#i am so goddamn lonely

[star-on-a-beach]

Someone slap me, I've gotten attatched to another ship

[lilbittymonster]

I don't want to derail Sea's already long (and entirely correct) mod essay post but I think another aspect of "why is XIV feeling so fucking awful lately" is that everything is a fucking discord server now. Want to hang out with your friends? Well, better make sure you're in at least two of the same servers as them so you have a chance at catching their attention. Wanted to check out that event you saw promoted? Better join their discord so you don't miss out on anything. Want mods? Discord. Want RP? Discord.

I don't think i should have to split my attention between a dozen different servers just to get a modicum of social interaction. I don't think it's fair to ask me to lurk in spaces where I have objectively less control over who I interact with and absolutely zero content filtration tools. Discord's block feature is a fucking joke, all it is is a one-way mirror that the blockee can still see through, they just can't leave the server custom emotes on your posts anymore.

I can trace my dashboard becoming a ghost town to the creation of a few big hub servers that sucked up half my close friends. I don't even know if I can still call them friends at this point bc the most I see of them is a few reblogs from me once a week. That's not "friend", that's just "mutual". And I would be willing to bet money that all the gposes and lore posts I followed them for are now being siloed away in an ever-shifting discord channel never to see the light of day.

Idk. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of feeling like there's a constant party going on around me but I'm on the other side of the door. I'm tired of fandom feeling like a popularity contest where you only matter if you're in the right servers and talk to the right people. I'm incredibly grateful that the Compendium exists to try and help people find the shit they're looking for but I still think that the root of the problem is everything being so dispersed and fractal in the first place.

[transmechanicus]

I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[malikson]

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[ghostpunkrock]

I have 3 extremely tentative social plans this weekend and I just have a bad feeling that at least 2/3 are gonna cancel on me

[gently-decaying-flowers]

i don’t want to date in school i don’t want to date in school i don’t want to date in school (i chant, rocking back and forth with tears in my eyes)

[vvv-voxtek-vvv]

shitty ass Shadowhunters doodles because why not I guess

[hyunrun]

listening to radwimp and crying over heartwrenching angst curled up in a loveseat in the most shoujo-core outfit I own I think I'm actually spiralling

[tchotchkez]

iunno guys i just want to be loved & held tightly for a moment or two is that so much to ask

[ilumel]

i need to start collecting comfort characters that are canonically cane users because i currently know of NONE

[maxghoulfield]

im trying to come to terms with the fact that my friends like me

[whoblewboobear]

It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)

But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.

And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.

Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ‘bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay

[nebulousfishgills]

I can't believe I'm starting a new job today, then not even an hour after work tomorrow I'm gonna be in an AMC theatre watching Horizon on my own...

I don't even like westerns, this is really what I've become, huh?

[elliesbelle]

lol

[probablygayattorneys]

Omg she’s just like me fr

[musical-chick-13]

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