#i am stressed out with finals this week but i submitted my essay last night (🙌🏽 woohoo) and i am going to make myself some mean fish tacos

[alfonzone]

life is pretty much about learning to love your solitude and making the most of it huh?

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 34

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Also, Merry Christmas! I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past few weeks, but I finally got a chance to write again and wanted to get this short part to you before Christmas. It will act as the finale to the first book of A Sweet Mishap - I definitely want to continue writing about this couple, but I think this is a nice way to wrap it up for the year and I'll come back with a sequel in the new year.

Potential Trigger Warnings: mentions of violence, rape, therapy, depression, sex

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

I rise early, with the sun like usual despite not having to work today. I refuse to get out of bed until I absolutely have to. But I prop myself up with an obnoxious amount of pillows and drag my laptop over from the empty side of the bed onto my lap. I’m determined to submit all my assessments today before my session with Dr. Katelyn, slowly removing stresses one at a time.

I carefully read through each word and sentence making minor edits as I go and then with a deep breath hit submit on each one. For once, I actually feel highly confident with my essays, knowledge and with the grade that I hope to receive. Despite working myself to the bone all semester with so many priorities to balance I feel I actually managed to submit work that I’m proud of. I attribute it to my steadily improving mental health and clarity.

Once I close down my college tabs I decide to try to do a little planning of my own for the summer. Jensen’s organised so much, a lot that I don’t even know yet–just that he’s got surprises that I’ll like. I grew up in such a small area, yet I know he’s mostly lived in the larger cities, so my plan is to give him more of the country. I research diners and hiking trails and make sure some of my favorite spaces are still operating. The list of things I want to do is extensive, but I know, as much as I want to take the full three months, Stewie will need me back at Mamma Jo’s. He’s agreed to a month so far, but I could tell even that long concerned him. He only agreed becuase he knows he can rely on the juniors, which I promised to train up before I leave Thankfully, most of them have a lot of potential and are fast learners. As I’m searching through sites a Facetime notification pops up and I answer instantly.

“Hey Darlin’! You look comfy.”

“Good morning, Handsome. I am, but there is one thing that would make me comfier…”

“Less than a week and you can fall asleep in my arms every night for a month.”

“Except when we visit my parents…”

“Yeah, except then. But you’ll still be nearby, not a country away.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait! I was actually just researching places I want to take you back home.”

“Really? Any hints?”

I shake my head, “Nope! You’ve got your secrets, I’ve got mine.”

“Fair enough. You got therapy soon?”

“Two hours.”

“They’ll probably need me on set by then. I just wanted to check in while I had a chance.We’re pushing hard to be finished by Friday, I have no doubts. Then there’s just the wrap party that night, then I’ll see you.”

“I wish you could come to my last show…”

“I wish I could show you off at the wrap party. But it’s okay, we get a whole month together in Texas and that means so much more.”

“I really can’t wait. I submitted my assessments this morning, so I’ve just got therapy, a few more shows and my last few shifts at the cafe. I’m counting down each day and each road block. You know I’ve brocken so many of my New Years Resolutions, and I couldn’t be happier. And I owe most of that to you, so thank you.”

“Anything for you. I love seeing that smile on your face, especially knowing I helped put it there. But that’s just it, you’re doing all the work, I’m just here to cheer you on and offer support when you need it. You really are a star, I just want to watch you glow and reignite that spark that others tried to dim.”

I smile at him, then bite my lip as I remember I conversation from my last session with the doctor. “Jens…I thanks…Also, I’ve been meaning to…” He stays ever patient and smiles as I ramble, letting me get there on my own, “I talked to Dr Katelyn last week about my issues with intimacy and some fears, concerns, thoughts about our holiday. I know we’ll be alone alot and likely sharing a bed while we’re at your place and I just…I want to be open to things, but I feel like I’ve never-Nothing’s really ever been on my terms. I’ve always just gone along with what the guy wants. She suggested that maybe I should treat this relationship like a first. Like I’m in highschool and we’re touching each base. Slow and at my pace.”

He nods the whole time. “Of course. Everything is on your terms with me. I’d never push. I’m happy to cuddle, maybe make out and if we don’t have sex during the trip that’s fine. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like I’m expecting anything, because I’m not. I just want to spend time with you. And if you decide it’s too much to sleep in the same bed every night, you can go into the guestroom whenever you want. We can make sure it’s set up nicely for you so you can have a comfortable escape when you need it. A space that’s all yours and I won’t ever go into unless you want me to. We can set it up on the first day if you want. You can choose whatever decor you want.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. But Jens, what if…What if I want to…you know, have sex at some point?”

“If we get through the first three bases and you are 100 per cent on board and comfortable with going the home run then we tackle that base like all the others. Slow and at your pace. And if we start and you need to stop then you just tell me and we stop, but I’ll be reading all the signs your body gives me and if I think it’s too much I’ll stop it, just like last time.”

I nod, “Okay. Do you mind if I continue to talk to Dr. Kate about it today?”

“I hope you do. But you never need my permission to talk about anything with her. There’s no NDA here, and even if there was it wouldn’t pertain to our relationship. Anything between us is fair game. I think you already know that, but I’ll remind you as much as you need, that will never change.”

“Thanks.” I glance down at the time on my computer screen. “I should start getting ready.”

“Alright, Beautiful. I’ll talk to you tonight. Have a good session and a great day.”

“You too-You have a great-You know what I mean.”

“I do. Bye.” He blows me a kiss as he ends the call and I can’t help but blush. As I drag myself out of the comfy bed and into the shower I think back to that day in December. I really did win the lottery when I accidentally spilt that hot cocoa on him. That was the best sweet mishap I’ve ever made.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala

@lmg14, @superrey, @kamisobsessed

[libmoopsychblog]

New semester, new me (I hope)...

I've had a lot of time to stare at my wall and re-evaluate the way that I tried to approach my first semester on the MRes course! But now I think it's time to do a bit of self reflection and to form an action plan for semester two so I don't burn out before graduation.

My experience of the first semester was challenging to say the least! Throughout my full life in academia, I've always struggled to stay on top of workloads and to start an assignment earlier than 24 hours before it's due date. At the start of semester one, I told myself that this would be the year for me: I'd convinced myself that a switch would flip in my brain and this year I would turn into the academic weapon that I was born to be. But it just didn't happen... Every submission in semester one was proceeded with a frantic rush up to the last second that was made ten times more stressful because of how much more difficult this work is to any I've had to submit in the past. Take the coding assignment as an example- I still have nightmares about how much my head hurt trying to finish that task on time!!

Whilst I've always been able to (somehow) walk out with good grades doing work in this way, it's just not a sustainable way to submit work at a Master's level. Not just because of the higher standard of work, but I've found 27 grey hairs coming through on my head since last November and I can't afford to dye my hair every week to cover them up. Joking aside, eventhough it makes me feel smart and accomplished to be able to write a 4000 word essay in 15 hours with no prior planning, I'm going to make sure that this is going to be the semester, albeit my final semester, that I become the academic success story that they write books about.

To give myself credit where it's due, I have constantly proven to myself that I can work under pressure. Pressure has always been my main motivator when it comes to submissions- I leave it until the pressure is at its peak to even begin thinking about writing. So at least now that when I get asked if I "deal well in high pressure situations" in a job interview, I know myself I'm not lying. But I have seen the negative consequences of this method on my mental health in the long run. I've constantly been in this cycle where I'll get mad at myself when I submit something because I know it's not my best work and this just can't continue.

When I think deeply about it, I think it is the constant passing grades that have stopped me from ever changing my ways. Why change a system that works, right? But I need to value my own mental health, stress levels and sleep more than I ever have. For me, it goes back to a classic theory I studied in A-Level Sociology- the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I have convinced myself that I am somebody who needs a looming deadline and peaked pressure and who cannot work on an assignment in small, manageable chunks so that is exactly the type of person that I have become. So from now, I'll take my whole academic career so far as a learning curve and break the beliefs that I have forced upon myself about the conditions that I need to work in.

So here we are: the all important action plan.

1: Dear Diary...

A diary! I don't know how it has taken me 21 years to come to such a blatantly obvious revelation. But from now, I'm keeping a diary dedicated to all things deadline, planning and uni related. This way I have to hold myself accountable to the plans I've made for myself and can never say I don't know when something is due because it's in the diary.

2: Going to sleep on deadline Eve.

No more all nighters the night before a deadline! I've made a pact with myself that my work has to be submitted early so there is absolutely no work to be done the night before something is due. This way, I can be all tucked up in bed early the night before like a kid on Christmas Eve... bliss.

3: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

A lesson that I should have learned in primary school when they used to read the book about the tortoise and that rabbit. All of my work will be broken up into manageable chunks that I can complete in the weeks leading up until the deadline, rather than it just being done in one go.

So there we have it, a concise three step action plan that'll (hopefully) make semester two an absolute breeze... I'll let you know how that one goes.

[blu-joons]

Graduation Day ~ Kim Hongjoong

“I told you you’d do it,” Hongjoong smiled as you walked off the stage with your certificate held tightly in your hand, spotting him instantly waiting for you.

His arms moved around your waist as you stepped into his side, pressing his lips against the top of your head. He was your biggest supporter over the past couple of years, even when life seemed to be throwing every hurdle your way.

The long nights, the teary nights, the sleepless nights had all been worth it for the piece of paper that you held onto in that moment.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered down to you, pressing his hand to your cheek, “it’s nice to see you smiling again with the weight of the world off your shoulders.”

There had been far too many times then he liked to remember when he’d ended up finding you teary eyed or breaking down in front of your laptop. Too many visits when you’d crumbled around him because the workload became too much.

Hongjoong could remember his last visit with you the most. How you sobbed into his side for hours and vented about how difficult you were finding your final essay and how hard you were having to fight not to dropout.

“Let me take a proper look,” he smiled, holding his hand out for you to give him your certificate.

He pulled the ribbon that was around the scroll, opening it up so that he could read through it. His heart was full as he read through your name and all of the other pieces of information that came with it, including the all-important pass you’d been working towards.

“You deserve this so much,” he whispered, tying it back up again once he’d finished reading through it, “how does it feel to finally be a graduate?”

“I didn’t think I’d be a graduate a few weeks ago,” you chuckled, feeling your cheeks begin to turn red, “I was convinced on that night that I was just going to give it up, I don’t know how you managed to convince me to carry on if I’m honest with you.”

If Hongjoong was honest, he had his doubts too. Your deadline was only a couple of weeks away, and he knew you were stressed, but even he hadn’t seen you in such a state before. He was clueless, but somehow, he managed to do the right thing.

Watching you now with a wide smile on your face, he was relieved he made the decision to go to your dorm that night and see how you were getting on. If he hadn’t, he doubted that you’d even be stood where you were right now.

“And now you have the rest of your life to look forward to,” Hongjoong reminded you, “and best of all, you don’t ever have to submit another essay again.”

Your eyes lit up just at the thought of finally being free from all of your studies, “I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years after everything I’ve been through over the past few months.”

Hongjoong had often just sat back and admired your dedication and determination to getting yourself the best grade possible. You’d pushed yourself to breaking that, but your grade reflected that, which Hongjoong knew was all that you’d ever wanted.

His arms moved back around your waist once your scroll was handed back to you, tapping gently at the graduation cap on top of your head. He almost felt as if he was in a movie as he studied you kitted out head to toe in your hat and your graduation gown.

It didn’t take long before your hat piqued his interest, and he began to tap at it again and again until he sent it toppling off the top of your head. Your eyes rolled as he bent down to pick it up, sitting it perfectly against the top of your head as if nothing had happened.

“I swear it’s like bringing a child to my graduation,” you remarked, jabbing into his side gently. “You’re not with the boys now, you don’t have to keep touching everything and messing around with it,” you reminded him, rolling your eyes as his jaw opened in surprise.

“I’m just reminding myself that I’m dating a graduate,” he proudly smiled, pressing a kiss against your forehead to keep you quiet. “I feel pretty smug being able to say that, especially when I’ve been such a crucial part in helping you get to this position.”

“A crucial part? You really think that’s what you’ve been?”

His head nodded in response to your question, even though you knew he was joking, if you were honest, Hongjoong wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Each time you felt like giving up, he was there, when you wanted someone to visit you, he was straight round, and each time you succeeded, he was the first one there to congratulate you too.

Your eyes glanced back up at him, “I guess I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, you’ve always been my biggest supporter.”

“I knew exactly what you were capable of, that’s why. Even if you doubted yourself, I knew you’d get to this position with a little bit of support,” he smiled.

“You’ve done so much more than a little bit of support,” you responded, “you’ve really been there when I felt like giving up.”

For all the times that he’d had to help you when you felt yourself breaking down or wanted to hand in your letter to tell them you were dropping out, they were all worth it and so much more as Hongjoong watched you graduate. He had never been prouder than the moment he watched you walk up on that stage and take your certificate.

“What’s next then?” He questioned suddenly, “now you have the whole world waiting for you, what do I have to support you through next? Have you got your next step?”

“Right now, I just want to do nothing for a while and give myself some time to relax.”

“That’s a good idea,” he chuckled.

Your smile grew wider, “maybe I could come and annoy you at work, make up for all the times you’ve constantly appeared at my dorm over the years.”

He couldn’t hide his delight at the thought of you getting more involved with his work now that you had the time. Hongjoong was forever trying to get you to spend time at the studio or come to a show, and now the weight of the world had lifted from you, you finally had the time.

“Whatever you do, I’ll be there,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead gently.

“I know,” you giggled, “you’ve been by my side through so much of the worst, it’s about time we go through some of the best together too.”

“It’s all been worth it to see you now, you’ve put so much effort and hard work into this, and now you can reap the rewards. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to tell you just how proud I am of how far you’ve come.”

Your head nodded slowly, “I’ve definitely come along way from breaking down in the dorm. I’m just relieved that I chose to stick it out and carry it on until the end.”

“Me too, and now you can finally call yourself a graduate.”

---

Masterlist

[jamesmaddiscnx]

Angst 8 with Scott 😊

request prompt: “why am i always bottom of your priority list?”

word count: 871

warnings: none

category: angst

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Football as a full time career was bound to be exhausting. You knew that. It wasn’t as glamorous as the media made it out to be. Scott was always up training during the early hours of the morning and his afternoons were spent working on tac tics with the team. It was part of the package with Scott and you knew that when you committed to being in a relationship with him but it didn’t make it any easier.

When Scott eventually came home from training most evenings, you would have dinner prepared and ready to serve for him. He was appreciative of it and always thanked you before hitting the shower and falling asleep whilst you finished up watching your favourite TV show. It helped you unwind when you didn’t get the opportunity to vent to your boyfriend about what it was that had been stressing you out lately.

Recently, you had been bombarded with not only university work but also extra shifts that your boss needed you to take because of how severely understaffed they were. As a loyal servant to the company, you were always first on his list of people to ask and you had always felt that you couldn’t say no.

As a result, you were slowly falling further and further behind with your workload for university and the stress of the situation was eating you up.

Usually, you would talk to Scott about it and he would help you navigate the situation, often telling you to take holidays from work since he could handle the bills and that would allow you enough time to get on top of the readings and essays that you would need to submit as part of your degree.

But not this time.

It seemed to be that Scott had completely forgotten about the fact that you had a life and with it came difficulties but he was in his own world at the moment.

This time, as Scott came home from training, you greeted him the same way that you did every other day. You kissed his cheek as he entered the front door, him doing the same to you and you headed through to the kitchen where his food was waiting for him, steaming on the plate. Except this time, he was ranting to you about being left out of the match day squad.

“I don’t get it. I was the captain at the weekend and this week, I’m sitting on the bench?!” He exclaimed, seeming to be baffled by Ole’s choice of team. You understood his frustrations. He wanted nothing more than to impress and help out his team. Not to mention the fact that he had to continue to impress so that he would be included in Steve Clarke’s squad for the Euro’s. He couldn’t assume that he would be playing for Scotland, he had to earn the tartan jersey.

“Bob has asked me-” You started, thinking that you would finally get the chance to explain the difficulties in your life and have him give you some advice but you didn’t get to finish before Scott interrupted you.

“Sorry, I’m going to take a shower. We can continue this after, yeah?” He asked expectantly and that was the moment when you lost it. You couldn’t believe how entitled he had just been. It was ignorant and it filled you with rage.

“Why am I always bottom of your priority list?” You whispered and the words caught the blonde footballer by surprise. He had no idea where you were coming from. As far as he was concerned, you were both understanding of where each other stood in your lives and it was the same every time: the top.

“What do you mean?” He turned to face you, his trip to the shower seeming far less important now. He wanted to hear what you had to say. He needed to know what you had to say.

“It’s the same routine every night, Scott. You come in from training and I cook for you. You vent, go to shower and then crash. You haven’t even noticed that I’ve been up until three most mornings to try and finish my university work load before heading off for my shifts at six AM,” You started and Scott stood frozen in shock for you were right. He had been so self-absorbed recently and he hadn’t noticed just how much you were struggling. He felt like utter shit because of it.

“It’s almost like I don’t matter anymore.” You sighed as you looked down at the ground and that was the part that broke Scott completely. He had abandoned you in a time when you needed him and for that, he would never forgive himself.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. You are always top of of my priorities. I really have no excuse but I promise that I’ll do better from now on, I promise.” He moved forward across the kitchen and pulled you into his chest and you let him, completely ignoring the fact that he had yet to have his shower.

“I love you.” He whispered as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and from that moment on, he vowed to always let you know that you are the most important thing in his life.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

my longest imagine yet i think! thanks for requesting this one, anon! i had lots of fun with this one and i really hope that i did it justice. this is the last imagine to be published tonight. i have a lot of university work to do tomorrow so i’m not sure if i’ll get anything out tomorrow night but we’ll see! lots of love, e x

tags: @harrywinksyx @kingkepa @glam-khal @alexajanecollins @kierantierncy

[pugh-bug]

Scott Lang x reader

Chapter 4 of this slow burn (which is fitting because I post the chapters slowly) story

Finally! The next chapter will follow on from this because it’s going to end up too long if I don’t post this chapter now. I hope you enjoy it! :)

You’d been stressed the last week and everyone could tell. A twenty thousand word uni essay you thought was in for the end of term turned out to have been due two weeks earlier. It only took one text from a fellow class member, who you never really spoke to or considered, asking you what your grade was to send you into a frantic meltdown. Luckily the Avengers were busy so you had Stark Tower to yourself for a few hours and took full advantage. By crying. A lot. Begging your professor to give you more time to hand it in (because you were sick cough cough) and planning the stupid thing to get it over with. Did you get it done eventually? Yes. Would a drunken chicken be impressed by your words? Doubtful.

Normally you gave Bruce your essays to look over but you couldn’t bring yourself to show him your so called ‘work’ so into the submissions it went. It was too embarrassing but your motivation levels had plummeted since meeting the Avengers and calling them your friends - you couldn’t care too much. In the scheme of things essays just didn’t seem important anymore.

On Sunday you submitted it and sat in silence for a moment. Everyone had gotten used to giving you space, for a change, so you were comfortable with quiet. However you were not going to quietly tell them you’d finally finished. No.

‘FINALLY!’ You yelled, purposefully leaning towards your door for maximum effect. Let them come to you, you thought. As the door opened and your friends pretty faces appeared you felt nothing but relief. It was silly to feel ‘free’ because it was just an essay but fucking hell did you despise avoiding everyone to write it for so long.

Scott came to you first with Tony, Thor and Vision behind. You tried not to revel in him being closest to you too much. He looked especially cute that afternoon, you could tell he’d had a lie in because of his slight bed hair, and you beamed at him. ‘So it’s finished?’ Making space for him so he could sit on your desk beside you, you nodded. ‘Yes!’

While Thor gave you a long speech about how pointless Earth school was in his charming way, Tony congratulated you like you’d had a baby.

‘Good. Knew that was hard for you.’

Scott was glued to your desk and you tried to make eye contact with everyone else in the room but him. Him and his pretty distracting face.

‘I have a brilliant idea!’ Tony then announced, commanding the room in his diva like way. Scott raised his eyebrows at you in anticipation before you all turned to look at the billionaire. ‘I think we’ve all disappointed ourselves this week. Do you know why? Work. We’ve been working too hard.’ Scott laughed and smiled down at you, which you returned. Poor Vision just stood in the doorframe glazed with visible confusion. It was like being in a Ted talk audience.

‘Y/N’s essay,’ Tony gestured to you. ‘My impeccable new suit. I’m sure Vision has been doing.. somethi- the point is, we need to party. My humble suggestion, which you’re free to disapprove of if you’re boring, is that we all get-‘

‘Smashed!’

The exclaim just left you. You had been fucking itching to be drunk all week and celebrate - even if it was a small achievement in the grand scheme of things. You wanted to do shots. Lie on the floor. Dance. Dance and finally eat! Somehow you hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was 4pm. Your stomach was growling at you.

Scott rubbed your shoulder playfully and smirked ‘I like that plan.’

‘Excuse me. My plan.’

You and Scott chose to ignore the diva in the room which of course Vision and his big computer brain had to comment on. ‘Erm...’ he hesitated as he walked towards the two of you in classic Vision fashion. ‘You two are-‘

‘About to find all the liquor!’ Before he could finish whatever awkward question he could ask you jumped out of your seat taking Scott with you. The cabinets where most of the alcohol got stored were all in the smaller of Tony’s kitchens. Scott’s hand in yours felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time as you giddily dragged him down the hall. You could not stop smiling and he could sense your mood change.

‘Someone’s happy today.’

Of course you somehow took that as a hint to let his hand go, which you did but sadly. Your hand felt a bit lost as you walked and you couldn’t remember if you normally swung your arms or kept them still like Vision.

‘I’m warning you now,’ you opened the cupboards with no specific alcohol in mind ‘I plan on getting very drunk tonight.’ Fuck. There wasn’t any kopperberg left. Oh well you’d settle for gasoline- it was one of those days.

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Scott chuckled at you. ‘When I was your age I got black out drunk almost daily.’ Once you were carrying a dangerous amount of bottles and cans you looked up at the man and he looked a bit smug. ‘Am I right in thinking you’re proud of yourself?’ He didn’t have to reply, you could tell he was.

The two of you laid out the cans and wine, vodka, mixer and beer bottles out on the counter carefully. It looked like a beautiful recipe for disaster but it wasn’t anything you hadn’t all done only weeks before. The amusing sounds of Tony bossing everyone around to get off their asses and party met your ears. Your main goal was to start drinking as soon as possible. Red wine, you found in your ‘scientific studies’, got you the drunkest the quickest so it was the obvious choice.

As you swug it, Scott hesitated about starting his beer. He watched you but for once you didn’t have the energy to wonder what he was thinking. ‘Oh no,’ you laughed and carried on drinking. ‘I’m gonna have to peel you off this floor later aren’t I?’ His words were worrying but there was a gleam in his eyes and an energy radiating off the two of you that didn’t care what happened.

You laughed and told him that yes he definitely would have to. He seemed to think it was his mission and his alone to look after you. How sweet and incorrect. ‘Scott,’ saying his name never got old ‘Don’t you dare stay sober for me. I’ve never seen you drunk.’ Somehow you hadn’t. Unless you had and couldn’t remember which was also likely. The idea of the two of you dancing together and Scott twirling you under his arm made your cheeks warm and your chest flutter.

The urge to be overly sarcastic was building, why you got like this around attractive people when you were bored you didn’t know. It wasn’t your best trait - funny sometimes but not exactly mature of you. It was almost addictive and spending time with Tony’s sarcy ass did nothing to help you think before you spoke.

You leant on the counter drinking but your mind was trying to decide which playlist you were going to force everyone to dance to. ‘Plughole.’ Scott stated.

‘Wow...’

‘It’s too quiet in here. Did I miss anything?’ Tony strutted in with his classic arrogance. You gestured to yourself and repeated Scott’s remark while chugging more wine. If you didn’t feel tipsy soon you’d start taking shots.

‘Shots!’ Clint yelled, entering the kitchen behind Thor, Peter, Nat, Bruce and Vision. Maybe the archer could mind read after all? He was holding an oven tray filled with shot glasses. Just- a beautiful sight. Scott looked apprehensive on your behalf but that didn’t matter. If he didn’t want you to get plastered he didn’t have to stay with you all night. Nat would.

‘Finally, yes please yes.’

It was pure chaos before long, which was exactly what you craved after such a boring week. ‘I want it all’ by the Arctic Monkeys was playing, despite Thor’s drunken Asgardian chant suggestions, and you had somehow taken 5 shots already. Scott was on 4, Vision going strong with 0 (of course), Thor had beaten you with 7 and yet Tony was winning with 8. You lost count quickly after that.

There were so many people in one room you felt like leaving would be impossible. You’d have to crowd surf to get to the shitting toilet. ‘Scott!’ He’d stayed near you until Steve arrived, looking sophisticated in a suit. That was when drunk you decided Scott could only leave you for Steve. One exception.

‘Scott!’

He heard you the second time, just barely over the music Sam had turned up. You felt needy and raw. Almost all of your ‘holding back reserves’ had been chained up by copious amounts of vodka. ‘Are you okay?’ Slurring his words slightly, Scott put his hand on your shoulder looking genuinely concerned. Your heart swelled. ‘Aw fuck.’ He didn’t respond at your accidental ‘sentence’ that had meant to stay in your brain.

‘I need to throw up.’

You didn’t even know if you felt sick but you felt something. It was just words and a half arsed explanation for leaving the lively room. The two of you were stood in the centre of the dance circle so leaving was a struggle. Avoiding Tony’s flaying arms and Sam’s impressive dancing to find the empty corridor felt like an obstacle course.

As soon as you and Scott reached the bathroom your stomach grumbled. ‘Oh.’ You held it and looked up at Scott’s confused face with realisation. ‘I think I’m just h-hungry! And you burst out laughing in his drunken haze Scott joined in.

‘Pretty sure there’s cake over here.’ He laughed, partially at your excitement but also at his own. Neither one of you ate well without encouragement and all you wanted was to devour sugar or his face if you got any drunker.

Taglist: @supraveng

[clouds-rambles]

Oh you thought we're not both doing out homework last minute!? Ha.

He doesn't. He takes a week to write his essays and that's how long we get for them. I have no idea how he does it! According to him. 'just spread out your time. Write a paragraph a day and you'll have it done on time without overworking yourself. Fuck planning. Just know what you're going to say and put it in the paragraph.'

How does he manage? I have no clue.

I, on the other hand, speedrun everything the night before. He calls my lifestyle stressful because I leave everything to the last minute and on top of that, I need to plan my essays in a very specific longwinded way, but I physically can't do it any other way so y'know. First, I split the different arguments into the very bare basics (support and contradict, for example) and just spill all the knowledge you deem useful for this essay into these categories. Next comes plan two. I need to have easy-to-read, concise notes for every point I'm going to make. There are many indented bullet points but when I read it, I can clearly see how my argument flows - the main point I'm making, what sources I have to support it, ways in which it could be criticised and further criticisms to that, and a final evaluation. My beautiful plan then makes it very easy to write the essay. Only problem is that I can't focus on it until it's 2 am and I'm crying about how much of a failure I am. Then around 4-5 in the morning, my essay is done and I head to bed for a well deserved two hour of sleep.

I get better marks than him. Both aren't ideal methods of doing things, but it's the best I can offer you :)

omg how do do that :’)

I think I do a bit of both, I collect sources for weeks before I sit down and bosh out an essay in like 2 hours and submit without thinking abt proof reading it 😭🤚

[hms-chill]

Kicking Underwater

Summary: "He's not going to be the youngest elected congressman in history without earning it, but nobody needs to know how hard he's kicking underwater. His sex-symbol stock would plummet" -- Casey McQuiston, page 3

----

Henry knows that Alex's midterm season will be hard. He knows Alex overworks himself, so he talks to June, and he makes sure he knows exactly how to look after Alex when he's at his busiest. He's ready to come home early when he can, bringing Alex's favorite takeout for days when making dinner together would take too much time. He's ready to drag Alex to bed by two AM, ready to keep him from drinking too much coffee and hiding in the office with the blinds closed all day.

What he isn't ready for is a version of Alex at midterms who seems normal, if a bit more tired. Yes, Alex is working more, but it seems reasonable. They still have their biweekly cooking lessons, and Alex joins him for David's walks sometimes. He comes to bed at reasonable hours, and he promises he's hydrating and eating while Henry's gone. So, even if Alex starts to look more tired or worried, things seem to be alright. He still works hard, he has late nights of studying or dog walks where he spends the whole time thinking aloud about an essay, but it's far from the self-destruction Henry was afraid of.

Maybe, just maybe, he's been able to help Alex relax. If Alex looks more tired, maybe it's just showing on his face more than normal. He's tossing and turning a bit more at night, but he always seems to relax when Henry holds him. If he looks more stressed, well, they can't exactly expect a stress-free midterm season. But things don't seem much worse than normal, and June seems happy, so Henry convinces himself not to be worried. He still worries, of course, but he tries to convince himself not to.

There's one week in particular that he's dreading. It's a week when Alex has two tests and an essay, and the class he's a TA for has a test, so he has forty-some essay questions to grade amidst his own studying.

But Sunday ends, and the chaos week starts, and things seem alright.

Alex's class take their test on Monday, and Alex brings home a stack of papers, but he agrees to take a break and walk David while Henry proofreads his essay, and they both agree that it's a good enough essay to call it for the night. Henry thinks it's good enough to turn in, but Alex wants to tweak it, and it's not worth the argument as long as Alex is coming to bed without Henry having to plead.

He looks tired on Tuesday, but he swears he's alright, and Henry trusts him. It must just be the stress of the week. He makes sure to tell Alex he loves him a few extra times, and even convinces Alex to accept a shoulder rub while he grades essays and makes study guides. And really, all things considered, it seems good.

Henry's not sure what wakes him up somewhere that feels like Tuesday night but is technically Wednesday morning, but when he cuddles closer to Alex to try to go back to sleep, there's a light. He opens his eyes a bit to see Alex awake, one hand around Henry, the other furiously typing into his phone. In the light of the phone screen he looks exhausted, the bags under his eyes exaggerated and every stress line deepened by the long shadows. Henry hums, reaching a heavy hand up to push Alex's phone down. Alex looks over in surprise, phone still in place.

"Hen? What are you doing up?"

"You?" Henry asks in place of an answer. Alex sighs.

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd get some more work done."

Except that, when Alex wants to sleep but can't, he gets up. He'll get a glass of water, or he'll wander down to the kitchen in search of helados, or he'll go to a window for some fresh air. Once, Henry even found him looking up yoga poses in the hallway outside their room. An Alex who wants to sleep but can't is a restless creature, a far cry from the boy gently stroking Henry's hair with a google doc open on his phone. Henry just shakes his head. "No. Stop work. Sleep."

"I can't sleep. I've just got to clean this essay up a bit, and then I can stop worrying about it."

"Please sleep?" Henry asks, finally awake enough for complete sentences. "It'll be there in the morning."

"So will everything else. I just have to get it done; go back to sleep."

"I thought it was done." It's due tomorrow, but Alex had said he'd turned the essay in earlier that day. Henry wonders vaguely if he can re-submit it, or if he'd never actually turned it in.

"It's... fine. It's good enough, maybe, but it's not great. I'm just... making it better so I can turn it in again and have it be great."

"It doesn't need to be great. It's okay. You're working so hard, and you're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask. You don't need to keep working all the time, you need to sleep. You're enough as you are," Henry says.

Alex finally lets him push the phone down as he rolls over to bury his face in Henry's chest. Henry's a bit surprised, but he pulls Alex in close, rubbing his back as Alex's hands grab onto the pajama shirt Henry wears mostly so that Alex can hold onto him if he needs to, just like this. Henry just holds him until Alex looks up and says, "you're the only one who's ever said that. That I'm good enough, I mean. Other people say... they say I'm smart, or good at things, but then I have to keep being smart and good at things so I don't disappoint them. I always, always have to keep... keep being those things without trying, because if they seem me trying, or if I'm not smart or good at things, then they... it feels like they won't like me. But you... you're the only one who ever says I don't have to be anything more than I am."

"You don't, love. You're enough. Everything you do, everything you are... you're more than enough, and I adore you just how you are. I love how hard you try, but it's... you don't need to. Not for me, at least. For me, just being you is enough."

Alex lets out a snort of a laugh, humorless, his hands still tangled in Henry's shirt. "I... I don't think anyone's really gotten to see me trying before. Maybe June knows, but that's because she's smart and knows everything, not because I let her see. I... really, no one was supposed to know how hard I work. It... I'm supposed to just be naturally good at everything; I'm not supposed to have to try."

"Well, that's not very realistic."

"I know, but it... it's how it's supposed to be."

"Says who?"

"Everyone. I can't be, you know, millennial heartthrob Alex Claremont-Diaz if I have to wear reading glasses, or if I'm skipping parties to write essays, or if I drop out of school because I fail con law and I can never look Professor Westbrook in the eye again." Henry presses a gentle kiss to his forehead, trying to smooth the wrinkles there, as he processes that. He can't promise that the world will love a bespectacled Alex as much as he does, or that anyone in their right mind would understand if a law school student has to focus on a test. So instead, he focuses on the last point, knowing for a fact that Alex's con law grade is miles from forcing him to drop out.

"What do you have in con law right now, Alex?"

"A 98%, I think. But we have a test this week, and that midterm paper isn't in yet."

"I think, with a 98% and a very good paper, you're rather far from failing."

"I still could."

"I'd love you anyway. So would your family, and Nora and Bea and Pez."

"Maybe. You'd all be disappointed, though."

"We wouldn't. Or, well, I wouldn't, at least. Not if you'd done your best."

"If... if I tried and still failed, you wouldn't be disappointed in me?"

"Not at all. I love you, and I don't think I could ever truly be disappointed in you for trying." Alex looks genuinely surprised by that, and Henry's heart breaks a bit as he realizes that Alex wasn't sure of this.

"I'm proud of everything you do," Henry says softly, pressing a kiss to Alex's forehead. "I'm proud of your work ethic, and your drive to make things better. I'm proud of you when you ask for help, and when you give yourself a break, and when you put your life on hold to help people you care about, and when you're able to say no to people because you need to do something for yourself. I am always, always proud of you and the good things you do."

"Really?"

"Really. You don't need to be anything more than who you are and want to be. I'm proud of you, and I love you, and you're enough for me, no matter what."

Alex's phone buzzes from somewhere between them, but Alex ignores it to close his eyes, resting his forehead on Henry's collarbone.

"I'm proud of you. Not the things you've done, not the bits and pieces that you let everyone see. You, fully and completely. You're more than enough to make me happy forever," Henry says softly. Alex takes one deep breath, then another. Henry keeps him close, rubbing gentle circles into his back as Alex slowly accepts the compliment.

"I... I think I needed to hear that. I've been... if I tell you something, will you promise not to be mad or take that back?"

Henry nods, and into his chest, Alex says, "I've been working on study guides and essays from my phone while you sleep. Just for the past few days, but I... I wanted to be able to work, but I didn't want you to worry, so I... I waited for you to fall asleep, and then I'd stay here but work on things until I was too tired to think anymore. I'm sorry I lied. And... and that I pushed too hard. I didn't... it wasn't the plan, it just happened, I guess. I'm sorry. I'll stop."

"It's alright. I mean, it's not... I wish you hadn't, but I'm glad you told me, and I'd like to help you look after yourself. If you need to stay up later to work, you can tell me. If we need to skip a cooking lesson or a dog walk or anything, just say the word, and we'll skip it. I'm proud of how much you want to do well, and I'm proud of you for letting me know you're pushing yourself a bit too much. Could I help with the school stuff at all? Maybe I could quiz you, or grade a multiple choice section of some of the tests if the professor doesn't mind?"

"I... I think the quizzing would be good when I have a study guide. And for grading, I... I'll talk to the professor." Alex doesn't move, so Henry presses a kiss to the top of his head and says, "I love you. And I'm proud of you, I really, really am. You're more than I could have ever dreamed of, and more than enough for me."

Alex's phone buzzes again, and Henry fishes it out from between them by the charging cord, reaching over Alex to set it on the end table, switching it to do not disturb. When both his arms are back around his boyfriend, Alex cuddles in closer. He's snoring softly into Henry's chest within moments.

He's beautiful. Knowing what the days before this have been hurt Henry's heart, knowing that Alex has been so exhausted and that Henry hadn't been able to convince him to look after himself. But this Alex, the one who's finally resting, is beautiful. So Henry holds him close, and he kisses the top of Alex's head, and he swears to anyone who might listen that he's going to look after Alex. He's going to make sure Alex knows that he's proud of and supports him no matter how he does in his classes or internship or anything else. And, from now until the end of time, Henry swears that Alex will know exactly how overwhelmingly, unendingly loved he is.

On AO3

Notes:

Me? Writing something to process the terror of graduating from college when all your options are shut down by a pandemic? Never.

-

Want to support the Hannah-Makes-Art fund? You can tip me in ko-fi here!

[cosmiclatte28]

Stunned Sunday (bro Jae x you)

Warning : not an incest! Just a brother  sister imagine... based on my true story.. 

Check it out 😥

“Honey, I’m back! Fresh hot bagel with cheese and turkey and one bottle of apple juice!” Jaehyun greets you from the door.

“Yay! I am also finishing up…” your eyes are still focused on your laptop.

“Finalizing?” Jaehyun drops the food carefully on the table beside your laptop.

You nod, “Yep… I am tired of editing this over and over again! This Honors College essay is already in my laptop for one month! Gotta submit them soon and finally get rid of it from my head.”

“Cool, I remember doing that too in my first year and things were a lot messier, since I procrastinated until one week prior to deadline.” Jaehyun sits on the chair across you.

You finish correcting your essays, reading it one last time, before finally opening up the website to apply.

The page is loading, and you glance to your brother “Wish me luck!”

Jaehyun just reaches his hand out to ruffle your hair, “Good luck!”

You shift your eyes back to the screen just to frown and quickly scroll down the pages. You check the website, re-check the essay requirements and your face turns white.

“Shit-“ you mutter under your breathe.

Quickly you check your email and open the invitation link, just to find the same page displayed before you.

“Jae… it’s different! I swear… you saw it right with me… the requirement last month was about “progress is important than perfection” but now.. now it’s totally different Jae! And look! The other question I must answer are also new.” You raise your voice and Jaehyun quickly rush to your side.

He checks the page and his face shows confusion to.

“Oh no.. I guess the one you were working on was for this year?? The theme for next year is this…” Jaehyun takes over your laptop and goes to check the other pages too.

Your mind goes to blank. You really want to slam your head to the counter now, thinking that what you’ve worked hard for in the last month is futile. Now you need to re-do all the process, think of a new idea, and write it down, edit it and submit them by midnight 1 November.

You glance to the calendar, noting that there are exactly 27 days for you to work before submitting the application.

“Hey look, I know this suck… But I’m here with you okay…Here let me see,” Jaehyun sees you almost falling down from the chair. As a brother, he needs to take care of you and that is exactly what he is doing right now.

Jaehyun runs his mouse to the files, reading through your previous writing and he quickly matches them to the new questions.

“Look, calm down…” he helps you breathe deep and calmer, since you’re starting to panic.

“Here (y/n), this part is suitable to answer this question, while I guess the one where you talk about social work can be placed in this area.” Jaehyun pushes you your laptop back and guides your hands to the keyboard and mouse pad.

You know the drill; he wants you to still be the one doing this. So, with a hazed mind, you copy and paste the new questions and put in slices of your previous work to it.

“Look you answered four questions out of five, and we only need to work on the main essay. The one that will define your acceptance rate. You drink the apple juice down and with tears coming out from your eyes, you continue to choose which part can be re-used.

You’re not crying, not even sobbing. You’re laughing when Jae cracks a joke here and there, but your eyes water and the streams fall down.

“Jae, you see these tears???Why am I giving out tears when I am not crying, Like I am still laughing and doing the things here… why?” You wonder as you wipe the tears off.

Jaehyun pats your back and rubs a soothing hand “It’s okay I know you’re not crying… It’s your emotion. That’s natural…  See I know you’re a strong girl. You’re creative and you can overcome this It’s not your fault!” your brother tries to calm you down and comfort you.

You melt into his embrace and you let out a long huff of air, “I thought this is the end, turns out I have to do this again!”

Jaehyun smoothens your hair and plants a kiss on your crown of hairs, “Hey the good thing is you figured this out sooner… what if you just know this the day before?!”

You smile, “If this happens the night before, guess I’ll give up.”

Jaehyun pushes you away from his body and holds your shoulder firm, he looks into your eyes deeply and with fierce, “No honey. I know you. You’ll probably cry and yell in frustration, but I know you will quickly see how many times is left and you will twist your brain to find a way to answer the essay. Then once you get the answer, you will write it down smooth like a river flow and then when I said something, you’ll probably yell at me.” Jaehyun laughs at his own answer and you too laugh.

You punch him playfully on his chest, “Well yeah that is true. I will most likely finish it, but I don’t know how messy the room will be, or how much your ear and heart hurts from my yelling and stressed words and curses maybe.”

Jaehyun hugs you one more time, “Hey we don’t have to start now okay. You can relax a while today and then when you’re calm you will find your answer. That’s when you will start writing and now let’s enjoy the weekend.” He squishes you a comforting hug and wipes the flowing tears away from your cheek.

“I say we eat bagels and watch Netflix? Or you want to play Among Us?” Jaehyun takes over your files, saves them and shuts your laptop off.

You chug your apple juice down and push a smile after feeling better. Jae is right, in this panic mode you have, you won’t be able to think of anything and now you need to relax.

Jaehyun pinches your cheek, “Now that is my sis I know! Come, don’t think of it… I’ll help you later. But now Mark has created a room and let us play among us!”

You grab your phone and bagel then quickly rush to the good spot on the sofa.

“HURRY JAE!! THE ROOM IS FILLING UP.. GOSSHHH”

Jaehyun smiles and props beside you, his heart is a bit happier now seeing you’re not so down anymore.

THE END. 

BASED ON A REAL STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS MORNING ☹ just that I have a sister, not a brother like Jaehyun .. 😭😭😭 To anyone dealing with problems and tests, You can do this! We can do this! Himnaseyo!!! Cheer up! Have a nice week end ✨🙌🎉💖

[blisslilywrites]

Hi! Can I ask fluff about Kirisaki Daichi? Their girl doesn't sleep for several nights because of a school project. Please.

A/N: Hii, sorry this took so long 😅it was actually a little difficult to write too cuz we aren’t really familiar with the kirisaki daiichi boys BUT we tried so we hope you like it UwU

HANAMIYA MAKOTO

You stretched in your seat, letting a yawn escape you. 24 hours until the due date. You groaned as you looked at your laptop. This research project was a disaster and you knew it. But you’ve spent the last few nights working on it, so you couldn’t exactly give up now.

Your boyfriend had offered you some help when you first told him about the project. 

“I just so happen to be an expert at [subject name]”

You refused though. You wanted to finish this project and prove to him you were good enough to do it on your own.

“Just let me help you y/n.” 

“No, it’s fine,” you protested with a yawn. “I’m almost done anyway.”

“Yeah almost done being alive.”

You stifled a yawn and blinked at your computer screen before yawning yet again.

Hanamiya sighed. It was honestly cute to see you try so hard. It stopped being cute when you looked like you were going to collapse from exhaustion. 

Deciding he wasn’t just gonna sit back anymore, he took a blanket from the bed and walked over to you. 

“Mako-chan? What--” before you could finish, he wrapped the blanket around your body.

You protested but could slowly feel your body lean into the warmth and comfort of the blanket. Your eyes snapped shut and you drifted off as Hanamiya picked you up off the chair you were in and carried you to the bed. He gently set you down and gave you a soft smile, one he'd never admit to giving. 

“Don't overwork yourself again, OK?” he mumbled, patting your hair. 

HARA KAZUYA

As every second passed by, you felt somnolence slowly conquering you. You felt lifeless as you forced your eyes wide awake but your body tells otherwise. Beside you in your work station was Kazuya who had just finished the boss battle of a super mario video game, seeing your boyfriend in a carefree state made you feel envious, more stressed and insulted for an unknown reason. You wanted to cry, but your eyes were too tired to even comprehend your surroundings. 

"Okay, 10 down. 15 more." You let out an exhausted sigh. 

"Y/N," You heard Kazuya calling you, but you couldn't just get your attention off your work. You had been working for 8 hours straight, and Hara had called you many times but you just couldn't risk your time for a "meaningless" conversation. 

You heard a sound of applause, knowing that your boyfriend had already defeated another boss level. With him who was finished with his game, went to your side. 

"Y/N, you're already too tired. You should rest." He advised, yet you ignored. 

"Heyyy, let's sleep first. It's bad for your health." You maintained your silence. 

"Y/N, please." And for the last time you just wished he would shut up. You slammed your palm against the lumbers of your work station, turned to him with wobbly eyes and well, cracked. 

"It's easy for you to say! Well, I wish I could also defeat the final level of this project. You were just playing there being carefree while me?! I just want to pass, that's all. So please Kazuya.. just.. just.." Your face shimmered with tears rolling down your cheeks. Your voice desired one thing: to get your project over with. You wiped your tears away with shaky hands whilst your tears kept on flowing.

Hara didn't reply. In fact, he turned and walked away then you heard the sound of a door being shut.

You ate your tears and enervation and continued to do your work.

Hara didn't do anything wrong. In fact, he never did. 

Five minutes had passed and you barely progressed. But also within five minutes, Hara came back. He took a seat then placed it next to you with your work station. He brought your favorite food, his own laptop and a pillow neck. 

"Y/N.. so I'm sorry for earlier.. I know you are stressed and all but your assignment would lose its point if you die. So please, tell me anything you need to do and I'll help."

FURUHASHI KOJIRO

You were sitting in bed next to your boyfriend. A pencil in hand, a notebook on your lap, and a pile of papers scattered around you. It wasn’t exactly your fault your teacher decided to make your week hell by giving you a nearly impossible assignment to complete by Friday. You were extremely annoyed and upset and angry and mad and tired and sleepy.

You shook your head in an attempt to drive the sleepiness away.

“Y/n. Why can’t you forget about your homework and go to sleep?”

“Koji, it’s not just some homework. It’s a quarterly project that’s not supposed to be this hard,” you groaned.

He gave you a small look. You knew what he was trying to say though. And you’re just gonna work yourself to the brink of death over some project?

“Look I need to pass this class ok? So just let me work on this for a few more hours.”

You weren’t sure if you could last a few more hours though. Your eyelids have been heavy all day, and you’ve been yawning non-stop.

Guess there’s no choice but to muscle through, you thought to yourself.

At that moment, you felt his arms wrap around your waist, softly pulling you towards him.

“Y/n”

“I told you just let me work on this for a bit more,” you protested, trying to sound angry.

“We both know you’re not gonna last, so do yourself a favor and get some rest for now. You can continue it in the morning.”

He pulled you closer.

You tried to find an excuse to stay up but your brain was beyond exhausted.

“Ok,” you replied softly.

With that, he wrapped his arms fully around you and hugged you tight to his chest. You fell asleep within minutes. Once he made sure you were asleep, he quietly cleaned up and organized all your work before climbing back into bed with you.

SETO KENTARO

Seto Kentaro always liked your intelligence and the stubbornness that came with it. However, he wasn't liking it very much now when he came over to your house in the morning to find you buried in a pile of papers and notebooks. You had bags under your eyes and a huge thermos of coffee beside you. In all honesty, he could only sit and stare at you in disbelief.

‘No, you did not just spend the entire night working on that stupid project,’ he thought to himself.

“Y/N?”

“Huh? Ken-chan?” you said in a soft voice. You could barely keep your eyes open. “What time is it?”

He let out a deep sigh.

“It's time for you to go to sleep babe.”

“But...I’m not yet done,” you protested weakly. 

“Then I’ll finish it for you.”

“But--”

He lifted you up from the chair and carried a protesting-you over to the bed.

“But what? You already wrote out everything in your notebook right? I just have to type it up for you that’s all.”

He plopped you down and you looked at him with tired eyes.

“I won’t even change that terrible grammar of yours,” he added with a wink.

“Excuse me?”

“Look here, you’re extremely tired and I know how much your studies mean to you. So here I am telling you to shut up and go sleep while I help you finish it. Don’t look at me like that, I’m actually a really nice and helpful guy.”

You snickered. “Yeah right. Go tell that to the guys you play basketball against.”

“Are you gonna accept my help or not?” he said with a serious face.

You sighed in defeat, fatigue and exhaustion slowly taking over your body.

“Thank you Ken-chan,” you muttered, pulling the blanket over your body.

He let out a small smile.

“Goodnight y/n”

YAMAZAKI HIROSHI

You slapped yourself awake for the millionth time. It was well past midnight but you still had a lot to do. That essay wasn’t going to write itself and you weren’t resting until it was finished.

But I guess it's fine if I just close my eyes for one second…

SLAP. Nope I gotta finish this. Just a few paragraphs left.

You stared at your notes thoughtlessly and took another sip of coffee before starting to type. The bedroom door creaked open and you heard the soft footsteps of your boyfriend walking in.

“Still not done?”

You shook your head and continued typing.

What felt like an eternity had passed and you had finished about three-quarters of the paper.

“Y/n,” Yamazaki said in a soft voice.

You hadn’t really been paying much attention to your surroundings and was a little startled by him. You turned around to look at him and saw him holding out a metal flask towards you.

“Some more coffee.”

When he saw the confusion on your face, he added, “This one’s pretty strong. It should keep you up until morning.”

You took it from him with a small smile and quickly went back to work.

After a few more hours, you finally finished it, submitted it, and crawled into bed to get whatever little sleep you could before school started.

When you woke up you realized two things. First, your boyfriend had already left. Second, you were extremely late for school.

You quickly got ready and rushed to school.

In between one of your classes, you ran into Yamazaki in the hallway.

“Hiro-chan, thanks for that coffee last night, but you know, you didn’t have to stay up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I took that class last year so you could say I’ve been through it too...” You could tell he was trying his best to play it off cool. But instead of saying anything, you just gave him a big smile and a quick peck on the cheek before running off to your next class.

MATSUMOTO ITSUKI

The sun had already set when you and Matsumoto left the library. It had been one long afternoon of tedious researching, but now you were confident that you could finish the assignment by tomorrow.

“Y/N, it's getting a little late. Wanna grab something to eat before we go home?” 

“Hmm sure,” you replied absentmindedly, too focused on the notes on your phone.

Once you two were finished eating and arrived home, you immediately went back to work putting your 100% into finishing this assignment. 

About a few hours later, you realized you had left your bag with a lot of important information in the library. You started panicking slightly. There was still so much to do. You couldn't afford to waste time by going all the way back to the library.

Some things can't be helped I guess…

You quickly grabbed a coat and rushed to the front door. Before you reached it though, you felt a strong hand grab your arm.

“Woah y/n, where are you going?”

“The library. I left my bag there and I really need it…”

“Oh, well it's not safe for you to go alone. I'll go with you.”

“OK…” you said hesitantly.

“What? Is there something wrong?” he asked with concerned eyes.

“No, it's just that I still have a lot left to finish and I'm not sure if I can make it through tonight that's all,” you answered softly.

Truth is this assignment has drained you both physically and mentally. At this point, you weren't sure how much longer you would last.

Matsumoto suddenly engulfed you in a tight hug.

“Y/N, if you're feeling too stressed you can just go to sleep. I'll go talk to your teacher tomorrow. Maybe ask if you could submit it later instead.”

You smiled at his words. He really was too sweet. Knowing how much he cared kind of re-lit that drive to finish this project.

“It's fine Tsuki-chan. You don't have to do that for me. I'll finish it.”

He looked at you skeptically. “Then I'll go get your bag and you stay here and continue whatever part of the project you can. Is that OK?”

Your tired eyes met his and you gave him a small smile and a nod.

“Thank you, Tsuki-chan.”

[lannee]

even my phone misses your call (by the way) - part 1

jo yeong x koo seo ryeong fanfic

AO3: link

_

It’s only 9:30 and the Prime Minister is already on the verge to implode.

If she has to endure another unnecessarily stupid conversation with the men existed within 10m of her seat, she might truly lose it. So she shuts them up, and walks towards the door. She can hear it vividly in the air, through the look in their eyes, “What a cocky brat, leaving again in the middle of an important meeting, with so many elite people twice her age”. As if she actually cares, as if she has the time to ponder over whatever nasty things they think of her.

She gave up doing that years ago. Koo Seo Ryeong did not crawl her way out of a fish market and become the youngest female Prime Minister of Corea to put up with some 60 year old men’s bullshit. So of course she leaves, whispering death threats to Secretary Kim for not doing his job properly and forcing her to attend another useless meeting that can just be a goddamn report on her table.

Back to the office, she walks straight to her private balcony after taking out a pack of cigarettes she secretly keeps in the room. Seo Ryeong is not a regular smoker, not silly enough to sustain an addictive habit that can damage her impeccable skin. But here she is, stressed out of her mind, holding the lighter so very close she can almost feel the nicotine coming in like waves. Then out of nowhere, she thinks of him.

She thinks of 20 year old Jo Yeong, to be exact. Standing in front of her under the heavy July rain while carefully taking the cigarette out of her soft lips. Jo Yeong with his navy umbrella. Always managed to find her at her worst, always be there next to her without saying anything because words were usually wasted when you talked to Koo Seo Ryeong.

God, he really ruins cigarettes for her. She throws the whole pack into the trash bin along with the one on her lips.

She hates him so much, it almost makes her want to see him just to say that to his face.

But they do not do things like that anymore.

_

When Yeong passed the entrance exam of Corea National University, Seo Ryeong was books deep into her Master degree in Political Science and International Relations. He instantly became popular in the campus for being the King’s closest friend, with rumors about him floating around every lecture that she attended. She studied with Lee Gon for years and never met him or his friends outside, but whenever they talked he always mentioned Yeong’s name and stories about what they did together in the palace.

She listened tentatively to everything he said not because she had a huge crush on him and wanted to be his Queen, as every jealous fangirl in the campus always thought of her, but because she needed to know every deep dark secret of the King of Corea. She knew it would tremendously help her career as a politician in the future. That was the reason why she followed him around like an innocent puppy, the pretty girl with a lovely figure who came from the dirty market and scored the highest grade on the insanely difficult entrance exam. She beat out Gon fair and square, sometimes late at night she even dreamed about taking the throne of his to herself. If people knew about her thoughts, they would laugh at her and spit on her face but frankly, she thought if she wanted it enough, she could be the Queen of Corea. With or without Gon by her side.

When Gon introduced Yeong to her for the first time, she could not read his face at all. She was used to be so good at knowing people after the first meeting, but Yeong stirred her curiosity and she felt strangely intrigued by him. Maybe it was because he did not talk much, he had an incredibly calm expression and most of the times he only looked at Gon. He acted like a well-trained bodyguard around the King, which she found quite hilarious. Gon already had an army walking around him every step, and with Yeong by his side it felt even impossible to her how she could still hang out with them so casually. She and Gon both knew they worked perfectly together as a team. Even when they had zero interest in each other romantically, she earned her place to be by his side and let’s be honest, he would never pass any group project without her insights and intelligence. It took Yeong a while to understand this, he was always careful and silent when she was around. She could feel him trying to crack her facade, as if he was able to see through her 10 year plan of becoming the Prime Minister of Corea.

He did not trust her, and it annoyed her how she cared about that more than she thought.

-

It started out with Seo Ryeong simply wanting to earn Yeong’s approval. She tried to ask him personal questions, which he only gave out vague answers that did not satisfy her at all. They even went together to a few field trips exclusively for the university’s top students, and girls followed him around all day hopelessly asking for his phone number. Sometimes he intentionally tried to find Seo Ryeong and asked her to go out for a walk in order to escape their horny fellow students. Everybody seemed to be intimidated whenever they saw her. She made fun of him every single time, “How desperate you are to come to me for help”. Gon never went with them on those trips due to security reasons, obviously. It surprised her how much she enjoyed having Yeong all for herself. He bought her food after their walk and one time somehow they ended up drinking beer together in Gyeongju. He told her about his family, mostly to subdue the awkwardness between them, and even asked her about things she never cared to share with anyone. They were both not a fan of getting deep and personal, their stories ended quickly and strangely left her longing for more. She did not know how to talk to him without sounding premeditated. Only with him did she feel like maybe she was not good enough. Maybe she needed to live life differently, to drop the act and let him see all of her calculations.

That was when she unknowingly started flirting with him a bit. She tried that with Gon years ago until they both realized the true intention of being in each other’s life. Then she did it with Yeong because there seemed to be no other way to get closer to him, she was kind of impatient and definitely not herself. She started drinking a lot around that time because of all the essays she had to write, relationships with important people she had to maintain while staying alert around Yeong and waiting for him to be under her control.

A week before she submitted her final thesis, she did the most stupidly cliche thing ever, and that was drunk calling Jo Yeong while she was out drinking alone. She was fed up with reading and writing and living alone in the city. Most nights she could not sleep peacefully and had no idea when the last time she ate a proper meal. So she drove to the closest bar she could find and drank half a bottle of expensive whiskey which would cost a lot of the money that she made working part time. She counted in her head how many days were left before she could stop with the pretentious studying and actually start working on her long overdue plans. Five glasses led to nine, then some guys came over offering to buy her drinks. She remembered being sober enough to drop mean words and scare most of them away. One guy stuck around for so long and was shamelessly insistent about bringing her home, she had to pull the boyfriend-coming-here-very-soon card. She knew she was completely intoxicated when she pressed his name on her phone. There was no way she would come out of the bar safely if she didn’t call someone she could trust.

“Noona, it’s 2 AM. What’s going on?”, he picked up after a few seconds and said boringly. Like he was about to fall asleep but she appeared out of nowhere and prevented that from happening.

She chuckled, regretting whatever she was doing in the back of her mind, “I don’t know, why don’t you come here and find out?”

“And where are you exactly?”, he signed.

She told him the address, and imagined him wondering why he even answered her call. She was so drunk, the thought of him not coming at all actually scared her. The guy next to Seo Ryeong kept on persuading her to go with him, to leave her fictitious boyfriend behind and stop acting hard to get. She laughed in disgust without batting an eye and continued drinking. The funny thing was none of the guys dared to touch her for too long, she guessed she had that kind of power. Time passed slowly and she was convinced Yeong did not care enough to drive all the way here from the palace to deal with someone he never really trusted. So when he called out her name from behind, she almost fell from the stool where she was sitting. Then everything suddenly happened too quick, too fast.

Yeong held her upright, one hand caressing her face, the other tugging her messy hair behind her ears. He asked for the bill and paid for it. She leaned her head on his chest during the whole card transaction, when he had to sign the bill his arms surrounded her. He was wearing a black linen shirt and dark jeans. Did he always smell this good? She buried her face in his neck absentmindedly and inhaled his scent. She could feel Yeong stopped abruptly in the middle of asking the bartender about something related to her drunken state. He wanted to know if she was alone the whole time, and she kind of imagined him not wanting any guy near her. Then he carried her out the front door, the early summer heat was suffocating and she told him she wanted to lie down somewhere. He quickly put her on the passenger seat of his car and she tugged on his shirt to pull him closer while he was trying to secure the seatbelt.

Seo Ryeong woke up in the morning with the worst headache ever. Her room smelled faintly of vomit. She panicked for exactly 10 seconds while everything from the night before flashing through her mind. She did not remember anything at all after entering Yeong’s car. She still wore the same clothes from last night, covered by her warm blanket. Her room seemed pretty clean, maybe he helped her to the bathroom before she made a mess of herself... For the first time in her life, she wanted to end her existence right there. While trying to grab the phone she saw a bottle of hangover cure on her bedside table. There was a text from him, sent 2 hours ago, “Drink it, cook some soup, text me when you’re awake.”

Could a heart ever get swollen? Because it felt like hers kind of did. She prayed to all the Gods above she did not say anything stupid to him during the drive home.

.

.

.

it’s been awhile since i wrote a fanfic. i didn’t know i needed to write a fanfic for these 2 incredible characters until i read this by @rain-hat​ - thank you for inspiring me dear. writing this is fun because i kind of know they’ll never be canon lmao. so i just went wild with my imagination. i’ll post part 2 maybe this weekend after the new episodes come out. hopefully there will be some scenes of them together. i literally only watch Eun Chae and Do Hwan’s scenes and skip the rest of this drama. please tell me i’m not the only one! 

title is from From the dining table - my fav song by Harry <3

hope you enjoy this!

[televinita]

I just got an offer to be a Team Leader at the seasonal test-scoring place. I have about an hour left to accept it, so I’m going to, but it’s the worst idea ever.

See, when I agreed in 2019 that I was interested in being a TL, I was flying high on being awesome at one of the 4-week-maximum night projects I do every year, and thought, I could absolutely lead people on this. I was already helping my seatmates with questions from time to time. I was freaked out by training in 2020, but I never had to be one due to COVID ending things. That should have been a sign -- “look, you got one last SUPER SERENDIPITOUS CHANCE not to do this!” -- but I accepted the training again this year, forgetting the crucial difference until it was too late that since I lost my regular job, I was gonna switch to days this year. See, night crew are cool. Super casual. Been hanging’ w/ them for almost 10 years. Day people are VERY BUSINESSLIKE and scary. Just being a scorer on day shift would have been overwhelming enough.

But the TL position I just got is HELLA scary in so many different HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM QUALIFIED FOR THIS ways:

1) It’s onsite. They were doing work from home at the beginning of the year; I did some last fall and I did training that way and they had a whole damn good system for working from home; not as good as being onsite, but DEFINITELY something they should have kept up until vaccines open to gen. pop. And this is actually the least scary thing, even though it really sucks because UGH I was looking forward to not having to wake up until 7:45 at the earliest, being able to eat and drink coffee with impunity while working, and having my husband-who-also-works-from-home reassure me with hugs regularly. Now comes why I’m unqualified:

2) Each state has a slightly different standard system for awarding points, before you get into the specific rules for each test. I’ve never scored this state.

3) It’s a writing test. Writing tests are the hardest to score, at least for me, because you have to grade them on two different scales and submit two scores (content/organization of ideas + mechanics/grammar). And I haven’t done one since 2017.

4) It’s for 8.5 weeks. I DON’T THINK I SHOULD TRY BEING A TEAM LEADER FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME ON THE LONGEST POSSIBLE PROJECT, since if i suck and bomb out it’s what you might call super hard or impossible to replace me, with the result that either I stay and keep doing mediocre work, or everyone else has to work really hard to pick up the stressful addition of having 25% more people to be responsible for.

5) This is on top of doing it for 7-8 hours a day instead of 4. And unlike night shift, I’m pretty sure you don’t get to leave 15 minutes early (with pay) on Fridays.

Literally only two things work in my favor here:

A. It’s third grade -- at least to start... -- and I have done an elementary-age writing project before, so at the very least the items are not as godawfully intimidating as high school or even middle-school essays. They’re usually a paragraph and never over one (handwritten) page.

B. The email said to respond by March 10th because “if you are not able to work we still need time to hire someone in your place,” but I got it on March 11th, so I suspect -- and need to believe, generally -- that I am a second-string pick. If they’re desperate, I am definitely good enough to be a back-up candidate.

So I’m gonna do it. Because money. But I am so absolutely petrified to be a team leader, you have no idea. My mom says I’m good at explaining things, and I think I am, but I am NOT good at confronting people if they have issues (a large part of training was about how to warn people if they’re late, gone from the room too much, being distracting, not wearing their mask correctly, etc).

And I’m not great at scoring fast, because one stupid essential part of this job is that you’re STILL DOING WHAT YOU DID AS A TEST SCORER (you are a “third check” for 10% of the papers, a final authority to help ensure they’re scored right), but also doing all these supervisory things. I have no idea how I’m going to be able to do all this while also analyzing the sample papers I get from the scorers to see where people are having patterns of scoring things differently from other people so that I can see what they might be misinterpreting. It’s like, PICK ONE. I can do one or maybe two of these supervisory roles well, but not all of them at once.

And the thing that terrifies me most about  being a TL is that other TLs have said they like the job because they “never get bored” and they’re always doing something different. That is EXACTLY what I do NOT want in a job. Being specific places at specific times and sometimes interacting with people is hard enough; I don’t need constant challenges; I’m not a damn Border Collie!

I like a job that is super routine, sometimes boring, and the best thing about this job has always been that I get a lot of time to read while other people are finishing training quizzes, servers are down, on break, etc. I’m pretty sure TLs never get time to read, except maybe at lunch. A lot of them even work through breaks because they need to catch up on scoring papers or doing other stuff they didn’t have time to do while they were popping up to answer questions from readers -- oh yeah, that’s yet another aspect.

I am so effing screwed. My sole relief is that at least it will end, and if I try it once, I never have to do it again.

[dmitri-smerdyakov]

the reason people are “harassing” you this time around is because everyone has slowly become aware that this wasn’t a one time thing. it’s happened so many times before, especially since the beginning of the year. i’ve stayed out of all of the drama and preferably just watched as it all played out, but people are frustrated because they all feel like it’s just for attention- which, not attacking you, but it seems like it is.

No offence, but why did you feel the need to message me this? And this isn’t exactly “staying out of the drama” or “not attacking”. 

SO THIS IS AT ALL MY FOLLOWERS BUT ESPECIALLY ANY HATERS

Look, there’s been a lot going on - and the reason Sunday night went as bad as it did was because I had a bad weekend, and things in my real life have been shitty as fuck. I haven’t spoken about HALF of the shite going on, but I’ll do it now since apparently I need to explain why I had a meltdown.

The Katherine/Instagram incident was only the tip of the iceberg - and underneath it was a lot of real life stuff involving work, family, and university stress. Below the cut is a better explanation, but if you read it don’t come crying to me about triggering because I’m warning you now that I talk about my depression. I’m not going into explicit detail regarding the relapse side of things, but I do mention relapse and depression.

First of all, my final university essay was due last Thursday night; I got ZERO sleep over last week because I stressed out about it. And then, when I thought I had finished it and gotten it down, it turned out I submitted the wrong document and accidentally submitted an application to be student ambassador from sixth form three/four years ago. I didn’t realize until Sunday, when I checked my uni emails and full-out panicked/hated myself for being so stupid.

You Marvel fans will know Infinity War just released; I was only supposed to work the Saturday, but got saddled covering for someone I don’t like on the Friday evening too. Safe to say, I hate cinema goers, especially those who bring young children/parties of children/complain about every tiny thing/leave fuck tons of mess. “My milkshake isn’t thick enough” - dude, I didn’t make it, I just showed you to your seat. “Your popcorn tastes disgusting” - again, not my problem, that’s the managers’ fault because they haven’t bothered to fix the popcorn machine and we’re using old pre-made popcorn. Don’t even get me started on the amount of popcorn I had to sweep up.

Speaking of my cinema job, I’ll be talking about that in a separate post but long story short: the managers are cunts. Really. Long story short, I won’t be remaining there much longer.

I’ve been preparing to intern for MuggleNet, which isn’t too stressful but still, it’s something that’s really important to me because it’s something related to a fandom I love. So I want to do an amazing job for them.

Money problems - related to job because my work/managers are dicks who cancelled half my shifts because the less people they have to pay, the bigger bonus they get. So I’ve had to struggle to pay bills/travel expenses so I can go to therapy.

Oh, yeah, to everyone saying “you need to get help”, “get some therapy” etc. I AM. STOP MESSAGING ME THIS. I have a counselor, and I’m scheduled to go to CBT every week too. So I AM at least trying to get better, please stop acting like I’m not.

Have I mentioned that my parents keep threatening to throw me out? Just because I don’t feel comfortable talking to them, and they act like that means I’m a trouble child; not a week goes by where they don’t express their disappointment in me for going to uni instead of getting a full-time job.

Fanfiction - notice how I haven’t posted any fanfiction lately? Except for my Daniels and Walter one? I’ve been trying but I’ve been so tired and unable to break through my writers block that I can’t think of anything, and I feel so guilty for it.

Honestly? I’m still really upset about my nan dying last summer. Before anyone says “oh that was ages ago get over it”, DON’T. I spent most of my life with my nan, she was there the day I was born, she babysat me every week for eighteen and a half years until she got sick, she was the person I spoke to when I felt upset or angry, and she was literally the most generous and loving person I’ve ever met. Her being gone has left a massive hole in my life that nothing can heal - let me grieve her, I’m allowed to still be devastated over losing her.

What happened on Sunday happened because of people hacking someone else and invading her privacy - and those two people were people I spoke to regularly. I was already angry with both of them because they were messaging me and blaming each other all day, and I was sick of it. Yes, my reaction - i.e. relapsing and being an emotional mess - was a bit too much, I dealt with it the wrong way and shouldn’t have did the things I did/said the things I said. I fully admit that, and it was a blip.

My mental health issues aren’t an excuse for it, I know, but things have been difficult and I’m working on getting better. 

Like I said, I’m going to talk about the cinema/job thing in another post since that’s what’s been causing me to feel low, but for now I’m going to leave this post here since I’m currently training on skype for the internship.

[story-t1me]

History paper

FINALS WEEK. The most stressful part of the semester. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, my hair’s falling off and my breath smells like coffee. Things can’t get any worse right? WRONG.

Here’s the story of my final paper submition.

My wonderful teacher decided it’d be a great idea to have the final and the research paper submition due date on the same day. Me being the wonderful procrastinator I am, ofcourse had to leave it to the damn last minute. My sister offered to help me and out of desperation I agreed. Note that I’d never had anyone do my papers for me before. She wrote like 70% of it but unstructured and not cited. Basically it was a hectic mess, but a 7 page long sophisticated mess. All i had to do was fix the citations and print it. After 5 long nights with barely any sleep, i did my final and rushed home to get started on this damned paper.

TO MY SURPRISE. My laptop decides to update (it takes a full day). No problem, let’s just work on another laptop. The first turned out to be broken. The seccond was out of battery and the charger wasn’t at home. Great, just great. I figured i could head to a local library and use the computers available there. So I do that, but it’s finals week, there aren’t any available. The place is packed. I looked around frusturated and I noticed there’s a laptop left on a desk with no one next to it. I walked towards it (not looking suspicious at all) and to my surprise it was unlocked. I quickly grabed a usb out of my bag and logged onto my email. All i wanted to do was get to my file. Suddenly, i notice some guy looking at me. “I’m screwed” i thought to myself but continued trying to find my file in my inbox. Here I am feeling like a secret agent deducting confidential information from my enemies when he walks up to me. I immediately appologize and explain my whole situation to him. He was surpisingly very nice and even let me edit the folder on his laptop and helped me fix my footnotes. I guess humans really do come together in times of need. I thank him and go on my way, satisfied of my work, ready to print.

I get to a print store releived that for once I finished an assignement 4 hours early. The file got corrupted. I couldn’t even open it. MY FRIENDS THIS IS WHY YOU MUST EJECT YOUR USBS, I REPEAT, EJECT THE USBS.

I rushed back to the library, hoping the nice guy was still there and hadnt deleted the file but he was long gone. Went back to the printing store to ask of there really wasnt any way the file could be fixed. I started pannicking and the guy in the store felt so bad for me that he let me work on one of the desktops that he had. Another hour passed, i finally finished my paper (for the seccond time) and now it’s time to email it to the professor and deliver the the hard copy to her office.

I logged on to my email, but it didn’t take the passwod so I refreshed. Once. Twice. Three times. What’s wrong with it? I just signed on to the nice dudes laptop. That’s when it hit me. I forgot to logg out. FOR FUCKS SAKE. And i thought he was a good person. I contacted my uni and they took forever to cooperate but eventually i managed to reset my email. How much time till the due date you might ask? 13 min. I quickly sent the email but how on earth was I gona make it to her office in time? Campus was a solid 25 min away.

Out of NOWHERE I get a call from my friend who’s asking me abt citations. To my luck she’s on campus and is willing to print my 10 long paper essay. I finally relax and go home. It didn’t hit me until after i ended the call with her that she the paper had to be in APA and i did MLA.

Oh well, screw it. I’m in summer now.

[taetaesource]

Out of the Ordinary

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 

You won a lucky draw chance to meet BTS backstage and got to know Min Yoongi. 

As BTS was growing bigger and bigger, Yoongi's burdens seemed to get heavier and heavier. BTS moved dorms, took on more endorsement contracts, upgraded their studios and Yoongi got a much bigger studio with the freedom to decorate or put whatever he wanted in there. He was getting more responsibilities at work. He would usually only be in charge of writing songs after songs and producing a few of them. Most of the work was done by the older and more experienced song producers and writers of the company. The rappers of BTS were only contributors to a small part, mainly coming up with beats or the hooks of the song, the bulk of the production came from the backend team. But after hyyh proved to be a huge success, the company allowed Namjoon and Yoongi to take charge of more production. WINGS was the album that Namjoon and Yoongi poured their hearts into. You knew the efforts that were taken to produce this album and the scepticism Yoongi had towards it. Yoongi was not as involved as Namjoon as he was working on his mixtape at that time, but he was definitely stressed out over the two projects.

The number of sleepless nights, long discussions and quarrels with Namjoon, wrestling back and forth between the different drafts, this album deserved to be a hit. When Yoongi was working hard to prove his worth through his mixtape and album, you were working hard on your final year thesis. You had countless of sleepless nights as well, flipping through pages after pages, academic journals after academic journals, researching and fitting everything into coherent chapters of essays. While Yoongi went back and forth between Namjoon and the senior producers, you were constantly going back and forth your professors' offices.

Dates with Yoongi was no longer a thing as both of you were just too busy and stressed out. Occasionally, you would text Yoongi in between breathing time such as when you were waiting for your food to be done at the takeaway, and he would sometimes call you in between his breathing time such as when he was waiting for his computer to finish saving and uploading the file that he was working on.

When WINGS was out, you were in the final week before your submission. The album was such a hit that everyone was talking about it. BTS was on the TV and radio everywhere, the streets were playing their songs and their advertisements were all over the bus stops, underground tunnels, subway and LED screens. Yoongi was busy with his promotions and he knew that you were busy too so he could not call or text you during the period. You were too busy and stressed out with perfecting your thesis that you hadn’t noticed his silence. The last time he texted you was to tell you that the album was out on itunes and spotify and you were on your way to your professor’s office so you left him on read receipt. The meeting with your professor turned out to be a stressful one as he pointed out the points that you would need to change in order for your paper to be more coherent. “You have 5 more days to go young lady, and I am not sure how you are going to get all these changes done. I can only say that you should have gotten more research done a month ago and not at this last minute. With a paper like this, you should be happy with a C grade.” 

So even if WINGS topped the charts and BTS has been winning at all the music shows, you could not bring yourself to congratulate Yoongi. Heck, you could not even find the time and mood to watch and follow BTS news and updates. You literally had 5 days and a disappointed professor to deal with. You barely even had time to eat and sleep properly. 

The day before your submission deadline, you were holed up in the library finishing up the final chapter of your paper. You still had to prove read the entire 12 chapters and polish up your acknowledgment and citations pages. You worked through the night and finally submitted your paper at 8am. It was not your best as you felt that you could have done better if you had even just one more day. So you turned your paper in with a less than satisfied heart and not as relieved as you thought you would be. Nonetheless, you were so tired and exhausted, all you wanted to do was to get in bed and sleep till the next day. 

That evening, after you woke up from your long nap, Hee Ji suggested to go out for dinner in celebration of your thesis submission. Although you were still feeling the fatigue, you thought it was a nice idea to finally get out to see the world after weeks of hell. The both of you headed to the chicken store near your dorm. 

The shop had a good business but it was not very crowded so you didn’t have to wait for long to get a table. After settling down and placing your order, you noticed Hee Ji singing along to the song that was playing in the shop. The song was very catchy and had a chorus that sounded like, “money money money money.” You started to nod to the rhythm of the music and when the chorus kept repeating, you said to Hee Ji, “this song is so funny, are they really singing about money??” 

“Oh my god girl, it’s BTS telling you “i want you many many”???”

Your first reaction was to look around as if to check if you could see what you were hearing and indeed, the music was coming out from a TV screen at the side of the store. The TV was playing the music video and you could recognise that it was BTS. But the truth was cemented when you saw Yoongi in the music video. A weird feeling came up to you. You suddenly realised that you had no idea when exactly the album was released. You had no idea how does the song sound like, how does the album look like and how does your boyfriend look like in this comeback. You remembered reading the texts that Yoongi sent you but you have not listened to the album that he had put in so much effort into making. You felt guilty and you suddenly missed Yoongi alot. You picked your phone up, attempting to reply to his last text but figured that you should at least listen to the album first before talking to him about it. 

That night, you ran the album on spotify and read up on the latest news of the comeback. You texted Yoongi and surprisingly got a quick reply from him. 

Send: I just managed to listen to the full album and saw the MV while i was eating at the shop just now. I am so proud of you my love. 

Message from Yoongi: you submitted your paper? Ya the album was well received thankfully. I’m going for a radio show in awhile. I’m so goddamn tired. 

Send: All the best! Please eat well 

Message from Yoongi: we are on 009FM if you want to hear my voice. 

Send: why would i want to? I’m going to sleep. I literally just submitted my paper this morning with no sleep yesterday. 

Message from Yoongi: Fine. Don’t listen to it. 

Send: Promise you would say something funny on the show and I will listen to it. 

Message from Yoongi: Forget it. Sleep. 

Send: I am tuning in now. Remember to be funny, I’m listening. 

Send: And I miss you. 

Message from Yoongi: Idiot 

You had your radio on as you prepared for bed. You had washed up, applied your night cream, turned off the main light and lying on your back on your bed with the warm bedside lamp on and the soft music playing from the radio station. 

“It’s 11pm and you are listening to 009FM. How have your Monday been? Were you feeling the blues as you were getting to work or school this morning? As the day is coming to an end, I hope you would be encouraged that you made it through today and tomorrow is a brand new day again.” 

“For our dear listeners tonight, are you waiting for our special guests to be on air tonight? Are you exciting to listen to them on this show?” 

“Our guests are here with us tonight and they are BTS. Say hello to our listeners please.” 

“Hello, we are BTS!” 

“Wow so much energy from this bunch, it suddenly feels like our late night show has brightened up so much. Please introduce yourself and tell us how you are feeling now.” 

“Hi I’m Rap Mon, nice to meet you tonight” 

“Hi I’m Jin, I’m glad to be here on this show tonight” 

“Hello I’m Jimin. Please enjoy the show tonight.” 

“Hi I’m Jhope! Wah I see so many of our armys outside. Hello!” 

“Hello I’m V. Please send us lots of love.” 

“Hi I’m Jungkook. Nice to see all of you here.” 

“Hi I’m Suga. Nice to meet all of you on this show tonight.” 

“Wow I’m sure your fans are happy to meet all of you on this show as well. Congratulations on your new album! Please tell us more about your new comeback.” 

Rap Mon: “Yes, this album is our third full length album with 7 solo songs from the members. We have put in alot of effort in this album, with our own compositions and performances. The concept is new as well, it’s about meeting and overcoming the temptations that youths face.” 

“Ahhh are there any temptations that you face as well? Could each member tell us about your temptations? Let’s start with Jin?” 

Jin: “oh yes... that would be food for me.” 

“Oh yes, that is a temptation that is hard to resist. There’s just too much good food around isn’t it?” 

Jimin: “computer games” 

V and Jungkook: “me too, computer games.” 

Rap Mon: “sleep” 

Suga: “Yes, I am tempted to sleep now.” 

*everyone burst out laughing*

Jhope: “armyyyyyyys” 

“Hahaha and why would armys be your temptation?” 

Jhope: “they seduce my heart.” 

*everyone burst out laughing* 

“Hahahaha pretty sure love is one big temptation that every youth encounters. Is love a big concept in your new album?” 

Suga: “yes i would agree with you that love is a big temptation in youth and we have incorporated that into the album as well. If you listen to our title track “Blood Sweat Tears”, you would see lyrics that are along the lines of “getting drunk on love” and “wanting you many many”....

“And are these inspired by your experience of love?” 

Suga: “oh is this a trick question? hahaha i would say love is a big temptation because all of us know that love is a nice feeling- from movies, from books, from songs etc. Many times, we draw inspirations from these sources and we imagine and translate them into our songs and music. Love comes in many forms as well, it can be love between friends, family, and we hope to put in and show different aspects instead of just love between lovers.” 

“And what kind of love is the greatest temptation for you?” 

Suga: “haha another trick question?” 

Jhope: “love from armys” 

Jimin: “yes, our army’s love is irresistible.” 

Suga: “I guess it’s the love from someone who loves you unconditionally. When you love a person and the person loves you back even greater, even more than you expected, that’s when it becomes a temptation. A temptation to get closer, to give more and to love more.” 

Jhope: “that’s why we are always giving back to our armys greater music, greater songs, greater performances.” 

“Ahh that makes sense. To our armys listening to this show, are you feeling the love from BTS?” 

“To let our fans know how much you love them, please say something to those who are listening to our show.” 

Jimin: “thank you for loving us and supporting us, we will show you a better side of us with this new album and the performances to come.” 

Suga: “To the you, listening to this show, and the you who loves me, thank you for your love. I love you too.” 

“Our dear listeners, can you hear the love from BTS? May the love from this 7 lovely young men warm up your hearts tonight and give you the strength to live beautifully for the week. Goodnight.” 

[angeltriestoblog]

Unnecessary life update

i.

I have officially made it to the halfway point of this quarter. And I don’t mean to sound morbid but I didn’t expect to at all!

It’s just that I’ve recently learned that chronic sleep deprivation actually does lead to premature death and I’ve slept at three in the morning everyday since I started online schooling. (Though actual scientific evidence has always been available on the Internet, I found it easier to believe that this was a hoax.) But concerning as it may be, the past two weeks have been so demanding of my time and energy, resting didn’t seem like an option.

ii.

Much to the dismay of Freshman Angel, most organizations in Ateneo require an interview as part of the application process. I remember signing up for three departments in my home org back then: I sweated my way through one screening, completely flunked the other, and ghosted the last. I also applied to be part of our hosting pool and made a run for it at the last minute: despite having spent only two weeks on campus, I easily found a secret passageway leading to the nearest exit just so that I wouldn’t have to run into the officer in charge of my audition.

Given the unfortunate display of cowardice, it’s hard to believe that this year, I found myself on the other side. I conducted several ICs (rebranded to individual conversations) in an attempt to welcome freshmen, give them a picture of what awaits them in ACTM, and hopefully serve as one of their first friends, if I built enough rapport with them. 

The week after, I had to conduct interviews and screen all hopefuls who wanted to make it into my department. I only spoke with 13 of them through a screen but I had to go through three times more application forms, interview footage, and assessments to determine who would make it to our final line-up. One night, I binge-watched the recordings of all the interviews I conducted in chronological order and I didn’t know if I found my waning energy levels depressing or funny. Toward the last few, I refused to turn on my camera because I had gotten a sudden allergy attack.

iii.

And as if the load I bear as an associate vice president in ACTM wasn’t heavy enough, I joined five other orgs last recruitment week. I wouldn’t go and call the quarantine a blessing because I’m not an asshole but these past few months have made me realize that I want to do and be so many things in life and I missed the opportunity to start on them earlier, since I spent the first few years of college hanging around with no end goal in mind. So in a fit of impulsiveness, I signed up for:

The Development Society of the Ateneo, where I will be working either as an advocacy or consultancy trainee under the research and development department (depends on how my interview this Thursday fares);

Ateneo Education Geared Towards Empowerment, where I will be gathering data from our partner communities to help the organization provide quality education given the online setting;

Ateneo Association of Communication Majors, where I will be under the research and development department yet again of MIRLab, their documentary production house;

Ateneo PEERS, where I will be part of a peer support program intended to help in my self-improvement, and that of others as well;

Project Kabuhayan, where I will be participating in initiatives geared towards empowering micro, small, and medium enterprises

I had general assemblies for most of them: had to ditch two for a midterm, and will be watching the recordings tomorrow. I didn’t even have to talk in any of them; simply watch the officers speak about their projects for the year then head on over to my designated breakout room. But the mere idea of being perceived by hundreds of Zoom call participants was already enough to drain my social battery.

iv.

To top it all off, my major tasks for all three subjects I’m taking this quarter were due last Friday. I had a group podcast for Philosophy class which we had to shoot twice on the busiest day of my week. I wanted nothing more than to get it over with, so when we wrapped up our first attempt, we were ready to let it go through some rushed post-production and submit it without giving it a second look. But I couldn’t stomach the thought of submitting subpar work when the task is supposed to be easy, given enough discipline.

Another group I was a part of had a marketing plan (you’ll never guess which subject it was for) that proposed the rebranding of Adidas Originals to cater to an older target market, or “the active ageing”, as we liked to call it. We only found out a couple of hours before the deadline that our professor was not accepting anything over 10 pages just when we had hit the 40-page mark. All of our well-researched, comprehensive parts had to be cut down significantly, which was the equivalent of flushing many sleepless nights down the drain.

And of course, I had a case study and midterm to accomplish for Law. The minute I received the message confirming the submission of my answers, I plopped down on my bed and napped. Later on that night, I released all the pent-up tension in me by going on my first ever e-numan. I never got the logic behind drinking alcohol in front of my computer: I always thought it was a sad attempt to replicate the bustling nightlife of Katip or the intimate energy of barkada chillnumans in condominiums. But I guess all I needed was the right company, and some sweet-tasting Novellino.

Anyway, before this turns into a full-on advert for a brand that isn’t even sponsoring this post, let me move on.

Reading that probably exhausted you. As the one who had to live through all that, I can tell you: it was even more hectic than you think. Before this pandemic was a thing, my schedule was clear-cut. I could tell the days of the week apart, and appreciate the endless possibility brought by Friday evenings. I could wake up at eight on Saturday morning, smile to myself because of how early it is, and go back to sleep without any feelings of guilt.

Now, the line that separates work and home has been completely obliterated. The Internet promotes that I have to be at the top of my game all the time. Every moment spent in rest and recreation is a moment wasted when there’s so much to do, always somewhere to be even if I’m technically not allowed to leave the comfort of my own home. 

I would sometimes report to my friends that I threw my circadian rhythm out the window, which would be met with the same well-meaning outcries. “What the hell! Drop all your commitments! Pace yourself! Sleep early!”. I think they know by now that this often falls on deaf ears. Ironically, whenever I observe or hear of friends falling into the same patterns as me, I’m often one of the first to reprimand. I sentence them to early bedtime like a stressed suburban mother of two, and check in on them constantly to see if they’re doing alright. I tell them not to pressure themselves to perform at their very best, while working myself to the bone, writing this ~2,000 word essay at half past two in the morning.

But one conversation I had with one of my friends stood out. He told me how proud he was of me: that even if I’m so busy juggling so many things, it all pays off in the end because I’m genuinely happy and fulfilled. I get to see the fruits of my labor and share it with the world.

Which is so true. I honestly enjoy the success that comes from this hyperproductivity, and take pride in the output that I manage to churn out. I’m willing to give up hours of sleep if it means getting to do what will help me make my pipe dreams a reality, or create something that sets my soul on fire.I don’t mind going out of my comfort zone if it’s to talk to new people who have the potential of being some of my greatest friends in the future, or advocating for causes that I’m passionate about. 

In fact, I am so willing to prolong my period of working to welcome the new members of my department or create even more articles to talk about pressing cultural phenomena. It will be hard as hell while the sacrifice is still ongoing but I always know that it will lead to something greater and bigger than I am. 

Besides, when I feel like I can no longer take it, I don’t think I’ll have it in me to force myself. It might not look like it but I am afraid of the serious health risks and will try to slot in more time for sleep if need be. But I have no plans of backing out of anything right now since I’m still on top of everything. Guess I’m fueled by a genuine desire to give/be/do as much as I can, while I still can. 

v.

Where did this post even go, honestly… This was supposed to be a simple life update, complete with a pop culture recommendation to supplement my experiences. I did not expect it to spiral the way it did so now I have no idea how to transition from one part to the next in a way that isn’t entirely awkward. Oh well.

I managed to preserve my sanity these past two weeks by listening to only one artist. Anyone who follows me on Spotify must think that their Friend Activity tab is glitching but the rumors are indeed true: I have been listening to chosen songs from The Boyz’ discography on a constant loop, like an actual zombie. Count on me to get into a new K-Pop group during the busiest week of the quarter as a coping mechanism.

I was an anti of this group when they first debuted because they are home to a former Produce 101 contestant whom I hated. (Still do, up to now. Don’t know how to reconcile my conflicting feelings.) So you could say I was heavily biased from the start and refused to give them a chance. Thankfully, one of my best friends recently converted after watching them on Road to Kingdom and sent me some of their performances to reel me in. Since I am a girl with a working brain and pair of eyes, I was easily impressed. When they came back recently with The Stealer, I officially fell and made no active efforts to get up.

If there are any Deobis reading, (1) congrats, you are a person of taste; (2) please be my friend. My current favorite songs other than their latest title track are No Air, I’m Your Boy, and Break Your Rules. I’ve also started most mornings with their Danger live stage. Who needs caffeine when you have acrobatic stunts and good-looking men?

I also have a lot of exciting things coming up, which I just felt the need to share:

I’m going to be a panelist at a talk for Developh, an organization I’m a part of which leverages technology for social good. This Friday, October 16th, I’ll be joining three brilliant go-getters from different fields to talk about my internship at makesense Philippines (which warrants another blog post) as well as my experience as a freelance writer. 

I have a couple of published pieces in the pipeline right now that I absolutely cannot wait to share! I honestly think they’re some of my favorites. Over the past few weeks, I have written about Internet study communities, the Subtle Asian Dating Facebook group, and unpaid internships. I’ve also pitched a couple more to my bosses and they’ve given me the green light at the same time so yes, once again, I am running on tight deadlines.

I’ll be applying for internships once this quarter is over and I’m already considering a couple of start-ups as good prospects. I’m making my personalized CVs for each company and saving the contact details of the designated point people in a neat little Notion spread for easy access.

Feels weird to end this post with stay safe and healthy, and don’t forget to rest. Maybe I’ll just make that a note to self.

Love and light,

Angel