associate you with.

The first time you meet Alex, you're across the room doing something that has your focus and didn't realize this is actually your first time meeting him. You ask him for a hand only to look up and see him extend his prosthetic at you with a smile and you scream.

"You asked for a hand but best I can do is a Leg." Price comes running and he sees the scene and rolls his eyes.

Everyone single one of them are the definition of "my girl can wear whatever she wants bc I'll break your jaw." meme btw. You can take care of yourself but you never need to bc they will beat a bitch up.

Laswell invites you constantly to come over and meet with her wife, esp if you don't have a mother figure. She always always tries to come on base to see you and always has a birthday and Christmas present on it's way to you wherever you may be. Her wife loves you to death and they've pretty much adopted you and you cannot escape it, oh well.

Gaz buys you whatever your little heart desires, especially if he's deployed away in a country where they sell exclusives of whatever you enjoy. It's a pain in the fucking ass to try and ship a anime figure to your place from Japan but he's gonna try his best.

Ghost doesn't share his food, or at least it was before you came along. He groans and grumbles about having to feed you but he wouldn't do it if he truly didn't want to. Soap asks and Ghost tells him to fuck off.

If you watch anime, please imagine trying to get everyone in the room and trying to explain who Dabi is. They're all so fucking old they keep thinking you're referring to the elf from Harry Potter and it infuriates you to no end.

Soap and Gaz know better but it's funnier to see you mad.

Being the youngest, they absolutely force you to do the jobs they don't want to. Whether it be cleaning the barracks, to cooking dinner when able, it doesn't matter bc they'll all pull rank on you.

"You're the new kid, get to it then."

"Ghosttttt-"

"Don't Ghost me."

Soap is the kind of motherfucker to play the fifa games and doesn't understand that he's stupid for buying it every single year bc there are no changes oncesoever. He will not listen to you about it and you've given up.

Ghost will see you talk about your etsy list and will ask for your phone, you trust him so of course you hand it over. He hands it back to you and it's just, all purchased. He says nothing while he sips on his tea while you scream at him asking why he did it. He won't tell you but it's because he knows it makes you happy and it'll keep your mood up, giving you a reason to be motivated to get through missions. It's also because he knows that retail therapy is a thing for your generation.

Soap, if you do any, is actually really good at doing your makeup! He knows how to do everything and he refuses to elaborate. (As a kid he'd do his mom's makeup when she went out for dates) he's the one who helps you doll up if you're going undercover.

Ghost, Gaz and Price find you unfunny whenever you make a "wow I wish British people were real." You say it so often and it gets annoying but they also just accept it's a part of life.

Soap personally enjoys the "SCOTLAND FOREVERRRRRRR" meme and will scream it with you. Ghost threatens to cut yalls tongue out.

Other parts can be found under #Kayla writes <3

Taglist:

@devilsfoodcake22 @simon-rileys-princess

@stupid-ninja @milkmily

@lune-la-chanson @tamayakii

@teacupcollector @sweet-as-an-angel

@perilous-pasta @ihatethisappsomuchitpains

@marsbar127xx @baddump

@xncasi @king-cookiex

@palomaxaxaxa @amatchasky @wolfyland07 @diejager

@hailstrum18 @pretty-little-bunny382728 @mzfandom

If you'd like to be tagged, go to my pinned post and comment there :)

[hypewinter]

3 HC Prompt thingy!

1). Cracked Core AU

2). Full Ghost AU

3). Good Parent Fenton AU

(Yes, I am setting this up as easy angst:) )

Apologies if this was supposed to be three separate prompts because my mind is going down a 3 in 1 route.

Danny gets tired of protecting Amity. Really tired. Don't get him wrong, he loves protecting people. Obsession or not. It's just that he really misses having a normal life and figured taking a break for a while wouldn't be bad. Especially when his parents offered to take care of things during his little impromptu vacation. So Danny takes a little step back and his parents take over and all goes swimmingly.....until it doesn't.

You see it turns out a ghost's obsession is a little more serious than Danny has given it credit for. In fact, it doesn't take long at all for Danny's obsession with protection to rear its head. He keeps getting these twitches in his body and pangs in his chest. Both seeming to call him to action. To pick up the mantle of being a hero again. But Danny just chalks it up to missing his quip filled fights with his rogues and ignores these feelings. Until he wakes up one night with an unimaginable pain in his chest.

It feels like he's shattering into a million pieces. Like his chest is being forcibly ripped open. Like he's dying. All Danny can do is scream. He screams as a terrible fire-like feeling ignites in his chest and spreads through his body. He screams as his parents rush in and ask him what's wrong. He screams as he's loaded into the spectre speeder and taken to the Far Frozen. He screams until Frostbite injects him with something and the pain dies down to a numb throbbing.

As Danny calms, Frostbite asks him a question: "Have you been fulfilling your obsession recently?" At first, Danny says yes. After all, it's only been a week since he stopped protecting Amity Park. But Frostbite continues to prod until Danny tells the truth.

There's a grave look on Frostbite's face and he informs Danny how important one's obsession is. How it needs to be fulfilled constantly. One can only go about 3 days without fulfilling it. Then Frostbite gives the Fenton's even graver news. Danny's core is cracked.

Typically this is debilitating for a ghost but not the end of the world but Danny is a halfa and they have no way of knowing how it'll affect him. It may be fine. But it might also kill him. Given his vitals in the last hour, Frostbite is leaning towards the latter.

Luckily there is an experimental procedure that's been developed to heal cracked cores but the process has a decent chance at killing off Danny's human side. So Danny is left with two choices: Become a full ghost, or risk having a final death.

Danny's not sure he wants to do that though. To become a full ghost would mean severing his last ties to humanity. He'd have to live in the ghost zone full time to get enough ectoplasm. He'd no longer be able to go to school, get a job, or start a family. He didn't want to do the procedure, but he was dying, so he's parents signed off for him.

The procedure works and Danny is now a full ghost with a now whole again, albeit slightly damaged core. But nothing is the same. He watches the whole move on without him as he continues to fervently protect the innocent. He sees his parents grow old in the blink of an eye and his friends are moving on to better things in a snap. The world continues turning and people come and go but Danny cannot. For he is the constant protector.

[harukamitsuki]

Okay... I am currently back on my Voltron bullshit and continuing my rewrite of Voltron. And I'm constantly reminding of HOW MUCH I HATE LANCE.

Don't get me wrong. I am still treating Lance fairly in my fic, making sure he gets screen-time and a proper character acr and stuff.

But by GODS. This man pisses me off so much and that's only made worse by his stans. I was scrolling through Keith's tag here on tumblr. I also have Kl@nce filtered out. I cannot see a single post without at least three pages of scrolling and then it's only ONE POST. AND IT'S STILL KLANCE BECAUSE IT HASN'T BEEN TAGGED CORRECTLY.

Anyway. Onto the actual things I hate about Lance and not just his fandom.

Lance is a fucking asshole. I mean that on the deepest level. Let's go through it chronologically because I cannot rank it from least to most assholery, because some things are on the same level.

1 - Allura wakes up from the cryopod and Lances catches her. She's confused and dazed and the first thing you should do is ask if she's alright. Oh, but Lance is above that. Instead, he flirts with her. Karma given immediately as she calls his ears hideous and puts him in a submission hold, which is why I kept that scene in my fic, but that was still wrong. I know it was played for comedic effect, but that doesn't make it not canon. It's canonically accurate that if you've awoken from a coma, Lance's first instinct is to flirt with you if you're pretty.

2 - Literally throws Hunk into the middle of a battle. I get that Hunk was supposed to leave the Lion anyway, but just shoving him out when there are lasers everywhere and Hunk has no protection? Yeah. So much for 'best friend'. Add on the fact that Lance never really treats Hunk like a friend. At all.

3 - Okay. Season 1 Lance isn't bad outside of those two examples, even if he has his dumb moments, so let's jump to Season 2. Starting shit with Keith for no reason. People can go 'oh, Keith obviously did something to him at the Garrison' but he DIDN'T. The writers themselves confirmed that Keith did nothing to Lance, he just started shit with Keith all the fucking time. Like accussing Keith of wanting Blue and cutting him off when he tried to explain what was actually happening, even though Lance is the one who was outraged initially that Keith had Red. Or how about Lance getting up in Shiro's face and screaming his head off about how Keith would rather kill people than listen to them, as if he knew Keith at all after bullying him the entire time.

4 - Okay. This one pissed me off the most and is the biggest reason I'm making this post. The fact that Lance used Shiro's death/disappearance against Keith. Keith outwardly expresses his lack of desire to become the leader and accidentally let it slip that Shiro wanted him to do it. To which Lance is all 'convenient that you say that when Shiro's gone'. What. What the fuck. Stans really say that Lance is precious but how the hell are you justifying that? A blind man could see how much Keith loves Shiro, and Lance has the fucking gall the say that Keith is USING his death/disappearance for a position he doesn't want? He didn't even apologise for it. He just told Keith to suck it up later on. This is one of the reasons I hated Lance as the Red Paladin, the others being explained in an earlier post of mine.

5 - Oh, yeah. We're not done. Because after Keith, it's Allura. Allur@nce is probably the worst ship that could have happened, apart from Kl@nce. If you wanted a straight ship, how about what was canon for the past Voltron series? Kallura? Anyway. Yeah, Lance treats Allura like a prize instead of a person. He's posessive in a way that he has no right to be because they were not together. He glares at Matt for flirting with Allura, something he only does once. He gets mad at Lotor and tries to stop them from spending time together, EVEN THOUGH LOTOR IS HELPING ALLURA AND BONDING THROUGH ALTEAN THINGS. HELPING HER KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ALTEAN CULTURE. In Season 8, he literally yells that it should be Lance and Allura?? What a fucking weirdo?? You can't claim that you're destined to be with someone without being together. That's not how healthy relationships work. That's how a stalker's mind works. Lance is constantly flirting with Allura throughout all of Voltron and she never once reciprocated until Season 8 where it's so obvious that Lance is just a rebound but the writers wanna make it so that it's 'true love' and they want Lance to be happier than anyone so they just gift her to him like some sort of trophy. Lance didn't care about loving Allura, he cared about winning her. At least Lotor actually cared for and respected her. I still don't like canon Lotor, but that's mostly because the writers didn't want to deal with gray morality. Cowards.

1 - Honestly the worst example of a leader. It's shown from episode one. Now, there is the argument of learning to become one, but Lance just never learns? He's never facing the consequences of his actions and, if he is lectured, he ignores it. Keith actually takes lessons to heart and tries to improve and he does. If Lance became the Black Paladin, the universe would have been doomed because he can't get over himself for a single moment to even bother listening to anyone else's advice.

So. Yeah. Those are the main reasons why Lance is an asshole. Now to make the Lance stans really pissed.

Reasons why Lance would have been a terrible leader and could never have been the Black Paladin.

Remember episode one? Remember how the hydraulic stabiliser was out in the simulator and Lance still tried to push on, even though Pidge and Hunk advised him not to? Totally great leadership qualities there. There's nothing better than a leader that refuses to listen to you. 'Oh, but Keith is stubborn and didn't listen--' yes he did. He's stubborn and unrelenting at first, but he eventually realises that they're right.

Remember episode three? Remember when Lance bragged about kicking, which made Voltron fall, then proceeded to try it again and failed again even when Keith advised him not to? Yeah. Lance does not make good decisions and does not listen to any advise. Even from the leader's right hand man.

Remember Season 1 Episode 12? Remember how they were waiting for Shiro and Allura to get back and then Keith saw someone taking quintessence so he decided to follow them? Remember how Lance said no and was ignored but did nothing more to stop Keith? He has no authority and no charisma to keep anyone at bay. Pidge herself mocks Lance for being the pinnacle for leadership. Sarcastically. Because he's far from it.

Pidge doesn't respect Lance as a leader, Keith never would considering Lance treats him like shit, Allura can't take Lance seriously with him hitting on her every ten seconds, and Hunk is always questioning Lance's decisions. If nobody respects you, you cannot be a good leader.

2 - Easily distracted. Yes, it's a very popular headcanon that Lance has ADHD, and I agree with that, but that doesn't make it okay. And he's distracted in the easiest ways. Just shove a pretty girl and he'll instantly get distracted and lead the entire team to doom. Remember Nyma and how easy it was for her to steal the Blue Lion? How he didn't even warn anyone that he was taking her out for a ride because he didn't want anyone contesting his conquest? Yeah.

Don't get me wrong. It's fine to have ADHD or get distracted easily. Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece is a great example of a leader who gets easily distracted, but the second he sets his mind on something, he blocks everything out. Lance just doesn't have the capability to do that, nor do I think he'd be able to learn how to.

3 - Gets jealous really easily. As in. Really fucking easily. He's jealous of Keith from the get-go, starting a one-sided rivalry that he's constantly on the losing side of because Keith doesn't care. He gets jealous of Matt when he flirts a bit with Allura. He gets extremely jealous of Lotor for having actual chemistry with Allura. He's constantly jealous and a good leader is only ever in competition with himself. A good leader will only strive to become better for the sake of the team, not to say that they're better than someone else, much less if they're someone that you are in charge of. It's a horrible trait to have.

Jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing. It's when that jealousy overrides your logic and controls you, instead of you controlling your jealousy: which Lance struggles with a lot. And getting jealous over anyone who even looks at your crush is a very bad thing to do because you do not own your crush. It's okay to be jealous, but not posessively like Lance is. Not to the extent of trying to scare off any potential suitors.

4 - Nowhere near as skilled as Keith or Shiro. Sure, the writers may claim that he is better, but the proof is in the pudding. Keith and Shiro are fucking unmatched. I've defended Lance's skills in a previous post, but I also said in that post that, while he is skilled, he is nowhere near Shiro or Keith's level. I mean, Shiro was the golden child of the Garrison and set so many records. He was known as the best pilot. Keith beat those records and his flying capabilities are always, always noted. I haven't heard a single character comment on Lance's skills, other than to point out how bad they are. Keith was the only one who could have flew through the astroid field, he was the only one who could fly into the Marmora base which was in a blue star surrounded by two black holes, he was able to fly a Galra jet just by pushing the right buttons and knowing what the do, and he's the one who unlocks the warping abilities of the Black Lion. Shiro was able to connect with the Black Lion far before anyone else, able to see through Black and connect with Black to the point of his soul being saved by her.

Lance hasn't done anything spectacular. And, no. He was not 'done dirty'. He was given almost everything he wanted except the Black Lion. The writers claim he's the best pilot, but have not shown it at all. In my eyes, Keith and Shiro will always be the best.

5 - Selfish. Again. Nothing against being selfish. It's perfectly fine to be selfish, so long as it doesn't actively harm others. But for a leader? You should be as selfless as you can be. The team comes before you. And that's exactly what Lance isn't.

Lance is selfish and that's okay, but it's not leadership material. The whole reason Black rejected him is because he wanted the position out of selfish reasons. When he enters Black, he says 'Come on, Lance. You can do this'. In other words, he wants to pilot her because he wants to prove himself. He wants the acknowledgement. He wants the title of the Black Paladin and leader. Black accepted Keith, both at the start of Season 2 and Season 3, because he piloted her for purely selfless reasons. For Shiro.

Lance wants things for himself. Keith wanted things for Shiro. It was only after Shiro came back, (or so they thought), that Keith started focusing more on himself. Even then, he put everyone else before him. He distanced himself from the team so that Shiro could pilot Black again, and he was constantly risking his life for the Blades.

Lance just... isn't the type. He has put others before himself, but he expect things out of it. He expects a parade and acknowledgement. Nobody knew what Shiro went through to rid Zarkon of his connection to the Black Lion. Nobody knew what Shiro went through in his imprisonment because he doesn't want to burden anyone with that. Nobody knew what Keith went through to save Black and Shiro from Zarkon. Nobody knew what Keith went through when they were all mad at him for missing an attack. Lance doesn't withold that sort of stuff. The only thing he doesn't talk about is his insecurities, which he ends up spilling to the mice and Laika (the Yupper) anyway.

6 - Last one. Promise.

Nothing fucking happened. While Keith was gone, nothing of importance happened surrounding Voltron specifically. There was the Lion mind meld and Lotor joining, but all that served to prove was, with the mind meld, if Keith was there, he would have heard Shiro. And with Lotor joining, all it proved was how immature Lance was.

The second Keith gets back, things start happening again. Lotor gets outed as cruel and manipulative (still an ass-pull, by the way), Shiro gets outed as a clone, and so on. If Lance was leading, they all probably would have died ages ago. I'm talking Season 3 Episode 2, ages ago. Because Lance just isn't cut out for it.

So. Yeah. Those are the main reasons I hate Lance and why Black Paladin Lance is an awful idea. Screw the people who believe in it. It is awful.

Like I said, this won't affect my treatment of Lance in my rewrite, because I can fix those issues that come up. I don't have an issue with Season 1 Lance, it's later on that gets problematic. I just hate people building Lance up by bashing all the other characters, then claiming that Lance is the most traumatised, sad character when SHIRO AND KEITH ARE RIGHT THERE. NOT TO MENTION ALLURA, WHO LOST HER ENTIRE SPECIES, AND CORAN WHO LOST EVERYONE INCLUDING ALLURA AND NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO HER.

Fuck. I hate Voltron so much but I can't help but love it.

[jeanclamence]

The Genuine Feeling of Being

By Jean-Clamence (me)

I am only a spectator in my life. I believe my real self, my genuine form, my purest state of being, my unbearably simple existence, to be constantly still, watching two separate halves of myself with individual intellect and intelligenee scream contrasting ideologies and opposing judgements at each other. They criticise one another, and I sit silently on the sidelines, thinking; 'I wish I could be so freely, so imprudently and recklessly unaware of myself. I want to flee from my mind, to escape this overwhelming, repulsive hope, this fake and inauthentic living. We gained this plaguing, so-called self-consciousness, this afflicting greed for avarice and success, these stuffy cities, these nations agonized by war, this excruciating act of introspect through evolution, and I wish we hadn't.' The worst is that I am forced to agree with it, to stride with it, to live a double-life, and to mechanically utter words of affirmation as though I exist as no more than an ostensibly convoluted—yet beneath the surface and the gradually withering facade of illusions, blind and brainless—system of cogs. I doze off in my waking and stir in sleep with my eyes thrown wide open.

As I 'live', one side of me contemplates stratagems to create a flourishing business in order to acquire wealth. However, that is only among many subjects; I think of arithmetic, physics, biology, and politics as well. As I "rest", the other whispers in my ear that I am entirely wrong about everything I have ever known. "It is insignificant! It is troubling!" It tries to convince me, hovering over me without a discernible, definite form in its nearly palpable, black haze similar to the shadow of Jack the Ripper, as if it has followed his footsteps and clung closely onto his naked feet like a loyal apprentice.

"No, you fool, it is troubling because it is impactful!" Its enemy shrieks as it departs from a train which travelled from a desolate station of emptiness to meet us. This half is white and is apparently, based on its accounts of itself, a harborer of virtue, clarity, and true strength.

"To them, not to you. And, even if it, let us suppose, impacts you in a way, why should you care?"

"You must abide by ... , ... , and so on, and so forth, otherwise you will be exiled." It argues with the other.

"But is that not what he needs?"

"Just as you cannot avoid the thick coverage of your own skin, you cannot avoid pain. Exile is not an escape, you must be aware of that! You have witnessed how he behaves in exile and abandonment. In those moments, we are alone with him, and—"

"And the effects are horrible?" It smiles malignantly and bends its neck comically as an exaggerated display of curiousity.

"And that is precisely where we agree, possibly even the only point on which we agree." It says solemnly.

Shaking my head, I interrupt them; "I'm not sure about that. You frequently discuss and convey your interests for me, and it is a common implication between the two of you that you want me to be blind. Both of you want me to be blind for the sake of seeing reality."

"Choose between us, and see what kind of life you earn. We have merely vouchsafed you ideas. Whether you castigate yourself and gloat over them or do that which is contrary, and carry them over into reality by converting them into physical acts, is entirely up to you. At your hour of death, announce to us whether you feel blind or edified, we will be waiting."

Silence is found in found in neither third-person nor first-person. After embarking on aimless pursuits over and over, I only discover the repetitive bizarreness of everything. Now, I must shut my eyes and drown it out.

[girlwithalotoffeelings]

You've done it. I've been infected with the virus of A/B/O. I cannot escape it 😔 Congrats \_(•~•)_/

Dude it's like the black plague. I didn't know I was into it until I read what kind of intimacy can be born from the dynamic. For all my infected babes out there <333

Nights like these.

You're in bed scrolling through your Instagram feed when you hear a rough thud not to far away. Followed quickly by your doorbell. You get up cautiously. Now if you knew anything from horror movies you knew the cardinal rule about following the creepy sounds past 1 am. That gut feeling didn't set in though. That ache in the deepest pit of your stomach. That voice in your head screaming "TURN THE FUCK BACK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!" just never seemed to come.

You look into your peep-hole to see that oh so familiar red hair. Unlocking and opening the door as quick as you can to reveal a scuffed up and bruised Red Riot standing in front of you.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" His ever present smile never faded, not once. God you loved that smile, sharp teeth and all. It triggered a form of cuteness aggression in you. Where all you ever want to do is bite on him and leave a graveyard of marks in your wake. You step aside for him to enter your apartment.

"No, no you didn't. I was awake." Closing the door behind him, not even bothering to lock it again. No one was going to mess with you or your place and even if they did, you knew you were safe in the care of the alpha courting you.

You pulled out a first aid kit that you keep in the kitchen while Kirishima sat down on the couch with a groan. You could see he was in pain and was just putting on a brave face. He does that more often than he'd care to admit.

Sitting next to him taking out a few sheets of guaze and disinfectant.

"Thank you for going through all this trouble but I really didn't come over to get you to patch me up." He let's out one of his signature giggles, followed by a rough cough, which has him wincing.

"Did you really come over, thinking I wouldn't atleast try?" You proceed to clean the deep gash across his bicep. You delicately blow over the ripped skin, shortly after, you see it slowly start to stitch itself back together like it never even happened. Only a scar to show for it. That was your quirk. "Patchwork". You could attach things together, a wonderful tool for a clumsy shithead who is constantly breaking shit accidentally.

You continue to go over each cut with the tenderness of a Saint.

"I'm so lucky." He says with a slight touch of his finger to your cheek, bringing you out of your concentration. When you look into his eyes all you see is the admiration he has for you. Fuck, you smell it on him, it's palpable. You doubt he even realizes the scent he's giving off. It brought a whole new meaning to the saying "there's love in the air".

Now, you by no means would ever presume to think he loves you. Infatuation, sure, but love was hard to believe.

"Is that so?" You lift a playful eyebrow at him and continue your work with a cheeky smile gracing the corners of your lips.

"Ofcourse it is sweetheart." He's beaming now, you've never had to suppress the urge to attack him... in more ways than one. But you'd contain yourself, after all you can't heal him, then immediately hurt him. Even if he might enjoy it. "Remember the day we met?"

"Mhmm the day my life changed forever" You get up from beside him to return the first aid kit to its home before making your way back to him, sitting cross-legged on your sofa facing the big burly alpha who you were slowly getting more and more attached to.

"You were taking pictures in the park. I couldn't take my eyes off you. It was like you caught me in your spell." He gently pulls you closer to him, resting your legs on top of his own, effectively pulling you into his side.

"I knew that love spell from WitchTok would work." You chuckle, your quick wit never ceased to put him in awe. But then you realise what actually has him stunned. Shit.

"Well, I-I didn't mean it like- I mean we haven't really talked abo- fuck I'm an idiot." You cover your face with your hands as your cheeks flush hot red at the position you've put yourself in.

He didn't share in your awkwardness, though, merely pulling you closer to him and ruffling his nose in your hair. "C'mere sweetheart." You can hear his smile as he pulls you into his lap, straddling him. You don't currently have the storage for any more embarrassment in your spirit for it to take the forefront. Your head was bowed, not daring to look him in the eye.

"Can I see those beautiful eyes of yours?" He rubs gently circles into your skin with his thumbs where his hands rest on your thighs.

You take a minute before humoring his request with a cautious peek under your lashes through the cracks in your finger defense. "You can do better than that."

You take a huge breath him, filling your lungs. Running your fingers through your hair, looking up at the ceiling and exhaling before looking him dead on. Your arms crossed over your chest, hands on your shoulders. You were sure you had completely and utterly fucked up.

"There she is." God you love that goofy smile of his, full of warmth.

"I'm sorry, that was dumb." You give an awkward laugh, averting your eyes to the side.

"No, no, no, don't be sorry, sweets." He shakes his head. After a few moments pass he says, "I remember what you told me about your ex, how whenever they said they loved you, they didn't really mean it. I didn't want you to think that if I said it I wouldn't actually mean it. I thought it would be better to let it happen at its own pace, let you get comfortable with the idea of being loved, and appreciated again before bombarding you with it." Now he was the one with blushed cheeks. "I just didn't want to scare you off, I guess." The look on him is so earnest it almost brings a tear to your eye. How was the man in front of you this thoughtful?

It doesn't take much thought before you're leaning forward, arms circling his shoulders, meeting your lips to his. His arms wrapping around you and holding you to him like he never wants to let go. You're so sure this is the best moment of your life. You're positive this kiss is better than any sex you've ever had before. You part from each other, and melt into a hug.

"I wanted to encourage you, that's why I let out those pheromones. I dont know if you even noticed honestly." He whispers into the silence, you can hear a sliver of hurt and insecurity wiggle its way into his voice. It sends a pang of pain to your chest.

You pull back to look him in the eyes. "Ofcourse I noticed!" You say louder than you intended to. Your 2-3 coming out as a 5-6. You quickly regain yourself with a light smile as you take in the sight of him again. "I thought it was an accident, or that I was confused or something." He breaks into a smile, and before you know it, you both are belly laughing at the utter absurdity of it all.

"I love you." You say once the laughs turn to giggles.

"I love you, Sweetheart." He kisses you on the cheek with an exaggerated smooch sound before softly biting down on the fleshy chub of your cheek, making you squeel out a giggle. He loved hearing it, its gotya be his favoritesound on the planet. The sound of your happiness. "And I mean it, no accidents or confusion about it. Must've been a really good spell you found huh?"

God, this man was amazing.

In conclusion I need a man like this. SADGIRL HRS fr

This man always has me giggling, bro. This was so much fun to write

My inbox is open so send me in some asks SFW or NSFW.

See ya'll next time sluts, byeeeee

[tired-teacher-blog]

Title : A treat

Characters : Husband Bakugo/ Fem reader

Genre : Fluff/ NSFW/ 18+/ Fingering/ Oral (fem receiving)/ Dirty talk.

Summary : Just your husband giving you a special treat after a long day's work.

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

AO3

After a long day's work, there is nothing better than a hot shower, a warm meal and a good night sleep right?

Wrong.. what's better than all of that, is having your husband's face buried deep between your legs as he alleviates your stress in a way that has proved effective countless times before.

_ "Katsuki, keep going please.." your fingers find their way to his sandy blond spikes— which softness never ceases to amaze you.

You squeeze your eyes shut and arch off the bed when his teeth graze your folds, and without a warning, his warm slick tongue invades your fluttering cavern and fucks you slowly.

Your eyes flutter open and travel down to where your beloved is settled, almost losing control when two crimson irises stared at your writhing body.

You whine his name and squeeze your legs around his neck while he fucks you faster, growling against your pretty little cunt and relishing the way your luscious thighs are strangling him.

From the corner of your eye, you can see him faintly fucking his fist and you bite down on your lip as you wish to be rammed already, but he's too much of a tease to let it end so easily— even if this whole thing is originally meant to be his way of relieving you, but hey, who said he couldn't still have some fun of his own?

_ "You're fluttering so much around my tongue babe, it can't be that you're already close right?" you whine as he pulls out of your heat and whispers those words against your rosy nub.

_ "I am.. I really am Katsuki, please let me cum!" you beg, pushing your hips slightly into his face, only to blush uncontrollably when he starts chuckling against you.

_ "So desperate are we?" he retrieves the hand that's been loosely wrapped around his cock before sitting up and moving two digits to your salivating mouth, "come on gorgeous, suck them for me." and you do as asked, grabbing his arm with both hands and taking his thick long fingers into your cavern.

Your eyes are fixed on your hubby, watching him smirk with amusement as you eagerly twirl your tongue around his digits, "yeah that's right babe, coat them nicely so they can go easily inside your pretty little pussy."

You shudder hearing his words, almost biting down on him. He's always been descriptive, always been shameless in moments like these.

Though honestly speaking, this is just his way of showing your impact on him. After all, you are the one his heart has chosen, the one who dominates his every waking moment, the one who manages to mess with his head.. and even after almost two years of marriage, he still cannot believe you are his.

He licks his lips and leans in, pulling his fingers out of your greedy maw to press a hasty kiss against you. But that's not enough for you— never has been, so you gently -shakily- clutch onto his neck to keep him planted in place, and release a stream of whines and trembling moans when he gives in and kisses you the way you want him to.

His saliva coated fingers sneak between your legs to gently caress your swollen clit, the intense feeling causing you to detach your lips from his and tilt your head back as a loud scream of his name fills the room.

_ "Feels good doesn't it?" he watches as your face contorts in pure bliss and growls knowing that he's the only one allowed to see you in this state.

Your man's ego is unparalleled, and turning you to mush underneath him drives him insane each and every time without fail.

He craves you, lusts after you, his hunger is intense and he always wants more, constantly pushing to get one more slur of his name, one more scratch on his back, one more uncontrollable shudder when he finally allows you to reach your high. And tonight is no different, even if it's all about satisfying your needs, he's still a selfish jerk and would take everything you're willing to give, because this selfish jerk only has eyes for you.

_ "Fuck.. you're so beautiful," he coos before pushing his fingers into your warm glistening cunt and curls them right against the spot that makes you see the stars, "oh you like it when I do that huh?" he watches intently as you move your hips against his digits, fucking them impatiently while moaning his name over and over again.

_ "I'm close.. Katsuki.. I can't.. please I'm.. ah!" words are falling from your lips incoherently as all thoughts jumbled up inside your head.

_ "Come on babe cum for me. Oh fuck I can feel you tightening around my fingers," he chuckles teasingly as his gaze travels down to where you two are connected, "shhh.. listen to that, the obscene sounds your cute little pussy is making for me."

His words are pushing you closer to the edge, and your vision starts to blur as tears run down your cheeks.

_ "Who do you belong to? Who do you love the most? Tell me." he demands, kissing your tears away, and you know.. this is not a way to taunt you— though it might seem like it, this is his way of requesting reassurance, because no matter how many times you say it, it can never be enough for him. And so , you say it again..

_ "You! I belong to you Katsuki, only you, ah! you're the love of my.. my life.. mmm.. it's always been you.. ah I'm cumming!" and you do, fluttering around his fingers as you dig your nails in his arms and push yourself against him a few more times before coming to a complete halt.

Your breathing is ragged and your throat is sore, but you're happy and satisfied.

You blink as you try to focus your vision, and your husband's smile is what welcomes you, "hey gorgeous, how are you feeling?"

Damnit you love him, you love him so much that sometimes you can't even find the right words to convey your feelings, "I'm good honey, but can I have a kiss?" you request cheekily and he moves his whole body on top of you before knocking the air out of your lungs with a sensual kiss.

You can feel his hardness rubbing against your inner thigh and you smile against his lips as you realize that your night is far from over.

After all, seeing you orgasming once has never been enough for him.

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Modern Arthur Morgan Dad headcannons!!

This was requested by @cantchoosejust1

I had a blast writing the pregnancy headcannons which is listed here on my modern headcannon list

so I am EXCITED to write about how he actually acts as a dad

I mean

Come on, it’s Arthur, he’s gonna be great!

Warnings!: Mentions of pregnancy, obviously, maybe a little bit of NSFW content, with ya know....Arthur being himself and thinking you are his hot and sexy partner, and general raising children items

Tags: @kieropal​ @beea-nie​

Arthur is a fantastic dad

First off

if we are gonna continue off where we left off in the pregnancy headcannons

yall have twins

and literally

he loves them so much

sometimes you wonder if he loves them more than you

But you know that isn’t true, he loves you and him all the same

He does spend copious amounts of time with them though.

If they wake up in the middle of the night, especially while you are still recovering from your hospital visit

he is up before you can even TRY to get up.

You may wake up, but by the time you do he’s already out of the bed and into the nursery

When you walk in to check on him when he hasn’t returned to the bedroom after about twenty minutes

he’s in the rocking chair, both twins on his chest, which by the way, he never wears a shirt to bed, so this dad bod man has two little twins snuggled onto his chest, his hands over their backs to make sure they don’t go anywhere

and he’s like

half awake

but more asleep than awake at all

so when you come in and you just kinda take a picture of him 

he doesn’t even move

he swears he isn’t snoring

he is

He also like demands that you let him do what he needs to do

He wants you to be as comfortable as possible while you need to rest up and get better

He knows that you’re sore, he knows that you hurt, and he knows that you want to spend time with the babies too

so he will bring them to you 

he refuses to let you walk to them

he brings them to you

He loves to watch you with them, he tells you that he thinks you are a natural and that he loves to see you do even the most basic things with them

of course you tell him that you love to see him with them too, because it’s just so sweet to see how soft he gets looking at them

As time goes on and you get more healed and the twins grow up a little 

you two have so much fun with their milestones

Arthur loves to watch them on their tummies, tummy time is his favorite thing

often times you’ll catch him laying on his stomach too, watching them with his head in his hands and smile on his face

He the first time that one of them rolled over he literally screamed

“Darlin’! Get in here! He rolled over! Little Morgan rolled over!” 

He literally loses his entire collective mind

He has his phone out in an instant and is trying to video them both 

He manages to get the baby girl rolling over and he’s never been happier

he literally loves to show off those videos to the guys, John and Charles see them repeatedly at work

They aren’t even annoyed about it though cause they’ve never seen him happier

(Well, other than when he’s boasting about you that is)

When the two of them sit up on their own, he’s even more excited and he claims he cannot WAIT until he can take them fishing and you have to gently explain to him that they’ve still got a little while yet before they can properly hold a pole

They can’t speak but Arthur is constantly trying to get them to

literally 

always trying to convince them to say “dada” or even “papa” 

he says that he will win and be the favorite parent

(He means it in a completely joking way an sincerely hopes that you are actually the favorite because he has mental issues.)

He loves to watch them hold stuff, so he’ll hand them stuff in a joking way for them to hold cause he thinks its funny

he’ll be doing something and then just hand them like

one of their toys

and just go 

“Here, hold this for me pal, I’m busy.” 

He likes to buy them all kinds of toddler toys they can’t really play with yet too

he bought a little plastic tool set for them and he’s so excited every time they end up grabbing one of the little wrenches from it

He loves them to no ends and every time he’s in public with you and them, like a family dinner he sits and just plays with them rather than actually figuring out what he should be eating

so when the waitress and or waiter comes around he sits there and boasts about them

(You order him a steak usually because you know he’ll eat it and he’s too busy to pay attention, and you get him a coke with it)

He is just the definition of caring father 

as they get older, and they start crawling

he literally laughs the first time he catches it

He is EXCITED

Like

they’re gonna go on so many adventures!

You on the other hand are completely worried

Theres a lot for them to get into in the house, and it’s more worrying than it is exciting for you

but arthur is there to reassure you and tell you that it’ll be okay

He makes sure that he keeps an extra close eye on them 

they do like to get into things

and crawl where they shouldn’t 

but he always makes sure that they’re alright

and that they don’t ya know

kill themselves

by the time their first birthday rolls around Arthur 

I mean

Arthur is just so excited

He also...

well

he is also trying to convince you to have another kid

he thinks they’re growing too fast and while he’s excited for the rest of their lives

He also wants to hold a baby in his arms again

A baby baby

and you have to remind him

that you two should probably wait at least until the twins are at least two years old 

He knows you’re right

and he knows that it makes more sense to have a bigger space between them

but 

he tries to tell you that if you get pregnant NOW

then the kids will be a year and nine months older than the new baby and that’s almost two years difference

and it’s really hard to say no to him

I mean

really hard

He’s really attractive for one thing, he’s your husband, you love him and he’s always hot to you

Literally always attractive to you

he can have baby spit up all over him and you think he’s the most attractive man on the planet

i mean

lets face it

it’s arthur morgan

he’s HOT

So 

It’s hard 

it’s difficult

not to tell him

“Sure, we’ll have another baby”

He tries to ambush you with it after the kids are put in their cribs 

He’ll come up behind you and wrap his strong arms around your waist, kiss your neck and start muttering things in your ear.

“Mmm....Darliin’, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life...you look even better outta those damn clothes”

He’ll gently place his hand on your stomach and lean even closer to your ear 

“You’re so damn hot when you carry my kids too...holdin’ my baby in you...mhm....you remember how they get there don’t you?” 

“Arthur, stop that-”

“Aww...Girl...come on....I love seein’ them pretty faces of yours, but I love finishin’ in ya more. Plus you make a damn good pregnant lady, I’d do it with ya the whole pregnancy if you didn’t have other things to do.”

“Arthur!” 

“What! I’m just tellin’ the truth..” 

You HAVE to tell him no

Make him wait until the twins are at LEAST two.

He loves you and respects you, so I mean

at least he isn’t gonna do anything he shouldn’t 

In the mean time he’ll spend all his energy towards the twins taking their first steps, walking and stumbling all over the house and causing mayhem wherever they go

You help out with them too obviously

I mean

come on they’re your babies too

you love them just as much

but arthur just

I mean

He’s ARTHUR

he loves your kids so much he does everything and anything that has to do with those kids

he literally I mean

all of his time is dedicated to them when he isn’t at work or with you

By the time their second birthday does come around

You guys have a great day

I mean

you celebrated their first birthday with Arthur’s family,  the cakes that they shoved in their faces, the little birthday hats, I mean

the whole shabang

so for the second birthday you take them to what has turned into their favorite park and the whole family has a fantastic time

Arthur sat and fished, keeping one of the twins on his lap while you had the other

let it be know though

literally

the moment the two of you get home 

he is gonna be all up in yo grill as soon as the kids are in bed

“So....the kids are two years old....”

“JUST BARELY ARTHUR!” 

“Mhm....don’t matter, they’re two now, two and nine months when you give birth...” 

“Arthur....”

“Darlin’, come on...I want more babies with ya, you know that, you’re beautiful, you’re damn sexy, and you look so damn good with a baby in the oven-”

“You are so bad-”

“Awww you love it.” 

Needless to say 

you and him are trying for another baby

he will boast about it by the way

not because he’s like 

“haha i am having sex”

but more so like

“Fuck you my wife is hot and I don’t have to pull out bitch” 

Kinda way

I mean

he is trying with you

all the time

literally

all the time

like

comes home after work almost every day and sees if you’re in the mood

if the babies aren’t being taken care of, of course

After you two have the most 

leg shaking

out of breath

sweaty 

sex imaginable

he’ll kiss you passionately 

put a hand around your throat, and hold your ankles in the air to make sure that his seed gets you pregnant.

He stands next to you while you pee on the stick too

literally stands there waiting 

watching you impatiently

“Come onnnn are we gonna have another kid or not?”

“Arthur, we have to wait for ten minutes.” 

“Bullshit!” 

While you wait he’s gonna kiss your face, your neck, your shoulders

and literally anywhere he can find

“I love you, but if this ain’t positive I’m takin’ you right back in that bedroom, and your face ain’t leavin’ that damn pillow ‘til im done with you.”

He’s literally the hottest when he wants to have more kids

When it is postive

he will most likely still do that

because he’s excited

It comes up negative

and 

well

ya know

When you finally do get that positive test he’s at work and you’re taking the twins to Hosea and Dutch’s house to be watched for the day 

You use the bathroom before you leave and take a test

you’re a few weeks late for your period 

so you’re a little interested to see if it is what you think it is

it is

you tell dutch and hosea and they’re so excited to be grandparents pt. 2

You decide to text arthur

and tell him this exactly

“Hey, I have something I wanna talk to you about after work”

He panics a little because he has anxiety

but 

he knows you love him

so he isn’t gonna panic too much

but when he gets home he nervously shuffles a little 

and looks at his feet

he’s a confident man, when the moment’s right

but in times like these

he’s the most shy person he can be

When you kiss him on the cheek he feels a little better and he’ll look up at you 

You just smile widely and hand him the test 

and he starts literally jumping

“We did it?” 

“We did it!” 

“Oho I can’t wait to rub this in john’s face!” 

He’s just so excited again to have another mini you, and mini him, and like

he’s really excited for the twins to have another sibling around

He’s just a fantastic dad, and he’s so happy for the two of you

The twins he tells them that they’re gonna have another sibling

and even though the two of them are a little younger they seem to really get it

Arthur will start laying his head on your stomach with the twins and gently place their hands on your tummy

“Your little sister or brother is in there.”

and he just loves to see you smile as they put their tiny hands on you

He smiles so big 

and just

I mean

he loves you so much

he loves your kids so much

and like

he is in heaven every time he’s with all of you.

He just feels so overwhelmed with love

Sometimes he falls asleep in the twins rooms, even though they don’t really need to be baby babied anymore

and sometimes you’ll hear him talking to them about you and about the new baby and you swear he’s on the verge of tears.

He is literally the perfect husband, the perfect father.

Arthur is everything you wanted and more

And you just

he means the world to you and you make sure he knows that

you make sure he feels loved 

you make sure he knows

and he has literally never felt better in his life than he does when he’s at home with you and his kids.

He has little wallet pictures of all of you

and one of you pregnant that he’ll replace when your baby pops out :)

[io-lu-art]

just a looong ramble analysing and rethinking Rey's character and turning whatever conclusions I get to into my headcanon without changing any plot points in TFA because I don't have the energy for that....

First things first. With everything I write here and publish on my blog from now on I refuse to believe that TROS ever existed. Everyone is free to have their personal opinions as long as they don't harass or hate on anyone, and this is mine. Almost every choice in that movie has left me scarred, even up til now, 4 years after its release. I thought I can ignore it, like any other healthy human being, but - oh boy, I cannot. If you are interested in reading another ramble on that, here's the post.

Since I am writing my own take on what could happen after TLJ (you may call it a fanfiction, I'm gonna call it a fanscript since that's gonna be its format), this post serves the purpose of getting my head clear around what's the deal with Rey, analysing, and lying down a solid foundation for my WIP. The story I'm writing has barely reached the end of Act I (out of III) at the moment I am composing this commentary, and I constantly notice that I get stuck with Rey's character every time I have to think about her for different reasons I will address down below.

I will make some rewrites as I see fit and necessary along the way for her character to make sense to me. All rewrites are in Tumblr's

chat style

This post will be linked to my AO3 fancifction as a reference for people to understand how I treat her character as soon as that one will be finished... *clears her throat* ...ANYWAY-

Let's have a look at Rey, shall we?

Rey's introduction.

When we first meet Rey, there is already a lot we get to learn about her. She's a scavenger. On a pretty much deserted desert planet. Water and food are scarce. She gathers parts during the day to sell them in exchange for food rations.

She has no friends, no family. She's lonely. And has been for quite a while. And yet, though hard, it looks like a pretty peaceful and stable life. If it were significantly different, we would have gotten introduction scenes of her battling some gangs or other scavengers for parts or something. But instead we were provided with beautiful, peaceful cinematography and John Williams' incredible score.

She manages. She manages because she has to and has never known to do otherwise. This on its own is already a very solid introduction. And it becomes even more powerful as we are provided with additional context later on, as she tells BB-8 that she's waiting for her family.

We know who she is, what she does and what she wants. No more questions, right?

Well, this is where it gets confusing, at least for me: there's one shot in Rey's introduction which always leaves me puzzled about her actual wants. It's the moment she puts on the rebel pilot helmet.

Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it feels like it kinda wants to draw parallels to Luke Skywalker in ANH? What exactly is the purpose of this shot? Is she putting on the helmet just for fun? Is it to show that she is still a kid inside? She seems to enjoy herself. Is it to show us that she maybe wants to be a pilot...? The gesture on its own is too little information to imply that, let alone that she already is a very skilled one, so probably no. Then, is it, perhaps, to show us that she dreams of more? Like Luke, who wanted to get off the planet that is "farthest away from the bright center of the universe"?

The interpretations, especially when looking at it in context to the rest of the movie could go on and on and on.

Quick detour.

The reason it works so well with Luke's character is because from the very beginning, with everything he does and says, it is perfectly clear that he doesn't want to stay on Tatooine. It's his only want when we first meet him.

Luke has friends who tell him about the galaxy. He seeks adventure.

And he's very impatient about it.

Everything he says basically SCREAMS how much he hates it there.

Now back to Rey.

Am I expecting Rey to show the same interest in getting off Jakku with the same attitude and level of energy as Luke, should that have been what TFA was going for? No, of course not. They are (supposed to be) two different characters after all. But I do believe that, given the setup, that helmet scene leaves too much room for confusing and unnecessary interpretation. (More so because I am trying my best to avoid nostalgia bait wherever I can.)

I am not denying the fact that she wouldn't have heard about the wider galaxy, that she wouldn't wonder about what it would feel like, being out there. People travel. And with people traveling, so do stories. So if you want to hint at that, do it subtly, all the while keeping the focus on her biggest want.

I might really just be reading too much into it, but still, in my humble opinion, a way to solve this confusion is cutting out her interaction with the pilot helmet completely. Let me demonstrate.

Inside her home we already see this self-made rebel pilot puppet. Just like the puppet lying around, instead of having her pick it up and putting it on,

the helmet remains part of the environment, stuck in the sand. There could even be a close-up on it as Rey puts down her empty plate next to it when she has finished eating if you really want to show it. She then rests her arms on her knees and looks up into the sky, following the ship that has just departed from the far outpost into the high atmosphere until it disappears. Waiting.

What is achieved by changing the interaction with the helmet is that it keeps her wants just as clear as Luke's. Luke wants adventure. She wants her family back. Period.

...I rewatched this scene after writing these paragraphs and yes, I admit, in the end it happens so fast that one could probably just let it pass and interpret it as Rey being very bored and using it as entertainment to wait out the days. But even if it were just that, the effects this little tweak would have on the following scenes is quite interesting to look at nonetheless.

The tweak I am going with from now on: Having her not actively wonder about possible adventures at all. She doesn't believe those stories to actually be true, because she's never allowed herself to. She's never allowed herself to actually want to ever leave Jakku.

What would it mean for her characterisation? It would make her slightly more serious and grounded. And the movie (except for the helmet scene) actually already treats her that way. Notice how she, while fixing BB-8's antenna, takes a moment to look at him before asking:

She's never seen such a droid before. At least not in such good condition. So, of course, she's curious. But when BB-8 says it's classified, she only laughs about it. "Classified? Really? Me too. Big secret," as if to say, haha, yeah, right. She rejects that possibility. And she doesn't bother asking any further, because when she is confronted with the choice to go and explore, she is reminded of her promise to herself, which is that she will wait for her family until they return.

Now, here is where I insert some very subtle "rewriting". When Rey first meets Finn, she is suspicious of him...

...and should actually remain suspicious,

instead of admiring him and falling into this, let's call it, "excited, fangirly smile"...

She doesn't know him. She has no reason to trust him. Instead, the tone of this line should be one that reflects her emotions as it slowly gets to her that those stories she's been hearing about might actually have some truth to them, that there might actually be a wider world out there. So make her be gradually interested.

Huh. This man I just forcefully hit to the ground, a Resistance fighter, knows about BB-8 and his classified information. What are the odds of that?

"So you're with the Resistance?" Rey asks suspiciously, looking down at the man.

The man stands up, brushes the sand and dust off his jacket and answers, "Obviously. Yes, I am. I am with the Resistance."

Rey frowns, "I've never met a Resistance fighter before," scanning him with her eyes. Why would there be any on Jakku? Nothing ever happens here.

"Oh, this is what we look like, some of us. Others look different."

Rey cannot help a little smile at his strange attitude. She looks back to where BB-8 rolled off to. Puzzled, she tells him, "BB-8 says he's on a secret mission. He has to get back to your base..." Even hearing herself pronounce that out loud feels so surreal to her. None of this makes any sense. Why-

"Apparently he has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker and everyone's after it."

What? "Luke Skywalker?" she asks, confounded.

CUT TO ACTION.

Whether she wants it or not, the plot forces her into the stories she's been hearing of. You don't want to believe they are real? They're real, all right. She has no choice but to run and get along. And later, she does get more and more interested, specifically when she meets Han Solo, the legend himself. Her whole beliefs turn upside down. It's exciting and she embraces it. Why? She's made a promise to BB-8 that she will get him home, and those things kinda come hand in hand.

Rey's physicality.

Rey is very fast to jump into action. She doesn't think twice about what she's doing. She just acts. Because that's how she's learned to survive all this time on her own. When she but hears BB-8 struggling in the distant sand dunes the first time they meet, she immediately reacts and goes to help (which also shows how compassionate she is towards people - and droids - in need of help).

And she's incredibly stubborn about it. If I may even word it like this: it's something she carries with pride.

So she's a good fighter. And I have but one request: DO. NOT. FORGET. THAT. HER. FIGHTING. STYLE. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. WHILE. THE. STORY. PROGRESSES. OK? Ok. What else? Ah, yes. Piloting. I don't know which of the two aspects has brought more uproar in the SW community, with the addition of the Force to these 2 points making people call her a Mary Sue, her being overpowered and so on. Let's have a look at that.

Rey's piloting skills.

She obviously knows her way around the Falcon. And it's plausible. "This ship hasn't flown in years!" It's been there for quite a while. Maybe she has had the opportunity to sneak onto it once. What about her flying skills? Well, that takeoff definitely had me worried. At this point I am even amazed this ship is still all in one piece. Which has me thinking... just a thought...

While trying to get those TIEs off their tail, Rey damages a visibly big part of the Falcon's exterior. "Ups," she comments, hastily checking the controls. Ok... The ship still flies. All good.

"What was that?" Finn calls from the gunner position, seriously worried for their lives.

"Nothing to worry about!" Rey quickly shouts back. All in all, the flight is messy as hell, and the Falcon needs some heavy repairs. But they still manage to get out.

"Nice shooting!"

"That was some flying! How did you do that?"

"Thanks! I don't know! I've flown some ships, but I've never left the planet."

(This is me reacting to their dialogue in the new context:) Yeah, guys, good work! You've almost destroyed the Falcon in the process, but you're alive, so I guess it's fiiiiiine.

What am I going for here? Adding to their level of expectations, which are... pretty low, and hopefully Rey's likability.

And then, later, Han is horrified of the state his ship is in, "Who did that?" Rey doesn't answer his question, but instead immediately offers her help, "I can fix that for you," feeling a bit ashamed of handling the ship of a legend this carelessly. And Han is... well, Han about it.

When would the Falcon get those repairs, you might ask? Eh, *hand gesture* there's plenty of time on D'Quar for that while they discuss how to blow up the third Deathst- *clears her throat* Starkiller Base. And obviously it's not gonna be Rey doing those repairs.

This addition tones down her abilities, puts more focus on her skills as a scavenger and makes her more relatable. I'd also argue that it puts more weight to her decision to eventually decline Han's offer to join the crew because of her wants. You see, once immersed into the real thing, the stories becoming true, meeting the legends, she becomes genuinely curious. She asks questions. Why did Luke leave? What fight? She gets incredibly excited when Han offers her a job. And yet, despite all, she still wants to go back.

Nevertheless, Rey displays pretty amazing piloting skills under those stressful circumstances on Jakku. After all, flying the Falcon is....

Her instincts are implacable. One might even say that she*

She just isn't aware of it yet. It is not until some scenes with Han and the rathtars later that we get the first hint.

The Force.

Now I might be wrong, but I have a theory, which is that the piloting performance under high pressure on Jakku might have been it. The Awakening.

The Force calls to Rey through Luke's lightsaber. And she listens to it, not knowing what will follow. She experiences the Force vision, and is horrified.

"That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to you!"

"I have to get back to Jakku." Again.

Even when Maz tells her, "You already know the truth. Whomever your waiting for on Jakku, they are never coming back,"

she still refuses to believe that.

Tears run down her cheeks

and she shakes her head. No.

"But there's someone who still could."

Rey frowns. What is Maz implying there? "Luke?" she asks and realises what it's leading up to, and doesn't like it. Her emotions are a mess. She gulps back and keeps shaking her head as Maz speaks.

"The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. [...] The light. Feel it. [...] The lightsaber. Take it."

Rey doesn't want to hear of it. Any of it.

"I am never touching that thing again!"

Rey just witnessed complete horror. She is in denial. Keep in mind her clear wants from the beginning of the movie. Ideally her want for her parents to come back should be replaced by the character fulfilling her needs at the end of her arc. But we're not nearly there yet. What Maz tells her about the Force completely contradicts Rey's experiences. She cannot just accept the truth. And how does she handle it? She runs away. She's terrified.

She wants to go back to the way things were before any of this mess started. But the plot doesn't let her run away that easily. It knows she has to face her fears, one being her fear of the Force and one the fear of perhaps never making it back to Jakku ever again.

It forces her further into these situations, making it impossible for her to get out of them. She's trapped. Literally and figuratively. And fighting her way out won't work this time, the one ability she always relied on to save herself. It's her darkest moment. And if that were not enough, Kylo Ren, this stranger, this man inside that mask, the man from her vision, shoves all her insecurities right into her face.

"And Han Solo." Rey jolts up. Either out of fear of possibly betraying Han and slipping, giving away a location, or out of rage that Kylo has gone too far into her personal space. Either way, this rage gives her some strength to oppose him. "You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you."

"Get out of my head!" He backs away for his own reasons, not wanting to think any more of his father, but still holds onto her mind. Rey does all she can to withstand him, and the longer she does, the more time it gives her to understand what is going on.

And Kylo senses it. What he's trying to do here is not working. Concern washes over his face, which makes him lose control over the situation. The connection opens, inviting Rey to tap into his mind. She's inside his head. Now she understands. She understands she can use this power on him, too. So she does.

And there it is. She's strong with the Force.

And that's intentional. Why? For reasons we discover in TLJ and numerous other fanfictions. (TROS? w-what's that-)

She has found a way out of the situation. Now, has she ever heard of Jedi mind tricks? Maybe? But remember what she just discovered: She just tapped into Kylo's mind. So she tries that again on the stormtrooper. Because when she knows how to act, she just does. She's always been confident in her physical abilities and skills. Why would she have to treat this new power any different? And luckily it works, after 3 tries.

And that's fine. Let's move on. Kylo kills Han. Explosions.

Notice this. Even though she knows she now has these new powers, the same powers Kylo has, she still draws her blaster at him after calling him a monster. She acts on emotion and choses the quick, familiar way.

I actually like to believe that Rey really doesn't know what the Force is and how it works, at all. How would she? Yes, Maz did tell her about it, but how do Force-powers manifest in people? She's never seen anyone use it before, upon meeting Kylo Ren. So in every scene she does use it, she just copies Kylo. That's the only reference she has. Remember how proud she is of her physical abilities. And she is so naive that she just goes and tries it for herself, without thinking of whether it will work out or not. And it works out for her. Because, again, she is strong in the Force.

It's true that her flaw, her naivety, is not really addressed in TFA. It never really backlashes on her. And, to be completely honest, I have no idea how to make room for that without some heavier rewrites yet. But maybe it's not necessary. TLJ takes care of that. TFA just introduces us to Rey as a character after all.

Now, is the force-summoned lightsaber making her overpowered? If you interpret it as "Kylo couldn't get that thing out the snow but Rey could," then yes, yes it is. BUT, if you see it as "while Rey is observing the fight, she sees Kylo trying to summon it, so she copies him, the way she copied him with the mind-tapping, and reaches for it the moment Kylo conveniently gets it out of the snow for her," I don't think it is, though I do agree that in order for the second version to be true, the scene happens too fast with too little shots to explain it. *OP takes a breath* So, here is what I suggest:

Kylo reaches out for the lightsaber. SHOT of the lightsaber in the snow, fidgeting slightly. BACK TO Kylo, pulling anew. BACK TO the lightsaber. It gets free. CUT. Another shot of it flying through the air towards the camera.

SHOT on Rey witnessing that - she is already on her feet again - and immediately reaching for it as well, outstretching her arm towards it.

SHOT of Kylo as he feels the momentum of his pull shift and dodges out of the way. The lightsaber flies past him, into Rey's hand.

Rey has always been fast to react to action. So it would make sense for her to be able to do that. Ok. Now to the fight itself.

*sighs* I don't even know where to start. ...One thing's for sure. Kylo at this point is pretty much destroyed emotionally from having killed his father, but he's still big and strong and aggressive in his movements. Rey, on the other hand, kinda seamlessly knows how to handle a lightsaber, which... is definitely not believable at all.

Let's step back for a moment. Why do we have this fight? Rey needs to get Finn and herself out of there and Kylo is pretty much in the way, so she wants to eliminate the problem. And what does Kylo want? Sure, he is interested in Rey and her raw powers which eventually adds up to them being equals in the Force, so he doesn't want to kill her...

But he also wants that lightsaber, doesn't he?

(God, I am looking at this fight to find any clues and I'm just sitting here, elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands, massaging my temples, wondering, "why the hell are there so many cuts in that fight scene?") (I am no expert in fight choreography, so bare with me as I try to make this work.)

Rey is the one who draws first at him.

She has never wielded a lightsaber before, but knows how to handle a staff... so she treats the lightsaber like a staff within its limitations.

Because remember, HER. STYLE. OF. FIGHTING. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. So, pretend we have some well thought out choreography in this part.

Kylo blocks her with ease. Rey is frustrated. The lightsaber feels heavy and difficult to handle. It doesn't take long for Kylo to

get her cornered at the edge of the newly formed cliff.

"You need a teacher! I could show you the ways of the Force!" he exclaims.

Rey considers, out of breath, "The Force?" Rey takes a moment as her mind connects the dots. So that's what these new powers are? Kylo watches her, waits for her to make a move. No time for pondering about the Force any more. Rey moves. Kylo LETS her duck and free herself from his block. She runs, backs away from the crater. He follows her. He outstretches his arm. Rey is stuck. She's literally petrified. Again. Kylo draws nearer. He twirls his saber, now holding it backwards (you know, Ahsoka style). "No," she hisses through her teeth, struggling. Heavy breaths. She closes her eyes. When he almost touches her hand holding the lightsaber, "No!" she RESISTS his force-cage and GOES FREE.

Because, you see, even though Maz told her to "close her eyes" and "feel the light", Rey has never done that before, and when under stress, I do believe she would rather choose a quick, familiar way to get out of the situation. The only thing she knows how to do with the Force at this point is to copy or resist Kylo. She wouldn't know how to to draw power from the Force, yet. She'll have plenty of time to learn that from Luke later, should she survive this fight, so we better continue.

Kylo stumbles back as she draws at him. Rey goes for a swing to hit from above, which Kylo manages to block last second, bringing his lighsaber up from behind his back. As their lightsabers are crossed again he quickly reaches for her right hand, which is holding Luke's saber, with his left hand and moves it aside to his right towards the ground, using his crossguard for more momentum to force her down. He steps his left foot accordingly to keep himself stable. Rey cries out from the unexpected movement. They are kinda back to back. His left shoulder against her right one. The position is uncomfortable. He squeezes Rey's wrist. Rey cries out in pain. Then, she realises how close they are.

Time for some close combat, ladies and gentlemen.

She gives in and lets go of the lightsaber, lets it fall to the ground. Kylo releases her to reach for the fallen lightsaber. But before he can pick it up, Rey KICKS his left hand away with her right heel and PUNCHES his JAW with her right elbow from below. Kylo's head rocks back. He stumbles backwards from the harsh impact, causing him to turn his back to her in order to catch himself. Rey summons Luke's lightsaber back into her left hand, and ignites it. When Kylo turns back to his opponent, left and unprotected side first, Rey is ready to stab him in his left shoulder.

Kylo stumbles back some more, she brings her hands together for another strike leftwards, he barely blocks it, he stumbles back some more, it leaves his posture open, Rey strikes again, rightwards, lower this time, wounding his leg, he falls to his knee, leaving Rey the final blow to provide him with his scar.

The reason I started writing this entire ramble in the first place is a conversation I had with my friend which brought up the fact that Rey should be able to beat Kylo by using her rough, unpredictable moves. Shout out to my friend who, bless her, is willing to listen to and survives every one of my sw rants and who pointed this out in the first place!

Is this a good fightscene now? I have no idea. I hope so? I do have it very clear in my head now though, so I might go and have some fun storyboarding it in the nearest future.

You know the rest. The ground splits, she runs to Finn, Chewie picks them up. . . .

There are some more moments which I believe need some tweaks, like the meeting with Leia, which is just so unfair to Chewie, really, but if I go on and on about this, I would end up changing the entire movie, which I do not have the strength for atm. This ramble was supposed to be about Rey and her alone, so I am done here.

I guess in the end Rey does realise her needs and is able to let her wants aside for a bit longer and focus her hope on actually helping the Resistance and get Luke. Hope that, with finding Luke, she will get to understand these new powers. I do feel like the movie could have provided us with a more emotionally rich reactive scene to the fight and her abilities, and generally just more of those, but then, what am I expecting from a JJ Abrams film? We have Rian for that.

My conclusion? I'm bad with conclusions and summaries, so here you have it, my take on Rey by only adding to the existing dialogue, changing some attitudes here and there, adding a scene, and changing the fight sequence at the end and how she treats the Force.

I do have a clearer understanding of her character now, which was the entire purpose of this ramble, so I guess, mission accomplished. Congratulations on having made it till the end. It was a long ride. I did consider splitting this beast into 2 parts, but while writing this, at one point I just decided to fully commit to it.

You are totally free to, of course, agree with me and stay tuned for my WIP fanscript or disagree, never read through this thing ever again, ignore it and leave it to die on Tumblr's graveyard.

Before you ask, because I also considered doing that just for the sake of having fun with GIFs on Tumblr (all text gifs are taken from YARN btw), I will not do a post like this on TLJ, since I have no problems with Rey's character there at all. Props to Rian Johnson at this point, for managing to make sense of her with what TFA gave us.

[rashomonss]

I saw that your requests are open so I wanted to share some silly possessive Satan things, mainly fueled by the new event and all of THIS:

The new event gave us so much of Satan being possessive and jealous and just jdfbejdhwbdbshf

I can’t seem to get enough of Satan being possessive of MC, he’s just so shwdhenziavwkwb

I am just a simp. (T ^ T)

AHH SATAN MY LOVE (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

words cannot express how much i love him, and omg it magnified in this event, he was just the best I wanted to scream (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈)

jealous and possessive satan is a favorite of mine so i’d be more than happy to write a few little headcanons about this side of him (don’t worry bc I’m also such a simp for this man too ♡)

I’m not jealous..!

Jealous Satan who won’t hesitate to drag you off if he thinks others are taking too much of your time. Especially if it’s while your both out and about. If you get hit on at a store by a lower level demon, he’ll give them the ugliest look you’ve ever seen then push you off to another place, claiming you shouldn’t waste your time on someone like that.

Jealous Satan who wants to hold your hand but won’t out of respect, so he just looms behind you menacingly until the person finally leaves you alone. If you turn around to look at him after he’ll just smile at you, and ask if you’re ready to head somewhere else. When you question him about why that demon ran off he shrugs and claims that you shouldn’t worry about it.

Jealous Satan who will stand between you and others, interrupting your conversation with the person just to talk to you. If your comfortable enough with him, he will do this a lot. Especially if it’s in the library. For instance you had asked someone about a book and where to find it, to which they offered to help, but proceeded to end up hitting on you as well. Satan noticed and walked straight over bumping the other demon away and began speaking to you as if nothing happened.

Jealous Satan who won’t hesitate to knock the absolute shit out of someone who is harassing/ bothering you in anyway. Believe me he’s knocked a few demons out before because they were trying to spread rumors about you. After that incident no lower level demon tries to start anything with you, solely because they are afraid of you and Satan. However Satan would rather die than let you know he did something like that, he doesn’t want to worry you after all.

Jealous Satan who won’t hesitate to engage in any debate over any topic for your sake, or just to show that he’s intellectually better and more capable than that person. He’s very skilled when it comes to anything and everything, so it’s hard to imagine someone challenging him intellectually. However the idea is not impossible. There have been very few who challenge him, but of course they all end up losing in the end. He will always make sure to dedicate his win to you though ♡

Jealous Satan who will deny he is jealous whenever you try to ask him, but deep down he knows that he’s not hiding it that well. You know that too and tease him on occasion. He doesn’t mind your teasing but if you ever get jealous later he’ll remember to tease you back. If he’s honest he’s not one to get easily jealous but if your constantly pestered by someone you’ve already let down then he gets pissed. His brothers are a whole different story entirely, they never leave you alone so in return don’t blame him for being extra needy for you attention.

Jealous Satan who will engage in PDA with you to make others jealous. He will not hesitate to kiss you or even bite you in front of someone if they are trying to make a move on you. The same goes for his brothers as well. He’s bitten you in front of Mammon before and can count on both hands the number of times he’s kissed you in front of Lucifer just to piss him off. He likes to rub it in Lucifer’s face that you like him more and is always content with the reactions he gets from him. Of course don’t think he’s using you just to make Lucifer upset, that’s a bonus. He loves engaging in PDA (if you’re comfortable with it) any time and all the time. It just makes him feel better if he pisses people off in the process.

Jealous Satan who on occasion will boast about your pact with him and the fact that you are indeed his master. He won’t hesitate to show off your pact mark either, if anything that just adds fuel to his fire. He does it because it pisses off a lot of higher level demons who want a pact with you.

Jealous Satan who will always claim to know more about you and your tastes than others. He won’t hesitate to give back anything someone made for you (especially if you receive chocolates or anything of the sort on Valentine’s Day or White Day) and claim that you’re not a fan of that certain food. He’ll then add something along the lines of “you wouldn’t have given them this if you actually knew anything about them”. He even does this when others offer you books, he’ll give them back and say “make sure you ask about what they prefer to read instead of assuming”. This man will not let anyone rest.

Jealous Satan who will always go over the top for you with anything; especially when it comes to his brothers. (Remember the Wedding event?? And that whole book he wrote just to propose, and the fact that he did the same thing in the Showdown event, where he wrote another whole book and then ate chocolates with you at the end) He will always put in a large amount of effort to give you something that no one else would. He wants you to remember whatever he makes you and hopes you’ll love it in the end, and of course if you do it makes him absolutely ecstatic.

[bonefall]

random question but as someone who's considering trying to do my own rewrite esque thing... is it weird that i want to like. Fix bramble and squirrel's relationship instead of having him continue to be an abuser? Maybe it's just the fact that I liked them as a kid (or that i havent read SqH/past OOTS) but there's this weird disconnect where the bramble in my head is apparently a lot different than other people read in the text lol. figured id ask you since you're The wc rewrite person

You can sort through my tags on Bramblestar if you'd like ideas. I am the king of "Bramble why can't you be GOOD." I talk a lot about how he is abusive, what I enjoy and what I don't enjoy about the idea of an abuse plotline, so on.

I personally won't recommend fixing Bramblesquirrel as a ship though. I think it would be a lot better to rewrite them as adopted siblings... tbh I've never seen a romantic BrambleSquirrel rewrite that didn't keep blaming Squilf as "just as bad" and "pushing each other's buttons" which I think is a really, really uncomfortable implication considering canon

Like... unfortunately, fanfic is inherently a commentative medium. We can fix, we can prune, we can rewrite, but we can't break free of the implications of canon.

I personally feel like the line is so fine that's impossibly razor thin.

So if you are committed to fixing BrambleSquirrel, please try to make sure to treat Squilf as valid. Bramble is constantly downplaying and ignoring her because she's loud and assertive, even though she's nearly always right.

She couldn't trust him with that secret; the second he found out he abandoned his family and acted passive aggressive for an entire year. He trained in the Dark Forest and let Leafpool take the fall for secrets he leaked to Hawkfrost. He throws Firestar's legacy at Squilf while getting pissed off that anyone throws Tiger's legacy back at him, even when they're not.

He holds the fact she wants a new baby over Squilf's head to invalidate her concerns all Squilf's Hope long, screams at her for caring about endangering kittens, and then leads a battle patrol against pregnant women.

Please please keep these in mind. Please either eliminate these, or for fuck's sake, don't "Bothsides" these issues

I think if you're going to fix Bramblesquirrel, you cannot give Bramble power. You'll have to completely change these situations so that he is not the deputy or leader, as these conflicts drive the plot. I can recommend Brackenstar or Thornstar instead, have Squilf lose a deputy position over the secret, Bramble is upset but supportive.

(Especially tap into how ThunderClan treats the three differently after this reveal, "i was angry you didn't trust me, but i see why you did it <:/")

Keep the internal arguments between the two of them harmless. Model something like Honeymooners, where in spite of their arguments being loud and blustering, Squilf is clearly never ACTUALLY afraid of him and NONE of these fights end in Big Summer Blowouts.

(And a side note; if your relationships look like that, you deserve better. It is actually not normal to have huge fights every month. I was Shocked but it is true.)

Remember, remember, remember; you have to SHOW me them being a healthy couple in spite of any arguing they do. Imagine that you CANT tell me "they love each other." You can never say that word-- can I still tell they are a loving couple?

If the answer is ever no, reevaluate.

[kithtaehyung]

RYEN HELLO OMG i'm finally here to scream in ur inbox about the window JFNDKFJNGK it's taken a minute bc i like to scroll through the chapter to make sure i don't forget anything and i can't stop re-reading it instead smh so first of all WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW THE TAGS omfg literally,,,, I DIDN'T EXPECT LIKE ANY OF THEM i was fr already a little feral and a little sweaty tbh. so u can imagine the whiplash when i start reading AND READER IS UPSET </3 but thank GOD for my queen dom <333333 always talking sense into reader!!! i am still literally screaming at her saying "make up with my future brother-in-law" LMAO AND EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT YOONGI WAS GOING TO SNEAK IN I STILL COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES WHEN I READ IT. i rlly love how this was "i'm yours and you're mine" but make it >:( lmao. yoongi said it best when he said "teach you to think i'm not yours. as if i don't wanna give you my shit so you can walk around everywhere with it on." SCREAMS (cut to yoongi giving reader HIS CHAIN kjgnkdjfgkjd i literally cannot stand it BUT OH MY GOD RYEN ALL THE SNEAKING AROUND GKJFKJGNDKJG literally saw my life flash before my eyes when bro came in and had to remind myself that This Is Not Real Life Please Breathe. literally every second bro wouldn't LEAVE i was just yelling in my head bc why are you here cockblocking. i love you please GET OUT. then i thought it was over AND NO??????? RYEN. look me in the eyes rn. hold my hands. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE KNOCKED ON THE WALL ??????? i can't complain too much bc cockwarming <3 BUT HELP. and vmin overhearing them when they think they're alone????????? dnkgjkjfdg i'm not strong enough to think too much about reader calling yoongi bitch and what happened right after. i am a weak weak person and you are so evil for making "you're gonna show me how you get off" yoongi GRAMMYS YOONGI. also bratty reader i am SCREAMING. like you're gonna call him bitch then disobey his orders????? "pass." ICON. talking about him being put in his place??? I WOULD PAY TO SEE IT. (also love how shy he was about it at the end gkjdnkfj like, sir, don't dish what you can't take. u wanna be punished a little, we get it, just say so) but it wouldn't be 3tan yoongi if he wasn't constantly checking in and taking care of reader </3 like when reader thought they heard smth and he said he was watching </3 when he thought they were in subspace and wanted to check </3 idk smth about it made me </3 </3 he's so </3 </3 i would like to end this off by saying i've never read so much smut i wish i could reenact. WHICH REMINDS ME. YOU'RE TELLING ME??? PEOPLE ARE OUT HERE USING 3TAN AS INSPO FOR THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR PARTNERS??? oh i'm so sick THAT SHOULD BE ME. like i'm glad for u but also jealousy is a disease and i'm SICK. anyways, i'm glad you took your time with it!! it was (as always) worth the wait and i'm p sure i say this every time but perhaps this is my new favorite part???? it's got it all. angst, fluff, communication, their friends, yoongi being sweet, yoongi being a menace, i would keep going but the list will get so long and this is already. A LOT and i don't want tumblr to eat it!!! -loona anon MWAH

LOONA OMFGGGG HI BABE gonna put this under a cut bc it's time to scream back!

WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW THE TAGS omfg literally,,,, I DIDN'T EXPECT LIKE ANY OF THEM i was fr already a little feral and a little sweaty tbh. so u can imagine the whiplash when i start reading AND READER IS UPSET </3 but thank GOD for my queen dom <333333 always talking sense into reader!!! i am still literally screaming at her saying "make up with my future brother-in-law"

LMFAOOO i told y'all the warnings were already enough to make me sweat!! and look where we ended up. i don't think anyone knew the extent of my truth there ahahaha. but also, reader baby is upset?? who do i fight oh we're fighting yoongi</333 tragic.

LMAO AND EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT YOONGI WAS GOING TO SNEAK IN I STILL COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES WHEN I READ IT. i rlly love how this was "i'm yours and you're mine" but make it >:( lmao. yoongi said it best when he said "teach you to think i'm not yours. as if i don't wanna give you my shit so you can walk around everywhere with it on." SCREAMS (cut to yoongi giving reader HIS CHAIN kjgnkdjfgkjd i literally cannot stand it

HAHAHA yes. yoongi managing to surprise us even though his threat about going through a window is right there in writing.... we are the whole circus!! but yeah both of them were just so upset and adorable and i can't stand them actually?? lol.

BUT OH MY GOD RYEN ALL THE SNEAKING AROUND GKJFKJGNDKJG literally saw my life flash before my eyes when bro came in and had to remind myself that This Is Not Real Life Please Breathe. literally every second bro wouldn't LEAVE i was just yelling in my head bc why are you here cockblocking. i love you please GET OUT. then i thought it was over AND NO??????? RYEN. look me in the eyes rn. hold my hands. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE KNOCKED ON THE WALL ??????? i can't complain too much bc cockwarming <3 BUT HELP.

the bro interruptions were honestly so FUN to write i was cackling and crying the whole time!! like how does this man know exactly when to ruin a good time his comedic timing was gd hilarious. the fact that you had to take a breath to remind yourself it's not real is so cool?? wtf that's a huge compliment! and the double down is my absolute favorite bc it led to super cute moments :((( but was HORRIFYING when it started happening ahahahaha

and vmin overhearing them when they think they're alone????????? dnkgjkjfdg i'm not strong enough to think too much about reader calling yoongi bitch and what happened right after. i am a weak weak person and you are so evil for making "you're gonna show me how you get off" yoongi GRAMMYS YOONGI. also bratty reader i am SCREAMING. like you're gonna call him bitch then disobey his orders????? "pass." ICON. talking about him being put in his place??? I WOULD PAY TO SEE IT.

I WANT BOTH OF THEM LET ME IN COACH IM SLIDING DOWN THE WALLS BANGING ON THE DOORS. i want vmin too but that's a different story lol. but gOD reader in this was an icon a king a queen a god a goddess all of the praise. to be like that in front of grammys yoongi telling you to show him that? i dunno how reader got the words out lmfao. but the adrenaline rush must have been a huge boost to confidence levels.

(also love how shy he was about it at the end gkjdnkfj like, sir, don't dish what you can't take. u wanna be punished a little, we get it, just say so) but it wouldn't be 3tan yoongi if he wasn't constantly checking in and taking care of reader </3 like when reader thought they heard smth and he said he was watching </3 when he thought they were in subspace and wanted to check </3 idk smth about it made me </3 </3 he's so </3 </3 i would like to end this off by saying i've never read so much smut i wish i could reenact.

PLEASE. YOU GET IT. yoongi being a fcking menace in the control seat but we all know what he wants to see!! he isn't slick at all omfg i'm so sjfjddjks if we ever get to reader's turn? it's over. it's over for everyone involved i may need 28 business days to get through it lol. but yoongi was an absolute sweetheart here. he was mad! he was pissed! but that didn't mean he was gonna disregard the basics like wellbeing and awareness. he knows how to hold himself back and that puts reader in a wonderful position.

WHICH REMINDS ME. YOU'RE TELLING ME??? PEOPLE ARE OUT HERE USING 3TAN AS INSPO FOR THINGS TO DO WITH THEIR PARTNERS??? oh i'm so sick THAT SHOULD BE ME. like i'm glad for u but also jealousy is a disease and i'm SICK.

HAHAHAHA YES LOONA. THERE REALLY ARE PEOPLE OUT HERE DOING JUST THAT AND IM LIVING FOR ITTTT. if i could send you a 3tan yoongi i most definitely would</33

anyways, i'm glad you took your time with it!! it was (as always) worth the wait and i'm p sure i say this every time but perhaps this is my new favorite part???? it's got it all. angst, fluff, communication, their friends, yoongi being sweet, yoongi being a menace, i would keep going but the list will get so long and this is already. A LOT and i don't want tumblr to eat it!!!

i'm screaming?? if this is your new fave part?? hell yeah. that makes me happy bc i didn't think this was on the same level of quality as the others! but if you like it then i'm very satisfied. and you got a point about it having a bit of everything! it's not a holiday special for nothing ehehehe. thank you so much again babe. this made me smile and laugh today LOL ily!

[kokitschi]

1. i love your blog sm kokichi is my favourite character (mayyyybe besides tsumugi but if so he's a CLOSE second. maybe even on par.) and your enthusiasm makes my WHOLE day i love it so much

2. (if you don't mind me responding to your post in ask format. if not feel free to ignore lol) I don't think what Kokichi suffers from enough to cause his death is self-hatred. I think it's self-apathy, and that messes me up UNIMAGINABLY so i HAVE to get it off my chest.

I think the fact that Kokichi is so enthusiastic about so many things (real or fake, he undeniably acts it, and at the very LEAST we know he cares about the death game. and i like to think he just cares about games in general. i think his special interest is chess but that's a headcanon for another post-) and he cares so little about his own life that he'd WILLINGLY do that to himself, for any reason, is absolutely DEVASTATING. I don't think he cares enough about his own life to hate it. He constantly uses himself as just a 'piece' or a 'character' in his own little method of winning (surviving - and helping other people to survive, too) the game (goddamn the chess metaphors at it again 😔), from pretending to be the mastermind, to playing devil's advocate every. single. trial. to lying and covering up evidence during trials, to finally, literally killing himself to get what he wants. He detaches himself so much FROM himself that when the time comes that his death is beneficial, he's like "yeah, seems legit" and just. does it.

(Sidenote: I find it incredibly ironic that everyone sees him as this master manipulator, and the person he manipulates most successfully is himself. Anyway-)

(sorry for the word vomit! your post just got me THINKING and i love character analysis so much AUGH themes and narratives and characters rotating in my head at all times. i cannot not speak about it.)

me rn:

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

-

that is a very good point! personally i've always seen him as rather depressed but he's grown very apathetic - he accepted himself as a bad person who won't change. you're right - he does not care about himself.

i also think that he isn't insecure. i think he knows what he's capable of perfectly well. so he's like "okay, if i don't do this - who will?"

because most of the others are still in conflict with themselves, they're unsure about what to do and that makes them slow to act.

i don't think that kokichis some perfect machine who has completely turned off his emotions, at all, but he's better at it than most.

because, like you said, he's very detached from himself - he's a game piece, he's playing the role of the antagonist. he's just doing what's meant for his role.

i imagine that he still has his conscience screaming at him though.

and i think that kinda bleeds into his actions, almost but not exactly subconsciously if that makes sense.

like, once he's got miu and gonta killed, it's like nooo im totally not acting out because i feel extremely guilty. nooo this kamikaze plan is definitely not a direct result of that. i am simply the antagonist. im evil and crazy and this is what is in character for me. this is simply my curtain call.

-

btw, i must tell you, this part: "He detaches himself so much FROM himself that when the time comes that his death is beneficial, he's like "yeah, seems legit" and just. does it." has got my brain on zoomies. it's like. yeah. that's so so so fucked. i love it

-

BTW hard same on the chess hc and i also like tsumugi a lot!! (though more as a concept)

i dunno how accessible this fic is for non-umineko fans but a fic that encapsulates both of ^these things is this one. one of my faves for sure.

-

never feel sorry about ranting in my asks, posts or whatever! i love reading this stuff!!! (can't promise i'll always answer this fast tho lol)

[sincelastsession]

It's almost 7am. I haven't slept.

My parents have a budget of 1k and want to move me asap. I'm supposed to find alll the places by myself and call.

I was going to go talk to the office today about my neighbors. I feel like I need a script to go off of or someone in my ear telling me what to say. They seem to treat me like I'm a racist. Yes these people are POC. The problem is the noise and rude behavior. I'm very protective of my peace and cannot function if it's disrupted constantly.

I was told not to bother by my mom because she doesn't think it's going to fix anything and I will be moving soon enough and to wear earplugs and the shitty ear protection that is not made for autistic people and does not block out enough noise. I do not think I should have to wear either of these items in order to live in this apartment complex I have not needed them before. All this began when these people moved into the apartment near me. I can hear people dropping off their children as the apartment currently and the children are crying and screaming. I hate it. My head already hurts. When I got home Yesterday from eating lunch with my mom I was at my door and somebody spoke through the ring doorbell that they have set up at their little daycare and yelled who is it. It was not a normal question it was aggressive and rude and they also yelled something else intelligible at me and I cannot prove any of this happened. The office seems to not give a fuck about my sanity or anything else for that matter.

So my parents are willing to move me and they are both arguing about who has to pay how much and I have been given a limit of $1000.

Most places that would be safe and quiet for me to be able to heal and balance out and work on things and flourish are more expensive than that my parents already expect me to contribute to the $1000 which does not make sense because they told me that before they told me I needed to contribute which means that I have to rework my entire budget which I don't mind looking at but I would like to have money to do nice things for myself just like they do nice things for themselves. I would like to lead a normal life as much as possible. I was not allowed to do so in my childhood. I was the one taking care of everybody else so there was the least amount of conflict possible or I was made to feel that I had to be that way. I have always been put in the middle and forced to choose between my parents. They both speak about each other in horrible manners. I am not innocent of talking shit about both of them obviously. But what I'm saying is true and what they are saying is to manipulate me against one another which they have done as far back as I can remember. I was used as a weapon. I am still being used as a weapon. They think that I am using them and that is far from the truth. I am extremely angry at them though.

So anyway I have 1K to work with. I either need a very large one bedroom home with a small office room that I can use as an office or guest room. Or I need an actual 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment where I can get a roommate or a 3 bedroom apartment where I can get 2 roommates or just one I really don't care. Actually that's not true I would prefer not to have a roommate I have a lot of furniture and I do own a lot of things and there's more furniture that I would like to get from my father's house. I could furnish my own home and most of the furniture I do have is antique and inherited from my grandmother. I do not wish to live in a place so small that I would have to put it in storage and pay extra money that I don't have or sell it. It has functionality and sentimental value. I throw away things that I don't need or I give it to people who do need it or I handed over to people will go and drop it off to be donated if I'm having trouble doing that myself.

I have found many places however none of the places are satisfactory to either of my parents. They tell me that all the places that I have found that are affordable are in bad areas. Some of the places they are talking about they are correct about but they have given me a limit and that's what I have to work with. I have told them both that I would be happy to have a condo with 2 bedrooms if one of the bedrooms was downstairs and I would happily get a roommate who could live upstairs But in all honesty I would like to keep a guest room/office/art room. I am a 37-year-old woman and I feel that that is important to me in a place to live. I need a place that will allow me to have my cats. They are natural therapy cats. They help me from having very bad Complex PTSD episodes. They help me when I am having autistic meltdowns. They are overall beneficial to my well-being and get me out of bed when I am having a rough time.

My biggest fear is that my parents are not serious and aren't planning to move me like they say they are and that if I start packing things that I am not using currently will it be a waste of time and energy?

Is it going to be another lie?

One time my mom Almost ruined a very long friendship of mine because she wanted to put a down payment on a small garden home for me and thought that she would somehow magically have the money to do that because she was speaking to a scammer. She never admitted this to me but I figured it out. It was not hard to figure out. She did not reply to any of the Is attempts at contact from my friend. He spent time and energy out of his very big business That he charges his normal clients lots and lots of money for his services. His clients include some very prominent figures in Louisiana. I was going to get all of that for free and she ruined it.

My father then said that he would help me find a place to live and we looked at exactly one place with a friend of Mine who was considering being my roommate but after being around my father and becoming quite Disturbed about his behavior he Changed his mind and he also told me that the price was Too Much anyway which I agreed on and I asked him if he would not mind looking at other places with me and he said sure and Then a few weeks later he blocked me completely And I never got an explanation. I assume that it's possible that my father might have called him or that he might have been so disturbed by my father that he did not want to be my roommate or associate with me anymore. I can't really figure out what exactly I did in that situation to make someone completely stop speaking to me I have pored over the messages and thought about everything I had said to that person prior to them disappearing out of my life I'm sure that they had their reasons and it might have not been a malicious reason.

It's 7:20 AM and I hear children screaming. I hear a lady screaming at them to shut the fuck up. This is apartment 60 In the corner near my apartment. I do think that at some point someone should probably call CPS because I do not know what is going on in that situation nor do I think that daycare's run out of apartments in apartment complexes are a very good idea for children a business or community. There are only 2 bedrooms in that apartment and there is no way that all of those children live there.

People tend to drop their kids off more often when the pool is open someone has ripped the pool sign that says closed off of the pool area out of anger because they think I am responsible for that. Unfortunately as much as I would have liked to be responsible for the green algae in the pool that is a natural occurrence due to lack of chlorine in the pool and weather I looked it up and read about how it occurs. It probably has to do with the fact that she makes the children stay downstairs in the pool and around the pool most of the day and I don't See them get to go upstairs to use the restroom ever until she calls them in to come eat and get dressed so their parents pick them up. I know that they are a Muslim family and I do not have any hate in my heart for the Muslim religion. I know that my other neighbor is Christian and I do not have hate in my heart for their religion either. If I have to continue to live here I am going to put pagan things out as decorations just like they have put their own decorations up. I want to do that because I have always wanted to do that not despite these people technically. It is part of my belief system and I feel that you know I have freedom of religion and writes to express that. I feel though that if I did that the apartment complex would have an issue with me and it would be a literal witch hunt. I am surprised that none of the children have come over to the area in front of my apartment and fucked with anything yet but there's still time I guess. They already call me a witch and say things about me that I know that they are repeating from the woman that lives there. There has been no direct confrontation but there has been many indirect things said towards my direction when I have been outside and wanting to garden and have nervously gone inside my apartment because I can't stand the noise and the behavior.

All of this could be solved in several different ways but those ways are out of my control and in control of the office and people that can report things to child protective services. I have tried to speak to child protective services but I have no proof of child neglect or anything else even though there is obvious Neglect going on in some way. I do not video or record these people or take pictures of them. I was asked by someone once in the office to do so and I told them no. I feel like that is going too far.

I am upset that I did not sleep and I am absolutely dreading today because I am exhausted and I know I'm going to hear a lot of Loud noises and I cannot Sleep with earplugs in or headphones and I Really do not Want To pull a 24 hour. My head fucking hurts and it's hurt on the right sad for over a year and I have spoken to so many fucking doctors about it and nobody has given me an answer but I can spend 5 minutes on Google and figure out a couple things it could be but fuck me they're not going to investigate any of it because I'm a big stupid not Doctor person And how dare I not go to Doctor's school and get my little Doctor's certificate. How dare I know things that professionals don't even think about. I mean it could be just a simple headache related to the concussion I sustained A couple years ago. It could be an aneurysm because I never got that test done because no one wanted to take me to get that test done and it was fucking ridiculous and I cannot afford an Uber all the way to New Orleans and all the way home. I really don't want to get a brain aneurysm test done by myself. That's really scary and nobody understands that I need somebody to go with me. Nobody understands that every single Doctor appointment I have is traumatic for me. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the eighth and I am terrified That I'm in trouble and I couldn't tell you why I would be in trouble but I called them in distress because I got screwed up with taking my anxiety medicine I was not taking more of it than I should have I was taking less but I did not know when I needed to pick it app or if I had a refill or when my next appointment was or if I needed to schedule and I told them that I was in APT SD flair and I needed to get some help and I needed to Either have my medication dose up or I needed some suggestions on what else I can do other than go to therapy to reduce the amount of stress and anxiety etc that I am experiencing. I do not know how a psychiatrist and his PA are going to solve this. I have literally been on every medication you can think of that would work for someone with anxiety including heart medications that fucked me up and anti psychotics and mood stabilizers etc. It's actually really funny to be able to understand why Britney Spears is so fucking unhinged I feel a great sense of relation to why she is acting so bizarre because she is finally free. I wonder sometimes if I will act bizarre when I finally am free. Also a lot of the American public does not understand that she is just a woman from Kinner who has been overmedicated her entire fucking life and not diagnosed correctly. I am sure that she has lots and lots and lots and lots of trauma. It seems like her and other big name movie stars seem to have alter egos and I find that pretty interesting. The fact that her parents and sibling tried to control her life is very relatible. She's not like somebody I'm super into I'm not a huge fan I just identify with a lot of the things that she had to go through. People around her even now don't seem to have her best interest in heart and that makes me sad because I feel that way about a lot of people that aren't part of my support system. I feel like most people don't want anything to do with me unless they're getting something out of being my friend. Or unless they can use me in some way.

The only time I have felt in control recently is when I have been in submission to my dominant with enthusiastic consent. I feel this is therapeutic for me. I try not to overdo it because I do not want my partner to feel or think that it is his job to regulate me all the time. In fact it's not his job at all to do that. He understands my situation and every aspect of why I seek him out to dominate me. He understands that I love him very much and that I have no desire to fuck up his life in any way with my bullshit just like he doesn't want to fuck up my life with his bullshit.

I really do love my partner.

I also really miss my ex-boyfriend. It really hurts because I know he has feelings for me but I know he is also 30 years old and does not know what he wants in a lot of ways. I don't think that I am feeling liberence I truly feel that I am still in love with him and I have not been able to stop being in love with him. I really do want nothing more than to date him again. Granted he would be okay with me having my long distance partner. My long distance partner Would like if I had someone here to meet my needs and be supportive of me because he can't be in 2 places at onceven though he tries really really hard to be there for me and tends to speak to me more than he speaks to everyone else so I have been told. I am hesitant to say but I feel like he actually really does love me and it's hard for me to understand. It's hard for me to understand being loved. I have no problem loving others but I do not understand people loving me. I do not know how to receive love from people correctly. I am scared of this. I want so badly to be able to love and have sex and go out and have fun and have drinks and do stupid things and not regret any of it like so many people go out and do constantly. I am 37 and I feel like I have 0 prospects and that I'm never going to get to live my life and I'm terrified that I will never get married or settle down or have somebody to grow old was and I don't want to be alone because I have been alone my entire life. And one could argue that I have not been alone in my entire life but that's how it feels. I feel like a captive in my own apartment. It feels like a gilded cage and I can leave if I want to but I don't know if the door will be shut when I come back. I have everything I need. But what about the things that I want. It's hard to get myself anything that I want because that's wrong. It's hard to go get a haircut and get my nails stun or buy myself closing or do anything because it's wrong because it's a waste of money because I already have that even if it's torn pieces.

I feel terrorized By my own mind and by my own family.

I really just want to find a 2 bedroom place to live that is Going to meet my needs.

I don't like how bad I'm doing. I know that's the environment I'm in and with all the noise and with the miscommunication with my parents and all of the trauma that I have endured last year and this year that I am not going to get any better staying here. I cannot walk around with noise blocking devices forever I have sensory issues I cannot deal with it for so long. It makes me want to jump out of or rip-off my own skin and run Into the Woods to never be seen again unfortunately I have to see doctors and take medication and take care of my health so I cannot run away.

I'm exhausted and for the I don't know how many days in a row I just don't want to participate with today I do not want to get out of bed I want to sleep I want to eat I don't want to do anything I don't even think I can concentrate to do anything except the app that's this fucking phone and record what's going on in my head and within my life.

Stephanie at 1 point was going to help me get a place to live and pay for part of it and work with my father until he had me ask her to buy me an apartment or rent an apartment for me or something like that I don't know you'll have to ask me in session about that if I have not told you.

I would like Stephanie to come in for an appointment. She seems to think that I have hypochandrea and does not understand all of my mental health issues or physical health issues and I have tried to explain to her in simple terms that I am medically fragile. She has been my mentor since high school. I view her like an aunt or a very strange mother. She has grandchildren now that she is more focused on and she promised me money a long time ago and it never happened because she sent a check in the mail and my mailbox was broken into and so I had to have her canceled the check.

There's many peoples that I would like to have and participate in these appointments. I feel like that could be highly helpful. I feel like that there is something that I am missing about myself.

If you do not know what a Johari window is please look that up. Basically what I want that can tell me.

I also just want to know in general if a neuropsych is actually available to evaluate me. Medicaid says there are 2. One of them refuses to see me and I don't know why. I saw them once as a teen when I felt I was having cognitive decline. He told my parents I was just probably bipolar and disrespectful and spoiled. Thus made my life hell. I never even completed the cognitive testing because I had trouble with it. A neurologist at the neuromedical center pointed out that I did gave some sort of issue but said it wasn't anything to worry about. They were white spots.

I have seen a neuro a Tulane and been completely blown off because I will get in what people hear as frantic or rude when I'm just trying to be clear and assertive.

I don't like that I only have a few people that can understand me if I just talk in my normal tone. Most people can't read my inflection and think I'm being rude.

Yesterday when I was talking to my mom I realized that I have not been at peace and relaxed and not hypervigilant my entire life.

I cannot think of a moment in my life where I was not hypervigilant.

Even as a small child I do not remember being safe or comfortable.

I know that there is a locked door in my head full of other things that I am not ready for. I would really just like to reinforce that door and never open it.

I have remembered enough. I was subject to horrific things at the age of 2 years old onward.

Everybody just thinks it's my parents.

Yeah there are a big part of it probably a majority of it even though the other things that I've been through are pretty fucking terrible as well.

[inmyheadandthoughts]

20th December 2022

i guess i knew this would happen, but i didn’t quite prepare myself on how to react to it. I just had my first consult at the psychological clinic and the outcome was...how should i put it. I know that of course nothing conclusive would come out of just a single consultation, but to say that i’m doing well because i’m eating “well” (my psychologist’s words) and exercising (that doesn’t mean that it was beneficial) is almost a blanket statement. It’s like...yes i’m eating, because if i don’t eat people will see that i’m not eating and won’t leave me alone. And yes i am exercising on and off because that’s what people say would make you feel better but guess what, i did not feel better. So how can the conclusion be that i’m doing well? Ok, to be fair “doing well” wasn’t what she said - it was more of implied - but i don’t know if she recognises that i am not coping well and in fact, am struggling to keep my head above water everyday; this is (((maybe))) one of the reasons why i feel so exhausted, and now i am increasingly doubting that something is wrong with me. But if so why do i feel so uncomfortable? Is everyone really like this then? Constantly wanting to die but just afraid to take the next step?

In short i felt like this consult was a disaster. If i’d known it’ll be so short and it would be almost like a therapy session, i’d have prepared for it (even though she was like “no no it’s ok no need to be stressed about it”). I basically speedran my way through my problems, only for her to tell me i’m actually ok? It’s not that i want to have something wrong happen to be or am being insistent about it, it’s just...i feel very suspicious and very frustrated. I could tell that she was as well - i even told her that and apologised (why the hell did i do that lol) for being incoherent. Yeah, everything is my fault again - as i learnt from childhood. If anything i’m glad she also realised that maybe CBT on its own isn’t all that beneficial for me, and i’m glad for that. And it could be a possibility that i can’t regulate my emotions properly (?) which is kind of interesting i suppose. Maybe that’s because i mostly just stuff things down (childhood things amiright). In the end we’d just have to wait till the next session which is going to be in 2 months’ time (! public healthcare is scarily slow) The only thing i got recommended was netlifx’s Headspace and all those mindfulness things which...i’m not too sure how to feel about this. She says to watch when i’m in a neutral state, so I’d give it a try when i am in that state i guess. Although...what if that never happens. Hmmm. 

These days, i’m either on the verge of tears (if i’m not already crying my eyes out and wanting to scream), or i’m just super numb, floating in the ether-type feeling. Almost like my body is too heavy and i’m floating in this dense, sticky liquid. I just wished that i could work from home because i feel like my emotions are showing and i’m bringing bad vibes to everyone in the office. I got asked if i was ok today. What was i supposed to say? Obviously i had to say yes. If i’d said no i’d be asked the reason to why i wasn’t feeling ok, and i wouldn’t even know what to say. Plus i really, really do not want to shed a single tear in the office (this has been my workplace golden rule. Or if really needed, cry alone where nobody can see you). My creative director already spotted tears during our year-end review and that got to me more than i expected; at first i was like ‘oh shit, she could tell’, and then now it’s like ‘you dumb fucker why did you cry over nothing? Now they can see that you can’t handle even a simple thing’. YES I KNOW, negative self-talk...this just keep going in circles and i cannot find an effective way to stop it anymore. Like my psychologist said...CBT is making me realise this and too much thought-stopping might make things worse(? can’t remember if her words or mine, lol). TL;DR now...(i have lost my train of thought) maybe i’ll pick up the stuff i was recommended and give it a shot. With my naturally negative mindset i don’t think it’ll help, but i can try.

PS my headaches have not gone away since being incredibly stressed out in august and during mid/end september, it’s been going on for months and gets worse in the mornings and when i’m battling insane waves of automatic thoughts these says. I got really dizzy last friday (hence the referral) and with my mental health going down the drain i don’t think this will end any time soon.

[redrobin-detective]

the only ghost in Amity Park

Continuation of Half Of

______________________________________________

Only in Amity Park did the revelation that a local teenager was sorta, kinda a ghost just blow over in a few days. Sure, people still stared at Danny Fenton as he walked by and everyone was still wondering what exactly he was, but overall life had moved on. Star sighed to herself as she organized her notebooks, waiting for class to begin. Just another day.

Star herself really didn’t want to get involved in whatever was going on with Danny. She didn’t like him before he was a celebrity and didn’t plan on starting anytime soon. While Paulina still relentlessly, and vainly, pumped him for information on her dead boy crush, Phantom and he and Dash formed some weird macho bond or whatever, Star avoided him. He’d given her the chills since the day he’d walked into Casper High. When Danny’s secret had been exposed mid-attack, Star hadn’t been surprised. She didn’t need some ghost to tell her that there was something deeply, unsettlingly wrong with Danny Fenton.

Danny didn’t seem particular bothered, by his inhuman nature or by suddenly having his secret exposed. If anything, the nerd looked more relaxed than ever. Star had been watching him, they all had, but Fenton kept his ghostly antics to a minimum when in public. The occasional flash of green eyes when emotional, a grin of sharpened teeth. He made Mikey’s locker lock intangible the other day when the kid had forgotten his combination and he floated down the stairs instead of walking sometimes. It had been a week and it was  frightening how quickly such strangeness had become almost normal. 

“Alright kids, phones and notes away we’re starting class with a pop quiz. Hope you’ve all kept up with your weekly readings,” Faluca announced cheerily. The whole class, including Fenton, moaned and packed up their bags. Star supposed being an undead being haunting his own life didn’t make him immune from normal human problems. She was biting her lip trying to remember which antibody caused allergic reactions when she got an uneasy feeling. She looked up and was not surprised to see Danny Fenton looking around too. It had been a solid week without ghost attacks, looks like Fenton’s supposed vacation time was up.

Star stopped her writing and adjusted the bag at her feet to prep for evacuation. She briefly wondered what Fenton would do, what he could do? Did he also hunt ghosts, like his parents? Like Phantom? There were no blasts, no screams, no monologues but the dread increased when a ghost shield descended over them. Actually, it looked like it was just covering their classroom. Now everyone was looking up from their quizzes and out the window at the flickering, green shield.

“You’d think the administration would’ve warned me we were going to do a drill,” Faluca said but his voice was hesitant. Clearly this wasn’t planned so despite the lack of alarms, there was a good chance this was real. “Pencils down for the moment while I figure out what’s going on.”

“Mr. Faluca, I need to go,” Danny said, raising his hand. Star was so used to hearing the request she almost ignored him but the dread curling in her stomach made her look again. His face was pinched, sharp and his eyes burned with an icy fury like a sudden storm blowing in without warning. 

“Mr. Fenton, I don’t think...” Faluca murmured uneasily. Danny frowned harder.

“It wasn’t a request, actually,” Danny said roughly as he stood up and began walking towards the door. He was almost there when the door slammed open and Fenton had no less than 3 ectoweapons pointed in his face. A few kids jumped back in alarm but Danny held his ground as half a dozen Guys in White agents entered the room and surrounded him.

“Spectral scum formerly known as Daniel Fenton, you’re coming with us,” one of the agents said. 

“Danny not Daniel and it’s still my name,” Danny quipped, eyeing each of the government officials and their weapons. “And no, I’m not. I’m still alive, somewhat anyway, so I have rights. The courts backed me up.”

“Everyone who signed for your freedom doesn’t know ghosts like we do,” Another agent said so forcefully, some spittle flew out of their mouth and hit Danny’s cheek. Star watched it freeze and fall away the instant it hit his skin. “Your kind are too dangerous to wander around, you need to be contained and eliminated. Don’t worry, your parents will receive a sizable check as recompense.”

“I’m the one who needs to be contained?” Danny said slowly, evenly but there was a static to his voice that caused the hairs on the back of Star’s neck to rise. When she breathed out, she saw her breath was misting. Everyone’s was as the room temperature continued to plummet. “When you come in here and take hostages to threaten me?” Danny hissed, he took a step forward and his eyes took on a neon green glow. “You didn’t come to my home or on the streets, you came to take me in the middle of biology when I’m surrounded by civilians, kids.”

“You delude yourself into thinking you’re still human,” another agent scoffed. “Everyone knows ghosts are weaker when giving into their obsession.” Danny laughed, it was loud and mocking and like fingernails running down a chalkboard. Faluca, stuck in between Danny and the agents, was white as a sheet and gripping his desk like it was the only thing keeping him from collapsing.

“You know nothing,” Danny hissed, his voice barely recognizable as human. His hair and shirt floated in an invisible but angry breeze. Frost crawled up his arms and his face. Various ecto alarms were ringing on the belts of the agents and they started to look a bit nervous. He looked nothing like the kid who, minutes before, had clearly been struggling with their bio quiz. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with. You cannot come into my haunt and threaten my people to get to me. Protecting what is mine will always make me stronger!” 

“This whole town is constantly under attack because of things like you!” One particularly brave agent said even as a few others had backed up. “Amity Park is on the verge of collapse because of all the ghosts!”

“There is only one ghost in Amity Park,” Danny said, he tilted his head, his black and white hair dangling in his face as he gave a sharpened smile. “There is only me and the ghosts I allow, ghosts who know the rules, who respect my authority here by keeping damage to people and property down. I am the only ghost haunting this town and why do you think that is?” One agent threw down his gun and ran through the open door.

“You’re-you’re a monster!” Another woman shouted, shaking as she stepped back before fleeing.

“I’m not the one who needs to threaten innocents to get to their target,” Danny sneered. “It’s a good thing you did though, I wouldn’t hold back if I wasn’t worried about collateral.” Another three agents turned tail and ran. Until there was only one left. His gun was still trained on Danny but his hands were shaking. 

“You don’t scare us,” the agent trembled through the obvious lie having been abandoned by his comrades. “We’ll get you monster, if it’s the last thing we do.”

“Looking forward to it,” Danny drawled sarcastically as some of his horrifying aura dissipated along with the freezing grip on the room. Within moments Danny has settled back into more human form. While he’d been angry before, now he looked almost bored. At no point had he seemed afraid. 

“You take your people and your equipment and you leave Amity’s borders by sunset tonight,” Danny declared resolutely. “If you have continued problems with my existence, you take it up with the courts. We settle this as humans but if you treat me as a ghost then I will fight back like one.” His eyes turned green again as a threat. As a promise. 

“I don’t take orders from spooks!” The agent shouted, securing his finger on the trigger and preparing to fire. Star had ducked to avoid the blast so she missed exactly what happened. All she saw was the green glow and heard a strangled scream from the agent followed by a series of thumps. By the time Star had gotten back into her seat, Danny was aggressively pulling apart the ectogun with his bare hands. There was no sign of the agent and, around them, the ghost shield fizzled away. 

“Jerks,” Danny grumbled, kicking at the remains of the ectogun he’d destroyed. “Sorry about that, Mr. Faluca. I knew they’d cause problems but I didn’t think they’d come to school.” Their teacher stared at Danny like a rabbit facing down a lion. “You okay?”

“Fine, Mr. Fenton, just fine!” Falcua grinned in a high pitched voice. “Shall we get back to our quizzes?” The bell rang just then and Danny did a little fist pump.

“Tomorrow then? After I get a chance to study more?” Danny asked with puppy dog eyes. It looked wrong on his face that had just threatened the government with bodily harm. Faluca just nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say. “Yes! I’ll pass tomorrow for sure. The attention kinda sucks but it does come with some perks.”

He walked back to his desk, ignoring the wide-eyed looks of the class when he stopped and gasped, his breath fogging in front of him. His lips pursed again with annoyance. A few people jumped in surprise as the Box Ghost, a familiar annoyance, poked his head through the wall.

“Child! Your requested reprieve is up and the Box Ghost is here to cause insurmountable square shenanigans!” He laughed heartily, stopping when the room temperature dropped again. Danny didn’t even turn to face the ghost. 

“Your watch is off, Boxy. I have another 10 hours before I have to deal with you annoyances again,” Danny growled. “I’m feeling good right now, take advantage of it and leave in one piece.”

“Uh right okay then,” the ghost stammered, sinking back into the wall. “See you tomorrow.” Danny cracked his neck before he walked to his desk, grabbed his things and walked to the front of the room.

“Late bell’s gonna ring any minute, you guys should hurry if you don’t wanna be late,” Danny said as he left. Falcua’s strength gave out as soon as Fenton was gone and he hit the floor, one hand clutching at his chest.

“Jeepers,” Mikey surmised appropriately before stuffing his things in his bag and leaving as well. Star watched everyone loosen up themselves and begin gathering their things to leave. No, she would never like Danny Fenton but he and his ghost weirdness was just part of the deal now, whether they wanted it or not. Such was life in the most haunted city in America which was only haunted by a single ghostly entity.