#i can never go on t or get top surgery because i will just look like if my dad was an oompa loompa

[stars-and-branches]

Being trans and short is brutal I feel like a purse chihuahua

[traveler-at-heart]

Brave

Summary: The sudden loss of someone in your family leaves you broken. Natasha tries to help.

A/N: Special thanks to @happychopshoppenguin for helping me to sort out ideas for this plot.

It was a regular day for the Avengers.

Mission, explosions, fighting some bad guys and then fly back in the Quinjet.

“Fury’s gonna be mad” Clint taunts, looking at you.

“He didn’t say how to stop them from sharing the drive with the Chinese” you smile, thinking that blowing up their entire control room was a bit much. But, you were in a hurry to finish the mission and go home.

Clint rolls his eyes and steers the Quinjet.

“Alright, it’s gonna be at least seven hours. Go get some sleep, dynamite. Tasha, you ok?”

Natasha had been quiet, which was nothing new around you. To most people, it was probably the contrast in personalities; while the Russian was reserved, you were very outgoing.

You’d hope it was just that, and not that she disliked you. After a few attempts at conversation that turned cold, you decided to be cordial, but give her space.

Right now, she’s sitting in the back of the Quinjet, no visible injuries. But still, her hand is over her ribs, and she seems to be deep in thought.

You know what’s happening and that she’d never ask for help.

“Do you need to clean any wounds? I’ll take over the Quinjet while you do” you offer to Clint and he shakes his head no. Walking to the first aid kit, you pull out a bottle of water, painkillers and a pack of ice. You’re about to walk to sit next to Natasha, when you bring a hand to your forehead.

“Great. Blood and sooth. I must stink” placing the first aid stuff next to her, you mumble to yourself about taking a quick shower.

By the time you come out, Natasha has already taken a pill, and has the ice pack over her bruised ribs. Her eyes are closed, and much as you’d like to stare, you go sit next to Clint, hoping to get home soon.

—

Maria is waiting on the hangar when you land.

“Told ya” Clint mocks and you turn to glare at him.

“Did you snitch on me, Barton?”

“Y/N” Maria says, and her tone alone erases your smile.

“What’s wrong?” you say, going over every possible scenario. This is your last mission before a two week break to go back home. “Is it…?”

Your mom was supposed to have surgery. But she was fine. It couldn’t be…

“I’m sorry”

It’s as if a bucket of ice cold water was poured over your head. Your hands are so numb, you can’t feel Natasha taking one of them, her arm around your shoulders.

—

It’s been a week. Natasha tries not to think about you, mainly because there’s nothing she can do to help.

And it’s none of her business when (or if) you come back. Still, she feels a certain heaviness in her movements as she makes her morning coffee.

You always made enough for the two of you. And it tastes so much better than the one Natasha makes.

“Is Y/N around?” Maria walks in, looking for you.

“I thought she was still with her family”

“She came back earlier. It didn’t… it sounded bad. Like a family disagreement had happened on top of everything else” Maria sighs.

“Do you know what it was?”

“All I know is that her mother’s condition had been bad for a while… and then they did emergency surgery but her heart was too weak”

Natasha nods in silence, imagining how hard it must be for you. How your mother always sent something she knitted for everyone on the team on their birthdays, or how your parents would fly to visit at least once a month.

“If you see her, will you let me know? I just want to make sure she’s alright”

“Of course”

—

No one saw you, not even for movie night. It’s not like the team was expecting you, but it was quiet as the movie played on the screen, and only Sam seemed to be paying attention.

Natasha looks at the table in the middle of the room.

You always got her Dr. Pepper. Her guilty pleasure, a little indulgence in her life of strict physical activity and healthy meals.

This time, there’s only beer that no one bothers to drink. A headache threatens to sour her mood even more, but the cupboard with medical supplies is almost empty.

That’s how everything feels without you around.

Natasha had hoped you’d be at the staff meeting next Monday, but everyone took a seat, your chair remained empty.

“We have to do something” Steve says, looking around. His eyes meet Maria’s.

“Well, she’s been going on solo missions”

“And you think that’s a good idea?” Barton challenges, clearly annoyed. Would it be so hard for Fury to give a damn about his team?

“Listen, any one of you is welcomed to join her but I don’t think…”

“I’ll go” Natasha says.

“Good. Maybe she needs some… girl talk” Steve says and everyone laughs for the first time in weeks.

“Yes, we’ll braid our hair while we wait for the bad guys, Steve” Natasha mocks.

“Nice one, Capsicle” Tony says.

Truth be told, Natasha wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction when you saw her at the hangar.

“I’m on solo duty, Natasha” you say without looking at her, getting inside the small aircraft.

“Fury’s orders” the redhead lies, following you. She almost crashes against your back as you stop and turn around.

“If you’re coming, I don’t want to hear any scolding or complains. I’m running this operation”

“That’s fine by me”

Either way, from what she read on the file, it was only information extraction. And yet, you were gone for thirty minutes, after she successfully hacked into the database.

“Where the hell have you been?” Natasha scolds, forgetting about her previous promise.

“Can you get us on the air? I’ll take over in a minute” you answer, your face evidently beaten up, as one of your eyes was starting to swell.

Natasha is torn between concern and anger, but she figures it is better to talk to  you once they’re away from the enemy. With a sigh, she starts the engine and sets the coordinates of the Compound.

A spot on the floor catches her eye.

Blood. A lot of it.

“Y/N?” she stands up, looking around. Following the trail of blood, she opens up the door to the small bathroom. She sees you, your uniform torn around your thigh, a gash exposed. “Oh my God!”

“Ever tried knocking?” you say, without looking at her. Next thing you do is use the surgical stapler to close the wound, not caring to use anesthesia.

“You need stitches”

“I’m fine” you stand up, taking off the top of your uniform. Natasha spots bruises that are just starting to heal.

Maybe that’s why the medical supplies were gone the other day.

“Y/N…”

“If you’re not gonna fly, I’m taking over” you walk towards the cabin, and she stands there, looking at all the blood that you left behind.

What the hell is she gonna tell Maria when you come back?

There’s a moment of silence as you land the Quinjet. You hope that Natasha will not even start about your injury, so you wait for her to leave.

“Y/N?” 

“I’m fine, Natasha”

“I’m worried” she admits in a low voice, which catches you off guard. You’ve never thought she cared enough, not about you at least.

“I’ll stop going on missions until I’m better”

She wants to tell you it’s not enough, because an injury isn’t the issue here. But Natasha also recognizes when she’s about to cross a boundary. 

So, she just nods and leaves the hangar. The feeling of defeat comes with her as you’re left alone on the jet.

—

Another Monday, another staff meeting. 

To everyone’s surprise, you’re the last through the door. Steve sits up, but the rest of the team just looks at you, afraid that saying anything else might scare you away.

For your part, you ignore everyone but Natasha, placing a paper bag from her favorite bakery in front of her. 

She smiles at you, because it’s something you always do on Monday meetings. This time, you don’t mutter your usual excuse of being around the bakery first thing in the morning. You do give a little smile in return, and Natasha tries to ignore the warm feeling she gets from the gesture.

“Everyone, have a seat” Maria says, trying to pretend she isn’t surprised to see you as well. “We have word of a HYDRA base storing potentially dangerous technology. It’s big enough to send the whole team”

“Surely some of us could stay behind if we’re not up for it” Barton says, avoiding your eyes. He’s the only one that knows about what happened on your mission with Natasha. 

“It’s not ideal, but if anyone wants out, speak now. Very well”, she continues after a beat of silence. “Here’s the map of the facility. You leave in an hour”

—

The mission was completed. 

Barely. 

You’re holding a gauze against your side, to stop the bleeding from a bullet graze. Fury’s been called to go over what happened. 

He doesn’t seem pleased.

“You better do something about her” Tony says, his finger pointing at you.

“Stark” Barton warns but you don’t even react to his confrontation.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. If she wants to go and get killed, that’s her deal. But we were just about done with the mission when she decides to fight a dozen HYDRA agents on her own”

“We need to calm down” Steve says.

“No, there was a town a few miles south and HYDRA had nuclear warheads. Have we learned nothing? This could have been catastrophic” 

“But it wasn’t, so…”

“If you have some mommy issues to deal with, do it on your free time. I’m not gonna burden myself with civilian deaths over your trauma” 

“Tony!” Steve reprimands, standing up. They’re so busy facing each other, they never see you approaching. You throw a punch that hits Stark square in the eye, followed by another one that breaks his nose.

“Say that again, you fucking asshole” you shout, throwing a kick that never lands. It takes Steve and Bucky to hold you back. “Talk shit, Stark, see what happens” 

“That’s enough. You’re suspended, effective immediately” Fury says.

“I’ll do you one better. I quit” you push Rogers and Bucky away, not bothering to look at the rest of your teammates. 

It’s better this way.

—

It’s not hard to find you. Being a professional spy works in Natasha’s favor, but you’re basically bouncing from your apartment to the bar around the corner.

Sit and drink.

That’s all you do from the moment you walk in, around noon and then you leave past midnight. Before going up your apartment, you stop by the bodega to get another bottle of whatever cheap booze they have and call it a night.

Natasha looks from across the street, debating between going inside and talking to you or just going home.

What can she tell you to make it all better?

That’s the question she asks herself all week, and come Friday Natasha still doesn’t have an answer. 

The bar is crowded and the redhead figures it’s safe enough to go inside without being spotted.

You’re in your usual spot, leaning against the bar while sitting on a stool. The loud music and conversations make you dizzy, but you still ask for another scotch and drink half of it in one gulp.

“Are you moving anytime soon?” a twenty something year old pops out of nowhere and you don’t even look his way. “We want to sit at the bar and watch the game, I’m sure you can go be a sad drunk somewhere else”

“Fuck off” you say after finishing your drink and asking for another one. When they give it to you, the idiot knocks it from your hand. 

“You have ten seconds to apologize or leave” you rub your temples, thinking how much worse your headache will be after kicking his ass.

“I don’t think so” he says, throwing a punch at you. Even with all you drank, you’re able to avoid his fist, knocking him down in one swift motion.

“Crap” you kinda forgot he was not alone. Three more guys show up, and while you’re busy blocking some kicks, one of them manages to punch you in the face. You fall to the ground, feeling a kick to your side and a fist that connects with your nose.

At this point, you give up, thinking that getting your ass kicked in a bar is just as effective as drinking the day away.

But the next attack never comes. In fact, all three men are down.

“Get up” you hear someone say. 

It sounds like Natasha.

You try to stand, but there’s a pain in your side. Before you can collapse on the ground, arms go around your waist and help you stand, walking side by side all the way to your apartment.

The lavender scent and the gentle touch confirms it’s Natasha, and you try not to think about how much you’ve missed her.

The redhead opens the door to your apartment, letting you down on the couch. You grunt as you sit, blood running down your nose and temple.

Yeah, this is going to be the worst hangover of your life.

“Where’s your first aid kit?” Natasha says looking around the place. 

You really did miss her and the thought finally breaks you.

“What’s wrong? Where does it hurt?” Natasha kneels in front of you the minute you let out a sob, tears mixing with the blood.

“It’s not worth it, Nat. I’m not worth the trouble. You should go” you plead, overwhelmed at the guilt that’s been consuming you for weeks now.

“What are you talking about?” 

“She kept asking for me. When they were at the hospital. She wanted to see me, she was scared and in pain and I wasn’t there. My mother died and I didn’t get to say goodbye” 

“Y/N…”

“What kind of person does that? How can you fail so badly to the people that loved you?” 

“You didn’t fail”

“Yes, I did” you say, struggling to breathe.

“You didn’t. It’s ok” Natasha tries to calm you, her hands going through your hair until your breathing evens out. 

The rush of adrenaline leaves your body, and pretty soon, you’re slumped against the couch, Natasha’s hands still in yours.

—

There’s light. And pain.

A different kind than the one you’ve had. As you sit up, you feel your bruised ribs and when you grimace, the split lip reminds you your face didn’t fare any better during your fight.

Natasha…

“How are you feeling?” you turn to find the woman standing in the middle of your kitchen. 

“Like shit” you reply and she chuckles.

“There’s some coffee. It’s not as good as the one you make, but it will do. I should go” she sets her cup down, sighing.

“You don’t have to…” you want her to stay. But you don’t know what will happen if you ask her.

“I do, actually” she walks towards the door, but you endure the pain to meet her at the threshold. 

“Nat”

“No” she shakes her head, without looking back at you. “You have no idea how hard it is to watch someone you love hurt themselves”

The word love echoes, making you take a step back.

Natasha turns to look at you, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“I guess you were bound to find out eventually”

“Natasha” you plead, not knowing what to say.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I won’t go into this when you’re going through hell and all i’ve done is watch you from afar. I guess I just want you to know…” she wipes the tears and looks at you. “You buy my favorite brand of peanut butter. You wake up one hour before I do, but the coffee is done only when I’m up. My water bottle is always full and cold before going to the gym. You charge my phone when I forget to, and when it’s late and I’m still working you stop by and tell me you made too much pasta just so I eat something…. You’re not a bad person. You’re wonderful and I wish I could have told you sooner. I’m sorry” Natasha turns around and leaves.

You don’t stop her this time.

—

It’s been three days and Natasha hasn’t heard from you. To be fair, she said a lot of things and didn’t wait for you to reply, so that might have been a bad idea.

Talking to Clint might be the only solution and she’s looking for him when you leave the conference room, followed by Maria and Steve.

Tony approaches you from the other side and Natasha waits around the corner.

“I’m sorry about what I said” Stark says and you nod.

“Fair enough. Not sorry about punching you, though”

“Fair enough” he repeats, smiling.

When they all leave, you turn back, your eyes meeting Natasha’s.

“Hi” you approach her, hands inside your pockets.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sober”

“That’s good”

“Mhm” you nod, holding her stare. Your eyes travel to her lips and you sigh. “Can we talk?”

“We don’t have to…”

“I wanna show you something. It won’t take long, I promise. What do you say?” you offer your hand and she stares at it for a second.

When Natasha nods and takes it, you hold her tight, leading her out of the Compound.

—

“She loved Central Park” you remember, walking around the benches, Natasha’s hand still in yours. “The whole city, really”

“She liked it because you live here, I think” Natasha says and you nod.

“Well, that and the pizza”

“Right” the redhead nods. You find a bench and lead her to it, pointing at the plaque.

Love is only for the brave, followed by your mother’s name.

“Is something she said often. Figured it might be nice to have it here, for people to read and gather courage”

“That’s a beautiful way to remember her” Natasha nods, aware that you’re moving closer.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you what I thought back at my place, Nat” 

“You don’t need to explain anything” she interrupts, giving you a way out.

“I didn’t think you liked me that much. And I absolutely thought I was being more discreet about my feelings for you” 

“It’s hard for me to think that love makes you brave… or strong” Natasha says, taking a step forward so you’re inches apart. 

“I know. Please let me show you?”

“I think I’d like that” she nods, leaning forward until your lips meet in a short kiss.

When you break apart, you remember that time your mother visited. How she insisted Natasha looked at you in a special way. 

“What’s so funny?” Natasha asks against your lips when you smile.

“I love you” you say and she pulls you closer.

Everything will be ok, as long as you have each other.

[getyourdirtyhandsoffme]

D-RIDING?! PART TWO (18+)

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

GENDER: FTM READER (M!READER FRIENDLY)

SUMMARY: You, a famous YouTuber, got noticed by idol crush, Bang Chan, from an "accidental" drunk tweet you made when he was in BuzzFeed. Now you are waiting in your house to make that tweet into a reality.

GENRE(S): Smut (mercy on me yall), Explicit, Fluff, comedy (cringe because I need one mentally)

SEPARATE WARNING(S):

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ READER:

Role(s): Submissive Bottom. You are a versatile bottom because I said so.

Genitals: I made it separate since there are people out there who do have a bottom surgery.

T-dick section: So one will have you having a t-dick (mentions of squirting).

Dick Section: While a separate one in the same post will have you having a Penis.

(I don't want y'all feeling uncomfortable/Gender Dysphoria as a TransMan myself)

Names: Pretty boy, Baby boy, Handsome, Cutie, Sweetheart

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ CHAN:

Role(s): Dominate Top. Made him Versatile too.

Genitals: He has a big dick because of the big nose theory.

Names: Chan, Chris, love, pretty boy

OTHER WARNING(S): You both are virgins, Oral (Reader receiving), Mentions of Vagina/T-Dick(Mentions of squirting) for the reader along with a separate one of you having a Dick. Nipple play (Reader receiving), Reader getting Manhandled kinda, Choking? Not breathplay. Cum licking, Mentions of your chest scars (or just chest) Fingering. Anal sex. Beggingish?. Praising. Different words for Dick and Vagina. Crying (reader)

OTHER(S): y'all, please have mercy on me! I never wrote smut before so this might make me leap over a bridge!

Please like, reblog and/or comment for my dignity.

Tags: @braveangel777 @1s3v3n1 @kodasstar @webwanderer @coralblook @ironhyacinth @bitchyzombienacho

IM BEING SO FR, I CANT WRITE SMUT- I CANT WRITE SMUT! HAVE MERCY ON ME AHHHH!

(I DIDNT PROOF READ OR HAD GRAMMAR CHECK, YALL GOT IT!)

It was refreshing.

You lay yourself down on your bed wearing your pajamas, silk pajamas, covering your naked body. The silk only stops at your thighs.

You waited for Chan to message you as you scroll through your fans' comments; requesting collabs, games, or other content to record.

You keep on scrolling, almost forgetting about the whole sexual situation going on until you hear a knock from your front door.

You walk out from your bedroom, holding your phone out and texting him if he was the one behind the door of your front entrance.

CB97: Why don't you find out, Cutie?

You sighed, as you slowly unlocked the door then slowly opened the door to check it was actually him.

A white hand pushes the door fully, revealing the man himself, smirking at you. He was wearing a black shirt, compressing his muscles with baggy sweatpants.

He was checking you out, blushing a bit from the silk pajamas going nice with your figure and skin color.

"Don't you look lovely, pretty boy?" Chris comments, his eyes still lingering in your body.

You felt yourself getting flustered, shy even just from him staring at you. He steps closer to you while closing the door behind him.

"Can I touch you?"

You nodded and just by that Chris leans into you, kissing your soft lips while his hands roam around your waist, while one hand grips your butt.

You moaned softly around his mouth.

Your arms around his neck as your hands slowly reach to his shirt, gripping it as you push your face away from Chris.

He looks at you confused, giving you almost puppy eyes.

You thought it was cute. Yousmirked as you took him to your room.

He looks around, admiring your room until you smash your face into his lips again, catching him off guard but quickly kissed you back.

You both feel impatient, as you take off Chan's black shirt as he pushes you down on the bed, prying off the silk pajamas.

"You are already naked underneath, you were really expecting me, huh?" His accent, his voice raspy, making you want him more and more.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎WARNING: T-DICK SECTION

For the people with no bottom surgery/testosterone:

He had you trapped, both of his hands holding your waist as he leans into your chest, giving a few kisses on your chest scar (or chest)

"So handsome..." He mutters as he continues on kissing you as you feel his hands reaching up to your chest, caressing your nipples as the other hand reaches between your thighs.

You moaned, feeling his fingers playing around your folds.

"You are so wet for me, baby boy. Do I really get you this wet? I'm so flattered..." He whispers into your ear.

All you can do is moan, nodding your head as you feel your thighs parting from each other.

You look down to see Chan giving a few kisses on your left thigh then giving a few more kisses, almost getting closer to your wet folds.

"I want to taste you so bad, would you let me taste you, sweetheart?" He looks up at you, waiting for your response.

"Please, Chris! I need you.."

He smiles, leaning his head towards your t-dick, immediately licking and sucking your folds. Even getting closer to your small dick, giving a few licks.

You moaned, as you moved your bottom area getting more pleasure, almost riding his face. You even felt his nose touching your dick, sending more pleasure into your body.

Chan lets you as he continues on licking and sucking, moaning a bit, sending vibrations through your body.

You continue on moving your body, feeling yourself getting close. Your body is twitching, as Chris raises his fingers closer to your t-dick, rubbing quickly as you moan even louder.

"Chris—a~ah, I'm cumming! F-fuck!"

He sucks harder and even rubs even faster until you finally cum, squirting.

Chan licks one more time as he moves his face away slowly as he stands up, admiring your sweaty figure.

You sit up as your legs twitch a bit.

"Damn, I squirted. This kinda embarrassing..."

Chan just laughed as he leans closer to your face giving a few kisses to your forehead and cheek.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎WARNING: DICK SECTION

For the people with bottom surgery/has a dick:

He had you trapped, both of his hands holding your waist as he leans into your chest, giving a few kisses on your chest scar. (Or chest)

"So handsome..." He mutters as he continues on kissing you as you feel his hands reaching up to your chest, caressing your nipples as the other hand reaches between your thighs.

You moaned, feeling his fingers playing the tip of your dick.

"You are so hard for me, baby boy. Do I really get you this hard? I'm so flattered..." He whispers into your ear.

All you can do is moan, nodding your head as you feel your thighs parting from each other.

You look down to see Chan giving a few kisses on your left thigh then giving a few more kisses, almost getting closer to your hard cock.

"I want to taste you so bad, would you let me taste you, sweetheart?" He looks up at you, waiting for your response.

"Please, Chris! I need you.."

He smiles, leaning his head towards your dick, immediately licking and sucking the tip. Pushing his head down, giving you a good suck.

You moaned, as you moved your bottom area getting more pleasure, almost riding his face. Chan lets you as he continues on licking and sucking, moaning a bit, sending vibrations through your body.

You continue on moving your body, feeling yourself getting close. Your body is twitching, as Chris raises his hands closer to your balls, fumbling around as you moan even louder.

"Chris—a~ah, I'm cumming! F-fuck!"

He sucked harder and faster until you finally cum, some hitting his face.

Chan licks one more time as he moves his face away slowly as he stands up, admiring your sweaty figure.

You sit up as your legs twitch a bit.

"Damn, that felt weird...."

Chan just laughed as he leans closer to your face giving a few kisses to your forehead and cheek.

"But, you enjoyed it didn't you?" He questions, as he continues on kissing your face.

"I did, but let's get into the main event, shall we?" Chris chuckles as you stand back up, holding between his baggy pants, pushing it down and throwing it to the side.

He looks down at you while chuckling again, smirking from how impatient you were.

His dick flings up, standing a bit straight and even dripping with pre-cum.

You licked your lips, your mouth just watering from the sight of his dick, however, you felt yourself getting kinda scared since it looks big.

"Chan, how big is your dick? I mean I knew it was big because of the nose theory..."

"Huh, what nose theory?"

"Focus on the question and not the nose theory—I'll tell you that later."

You look up at him as he thinks, then shrug.

"I don't know, I never measured my dick before..."

"Fuck you mean you never measured your dick? You know what, wait right here. You grab the lube and the condom from the cabinet next to my bed."

Chan did exactly what you said while still looking perplexed that his dick size really bothered you that much.

You came back, holding a measuring tape.

You sat back down on the bed as you told Chris to come clover to your face. You felt his dick touching your cheek.

You licked your lips as you raised the measuring tape. Chan just chuckled on how focused you were.

"Is it really that serious...?"

You just nodded until you reached the top of the tip.

"Damn, 8 inches? I guess OT8 is for life, huh?"

Chan groans, as he smacks on top of your head softly. "Don't ever say that again..." He jokingly said, shaking his head, smiling.

"Anyways, let's continue."

"Gladly." He says as he pushes you down, putting you into a mating press.

You hear a bottle cap opened making you shivered in anticipation.

He squirts a generous amount into his fingers.

You felt his fingers circling around your rim as his other hand gripped your neck, holding you down.

You whimpered, shaking your butt for him to just insert in already.

"P-please Chris~ Fuck, hurry up!" You whined.

"Sorry baby boy, let me give you what you want~" He teases you as you feel one of his fingers inserting in.

You hiss in pain, not used to the feeling at all. Chan shushes you as he tries to calm you down, giving you a few kisses in your back.

"It will feel good, I promise..."

You calm yourself down, moving your waist side to side.

He gently plays with your rim as he slowly inserts another one. You hissed a bit but you could slowly feel the pleasure going through your body.

He continues on fucking you until he hits a certain area making you moaned along with your toes curling.

"Found it..." He whispers, hitting your prostate while inserting the third finger in.

You moaned, sending Chris's dick even harder; throbbing and aching in pain. He was getting hot and bothered—impatient—but he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable so he continued on. He adds a fourth one just in case after finding out his dick was 8 inches.

"Chan, love, just put it in already!" You whined.

You didn't need to tell him twice.

He quickly rips the plastic out with his teeth then taking the condom out and putting it on his dick.

He quickly takes his fingers off as he lines his dick up your hole, tapping it a few times until he slowly inserts the tip in.

You hissed again. Even though his fingers were thick, nothing could beat his thick cock (corny).

He apologized softly, while he hissed too from the clench.

"Fuck, so tight. I'm going to push in more, okay sweetheart?"

All you can do was whine while he slowly pushes in more. You both hissed again as you felt tears coming out of your eyes.

Chris hands both made it to your waist, going in circles.

He inserts more until finally he fills you whole.

He waits as he groans, your hole tightening around him as he tries not to cum just from it. He bites his lip as he caresses you again.

You felt warmth in your chest, loving the care from Chris and the fact he even was waiting for you to get used to his size.

You smiled softly as you shook your butt, making him grip your waist.

"You can move, love~"

Just like that, he pulls his dick out and slams back into you making you moan. He was already going rough, almost like a crazy animal.

He keeps on going, angeling himself a bit as he slams again and again, hitting your prostate.

You moaned even louder, gripping the sheets.

"F-FUCK~♡ CHRIS A~AH!" You cried out in pleasure as he continued on abusing your prostate. You felt overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure he was giving you.

You both moaned out of pleasure feeling yourself getting closer. He was getting closer as well, you feel his dick twitch inside of you.

He leans in, his chest on top of your back, whispering sweet words to your ears making you shiver.

"P-pretty boy~ I'm about to cum...Are you about to cum as well? Hmm?" He whispers.

You repeated the word 'Yes' as he continued slamming until finally you both released. Chan's cum filling the condom whole.

He steps out, taking the condom out and tying it then throwing it away into the garbage bin.

You turn your body around, laying flat, your back facing the bedsheets as you calm yourself down.

Chan walks up to you then lies down next to you. "I never did this before so I wanna know (Knaur) if I did good?"

You smiled, feeling horny all of sudden from his sweet voice. His duality from being all dominant to almost submissive—You kinda wanna ride him until he breaks.

"it's my first time as well, Chan and you did so well for me, love..." You said to him, kissing him all over his face.

He chuckles, smiling widely from your praises until he yawns, clearly drained.

"I'm tired, my body is tired. Maybe we should've had sexs not around the performance. Haha!" He laughs, not noticing your eyes staring into him like you were going to devour him.

"Yeah, but, I'm quite disappointed..." You sadly said—well pretending to be sad—using your fingers to trace around his neck.

"h-huh? Why? You said I did good?" He sits up, looking at you like a sad puppy. (There is no pet play)

"of course! You did so well, but my tweet. You remember it don't you?" You said calmly as you continued on looking at him.

He thinks for a second until his face turns red.

"O-oh."

Oh indeed.

"B-but, aren't you tired, I'm quite tired myself..." He rambles until you shut him up by placing your hands around his mouth.

"But you promise you want to make that tweet into reality, right? I want to ride your dick until you cry. Calling my name. Plus, I'm doing all the work. You can just lay down and look pretty, my pretty boy~"

His face turns even more red, all of sudden turning shy and weak. His cock going hard again, throbbing in anticipation.

"Even your dick seems to agree with me~"

You can't wait to actually make that tweet into reality.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Ending (myself) in part three.

YALL IMMA KMS, I CANT WRITE SMUT WTF AHHHH

[melon-fodder]

What Friends Are For • T. Hiragi

Summary: Hiragi was annoyed when you bailed on the plans you had with him, but when finds you curled up with your heating pad, alone in your apartment he understands what happened, and now he wants to help.

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: period sex, female-bodied reader, best friends to lovers, blood (obviously), cramps and other period symptoms, fingering, p in v, mentions of oral but it doesn’t happen (maybe next time)

Notes: this has been in my head for months now. It’s time to get it out. Special shout out to my nexplanon! Thanks for making me bleed for a solid month 😔✌🏻

Hiragi is annoyed.

Which isn’t uncommon for him, honestly, but it’s pretty rare that he’s annoyed with you.

You’d had these plans for a couple weeks now, a local band you both enjoy playing at a small venue downtown. You were excited. You had sent Hiragi all your different outfit options, and he’d given his honest opinions until you’d settled on the crop top, shorts, fishnets, and docs. He’d had to talk you out of the skirt you’d recently gotten— “I don’t wanna have to worry about creeps thinkin’ they can just slip their hands up there.”

“You don’t have to worry about me like that, Ragi,” you’d told him over the phone, “it’s not like I’m your girlfriend. You don’t have to defend my honor.”

A reminder that stings a little every time. You’re not his girlfriend, and he’s not your boyfriend, despite what everyone thinks and says. Despite everything that he feels.

None of that matters currently, though, because he’s pissed at you. Which is why he’s knocking on your apartment door to see what the fuck is wrong with you. Surely, there has to be something. It’s not like you to flake.

There’s some brief shuffling from inside before the door opens a crack, revealing a sliver of your face that looks… different.

“Ragi?” He just taps his foot until you open the door and let him in. “What’re you doing? I told you I can’t go out.”

The first thing he notices is that your eyes are a little puffy. Then, when he glances around your small living room, Hiragi sees that the TV is on, playing one of your favorite medical dramas—the one that’s just sex, surgery, and crying. You’re in a ratty old t-shirt (one of his, he’s pretty sure) and a pair of boy shorts that hug your hips and thighs too well.

“So what, you’re gonna skip out on this show so you can just sit here and watch TV?” His irritation has spiked again, familiar acid rising in his throat.

“What?” You peer at him like you’re confused then look back to the show and the little nest you’ve made yourself on your couch.

“It’s not… I wanna go. I just don’t think I’d have a good time.” Your face twists, both hands moving to your hips as you bend as if to stretch your back.

You’re acting weird.

“How do you know you’re not gonna have a good time?”

“Hiragi…” you say his name like a warning, and something new clicks into place.

You don’t feel well. The puffy eyes, the comfy clothes— “are ya sick or somethin’?”

You grimace, still bending and stretching while digging your thumbs into your lower back.

“No, I just— fuck, I need to lay back down.”

He watches as you walk to the couch and pull something out from under the mass of blankets, click a remote a couple times, then settle it against your back.

“I wanna go to the show, Ragi. And I’m not sick.” He can see the muscles of your jaw flex when you clench your teeth. “My fucking period is just kicking my ass tonight, okay?”

Oh. Oh. Okay.

“That… makes more sense, I guess,” Hiragi mutters, feeling much less irritated and much more foolish. “Can I get you anything?”

“A hysterectomy?” you joke, though it sounds more like begging.

“If I was qualified, you know I would.”

He can’t find it in himself to look at you. It’s not like Hiragi isn't familiar with periods. He’s had girlfriends and friends who are girls and, ya know, a mother.

He’s just—it’s just—you never bring it up around him. You’ve never mentioned cramping or bleeding or cravings related to it. He doesn’t even think he’s ever seen a tampon in your purse or your bathroom (not that he’s looked, it’s just something he’s noticed).

You must be able to see the confusion written all over his face. Or maybe you just know him too fucking well because with a heavy sigh, you explain, “I switched birth controls a couple months back. I didn’t have periods at all on my old one, but this one… anyway, I’m not used to the pain and everything else.”

This is a problem. You have a problem, Hiragi thinks, one that he can fix or, at the very least, help you with. Hiragi is good at fixing things. He’s good at finding solutions. So if he can just shove all of his awkwardness and discomfort to the side, he can focus on what’s important: making you feel better.

“You have pain killers?”

You shake your head.

“Menstrual products?”

You snort. “What?”

“Pads, tampons—”

“I know what they are, dummy,” you laugh, “just sounds weird when you say it like that. Menstrual products,” you imitate, and Hiragi rolls his eyes.

“Do you have any?”

You shrug, “not enough, but I use a disk anyway.”

Now is not the time for questions.

“Alright. I’ll be right back then,” he tells you before turning around to walk out.

“Wait! Where are you… nevermind,” he hears you mumble before the door shuts. If you know him as well as he thinks you do, you should have a pretty good idea of where he’s headed.

The little drug store at the corner doesn’t exactly offer luxury, but it’s stocked with what Hiragi needs. The girl behind the counter gives him a knowing look as she rings everything up and asks if he’d like to buy one of the mini flower bouquets that are displayed next to the register.

Tempting.

But it’s not like that.

“Nah, just this,” he says as he pulls out his wallet, the one you tease him about so much (“what is this, 2000? Get rid of the chain, old man!”).

It isn’t long before he’s walking back into your apartment like he lives there. Sometimes it feels like he does. Hiragi drops the bags on your coffee table and starts taking things out.

Medicine, the kind with added caffeine to help with headaches and energy. A box of tampons, regular and super. A box of pads just in case. Your favorite chocolates. A pint of ice cream he needs to put in the freezer ASAP, and…

“Is that a—”

“It’s not some dumb little plushie,” Hiragi immediately grabs what definitely looks like a dumb little plushie. “It’s got a rice pack in it, see? So you can heat it up and—”

“Cuddle with it?” You grin. “Is there a reason it’s an alligator? I feel like that’s not very period friendly.”

“It was an alligator or a crab,” he calls out, walking to the kitchen. “You want crabs?”

“No, I do not want crabs,” you shout. “But, I’m just sayin’. It’s a little suspicious you coming back with a plushie—”

“Not a plushie!”

“—that sort of resembles you that you want me to cuddle with.”

Hiragi leans to the side so that you can see him. “You associating me with every animal that has sharp teeth is your problem, not mine.”

The microwave timer goes off, prompting him to take out the rice pack and stick it back in the soft alligator. There’s a nice little weight to it, and it’s pleasantly warm by the time he hands it to you, still pouting about your teasing.

He moves your legs so that he can sit on the couch then resituates them on top of his own thighs, getting comfortable and trying not to smile when you press the plushie (yeah, that’s what it is) to your stomach and sigh.

“That’s nice.”

“Just lemme know when it needs to be reheated.”

“So, you’re just gonna sit here all night watching shitty medical dramas and reheating my hiragator?”

“Yeah, I—wait, what?”

“You heard exactly what I said,” you glare in that playful way you do, squeezing the heated toy tighter to you.

“You cannot name it Hiragator.”

“Alligatoma?”

“That sounds like a fuckin’ cancer.”

“So, Hiragator it is. Now that that’s settled, you can go to the show.”

Hiragi leans back on the couch and rubs his hands down his face before dropping them back to your calves.

“S’not gonna be fun without you,” he grumbles.

“Bullshit. You’ll be able to get into the pit without worrying about me.”

“I’m not eighteen anymore,” he chuckles. “There ain’t a single bone in my body that wants to get into a mosh pit.”

Your pretty smile disappears as your fingers dig into plush green fur, and Hiragi watches in concern as you curl further in on yourself. Trying not to disturb you too much, he reaches for the bottle of medicine and pours 2 out, glad that your water bottle is next to you on the floor.

“Here,” he urges, holding the pills out to you. You prop yourself up on your elbow to take them before collapsing back on the cushions.

“Seriously, you don’t have to stay with me. I’ll be fine.”

“Not like I have anything better to do,” he shrugs and changes the subject, “what episode are we on?”

“I started over so it’s the one where she’s dating Derek and the vet at the same time, and she’s getting stressed out about it.”

“Oh, when she has to get her appendix taken out?”

“Look at you remembering the details,” you giggle.

“I’ve probably seen it five damn times now, how could I forget?”

For the next hour, Hiragi sits with you, occasionally unwrapping a chocolate and handing it to you, sometimes rubbing your legs when you get that pained expression, trying not to think about how soft you feel and how he could get used to having you curled up next to him.

When he realizes the medicine either hasn’t kicked in or isn’t doing it’s fucking job, Hiragi finally braves the question, “did anything help before? I’m guessin’ you had periods before your old birth control, so what’d you do back then?”

“I don’t remember them being this bad, honestly, but sometimes when I’d have bad cramps…” you shake your head. “Never mind. Too much information.”

“What?”

“Nothing. You’d probably think it’s gross.”

Well, now his interest is definitely piqued.

“Just tell me.”

He gives your calf a tiny pinch that makes you squeal, “fine,” while kicking his thigh. “When I was, like, sixteen, one of my friends told me that orgasms helped her when she was in a lot of pain, so I tried it.”

Hiragi’s mouth is suddenly very, very dry, but he still manages to ask, “and did it help?”

“Yeah, quite a bit, actually.”

He feels warm, like he’s touching your heating pad. Is he sweating? His face is probably beet red. Thinking about you like that, trying to relieve the tension in your body, fingers between your legs—

Stop. Stop thinking about it. He can already feel his dick stirring to life, and that is the last thing you should have to put up with right now.

“I told you you’d think it was gross.”

Hiragi sets his jaw and shakes his head.

“You’ve got a natural painkiller. Why not use it?” It’s a miracle his voice is coming out as smoothly as it is.

“Cause it’s… it’s weird doing it when you’re not in the mood, I guess. And, like, it can get a little messy.”

Fucking Christ.

“It’s hard to masturbate when you don’t feel sexy, and it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re cramping and bloated and weepy.”

“Makes sense,” Hiragi nods to himself, tracing little patterns on your leg, brain completely empty aside from the thought, I could do it for you.

“What?”

Ah, shit. He’s usually so good at thinking through things before saying them out loud, but apparently the pathway from Hiragi’s brain to his mouth chose this one fucking time to malfunction.

No taking that one back.

“I said I could do it for you,” he repeats.

“I’m sorry, just so we’re on the same page, you’re talking about…”

“Giving you an orgasm. Making you cum. However you wanna put it.”

He shifts your legs a little further away from the growing bulge in his pants.

Your eyes are wide, mouth hanging open, and he feels the need to defend, “just cause you said it helped before! If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I just figured I’d offer.”

“I… honestly, I don’t know what to say. It’s been a while since anyone… and, I mean, it’d be weird, right? You and me? Plus, the blood, like… it’d be weird.”

“Whatever you say,” Hiragi hums. “I’m not scared of a little blood, though, just so we’re clear.”

“I never said you were. I know you’re very familiar with it, tough guy.”

“Pretty familiar with the female orgasm too, so you know.”

You make an undignified sound, something between a squawk and a shout that makes him laugh. “Telling me about your conquests isn’t gonna encourage me to let you stick your fingers up there!”

“I’m not gonna just stick ‘em up there, fuck, who have you been with that did that?”

“No one! I’m just saying!”

“Okay, Jesus, just watch your show.”

Hiragi makes a show of taking his hands off your legs and folds them behind his head. You somehow nestle deeper into the couch, hugging the alligator closer as you clench your teeth again.

How obvious would it be if he ran to the bathroom to rub one out? Would you be able to tell? He shouldn’t even need to. You barely talked about it.

But, the seed has been planted. The image of you on your bed with your knees open, your hand or maybe a toy rubbing over your sex.

Hiragi grabs a pillow and shoves it under your legs and therefore over his lap with the excuse that, “your heels are diggin’ into me.” That should take care of that for now.

About half an episode passes without the two of you saying anything, and when you do finally speak, it’s to quietly ask if he’ll reheat Hiragator for you.

“Only if you stop calling it that,” he says as he takes it from you.

“Never.”

He tosses it back into the microwave, of course, arms braced on the kitchen counter as he waits for the timer to go off. When he gets back, you have your eyes squeezed shut so tightly, it looks painful. There are tears right at the corners, and you’re taking slow, shaky breaths.

“Hey, hey, here,” he puts the plushie against your stomach and smooths a hand down your back, all the while wondering how the fuck you and every other uterus-having human puts up with this bullshit every month. It looks like hell.

“Ragi?” your voice cracks around his name.

He tilts his head, noticing your falling tears, and reaches over to wipe them away. “Hm?”

“You’re serious about helping me?”

He blinks at you. “You ever know me to be anything but serious?”

“I have seen very unserious sides of you. Sides that no one else sees.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don’t go thinkin’ you’re special or somethin’.”

“Special enough for you to make a very bold offer,” you shoot back with watery eyes and a raised brow.

“You ready to take me up on that?” He hopes he doesn’t sound too excited.

You nod emphatically, biting your lip while clutching that damn alligator like it’s your only lifeline.

“Alright, go get comfortable in bed. I’ll grab a towel.”

He helps you up, laughing through his nose when he hears you mutter something along the lines of, “can’t believe we’re doing this.”

You disappear into your bedroom, leaving Hiragi to wash his hands and grab the towel. He sheds his jacket in your room, hanging it on the doorknob, and even though he’s still fully clothed, he feels naked without the extra layer, not to mention his boots that are next to your front door.

You’re sitting up by your pillows, knees to your chest, voice too fucking meek for Hiragi’s liking when you ask, “do you want me to go put a disc in real quick? I don’t… these are just special underwear to, like, absorb. I don’t—I don’t have anything in right now, so…”

Hiragi stares at you while unfolding the towel, laying it out before motioning to it.

“Like I said before, ain’t gonna bother me. Now get comfortable and take those off.”

“So demanding, geez.”

You sound light-hearted, like you’re joking, but Hiragi sees the way your hands are shaking. You’re nervous. He doesn’t like that.

“Hey,” he stops you once you’ve pulled your underwear down to your thighs, “look at me.”

“If you tell me to call you sir or master or some shit, I’m kicking you out.”

“Shut up for just a second, please, I’m bein’ serious.”

“So am I! Don’t try to get all kinky—”

He grabs your face, pushing your cheeks together so that you’ll stop fucking talking.

“Listen to me.”

“I lish’nen,” you try, and it actually makes him smile.

“If you don’t wanna do this. If you’re not comfortable or if you’re scared or whatever, we don’t have to. I really am just tryin’ to help.” You nod under his hand, and he lets go. “I’m not gonna get grossed out. I’m not gonna judge you for anything, understand?”

“Yes, sir,” you answer with a smirk, and god dammit, it actually makes his cock twitch a little.

“You’re fuckin’ impossible to deal with, ya know that?”

“And yet, here you are doing just that.”

You shimmy out of your underwear and drop them over the side of the bed. It leaves you in nothing but that old T-shirt—Hiragi’s old T-shirt—so thin he can see the peaks of your nipples when you lie back.

He sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to relax, to let your knees fall open, to bare yourself to him. That's not something he’s ever rushed a woman on, and he’s definitely not gonna rush you. You close your eyes, bite your lip, then slowly spread your legs.

Hiragi has to focus on breathing, in and out, in and out, as his gaze land on your pussy. Puffy lips decorated with sticky blood and slick. He’s glad your eyes are closed because he licks his lips at the view. Hiragi could stare all day, but that’s not what he’s here for.

“You ready?” he asks, voice lower than usual.

“Yeah, you can… you can touch me.”

He feels his dick throb at those words, growing even harder when he grazes his fingers over your mound. You gasp, body tensing before relaxing again, like you had to remind yourself that you’re safe here with him.

He slides a finger up your slit, through the wetness, glancing down to note the mixture of blood and arousal before he spreads your folds.

There are so many things he could say at the sight of your twitching hole, so many ways he could praise the pretty pink leaking dark red like some kind of sordid Valentine’s candy that Hiragi wants to devour.

His eyes fall on the little bud at the crest of your lips, cute and begging for attention, and when he circles it with a wet finger, you stifle a moan with your fist.

“You can be loud, it’s your place,” Hiragi tells you, watching your face as he gently rubs over your clit, “plus, I’ll know it feels good if ya keep makin’ noises like that.”

He gives it a little flick that makes your hips buck, and you swear at him.

It doesn’t take long for Hiragi to learn what you like and what you don’t. You like the circles he rubs on your clit. You like when he just barely dips a finger between your folds.

And, you really like it when he slowly slides his middle finger deep into your pussy.

“Ohhmygod…”

Using the thumb on his other hand, Hiragi starts teasing your clit again, pride swelling inside him at the way your eyes roll into the back of your head. Looking down, he watches his finger as it glides in and out of your body, fresh blood coating the digits. A thick string of it stretches from your hole to the towel beneath you, viscous as it mixes with your slick, and Hiragi can’t help but watch until it snaps.

“Fuck, that feels… that feels good.”

“Yeah?” He crooks his finger a bit, searching for that extra-swollen bundle, and when you cry out, he knows he’s found it.

The way you’re moaning and shifting your hips has him worked up, his cock straining against the zipper of his pants, and he wants to relieve some of the pressure so fucking bad, but he definitely doesn’t wannna give you the wrong idea.

“Can you—can you add another finger? I just need—more p-pressure… wanna be full.”

Hiragi groans. He can’t keep it in. And he knows he sounds wounded because it feels like you just shot him. You wanna be full.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he forces out, lining up his index with his middle finger and pushing them both inside you.

You suck them in greedily, needy as you start to chase your climax. Hiragi wets his thumb again, massaging your clit, eyes flicking from your cunt to your face, all your pretty expressions while he stuffs your pussy.

You’re making a mess of yourself and the towel. He can smell iron, which is strange because usually when he smells it, he can feel it in a busted lip or bitten tongue. Usually, when he smells it, he can taste it.

He's gonna cum in his pants if he keeps thinking about that, about shoving his face between your legs and feasting. He’s fantasized about eating you out countless times before, but never like this. Never so desperately. He’s never felt this fucking deranged over it.

“Fuck, please, please, please,” you cry, meeting his fingers on every thrust, trying to take more than he can give with them.

“What? What can I do?”

Hiragi raises to his knees, keeping pace with his fingers and planting his other hand by your head so he can lean over you.

So gorgeous like this—face splotchy, eyelashes wet with unshed tears, lips dark and swollen from the way you’ve been biting them. He has to fight not to kiss you, especially when you’re gazing up at him like this. Wanton. Hungry.

“What do you want?” he breathes. He’s too close to you, face just barely hovering over yours, and he’s sure you can see the lusty fog in his eyes, but you’ve got it too.

You whisper something, and he can feel the ghost of his own name against his lips, but not as clearly as he feels the words “fuck me” that fall from your mouth before you kiss him.

It’s harsh and desperate, teeth and tongues and heavy breathing before he breaks away to unbuckle his belt and free his aching cock.

“Don’t have a condom,” he says before reattaching himself to you, sucking on your bottom lip as he rubs himself over your messy pussy.

“Birth control, remember?” you pant. “S’why we’re here to begin wi—”

Hiragi pushes inside of you with a deep groan, one smooth thrust until he’s bottomed out and you’re clawing at his shirt. Your eyes are rolled back again, mouth barely moving against his like you’re in a daze.

“Feel full now, baby?”

You nod, and Hiragi gives you one more gentle kiss before he starts an even rhythm, his thick cock gliding in and out of you with ease. When his thumb finds your clit again, you moan his name like a plea, over and over again as your body starts to tighten up.

“Ragi, fuck, oh my god…”

Looking down, Hiragi watches your cunt swallow him, coating him in shiny red as a ring of thick white forms at the base of his cock. You’re a fucking mess, creaming all over him as he pushes blood and squirt out of your pussy.

“You gonna cum for me?” he grunts, feeling his balls tighten as his own orgasm builds. “Come on, baby, lemme see how good you feel.”

“So good,” you gasp, “s-so—oh, fuck…”

Your back arches off the bed just before you clamp down around Hiragi. Even if he didn’t want to cum, he wouldn’t be able to stop it, not with the way you milk it out of him—walls so soft and wet as they squeeze him, suck him even deeper as he empties his balls and paints your insides with hot cum.

All he wants to do is collapse on top of you, but he has enough sense to pull out first, causing both of you to hiss, then lets himself fall to the side.

It’s silent for a while, heavy breathing and voices from the TV filtering into your bedroom. Hiragi has the horrifying thought that nothing will ever be the same between the two of you after that.

That was as raw as it fucking gets. That was blood and guts and cum. So much cum.

Then, he feels you grab his hand and squeeze.

“Feel any better?” he asks, voice nothing but gravel.

“I feel a lotta things,” you hum. “Better is one of them.”

“That’s good, yeah?”

“Yeah… but I’m also sad,” you admit with a pout, and Hiragi rolls onto his side to look at you.

“There’s nothin’ to be sad about. You know we’re still good, right? We’re still—”

“It’s not that,” you sigh.

“Then what is it?”

You roll to face him, eyes still a little hazy from your orgasm but all big and shimmering when you look at him.

“Hiragator’s gonna get so lonely now that I have you to fuck the cramps outta me.”

“Oh my fucking god!”

You dissolve into a fit of giggles, hiding your face in your hands as Hiragi throws a leg over you and pulls you into his chest.

You are the worst—the absolute worst, and he loves everything about you, from the mess between your legs to the curve of your smile against his collarbone. Hiragi loves it all.

[inexplicablymine]

GET RECC’D - TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY

welcome to “get recc’d” my themed fic reccomendation lists if you follow me on Twitter, you might recognize that I do threads and fic recs quite often ~ thought I would bring it over here as well for some more fun.

Themed lists: Get Recc’d

Daily Rec’s/Weekly Rec’s: The Fandom Feasts

NOW THAT THE BOOKKEEPING IS OUT OF THE WAY

Happy Trans Day of Visibility!

Today I thought it would be pertinent to highlight some wonderful Trans!Firstprince fics, now this is a non exhaustive list as there are 154 fics tagged / mention “trans” in their stories (finished and in the English language) you can click through those here.

BUTTT WITHOUT FURTHER ADO SOME DRUMROLLS PLEASE (and in no particular order)

Longer Than Most by @happiness-of-the-pursuit (26K/E)

Seahorse Dad Henry and accidental Baby Daddy Alex, this work is handled with so much care and is the kind of soft emotional happy feelings that you just want to roll around in

You love me! You love me? by anarchyat4am (28K/T)

Trans!Alex College AU where Henry and Alex end up at UT Austin together and become accidental roommates, when I tell you this fic is one I come back to repeatedly? Yes this is so soft it made me cry in a good way the first three times I read it (back to back of course)

Anything You Want by somuchworse (5.7K/E)

This is where things pick up into steamy territory, transmasc Henry has never had the big O and Alex helps him see the light. The kind of care and conversation and delicacy in which the discussions are had on top of the steamy hot conclusion make this one a repeat offender on the reread list

say you'll see me again (even if it's just in your wildest dreams) by @coffeecatsme (21K/T)

The softest shmoopiest 5+1 of Henry coming to terms with who he is and Alex falling in love with him the entire way through

the reason comes on the common tongue of you loving me by ncfariouvs (3K/E)

Henry brings back so many people to the apartment but according to him he never gets off, Alex is there to help, a trans!Henry roommates, friends to lovers speedrun that is delicious

T4T First Prince by @cactusdragon517 (10K/E+G)

THIS SERIES my lord go run skip jump dance on over to it and then just stay a while because man is this one of those series that makes you smile through the happy tears of how soft and happy and joyful it is. T4T Henry helping Alex post top surgery and falling in love + bonus second fic of them IN LOVE LATER IN LIFE

snapshots of you and me by @thedramasummer (7K/E)

Post Top Surgery Trans!Henry hires a Boudoir Photographer (shocking news it’s ACD) to do some self affirming photos, and this is such an affirming gorgeous glorious story of that process experience and of course the steamy happy ending

seahorse dad Alex by @jackzimmermemes (3.5K/G+E)

Another Seahorse Dad series! This time with Trans!Alex, take a look at these little slice of life stories of firstprince as they navigate their lives and parenthood and feel full to the brim with joy

long live (the walls we crashed through) by breakmytears (2.5K/G)

Alex and Henry’s son comes out to them as trans and let me tell you if you thought the tears were flowing before there is NOTHING on this fic for the soft unwavering support that is threaded throughout

I Wanna Swim Between Your Thighs by Alex20 (2.4K/E)

Teacher!Alex with a tremendous crush on single!dad Henry (also trans!Henry) and this is the delightful fun filled story of their coming together (in more ways than one)

If I missed an author tag here for their tumblr I tried to find them all but please let me know and I’ll add them in directly!

And with that I bid you good reading! Until next time I hope these recommendations recc’d you in the worst possible way, please support these authors when reading their works by giving kudos and comments! It helps vocalize support and show that readers love what they are doing!

[barrenclan]

I LITERALLY JUST GOT MY LUNCH??? OK LET’S GO

ughhh the cover for this one.. rain looking so comfortable.. i’m so normal

U CAN’T START THE ISSUE WITH A FLASHBACK LIKE RHIS AAAAA

WDYM??? I THLUGJT THEY WERE GRIENDS???? OH WAIT DOES JE WANT SLUG TO DEFIANCE. OH FUCK OH NO THE SAD

RANGER FUCK OFF

omg… omg.. the realization

FUCK OMG SLUGGY

REDPELT GET HIM!!!

RANGER GO AWAY

MININONO NOT DAFFY NO

GET HIM SLUGPELT!!

“you can love someone and still hate them. you can love someone and still hurt them” hits so fucking hard for me. maybe now i’m projecting and reading into things alot because i’ve always projected/felt personal about daffodil and then always seen a bit of my own mother in slugpelt… but fuck. fuck fuck fuck. this hits good, raz, ur doing good. hopefully i’m not going off break in tears lmao

GET HIMMMMM!!!! god i’ve. dealt with people like rainhaze. also victims and deserve sympathy, but still repeat the cycle, ignore the hurt, claim people just not understanding- god. god fuck. issue good

did slugpelt top surgery rainhaze

OH GOD!!!!!! YEAH OH MY GOD. i love how finally the own ideology that he basically invented fell through. he could stare at other people dying, and just say they’re sleeping. you can hurt other people, and say it’s not your fault. but when it all comes crashing down…. that’s the good shit

i’m so… yeah. i’ve already spoke a little on it but this issue will probably go down as the most haunting issue to me. not because i’m sad that rainhaze died, i think it’s deserved and it played out so cool, but god.. just how much of my own situations i can see in it. obviously not to the T, but.. god. i love you slugpelt. never let anyone lay a hand on your children, girl. protect them and they’ll love you for life.

i’m talking as if slugpelt is real this is how u know i’m getting goofy. goodbye now

I'm still so happy with the reception Issue 37 got, I was a little worried about what people would think about the ending of such a popular character. I'm glad it could touch you and others so deeply! :] It means a lot to me.

[the-delta-quadrant]

robyn holdaway (the person who played layla in sex education) made a tiktok about how most of the transantagonistic hate comments they get are calling them a girl to infantilise them, only rarely and in specific circumstances do they call them a woman to frame them as a groomer. they talked about how trans men & afab nonbinary people tend to be infantilised.

then i realised that this never actually happened to me.

like, i've seen this happen to specific people time and time again. i've seen enough general statements about "poor girls destroying their lives" and needing to be saved. i've seen it so much that i've internalised it. after all, i'm the thing they're talking about.

but looking back on my 7 years of being out, i don't really remember ever getting infantilised like that. pretty much all i ever got was comments calling me a groomer.

and i think it's in large (hehe) part because i'm fat.

it's way harder for them to infantilise someone who is physically big, possibly bigger than them. also the way fatness is often hypergendered, people tend to automatically assign a certain level of inherent masculinity to me. UwU smol enby or even UwU softboi isn't something that is afforded to fat people, and to other groups too.

a lot of whether you fall into the "child" or "groomer" category seems to just come down to appearance. people who have taken testosterone and are at the point where they are seen as men don't tend to get infantilised. they get framed as dangerous groomers. i've seen more than enough trans men, transmascs & nonbinary people talk about this.

and apparently this can also happen if you haven't medically transitioned and just happen to be fat, because we are also stereotyped as creepy and dangerous. it wouldn't surprise me if this happened to a lot of PoC too, as they're stereotyped as dangerous too, but i can't personally speak to that experience.

all it took is to be fat for me to just skip "child" and level up straight to "groomer".

looking back even further, i was never infantilised for gender transgression, even when i was thinner. even when i thought i was cis or wasn't as openly nonbinary, people would frame me as dangerous. people at my school would call me a common german slur that basically translates to "fighting lesbian".

and if you wanna go all the way back, even as a child when i was pretty gender conforming i was never treated like a child either due to many traumatic experiences. also apparently when you're a very tall child people just ignore your age or something.

but yeah. the whole "trans men and afab nonbinary people only ever get infantilised" isn't actually true for a lot of us.

they infantilise people that they perceive as any kind of feminine. they grab onto that "femininity" and try to "save" them. they think if there's even a slither of femininity left in someone, they're not lost to the "trans cult" yet. this is why they love going after people who had top surgery but aren't on T.

but many of us are perceived as inherently masculine, as the people doing the grooming rather than the kids being groomed, as the worst traitors of womanhood.

antitransmasculinity hits different when you're not thin.

[gabessquishytum]

t4t that is also idiot4idiot.

Hob and Dream are both trans men, and they both OBVIOUSLY like each other, but they also both have anxiety about coming out to the other. And that anxiety translates into both of them completely missing obvious hints about the other.

Like, one of them finds pads or tampons at their house and is like "well he has lots of female friends, obviously he's just considerate". One of them sees the other has a "protect trans kids" patch and just "well he's an ally, obviously he's just a good person (that doesn't mean he'll want to date a trans person though)".

The kicker is that when they met, they BOTH had the same "haha, interesting name you got there" reaction and ALSO both were like "oh yeah I chose it myself haha" and STILL NEVER CONNECTED THE DOTS.

Anyway I have no idea who finally figures it out/ comes out first or how it happens, I just know they have a solid minute of doing the spiderman pointing meme. And then they fuck.

Oh I LOVE these idiots. I really really do.

So like. Hob is a very masculine looking person, you know? He's got the beard, the chest hair, he's had some gender affirming surgeries. Yeah, he's a got a little trans flag pin on his messenger bag and yes, Dream has heard him talking about "T" before... but Hob loves tea! That could mean anything! It doesn't mean he's trans, and Dream certainly isn't going to ask. His worst nightmares involve Hob rejecting him or being offended by him, so Dream keeps quiet. He doesn't want to rock the boat.

And... Dream is, pun fully intended, a transmasc dream. He's tall, graceful and muscular in a sort of understated way. Hob is absolutely entirely secure and in love with his own body but there's still a tiny bit of him that looks at Dream and screams GENDER ENVY. He's the most gorgeous man in the world, probably. And listen, just because he pulled his hoodie off and accidentally pulled his t-shirt up too, and Hob thought he maybe saw top surgery scars, doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of reasons for him to have scars there, right?

They're both idiots in love.

It all comes to a head when Hob gets injured in a stupid accident. He ends up somewhat bedbound, and Dream volunteers to help out (he'd do anything for love). The absolute horror of having his crush take him to the bathroom makes Hob wants to cry a bit, and he ends up just blurting out "I don't have a penis" when Dream tries to help him use the toilet. Dream just kind of stares at him for a second and then calmly says... "me neither."

They don't talk about it for a bit.

Dream helps Hob pee and get back into bed, and he's about to head out when Hob kind of whimpers and reaches out for him. So of course Dream crawls into bed beside him and cuddles him in silence for a bit.

And then they both start giggling.

They exchange transition stories. And then they exchange kisses. And eventually they exchange very gentle orgasms. And in between they cant stop laughing about how stupid they both are, and how in love they feel.

(Hob is so mad that he has to wait until he's better before he can get his favourite strap out and use it on Dream. The good news is, Dream has one he can (tenderly) use on Hob in the meantime 😇)

[and-the-flame-burns]

i crave doe sugar and I cannot wait any longer or else Imm going to fucking implode like a pufferfish on steroids

so have some headcannons

every time I hear “midwest gothic” as in reference to the cryptid rule writing of the midwest, I always think of a goth Indiana and/or Illinois. I also headcannon theme as siblings for some reason. So, goth siblings

New York always gives “oversized puffy coat with a scarf that covers his mouth” with that pose where his torso is back and his hands are in his pocket. He feels…. So dramatic. Like he either gives “60 year old man” or “dramatic teenager with spiked makeup” and it’s one or the other.

California gives “lanky bitch” and he’s always a lanky motherfucker with a sleeper build and angel bites. He has top surgery and never wears shirts because he’s “getting his moneys worth” but in reality he just thinks he looks really aesthetically attractive. Btw If you ever become friends with this man he’s going to be the craziest bitch on the block with the exception of Florida and Nevada

Florida has floor length hair or a complete buzzcut that has too many colors in it.

Tank. Tops. Everyday. All day. Florida would rather DIE than wear a regular shirt. He will PERISH before wearing a regular t-shirt. He also bites. In what world does he not bite to some extent

Alaska, I adore him, but he gives shapeshifter abilities and he never appears fully human. If he ever appears somewhat human that man looks bone skinny and like that tall cryptid you’d encounter on a late night walk. I refuse to believe Alaska is anything but a cryptid who’s limbs tint to vanta black. Nobody knows anything about him besides a select 3 and those three are his Auntie, Hawai’i, and Maine

Alaska is pure Cryptid Behavior to me and sometimes he’ll do a little glowy glow in the middle of the night to give some states an unintentional spook. Little guy (he’s on average over 8 ft) is just saying hello

to me, Hawai’i gives “some type of water entity being” and I like the idea of her having a shark tail and generally being a water entity. I think marine animals are cool! Hawai’i is a marine biologist, marine things! She can hang out with the marine things for as long as she wants because she’s partially a some marine animals. We got the gills and lungs so she can breath on both land and in the water and you got the fins and the tail for easy water movements and then the legs for easy land movement

marine lady! You cannot grab this idea from my cold dead hands

ok so Texas now because I’m having a partial fixation on him. He gives “Cowboy Reptile” for some reason. He reminds me of Rango so he gets to have a reptile tail and scales all along his back.

the thought of him having a bit of the “lizard who shoots blood out of it’s eyes” in him is both funny and terrifying. Imagine a lizard man shooting blood out of his eyes. Also that is a very real lizard and it’s called the Horned Lizard

poncho wearing lizard man that rides a horse around and kinda looks like the Local Legend is basically my concept for him

last one, I think

i love the whole “New Jersey being a devil” thing. I adore the concept and him have the wings. Ok so bat wings are basically just hands. All those long little bones are fingers in the wing.

also if he needs to fly, he’d need stability, so a tail and webbing would be required. Also them wings need to be GIGANTIC- if I have the math right, it’s the person’s height x 1.5 = the span of one wing. I headcannon New Jersey to be about 5’0 so one wing would be about 7.5 ft for a total wingspan of 15 feet :D

hahahahah logic stuff and the maths

anyways I got my sugars now to ✨bye✨

[impactrueno]

Didn't know you were trans! That's amazing!? How are you liking HRT? I'm in my 30s too, and have been debating getting HRT, as well, but hesitate because of my age

i started on june of last year and i'm gonna be honest...it was kind of hellish but it's paying off so i'm pretty happy about that :^)

i say hellish because during that time i had to deal with what was basically puberty and menopause at the same time. my period stopped (*stadium-level cheer*) but i had to deal with greasy hair, oily face, acne everywhere, hot flashes, horniness, irritability, mood swings, smelling different, sweating, etc. but fortunately, i'm past that stage now thank god. my body temperature is still a little too hot most of the time so i miss wearing hoodies lol. but the good changes are there too, and every day i feel a little better when looking in the mirror. all i need now is top surgery and i'm set (if i ever get enough money for it, that's a whole 'nother deal)

i wish i had started earlier though. i've been identifying as male since i was 19 or so, but could never start my transition due to irl complications. i held back on socializing until i could present the way i wanted to, but....that just ended up in me kinda becoming a hermit lol :( also living in venezuela has limited me for so many things (we're one of the handful of countries in the americas that still don't have lgbt laws so i can't even legally change my name yet :/ much less my gender on my ID) but hey, better late than never! i'm just glad i have access to it now despite still living here. i'll figure out the rest as i go.

as for your age, it shouldn't be an issue at all. health wise i mean (T made me start watching my cholesterol, i never had problems with that before.) what matters is if you're ready and comfortable with it. there's way older people than us that are starting their transition now. i get that it can be a difficult adjustment socially speaking; people might treat you differently, and you need to know how to deal with that. i wish i had more advice on that front but i think i got way lucky, because everyone in my life supports and respects my identity...with a few bumps along the road of course but even with that, i still feel insanely fortunate. i can only hope it will be the same for you and everyone wanting to transition.

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Mmmm, happy Detrans December everyone! I am so excited I won the latest tag war, sorry Kara, better luck next year.... Or maybe you can join in with me and we can have ourselves another healthy competition? Just dm me if that sounds like fun, or do you just wanna jerk it to me going through male puberty and losing my gorgeous boobies? Either way....

Ever since I first found this tag I was so turned on by the idea. I started transitioning in like the sixth grade and I'm 20 now, so I've had no shortage of people try and detrans me already. Every single time it makes me rock hard. Always a new doctor, or boss, or some coworker that finds out. They start exclusively calling me by male pronouns and tell me how great I'd look if I detransitioned, that I'm already mostly a guy anyway, that I don't pass very well, and they always say me 'moobs' look ridiculous and I have to feel really embarrassed going out looking like this.....

I know it's just people being bigoted creeps, but every time it happens it turns me on so much. I have to run home and jerk off. You wanna know a secret? One of these pervy transphobes was a doctor I had a couple years back who put me on penile growth meds, despite me being on estrogen and progestrone. He said growing a 'fat cock' will make me realize I'm supposed to be male. I..... can't say he was wrong. He kept me on it for six months, and I had to find a new doctor when he outright prescribed me T, but I did fill my first script and have it waiting and ready to go. ❤️ I never post bikini pics or anything tight because my cock is already about a foot long and really thick. My balls are the size of plums! They make it kind of hard to sit sometimes. I bet if I went off my estrogen for just a day my body would be totally flooded with T from these things. Unsurprisingly I jerk off a lot, like a regular guy, I love having such a big fat cock. How could I ever pretend I'm a girl? I'm so silly......

So, as soon as I discovered Detrans December I looked up all the vids and whatnot and got totally addicted to all the pretty girls shooting up T and losing their girly bodies.... So the second I started getting tagged, you legit could not pull me away from my computer, I was scrolling through your tags and comments for hours a day, jerking off like a good boy.... Mmmm, I'm going to love finally taking T, although I love getting fucked too much to say I'll wind up as one of these straight gym dudes you see trans girls turn into.... Hey, Kara, you only live a couple hours away. What if we both became femboys.... dressed all girly, you have a big cock you were forced to grow, to.... I want our cocks so big they're impractical for fucking, they'll be way too fat.... They'll be perfect for our fans and random guys we meet at the club to abuse and smack around, same with our oversized testicles.... Won't that be so much fun? A couple of flat chested boys finally going through male puberty, hung like horses, just begging for our guy parts to be mistreated. I think we'd have loads of fun together, don't you? Oooo, we can even get top surgery together! I can't wait to lose these silly, fat boobs, and I know you can't wait to lose those ridiculous looking JJ-Cup boobs of yours..... I bet you're jerking off watching me say all this, aren't you? Good boy, now cum. ❤️"

[capegloam]

I used to be a close transmasc friend of yours but you have genuinely made me (and others) sick with your fake top surgery tattoos. It's disrespectful, it makes fun of and trivialises a symbol of progress/pride that relates nothing to you. Binding is damaging and painful, you have no idea the pain actually transmasc people go through daily, hourly, by the minute or second to bind. You have no idea the pain of personally growing up transmasc. It's layered and it's complicated and it is Not yours. It will never be yours. You are appropriating our pain. Its disgusting. You are going to lose many friends and make many enemies for this. Hope you have fun faking being transmasc, I see half of Twitter already believes you. I don't want drama with you, or want you to publicly share this or talk to me. I'm just sharing this with you because it has made me sick to my stomach ever since I saw it. And this is an action you need to seriously rethink. You need to publicly come clean on those posts that you are not transmasc. I can tell you've worded it so it's hard for people to tell. You are lucky I haven't publicly made a statement.

woke up today to all of these anons. unsure if they are all the same person but I'm going to treat them as such.

the fact of the matter is, my gender identity is more complicated than "i want to be transmasc". twitter is a horrible place to explain myself because of the character limit, and because i don't like justifying myself to people i don't know. Seeing as i've now been kicked/banned from a specific discord server i used to be in, i know exactly who this is, and i finally feel comfortable explaining myself fully. i know you, i care for you, and we're here on tumblr where i can actually sit down and write a proper essay. Thank you.

i'll break down my responses specifically to what you said, because I want this to be a good conversation.

(under the cut because its long, lol)

"it's disrespectful, it makes fun of and trivializes a symbol of progress/pride that relates nothing to you" — I derive no comedy from the tattoo. I didn't decide I wanted it lightly. saying that it "makes fun of" that symbol is categorically a misinterpretation of my earnest & sincere intent. I wear my heart on my sleeve, always.

saying that my experience "relates nothing" to the transmasc experience is a true statement. I started with a body I should've been comfortable in. The truth is—I was not—I am not comfortable with my body. I don't want a binary body. But my transition experience? was not anything like the transmasc one. I grew out my hair. I bought skirts and dresses. I began collecting earrings, all of them gifts from friends who love me. But when I approached HRT, I realized I wasn't happy with being a woman. I didn't want to get closer to a newer, different binary body. I wanted to be both, trans man and trans woman, simultaneously. I am bigender and nonbinary. to boil me down to "just wants to be transmasc" completely ignores the other half of me that wants breasts, that wants a feminine chest. my next step with my transition is, honestly, purchasing a breast form.

the issue now becomes, why get the tattoo if thats how i feel? if I still want a chest in some form or another?

because, I don't want my bare chest to be a source of dysphoria for that part of me. Remember, at the same time that I want breasts, i also don't want them. at the same time that I want long hair, i want short hair. at the same time I want masculine clothes, i want skirts. I am all of these things and MY PAIN is not being able to be everything combined all at once. It is, frankly, an impossible transition goal.

The scars take my natural chest and they turn it into something new that acknowledges my hypocrisy, that its not just the body of a man, that there is room for more, here. Just because it looks flat doesn't mean thats all it could be, or thats all it was. I want that symbol of transformation because I wish I got to transform. What is more "trans" than wanting to transform?

I will never be transmasc. That just doesn't properly describe my experiences, and it doesn't even fit my feelings about myself. But, at the end of the day, top scars don't belong just to transmasc people, they belong to nonbinary people too. AFAB people who don't seek being gendered one way or the other get top surgery, too. That's the group I feel closest aligned with, (except I want to be gendered both ways, simultaneously, rather than not being gendered at all).

ANYWAYS. thats the deep and thorough explanation of my gender i've been holding back from sharing on twitter. I don't even want to begin to imagine how many tweets long that thread would be LMAO.

back to breaking down your responses, sorry for the tangent. I felt that it was pertinent to illustrate how this tattoo is still a symbol of progress and pride to me, and how I relate to it through my experiences, so you can understand me. I still care about you. you will always be a friend in my mind, so you deserve it.

"Binding is damaging and painful, you have no idea the pain transmasc people go through" — I am well aware of the side effects of binding. They are the reason I didn't pursue HRT to obtain a chest, with binding as a solution for me still wanting a flat chest simultaneously.

That being said, I am living with the consequences of binding. My partner cannot breathe normally, and I constantly feel concern for his wellbeing whenever we need to do something physical (move furniture, walk uphill, etc.) BECAUSE of his history of binding. I know the damage it does.

"You have no idea the pain of growing up transmasc. It is not yours, it will never be yours" — this is true, though I could similarly say that you have no idea the pain of my strange feelings either. Just because we don't experience each other's exact pain doesn't stop us from feeling empathy for each other, for wanting better for each other.

The difference between us is—when I see someone in pain, i want them to do whatever they need to do to relieve that pain. when YOU see someone in pain—with MY pain, my strange pain that you don't understand (that you THINK you understand, but you don't)—your instinct is to use YOUR pain as a justification for hurting others. The fact that you're hurting is an awful one, and I am sorry I can't help you relieve it. But when you see another person happy because they've found a way to relieve some of THEIR OWN pain, it makes you angry. It doesn't make you happy that I found a way to transform my painful, dysphoric relationship with my body into a euphoric one.

as a community, we should rejoice and be happy when other trans people successfully make steps towards defeating their personal struggles with their body. We should be empathetic to each other's experiences. I understand your anger, but its not justified.

"You are going to lose many friends and make many enemies for this" — so far the only friend I've lost is you. all of my irl friends have been supportive, my partners are supportive, my online friends are supportive. Do all of them understand my complicated gender identity? No. I think maybe a lot of them think its a little stupid, honestly. But they're still happy for me. I'm very lucky to have friends who love me. I love them a lot, too, and they know it.

The enemies I've made from this don't know me, and I don't know them. They're not worth my time. You're different—YOU, anon, are worth my time. I know you. I care for you. Long after you have buried me in the ground for being a horrible person (in your eyes), i will still be thinking positively of you. I will still be rooting for you. That will never change.

"I don't want... you to publicly share this" — I'm sorry but you can't control what I do. If you wanted this to be private we should've had a private conversation about it. I was waiting for you to DM me and you never did. I wanted to have this conversation, and this is the place we have to do it, now that you've sent me these anons.

"I can tell you've worded it so its [hard to tell that you're not transmasc]" — This is true. I don't feel like spending 2 hours typing heartfelt responses to people I don't know on x dot com. (Thats how long its been, btw. I've been writing this for 2 hours now. Hopefully that stands for something—to help you understand how much I believe you deserve this explanation. I believe you deserve a lot more than what i've given you.)

I did not obscure my AGAB on purpose. I just think it doesn't matter and is not important enough to disclose. I'm nonbinary and I want a nonbinary body. That should be the end of the story, as far as the greater trans community should be concerned.

"You need to publicly come clean that you aren't transmasc"

quite frankly, its a little uncomfortable for you to assert that I should have to "come clean" about my AGAB. An interest in the genitals of trans people is something transphobes are particularly keen on. I think you should consider the parallels between your arguments and theirs. You still have some internalized transphobia to unpack.

I was there once too. I've already forgiven you.

Anon 2

I feel like I've already addressed your arguments here. I don't care what people who don't know me have to say about me. They don't know me.

You should consider your status as a popular furry artist, anon. Its not unreasonable to assume that people agreed with you purely because of your following. I've received supportive messages from several people I met in your discord server about my tattoo, so I can assure you that not everyone in your circle feels the same way you do.

Anon 3

I'm not lying about being transgender. Nonbinary is a transgender identity. Your interest in my AGAB, asserting that I need to come clean about it, is a transphobic assertion. Attacking a nonbinary person because you feel that they aren't being trans the right way is textbook nonbinaryphobia.

Anon 4 — "My binder made me sick today, i couldn't eat i felt faint and ill" — i'm genuinely sorry to hear that. No one deserves to have to endure that kind of pain for so long. You deserve better. You deserve to look at your body and feel happy. Everyone does.

"I felt sick remembering what you did. That you don't take transmasc pain seriously, or respect us" — I do take your pain seriously, and I respect you as a person. This long thoughtful post is evidence of that.

I understand the disgust you feel at the thought that someone would want to feel the pain you feel. But thats never what I wanted. Thats what you believe I wanted.

The truth is I have my own pain too. my own, personal, complex pain, which i've attempted to explain above. I shouldn't have to be burdened with explaining it to everyone who asks. I don't owe them my soul. I owe my soul to my friends and my partners, and I give it freely when asked by them. You asked. on tumblr dot com, my friend.

If thats not respect, then I don't know what is. Respect is a willingness to meet another person where they're at. I know that when you're hurting its hard to see the hurt you're inflicting onto others. Please trust me when I say I've been there, too. I've hurt. I've hurt others because my pain said that it was justified. I'm healing from it, from the guilt and the shame. I'm finally stopping the cycle of pain and self-hatred within myself. I hope you can get here with me someday, too.

I meant it when I said you'll always be a friend to me. I hope you take my words to heart.

have a nice day, thanks for reading 💛

[mugloversonly]

I Don’t Need to be Fixed

This is for week two of @steddiesmuttyseptember Prompts: soft and slow | bruise | Rating: E | CW: rape/non con (not between main pair), use of the T slur, misgendering, misgendering of self, mentions of corrective sex. | All tags on AO3 there is a scene of the non con that can be skipped. It will be marked by !!!!! You can pick the story back up at the second !!!!!

AO3 link

Eddie’s been acting strange for the past few weeks. One Sunday when he came home from work, he seemed off. He usually slammed the door open when he came in to alert Steve to his presence, but recently he creaked it open slowly, sliding in, and into the bathroom. He took a shower like normal, but instead of coming out naked to flash Steve (something he’s done since his top surgery), he wrapped the towel around himself tightly under his arms and practically sprinted to the bedroom. When he came out, he was wearing a big hoodie with the hood pulled up and a pair of Steve’s baggy sweatpants.

Today it’s been nearly six weeks and he’s still acting strange, repeating that same behavior after every shift. Even on his days off, he was still wrapped up, and when Steve made a move he flinched back hard. When he asked, Eddie always said he was fine just tired. He was trying not to spiral, but it was like his boyfriend was hiding from him, what could it mean? Was it the upside down? Was he cheating? Steve shook his head, he knew Eddie would say if it was the upside down and he wouldn’t cheat.

“Babe? You doing okay?” Steve asked as Eddie got ready to leave for work.

He nodded once before he left throwing a quick, “bye, love you” over his shoulder. That couldn’t be good.

About an hour later, the phone rang but before Steve could answer it it went to voicemail. “This message is for Eddie Munson. This is the free health clinic, we have his test results in.” The message went on, but Steve didn’t hear anything else.

~~~

Eddie sighed as the current patron he was serving finally moved from the bar. He could feel his energy draining. He loved this job, he did, but he’d be lying if he said it was perfect. Things were wonderful until a few weeks ago.

As he was ruminating on it, the problem customer in his thoughts walked up. “Hey there, beautiful.” Eddie stepped back and without saying a word went over to the other bartender of the night.

“Jeff, can you take this one?” Eddie said pleadingly. He never asked Jeff to take his customers unless something was really wrong.

“I’ll be right with you sir.” Jeff called to the man whose eyes were trained on Eddie.

“Did I make you feel better girlie?” the man asked. Eddie swallowed his fear, turning away with disgust. Jeff’s eyes were huge as he looked at Eddie.

“I’m going to get the bouncer.” He quickly ducked out from behind the bar and practically sprinted to the bouncer.

“Hey Bear? That guy I told you about, he’s talking to Jeff.” Bear didn’t need him to say anything else, he simply walked behind the man and started dragging him out.

“Hey! I’m a paying customer!” The man screamed.

“Not anymore. Now you’re banned.” Bear said calmly.

“Because of that fucking Tranny?!” Bear stopped suddenly. He grabbed the man by the shoulders and threw him to the ground.

“Apologize. Now, or you walk out of here with a broken nose.” The man sneered and spit towards Eddie. “Okay.” Bear said before flipping the man onto his stomach. He slammed his face into the bar floor twice. He went to do it a third time when Eddie spoke up.

“That’s enough Bear. I just want him gone.” The bouncer stood the man up and frog marched him out all the while telling him he’d put up his picture to get him banned permanently.

Eddie took a deep breath and turned back to the bar. Chrissy the manager stopped him, “that was intense. Do you want to go home?” Eddie glanced around at the patrons and everyone was staring. He nodded, as he walked into the back to get his things. Chrissy promised he’d still get paid for the night and the police would be contacted. She took over the bar so Jeff could drive Eddie home since he walked and they didn’t know if the guy was hanging around.

Back at home, he sat in Jeff’s car outside the small house he and Steve shared. He stepped out and waved at Jeff once he got inside. He really needed to talk to Steve about what happened, but he was scared this would be it. His fears were nearly confirmed when he entered the house quietly to find Steve sitting on the couch with a bag packed. “Stevie?” He whispered.

“You got a message Eds.” He replied monotone. Eddie walked to the tape machine, hitting play with confusion.

“This message is for Eddie Munson. This is the free health clinic, we have his test results in. They have all came back negative, have a nice day.” The tape beeped. Eddie sunk to his knees, tears of relief streaming down his face. He moved until he was sitting with his knees against his chest and his arms were wrapped around them.

“Thank god.” He whispered over and over as he rocked back and forth. Steve’s voice cut through his small breakdown.

“When were you going to tell me?” His whispered. Eddie wiped his eyes, Steve’s tone confused him.

“Do you listen to my message?” Eddie asked angrily.

“Not on purpose. When were you going to tell me?” Steve repeated.

“When I got the results back.” He replied quietly. Steve stood and stalked over to him.

“Get up,” he snarled. Eddie just looked at him so Steve reached down and yanked him to his feet by his arm. “I said get up!”

“Ouch! You’re hurting me.” Eddie said yanking his arm out of the hold.

“Were you going to tell me if they were positive so I could get checked too?” Steve asked. Eddie shook his head.

“You wouldn’t have needed to, I’ve been keeping my distance, just in case.” Eddie said quietly. He isn’t sure how Steve figured it out, but he was even more unsure of his anger.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me and shying away when I try to touch you?” Eddie nodded, the fear was clear in his eyes but Steve didn’t care right now. “I’m going to Robin’s” Steve huffed as he pushed Eddie away. Eddie felt himself crumble.

“You won’t even listen?” He cried. Steve stomped to the couch.

“I don’t want all the gory details no.” He said, his full mean girl coming out.

“Am I disgusting to you now?” He whispered, hugging himself.

“Kinda” Steve grabbed his bag and went to the front door. Eddie couldn’t take this. Why did Steve get to be angry about this when all Eddie felt was pain? Why was he angry at Eddie? Maybe it really was Eddie’s fault? He collapsed to the floor.

“Just a dumb Tranny, who got what he deserved right?” He sobbed out. Steve opened the door, but paused at that. “Something to fix him. But now, he’s damaged goods. Even the man who promised to love him no matter what hates him. But don’t worry, she’s fixed now.” Steve turned around to see Eddie staring at him, his eyes were blank, empty, and cold, even as the tears continued. “Back to her old self.”

“Eddie, what happened?” Steve asked softly, his blood frozen in his veins. “Why are you talking about yourself like that?”

“Don’t worry, Steve. I wouldn’t want to make you listen to the gory details. Have fun at Robin’s. I’ll be gone by morning” Eddie stood and sprinted to the bathroom, locking himself inside. Once there he climbed into the tub and turned on the freezing water, fully dressed. Once he was chilled all the way, he turned the water to scalding. He’d been doing this after work for the past few weeks to try to shock his system back to normal, it hasn’t really been working, but he didn’t know what else to do. The hot water burned his freezing skin but it gives him something to focus on, it’s then that there is a knock on the bathroom door.

“Eddie?” Steve called. Eddie rolled his eyes. After all the shit he just said, he has the gall to sound so concerned?

“Fuck off!” He shouted but Steve just knocked again.

“Please, baby. Let me in?” Eddie huffed, he could tell he wasn’t going to go away. He climbed out of the shower, not worrying about all the water he was getting all over the floor, and unlocked the door. He waited until he was safely back in the spray before giving the okay. The door opened slowly, cautiously, like Steve wasn’t sure what he’d see on the other side. Their eyes met and Eddie got the pleasure of watching Steve’s face frozen in shock as he took in the scene. “Can we get you out of the tub and into bed so we can talk?” Steve asked. Eddie hesitated before nodding. Steve grabbed a towel and turned off the water. He attempted to grab Eddie again but he flinched back hard enough to slam into the tile wall behind him. Steve raised his hand in surrender before handing the towel over and holding his hand out in offer.

Eddie looked at his hand as he wrapped the towel about himself, but he didn’t take it. Steve followed him into the room, sat on the bed, and stared expectantly at Eddie, who stood there in his wet clothes. “Can..can you uh turn around?” Eddie asked quietly. Steve’s heart broke but he did as he was asked. “Okay, you’re good.” He said a few minutes later. He’d pulled on his biggest hoodie and sweatpants that would hold him but also cloak his body, practically hiding it from view. He curled up on the bed as far away from Steve as he could, keeping his eyes on his knees to avoid Steve’s heartbroken face. The room was quiet for a long time before either of them spoke.

“I’m sorry I grabbed you like that earlier Eddie. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Steve broke the silence. Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Yes you did. You just thought you were hurting a cheater.” He mumbled the last part. The word cheater hung heavy. “You didn’t even let me explain. You just...decided that I wasn’t worth it.” Steve stared at Eddie. “You wanna know what happened Steve? You wanna know why the free clinic called?”

~~~

Steve looked at this broken man and felt a pang in his heart. He had huge bags under his eyes and his lips were still a little blue. Steve knew something had been going on, but now he was even more unsure about it. “If you want to share, Eddie.” Eddie scoffed. Steve could understand that, “I promise, I know you didn’t cheat, I won’t leave unless you want me to, tell me if you want, not because you think it’s the only way I’ll stay.” After what he just witnessed he’s willing to go on a little faith. After a brief moment of hesitation, Eddie finally spoke.

“I really was going to tell you once I got the results in.” Eddie promised. “You remember that guy at work a month and a half ago?” Eddie asked. Steve did remember, he was an older guy who made gross comments to the wait staff and hit on Eddie. He nodded. Eddie held out his hand for Steve to take, he did and Eddie continued. “He came back a week or so later.”

!!!!!

Eddie and Chrissy were working close that night. The bar was packed but the rude man from the week before stood out. He kept hitting on Eddie and Chrissy all night and he stayed until Bear kicked him out. When the two bartenders were ready, Bear offered to walk them to their cars. Since Eddie tended to walk to work, he let himself be escorted to the end of the block.

He didn’t live far, only a mile or two, but about half way there he felt like he was being watched. When he glanced over his shoulder he saw a few people milling around and assumed it was from them. He didn’t see the guy moving closer to him until it was too late. When he turned the corner, the guy pushed him into the alley and forced his chest into the bricks.

“Hey what the fuck?” Eddie yelled but the man shoved something into his mouth. Eddie froze for a moment when he recognized the man from the club. They thought he left, but he must have been hiding somewhere.

Eddie tried to struggle but the man was stronger and held his wrists behind his back with one hand. With the other he wrapped around Eddie’s waist and undid the button of his jeans before shoving his hand inside. “So the rumors were true huh?” The man whispered in his ear, it sent a shiver of fear and disgust up Eddie’s spine.

Eddie screamed against the gag, thrashed his body, but the man ignored him. He removed his hand for a moment to yank Eddie’s head back and slam it into the wall making his vision fuzzy. The man yanked down Eddie’s pants and boxers to his knees, shoved his own down, and forced Eddie’s legs apart.

He did his best to fight back, but with the blow to the head and his restricted airflow from the gag, he wasn’t able to do much. The man shoved his dick inside Eddie’s pussy but growled angrily when he found he wasn’t wet. “My dick not good enough for you tranny?” He snarled. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head girlie, I’ll show you what it’s like to be with a real man and you’ll be all fixed.”

He shoved against Eddie again who began silently crying. The tears dripped steadily down his face and off his chin, the man scoffed and licked at them. “Don’t cry, I’m just healing you.” Eddie didn’t know what to do. He tried thrashing again but that only seemed to make the man harder. He did the only thing he could and just shut down. Emptied his mind, hid in the same place he used to when his dad would hurt him.

It was finally over when the man’s hips sped up slamming his own into the brick wall no doubt leaving bruises. He had the decency to pull out before cuming on the alley floor. He pat Eddie once on the shoulder. “You’ll be all better soon girlie.” He said before he pulled his pants back up and walked out of the alley. Eddie stayed frozen against the wall for a minute before spitting out the fabric in his mouth and fixing his clothing. His hands shook, he felt his body draining of any energy but he knew he needed to get home.

!!!!!

When Eddie finished speaking, his face was wet as tears had been steadily streaming down his face. Steve lifted his free hand and reached toward Eddie but paused until he nodded his permission. He gently wiped the tears from his boyfriend’s face but it wasn’t until Eddie did the same that he realized he was crying too.

“Baby,” Steve whispered. “I wish you told me.” Eddie’s eyes closed and he hung his head.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He was quiet, if Steve wasn’t sitting so close he wouldn’t have heard him. “I’m sorry I let it happen.” Steve leaned back to look into Eddie’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault, my love.” Steve whispered.

“Yes it is! I tried to fight but I couldn’t. If I wasn’t… I’m sorry, Steve.” Steve’s heart broke for his boyfriend. He opened his arms in offering, nearly falling off the bed when Eddie launched himself into him, apologies pouring out of him. Steve couldn’t take him feeling like this.

“Hey, it’s not your fault baby boy.” Steve swore. “You didn’t ask for it, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry I didn’t listen the first time.” He held tight to Eddie as his cries shook his body. “You’re not wrong, you don’t need to be fixed.”

Steve continued his reassurances as Eddie’s sobs quieted into soft sniffles. “You want to know the worst part of all of this?” Eddie asked wetly. Without waiting for Steve to respond he continued, “I feel like my body isn’t mine anymore.” Steve wanted to find that guy and punch his face in for hurting Eddie. He finally got to a point where he felt like himself, just for this guy to ruin it?

“What can I do? How can we make it feel like yours again?” Steve asked.

“I have an idea, it might seem a little out there” Eddie hesitated. “Can we...have sex?”

“Are you sure?” Steve asked.

“Yes.” Eddie confirmed. Steve nodded in thought for a moment.

“Okay, but if you start getting uncomfortable we stop, okay?” Eddie nodded.

~~~

“Can I ask? How will this help?” Steve asked as he stood.

Eddie stood too and took off his shirt. “This time it’s my choice. You know?” Steve agreed and went to take off his own shirt but Eddie stopped him. “Can I do it?” When Steve nodded, Eddie pulled him away from the bed and undressed him slowly.

He kissed his lips softly before unbuttoning both of their jeans and shoving them down. When they both stood naked in front of each other, he paused. “Can we use the strap tonight?” Eddie asked shyly. They normally switched but he didn’t feel ready to bottom right now. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready again.

“Of course, whatever you need.” Steve promised. While Eddie made his way to the closet to get his harness on, Steve climbed on the bed, grabbing the lube and a condom. Eddie slid his little bullet inside the harness and tucked the controller into the waist band, right next to the lube plunger.

“Oh, gonna cum in me tonight baby?” Steve asked when he saw which dildo Eddie was wearing. It was average sized, something they used when they weren’t in a full scene. Eddie smiled softly as Steve threw the condom back in the drawer. Eddie climbed onto the bed, leaned over, and kissed Steve chastely. It quickly deepened as he licked into the other man’s mouth, softly stroking Steve’s with his own. “God you’re so handsome.” Steve groaned.

Eddie blushed and slid his hand down Steve’s chest, rubbed and twisted his left nipple until he moaned, then did the same to the right. Without separating their lips, he gripped Steve’s cock softly, stroking it to full hardness. Steve kept his hands on the bed until Eddie took his wrists and put them on his hips.

“Touch me Stevie.” He whispered against his lips. Steve slid his hands up Eddie’s sides then around to his chest.

“Can I jerk you off?” He asked quietly. Eddie nodded and he didn’t waste a second slipping his thumb and forefinger into the harness to grasp his cock. He stroked up and down before pausing with his middle finger hovering over the man’s cunt. “Can I touch you there?” Eddie hesitated for a moment but eventually nodded. He slid his finger through the wetness seeping from him but when he went to insert his finger inside, Eddie locked up.

“Stop!” Eddie yelled. His hands and lips stopped, and Steve pulled his hand back.

“Sorry.” Eddie whispered as his body shook. “I don’t know why I can’t…” he choked up. Steve gently stroked Eddie’s back.

“It’s okay baby, no apologies okay? If you want to stop we can” Eddie whimpered and shook his head. “If you want to keep going we can, I just won’t finger you okay?” Steve promised.

Eddie kissed him softly again. “Thank you. Can I get you ready?” He asked. Steve went to flip himself over but Eddie stopped him. “I need to be able to see you, is that okay?” Steve knew it would hurt a bit more than normal, but the trust Eddie placed in him over road that fear. He grabbed the bottle of lube and pressed it into Eddie’s hand.

Eddie felt almost shy when he poured lube on his hand, rubbing his fingers together to warm it up. They’ve done this hundreds of times by now, but every time felt like the first time. He kissed down Steve’s neck, sucking bruises into the skin as he slid a finger inside. When he didn’t meet any resistance, he moaned softly. He thrust his finger a few times before adding a second, quickly followed by a third.

“Eddie, baby. I’m ready, please.” Steve begged. Eddie smirked, twisted his fingers until Steve screamed.

“I found it, sweetheart?” Eddie asked, already knowing the answer, especially when he hit that spot again and again until Steve clenched around his fingers. Feeling mean, Eddie stopped moving, dangling Steve’s release in front of him like a carrot. He sat back on his heels, reveling in Steve’s betrayed glare. “What’s a matter baby?” He asked innocently.

“I need you Eds. Get in me before I explode!” Steve whined.

“Your wish,” Eddie began as he lined up, “is my command.” He thrust his hips forward sinking to the hilt in one motion. Steve shook as he tried to adjust, but Eddie wouldn’t let him. He thrust deeply and slowly, dragging his strap out inch by agonizing inch, making sure to hit Steve’s prostate on every inward push. He flipped the bullet vibrator on, moaning as it kicked into gear.

“Harder baby.” Steve begged, “please sir, give it to me.” The honorific always sent Eddie hurtling toward the edge. He bit harshly into Steve’s shoulder as he began pounding into him. The vibe pushed against his cock and the base of Steve’s making them both shudder.

“Feel good, doll?” Eddie asked, not waiting for Steve’s answer before his hand was back around his cock. Steve wailed as he was jerked quickly, the difference between Eddie’s hips and hand driving him insane.

“I’m close baby. I’m so fucking close.” Steve panted, wrapping his hand around Eddie’s neck and pulling him down for a kiss. He began lifting his hips to meet his boyfriend’s thrust for thrust, incidentally pinning the vibe against his cock. Eddie threw his head back and grabbed the plunger in his waist band.

“Cum for me, sweetheart. Together” Eddie growled into his ear. That’s all it took for Steve. He released hot ropes of cum all over the both of them at the same time Eddie pushed the plunger. The body temp lube filled his ass while Eddie shook as he came. He worked them through it before he collapsed onto his boyfriend.

After when they were all clean, the sheets were changed, and they were cuddling, Eddie kissed one of Steve’s bruises. “Thank you.” He whispered. Steve smiled, grabbed Eddie’s chin, tilted his head up, and kissed him gently.

“No need to thank me. You’re my boyfriend.” Eddie sighed happily. Steve’s gentle words and touches helped him feel like himself.

“And don’t you ever forget it.” Steve smiled cockily and pulled Eddie until he was on top of him.

“Wanna go again?” Eddie eagerly nodded and jumped off the bed to get his strap.

[idontplaytrack]

Amber x reader in which reader tops her for the first time, which Amber doesn’t know how to take it because she is a giver not a taker (she likes it) and then she returns the favor

What favour?

Amber Appleton x fem! reader

Warnings: MDNI, smut— oral, fingering(Amber receiving), pet names(both receiving), toy use(reader receiving)

Amber does not know how to take it to save her life.

With your eyes slowly peeling open, you squint when the sunlight hit and tried to turn away but realised you couldn’t. Amber had her arms tightly wrapped around you. You tried to free yourself but she just kept holding on— you didn’t put up too much of a fight and just went back to sleep for a while more. You woke up again to her letting go of you, you turned around and came face to face with her. “Hi, baby.” She smiles sleepily— it was adorable.

You smiled back, “Good morning.”

She leans closer to kiss you which you happily accepted and returned the gesture similarly. But Amber doesn’t just stop there. She keeps kissing you, over and over until it just wasn’t enough anymore. You’d officially become too bothered to sleep or do anything else. You feel her hand ghosting your chest and you stopped her, “Amber?”

“Yeah?” She asks, hand balled up slightly since you stopped her.

“How would you feel about me…topping, you?”

“Um.” Amber exhales, “You’ve never done that before, and I—”

“That’s not important, I’ll figure it out. Do you want that?”

Amber ponders over your question as her cheeks grew red and warm. Her eyes gave you an answer clear as day that she was eager. “Yeah.” She nodded decisively.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, licking her lips before you captured them into your own, starting off with soft fleeting kisses until you could feel her wanting more. Or hear her— whichever came first. You’d cupped her cheek but that hand soon moves up the side of her head and was combed through her hair. Both of you were currently on your sides, but you were almost on top of her. As good as her kisses felt against your lips, you could feel her body literally resisting. Her body language— she seemed to be unable to relax and let you take control.

She always was the top and not for the reason people’d think. Amber, she always prioritises others over herself, always giving and giving. Not once has she stopped to let people help her. Well, once, yes— when the school raised funds for Bobby’s surgery, but you couldn’t remember any other instances. At all.

“Amber.” You broke away from the kiss, “I got this, okay? You just…lay there and look pretty for me.”

But shit, the girl was still fucking tense. It wasn’t that she hated it, Amber made that clear. She was just…a giver. She hates receiving. Anything. You’d make breakfast and she’ll fight to make lunch, you buy her a cup of coffee and she’ll get you one right back, even compliments. She doesn’t take them well, she blushes, but says she’s not what you think she is. Which was a load of bullshit because she was the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid your eyes on.

But all of those pale in comparison to how difficult things can get in the bedroom. She knew how to make you feel good, she had that down to a science. She loves seeing how good she makes you feel, hearing it, all of it. But when you give her just a tad bit of attention in reciprocation, the girl just…freaks out like she’s a monster unworthy of love and attention. It’s gotten better but still, you were determined for her to let it go and relax for once.

You try to deepen the kiss and slip your tongue in, she allows it instantly and so you explored each inch of her mouth eagerly while you feel her hand roaming your back and trying to pull your t-shirt over your head.

“Amber, hands off.” You said softly, “Let me do everything right now, don’t worry about anything.”

“I’m not worried, I just—”

Smack. Right on her ass, immediately and she shut up, allowing you to continue kissing her. Her fingers hooked at the hem of her pyjama pants and underwear, smoothly sliding them off. She whimpers breathily into the kiss, you slide your hand down her front, ghosting her clit. The girl tenses beneath you. “You’re okay.” You whispered, “I got you, baby.”

She whines meekly, “Fuck…I need to kiss you, babe.” You let her, obviously. You could never say no to this face. You slide two fingers down from her clit, teasing her entrance. You notice her breathing hitch, and how she kisses you more eagerly— the kisses long, deep and sloppy. You take this as your cue to plunge a finger into her, and she gives you a noise in return. So soft, but it made your heart race. Oh how you wanted to keep hearing her make the noises for you, but you didn’t want to push her and tell her to make noise for you— not that soon, at least. You believe that she’d do it without you asking soon enough.

Your middle finger was deep inside her, curling up to hit her in the sensitive spot over and over, making it harder and harder for her to think. To worry. Because all that came out of her mouth from that point on was anything but coherent. You’ve done it, her mind was emptied and filled with nothing but pleasure. “Oh, shit.” She mumbles, whining into your mouth. “You like that, baby?” You ask, your lips starting to travel lower, down to her jaw and neck. She squirms because your breath was tickling her skin.

Amber nods, mumbling something you couldn’t make out. She whimpers, driving you insane. “Shit.” She panted, “y/n…”

“Yes, baby?” You ask, reconnecting your lips with a specific spot on her neck to draw out yet another noise.

She moans, right by your ear and holy shit, you slipped a second finger inside making her go, “Fuck! Sorry…”

“Babe, don’t be.” You chuckle, nuzzled against her neck before your tongue flicks over the sore spot you’d worked over. “You’re making such pretty noises for me, Ams. Keep going, I love hearing you. I want to hear you.” You purred, fingers gradually picking up their pace as you feel her tightness around them grow.

You went until she started to tremble beneath you and was clutching onto you like her life depended on it. Abruptly, your fingers leave her and you get up, now sitting in between her legs, face to face with that juncture between her thighs which was making you drool like an animal. You gulped, hand massaging her inner thigh. They started to close in together but you pushed it back down, your gaze traveled upward to see that she was looking anywhere and everywhere, hands seemingly desperate for something in them but having nothing in them right now.

“Go ahead, baby…do whatever you want.” You encouraged, moving your head closer to her cunt. Your eyes stayed focused on her, watching her as she used one hand to knead her breast and the other one combed through your hair.

“Mm-fuck—” She whines, “Fuck, babe…fuck, that feels so good.”

You were going feral. Her being under your control was so rare, and this was the furthest she’s ever let you go. She’s always resisted, saying she wouldn’t know what to do, then…do you instead.

“Keep going, that’s it, baby…make those cute little noises for me~” Your breath fans her sensitive heat, making her cry out and buck her hips up towards your face. You instinctively held onto her inner thigh tighter to keep her in place, just like her hand was doing in your hair.

Her soft whines and breathy whimpers were really making you more bothered than ever, yearning for her touch. But yet, you couldn’t stop. Drunk on her taste, you needed to have her. Until she couldn’t take it anymore and unraveled. So far, so good. They were falling from her lips in a never ending string, spurring you on— licking, kissing and sucking her growingly sensitive clit diligently just so you could hear her being a mess.

“Babe…” She exhales shakily, “More.”

“You don’t have to ask twice…” You grin, your tongue circling her entrance in a tease then pushing its way into her.

“God…” She groans, voice lower than ever, making you feel nuts. You lapped her up like she was your last meal ever, now similarly desperate for more. More noises from her, more of her wetness, more of her. “Shit, shit, shit.” She mutters, whining when she feels your fingers return into the mix. This oh-so-sinful gesture was absolutely heavenly. Feeling her constantly soaking your mouth and tightening more and more around your fingers. Fuck.

“Fuck!” She exclaimed, “Oh, my god—” She started to tremble again, fingernails sinking into your scalp just slightly.

“I’m so close, babe…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, a shrill whimper to end it off, “Ah— ah— yes, yes, right there, baby.”

God, she was so hot. So very…oh god.

“I need to come…babe, please.” She begged, in actual tears.

“Baby, just do it, you don’t have to ask, Amber.” You coaxed, hand massaging her thigh once again to soothe her, “Come for me, you want it, you can do it.”

You did not ask her to hold it, but hearing her plead was a cherry on top of the cake. It made you even wetter. Even more ready for her to have her way with you after you were done with her.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Th— oh, shit!” She panted, unraveling once you gave her the okay, her hand clawing and your back as she collected herself, started to come down from her high. You slowed down your ministrations as she does, calming down and letting go of her grip on you.

“So pretty…” You kissed her lips again, brushing the stray hairs out of her eyes, “You taste so sweet, princess, I just can’t get enough of you.”

You see her swallowing thickly, breath hitching, she nearly cries again and licked her lips. “You did so good for me, baby.” You gave her another kiss, “So good.”

Amber whimpers needily, grabbing your face to kiss you. “Can I? Return the favour?” She asks when she broke away briefly. “What favour? That’s no favour, baby. I just wanted you to feel— good— fuck, you know what? Yes. Yes.” You nodded impatiently, “I need you so bad, baby.”

“What do you want, my love? Tell me.” Her usual demeanour was back just like that. The fluttering in your chest was crazy as you watched her in anticipation, your mind was emptying itself so quickly and getting overtaken by desire.

“How much can you take?” She chuckles, burying her face in your cleavage and leaving you a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses. You whimper, as if on reflex, feeling the overpowering ache in between your thighs. Gnawing onto your lower lip, you couldn’t hold back any longer. This slightest bit of teasing was having you soak her sheets and all achy.

“I don’t care— just fuck me.” You spat out.

————

Once she’d left the bed, you knew exactly what she had thought of. You knew that you’d be a goner, you didn’t have to think anymore and just…take it. Amber returns wearing that god forsaken harness holding two other toys in hand. “Fuck!” You squinted at her, exclaiming in a pant. She just grins, excited to have her way with you.

“Take your pick, y/n. I want you to choose.” She was so calm, it irked you because you were already all worked up. “Strap first.” You huffed, opening your legs for her as she got closer.

She laughs, “So ready for me, honey?”

You could no longer keep the conversation going. You were desperate for her to fuck you and she knew it, she was trying to hold it off for as long as you could take. Which, to be fair wasn’t that long now. And clearly, she knows. Because she was already teasing you with the tip then pushing it in with no issues. You moaned lowly, glad to finally start having some relief. You were fully exposed to her by now— completely nude. She could see your clit, swollen, neglected. She stays stagnant, fingertips rubbing your clit to give it what it was craving.

“Jesus. Oh, goddamn.” You let out a shaky, whiny breath, “Fuck me.”

“I will.” She says, “Just giving your poor little clit what it needs, lovey.”

Fuck you, that pet name.

“Keep going, please…” You beg, “Fuck me, babe. Fuck me…” You felt, full. But that wasn’t enough, you wanted her to go hard and fast. You needed that release— nothing was feeling better than that to you. You were so bloody worked up.

She finally gives in, bucking her hips consistently to enter and pull away just enough. Just enough to push you closer and closer. As established, Amber’s done this enough to know exactly what to do and how to do it. So what she was doing now? Was perfect. It’s just that your mouth couldn’t shut up, spewing all sorts of noises as a result of her actions. Amber was proud of herself…doing so little to make you feel this way.

You started to squirm and she just naturally held you down while pounding into you faster and faster, harder and harder, making you cry out with each time. Her free hand squeezed your tits and pinched your nipples as she continues to impale you. You watched her— that smile on her face, how her breasts moved in sync with her action, you listened to how she was talking to you and praising you.

You were mumbling nothing in particular, but she knew it felt good for you, that’s how you were when you were close. “Take it, baby. You’re taking me so well, y/n.” She giggles.

“Fuck, keep going— keep going~”

“You’re so beautiful.” She remarked, her tone sweet, her actions causing you to make the most obscene of noises. The sharp contrast was making you feel insanely shy.

To top it all off, she’s also started to attack your sensitive spots, starting from your neck and working her way down. The combination had that coil in your core winding up so rapidly, it barely gave you the time to process it. “Gonna come— I’m gonna come—” You whimpered, airily, back arching off the mattress allowing her to poke you even deeper. Her lips have been detached, her hands: one holding onto your hip, the other slapping your tit then fondled with your ass. So much stimulation, and so much pleasure.

“Do it, honey. Soak that thing, babe, come for me…we both know you want to.”

On her cue, you came intensely, fighting back the tears so hard. But you so miserably failed, crumbling once she held you in her arms, still trembling. “That’s my girl.” She presses a kiss to your lips, you lazily reciprocated, eyes starting to droop shut. “Good girl.”

After she takes a painfully long time to remove the harness (no she didn’t). You were just impatient. You instinctively snuggle against her chest, content and trying to calm down. “Fuck, I love you…”

“I love you too, sweet girl.” She plants a kiss on your forehead, “Also, I’m gonna let you do that more from now on.”

“Happy to.” You gave her a sleepy smile, which she mirrors and you barely see, wanting to hug her more.

“You just wanna sleep?”

You hummed, nodding your head in confirmation. “Sleepy.” You mumbled, “Breakfast later.”

“M’kay.” She inevitably chuckles, rubbing your bare back comfortingly, “Rest now, I’ll wake you up when the food’s done.”

“‘kay.” You muttered, finally closing your eyes.

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[spacelazarwolf]

Any tips for a trans man who’s worried he’ll regret medical transition? I’ve wanted to go on T for over 2 years now and now that I’m very close to that goal I worry that I’m faking it and I’ll regret it, but I also know that if I get further down the line and end up actually being a trans man I will be mad at myself for not starting t now.

tbh do drag. i had been thinking abt going on t for years but held off because i was a professional singer and i didn't know if i would regret it, but one day i did a kind of more tame drag look where i drew on facial hair, and that combined with my new flat chest after getting top surgery, was my "oh i have to do this" moment. so as much as ppl are like "u can't just try it on!!!!!" you kind of can. draw on a little mustache. voice train to get your voice lower and see how it make you feel, bind your hips to see how any fat redistribution from there will make you feel about your silhouette, use makeup to make your face look more angular, look at pictures of your male relatives and think about how you would feel if you swapped bodies for the day.

in terms of regret, i have posted about this before but there will never be a zero chance of regret with transition. there will always be a chance, even if it is like 0.001%, that you might detransition. that's just one outcome of having bodily autonomy. talk to (trans friendly) detransitioners about their experiences, destigmatize the idea of detransition in your mind. know that even though there are some things that will be permanent changes like your voice dropping or bottom growth, there are a lot of things that are at least partly reversible. fat distribution, iirc, is entirely reversible, you can go on estrogen to change the texture of your skin and hair close to what it was before, you can use all sorts of serums on your hairline or use finasteride while taking t if you're worried about hair loss.

basically the biggest thing is to not go into it thinking you have to have absolutely zero doubts. te/rfs are gonna hate this line but don't let yourself think that if you have a moment of doubt that you have to immediately stop and decide you've made a mistake. check in with yourself, see if you're happy with where you are, where your feelings of doubt come from. because for me, a lot of the time it's coming from internalized transphobia or societal pressure.

[elderemorune]

Beautiful IF.

This evening, my wife and I went to see a movie. This isn't anything unusual, we love the theater, and will take any excuse we can to go when she has time. Last we were able to get out just the two of us, it was to see Lisa Frankenstein, which I wholly recommend by the way. It was great, feminist as fuck, and frankly (see what I did) fun as hell.

But that's not why I'm here tonight.

Tonight, we're here for John Krasinski's IF.

IF is a movie that's part of a rare genre. The Family Film. You know, the kind that came out when millennials were children, like The Addams Family, or Hocus Pocus. A movie made for everyone to enjoy.

Now this is probably confirmation bias, since most of the fandoms I'm in are serious business, or at least they think they are, and such most of what I watch is grim, dark, or otherwise edgy. I won't deny being an edge marquis, I've been one since middle school and I'm not stopping now!

This movie, simply put, is beautiful. As we start to see more and more art about fighting (or subliminally supporting) fascism, it's like we shy away from beauty and instead want to focus wholly on how dark things are for us. And with a constant barrage of messaging like that, it's hard to stay hopeful, easy to stay mad.

Then we get a movie like IF. It takes a look at life through the most hopeful lens it can, a kid's. I don't want to get too into the story because my roommate reads this and I want them to see this as blindly as they can, but I'll tell you this: IF wants you to know that it's okay to be a kid.

But what does that mean? To be a kid? Is it to engage in wild flights of fancy where you imagine great, impossible things like an elephant made of cotton candy? Is it using play to cope with hard times? To be innocent? What is innocence anyway?

IF isn't trying to answer those questions at all. All IF cares about is that you know that it's okay to be a kid, no matter what.

For a super spoiler-free quick rundown, IF follows the adventures of Bea as she tries to help place imaginary friends (IFs) with new kids and find a new sense of purpose. Imagine (heh) Foster's Home for Imaginary (heh) Friends, but age Mac up a year and have her partner be a big furry purple guy (Hey! Like Eduardo!) named... Blue? Is this possibly an... GASP! AN EASTER EGG RIGHT THERE?! The big difference is that imaginary friends can't really be seen by anyone, except Bea and this other guy, Calvin. We'll talk about him later.

So let's talk about the rest of the movie, because there's not much more I can say without spoilers.

Just look at this man. He's distinct. You know EXACTLY what he's about, who he is, everything you need, just from looking at him.

And the same holds true of every other IF that you see (and don't) on screen. The team that worked on them did an immaculate job, perfectly capturing a child's imagination and how they see the world around them in these funny lil guys. Like how Blue is purple because his kid was colorblind, so he looked blue TO HIS KID, and how the robot IF was the kind of thing that a kid fond of taking things apart might imagine as their friend. Their personalities are all so clear, and when they're on screen they really steal the show.

Speaking of theft, let's talk the casting. Cailey Fleming plays Bea and gosh is her performance just the tops. Her first onscreen part was as young Rey in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (which I didn't watch because I just don't care much for Star Wars). This is the first place I've seen her work, and I one hundred percent believed she was actually John Krasinski's daughter.

Who, by the way, plays her dad. A lovable goofball who tries to find the fun in everything, he's sick (though we're never told with what) and is in New York for surgery. It's a big one, apparently, and there's a chance he won't wake up from the anesthesia, but he's determined to make it through. Really, what can I say about Krasinski's acting that fans of The Office haven't already said? This guy is the kind of dad I want to be when I eventually have kids.

Steve Carell voices Blue, the big purple IF on the poster. Sure, I guess if I had A critique of this movie, it's that it's another Steve Carell Funny Voice(TM) but fuck off, I had fun and it was clear he loved the project. I loved Blue, I thought he was funny and so sweet, and he was just so goddamned lovable that I genuinely had no notes.

Last, and he'd probably say least, Ryan Reynolds plays Calvin, a very handsome gentleman who can also see the IFs like Bea can. He started the effort to rehome IFs with new kids, but hasn't had much success at the time the movie starts. He's a bit of a curmudgeon, pessimistic that anything they do will work, and refers to his ability to see them as a curse, but he still does everything he can to help Bea place IFs in new homes. While still your typical wise-cracking Ryan Reynolds character, it was interesting to see him playing a character who's not about diving into things headfirst, instead giving us a more timid person who would really rather be asleep.

The cast all worked exceptionally well together. As I said, I came out of this movie truly believing that Fleming was Krasinski's daughter, and the chemistry between her and Reynolds was amazing. They really felt like friends, and I never once felt like their relationship was weird in any way. Carell and Fleming were also delightful together, with Blue serving as wonderful comedy relief.

Lastly, I guess is the score, right? I'm new to caring about this, so forgive me if I forget an important part.

Music was done by Michael Giacchino, who's score was frankly perfect. He captured the vibe perfectly, and I can honestly think of no higher praise for a film score. In particular, there was a scene that really hit me, and if the Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia hadn't been the song used, I'm not sure I'd have cried near as hard.

So that's it. IF. A beautiful movie, a poignant message, and something that I think everyone could benefit from seeing.

Because what IF it's right? And it IS okay to be a kid?

That means anything is possible, doesn't it? What IF you COULD have a cotton candy elephant? Or a small army of Bionicle robots who are fiercely loyal to you as you lead them across Mata Nui to expunge the darkness? (Don't tell me you didn't do this. If you had Bionicle, you did this.)

What IF?