#i am so tired im gonna actually go to sleep lol
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HEAD JAANIPÄEVA
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Y’all thinking about an older Ares has RUINED me
#hyrule warriors#hw link#kheprri rambling#fucked by the ‘perfect hero’ treatment and is a little hit jaded and scruffy and i am INSANE FOR IT#he does not cope well and i love that for him#obsessed with him. been thinking about him for a couple months now for my wargod au and yall i cannot stop#volga gets the treatment too but its slightly less noticeable coz hes a dragon#also sorry about there being nothing going on. every time i want to start on something i get hit by just utter pain and cant focus#so ive just been playing games and sleeping trying to get through it lol#but that also gave me a lot of thinking time for the aus. especially the main one (and this one obv)#also sorry if u dont vibe with the headcanon/au. hes far from being a dick or entitled hes just tired of being perfect for others—#—and just wants to live in peace with his dragon bf lmao#2024+ is the era of khep(me) forcing myself to draw facial hair because ive always been afraid of not doing it right#actually i love drawinf facial hair and all hair in general tbh im just horrified of people being like ‘lol ur wrong die’ XD#anyways sorry. rambling. too many brain thoughts not enough outlets for#will be posting the mistflier species sheet wip on kofi eventually i just wanna type the words out to make it more legible#it IS still a wip and thats why its gonna be going on kofi until its finished#<- and also coz its tailnrr related
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#feels pretty much like the first night i got sick (remember that breakdown? lol) except this time i have Overcome the illness#mostly anyways.#but yeah i'm just. augh. not only do i have to deal with literal nightly thoughts of sh now i can't even sleep?!#my curse of Hearing Things immediately working against me the moment i can't hear things clearly#cause ... now i REALLY don't know whats going on#like i know it's not my business and shouldn't be my business but a) i live here and b) i have to hear it either way.#just ... yeah. now that we're probably as settled in as things are gonna get i REALLY do not feel like i'm meant to be here#not in general; as in this physical actual space. there's no thought that something should be made for all of us since they have work#& i ... well i do but [redacted]. so it's the work i make for myself mostly. but yeah so it doesn't matter if nobody sees me eat breakfast#(dont care about that anyways) and it doesnt matter that nobody sees me eat dinner (maybe i care A Little ok) because the whoooole rest of#the day is nebulous Lunch Time. and oh boy let me tell you. i'm not having that either#cause uhm. 'you can eat our food' only means so much until money comes into the equation#like BOY if i thought i was messed up about that before let me tell you: it has become Worse#i dunno. i try to have good days and yet the moment its Asleep Time i am someone completely different#like ... it's like seasonal depressiom but WORSE because theres SUNLIGHT and i LOVE SUNLIGHT#no yeah i think that's exactly the sort of thing i can liken it to now that i think of it#cause i always have like... seasonal issues when it starts gettin dark around 4-5ish range. except right now its summer so its NOT#wish i knew how to really be normal. then maybe at least if i wouldnt have good music making material i could like. meaningfully contribute#to my existence as a roommate#'i'm doing great' says man who is somehow Still Not#relatedly i think my next public facing breakdown is either gonna be about this still or about spinning in the pride parade. time will tell#....i can hear them AGAIN i know why IM up why are THEY#/bangs on wall Go To Sleeeeep leave me alone to also sleep T_T#that's ... that's a joke by the way i'm not doing that. i do feel more tired now so maybe i will have somewhat restful sleep. hopefully
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hi im back! okey so def can see spencer still wanting to hug and snuggle with you even when fighting or mad at each other. he even gets genuinely ??? confused ??? when you try to sleep on the couch instead of in bed at night. he holds you and either reader or him is like "i know we are snuggling right now but i am still super pissed off at you." lol i can just see it. he may be petty when mad but he wont stop trying to touch you bc its a biological need of his and no argument is more important than needing you 🥺
enjoy this I did it very fast!!!! ily
He knows he’s not easy to be with sometimes. She would never say it, but it’s true. He doesn’t always get the jokes, sometimes pushes things too far and without even knowing it the ground gets pulled out from under him.
And sleep- Sleep is so complicated. The memory of the first time she slept in his bed is etched into a place he could never erase. Spencer had always had trouble sleeping, either fear or alertness plaguing him into the late hours of the night. He used to lie awake, the kind of exhausted that feels like it’s seeping out of your bones, while constantly facts he’d unwittingly memorized about how sleep deprivation can cause brain damage.
But then she’d come into his life. All soft words and gentle disposition, and there really is something magic about the way that everything just dissipates when her warm, soft body curves into his own. He’s slept well almost every night since.
Except today, she isn’t coming to bed.
It’s his fault, and he knows it. He wasn’t being fair. She hadn’t seen him for two weeks (and he hadn’t slept nearly enough without the weight of her form beside him since the last time he saw her) and she’d said that she wanted to be prioritized more.
“I haven’t seen you in weeks, Spence!”
His head was killing him. Was it actually possible, for a headache to kill you? Her voice is audibly upset, and it’s alarming how he could be the cause of it.
“Please,” he had said through labored effort, “Can we talk about this later?”
“When would you like to talk about it? Because I don’t ever know if you’re leaving-“
“Do you even know what it is that I do? That it’s not a choice for me to go? I have to do this. I can’t pick and choose and honestly, I don’t want to. If you don’t get that, we’re not doing what I thought we were doing.”
It sounds foreign, his own voice. And it’s after he’s said it that the sick taste reaches his throat because oh, that means the end. Her lovely face is unreadable for a brief moment, before something like grief splays over her expression.
It’s silent for a beat, and Spencer wishes he could swallow the words back up, rewind his life like a battered VHS tape where he’s not so stupid to mess up the one thing that’s ever brought him peace.
“You’re not yourself, Spencer. I’m gonna give you a minute.”
A minute, it turns out, is hours in the living room. She hadn’t left, thank fucking god, but she hadn’t come back. Of course she hadn’t. She wasn’t the one who needed to apologize.
He’s just so tired.
He thinks of her so-sweet voice, the curve of cheek- the junction of her neck and shoulder, and how much he would like to have her pressed against him. He pads out into the living room like a nervous puppy, and sees her sleeping on the olive green couch she had picked out. Her hair was splayed across the arm of the sofa, and her head laid on a throw pillow, their fuzziest blanket draped across her form.
His first thought is how low he’s dropped, that he’s jealous of a blanket.
His second his that she is not coming to bed. He sits beside her gingerly, and the scent of her body wash lingers in the air.
“Are you planning on coming to bed?”
“I didn’t think you’d want me to.” He can tell she wants to sound cold, but the truth is much worse; she sounds guarded.
“I always want you to.” It’s the most honest thing he’s said today, and it’s just not fair, how much he revolves around her. How he has waited 14 days, 13 hours and 34 minutes to hold her again and managed to ruin it within the first 20 minutes of having seen her again. He grabs her hand, soft and pliant against his in a way that almost makes his heart leap. “Please? Come to bed?”
Her gaze softens, the warmth and light that guides him back in her eyes, and he hopes his relief isn’t too visible. It’s then that she drinks him in. It feels too revealing like she can see right through him. His clothes are old. He’d rushed off the jet to see her, and the half moon circles under his eyes only lend to the unimpressive picture of himself.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she breathes, touching the side of his face. He instantly leans into it, the contact more than he’d be willing to give up to save his dignity. “Come here.”
She wraps her arms around him, and he pulls her into his lap, squeezing her tight to his chest, like she might disappear.
“I’m still mad at you,” she says, looking at him with such affection it betrays her words.
“That’s okay,” he says into her collarbone, “As long as I still have you.”
#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fanfic
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Imagine mc giving birth to their baby. You know, Cove is probably panicking, Baxter pretending he's okay but at some point faints and our brave Derek letting mc crush his hand with theirs lol
And also I've seen a clip of a dude who just witnessed his wife deliver their baby and, with a face full of horror, he told her, "I am SO sorry, I won't do that again. " 🤣😭
I'm just imagining one of the boys saying something like that, in my head it's so funny
omg i almost missed this!!! im so glad you brought this up bc i love thinking abt how the boys are during delivery, especially cove omg (im sorry this is such a ramble... but also not sorry bc my brain worms are dancing in happiness at these thoughts)
cove:
even though you've had months to prepare for this and cliff n kyra has given cove lots of advice, paired with a lot of "don't freak out!" (sometimes followed by something freaky that happens during pregnancy or labor...)
he's prepared for this though. as prepared as an anxious first time dad can be. i mightta said this before, but whether you have him in the room the whole time or just to come cut the cord and hold the baby, is up to you.
if you have him in the room he'll let you hold his hand and he'll be holding yours back (he doesn't notice the pain of your grip for the longest...)
he definitely does what you mentioned and apologizes for putting you thru this LOL
after you give birth, he will do everything... he'll change diapers, put them down for naps, burp, wash, everything... because after that he needs to even the balance (if it was up to him, you'd never lift a finger after that, especially if you have multiple kids via birth)
HE'S ALSO OVERLY PREPARED
delivery bag? more like BAGS. mans has double of everything, he's PETRIFIED
also he runs to any place you want and buys you food while you're in labor if it's really long
and he stays with you up until its go time, then if you want him to wait outside he will
also he faints... or at least gets weak
if you have a c-section he's alrdy freaked out bc... omg they're taking a knife to you thats scary shit
but just natural birth? he's doubly freaked out because your body can do THAT??? you're literally pushing out a whole baby and he is awed but losing his shit honestly
would be babbling praises and encouragements (both for you and himself) n you can tell him to shut up its okay bc he's gonna laugh in the end anyway, but he'll probably end up going quiet bc he's trying not to be distracting and he probably saw something he wasn't prepared for 😬
probably starts crying the closer your baby gets to being out the womb, n after they're fully out and here he's bawling and just realized it but also he's trying to comfort n check on you first so you end up laughing bc he's fretting over you as if he isnt flooding the room
baxter:
mans is NOT CALM
tries to look calm, but he just looks constipated and he looks tired honestly
he's been losing sleep this whole pregnancy bc he's afraid of being a bad father, but he's so excited and ends up staying up at night talking to your belly so he just can't win
surprisingly dropped the collared shirts and slacks
mans is stuck in t-shirts and sweatpants or jeans
his hair is a mess too
omg he's napping when you go into labor
he jumps up, mismatched socks (either he's wearing an ankle cat print sock and a knee high sock, or he's wearing one sock. its bad n i think him wearing one sock is better (worse for him but hes fineeee))
the nurses love him bc he's running in and out bringing you food and runs back to get anything he or you forgot or might need
another over packer
honestly they're all over packers who are we kidding
this is where is wedding planner job comes in handy
has backups and plan b's for everything
and even though everything is right he brings extra just to feel better
won't be in the room if you want that ofc, but he psychs himself up to be in there
he's really scared n nervous, more-so than cove actually. but he wants to support you and if you want him in there, he's there. even if you reassure him he doesn't have to be there, he wants to be
he has to sit down while he's there, his leg is shaking and he's torn between watching whatevers going on over there and watching your face for any signs which.. doesnt really make sense since labor isnt like going to the waterpark but he has a kind heart <33
spends so much time looking at the baby... cove does too but baxter spends double that time
watches the nurses and doctors like a hawk whenever they mess w the baby
will curl up next to your bed and thanks you so much for giving him such a beautiful life, this is all stuff he never thought he'd have and he's so happy
derek:
he's actually the calmest one
he has 2 siblings and even though he was young when they were born, he has lots of experience with babies and he prepared
isn't that bad of an over packer actually, just extra baby stuff and some of the best snacks
but he'll still surprise you with your favorite food or takeout
he will do anything for you during labor, remind him to just sit down and hold your hand n stfu, thats what nurses n doctors are for n he really can't help much atp, its all up to you and the nurses+doc
holds your hand even though you might be hurting him. will just wince thru it or convince you to switch hands
will keep giving encouragement and either times it perfectly so he doesn't get on your nerves or you have to kindly ask him to shut up bc you're not playing ball, it isnt helping!!!!
also pulls a cove and does a lot of the work around the house and with the baby bc that was tough work, labor and carrying the baby? you deserve it!!!
ends up talking n holding the baby a lot, is probably a little scared since theyre so little and just holds their hand or looks at them
you sometimes wake up to him mumbling stuff to the baby, abt how happy he is, how he's going to take care of you both, how much he loves them...
carries everything outta the hospital by himself (by everything he means your hand and the baby, his family is probably dragging your stuff to the car bc they're here to help n make your life a million times easier and its literally a sleepover with nico around)
anyway. i need more dad!derek hc's now, specifically uncle nico and jorge, bc that is such a big brain thought
now this applies to all the boys honestly, i didnt even think abt it until now
but he helps you walk to the bathroom and put on all the pads n underwear n stuff if you need it
i remember seeing a youtube short where the woman said her fiance or husband helped her walk to the bathroom, spray her coochie w the water spray bottle, and with the underwear stuff
so don't worry about how you look or if it's icky because you're all sore and/or stitched up or anything like that because he's not paying attention, he just wants to help you in any way possible
#olba#cove holden#baxter ward#derek suarez#cove holden x reader#derek suarez x reader#baxter ward x reader
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im bored so I'll try to guess something about you based on your favorite mcr + hesitant alien song (>>unserious!!<<)
I'm not gonna do all of them, just whatever song that comes to mind, so I'll probably miss a couple. Just ask me about any that i missed if you want. please don't take it seriously
Bullets
cubicles - you hate your job so much that you need to be comforted
mirror - you suck dick for cocaine
early sunsets - youre gay
headfirst - youre gay and depressed
demolition lovers - youre a lesbian
our lady of sorrows - you're a minecraft player who forgets to sleep and has to kill multiple armies of phantoms every in-game week
Revenge
helena - elder gay
im not okay - gay and depressed (and probably still in high school)
the ghost of you - you're a visual artist under psychiatric treatment
prison - you're INHUMANLY FUCKING HORNY and gay (and kinky)
thank you for the venom - you get into physical fights but you lose them more than you win them
deathwish - you're angry at someone or something, and you're not gonna stop being angry so soon
cemetery drive - you're probably another elder gay but a little more emo and/or into mcr than the helena elder gay
i never told you - you're angry, depressed and absolutely fucked in the head (and gay), but you're trying.
The black parade
welcome to the black parade - you're may or may not be a normie but you're a cool normie at least
i don't love you - you're either aromantic and feels nice listening to it (like me) or you're suffering with a relationship breakup and this song makes you sob your eyes out
dead // the end + dead - you're fucked in the head but you're trying to either disguise it or to be funny about it
sleep - you're probably into some weird abstract shit like Nurse With Wound (I'm a nww listener so don't come after me fellow nww listeners pls im joking)
house of wolves - you and the prison gay are equally horny (bonus if you two had sex) but you're a bottom and you're probably into humiliation kink, spanking and being tied up/wearing a collar and leash
teenagers - you are SUCH a fucking normie i swear to god
famous last words - you're traumatized
mama - deadly dysphoria that fucks you up
Danger Days
na na na - you're cute
bulletproof heart - you're probably nerdy
sing - ☭
planetary - you're also fucked in the head but you're even better at tolerating the pain + you probably go out at night a lot
party poison - you're non binary, angry, depressed, neurodivergent and tired of people existing but you try to tolerate it
save yourself - you're an angry gay and you're probably a bit more of a punk as well
scarecrow - you're a slightly older gay taking care of a young gay (probably the I'm not okay gay)
summertime - you're a little older, scarred physically and mentally and ULTRA depressed
destroya - youre horny as fuck and you want a threesome with the prison gay and the house of wolves gay
the kids from yesterday - you're painfully self aware about your age and your adult life
Conventional Weapons
boy division - gay
gun - gay
kiss the ring - gay and horny
ambulance - gay
make room - gay and punk
tomorrow's money - gay punk and horny
the world is ugly - you feel like you're extremely ugly despite actually being absurdly pretty
the light behind your eyes - you're just as mentally fucked as i am. :)
bonus lol
every snowflake is different - you're what normies call a giga chad and you're probably like a god or something
Hesitant Alien
the bureau - you're baby
action cat - you're cute
drugstore perfume - you're cute but you're suffering
brother - same thing as the light behind your eyes
zero zero - please fuck me i'll even bend over on this table for you
maya the psychic - you're the cutest and you're baby (and you're probably a visual artist)
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burned a little over 600 at work today, allegedly
only had a gatorade zero (10) and 1/4 of a mikes hard (55)
gonna go home and take a cold shower and fucking weigh myself because i hate myself
actually i just got home and i will be taking a cold shower and weighing myself tomorrow because i am too tired, and too high, for that shit rn
i need to get some actual sleep tonight because at 10am tomorrow i see my psychiatrist and i have to convince her to put me on vyvanse
aaaaand it’s six hrs later and i apparently fell asleep while writing this LOL
anyway. weighed at 277.4 just now and for safety im gonna go back to assuming my scale is correct so that way i dont risk anything and worst comes to worst im a few lbs lighter than i think i am lol
its like 5:30am and i think im just gonna have an alani and stay up even tho im still fucking tired bc i can sleep more after my psych appointment
i am also not gonna count yesterdays cals as breaking my fast bc it was all liquid and i know that i burned it all off like eight times over which means im 31hrs in
planning to break my fast w a progresso light soup, but i don’t know if im gonna do that this afternoon or after work tonight or just tomorrow. if i play my cards right and things go how i want i can sleep most of the day away and in theory not eat before i go to work tonight because i feel fine rn
although how i’ll feel by 7:30pm is a mystery buuuuuuut if i sleep all day i’ll probably still feel perfectly fucking fine
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alright here’s the deal
i’m gonna make a percentage of how many trap victims/related persons survive
wish me luck this is gonna be tedious 🫡
it’s been an hour or two since i wrote that lol i got busy
idk i’m starting when its like 12am????
survived: iiiiiiiiii
not: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
special (survived): iiiiiii
special (not): iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
special is either 1 the game was rigged or 2 they beat the game but died some other related way (ex: adam) 3 or if it was up to somebody else to save you as part of their game (ex: eric matthews, like a lot of them actually)
special good is when it was rigged/something was against them or different but they still beat it. hold on hold up i’m looking for an example rn. ok the secretary lady deborah or something she was in a trap out of her control but she survived.
(timing these for some reason) 1:12 am
dude idk where to put matthews bc his first game was a fluke and he survived but he was also like saved? idk man i’ll think about it (i put him in special died OH GOD NO LOOK AT NOTES)
i can’t put my headcanons/theory’s in here okay cowabummer dude (i have to put adam in dead i’m sorry ok)
1:20 (^im realizing now a shit ton of these fall into the special category whoopsies maybe i got too specific)
1:28 aw dude the fatal 5 are gonna suckkkk bc they’re all working together and linked and connected and shit fhhhghh
1:33 okay dude the steam lady is difficult bc the first half was a special but the last wasn’t. fuck it im just gonna say she could have survived the burns herself
1:40 can’t decide if the first and rebooted games from jigsaw should be put in together or if they should be separate. i just finished i smoked an entire bowl and i am trying my best here ok
1:50 the train guys is rigged they don’t explicitly say it but there’s no way
1:58 alright. fucking finally. that experience was just a downward spiral haha get it bc i hate that movie. also hate jigsaw the movie jigsaw. this was very unpleasant once i’m done with this shit i’m gonna fall asleep to saw 5 or smthn.
2:02 i have to use a counter online bc i’m too tired to count all those little i bitches
2:06 the fruits of my labor. my creation. behold
Pie chart
there we fucking go. a ratio. OH MY GOD THEY FUCKING SEPARATED THE 2 DEADS IM GONNA KILL. YOU. YOU WILL BE BOILED.
oh thank god
ok so there it is. the ratio of victims that survived and victims who’ve perished in jigsaws traps. you don’t know how much footage i’ve skimmed through. 1 like=1 ass kicking for to me because what was i thinking
me laying down in bed after this ↓
WAIT NO I FORGOT TO INCLUDE FUCKING ERIC MATTHEWS. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
2:18 ok here it is. the real true official one.
sorry for all that. thank you for accompanying me on this task. i did not have fun. except when i was watching 1-3d but then after that it sucked. 1-3d even took up almost all of the view time but the last bits were so unpleasant it threw that all out the window. gonna go watch one of the original saw movies. you can tell saw x will be good bc it has saw in the name. the title. oh my god oh god i’m realizing i forgot people. i think i forgot bobby. what the hell man screw this i’m going to sleep. i’ll deal with it when i wake up and wonder what the fuck i was on last night. thank you for joining me on this journey of a mental breakdown everybody. a mental spiral, even, if you will. i’m imagining cheesy ending scene music like the character/actor is thanking the audience. signing, logging off at 2:34 am. goodnight everyone.
#saw#sawposting#saw franchise#saw posting#saw memes#detective hoffman#mark hoffman#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#adam stanheight#saw movies#amanda young#john kramer#saw 2004#saw vi#saw iii#saw v#saw 5#saw iv#saw 2#saw x#saw 6#saw 3#saw 3d#saw 7#saw (2004)#sorry about all these i’m trying to extend my reach as far as i can lol#coffinshipping#chainshipping#shotgunshipping
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Okay, so this is defiently not correct, but instead of sleeping, my brain decided to theorize about how Fyodor isn't dead(I don't even like the guy that much lol). This is gonna be really rambly since Im tired but hopefully it's coherent enough and makes sense lol.
He got stabbed by one of the vampires and then blown up in the helicopter. They pulled his arm from the wreckage of it but not his actual body, we all know this yada yada.
So maybe he managed a quick escape right before impact. The arm might be his, or it could just be a fake one made to look like his(I'm feeling really conspiratorial rn I guess🤷♀️ anything besides sleeping 😂) whatever, doesn't particularly matter. What does matter though, is that he's in rough shape and would defiently bleed out from that stab wound alone unless he gets medical treatment.
And wouldn't you know it, there happens to be someone with a special ability made just for situations like this. A certain person who was oddly MIA pretty much the whole time shit was going down at the arport with the ADA & hunting dogs. Like, they went out of their way to show us every other member of the ADA was alive and okay, but they didn't show us Yosano.
My drama-craved mind is low-key hoping for some kind of big twist revel that she was working for Fyodor all along(okay, maybe not the WHOLE time) but that doesn't have to be the case(blackmail and other things are possible).
Given her ability to heal people from life threatening injuries, it would kinda just make sense given how badly injured Fyodor is(even if Im completely wrong(and I probably am lol) Im sure he'll probably be back to cause more chaos(or he'll at least continueto haunt the narrative 🤷♀️)
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shit was weird af last night yall. it’s something that’s happened countless times before when i would decide to shift to one of my realities, but like it’s like my body just knows because i feel so restless and go through periods of awakeness that makes it feel like no time has passed, meanwhile it’s like 3 in the morning 😭
during these times, i do tend to get frustrated like “damn im tired lemme sleep ffs” but i think this is a teaching moment for myself lol to just place more focus inward and be more attentive to my imagination than how like restless and tired my body feels
then near like 6 ish, time just got really fucking weird. like i was slipping into periods where I’d look at the time and it’d be like 9 am, have some thoughts of like damn i slept too late im late for clinic, and then have another thought be like “actually no it’s still 5:40” and then fall back into a light doze where when I look at my phone again, the time was like 5:47
idk if i was just falling in periods of lucidity or whatever, but it was still weird and disorienting 😭. Then at one point i started hearing beach waves, and got excited of course but i think what ive realized is that im still in this state of “trying” and “forcing” the shift to happen even though i know that im already there, there’s nothing to do or force, that all I need to “do” is just be in flow with myself and chill out
and i think now that point is starting to really settle in that shit I really don’t have to do shit anymore. Like my “journey” is over. This 3d is old and unaligned, and right now, even as i type this out, im literally having the time of my life in the Maldives w my future wife, like,,,
wild.
anyway, I’m gonna go snorkeling so farewell 🫡
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So sick of working y'all I've had to open the past 3 mornings and i am Opening AGAIN. Fuck this shit
#speculation nation#at least im 2nd person so i can b there an hour later#ive woken up way too early the past few days and i am NOT about that#dont necessarily need to go to sleep just yet but im gonna. im fuckin tired#played thru hades twice. absolutely obliterated hades both times. im on a roll#lmao at me being like 'should i try to finish smt v or fe3h?' and then i decide fe but then go in. play a few weeks#then go 'Meh' and start playing the action game#i dont want tactics. i dont want to be chill. i need to let off steam. hades does that for me.#plus i still have some story things to do. ppl have been talking about hypos lately so mayb i can finally progress his relationship soon#lmfaooo tho my last build was so fucking good i blew than outta the water#usually i have to rly struggle to beat him. typically dont beat him at least half the time#but this time? i got over 30 kills while he was in single digits. booya#the secret? chill dash + doom attack + several stacks of revenge damage. + sword.#quickened attack and also range attack.#i actually barely used my special bc it just wasnt worth anything lol#spamming doom damage as i slow them down and just whack the shit outta them. perfect tactic.#plus a bunch of other stuff but ya kno#ive consistently been beating hades without losing any death defiances#minus a few runs ago where i had a bad build. still beat him but i was down to my last bar lol. tense fight#but. yea. im having fun with hades. been a few years but it's still so fun. great game.
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OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT IT WAS CHRISTMAS I WAS SO TIRED LMAO MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
I actually had the BEST luck on the plane- no babies and NOBODY WAS COUGHING. I still wore a mask but that was the first time I've ever been able to sleep on a plane it was revolutionary. Never had a plane so quiet.
LOL Queen Jellie :3 She's exactly like my cat: spoiled and damn pleased about it. It's okay though because she's cute.
Also the "it's Scar's point, now,". Desert duo try and communicate normally challenge. These two CANNOT hold a conversation without trying to one-up each other or committing to some bit and thats why we love them <3 silly (affectionately)❤️
YOURE A CHEESE PERSON AS WELL?!?? Red dragon is SO good, excellent choice. The espresso one sounds interesting! I've never had coffee flavoured cheese-- im fond of one and not the other-- but if you you recommend it i might have to give it a go :o. My own favourites arent anything exciting; i just like a good gouda or smoked cheddar (i love smoked cheeses)
Anyway, ty for indulging my airport boredom haha :D. Im back home in Malaysia (where i grew up) for a couple of weeks before going back to Australia. Thoroughly ready to gorge myself on malaysian food and fruits AND ENJOY CONSISTENT WEATHER BECAUSE MELBOURNE CAN AND HAS HAILED!! AT 24+ DEGREES CELSIUS (75 F)!!!! NOT OKAY HADKDBSJSJ
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HI SUN ANON I HOPE MALAYSIA IS TREATING U WELL!!!!!! I was gonna respond sooner but holidays went and knocked me on my ass dkdbdjdnf. Also WIN THE TRAVEL BLESSING WORKED /SILLY 😌😌😌😌😌 glad u had a good flight king 🫡🫡🫡
I am indeed a cheese person!!!! Huge cheese fan, also i think you're the first person ive ever spoken to who has any idea what Red Dragon is right off the bat 😂😂😂😂😂 but yeah i love cheese so fucking much-- for xmas we had the aforementioned espresso, as well as several other bellavitano cheeses including a merlot, a bourbon, and garlic and herb. Plus a very nice and very soft, crumbly bleu. It wasnt Stilton, which is my personal fave, but it honestly held up really well when i made my traditional christmas snacks (petite toasts with bleu cheese, blackberry jam, and a walnut on top :] )
And yeah scarian truly cant communicate without making it a competition and its KILLING MEEEEEE DDJEHFKNFDKFNN im so obsessed with them and their dynamic, im glad you liked that moment!!! I was planning to post the fic the day after xmas but alas the holiday stress/burnout got to me before i could 😭😭😭 SOON THO!!!! Mayhaps even for the new year, we shall see!!!!
Hope ur having fun, sun anon!!! :D i'd love to hear more about the food ur having over there (also ur SO valid for the consistent weather comment, i grew up in Texas which can sometimes have crazy weather patterns so o7 about the hail in 75°F weather 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭) thanks for dropping by!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
#shouting speaks#asks#my cat also had to go to the vet right before xmas 😔😔😔😔😔 so i was really anxious for him#hes alright!!! just had a very mild uti 😭😭😭😭😭 i jyst happen to be the world's most anxious cat mother in existence#so between that and the holidays and then scrambling to finish this secret santa ive been SAUR BUSY.......#schedule isnt clearing up anytime soon either bc of the zine#BUT WE STAY SILLY o7#txt
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okay so the essay has (obviously) been completed and submitted but apparently i’ve lost the ability to write anything fictional and i’m really upset about it
also. cannot wait to finish this stupid essay (it’s due tomorrow and i still have yet to start it💅🏽) and actually try to start writing fics and stuff. i’ve missed writing sooooo much
#i’m upset about a lot of things rn actually#and i wasn’t planning on ranting in the tags but now that i’m here i might as well#i’m totally about to overshare and no one will see this but whatever yo wus guuuddd!!#brace yourself. oh and tw!! fighting parents. uni stuff. relationship stuff#firstly why do my parents keep fighting. i’m tired of seeing my dad mske my mum cry. she wanted to go to the police station bro… like what??#also my 5 year old sister nearly died ???? and that’s the main reason my parents have been arguing#it was entirely my dad’s fault but that man refuses to take the blame for anything ever so he just blames it on my mum#anyways. UNI BRO. it’s killing me. wtf am i actually doing… i’m doing a degree i don’t have any interest in and i wonder why i’m flopping#all of these assignments and classes can go fuck themselves#i wanna start working more again cos wdym i’m getting paid less than half of what i used to#I HATE IT. I SPEND A LOT SO I NEED TO EARN A LOT TO MAKE UP FOR IT. BUT IM BEING PAIF NOTHING😭😭#and my bf is pissing me off. he’s an athlete and he plays football semi pro and i swear this man is ALWAYS either training or sleeping#like we used to talk 24/7 istg. day and night!! LITERALLY my best friend!! but now it feels like football is the only thing he cares about#and it makes me really really upset bc i genuinely love him more than anything and i just wanna spend time w him. but he seems too busy#okay there’s actually a LOT going on in this relationship rn but. i’m gonna shut up#cuz people will either be like ‘yas slay queen get him girlboss’. OR they’d call me batshit crazy. and i’m 95% sure it’d be the latter LOL#briar rambles#< fr#especially when she should be asleep#it’s nearly 1:30am and ya girl has gotta be up at 7 for uni 😃 this is so fun i love my life#(if anyone sees this help pls i need advice on everything i just mentioned)#ahhhh okay GOODNIGNT KITHETH I LOVE U
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THIUGHTS ON THE GUILD GO! I loved them sm they were my fav faction and all the characters make me deeply insane I am WAITING for them to come back they have to asagiri set up too many plot points not to bring them back. Sigh. my favs r lucy n poe n mitchell n hawthorne n steinbeck but I like all of them
Omg omg okay i LOVE thr Guild I spent like 30 minutes last night trying to predict the different Guild members because Autism. (I FUCKING LOOKED UP MARk TWAIN BC I WAS LIKE U CANT HAVE AMRRICAN AUTHORS AN NOT HAVE MARKY YKW??? LIKE HES LItERALLY BROUGHT UP IN EVERY SINGLE LIT CLASS IN AMERICA BRO and nothing came up OU IM SO MAD)
BTW, I tend to use a first name basis with authors btw theyre actually all my best friends i know them on a deeper level (my mom said that i need to seek help today, this is what happens when all yr friendships are superficial as a kid methinks)
anyways. here are my thoughts:
Mr Francy Pants (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald): i wasn't too opinionated on him til I learned his ability (like i said we need to stop letting white ppl get rich bro...) and then i was like i need this guy dead and then i learned his motive and i was like oh my god hes literally just a guy he wants nothing but to mAKE HIS WIFE HAPPY OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so he slays actaully i hope hes alive :((
Louisa May Alcott: LOMLLLLLLLL i love little women so im extremely bias towards her but wtv when Francis was going on his lil rant abt owning her and everything i was like woah now careful abt how you speak to my girl
Nathaniel: Lord....forgive me...... HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE OH my GODDDD Nathaniel was made for the girlies with complicated relationships with religion i fear (ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME )
Margaret: love me a woman who dresses like that okay but im fairly certain the actual woman was racist soooo kinda mixed feelings?? but the character is amazing and perfect (ignoring the restoring her family's honor.........) and i actually loved her accent lol it was southern enough to be southern but not too southern to be fake lol southern accents actaully arent always there for my area lol they come and go and are stronger when angry/ come out stronger on certain words or phrases loll
Lucy: OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH seeing that she got caught PAINED ME LIKE NOOOO ATSU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAVE HER BUT NOW I FEAR HES FORGOTTEN IN ALL THE EVERYTHING GOIONG ON OUGHHHHHHHHHH
Anne is SOOO Cutie Pie too btw and I love that one she looks like Anne of Green Gables (obvi) BUT ALSO Raggedy Anns!!!!!
Marky Mark: HES SO CUTE ACTUALLY ???? I love his "im just here for the fun of it" attitude that was rlly nice AND HUCK AND TOM ARE SOOOO CUTE and i love the fact that hes a gunsmith despite im pretty sure the book characters he brought to life and real life author being like these scrappy lil southern boys lolll i like that they didnt go the kenji route with him and have him be like a (read this in a southern accent btw) lil farmer boy with good intentions for everyone :D type character !!!!!! love him 10/10 scrunkly
John Steinbeck: his grape thing freaked me the fuck out the first time he did it i was so thoroughly gagged like...... hes cute but in term of design he and Francy look soo similar I got tired of these basic ass white men sorry TvT (looking at them made me feel like i was watching hetalia again LMAOOO) hes scrunkly poo too tho and i love his quirk (mha gagged with quirk im sooo sorry)
Lovecraft: He rlly puts the love in Lovecr....Im gonna stop there sorry :( that sounded jsut as bad in my head LMAO I LVOE HIM i love the fact that him turning into Kraken is just. smth he can do. not his quirk hes jsut like that. (okay actually he didnt write Kraken so idk what the fuck he turns into but he just like me fr) i love his absolute apathy to everything he rlly is sucha girl like he just wants to sleep fr !!!! he had empty eyes and long lucious hair and thats enough to make me love you so i literally DONT CARE bout NOTHIGN ELSE !!!! 10000/10 hes so fine omg....
Melville: hes actually so chill. i like him! he had honor and standards that he upheld himself and i heavy respect that! going down w yr ship is like the easiest way to gain my respect cuz that troupe >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
AND LAST BUT ABSOLUTELY DEFINETELY NOT LEAST:
Edgar Allan Poe:
do I, Dorian Nico di Marionette (my legal Tumblr name), even need to say anything about how much I love this man. I'm not even just talking about the bsd character. I'm talking about the actual author too. He's literally so cool. Like so cool. He came, he lived, he fucked around and found out, and he died!!! He is literally everything I wish to be. Cool, Autistic, Mysterious, Silly. And now specifically the character: I love his need for praise bc ME tOO. I love that he had given himself ONE PURPOSE and that purpose was to beat Ranpo and give him the mystery of his life like yes girl devote your entire being and existence to that ONE (1) man !!!!!! (me) (we need help)
i love that he has a pet Raccoon esp since the general agreement is that he died of rabies like...... ( i personally think he was murdered but idk... ijust feel like someone didnt like him bc he accomplished alot and they probably couldn)
he and ranpos lil friendhsip warms my lil heart to like................... like i said in my tags they remind me of Hikaru and Kaoru in a way where their world was "us" and "not us" and like they are the only ones who can keep each other on each others toes and constantly getting better and giving the ultimate form of praise (theres nothing like getting praise from someone in your field of work, esp someone that you regard as "better than you") and thats so.......... (and if i say codependcy (I WILL PUSH CODEPENDCY ON EVERYTHING BRO I NEED TO SEEK HELP))
anyways these are my excessive thoughts i need help lol
#mari answers !!#mutuals :>#tia tag 🩵#bsd 🗞️#this was osooo fun omg i love answering asks I WIH TUMBLR GAVE MY NOTIFS ABT THRM !!!!
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