#i am tossing and turning

[diamondwerewolf]

[unriding]

“you’re hurt?!”

“i’m not hurt.”

“you are hurt — here … and … and here too!?”

“hmph. this is nothing.”

there’s a brief moment of silence, then a low huff from him as his gaze shifts to the floor instead. “fine. ill be more careful next time. i promise.”

comm from 🎊 @puppetgearing

[fatedroses]

Two former military elites taking merc jobs perform absolutely hellish battle tactics together.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

absolute travesty that there are NO royalty-au spirk fics centered around the overwhelming amounts of devotion and loyalty between the two. WHERE are my fics with Spock on his knees pledging fealty to King James Kirk????

they're all about princes falling in love and arraigned marriages and political intrigue and YES that's GREAT and i do love them, but what if i want kings???

I need a fic about the bond between a king and his loyal advisor-slash-nobleman which has been slowly developing for DECADES before anyone involved gets their shit together, or a fic where Spock has practically taken on the role of King Consort before either of them notice simply because Kirk trusts him so much, or a fic where it slowly becomes apparent that King Kirk's loyalty is first to his kingdom, yes, but second to Spock alone, and he will go to war for him.

I need crazy stupid devotion, that's what I need!!!!

[spoopieere]

New Year’s first post. Have fun ppl <3 (idk why but Tumblr keeps fucking the quality up)

The Collector & ChromeSkull Tamagotchis :3

Arkin - Asa: 🔒 🕷

Preston- Jesse: 🍷 💀

[hellohellowelcome]

Feeling very optimistic about the final chapter because I am dying for Izuku to finally be able to unpack his feelings about everything he's experienced on his hero journey, and with regards to Katsuki (and All Might, respectfully everybody else get back). We've only gotten very small bits of introspection on his end, and with one chapter left, I hope that it's all given the space it deserves. Shipping aside, bkdk's relationship is core to the series and it would be extremely confusing for hori not to give them some semblance of proper closure or signal as to what their bond is going to evolve into after the events of the story.

(But on the other hand, slightly worried about the pacing based on the last few epilogue chapters...just pictured me sitting, reading, waiting for a bkdk handhold and the here comes cementoss and company for multiple pages 😭)

[ineffable-suffering]

We‘ve talked about the sideburns. But what about the sunglasses?

Maybe I missed the memo and just haven’t read the right posts yet but – has anyone else noticed that apart from the wandering sideburns, Crowley‘s sunglasses keep changing as well?

There‘s the ones we know from present-day times in S1, with the black tinted glasses and silver frames, which he wears multiple times throughout S2:

And then there‘s the new ones with seemingly even bigger lenses and the black fabric-y sides:

He seems to switch between them almost randomly, at least from what I can tell by the pictures.

I haven’t yet taken the time to look at all Crowley scenes in S2 to figure out whether there’s a pattern or not. All I can tell is that it most certainly doesn’t correlate with the sideburn length (like I assumed at first). Because if you look at the pictures, you‘ll notice that the sideburns vary with both the silver AND the black glasses.

I guess this is yet another thing to add to the very big pile of „Is it a red herring or is it where the furniture isn’t?“ Mr. Gaiman, you‘re a full time job, seriously. Part of me is almost ready to believe that all of these little detailed discrepancies are just there to get us to stream S2 a thousand times more, so Amazon will make S3 happen. If so, Neil, that‘s a stroke of demonic genius, darling.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[mirotteroop55]

@starscelly

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

it's in your nature to protect the innocent

[waitineedaname]

feeling completely insane about The Author And His Protagonist™️ this morning and now I'm thinking about bingqiu too, and like. Airplane of course wrote Luo Binghe to be everything he wasn't, this cool and powerful stallion protagonist. And he also wrote him to be what the readers wanted, especially as time went on. But there's bit of himself embedded in Binghe -- his insecurities, his fear of abandonment, his loneliness, his hunger for love. Those vulnerabilities are hidden away under layers of strength and stallion badassery in PIDW, but for Bingmei, they're laid bare and ratcheted up to eleven

And then Shen Yuan. He of course loved Luo Binghe The Protagonist™️ but he fell in love with Luo Binghe, the real person with insecurities and fears and strange ugly edges to his personality. He saw this carnival mirror reflection of Airplane's flaws, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap Binghe up and love him and care for him and soothe those insecurities

If I was Airplane, bingqiu would be like therapy for me

[snailvibes]

I am not your brother

I am not your lover

And there is nothing wrong

[kikuism]

on day 3 of my reformed sleeping schedule and wow you really can get so much done when you wake up early

[tittyinfinity]

The torture organ is being evicted today 🥰

[spinecurlingmice]

filled with the same amount of burning shame as a catholic man having a dirty fantasy as i imagine just a unspecified presence cuddled up against me

[youngerfrankenstein]

Given that D-16 seems to already have the Decepticon logo in every scene we see him in I think it’s likely that he has it right from the start. And that “the heck is that mark on your arm?” is going to be a driving question in the movie. Especially given he seems surprised to find something that looks like the mark.