#this is queued but surely i am tossing and turning trying not to jerk awake to stare at this /pos

[unriding]

“you’re hurt?!”

“i’m not hurt.”

“you are hurt — here … and … and here too!?”

“hmph. this is nothing.”

there’s a brief moment of silence, then a low huff from him as his gaze shifts to the floor instead. “fine. ill be more careful next time. i promise.”

comm from 🎊 @puppetgearing

[burning-up-ao3]

Edge of 17   ch 4/8  Netflix and Chill

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297483/chapters/53527456

Sid was setting up his desk when Evgeni came upstairs looking guilty holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies

He handed it to Sid and said, “Mama.” 

Sid eyed Evgeni up and down ignoring that he looked—confusing in his tight jeans. They were perfectly fine jeans, that wasn’t confusing. But Sid’s heart beat a little flippy, like right before a big test or an important game. “Can you speak English?” 

Evgeni held his fingers very closely together as if to say <i>a little bit.</i> “Can know, but bad speak.”

Sid thought about that and then nodded. “Like, you understand what people are saying, but you think you don’t speak good?”  Evgeni nodded, and Sid felt bad that he would think that. “I think you talk fine.”  

Sid removed the passcode from his iPad, queued up Netflix, and handed Evgeni the iPad. “I don’t know if you have homework, but I have a paper due at midnight. You can sit on the bed—” Sid pointed with his thumb “—and do whatever. I have to work.” 

Evgeni grinned and hopped onto Sid’s bed, made himself comfortable lying on his stomach with his chin propped on his hands. He kicked off his shoes and the opening notes of <i>Friends’</i> theme song made Sid smile.

“I love that show!” Sid said, definitely not realizing how good, seriously good, Evgeni looked lying on his bed.

Evgeni patted the space next to him on the mattress. “Watch?”

“I can’t.” <i>Fuck this paper. Why’d he wait so long to start it?!</i> “I have to do this paper.”

Evgeni’s smile seemed strained. “Plenty of <i>Friends.</i> Can watch when you finish.” It sounded like a command, not a question, and Sid didn’t mind at all.

It was 8:00. He had four hours to write this paper. “Let’s do this!” Sid said out loud. Evgeni didn’t hear him; he was ignoring his stuffed backpack and Sid in favor of Ross and Rachel.

Sid grabbed his English textbook, the notes he’d taken from the school’s resources, and pulled up the file of online research. For the next three hours, Sid was lost in Massachusetts and the lives of Thoreau and Emerson. 

Occasionally, Evgeni’s laughter pulled him out, brought him back to his room and the confusion he felt with Evgeni lying on his bed. He did his best to ignore his feelings—because of his looming deadline, for sure. 

With 30 minutes to spare, Sid finished proofreading his paper and hit <i>send</i> with a whoop! “You still watching <i>Friends?”</i>Sid asked, sitting on the bed against the headboard, careful to keep the bro-space between them.

Evgeni sat up and scooted closer to Sid until the bro-space was gone, and their sides were pressed together. He was warm and smelled like chocolate chip cookies and a little bit like that morning’s cologne. Sid wanted to tuck his face into the crook of Evgeni’s neck and catalogue the scents, see if they changed day by day or remained the same.

<i>This is fucking stupid,</i> Sid thought, trying to shake himself out of this sudden crush, but Evgeni was hot and nice and hot and on his bed. And Sid felt so alone and lonely. Everyone around him was pairing off—Flower and Vero. Tanger and Cat. Even Jake was hanging out with Nicole. Sid heard their stories in the locker room; even if he were sure 99% of them were just flat out made up, he wanted to feel someone else’s hands on his skin, someone else’s lips on his.

But he’d also heard the locker room chatter, the casual <i>faggot</i> and <i>cocksucker</i> bombs dropped without thought. The snickers as one of the openly gay students walked past them in the hall. Sid shut it down each time, told them, “We’re better than that,” but if that’s what they thought, how could he tell them he was gay? 

Another episode of <i>Friends</i> cycled on, and Evgeni dozed and jerked awake several times. Each time, he leaned a little more toward Sid until he was fully asleep, his head resting on Sid’s shoulder.

Sid allowed himself the rest of the episode to enjoy the intimacy, and when it was over, he whispered, “Hey. Time to wake up.”

Evgeni wasn’t just dozing. He was hard asleep and difficult to wake up.

“Hey. Wake up! It’s time for bed.” Sid edged his shoulder out from under Evgeni’s head and gently poked Evgeni’s side.

Evgeni mumbled something in Russian as he tried to crack open his eyes. Then he said, “Make no sense. Was already asleep.” 

“You can’t sleep on me all night,” Sid answered as lightly as he could, because every atom in him wanted to shout <i>Yes, you can!</i>

Sid grabbed one of the bed pillows and the comforter off the bed and tossed them onto the floor. He folded it into a makeshift sleeping bag. “Do you need any sweat pants or a t shirt or—”

When he turned around to finish the question, Evgeni was shirtless and stepping out of his jeans. Sid swallowed hard. That was—a lot. Pale skin, defined abs. Sparse, dark hair on his chest.

“Am good. Sleep like this,” Evgeni said, pointing down his body. “Why you sleep down there? Big bed?” 

<i>Cuz I don’t want to wake up with a huge hard on for you,</i> he couldn’t say. “Uh, I, uh, take up a lot of room when I sleep. I don’t want to kick you or anything.”

“Big bed,” Evgeni repeated. When Sid didn’t respond, Evgeni stalked to the other side of the bed and yanked the blanket and pillow from the floor and put them back on the bed. “Sleep.”

Sid gave up, nodded, and stepped into the bathroom to brush his teeth and pee. When he came out, Evgeni was already asleep on the left side of the bed. Sid exchanged his jeans for sweats and slid between the sheets. 

This was nicer than the floor. He’d just lie here all night on the edge of the bed with plenty of space between them and couldn’t do anything stupid.  

“Good night—Evgeni.” He butchered the pronunciation; he knew he had. 

But Evgeni reached out and laid his wide hand on Sid’s shoulder and mumbled, “Sidney best.”

The warmth and weight of Evgeni’s hand calmed Sid’s nerves about sharing the bed. Sid listened to Evgeni’s breathing even back out into sleep; that plus the morning skate and afternoon coaching were more than he could resist. 

Within minutes, his resolve to stay awake all night had evaporated. Whatever happened, he’d deal with it in the morning.

[raspberry-starship]

5. Bravado

A/N: GIF ISN’T MINE!

<-- Previous Chapter

Kara watched Maggie hold open the door for Alex and she smiled to herself. She looked at her sister and saw that her cheeks were turning a bit red. She frowned as Alex fixed her hair nervously while Maggie walked around the car. Kara had assumed that since they were going to homecoming together and because they were always talking that they were pretty close friends. She’d thought that Alex worrying about whether or not Maggie was flirting with her was because she didn’t want their friendship to be ruined, but that simple anxiety-driven gesture made Kara think otherwise.

They drove off and Kara let go of the curtain, flopping down onto the couch. She picked up the remote and began to flip through the channels. She didn’t want to start the films before Mon-El showed up, in case he didn’t like them—she didn’t want to force him into watching something he didn’t want to see.

She couldn’t believe she was so nervous. She was forcing herself to just sit still, otherwise, she knew she’d go mad, running around the house trying to occupy her time. She swallowed, thinking about the fact that in less than an hour, Mon-El Matthews was going to be in her house, sitting on her couch, less than five feet from her. Her mind went foggy with daydreams of things that might happen, things he might say or do.

She picked up her phone and sighed. It was only eight-fifteen. She tossed it down by her feet and stared blankly at an infomercial for some sort of bathroom cleaning foam. She stood and walked into the kitchen, pulling the popcorn out of the microwave. She opened the bag and looked at the toasty kernels wistfully. She glanced around as if to see if anyone was watching. Then, adjusting her glasses on her nose, she took a big handful and began to eat it messily.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, making her jump violently. She threw some popcorn all the way across the room. Catching her breath quickly, she ran back through the living room, dropping the bag on the coffee table. She wiped her hands on her pants, and moved to open the front entrance. She suddenly saw that she was still wearing her pajama bottoms and then she sighed angrily and rolled her eyes. In all that time trying to occupy herself, she’d forgotten to change. It was too late now! She yanked the door and put a hand on the wooden frame.

“Hey.” Mon-El said, an easy smile on his lips, “I’m, uh, sorry, I know I’m early but I was, uh, getting a little bored waiting for eight-thirty to roll around.”

She laughed and touched her glasses, “It’s—it’s fine.”

“Uh, I brought twizzlers.” He held them up and she laughed again.

“Why, thank you,” She grinned, taking them from him as he walked in. 

She glanced down and saw that he was wearing flannel pajama pants.

“Nice pajamas.” She beamed and he let out a soft chuckle.

“Oh, yeah, I always change into them after school and then I just sort of, you know, wanted to come here so by the time I remembered I was still wearing them I was already out front.” He smiled and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“So uh,” He rubbed his hands together as she closed the door, “what’re we watching?”

“Well,” She lead him into the living room, “we have a few options.”

They plopped down on the couch, facing each other. He got comfortable and leaned closer to he, taking a twizzler out of the package in her hands.

“Alright.” He smiled.

“So, we can watch Star Wars,” She said and he nodded.

“A classic.” He said.

“Mhm, or we can watch some Hitchcock films.” She raised her eyebrows and he put a hand on his chin, thinking deeply.

“Hmm…” He said, “A tough choice.”

“Mm, indeed.” She nodded, trying not to laugh.

“How about Star Wars?” He said and she sighed gratefully.

“That’s what I was going to watch originally, actually but I thought you might not want to.”

“Oh, why not?” He smiled and she shrugged sheepishly.

“I don’t know, maybe you didn’t like them or something.” She said as she queued them up.

“Oh,” He scoffed, “who doesn’t like Star Wars?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” She laughed, “crazy people?”

He nodded, chuckling heartily, “Exactly.”

She grinned up at him and he beamed down at her. “Okay, I’ll just—”

“—Oh, yeah, sure.” He nodded and she got up to put the DVDs in.

He leaned back and began to eat his candy. She hopped back over and sat down near the other end of the couch, tucking her feet up under her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and found that he was already looking at her. She smiled and looked away nervously, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. God, she was so cute.

Halfway through the film, Kara realized that he’d never seen it before. He was totally wrapped up in it; asking her questions, and laughing at all the proper points as if he weren’t expecting them to happen. She watched him with a curious smile on her face.

“You’ve never watched this movie before, have you?” She smirked and he sighed.

“What gave me away?”

She shrugged, “I could just tell.”

“I had sort of a ‘sheltered’ childhood.” He said.

“Oh really?” She raised her eyebrows and he shrugged.

“My parents work a lot, and never really watch any tv unless it’s a documentary, and I just never got around to it on my own time.”

“Avoiding it all these years; that’s some serious skill.” She smirked and he laughed.

“Yeah, well what can I say?” He shrugged, making her laugh.

“So what do you think so far?” She smiled, “Wishing you’d opted for Hitchcock?”

“No, actually,” He said and she tilted her head quizzically.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s really good,” He said, looking back at the tv, “I’ve already seen so many Hitchcock movies anyways, and I thought I should try something new.”

“Which one’s your favorite?” She asked.

“Oh god, I don’t know, they’re all so good!” He grinned, “How about you, what’s yours?”

“I think I’d have to say… Rear Window.” She said.

“That’s a really good one.” He nodded eagerly, “If I had to pick I’d probably go with North by Northwest.”

She smiled, “That’s my second favorite.”

“I guess you’re just classier than me.” He teased gently.

This made her laugh again, touching her glasses and looking at her crossed feet.

“Wow,” He breathed suddenly.

She looked up at him, a surprised expression on her face. “What?”

“Oh—I—uh—never mind.” He scratched the back of his head, cheeks turning pink.

She cocked her head slightly and watched him play with the end of his pajama pants.

“It’s just—” He swallowed and looked up at her, “—It’s just, uh, really cute when you, do the uh—”

She immediately touched the rim of her spectacles again and looked down.

“—that.” He said gently.

She looked up at him slowly. In her chest, she could feet her heart beating rapidly; in her ears she could hear the blood rushing through her body. She was flushed, but she couldn’t pull away from his sincere blue eyes.

“Well, uh, anyways.” He shook his head and turned back to the tv, trying to hide what he was feeling.

“I love your laugh.” She said suddenly. His head jerked back towards her, his mouth open slightly. “It’s very particular, you know? It’s just, it’s, uh, really nice.”

He chuckled then, deep and rumbling, making her grin up at him.

“Just like that.” She said softly.

He sat frozen, staring at her. She bit her lip and he blinked. He could feel his hands shaking, so he clenched them into fists. 

“Kara, I—”

She leaned forwards and, cupping his cheek, brought her lips down onto his. He closed his eyes and raised his eyebrows, putting a bewildered hand on her ribs. Her fingers traced a winding path down his cheek, going to curl into the hair on the nape of his neck. He sat up slightly and put one of his feet on the ground. As he lifted his other hand up to her waist, she pulled away. He chased her lips slightly but then stopped himself. They opened their eyes together and stared at one another.

“Wow,” She said breathlessly.

“I—” He swallowed, blinking, “—I wasn’t ready.”

He smirked up at her and she tossed her head back, laughing. She leaned forwards and rested her forehead on his shoulder. She looked back up at him and he smiled, stifling a chuckle.

“I’m serious, Kara, if we’re going to go forwards with this then you have to warn me before you—”

She leaned down and kissed him again, making him smile into the kiss. She lowered herself down so she was sitting on the couch, her lips never leaving his. She pulled away and he feigned annoyance.

“Kara…” He said in a warning tone.

She laughed again and then leaned back against his chest. “Come on, Matthews, you’re missing the movie.”

He took a shaky breath and stared down at her. She bit her lip and, tucking a hair behind her ear, looked up at him. He smiled, and hooked a finger underneath her chin. He pressed a light kiss to her lips and she laughed.

“Come on, this is a vital part of your education!”

“Oh, right, sorry.” He nodded, making her snort. She turned to the tv and so did he. “Is that a muppet?”

*    *    *

Kara stirred, awaking to Mon-El’s soft snores in her ear. It was dark out, and the menu for The Empire Strikes Back shone on the screen. She turned over and pressed her cheek against him, feeling his heartbeat against her skull. She smiled and then a horrid noise filled the air.

Mon-El jerked awake, and wrapped his arms around her without thinking. “What—?”

She laughed and leaned down, picking her phone up off the glass coffee table. She unlocked it and answered.

“Hey, Alex, how’s it going?” Her smile fell and she stood up off of Mon-El, “What? Alex, calm down—”

Mon-El sat up, a concerned expression on his face.

She nodded, “—Okay, okay, Alex, stay where you are, I’m coming.”

She hung up and turned to him, “I am so sorry, Mon-El—”

“—Is everything okay?” He asked quickly, standing and grabbing his coat.

“Uh, well, yes, but Alex needs me.”

“Is Maggie okay?” He asked and she pursed her lips.

“I think so, but I’m not sure—they’re not physically injured in any way but I need to go to the school.” She said, sticking her phone in her pocket and slipping on some sneakers.

“Here, let me give you a ride.” He offered.

“But Maggie has your car,” She said, yanking on a coat inside out.

“I have her bike.” He said and her eyes widened.

They walked outside and she looked at the motorcycle.

“Oh god.” She breathed, “Do you even know how to drive this thing?”

“Of course,” He said, swinging a leg over and pulling on a helmet, “Maggie started teaching me the day she got it.”

She bounced on the balls of her feet for a moment and then slipped on behind him. She took the protective hat he held out for her and clipped it on.

“Everything okay?” He asked as he started the bike.

“Other than the fact I’m riding a verifiable death machine?” She wrapped her hands about his waist and held him in a death grip, “Yeah, everything’s great.”

He chuckled and pulled out of the driveway. She kept her eyes firmly shut for about half of the ride, but by the time they reached main roads, she was too fascinated not to look. It was a whole other experience from driving in a car; the world was speeding right past you, just at the edge of your fingertips. She laughed as the wind blew her hair, and she loosened her hold on him slightly. He smiled at the road and she felt like she was flying. They rode up the slope to the school and drove in a circuit around it.

“There.” Kara pointed to a figure standing in the night and he pulled over.

Alex turned from where she stood hiding in a corner of the building. She stepped away from the wall and watched Kara get off the motorcycle. She ran over to Alex, who watched Mon-El lean against the bike and watching anxiously.

“What’s he doing here?” Alex asked, eyeing Mon-El suspiciously.

“Alex,” Kara said breathlessly, avoiding her sister’s diversion with masterful skill, “what’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

Alex shook her head and turned away; she was crying again. She covered her face and took a deep breath. She looked back at Kara, “I don’t know—I don’t know.”

“Okay, okay,” Kara put her hands on Alex’s shoulders and made her meet her eyes. “Just, tell me what happened.”

Alex swallowed and stared at the ground beneath their feet. “We were… we were dancing, and she just…”

Kara tilted her head slightly, “What? What did she do?”

“She was going to kiss me.” Alex said, looking into Kara’s eyes, “She was going to kiss me.” She repeated.

Kara blinked. “Is there… Is there something wrong with that?”

Alex gave Kara an annoyed look, surprised by this comment. Kara raised her brows and searched her sister’s face.

“I—” Alex swallowed and turned about, “—I—”

Kara rubbed her shoulders reassuringly, “What is it, Alex? What’s wrong?”

“I panicked,” She said, wiping underneath her eyes, “I panicked, and I ran away.”

“Oh, Alex,” Kara sighed, pulling her into a hug.

“I don’t know—” Alex sobbed, “—I don’t know what came over me—”

“Shh…” Kara cooed, stroking her sister’s hair.

Suddenly, Maggie burst out of the gym doors. Alex jumped away from Kara, her tears immediately stopping. Kara looked back and forth between them, while behind her, Mon-El straightened away from the motorcycle.

Maggie stared at her, and there was a hurt so deep—so profound—in her eyes, that it made a few more tears slip out of Alex. Maggie swallowed and turned away, beginning to walk past them towards her friend.

“Maggie, I—” Alex began, but she was interrupted.

“—You know what? Save it, Alex.” She snapped, stopping in her tracks and glaring daggers to hide the one that was sticking straight out of her chest.

“Maggie, please I—”

“—No, I get it. You don’t want to kiss me in front of all of those people; talk to me when anyone else is around; look at me when I look at you. You give more of a damn about what they think,” She pointed towards the gym, and then to Alex herself, “than what you feel.”

Alex flinched slightly, blinking. Her breath hitched and she sniffed, trying to stop crying.

“I am not going to wait for you to change because I have better things to do.” She said, her eyes brimming with furious tears, “I’m not going to be in a relationship where I am a secret. I will not settle to be with you just behind closed doors, no matter how wonderful, and smart, and special, you are.”

Alex didn’t know what to say—or, more accurately, how to say what she was thinking. She wanted to put into words the multitude of feelings and thoughts she couldn’t quite articulate herself.

“I will not.” Maggie said, eyes glassy, lowering her hand, “So don’t make me.”

She turned on her heel and marched towards Mon-El and her motorcycle. Alex covered her eyes and leaned against Kara’s shoulder. Her body shook as she began to sob again.

“Come on, Alex,” Kara said softly, “let’s go home, okay?”

Alex nodded wordlessly, wiping her eyes and sniffing. She peeled her heels off slowly and let Kara take her free hand. Kara looked over her shoulder at the other two as Maggie reached Mon-El. He didn’t look at Kara, only stared at his best friend worriedly.

“Maggie—” He began.

“—Don’t.” She said suddenly.

Kara may not have the best sight in the world, but she could have seen the pain and surprise in Mon-El’s face from miles away. She turned around and pulled her sister close, turning around the school and beginning to walk home.

“Maggie? What did I—?”

“—I’m wearing a dress.” She stated, “I’m going to drive your car home, and give the keys to your mom. Leave my bike in my driveway, and the keys in my mailbox.”

“Maggie,” He said as she turned away to go find his car, “Maggie!”

“What?!” She yelled, making him jump.

“What did I do?” He asked softly, his voice so full of anguish she almost felt compelled to go easy on him.

“You encouraged me. You, a heterosexual boy, who has never gone out with anyone in his entire life! Told me to go after a girl, like you knew better than I did! You told me to ask her out, you told me to go after her, you told me to jump in.”

“Yes, and it was the right thing to do!” He yelled back, “If you had let her talk maybe she would’ve—”

“—Would’ve what?!” Maggie cried, stepping closer to him, “Let me down easy?”

“No!” He said, “She could’ve explained herself!”

“Oh, I think she made it quite clear how she felt when she ran away from me!” She snapped.

He took a breath, “You needed someone to help you, Maggie.”

“I did not need you to help me, Mon-El.” She growled, blinking back tears, “I knew she didn’t want to be with me—I knew it—but I let you convince me that I was wrong. And you know what? You’re never going to get near a girl, you know why? Because you’re a coward. You projected onto me the confidence to go after a girl I told you I didn’t like, because you can’t ever even remotely talk to Kara about how perfect you think she is because you’re just as scared as you told me I was!”

He blinked, and something dark inside her stirred. It felt good, yelling at him—making him feel as bad as she did. She turned on her heel and began to stomp towards her car. He looked down at his hand on the seat of the bike and took a breath. He lifted his head and watched as she slammed the door of his jeep shut and pulled out of the parking lot. He turned his back as she left and leaned against the bike, covering his eyes as he tried to swallow in all of the things raging around inside him. 

He looked up at the stars and shook his head, getting on the bike and driving home to the inevitable solitude that she’d leave him in. He wished he could have done something different. What, he didn’t know, but he felt like somehow, he’d created this whole mess. 

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