#i am very queer for a cis person lol
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lifea16 · 3 months ago
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Sexuality Update!:-
Alright, so, been thinking abt my identity alot, I've come to the conclusion that I'm
Bisexual! Yay! As well as a Quoriomantic Idemromantic and ofc Fraysexual and Cupiosexual
Probably a Demiplatonic Caedplatonic (Thanks Bullying! /s Now I only can form platonic bonds after getting attatched!)
Ya, I'll probably explain how I'm Idemromantic in a later post
Also happy late Bi Visiblity Day!
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zan0tix · 3 months ago
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May I just say I really really appreciate your approach to and respect for the transfemininity embedded in Homestuck. Like the fact that you depict Jake as a kind of "genderfuck" (for lack of a better word) character without trying to divorce that from transfemininity as so many others do, as well as being able to depict Roxy with certain clocky characteristics without disregarding her femininity or making it feel fetish-y, is all really admirable in my eyes. It gets extremely frustrating seeing large swathes of the fandom constantly trying to separate the story of Homestuck from transfemininity despite it having a transfem enby author, so I really appreciate that you don't shy away from it in your art :)
I am so glad!!!!! Its something ive Always noticed in like every fandom since i first got onto the internet the disparity between the amount of transfems i knew vs how often their story got to be uplifted in fandom spaces or get to be celebrated how transmascs did considering how queer dominated they are but then i grew up and realised how badly male centric queer spaces are too😭
Homestuck is one of the spaces that has a big amount of transfems openly engaging in fandom activities and that makes me really happy to see! since i often see gross rhetoric from transmascs or cis women about fandom spaces abt “who is allowed” and “fandom being a safe space” cough blatant transmisogyny (sobs everywhere its so bad)
I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PPL BRUSH PAST HUSSIE BEING TRANS SO OFTEN ISNT THAT INSANE. To me it reframes homestuck how the creators of the matrix being trans does. Like I dunno maybe that informed the works presentation of gender somehow. Maybe all the commentary and critique and displays of frustration at the contradictory nature of gender but especially trying to fit “being a man” in society came from somewhere when they were writing it 🤔🤔🤔 hussie said it herself that alot of homestuck was just stream of consciousness. Everything that comes out of daves mouth near the end seemed very plausible to be a reflection of hussies own journey realising that Actually these boundaries of what defines A Good Man and A Good Woman are ridiculous and no person can possibly live up to that no matter what were told from birth.
But i try my best to reflect the innate transfemininity of homestuck and the majority of its cast, its something integral to the works themes and just the community who built it! It saddens me how skittish other transmascs are about engaging with or portraying the transfeminine stories when its just. Practically textual. And all you need to do is Listen and empathise. I love learning how other feminine people see themselves in this story like how often do you get such a menagerie of in depth fem characters. And i love seeing what the experiences transfems see echoed in homestuck are because its all such insightful stuff About femininity and its beauty and its ills all at once. Roxy..kanaya.. wipes tear from my eye.
I want to actively include and celebrate transfem features and bodies as much as transmasc ones get to be around here and i am glad my jake and roxy do feel that way 🥹🥹 my aim with my designs is to make them feel like some everyday people youd see, no fetishisation/sexualisation or demonisation, just Existing and appreciating. Because i know how much it can mean to see yourself in something and for that to be treated with care and kindness. Its why i create in the first place! Because of how others creations gave me that comfort when i couldnt find it elsewhere
I feel similarly about how people portray fat women or just like. Women in general. its sad how badly the whole sexualisation = acceptance warps how people portray things fatness or transfem features. Never ever saying these things arent hot or sexy or to be appreciated. Duh. I think how i portray jake says enough abt what i think of that LOL just that It feels like its the only way people try and show theyre accepting? Which just feels so gross and dehumanising the only way they think to display they feel empathy is through saying “Yeah i can get off to people like you”😭
Rlly bad in society in general so also in the homestuck space. Worlds hardest challenge is liking the alpha kids. Im so sorry for what they do to you jane and roxy🥲🥲🥲 Its baffling because Homestuck is Prime Example Numero Uno of how to humanise characters. Just display them being people; their thoughts, their feelings, their insecurities, their passions, their woes, their loves, their losses. So much can be communicated through how a character speaks with their friends.
I wana do that for jake and roxy! They get to be dimensional too! I like showing their laughs and their sorrows, just them Existing with the people around them. They get to be a part of the lighthearted comedy just as the rest of them do. They get to be a part of all the gender and sexuality insanity going on in their friend group, can point out their flaws and mistakes and insecurities. I dunno its rlly not that hard to just empathise with them and want to tell their stories.
I am so invested in the raw unabashed Humanity of homestuck. Its just one person pouring their brain contents into this huge thing and it displays the best and the worst and the absurdity and the questions. Its so interesting and hussies transness IS JUST BAKED INTO IT. Thus the characters contain that too and it kinda stinks of transmisogyny to throw that out!
YAPPING TOO MUCH OMG but i rlly appreciate this ask🫶🫶🫶makes me so happy to hear
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abyssal-author-and-artist · 3 months ago
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I love the Gravity Falls fandom because, like, you can headcanon any character as trans in any direction with like. Three exceptions.
Uh, headcanons below cut I guess
Dipper? We can make a good case for trans masc and trans femme. I tend towards trans masc because he's a little guy and just like me fr fr, but like, I like her, too, I find her cute in the punt-that-small-child-(affectionate) way.
Stan and Ford? Well, they're identical and I've seen a lot of them both being transmasc which I love and trans femme Stan and Ford actually make me feral. I need to do some things with transfemme Stan and Ford actually, I've seen them floating around and they're so cute and wholesome. Old trans sisters to me.
Side headcanon, Stan and Ford are extremely accepting even if they're cishet. Like Stan to me knew queer people in New York who died in the AIDS crisis. Like he can name people on the AIDS quilt to me and the only reason he wasn't hit by it and didn't die to it is he had to move to Gravity Falls. And Ford has a weird conception of gender that's shockingly progressive because multiverse.
Soos, okay, well, I haven't seen trans Soos around but like. First of all, super neglected character (I say as I do nothing with him). And second of all we are SLEEPING on trans Soos. A couple of the reasons for transfemme Dipper hold up here, mostly being the going-only-by-a-nickname thing. But also like, Soos's abuelita seems like just the most tolerant person ever and would so just go "Oh. I have a grandson/daughter now." and move on with her life. And also can someone draw transfemme Soos because I have a vision and if you saw it you'd agree because I can't get over her but like I can't even describe it it's just. Transfemme Soos in a corset. Transfemme Soos putting on a skirt for the first time. You feel me? Oh, and nonbinary Soos, too, just like. Soos went from very cis to the most gender human being ever to me very fast.
The three exceptions to me are Wendy, Mabel, and Pacifica (and it's up for debate whether Pacifica's even an exception).
Mabel is always transfemme. She can't for the life of me be a guy and I can't explain why. She's either transfemme or cis. Sorry, that's a girl to me and she always will be.
Wendy is either a cis woman or a trans man, and probably honestly falls on either extremely-masculine-man or tomboy-cis-woman for me. I can't really see her as transfemme.
And Pacifica is trans masc to me. I don't even see him as cis, he's just a guy. A man. Alternatively, the reason he's one of the execptions is because I was working on Divine Falls stuff and I went "what if he's genderfluid lol" and then "oh wait that's actually cool" so he's either a trans man or genderfluid to me, but like. He's genderfluid in the "getting my tits cut off and taking hormones does not make my gender one thing, I am unknowable and my gender is whatever pisses you off the most" sorta way. (Unrelated I think genderfluid Pacifica would do great on Tumblr)
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olderthannetfic · 8 months ago
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You recently mentioned that you've been out since your teens. As a person who managed to overlook a shitton of signs and only realized she was bi in her early 20s, I am wondering how you realized you were bi and also how you found out bisexuality exists?
Sorry if the phrasing sounds weird, I only noticed I was bi because I stumbled over the term on tumblr in 2016 and was like "oh, that's possible??" and then my earlier identity crises during my teens due to feeling attracted to multiple genders and being like "I'm crushing on [female person]. Am I lesbian? Nah, I've also felt attracted to [male person]. But I can't be straight either because this attraction feels the exact same. Am I broken?" were suddenly resolved with the realization that bi is also an option and that I'm not broken due to zigzagging between heterosexuality and homosexuality, but rather just bisexual. In retrospect, it's absolutely ridiculous that it took me so long, considering that as a kid I had crushes on Anna and Carter and Doctor from Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town, and Vitani from Lion King 2, and back in primary school, I used to go to the kids' section in the library and look at the first pages of a sci-fi comic which had one or two women get out of a lab or space station thingy and go bathe in the nude in the first few pages. I don't remember what it was called or what it was about, but tbh I'd love to find it and actually read it properly this time lol.
--
Horniness. The hornier you are, the easier it is to notice.
But also... well...
The 80s were all about combating the AIDS crisis and trying to get basic recognition of the humanity of gay people (at least in the US circles I was familiar with). The 90s saw the rise of a much more organized bi rights movement.
And then we backslid.
In the 2000s and 2010s, interest in bisexuality as a distinct thing fell off a cliff as far as I can tell. The "hey, it's not just cis gays and lesbians" energy moved first to trans topics and then to asexuality but without bisexuality joining the stodgy old guard.
The 90s were different. I was hitting my teens just as Anything That Moves hit its stride. I bought that shit at the bookstore. Yeah, this was the Bay Area, but they carried it at all the regular bookstores, not just the gay ones.
On Usenet where I spent a lot of my tween years, one of the big groups was soc.bi. I even spotted them having an in-person meetup in a restaurant in Berkeley where I happened to be having dinner with my parents. I didn't go say hi because I was like 14.
My big eureka moment, though, was on alt.tv.x-files when two groups were having a satirical argument about who enjoyed The X-Files more: people who got to lust over David Duchovny or people who got to lust over Gillian Anderson. Someone showed up and was like "Hah! I get to enjoy it twice as much as all of you! I'm bi!"
I was like "That's a thing????" I'd grown up with very liberal parents and lesbian neighbors, but like a lot of boomers, my mom was pro-gay and deeply clueless about all other queerness.
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So the answer is unsupervised internet access in an age with no algorithms plus things like bisexual magazines actually existing.
RIP Anything That Moves.
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doing-swell · 7 months ago
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hello, my name's swellie 💖✨🌈 aka: new pinned post! new pinned post! read all abt it!
welcome to my blog! I started on here almost exactly a year ago, and since then I've learned not only so much about my pregnancy kink, but also about myself. being here has been formative for my kink exploration journey, and it's helped me deconstruct years of catholic school girl trauma (s/o to catholic guilt!).
This is a pregnancy and birth fetish vlog. This is an 18+ only environment. DO NOT INTERACT IF 18 OR YOUNGER. I am a 27 year old white cis woman with brown hair. I identify as a neurodivergent bisexual woman on the ace-spectrum. I live in the US - New England specifically!
I've had a pregnancy kink since I was a kid. I even got in trouble for google image searching "pregnat" on my childhood computer lol (it was 2006 folks, what else was i supposed to do?) I created this blog to share the beautiful side of this kink. I hope you enjoy! <3
Keep reading below!
As a queer person I will absolutely not condone any form of homophobia, transphobia, racism, misogyny, etc etc. I am an open and tolerant person, and please do not try to take advantage of me because of this. I mostly only follow back people whose content I enjoy seeing.
When I interact with kink content here, I mostly imagine myself as the pregnant carrier. I mostly get off to picturing myself in some sort of pain (i.e. labor) or I like to picture myself with a pregnant person.
Things I really enjoy:
Wearing a fake pregnant belly
Pregnant bellies (specifically, large pregnant bellies, smaller bellies, those with stretch marks, red bellies, moving bellies)
Breeding <3
Impregnation <3
Poking pregnant bellies, rubbing them etc
Stirrups, medical torture stuff, etc (FANTASY ONLY. I CANNOT REPEAT THAT ENOUGH. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU FEEL OTHERWISE)
Birth, birth denial, labor and contractions
Pregnant lesbians (because duh,,, I’m fucking gay)
Historical pregnancies or pregnancies set in the past
Clothes not being able to fit/spilling out of old clothes
Giant swollen boobs (especially with veins 🙈)
Giant bellies in laps <3
Waddling and being out of breathe, struggling to sit up, contractions, unable to get up from sitting, etc
Curves🤤🤤
I’m not into:
Anime/ drawings
Monster fucking, slime, pups/litter talk, etc
Mpreg
Beastiality, aliens, monsters, anything sci fi
Eggs or pushing out objects
Feederism, feedies, or stuffing (in very very specific circumstances I tolerate this)
Anything to do with fatphobia or shaming folks for their size/weight
Swollen feet
It gets weird when it gets misogonistic in a "I would actually vote to overturn roe v wade if I had the chance" kind of thing -- if it's fantasy/pure imagination, I'm all ears. But when I think you would actually hate crime me IRL..... that's when I [not-so] politely decline ❤️🫶🏻
Other disclaimers:
I am in a relationship right now and she knows about this blog and my kink. She is so supportive and I love her very much. We are very open to exploring ourselves sexually, but never, and I mean never, would I risk my relationship because of something on here. If you cross a line, I will immediately tell you. Please do not assume I want to fuck you or be in a relationship with you in real life, this is purely for kink purposes. I think of you as my friends! If I talk to you, or respond to your DM's or like your content occasionally, that means I'm grateful to have you in my life and you make my life better by being in it. Xoxo, thank you for understanding!
Please send me asks, tell me about your fantasies, ask me questions about my fetish. I want to learn more about you as well! I’m an open book when it comes to most things, I promise I won’t judge you 🙈
I don’t want to tell you my real name, where I live, or anything about me in real life. You won’t ever see my face. It’s what I’m comfortable with, full stop. If you do get my name or anything from me, it’s for you only. Do not share that without my consent. For purposes of this blog, you can call me Swellie 🤪
I love interacting with mutuals through tags and captions 💋 it’s my way of flirting and will swoon if you do the same
Happy swelling, babies 🫡
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catboybiologist · 1 year ago
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Okay maybe it's time to make an actual designated pinned post
Edit: hiya! A new pinned post will come, but quick note that I am starting my transition MtF now. This pinned post, and all the pictures in it, predate that, however. General guide is that I'm referring to pre transition me as a femboy, and will be referring to myself as a trans woman to moment I start HRT. But I'm leaving this old pinned post up for now.
Hi! I'm CatboyBiologist. I'm a grad student in Molecular Biology with a passion for the ocean, nature, Fromsoft games, national parks, and weird tech stuff. I tastefully hornypost about men, women, and all others (so be warned), post spicy hot memes (fuck you I'm the funniest mfer alive), type out long rambles about science and nature, and play Fromsoft games. PLEASE send me cute pictures of your pets.
Oh yeah, I'm also a cis man who does this sometimes:
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I also make shitposts out of myself sometimes
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I've also made a couple guides on how to replicate these kinds of looks.
General overview of femboy stuff:
How I create cleavage looks from a relatively flat chest:
If you want a somewhat more realistic idea of what my figure looks like:
The best way to specifically see those posts and filter out everything else is probably to use the femboy tag on my profile.
Pronouns? Uuuuuhhhhhhhhh, idk dude just use whatever. It's far more gratifying to me to throw a look out there and see what people wanna use for it than to declare my pronouns. If that doesn't make sense to you, they/them or he/him is cool.
Asks and DMs are always open for science talk, cute animal pictures, casual non creepy flirting, or whatever else... With the SOLE exception of these two questions that I get WAY too often and will give final answers to here:
"Are you a biologist who studies catboys or a biologist that just happens to be a Catboy?"
Both. Do humans not study human biology?
(also I'm actually studying bio irl)
"why is it not catboyologist, hmmm? I am very clever"
To give a serious answer to a joking question I get way too much: This online persona (or whatever you want to call it) is about balancing and integrating two large parts of my personality: my career in and passion for biology, and my queerness and gender nonconformity. I wanted both of those parts to be clear, in a cute and fun username. Basically, "catboyologist" only has the same effect as my actual username if you already know my actual username- you can't interpret the "biologist" part from "catboyologist".
Plus, "catboyologist" has too many consecutive wide vowels. CatboyBiologist breaks it up so it sounds punchier.
Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tag, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL
I'll also abuse other tags I use somewhat frequently, so hi y'all
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velvetvexations · 3 days ago
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as we all know you are THE popular Tumblr transfems. all of the popular radical feminist transfems on the site are actually the underdogs and definitely don't have huge followings or any social power on this website. don't look at their four-digit follower counts or the way they subtly encourage dogpiling people because they know there's a crowd of people who will do it immediately that's irrelevant
TRFs think 1k and 15k are the same number because they both have a one in them.
Being so many levels deep in the feminism discourse makes daily life amusing sometimes. Like some of the shit I wanna joke about would probably comes off as misogynistic without the context of it being in response to radical feminism but it's so funny. Like saying shit like I love erasing women doesn't necessarily make sense to someone who doesn't know it's in response to terfs talking about gender neutral medical language etc. Or like having to hear constant feminism 101 basic bitch feminism stuff from people around me and just nod cause I know they don't wanna hear about The Nuance cause the average person isn't as interested in social and gender theory as I am. Like to the average level one feminist I can understand how more complex feminism can come off as misogynistic so I don't Get Into It with coworkers and the like but I am always sitting here brimming with Opinions anyway. That and people at work seem to read me as "guy who's kind of gender nonconforming" rather than trans so I don't get interpreted as being a voice of "authority" on anything about gender or misogyny (and I'd rather stick with that than be the Outspoken Tranny tm). It's a silent game of "I know more than you"
lmao you're hiding your power level
How the heck do I not take doing something bad as life ending. I fucked up today bc I lost track of time and missed doing something with my bf. He says he’s not mad but I can tell he feels bad in some way, and I don’t blame him, I unequivocally DID fuck up, and it’s hard not to want to just fall on the ground and rip my skin off ngl lol but I know at this point if I keep apologizing or asking him if I can fix it or offering him shit is just going to come across desperate and weird, and I have to take him at face value that he is not mad, and it’ll be okay tomorrow, but arghhhhhhhh I’m historically horrible at taking people who are clearly upset saying “I’m not mad at you” at face value
please let me know if you find out because that wrecks me too
Fascinated by how much transandrophobia in queer spaces is like, 'youre a Dude and therefore obviously you cannot experience this opression the way you think you do, people obviously view you as a Man and therefore you have male privilege, anyway heres the most wildly specific misogynistic trope youve never seen aimed at cis men aimed at trans dudes, this is not sus at all' Yes this is abt the 'trans dudes on t should go on mood stabilisers' before someone asks.
it's so blatant
i find it very fun(/s) that theres like, two separate groups of trfs where one is super open about hating transmascs n shit and the other is more "guys THEORY" and the second group constantly pretends the first group doesn't exist and actually you're lying literally no one has ever said that ever what are you talking about
Mask on, mask off.
started just instant blocking anyone I see putting trf bullshit on my dash. soon I will have peace.
true inner peace
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arklayraven · 24 days ago
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Feel I could of wrote this better but am too tired to try again. So have this mess as is. lol
As very upsetting and heartbreaking, even angering a bit, the news about OM is.
I am grateful for the game for something it introduced me to and gave.
Inclusivity.
Before OM, I didn't play much games of the genre because didn't think there was much that I could play that would be inclusive to me as a queer trans person. Then OM came along, a otome, that I randomly found and tried finally one day, but with its own personal twist and style.
That twist/style being, small to some but huge and meaningful to others. A gender less/neutral MC, with no appearance (unless you count the sheep lol), who canonly uses they/them pronouns and was one perfect for people to self insert themselves in. Than feel they are playing a typical generic woman MC in a otome game.
And because of this fact, all the characters who are romanceable and dateable are by default canonly queer. Because they love the MC regardless of their gender identity or lack of. (Headcanoning them pan lol 💗💛💙)
Now, some have tried to say, argue in fact, that because of this, OM isn't a otome, but that is very wrong because it still is one, and people were just gatekeeping at this point. Even were against the whole fact words can evolve/expand on meaning throughout the years. I've talked too much about this issue, that you can find my posts about it I'm sure if you look, but i'll share them again soon if needed.
Some even say the MC isn't gender less/neutral, to fight against this to keep other players than cis hetero women from playing it too. Even though we have constant proof of this, and even the devs said it themselves and explained their decision for it.
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(As well people were being openly queerphobic at this point, especially when they said the characters weren't canonly queer when they are. Because it made them upset to admit the fact they were romancing a canon queer character(s) in the game. They are canonly queer. Deal with it. <3)
It was a feature, the devs didn't need to make and add I feel to make their game a success. But they did still anyway and am entirely grateful for it, because I feel this only inspired some other game devs, (specifically some indie VNs ones) to do same/similar like them with their own MC in games.
There has been some other well known big name otome games who tried this too, but not as well as OM I feel. At least not as yet. Though some introduced the option to be either a man or woman in those games now, some even give the option to be nonbinary too if lucky.
But not many games do this a lot, not enough I feel compared to others. Though its still something when it finally happens, and the change/impact from OM has been felt and seen I feel. Which makes me happy when it comes to more inclusivity in those games and genre when included.
Currently still, inclusivity in these games are still a rarity I feel in times. Might be a even bigger battle to have more of it in the future with how things have been getting for queer and trans peoples rights and all...But I hope with OM closing this chapter of their life with the games. It'll inspire others to make their own games with such lovely inclusivity or even more, like OM has.
So to anyone who made a game inspired by OM, who has a self insert MC who is inclusive any and all players, regardless of their gender identity or lack of...
Thank you. Thank you so much for giving us that small but meaningful option for us players. So that we may be able to play and engage with your game/story/characters more deeply and personally. Than feel unwelcomed or not allowed to be included just because of our queer and gender(or lack of) identity. 💕
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lilliaace · 6 months ago
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The "What is a m-spec lesbian" 101 thread.
So since we keep getting these kinds of questions.
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@sharksarecool2 @cute-nerdy-metalhead
I figured a "master post' thread would be a good start.
Definition for lesbian: experiencing queer attraction to women. A good way to explain 'queer attraction' (in this case) is subverting society's expectations and loving women in a non-traditional cisheteronormative way (basically loving a woman not in a way that cis hetero men are socially conditioned to love women).
multisexual/multi-spectrum: more than one.
So put it all together: A 'm spec lesbian' is a lesbian that predominantly loves women but has the potential to be open to other options.
Some common reasons to take up the label "bi lesbian" or "pan lesbian":
Trauma has made it so that genuine (any kind of) attraction for men is gone (or almost entirely gone)
A woman who loves other women and acknowledges they have the potential to be attracted to a man/misc other genders but chooses to only act on the attraction towards women
A woman who when it comes to sexual fantasies might involve women 9/10 times where the rare instance a man is involved, it's under VERY specific circumstances
A woman who has paired off with a man because they enjoy the feelings of protection, affection, and/or companionship despite having little to no genuine attraction for the man (Virginia Woolf and Elenor Roosevelt are a famous examples)
You feel like you're right in the middle between "bisexual" and "lesbian"
You feel like a biromantic lesbian or bisexual homoromantic (towards other women)
A bisexual woman who feels very comfortable hanging around lesbian spaces or vise versa (a lesbian woman feeling very comfortable hanging around bisexual spaces).
I personally identify as an asexual lesbian pansensual. I acknowledge the fact that (I'm polyamorous btw) I have one boyfriend and two girlfriends. The boyfriend is pure luck that I ended up with him (a lot of it due to personal life circumstances, a fucked up history before him of dating men, etc.). My boyfriend openly acknowledges the fact that "I am SUPER shocked you said yes to dating me, knowing your bad history with dudes before me". I'm frankly shocked myself, lol.
There are many flag variations that have popped up for things like "asexual lesbian", "bi lesbian", "pan lesbian", and/or "omni lesbian". Tumblr, DeviantArt, Reddit, and/or Google are good places to look for them. Just find your favorite flag color variation and use that.
They've been documented in queer USA history since at least the 1950s. Many Dyke March annual parades have signs that say things like "ALL DYKES WELCOME, period".
At the end of the day, human sexuality is very complicated. So many things influence it (religious, social conditioning, your own genetic preferences, etc.).
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago
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aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?
i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).
My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.
Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.
my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.
my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.
this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.
he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.
but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.
so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?
What are these acronyms?
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orionsangel86 · 7 months ago
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Who do you think is better suited for dating Morpheus: Johanna or Hob?
Lol controversial ask! Jokes. I am guessing this came off the back of my response to the Calliope post the other week where I mentioned that I am loosely a Dreamling shipper but lean more towards Morphanna currently. I guess I need to specify that it very much depends on my mood because I am a Sandman multishipper at heart but feel different ships serve different purposes regarding Dream. I struggle to stretch them beyond the purposes I have set aside for them. Also it's Dreamling week and so one look at my blog would definitely give the assumption that I am a huge Dreamling shipper but that isn't actually the case. What I am is a Morpheus stan and everything else is peripheral to my focus on him and his story.
But sure lets dig into this. Honest answer? Neither because Morpheus is terrible and his track record alone is enough proof that he should never date anyone ever.
(jokes)
If we want to be sticklers for comic canon here, neither is suited because there are particular blockers in place for both ships.
For Morphanna the blocker is the rule that states that an Endless can not love a mortal. We have the Nada situation to show us what happens when they do. (Sun gets big mad and throws fireballs at the Earth)
For Dreamling the blocker is less carved into stone but its still gonna be a biggy for certain readers/audiences, being that Morpheus is not gay/bi/pan/queer whatever you wanna call him. For all intents and purposes in comic canon he's as straight as a ruler. However whilst we only ever see Morpheus's lovers as powerful, confident, beautiful female presenting immortal beings, we can throw in the tried and true argument we can apply to all of Neil Gaiman's non human beings which is that since he is not a human cis male, he technically can't be straight and since he has multiple forms and is as old as the universe itself, attraction is probably a very different thing to Morpheus than it is to any of us. It's entirely plausible that he could fall in love with a man shaped being (I actually have a meta in progress about Morpheus' potential queerness - sure it may ruffle some feathers but since I do this for fun and not to please anyone but myself I don't give a damn and will post it one day).
Anyway, that said the show could easily do away with both these blockers. We haven't had Nada's tale yet so whats to say the Endless are forbidden from loving mortals in the show universe? Nothing. The show could also easily confirm Dream has had past male presenting lovers (my money would be on Oberon in a threeway situation with Titania - or Pharamond if he shows up.)
So putting those elements aside, who is better suited to Morpheus?
In Johanna's corner we have the following;
She generally fits the archetype of past lovers and therefore could be considered Morpheus's "type" - beautiful, confident, argumentative, not phased by his status, not submissive to him, puts him in his place (listen we all know Morpheus has a submissive kink its practically carved into comic text lol).
Well versed with his "world" and supernatural creatures and can hold her own against them - being a Constantine has its benefits.
She cares - underneath her tough exterior its clear she has a good heart. She was able to bring him down to Earth, to give a human perspective that he needed at that point.
Flawed characters - Johanna considers herself a bad person and compares herself to Roderick Burgess. But Dream is quick to dismiss this. The truth is that Johanna may be messy and a bit of a disaster, but she is very selfless and good at her core. This could be a good thing as it could help Dream to see the good in humanity that he has been missing. Its clear she already helped with this in the show, but going forward, a relationship between them could help even further accelerate his change and make him a better being.
She encouraged the development of his relationship with Matthew. Something else he needed which she saw before he did. Basically she's smart enough to figure out what he needs, and when to press the issue or not. (she dropped the topic of his imprisonment as soon as he deflected to her photo).
She understands heartbreak and messy relationships - I think Johanna would be well suited to Morpheus because she is just as broken as he is, with almost as messy a relationship history. They have common ground there.
"It never ends well does it?" "What? Love?" She's realistic about relationships, which Morpheus - being Dream - needs. She can ground him, at least for a little while.
Johanna is also a powerful ally to have on side, it makes for excellent storytelling to bring her into the narrative regarding Lucifer and the stories revolving around Hell. She's competent, highly skilled, and I think he finds her impressive.
For Hob consider the following:
Friends first - for someone with such a terrible track record of past lovers, finding love in a friend is something Morpheus doesn't appear to have tried before, and this could be exactly what he needs. Dream and Hob have a shared history over 6 centuries, and those are strong foundations to build a relationship on, especially since they've already basically been through the big break up fight and heartbreak and are already in the rekindling phase.
Stories for the storyteller - the beauty of Hob's role is that he is Dream's respite from his world. The visits with Hob are the one time the Prince of Stories gets to sit and listen to stories himself. There must be peace in that, and we all know Dream desperately seeks peace.
Blind Devotion - Hob is patient, and he will wait for Dream. One thing that I think a lot of Morpheus's past lovers had in common is that they struggled to stick out the periods of time when he would throw himself into his work and basically forget about them. The relationships fizzled out after the honeymoon phase because Dream couldn't sustain that, even though once you have his love you have it forever. With Hob that wouldn't be an issue. He is the man who waited. Who never gave up hope that Dream would return even after he was stood up, and when he did return, Hob smiled and joked. It was all okay. Morpheus needs a relationship with that level of chill.
Flawed characters - Unlike Johanna, I think its safe to say that Hob is a very flawed character. He is selfish, greedy, self centered and ignorant to a lot of what takes place around him. Whilst he does grow and improve over time, his flaws are still a huge part of his character. Morpheus is also very far from perfect and it is this that makes them so well suited. There is almost an equal footing there. Hob could potentially see Morpheus's POV when it comes to the grander schemes, but at the same time, it is clear from their journey together in the show that they have a tendency to make each other better.
Grieving fathers - now this is an important one and its something I feel the comic failed to see the potential of. A huge part of the Sandman story is Morpheus struggling to come to terms with his grief over his son. Grief is a central theme. Of all the characters in the comic who Morpheus comes to meet, Hob is one of maybe two that share that experience - being a father whose son died too soon. I think the other character in comic who suffers this same grief is Shakespeare, which is an interesting parallel and one worth exploring. The show adds Roderick Burgess into the equation - making a fathers grief for his dead son the trigger for Dream's own imprisonment. The show emphasises the theme of grief far beyond the comic, which is definitely worth further exploration in a separate meta. The point is that Hob sits in this very small circle of characters who have shared Dream's experience. Hob is therefore in a prime position to help Dream where they can grow and learn to heal together.
Whilst he doesn't fit the archetype for Dream's past lovers, the differences Hob provides could prove to be just what Dream needs. He is still a handsome man (and God knows Dream gave him bedroom eyes in 1789) and he still ticks certain boxes regarding dominance, confidence, and an ability to hold his own in a fight. "You need not have come to my defence" suuuuure Dream but you did enjoy it nevertheless! Therefore attraction isn't an issue.
Conclusion?
Both Johanna and Hob tick certain boxes to meet the requirements for "love interest" and could easily be positioned that way for Dream. When I really dig down into it I think it depends on what fans are looking for in a Dream ship as to which character is best suited.
I love Morphanna for how messy it is. Yes, Johanna cares and has a good moral centre, but placing her into a certain role within the bounds of the canon story could actually be bad for Dream going forward. I see it as a dramatic relationship. It would be passionate, fiery, dramatic, chaotic, and will end in heartbreak.
I say this because ultimately Johanna doesn't do commitment. This is a clearly defined character trait in the show. Commitment is something she struggles with. Whereas Morpheus is all about commitment. He doesn't appear to do anything BUT commit to people and comes on extremely strong. I love exploring this dynamic between them. I think it would work brilliantly as a canon ship and I am still resolutely behind the idea that Johanna should replace Thessaly in canon and be the trigger for the rainsoaked Dreaming and the Brief Lives disaster trip.
So whilst I 100% ship Morphanna, I think I only ship it on a temporary basis. I struggle to imagine a future where they can have a happy ending and be together long term. Instead I see an ending where after all is said and done, Johanna stands and tells her story at the Wake, and mourns the creature she loved, and has to go on struggling to understand her role in his downfall. If we are seeking an alternative ending where Morpheus lives, I still struggle to see him settling down with Johanna as she is a mortal and I cannot imagine her ever choosing immortality or giving up her job as someone who saves people from the supernatural. She will never be Morpheus's queen. It just doesn't suit her character.
When it comes to Hob, as much as it sometimes irks me to admit it, he is very well suited for Morpheus even in an endgame/alternative happy ending way. Foundations based in centuries of growing friendship, his patience and ability to wait for Morpheus to get his head out of his ass, his being unphased at practically all the weirdness and oddities that Dream's world brings with it. The fact is, Hob is Dream's best friend. This is something that Dream needs so much more than a lover. Not only that but he is a friend who has shared history, shared grief, shared pain, blind devotion, and he is immortal. Hob will stay by Dream's side forever if he has the chance. So long as he still gets to live. Whether you see it as purely platonic, queer platonic, non sexual romantic, or fully romantic and sexual, they are in it for the long term.
Whereas Morphanna for me is a quick burning fiery passionate love affair that ends in tears and A LOT of rain, Dreamling is a very slow burn. I struggle with canon based fics that have them falling into bed shortly after the 2022 reunion because it feels out of character to me. If Dreamling were to happen, it would need to take practically the entire comic run story to get to that point. Hob's devotion to Dream is clear, but his awareness of its romantic potential is not yet there. I always return to Hob's dream in Sunday Mourning when I think of Dreamling, because for me, that is where a relationship between them would actually start, rather than end. Because I think it would take a huge event like Morpheus's actual death for them to pull their heads out of their asses and get together. Because you see even with all the arguments and debates and highly emotional opinions thrown around, I still feel deep down like Sunday Mourning is telling us that Morpheus escaped. He got out the narrative and is free from his cage, and now he's set for his own adventure off in the stars. The only person I can realistically imagine him taking with him is Hob Gadling.
At the end of the day these are my opinions. I want canon Morphanna, I just want it to end with a horrible messy break up because I want that drama. I am unsure if I want Dreamling in canon, but I do hope that if the show ends similarly to the comic, that we will get those scenes in Sunday Mourning and have them be extremely emotionally charged - if ever there is a Dreamling love confession, that is where it belongs. I can only really analyse my opinions on these ships based on canon but I am aware that fandom is a big sandbox and people can do what they want always with these characters. Please don't ever let my opinions deter you from shipping them to your hearts content in any way you feel like.
So I guess the TL:DR is that they are both suited in different ways. Morphanna is a mid story passionate love affair that I adore and want to end in disaster. Dreamling is an endgame slow burn friends to lovers that has the potential to go long term.
I love them both for their specific purposes, believe they both are suited for those purposes, but never the other way around. I hope this satisfies your question! :)
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heretherebedork · 7 months ago
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how come my straight cis friends say they don't like wandee goodday because they don't kiss and the relationship is developing too slow and they're going to drop it, while my queer friends are loving this series (myself included) because of how the relationship is developing and the no kissing rule. lol
That's a good question that I cannot answer being a queer person loving the show and having no idea how anyone could say it was too slow.
I just... I dunno.
It feels just right to me, showing the complexities or what happens when you've made an agreement that turned out not to be all you needed or wanted but also not knowing how to keep expanding or how to look past your own past.
It's exploring Dee facing that Ter was flirting with him with no real intentions and trying to figure out if he can truly already have moved past that love that held him tight for so long. It's exploring Yak's crush on Taem and how he doesn't know who he loves more because he loves them both (two hands, two hands!).
It's exploring the facets of sex and love and romance and friendship and what happens when they get all wrapped up in each other and where they start and end and if they even do, frankly.
I don't know why people think it's so slow or too slow or that the relationship isn't developing. But I disagree with them and I am content to live in my little bubble.
I certainly have no idea about the idea of straight cis very queer, no clue.
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stillaclownlol · 1 year ago
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Lgbtqia+ hcs because I don't know if I'm gonna make it till June lmao (or, if I'm gonna live after it since I'm planning on wearing my flags In public 🤡)
Tw for csa mentions (because why don't I keep projecting huh)
Ashlyn Banner
-She/Her but in a "never thought about pronouns her entire life" kinda way. Doesn't mind they/them. She likes dressing masc/feeling masc, but doesn't really like being "perceived" as masc. Like...masc on her own time lmao. (I'm projecting so hard rn). "Gender neutral" kinda- like agender- but like in a "I don't care about my gender at all I just am more used to the gender they assigned me at birth"
-Demi rose 🌹 I'm also projecting here. Takes her a while to come into her feelings, but maybe that's the "never had friends ever" coming through.
Aiden Clark
-he/him but like he won't care if you use smth else for him lol. Cis gnc kinda guy eyyyyy (better in heels than ashlyn)
-unlabeled and that's how he likes it, nobody's business who he likes kissing lol. I feel like he's kissed a guy before just to try it. On the aro-allo spectrum ngl.
Ben Clark
-He/Him, is fine with They/Them. Honestly likes getting called She/Her too but she's been pretty shy about mentioning it :") Taylor likes doing her makeup if they're having a "femme-day". Settled on genderfluid/genderflux after a while.
-Greyromantic Caedsexual (Ace). Shane was part of a group of slightly older kids, and when he was getting bullied Shane and some other kids sexually assaulted him multiple times...technically was a queer assault since Ben was seen as a sissy because his personality and hobbies were "feminine", and this was to goad him into having a physical reaction :/
Taylor Hernández
(Ngl I'm so annoyed there's not more colors but whatever)
-She/Her and They/Them, identified as cis for a long time since it was what they knew, but once she learned more about it she experimented with her gender a lot more, they identified as non-binary for a while before moving to paragirl.
-Pan to aro/ace pipeline because I'm projecting :) she didn't really handle it well at the beginning, but Ben, Ash and Aiden are all also a-spec so she had a lot of support ^_^ They felt "invalid" because of the csa they went through when they were younger and they thought it was more like a trauma response than their actual sexuality. After talking with Ben about it tho she understood that even if they were related that didn't make her any less valid.
Tyler Hernández
-He/Him cis guy I'm sorry/lh
-was kinda annoying about queer people because actually being raised as a Catholic Mexican boy makes you kinda weird (IM SORRY THIS IS JUST FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE) BUT he gets better I promise
-Bisexual boyfailure and took him crushing on Logan to accept it 🤡
Logan Fields
-He/Him and a bit of a stickler about it because he gets misgendered rather frequently (less as he got older but still), doesn't mind getting called gendered terms tho (Taylor calls him "sis", and he calls himself an "Astrology girl")
-intersex, found out when he was 15ish since his puberty had been delayed, and he's really insecure about it...🙃 he was assigned male at birth so he wouldn't say he's trans, but his experiences overlap a fair bit. Takes testorone and medication because he has low electrolytes. I could write a whole essay here but I have to go soon 😭
-Gay :> He realized pretty quickly but he's intensely scared of people finding out, has only told his grandparents. They took it very well ^_^ His grandpa has some gay friends so sometimes Logan goes to the senior center to talk with them about stuff :)
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answertocarnality · 1 month ago
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INTRO TO CARNALITY
navigation & masterlist
keeping it simple, i'm miguel. indigenous ecuadorian, he/him, pre-t transman & queer without a label except for the preference i have for women.
18 years old, year of '05; of course i'm an R&B guy (and bossa nova, and soul, and rap, an
began lifting in late 2023 and kickboxing + muay thai in early 2024 and honestly never looked back. would i compete one day is the question (also boxers this is not a safe space for yall 😒 /t)
studies, in order of highest interest to least include: linguistics, philosophy, political sciences, theology and herpetology respectively (nobody ask me about kinesics or hippology. IMMEDIATE lifetime dungeon sentence)
DNI: minors, people with shit beliefs and asshole personalities. guessing you'd know where you stand, but in case you don't i just block
trilingual (eng/español/na’vi), but if you catch me replacing words for russian, finnish, portuguese, kichwa, or italian, that's that in-progress hyperpolyglot dawg in me. and whether the avatar conlang does or does not count is not up for debate it is as complex as any language
on that note, i borrow a lot of vocabulary from arabic/ use Islamic sayings; please note that i am not Muslim. much respect for the community though, always
on that note 2x, i am a theistic satanist. hopefully my username gives that away lol it is a direct reference
on the spectrum, so you'll frequently catch me being dense to sarcasm, just here to apologize in advance (tone tags appreciated but not necessary)
very disconnected from social media; as in, i have not even youtube (idk i deleted it a while ago and just use the site sometimes) and don't consume a bunch of what would be "common" media. however you can reach me on https://guns.lol/xeinth this right here (my discord)
soft, hard, service, i don't really care, whatever dom pleases the tboy. cis women + tgirls, please treat me like a nasty fucking mutt. faggots in general i promise you the geldings make good steeds (iykyk). as for cis men, yall chill asl but please don't speak to me sexually 👍🏽 (unless i reblog your stuff with debauchery in the tags, that is full permission)
as for my DM's, i highly welcome linguistic talk and political discourse alike (i like debate). oh and exchange of nudes cuz :3 (t4t only)
kinks + limits under the cut
yes: forcemasc, predator/prey, petplay, autoandrophilia, somnophilia, forced masculinization, dacryphilia, impact play, BDSM in general, teratophilia/ monsterfucking, fantasy, humiliation + degradation, free use, sexuality conversion (only in sexual practice), mirrors, knifeplay, worship, gunplay, age gaps, musk/ scenting, dumbification, innocence corruption, agonophilia, femdom, intox, three+ somes, boy hypno, muscle expansion. lastly there's feminization, but not on me — i enjoy performing it on others but when it comes to recieving, hard no.
soft limits: rapeplay/ cnc, watersports, mecha/ robotfucker, blasphemy, deification, knight/ royalty, extreme gore, exhibitionism
hard limits: detrans, vore, scat, fauxcest, DDLG/ ageplay, feederism, pregnancy, sissification, ageplay, breeding (i understand that it's very common but i fucking hate it. gag)
not exactly a kink, but i prefer dominating men + subbing for women, and i mean highly prefer. not saying that i don't allow any sort of dynamics outside of that, but i find it awkward letting men dominate me.
date of last orgasm: december 6th, 3something am
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t4transsexual · 9 months ago
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Out of curiosity- what's the weirdest thing another trans person has told you regarding transhetness?
probably the most offensive one has to be that time someone said i would never have to worry that people wont accept my sexuality. because in my life that has not been the case lmao. like i am still TRANS so generally someone who doesnt accept homosexuality isnt gonna be thrilled with trans ppl either, like those kinds of people who are homophobic but not transphobic really only exist in terfs brains lol
and the least personally offensive one would have to be that one person who said "you cant be straight as a trans person, this push for sameness is really hurting our community" like damn rly didnt think i was gonna get called an assimmilist for like, being a heterosexual lmao my bad
also im not straight passing irl either, but i am cis passing, so whenever i bring up that im dating a girl i get to visibly watch the gears turn in peoples heads as they try to figure out how this little gay boy fucks women which is always fun
i think generally a lot of weirdness i get probably comes from the fact that for one, a lot of people view queerness and gayness as the same, and queerness and heterosexuality as opposites, and especially people in my specific generation (older gen z) and especially the cis people/recently cracked eggs rly have put emphasis on "gayness" and "being gay" and take on "being gay" as the same meaning as being queer, so when they meet someone who is queer but is explicitly NOT gay (and this is more than transhet people, this can be anyone who is queer but doesnt identify as gay, including same gender attracted people of all sorts of sexualities/genders), they really dont know what to do with us, and for two im southern and live in the south and people here are not usually very imformed about different flavors of queerness and for some people im lucky if i get them to understand that im trans at all, let alone telling them im a heterosexual, because im not exaggerating when i tell you that pretty much everyone expects me to be gay no matter the fact that i have a girlfriend and havent dated a man since 2021 lol
and heres a photo of me close up if that helps you understand why everyone thinks im gay (i really dont get it myself but)
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kittenintheden · 10 months ago
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okay listen I'm so tired lol
I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).
here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.
there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).
and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.
a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.
look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."
anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.
which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.
so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.
don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."
in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.
also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.
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