#i am so sad and so lonely and so stressed out this week and i just want to scream

[rosecoloredknight]

life is pretty much about learning to love your solitude and making the most of it huh?

[somethingscosmic1251]

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[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[heartless-tate]

Just Friends? | Dark Azriel X Freader

Summary: You and Azriel are just friends. Who fuck. Or at least that’s how you see it. So what happens when you find out Azriel sees it completely different?. 🧁 | 2.6k words

A/N: I was feeling spicy today for some dark azzie boo bear. FYI, if you’d like this rewritten with a male reader, please ask!

WARNINGS: NSFW content, p in v?, oral F receiving, choking, murder(not reader), torture(not reader), shadow play, slight angst in beginning, fingering, slight degradation, slight manipulation, reader with she/her pronouns. with a pussy. THIS IS YANDERE CONTENT. ITS DARK AND POSSESSIVE.

The apartment is eerily silent. It’s dark, and shadows seem to liter every surface tonight. The stench of mold and something rotten doesn’t overwhelm your senses much anymore. Living here on this side of Velaris, you think you’re use to it. You didn’t bother turning the lights on. They always left a weird dim and yellow setting. The moonlight rays from the windows were enough light for now.

You stood in the cramped kitchen, in front of the oven. You stared at the cupcakes baking inside. Then at the clock; 3:04 am. You hadn’t been able to sleep and why not bake cupcakes? The inner circle would certainly enjoy them tomorrow. Not to mention it’d give you an excuse to question Rhysand of Azriel’s whereabouts. He always stops by your place at least once every three days. Or around that. It had been a week. You were lonely. And sexually frustrated. It was hard to get off without his long scarred fingers pressing into your skin, holding you close like he might lose you, and his cock pumping into you teasingly slow. Nothing compared to the feeling of it. Of him.

Going from fucking everyday, on almost any surface, to nothing within a week was driving you crazy. You needed it. You needed him. And not just sexually. But he couldn’t find that out. You wonder if you shouldn’t have had sex with him that night. Started whatever this mess was. Friends? Or what was it books called it?

Friends with benefits. You two spent the day time as friends, hanging out, talking, and at night you fucked like rabbits during the mating season. Or any time of the day really. You have had a crush on Azriel ever since you met him. How could you not? He was kind. Different. Quiet. And you both hit it off so easily when Rhysand introduced you to the inner circle. it seemed like he was always there. And if he wasn’t, his shadows were. Sure, you don’t have him as yours. But he was your friend. Your best friend. And that was enough. Or at least you tried to convince yourself that.

And so when he came back from a mission, sweaty and heated up from anger- you couldn’t help but relax and let him take control. You had had a stressful day too. Why not? Why not let your hot bestfriend fuck you senseless? That’s where the downfall was. You were just pity fuck or a way to blow off some steam for him. You see the way he’s always talking to Elain. You satisfied him for now. So you would happily reduce yourself to what felt like a sex toy, waiting for him in your shitty apartment in hopes maybe one day he would return your feelings. And more then ever you hated that you missed him, and not just the sex. You didn’t even have a clue to what day it was.

You approached the calendar on the wall and peered at it. He said he’d be back today. Or yesterday- since it’s 3:06 am now. He lied. Maybe he had found another woman. Jealousy swirled inside of you, ever growing like an invasive species. You slumped back down beside the oven. This was depressing. You felt like some lonely sad and depressed wife waiting for her husband to come home. Except he wasn’t your husband. And this wasn’t his home. And one day he’ll find another woman and you’ll be nothing but a faint memory in his mind.

A shadow scurried to you, dancing excitedly, others surrounded and curiously observed you. You watched as they scattered around your body as if searching for any harm. You paused- his shadows were back. Which meant he was back. And near. The shadow dancing in your face swirled and gently brushed against your cheek as if consoling you. As if it knew you were sad. You heard the door open to your apartment. You stood running to the living room watching as Azriel entered your apartment. He looked so out of place here. He slightly reeked of blood. As if he hadn’t washed it off yet and had just used magic to hide it for now. His hair was tussled and his eyes were oddly alert at this hour. He smirked at seeing you standing so excitedly. More shadows rushed to join the ones dancing around you, as if celebrating you.

You were so happy to see him again! But he was late. And probably was with another woman. You frowned and stepped back slightly.

“Where were you?”You questioned, crossing your arms. The shadows slowed to a lazy swirl. His wings tucked in slightly. He approached.

“Does it matter love? I’m here now.” He whispered cunningly, pulling you in by your hips. His fingers quickly moved underneath the baggy T-shirt of his you were wearing to grip at the flesh of your hips. He smiled at you broadly as if just noticing you were only wearing his shirt and panties. Your eyebrows furrowed. He could scent your arousal.

“I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other.” You snuffed out. His wings tucked in further, his eyes flashing with darkness for a slight second.

“Do not question me.” He whispered softly. Azriel pulled you in closely nuzzling his cheek against your hair. He flinched when you jerked away angrily. He watched as you started back to the kitchen.

“Fine. It’s whatever. After all we’re just-“

“Don’t you fucking dare say friends, Y/n.” He snarled loudly. A sharp contrast from his before behavior. Before you could respond he was pulling you back, your back hitting his chest. It was like he snapped. His arms wrapped tightly around your center, holding you still as his wings surrounded you both.

“The only reason I’ve been putting up with your fucking friends with benefits bullshit is to give you time to adjust.” Azriel said, hands roaming. It became difficult to focus.

“What? What is that suppose to mean Azriel?”

His hand found it’s way to your clothed cunt, feeling the wet spot on your panties. He snickered. Of course you were turned on. His hard chest pressed into you and you could feel his erection firmly prodding against your back. The size difference between you two was almost unbelievable. You had been turned on since you got lost in thought of him earlier. Since that wet dream you had. You mewled softly as two tendrils of his shadows slither their way under your shirt and rub against your perked nipples. Azriel smirked and kissed your neck slowly. He moved your panties to the side and dipped his finger into your gushing cunt, enjoying the sounds it made. And the ones you made.

You couldn’t help the moans that escaped in response. It felt like you were on fire. Azriel was always capable of reducing you to a moaning incoherent mess within seconds. His long scarred fingers started pumping in and out of you, pressing into the one spot that made you cry out. His other hand grasped your throat and forced your head up to face him. His amber eyes were dark and piercing, a feral look on his face. It was terrifying, and yet you felt your body react differently then your mind did.

“What it means is, this pussy is fucking mine. This body. This mind. You’re fucking mine. You’ve been mine since the day we met. My beautiful foolish mate. I waited for the bond to snap for you, but it hasn’t yet. So when we started fucking, I assumed it would snap for you soon. And I could give you time to grow use to me, to having a lover and someone who cares for you. I know nobody has cared for you in a long while, sweet little thing. I knew you would need time to adjust. But it seems maybe you got the wrong idea. We’re not just friends. We’re mates. You belong to me. I belong to you. There will never be anyone else for us. Just me and you.. for eternity.” He whispered possessively in your ear. His feral smile only seemed to grow, making your own fear- but also pleasure grow? His thumb rubbed at your clit at a breathtaking speed, eyes sharp as they watched you squirm. He refused to let go of you though. Holding you close. You couldn’t process his words clearly. Everything felt too good. Too right. Like you belonged there- in his arms.

“W-wait az-“ you whimpered out trying to jerk your hips from the overwhelming heat building in your core. Azriel didn’t relent, shoving a third finger in you, dragging it slowly against your walls. He started pumping them in, every-time he hit the spot he knew that would make you dumb. The spot he knew would make you cock drunk when he angled his dick to press into it every-time he pumped into you. The shadows twirled and pinched at your nipples, creating a mix of pain and pleasure. They knew you enjoyed it. Azriel knew you did with the way your soaking cunt spasmed. You were close. He could see it in the way your body went limp against him. His hand grasped at your throat more aggressively- cutting off some of your air. His eyes were narrowed as he forced you to look at him. He knew you were close by the foggy and dumb look you gave him.

“Cum on my fingers princess. Make a mess.” Azriel purred sweetly, pressing his hard on into your back for some friction. He smirked knowingly when you cried out silently, hands clawing at his arm that was wrapped around neck. He felt the way your walls tightened, clenching around his fingers and he felt wetness leak around them. He released your throat, letting air back in. You gasped for air desperately. Your cunt was gushing around his fingers, a mixture of wetness and cum dripping drown his scarred hands. You clenched around nothing at the sight as he pulled them away.

“Atta girl. Look at you, making a mess of me hands. Clean it up hun.” He cooed, raising his fingers to your mouth. You obediently opened your mouth, allowing his fingers to be shoved into your mouth. You sucked them, tasting yourself. He groaned at the sight, pressing his erection against you again. Shadows suddenly swarmed around you both, and all of a sudden you were inside of Azriel’s house. Well- one of them. He had a penthouse, and a secluded cabin-house? It was deep in the forest and and secluded with the sense of a cabin but much more bigger and fancier. It had a modern look to it. He kept it secret, as it was a hide away for himself, but he always brought you to it.

He pushed you against his bed, mounting you like a feral animal. Both of your clothes disappeared- except for the shirt of his you had on. It stayed. His shadows swirled around you two. His erection prodded your ass.

Azriel seemed much more animalistic now, as he rutted his erection agaisnt you. His arm wrapped around your waist as he lifted you to him. He pulled you into a long, wet, and sloppy kiss. He nipped your lips until swollen and slightly bloody. And you returned it, happily, forgetting everything else. For now. He pulled away when you tapped his arm, needing air. He stared as you regained your breath.

“You wanna know where I was?” He asked, using his knee to knock your legs wider. His hand reached in between yours, feeling your wetness. He ears twitched at the sound of your soft gasp.

“Y-yes” You stuttered out, rutting into his hand.

“I was hunting down that pathetic excuse of your landlord. After you told me about how he threatened to touch you to make up for your lack of money and the missed payments, I went and found the fucker. I had to go on a mission Rhys sent me on, but I told him to count his days. When I got back, I found him and fucking destroyed that piece of shit.” Azriel growled proudly, taking in the scent of your fear and confusion. “He screamed like a little baby, louder then any other girl I’ve tortured before. I made it hurt. Nobody gets to fucking talk or touch my girl like that. Nobody.” He huffed out, chest puffed up with pride.

Azriel grunted when you shoved him away and scrambled to the headboard. His head titled with confusion. He scented your fear and his ears picked up the sound of your heart beat.

Azriel killed someone. You realized. He killed your landlord. It was hard to wrap your head around it. You knew he wasn’t innocent but the Azriel you knew was soft and kind. Not- not this. He killed someone. For you. Someone died. Because of you. Dread filled your bones. He crawled forward. Straddling your hips before you could move. His naked body in all it’s glory.

“Oh sweet thing, don’t be scared. I would never, ever, harm you. Don’t be afraid of me. I was just protecting you. And your landlord wasn’t just threatening you. He was doing it to other females. It’s okay, princess. He was just getting his deserved consequences. Can you imagine how many woman I could’ve possibly saved from his harm tonight? Don’t be scared of me. You’re safe.” Azriel purred out, wings flared. His cock rested on your stomach. You couldn’t help but relax as his scarred hands slowly spread your thighs. He’s right. Azriel’s always right. Someone could’ve been hurt if it wasn’t for him. He was doing you, and other women a favor. There was no reason you shouldn’t just relax and enjoy this. Him.

He smirked, hooking your legs upon his shoulder. Azriel, rubbed gentle circles in your thigh. He admired your pretty cunt. And then you. In his shirt. Smothered in his scent- inside and outside. In his bed. In his house. Where no one could disturb you. Pussy on display for him. And just him. He moved his hips down before nose diving into your pussy, scenting you. You smelled and tasted divine and your cute yelps and squirms of shock only spurred him on as he lapped at your gushing cunt for more. You tasted divine. Better then he could imagine. His hands held tight, nails leaving crescent moon shapes in the soft flesh of your thighs. Azriel couldn’t help but groan and whimper loudly at your taste. Tongue lapping and lapping like a starved man.

“Azzie!” You squeaked out, hands clutching at his hair, hips rutting into his face. His eyes were stuck on you, staring you down like a lion who had finally caught its favorite mouse. He groaned before pulling away, your wetness dripping down his face. He held eye contact as he licked around his mouth, enjoying your flavor. He grabbed the base of his cock and slapped it against your swollen clit, watching as you squirmed and yelped, sensitive. You were so adorable. His shadows slithered around your body before multiple restrained your limbs down. Leaving you helpless and vulnerable to him.

You relaxed. Azriel would never hurt you. He’s always been there for you. And this is what you wanted- him. And even better- he was your mate. Yours. And you were his. Who cares if he brutally killed your landlord? He was just doing his job as your mate. Protecting you. And plus, you have an excuse to move in with him. You had a feeling you wouldn’t be living this bed for a long, long, time. And as he slowly lined his fat cock with your soaking cunt, you couldn’t help but remember one thing. Your fucking cupcakes.

[allfearstofallto]

What would Yuri (your yandere bulter OC) do if his lady had an arranged marriege and was meeting the person she was arranged to marry with?

(Y'all make me so happy I could die!! I've been unironically imagining this scenerio for months!!!)

Yandere! Male OC x Reader

“You're much too young to be wed,” Yuri whined softly as his cold finger tips helped you latch the clip of your necklace. A beautiful, pink gem nestled in the center of the neckware drew attention to your bare collar bone, the radiant skin of your chest, and the lovely smile you had just above it. Yet another piece of jewelry your mother had sent you from her travels, she had such a taste for things you liked, despite hardly being around.

You merely scoffed at his words, rolling your eyes in the tandum. While he tied your hair up, you dusted yourself with perfumed powder, staring at yourself the entire time, “You must be insane, Yuri. I'm actually past the average marrying age.”

That much was true. Girls of your status typically married much much younger, usually right after coming of age. Even you yourself received many letters begging for a chance to meet after your debutante, which Yuri would swiftly burn in your fire place when you expressed your distate. You had things holding you back. You longed for schooling, travel, and a the freedom of being young and not tied down. Both your father and Yuri took this news excitedly and never pushed for you to get wed. They both even excitedly told you that you'd never have to leave the manor and if you so pleased, you'd be pampered for the rest of your life.

It sounded nice in theory, living off of your fathers wealth and being a bachelorette until the day you died, but many women at your tea parties were talking about their prospects, fiances, and even their husbands, and suddenly you felt as if you could no longer relate anymore. And the even more harsh realization hit you, that you were lonely. You'd sit quietly at the table, sipping your tea nervously and realizing that maybe it was time for you to begin viewing romance in a different light, not as a hindrance chaining you down, but a new beginning in life.

Your father was expectedly saddened by your announcement and Yuri…well, Yuri’s expression was hard to read. He stood silently for a bit, his lips formed in a tight line, eyebrows starting to furrow a bit behind his thick, round glasses. It was a face you'd never seen him make before, him typically preferring laid back or soft expression.

“You can't actually be serious, my lady,” Yuri forced himself to not sound more hurt than he actually was, but if you listened closely, you could hear his voice tremble, “You always said you'd stay in the manor forever.”

You glanced at yourself once over again in your full body mirror, feeling shy and almost slightly over dressed in the gown you chose. It was such a strange feeling, the way your heart was thumping in your chest, and you couldn't tell if it was excitement or nerves. You could see Yuri behind you in your reflection, a frown still formed on his lips.

“I said that when I was eight! You can't trust the words of a child,”

Yuri sighed again, pushing his snow, white hair out of his face in a sign of stress. A stress reflex that you seldom saw him do. Yuri was a man that was so calm and composed, yet today he was showing so much anxiety. And for what, you'd didn't know.

“Then what of me? This man you're meeting, he's the Duke two cities over. I am here to serve you, my lady, won't I go with you?”

“I'd hate to uproot your life, Yuri,” you began with a sad tone. You couldn't fathom the idea that he could look any sadder, yet as you spoke, his face fell even farther, “B-but mother will be home shortly! She sent a letter saying that it will only be a few more weeks, you could still stay in the manor and tend to her instead.”

Your suggestion is met with a shallow, solemn shake of his head, “You are my life, my lady. I wish to serve no one else.”

[hyunjinners]

✧:･ﾟLet the Rain Wash Away → Yang Jungwon x reader ˚₊· ꒰🌦️꒱

꒰ 命 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ꒱┊ she needed some time to herself, but Jungwon reminds her that she will never be alone.

꒰ 命 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ꒱┊ Yang Jungwon x fem!reader

꒰ 命 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 ꒱┊ pain to comfort, sad thoughts, Jungwon comforting reader, happy ending.

꒰ 命 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ꒱┊ self-deprecating thoughts (?), can be read as Jungwon friend or boyfriend. English is not my first language! I apologize in advance for any spelling and/or grammatical errors.

꒰ 命 𝐖.𝐂 ꒱┊1,02k

꒰ 命 𝐀/𝐍 ꒱┊ I'm having writer's block, so I made something short. Enjoy reading! :) 🤍

⊹₊˚ʚ❛masterlist❜ɞ

A tired sigh leaves my lips as I finally sit down on the bench I spent several minutes searching for. The square is empty because of the heavy rain that has been falling all day.

I rest the umbrella on the edge of the bench to my right, feeling the thick drops bathe my entire body. I don't care about my soaked clothes or the possibility of catching a cold.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It seems that when I’m alone, all my senses are heightened: the rain beating heavily on the leaves of the trees, the smell of the earth that inevitably settles in the air. Many people hate the rain and often associate it with bad things—perhaps because it’s cold, lonely, and, well... wet.

But for me, the sound of rain is one of the best white noises to listen to in moments of stress. I think rain is necessary. Without it, many of the flowers and green plants people love to admire on sunny days wouldn’t have life. They would wither in the heat. It’s cold, but necessary. It’s wet, but just right.

Someone passing by might find me strange right now. I probably look like a lunatic or a pothead. But I’m just lonely. Maybe that’s why I love the rain so much—it gives me the chance to take time for myself, to free my mind from worries, and to focus solely on my inner self.

I’ve never had time to truly pay attention to myself because I was always busy putting on a facade to please the people around me. A girl who is always happy, friendly, polite, and intelligent. But I’m not just that.

I’m fragile, insecure, fearful, and, surprisingly, not that intelligent. Yet I can’t be myself outwardly, because the people I admire most might turn away from me, disappointed.

One thing I’ve realized in these moments of self-reflection is that fear paralyzes us. I’m so afraid of exposing how I feel, of being who I really am, that I can’t fully live. My thoughts feel disorganized, so I can’t bring myself to share them with the world.

Sometimes, I just wish I could retreat from society to sort out my emotions and understand myself as a human being. This is definitely one of those times.

Everything became too much for me—my studies, my family, the people I thought were my friends. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I grabbed my umbrella and got on the first bus that appeared. It brought me to this beautiful square full of trees and vibrant flowers. Even in the rain, I admired it.

I had no strength left for anything else, so I let the rain wash away my silent tears. It was all I needed—to cry.

I tried to hold back the sobs, but everything I’d been bottling up for days, even weeks, finally poured out. As the minutes passed, I felt a little short of breath, but my chest grew lighter. My mind went blank, and I thanked God for the silence around me.

For a while, I kept my eyes closed, until I realized the rain was no longer falling on me, though I could still hear it. When I lifted my head, I met the sweetest, most concerned eyes I’d ever seen.

Jungwon was holding an umbrella over us, panting as though he’d run a marathon. I wanted to lower my head and pretend nothing was happening, but I couldn’t tear my gaze from his delicate, beautiful features.

His eyes captivated me in a way no one else’s ever had, and his presence was the greatest comfort I’d ever felt from another human being.

“What are you doing here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he said, his voice breaking with his labored breaths. He quickly recovered and sat next to me. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. Embarrassed, I looked away.

He handed me the umbrella, then took off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders.

“Look at you. You’re completely soaked. I hope you don’t catch a cold,” he murmured, taking the umbrella back and pulling me into a gentle sideways hug, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. We stayed like that for a long time, saying nothing. Words weren’t necessary.

“When… when you need to let it all out, you don’t have to run away like this, okay? Call me. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll come to you. And if you really need to escape your problems for a while, I’ll escape with you.” His voice was soft and full of sincerity, bringing tears to my eyes again.

“I’m sorry, Jungwon...” I buried my face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him awkwardly. “I just needed some time away from everything. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

I felt him press a tender kiss to the top of my head as he stroked my hair.

“You don’t need to apologize for being tired. I understand. Everyone needs a break sometimes. I just want you to know you’re not alone, okay? Promise me you’ll reach out to me next time.”

I nodded silently, still hiding my face. Jungwon gently lifted my chin so I’d look at him. His encouraging smile lit up his face, and I couldn’t help but return it, even if mine was smaller.

“I’ll always be here for you. Don’t forget that.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek, a small gesture overflowing with care.

“I’ll never forget. Thank you so much.” I wrapped my arms around him, wishing he could stay by my side forever.

ε ї з — like × reblog! by: @hyunjinners ❜ɞ

ε ї з — taglist: @oc3anfloor

[camillecrellin]

This Way — Nicky Nichols

Synopsis: You and Nicky kissed a few months ago, yet Nicky still would not admit what happened.

Word Count: 556

Warnings: sad one, longing for a relationship, swearing, kissing, physical affection

You and Nicky were tigther than a knot. You immeditaley fell under her trap when you were sent to Litchfield. A few months ago, after a solid year together, you and Nicky exchanged a kiss in the chapel.

Ever since that day, Nicky didn't want to talk about it. For the first few weeks after, she even ignored you. She was scared of your reaction, and yet you somehow convinced her to talk to you if only you avoid that subject matter.

It was now yours and Nicky's day off from electrical. And Nicky Nichols was bored. So she invited you to her bunk.

Straddling the Nichols, you applied eyeliner to her, holding Nicky's chin in her hand, making sure that Nicky's movements didn't ruin you trying to emulate her style.

"Why are you letting me do this?" You asked.

Looking at Nicky's smirk on her face, you decided to tease her. Leaning down to her ear, you whispered, "Is it because I help fix the sink today? Did my unpaid heroism turn you on?"

"Sure." Nicky sarcastically said as she teasingly bit her lip. "It's not that I just can't be bothered today."

Faking gasping, you placed a hand onto your heart. "You're using me!"

"Have you met me?" Nicky asked with laugh.

Joining in with the laugh, you sarcastically joked, "Oh no. Sorry random woman who I am literally sitting on top of, what's your name?"

"My name's Nichols Nicky, you?" Nicky played along, holding out her hand to shake which you took, introducing herself, "Y/n Y/l/n."

"Well then, Y/n Y/ln, what's your opinion on the Red situation?" Nicky asked, her tone shifting. Red had stopped sitting or talking regularly to the family, and yes it was concerning, but you didn't want to talk about it.

"My opinion is that you should just shut up and let me finish this eye." You said as tried to finish the eyeliner on the left side of Nicky's face.

"No seriously, okay? Someone needs to help her." Nicky stressed. "It's like Red doesn't want to talk about it."

Hearing this, you sighed and decided to ask a question that had taken over your thoughts for months. "When are we gonna talk about it?"

"About what?" Nicky questioned, raising her eyebrows. "Red leaving the kitchen? We are."

"Nick, don't be stupid." You said, her tone changing from the previous teasing.

Laughing, Nicky shook her head, making you grab her chin so she wouldn't move her head too much. "No, I'm serious. I don't know what you're talking about."

"The kiss." You responded.

Rolling her eyes, Nicky sighed, "Y/n, that was 3 months ago."

"I know, but we never properly talked about it, just ignored it." You justified the question.

"Well it didn't mean anything, it was my fault. I was lonely." Nicky shrugged. It was partly the truth but Nicky didn't want to outright say that she did because she's hopelessly in love with her best friend who didn't think even loved her back. And so she resorted to, "Plus I like us this way."

"Me too." You admitted, half-heartedly. It was better off you staying friends than never talking to each other again. And so you placed a hand on the side of her face, you smiled. "Now then, let me do your makeup, you lazy asshole."

[luveline]

how do u deal with adult loneliness? i’m 22, i live at home but my family’s never been close to do stuff or hang out and work is just not an environment i can be close to people in and all my friends work or live together so i don’t ever get to spend time with them like they do each other so i always feel out of the loop. i come home and just hang out by myself and it’s been making me so sad recently. (i’m so sorry for venting in ur asks but u seem very wise.)

I am so sorry I wrote a massive answer to this and it just didn’t save but most of it wasn’t helpful anyways so let’s do round two of the better points

it’s totally okay to vent if you want, I can’t always answer but I try to when I can cos I know how it feels to really want to tell someone something and feel like you have no one to tell! I am also a very lonely adult, but I used to be even lonelier, and here are the things I do to cope with being lonely and to improve how often I feel lonely

I think we must first poke the relationship between poor self-esteem and loneliness, I hope you love yourself dearly but if you don’t it does tend to make you feel lonelier, so if that’s one of the reasons here is my case as to why you should like yourself more : you said you come home and hang out with yourself and that makes you sad but I actually loved how you phrased it, you’re hanging out with you. Not only are you unique and special and interesting, but you do have the ability to be your own company (though I won’t suggest it’s easy to just suddenly feel content by yourself OR that this will erase the need for connection with others). But I do think that anyone who knows you is experiencing a great privilege and that you should feel that way about yourself, you are amazing, you can do amazing things. my scenario was when you’re with Friend A, you’re not lonely because Friend A is amazing and good company. When Friend A goes home she feels lonely too, but why? Wasn’t she amazing to be around? I think if you can put some weight on the pleasure of being yourself even if that’s like. Even if it’s just that when you’re alone you don’t have to worry about being judged, and you give yourself leniency or something, does that make sense?

My next point is that to cope with loneliness I started writing about wish fulfilment stuff, fics where someone appreciated me, loved me, saw my struggles, and I read those so much. When I first started writing, a thousand words probably took me a week, and I would just constantly reread the things I wrote because they always made me feel less alone, even the process of writing now years later makes me feel less alone. If I couldn’t write I’m sure I’d constantly feel alone because I don’t have many friends either and I don’t see them much!! I feel so out of the loop with everything that I realised I actually can’t deal with social media and the feelings they give me and I deleted them all over again a few weeks ago (besides of course this and one other evil app). It’s actually my big recommendation to everyone ever to get off of social media if you can but I totally understand that it’s not easy and can make it worse rather than better. My point here before is that having a hobby and something to work on and to be with yourself instead of by yourself is a great way to deal.

Other ways I coped with loneliness were jigsaw puzzles (so many), rewatching the same TV shows, movies, reading A LOT, daydreaming, learning how to make friendship bracelets, nature documentaries (especially good to see how huge the world is)

If being alone is upsetting you and you can’t cope, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You’re very important, and the way you feel is important to. You don’t have to suffer through any bad feelings even loneliness which may feel incurable alone. In the UK there are lots of free resources (many terrible) but ones I would actually recommend are the Samaritan email service and the SHOUT crisis text line for stress anxiety and depression. Both are busy services which can make the loneliness more exasperating but they can help when you’re feeling awful. I’m really sorry you’re feeling lonely right now because it’s an awful feeling that genuinely goes to the bone, and I hope you feel less alone soon!! I’m sorry if this has assumed anything wrong about you but just based off of how I experienced my worst loneliness and what I did to feel better I hope my advice can help you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[imagining-in-the-margins]

CM Office Party Challenge 🎉

The following are prompts including an Office Party! Reader, Original Character, Character/Character ships, Gen/Platonic fics are allowed!

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

🎊 Prompts 🎊

It’s a BAU kid’s birthday!

The BAU throws a ridiculously large/lavish bridal/baby shower.

It’s rare that the BAU gets to celebrate the return of an old team member.

The team hardly believes it when Character A agrees to dance with B.

After sharing sad prom stories (or lack thereof), Penelope throws a BAU prom.

It’s characters first Missed Holiday Meal (MHM). It’s also the first time a holiday meal actually felt like home.

The team discusses holiday traditions. Characters decide to try a few out.

The FBI is throwing a family picnic. The playful competitions get a little… heated.

It’s the anniversary of the BAU. The team throws a party to celebrate the greats.

Penelope planned a Murder Mystery party… with a bunch of criminal profilers. Great. (Bonus if a non-profiler wins)

The BAU has been dealing with a lot of stress. Penelope plans a day at a pottery shop so everyone can make something. It causes even more stress.

The team pairs up to play the newlywed game. Someone starts to notice that, despite not being partners, A knows the answers to every question about B…

Rossi is finally (actually) retiring. The party brings together friends that haven’t seen each other in years.

An anniversary/award brings back old team members. There used to be a time when they couldn’t fathom a week away from one another, but they haven’t spoken in years.

More Prompts Below + Create your own! 🎉

Each team member has to find an obscure holiday to celebrate (pi day, random acts of kindness day, unicorn day, etc.). Character goes above and beyond.

Character has very surprising responses to Never Have I Ever. They have even more shocking admissions.

There is nothing that a bonfire can't fix.

Characters are stuck at a party, but they can't stop thinking about each other (based on "Dinner & Diatribes" by Hozier).

Characters always find each other. Even at a masquerade, when their faces are almost entirely covered.

A party is the perfect place to see a new side to your coworker.

🎄 Holiday Specific Prompts 🦃

Halloween prompts / Winter Holiday prompts

It’s time for Penelope’s Halloween Party! Someone comes in an… unexpected costume.

The single members of the team decide to host a lonely hearts club dinner on Valentine’s Day. Two people leave together.

Characters end up beneath very suspiciously placed mistletoe at the holiday party.

Character accidentally started an ugly Christmas sweater tradition which somehow turned into a contest.

After an awful case, the team comes back on Christmas Eve to find that Penelope has gathered their loved ones and quickly decorated the BAU as a surprise.

Character only wanted to reveal that they are someone's Secret Santa at the BAU Christmas Party but they end up confessing a lot more than that.

🎂 Dialogue Prompts 🍰

"... Surprise?"

"What are adults supposed to do at a kid's birthday party. Does anyone actually know?"

"Whatever you do, be sure to avoid the food. I don't know who made it, but it's awful." "Oh, it uh... it was me."

"If you help me win, I'll owe you one great big giant favor."

"I just never saw you as a... party type of person."

"I think you're bluffing." "Am I?"

"You are the last person I expected to have attended clown school. I figured your clownish nature was inherent in who you are."

"So, if you had to guess, who do you think is going to drunkenly confess their love for someone else at this party?"

"The year is over. Did you accomplish everything you hoped for?"

"I fucking hate balloons."

"What's the point of a fridge on the jet if not for a celebratory drink?"

"If we're stuck here all night, we might as well have fun."

"I love you. I do. But you are a terrible Santa."

"Next time, I'm in charge of the karaoke mic."

🎈Rules 🎁

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character. AUs and crossovers are more than welcome.

Tag me in the fic, or send the link to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check. Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

[wherenymphsroam]

52 :3

And can I also kiss you?? 😭

52: “Can I kiss you?”

prompt game :^)

⟡ cw: mentions of withdrawals, struggles with alcoholism, depression, specifically soggy wet cat vendetta leon but can be read with damnation leon in mind :3

⟡ a/n: YES we are smooching, i am kissin u on the mouf rn 🤍

“Can I kiss you?”

What the hell was he saying.

One minute, he’s trembling over a plate of eggs and pancakes back at the hotel, and now he’s barely holding himself back from slumping against your shoulder like an old dog. You had insisted on dragging his miserable ass out of there, told him to get his shit together. That you were going for a ride, and he should hang on.

(Of course he was too stubborn to let you drive, no matter the fact that he had already put down half a bottle this morning.)

So despite his better judgement, he allowed you pull him away from those four walls that were his hotel room, all under the promise that it’d still be there when he got back.

Sure, he didn’t want to leave. If his hangover had anything to say about it, he’d be tucked back under the covers of that shitty, scratchy duvet in the fetal position. His head was pounding. But sat here on this stoop tucked away into the mountains, overlooking the small town he had sought out to lick his wounds within, the cool breeze sweeps away some of the tension in his facial features. The fresh air has coaxed that stress out of his shoulders, loosened him up in a way alcohol hadn’t managed to in years.

But maybe it was you.

You, tucked against his side, thumbing slow circles into the back of his palm. The scent of your shampoo drifting through the breeze that passes his nose that has his heart rate slowing. Honestly, he didn’t want to pull this apart. Whether it was the fresh air or you by his side that had him relaxing for the first time in months (years?), it didn’t matter. Because he asked a stupid question, and he doesn’t really feel like taking it back.

“Leon, you’re drunk,” you scoff, shaking your head. As if kissing your superior was such a far fetched idea. Or maybe you just didn’t want to kiss him. He couldn’t blame you, he’s not sure he even bothered to pack a toothbrush when he sought out a direct flight to Colorado.

“I’m the most sober I’ve been in weeks, right now.”

In his defense, he was telling the truth. After arriving at that run down mug, he had made it his mission to slug back as much as he could before he had to leave. Because he knew this was coming — whether in the form of a text message detailing his next deployment, or with the arrival of military personnel — and he had stuck it to himself to ignore it for as long as possible. Started digging that hole of sweet silence into his subconscious the second he got his room key.

And yet…. Here he was. Sobered up and wanting. Forced to face the sad reality that he was lonely, damn it.

Alright, universe, you win. He’ll admit it. Why else would you be playing with his head like this? Those eyes, deep as the ocean, bright as the stars. Pretty lips that fill out so delicately, cheeks that look softer than anything he’s felt in months. You were the embodiment of something a man like him didn’t deserve, and no withdrawal could create the guttural rawness of the wound this reality inflicted on him.

You weren’t a daydream, and you weren’t an illusion. You were tangible, distantly so. And after having been dragged back down to earth, he needed something stronger than what was in his flask.

Chancing a glance over at him, it’s clear you’re debating with yourself. Your teeth tucking that sweet bottom lip under them, plush in how it swells ever so slightly under the pressure. Lashes fluttering when you search his features. He was definitely in better shape than you had found him this morning, silverware clinking and wobbling in his unsteady grip.

The sight almost made you want to slip them from his hands, cut his food up for him like a doting mother. Maybe guide a few bites past his lips like some guilt ridden caregiver, anything to bring some color back to his cheeks.

But you’d never say that out loud.

“… I believe you,” you hum, gaze shifting back up from the dip of his cupids bow. A shitty cover to ignore how you had just wondered how that scruff over it would feel against your mouth. “Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?” He dryly laughs, short and null of any real humor. “Just like how joining this god forsaken organization wasn’t either, right?”

Silence. Thick, drawn out.

Few people knew just how Leon ended up in the DSO, landed himself in such a comfortable place with the higher ups. And fewer knew why he stayed. It’s hard to really respond to that when you’re not part of that statistic.

“I’m sorry,” you find yourself muttering softly, turning away again. Shifting your focus back out to gaze over the town below, the traffic flow of patrons returning home, shops turning off lights.

“Don’t be. I’m being a dick right now.”

Leon forgot how snippy he could be during withdrawals nowadays. Made him feel like an overgrown baby, still stuck in his oral phase. That flask in his pocket might as well have become a pacifier, anything to keep him from spinning off the handle.

“You’re acting like one, yeah. Doesn’t make you one.”

Pausing, Leon glances at you, follows the line of your side profile for a moment. Studies the line of your nose, the slope of your top lip. Down and over the jut of your chin, the retreat of your jaw. He wanted to follow that track with the bridge of his nose, maybe press his lips to the hollow of your throat.

Fuck. Maybe he wasn’t nearly as sober as he thought.

Clearing his throat, he shakes his head, glances out in the general direction you’re looking in. Can’t help how he finds similarities between the slopes of the mountains and your face.

“I’m glad you think so.”

[letters-from-dekarios]

a blind date with a wizard

summary: you’ve been lonely, your friends noticed, and decided to drag you to a tavern in waterdeep to go on a blind date with their wizard friend who you’ve never met. what in all of faerún could happen?

or: you go on a blind date with gale of waterdeep

word count: 4k

tags: gale x implied f!reader/afab!reader, fluff, mildly medium burn, alcohol usage, astarion and shart are also there, and also wyll is your ex

Okay, you had to admit it. You were lonely. You hadn’t had a date with someone in months and your vibe was seriously bringing down the mood of your brunches with your friend Astarion. The vampire had threatened to bite you if you wouldn’t stop droning on about how sad and lonely you were.

It’s not that you were unhappy with being single. You didn’t mind it! Singleness meant late-night tavern dives and staying out until the sun rose over the hills again. Singleness was freedom, and freedom was.. well, it’s in the name: freeing. You liked being single, for a while. And then you’d become all too aware of how cold your bed was by yourself, how quiet your house was during the day, how you missed having someone— anyone there for you.

You had that with Wyll Ravengard. He was your first love in a long time. He was sweet, and caring, he listened to all your worries and anxieties whenever you became troubled. You often found yourself longing for him whenever he was away, wishing upon the stars that he’d come home safely.

And then he broke up with you. It was messy. Maybe it was the luskan wine he’d had too much of. Maybe it was his father’s cold words getting to his head. Maybe it was the stress of being connected to that family name. Whatever it was, when it went down, it wasn’t pretty. You resented him for all he said and did that night, and somehow, some part of you still longed for him.

“I’m setting you up with someone,” Astarion told you sternly one afternoon.

“What?” You couldn’t believe your pointed ears. He had no right over your love life! How dare he!

“I am so over you droning on and on, every day about Wyll. He found someplace else to sheathe his dagger, it’s about time you do the same.” Astarion replied pointedly, his sharp eyes glaring at you. He was done hearing about your ex.

“Ast-“

“No, I positively do not want to hear it. I could drain your blood to the point of death and somehow you’d find a way to make it about Wyll. You were too good for him and you should start proving that.” You weren’t going down without a fight on this, and Astarion would first rather go back to Cazador than lose to you if it came down to it. The case was open and shut, almost immediately.

A few weeks went by with little being brought up on the subject. You had hoped he’d forgotten about it and the world could move on, but you were sorely mistaken. All of a sudden you were seated in front of Astarion and Shadowheart; clothes were laid out all around you, and makeup and hair accessories were next being dumped on any table they could find.

“It really is such a pity you have to go around with this face every day,” Astarion clicked his tongue softly, crossing his arms over his chest. You had the right of mind to kick him had Shadowheart not jumped into the situation.

“Let’s not be so harsh. It’s definitely workable.” Shadowheart, though essentially equally as harsh, had a kinder inflection to her voice that comforted you. Somewhat.

Three hours and seventeen outfit changes later, you were finally (gods you hoped) done. Astarion and Shadowheart had to step back to admire their work. Your hair was done in intricate braids, flowing down your back and around your head. They put you in a form-fitting dress that came just to your knees, it was a deep, royal blue color that emphasized your features perfectly. The dress was embroidered along the sides and the deep v-neck collar in gold, twisting vines and flowers adding to your magnificence. They added simple, yet effective, gold earrings and a necklace that brought the entire thing together. And, of course, they couldn’t forget the heels.

You were an entirely different person. Visually, at least.

“Not too bad of a job, I’d say,” Shadowheart noted, confident in her and Astarion’s work.

“It’s an upgrade.” Astarion nodded in agreement.

“You guys are just downright mean, you know that?” You cocked an eyebrow at them, crossing your arms with a look of annoyance on your face.

“And yet you love us all the same,” Astarion gave a faux-sweet smile towards you, widening his eyes like a little puppy.

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t,” You retorted, rolling your eyes at the two of them and their smug expressions.

About a half hour later, they were leaving you behind to go get wasted at another tavern “nearby”. Though you knew that wasn’t true, and they’d be far gone by the time you’d leave this ‘blind date’, you placed a false hope in them regardless. Besides, all you had to do was show up, talk a little, escape to the bathroom, and then shimmy your way out the window! You’d be fine. Right?

Right?

You tugged at the hem of your dress, pulling it down more, which only showed off your cleavage more so you had to pull down your dress again. It was a horrid cycle of feeling way too exposed out in the open, yet you also felt… bold. Was that right? In this skimpy outfit, so out of your own body, you felt bold. It’s crazy what the energy of a popular tavern does to a person.

“Um.. hello?” You walked up to the bartender, trying to remember the name of the man you were looking for. Gale Dekarios. Such an… interesting name, you thought to yourself. The only thing Astarion told you about him was that he was a wizard. You wondered if he meant that literally or sexually— well, you’d find out soon enough!

“What can I get for you, lady?” The bartender asked, and you became mesmerized by his flaming eyes for a moment. Gods, you were desperate to do anything other than go on this date.

“Oh, uh, nothing right now! I’m looking for a guy.. his name’s Gale? I was supposed to meet him here tonight..” You smiled awkwardly, rubbing your left thumb against your right palm to alleviate the anxiety you felt. The boldness you had walking in had quickly faded away as soon as you realized you’d actually have to interact with this man. Can you pray to all of Faerún to make you disappear? Please?

“I might’ve seen a guy come in with that name. Said he was looking for someone named y/n, that you?” The bartender asked, looking over you carefully. Was he checking you out? No… Ugh! Focus on the blind date for Faerún’s sake!

“Yes! Yes. That’s me. Can you point me in his direction?” You requested, smiling sweetly at him. Maybe you could say he didn’t show up! Then go home now! That would work, right?

“He’s over in the back corner booth. You’ll know him when you see him,” he pointed in the direction Gale was in, sending you off towards the blind date you did not want to be on.

Halfway through, your walk to the booth turned to a stride, and then soon you found yourself sauntering over, swaying your hips as the music from the band infused you with confidence. By the time you spotted the gentleman who, as the bartender said, looked like a Gale, you were fully into the swing of your old dating self. Kind of. The dating self that told people no, at least. Look, all you had to do was let him down easy, convincing him you were just too good for him. Easy!

“Gale Dekarios?” You asked, sliding into the seat across from the man.

“Y/n?” He replied, raising an eyebrow at you as you entered into his space. You studied his face, the short beard he had, the way his hair was neatly parted down the center. You listened closely to his voice, the accent, and the inflection he had in his words. You wanted to memorize him in case Astarion asked you questions later.

“It’s my pleasure,” Gale grinned at you and you could see why Astarion picked him of all people. Maybe he’d make a nice rebound.

“Look…” You began, but Gale cut you off with a raise of his hand. He shook his head slightly, a knowing smile on his face.

“Please, spare me the condolences. I don’t want to be here as much as I’m sure you don’t. But, that pale creature of a man somehow convinced me, I’m sure not by my own means, to go on what he called a date. For my own sake, and yours, I think we can keep this rather simple, can’t we?” He inquired of you, sympathetic to both of your situations.

And, despite the fact you had wanted to up and leave only moments prior, you now felt attached to him. You cursed Astarion for putting you with him.

“Oh my gods, you read my mind!” You breathed out a sigh of relief, shifting your expression to match your words. “I’m sure you’re a lovely man, but I just ended a relationship pretty roughly and I’m not sure I’m ready to do.. all of this, you know? Astarion is lovely for thinking of me to do this but I mean… really.” You trailed off, gesturing with your hands to what Gale already expected.

“Believe me, I know. Astarion can’t shut up about you. I do feel bad for your situation, but I don’t think I’m the best… fit for you,” he smiled, that sympathetic smile, and something inside you twitched. Was this a blind date only for you? What did he mean that Astarion talked about you? To him?

“Wait.. what?” You laughed awkwardly, a smile coming across your face and fading immediately. “What did Astarion tell you about me? He told you about my ex? This was supposed to be a blind date, right?” Your eyebrows furrowed together, confused and embarrassed.

“A blind date?” Gale chuckled softly, shaking his head as he took a sip from a glass you’d only just realized was there. Maybe you should’ve ordered something from that bartender. Maybe your face wouldn’t be as red as it was, and maybe you wouldn’t be visibly angry with your only friend since your breakup.

“I’m sorry, I was under the impression Astarion had given you a once-over about myself, as well?” He noticed your expression change and pursed his lips, nodding in understanding. “I see..” he sucked in a breath through his teeth, running a hand through his hair. How was he to approach this situation now?

“You mean to tell me Astarion told you all about me, my ex, and my recent situation… and then tried to set me up with you as if this was a blind date?” Annoyance laced your words, resentment creeping over them like a thief trying to steal your peace. Was this part of his plan? To trick you? You felt stupid for believing him.

“I was not informed this was a—“

“No, obviously you weren’t informed. What the hells did Astarion tell you?” You demanded to know. It wasn’t a question, you needed to save your image from Astarion’s grimy hold.

“Well, you see-“

You cut him off again, only to raise a hand to get a waiter’s attention. You ordered a drink, something strong, and then let him continue. You crossed your arms over your chest defiantly, eyebrows furrowed together with frustration. Gale paused for a moment, made sure he could continue, and then spoke once more.

“You see… Astarion spoke of a friend of.. sorts that might be to my liking. I, of course, asked some questions and he was more than willing to answer them. He spoke only good of you, I swear on my mother’s grave- which I never do, by the way. He happened to bring up exes and, well, the discussion got rolling and I asked about your case.”

Your nose turned up as you thought about being perceived in such a way that your friends would talk about you. Good or bad, it flipped your stomach to know that you were a topic of conversation for someone.

“He told me how you had just gotten out of a relationship with Wyll Ravengard. That it was rough, to say the least. There weren’t many details, but the picture was painted quite clearly.” Gale clarified, trying to soothe your mind about what Astarion spoke about you.

You could only dream of what you’d do when you saw him again… he was certainly in for it once you caught up together.

“That’s it?” You questioned, thanking the waiter who dropped your drink off.

“That’s it.”

Oh. Maybe what Astarion discussed wasn’t so alarming after all. That didn’t mean you weren’t still irate, though. He had lied to you about going on a blind date. Here you were, sat in front of a man you knew nothing about, while he practically had your whole life story! How unfair was that?

“I’m still mad at him.”

“I can tell.”

The smirk on Gale’s face was enough to break your outrage, even momentarily. You sighed heavily, pushed some hair out of your face, and took a long drink from your cup.

“I reckon we should get our stories straightened out so that we can answer any queries he’ll ask us, yes?” Gale proposed, tilting his glass to you.

“I suppose,” you replied, clinking the rim of your glass against his. You hesitated, though, once again feeling exposed- but in a different manner.

“I think it’s only fair you tell me how you ended up here on this not-so-blind date, considering how much you know about me already,” you added on, leaning back more comfortably in the booth.

Gale thought for a moment, before raising his hands in surrender. He thought the same as you, and he was willing to provide the information you pursued to feel level with you.

He went on to tell you about his life, becoming a wizard and dedicating himself to the Mother of the Weave- Mystra. Mystra sounded lovely, at first, until things went south and Gale was left, much like you, alone in the grand scheme of the world. You felt bad for him, your breakup with Wyll feeling a lot less dramatic now that it was in comparison to his. Who breaks up with a literal Goddess? Gale Dekarios, apparently. Maybe you could get along better than you thought.

“Wait wait wait-“ you paused him halfway through a sentence, waving your hand to shush him. You were three drinks in now and you could feel yourself becoming more relaxed by the moment. Time had flown by, it felt, the moon fully over the bar and shining in from any open windows.

“You’re telling me you can project yourself into the Weave and have sex with someone? But, like, not actual sex?” You asked, laughing your little head off at what the wizard was telling you. Honest to the gods, you never could quite understand wizards. You had your magic passed down to you, sure, but wizards? They were their own breed of people.

“It’s an intertwining of souls, not sex. Not entirely, that is,” he answered, laughing along with you. His smile was gorgeous, and the way he chuckled at your comments made you feel all warm inside. Or maybe it was the wine talking, you didn’t know.

“Do you want to get out of here?” You invited abruptly, pushing some hair out of your face.

“I’m sorry?” The look of confusion on his face was almost priceless, causing you to giggle softly.

“Not like that! Gods no. I’m just getting tired of sitting here,” you responded, moving away your final empty glass. If you had any more than that you might not make it home at all.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt. There’s a beautiful spot by a lake not too distant from here, would you like to go there?” He asked, sliding out of the booth and offering you his hand.

You took his hand, nodding at the question. Soon enough, you were sat on the edge of a clear lake, watching the water rush around the stones and the occasional fish swim past. Now in a quiet, secluded area, you had more room to think. What was Astarion’s purpose in setting you both up like this? It made no sense to you that he’d tell Gale one thing, and you another.

Yes, you were getting along just fine. Telling each other stories about yourselves, Astarion, your adventures. But that didn't stop you from feeling some sense of unease, not knowing Astarion’s true intentions behind this.

“I have to ask..” You looked over at Gale, leaning back on your hands in the grass. The moonlight crossed your faces here and there as a gentle breeze swayed the trees encircling you. It was soothing, almost, even if the night hadn’t gone nearly how you had anticipated it. To be next to someone you had some common ground with, and sharing a moment like this was.. nice. Nonsexual, you’d tell yourself, but nice.

“Go on,” Gale encouraged, meeting your gaze with soft recognition of your ease with him.

“You could’ve told Astarion no to meeting with me, considering all you knew. So why didn’t you?”

Gale paused, realizing the predicament he had placed himself in. He was so worried and so frightened of being hurt again that despite the fact he had agreed to meet with you, he turned you down. Astarion spoke so highly of you all the time, he had become terrified that, if anything worked out, he would do something to have it all come crashing back down. Again.

“I guess some part of me wanted to see how this would all play out in the end,” he confessed, allowing himself to be truthful with you. You could feel the anxiety, the tension in his words. He was afraid of being this vulnerable, it was clear, but he was choosing to be anyway. It was admirable in a way.

“I guess that’s why I came here, too,” You replied, nodding your head slightly as you looked up at the stars. You were glad you had been forced into it, even though you would’ve much rather stayed home and cried your heart out. “I contemplated jumping out the bathroom window at one point,” you laughed.

“Do you think he planned this all out?” Gale asked, chuckling to himself at the thought. Astarion was oftentimes wiser than he gave him credit for. He could have very well planned this out so well that you’d end up bonding over your irritation with him.

“Absolutely. I’m also definitely still mad at him, but I can’t say it didn’t work.” You laughed with Gale, moving ever so slightly closer to him. With the gentle breeze passing through, you could simply blame it on being cold.

“I didn’t anticipate it working,” Gale added, moving closer to you, too.

He smelled like a library. Earthy, woody tones stirred around you, inviting you into him. You accepted the invitation, making note of the hints of vanilla- sweet, but not overwhelming. The closer you got, the more attributes you acknowledged about him. It was more than just surface-level distinction, now, but a desire to know him- for all that he was.

He had been a gentleman the whole evening, not overlooking your frustrations or feeding into the embarrassment. He worked with you, not against you, and exchanged in meaningful conversation that wasn’t entirely about him. He already knew of you, and yet he still got to know you.

You vowed to never let Astarion know he was right.

“Y/n,” Gale called, breaking you from your thoughts about him. You realized you’d been staring at him, a stupid partial smile on your face while you indulged in the fantasy of him.

“I’d like to get to know you better before you start throwing the ‘kiss me’ eyes at me,” he joked, noting your expression that you quickly changed as you looked away.

“Oh shush, you,” You nudged him in the arm gently, your face becoming hot with his words.

“While I would love to, ‘shushing’ is not exactly my finest quality.”

“It makes more and more sense you’re a wizard with everything you say.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“You’ll find out.”

The two of you laughed softly at the banter, letting yourselves bask in the silence of the cool night. You wondered where this string would take you if you pulled on it— would it lead to him? Or would it end in a fiery disaster like both of your lasts? You almost didn’t want to try it, but this little voice inside you urged you on. It convinced you that, maybe- just maybe, there was something promising to find here. Maybe something even better than that.

“Gale…” you started, breaking the short silence you were enjoying.

“I know.” He answered softly, feeling the same as you. How could he let you go now that he had you? Astarion was right, you were everything. You were the light he had been searching for for so long, and now that he had you there was no chance in all the realms that he was going to shut it off. Why would he? He despised Astarion’s trickery but had to give him credit for leading you both to the sanctuary you each needed.

“Not tonight, of course, but…”

“I know.”

He always knew. You read each other like the back of your hands even though you had just met. You matched each other’s energy in a way nobody else had. It was like fate led you to one another- and who can argue with fate?

“It’s getting late— and if you say ‘I know’ one more time I’m kicking you,” you joked, beginning to stand, “I enjoyed this. Even though I didn’t want to.”

Gale stood after you, extending his arm towards you to take. You did, and he began leading you both out of the area and back to the city. “I enjoyed this as well, y/n. And, perhaps, if you’d let me…”

He trailed off, and you squeezed his arm in recognition of what he meant. He wanted to do this again. You wanted to do this again.

“I’d love to,” you answered the question he hadn’t even asked, smiling up at him.

The rest of the walk back was quiet but in a comforting kind of way. Not awkward, not weird, just a nice.. nice quiet, knowing you would see each other again soon and would have many more things to discuss.

Gale walked you all the way home, like the gentleman he was, and wished you a good night and sweet dreams.

“Ah, I must not forget..” Gale paused, extending his hand towards you. You placed one of yours in his, and he bowed his head to place a kiss against the back of it. Your face flushed, and you nearly wanted him to stay the rest of the night with you.

“I’ll be seeing you again soon, yes?” He asked, letting your hand go as he stood straight once more. His eyes had little reservation in what he meant about that, and your answer fueled the fire behind them.

“Yes.” It was a simple answer, but one he looked forward to hearing. “Thank you, by the way. For tonight,” you added on.

“It was my pleasure,” Gale replied before he was finally off for his own home.

You returned into your own, giddy from the high and excitement this new chapter brought you. That was quickly replaced with anger as you saw Astarion, smugly waiting for you by a fire he had curated.

“Astarion!”

You had a lot to discuss with him.

[letsgetrowdy43]

Do “you don't have to tell me anything, we can just sit here.” with Adam Fantilli because I am in love with him

We don’t have to talk about it—

Au Masterlist!!

It had been a rough week, the first week back to university, and the absence of her brother and her boyfriend left her feeling much more lonely than anticipated.

Luca and Rutger had tried to ease the tension, inviting her out to welcome day parties and eating meals with her, even forcing her to spend the night at their house so she would have some familiar company, but nothing was working.

The parties were filled with happy couples, and the meals were shared over conversations about Adam and the hockey team, it was all a big reminder of the empty spots in her life that she felt extremely unprepared for.

The tears seemed never ending as Sunday night rolled around, classes started the next day, and she had pent-up stress that needed letting go of. She dropped her bag on her desk chair and cried and cried until her cheeks were itchy and covered in blotchy patches of irritated skin.

Adam's contact popped up on her phone as she blew her nose, a sad laugh leaving her lips at the awful timing of his nightly Facetime, she picked up the call and placed her phone propped up on the desk.

His face went from a smile to a look of confusion as the girl gave him a defeated grin, "you okay?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of his hotel bed as she shrugged, unable to form words at the fear of her voice breaking. "I've seen better days," she whispered, the silence that occupied the room took over her senses and out came a sniffle. Adam nodded slowly, wanting nothing more than to reach through the screen and wrap her up in his arms, wanting to console her, just to hold her and help her get out all the bottled-up emotions.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sunny thought about it for a second, knowing that if she voiced that it had to do with him and her brother, Adam would be beside himself and probably get in his car and drive down to cheer her up, cause he loved her just that much. "You don't have to tell me anything, we can just sit here," he laid back in his bed, watching as the tears in her eyes began again, the sweetness in his voice just pushing her over the edge.

'He is too good for this world' she thought to herself.

Sunny smiled at him for a second, watching as he got himself comfy under his duvet, "tell me about your day please," she mumbled with a soft smile as he grinned at her.

-

-

-

[l0serloki]

Long Missions!

Valorant Agents reacting to their S/O going on a long mission

(Gekko, Chamber, Phoenix, Sage)

CW : GN!Reader, eating (Chamber), mentions of sadness (Sage), mentions of anxiety (Chamber & Sage), sexual hints (Phoenix)

A/N : I’ve seen a lot of the Sage requests I got and thought she would be a fun one to add to this! I’m currently writing a lot so if I haven’t gotten to your request - it’s not on purpose!

Masterlist

Gekko :

He will BEG Brim to let him go with you. (Brim continues to say no.)

“Babe, I get we are saving the world and stuff but how am I going to sleep alone now.”

100% acts like the world is ending the last day.

“Y/N, hurry and come here! I need to hold you for one last second.. I want to remember how you feel!”

When you go to leave he will continue to wave goodbye and pretend to run with the jet.

“Don’t forget me babe!! I love you!!”

Gekko’s fingers dusted your cheek as the two of you laid in bed. He had just gotten done complaining for what felt like the five hundredth time about your upcoming mission.

“I don’t see why Brimstome won’t let me go. I am a total help to the team! Plus, imagine how lonely I’m going to be at home. Babe, you gotta do something about it!”

“Mateo, what in the world am I supposed to do?” You raised an eyebrow, watching as his chestnut hues fell.

“I don’t know.. Maybe give me a kiss?” He leaned forward, a grin spreading across his face.

You could only roll your eyes, leaning in to peck his lips.

“I’ll give you as many as you want if you stop complaining, dork.”

Chamber :

I just KNOW he sets up a special dinner.

If you don’t want to go out he will surprise you with it at home.

His darling has to have a comforting last day before they leave!

Long talks at the table & him discussing plans with you to make sure you’re okay. (And to put his anxieties at ease.)

He’s the type to rest on the couch with some soft music playing & just rubs your back. It makes him feel super close to you!

When you leave he will give you a kiss and a pat, threatening Brim to take care of you out there.

“You make sure to give Y/N backup, yes? If you don’t we will have problems..”

“Mon amour, are you okay? You haven’t ate much.” Chamber picked at his food, giving you a questioning look.

To be honest, you were worried about tomorrow. Brimstone had asked you to come along on a tedious mission for the whole week. You could already feel your bones aching and the longing for your bed and you hadn’t even left yet!

You shook your head, stabbing at the food your boyfriend made.

“Fine, Vin. I’m just stressed about the upcoming week. I know we went over everything, I am just not looking forward to it.”

Vincent hummed, leaning across the table to give you a forehead kiss.

“That’s a normal response, love. Let’s finish up and we can go lay down. Sound good?”

Phoenix :

“So you’re going without me. WOW. My own partner hates me.” (he is so sarcastic)

He takes you to the practice range to make sure you’re ‘top notch’ before leaving.

Be real though.. he finds your shooting hot and y’all end up making out.

“I guess I can see why Brim chose you. Still won’t be as bright as me though.”

Right before you leave, Phoenix gives you one of his jackets and a kiss on the cheek.

“Be safe, darling. I love you.”

“I cannot believe that Brimstone doesn’t think I’m fit for this mission! I mean come on.. You, me. We are the dream team!” Phoenix exasperated, hands flailing in the air. You could only snort as he continued to complain, pacing back and forth.

“I mean.. Who else would be there to protect you? Well.. More like you would protect me. That’s beside the point! I’m going to miss you.” Phoenix smirked, face touching yours.

“Oh yeah? How much?” You smiled, waiting for his snarky remark.

“Mm.. Why don’t I just show you.”

Sage :

She is a bit anxious but knows you will do fine!

“I will miss you a lot. I hope everything goes smoothly out there.”

She is really affectionate and makes sure that you’re mentally prepared to face enemies!

Cuddles in bed and a movie the night before!!

When you go to leave she will give you encouraging words & a kiss!

“You are so strong. I believe in you, my gem. I love you.”

Sage’s hand was wrapped in yours, head resting on your chest. Everytime she wasn’t invited on a mission you were going on she would get sad - not that she would ever admit that. The two of you had been cuddling in bed and watching her favorite movie in hopes to raise the mood.

You looked down at your girlfriend, her eyes drooped and her breathing was slowing down. You used your other hand to rub through her slick hair, bringing a kiss down to her forehead.

“Goodnight, my angel. I love you.”

A small smile appeared on her face, hand gripping at the material of your t-shirt.

“Night, honey. I love you too. Sleep well.”

[purpleinksplotch]

Too Sweet

Notes: So my dissertation is due in under a week and yet here I am writing Stray Kids smut, but we all cope with stress in different ways I guess.

This idea has been in my head for a while so here it goes. This is a SKZ poly ot8 fic with mated pairs Chanlix, Minsung, Jeongmin and eventual Hyunbin but it will be Hyunjin centric. Not sure how many parts it will be but if you like it let me know!

This chapter contains angst and some light smut.

---

Hyunjin was feeling lonely.

That might sound absurd coming from a man who had six partners, but it was the truth.

It had started last month during their weekly movie night. Whenever it was Hyunjin's turn to choose a film he nearly always picked romance, and that particular week was no exception. He had selected a cute office-romance that had been receiving good reviews and the pack all settled in to watch, with a few grumbles from the likes of Minho and Seungmin who protested that there was a new action-thriller out that they should watch instead. Chan had reminded them both that it was Hyunjin's turn to choose and so they were going to watch whatever he wanted, and it had only taken one sharp look from the pack leader for the pair of them to fall silent.

The film turned out to be pretty good, and Hyunjin was sitting on the floor of the living room clutching a pillow to his chest and kicking his feet while he watched the on-screen couple kiss for the first time.

"Ahhhh so cute! Aren't they so cute?"

When he didn't receive an answer, he peered over his shoulder and found to his dismay that none of the others were even paying attention. Felix had his eyes closed, curled up against Chan and smiling while his mate gently peppered kisses over Felix's forehead and cheeks. Jisung had fallen asleep on Minho's chest and was snoring quietly while Minho watched him with such a soft expression it might have made Hyunjin cry under different circumstances. Jeongin was technically looking at the screen, but it was obvious that he was more interested in whatever Seungmin was whispering in his ear than he was in the film. From the blush dusting his cheeks, Hyunjin was fairly certain they weren't discussing the intricacies of the plot.

At first he felt annoyed that none of them were bothering to pay attention to the film he had chosen, and he was about to open his mouth and whine when it suddenly struck him that he was being left out. There he was, sitting all alone on the floor, while the couples were cuddled up on the sofas not giving him a second thought.

Hurt lodged itself in his chest and he felt his eyes grew wet with tears. He wanted to get up and walk out of the room, but he knew if he did then someone would go after him and they would probably tease him for crying and say he was being a drama queen. Maybe he was, but he still felt sad that none of them had invited him to cuddle. As if they had simply forgotten he was there.

Over the following weeks, a few similar incidents occurred that only reinforced Hyunjin's growing paranoia. He was the only unmated pack member, but it had never bothered him too much because all seven of them were in a poly relationship anyway: they all loved each other and had committed to each other via pack bonds, and they all had a sexual relationship. So it wasn't as if he was starved of intimacy or affection, and he had always assumed he would meet his mate one day and then they would become a complete pack of eight.

But it had been over five years since Jeongin, their youngest member, had joined the pack and mated with Seungmin. For a while, there had been a possibility that Seungmin and Hyunjin would become mates: Hyunjin found the younger male unbelievably cute, and only Seungmin could make him howl with laughter until his cheeks ached and he could hardly breathe. For his part, Seungmin was comfortable around Hyunjin while he tended to clash easily with other pack members, and even though he wasn't the biggest fan of skinship he allowed Hyunjin to cuddle up to him without complaining -- and enjoyed it, even though he would deny this to his dying breath.

But as much as they adored each other, there was something not quite there. Hyunjin liked to be lavished with affection: he wanted to be spoiled and complimented, and any type of romantic gesture (be it unexpected gifts or spontaneous acts in the bedroom) made his knees weak. Seungmin was more subtle: he showed his love in quieter ways, like making sure his partners remembered to eat even if they were busy and giving them his own food if they forgot, or recognising when they needed space and when they needed someone to talk to and comfort them. Hyunjin wouldn't change Seungmin for the world, and when Jeongin had arrived and Seungmin was immediately smitten, Hyunjin knew that they had made the right call by never taking that final step.

He had hoped that one day he would find his own Jeongin -- someone who waltzed into his life and was perfect for him. But the years had continued to pass and Hyunjin was still alone. He had a full life: a pack who loved him, a comfortable home, plenty of money, a fulfilling job at a prestigious art dealership. Why couldn't he be content with that? Why did he still carry around an ache in his heart as if something -- someone -- was missing from his life?

Hyunjin didn't like feeling this way, but he stubbornly refused to speak to his pack mates about it. He didn't want to seem pathetic or needy, or worse have them pity him. He couldn't stand the idea of being looked at as the sad lone wolf who was desperate for a mate.

If there was one thing that always made him feel satisfied and cherished, it was good old-fashioned lovemaking. And yes, he called it that instead of fucking -- even if he had been known to scream out "Please fuck me!" in the middle of sex. It still counted as lovemaking if it was with people you loved.

So one Thursday evening when everyone was heading to bed, Hyunjin decided to wander along the corridor to Seungmin and Jeongin's room. He hadn't spent much time with either of them lately, and although Minho and Chan definitely took the top spots for being able to fuck him the hardest (and Hyunjin really needed to be fucked), the younger pair had more stamina, and Hyunjin would happily go without sleep tonight if it meant multiple orgasms.

"Ayenahhh!" he squealed as he launched himself onto the bed on top of their youngest member. Jeongin pretended to cry out in pain, but his beaming smile somewhat ruined the effect. He smelled like his favourite coconut-vanilla shampoo, and his hair was still slightly damp from the shower.

"I's too late for you to be this loud," he complained.

"It's not late," Hyunjin asserted, climbing into Jeongin's lap with a smirk. "In fact, I'd say the night is very young."

He leaned down to kiss him and Jeongin's soft lips responded quickly, but with less passion than Hyunjin would have liked.

"I'm so tired, I don't think I can do anything tonight," he said once they sat back.

"Oh."

Hyunjin's body deflated, feeling disappointed.

"Are you sure I can't convince you?"

"Not tonight," said Jeongin. "Maybe at the weekend though?"

A moment later Seungmin wandered out of the ensuite bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. His dark hair was also mussed and still wet. He and Jeongin probably showered together, and they might have fucked already. No wonder Jeongin was tired and not in the mood.

"You okay Jinnie?"

"I was hoping to maybe have a little fun tonight but Innie is tired." He winked at Seungmin. "Unless you're up for it Minnie?"

Hyunjin knew what the answer would be before the other man shook his head. Seungmin was a clean-freak and after he had brushed his teeth he was not interested in engaging in any further sexual activity on a given evening. It was one of his weird quirks that Hyunjin found strange and adorable in equal measure.

"I'm tired too, and I have to be up early for work tomorrow."

Hyunjin nodded. "Okay, I guess we can just cuddle instead."

"You won't just cuddle though, when you're horny you start grinding against people and keeping them awake," said Seungmin.

"I don't!" Hyunjin protested.

"You kind of do," Jeongin added.

"But--"

"Go find Felix, I'm sure he'll cuddle with you whether you're horny or not." With that, Seungmin turned and walked back into the bathroom.

Hyunjin couldn't help feeling like he had just been dismissed. Well, fuck him. He wasn't going to beg to stay if they didn't want him. He crawled off the bed and walked towards the door. Jeongin called goodnight behind him, Seungmin said nothing.

Even if Seungmin was being an asshole, Hyunjin decided to take his advice and go and find Felix. Maybe he needed some affection more than a hard fuck tonight after all, and there was no-one better to give him that than his sunshine. And if he was really lucky, maybe Chan would fuck him while Felix held his hand and kissed him and told him he was beautiful.

Hyunjin practically ran to Felix and Chan's room, and he was about to open the door when he heard a soft but deep moan coming from inside. His cock stirred in his pants. Sure enough when he pushed the door open and peeked inside he had to stifle a gasp at the sight before him.

Felix and Chan were both naked, spread out on the bed with Chan on his back and Felix slowly sliding up and down his cock. From this angle, Hyunjin had a perfect view of the pack leader's thick length disappearing into Felix's tiny hole, stretching him out while the blonde whimpered and leaned down to pull him into a desperate kiss.

Hyunjin's mouth practically watered. He couldn't decide which of them he was more jealous of: whether he wanted Felix to ride his cock instead or whether he wanted to take his place and have Chan stretching out his hole until it felt like he would burst. His own cock stiffened and he was about to walk into the room and join them on the bed when something stopped him.

"I love you."

The words were so quiet, so delicate as they fell from Felix's trembling lips. Barely more than a whisper, a whisper that was meant for one person alone.

Chan reached up to cup his face and brushed a strand of Felix's hair behind his ear. The gesture was so tender that Hyunjin felt guilty for witnessing it.

The pack leader spoke to Felix so quietly that Hyunjin couldn't hear what he said, he could only watch Chan's fingers trace down Felix's spine and wrap Felix's small body in his strong arms. If Chan had looked over he would have spotted Hyunjin watching them, but he never once took his eyes off his mate.

With a stinging heart, Hyunjin closed the door. There was no place for him in that room. 

At this point, he was beginning to feel less horny and simply lonely. He would honestly just take a hug from one of his pack mates right now. With only one room left to try, Hyunjin found himself outside Minho and Jisung's door.

He couldn't hear any noises coming from inside, but he decided to knock anyway.

At first there was no answer, and then footsteps padded across the room and the door opened to reveal Minho. He looked very domestic in his black-framed glasses, grey sweatpants and baggy t-shirt that Hyunjin was fairly certain used to belong to Chan. Swapping clothes was one of the many benefits of their relationship.

"Oh, Hyunjin," said Minho. "You need something?"

Behind him, Hyunjin could see Jisung lounging on the bed with a paused Studio Ghibli film on his laptop. They must have been watching it together.

"Nothing in particular I just... Can I join you both?"

He was dying to fall into Minho's strong arms and be carried to the bed, where he could cuddle up between him and Jisung. He didn't much care whether they had sex or whether they just watched the rest of whatever film was playing, as long as he could get some comfort.

And so it felt like a knife in his heart when Minho hesitated and glanced back at Jisung awkwardly.

"Um, actually Jinnie we were hoping to have a night to ourselves," Minho admitted. "Kind of an impromptu date night."

Faced with his third rejection of the evening, there was only so long Hyunjin could remain rational and calm. It was fifty-fifty whether he started crying or yelling, and apparently tonight anger was taking the reins.

"Don't you do that every night? You share a room."

"Yes but we don't always take the time to talk or watch a film together and spend proper quality time with each other," Minho explained.

Hyunjin sighed irritably. "Can you not do it tomorrow instead? I really don't want to be alone tonight."

"I'm sorry Jinnie, we really want to have this time to ourselves--"

"Why?!" Hyunjin burst out. He could pinpoint the exact moment Minho's expression shifted from apologetic to furious.

"What do you mean why? I'm telling you I want to spend time with my mate and you're being selfish."

Hyunjin scoffed. "I'm selfish?! Oh I'm sorry that coming to my pack mates for comfort makes me selfish."

"That doesn't make you selfish. Demanding that we reschedule our date night just because you're bored and want to bother us makes you selfish."

"Oh I'm a bother now?"

"Currently, yes," said Minho coldly.

"Hyunjin," Jisung's head popped up timidly behind Minho's shoulder. "We're not trying to be mean, we just want a little privacy for tonight."

"You can have privacy literally anytime you want. Why is it the one time I come to you and say I need some comfort you're suddenly kicking me out?"

"If you really need comfort you can go to one of the others, but honestly I think you're just being a brat and don't like being told no."

Hyunjin wanted to scream at Minho that he'd already been to all of the others and none of them wanted him, but what was the point? He clearly wasn't wanted here either. Tears were stinging his eyes and he had to swallow back a sob.

"Fine, enjoy your date night," he said bitterly.

"We will. Goodnight."

Minho closed the door and Hyunjin was left standing alone in the corridor again. His arms were wrapped defensively across his chest and his throat burned from the effort of trying not to cry. For a few seconds he was glued to the spot: he couldn't face going back to his empty room, and the pack nest would feel even worse with only him in it.

Eventually he couldn't hold back his sobs any longer and he clapped a hand over his mouth and ran downstairs, ending up out on the balcony that overlooked the garden. He shut the door behind him so that no-one would hear (not that any of them gave a shit about him anyway) then collapsed to the wooden floorboards, curled up into a ball and cried his heart out.

[christinebloodwrittings]

Something exactly like this.

Here we start a new series, at last I regained my love for writing n' reading 🥰

I have no idea how to write Hobie's accent, so apologies for that in advance. Any input and advise is well welcomed ☺️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood, injuries, fighting, cursing, anxiety.

Words: 2022

Chapter one: What else you got?

"When will you ever grow up?! Going against our path, is going against the family!" My father yelled, speaking about his religion and how I refused to believe in his insanity while punching the table to accentuate his anger.

"Then maybe I was never really a part of this shit family!" A smack on the face, it came from across my step mother that had entered the conversation, "Never come back, insufferable brat" she spit at me.

I had had it with them, so I flipped them off and left with a duffle bag on my shoulder.

As soon as I arrived to the train station and took seat inside the train, my heart broke, tears streamed down my face, like a wild river I tried to hold back when I looked the disappointment in my father's eyes.

Let's start from the beginning, my name is Y/n L/n, and it's been two weeks since I moved to the big city. A friend got me a job on a coffee shop and a small flat near it, without her I would've slept on the streets probably, so I owe her a lot.

Every day is the same! It's going to drive me crazy. I make the minimum for attending crazy fucked up people! Every day is the same compalints, some about the damm prices, the ice cream flavors, the fact that not always we have cash to break a 20, bitch come on, who buys a two dollar coffee with 20 or 100 bucks?? Seriously, people are crazy, and they take it on me just because I'm on the counter almost all the time.

I'm fucking tired.

Then one night, I was doing inventory when Jess, on the subject that I owe her a lot, she practically begged me to accompany her to a very illegal show downtown, on a sketchy bar no less. "I don't know Jess, those shows aren't really my thing, neither is a lot of people on a confined space" you shrugged, "Come on Y/n, my boyfriend is playing the bass, but I don't wanna go alone, maybe I could even present you to a few people, so you have friends, other than me" I looked at her with a stern look, that was the least of my concerns.

"It's just...you look so lonely and sad all the time, maybe you could have some fun, ya' know, to loosen up the stress from work" before she could keep blabbering reasons to go, I caved. "Fine" she yelled a high pitched "Yay" and hugged me.

It's amazing how easy is to get killed in the city nowadays, my first couple of days working I got shocked with how many corpses I encountered as soon as I opened my apartment door, but then I got used to it? I don't throw up as much as before, so that's a start.

But everything is so messy right now, with V.E.N.O.M tasks forces roaming the streets, people instead of being scared, they've become violent. I have no idea how Jess can be so hyped about a show when there's like an 80% chance we'll get killed in the process.

But hey, YOLO right?

Since it was a punk event, she wanted me to "blend in", as to not dress as a total nerd like I always do according to her. So we stopped at her apartment to get ready.

She lend me a plaid mini skirt, mid thigh stockings, a learher jacket that ended mid torso, a dark red shirt with a weird spider logo, a spiky choker and did a very goth or punk-like work on my face.

I didn't recognized myself, but I didn't quite hated it either.

Black boots with chains completed the look according to her, "Ya' look stunnin', honey" she squealed, coming out of the bathroom ready herself, wearing all things similar to mine, with the addition of a oversized denim jacket filled with band related pins and patches.

"Your boyfriend's, I suppose" she turned back to me, blushed slightly, "He gifted this to me, he's so cool and corny, I love him so much".

I am jealous of her. Her boyfriend has stopped by work a few times, he's tough but nice and very likeable. I could tell he would go to hell and back for her.

I was so fucking jealous of that.

The place wasn't really far from my apartment, which would allow me to slip away in case I needed it, oh boy, not even two seconds inside and I already wanted to run away.

It was a mess of all kinds of black dressed people, like the pride parade but goth, punk and violently weird. Jess seemed to be fine around the mess, she was a natural, totally in her element.

There was this feeling climbing up my spine, weakening my knees and my lungs, anxiety making her debut.

"C'mon let's get to the front before they start playin', otherwise we won't be able to see shit!" She pulled me across the sea of leather and spikes, I sensed a lot of stares and wolf whistles, probably not for me, but it felt so alien to me.

The group made its introduction, the crowd wildly started screaming and jumping, shoving us against the fence that kept us away from the stage. The amps to the limit, and the people jumping and shoving, everything begun to spin, in a haze I believed myself to be drunk but totally sober, "Jess! I wanna leave" I tried to scream but she couldn't hear me. Couldn't move either, trapped in between the fence I could only close my eyes in hopes the pain in my ears and my chest would end soon.

A hand took mine, out of a sudden I was on the other side of the fence. Due to the momentum I clashed against a bunch of pins and chains, "Follow me" He said, not ever letting my hand go, he lead me backstage, where the sound of the still going music and cheering was a bit muffled, barely bearable.

"Better?" I looked up to him, he had a wild black mane, piercings on his brows and his lower lip, stunning factions and he was built amazingly. "Yeah, sorry about the trouble" he chuckled at my embarrassment, "S' nothin', stay here all you need" he winked and rushed back to the stage, the screaming intensified as soon as he did.

A while later, Jess got to the backstage by the arm of her boyfriend, "Oh, honey I'm so sorry, are you feeling okay now?" I shook my head, hugging myself in absolute embarrassment. "'m gonna head back, sorry" she held me as soon as I was about to leave, "First, your knight in denim armor, Hobie I can't thank you enough" she thank him.

So that was his name, Hobie.

"No problem, that was a bad edge" his accent was so thick that's all I got to hear him say. "Hobie we need to scram, they are on their way, get the explosives" said none other than Jess's boyfriend, "Another raid? But babe" she whined, not caring about the sudden violence about to be unleashed apparently.

"Jess we need to leave, now!" I tried to take her away, but she resisted and shoved my hand away from hers, "I'm actually gonna stay for this one, Spider-Man might actually appear this time" She excitedly left with her boyfriend.

How could she just left when there was going to be another raid outside?! "Why today, I knew I shouldn't have come to this stupid thing!" Searching routes, but nothing came to mind, the sound of the tasks forces was loud, and the one from the rebellion was even more so.

Everything went down because of Oscorp taking over, then Spider-Man showed up to shake up the masses into a furious rebellion, it bothered me tat the rebels acted as if the destruction, the purchase of weapons from gangsters, and the eternal bustle, would change the fact that V.E.N.O.M had almost completely taken over the streets. The rebellion regained territory in the last assault, but in that hell several young people died, and not even Spider-Man could do anything about it.

Usually I don't get into that shit, because for fun I rather go dancing at the club, though I admit I threw a Molotov at a task forces's car, once the opportunity presented itself.

When I got out, everything was smoke, explosions, people running, crying and shouting with hate. The alley that led to the passage where I would hopefully make it to my apartment was across the fire. I plucked up my courage and ran, a little difficult because of the platforms on my shoes, the damn mini skirt, and because of the shooting that started when I managed to jump over the puddle of burning gasoline.

I fell and hit all the cement on my legs and arms, I got up quickly because the adrenaline was stronger than the bullet that grazed my knee, so I managed to take refuge in the back of the building.

"Where you think you goin' bitch" A cop grabbed my arm, seeing that I resisted him the baton on his other hand hit the back of my knees and then I had no other choice but to fall, the cut on my knee bleeding even more, but I couldn't feel it yet.

He rises the baton to hit me again, but it got swooped off his hand, in about a second that same cop was literally mummified to the wall, all covered in spider webs.

"You okay?" Red and blue suit, spikes on the head of the mask, denim jacket and boots, yeah a hero alright. "Peachy" He just saved me, but the bitterness from my friend bailing on me, the recent anxiety attack, the raid, the pulsing wound that I made the mistake of acknowledge, and the posible bruise from the baton, got to me pretty fast.

"Go save the others, I'm fine" he didn't moved, instead he stretched his hand towards me, "Let me take you some'ere safe first" normally I would've sent him to hell itself, but taking everything into consideration, I ended up agreeing.

As soon as I took his hand, he pulled me up and into his arms. He secured my waist with his arm, "By the green building is alright" he nodded then fired his web, without warning he took flight, taking an even firmer grasp on my waist.

Meanwhile I hid my face on his neck and yelled a bit.

As soon as we landed I shoved myself off of his grasp, clinging to the fire stairs railing for dear life, "Bit nauseous there love?" He joked, "A warning would've been appreciated" I swallowed the bit of puke that threatened the back of my throat, "But thanks, I'll take it form here".

My knees quivered when trying to make a decent step, the pulsing hurt behind my legs, "Ya' sure?" He asked, getting at a safe distance from my pathetic state, "Yeah, now aren't you needed elsewhere?" He slightly laughed at my embarrassment, "That can wait, they were holding it up, a'right" I could hear his smile under that mask.

"Need help there, love?" He offered, making it sound more like a tease, his hand reaching towards me once more, "I'll be careful" He promised. I caved again, after all, I lived in the eighth floor.

"Now we're good, night spiderman" I tried to close the door but he stopped it with his combat boots, "What" he stayed silent for a second, "Not even a kiss?" He joked? I couldn't tell because of the mask, then he just leaned on the doorframe. I genuinely laughed, like I haven't in a while, "Thanks for the laugh, maybe next time you save me, I'll give you that kiss, how's that?" He tilted his head a bit, like thinking, then just nodded.

I think he was about to say something, but an explosion on the raid site got to his attention, "I think you're needed" When I turned my head around he had already left.

[miradelletarot]

Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.