#i cannot believe i am twenty one years old. what the hell. that feels like such a big age 😭😭
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seastawright · 14 days ago
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âœšïžđŸŽ‰đŸŒˆ BIRTHDAY BABY đŸŒˆđŸŽ‰âœšïž
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lifblogs · 19 days ago
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Anyway, have some insane rambling long-winded lines of poetry about my life.
WARNINGS: Mentions of incest, rape, abuse, near-death, suicidal thoughts, severe illness, miscarriage, and murder.
I’m losing time to illness
I don’t really know how to be an adult
I’m at twenty-six, and I’ve
Never had a job that didn’t make me wanna die
I started bleeding at eleven
They said, “You’re a woman now.”
But what the fuck does that all mean
When my blood isn’t clean?
Yeah I’ve had partners
That used me like a doll
And I’ve had family take advantage of my age and all
The ways I looked for love
Try having a creepy uncle, I have two
It ripped my family apart, and they said, “It’s you
This is your fault, why did you ruin a life or two?”
And now my blood it boils daily
I’m burning in my body
Filled with aches and pains
And a stupid fucking brain
I’ve taken almost a whole year
To heal from what my body did
But I still can’t remember, and my words feel like those of a little kid
And every day I’m choking on whatever my body chooses
My throat closes up from water
Or any kind of juices
I get swollen, I get itchy, I burn inside like when I nearly died
I can’t breathe
All I can do is wheeze
I can’t beg for help, and help is never here
What do I have? The doctors do not know
And I’m trying to not let all my friends know that I’m scared to go
I’m having seizures every night
But that’s just my regular old life
Take twenty pills at night
And hope that when the sun wakes up I’ll still be alive
I’m hungry but my food attacks me all the time
Have you ever been erased by the certainty you will die?
Yes, I am nothing
I am not here
I will die
I will die, I will die, I will die
My body can’t decide if it will kill me in the night
Or maybe in the morning, a little bed and breakfast
Oh, and I need more surgeries
The doctors say I’m broken
Maybe they can fix me, but will I live long enough to see them try?
I really want to go
But I don’t really want to go
And I want my baby boy to always know his mama’s right here by his side
I can’t leave him all alone when he, too, seizes in the night
Who will kiss him, who will be there when he has to say goodbye?
And I don’t want to say goodbye
But I really cannot
I cannot breathe to say goodbye
So maybe you should just leave me
I’m in pain every day
I’m scared and I’m awake
My body won’t let me sleep
Because it knows it might be too late
Please someone, can you save me?
Can you steal some of my bone marrow
And see if it’s acting right?
I swear I need an epipen almost three times a day
But insurance would rather have me dead if I cannot pay
And oh, I’m scared of what saves me
Because of the agony
The agony, the agony
Tell me, have you ever lost yourself?
Have you ever spent hours awake, alive
And wanting nothing but to die?
Is pain all there is to me?
Am I not a person with a name?
And maybe I should be forgotten
Just to hide all this pain
I can’t remember, I can’t remember
Thanks to my injured brain
Yeah, I hit it against a wall
And now I always feel the same
I feel sick and sick and sick
Is any second of my life worth it?
Please, someone just help
I want you to help me
But maybe no one can help me
Then at least can you bury me
I don’t want this
I’ll admit, my whole life feels like a piece of shit
I don’t want this
I want my boy to die before me
So at least I can tell him,
“Mama’s always here”
And then maybe I’ll slip away
Or maybe I won’t make it
Long enough to hold him as he lets out his last breath
I’m letting out my last breath
I can’t breathe, I can’t believe
All my life is diphenhydramine toxicity
Every day, every day, and every day it’s getting worse
Maybe I won’t even make it till Christmas
So don’t buy me presents, don’t send me cards
‘Cause I won’t be here at all
I suppose at least I could say hi to my baby
She never made it all that far
I can say hi to my friend
My friend who met her end from her husband
My friend who saved me from myself
But who can save me from this living hell?
Who can save me?
Can you save me?
Someone please save.
Someone please save.
Save me.
Please, just save me!
But maybe all saving me means is that I’ll die.
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fusilloscotto · 2 years ago
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Here’s to 20
A few days ago I turned 20.
It was a weird feeling.
I was actually dreading my 20th birthday, because it meant officially entering adulthood and I was not ready for that. Plus, now that I'm in uni all of my friends are somehow younger than me (and I'm a December baby, so that's saying a lot), so I was the first to reach this milestone, which scared me even more. I braced myself and, just like Dante stepped into the dark wood at the beginning of his Inferno, I prepared to venture into the unknown twenties, ready to face my own private hell. To my surprise, it was a really nice day: I was not scared, I enjoyed myself a lot, everything went smoothly and the world did not end. So of course I started wondering: what was I so scared of?
After a bit of deep thinking, I had a Rachel Green moment and I realised I was behind schedule: I was scared of turning 20 because it meant that the life I imagined for myself while growing up, the one where at 20 everything is perfect and I always know exactly what to do, was not going to happen; it'd just remain a fantasy in my head.
It started when I was 12: my best friend's older sister turned 15 and I was so in awe of it. I remember thinking that, once I turned 15, my life would be just like theirs, because they were so old, mature, cool. I was so so so sure that at 20 my life would be perfect because I would have it all figured out at 15, because 15 is the age you become old... right? WRONG. I turned 15 and I was still a baby. Fifteen was the age I found myself screaming at the tv while rewatching the Little Mermaid: Ariel was talking about being 16 and sooo mature and I got really upset because no?? she was not old?? she was still very much a child and her dad was lowkey right for wanting to protect her.
I'm not gonna lie, I was really confused after my 15th birthday: how could people be defined as grown-ups at 15? Why was I lied to, why did society make me believe I was gonna be an adult at 15? And I know I wasn't the only one thinking this: my friends, my parents, even newspapers were saying that, until a few years ago, people used to look way older than they were, so I couldn't help but wonder what went wrong with our generation?
Did we collectively forget to take a special potion? Did we collectively miss one chapter in the growing-up book? Was there a step-by-step tutorial on Youtube that we were supposed to watch? Maybe we all just expected to magically become adults overnight, so none of us did anything to actually become an adult?
I don't really have the answer to this, however, I have the answer to what my problem was and, technically, still is.
I was talking to my friends about my terror of the big 2-0, and this friend of mine kept saying that in 30 years I'll wish to be 20 again, because 20 will feel so young. The thing is, my problem is not that I feel old... I just don't feel old enough. I don't think I've processed the fact that I'm not a teenager anymore, in my head I'm still 16... I don't feel 20 at all. And I am angry and sad, because the only reason I'm stuck at 16 is that deep down I feel I've been robbed of my teenage years. Everyone says I'm currently in the best years of my life, and I'm missing them because I just cannot move. My head is filled with voices that keep screaming at me to just let it go and be present, and no matter how much I try, I just can't. I can't move super fast like everyone else.
My teenage years are an ex-lover who decided to ghost me, and I need, crave, closure.  And since I'm looking for closure, I keep trying to find my teenage years everywhere I go. And since I'm too busy trying to find my teenage years, I'm missing my twenties.  And when I'll be older, I'll probably start looking for my twenties, and it will just become a never-ending cycle of delusional and vain searching and not living.
Ferris Bueller said it best: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it".
And I'm tired of missing out.
I can't really blame myself for not being able to move on though: time stopped within a minute, and it never started running again.
One minute I was drinking with my friends, the other I get a text saying there's a quarantine happening.  One minute I am cheering because I have two more weeks to study for my physics test, the other I'm begging to go back to school.  One minute I have my teenage years, the other I am alone in another country blowing 20 candles out.
But I want to change things.
So this is me, being finally old enough and letting go of my teen years. To quote Abbie Lee Miller, "You were great, but you didn't stick out to me".
And I now apologise to my 20s.
I'm sorry if I dreaded you, because you've been treating me pretty nicely for now.  I'm sorry if I ignored you, you are probably way cooler than teenage years anyways. I'm sorry if I haven't been present, I promise I'll try to not waste you from now on.
so here's to 20, one of the best birthdays of my life.
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logickally · 9 months ago
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Disclaimer: For context, this post is a response to comments made by "dreamsaremywords," regarding "nerdishpursuits" (Paula's) answer to the question above. As such, my aim in writing this was/is to provide logical feedback and criticism of what it means to be a trans ally, a trans person, and a woman.
To begin, the reason I’m addressing your comments is because I was a copilot on Paula’s journey through Rowling’s essay and the many cancel culture and trans videos we watched. Before I dissect some of the points you’ve made I would like to clarify that, like Paula, I’m not interested in warring over differences of opinion. I respect your views even as I’m aware I don’t agree with them. If, at any point, what I have said upsets you, please know this is not my intention. I adore debate, so I’m inclined to respond passionately. My entire response will appear in my reblog.
“A very slippery slope,” is an oft-used statement by conservatives to discourage progress regarding human rights. I have never agreed with its use because it is meant to inspire fear about potential outcomes. Republican politicians used to say things like, “If we let men marry other men then people will start having sex with animals. It's a slippery slope.” This is a logical fallacy because we cannot know what outcomes will occur without committing to a path. Similarly, assuming the worst destination is the inevitable result is a fallacy. I know being a “centrist” seems impossible given today’s political climate and the histrionics on social media, but it is paramount to listen to both sides. I have taken that journey and so has Paula.
The reality is this: Neither conservatives or liberals will claim me because I do not buy into the entirety of either’s rhetoric. I suspect most people hold values that clash with their chosen party but do not share them out of a place of fear - now more than ever. This is a point I concede to conservatives even though I find MAGA and Trump abhorrent and will vote for Biden. Fascism versus democracy is not nuanced. However, it is possible to think trans issues are more nuanced than liberals would like the public to believe. 
At some point, the requirement for being a trans ally went from being accepting of trans people to supporting every trans person’s ethics in government and medical policy. I support any person’s right to seek medical treatment that affirms their gender. Period. As a lesbian, I know what it feels like to finally fit into society in a way that validates your existence. I want that for everyone. But, that doesn’t mean I am required to agree about the ethics of HRT, especially as it pertains to children. Given the age of sexual consent is 18 in most states, I believe it is fair to require children to be 18 before making life-altering changes to their bodies through surgery, HRT, or hormone blockers. I would prefer transition was delayed until the age of 20 and for hormone blockers to be banned, but I’m also happy to accept “compromise” — a word that seems to be missing in the trans debate. I must either accept that 3 year-old children can transition, and yes it happens (as evidenced by a study at Princeton), or be a transphobe.
While I understand that, for trans people, waiting to become who they are is a hellish experience and it can lead to suicide, I also think being a child is agony. Growing up, for me, was hell. I wanted to commit suicide regularly because I was a girl who liked girls. At one point I wished to be a boy. Now, at 42, I’m thankful I didn’t have the option because I would have made the wrong choice. According to most psychologists, the formation of one’s identity doesn’t conclude until their mid-twenties. So, I don’t trust a 10-year-old child to keep their promise to care for a puppy (which is why adults who get pets for their children need to be prepared to shoulder that responsibility), let alone decide their gender identity and sexual orientation (and I knew I was a lesbian at 16). Children with gender dysphoria need counseling and love and support from their family and friends FIRST. Then, if they’d like to transition, they can do so at an age where they can accept responsibility for their decision.
This is a perfectly logical viewpoint. It accepts and loves trans people. It compromises on age requirements. It also protects children from making radical changes to their bodies without proper care or consideration. This is the middle. But, because it does not wholly agree with the ethics supplied by the most vocal in the trans community, it is considered transphobic. I think liberals are lucky that Paula and I are rational people and don’t strictly align ourselves with a political party, because it is easy to see how less educated people might be pushed towards conservative ideologies when they can’t express a difference of opinion without being labeled as part of a hate group.
Now on to some of your particular points. It is hypocritical to say it’s important to consider all sides of a debate only to follow that up with, “‘Presenting it as very logical and ‘there’s two sides to every story!’ is a deliberate tactic.’” This suggests if Paula and I listen to those who disagree with liberals about trans issues that we are being hoodwinked with false rhetoric. This insinuates that there’s only one right way to examine social justice issues. Your way. This is why you perceive the information we are digesting as “dangerous.” This is not a centrist viewpoint. It’s a radical viewpoint because it immediately disqualifies information gathered from another group of people as false. According to this logic, if there were truth in what this group was saying, we would have arrived at your point of view. This is also a fallacy.
I cannot understand why liberals, especially because they are often intellectuals, believe the use of “logic” is bad simply because the other side uses it. I assume conservatives use toilets since they pitched an unwarranted fit about transwomen using them. Should I stop using a toilet because conservatives use them? The problem isn’t “logic,” it’s willful intent to harm others. So, on the topic of logic, I don’t believe trans people are lesser than myself. I support their right to be treated as equals, to enjoy as much peace and freedom as I do, and to have a seat at the table to discuss social issues. The line I have drawn in the sand is between the acceptance of trans people and adopting the ethics of vocal trans people. Just because I accept someone for how they identify doesn’t mean I am required to agree with them about policy.
With regards to J.K. Rowling, I began on the side of liberals because I assumed that the trans community was correct in its assessment. I cannot begin to express my despair after reading her essay. It was a reminder that I was wrong to trust headlines in media and wrong to trust people who only read headlines in media. As someone who has poured my heart and soul into research for my career for decades, I was and still am ashamed. Since that time, I’ve visited dozens of links, videos, and articles that proclaim Rowling is a transphobe. By and large, these resources come from the trans community and are disappointing to read. People do not know what a “transphobe” is – a fear of trans people. This is not true of Rowling or myself as evidenced throughout this post.
How is it that people who use science to advocate for climate change can’t understand there is a biological difference between a woman who was born a woman and a woman who was born a man? Why are we arguing semantics? What is this? Science has classifications for frogs FFS. Some are called toads. What are we doing? I will happily call a transwoman “she/her” and reinforce her gender identity, but let’s not pretend we are the same thing. We aren’t. This is good because it means more voices and more representation at the table. Transwomen are facing struggles I will never fully understand but will sympathize with and they deserve to have their voices heard. But the same is true for women. We do not need to be part of the same label (women) to deserve respect and kindness.
Additionally, I do not understand why it is required for gays and lesbians to refer to themselves as such, but transwomen are allowed to co-opt “women” for their use. Should we start calling gays and lesbians “heterosexuals” because we’re uncomfortable with the optics of being different? Being a transwoman is not shameful. Ergo, implying there is shame in using “transwoman” as a label to define a person means that radical liberals are being contradictory and prejudiced toward the people they’re claiming to protect. For example, a TERF, by definition, is exclusionary to “trans” people. If trans people don't exist because they are “men” and “women,” then whose rights are liberals championing? Logic follows that if we are to accept, love, and nurture the trans community they need to acknowledge themselves for who they are. Make trans sports leagues. I will watch and support trans athletes.
In summary, Rowling is not a transphobe. She is against the erasure of women and issues related to biological women. That is not hate. That is a fact. I’m sorry I can’t call down whatever god or goddess is needed to change this reality for trans people. I would if I could because it would put a stop to all this unnecessary hate. I just want them to be happy. But, I’m tired of feeling like transwomen are drowning out the voices of biological women. If they want to be a part of the “women’s” label, they need to care about all women’s voices, not just their own. Wanting to compromise on protections for children who need to transition is not hate. Wanting to have my unique voice represented at the table is not hate. Oppressing people whose views disagree with your own by calling them a transphobe is hate.
Can you elaborate on your tags about reading jk Rowlings original post?
Just that I admit that at first, when the JKR discourse started back in the day, I didn’t actually go and read the essay she published on her blog, which is the one that started the entire thing. I did go and read it, eventually, because I tend to like forming my own opinions on things. Personally, I didn’t see any evidence of transphobia. Same with her tweets. Sure, she’s a sarcastic troll some days because she’s, probably, tired of this topic. She was arguing there is such a thing as biological sex and people transition from one to the other in order to embrace living authentically. And that kids should be kids as they have no way to consent. They need to be left alone, or helped to make informed decisions they’ll not regret later in life. Perfectly fine and I’m very much supportive of that.
Everyone should love and live as they please, and no one has the right to ostracize them for it. What she called problematic was the complete denial that biological sex exists, hormone blockers in kids who can’t really consent, self IDing as a woman without actually transitioning and some trans activists saying a biological woman’s experience doesn’t matter. I don’t see that as being transphobic. Just logic and concern.
Over the past few days my partner and I went on a deep dive on this topic and found there’s plenty trans people agreeing with JKR. We’ve seen videos of trans women competing in women’s sports and winning, then commenting they don’t care at all about the medals and winning, but simply enjoy having a good time with their friends at the gym. Why compete in the women’s weight lifting category if you don’t care about winning then? Aussie surfer Bethany Hamilton was dropped by her lifelong sponsor in favor of a trans woman who previously competed, and won, in the men’s division. Swimming, wrestling, roller skating even etc. There’s trans women out there claiming they’re the ones who know what a woman is because they’re forced to think about it, whereas a biological woman is simply born and therefore, inferior. Others who claim they experience period cramps or that their genitalia is superior to a biological woman’s etc. As far as I’ve seen. JKR and other trans people have spoken out against these kind of situations, comments and claims. That’s why I think that cancel culture is so toxic. We need to look at the whole picture and stop claiming things are black or white or the damaging adage of if you’re not with me you’re against me.
I think a very loud minority, who doesn’t represent the entirety of the trans community, might actually be doing more harm than good. Not just to the trans community, who deserves nothing but acceptance and support and love, but the rest of the LGBTQ+ community as well. Pushing a narrative too fast, and forcefully, isn’t helping. It’s actually turning people against us and it’s frustrating and depressing. Denying actual biology and elbowing your way into biological women’s spaces won’t win you their love. Calling them birthing people won’t win them over. Calling them lesser won’t open doors either.
There’s a ton of material to be found on YouTube, there’s podcasts, articles etc. Personally, I think people need to sit down and talk and debate and be diplomatic. I’m not saying JKR isn’t without her faults but I do think she’s been demonized for speaking her mind and voicing her concerns about women’s spaces and kids. It’s as if people can’t have a healthy debate anymore. We need to cancel those who don’t agree with us. It’s the all or nothing mob mentality and, personally, I’m sick of it. This is a nuanced topic and should be treated as such. But now you can’t even be a centrist anymore. You have to be for or against and nothing in between. How about we look at what’s right or wrong, for both sides, and decide accordingly. Why this inane ideological war that radicalizes people who should be having a productive conversation instead.
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seiya234 · 2 years ago
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“Has-” 
Ford paused, coughed to cover the stutter in his chest, then tried again.
“Has our father been reborn?”
His nephew, a cup of what Ford was sure was steaming hot blood in one hand and the other grasped by Willow while she painted Dipper’s claws different colors, looked up.
“How long have you been holding on to that one Great-Uncle Ford?” Dipper asked, a drawl in his voice that reminded Ford of-
no. No Stanford, shut that down, shut that thought down now.
Instead he sat in the one chair not occupied by a nibling, and admitted, “Quite a while.”
“And you’re leaving tomorrow,” Willow added in, the missing front teeth giving her a bit of a lisp.
Dipper cocked an eyebrow at her. She looked at him back, six and as solemn as the grave, even as she dipped her nail polish brush into three different bottles, and smeared some blelloween on Dipper’s thumb. 
“Okay then.” He turned to Ford. “Short answer is no. But you’re not interested in the short answer, are you?”
Ford smiled weakly. “Of course not dear boy.”
“And you’re wondering why it’s been-”
“Seventy four years.”
Ford and Dipper looked at Willow. She kept painting Dipper’s nails. They decided to let it go, and Dipper went on.
“-and he’s not shown up? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. Two for oṋ̩͈̝̊eÍšÌŻÌ  ͓̭͈̗̱͙̄dÌźÌŻÌș͉̄Ìșe̘͍̊̀̊ͅalÌč Ì­eÌŠv̜̗̰͍̰ͅe̻̰ÌČ̗nÌ€Ì Ì°ÌŻ-”
“Wait, I didn’t make-”
“Relax Great Uncle Ford. I can still just talk to you.” The slightest note of pleading entered Dipper’s voice. “Like normal?”
“I’m... I’m sorry my boy, please go on.” 
“Okay so-”
“Other hand Uncle Dipper.”
Dipper obliged, then held up a nail that had what was supposed to be ‘a cool nail art murder clown’ but since it was done by a six year old it just was red.
“One, we know that reincarnation exists yes?”
“I mean, that is still on the fringes of the academic community though it is rapidly gaining traction with more and more evidence over time-”
“Okay, so we know that. And while there are some mysteries beyond the veil that even I cannot pierce, I can tell you this: there is no heaven. And there is no hell. There is just the waiting, and then the rebirth. Whenever that is.”
“Oh.” Ford was a man of science, a man who only believed in the soul because deals with demons and thirty years of dimension hopping had made it abundantly clear that there was something besides meat and nerves to a living being. 
So why did Dipper’s statement make him feel like he was being punched in the gut?
“Here’s the thing though,” Dipper added, gingerly threading still wet nails through the handle on his coffee mug. “Everyone you’ve ever known who has gone before you? They’ll be waiting for you. Many will even make it a point to wait for you. And if you have lived a good, kind life, that is a joyous thing indeed.”
“And... if you have not?”
Dipper smiled. It was not a nice smile.
“Then the time before you are born again can stretch very long. As long as the memories of the dead in fact.” 
Ford thought about his father.
He thought about his mother, and his sister, thought about the loan sharks that his father had run with, the contractors and restaurant owners, and every other mob cliche that 1960s New Jersey could come up with and-
“I see.”
“Yeah, I thought you would.” 
Dipper took another drink and in a voice that belonged back twenty years ago asked, “Are... are you okay Great-Uncle Ford?”
Ford thought about it. “I think...I think that I am my boy.”
"You’re already thinking about the article you are going to write, aren’t you?”
“Oh absolutely.” 
Willow poked Ford in the arm. “Grunkle Ford I’m going to do your nails next.”
“I think I would like that.” 
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enderwoah · 3 years ago
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ORIGINS SMP HEADCANONS (because i love them): SEASON TWO EDITION BAYBEEE
(this is really long ENJOY :gun:)
tommy
he is phil's son smile
phil's most recent son at least
he's got like one more somewhere
he picked this one up off the dangerous streets a few years ago and he's been sticking with phil ever since
his wings are small- not too small to fly, but they're untrained to the point where it would take a lot or work to get him off the ground
but at first, he didn't really seem to want to learn all that much?
(he has three scars on his face- all from trying to learn how to fly when he was younger)
(he gave up after the third one)
("if at first you don't succeed; try, try again" is his motto, and he tried all three times)
but!! phil and wilbur are very persuasive :) and now that he knows he can fly, he's not going to rest until he does
he's a little manipulative to get what he wants sometimes, but can you blame someone that lived on the street for so long?
he had to do that to survive! it's not his fault.
(it's a great excuse.)
he laughs like a kookaburra amen
he squawks when he gets scared
he chirps. he tries not to because it makes phil go absolutely bird-brained but he does sometimes and he hates it.
tubbo
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A B[GUNSHOTS]
god he is. so fucking annoying (/rp)
he simply does not know when to stop
he ignores social cues to see when someone is annoyed
(see: he can read social cues. he does read social cues. when you get annoyed that's when he starts being more annoying, because you're more likely to give him what he wants to get him to shut the fuck up.)
he loves talking to (at) people, especially people he doesn't really know that well
so he's trying to be friends with ranboo, but the absolute prick keeps trying to avoid any actual conversations, so that's not working
he buzzes when he gets excited-happy
his fingertips are completely blackened and horrendously sharp, functioning as ten individual stingers
they don't do any actual damage but he's working on that
techno
wither hybrid (??)
how can you be a wither hybrid?? nobody got down and dirty with the wither
he's an experiment
the reason we haven't seen him yet? he's staying away from the main area of the smp
he doesn't want to ruin its natural beauty with his withering effect, so he keeps to himself on the outskirts of the smp
which sucks
withers get health from killing things
he's not fully a wither, so he gets energy from being around people and sort of draining their life force a little bit
he feels terrible when he's with just one person because they are Literally his life support and it makes the person feel like shit
when he's with a big group of people its great!! he only has to take a little bit from everyone and its barely noticable!!
but then there's the wither part. so he has to stay away.
he's always tired
always exhausted
he's a farmer, so taking it from animals works, but god does he miss people
but he can only visit a few times and for very short
(he's afraid that one of these days he'll get so bad that the next time he sees someone he'll accidentally kill them)
(it already happened once. he's blessed that he's been forgiven, even made friends with by the victims, but he doubts he'll be able to pull that off again with no consequences like last time)
wilbur
phantlings are dead elytrians, and given that wilbur was phil's son...he's a phantling
he died in the late 50s and was a librarian when he was alive, so he's very possessive (ha) over all of his things
you should never ask to "borrow" anything from him, he will hound you about it until you give it back
it's best to just say that you want something from him to keep
even if youre going to give it back
just for your own peace of mind
phantlings can feel fear and get a genuine feeling of elation from scaring people
of course, sometimes its unwelcome (feeling large amounts of fear from someone they care about in a bad way just makes them pissed)
but for the most part, wilbur loves appearing in the corner of people's visions just to jumpscare them a few minutes later
all in good fun, of course!! it's just hilarious :)
being the lighthearted, fun guy he is, he's not particularly secretive about his method of death
"how did i die? well, it all started -- ended -- on november 16th, 1958!"
"i walked out of the library late, since i took the shift for my wife since she was feeling sick and i worked there anyways,"
"the streets were dark and only lit up by gaslamps...and out of an alley...appeared..........."
techno.
he didn't mean it. wilbur isn't at all mad at him (anymore)
he was starving. he didn't know that one touch would be enough to fully revitalize him...
and murder wilbur where he stood.
sneeg
has details on everyone on the server
you Cannot Hide Shit From Sneeg
its impossible
if you find of his any shittly little mouse holes then you're doomed
you find one and there are twenty more
he's under your floorboards while you're having your important discussion about trapping the nether roof
sucks to suck ig??
he seems to be the favourite of many, which is weird since he rarely goes out of his way to actually talk to many people
he's the only person that tubbo doesn't actively try to annoy (or maybe he just doesn't find tubbo's antics all that annoying)
he's the only person that ranboo stays around (or maybe he stays around ranboo- he and Phil seem to be the only ones not off-put by his slightly sadistic and whiny demeanour (not counting tubbo, who annoys him anyways)
phil seems to be more protective of him than he thinks is normal (he lets sneeg ride on his shoulder while travelling, so he doesn't really complain)
niki is completely protective over him (again, not complaining)
contrary to popular believe, he does not get high from sugar
if anything he gets
high-per
(get it)
(high-per)
(hyper)
he's literally just a nine-year old getting a sugar rush leave him alone
phil
take the normal "bird-brain" headcanons and multiply it by like sixty-four
and you've got origins phil
he can't see glass- or, rather, he can, but it doesn't register that 'hey, this is a solid surface i am going to slam into'
its very funny for everyone else but he's pretty sure he has permanent brain damage from the blunt force trauma
if there is ANYONE on the server who dares to chirp, bird or no, they must understand that they are signing away their privacy and giving phil the right to go absolutely bonkers over them momma bird style
(shoutout to tommy, wilbur, ranboo, and fundy for having to suffer through this)
"oh??? you don't have wings?? you don't have feathers?? omg?? then what's this im preening?? what do you mean im just braiding your hair?? nono this is preening smile"
god help you if you dare to have wings
poor tommy, wilbur, sneeg, and tubbo
phil can't help himself alright
do you think he wants to be any sort of protective over sneegsnag?
no!! but he cant stop himself!! sneeg might damage his wings if he keeps flying those super long distances!!! nnnno! carry the bug man!!!
it's weird, he's always had that protective sense over ranboo, too
but ranboo very obviously doesn't have wings, so he doesn't get it...
ranboo
yes ur a peasant
yes ur poor
yes im cooler than u
what r u gonna do about it
the enderdragon's son! partially a dragon, partially enderman, partially human (don't ask, his other mom is a hybrid), all spoiled brat!
given that he has a ton of dragon genes, he's extremely possessive over his stuff and Yes He Does Do The Hoarding Thing
he has a pile of rings and gold chains and necklaces and most of his jewellery hidden underneath his bed
(if you ask him, no, he doesn't)
not to wear
just to Have
one time, fundy stole one (1) bracelet from the hoard and ranboo was sent into a panic for a good 24 hours
he wouldn't leave his cave and kept counting and recounting as if that'd make the missing piece reappear
(when fundy had to give it back because of the guilt, he expected to get his face bitten off)
(instead, he just watched as the prince was flooded with relief, telling him to get the hell out and nothing more)
it's weird, he has so much gold and even a crown, and yet here he is
living with all those people ^^^
truth be told, the enderdragon isn't a very nice dragon
nor is she a very kind queen
nor was the other queen
nor was her son
there was a mutiny in the end, leading to the dragon queen and her wife being killed brutally by the crowd of angered people
they went after their son next, who had ordered executions and worked servants to the bone just as much as they had
they cut off his wings in the middle of the square
he was sure he was going to die until a random person (a peasant) jumped up and yelled at them for publicly torturing a child
but ranboo didn't really catch all of it, given he was delirious from pain
he got to get some stuff quickly and escape with his life
this wasn't too long ago, either, so he's still trying to...adjust...to people talking rudely to him
(he's also trying to adjust to not having wings)
(hence why he hurls himself off the edges of cliffs and then has to teleport to the bottom instead of glide. he keeps forgetting.)
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teecupangel · 2 years ago
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One of the readers of Zero Eclipse created a Spotify Playlist for the fic and I'm
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I love knowing my fics were so memorable that people take the time to make stuff for it.
Then they asked if I have any songs to suggest and...
Well.
I normally listen to the AC soundtrack when I write AC fics with the exception of smut (that's purely jazz versions of Xenoblade songs and I don't know why).
Then I remembered how much of a weeb I am and that, yes, there are songs I can think of on the top of my head that would work for Zero Eclipse.
So if you want to see my suggestions for songs that inspired or I think works well for Zero Eclipse, check underneath
(Warning it's mainly music from my 2 favorite JRPG series XD)
BEFORE I START WITH THIS LONG POST!
Shoutout to chemicalhypebitch in AO3 for suggesting these songs because they work so well too
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I still believe I still firmly believe We can still meet We will connect no matter what
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I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason Oh, twenty-five years old Oh, how were you to know, and My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden Oh, and you held me close Oh, how was I to know that
ALRIGHT. Long post time!
Let's start with the actual reason for the title of the fic
ZERO ECLIPSE - Hiroyuki Sawano
Yeah, that's right. Zero Eclipse's title was based on an Attack on Titan song from the very beginning. I'm not gonna talk about AOT though because, well, I have a complicated history with that manga/anime. But I am in love with Hiroyuki Sawano's music and, while the primary plotline of the fic was created before I realized how well Zero Eclipse worked, there are other parts of the fic that were inspired by the song itself.
Anyway, the song encapsulates AltaĂŻr's feelings for Desmond (both Bleed AltaĂŻr and Original AltaĂŻr) and I have to give special mentions to the following lyrics
For now you are a part of me I will defend and honor thee Did you think that you could die a hero? Our awakening means less than zero! ------- Sad am I to never hear you sigh Of ecstasy And fingertips You're trembling We share a kiss Our worlds eclipse ------- Make a promise that I cannot regret As long as I can see you but in secret I'll never I'll never forget my feeling, no! I'll never I'll never Learn how to let you go
That's just the main three but the rest of the song fits well I think.
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Next is a song I believe works well as Desmond's feelings for AltaĂŻr (especially after Chapter 43)
Follow You - Bring Me The Horizon
(sidenote: this also works well with Desmond from fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum hahaha) Anyway, this song shows how much Desmond is willing to go through just to be with AltaĂŻr and it also works well with the whole 'If they are gods then I will be the devil' drama queen shtick AltaĂŻr went for. Special mention has to be given to these lines
So you can drag me through hell If it meant I could hold your hand I will follow you 'cause I'm under your spell And you can throw me to the flames I will follow you, I will follow you
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Next is an instrumental actually and is the unofficial theme of the 'AQ'AQ program and Original AltaĂŻr.
The Bereaved and Those Left Behind (Version 2) - Yasunori Mitsuda (Xenoblade Chronicles 3)
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There's a Version 1 but I think Version 2 works better as both the theme of the 'AQ'AQ program and Original AltaĂŻr. Both versions deal with pain and loss with a hint of hope towards the end (like the start of hope at around 2:20 to 2:54 but ending in an almost question-like tone which signifies the uncertain future) which I think encapsulates what the 'AQ'AQ program truly represented and how the original timeline and the original AltaĂŻr had been. For an extra punch, this works well as a bgm for the final scene in the Grand Temple while the questioning tone at around the 2:55 mark works well with the error message of Chapter 41.
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Next is a song that I think works well as the modern day Levantine Brotherhood's theme (most especially Clay and Lucy)
Melancholia - Hiroyuki Sawano
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For Lucy to AltaĂŻr and Desmond
You cheer me, reminds me There is a sun rise You told me to save me from a hell on earth
For Clay
They try to wear me down with what they tell me I'm just trying to make moves, see beyond what they're trying to sell Push for it, even if some attempts fail Take problems mix 'em up like a cocktail It's not the cards that life deals Anyone can alter their situations by Not sitting around, accepting the Abuse and devastation
The entire modern day Levantine Brotherhood
We're kept unheard if we're silent Waiting on others to make a sound Leads to walking blind instead of self-reliance Eyes on the back of the pack It's time to make the day yours Complacency never makes an impact Believe media controls you if you don't act Nothing ventured, nothing gained But when we speak, listen, and act That's what we change
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BONUS: William Miles' Theme (No, I am not sorry)
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Alright, the next 2 songs are in Japanese and can be considered spoilers for Chapter 41. The last song is in English BUT it is an absolute spoiler for Chapter 43. You've been warned.
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Next is a song that works well as Bleed AltaĂŻr's feelings for Desmond
Ai no Uta - Falcom sound team (Trails of Cold Steel 4 Ending Song - This is also available in Spotify but I embedded a video with the English lyrics added)
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Special mentions to the following lyrics
Your loud playful smile Fills me with so much satisfaction Staring at your honest eyes, they're so bright I have to close mine and hug you tightly Even if I'm pierced by a thousand flashing arrows I promise I'll be your shield ------- The tears covering your face when you cry Make my chest feel tight, it's painful To make your pain and sorrow go away I'll hug you tightly until you fall asleep Even if the whole world turns against you I'll never let go of your hand ------- I just love you; I just love you I'll tell you again and again, I love you I just love you; our heartbeats are in sync And my feelings for you are overflowing I love you; I just love you I'll tell you again and again, I love you I don't know if it was fate That we met and we formed bonds We'll draw a new trail for the two of us I love you ------- There are good times and bad times Let's walk through life together There are good times and bad times Let's walk through life together
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Next is a song that I think works well to summarize Desmond's feelings for Ezio, Ratonhnhaké:ton and the rest of the Brotherhood at the end of Chapter 41
I'll Remember You - Megumi Sasaka / Falcom sound team (Trails of Cold Steel 2 Ending Song - This is also available in Spotify but I embedded a video with the English lyrics added)
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Special mentions to the following lyrics
The time for parting has come Our Boundless Futures Await In case we never meet again I make this promise here and now: I'll remember you
 ------- In awe of the bond we two shared We spoke of our histories and our most heartfelt desires Mysteries unpacked and mysteries forged Between those who'd previously never even known the other existed. ------- Love is a wordless understanding Two heartbeats resounding together as one Yet the time for parting has come Wavering tears in your eyes
 In case we never meet again I'll burn your image into my mind and I'll remember you ------- Trust is a wordless understanding: Two heartbeats resounding together in solidarity Yet the time for parting has come You fade in the distance In case we never meet again, I'll burn your image into my mind and I'll remember you
 ------- Let us always remember our first shy smiles And the future beat we heard the day we met The time for parting has come We must go our separate ways In case we never meet again We must keep moving forward The time for paring has come Our boundless futures await In case we never meet again I make this promise here and now I'll never forget that The trails we drew are our true selves You'll remember too
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Alright, the final song is a major spoiler for Chapter 43. This is your final warning to read Chapter 43 first before checking out the final song
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This one is a song that I think fits Original Desmond (Vega Prime/The Reader).
One Last You - Jen Bird / Yasunori Mitsuda (Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Ending Song)
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Alright, let's dive in to this one because I have feelings and I am making it your feelings as well
Original Desmond as the Reader all alone in the Gray and hearing AltaĂŻr
Very end of eternity The final day has come to an end, it's gone for good I would then slowly close my eyes And be cuddled by the shining memory piece ------- I will trace back all the memories with you That's the only wish I have
Original Desmond's feelings for the past years he spent with his AltaĂŻr and how reuniting him with Desmond Miles is his 'handful'.
You have gifted many things to me But I wonder if I could've done the same for you If you would let me, I will give back a handful If it would put a little smile on your face
The goodbye scene between Original Desmond and Original AltaĂŻr before Original AltaĂŻr became the program and Original Desmond returns to the Gray
The final grain of sand has dropped I will slowly so quietly fall into sleep I see you gently fade away Your silhouette has gone to the other side of the mist And all the memories with no sound so quiet Just like in slow motion it moves so slowly
Original Desmond to Minerva about the creation of VegaEye and his decision to give up everything to Desmond Miles
Can I ask you, God? Despite all of this
 Could the sandglass somehow take back the time One last time is all I ask from you Can you please spare me some time with the one man I loved? ------- I wouldn't care how and where it should be But I need one last time I want to tell you how I feel inside for you I want you to know

The final scene between Original Desmond and Original AltaĂŻr as the timeline gets rewritten
And so that last day with you was truly magical The frozen time began to flow At last the longest night has gone and brought in light I felt myself melt in the morning light
Excuse me while I go cry again XD
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the-last-kenobi · 3 years ago
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*kciks down door* ReQuEsTs?!??! uh, 18. “Is it all right if I hug you?” with Obi-wan and character of your choice (please, this boy needs a hug so bad)
Hugs!!!! What an excellent ask.
Took me forever to pick a character though. I came this close to writing multiple hugs throughout the years but it would’ve been very long...
It’s still long. Whoops.
Note: I skipped the actual sentence and instead went for ✹vibes only✹
(From this various prompts list.)
_
Obi-Wan is twenty-three standard years old, very nearly twenty-four.
It is a delightful stage of life. (It’s awful.)
He’s growing in independence, so close to Knighthood he can almost taste it. (Is he? Nobody seems to have a clear opinion.)
He’s receiving more and more solo assignments, and on his missions with Master Jinn, the older Jedi makes an effort to at least await the Padawan’s input before making a decision, sometimes even deferring to Obi-Wan’s word. (Only in public, though, is there a sense of equality. Behind the scenes, Obi-Wan is still very much the learner.)
He longs to be free. (He doesn’t want to be alone.)
The confusing clash of thoughts and emotions is, in and of itself, a creator of more clashing emotions, all resulting in a bundle of self-doubt that crouches near his heart, like a greedy bird, picking away at his strength and certainty when he most needs it.
Doesn’t your doubt show you that you’re truly not ready? the pestering creature asks.
Doesn’t your longing for freedom prove you don’t deserve it? it says, tapping against the veins of ice and fear that lie right against the heat of his heart.
Doesn’t your need to be reassured tell you that you’re too hesitant, too weak to be alone?
His desire to fly is wrong. His desire to be sheltered, even more so.
Both together, coexisting in his heart and mind, could quite possibly mean the one thing he had been dreading for over a decade now, the thing older Jedi, real Jedi, had put into words and addressed to his face when he was only twelve, only eleven, only ten.
You are too emotional, they said.
You are overeager, they said.
You are not destined to be a Jedi, Qui-Gon had told him. I will not train you.
He had, in the end, and Obi-Wan has been wondering in the depths of his heart for all these years of it had not been a dreadful mistake. As much as the Force sings in his ears Jedi, Jedi, Jedi, endure, Jedi, Jedi, it felt like everything he touched, everything tangible, argues back failure, weak, selfish, foolish, unwanted, not fit.
Obi-Wan is twenty-three, almost twenty-four, and he is years into adulthood and light years away from proving that he’s capable of handling it.
When will he be Knighted?
Nobody seems to be expecting it from him.
Do they know, he wonders, have they known since the beginning that I am doomed to fail? Has this all been a gracious attempt, a thank you for my actions on Bandomeer, and they have drawn this out and out and out as long as they can?
How much longer can this go on?
Still, there are moments when he is at peace, when Obi-Wan is sure. When he meditates, when he accomplishes something new, when he walks away from an assignment feeling unashamed when he translates his memories into a tidy mission report.
When he has one of his long talks with Master Yoda, or Master Windu, who despite their revered status have taken to talking to him more like a friend than a child, outside of the Council chambers.
When he remembers the Force whispering inside, Jedi Jedi Jedi Jedi, endure, Jedi...
And then, on one of the missions assigned to both himself and his Master - still the overwhelming majority of his assignments - he and Qui-Gon are separated during a violent uprising.
There are bodies in the streets and buildings are aflame; children weep over the bodies of their parents and parents cradle the bodies of their children and scream as if the sound is their only companion left in the world. The standing government has a point, the rebellion has a point, the civilians caught in the crossfire don’t say which point they agree with because they’re too busy screaming and perishing, and Qui-Gon is simply gone.
Obi-Wan, faced with the threat of further bloodshed right here and right now even as the air is still clogged with ash and flame and as another body topples from a rooftop in front of his feet, raises his hand in surrender and calmly proposes a truce, offering himself as a legal hostage against the government that brought the Jedi here.
Obi-Wan is led away with his hands bound behind his back and his lightsaber taken away, and though his face is calm, the furrow between is brow speaks of his inner turmoil, which sounds like tapping against the cracks in his heart and Qui-Gon, where is Master Qui-Gon, I don’t know what I’m doing, if I fail more people will die, if I fail it will be my fault, is this taking charge or stepping aside, am I a leader or a victim?
He spends not days, not weeks, but three standard months as a hostage. He spends a terrible amount of time sitting in a cell and pondering his uselessness, the gravity of his foolishness, but every time someone opens the door and escorts him out to hold parley with the leaders of the rebellion and the ministry of the planet, he holds his head high, tempers his fear, and speaks to them with all he has.
Which is honesty. Humility.
You don’t know what to do, he says. Neither do I.
We all know we must do something. No matter how much blood you spill and how much earth you scorch you will eventually come back here to this table to have this same discussion until either both of you are broken beyond belief or one of you has been crushed, and half your planet’s voice stolen away. And you will have sacrificed two of the Republic’s Jedi along the way, a black mark against whichever victor is left standing.
Or, he says, we choose to pass over the violence and talk here and now, and choose this again and again and again. You have already had your fighting. Your people are already hoping for negotiation.
Are you here for their sakes or to kill them for show?
He does not use these exact words.
He sews them into his brief speeches, hammers in the point sharply when he must, weaves the common thread over and over again.
He knows they fight while he is locked away.
But he believes, from the growing respect in the eyes of these people who hold him both by his and against his will, that he is making a difference. He must be.
And Obi-Wan is twenty-three, very very nearly twenty-four, when he finally walks free to witness the signing of a treaty like this planet has never had before, to witness the formation of a new government, and he discovers not ashes and mass graves when he sees daylight for the first time in three months — but instead, a city and a planet marred only by scattered battlefields, and marked more clearly by the way its people have fought to keep it clean, to keep it safe.
Children race through the streets, unafraid, because they have had real shelter during the war. It has not entered their homes since that first terrible day.
Neighbors from opposing sides of this fight and friends who staked no claim in this war mingle freely. Their smiles are a little hesitant, but they are there.
The dead are all honored equally.
It is leaps and bounds, it is a civilization that propelled itself through years of struggle in three months, and Obi-Wan is awed by them.
He knows it cannot be this way everywhere.
He knows that there will be wars where no one wants to surrender, or where one side will be so certain of their point of view that they would rather raise hell than cease, and he knows there will be people who resist them.
But today it is real.
Obi-Wan looks at his pale and clammy hands, the marks around his wrists where he was so often bound, and feels the way his limbs shake from months of too little sunlight, not quite enough food, and more than his share of fear and doubt and self-recrimination.
As he smiles for a camera that will record this moment forever, he glimpses Qui-Gon amongst the crowd.
Someone explains to him, when he asks, that his Master had been injured during the uprising and spent the first three weeks of Obi-Wan’s captivity in convalescence. The remaining time, he has spent on the sidelines, forced there by his Padawan’s actions. With Obi-Wan a willing hostage, playing negotiator and leverage both, Qui-Gon had no role except to mingle with the people, offer them comfort and aid.
Something Obi-Wan knows his Master loved, but — he had still stolen his Master’s role.
He had thrown himself into a stupid, foolish situation, and how many times had Qui-Gon teased him about playing damsel in distress? And here he has gone and surrendered of his own accord. What would Qui-Gon have done if Obi-Wan had led them all to ruin?
Obi-Wan slowly loses his confidence, his relief, his silver tongue, as the press and the people recede, and he and his Master walk to a room that has been prepared for both of them, as honored guests by this new government.
Qui-Gon says nothing to him.
They walk in silence for twelve minutes.
And then, as soon as the door has shut behind them, Obi-Wan finds himself pulled into a fierce embrace, one of his Master’s hands buried in his hair, Qui-Gon’s chin resting atop his head.
Obi-Wan hesitates.
Does his Master think him a child?
Perhaps Qui-Gon senses his thoughts, because the man pulls away briefly, still holding his Padawan by the shoulders, as if unwilling to let him go completely, else he vanish like smoke.
“Padawan,” Qui-Gon says, and his voice is loud and strong and brimming with warmth that washes over Obi-Wan like sunlight, like water, like an embrace. “Well done, my Padawan.”
And then he is pulled again into Qui-Gon’s comforting arms, and Obi-Wan breathes in and gives in, folding against his teacher like a child, and if a few tears stain Qui-Gon’s robes or drop into Obi-Wan’s hair, neither of them speaks of it.
Obi-Wan lets his Master hold him, lets go of fear and pride and doubt, and finds that he is safe.
~
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jujutsu-headcanons · 4 years ago
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Gojo Satoru general headcanons
Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.
Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.
He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.
All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.
Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 
This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.
That doesn't mean he did the work tho
Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work
Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him
A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone
Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman
Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because
He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 
He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.
Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop
Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay
He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys
He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight
It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?
He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically
He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it
He has really cold hands and feet
He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o
He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o
It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry
Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"
He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face
He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair
He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts
No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses
His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month
They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses
Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on
Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind
Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 
He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know
He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.
So about his driver's license;
He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.
Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets
It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad
This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though
He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-
Gojo has a key
You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 
Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious
He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess
The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.
He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror
Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes
Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck
He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.
Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru
Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.
He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 
He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-
It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 
Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.
He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral
Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in
Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it
Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it
Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine
Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"
I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there
As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco
He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever
He will literally just stare at you and giggle
It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why
Its because he respects women
He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.
The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 
He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 
When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.
He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.
Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess
He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 
He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored
This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored
He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power
I canon him as being borderline sadistic
This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated
White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.
He is Sakata Gintoki
He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og
He's hella bilingual
Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 
He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan
Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months
Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week
Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality
Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.
Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o
Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn
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miserablesme · 3 years ago
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The Les Miserables Changelog Part 3: 1987 Broadway Production
Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. This time, we're going through all the changes between the musical as it existed on the West End around 1985-1986 and the revised libretto for the 1987 Broadway production.
In some ways, this is a much easier changelog to compile than the last two simply because it is much easier to find audio evidence of the show from this era than from its pre-1987 self. We have a full soundboard of the original Broadway cast as well as a very good quality bootleg of the very first Broadway preview, as well as several audios from the next few years which use exactly the same script. We also have an officially released Symphonic Soundtrack which almost (but not quite) follows this version of the libretto exactly. So no more relying on unclear bootlegs and speculation to figure out what was changed when!
Having said that, the changes in this production were MASSIVE. It's almost certainly the most extensive edit the show's libretto has received to this day. As such, this will be a very long edition of this blog. So make sure you have a bit of time on your hands before reading it! With all that cleared up, let's begin.
The first change literally can be heard as soon as the musical begins. The pre-Broadway show opens up with the same recurring motif also heard, for instance, at the openings of "At the End of the Day" and "One Day More". This music then transitioned to the instrumentals to the opening "Work Song". The post-Broadway libretto cuts right to the chase, with the opening instrumentals to the "Work Song" starting right up without any preamble.
One interesting little non-scripted change occurs later in the "Work Song", but only in American productions. For whatever reason, every American Javert from the original Broadway cast until the first Broadway revival sang "And I am Javert" instead of "And I'm Javert", for reasons that honestly baffle me. Again, the libretto retained the original contraption as far as I'm aware, and the West End production as well as later UK and Australian tours still used it as well.
The next change happens while Valjean is on parole. After Valjean pleads against the farmer underpaying him, this was the farmer's original response:
Do you believe
A yellow ticket of leave
Allows a criminal like you to earn full screw?
Since Broadway, his response is instead as follows:
You broke the law
It's there for people to see
Why should you get the same as honest men like me?
I much prefer this revised version. Though the information is essentially the same, it feels more dramatic, as well as feeling less awkward now that it is in the form of separate sentences as opposed to a single sentence spoken in three lines with pauses in between. Moreover, the phrase "honest men like me" as used here provides interesting foreshadowing for its more well-known usage in "Master of the House". One could spend quite some time analysing the implications of this recurring description, but this blog is long enough as it is so now isn't the time!
In the same number, originally the innkeeper's wife had the following remark:
My rooms are full
And I've no supper to spare
I'd like to help you really, all I want is to be fair
Since Broadway, her line has been slightly modified:
My rooms are full
And I've no supper to spare
I'd like to help a stranger, all we want is to be fair
I suppose "I'd like to help a stranger" sounds less slang-y than "help you really". Presumably this is why it was changed. I find the change of subject from singular to plural far more interesting. My hypothesis is that the writers wanted to make it clear than this is a communal grudge, not a personal one. Everyone around sees it as perfectly fair to deny shelter to a former convict, not just this one individual. I definitely prefer the revised line, but evidently the producers of the West End production didn't; that production held on to the original lyrics for more than a decade after they were originally revised! More on that in a later edition of this blog...
A more minor change can be heard during "At the End of the Day". Originally, Valjean asks the factor workers "What is this shouting all about?" The Broadway script changes this to "What is this fighting all about?" Much less trivial implications now. I'm curious as to whether or not a staging change may have accompanied this. Usually the two workers get into quite a bit of physical scuffle by this point, far beyond the realm of shouting. Did the original pre-Broadway production use more subdued choreography?
"The Runaway Cart" has some noticeable differences. After Valjean asks the townspeople for help, the original response was sung by the entire ensemble, and went as follows:
(SOLO)
Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor
There's nothing at all you can do
(ENSEMBLE)
The old man is a goner for sure
Leave him alone
The Broadway libretto revised this into a sequence sung by one individual at a time with the following lyrics:
Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor
The load is as heavy as hell
The old man is a goner for sure
It will kill you as well
A female ensemble member sung "The old man is a goner for sure" while a male member sung the rest. I sort of like it better as an ensemble piece (something that would be largely brought back in later years, as I'll soon discuss) although I think it's cool that it rhymes now. Having said that, I'm fairly confident that no one in the real world has ever actually used the phrase "Heavy as hell"!
An official change in the libretto occurred in "Who Am I?" but listeners to the original Broadway cast would not have heard it. While the pre-Broadway show had Valjean refer to "This innocent who bears my face", the revised libretto instead refers to "This innocent who wears my face". Perhaps a means of avoiding repetition, given that the word "bear" is used again later in the number? Regardless, Colm Wilkinson didn't actually bother to adapt to this change! He still sings "This innocent who bears my face" in the Broadway production (as well as the tenth anniversary concert; not until his 1998 stint in Toronto did he ever start singing the revised lyrics). Since every future Valjean (except Ivan Rutherford for some reason) sings "wears", I still see it as appropriate to mention here.
At the end of the song, Valjean's "You know where to find me!", used on and off in the Barbican previews before becoming a settled part of the production by the final pre-Broadway libretto, is once again removed for the Broadway show. However, the West End production would keep it for a few years - more on that later...
Just listening to the original Broadway cast, one might think Javert's "Dare you talk to me of crime?" becomes "Dare you speak to me of crime?" However, this seems to be a Terrence Mann-exclusive change. Every Javert after him reverts to the original lyrics (as did Terrence himself when he returned to the musical fifteen years later). I'm still making note of the change here for the sake of clarification.
An instrumental change occurs between "Castle on a Cloud" and "Master of the House". Mme. Thenardier's "You heard me ask for something and I never ask twice" was original followed by three bars of notes, then by six more bars of notes that are identical to each other. After the Broadway production, however, those six bars of notes grow increasingly more dramatic as they go on.
A very slight change happens during the preamble to "Master of the House". Originally one of the guests proclaims "Hell, what a wine" while the revised libretto instead has him claim "God, what a wine". Definitely more natural in my opinion, though not a huge difference by any means.
A few subtle differences exist in the "Waltz of Treachery" number. First off, Thenardier originally asks "Have we done for your child what is best?" The Broadway libretto changes "your child" to "her child". I personally like the original lyric better, as it goes back to the idea established earlier that Valjean is metaphorically bargaining through the spirit of Fantine. It's definitely not a difference that makes or breaks the number, though.
Towards the end of the song comes another change that cannot actually be heard by listening to the original Broadway cast. In the pre-Broadway show, Valjean used the line "Let us seek out a friendlier sky", while the revised libretto has him say "Let us seek out some friendlier sky". However, Colm Wilkinson once again doesn't bother to adapt to the change, and unlike the "Who Am I?" change he wouldn't learn it over time either. He continues to sing "a friendlier sky" throughout his on-and-off performances as Valjean, right up to and including his 2002 run in Shanghai!
After the bulk of the number comes a more significant change. Prior to the Broadway production, as was discussed in the last entry, the "Waltz of Treachery" was followed by about forty-five seconds of vamping and then this exchange in the tune of "Castle on a Cloud":
(LITTLE COSETTE)
We're going home right now, monsieur
What is your name
(VALJEAN)
Now my dear
I've names enough, I've got names to spare
But where I go, you always will be there
Nor will you be afraid again
There is a sun that's shining yet
(LITTLE COSETTE)
I'm going to call you my Papa
(VALJEAN)
I'm going to call you my Cosette
The Broadway libretto replaced it with just under twenty seconds of vamping, followed by a sequence in the tune of the "Waltz of Treachery":
(VALJEAN)
Come Cosette
Come my dear
From now on I will always be here
Where I go
You will be
(LITTLE COSETTE)
Will there be children
And castles to see?
(VALJEAN)
Yes, Cosette
Yes it's true
There's a castle just waiting for you
This is followed by another fifteen or so seconds of vamping, and then the humming duet between Cosette and Valjean carries on as before.
Arguably the biggest change in the entire edited libretto happens now. Whereas the number was originally directly followed by "Stars", things have been moved around so that it instead transitions directly into "Look Down". "Look Down" itself receives a lot of adjustments. First off, the number began in the pre-Broadway musical with a bar of music that was then repeated. The Broadway version only plays the bar of music once, and the sung part happens immediately afterwards.
Gavroche's verse receives some lyrical updates. Originally it used the following lines:
This is my school, my high society
From St. Denis to St Michel
We live on crumbs of humble piety
Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?
If you're poor, if you're free
Follow me, follow me!
The Broadway production rewrote that sequence a little:
This is my school, my high society
Here in the slums of St Michel
We live on crumbs of humble piety
Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?
Think you're poor? Think you're free?
Follow me, follow me!
Better lines in my humble opinion; "slums" conveys the poverty of Gavroche's community much more effectively than the original line, and phrasing the "poor" and "free" lines as questions is more dramatic than their original statement form.
The old beggar woman's original "You give 'em all the pox" becomes the less grammatically accurate "Give 'em all the pox" for Broadway, though I have no idea if the original "You" was part of the libretto or simply an improvisation. Since seemingly all actresses used that line for the first few years of the West End production, it strikes me as warranting a mention.
Right after this comes another change. In the pre-Broadway show, the argument between the beggar woman and the prostitute was followed by an exchange by a few individual beggars. All of the following lines were said by one person at a time, the first three being said by female beggars and the last one by a male beggar:
When's it gonna end?
When're we gonna live?
Something's gotta happen, dearie
Something's gotta give
The Broadway libretto changes this to an ensemble piece performed by all the beggars simultaneously:
When's it gonna end?
When're we gonna live?
Something's gotta happen now or
Something's gotta give
I really like the switch to a group effort, as it really emphasizes that the beggars are a community sharing the burden of poverty. It really feels like an epidemic to an extent that it doesn't when it's just a small conversation. Evidently the producers of the West End show didn't agree with me though, as they held onto the original sequence for more than a decade after the official change, and by that point it had already been largely reverted worldwide! More on that in a later blog...
Originally, the exposition about General Lamarque was given by a few random students (supposedly not specified in the libretto, but in practice portrayed as Combeferre and Feuilly). Some ensemble dialogue between beggars was put in between. Feuilly sings over the end of the ensemble's lines - but many have speculated that this was not intended by the writers, as the background music sounds super out of sync with his singing! Here's how the scene went:
(COMBEFERRE)
As for the leaders of the land
As for the swells who run this show
Only one man and that's Lamarque
Speaks for the people here below
(BEGGARS)
Something for a meal
Something for a doss
Something in the name of Him who died upon the cross
On the cross, come across
On the cross, come across, come across
(FEUILLY)
Lamarque is ill and fading fast
Won't last the week out, so they say
With all the anger in the land
How long before the judgement day?
Before we cut the fat ones down to size?
Before the barricades arise?
Fortunately, the writers of the Broadway libretto had the sense to change the purveyors of the message into people actually relevant to the show's plot, namely Marius and Enjolras. Moreover, the beggars' dialog was rewritten into a sequence that feels far less clunky to me. The background music was fixed to account for the solo singing (now done by Marius) overlapping the beggars' lines, so it is now perfectly in sync. Here's the edited exchange:
(ENJOLRAS)
Where are the leaders of the land?
Where are the swells who run this show?
(MARIUS)
Only one man and that's Lamarque
Speaks for the people here below
(BEGGARS)
See our children fed
Help us in our shame
Something for a crust of bread in Holy Jesus' name
(SOLO BEGGAR)
In the Lord's holy name
(BEGGARS)
In His name, in His name, in His name
(MARIUS)
Lamarque is ill and fading fast
Won't last the week out, so they say
(ENJOLRAS)
With all the anger in the land
How long before the judgement day?
Before we cut the fat ones down to size?
Before the barricades arise?
Much better in my opinion! It should be noted that David Bryant instead sings "these people here below", but as far as I can tell every future Marius (or later Enjolras - more on that later) sings "the people, which is the actually phrasing in the libretto.
One final change in Look Down: Gavroche now says that all of Thenardier's family is "on the make", as opposed to the original "on the take". A rather pointless change in my book, though it certainly doesn't hurt anything.
"The Robbery" is another heavily edited number. Thenardier's line after acknowledging Brujon, Babet, and Claquesous was originally as follows:
You Montparnasse, watch for the p'lice
With Eponine, take care
You've got all the hash, I've got all the cash
The Broadway show rewrote those lines into their still-current form:
You Montparnasse, watch for the law
With Eponine, take care
You turn on the tears, no mistakes my dears!
This changed lyric more naturally transitions the scene into the gang's actual plan, though the original is an interesting continuation of Gavroche's recollection of Thenardier once running a hash house.
Mme. Thenardier's response is also altered from the original lyrics:
Here come a student from our street
One of 'Ponine's peculiar gents
Our Eponine would kiss his feet
She never showed a bit of sense
Into the current ones:
These bloody students on our street
Here they come slumming once again
Our Eponine would kiss their feet
She never showed a scrap of brain
It's interesting how the edit shifts the focus from Marius in particular to the students in general. It seems that Mme. Thenardier is less aware of the specifics of her daughter's personal life now, something that makes sense for her character.
After Mme. Thenardier's "You'll be in the clear", there was originally just eighteen seconds of a musical motif (the same one which opens "At the End of the Day" and "One Day More") followed by Thenardier's speech. Since Broadway, it's instead been followed by a few more lines of dialogue:
(MARIUS)
Who is that man
(EPONINE)
Leave me alone!
(MARIUS)
Why is here?
Hey Eponine!
Only now does the musical motif play. But instead of staying silent upon seeing Cosette, Marius now sings "I didn't see you there, forgive me..." Interestingly, in this video of a 1987 performance of the original West End production, Marius just stops without bumping into Cosette as he usually does. This makes me wonder whether or not the bumping was added into the Broadway version, and the lyric was added to accomodate for the blocking change. Of course, this is all speculation; I have no way to know for sure.
Thenardier's con job is also quite a bit different post-Broadway. Originally it used the following lyrics:
How you do? Spare a sou
God will see all the good that you do
Look monsieur, lost a leg
Hero of Waterloo now has to beg
Wait a bit, know that face...
The Broadway libretto edited it into its current form:
Please monsieur, come this way
Here's a child that ain't eaten today
Save a life, spare a sou
God rewards all the good that you do
Wait a bit, know that face...
It's interesting how Thenardier's facade shifts in focus from his own supposed hardship to that of an alleged child. I suppose the latter would be a good bit more effective in convincing passersby to donate!
During "Javert's Intervention", Thenardier now says "It was me that told you so, as opposed to the original "Wot told you so"; however, this seems to be a regional choice to account for a lack of Cockney accent, not an official libretto change. British productions retain the original "Wot".
“The Robbery” ends quite differently. Its pre-Broadway form had Gavroche’s remarks directly follow Javert’s “Clear this garbage off the street!” However, now Javert’s line is instead followed by some instrumentals to a slower version of the same tune as, for instance, “Honest work/Just reward/That’s the way to please the lord” and “He will bend/He will break/This time there is no mistake”.
After these instrumentals come the “Stars” number, now in a much more natural location given that Javert now has a logical reason to be thinking about Valjean!
The number itself is mostly the same, up until the final segment. After Javert’s “Those who falter and those who fall must pay the price”, he originally had the following lyrics:
Scarce to be counted
Changing the chaos
To order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
Keeping watch in the night
The post-Broadway show replaced this with a much more climactic remark:
Lord let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars
I will never rest ‘til then
This I swear
This is swear by the stars
WOW, what an improvement! Now the stars are tied much better to Valjean himself, and Javert’s motivation is much clearer!
Now that “Stars” is over, we finally get Gavroche's remarks. The lyrics are the same; however, instead of the tempo progressively getting faster as it goes along, it now gets progressively slower. Interestingly the audio of the first preview has Gavroche saying "mother dear" instead of "auntie dear", but it's back to the original line by the second known original Broadway cast audio. Both audio feature Braden Danner; whether the "mother dear" was a choice on his part or a director's, a flub, or a libretto change that was later reverted is unknown.
"Eponine's Errand" has some significant changes. First off, the original libretto gave Marius and Eponine this exchange:
(MARIUS)
Did you see that lovely girl
(EPONINE)
A lovely two-a-penny thing
The Broadway libretto edited it a little:
(MARIUS)
Eponine, who was that girl?
(EPONINE)
Some bourgeois two-a-penny thing
Marius' request has also been changed from its original lyrics:
Eponine, do this for me
But careful how you go
Your father mustn't know
He'll strike another blow
'Ponine, I'm lost until she's found
Into some far clearer and more direct instructions:
Eponine, do this for me
Discover where she lives
But careful how you go
Don't let your father know
'Ponine, I'm lost until she's found
And yes, the line was "your father" right from day one. Michael Ball flubs it as "her father" on the complete symphonic recording, leading many to assume that was the original lyric which was changed later. But I'm not aware of a single live performance to use that lyric (which doesn't make a lot of sense anyway).
Another side note: Some Marius actors have very slightly changed the third line to "Be careful how you go" or "But careful as you go", though neither lyric is the standard.
Post-Broadway, as the instrumentals to "Red and Black" play, a student (I'm not sure which one) now shouts Enjolras' name before the singing begins.
During "Red and Black", Michael Maguire changes the original "It is easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies" to "Oh, it's easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies". However, this is an individual choice of the actor, not an official libretto change. Every future Enjolras I'm aware of (except Ramin Karimloo for some reason) uses the original line.
An actual libretto change occurs soon afterwards. After Marius' entrance, Grantaire originally asks, "Marius, what's wrong with you today?" The post-Broadway show changes this to "Marius, you're late. What's wrong today?" This makes it much clearer why Grantaire might suspect something is wrong.
Soon afterwards, Grantaire's original line "We talk of battles to be won, and here he comes like Don Juan" is slightly tweaked to "You talk of battles to be won". This is a little more appropriate, since Grantaire isn't actually doing a lot of talking!
After "Red and Black", Gavroche's part is very slightly changed. First off, American performances for a few years would have Gavroche whistle right before everyone quiets down, though I have no idea if this was in the libretto or not.
Secondly, Gavroche's original remark, "It's General Lamarque! He's dead!" is shortened to just "General Lamarque is dead!"
In another contender for the biggest change in the entire edit, the entire "I Saw Him Once" number is totally removed. I have mixed feelings about this. It does give Cosette, a frustratingly underwritten character, some additional content. However, stylistically it's not all that much like any other number in the musical, and it doesn't really add enough information to the show to warrant a whole song. So I say with regret that it was probably for the best to delete the number.
To compensate for the lost number, "In My Life" is lengthened to include the establishing character moments that "I Saw Him Once" originally did. Originally it opened as follows:
(COSETTE)
Dearest papa, can I tell him of this?
How can I tell him the things that I feel?
How could he understand?
(VALJEAN)
Dear Cosette, you're such a lonely child...
The post-Broadway opener is instead as follows:
(COSETTE)
How strange, this feeling that my life's begun at last
This change, can people really fall in love so fast?
What's the matter with you Cosette?
Have you been to much on your own?
So many things unclear
So many things unknown
In my life
There are so many questions and answers
That somehow seem wrong
In my life
There are times when I catch in the silence
The sigh of a faraway song
And it sings of a world that I long to see
Out of reach, just a whisper away, waiting for me
Does he know I'm alive? Do I know if he's real?
Does he see what I see? Does he feel what I feel?
In my life
I'm no longer alone
Now the love in my life is so near
Find me now, find me here
(VALJEAN)
Dear Cosette, you're such a lonely child...
After Valjean gives Cosette his cryptic defense of his secrecy, Cosette had a remark that is sadly incredibly hard to understand in the quality of the recordings we have. It apparently went something like this:
There are voices I hear
That come into my mind
Full of noise, full of fear
When the noise was unkind
In my life
I'm no longer afraid
And I yearn for the truth that you know
Of the years, years ago
Her post-Broadway response is much shorter:
In my life
I'm no longer a child
And I yearn for the truth that you know
Of the years, years ago
Shorter, but just as effective in my book. Plus, the use of the word "child" nicely ties into Valjean's initial remark that Cosette is "such a lonely child", as well as Cosette's frustration that he still sees her as "a child who is lost in the woods".
The next number, "A Heart Full of Love", also has a LOT of rewritten lyrics. First of all, after Marius' "I do not even know your name", these are his original lyrics:
Dear mademoiselle
I am lost in your spell
The Broadway production changed the lyrics into:
Dear mademoiselle
Won't you say? Will you tell?
I suppose this fits a little better with his remark about not knowing Cosette's name.
After Marius and Cosette finally learn each other's names (an important step in a relationship if you ask me!) this was their original way of showing their affection:
(MARIUS)
Cosette, your name is like a song
(COSETTE)
My song is you
(MARIUS)
Is it true?
(COSETTE)
Yes, it's true
The Broadway production rewrote it into the following:
(MARIUS)
Cosette, I don't know what to say
(COSETTE)
Then make no sound
(MARIUS)
I am lost
(COSETTE)
I am found
In my opinion, the rewrite captures the slight awkwardness of young love much better, as well as making a lot more sense!
Immediately afterwards, this is the original exchange:
(MARIUS and COSETTE)
A heart full of love
A heart full of you
(MARIUS)
The words are foolish but they're true
Cosette, Cosette
What were we dreaming when we met?
(COSETTE)
I can sing
(MARIUS)
Dear Cosette
(COSETTE)
A heart full of love...
The Broadway libretto redoes the scene as the following:
(MARIUS)
A heart full of love
(COSETTE)
A night bright as day
(MARIUS)
And you must never go away
Cosette, Cosette
(COSETTE)
This is a chain we'll never break
(MARIUS)
Do I dream?
(COSETTE)
I'm awake
(MARIUS)
A heart full of love...
Almost a totally different scene! The post-Broadway variant is better structured, but I do like the original too.
As the trio of Marius, Cosette, and Eponine exchanges inner monologues, Marius originally has the line "I saw her waiting and I knew". The Broadway libretto changed this to "A single look and then I knew". I kind of prefer the original, as it implies a little more than something as trivial as a cursory glance.
In the closing lyrical overlap of the song, Cosette originally sings "Waiting for you", but post-Broadway she sings "I knew it too". Then, she originally sings "At your call" but post-Broadway she sings "Every day".
During the opening to "The Attack on Rue Plumet", Montparnasse refers to Valjean as "the one that got away the other day" as opposed to his original "the bloke wot got away the other day". However, this is another regional change made for the sake of making sense outside of a cockney accent. The official libretto still had the original lyrics.
A tiny change occurs during Thenardier and Eponine's fight. Claquesous originally thinks it's a palaver and an absolute treat "to watch a cat and its father" picking a bone in the street. The Broadway libretto changed this to "see a cat and a father". Why exactly the writers felt the need to make such a miniscule edit is mystifying to me, but it certainly doesn't hurt anything.
Another change occurs later in the number, after Eponine's scream. Originally this was Thenardier's reaction:
Make for the sewers, don't wait around
Leave her to me, go underground
You wait my girl, you'll rue this night
I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!
These lines were mixed up a bit for the Broadway libretto:
You wait my girl, you'll rue this night
I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!
Leave her to me, don't wait around
Make for the sewers, go underground
The post-Broadway variation arguably is a bit less climactic due to it not ending on a threat. However, the original climax isn't all that appropriate since Eponine and Thenardier never actually interact at any later point in the musical. I like that the post-Broadway version ends on something that's actually relevant to the remainder of the show (namely, that Thenardier will be in the sewers). Evidently the West End producers didn't agree with me; this is another line in which the original was kept there for more than a decade (at which point a rewrite closer to the original was already being used worldwide)!
In "One Day More", Javert's "One day more to revolution" is slightly changed to "One more day to revolution". However, the number is otherwise unchanged.
And that's it for Act One! The opening barricade scene to act two has a small change. Grantaire's pre-Broadway "Some will bark, some will bite" was changed to "Dogs will bark, fleas will bite". Makes a lot more sense in my opinion!
The opening to "On My Own" is changed as well. Originally it was performed as follows:
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to go, no one to turn to
I did not want your money sir
I came out here 'cause I was told to
The Broadway version rewrote it into the following:
And now I'm alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home, without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
A huge improvement in my book. It actually rhymes now, and is far less likely to be misconstrued as ungrateful.
After receiving a massive overhaul not that long before, "Little People" was slightly tweaked for the Broadway show. The pre-Broadway version had this ending:
So never kick a dog
Because he’s just a pup
You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up!
Another line (taken from the original longer version of "Little People" as well as all versions of its reprise) was added for the post-Broadway show:
So never kick a dog
Because he’s just a pup
We'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up
So you’d better run for cover when the pup grows up!
Grantaire's line afterwards is literally reversed in meaning from the original "Better far to die a schoolboy than a policeman and a spy!" into "What's the difference? Die a schoolboy, die a policeman, die a spy!" This post-Broadway lyric fits better into Grantaire's cynical personality.
A very subtle edit is made in "Little Fall of Rain" (to the point that I only just realized its existence by reading an old internet forum!) Pre-Broadway, Marius asks Eponine "Did you see my beloved?" The tense is changed from past to present perfect for the Broadway libretto, so that he now sings "Have you seen my beloved?"
"Drink with Me" receives quite a bit of editing. The opening few lines are originally all sung by Grantaire:
Drink with me to days gone by
Sing with me the songs we knew
Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads
Here's to witty girls who went to our beds
Here's to them and here's to you
Now, those lyrics are split between various students:
(FEUILLY)
Drink with me to days gone by
Sing with me the songs we knew
(PROUVAIRE)
Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads
(JOLY)
Here's to witty girls who went to our beds
(ALL STUDENTS)
Here's to them and here's to you
A far more touching scene now that it entails an entire group of friends reminiscing about their lives, as opposed to the thoughts of one heavily drunk individual.
Originally this was followed by a segment by the male ensemble:
Drink with me to days gone by
To the life that used to be
At the shrine of friendship never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry
Then, this was followed by the same lyrics, but sung by the male and female ensembles overlapping. The Broadway libretto removes that and replaces it with an all-new segment with Grantaire. It's much more cynical and philosophical than his original lines:
Drink with me to days gone by
Can it be you fear to die?
Will the world remember you when you fall?
Could it be your death means nothing at all?
Is you life just one more lie?
The lyrics from the pre-Broadway show, in their male-and-female overlapping form, are played afterwards.
The next change occurs during the Second Attack. Pre-Broadway, this was how the opening lyrics went:
(ENJOLRAS)
How do we stand, Feuilly make your report
(FEUILLY)
We've guns enough but bullets running short
(MARIUS)
Let me go into the street
There are bodies all around
Ammunition to be had
Lots of bullets to be found
Some very small edits were made for Broadway:
(ENJOLRAS)
How do we stand, Feuilly make your report
(FEUILLY)
We've guns enough but ammunition short
(MARIUS)
I will go into the street
There are bodies all around
Ammunition to be had
Lots of bullets to be found
The following exchange also is a bit edited. Here's how it went pre-Broadway:
(ENJOLRAS)
I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance
(MARIUS)
And the same can be said for any man here
(VALJEAN)
Let me go in his place, he's no more than a boy
I am old and alone and have nothing to fear
Post-Broadway, it instead goes as follows:
(ENJOLRAS)
I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance
(MARIUS)
And the same is true for any man here
(VALJEAN)
Let me go, he's no more than a boy
I am old, I have nothing to fear
Finally, Gavroche's final lines are as follows pre-Broadway:
So never kick a dog
Because he’s just a pup
You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up
And we’ll fight like twenty armies and we won’t give

A small edit is made for the Broadway production, so that the latter two lines are reversed:
So never kick a dog
Because he’s just a pup
We’ll fight like twenty armies and we won’t give up
So you’d better run for cover when the pup grows...
I'd say this is an improvement, since Gavroche's death is all the more impactful when his literal last unfinished words are about growing up.
Not long afterwards comes the Final Battle. Leading up to Enjolras' climactic moment, the original lines went as follows:
(ENJOLRAS)
Come on my friends, though we stand here alone
Let us go to our deaths with our face to our foes
(COMBEFERRE)
Let 'em pay for each death with a death of their own
(COURFEYRAC)
If they get me, by God, they will pay through the nose
(ENJOLRAS)
Let others rise to take our place
Until the earth is free
The sequence was edited for Broadway, giving a bit more breathing space:
(ENJOLRAS)
Let us die facing our foes
Make them bleed while they can
(COMBEFERRE)
Make them pay through the nose
(COURFEYRAC)
Make them pay for every man
(ENJOLRAS)
Let others rise to take our place
Until the earth is free
"Dog Eats Dog" is a very heavily-edited number. First off, the vamping at the beginning originally lasts about 30 seconds. By Broadway, it has been reduced to about nineteen seconds.
After Thenardier's "As a service to the town" line, he originally sung the following lines:
It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs
And the worst is as good as the best
It's a stinking great sewer that's crawling with rats
And one rat is as good as the rest
I raise my eyes to see the heavens
And only the moon looks down
That entire sequence was cut for Broadway.
Soon afterwards, Thenardier originally proclaims "Here's a little toy". The Broadway edit changes it to "Here's another toy", perhaps to make it seem less repetitive after his "pretty little thing" line.
The exact same lines from after "As a service to the town" are repeated in the pre-Broadway number after Thenardier's "When the gutters run with blood" line, with one more line added afterwards:
It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs
And the worst is as good as the best
It's a stinking great sewer that's crawling with rats
And one rat is as good as the rest
I raise my eyes to see the heavens
And only the moon looks down
The harvest moon shines down
Unlike the first instance of those lines, they aren't completely excised for Broadway. They are, however, significantly rewritten:
It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs
And they kill for the bones in the street
And God in His heavens, He don't interfere
'Cause He's dead as the stiffs at my feet
I raise my eyes to see the heavens
And only the moon looks down
The harvest moon shines down
I really like how the edited version focuses more on godlessness than on how gross the sewer is. Not that a lack of a god is inherently sinister; I am quite agnostic myself and I think the unbreakable connection between religion and morality alleged by some is ridiculous. But it is blatantly obvious that Thenardier sees no reason to be moral provided no one will punish him.
As a side note, the 1985 London official soundtrack oddly uses this variant, yet the 1986 bootleg audio I have uses the original. Perhaps the original was experimented with, reverted, and later put in again? Who knows...
After the number, Thenardier now shouts Valjean's name.
The encounter in the sewers between Valjean and Javert originally ended as follows, with Javert's first two lines here in a tune not heard anywhere else in the musical to my recollection:
(VALJEAN)
Come, time is running short
(JAVERT)
Go take him, I'll be waiting at the door
I've never met a man like you before
A man such as you
The sequence was extended for the Broadway libretto, to the tune of "Look Down" and the "Work Song":
(VALJEAN)
Come, time is running short
Look down, Javert
He's standing in his grave
(VALJEAN - simultaneously with the next two lines)
Give way, Javert
There is a life to save
(JAVERT - simultaneously with the previous two lines)
Take him, Valjean
Before I change my mind
(JAVERT)
I will be waiting, 24601
A slight change can be heard in "Every Day". Originally Marius sings that he and Cosette will "remember that night and the song that we sang". The Broadway libretto edited this into the decidedly less medium-aware "remember that night and the vow that we made".
"Valjean's Confession" has been reworked to the point that it can scarcely even be considered the same song. After Valjean's "There's something now that must be done", this was how the song went:
(VALJEAN)
Monsieur, I cannot stay a night beneath your roof
I am a convict, sir, my body bears the proof
My name is Jean Valjean
I never told Cosette, I bear this guilt alone
And this I swear to you, her innocence is real
Her love is true
Our love, our life, are now her own
And I must face the years alone
(MARIUS)
I do not understand what's the sense of it all?
Is the world upside down?
Will the universe fall?
If it's true what you say, and Cosette doesn't know
Why confess it to me?
Why confess it at all?
What forces you to speak after all?
(VALJEAN)
You and Cosette must be free of reproach
It is not your affair
There is a darkness that's over my life
It's the cross I must bear
It's for Cosette this must be faced
If I am found, she is disgraced
(MARIUS)
What can I do that would turn you from this...
After the Broadway rewrite, Valjean's "There's something now that must be done" is followed by this:
(VALJEAN)
You've spoken from the heart, and I must do the same
There is a story, sir, of slavery and shame
That you alone must know
I never told Cosette, she had enough of tears
She's never known the truth, the story you must hear
Of years ago
There lived a man whose name was Jean Valjean
He stole some bread to save his sister's son
For nineteen winters served his time
In sweat he washed away his crime
Years ago
He broke parole and lived a life apart
How could he tell Cosette and break her heart?
It's for Cosette this must be faced
If he is caught she is disgraced
The time is come to journey on
And from this day he must be gone
Who am I?
Who am I?
(MARIUS)
You're Jean Valjean
What can I do that will turn you from this...
The few lines afterwards are the same, but as you can see not much else in the song is! Even the tune diverges a lot between the two variants. I'm very conflicted about which one I prefer. I gravitate towards the final one, though it's nice that the original actually tried to address to confusing notion that Valjean wants to tell his son-in-law of his past yet not his own daughter.
"Beggars at the Feast" originally ended with a solo for Thenardier:
(THENARDIER and MME. THENARDIER)
We know where the wind is blowing
Money is the stuff we smell
(THENARDIER)
And when I'm rich as Croesus
Jesus, won't I see you all in Hell!
The Broadway libretto switched this to a group line:
(THENARDIER and MME. THENARDIER)
We know where the wind is blowing
Money is the stuff we smell
And when we're rich as Croesus
Jesus, won't we see you all in Hell!
I much prefer the revised version, as the two Thenardiers clearly are in this act together. It seems more appropriate to let them both have the last laugh.
A small change occurs in the Epilogue. Pre-Broadway, Fantine sings "You raised my child with love". However, post-Broadway, she instead sings "You raised my child in love".
Another change occurs later in the epilogue. In the pre-Broadway show, Cosette tells Valjean that "It's too soon to ever say goodbye". The post-Broadway libretto instead has her sing "It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye". Repetitive as it may be, I prefer it over the original because the original awkwardly combines language clearly denoting the moment with language implying eternality.
Phew, we're finally at the end! Rest assured this is almost certainly the longest changelog you'll ever be forced to endure. I'm fairly sure it's complete, but this particular rewrite was so extensive it's not impossible that I missed something. Please feel free to let me know if that is the case.
As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, or some audios that you haven't traded in a few years, I’d love it if you DMed me!
Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye

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Text
Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1
đŸŽ¶ Back on the bullshit I never got offđŸŽ¶
Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??
Yes.
Wushanju Crew Chat
Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.
Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS
Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.
Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES
Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol
What glittery bead curtain
Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.
What could this mean?
Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?
Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES
Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat
Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU
I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS
BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING
GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS
PANIC AT THE DISCO
Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.
Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.
Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT
SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?
Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES
BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.
Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop
Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.
Wang Pangzi: LOL
Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?
Zhang Qiling: No.
Wu Xie: okay who’s next
Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN
REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)
Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?
Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.
Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS
BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL
ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS
Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted
Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL
Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off
Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year
He and I go way back
Zhang Qiling: Way back where?
Babysitters Club Chat
Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT
IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED
Zhang Qiling: ?
Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS
YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM
Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.
Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY
LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE
Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.
Main Chat
Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival
Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that
Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.
Re: the trip
He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju
Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital
And frankly the hospital hates him too
Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL
I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT
A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE
WOULDNT YOU SAY
XIOAGE
Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?
Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?
Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.
ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED
Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?
Li Cu: uh nope
Unless u count the outdated memes
Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing
Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet
Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really
(I mean maybe? but who knows)
Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age
Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age
Wu Xie: 
hey:(
Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.
Wu Xie: ????????
Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck
Unknown Number: 
close enough.
Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that
Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck
Are you
Li Cu is underage FYI
So Im staying on this chat
Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that
Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g
u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember
And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat
we have been discussing u
Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!
What a surprise:)
hi so nice to meet you:)
Main Chat:
Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT
FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT
IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS
Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?
Not my problem? Good.
Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU
HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH
IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE
Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance
has he been collecting on two allowances??
Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.
Snake Eyes Chat
Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?
Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.
Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?
Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)
Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.
another dangerous adventure. again. prick.
Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago
Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago
Li Cu: That isn’t funny.
Unknown Number: 
What?
Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

I use humor as a coping mechanism?
Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?
Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means
He doesn’t cope, like ever
In fact
It’s kind of why we met
Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh
Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao
Unknown Number: 
You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?
Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why
Main Chat
Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv
Who do we know who spends time in jail
Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process
Also how’s the curtain case coming along
Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?
Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure
Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH
Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat
Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit
u are sus as hell
Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night
I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles
Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved
Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.
Wu Xie: 
oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha
Forget i said anything
Delete this chat even
Li Cu: shit I meant
Legally, biologically, I meant—
shit

I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?
Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!
Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here
lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e
Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff
Wu Xie: uh
okay.
Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail
As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less
I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”
Well maybe the sand
that shit was everywhere
Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really
You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
Li Cu: no, no it’s just
I do technically have a dad
who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.
So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there
Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh
Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I
after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right
Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that
Li Cu: ew tmi
Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery
I moved my stuff here, I live here now
So you can’t die anymore
Or else
Idk I don’t have a threat planned
anyways abt the curtain
Wu Xie: oh my god, kid
kid you have no idea
I am in tears.
Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here
Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb
Go hug Pangzi or something
Maybe delete this chat
Or the curtain thing
Focus on the curtain thing
Just stfu and go away
Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3
Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.
Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything
Main Chat
Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*
Wang Pangzi: I MEAN
HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH
BUT SURE
CUTE I GUESS
Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)
Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.
Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE
NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN
DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID
Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid
Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?
Wu Xie: right
Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH
Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.
Unnamed Chat:
Unknown number: so the curtain

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know
Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive
Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out
36 notes · View notes
firelxdykatara · 3 years ago
Note
You’re doing a LoK rewrite, correct? Would be really interested in hearing how you plan on fixing Suyin’s character and the Lin-Suyin conflict because

. oh boy. Man there’s a lot to unpack there. This is what happens when we don’t let Toph just raise her fucking kids for the sake of pushing a stupid as hell narrative about working women and single motherhood.
I am indeed!
In... you know, the way I'm doing most of my big potential projects, in that I have a folder with some documents that have plot notes and... some day I may actually get full, finished fics out of them (h2o AU is in there, as is my voltron!atla fusion AU, and uhhhh my book 3 atla rewrite, and a few other things), so... but I will say that the docs I have for my LoK rewrite so far amount to roughly 4.2k words of just Plot and Character Notes, which may some day turn into words of Story, hopefully.
ANYWAY, POINT IS: yes, this exists, and I have Many Many Thoughts.
Including how the Gaang kids would shake out! Cause I know I'm doing Zutara, and maybe Tokka???? Although I don't wanna just leave Suki out either... maybe a throuple??? Or Sukka having an amicable breakup before Sokka and Toph get together--maybe she already has Lin by then, and Sokka helps support her through the grief of losing Kanto???? Idk honestly, I haven't actually figured any of that out definitively yet except that Aang was perfectly happy to settle down with an Air Acolyte from one of the rebuilt temples because he grew up and out of his crush on Katara pretty easily once he hit puberty and matured a bit.
UHHH none of which is actually an answer to your question, because it's a valid one! Which is why I've been sitting on this a while (10 days I'm so sorry) bc I haven't made any solid decisions but I've been letting it percolate around my head a bit. And the more I think about it, the more I really like the Sukka -> Tokka idea (and I don't want to kill off Suki since the kids all deserve their awesome Kyoshi warrior auntie in their lives, and also I want a Sukka kid to be besties with Iara [zuko and katara's youngest] so maybe she gets with someone else after she and Sokka split? I could be talked into Ty Lee/Suki actually, the more I think about it....), but obviously having a stable father figure and a Toph who is... not what LoK made her out to be will dramatically change the Beifong family dynamic.
That said, I think I actually have a solution. (I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do.) Toph has Lin with Kanto--and he passes away when Lin is two or three, which is why she has very few memories of her father. (Although none of this 'she doesn't even know his name until she's 50+ cause Toph didn't tell her daughters about their fathers' bullshit.) Sokka is there for her through it all (all of the gaang is, of course, but you know that it sometimes just hits different when it's someone you're also starting to fall in love with, especially when there are older and much more deeply buried feelings there that are now resurfacing, because at least in my version Toph was deeply in love with Sokka when they were teenagers, but he was in love with Suki and she also loved Suki so she didn't want to mess up anything about their family or the group dynamics by making her feelings anyone else's problem), they fall in love, get married and have Suyin.
(Sokka may jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding, but the truth is he wanted to propose well before he found out she was pregnant, his attempts just kept getting messed up in increasingly comedic fashion.)
Throughout all of this, Republic City has been established, Sokka is Chancellor, Toph is something of a defacto police chief--mostly because, at the time, no one else was willing to volunteer, and she jokingly offered to whip the law enforcement, but unfortunately everyone else at the meeting took her seriously. However, she is also the founder of the probending league, and basically her feelings about law enforcement are complicated and she actively discouraged her kids from joining the force which is part of why Lin did. How else do you have a teen rebel phase with a parent like Toph? (Which, in this instance, means tough and firm but fair, with a 'you break it, it's up to you to fix it' attitude and very little desire to actually control her daughters and their behavior.)
Ah, but here's the rub.
Suyin is ten years old when Sokka dies, and Lin is sixteen. I'm not sure how he's killed--maybe by Yakone, to tie it into my plans for Amon and book 1. (Note that I'm not sure when the Yakone bloodbending trial happened in canon, but it doesn't matter. The timeline I'm gonna build will be completely different post-comet, and I'll eventually write it all down so that I can keep things straight.) Which would incidentally provide excellent means of having Katara have a very personal stake in the Amon conflict, and perhaps color the fight between him and Iara, but I'm getting off track. And I think Sokka being killed by Yakone, and Toph being unable to protect or save him, or deliver her own brand of justice to avenge him (because Aang is there to stop her and.... shit probably got ugly, I suspect she didn't talk to Aang for at least twenty years after Sokka's death--and this isn't to say I think Toph is particularly violent or murderous, but in that moment, she absolutely wanted to kill the man with her bare hands, and however much she may have regretted it afterwards, she took a very long time to forgive Aang for stopping her in the first place), is what results in Toph stepping down as police chief.
She didn't withdraw from her daughters or fuck off into the swamp or anything (words cannot express how much I hate that part of her canon history), but she did grieve for a very long time. Lin, meanwhile, felt like it was up to her to keep her family together, while also feeling a desperate need to... prove herself, I think. And because her mother was so adamant that she not join the police force, that's exactly what she does. I think Lin completely misread Toph's intentions, too, and believed that the discouragement was because her mother didn't think she had what it takes, when in reality I think Toph was scared of Lin losing herself in the job like she herself had begun to, and eventually coming up on something she couldn't change or fix and making the same mistakes she had.
(I think Toph and Lin have communication issues largely because they are both headstrong and willful, but where Toph thought she was giving her daughters the room they would need to make their own way, what Lin desperately craved was direction and she felt like that was something her mother simply couldn't understand.)
Suyin, on the other hand, fell in with a bad crowd like in canon. I think that what she desperately needed was attention, similar to Lin craving direction, and Toph was trying so hard not to be her own parents that she went a little too far in the other direction and Suyin began to feel like it didn't matter what she did, her mom wouldn't care, or get angry, or discipline her, or anything. Lin and Suyin butted heads a lot growing up, too, especially after Sokka's death, because Lin tried to rein in her sister's behavior and this was met with resistance and derision because Suyin felt like Lin was trying to be both mom and dad and she was neither but her big sister would never admit to being just as lost as she was and it made her furious.
So when Suyin is sixteen, and Lin is twenty-two and new to the force, The Big Rift happens. Lin catches Suyin and her gang, tries to apprehend her, gets a scar on her face in the ensuing conflict. But instead of abusing her power and sending her problem child off to her mother before fucking off to the swamp to avoid the consequences of her actions, Toph tries to actually fix things. Suyin cools her heels in prison for a while, because she was paralyzed by guilt at the time when she hurt her sister (a few inches lower and she could have slit her throat), and was still there when Lin's backup arrived.
Uhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm so sorry I rambled for so long, BUT THE UPSHOT IS: I think Suyin learned a bit about culpability and taking responsibility for her own actions, Toph realized that her daughters had different needs than she did at their age (and I think a lot of the problem was that grief clouded her own ability to connect with her daughters, and in trying to not be her own parents she lost sight of how to be the parent her own daughters needed), and Lin, I think, had to realize that she had never fully processed the loss of not one but two fathers and had turned to her job in order to avoid actually confronting the grief that had overshadowed her childhood.
However, she did not forgive Suyin, at least not right away--and she wasn't forced or expected to. Suyin understood that she crossed a serious line, she took her lumps and did her time, and no one shamed Lin for her anger. I think, as a result, she had less reason to hold onto that bitterness, and perhaps by the time the story actually begins, she and Suyin are on much better terms, though I haven't worked it out exactly yet.
UHHH yeah I went on for days lmao. All of this is subject to change, too, depending on the needs of the story whenever I get around to actually writing it all down, BUT these are my initial thoughts, at least.
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cryptwrites · 2 years ago
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take this really poorly written woman's villian origin story i wrote in like, 20 minutes cause I need to write something that isn't straight dialog
if i see one mf romanticize this i will throw hands CW: murder, suicide, heartbreak, implied manipulation, religion
July 16th, 2012 do you know what it feels like to drown? To live your life breathing the cleanest, most crisp air you've ever tasted only to be replaced by the harsh reality of salt water? That is the only way I can really describe the feeling. I do not know how to describe it besides that, how do people deal with getting their entire life ripped out from under them and replaced with a feeling they've never felt?
We were high school sweethearts, you must understand that, we've been together for years, twenty-five years.
"I never loved you. I just loved the feeling of being loved." those are the words he told me, and I do not understand. I looked into this mans eyes at my weakest points, cried into his shoulders and kissed him at the altar. I swore to him nothing would bring us apart, not even death. Its always just been me and him together. I cannot imagine another person within his place. The first dance we ever shared, at the prom, that had to have been real? Right? Someone tell me it was real, I'm begging you. I need to be told it was real. I refuse to believe that twenty five years was nothing but a mans plight of fantasy. The look he gave me that night was the same one he gave me the first time we kissed, and when he finally saw me in my dress of white. I need to know I was loved. That I can be loved. I don't know who to be without him, I've been trying to figure this out but I'm writing this at 3am. This is by far the least calculated decision I've ever made, but I need him to feel the pain he has put me through.
I've convinced him to take one last trip with me, before he leaves. The ocean, where we spent our honeymoon, and where I will make him feel the rush of salt water abuse his lungs, the same he has done to me. Me and my husband, we're sticking together. July 20th, 2012
I have done it. This is my confession. My name is Juliet Hoffman, I am 43 years old, and I murdered my husband. I watched his life drain from my face when I forced him beneath the waves. I didn't think I was going to actually be able to overpower him, but I suppose even god is a vengeful man. A vengeful man giving assistance to his most devoted of followers, a scorned woman. I just hope he has enough mercy in his heart to forgive me for the following actions. I know I am going to be arrested, but I could never last a day behind those bars. So these are my parting words to this world. My husband will burn in hell, and I will smile down upon him, and we will be forever apart but together forever.
I am a woman not of contempt, but of love. True love. Those are my parting words.
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recurring-polynya · 3 years ago
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[Renji Birthday Content] Renji's tie-dye koi hoodie. Where did it come from and WHY DID IT SPEAK TO HIM. (It speaks to me. In a big way.) What do his friends think about the koi hoodie?? Open to fic, art, meta/HCs, whatever!
Okay, I realize that I was supposed to wait until Renji's birthday, but I cannot, I cannot even wait twenty-four hours, I am going to explode.
Let me back up. So, I knew what you were referring to, but the koi hoodie pic wasn't one I had on hand, so I had to go fistfight Google Images for it. If you've ever tried to find a picture of a Bleach character wearing a very specific outfit on Google images, you will know what a pain this is, and my brain was a little glazed over when I found it:
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The koi hoodie is Objectively Good, but my mind was just in such a state that the first thing I noticed was his pants, and as usual, I found myself muttered "Renji what the hell is going on with your goddamn pants?" Why are they brown on the top and teal on the... on the...
No, I said. Surely not. It cannot be. BUT IT IS. The tie dye koi hoodie outfit IS THAT FUCKING OUTFIT FROM OP 4: Tonight Tonight!!!1
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LOOK AT IT. It is unquestionably the same outfit! The ombre hood! The black jacket, which is
a blazer, apparently! Same bandana! The pants are drawn a little simpler and the wallet chain is missing, but it's clearly the same idea! I had thought from the visible hem of the hoodie that it was maybe paisley print, but it's definitely just the bottom of this elaborate fish graphic.
In fact, it's very hard to tell because all of these shots combined take up less than 3 seconds, but Byakuya and Toushirou are also wearing their outfits from the above pic (mortician suit with kenseikan for some reason, and suit with pink dip-dyed scarf, respectively)
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Back to Renji's outfit! Long-time Polynya readers will know that I have spent TWO YEARS shouting about this outfit. I used a frame-by-frame viewer because I couldn't tell if those were fur-fringed thigh boots, or bootie shorts with tights (I was pretty disappointed when they turned out to be cargo pants, and I habitually refer to them as "my old nemesis, Renji's cargo pants from OP4"). I did, in fact, draw this once. I think I once declared that if I could ask Kubo a single question, it would be "what does Renji's outfit from OP 4 look like from the front?" Not only do I know now, but it's actually even better than I expected.
Chester Whipplefilter, my beloved, I cannot believe we were independently obsessed with two of Renji's outfits that turned out to be the same outfit. You were probably already my favorite new person I met on the internet in 2021, but I hereby proclaim us Two Halves of One Whole Idiot.
Anyway, I promise you I will draw him in this outfit again, although it may take awhile because I want to do a really good job on it and also that fish looks really hard to draw. I have a feeling this hoodie is probably gonna find its way into one of my fanfics too, this always happens.
In the meantime, here is my koi hoodie provenance headcanon:
Obviously, this has to take place during the Bount Arc, because OP4 (Bount Arc haters can move this to the Advance Team Arc if you must). Rukia found it for sale while they were in the Living World. She wanted to get it for her captain, because koi, Renji, koi!, and she made Renji try it on for her, because Renji and Ukitake are built very similarly. (I am not making this up! Ukitake is 1cm shorter than Renji and Renji is a few kg beefier, but they're pretty close). It turned out to be extremely soft and comfy and it gets cold in the World of the Living in the fall and to make a long story short, Renji and Ukitake have matching tie dye fishie hoodies because Rukia loves them both (and has access to Byakuya's credit card, routed through Urahara's currency exchange).
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razorblade180 · 4 years ago
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Interdimensional Moms part 2
Part 1 <-
Yang:Okay Weiss, your turn.
Weiss:What!? Why me?
Blake:Because you’ve been bouncing in your seat all through Yang’s story. You clearly want to gush about your kids.
Weiss:Pffft, What!? Nooooo, a little. Hehehe I can’t believe I’m that obvious. *smiles*
Ruby:Aww look at you, I never believe Weiss Schnee could look as warm as campfire.
Yang:And wearing mom jeans!? Little jealous that you still look completely gorgeous. Why does mom energy make you prettier?
Weiss:What can I say? I’m great. As far as my universe goes, I argue that I’m the strongest mom!
Blake:Such a bold claim.
Weiss:I carried twins! *points to self* this body handled two buns in the oven!
Ruby:Couldn’t be me. *shutters* I’d sooner loose an eye. Speaking of eyes, your scar has a friend. Got this whole upside down cross basically.
Weiss:Oh that? That’s uhhhh- how would I even explain this?
Yang:And your hair! It’s short!
Ruby:Yeah you’re just a surprise all over.
Blake:Guys, let her start from the beginning!
Ruby and Yang:Oh right. *covers mouths*
Weiss:(Yep, they’re the same sisters anywhere.) Thank you Blake. Now then...a good starting place? Well I suppose I could lay the ground work of Jaune and I getting better acquainted. It was about two weeks into reaching Atlas. Winter learned I got impaled and berated me not giving any kind of thanks. Since I had waited so long to do so, words wouldn’t do for her standards and she made me take him to a proper dinner. I think it was that night we actually talked openly to each other. A piece of me was annoyed at first because I thought he’d get the wrong idea again. But...he didn’t. He was just happy to spend time with me. That’s when I realized he had changed a bit *red* and apparently I changed too. Sigh, because that annoyed feeling was actually me forming a crush.
Blake:Looks like you changed more than he did. I think we can all agree that we’re pretty rough to deal with at Beacon in the beginning?
Yang:Hell yeah!
Ruby:Preach! Hehe, but it meant you grew the most too.
Weiss:Hey! You’re all assuming that I was terrible! Who knows, I could a Saint compared to your Weiss. Maybe I was a sweetheart at Beacon.
RBY:.....
Yang:Were you?
Weiss:*red* I’ll never tell.
Blake:(That’s just a no...) Two weeks into Atlas huh? I bet feelings raged whenever the whole place was under attack huh?
Weiss:W...What attack? Barely anything happened in Atlas.
Blake:Excuse me?
Ruby:Pfft what? You’re joking right? There wasn’t any threat of things falling out the sky or war threats?
Weiss:No? We showed up, put the relic in vault, and took time fortifying things while planning with Ironwood. The most exciting thing was a grimm wave and two of Salem’s goons showing up at a ball, but we handled that.
Ruby:....I...that’s...oh my head.
Blake:So what you’re saying is time in Atlas was a piece of cake?
Weiss:Well I had to deal with my father and and a lot of other family drama so I wouldn’t say it was cake. It was actually very stressful.
Yang:Well I think we found the massive shift between worlds. Atlas was different. I would say I dealt with anything like falling kingdoms. Atlas for me was one long Mission Impossible sequence. Espionage, jail break, fake deaths, but please continue with your love story.
Weiss:You sound a little envious. Anyways there isn’t too much of anything to tell in that part. Dates, fighting together, sibling healing, I was disowned publicly, Penny was being amazing-
Blake:You were disowned?
Ruby:(Penny is...alive? Huh, well, imagine that?) .....
Yang:*whispers* You okay Rubes?
Ruby:Yeah, processing. Hey Weiss? Not to control the narrative or anything, but how is your Ruby exactly? I get the feeling she’s quite different from me somehow if things like the adventure in Atlas are different.
Weiss rubbed her chin. She could tell the Ruby in front of her was pretty perplexed by the differences so far. In fact, Weiss could tell mentioning Penny made them all flinch a little. It was safe to assume they all hadn’t heard that name in a very long time. It made her feel a little bad. Did she somehow get a more ideal world?
Weiss:I think I might be able to answer that if you could humor me by getting a little further into my world’s reality? I don’t know how but I do get a since the two of you might have a key difference.
Ruby:I’m all ears.
Weiss: Blake, I’ll circle back to being disowned a little later. It’s one of the biggest reasons I am who I am now. Let’s see now, ah, the plan. After Atlas was infiltrated it was hard to save face to the rest of Remnant. That was until the world learned about Salem. It was a secret that was doing more harm than good at this point. On that day, our journey really began for us. Team RWBY wasn’t just four girls and their friends. It was one of four four girls commanding troops, organizing meetings, rallying others. We were the face of a revolution: along with JNPR of course.
Ruby:The world just...believed in Salem?
Weiss:There were plenty skeptics, but it’s harder not to believe it. Pen- our winter maiden, showed off magic. Then the others on our side followed the example. We had two relics to show off from the start, and a variety of ways to explain questions throughout history that nobody could answer before. We gave humanity’s suffering a face. People were more than eager to cling to it. From that point it was hard for Salem to make a move that wouldn’t give further validity to our story.
Ruby:An army huh, lead by us?
Weiss:Yep, mainly you when it came to the battlefield. You were anxious at first and definitely made moves that you regretted. But...after some time and experience, you stood tall in front of dozens to give a speech the night of the final battle. I still get chills. There wasn’t an eye that wasn’t on you. A person who didn’t want to march into battle with you. I don’t think I ever seen you more sure of where you were meant to be.
Ruby:Is that so? Hmm, I think...I think I get it now. Your Ruby must’ve stumbled quite a bit, but had people by her consistently. It was other’s strength that enabled her to get stronger. How old was she when the war was over?
Weiss:It ended on her twenty first birthday.
Ruby:Makes sense. An army isn’t made in a day. Plans and caution for everyone involved. A united force like that sounds like a thing Oz dreamed of.
Weiss:Actually, it was. My world beat Salem by gaining the relics. The gods witnessed the effort the world put in and stripped her of immortality. It was actually thanks to you that Salem went peacefully. Instead of damning her to a cruel fate, the gods let her pass on to her kids per your request. After that, gods and magic came back. Both are still mysterious. The gods are hard to find and there’s only one person born with magic so far.
Yang:Magic is a thing there!? That’s so unfair! Just imagine me with more fire!?
Weiss:Like you need it!? You’re already like a generator. Life after Salem wasn’t any calmer really. Terrifying grimm lurked where their could, an entire new way of life had been dropped on society, and even the world itself seemed to react. Weather has been more intense as of late. There was a lot things to keep people busy. Ruby being her usual self, started hunting. Blake used the momentum of faunus and humans working together to further her equality agenda, and Yang helped both of you out.
Yang:Look at me! I’m a great girlfriend and sister!
Blake:*mumbles* There at least.
Weiss:Yeah. Oscar and Penny decided to embarrass more of normal lifestyle, mostly. Penny went back to being protector of Mantle, but had way more free time to be a normal girl. Both of them had gotten really close over the years and eventually married.
Ruby:*wide eyed* Awwww, good for them! I always had a feeling those two would hit it off.
Weiss:They weren’t the only ones. You may have been busy, but you always made time for Whitley. The two of you were dating since our original trip to Atlas. There wasn’t a problem that either of you didn’t come to me for. You know hard it is to navigate other people’s relationships when you’re lost in your own? The blind was leading the blind. Worked out though. You were probably the prettiest bride out of all of us. Then again, you went ours and literally took notes.
Ruby:Hehe, that sounds exactly like something I’d do. You haven’t talked much about the charmed life after the war for you.
Weiss felt her face heat up. She placed her head on the table as if she gave up on something.
Yang:Yeah! Give us the scoop!
Weiss:Charmed isn’t what I’d call my life exactly. I was disowned, completely cut off. Even though I made my own mark in history, it’s not like people were gonna roll out red carpets. The world had to rebuild, and I needed a roof over my head. Thus began the modest life of Weiss Schnee, owner of a two bedroom Argus apartment. Fancy clothes a food were no more. Just clearance sales and two for one. Honestly, I didn’t hate. But that’s mainly because I wasn’t living alone.
Blake:Jaune?
Weiss:Living back home was just as unappealing for him as it was for me. That and the fact that I couldn’t cook for shit was concerning, to say the least. Moving in and splitting rent just made sense. We weren’t dating yet technically, but.....it didn’t take long for the relationship between us to...expand.
Yang:I cannot believe a Weiss Schnee finally caved to tall blonde and scraggly. I should be jealous, but I’m strangely proud of Jaune’s achievement. It’s like the first time I lost to him. I was upset, but man did he work for that win.
Weiss:Took about a month before all of you had learned just what the living situation was like and man did you three let the teasing begin? *smiles* it was fun though. If I had to wrong about something then I’m glad it was about me not thinking a person is reliable. Especially since they’ve bailed me out of trouble many times. Normal life had its pitfalls. We were constantly working to pay rent. Sometimes one of us had to work harder. Getting sick was disastrous, of long term assignments. What’s the relationship I have with Whitley in the other worlds?
Ruby:Casual. The two of are always throwing ideas back and forth to help the company.
Blake:The two of you are fine. I’m not too sure how much you actually hang out, but you both are pretty snarky whenever you’re together.
Yang:Thick as thieves. That man was always shifting money and finding sneaky ways to let us know when important things popped up.
Weiss:Good, that’s really good. *exhales* I can’t count the times he sent money without father knowing. I’m glad we reconnected. Without his and everyone’s help, I don’t think I would’ve managed. Especially when mom died...
Ruby:Oh. I...I’m sorry to hear that.
Weiss:It’s bound to happen when you drink the way she did. But yeah, didn’t handle it any easier. Between that and stressing over money, I really got overwhelmed often. I was very glad I didn’t live alone. Even if I didn’t want to talk about things, Jaune was always there to listen. I think it was around that time I realized just how in love I actually was with him. He makes me happy. That idiot must’ve known how much of a weakness I had for him. It was only a few months later that he proposed.
The simple memory of Jaune asking her under a street light on a cold yet peaceful night, made Weiss’s face a healthy shade of red. A gentle smile was all she could make thinking about it. A smile that left everyone stunned. They had never seen Weiss look so warm. So genuinely filled with love, happiness. To think she was once called Ice Queen? This one really did look like an Angel. Weiss quit daydreaming and got a little embarrassed.
Weiss:Uh, sorry! I guess I little mushy there. I’ve been told I’ve gotten pretty sappy through the years.
Blake:I think that’s beautiful.
Yang:Seriously. I’m...speechless really.
Ruby:A hardworking Weiss that struggled making ends meet. I gotta say that you look good doing it.
Weiss:Yeah well, that time has passed. My father got sick and in an attempt to “clear his conscious” or whatever he was feeling, he put me back in the family. I only saw him once when he was on his deathbed. Truthfully, I don’t visit my parent’s grave. I wanna say old emotions don’t get stirred up, but there’s certain feelings towards people that just can’t die I guess.
Yang:That’s fair. Who knows, maybe you just need a decade or two?
Weiss:Hehe, perhaps. However, before I got my fortune back, I was granted an either better one. Two in fact. That sly knight of mine managed to overachieve like he always does and give us a boy and girl.
Blake:I got a sneaking suspicion that you weren’t upset?
Weiss:Not for one second! I love my babies. My darling little Nick and Summer Schnee. One named after our grandfather, and Jaune and I are both really thankful for all that Ruby has done for us, so our daughter got named Summer. It meant a lot. My Ruby...she can’t have kids, or I should say getting and staying pregnant is extremely difficult.
Ruby:...*sniffling* These aren’t tears by the way. Just dust.
Weiss:My Ruby cried.
Ruby:Oh I bet! That’s some powerful stuff. Probably ugly cried too. Someone please say something? *misty eyed* Fuck, man that was a lot. *puts hood up* give me a sec, please keep going. *holding Yang’s hand*
Yang:Weiss, weren’t you a little scared about your living situation?
Weiss:It was a weird thing. We talked about having a family before hand. Money was always a concern, as well space; but I also knew that I did want to have a family of my own one day. So when the day came that the nurse told me I was pregnant, I should’ve been more worried. I wasn’t. All I felt was joy. Maybe it was because I had faith we could handle anything. We did have you all to help. Yang, you might as well be a superwoman honestly. You have been so amazing throughout my life.
Yang:Aye! I really love this other me.
Blake:What about me?
Weiss:You remain the most sensible person in my life and I thank you for it. Everyone else is crazy.
Blake:Yeah that’s pretty on brand. *smiles*
Ruby:Picture please?
Weiss gladly pulled out her scroll and showed off her children. It was quick to see both of them had gotten their father’s dorkiness. They stood in front of the camera playfully winking and were pretending to take a bite out the gold medals they had around their necks. It was crazy how much Summer looked like her mother, but clearly had Jaune’s eyes. Her brother on the other hand had the Schnee eyes and messy Arc hair. The two looked like barrels of fun. Then there was the man himself, Jaune Arc. He looked from the one in Yang’s photo. His hair resembled his days traveling to Haven and he was clean shaven, but he was noticeably healthier. It wasn’t even a physical thing much, though he did look good. He just seemed more vibrant.
Yang:Mine is cuter.
Weiss:Yours looks like your dad with the scruff.
Yang:Can you not?
Blake:How old?
Weiss:Sixteen. Little devils want sports car. I’m not dealing with that. Nick is really good at figure skating and is the oldest, so he’s the heir. Summer decided to be a little like her mother and pursue singing. Doesn’t have my voice though, but her range is better than me. I’m jealous. Both of them are always pretty decent in a fight if I do say so myself. Sigh, they grow up so fast. They still have a lot of growing to do though. Teenagers...
RBY:Preach...
Ruby:Everything okay though? Nothing too tough going on?
Weiss:Can I lie and say yes?
Yang:Hey I unpacked my baggage. Unload yours.
Weiss let out a large sigh. She looked at her kids lovingly, but had a smile that seemed...somber. All of her energy was brought down a bit and it showed.
Yang:Umm if it’s too much-
Weiss:It’s fine. It might be a little therapeutic to talk about it. Personally, I don’t I’m doing all I really can do. When they were very young, we all took a trip to go skating at a frozen lake. While I was there I found this strange ice dust that I’ve never seen before. Nick and Summer had gotten into a fight and by accident, Nick set off the dust. The shrapnel from it hit everyone, but Summer had it the worse. I’m talking it was lodged in her in multiple places. Not to mention the blast sent her flying into the water. I was hit so hard that I nearly blacked out. Thankfully, Jaune was the furthest and dove into the water while I managed to get Nick. He avoided a lot of it due to distance and was winded more than anything.
Ruby:Christ...
Blake:How young?
Weiss:Five. We rushed so fast to the hospital as soon as we could. The dust in Summer was freezing her until Nick activated her semblance and most of the shards got used up. Still, Summer ended up hospitalized for almost a year. Surgeries, comas, seizures; it was difficult to put it lightly. That picture doesn’t show it but she has puncture scars across her body, and a slight scar under her jawline she covers with makeup. That dust, though highly dangerous, it also healed her eventually. Summer had virtually no chance of survival. Not even counting the organ damage, that water should’ve put her into shock. But...she made a full recovery, on paper.
Yang:On paper?
Weiss:Several years later, Summer came in contact with the dust again and she...changed. Her eyes looked like mine, her light blonde hair went white, and she went mad. Her scars glowed with the dust that was still in her system and Summer started attacking everyone. I saw my twelve year old just use ice that was cold enough to burn. My extra scar is from me trying to restrain her. In the end it took my gigas pinning her down before she came to her senses. Summer had no memory of it. She said all remembered was feeling cold and hearing her own laughter. It wasn’t long after that it kept happening. Any time she got cold, this other...thing would come out. It eventually called itself Shiva.
Blake:Shiva? So...it’s a multiple personality?
Weiss:We don’t know. There’s so many inconsistencies. We got her checked up by the best and every test was normal. Her brain looks normal. But any time Shiva comes out, her blood turns blue and all she wants to do is hurt us. Shiva and Summer are even aware of each other now. There’s almost no day where Summer doesn’t hear Shiva in her head, wrestling for control. Between that, people at school who hate her, the scars, everything; Summer has become pretty reserved. She barely wants to go to school and she’s depressed most days. Nowadays she doesn’t open up about it outside of therapy. I...I can connect with her. Not in the way that matters.
Yang:I...shit, I don’t know what to say to that.
Weiss:That’s okay, few do. We’ve gotten good at preventing situations that get Summer cold but it’s through trial and error on something we know nothing about. Even with how far we’ve gotten, there’s a looming fear in everyone’s heart. Make no mistake though, that doesn’t stop any family from loving her with everything, but the mental strain of it all is more than anyone should deal with. Nick is kind soul. He blames himself for this and is constantly doing all he can to be there for everyone and put on this brave face, but he suffers inside. For a time, he went to therapy. Your sister almost killing you is a visceral experience. Getting him to sleep and take a break is like telling a fish not to swim. He is pretty open about this though, which helps a lot. It’s just...how do convince somehow they’re good enough when they think they’re not?
Ruby and Blake:You can’t....
Weiss:Exactly. It’s so...*tearing up* How am I failing at helping my kids worse than my own mother?
Yang:And that’s where I draw the line. *stands up* Now I can’t begin to fathom dealing with a a situation like this, and what I’m about to say is gonna be a little hypocritical but I really don’t care. Weiss, the last thing you are is a bad mother. I could tell immediately from the way you are that there hasn’t been a single as a parent that you haven’t made a choice without your kids in mind. I get feeling like there’s a gap that disconnects you from there; but the fact you keep your arms stretched out to bridge it makes you mother of the year in my eyes! Don’t believe for a second you’re a bad mother. Your the gold standard!
The room filled with silence for a moment. Weiss felt a lump form in her throat as she fought back tears that she eventually had to wipe away. She tried letting out a small laugh, but with it came more tears that ran down her face. Weiss couldn’t tell if it was from Yang’s words, or the stress. All she knew was that right now, she felt very thankful for being here.
Weiss:Damn it Yang, making me cry is something you’ve always been good at. Maybe that’s why I look up to you so much?
Yang:*red* Y-You what?
Weiss:My Yang, I downplayed just how much I adore her. Her daughter, Veronica, she’s got her fair share problems that stresses Yang out, but I never see her stop trying to connect with her. Even when she’s sad it’s like it’s only for a second, then you’re trying twice as hard. It’s amazing. If I’m being honest, and this is embarrassing, but I kinda picked up a mother from you. You’ve always been a bit motherly.
Ruby:She’s right.
Blake:Mom energy since day one.
Yang:Really? *rubs head* I was just being myself. Never really thought about it. Now then, wipe those tears! It’s upsetting that you look pretty why you cry. Meanwhile I look like a hot mess, and not in the fun way.
Weiss:*wiping face* Oh please, I don’t wanna hear that from someone who’s never needed make up. Those genes of your went to Veronica. Kids a genuine beauty. She’s just angry all the time.
Yang:Yeah that sounds appropriate... Weird to think I have a daughter that’s not Yujin. Wish I could see her.
Blake:Me too. Though I think I’d be overwhelmed seeing all my different kids. I’d probably want them all.
Ruby:My hands are full with ones I have and I wouldn’t say I’m juggling them well, so I don’t need other kids from universes. I’d be so stressed.
Weiss:Especially if they’re violent.
Ruby:Yeah, that would bad....
Weiss:Phew, I do feel a bit better. Even though I said all those things, my family still had good times. It’s not tense and we joke around like everyone else. As a family, we’re happy. We just have shit we gotta sort through.
Blake:Rich or poor, life has certain things that hit everyone. Is Jaune doing well.
Weiss:Yeah, he gets through to Summer pretty well, and he’s typically calm when it comes to giving guidance. He had his fears, but that’s why I’m here. We confide in each other.
Blake:May you and everyone else find a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ruby:Hey Weiss. Does....actually, never mind. Forget it.
Yang:We both know that’s not happening. Spit it out.
Ruby:I was just about Shiva. I’ve encountered weird things in my world, but this is unique. I was wondering if you have any positive experience with her.
Weiss:Not a single one. Here since of enjoyment in the displeasure of my children is a thing we disagree on. Though....her eyes, they do throw me off. For some reason, they don’t match her joy.
Blake:Maybe that part is still Summer. Eyes are the window to the soul and all that jazz.
Weiss:Maybe? I hope the kids are okay right now. I wonder what they’re up to?
xxxxx
Summer:WHAT’S UP VALE!!!!!!!!
A massive crowd screams “what’s up Summer”in excitement. Flashing lights and chanting fans’s voices make the sold out venue shake with their passion. Summer can only bask in it. There’s no better feeling than when she’s on stage. She looks to herself excitedly. This one was extra special. Nick comes out on stage with a base around him and a second microphone.
Nick:WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!!
The crowd chants louder. Summer responds by starting a rift on her guitar. She faces Nick with a smug look. Yes, having him on stage is always a joy, but that didn’t mean Summer wanted him hindering or stealing the show.
Summer:Well look who’s here!? Atlas’s favorite son! Think you’re ready to play with the kids up here. This isn’t your normal stage.
Nick smiled. He responded by playing the bass and letting the audience speak for him. Summer was chessing fool. Slowly she bopped up and down, urging him to do the same. It wasn’t long before they in sync. Drums, piano, and other background musicians began building up the tune as planned. The twins whipped around to face the crowd.
đŸŽ¶Get down! We won't let you go!
This time, can you bring us down?
Back up! fly far through the sky
BLACK ROVER!
Let's go! All together now
And at last this world can't slow us down
For now, let's dye it all in black
BLACK ROVER!đŸŽ¶
The two stood back to back...
đŸŽ¶As more join and stand beside me,
The void doesn't feel so empty!!!!!
I know there is much more in store
Let's open that door -!đŸŽ¶
Nick looked over his shoulder and saw Summer doing the same thing. This was gonna be one for the books. Jaune watched from backstage with one of the stagehands.
Stagehand:Should we tell them to save their energy? This charity event is six hours.
Jaune:Nah, let them have fun.
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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years ago
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And now I’ve watched episode 3 of Walker because of reasons. (You guys asked, that’s reasons.) #2
If you guys haven’t seen part 1, go see it immediately. Because of reasons. This time, reasons is Slutty Glitter Cowboy Stripper. No, it’s not a joke.
Yeah, I’m not sure what’s happening either.
I can’t believe they’re airing cowboy strippers in Supernatural’s air slot and Dean Winchester isn’t there. I think this is why they had to kill Dean, because otherwise he would have ripped through the CW’s show layout and appeared in Walker sponteneously, instantly adopting Walker’s entire family and friends as his own and single-handedly implementing the depolicement of the state of Texas, with Castiel rolling his eyes at him in the background while he murders ICE agents at the US-Mexican border.
*slides the CW a twenty euro bill* so I have an idea for season 2 of Walker
Anyway, there’s this lady Walker and Ramirez are doing a stakeout on, a woman called Torreto who is presumably part of some criminal organization since they’re doing a stakeout on her, and who’s bisexual given she was being entertained by a lady and a guy at a strip club. Which is like, fine, not problematic at all, alright.
So the stripper straddles her and is like ~wanna come with me in the back, and she’s like ~maybe another time, and he’s like ~torreto i saw cops outside you probably wanna come to the back with me, and she’s like ~mmm yeah that sounds like a good idea. We were rooting for you, slutty glitter cowboy stripper! We were all rooting for you! Or not.
Meanwhile, Walker has horrible car manners.
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Also, he asks her how her parents were to her growing up, which is a question you normally ask to people you’re not close to when you want to do some small talk. For some reason she brings up a friend she had some ~crazy teen years~ with, called Garrison, which doesn’t make me think of angels in Supernatural, no, I am a normal person.
But then people start coming out of the strip club, but not Torreto. So they go in.
Torreto is not there, so Walker just stops the first person he sees and he’s literally like ~excuse me, do you know if there’s someone in the back. The visual is hilarious
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“Excuse me, sir, have you seen my brother from another show, I suspect he might be here”
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Give me a spinoff about this strip club.
Anyway, the guys answers, “No, why, you two interested?” to which they immediately answer “no!” at the same time, and share a look which makes me think we’re supposed to be like ~~ooh, talking in unison moment! or something...?
Meanwhile their truck gets stolen, and Walker yells that his bobblehead is in there. Cue disgruntled Jared face.
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Oh man. We are at the title card. It’s less than 6 minutes. This will never end.
It was night, now it’s day, and Stella and August are walking around Austin. He’s mimicking David Attenborough, describing the teenagers around them as though he was doing a documentary about animals.
Two girls approach them, bringing up a party that’s taking place tomorrow. She says it’s not the best idea with her court date approaching. The girls are like, your dad can figure something out, he’s an elite ranger or something and also owes you for disappearing for a year. She’s like, he’s being kind of cool, I don’t want to ruin this, and the girls “call BS” because this is like “the best party of the year”.
Ruby, the girl August has been hanging out with, appears and August goes from “nah the party is not my thing” to “I’ll totally be there” in like 0.02 seconds.
I cannot overstate how much I am not interested in high schooler drama.
Meanwhile, at the Walker Seniors’ place, Walker’s parents are preparing the table for a family dinner. From their banter we can infer someone’s who ~is like family although he isn’t “blood”~ is coming for dinner and Grandpa Walker doesn’t like him at all and actually expects the guy to steal their china and bourbon. “It’s been years, could you please give him a chance?” Grandma Walker says, and he accepts, although she grabs the fancy bourbon from behind his back.
Meanwhile, at the police station, all the cops are having a briefing about Torreto, the woman at the strip club. She apparently steals weapons all over Texas and sells them over the border at triple the cost. Remember that Torreto escaped from Walker and Ramirez because she stole their truck while they were inside the strip club. Ramirez is worried she’ll already become the laughingstock of the precinct.
Uh. James plays security camera footage from outside the strip club. Walker and Ramirez’ truck was stolen by Torreto and the cowboy stripper himself.
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Obviously the other cops laugh when Ramirez admits it was her truck.
James tells them to find Torreto, find the truck, and find out who the naked cowboy is.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Then Walker drives home, and as soon as he gets out of his car, you know how in the Supernatural pilot Dean gets into Sam’s apartment and wrestles him before revealing it’s him to ~test if his fighting skills are rusty and laughs when Sam realizes it’s him? Alright, now think intensely and guess how Walker’s like-a-brother best friend is introduced. Think intensely! It’s really difficult to guess!
Something something about violence and male intimacy except this is too ridiculous to, you know, write something serious about it.
“Oh, man!” the guy laughs, lying on the ground where Walker threw him. “The look on your face!”
“You son of a-”
“Oh, c’mon man, don’t talk bad of a mother I never knew.”
I’m facepalming soooo hard. This is the first thing we learn about him (well, after the fact that he definitely stole something from the Walkers’ house in the past), that he never knew his mother!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
GUYS
I AM SO SORRY
I am faceblind I didn’t realize
THE GUY IS THE STRIPPER
I REPEAT
THE “DEAN BUT IN JARED PADALECKI’S MIND” CHARACTER IS THE SLUTTY GLITTER COWBOY STRIPPER
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I SWEAR MY HANDS ARE COLD AND CLAMMY
I AM EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS NO WORDS EXIST IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO DESCRIBE
Oh my god guys. I am so sorry.
“You did your touchdown victory dance before you stole my partner’s truck!” Walker exclaims. “I should arrest you right here and right now!”
The guy acts like he has no idea what Walker is talking about, and says he’s in town to see his best pal.
Walker keeps accusing him, but then his mother appears, super thrilled to see him, and Walker lets is go.
They’re at dinner (NotDean brought wagyu steaks, which obviously means he does crime for a living) and Walker’s mother tells him to say grace, which he does in a semi-serious, semi-mocking way. Obviously NotDean does not believe in god, but he’s grateful for the people around him.
Stella calls him uncle, in case you missed that this is supposed to be a friend whom Walker loves likeabrother.
He talks about jobs he did here and there, and Walker and his brother tease him asking if he’s been to some prisons around the country. Stella doesn’t get the joke and NotDean explains it to her, adding, “now, from what I hear, I’m not the only outlaw in this family”. Grandpa Walker leaves the room.
NotDean asks Stella if she’s going to the bonfire (the party they were talking about earlier) and tells her that her mother started the thing when they were young. She didn’t know that. This is supposed to be a Meaningful moment.
Meanwhile the stolen truck is found... at Walker’s ranch. Gasp! What a shocking turn of events.
NotDean gives Stella advice on how to act in court to get on the judge’s good graces, “which means acting”. “Please don’t get legal advice from a criminal” walker’s brother Liam says. Is the gay brother also a NotDean of sorts, to be fair? Well, CriminalNotDean tells her to dress her best and cry. ActualbrotherNotDean tells her to use the correct legal arguments. Walker just stops them, quoting something Ramirez said earlier in the episode, “nobody benefits from the easy route”. Stella is like, what does that mean, which, mood, but Grandma Walker interrupts bringing in a plate of different hot chilis. Apparently they have a tradition of a competition. Which we don’t even see. Boo.
Ramirez finds the truck... right outside the Walkers’ house. Grandpa Walker, who’d gone outside, points a rifle to her and she explains what she’s doing there. They introduce themselves and she is like, sir why is the man who stole my truck inside your house? “Wife invited him to dinner.”
She’s like, I need to arrest him. But he’s like, I bet there’s not enough evidence to arrest him, or my son would have done it. Join me for steak and burbon in the bunkhouse! As one does. So they have wagyu and bourbon together, and she asks him what’s the guy’s story.
So NotDean and Walker grew up together, NotDean had a rough life, “my wife has a soft spot for strays, she can’t give up on him”. But Grandpa Walker doesn’t feel the same. He tells her that she cannot arrest him tonight, but it’s only a matter of time before the guy gives her enough rope. He adds that Walker has a blind spot for faces from the past, and needs someone to fix that.
Meanwhile dinner’s over and NotDean calls a uber. He and Walker arrange to meet the next day and hang out like old times. Eventually, Walker tells him that if he is involved in this case, he will have to take him down. “Theoretically, if you catch me.” They do a manly hug with manly pats, and the guy leaves. “Theoretically, go to hell,” Walker says after he’s left.
The next day, NotDean brings Walker to a storage in the middle of nowhere... full of cursed objects, no wait, wrong show. What’s inside the storage is the red Mustang. Walker is shocked that he hasn’t lost it in some bet - which apparently is how he got the car from Walker in the first place. Now NotDean says that, after everything Walker’s been through, he deserves a chance to win it back.
Glowy flashback of Walker and his wife in the car, right after the scene in the beginning of the episode. They bet it during poker night, decision of Emily, because Walker is “starting to get attached to her”. Emily teases him for calling the car a she, and Walker decides to call the car Stella.
They gave their daughter the name of a car they lost at poker.
Oh. She tells him she’s pregnant.
So, apparently, they had their first daughter when they were broke, to the point they had to try and get money at poker for a bigger place and baby things. That’s... kind of irresponsible.
Meamwhile, Ramirez goes to James to tell him about the thing, but James already figured NotDean was involved, because apparently stealing things and returning them is just something he does. “Why are you so calm about this?” she asks. He says because they cannot pin anything on him. Questioning him could scare the big crime lady. So he tells her to just keep an eye on him. “Walker, Torreto or Hoyt [NotDean]” she asks. “Yes” he answers.
Blah blah. I apologize, I’m being too detailed. I’m just bored by this. Ah, a butcher’s truck was stolen right after the strip club thing, guess where NotDean got the wagyu steaks.
Walker and NotDean go to the bar with the bartender who’s their friend, and NotDean flirts with her. They start playing poker, when Ramirez arrives, and has some banter with NotDean and spills some glitter on him that she found in the truck. He buys her a drink and she arrests him for trying to bribe a police officer. Walker is shocked.
At the precinct, he says they cannot prove he’s working with big crime lady. But she brings up he stole the wagyu steaks.
She calls him out for trying to be everyone’s friend even if they do something wrong, also with Stella.
She says she can hold NotDean for 24 hours, long enough to figure out the big crime lady’s plans. Common trope in cop shows. Arrest someone without proof, you have to release them after 24 hours, but the cop finds proof and bam, forgiven for arresting someone without proof.
I know you’re bored, I’m bored too.
Actually, nope, it goes differently and kind of worse. In the interrogation room, Ramirez offers NotDean a deal: he tells her where the big crime lady’s weapon deal is happening, and walks free. He points the location on a map and he compliments her. Walker is watching from the cameras and is shook.
Meanwhile the bonfire is happening, and Stella is there with her girl friends. So is August, breakdancing to impress girls. We don’t care.
Meanwhile, a lot of cops in serious cop gear surround the location NotDean pointed at. Nobody’s there, though.
What is there, is the red Mustang with the creepy bobblehead in it and a letter from NotDean that says he gives him the car back because it was always his wife’s.
Walker figures out where the deal is actually happening - the storage where the red Mustang was before.
Meanwhile, at the bonfire, August is drunk on booze he stole from Grandpa Walker and brought to the party. He asks Stella if she’s trying to drive their father away, breaking the law and all, he asks if she wants him to leave again. Then he throws up. She calls Walker but he obviously doesn’t answer. So she calls her uncle, who’s doing shopping with his partner or something. They’re buying cake? Doing cake testing for their wedding? Maybe.
Meanwhile, NotDean calls Grandma Walker to tell her he cannot go mushroom hunting with her tomorrow but needs to leave town, and he’s sorry to let her down again. She tells him that just because his family’s bad, doesn’t mean he is too. “You saved my boy, and I’ll never forget that” she says. Oooh, that’s so intriguing!, nobody says. They share a cute moment and then he hangs up, while the weapon deal goes down around him.
Uncle Liam and his partner pick up the kids, and Stella asks him if he’ll be in court with her tomorrow. He says he can’t, because it’s her father’s decision to make.
August turns up music and they all sing in the car. It’s funny how everyone’s got better chemistry with everyone else except with Walker. I know it’s, like, on purpose for plot reasons, but still, Walker’s interactions with everyone feel so stilted compared to anyone else. And it’s not the other characters are that compelling.
The police arrives at the location of the weapon deal, and NotDean gets arrested trying to steal the truck again. Ramirez gives a speech how that’s hard but it’s the right thing to do. Walker makes a comment about tough love, implying Stella needs to get that too.
The next day, they leave for Stella’s court thing on the red Mustang. It took Walker three episodes, but now they also have a cool classic car to show off! Yay! *eyeroll*
Meanwhile, Grandma Walker and Grandpa Walker have a conversation about their failing marriage or something.
Ramirez goes to the bar to apologize to the bartender for arresting NotDean. They have a drink together and if lesbians were watching this they’d start shipping them, but no lesbians are watching this. They’re wiser than me.
Stella got like a gazillion hours of community service and her license suspended. She’s upset, but since she has her license for one more day he teaches her how to drive the Mustang.
Wait. Americans don’t learn to drive normal cars when they get their license?? They only learn to drive cars with automatic gear?? What the hell??
They drive while August runs after the car to get over his hangover or something.
Would be a cute moment if the entire thing wasn’t so cheesy and weird.
Well. We know NotDean is a recurring role so we’ll see more of him. (Well, I’m not sure I will be there to watch, because this is boring af.)
This episode used all its interest coins in the strip club scene and then became dreadfully boring. I don’t even have some witty line to close this post.
This was a rollercoaster that went my brain go through a blender in the first six minutes or so and then killed the remaining braincells through boredom.
That’s it guys. What can I say. This is the CW’s Walker. Yee.
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