#i can almost forget/forgive the bad stuff entirely

[smile-files]

nickel and balloon stuff from spring on the breakfast!!! i'm keeping in mind that in the previous episode, both of them were under the impression that their friendship wasn't real...

in a way, ii3 balloon is a lot like late ii3 cabby. of course, balloon did something indisputably immoral (manipulate and exploit others), and cabby only did something thought to be immoral (keep and use files about her fellow contestants) -- but both did something wrong and had to subsequently undergo a disproportionate amount of abuse and malignment for it, ending up with them being apologetic and submissive to avoid any chance of being framed as bad again. the biggest difference is that cabby has internalized the guilt others have attributed to her, while balloon largely hasn't -- he understands the concept of rolling with the punches for the sake of keeping good connections, but he doesn't believe he deserves it.

nickel brushes off ii2 a LOT this episode. to rid himself of his guilt regarding that time, he necessarily has to delegitimize the hatred he felt towards balloon then, thus also ridding balloon of his guilt. he expresses this all vaguely, choosing to remember ii2 fondly and saying off-hand that its baggage should be laughed off -- implying that balloon has been forgiven. reasonably, balloon is happy that nickel seems to actually believe he's changed for the better, so initially this makes him happy.

of course, though, it becomes clear that nickel just wants to shove his own actions under the rug, and balloon reasonably gets pissed off. nickel treated balloon and suitcase like complete garbage in ii2, and balloon clearly hasn't forgotten that.

"it keeps things easy." it keeps things easy to roll with the punches, to endure nickel's abuse and accept his sudden friendship. note, also, that nickel is still placing the blame on balloon: he's saying that balloon didn't want to "make things better", as if nickel and balloon ever having a rift was entirely balloon's fault, and his problem to fix.

and as we can see, nickel still hasn't fully forgiven balloon for ii1. as i've discussed before, nickel seems to secretly feel incredible guilt about how he treated balloon in ii2 (which is why he goes to such lengths to repress the whole memory of it) -- but that guilt is about the way in which he expressed his disdain and distrust of balloon, not those opinions themselves, nor the motivations for them. this is all very interesting, then -- if he still believes balloon can't change from his old, bad self, why did nickel start being friends with him at all?

i think a large part of it is his projection onto balloon. nickel sees himself in balloon: someone who screwed up big-time and isn't able to become a better person after that (according to nickel). we tend to gravitate to people similar to us, after all. i wouldn't be surprised if nickel was also trying to overcompensate for his hostility towards balloon in ii2 by being very friendly with him in ii3, thereby helping him forget that he was ever hostile to him at all.

the most fascinating thing to me about balloon and nickel's relationship is how impersonal it is for balloon. he seems to value what nickel's affection represents rather than nickel himself -- and it represents that he's been forgiven. anyone who saw balloon and nickel's conflict in ii2, which was a product of balloon's nastiness in ii1 and nickel's subsequent inability to forgive that nastiness, would likely come to accept balloon and forgive him themselves if they then saw nickel being friendly with him -- because nickel is the epitome of the ii contestants' anger at him, and nickel of all people (seemingly) forgiving him would imply that he's really changed. the relationship is almost entirely a symbol in that regard. i don't think balloon has much residual guilt about is actions in ii1 -- he feels like he's adequately addressed them and changed -- but nickel having a positive relationship would be helpful in affirming that stance and proving to himself that he really has changed.

i wouldn't say it's cruel of balloon to keep this relationship going on under that pretense, but it is backhanded, and it helps explain why he was ever willing to accept nickel's friendliness unchallenged. he wanted his crimes to finally be laid to rest once and for all, and keeping nickel on good terms with him would let that happen. people would finally shut up about it. up until now, nickel wasn't explicitly denying his past cruelty towards balloon anyway, so balloon would be able to ignore that he neglected to ever bring it up; now, though, nickel is denying not only what he did to balloon but also to suitcase, which balloon is not able to tolerate. now that he's confronted nickel about that though, nickel snaps back with his condemnation of what balloon did in ii1, thereby uprooting the social stasis balloon had been able to maintain precisely because nickel refused to bring anything up before. in a way, then, balloon is purposefully shoving the past under the rug, just like nickel is.

we can't forget, though, that nickel has his own complex about fearing that he's incapable of change and incapable of forming positive, genuine relationships with people. balloon is essentially revealing that, in a way, he wasn't really friends with nickel -- at least not in the way nickel wished and fooled himself into thinking they were. if balloon truly were friends with nickel like that, then that would mean that balloon had forgiven him for his cruelty in ii2, and perhaps that he really has changed... but no. balloon hasn't forgiven him. why should he? nickel never apologized -- and given how he never apologized, it's impossible that he could've changed anyway: nickel doesn't want to apologize because that means addressing his guilt and allowing himself to feel it. he wants the forgiveness to be handed to him on a silver platter, without him having to do all of the painful work, and he's incredibly upset when it isn't. he wants to not be a bad person, but in order to do that, he has to feel like one, and he really doesn't want to. he hates who he was and doesn't want to associate with it at all.

(note how it's the suitcase robot who says "you can say sorry" when nickel says that nothing can be done about making things better...)

there's clearly an immeasurable amount of resentment these two have been harboring for each other throughout this season, which they'd only been hiding for the sake of fooling themselves into thinking they've changed (nickel) or thinking that others think they've changed (balloon). and now that they've let themselves explode with anger, partly related to the lies they'd been telling themselves falling apart, they yell at each other and balloon drops nickel down a hole!

ah, balloon and nickel's relationship... it's bizarre, it's toxic, it's convoluted, it's shady, and it's incredibly sad. i'm glad i'm revisiting ii3, especially this episode -- i used to be utterly baffled by nickel's writing, particularly in spring on the breakfast, but now it makes complete sense to me. also, i used to think balloon was entirely the victim in this relationship, while now i know that he has his own faults and own baggage in that regard. it's weird -- they hate each other, but at the same time they're dying to be liked by one another. god i love these freaks...

[ttjisung]

back 2 u 𝜗𝜚

p. jisung x fem!reader smau - exes to lovers

in which jisung does his best to avoid you, his ex, until he realizes his mistake far too late cw: suggestive themes, bad angst, cheating, swearing

i'm not going back, back, back, back, back

masterlist

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chapter xi. (wc: 2.1k + social media near the end)

Renjun had a plan, and it wasn’t going to be easy. According to his conversation with Dejun, it was crucial to find proof of Jaemin’s misdeeds before informing their mutual friends - yet finding a time alone with said boy’s phone would be near impossible, considering there’d be a large sum of people in his apartment. 

After a while of organizing a scheme during his late night hours, Renjun had settled with mistaking his bag with Jaemin’s, and taking it into the bathroom to quickly shoot a video of his shared messages with Jisung. There were two flaws in this plan: Renjun had no bag that could be nearly mistaken with Jaemin’s incredibly unique and decorated tote, and even if he was able to jump over this hurdle eventually, he was not aware of his password. That being said, Jaemin was extremely predictable when it came to those things, so he assumed it’d be something along the lines of the anniversary of getting his cats. 

Regardless of whether he was ready or not, Renjun was insistent on getting this evidence, feeling insanely guilty for the way he treated you. It didn’t entirely hit him until he saw you at a mall and waved at you, causing you to flinch and frown once you located him, that he realized how much he must’ve hurt you, and he knew he’d have to start working immediately to gain your forgiveness if he was to ever make up for his actions. You two had such a deep bond before the mishap, and he wasn’t willing to forget it so easily as he had before. Using that as encouragement, Renjun was prepared when the sun came and he was setting up snacks. 

Jisung was the first to come, having a lot of spare time since your breakup, considering he was attached to your hip before. After him was Jeno, then Donghyuck, then lastly Jaemin. The rest had informed him earlier on that they’d be unavailable, which served as a breath of relief, because he knew it’d be harder to sneak around with two other nosy individuals watching his every move. 

“I have to use the bathroom, but can you guys continue setting up in the kitchen? Leave your stuff here, I don’t want a mess on the table.” Renjun tried with all his might to appear unsuspicious, and it worked mostly since he had a very neutral tone, yet he missed one flaw in his plan - Donghyuck could not follow directions if his life depended on it. While the rest of the guys headed into the kitchen, Renjun took the green light to grab Jaemin’s bag, and he felt pride swell up at his success until a voice interrupted him. “What are you doing with his bag, Jun?” The voice was inquisitive, noticing how unusual it was for Renjun to confuse his own belongings. 

“Oh, umm.. I just… There’s something I forgot… Umm-” “Don’t lie to me. Fess up.” “Fine, but you have to come into the bathroom with me.” “Are you flirting with me? I never thought this day would come-” Donghyuck’s quirky remark was stopped by Renjun pulling him by the ear. 

“Okay. You have to promise to not blow my cover or snitch about any of this, it’ll ruin everything.” Donghyuck simply nodded, encouraging the older male to continue. “Dejun contacted me…” “That loser? Really?” “New rule. Don’t interrupt either. Anyway, he basically proved Y/n’s innocence to me. I know you’re like dead set on hating her and trust me, I was too, but they genuinely had all the proof necessary.” Donghyuck’s eyes widened at the revelation, almost in a shocked trance as he recalled all of his cruel words, yet Renjun continued. “Someone framed her, and all signs point to Jaemin. I knew from the beginning that he kind of had his eye on her, right? But I never knew it was this bad. Dejun told me he told Y/n that he and Jisung were fighting, which is a lie, and so Dejun told me to record his messages with Jisung to show her proof that he’s lying. After that, I’m allowed to tell you all that Y/n didn’t cheat. They already have a plan to confront Jaemin.” 

The scene in front of Renjun was not one he was expecting - tears ran down Donghyuck’s closed eyes, and he quickly sniffled, raising his hand to wipe his cheeks. “Renjun… It’s… It’s all my fault, shit. He told me! I swear he showed me a photo… But I didn’t know…” “It’s okay, Hyuck. Calm down. What are you talking about?” “Jaemin! He showed me a photo of Y/n supposedly cheating, and I told Jisung, but now that I think about it - it probably wasn’t her, she just had similar hair. Fuck, she’s going to hate me. She probably already does… All I’ve done is tear her down and accuse her online.. Renjun, what do I do?” His desperation was obvious as he kept crying, reaching out to grab his friend’s arms and plead. “Help me distract Jaemin, Hyuck. It’s the best way you can help prove she’s innocent, and once we do this we can all apologize.” Renjun’s words were enough to make Donghyuck calm down and nod, rushing out of the bathroom to do as he was instructed. 

Once he left, Renjun was quick to pull out his own phone, recording Jaemin’s messages with Jisung. Unsurprisingly, his password was his cats’ anniversary. Not even bothering to read them all, he just caught glimpses of the shared words, and it was clear to see Jaemin was lying. The feeling of hope surged in his body, knowing this would definitely be enough to both clear your name and prove to Jisung that you were innocent. The hope was diminished a bit, remembering Dejun’s words - you weren’t looking for Jisung’s forgiveness anymore, and the feelings you felt for him were no longer positive. 

He thought back to the day after the breakup, when he was at Jisung’s apartment and you had left gifts at his doorstep. The fact that you were innocent throughout that exchange, and this could’ve been communicated earlier, as he assumed the letter you left was your attempt at explaining yourself, made his grief grow. Maybe if Jisung had known at that time, you would’ve gladly taken him back, yet it appeared that wasn’t an option anymore. 

Nonetheless, you deserved to be apologized to, and Renjun was planning on helping this occur, so he swiped up until it was undebatable that you were being lied to, and after doing so, he snuck back into the living room, slipping the phone back into Jaemin’s bag and making a grand appearance in the kitchen. 

It was truly hard to not make a scene right then and there, confronting the male, yet he knew it would be much more satisfying for you if you and your friends did so, so he held back, acting like nothing happened.

Throwing a glance at Donghyuck, who appeared to recover from his sobbing moment quickly, he nodded his head as to let him know he had succeeded, and a small grin grew on Donghyuck’s face. The rest of the night went as planned, yet every time either of the two interacted with Jaemin, there was a small disdain. On one side, Jaemin was their best friend and they had grown up together, yet on the other, he clearly didn’t value friendship as he was quick to throw away Jisung’s happiness, alongside yours, for his own selfish motives, so with all the strength Renjun could muster, he continued his plan until the very end. Once the night had ended and the boys had all left, he picked up his phone, navigating to his messages with Dejun and sending the video, in which he strategically clicked on Jaemin’s contact at the last minute, to make sure there was no excuse he could use, such as saying it wasn’t his number and the profile was fake. His part of plan was finally finished, and it was up to Dejun and Yangyang to take over now.

It was around midnight when a knock on your door disturbed your sleep. You had assumed, being as late as it was, that it must be a friend in an emergency, so you gathered yourself before approaching the door, yet as you checked through the peephole, the guest was not who you had expected.

“Donghyuck? What are you doing here?” With no verbal answer, the male quickly approached you and took you by shock by embracing you in a hug. Your eyes widened and you failed to reciprocate the affection, feeling uncomfortable instead of the usual warmth you once experienced with him. After a while of his embrace, he realized you weren’t accepting his hug and stepped back, and the tears came back concerningly quick.

“Y/nie,” he started with the nickname he used to address you by, which brought back several memories, yet the shell you had grown took over once more, refusing to find comfort in what he was saying, “I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe me… I didn’t know.” Putting two and two together, you gathered that he was unconsciously addressing the elephant in the room - he was aware, now, that you hadn’t cheated. 

You should’ve felt angry, honestly. You should’ve kicked him out of your apartment and cussed him out before slamming the door on his face, yet all you could feel was sorrow. Sorrow for how quickly he abandoned your friendship, sorrow for the fact that it took him this long to realize you weren’t capable of cheating, and sorrow for the fact that you couldn’t find it in yourself to forgive him. You weren’t mad at him, you were simply disappointed, and this disappointment prohibited your mind from allowing him back in, so you shook your head at his words, taking a step back into your familiar living room. 

His eyes faltered as he noticed you weren’t accepting what he was saying, and his desperation grew once more as he stepped forward, trying to follow you, yet you stopped him with an arm to his chest. “Donghyuck…” He flinched at the tone in which you said his name, also noticing that you didn’t call him Hyuck as you once did, yet he didn’t believe it was at his liberty to ask you to, so he let you continue. “I don’t know how you found out but… But I don’t want you guys coming over here please. I assume you all know now… and I don’t want to see you. Any of you. Please understand where I’m coming from… I’m not mad, I just… We aren’t friends anymore, you made that clear, so please leave. And tell the others to not come either.” Donghyuck’s tears increased at your words, and a part of you would find this scene humorous - he wasn’t even the one who broke up with you yet he seemed so torn by what you said - had you not been so miserable at the current situation. 

“Y/n, please. I… I get why you don’t want to see us, but we’re all so, so sorry, and we want to make it up to you. I know why you said we aren’t friends - none of us have treated you like one, but we can make it up to you and we will.. Please… Jisung loves you and I know when he finds out, he’s going to feel so horrible, and he’s going to seek you out. If you can’t forgive us, please at least listen to him.” Donghyuck didn’t miss the way you lightly flinched at the mention of your ex, and it was then that you began to cry as well, mirroring him. “No.” Your tone was hushed, almost a whisper as you shook your head, “I tried… I did… He ignored me, he called me a whore Donghyuck! I don’t want to see him please… Don’t tell him the truth, I’d rather he think I cheated. He doesn’t love me, because he doesn’t trust me at all… You get that, right? We were together for years, yet at a mere mention of me being supposedly unfaithful he… he left me… You can’t love someone and not trust them.” Your words were rambled and the tears grew tenfold, “Please go. I have to go to sleep-” “Y/nie, please…” “I have to sleep. Please don’t tell him. Goodnight.” Not letting him continue to plead, you stepped back and closed the door in front of the male, staring at the darkness of your living room in shock for a few minutes, before falling to your knees against the door, and it was only then that you began to sob loudly, hiding your face in your arms. 

The only thought flooding your mind was the pitiful question, repeated over and over again, until you grew tired from crying and eventually fell asleep in the uncomfortable position. Why did it take him this long to understand how much you loved him? You would’ve trusted him… 

a/n: haechan's part lowkey reminded me of my ex so i spiraled into our old messages and cried to sienna gosh its so hard being a lover girl in this world </3 (don't take me seriously this was months ago and i've moved on... mostly...)

this isn't as long as i thought itd be please forgive me guys... i'll be posting the next chapter soon :3 and it will be so ANSGTY! possible jisung y/n reunion (not dating lol i hope no one's hopes are high cause i'm dragging this outttt) but at what cost?

i'm working on a taglist bc one of you beautiful readers helped me tysm!!! so that will be done soon >.< let me know if you want to be on it in the notes or in my inbox <3 i'll add everyone who's asked so far

anyway... i will dedicate this chapter to all the readers who have also been heart broken... i hope we all heal. for now i personally heal by fangirling over nct because they've helped me sm ^_^ so expect a LOT more fics and smaus to come >:3

[theninth09]

people dont actually believe that theo killed his sister, do they?

like okay. the entire pack and probably theo himself think that hes responsible for her death, but the pack hates him and doesnt trust him for valid reasons and theo is traumatized and holds guilt over her death so hes probably convinced himself that he did kill her. i just dont believe thats true.

in s5b when hes with stiles in the tunnels (i forgot why they're down there but whatever) and stiles tells him "oh yeah, the guy that killed his own sister when he was nine?" and theo argues back "yeah. i was nine. i had no idea what was going on." and that he also still believed santa exists so obviously he believed the dread doctors when they told him she wanted him to have his heart.

first of all: this is s5b. hes long dropped his act and he has no reason to lie in this moment. he knows that stiles wont fall for his lies and hes stopped lying and transitioned into threatening and intimidating anyway. theres no good reason for theo to lie to stiles here: theres no actual benefit that would come from that.

and his behavior points towards him telling the truth. instead of deflecting or making a joke, or any of the stuff he usually does to get his way, he starts explaining and defending himself. he seems almost agitated that stiles claims that he did kill tara and argues why he didnt.

and ofc stiles doesnt believe him and tells him "i think you pushed her. i think you liked it." which is, sorry, utter bullshit. i understand why stiles says this (yk. theo killed his bffie and all that) but i think stiles is purposely turning everything that he knows about theo into something evil. he doesnt want to believe that theo was a victim of his circumstances, because that would make him human, that would explain why he became the person that he is. its easier to fall back onto the "hes just purely evil" argument, because then he can hate theo for what he did.

stiles is smart. thats his whole thing. thats his whole thing with theo, that he was "smart enough not to trust him" as theo says to the sheriff in s6a. stiles knows that theo was a child, that its likely that theo got manipulated and groomed by the dread doctors. but, i think, he decides not to care about that, to ignore that. he hates theo and he wants to hate theo, but if he starts looking at the reasons for why he did what he did, he'll begin to understand him. and while he'll still never forgive theo, that will reduce this fury he has for him because, newsflash, theo was a CHILD.

people argue that tw doesnt show us enough of his back story to back this up and yeah, i kinda agree. we dont get enough of his story because teen wolf ALWAYS does this. with every character. they insinuate something, they start something interesting that could give their characters depth and then they abandon it and its like the characters just forget about it. all this show has is small details for fans to focus on if you want to analyze anything, because this show is objectively not good enough to actually do that.

+ theo is a side character. he wasnt even meant to stay as long as he did and cody did his best to work with the material. if your argument is that theres missing context and only vaguely shown stuff, im sorry but thats so stupid. thats not a good argument for in canon. "oh but we never see theo do this or that" HES A SIDE CHARACTER. he wasnt even supposed to come back! and tw is not a very good show! obviously they added more depth to his character in s6 because cody came back. like yeah theres stuff that doesnt make sense (like the show saying he didnt have a heart condition), because his back story got added as an afterthought in s6. you cant only look at s5 and judge his character based on that. his depth comes from s6 and its not the characters fault that the show has bad writing.

and if you simply dont like theo, cool. i dont like a bunch of characters in tw. but i find this argument that hes actually evil and deserved getting tortured and whatever exhausting and annoying.

if you dont have empathy for his character in s6 bc you just hate him, fine. i dont care. but if you're talking about this in a more analytical way? fuck off. he was a child, the show points towards him getting groomed and abused by the dread doctors and guess what? even during his villain arc, hes still a child. yes he should take responsibility for what he did, im not excusing any of that stuff. but theres reasons for why he did all that.

and again, dumb tv logic reasons, but most of the villains getting away unscathed, fucking peter hale and deucalion being allowed to just kinda wander around while theo is in an eternal time loop of torture? like this technically erases the packs rule of not killing because i dont think its weird for me to argue that getting non-stop tortured without the ability to die is objectively worse than actually dying. and yeah, tv logic, but if you think that (in canon, not just bc you personally dont like theo) he deserved that, idk. weird. very weird.

[projectbluearcadia]

Uuu, Looming Question Mark

Annelie: Lucifer, this is entirely unnecessary.

Lucifer and Annelie stand together in Jozankei, staring out the hotel window at hills of white snow.

Lucifer: What is?

Annelie: You did not have to book an entire floor of this hotel.

Lucifer: I thought for sure that you'd be proud of me for not booking the entire hotel.

Annelie: What are we even going to do with that amount of space?!

Lucifer: Well, Simeon is using one of the rooms, but trust me; we will use all of that space.

Lucifer grins.

Annelie: ...oh, my... Lucifer! Be nice to the hotel staff!

Lucifer chuckles as he pulls Annelie close by the waist, lightly kissing her nose.

Lucifer: Where is your dirty mind at? I only meant we'll be getting a nice tour of everything this hotel has to offer...

Annelie: Oh, no, you are not gaslighting me into thinking my brain went there before yours.

Lucifer: ...gaslighting?

Annelie: You outdated old- nevermind.

Ignoring the fact that I'm almost as bad as you are.

Lucifer: No, no, explain it to me, right now.

Annelie: ...

Actually, did I even use that term right?

Annelie unlocks her D.D.D. and opens the urban dictionary. Lucifer seems hurt when he reads the first few entries.

Annelie: I didn't mean it that way. Th-There's a more playful definition used on the internet, I swear. Less severe. Not intended to... y'know. Do that. Uh, young people joke. Making fun of their own trauma.

Annelie scrambles as Lucifer looks at her.

Annelie: L-Let's not talk about stuff like that, and um... I heard we can go camping! Want to go camping?!

Lucifer covers his mouth, his shoulders shaking as he turns his head and laughs. Annelie freezes for a moment before she makes a face at him.

Lucifer: I'm sorry, Annelie; I know that's not what you meant.

Lucifer takes hold of her hand.

Lucifer: And while sitting next to an open fire with you sounds nice... I did come here for the main attraction, you know. I imagine it will be quite pleasant to soak in the springs.

I have my doubts, given that it's the middle of winter, but I'll take your word for it.

Annelie: You do know that most, if not all, of the baths are separated by gender, right?

Lucifer: There are plenty of private baths I had to choose from; don't think you can escape just because the human world thinks it can restrict me.

Annelie suddenly reaches behind Lucifer and squeezes his ass, making him let out a soft, surprised sound. A soft blush scatters over his face.

Annelie: Escaping? Who is?

Annelie leans up towards Lucifer's ear.

Annelie: Did you already forget it was my turn?

Lucifer: I did, but I'm not complaining. Do your best, honey.

The pair laugh together like maniacs.

[ meanwhile, in Simeon's room ]

Simeon: Well, since they should be alone together for most of this trip, I don't think we'll have any incidents... so, now, I just have to make sure I don't panic about Luke.

Simeon: ...

Simeon: Solomon, forgive me.

Simeon tries to call Luke.

Luke: Simeon?

Simeon: Yes, hello.

Simeon breathes a soft sigh of relief.

Simeon: Is everything going well?

Luke: Simeon? Simeon, I think you accidentally pressed the mute button. The little bulb-thing, at the bottom?

Simeon: Oh, this?

Luke: Hell-

The call ends as Simeon presses the button to hang up. He shortly gets a call back, and he smiles with recognition at the screen his D.D.D. shows. He presses the volume and power button at the same time.

Simeon: Huh? Wasn't that right? Or, no, maybe it was like I had to pick it up like this...

Simeon starts fiddling with his D.D.D., and he drops it as a hotel attendant catches his attention. She stares down at it for a long moment.

Attendant: I apologize for startling you, sir; I came to greet myself properly. My name is Sato Kurome.

Simeon slips into an easy smile as he turns to look at her fully. She blushes.

Simeon: That's perfectly fine. I was just... I'm bad with technology.

Simeon gives her a light chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. A thud echoes against the wall, distracting both parties before a masculine moan ripples through the space.

Simeon: ...

Kurome: ...

Lucifer: Not so rough... please... a little slower. Please...

Kurome suddenly wipes under her pinkened nose and clears her throat.

Kurome: I can... direct you to a kiosk... if you like?

Simeon: Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you.

Simeon lightly knocks on the wall in slight, petty revenge before leaving with the hotel attendant. Simeon offers a single glance backward, towards the brochure he had taken before he leaves.

Yukitouro (snow-candle way)

A snow art festival held in the mystical surroundings of Jozankei Shrine in the deep, snowy valley. Yukitouro is an event that can only be experienced in the crisp, clear air of this time of year.

[hrodvitnon]

Ok, forgive me if the following is a bit aggro but I feel like a lot of people seem to forget some very important facts about Godzilla (the IP, not the character)

I genuinely can't take people who place blame on directors for 'bad Godzilla characterization' seriously. Especially Dougherty and Wingard. Before I get into my rant, I just feel the need to remind everyone of this quote Wingard gave in regards to writing Godzilla for GvK:

Toho actually has an entire laundry list of rules Godzilla needs to follow that came out around GvK's release. The actual list is super long and with a lot of frankly weird points, but this is one of their main ones. Theatrical Godzilla doesn't emote. That is what they tell directors and that's a rule they need to follow. But, on the same token, there are ways around it and some directors are afforded some negotiating power on this front. The quote, for example, is in reference to Goji's famous smile from GvK.

One of the largest ways around it in fact is having characterization come from external sources that aren't the films. In fact, almost every single piece of info that builds Godzilla's character in the MV comes either from moments in the films that are intentionally vague, things like the comics or novelizations, or Word of God tweets from Edwards and Dougherty (sidenote: the reason you never hear about stuff like the Dougherty tweets coming from Wingard is that he literally doesn't have Twitter. A lesson I think we can all learn from). This is not unintentional, these are literally the only times they're allowed to get away with breaking a few of these rules.

Wingard, Doughtery, Edwards- all are huge Godzilla fanatics and it gets on my nerves a tad when people tear into them for rules out of their control. I probably don't need to tell everyone that Dougherty used to retweet ship art for Mothzilla and engaged with fans at length back when he was still on Twitter (Oh yeah, he also has since left Twitter. Man, maybe these directors had the right idea or something?); and Wingard has come out saying he wants to do a Godzilla-focused movie next if Legendary lets him come back, probably because he himself recognizes he's been playing favorites a little bit. I'm sure the directors would love to give Godzilla more depth and personality, it's just that Goji's always been Toho's favorite boy that they're very picky about. Like- I hate to be that guy- but we easily could've gotten the Transformers treatment and gotten saddled with a director like Michael Bay for one of these films and the Monsterverse would be dead on arrival. These people clearly care but are obliged to follow some ground rules they may or may not agree with. Godzilla's characterization is left mostly ambiguous for this reason. Audiences are supposed to fill in the blanks. Hell, people in this blog/hellsite have already done that! We've done that with our own interpretations and that's what the directors are going for in lieu of being allowed to do that themselves. May just be a me thing, but I'd much rather have audience interpreted characterization and very high quality content then shitty/no content and Godzilla becoming a dead franchise again.

And- in regards to the Twitter stuff-

-I don't care. Nobody should care. Just- just don't even give them the light of day and let their asinine takes die in the darkness. It's better this way.

I understand all this. I understand. I've heard that Toho has their rules for what not to do with their favorite monster, and I still think "Godzilla can't emote" is a dumb rule, but what the fuck can I do about it beyond the usual fan content. I know this. I get it.

I'm just getting tired of discussing it and want to stop before the discussion starts going in circles or something.

I'm going to go outside for a while.

[quitefair]

Fanfiction Writer Questions!

Was tagged by the very lovely @optiwashere some time ago, and I've only just had the chance to sit down and take a crack at this!

Not gonna tag anybody, but if you read this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

(Also this is talking about a lot of fics that I've written but not published because well... that's just how it's been lmao...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13 at the moment. I’ve deleted a few things that I’m not entirely proud of/works that I’m planning on rewriting and improving upon.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

26,031 (my WIP folder has almost 100k words, if we want any comparison)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Dragon Age! Although AO3 is misleading… I’ve only got 7 fics on there for Dragon Age. But these don’t include the ones I’ve deleted and also the literal hundreds of WIP documents in my writing folder. It’s become quite a problem. I’ve also been writing for Baldur’s Gate 3 a bit more recently, but those fics are on hold because of lack of time/motivation/the fact I’ve not finished the game yet and want to do my research and understand characterisation and plot better.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. a lesson in grief (T-rated, Vi/Caitlyn from Arcane) 2. slip away (G-rated Gen-fic from Hades 2020) 3. Names (G-rated Fenris/Female Hawke from Dragon Age) 4. Anxious Grief (T-rated, Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Cadash from Dragon Age) 5. Fear and Forgiveness (G-rated, Dorian Pavus/Male Adaar from Dragon Age)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Every single comment I get is like fuel to my brain so I love and appreciate each one!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think I did toy around with a fic where I left Hawke in the Fade. The process of getting into Fenris’ headspace during that was way too painful for me to continue.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics tend towards happy endings, even if they pack a lot of angst in the body of em. Of the ones I’ve got published, I’d say Names.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t, but then again I post so rarely and sporadically so people forget I even exist huhu.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

… Yes… (and that’s all im gonna say)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I’ve not written crossovers per se, I’m more of an AU kinda guy. Though there’s definitely an ancient story I wrote back when I was like 13 that had like, every single bit of media I’d ever loved merged into one, and the excuse was that I’d just read His Dark Materials and wanted my own universe where everything I loved existed at once. COMPLETELY self-indulgent shit.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! At least not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Again no… I’ve not done a lot of stuff huhu!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

It’s the one and only. The girls that live rent free in my head. The girls that deserve everything. (It’s Josephine Montilyet/my Inquisitor from Dragon Age Inquisition)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s the Dragon Age Inquisition rewrite I’ve been complaining about for the longest time. It’s become the pet project I keep poking at whenever I have the energy to. All my Tashak/Josephine fics are set within this, and honestly at this point, instead of making one large fic, I might as well just post the disjointed chapters separately even if they don’t make sense. I’ve got WIPs in the folder from 2016. It’s out of control.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’d like to think I’m good at descriptive writing, at drawing the reader into the scene and pulling them along with the story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m so bad at dialogue it’s not even funny. Also, my writing can tend towards too much rambling – I guess that’s just because it’s the way my brain works.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

The only other language I’m fluent in is Malay, and I really can’t imagine myself writing in that unless in very specific circumstances.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dang, I think it was probably for BIONICLE. Way back when I was like, in secondary school.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Published? Names. There’s stuff in there I still feel jealous of, even today. Unpublished – a bunch of stuff for Aforementioned Dragon Age Rewrite. I should really post stuff from there at some point LMAO…

[thetragicallynerdy]

hiyaaa! it's fungi anon back after a few months! i entirely missed pride month :( but not disability pride month!!! so happy disability pride month!!!!! if it isn't too much, can you please rank your favourite traditional woodland creatures (think badger, fox, rabbit etc)? please have this little patchwork heatmat i made the other day! it is made of triangles!!!!

ohhh hello fungi anon!!! it's so good to hear from you buddy <3 that's okay, i missed a lot of pride month too, but yay disability pride month!!

okay hell yes i can. i started this and immediately realized i can't do like, "here's my least fav and here's my most fav," so they're all just getting a ranking on a scale of 1-10. (and i know you meant small creatures maybe but some big ones get included) i will probably forget some of them, and these are Very Canadian, but here goes:

bunny rabbits - 9/10. My favourite little guys. Every time I see one in the city it's like the most magical thing.

foxes - 12/10. Right now I am kind of obsessed with them. Scrungly little guys who can look so elegant or SO sad. Extra points for how rare they are to see.

moose - 6/10. So I have to go up north a bit to see them, but it's SO neat when you see one. Lower points for being dangerous as hell lol.

bears - 100000/10. HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE BEARS. Also super dangerous and I don't actually want to see one up close but I adore them, they are perfect and can do many things wrong but I forgive them anyway.

squirrels - 4/10. Hilarious bastards. Get into everything. Listen when I was a kid I wanted to be a squirrel, I love them so much, but also they're kind of the worst and one time I had one run up my leg trying to get to the poutine I was eating so really I am justified in the ranking they get

coyotes - 10/10. Look I know they have a bad rep but I adore them. They're so neat!! Highly recommend people giving coyote nature books a read, they're a fascinating species. (I've only read most of Coyote America and it was v good, with big warnings that like, animal death is a big part of it)

badgers - 7/10. Round. Very shape. Honestly I know almost nothing about them, but they get extra points because the videos of badgers and coyotes being friends and hunting together is my favourite thing.

deer - 7/10. Seeing deer is always kind of magical as a city kid. However, I know they're also kind of pests, so, they get a lower rating.

turkeys - 3/10. Listen. I love turkeys. They're hilarious. However. They are LOUD and also did you know they nest in the very top of trees?? It is very disconcerting to walk through the woods and hear turkey gobbles coming from like 20 feet above you

That's all I can remember without googling XD

Thank you for the lovely ask friend!!! And thank you for the beautiful heatmat, it's so cool!!! I love patchwork stuff :D

For you I have a lot of fresh dill, because I have an abundance of it in my garden right now. And if you don't like dill, then I have a banana choc chip muffin for you instead <3

Have a lovely evening friend <3

[spiteless-xo]

NEW CHAPTER REACTION TIMEEE !!! GJDJDJSJD that was so intense my jaw was open the entire time WHAT THE HELLLLLD DHDHSHDJDJ… JEAN!!! im still in shock!! that was so messed up 😭 the slut shaming and going through her phone… that was so upsetting to see even if there was no physical violence it was still a lot. him acting that way when he’s drunk is so scary ughh im so sad :( but i’m glad reader is finally realizing she has been idealizing how jean would be in a relationship. he was really sweet and stuff in the beginning, but it’s BEEN clear that they worked better as friends. both of them had a wrong idea of the other person and neither of them are ready for a relationship but especially not jean! i just can’t get over him basically saying she was supposed to not be like other girls What do u mean by that jean 🤨🤨🤨. and if reader texting eren bothered him a lot (whether her texting him is wrong or not) he should’ve just not started the relationship. there’s a difference between setting boundaries and being controlling. but yeah if they were to stay together, this is the kind of behavior she’ll never forget even if she forgives him :(( it sucks but everything eren said was right!! but yea nah its over for jean (to me at least LMFAO) .. eren’s probably like: WE’RE SO BACK heldfodofk AND THE FINAL SENTENCE WOAHHH is this really the endgame? you’ve played with my heart so bad throughout the story that even with 3 chapters left im like 🫣 what if jean comes back LMFAOO. anyways i love your writing so much! the work you’ve put into this story is incredible. i can’t believe we’re almost at the end eeeeeee!!! I love this story so much 🥹

hehehe thank you so much for this!! i loved reading it 🥰 i'm glad you're enjoying it even though it's been such a rollercoaster!

anything can happen in the last three chapters 👀

[hyunjining]

Hi Alicia, thanks for opening up conversation about H&L, and being open about how you’re feeling! I’ve only been involved in Larrie fandom since 2021. I teetered on the edge for a while until I watched the cosmicleeds timelines, as I hadn’t been present to see events in real time so didn’t have that historical connection.

In my limited experience, I feel like this time of year is testing. Winter girlfriends, stunting with F, and no opportunity for direct connection with L&H’s music personas through their concerts. This season is worse for many of us because world news is so disheartening, and trivialities of oblivious rich celebrities feels hard to stomach.

I live in Australia and will be going to all of Louis’s shows in a few weeks. I’m nervous about how much I will enjoy them because I’m feeling cynical about how unvalued we are as fans, especially post chickengate etc. I’ve been lucky enough to see Louis live in 2022 & 2023 and it’s always been a really positive experience, plus I often livestream which adds a lot to it. Ahead of the upcoming shows I’ve been withdrawing a bit from engagement with the fandom to try and preserve my experience. I am a natural cynic anyway, and have often wrestled with doubts about whether we’re being fully played to increase fandom engagement (à la the explicit formula apparently used by industry for KPop success which includes alluding to gay relationships). I agree with the sentiment that you need to feel good things about the artist to enjoy the art, and so much of what I perceive to be stunting is making me not feel good about H or L. I am feeling particularly disengaged from H because of his steadfast alignment to the A**offs, and their stance on I*rael, but also the fact that almost everyone in his public social circle seems so odious. I am more forgiving of L, although the stuff with F and the sharp ways he pushes Larries away really tests me. My time in fandom is significantly shorter than yours, but my emotional response is still complex and definitely making me feel down and uncomfortable. I can only imagine how magnified that would be for you.

I think many of us become part of fandom for community, as well as for entertainment and joy. Cynicism and disengagement are hard things to find community in, and not great for our general moods. I hope your love of Stray Kids, or any other artists you come across, brings you joy and hopefully community over time.

Sorry for the essay 😂 Wishing you all the best 💗

i teared up a little at the end there, you’re so sweet 🥲. this entire message is absolutely spot on for me. the harry stuff in particular is really bothering me because in addition to his connection to the azoffs, i feel like were the things that are happening in palestine happening anywhere else, he would have said something at least once… and anne reposted some “i don’t know enough to comment” nonsense a while ago that was originally posted by the founder of choose love (ironic lmfao) and it put such a bad taste in my mouth. feels like he disappeared for a while in hopes that everyone would just forget he exists.

as for louis, yeah the chicken thing was so unnecessary and honestly made him look ridiculous. i’ll forever stand by my belief that he truly does love his queer fans, especially after experiencing the gay megamix last july, but it certainly is a delicate dance between that and whatever the fuck the chicken tweet was 😭. i hope you’ll still be able to enjoy your concerts, though! freddie was literally at mine and he shouted him out but i still had a really good time AND i cried lol.

i’m definitely having a lot of fun being in my stray kids era even though kpop stans are maybe the meanest, most miserable people on the internet… other than that though, it’s nice to be a fan of something without over a decade of the most insane baggage you’ve ever heard of behind it. i’m almost glad kpop idols can’t date publicly lmao. and skz are very sweet, talented and genuine boys and i love them.

anyway, thank you so much for your message! no need to apologize, you and i are definitely on the same wavelength. i wish you all the best right back 💖💖💖

[adultswim2021]

Space Ghost Week

Wherein we cover an entire season of Space Ghost Coast to Coast over the course of a week

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #47: “Sphinx” | October 17, 1997 | S04E14

This one is pretty standard stuff, but the strength is in the guests. Harland Williams acts like Harland Williams, saying wacky stuff about monkeys and cheese. I’ve probably touched on this, but when I was in high school (which I’d just entered around the time this aired) I began developing annoying and pompous ideas about comedy and my main axe to grind was something I called “stock absurdity”. It was basically a short list of nouns that I felt like you could just sprinkle into your comedy prose and automatically get laughs from the easily-impressed. The list included monkeys, squirrels, and cheese, and I remember at this time pirates, ninjas, and robots were starting to become equally staid.

Anyway, I forgive Harland for this (I’m sure he’s breathing a sigh of relief right now). He clearly likes slipping that stuff into his comic soliloquies, but his toolbox is bigger than that. Him putting the screws to Space Ghost over his embarrassing and greasy varicose veins is pretty irresistible. At least he specified that they were ORGAN GRINDER monkeys and that they were hopped up on cheese STICKS. “Monkeys hopped up on cheese” would’ve come of much more amateurish. 

This is the one I always remembered as “the Mike Judge one”. Even though Harland makes up 50% of the show, I routinely forget that he’s also in this one. In fact I remember the pre-guest banter about Zorak mistaking a wacky fun slippery slide for his missing tail more than I remember Harland Williams being in this. And Harland isn’t even a lackluster guest. That’s just how much I revere Mike Judge (and wacky fun slippery slides).

Judge’s interview is slightly fraught in the same way the Terry Jones or Mark Hamill or Jack Black interviews were; you sorta sense that the staff are fans of the interview subject and that can lead to them getting way too into the spirit of the guest’s body of work and making a show that lacks edge and comes off sycophantic. The opening sketch of this one lets us know that the show is in good hands; Moltar is bugging Mike Judge for an answering machine message and it’s a contentious back-and-forth. Later, Mike turns this dynamic around on Space Ghost by attempting to do an impression of him, quoting lines from the first episode. Not only was there a mutual admiration thing going on here, but Mike knew exactly how to play his side of the interview to make this episode GREAT.

This one ends with Mike inexplicably doing lines as his various Beavis and Butt-head characters saying the phrase “It doesn’t get any better than this”, for reasons that are mysterious. To this day, if I find myself using that phrase in conversation I will, depending on who I’m speaking to, invariably follow it up with an impression of Mike doing all of his characters in this episode. I wish I knew why this was in the show. It seems like a weird inside joke to me. But I love it, even though I don’t get it. 

I’m a fan of a lot of shows, and Space Ghost and Beavis and Butt-head hold a similar space in my heart as shows that I almost can’t get enough of. I don’t really like binge-watching shows, except for those two. I can very easily watch both Beavis and Butt-head and Space Ghost all day long. I don’t know why this is the case, but it is. And it’s very weird to me that one of my most-quoted Beavis and Butt-head lines (behind Beavis saying “it’s for me. It’s for me to read” or “I’ll be damned it’s Dave Navaro”) come from this episode of Space Ghost. But there you go!

MAIL BAG

Your Zorak write-up made me realize that for the amount it's parodied I knew absolutely nothing about This Is Your Life. I wasn't even that sure it was a real show until I looked it up. Seems pretty bad/boring/cringe. Seems like an old-fashioned thing for Space Ghost to even spoof but I found out there was a version as recently as 1993.  There's some good raw footage on youtube where they try to surprise Angie Dickinson for this version and she refuses and cusses at them. Fun stuff!

I’ve done a whole lotta old-ass TV watching for no really good reason, and I’ve never once tried to watch one of those things. They seem too scary to me. Uh, Sid Caesar did a thing once where (gets blasted by Space Ghost’s destructo ray)

[kanansdume]

The thing the Kenobi show did MILES better than the Ahsoka show, in my opinion, was not that it emphasized that Obi-Wan's forgiveness was due to his personal connection to Anakin, but that it emphasized that that forgiveness doesn't automatically have to mean that Obi-Wan forgets everything Anakin had done and was still doing.

Obi-Wan ultimately WALKS AWAY FROM ANAKIN at the end of that show. He feels so guilty and is so confused about WHY Anakin did the things he did, that he ultimately turns around and blames himself instead and actually apologizes to Anakin "for everything" (something we actually DO see happen with Ahsoka as well but ONLY in Rebels, never in the Ahsoka show). But what Obi-Wan ultimately recognizes is that there is literally no point to this. There's no point in trying to save Anakin so long as he is committed to being evil. There is no point in tying himself into knots and making himself miserable over someone like this. He loved Anakin once, sure, and a part of him likely always will, but he is able to recognize that the person he loved is GONE because Anakin is currently choosing to be an awful person instead. And this allows him to actually finally LET GO of Anakin in a way I don't think Ahsoka ever does or ever WILL be able to do.

This also allows Obi-Wan to be able to acknowledge that Anakin is currently evil, currently a monster, currently irredeemable and incapable of being saved, while still able to remember who Anakin used to be fondly. This is why he can say nice things about Anakin to both Leia and then later Luke while separating out "Darth Vader" as someone else entirely. It's not that he doesn't accept they're the same person, it's just that he is recognizing that Anakin used to be a better person than he is currently choosing to be (and also he is speaking to someone who doesn't know Anakin and Darth Vader are the same person and he's trying to keep that information from them for the time being).

To me, this is MASSIVELY more healthy than what we see Ahsoka do in the Ahsoka show, where she effectively is able to forgive him because she is told almost point blank by Huyang that Anakin isn't responsible for the awful horrible things he did because it was "meant to be" and because he did it For Love or something (Huyang is speaking about Sabine, but everything he says feels very pointedly also about Anakin). I think her "He was a good Master" comment is supposed to parallel Obi-Wan's "he was a good friend" line where like... it's kinda true, but also kinda not. However, Obi-Wan's has the context of speaking to Luke where Obi-Wan is forced to separate Anakin from Darth Vader for Luke's sake, while Ahsoka is just... talking to herself and doesn't actually need to do that. And Obi-Wan's commentary is IMMEDIATELY followed up by a lot of negative stuff about Vader, who we know is the same fucking person, while Ahsoka never says anything negative about Anakin at all throughout the entire show. So her "He was a good Master" line doesn't come off to me as her being capable of recognizing that he was once good DESPITE the bad things he also did, instead it comes off more as "This was ALL THAT HE WAS" or perhaps "this was the most IMPORTANT part of who he is and nothing else he did mattered in comparison." It feels like she is choosing to decide to ONLY remember him positively and just ignore the things he did that were bad because it's easier and simpler.

For me, it's not that it feels like she forgives him too quickly, it's been like 7-8 years since he died (Mando season 1 was set 5 years post ROTJ, and then it did a few years time jump by season 3, the Ahsoka show is set post Mando season 3) and about 15 years or so since she found out he was Vader to begin with (Rebels season 2 is approximately 3-4 years pre-ANH and there's about 3ish years between ANH and ROTJ). That's a LOT of time for her to come to terms with what he did and decide to forgive him for it. That's not a quick thing at all. The problem for me is that her forgiveness seems to come at the cost of deciding all the bad things he did DIDN'T MATTER and that his motives actually completely exonerated him of his crimes because he's not even truly responsible for it. Obi-Wan's does NOT.

Obi-Wan knows he loves Anakin, it's part of why he can't kill him (in ROTS at least, I think there's other motives for why he doesn't kill him in the Kenobi show beyond that), but his forgiveness is more about HIMSELF and letting himself accept that Anakin betrayed him and made his own selfish choices and refusing to be defined by Anakin's choices so he can let go and move on. His forgiveness FREES HIM from the burden of Anakin's selfishness, while Ahsoka's forgiveness seems to do the opposite and basically yokes her to Anakin for the rest of her life and destined to follow in his footsteps and make all of the exact same mistakes he did.

I do also agree though that it would've been really nice to have other characters at least show a lack of forgiveness or a lack of willingness to just... let that shit slide. It would've been so interesting to actually confirm that Hera and Sabine do KNOW about Anakin, not just that he was Vader, but that he was Ahsoka's master. It would've been REALLY interesting if they'd at least known that Ahsoka's Jedi master was, in fact, the dude who betrayed the entire Jedi Order, helped the Empire to rise, and then became Darth Vader and terrorized the galaxy for over 20 years. I imagine this would create some context for Ahsoka's behavior that would be super helpful and could have created some really interesting discussions between the characters.

Unfortunately, the Ahsoka show was written by a dude who has a pattern of completely ignoring or retconning the atrocities committed by certain characters when he wants to turn them into good guys on a whim (ex: Bo-Katan Kryze and Alexsander Kallus). And this is also the same dude who will INVENT crimes committed by other people when he wants to turn them into bad guys (ex: the Jedi Order and the New Republic). So it does not exactly shock me that he would have Sabine, Hera, Ahsoka, and Huyang act like Anakin didn't do anything wrong ever in his life. There was no way we were ever going to get a well-written, nuanced discussion of how Ahsoka feels about Anakin's betrayal and how that's continued to haunt her and impact her in a negative way before she forgives him so she can let go and move on from him for once in her life.

It's continuously frustrating that this show REFUSES to condemn Anakin for the things he's done or even really explicitly call him out on them, and they even go so far as to basically decide none of it even MATTERED.

But all they can say about the Jedi is that they failed.

When asked what Anakin was like, all Huyang says is that he was "intense."

The worst Ahsoka says is that he was "more dangerous than anyone realized" and then two episodes later she's calling him a "good master" despite everything he did to her and the rest of the galaxy. She never ONCE condemns him for committing a genocide against the Jedi and hunting them down for over two decades. She never ONCE condemns him for enslaving the clones and betraying their loyalty and using them as weapons against the Jedi they loved. She never ONCE condemns him for trying to personally kill HER.

He jokes with her, he gets to say that he wants to protect her, he gets to guide her into choosing to live, he makes recordings for her that she still uses years later. Anakin gets to be "more" than just his failures.

But the Jedi, somehow, do not. The Jedi are ONLY EVER their failures. Ahsoka never mentions them otherwise, she never remembers them fondly at all, she has no stories or connections about any of the other Jedi, she constantly disregards Jedi protcols as foolish and ridiculous at best.

The best thing they can say about the Jedi is that the "idea of them" had merit. But Anakin gets to be a GENUINELY good Jedi Master, more than just a good IDEA.

And this just feels like the WORST of double standards to me.

[ekebolou]

Finally have a bit of time to myself (haha not really I'm not doing work I should be doing) so I'm going to ramble a bit below the cut about Kostas stuff. I used to use comments and posts to work out thoughts about the story, but I stopped for a long time. So I guess this is me reviving it, because a good few minutes of scrolling through tumblr can provide a lot of material to think about.

Nika is a grappler, but not by choice; he was stuck for almost two years with a swordplay ollamh that refused to teach him, which really undermined his foundation. His swordplay is swordplay for survival while he has to keep to holding the damn thing. Good as the boys are at picking up skills, the Academy really makes you measure your time - it is not a situation where you can just make time to master new skills on your own, especially if they're physically demanding, because you need all the practice and all the rest you can conceivably get. He doesn't actually get good at swordplay until a year or two into the war, and by then he's spending as much if not more time training himself out of bad habits.

Cole is significantly better at swordplay, but is a bit slow (or at leat not as fast as others) and has the build to be a good grappler, except he's a bit tall, but in truth other cadets were better. Cole's particular skill comes with decision-making in the heat of things. He also knows he doesn't have to be the best at either of these things, and meters out his practice accordingly. There are two categories of achievement - physical and mental - at the Academy, and the best cadet will be at the top of both lists, but that doesn't mean he has to be best at all the skills under each heading.

This means that despite the fact that stories I tend to write show them winning at various contests, they both actually lose at least as often. I guess I write Nika losing fairly often, but it's often less a skill issue than a product of the environment - so I should say that they both lose contests just based on not being the most skilled with some frequency.

It is really difficult to get the better of Nika in an academic context, though. Circumstances often don't allow him to take advantage of or fully realize those 'wins', though he is fairly good at getting the last 'word' on them - I was re-reading the story of his Second Year tussle with Hammerlyn, and thinking about how that story will change in the broader telling of the Academy Days, and how it is truly an overwhelmingly grim situation. Nika escapes it under his own power, but if it weren't for the progress of years taking him out from under Hammerlyn's influence, it would have gone very badly.

And, of course, despite how well they're getting to know each other (*ahem*) Cole never understands how far things went until the events of the novel. There's a bit of willful ignorance, a bit of Nika not wanting him (or anyone) to know (and a bit of Nika not entirely knowing himself), and, frankly, they become very busy with what seems at the time like far more important matters (which isn't to put a value on it, in terms of trauma - just, like, a war starts breaking out, and it's distracting without also being in the middle of figuring out you're in love like LOVE love, you know?)

Likewise, though, Nika never understands what happened to Cole at Prep. Cole might die without Nika ever getting a handle on that - but to be fair, it's hard to say Cole ever really gets a handle on it. At best, I think at some point he forgives himself, or his child-self, for it. I don't think it ever stops affecting his perception of himself.

There's not therapy in this world, you know.

Which is why the poetry thing is so goddamn complicated. Cole doesn't even really know that his love of poetry, and the old ways, is deeper than the traumatic way that love was capitalized on at Prep. Arguably, the trauma is partially why he forgets it goes deeper. It's a very weird wall between things in his brain that these characters, frankly, don't have the time or space or interest in self-examination to explore. Nika is, after all, the one with the deepest skills at and respect for self-reflection. Cole is a series of variously brittle and unbreakable walls.

I think that's what A Haunting was getting at, in some ways. Nika feels very strongly about whatever it is that's behind Cole's walls, and Cole isn't even sure there is anything there. It would be much better, overall, for Nika to give it up, but as is his wont, he can neither give up questioning his own authentic emotions (no matter how much it hurts him and shatters his self-image) than he can allow Cole - who he most unfortunately cares about - to continue to deceive himself. Nika doesn't want to love Cole (love has hardly entered his mind at that point, he's just trying to figure out how horny he is and what that means and sadly he appears to be almost exclusively horny in the most interesting way for Cole), but if he's going to feel whatever he feels, he wants to know what he's feeling it for.

Cole could absolutely disappoint him out of his pursuit, which is, after, uncomfortable; additionally, a closer relationship of any kind with Nika is not particularly helpful in terms of his goals. He knows he could kill it. A small part of him probably realizes that killing it - demonstrating how empty he ultimately is as a person - would conform to his own self-perception. He very much thinks he knows what he is, and isn't particularly hurt or ashamed about it anymore - he has other things that matter more to him, namely his goals to rise to the absolute top of the military. But he just... doesn't. and keeps not doing it. and probably realizes even later than Nika that he's fallen in love. Definitely comes to fully understand what that means later. Arguably, he doesn't really get it until the war starts and Nika's gone, and his heart is so utterly broken. Also arguably, it's not until he sees him again, having been betrayed, that he actually takes any action about it. Cole kind of is the guy that carries around the poison pill for years, always knowing what it's for and what it could do, but not thinking about it until he's already put it in his mouth and bitten down. Which might be action that finally makes him happy.

But then, of course, he has to live with it, instead of dying, and that gets messy. Never regretful, but definitely messy.

What can I say, he's a bit slow sometimes.

[hjbender]

Hello. I watched the Rebels today and I have questions: 1. Have you watched the series to the end? 2. If so, how do you like the finale and the series itself as a whole?

I have indeed watched Rebels in its entirety. I like the series as a whole, more so the first and second seasons, when the main focus was still on the Ghost Crew—particularly Kanan and Ezra—instead of the logistics of maintaining a large-scale rebellion.

I think the show really started to fall off in the third and fourth seasons, when the writers seemingly got tired of writing about a small handful of people surviving in a hostile political environment and tried to broaden Rebels into The Clones Wars 2.0. And there were other problems (to me): Ezra’s new character design looked godawful, Kanan went from being part of the main cast to part of the supporting cast, Vader and the Inquisitors basically disappeared, I couldn’t care less about the Mandalorians or Thrawn, and I found the whole mystical subplot with the Loth wolves and the World Between Worlds to be extremely vague, farfetched, and incongruous, especially without any prior reference to the creatures in the first three seasons. 

Aside: Yes, this is a story about space wizards, but even they must follow rules in order to make sense. Suspension of disbelief can only carry the plot so far; to throw something into a story simply because it looks cool—and the Loth wolves definitely were—but barely functions within the plot is very gimmicky and does a disservice to the audience. Fantastical elements don’t have to be explained in excruciating detail, but they do have to make some sense, and more importantly, fit within the story. The magic Mononoke wolves felt really out of place (in a weird Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds way), in my opinion, and it seemed like the writers pulled the idea out of their asses and threw it in to take up space and guide the story to its predestined ending—which is the literal definition of a gimmick.

For this reason, the plot really started to jump the shark toward the end of season 4, in my opinion. To say I disliked the finale is a massive understatement. I have serious issues with some of the writing choices that were made, specifically in terms of Kanan and Hera’s perplexing, mixed-signal afterthought of a “relationship”, and of course the unplanned pregnancy that was thrown in purely as a consolation for Kanan’s death (one of the most patronizing and insufferable clichés in American media). Overall the ending felt very rushed, clumsily cobbled together, and unsatisfying. Basically Filoni et al were shaping Rebels to fit within the established canon of the Original Trilogy, and this is a problem that happens nearly every time you write new material that predates the current material in the canon timeline. Trying to maintain the continuity between two pieces of media with a massive 37-year age gap is like slicing off an inch of flesh from your waist so you can continue to wear the same pair of old jeans—instead of finding a way to let out the seams so that the jeans fit you and not the other way around. When you aren’t allowed to do anything to alter the precious canon (the jeans, aka A New Hope), anything you do to try to fit into them (cutting off pieces of your body, aka conforming your writing so as not to retcon canon) is going to feel drastic, extreme and painful. And that’s how it felt with Rebels at the end of season 4.

I’m also pretty salty about Kanan and Ezra getting wiped out of the picture simply for the sake of preserving the sanctity of A New Hope. I care more about Ezra Bridger than I ever did about Luke Fucking Skywalker, but once again, that's just me.

However, in spite of these shortcomings—which are all entirely my observations and not something I expect everyone to share—I still love the characters and the series, especially the first two seasons, which is why I spend so much time writing stories and making art that reflect my desire for Rebels content that I never got to see. As the saying goes, be the change you want to see in the world 🌠

[leafy-wings]

this is an ANTI GUARDIANS ZONE. i fucking hate those guys

[midnight-vixn]

Mammon would become so needy when you go back to the human world. He wants to be with you so bad so the two of you do a lot of sexting because the poor thing can’t get off without you anymore.

He becomes bold through the screen, his typical tsundere behavior mellows out the longer you’re apart, he gets cocky and starts teasing you more often. His dirty talk is much more dominant than usual, telling you what he wants to do to you, how he’ll make you scream his name, and of course sending you extremely lewd selfies and audios.

It bites him in the ass though.

There’s yet another student council meeting going on but Mammon has been too busy flirting with you and imagining you face down on his mattress all day to really care. He teasingly asks you to send him a video of you touching yourself so he can watch later, you remind him he’s in the middle of a meeting and that if he’s not careful his brothers may catch a glimpse but he doesn’t care.

I’ll watch it later when I get home. Send ya my own video in return ;)

He promises, forgetting how greedy he is. The minute his phone shows a new message from you and he sees the video attachment he’s squirming in his seat. All he can think of is you and watching you get off, seeing just how aroused you are for him, he feels himself twitch in his pants and his thumb hovers over the play button. His phone hidden out of view from Diavolo and Lucifer, under the table on his thigh, the only person who could possibly see what he was doing would be Levi, who was invested in his own phone under the table.

The video is almost three minutes long but he only needs a few seconds, just to scratch his itch, just enough to get him through this meeting. He just wants to see you start touching yourself, he’ll save the good stuff for later. He smirks to himself and pats himself on the back mentally for such a great idea. Too bad he forgot his volume was on full blast.

Mammon hits play only to instantly regret his life choices. This wasn’t a video of you starting to play with yourself, this was a video of you mid session and fucking yourself senseless. Your moans ring out through the room, making every demon present freeze. Diavolo is confused and looks to Lucifer for answers but only finds a severely flustered Avatar of Pride, his face bright red, eyes closed and hand over his mouth. The other five brothers are just as red, it only took a few seconds for them to recognize your voice, they all look toward Mammon who is mortified and sinking low in his chair trying to stop the video but his hands can’t grip the phone and before he finally hits stop you let out one incredibly loud and sultry moan of his name.

Diavolo calls the meeting to an end because honestly how do you continue when the entire council is too turned on to focus? Mammon prepares for the punishment of a life time from Lucifer but instead the first born vanishes before anyone can speak.

“So when do the rest of us get our own personal videos?” Asmo teases while walking out the door.

Flustered, Mammon opens your messages to complain about what happened only to see a new text from you.

Hope you learned your lesson ;)

Fuck. You always know how to put him in his place, he deserves this for all the teasing. He’s very quickly back to his tsundere ways and begging for forgiveness…and more videos of course. This time he’ll be extra careful. Promise.

[todoscript]

SEQUEL TO  “don’t forget it”

SYNOPSIS: One week after accidentally blowing you off on your date, Bakugou Katsuki seeks your forgiveness.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

genre: fluff, very little angst

word count: 5.4k+

warnings: none really accept maybe a character sustaining an injury

author’s note: hellooooo this is a very very very late part 2 of my don’t forget it drabble that many people asked for! i hope this lived up to your expectations and was worth the wait!

Since the events that led you to leave Bakugou’s room in a fit of bitterness after attempting to penetrate that thick head of his, he hadn’t been able to speak to you for a week.

It goes without saying he did his best to chase you down the hallway from his room and toward the elevator the moment he realized his faults. But at the stink eye you shot him through the minimizing slit of the elevator doors sliding into place, he knew he had no right to reconcile with you after pulling a stunt like that. Nor did he think you’d want to spare him any more words to begin with. It was clear you were done arguing with him.

“C’mon man, it’s probably best to let her cool down before you try to make up with her,” was the advice Kirishima offered when Bakugou returned to his room, disgruntled as he heavily fell back into his seat next to the desk. He did the bare minimum to acknowledge his friend’s words with a grunt before resuming tutoring the redhead, his method of teaching suddenly harsher than how it began thanks to his soured mood. He lapsed the day away by pounding Kirishima with problems upon problems against that hard noggin of his, both literally and figuratively.

At the very least, Kirishima earned himself a passing grade on their exam as a result of his hard work and their rigorous tutoring sessions. But what followed Bakugou’s and your relationship was still undetermined.

Days later and you were relentless in giving him the cold shoulder.

Bakugou was met with nothing but empty glances and blatant disinterest whenever he crossed your path. It felt like the wall you slotted between him grew another layer at each encounter, your defenses so impenetrable, it could give Kirishima’s quirk a run for its money. He couldn’t so much as utter a word in your direction without you effectively dodging every possible interaction in favor of joining another conversation nearby.

At first, Bakugou shrugged it off, calling your “childish attitude” unwarranted for something he thought was incredibly trivial. In his eyes, it was just an ordinary date at some run-of-the-mill restaurant he just happened to suggest to you because he took a liking to their spicy food. Not like it was some fancy dinner reservation serving caviar on dry toast beside a pretty, city night skyline. To him, it was nothing special.

However, as the week continued to roll by, it became clear to him how much he hurt you due to his selfishness. In a hangout with the Bakusquad, he learned that you apparently told Mina, along with the rest of the girls, everything during one of your girls’ nights. Which included the events prior to your heated argument in Bakugou’s dorm. And Mina, being just as peeved as you were at how Bakugou stood you up that day, had to let the blond know of the damage he’d done.

.

.

“I swear, Bakugou Katsuki, I know you can be an asshole sometimes—”

“Make that all the time,” Sero quietly adds in the middle of Mina’s rant while he lounges backward on Kaminari’s bed. If it wasn’t for his current dilemma, Bakugou would have elbowed him in the back of the head.

“—but this is crossing the line!” she finishes. Her arms are thrown exaggeratedly over her chest. The amber surrounded by the black scleras of her eyes points a beady look at the ash-blond crisscrossed on the floor between Kirishima and Kaminari.

“Poor girl sat there for hours waiting for you, only to find out she got blown off because you couldn’t even properly check your reminders!” She paces back and forth in the room, feet excessively stepping across the floor as she’s engulfed by the emotions she feels for her friend. “What’s worse? She comes back and finds out you’ve been doing your own thing with Kirishima the whole time!”

“Hey! It’s not like we were playing around! We were actually having a very serious study grind, thank you very much,” the redhead immediately clarifies. Though his explanation doesn’t alleviate Bakugou’s case in the slightest, who pounds his palms against the surface of the table they’ve gathered around.

“Look. I fucking get it, Ashido. I screwed up, okay?! Now what the fuck do you want me to do about it?!” he exclaims, anger overpowering his voice, but it does little to deter Mina.

“Fix it, obviously!” she quips back with equal fierceness, leaning in eye level with Bakugou.

“And how do you propose I do that, Raccoon Eyes? Hah?” Repositioning his elbow to rest on the table, he leans his cheek against his hand. “Y/n won’t even let me within five fucking feet in front of her and you still expect me ‘fix this’?”

Despite the situation weighing heavily on his shoulders, no immediate answer is bestowed upon him. That is, except the obnoxiously loud crinkle of a chip bag popping open next to Bakugou that cleaves into the scene like a record scratch. As if unable to read the mood in his own room, Kaminari fishes a chip to throw in his mouth, stirring the awkward silence into tension.

“Wow, Bakugou. I know you’re bad with girls and all, but you really messed up this time,” he remarks. His voice is slightly muffled as he munches his chips, continuing to wrinkle the bag for more. It incites a vein to swell on Bakugou’s forehead. He amasses all the willpower within him not to blast the bag of chips to ash, and the boy alongside it.

“If you dunce faces are just gonna sit here and throw salt in my wound then I’m outta here.”

“No, wait!” Kirishima catches Bakugou’s wrist before he fully lifts himself off the floor. “Come on, Bakugou, I’m sure we can think of something! We just need to put our heads together! Right, guys?” he assures. Finding it hard to deny his friend’s hardened conviction, Bakugou gives Kirishima the benefit of the doubt, albeit with slumped shoulders and a tentative raise of his brow as he slowly sits back down.

“Right! Everyone, let’s get some brainstorming done!” Mina yells encouragingly.

The atmosphere of Kaminari’s room is consumed by moderately thoughtful silence for the next ensuing minutes. A few hums pass, followed by an exchange of contemplative looks as four of the five rack their heads together to uncover a solution. The one in need of help only hunches in his seat, waiting with mild disinterest.

“Oh hey, don’t we have hero training with All Might tomorrow?” Sero is the first to comment, scooting to the edge of the blond’s bed.

“Yeah. So?”

“He said we were going to work on group exercises this time around. You know, teamwork and stuff,” he explains further.

At that, Mina snaps her fingers, the work of a brilliant idea flickering in her head. “Sero, that’s it! Tomorrow, during training, we’ll just form a group together with Y/n! After all, she’ll have to talk to Bakugou if you two are on the same team!” She claps her hands in front of her, her enthusiasm rippling through her body and shown energetically with each raise of her voice. “Then, while the rest of us ‘split up’ to cover more ground, that will be your chance to make everything better with Y/n! It’s genius!”

“You missed one fucking crucial detail, Pinky,” Bakugou gruffs. “That will only work if Y/n doesn’t join another group. The moment she sees I’m on yours, she’s not even going to hesitate making a u-turn.”

“Worry not~ I’ll just text all the girls except Y/n about the plan later and ask them to help sort everyone out!” She solves the problem with relative ease—quick as a click of her phone lighting up and finger sliding open to her messages.

“Uh, another thing though.” Kirishima raises his hand to spare his concern. “All Might says we’ll be splitting into groups of five at most, but there’s already five of us here.”

There’s a brief moment of deadpanning until Mina speaks casually. “Oh, that’s right. Kaminari. Take one for the team and make sure to join another group, ‘kay?” She settles without batting a lash.

Kaminari almost chokes on a mouthful of chips. “H-Huh?! What?! Why me?!!” he sputters.

“Because you’ve been eating chips this entire time and haven’t contributed to anything.”

“Hey, I offered the room, didn’t I?!” He tries justifying but is inevitably rejected by Mina’s wagging finger.

“Ah-ah, no complaints! Besides, it’s only one day of training. If we want this dilemma between Bakugou and Y/n fixed then we all have to play our part, got it?” Mina finalizes with a firm point of her finger nearly grazing the tip of the blond’s nose as he leans back to avoid it, eyebrows scrunched in discontent at the role he’s been reduced to.

“Alllllright!” Kirishima springs from his seat with outstretched arms and tightened fists. “Operation: Get Y/n to Forgive Explosion Boy is underway!”

“Dude, that’s a terrible name!” Sero laughs but rises from the bed to join the redhead’s cheer alongside Mina, the group already in high spirits.

Despite rolling his eyes at their swell of confidence, Bakugou does not object to the state of things. As crazy as it sounds, one could almost decipher the cusp of a grin pulling the seams of his lips as a possible sign he’s actually all for this extravagant little plan. Quite a first for Bakugou, but then again, there’s not much else he can do in this situation except rely on his pack of chumps.

Meanwhile, Kaminari grumbles something beneath the salty grit between his teeth.

“Alright, can you all get out of my room now?”

.

.

The scowl etched on your face carries a strong air of disdain that dampens the mood around your teammates considerably. Well, no one should be surprised. With Bakugou standing across from you, staring into the void of your expression, it’s to be expected that you wouldn’t be happy with this outcome.

No, “unhappy” doesn’t quite do your circumstance justice. You are beyond livid.

You feel your eyebrow twitch as you try quivering your lips to form a tinge of a smile. Unfortunately, all that quickly falls apart when you suddenly recall the disaster of last week, triggered by an accidental glance at Bakugou’s mug.

Trying to simmer down, you release a mental sigh amidst the turmoil boiling inside you.

Okay, maybe you’re over-exaggerating. Maybe you’re still just a bit too bitter for your own good and letting your emotions get to you. But in a class of twenty or some students, how did you end up in a group with the one person you were actively trying to avoid?

The moment All Might gave everyone the go-ahead to form their teams for today’s training exercise, you swiftly made a beeline toward two particular star students. Midoriya and Todoroki.

It was simple really. Your experiences throughout the school year told you Bakugou planned on staying away from his rivals when it came to teamwork, regardless of whether you’re there or not. He’s a competitive ass whose goal is to beat anyone he deems a threat in his climb to be the number one hero. It’s only logical you partner with people he adamantly dislikes to evade him.

Yet it seems fate has other plans for you today. By the time you found yourself pacing over to the two students you had in mind, they’d already gone and picked their own group members, forming teams before you could even ask.

Your nose wrinkles like you’ve taken a whiff of something rancid. Or, to be more specific, something fishy. Hooking an arm around Mina’s elbow, you drag the pink-haired girl off to a corner somewhere while tilting your head back at the three other boys.

“Ex. Cuse. Us.” Your words sound as stiff as cardboard. It comes out in practically a hiss when your eyes cross Bakugou. Once you’re positive you’re out of earshot, you whip your head at Mina.

“Mina, what the hell? When you dragged me over here to form a group with you you didn’t tell me he’d be there,” you groan. Childish and petty as you may sound, you just couldn’t fathom the idea of confronting the boy so soon.

Mina holds her hands out, ready to rationalize the whole ordeal. “C’mon Y/n, this is actually an advantage for us! With us four plus you on our team, we’re sure to knock the rest of the other guys out during training today! I mean we showed pretty good teamwork together at the sports festival, didn’t we?”

Steadying your gaze, you hold a finger below your chin as you slowly buy into the explanation. The reasoning is there. It’s hard to argue against a case like that, fully aware that being on the same team as explosion boy will easily snag good results for you and your party. ‘Cause as much of an arrogant jerk as he is, you have to admit Bakugou Katsuki knows his way around hero action like the back of his grenade gauntlets.

“Besides it’s not like you could avoid him for the entire school year. I mean, you two are in the same class. It was only a matter of time before you had to—”

“I know, Mina,” you interject, not wanting the rest of her sentence about the inevitable fall to your ear. “I just… Agh, you know what I mean!” You ruffle your hands through your hair in confliction, unsure how to piece your thoughts together.

Tilting your head over Mina’s shoulder, you sneak a glimpse at Bakugou, watching him as he’s cast to the side with the others. He’s fending himself from Kirishima and Sero’s combined jokes, that usual look on his face sending glares at the two and yelling something you could almost pick up on if you honed your ears a bit more. Surprisingly, when his eyes meet yours for a split second, he stands there looking nonchalant again. Both of you immediately avert your gazes.

Mina pats your shoulder, bringing you back to the conversation at hand. “I know, I know, but after this, I’m sure you can go back to ignoring his ass. After all, it’s just one training exercise, right?” she says. As her words deliver some relief to your ill-timed situation, you give in with a sigh.

Unbeknownst to you, turning your back to Mina and striding toward the rest of your teammates again, you miss the small glint in her yellow eyes, along with the subtle gestures she aims at the three boys, waving her pointed thumbs over your head secretively.

“So I take it you’re on the team with us, Y/n?” Sero asks when the two of you return. You nod in reply and the boy flashes his pearly whites in a wide grin that Kirishima mirrors. He nudges Bakugou at his sides which you subtly catch in the far corner of your eye.

You raise a brow suspiciously at their fidgeting, wondering why having you on their team warrants such enthusiasm, but you’re thankful for their energy at least. Someone has to lift the atmosphere for this not to be a complete drag and Bakugou surely isn’t going to be the mood maker of the group.

The blond scoffs. “Yeah, well, if you dumbasses are going to form a team with me, you’ll follow under my leadership, got it?”

The three readily agree. Though you roll your eyes, you don’t challenge his position, considering no one else is that much up to the task as he is. You’ll simply have to deal with the fact that you’re forced to tread through the day under his leadership. So with no objections, the five of you walk back to the class, gathering around the entrance of today’s battlefield.

Jumping into the activity, All Might goes about explaining today’s lesson to the four sets of teams—consisting of a group exercise to heighten teamwork. The name of the game? Capture the flag.

In short, each team will be split off into different sections of the labyrinth where their assigned flag is stationed. The objective is to not only protect your flag from being stolen but also try and steal an opposing team’s flag from their base and escort it safely to your home field. Nice and simple.

Not long after All Might’s explanation, the gate to the training grounds opens and you all scatter off into your teams, navigating through the twists of the maze to locate your flags. Once your group situated themselves onto your home base, you assemble in a huddle to devise a strategy before the game starts.

“So what’s the plan?” Kirishima asks, eyes darting around his teammates until they rest on Bakugou—the team leader. The ash-blond crosses his arms, a confident sneer plastered on his face as he’s already thought of his plan of action the moment All Might announced the mission.

“Easy. I’m going straight to the front-lines to swipe one of those dumbasses’ flags. You lot are gonna stay here and guard ours until I come back.” He delivers the strategy in a matter-of-fact tone that you quickly don’t take a liking to. Your fist curls in irritation.

“What kind of a plan is that?” you question audaciously, your voice louder than you intended. “So you’re just going to do all the work while we sit around and wait for you?”

Bakugou grits his teeth, leaning further into the huddle to direct his senseless logic. “Look, it’s the fastest and most surefire way to snag our victory without sacrificing anyone,” he says. Playing over his words again, he finds it surprising he even chooses to offer his reasoning. Because if it were anyone other than you he was arguing with, he’s certain he’d leave it at that.

Knowing the current tension between you was a result of his misjudgment, it feels only right for Bakugou to make an effort in communication. He ignores the antsy expressions belonging to the others who signal from behind you to follow along with their original plan.

You don’t seem to catch the hint, nor do you buy into his ridiculous strategy. “Oh, so you’re that confident you won’t get taken out by the other team then?” you quip. As a result, Bakugou’s brows tighten at your noncompliance.

“I know how to take care of myself. You of all people should realize by now that no other nerd in this whole damn class can outmatch me.”

“And what about an ambush? How do you know they simply won’t anticipate your strategy and see you coming?” You fire another counterargument and the boy purses his lips, beginning to find this quarrel spiraling into a headache rather than a step in the direction of reconciliation.

While Sero and Kirishima stand there, shifting their heads back and forth throughout the fiery exchange, Mina speedily reacts. The gears of that cunning mind of hers click into place again.

“You know what, Y/n’s right. Why don’t you two go together then?” she proposes boldly. Her suggestion catches you by complete surprise. You veer in her direction with an incredulous look blown in your eyes.

Before you can open your mouth to protest, the two boys standing beside her immediately back her up.

“Hm, Mina has a point. The chances of you falling into a trap wouldn’t be much if you two work together,” Sero remarks.

Kirishima follows, “Yeah, you guys can watch each other’s backs while going to collect the flag! It’s safer to go in a pair than by yourselves I’d say.”

The three seem adamant about the idea, sharing equally content expressions, and with all that said, you find it hard to dig yourself out of this situation. In a way, you practically volunteered yourself after questioning Bakugou’s plan and doubting his abilities. The group only feels it’s right you come along as his support since you clearly must be worried about his well-being.

Pushing your objections down your throat, you reluctantly agree to tag along with the blond. What you find exceptionally shocking is how Bakugou doesn’t oppose these new conditions. Given his hard-headed temperament, you thought he would’ve scoffed and turned his back at being paired without notice, but no such things were happening here.

...Odd.

“Tch, whatever. Let’s get going then,” is all he gives, starting in the direction into the urban area of the training course.

You trail behind him. “Coming, Boom-Boy…” you mutter the last bit but don’t suppress the urge to let your words be known. Bakugou turns his head and gives you a look akin to an uptight six-year-old you just offended at your local playground. You shrug in response, a corner of your lip pinched upward. He doesn’t pick a fight over the nickname, but his eyebrows remain fiercely slanted, and coupled with his heavy steps and the excessive swinging of his gauntlet-clad arms, it tells you of his emotional constipation plain as day.

.

.

The journey toward the other teams’ flags is cloaked in strained silence and the physical gap between you two does not encourage any of you to speak up. At this point, both of your levels of annoyance for each other have mellowed out. Now it just feels... awkward—strange. You don’t see his expression, nor does he see yours. It feels like you’re being left in the dark, having only the back of Bakugou’s head to stare at the entirety of the way, and though you supposedly have his back, Bakugou feels precarious in this state as he trudges along at the front, not daring to turn his head to cross your eyes.

The ambiance is reminiscent of the ancient Greek legend of Orpheus and Eurydice. Where Bakugou walks through the depths of the underworld, seeking you out in hopes you’d join his side once again. If he turns around now and spills his thoughts to you too soon, he fears that your forgiveness would be whisked away, thoroughly beyond his reach, and replaced with your promises of retribution.

That was the eloquent version of the situation anyway. To put it bluntly, Bakugou was just impatient as hell to say something to you. The silence suffocates him to the point where the words are nearly about to be squeezed out of his throat, but he bites his lip to snuff out the urges.

The more he keeps them in, the more fidgety he becomes, hands itchy and mouth trembling with grit between his teeth. The idea of not letting his voice be heard was something Bakugou detested. Mainly because it was already such a challenge to even keep his mouth shut, given his fiery attitude and lack of patience.

Man, what the hell am I hesitating for? he asks himself, that outspoken side of him spurring him on.

Ah, screw the uncertainty, he thinks. If he doesn’t say anything now, then he won’t get to say anything ever.

Bakugou stops in his tracks, turning his head. Here goes nothing,

“Hey, Y/n, I–”

“Katsuki–”

Words collide into each other, jumbled and incoherent, which take you two by surprise as you meet each other’s furrowed gazes. It’s quiet as you both piece your way through this, eyes trained like you haven’t seen each other in months when the reality is that a week of bitterness has somehow made you act like strangers. The bewildered look crossing his features is foreign to you; you’ve never quite seen Bakugou as taken aback as he is now.

“You first,” you grant before Bakugou could mix up your words again. Even being given permission, the blond still isn’t sure what to say, his thoughts lost on him the moment his voice clashed with yours. He takes a deep breath, calming his senses and steadying his mind for what he wants to convey.

“Look, Y/n, I don’t know how to put this as nicely as I can,” he begins, tone consistent yet wary, assessing your expression, “but I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there all by yourself. I shouldn’t… have blown you off like that and forgotten about you.” He delivers this bluntly—honestly—as open as a boy of his nature can muster with arms spread out, willingly exposing him to his faults and your reprisals.

Looking at you, he finds your eyes are cast to the floor, assuming to be reflecting on his words carefully. After some deliberation, you come across the vermillion in his eyes.

“Frankly, I haven’t entirely forgiven you just yet. But I will say that despite how I’ve been acting, I’m not as mad at you as you think,” is what you give, and Bakugou would be lying to himself if he didn’t achieve relief at your statement. He mentally releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding throughout the exchange. However, you aren’t done yet.

“I just want you to understand what moments like those mean to me. It’s during that time where I can share my feelings and learn more about you—understand who you are,” you say. Bakugou latches onto every word. “And it goes both ways, you know. It’s hard to want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make an effort to make time for you.” It’s obvious you aim that comment at him as Bakugou’s eyes soften slightly hearing it. His calloused, glove-clad hands wrap into his palms. Man, he really was a jerk.

“Still… I know you’re making an effort to be sincere and that you’re genuinely sorry for what happened, especially considering how the others seem to have set this whole conversation up, right?” Bakugou winces over the Bakusquad’s ploy coming to light and makes a note not to follow along next time unless those dummies can scrape up a more elaborate plan.

Despite that, he presses on, “So, what does this mean?” A smile settles on the curve of your lips, sensing his impatience as his voice hastens you along.

“Well…” you begin, speech drawn out in anticipation as you step toward him to where Bakugou follows your movements. That is until he catches a few shadowy figures shifting around atop the small building behind you. Before you can open your mouth to continue, his instincts flare to life.

“Hey, look out!” he exclaims, already acting on his warnings by lunging forward to push you out of the way. Your breaths draw back into your lungs, your body thrust abruptly into the opposite direction. Landing on your butt, you wince at both the shock and the pain, but your whines desist when you witness Bakugou taking a force to the head as a result of coming to your aid.

“Katsuki!” you yell, immediately getting off the ground to rush to his side, but he can’t find it in himself to respond. Afflicted with a substantial blow to the crown of his head, his whole being throbs and his vision spins.

Fuck, is Y/n, okay? is the first thing on his mind, ignoring the liquid trickling down his forehead. His question is answered upon turning his head to meet your anxious expression—your eyes wide and lips quivering as they move to say words he can’t exactly make out beneath the pounding sensations consuming his mind. As he feels a set of arms wrap around him, he tries discerning his surroundings to form a reply, but can only capture bits and pieces.

“—tsuki! ...old… n!”

“...god—! I’m so dead!”

A sputter of words tangling together is the last he hears before his vision fades to black.

.

.

The next time Bakugou awakes, his eyes slowly sever open to come face-to-face with a blurry white ceiling. The lights assault his vision as his senses take time to adjust, unraveling the environment to realize he’s laying on a bed—a hospital bed to be precise.

He attempts lifting himself but is met with retaliation in the form of his pulsating head which he immediately flinches at. His hand goes to rub his scalp to soothe the ache and he finds bandages wrapped tightly around him. “What the hell happened?” The last he remembers is traversing the urban area with you for the capture the flag mission before finally confronting the subject that had been plaguing your minds for a week now. After that, he caught sight of some object descending toward you and before he had even realized it, his feet had moved on their own. Next thing he knows, he’s waking up in the nurse’s office with a headache from hell.

Wait, what about you? Were you okay? Surely, he had to have pushed you out of the way in time, right?

His head moves quicker than it should’ve, revealing the other hospital bed in the room to be unoccupied, vacant. He sighs and his relief is further bolstered by the door to the nurse’s room opening to unveil you unharmed with only your heavy look of concern troubling him.

“Katsuki, oh thank god, you’re okay!” you say, quickly pacing over to his side with a glass of water in hand. You leave it at his bedside, sitting before him. Gauging your appearance up and down, Bakugou tries making out even the smallest details.

“You aren’t hurt?”

You’re appalled he would ask this despite clearly being the one patched up in a hospital bed right now, and likely sporting some serious head trauma.

“Of course I am, you’re the one that lunged forward to protect me,” you tell him. Bakugou looks down at his lap, figuring that was what happened, but hearing it from you comforted him more than he thought. However, his comfort is wretched from him by the intense pressure persisting in his skull. Seeing him in pain, you urge him to lay down and rest.

“How the hell did I end up here anyway?”

You fidget with your fingers, hesitating on answering. At that, the blond lifts a brow, suspicious.

“Mineta… accidentally dropped a rock on your head.”

“...You gotta be joking, right?”

Bakugou leers hard, finding the reason he was out of commission to be a damn pebble hitting his head a detriment to his pride. And because of Mineta of all fucking people. Still, if he hadn’t acted as quickly as he did, you would’ve been the one to meet his fate instead, and he weighed this outcome to better than the former.

Then you explain how the teachers had temporarily intervened to bring his unconscious body to the nurse’s, where the old lady went about tending to his injury. Said she did her job and all he needed was to rest and let her quirk take fuller effect within that time.

“So did we win the game?” He switches the topic to today’s mission of capture the flag that was cut short on his end.

You shake your head, but at least grant him the benefit of knowing Mineta’s team ended up placing last. At that, his eyelids shut and he crosses his arms behind his bandaged head. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t my intention to win anyway.”

You give him a look. “...Liar.”

Bakugou cracks an eye open at you. “Hah? What do you mean I’m a fucking liar?”

“I know you, Katsuki. I dated you, after all. And the Katsuki that I dated is an arrogant, competitive jerk who thinks of being the best above all else.” Bakugou scrunches his nose, wondering what you’re implying through your... overly frank descriptions. “Still… he’s sweet and caring at times… and reliable when he needs to be,” you continue, tone softening that draws Bakugou in, “And the kind of guy I want to give a second chance to.”

Absorbing your words, Bakugou blinks. “S-Seriously?” He doesn’t mean to stutter, but the offer catches him off-guard. He replays what you just said. That’s what he heard, right? A second chance?

You giggle at how uncharacteristically astonished he sounds. “Yes, seriously.”

“Does that mean you forgive me for what happened last week?”

You hum between pursed lips in playful contemplation. “Well, maybe you can redeem yourself by going on another date with me then?”

Hearing your proposal, a wide grin arcs his lips, edging into a smirk.

“That’s it? Well, I can definitely fucking do that,” he states, confidence rejuvenating his body at the new, hopeful chance before him.

“Oh, just one more thing though,” you suddenly add.

“What?”

“We are not going to that Chinese Restaurant again.”