#i am struggling in every way possible | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ask-assassin-spiderman · 1 year ago

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I am in fact still around like a ghost. I've been thinking of do some art for this spidey but not necessarily the blog itself, haven't been able to bring myself into doing art lately very much! I don't have a good place to put requests bc I don't come here often (and tumblr in general) but I use instagram the most.

I've changed from itsscrow to seasideflora. Instagram, etsy, commissions linked below

LINK

Miss you guys

#ask-assassin-spiderman #mod speaks #I''m not sure if i should delete the blog or not bc I dont think i can bring myself to continue but at the same time i dont want to remove #the fact that i existed at some point #sorry :/#i am struggling in every way possible

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heymacy · 8 months ago

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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

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artifeast · 8 days ago

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some more telesphore :3

#the kingmaker histories #telesphore winterlich #my art #tel-only doodle dump partially cuz i love him dearly and he's fun to draw and i needed the practice drawing his handsome face ^^#and partially cuz depending on how you count it he's got like 5-7 fewer fanarts (on tumblr) than eisen/colette...#which is so so criminal eviltwisted and makes me so sad. so i took matters into my own hands :3 #(though it'd be a fool's errand trying to keep the numbers even permanently LMAO. i also just wanted to draw a bunch of telsies)#(so i might probly fuck up the ratios later by doing this for eisen+colette lol...#i wanna get more consistent/comfortable drawing them all)#with this i have now posted (way) more telsie fanart than every other fanartist combined (excluding meg tuten's art ofc). yippee yippee #(it's not a competition) (but i am still keeping count) (i'm freak)#(but 'm not counting meg's cuz there's so much and i couldn't possibly find it all. plus i can't imagine how much is unposted)#(i just know there's Oodles and i love it all and that is enough for mee)#honestly this should've been hat practice as well but. i do not like drawing hats.#and i struggle with drawing the top of his head anyway so it's still useful practice lmao #if you asked me for my favorite character the answer would simultaneously be:#“i love all three of the protags so much!!! i couldn't possibly pick </3"#and “telesphore <3”#the margin? SO slim. i'm so very obsessed w/ all three of them #unimaginable fondness in my heart

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wickjump · 13 days ago

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i kinda want to live again

#not a vent #not literal #like. i wanna do things again. i wanna go places. i don’t wanna be holed up anymore #saw a mutual baking cookies #and my immediate thought was wow. life is so fucking wonderful #a stranger somewhere thousands of miles away from me is baking cookies. and i get to see a photo of it #and the color of the counter was the same as my friend’s old counter back in their childhood home #it gave me weird motivation to keep pushing through #very odd.#life is beautiful #i am mentally stable btw. just anxiety takes over my every waking moment #i am not in danger of myself don’t worry hang #GANG NOT HANG #THAT WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE TYPI I COULDVE MADE GIVEN THE CONTEXT OMG #i wanna live again #I’m going to join a club i think #start going to the library and chat up the librarians #maybe see if i can help them put away books. just for fun.#maybe i can get a job #maybe i can do this #maybe i can start saving up to move out. or go to college #im already starting to get a service dog. maybe i can do it #only issue is that driving is sensory hell for me so I struggle with it a lot #sooo #ill find a way #public transport here i come

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seokwoosmole · 29 days ago

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*Sign of affection minor spoilers*

Yuki’s family not communicating with her in (or even seeming to know much) sign language rubs me so wrongly. I don’t know a whole lot about the Deaf community, but I’m taking an ASL class right now and I’ve seen Deaf characters portrayed in media, but I don’t know any Deaf people that use ASL that are close to me, so maybe this isn’t an educated opinion. But I would think that if you were a parent and had a Deaf child since BIRTH and they were 19 years old, sometime in those 19 years, you would have learned sign language - even a little???? Like if Yuki was born hearing and became deaf later in life, I could maybe see how her parents/brother haven’t yet mastered sign language, but that’s not the case!! Yuki was born Deaf and her whole family is perfectly fine with her relying on lip reading and they don’t even seem like they’re actively practicing or learning for that matter😭That scene in the manga when Yuki helps clean for her older brother and she says he only knows ONE sign. And when Itsuomi meets her parents they are genuinely shocked that the two of them are holding sign language conversations despite him only learning recently and the two of them not dating very long. I love Itsuomi and I do think he is genuinely a really great guy, but I also think other characters make it really easy for him to look like such a green flag in comparison😭 Like. This man didn’t know a single sign before meeting Yuki and he’s known her for a few MONTHS and he’s made such an effort to learn for her. And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an Itsuomi praise post (again I love him, but imo, if you have a significant other who’s fluent in and predominantly uses a language that’s not one you know, it’s the bare minimum to make an effort to learn it) more so this post is just me being baffled at the people in Yuki’s life😭 Like. THESE PEOPLE LOVE HER! Yuki does not in the slightest have an unloving or unkind family. So the fact that they canonically don’t use sign language with her and rely on her to lip read and write/text is just wild to me.

#idk what this says about…idk the word #it’s not double standards #or hypocrisy #that’s too harsh a word #but like…idk maybe love in terms of showing vs telling??#cause we look at Yuki’s family and they very clearly love her #but they make no to little effort to sign with her #and tbh I think learning something for the sake of someone is a very tell tale sign of love #then we look at oushi who up until recently struggles to put his feelings into words #and has honestly not always treated Yuki with blatant kindness #but learned sign language and (in his own way) helps her in certain scenarios #ok NOW it’s time for Itsuomi praise #I think THAT is why Itsuomi is a green flag - not just because he’s learning sign language #but because he communicates his intentions and feelings clearly in every way possible #he proves to Yuki that he loves her with BOTH words and actions #anyway - I love my girl Yuki and her family is so sweet but why don’t they sign😭#again my opinion is probably very uneducated so if I am somehow wrong pls lemme know😭#a sign of affection #yubisaki to renren

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bunnihearted · 2 months ago

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🐰🕸🌙

#i have so many behaviours and fears and #no emotional regulation and issues and disorders and fearrrrr #and i do not know how to explain it so that ppl who dont relate can possibly understand it #but it is like i am trapped in a nightmare dimension where everything is always bad #my brain isnt even wired to see anything in a positive or hopeful light #which is how humans are wired typically to ensure survival lol #in swedish avpd is also called anxious personality disorder #which can clue in on the fact that if you know what a personality disorder is #(your brain hasnt developed normally but in a disordered way. often bc of trauma etc)#my brain is wired to be anxious abt wverything all the time #so i always naturally see everything in a negative and dark and bad and horrible light #which is fucking terrible. it makes life exhausting and like a constant fight #other ppl dont get that bc their brains arent wired to have this horrible outlook on EVERYTHING #so thid just gives me extreme trust issues and my brain always fights to make sense of things #bc it cannot do so in a rational manner #and basically i just feel so ashamed when i think of how like... overly emotional and fearful i am #as soon as anything happens im like wow this person literally wants to kill me bc humans are evil #which i know intellectually isnt tru bc if it was i'd be dead by now 💀#ig i just feel so lucky that one person still is my friend after almost 2yrs now #despite my whateverthefuck moments when idek what im saying..#'working thru my emotions' in a way that doesnt make sense #esp when hes seen some of what i've written and im like NOOO i was spiraling when i said that i dont mean that i think most likely i dont #anyway.. feeling grateful 🙏 i wish i was normal #or at least had th ability to have connections and relationships most ppl w mental illness are still capable of having #avpd is fucked upppp it is such a weird mental disability.... 0-o #bc of my fear i also struggle with relaxing into it bc im like no imma fuck it up soon or no hes gonna leave me soon bc i suck and dont #deserve having him in my life at all. i really wish my brain wasnt wired to be terrified like i hate my brain and myself like why cant #i just be normal!!!!!! ☹️ i am thankful for every moment still.

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tiny-chubby-bird · 1 year ago

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AUGH can we PLEASE have an animated show about Nightwing plEASE. like it could be about his character growth after he moves to Blüdhaven, how he and Bruce eventually talk and warm up to each other again. how Dick struggles to deal with everything on his own but he does his absolute best. or it could be about his brotherly, almost parental relationship with Damian.

plus points if you make him openly bisexual too.

#Like COME ON #did i miss anything or is there actually no show focusing exclusively on Nightwing yet??#like have you SEEN him??#have you Looked at the boy???#he deserves his own show #and let him be at least a little gay too #i heard how the animators of the new superman show had a rule to make clark look as cute/hot as possible in every shot #the same rule should apply to dick if he ever gets his own animated show #i beg #i am on my knees #Nightwing #dick grayson #like i know there are all the titans shows and stuff #and the Gotham Knights game is nice #but i want something exclusively ABOUT HIM #not the titans team or anything #just focusing on dick and his life and his struggles and his relationship with his bat brothers and his bat dad #and idk i guess some relationships along the way

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yikes-ajax · 1 year ago

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Letting my cat play with batteries because apparently it's more entertaining than her actual toys

#its the noise it makes against the wood floor i just know it #our dogs the same way with anything that crinkles #anyways watching her make a ruckus while i eat comfort doughnuts to recover from seizures all night and nearly drowing in my tub #because i cant find my earplugs and i cant sleep without them ESPECIALLY when shes playing with stuff #i am not vibing™ rn #you (me) remember saying i ran my batteries out play dragon age? yeah these are those batteries #because I've been toO BUSY PLAYING DAI TO PICK THEM UP AFTER FALLING IN THE FLOOR RAAAAAAAA #im okay im not going to do anything i am going to lay down and SLEEP #mmm but first i gotta think about every possible thing that could go wrong at work tomorrow from breaking a machine to a terrorist attack #ive been struggling yall 🤠#shitpost #shitposting #cat life #petblr #catblr #cat lovers #cat memes #stupid cat

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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flower-zombie-rob · 1 year ago

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Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.

#Sometimes I really do just honestly kind of hate her. I know it's a horrible thing to say about one's parents who care for them but it's #true. With the way that she treats me and criticises me and takes every advantage of a chance to tear me down it just really hurts all the #time. I can't criticise her because she ll fly off the handle at me and say how many things she does for me that i dont apreciate enough #But for her she can say as many times as she wants that she doesn't like my hair and she doesn't like the way I dress and she doesn't like #This the way I look and she doesn't like the way I stand and she doesn't like the things I say and she doesn't like my beliefs #She can say she doesn't like my tone of voice and that she doesn't like the way i stress out about things and im not allowed to say #A negative word about her in edgeways when she's allowed to tear me down on a constant basis and make me hate myself. As someone who really #Struggles with a lot of self loathing problems and self hatred she really does just rip into me with no restraint constantly. She knows #That I suffer with some serious rejection sensitive dysphoria that I am trying to get therapist help for and she still has no restraint #When it comes to criticising me and everything I am and everything I like. And she has the goal to do this thing where she is kind of peer #Pressures me into agreeing with the things that she says which in turn just makes me consolidate those horrible beliefs about myself in my #own head. If I don't agree with her criticism of me I can't just say so I have to not along with her and affirm to myself that those #Things are true. That I don't like my own hair that I don't like my face and my makeup and my clothes. That my preferences are wrong and #That I dress too androgynously. That I could never experiment with things like pronouns or gender and that I have to agree with societally #Homophobic undertoned things that she says because I can't bare to have her criticise me again and again and again for critisising her.#I can't do this anymore it makes me dread every time she comes into my room to talk to me about some new thing she doesn't like about me. I #And constantly stressing about how much people dislike me and how annoying I am #And the fact that I'm literally hiding the things that I want to wear from her so i can put them on when i get away from her and yet she #she will still get upset if I criticise her for making me literally hate myself on a regular basis. she wont beleive me and she'll be #Confused if I have a belief that doesn't match hers and she'll get so excited when I even possibly hint at doing something to my appearance #that she likes and knows I don't. I worry wake for comic corner she wouldn't shut up about how much my hair looks really good in a style i #dont want to cut it. If I dress in a way that's openly queer she ll act like I'm going to get #and i quote “the wrong kind of attention” Because she thinks that me even possibly being misgendered because of my clothing is a #disgusting crime and that I should be the perfect Barbie doll pink pretty princess she always wanted her children to be. She wants me to be #Someone that I can't be comfortably and she's essentially forcing me to fit this mould of her preferred child. Which obviously makes me #Despise who I am and hate my own interests and style. And as horrible and hurtful as it is to say this #I can't wait to get away from her.#sigh #vent #harsh morning

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dredshirtroberts · 6 months ago

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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such

#if i say it enough i will remember it's true #can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head #ugh #i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it #and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible #(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all #they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads #like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation #and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general #like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to #i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either #like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as #an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault #i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone #because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another #i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them #through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction #and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all #so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it #every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too #like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that #and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too #and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part #i grew up in the group project everyone hates #and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me #i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers

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lith-myathar · 6 months ago

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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb #micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life #and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school #that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare #a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children #of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues #there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid #you had no way to understand WHY #and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized #or were actively being abused #so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day #so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd #(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point)#so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and #raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff #i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate #and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization #for my age group #it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends #that was the perfect soup for adultification #i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess #it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it #but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life''#and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten #i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years #and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself #for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality #the fear that still has a death grip on me #the courage required to just exist #it's *exhausting*

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ne0nwithazero · 1 year ago

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It's strange how I kind of went from consistently disliking my art, to like, disliking individual pieces, but when I look at my overall work I just get filled with so much joy and pride

It's not like I'm doing anything groundbreaking or utterly amazing, but I guess it's the thing of like, seeing myself as an ordinary human capable of creating things? I just see so much beauty in humanity's capacity of creating things, and I guess I had to teach myself to see that beauty in my own capabilities as well, no matter how mediocre they are

It's hard to say I like things I create because I fear people will think I'm full of myself, but I just have so much pride in my work. If I start looking too closely at my art, I start seeing all the mistakes and everything I hate about it, but if I step back and take in the bigger picture of all I've done and how far I've come? I don't know, it's a strange feeling to describe

It's best described as this sentiment of fulfilment that makes me realize that there's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my life other than creating art I love and sharing with people

#Jay Talks #turning off reblogs because I'm paranoid over people interpreting me the worst way possible #I feel like creating my website last year was what helped me come to this realization the most #I love creation #I've been drawing seriously since I was like 11 or smth #And only now at my mid 20s am I getting to a point of being okay with what I create #I still have a lot I dislike and things I want to improve #But it helps not loathing every sketch that leaves my hands #Cherishing every bad drawing as a stepping stone to something greater #All the outdated art that gives me psychic damage to look at #All the out of character OC art that doesn't fit anything I have #All the art with bad wonky proportions and terrible anatomy #I still can't look at those pieces without shriveling up in cringe #But I'm learning to celebrate those pieces not for what they are but for where they took me #idk is this anything #Don't mind me my mental health has been in the gutter these past months #Finding peace in my escapism and pride in my work has been so freeing...#It's hard to celebrate my joy when so many artists struggle with enjoying their work #I can't help but feel like they'll think I'm rubbing it in...

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aemiron-main · 2 years ago

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reminder that if u hate mike wheeler then will byers hates you 💗

(I don’t mean like affectionate hate I mean like Actual Hate, can’t stand him, using his character as ur punching bag 2 willfully/intentionally misinterpret and wrongfully assign fault to (not that Mike doesn’t have faults, but fault him for the things that Are His Fault not shit that Isn’t) etc like yes Will and Mike have their conflicts but will cares for him SO fucking deeply and does Not Hate Him)

#byler #stranger things #st shitposts #kind of #some of the takes I see abt Mike from time to time just baffle me like What…………..#he’s not some horrible guy trying to intentionally hurt all the people around him as much as possible ffs #literally I am gonna have to start gatekeeping Mike again AND will since clearly ppl are not only in their Mike hater era but also #in their ‘not understanding will’ era like will does not hold some super deep hateful resent towards Mike #like ffs do you think he gave Mike the painting for shits and giggled?? NO!!!! he was trying to reassure Mike and make him feel better bc #HE CARES ABOUT MIKE!!!!!#I’m literally half awake rn but Mike get behind me #like damn some ppl truly do not like it when things like mental illness and the way it presents don’t exactly align with #their own worldview. I’m not saying I’m Right all the time I’m saying that ppl are #willfully making Mike out to be smthn be isnt and intentionally ignoring his struggles #like do u think that will ‘can’t keep his eyes off of mikes plate and keeps staring w concern at every fucking meal’ byers is gonna take #kindly to someone ignoring and erasing mike’s emotions and complexity and struggles?? NO!!!#going thru some of the anons I’ve gotten previously and I’m just like… ???? why do people seem to Want to hate Mike so much

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zaddyazula · 1 year ago

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something i think some people don’t understand is that everyone has different things that happen to them in their life!!! just because something isn’t emotional to you doesn’t mean you should try and tell people who did find it emotional it’s not!!!! people have lived beyond who you know in person!!!!!

#i saw a barbie post and it reminded me of this #like this is so fucking simple and some people do not get it #i bawled my eyes out at the end of the barbie movie because it took me back when i was younger and i really connected with it #but my friends (who i went to see it with) didn’t cry at it or find it emotional and have since tried to convince me it wasn’t sad #you don’t know why i cried at it!! you don’t get it!#and when i try to tell them “you don’t get it because we’ve had different lives” they say there’s nothing to get because it’s not sad #they don’t get it because they haven’t had my particular experience - the same way i haven’t had theirs #i don’t know how difficult it is to not discredit someone’s emotions but it can’t be that hard #the barbie movie is really important and special to me as someone who struggles with identity #my friends don’t know this so i can’t blame them for that but the point still stands #the age old thing you are taught when you are literally a young child is that you don’t know what people are going through so be respectful #but they and other people don’t seem to understand that despite being well older than a young child #you have no idea why i find it sad. let me find it sad and move on with your life.#particularly two of them seem to try and cement this point that the film and the billie eilish song (which i literally cannot listen to)#aren’t sad #it really does irritate me because any possibility i get to say something’s sadness can be entirely subjective in some cases i am dismissed #these people are girls. they played with barbies. and still i can bet every one of us associates different things to when they played with #barbies. they do not get that.#i can’t really describe my relationship with the barbie movie properly and maybe it’s just me having a fit about it but it is so so persona #to me.#sorry for the rant.#barbie movie #barbie 2023 #zad talks

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thedevotionaltour · 2 years ago

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had an insane moment tonight where i just got repeatedly shamed by friends multiple times within minutes but it's ok now bc i don't have to see these people until next semester :) the minute you repeatedly make me feel bad within a matter of minutes and after i realize every time i hang out with you i feel bad you get put into the realm of "our friendship has a timer" ^___^ no more of this lol

#it was not like directly aimed at me but every single thing. applied to me :') and you kept going not to rag on comics majors BUT #for the next five minutes. in the worst way possible. and then kept saying how sex bad how heavy content bad. and frankly i am over it!#i was surprised by the friend who mainly did this but the other one has. done this so many times. and im just kind of sick of it.#im sick of feeling bad every time i see you. every single time.#i just think some people must remember. nothing wrong with discomfort. but your discomfort is not the be all end all correct moral opinion.#just doesnt work that way. at all.#vent.txt #also as someone who has an identity extremely important to them that at the end. is so directly tied to sex and pleasure and eroticism #for me personally at least. well. i hate to be in an environment where even the mere concept of sex is constantly shamed.#it makes me feel bad. and ashamed. and gross. and dirty. and like a fucking creep pervert. in all the worst ways #and it really is. genuinely. painful. it is painful to me.#because i am being told i am just wrong for having feelings that i do. and that im gross. and it has taken me a really long time to be ok #with this part of myself. and i still struggle with it constantly despite my ability to be more secure in myself #but i am constantly trying to remind myself. im not gross or disgusting for having wants and desires and needs. and that it's ok #and im not going to let that be taken away from me by people meant to be my friends.#granted yes i could do more to advocate for myself when this happens. but i know it would be a losing battle. so i just dont.#whatever! whatever! im done and im shutting up now!

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